#I’m sorry but this storyline is triggering

[veronicaphoenix]

let me worship you | samurai!noah

Summary: She's curious about Noah's skills when it comes to binding prisoners and restraining... her, so she asks him to teach her. Noah is just trying to be a good instructor, considering skills with the rope might be practical for her, but his princess is a minx and her intentions are a bit mischievous.

can be read as a one shot ✨ but it's part of the samurai!noah fic™ (this takes place before the main storyline) pairing: samurai!noah x his princess | words: 3.4k tags & trigger warnings: set in feudal Japan, forbidden love, clandestine rendezvous, references to f/m intercourse (p in v, unprotected), shibari (bondage, rope play), dry humping.

“You wanted me to teach you, and I’m going to teach you properly. You don’t need to be naked for that.” “Are you sure?”

Author's note: Everybody say "thank you, @somebodyels3" because this was her idea. I just turned her 100 words into 3k. I hope everybody learns something from this piece and that we all go to bed knowing how to tie a handcuff knot... for protection purposes, ofc.

Also, i just edited this very quickly because I wanted to share it tonight, so there might be a bunch of typos. Sorry.

It was just an innocent question. 

            A question that spurred from curiosity about his mastery of ropes and his ease in tying intricate knots in mere minutes.

            When I asked Noah to teach me how to perform those knots, I was still lying on the mattress in my grandmother’s village house. It was past midnight, and I had spent the last half-hour at Noah’s mercy, my hands tied while resting on my own stomach as Noah, kneeling between my legs, held my thighs and penetrated me again and again until, with a contained roar, emptied himself, his release coating my skin.

            I hadn’t yet cleaned myself when, somewhat composed, he allowed my feet to touch the softness of the mattress again and approached my side to untie my hands. 

            First, he inquired about my well-being, deftly unwinding the red rope from one wrist and then the other with his fingers. I responded affirmatively after he gave me a concerned look for my intial silence, as I had been captivated by watching him untie me. Then, he gently massaged my wrists. And that’s when I posed the question. 

            “Would you teach me how to tie those knots?”

            He appeared puzzled, but persuasion wasn’t difficult. 

            When he inquired why I wanted to learn and how I thought I could benefit from them, I shrugged, though I managed to coax him with mentions about the value of knowledge in general and how they might be practical in certain situations, perhaps even for my own protection. 

            Before long, he was between my legs with a cotton towel, wearing a silly grin as he cleaned me, his head shaking from side to side. It was as if he knew I was relentless and wouldn’t cease pestering him until I was content. Because I was aware there was nothing he wouldn’t do for me, and sometimes, as selfish as it seemed, I took advantage of that. 

            “It’s also time that I worship you too, isn’t it?”

            At those words, he froze. His gaze traveled from my core to my eyes. I blinked a few times, feigning innocence, as if I hadn’t been begging him just minutes earlier to be rougher with me because he was always so gentle, treating me as if I were made of glass. 

            “It’s getting late,” he said through clenched teeth, reminding me that our time was limited. “Stop tempting me before I cease caring whether your parents notice you’re in your bedroom or not.”

The next time we saw each other was in the small shelter nestled within the forest, a forty minute walk from my father’s estate and the same place where Noah and I had lost our virginity years before. Noah brought along the rope and offered to instruct me, his demeanour serious and determined despite my occassional mischievous smiles.

            The situation struck me as amusing because I had a singular purpose behind it all, yet Noah seemed to be approaching it way too seriously. But then again, that was typical of him, embodying the spirit of the Samurai he was. 

            His katana rested peacefully on the wooden floor beside the bed, never too far away in case he might need it. 

            “Give me your hands. I can’t teach you if I don’t actually tie you up,” he ordered.

            “Well,” I quipped, “can’t we undress? I’m thinking we could have skipped this part much earlier, considering the amount of times you’ve tied me up already, while I was naked.”

            He responded with a raised eyebrow and a reproachful gaze. 

            “You wanted me to teach you, and I’m going to teach you properly. You don’t need to be naked for that,” he asserted.

            “Are you sure?” I teased.

            “Yes,” he affirmed, holding my gaze until he saw my nod of agreement. “Now, be still and pay attention.”

            I did. I set aside the lewd thoughts, presented my wrists to Noah, and focused on how his hands presented the rope to me, then, how his fingers moved slowly to avoid disorienting me from the explanation as they wound around my wrists. 

            “You’re holding the rope like this, with one end in each hand,” he began. “Start by making a loop with the right-hand side of the rope. You want it to be about the size of your opponent’s fist. Then, take the left-hand side of the rope and wrap it around the loop, going underneath and then over the top. Make sure to leave a little bit of slack, understood?”

            I nodded, committing to memory the trajectory of each end of the rope and gripping it firmly. I remained acutely aware of every instance Noah’s fingertips brushed against my skin. 

            “Next, bring the left-hand side of the rope back around and insert it through the loop you just made, going over the top, like this. See? It creates sort of pretzel shape with the rope.”

            “It’s cute,” I commented, just a genuine thought, no mischief intended. 

            “Not as cute as you look when you’re tied up and happily at my mercy,” he replied, causing me to shoot him a scowful glare. 

            He had insisted I pay attention, and now he was interjecting with these comments. 

            With a chuckle, he pecked my nose and continued his instruction. 

            “Now comes the tricky part. Focus. You’ll want to pull on both ends of the rope, okay? Tightening everything up. As you do this,” he demonstrated, “the loop you made at the beginning will start to cinch down, forming a secure knot. Like this.” He paused to ensure it wasn’t too tight on me. I assured him it wasn’t. Only when he was certain he proceeded. “To finish it off, just make sure everything is nice and tight, and you’re done. You’ve got yourself a handcuff knot. It’s great for all sorts of things, not just to tie up a prisoner. It might come in handy if you ever need to secure a weapon, for instance.”

            I mentally reviewed the steps before nodding. I examined the knot that held my wrists together. I made attempt to free myself, a gesture I had repeated many times before to test Noah’s effectiveness and skill with the art of knots, but the knot didn’t budge an inch. 

            “Can you repeat it again, so it’s clearer to me?” I asked.

            “Of course,” he replied. 

            With the same skill but faster, he undid the knot and freed my wrists. He repeated the process of tying me up, once again indicating each step and having me verbally repeat the instructions.

            “It doesn’t seem difficult,” I mentioned.

            “It isn’t,” he confirmed, still seated on his heels in front of me. “It’s one of the easiest knots. You’ll have it mastered in no time once you practice a bit.”

            “Can I start now?”

            “With what?” he inquired, furrowing his brow genuinely. It wasn’t that he was playing dumb. It was that he literally didn’t conveice the idea that I could practive with him, that I could tie him up. 

            “With you,” I said seriously. 

            He chuckled at first, but as my seriousness sank in, his expression shifted to one of disbelief. Why did he always have to be so challenging? He arched an eyebrow at me. 

            “You want to tie me,” he clarified, more to himself than to me. “A Samurai. You want to tie up a Samurai.”

            “For practice,” I emphasized fighting back a smile that threatened to betray my intetions.

            Noah relented with a resigned sigh, muttering to himself that it was a useful skill for me to possess, so why not give it a try. 

            “How will I know if I’m doing it right if I don’t actually try? And if it’s not with you, who else can I possibly practice with? Would you prefer my first attempt to be in a life-or-death scenario?” as I noticed his expression darken at the thought of such a dire situation and the potential danger it posed to me, I knew I had him convinced.  

            “You have a point,” he conceded, though suspicion lingered in his gaze, suggesting he thought I might be enjoying this more than I let on. With some reluctance, he handed me the rope and extended his wrists, positioning them side by side. 

            I shook my head, causing Noah to furrow his brow in confusion. 

            “I should tie them at your back. If I ever find myself in such a situation, I’d likely be behind the enemy, not in front of them.”

            “If you ever find yourself in such a situation, it’ll be because I haven’t been a good enough samurai,” he replied with a hint of self-criticism.

            “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You know I don’t like it when you’re overly critical,” I gently chided. “Please, turn around.”

            “Hm. Only because you’re actually good at being persuasive…”

            He turned around to kneel with his back to me. He crossed his hands behind his back, interlocking his wrists. I flashed a wide smile as I bit my lip now that he couldn’t see me.

            “I’ll let you know if you make a mistake,” he said.

            “How will you know if I’m making a mistake when you’re facing away from me?” 

            “I know the art of knots like the back of my hand. I don’t need to watch to know if you’re doing correctly. “

            “All right…” I murmured, then couldn’t resist making an annoyed face behind his back. 

            “What was that?” he asked.

            “Nothing,” I replied innocently.

            “Don’t tempt me to turn around and tie you up completely; not just your hands—maybe your ankles too.”

            I sighed, pretending. 

            “Will you relax? Drop that Samurai attitude for a moment. Pretend you’re a captured soldier, because that’s what you are.”

            “Not yet.”

            He was fortunate I was deeply enraptured with him. Otherwise, I would have bound his hands and instead of granting him what I had in mind, I would have left him there tied up for hours without further ado. 

            It didn’t take me more than two minutes, a fact that surprised me greatly given it was my first attempt. When Noah tried to pull his wrists apart and the rope held firm, I nodded in approval, tilting my head to the side with a hum of approval and feeling a swell of pride in my chest. 

            However, the expression on Noah’s face —as he strained to look over his shoulder— told a different story.

            He had doubted my capability, and now he found himself bound and at my mercy. 

            “As I was saying, a captured soldier.”

            “Fuck,” he muttered, a compliment hidden in his words. “That’s a damn good knot.”

            “Are you impressed?”

            “Yeah, of course I—“ his words caught in his throat as my lips brushed against his nape. 

            This was the reaction I had been hoping for. 

            In mere moments, Noah would realize my true intention from the start, understanding that he had no choice but to let me take charge for the rest of our short time together that night.

            “You’re mine now,” I concluded. 

            Standing up, I circled around him, eager to witness his bewildered expression. 

            There it was. 

            He attempted to free himself once more, but soon realized the futility of his efforts. Even if he were the most cunning and well-trained samurai in my father’s army, he wouldn’t be able to break free. He had taught me himself, and I had learnt quickly. 

            “Well…” he began, still maintaining a semblance of composure, “I’ve always been yours, haven’t I?” A hint of sweetness and pride danced across his features and echoed in his voice. He never missed an opportunity to say the right things and make me melt. 

            However, the atmosphere shifted in the next few seconds.  

            “You did a good job. Let’s see if you’re as quick untying me.” 

            “No.”

            “What?”

            “I’m going to enjoy this,” I declared.

            When realization hit him, he tried to stand up. 

            Of course, having his hands bound behind his back wasn’t much of an obstacle for him. In any other situation, he would rise and find a way to free himself, using his legs to attack his adversary. 

            But today, there was no enemy in the room. 

            Only his lover.

            He might have been stronger, but I was faster. 

            Before he could fully stand, I guided him back onto his knees and straddled him, the weight of my body keeping him in place. I was certain no other foe had ever put him in such an intimate position. 

            My hands  found their way to his shoulders, and as I smiled down at him —a gesture he didn’t reciprocate as surprise, anger, and perhaps a hint of pleading flashed across his face—, I trailed my fingers along the exposed skin of his neck. 

            “Untie me. Right now,” he demanded. 

            “No,” I repeated softly, my lips tracing a path along his neck. 

            I could sense he was holding his breath.

            “I was wondering…” I began, my words barely grazing him. “If you would tell me more about your tattoos.”

            “What do you want to… know?” he managed to say after I focused on a particularly sensitive spot just below his ear.

            “Hmm. I’m curious about a few things…” I continued, trailing kisses from one side of his neck to the other, moving upward to nibble at his jaw and peck his lips once. “But I don’t remember exactly what I was curious about, so I might have to see them again.”

            With that, I leaned back slightly, my hands stealthily sliping under our bodies until they found the belt of Noah’s black kimono. He muttered my name in warning, but I paid no heed. 

            Letting the ends of the belt fall to the sides, I slid my hands up through the sides of his kimono until I grasped them and slowly moved them aside, revealing Noah’s naked torso underneath—muscles, scars, and secret tattoos.

            I couldn’t help but bite my lip again. 

            As my palm pressed against his chest, I could feel his rapid heartbeat beneath my touch. Beneath my body, I could sense his erection growing. 

            I raised my gaze back to him and I showed him a smirk and a special glint in my eyes, revealing that this had been my intention from the very beginning, and now he had no choice but to surrender to me. 

            “You’re playing a very dangerous game, young lady,” he warned, though his voice was restrained. 

            “Am I?” I questioned, my fingers tracing down the lines of the snake tattooed on his chest. 

            Bending down, I kissed the creature’s head before trailing kisses along his clavicle, then down, and down again, until I found his nipple and touched it with the tip of my tongue. 

            I noticed him close his eyes, a muscle ticking in his jaw, and a vein pulsing in his neck. 

            Taking a long lick at his nipple, I waited for his reaction. 

            With his hands restrained at his back and me straddling him, there wasn’t much he could do. I would do as I pleased for the remainer of the night—touch him, kiss him, adore him, and worship him until my heart was content. 

            So I traced every inch of skin, every scar, and every tattoo without feeling rushed, comitting each of his faults and perfections to memory, adoring them all the same. 

            When I kissed him on the lips, sweet yet seductive, he tried to keep me there by nibbling at my lips. But tonight, he wasn’t in control and he couldn’t deal with the idea. Tonight, he couldn’t halt my movements by seizing my wrists or flipping me over onto the mattress to devour me. 

            He could only let me do.

            And I would do. 

            There was a spot under his clavicle that would hold a love bite for days, a reminder of the promise that my love held. Nobody would see it, but it would be there—a temporary tattoo made not by a needle, but by the suction of his lover’s mouth. 

            As I tended to him, I sensed him trying to find a weakness in the knot, but there was none. That’s what happens when you’re the best at tying knots and you teach your girl, I suppose. I wanted to tell him that, but I couldn’t wait any longer to see how aroused he’d become. 

            Sliding my hands down his chest, I found the bulge in his pants. When my hand pressed against it, palming it and feeling it pulsate beneath, his voice emerged hard and restrained, as if in pain.

            “Don’t.”

            “But where’s the fun, then?” I countered.

            “I swear to the Gods, if you even think…”

            But as he uttered those words, I freed hiscock and watched in awe at how hard it was. 

            “What do you swear to the Gods?” I asked, my eyes locked on his shaft, marveling at its beauty, imagining how warm it would feel in my hand, how wonderful it would feel inside of me…

            His response came out as a low growl, cut off before he had a chance to answer. Shifting my position atop him, I positioned his erection snugly between my legs, tantalizingly close to my core, separated only by the fabric of my own clothing.

            With delicate kisses peppering his jaw, neck, and cheeks, my fingers roamed every inch of his body on display. 

            Not long after, his lips were swollen, a bead of sweat trickling down his temple, and his heartbeat quickened. He clenched his teeth, a pained expression crossing his face as he leaned his forehead against my shoulder. 

            “Untie me. I beg you. Let me share this with you. I want— I need to be inside of you.”

            “No.”

            His eyes shot open. 

            My decision was final.  

            “Please.”

            Oh, it was exquisite to hear him beg for a change. 

            “Do you think you can convince me with those beautiful brown eyes? You forget, my lover is…” my lips found their place on his neck once again, “ a Samurai, and he’s been teaching me…” another kiss, “how to be disciplined, resilient, determined, and…” I fought the urge to bite him in temptation, “lethal.” 

            His hips arched instinctively, seeking friction, his hands flexing with the urge to touch me. 

            “Make yourself feel good, then. Please.” There it was again, this time his voice deeper. “For me?”

            “No.”

            He swallowed, realizing this wasn’t going to play out as he desired. Not even a bit. He might as well admit defeat. He was still too proud to do so, though. 

            So, I ground myself against him, a sinful dance, feeling the hardness of his length pressing against me, wondering if I could withstand this much longer before I gave in and untied him, letting him fill me with every inch of his cock. 

            I was on the brink of moaning into his neck, so close to setting him free… But his hips jerked up suddenly, accompanied by a guttural sound, and his head pressed against my shoulder, halting my movements. 

            We fell into silence for a minute or so, his breathing shifting from rapid to slow and steady. His heartbeat beneath my palm was gradually relenting, yet his dick still throbbed under me, slick and wetness seeping through the fabric of my kimono. 

            “Noah,” I spoke, my voice barely a whisper in the confines of the small room we were in, “did you just…?”

            “Do not say anything,” was his reply, stern and cold. 

            Uh-oh. I was in trouble.

            “Untie me right about now,” he demanded, breathless.

            I almost chuckled, amused by the unexpected turn of events. I hadn’t actually contemplated the idea of him coming so hard and fast by just being restrained and having me on top, fully clothed. That hadn’t been my intention, but it was hilarious all the same. 

            However, I knew better than to mention it, especially in that moment. So, I kept it to myself and shifted away from his lap, noticing how his release had stained not only my kimono but his as well, the black fabric now marred with a conspicuous whitish, sticky stain. 

            He noticed it at the same time I did, and I swear I saw fire in his eyes. 

            “Untie me, I said.”

            “Okay,” I replied quietly, moving to his back and kneeling down to undo the knot. “But…” I hesitated, knowing what he needed, but our time together that night was coming to an end. “We don’t have much time,” I acknowledged, finally releasing him. He shook his hands violently, attempting to rid himself of the restraints once and for all.  “I should head back to my father’s ca—”

            “The Shogun can wait,” his resolve was now absolute. 

            And dangerous.

            Before I could react, he was already rising to his feet, his hands reaching out to grab me. 

            “I’m not done with his daughter.”

[and-claudia]

Against All Odds pt. 11 (Joel Miller x fem! reader)

General Warnings for later on: The main story will have an age gap between Joel and the reader (Reader will be 25 once we get to the main storyline), this will also be your warning that it will eventually be an x pregnant reader (if that’s not your jam, I’m sorry) there is also going to be more graphic/trigger parts later on so please always to be sure to read the warnings BEFORE reading. This story will also be 18+ and TO BE ON THE TAGLIST YOU CAN NOT BE AN AGELESS BLOG (i do actually check that) also there first hand full of parts are all prologue so Joel won’t actually be in it for a bit

warnings for this part: SMUT (+18) (I felt like yall had been starved long enough) PinV, unprotected sex (not that this matters anymore), Nudity, mentions of hunting/killing animals (that is separate from the smut just so we're clear...)

word count: 2700+

gif not mine

It was painfully quiet as we walked. I desperately wanted to ask if Ellie was okay, but I knew she wasn't. I also didn't want to force her to talk. So, I let her be for now. Hopefully she'd come to me when she was ready to talk about it. 

I looked up into the sky to see where the sun was. Since I didn't have a watch, it was my best guide to what time it was. Right now, it was right overhead, noonish if not past it. We had been walking for a long time, and no one had eaten before we began. I knew, even if no one wanted to, we'd have to eat something soon just to have the energy to keep going.

"He-Hey, maybe we should stop for a bit, eat a little something. Keep our energy up until we stop for the night?" I suggested. 

It honestly sounded like I was shouting because of how quiet it had been. 

"That's probably a good idea." Joel said. 

"Not hungry." Ellie said, turning around to look at us. 

"You need to eat something." Joel said. 

"Yeah, just a little bit. Okay?" I said gently. 

She sighed but nodded. 

We found a shaded spot and sat down. I took the opportunity to loosen my bootstraps as Joel got the food out. It was running low, and I knew it, especially when Joel barely took any for himself. He probably thought I didn't notice, but I did.

"Take your own advice. You need to eat too, Joel." I said. 

"I'll be okay." He said. 

"No... I hate to be that person, but even if we ration what we have left, we will be out of food within what three days at best. What are we going to do when we run out?" I asked seriously. 

"Hunt." Joel said simply, "There will be rabbits and squirrels along the way. Easy enough to shoot, not too hard to skin. We'll survive."  

I only nodded. The idea of eating a squirrel definitely made my stomach do a flip, I could handle rabbit easily, but a squirrel would be pushing it. Although I knew I wouldn't have an option when it came down to it. 

"How clean do you think creeks are 'round here?" I asked. 

"Decently. Hasn't been human activity for a good while to pollute them. They'll be clean enough to rinse the grime off, for sure. Those spare clothes still in your bag?" Joel asked and I nodded. 

"Won't be clean clean, but at least the ones we're wearing can be cleaner. But it will eventually get too cold to do that. But hopefully we'll make it Wyoming before that." Joel said. 

I nodded. 

"I don't know about y'all, but I suggest we find one of those creeks before we stop for the night. I'd like a chance to get the dirt and sweat off me." I said. 

"I agree." Ellie finally chimed in. 

“Alright. I’ll scout one out where we can stop for the night as well. But we’ll have to take shifts. No one wants to be caught by others out here alone and… you know…” Joel trailed off. 

“Okay, well, if Ellie is comfortable with it, I can keep an eye out while she rinses off, and you can set up our camp for the night. Then she and I can switch, or you can come keep a look out for me, and then I can watch for you.” I suggested. 

I figured it would be best for me to be on the lookout for both of them, which would make things a hell of a lot less awkward for everyone. 

“I’m fine with that. Just as long as you two promise not to have sex while you two are being lookouts for one another.” Ellie said. 

I rolled my eyes in amusement as Joel shook his head. 

We finished up our food before getting ready to leave. I was grateful that this time, the walk wasn’t silent. 

“Since we’re gonna have to hunt from now on, will you show me how to use the rifle?” Ellie asked. 

“I’ll think about it. Why don’t we start with trappin’ first? It’ll help us conserve our ammo.” Joel said. 

I honestly hadn’t thought about that. All of our resources were severely limited now. Food, water, ammo, shelter. Everything was going to be in short supply. And winter was fast approaching. 

“Should we try to set a goal for each day on how far we want to get? No offense, but I don’t want to still be walking nine months pregnant.” I joked, though I was serious. 

“I was planning on taking it day by day. None of us were preparing for this, so we won’t be able to go nonstop for days on end. Figured we could try traveling for a day or two, then rest and continue on like that. It’ll hopefully keep us from getting burnt out.” Joel explained. 

“Not a bad idea.” I agreed. 

Eventually, the sun was beginning to set, so Joel took us deeper into some woods and found where the creek was. I was actually surprised at how clean it looked. After ensuring that the surrounding area was, in fact, clear of any people or Infected, Joel informed us that he’d go off a good ways to set up our camp for the night while we took our turns using the creek to rinse off. 

I let Ellie go first. I found her clothes in my bag and laid them on a rock for her for when she was finished. I let her take her time and didn’t rush her. I kept my eyes on the treeline, watching for any movement. 

“Want me to get an area set up to hang our old clothes to dry at camp?” She asked, walking up wearing the new clothes. 

We had also decided that rinsing our old clothes would be the best thing since we only had a few outfits each. They obviously wouldn’t be actually clean, but it would be better than just putting dirty clothes back on. 

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. Do you want to wait until I rinse off, or do you want Joel to come keep watch for me?” I aksed. 

“Can Joel? I just need some time alone with my thoughts…” She said, rubbing the back of her neck and not making eye contact. 

“Of course. And Ellie,” She finally looked up at me, “If you want to talk about anything, and I seriously mean anything, I am here, okay? I can’t promise I can fix whatever is happening but I can definitely listen.” I said sincerely. 

“Thank you.” she said quietly and nodded before walking us to where Joel was. 

“You two done already?” He asked as we walked back. 

“No, she’s going to switch with you now so I can rinse off, then you can.” I said, giving him a look not to question it. 

“Okay. Well, let’s go then.” He said, dusting off his hands as he stood up from where he had been hunched over, laying out rocks to make a small fire. I noticed a dead rabbit next to him, meaning he miraculously managed to get us something decent to eat later.. 

“Everything okay?” He asked once we were a good distance away. 

“Yeah, she just wanted some time alone to think, and so I let her.” I explained, and Joel nodded. 

“You want to go first?” He asked once we got back to the creek. 

“Yes, please.” I said, making him sigh through his nose in amusement. 

Joel found himself a spot to sit against a tree while I dug out my clothes and laid them down before stripping out of the ones I had been wearing. As I took my bra off, I let out a sigh of relief. 

“You know, that’s the one thing I didn’t think to grab an extra of…” I said with a sigh. 

“I give it another month or so before that one doesn’t fit anymore.” Joel said from where he sat. 

“Eyes on the trees, bud, not on me.” I teased before walking down to the water. 

I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t freezing. It actually felt amazing. The water wasn’t moving fast at all, so I was able to walk out to the middle of the creek, where the water came up to about halfway up my breast. I began using my nails to scrub some of the dirt off my body when I heard a twig snap over by Joel. When I turned to look I was surprised to see him standing up, taking off his boots. 

Silently, I watched as he undid his shirt and took his jeans off. He set his old clothes on the bank by mine so they’d be closer for when it was time to rinse them. When he caught me staring, I raised a questioning eyebrow at him to which he just smirked as he waded into the water. 

“What?” 

“Joel, you're supposed to be keeping watch.” I said, shaking my head, though it was no secret that I wasn’t actually upset by any means.

“It'll be fine. Come're.” He said, grabbing my arm to gently pull me to him. 

A small laugh escaped my lips as I pulled up against him. 

“Hi.” I smiled up at him as he continued to hold me to him. 

“Hi.” He was smiling, too, at this point, a real, genuine smile that I hadn’t seen in a while. 

“So what, now, if someone sneaks up on us, we’ll both be caught off guard and naked?” I joked. 

“I don’t know. I think those would be more than enough to distract anyone.” He said, looking down at my breast. 

I playfully shoved him away. 

“I am supposed to be getting the grime off of me. I suggest you do the same.” I said, turning my back to him. 

He didn’t stay away from me for long. Without warning, he was grabbing my arm again to turn me to him, but this time, I was met by his lips on mine. A small gasp escaped my lips before I melted into it. My hands found their way up around his neck as his traveled down to my lower back. It was as if we couldn’t get close enough to each other. 

As we continued to makeout, his hands slipped lower, passed my ass, and down to the back of my thighs. He pulled one up to his hip, and I knew what he was trying to do. So, I used my other foot that was still down to gently push off the bottom of the creek enough for me to jump and wrap both of my legs around his waist. His kisses traveled away from my lips and down to my neck, which I gladly gave him access to. 

“Shit, Joel, please just fuck me.” I said as he worked on leaving a mark on my collarbone. 

“Way ahead of you, sweet girl.” He said before thrusting up into me. 

I had to actually bite down on my lower lip to keep from moaning out loud. Joel gave me a second to adjust to the feeling of him inside of me. But once he felt my body relax against him, he didn’t hold back. I buried my face into the junction of his neck and shoulder as he thrust up into me relentlessly. I could hear him cursing and saying my name in a breathy voice. I hadn’t even noticed one of his hands gripped my left thigh a little tighter as his other one came down between our bodies and found its way to my clit. 

Admittedly, I am a little ashamed of how sensitive it was. It had been a while since me and him had had sex, and I definitely hadn’t had time to myself recently. However, it seemed like to him no time had passed at all because he knew just how to make me come undone. 

“Fuck, Joel, m’close.” I said. 

“Me too…” “Inside.” Was all I was able to request as my walls tightened around his cock. 

He wasn’t far behind me either as I felt him release. He continued to hold me, not pulling out just yet as we both caught our breaths. Even after he slipped out of me and lowered me down to stand in the water, he continued to hold me against him. I looked up at him to find him already looking down at me. 

“I love you, you know that, right?” He asked, just barely above a whisper. 

“I know. I love you too, Joel.” I whispered back before leaning up to kiss him softly. 

After a few more minutes of just holding onto one another, we eventually knew we’d have to rinse our old clothes and get dressed in the fresh ones. I decided to just leave my bra off for the night to give myself a break. We gathered up everything and began walking back to camp, hand in hand. Once again, we both had smiles on our faces. 

When we got back, I hung both of our wet clothes on the branch Ellie had set up as our makeshift drying rack. Joel went over to start skinning and preparing the rabbit to be cooked. As I was hanging the last of the clothes, Ellie came up to me. 

“You two disgust me.” She said. 

I knew there was no way she heard us, so how’d she know? 

“What are you talking about?” I asked, playing dumb. 

“Look, I may not understand men, but I am pretty sure there’s only one thing that can get a man as grumpy as him to get him sliming like that.” She said, nodding over to where Joel was sitting, working with a smile still on his face.” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Ellie. Now, help me with the water canteens.” I said, walking over to grab them. 

Ellie caught my wrist, making me stop short. 

“What’s that? Hm?” She questioned, pointing to where the collar of the flannel I put on didn’t quite cover the mark Joel had left there. 

I could feel my cheeks heating up, “Damnit, Joel!” I said, loud enough for him to hear and look up. 

“Y’all are nasty.” Ellie said in disgust, but I could tell she was trying not to laugh along with us. 

“You’ll understand when you’re older.” I teased. 

She shook her head, “Like hell I will.” She shot back, “Let’s just go fill up the water.” 

We both grabbed the canteens and walked back down to the creek. 

“Wait… I don’t want to drink from the sex creek. That’s gross.” She said, scrunching up her nose at the thought of it. 

“Don’t worry, the water is constantly moving. Besides, we were downstream.” I teased know that she definitely didn’t want to know the details. 

“I mean, if it puts him in a better mood for a while… just keep it far, far, away from me.” She teased back. 

We finished getting the water and headed back to where Joel had finished skinning the rabbit and was getting ready to cook it. I was pleasantly surprised at the taste. It was definitely far better than the shit we used to get given in the QZ. 

“I say tomorrow let's turn more North, get up into Nebraska, then start West again.” Joel said, causing Ellie and I to nod. 

I let out a yawn. 

“I don’t know about you two, but I am beat.” I said, stretching slightly. 

“I bet you are.” Ellie teased, causing me to roll my eyes. 

“Whatever.” I shook my head and stood up, “I can take a watch shift later if one of you wants to take one now.” 

“I’m not too tired yet, so I am going to stay up for a bit.” Ellie said, and I only nodded at her decision. 

“Me too. Go get some rest.” Joel said. 

I bid them both a goodnight before walking off to find somewhere half-decent to sleep. 

Ellie’s PoV 

Once I was sure Yn was out of earshot, I turned to Joel. 

“I want to talk about what happens after we find your brother in Wyoming.” I said seriously. 

sorry this one was a bit shorter... also this is your warning that I am devating from the events in the show...

Taglist:

@sexyvixen7

@joelmillerslays

@elliaze

@little-lovely-darling

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[simplydannie]

Veneer, who's prone to poison episodes, being forced to live with his father who hasn't been the dad he needed is not going to end well. Like, what if Veneer snaps and kills Vaughn in a poison episode after he resumes abusing Veneer?

What if Velvet is dead in that context, leaving Veneer all on his own?

Can you imagine Veneer reuniting with Floyd after killing Vaughn? Would Veneer be afraid of potentially killing Floyd next in a poison episode?

I think Clay, being the genius he is, would analyze the effects of troll poison once Floyd tells him what he witnessed and what he knows about V&V.

Oohh! I love how you think outside the box! I really want to answer this question lol some context first followed by a little WIP that brewed in my mind. Potential story once I get all my ideas in order:

Without the guidance of his wife, Vaughn was beginning to turn out like his father towards his children: cold and bitter. He never hurt them physically, but his words really did rub them the wrong way. He was REALLY hard on them. He knew that if he wasn’t around to protect them, no one would…I guess you can say it was a form of tough love, but Vaughn unknowingly mentally abused his children with words he would tell them. Though, Vaughn loved them, he never knew how to express it. Vaughn is more of an anti-hero than a villain, he’s definitely redeemable. He’s not really meant to die, but for this separate storyline he ends up dying at the hands of his own son, and Velvet has died at the hands of the Mistress:

WIP

“I Didn’t Mean Too”

Trigger Warning ‼️ Mention of st*bbing

“…. You’re weak. God knows I’ve tried to make you strong… but you’re hopeless…” Vaughn spat. He turned to face the window looking out into the under-city…. That’s when he bit his tongue… regret settling his heart… he shouldn’t have said that.

You’re hopeless. You’re nothing, a voice began to speak inside Veneers mind.

“Stop it. Please stop it.” He grasped the side of his head tighter trying to shake the voice off…

He doesn’t love you.

“Yes he does. Yes he does.”

No he doesn’t….

Vaughn let out a deep sigh… He turned around to his son… he was hugging himself, crying and shaking.

“….Im sorry….” Vaughn finally said. “I have no excuse for saying the things I said to you… or have said in the past.. I’m a horrible father. You and your sister didn’t deserve any of it, you were always good children… but…. But I pushed you away, didn’t I?” He approached his son. Veneer wasn’t listening, he wasn’t paying attention…he was to busy struggling with the voice inside him…

He hates you.

“No he doesn’t! He came back for me!”

He came back for your sister. But she’s dead.

“Shut up! Go away!”

“Veneer?” Vaughn approached and placed a hand on his son’s shoulder. That’s when he snapped, opening his eyes, Vaughn could see the pink hue around them, the crazed, deranged look. Veneer grabbed the closest thing he could find and stabbed his father right on the neck…

Vaughns eyes widened at what was happening…a pain scorching his body… but he knew this wasn’t his son… he knew well what was going on…

“Ven… Fight it…” he said in between breaths, struggling for air as Veneer drove the object deeper. “…. I’m sorry…..I….did this…. To you….” Tears began to roll down Vaughns eyes as he looked at his son, this wasn’t him. Vaughn never appreciated the kindness his son always had… and he was a fool for it.

“…Im…. Sorry….. I’m…. Proud of…..you…” He struggled with his words as he struggled to breath. He hoped Veneer could hear the words he was speaking, somewhere deep inside, “…..I…..I….love-…” His breathing stopped.

Veneer let go letting his father’s body drop to the floor. The pink faded. He blinked looking around the room…

“What happened?…. Dad….” Veneer approached his father’s lifeless body, “….Dad…”

His body trembled as he saw his father wasn’t moving. Veneer looked down at the object in his hand covered in blood…He tossed it aside, his body beginning to quiver, a stream of tears beginning to flow down his face.

“DADDY!” He ran to Vaughns side and shook him, hoping he’d wake up. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean too! Daddy please!” Veneer begged and cried.

Growing desperate, Veneer ran around the room hoping to find something, a first aid kit… anything.

“Hold on dad! I’m…. I’m going to help you…. I’m going to fix this okay.” He cried as he dug around every where. Veneer began going through his father’s desk in hopes he found something…. He did…. A letter, addressed to him and his sister… he opened it:

Vels and Ven,

I can never find the right words to say in person. Everything comes out cruel and unloving. So I write this, in hopes to present it to you one day…not a day goes by that I don’t miss you two.

I know my anger and bitterness towards you two drove you away from me. Your mother always believed I could be a good father, but I am not. I have turned out to be the wretched piece of garbage my father was to me… and I’m sorry. I have seen goodness in you two that I haven’t seen in the longest time down here. It hurts me that no one else can see it… which is why I try to make you strong. People will try to take advantage of you, and I won’t be around to protect you always. So you must learn, it’s what I’ve always tried to teach you… but never once did I show you how much I love the both of you…

Veneers hands fell limp as he read the last part…I love the both of you.

He had always loved them? All this time he was looking for them? Why couldn’t he have shown it before! Why did he have to be mean? Veneer resented his father for years… but he had always loved them..

Veneer went to Vaughns side and hugged him. He doesn’t remember the last time he was able to embrace him, but Veneer held on long and tight, his tears rolling down onto Vaughns chest…

“…I love you too…” He murmured as he began to cry uncontrollably. He wanted to hold him forever, but then voices were heard downstairs.

They’d come up and find his father dead, they would have no mercy toward Veneer… he’d be a traitor and he would be killed…. But he didn’t want to leave him….the voices grow closer…

“I’m sorry dad… I have to go… I’m so, so sorry.” He cried hugging him one last time. Veneer gathered the letter his father had written…and a picture…a photo of the four of them: the twins, their mother and father…

There was a knock at the door, “Boss?” The door was locked. This gave Veneer time to head to the window and make his way out. He stole one final glance at Vaughn as he lay on the floor motionless..

“… I know you loved me…I love you dad.” He whispered as he jumped out….

Alone. He was alone…but he didn’t want to be alone…. There was one more person he could go to… another father he had… he had to make it to Floyd somehow.

[timbrhead]

metanoia. | pt 01 - trust, trust who?

𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨:

>> welcome, my name is 𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐚, and i‘ll be your scriptwriter (^‿^✿). my story will be kind of an choose-your-own-adventure story with a poll at the end of every part, where you can vote how the story continues.

This will be honkai star rail x f!reader story with these elements: reincarnation, slow burn, i gave reader a proper personality (sry, not much customisation there), does not follow the original storyline

previous part <<< >>> next part

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 (this is important)

>> this part includes: none!

if luocha would describe you, it would be…painfully average. he was so sure that he saw your face at least a dozen times at central starskiff haven, it was that unremarkable. it wasn’t an insult by any means, just a mere observation. but then again, if he thinks about it, that was about the only thing that was normal.

something was.. off. he couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was something that unsettled him about you. maybe it was because he found you at such an isolating place, surrounded by tall crates, so no one could properly see you. maybe it was because you seem… misplaced. again, he couldn’t explain it. he looked at you, going over your features again, when he suddenly saw something peek out from under your sleeve.

it was..glimmering, shining golden, like the outer layer of your skin was gently peeled off to reveal gold hidden underneath it. loucha‘s breath hitches, he..he saw something similar before. he took an automatic step back, his hand instinctively reaching behind him to firmly grab the hilt of his sword. he didn’t dare to step any closer to you, his eyes glued to the slither of golden glow peaking out from underneath your sleeve. after trading with the xianzhou luofu for so long, these wounds were identical to people inflicted with—

„ …m..mei lian.. “

you stammered out, your voice hoarse as your name slips past your dry lips. this seemed to redirect luocha‘s attention to your face again, his grip on his sword loosening. a look of concern flashed across his face, before he composed himself.

„ is…is this your name, miss? “

he murmured, still hesitating a bit, like you were some wild animal. you nod, still a bit shaken up.

„ what are you doing here…? “ he inquired, still in a safe distance from you.

„ i…i don‘t know. everything… “ you hesitated, like you were unsure how to phrase it. you subconsciously rub your arm, preventing luocha to see the ‚wound‘.

„ …is a haze. i-i don‘t remember anything, i don’t know what i’m doing here, w-where i am, what- “ your breathing picked up, and he could see your lips starting to wabber. his eyes softened. he took a step forward, putting his sword back in its sheath.

„ please…calm down, mei lian. you are currently at cloudford. “ he says, looking at you to see if he triggered some memories. he presses his lips together at your clueless expression, eyebrows scrunching together into a slight frown. just how many memories did you forget?

„ can you remember anything else besides your name? your age? what you have been doing here? “

he asked softly, making the person in front of him seemingly relax a little, composing herself. she seemed to think for a bit, before hesitantly shaking her head again.

„ i…i really can‘t, i- it‘s- i‘m sorry, i can‘t even— “

he holds his hand up, stopping her from rambling. he was sure that it will only make her more anxious, spiralling into a storm of paranoia.

„ please “ he hesitates, before continuing. „ it‘s okay. everything is going to be fine, mei lian. “ he announces, making you look up at him helplessly. „ i think it will be best if we first go to the city together. this place is infested with the mara struck, and although i can’t fight that very well either, it will still be safer to go as a pair. “

a sense of authority was laced in his voice, making you automatically perk up a bit to clearly hear him. he suppresses a smile at that.

„ when we arrive at central starskiff haven, we will go to the realm-keeping commission, to get some information about your identity. everything after that, it‘s up to them. “

he looks at you, his eyes softening as he smiles. „ is that alright with you? “

you blink, an odd silence following after that, but he could see that this clear set of directions put you just a bit more at ease. you nod, straightening yourself.

„ okay. yeah, lets-lets do that. “

you say, a shaky smile stretching across your face, a feeble attempt to appear brave. he almost chuckles at that. your throat was still a bit dry it seems, so he pulled out his water bottle, handing it to you, smiling.

„ go on. drink. “

he nudges you, and you accept with a murmured thanks, gulping down the water like you haven‘t been able to drink in days. maybe you haven’t. you let out a sigh of relief after the final gulp, thanking the blonde again. you gulp as you watch him put his own lips at the opening of the bottle, a look of concern crossing your face as you watch him. you take a step forward.

„ is…are you okay with sharing a water bottle with me? my lips have been on there, what if I carry… like, some sort of disease with me? “

you murmur, hesitant. you immediately sputter, not wanting him to think that you actually were infected with anything.

„ n-not that I‘m sure…! but still…if i have something like a deadly chickenpox variant on me… “

you mumble, averting your eyes, a bit apologetic. you heard a chuckle, and you look at the man raising an eyebrow, acting like you just said something silly.

„ …chicken…pox? what kind of disease is that? never heard of it, miss. and don’t worry, if anything happens, i can always heal myself, i am better at that, than fighting. “

you see the remnants of a smirk fading from his face, as he pockets the water bottle, telling you about something. but you couldn’t bring yourself to listen to him. what…what did he mean by he didn’t know about chickenpox? this was such a well known disease, if he had any medical knowledge he must know, right…? you shake your head, looking around, at the labyrinth of crates. did this world…just didn’t have that kind of disease? and if not, from where did you have this information? you could feel your head beginning to hurt again as you made an effort to remember things. you gently massaged your temple, forcing yourself to concentrate. you had a goal now, after all, and you needed to follow it.

„ —besides, one indirect kiss won‘t kill me. come on, lets head out. “

the blonde says, picking up the coffin he had on him and beginning to walk down the path between the crates, occasionally looking over his shoulder to see if you were following. you at first didn’t even realise that he had a coffin on his back, by the way it looked so extravagant. you also wondered why exactly he had a coffin with him, but you kept silent for now, not having the energy for another potential headache. you followed him, wandering through the maze with him as he explained to you what he was doing here. no doubt an attempt to trigger some memories. which you appreciated, making sure to soak up every word he says.

„ i‘m nothing but a merchant here, really. i made trades with the alliance before, but as i arrived here, i was a bit stunned at how eerie this place was. come to find out that there was some issue with some cargo, and mara struck entities were ravaging through the port. “

he sighs, turning a corner. you could just wordlessly nod, taking in every piece of information he gives you like a sponge. he even peeks around a corner, shushing you gently as he shows you these so called ´mara struck´. you gulped at the sight of them, blood running cold as you looked at them skulking around.

just in what kind of world have you landed on?!

you wandered around for a bit, helplessly lost without a guide, before you encounter a person with a blue and silver uniform. he had a spear on him, one that he accidentally pointed at the two of you as you suddenly popped up. he was obviously shaken up and cautious, but luocha managed to calm him down a bit, stating his identity and the purpose of his visit.

but after he got asked, you could feel anxiety bubbling up as the guard, a so called ´cloud knight´ (what is this, a videogame?) pointed at you, his muffled voice being heard from under his helmet.

„ and what about this one? “

he says, a thick layer of suspicion being spread across his tone. you subcounsciously rub your arm, gulping. you didn´t know what to say. you stood there like a deer in headlights, before an arm was suddenly slung across your shoulder, pushing you closer to someones chest. you look up at luocha, tears of gratitude gathering up in your eyes as you heard him laugh, rubbing your shoulder gently.

„ oh, this is my partner, she came with me this time. she wanted to see the views the xianzhou luofu had to offer for quite a while now. “

he mused, his gentle smile seemingly dismantling the guard from every suspicion he had. he sighed, nodding.

„ …i see. please follow me, i will take you to the city. “

by that, you let out a sigh of relief, a feeling of joy filling you at the prospect of going back (?) to civilisation. luocha seemed to notice that as well, leaning down to whisper into your ear.

„ i apologise. but i fear that this was necessary, otherwise we would be stuck at cloudford for a very long time.“

you shake your head. „ no worries. i’m just glad that we can finally leave. i wouldn’t be able to survive a single night out here.“ you chuckle, continuing to follow the knight towards a flying ship (at this point, you didn’t even question anything ) to transport you to central city. you could feel your eyes falling shut as you boarded the small ship, but you forced yourself to stay awake, the soft whirring of the engine calming you.

the ride to the city was silent, your tired eyes slowly widening in shock as you saw the skyline of the city appear from the endless small islands of crates and cargo. you arrived after nightfall, so the city was illuminated with lights, warm and cool glows peeking through the traditionally build homes and megastructures. it was like you were in a cyberpunk movie, glimmering lights peeking through the concrete jungle, making the whole city glimmer.

you and luocha were dropped of at one of the docks, the ship continuing to fly away, possibly back to cloudford. you looked around in awe, still in shock. you couldn’t possibly imagine that you ived here. otherwise, you would be sure that this view would trigger at least some memories.

you stop when you saw luocha break his smile with a sigh, pocketing his phone.

„ we are here, but i fear that the commission has closed for today. “

he said, making your smile drop momentarily, clueless about what to do next. the blonde haired man then smiles, silently reassuring you. he turns to you, setting his coffin down on the ground, before clearing his voice.

„ no worries, we always have tomorrow. how about we get something to eat? i can‘t imagine how hungry you are after everything that‘s happened today. and i‘m sure that an inn still has vacant rooms, we can rest there..“

he suggests. you to hum, sinking into thought. he was…so nice. almost too nice to a girl he just found in the port. you were unsure about trusting him. the commission might be closed, but there might be people in the city that could help you if you look around. but on the other hand, you do admit that your stomach is growling. and that your eyes were incredibly heavy. you pressed your lips together, having made up your mind.

thank you for all the votes in the last part! please don’t forget to vote what the reader should do next!

Taglist; @shadowypeachsweets

- xoxo, laina

[ask-poethetic]

Hello, you can call me Poe. I’m not all that familiar with social media just yet so do forgive me for any mistakes I may make. I only recently even got a phone!

Some of you may recognize me from my work at the Soup Kitchen (if you don’t know about it, it’s everyday from 17:00-20:00!!!) or from my shop on Connudatus St. (The Forest Reverie - I mostly sell flowers, but I’ve also started selling fresh produce!). Though I normally only set up shop on Saturday’s or Sunday’s -v-;;

I am normally pretty busy working or studying, so I may not be very active here. So I’m sorry if I miss any asks or am late sometimes, or seem to disappear for a while.

But! If anyone has any recommendations for things to check out (movies, books, games, places, and so on) please let me know! Until recently I haven’t really been able to go out or do much of my own thing, and it’s all rather overwhelming.

Oh, also, please feel free to send asks here. I don’t actually have a proper phone plan so I can’t send or receive texts either -v-;;;

<OOC Below> : Rules / Disclaimers / Trigger Warnings

THIS BLOG IS 18+ ONLY : if I learn that you are under the age of 18 you will be promptly blocked

Typical DOL (Degrees of Lewdity) Trigger Warnings : explicit noncon/dubcon, violence, brainwashing/drugging, transphobia (as in Poe is trans), weird purity politics of “virginity”

Further Trigger Warnings :

- Poe is 17 and has been sexually abused since he was even younger

- Nonconsensual Incest/PseudoIncest

- Extreme Medical Malpractice

- Extreme Power Imbalance

Poe’s story is a horror story rather than sexy fun times due to his asexuality and age. I write him going through canon-typical sexual violence and abuse, and write Poe reacting in realistic ways. DOL overall feels very unrealistic and goofy at times, with Poe I put effort to make it more realistic, which thus makes it more horrifying.

Continue at your own discretion

(This list is made as I have seen people have very negative reactions to what I have done in his storyline)

(Art by @dol-dee)

Basic Information

Poe is Tiny, Intersex, and Meek. He uses exclusively he/him pronouns and is transmasc.

He used to have Congenital Heart Disease (which is what kept him bedridden for his childhood) but has since received a heart transplant that has helped. He is however still immunocompromised and has difficulty doing physical activity.

His hair was brown until an encounter with the Ivory Wraith during the Blood Moon, in which he received an ear slime. The trauma from the event quickly led him to having a week in the asylum, in which during that time his hair quickly turned to its current ashy grey.

Poe continues to make weekly visits to the hospital for therapy and to check on his condition. He has full trust in Dr Harper and is not aware of Dr Harper’s abuses.

Poe obsessively ensures that his reputation is perfect, and any foul or bad rumors quickly disappear after appearing.

Doodles done by me @hemlocks-hidey-hole

TAG DIRECTORY

#me : Posts made by Poe

#ask-answered : … Answered asks

#vibes : Vibe/Aesthetic/Text posts that Poe would reblog

#convo : Interactions with other blogs

#not-blog : Posts that are set outside of the realm of the blog

#not-poe : Posts that are made by someone other than Poe

#Captured Poe Arc : A series involving ‘Evil Anon’, who had Poe kidnapped and then sexually assaulted him

<OOC Information>

Hello, making another of these cause I felt it needed updating! Also just redid Poe’s blog a wee bit. It may continue to have changes occur, which I’ll point out on @hemlocks-hidey-hole when they occur.

Once again, anything that occurs within <> is me talking in OOC, most commonly found in the tags of a post.

Also a fun character inspo/mood board thing, though these were all applied after the fact.

[lovessidney]

Hey syd hiii!!!ugh mm I was wondering if you can please make a Gerard way x reader she/her fanfic where Gerard and her are both in mcr and they are fwb but she has another boy (you can choose the name) that she met in school that still thinks she’s in love with him until one day she sends him a live picture of Gerard and her kissing and hugging super touchy and he gets jealous and tries to always be around her and protect her but she’s in love with Gerard and they fight over her and their always back stage arguing bc Gerard and her are just so kissy on stage thank you lovely (I absolutely adore you and your work I’m so sorry if this is Long)also can you can make it smut go FERAL!!!

Life on the murder scene

Please note that this explicit story was written by an adult, for adults. If you are under the age of 18, please do not interact.

Trigger warning: Violence, blood.

Pairing: Gerard Way x fem!Reader

Pronouns: she/her (anatomy: AFAB.)

Requested by: the sweetest, loveliest anon.

Summary: (Y/n) is the drummer of My Chemical Romance, and has an unfortunate crush on Gerard. They are also in a friends-with-benefits kind of situatonship. An old fling of (y/n)s come to visit them on tour, and everything gets really ugly before it can turn pretty again.

A/n: This request meant so much to me, it was so sweet. And I also think it’s the first time ever I’ve been called by the nickname Syd, it kinda made me tear up tbh. Sidney is not my rea” name, but it’s what I would prefer to be called irl too, so that was really special to me. Sorry for rambling, let me get back to business. I altered the storyline slightly, as I’m not so good with long-form (as in playing out over a longer period of time) content. I hope it’s still okay though anon. Thank you so much for requesting it.

The drums thundered beneath (y/n)s feet as she hammered away at the kit. Her sticks blurred as they danced between snare and cymbals, keeping the beat alive. The stage lights blazed down on her, casting her in a fiery glow, and the roar of the crowd filled her ears. This was their hometown, and the crowd had never been wilder. They'd never sounded better. The energy was crazy. The audience pulsed with every note, their bodies swaying, their voices raised. She was in her element, her body thrumming with adrenaline and dopamine, every beat of her heart in sync with the music. This was what she lived for, this connection with the crowd, this ecstasy of sound. But she wasn't just watching the crowd. She was watching Gerard. They were on fire tonight, moving across the stage in pure frenzy, their voice soaring above the instruments. She and Gerard had a friends-with-benefits thing going on, and watching them move like this made her go absolutely crazy. Gerard caught her eye, and for a moment, they were locked in a shared intensity. They both knew what this meant, this feeling of being alive, of being in the moment, of being together on stage. The crowd was just a blur now, a background of noise, as they connected through the music.

She knew she shouldn't be doing this, getting involved with someone in the band. It was risky, and it could mess things up. But she couldn't help it. She was in love with Gerard, and every time they played together, she felt it more intensely. They didn't know it, of course, and she didn't dare tell them. She didn't want to ruin what they had. So she focused on the music. She poured all her energy into the drumming, trying to drown out her feelings, trying to stay in the moment. But it was hard. Every time Gerard came close, every time they brushed against her, every time their voice filled her ears, her heart skipped a beat. She couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to be with them, really be with them, not just in this awkward friends-with-benefits limbo.

The last song of the night ended, and the crowd exploded into applause. Gerard was grinning, their eyes bright with the thrill of the moment. She’d never seen someone look so beautiful. (Y/n) felt the rush of adrenaline and excitement course through her body, and she couldn't help but grin from ear to ear. She quickly got up from behind her drum kit and joined the rest of the band at the front of the stage. As they stood there, basking in the glow of the crowd's adoration, Gerard put their arm around (y/n)'s waist. She felt a jolt of electricity shoot through her body, her heart racing as she tried to keep her composure. She had been in love with Gerard for so long, and a little gesture like this only made her feelings for them grow stronger.

Suddenly, without warning, Gerard turned towards her and pulled her into a passionate kiss. (Y/n)s body trembled as she responded to the kiss, the heat and intensity of the moment taking over all of her senses. She could feel Gerard's breath hot on her face, their lips moving against hers with an almost desperate urgency. (Y/n) was instantly lost in the moment, the energy of the concert pulsing through her veins as she kissed Gerard back with equal passion. Their bodies pressed together, their tongues exploring each other's mouths with abandon. She could feel the heat of the stage lights on her skin, the sound of the crowd fading into the background as all she could focus on was the feel of Gerard's lips on hers. 

The crowd roared even louder, cheering them on as they shared their moment of passion. This wasn't the first time this had happened, but each time it felt just as electric as the last. It was something about the adrenaline and passion that Gerard couldn’t let out in any other way. She was lost in the moment, in the rush of the music and the heat of the kiss. Eventually, the kiss came to an end, and Gerard pulled away, their eyes still locked on hers. (Y/n) was left breathless, her heart pounding in her chest as she tried to catch her breath. She knew that this was something that could never be replicated, something that could only happen in the heat of the moment on stage.

Eventually the band waved goodbye to the crowd before making their way of off stage. (Y/n)s mind was racing, her heart pounding as she tried to make sense of what had just happened, how to feel about all of it. She knew that she was in way too deep with Gerard, that her feelings for them went way beyond just a physical attraction. As they made their way backstage, the rest of the band congratulated each other on a successful show, but (y/n) couldn't focus on anything other than Gerard. She was lost in her thoughts, wondering if they could ever become something more than just this friends-with-benefits arrangement, these random sparks of passion. But for now, she pushed those thoughts aside and just enjoyed the afterglow of the concert, reveling in the adrenaline and passion that still flowed through her body. She knew that she was meant to be on stage, and that nothing else could ever compare to the feeling of being in the moment, of sharing that energy with the crowd, and of sharing that passion for music with the rest of the band.

The day after the gig, (y/n) was feeling a mix of exhaustion and euphoria. She sat in bed, scrolling through MySpace and looking at pictures that fans had taken at the show. As she lazily scrolled through the pictures, her eyes came to rest on a series of shots of her and Gerard making out at the end of the concert. In one particular shot, Gerard was kissing her neck, and (y/n)'s heart skipped a beat at the sight of it. There was something about being with Gerard that made her feel alive in a way that nothing else did. She knew that the kiss was just out of passion and adrenaline, nothing more. Still she couldn't help but feel happy whenever they were together. She chuckled to herself as she closed her laptop and got ready for another day of rehearsals. The tour was starting the day after that, and she knew that they had to be on their A-game if they wanted to make it a success.

(Y/n) sat outside rehearsals with Mikey, looking at her ringing phone. It was Ethan. She sighed deeply. She had really been trying to avoid Ethan. More so since joining the band and specifically since getting to know Gerard. Ethan had been a fling back in school, and it had ended poorly. At least on her end. They hadn’t been in a relationship, so theoretically he hadn’t been cheating while he was sleeping around with half their school but it still felt like a betrayal. She really had had feelings for him once. Those feelings was since long gone though, and now she just wanted to avoid him. She hadn’t really told him that she knew what he’d been up to, rather she’d just tried to cut him off, just ghost him. It wasn’t going that well though. He wasn’t really getting the signals. The phone kept on ringing, and she kept on staring at it. She was sitting outside, taking a break from rehearsals with Mikey. He chuckled at the ringing phone. “You’re sure you shouldn’t take that? It seems like he won’t give up” he asked. Mikey knew part of the story about Ethan, but not the part of why (y/n) wanted to cut contact with him; since she was now interested in Gerard, the charismatic singer of the band and also Mikeys sibling. (Y/n) sighed deeply and picked up the phone. “Okay, fine. I’ll see you back inside then?”

She walked a bit further, away from the bench where Mikey was sitting. She took a deep breath and answered the call. “(Y/n)! Hi!” Ethans voice enthusiastically greeted her. Why was he so chipper, she thought. “Hi Ethan” she answered, a bit more lukewarm in tone. “I’ve been trying to reach you forever. Are you too busy for me now that you have a band and success?” He teased. She frowned, this was really the least person she wanted to have a conversation with and she wished once again that she just had the guts to confront him, so he’d back off once and for all. “It’s been a hectic time lately, we had a gig here at home yesterday, and today is final day of rehearsals for the tour” (y/n) answered, giving as good of an excuse as she could. It wasn’t a lie. They’d been busy. Their second record had just been released, and they’d done lots of PR for it, as well as planning for the upcoming tour. Ethan wouldn’t get that though. He’d never really been supportive of her as a musician, and had always just seen her drumming as a ‘quirky hobby’. In hindsight, (y/n) really didn’t understand what she ever saw in him. Sure, he was good looking, but she couldn’t think of much more. “I saw the pictures on MySpace,” Ethan said, and (y/n) immediately understood which pictures this might be. She sighed internally, and Ethan kept on talking. “I thought maybe I could come see one of your gigs?” Ethan asked. (Y/n)s jaw almost dropped to the ground. Really? Was now the time to be supportive? She mentally cursed herself for not having more of a backbone to tell him off. Never seeing him again would’ve been too soon for her liking. “Are you sure that’s your type of thing? You never used to like to hear me play when we were together back then” she asked, trying to keep her tone as neutral as possible. “Come on (y/n)! I used to love hearing you play and sing.” That was just a blatant lie, she though immediately. “Uh, yeah, I guess you could come see us the in a few days, if you really want.” Maybe she could end whatever it still was they had while Ethan was visiting, she thought to herself.

She returned back to the bench where Mikey was still sitting, drinking a coke. “Mikey, why the hell was I born with absolutely no fucking backbone?” she asked him. Mikey was a close friend at this point, and he always gave her good advice, whatever the matter was. He chuckled and took another sip of coke. “What happened? It can’t possibly be that bad (y/n)” he said with a friendly smile. (Y/n) sighed deeply. “Ethan is coming out to one of our gigs. I just couldn’t say no” she explained. “Okay. That’s actually pretty bad” he said with a chuckle. “You don’t need him anymore (y/n). I get that it’s hard to just cut someone off like that, but I think it’d be for the best.” (Y/n) smiled at him. He always understood. “I know, I know. I’m going to tell him when he comes to see us. Get him out for good”.

They headed back inside where Gerard, Ray and Frank were waiting for them and continued rehearsing. They all wanted to sound their best this tour. It was something Ray had said in an interview, about wanting the crowd to feel like “they’d just been fucked” when they left a gig. They’d all taken it to heart, and more than anything they wanted to create a lasting impression on the people that actually came out to see them. Soon, afternoon came to evening and the band members began dropping off. Then, at last, there was just (y/n) and Gerard left. As soon as Frank, the last of the three other members, had left the room the whole atmosphere changed. The way Gerard looked at her went from careful glances when the rest of the band was present to something more like a a hunger now. For a moment (y/n) tried to pretend not to notice the way Gerard looked at her, playing along to a backing track of Helena and focusing on getting emotion into the beat of the song. Gerard sat on the sofa, just staring. Eventually the song came to an end and (y/n) had to remove her headphones and meet Gerards gaze. 

“What?” (Y/n) asked, despite knowing exactly what was on Gerards mind. It wasn’t the first time they were looking at her like this after all. "God, you're so talented," Gerard said, while taking big strides across the room to (y/n). "I can't believe how lucky I am to have you as my drummer”. (Y/n) knew that Gerard appreciated her musical abilities, otherwise she wouldn’t have gotten the job, but it still meant a lot to hear them say it. “Thanks” she said, trying to keep herself together while she could feel her cheeks heating up. “You’re not all too bad yourself, you know.” Gerard smirked at her and stepped closer. "You know, there's something else I appreciate about you," they said, their voice now barely above a low whisper. (Y/n) looked up at them from her place behind the drums, knowing where this could possibly lead. She decided to play along. “Oh yeah? What’s that?” she asked, her pulse quickening with anticipation. Gerard leaned in, their breath hot against (y/n)s ear. "The way you play, the way you move, the way you look," they murmured. "It's all so fucking sexy”. (Y/n) gasped at the sudden intensity of Gerard's words. She had always known that their relationship was more about physical attraction than an emotional connection. She had always hoped for more. But hearing Gerard speak so explicitly about their desire was still hit her straight in the heart. Before (y/n) could respond, Gerard closed the gap between them and pressed their lips to (y/n)s. The kiss was rough and urgent, full of pent-up passion and longing. As they kissed, Gerard's hands roamed over (y/n)'s body, tracing the contours of her curves and sending shivers down her spine. (Y/n) moaned softly into the kiss, their own hands reaching up to tangle in Gerard's hair, pulling slightly at it, knowing just what they liked. The way they moaned into her mouth made her proud, for lack of a better word. Knowing that she did that to them did things to her as well. They broke apart to catch their breath. (Y/n) smiled up at Gerard. A smile with connotations not suitable for the world outside. But with just the two of them, alone, what did it matter? "What are we waiting for?" she asked, taking Gerards hand and pulling them towards the couch. "Let's make some music."

She softly pushed them down on the couch and straddled their hips. The whine they let out at the new found friction was enough for (y/n) to feel a surge of warmth trough her body. Gerard pulled her closer, and she more than willingly grinded down against them. With one of their arms around her waist and the other wrapping around her neck they nipped at her earlobe before moving lower, kissing and nipping down her neck. (Y/n) groaned at the sensation, letting out a disappointed whine as they stopped. “Oh, was that good?” Gerard asked, grinning up at her. (Y/n) nodded enthusiastically. She ran her fingers through Gerard's dark hair, enjoying the sensation of their soft locks beneath her fingertips. She grabbed a fistful of hair and pulled slightly, eliciting a moan from far down Gerards throat. They leaned in to kiss (y/n) again, their tongues tangling together with ease. Gerard slid further down, continued to kiss along (y/n)s neck and collarbone. (Y/n) felt heat rush to her face as Gerard nibbled and sucked at her exposed skin.

Their hips met each others as she ground down against Gerard, making her gasp as she felt the bulge in Gerards, now way to tight, jeans. They pulled away to catch their breath before returning to the task at hand. Gerard's hands slid down her sides, carefully sliding her skirt of her hips. She stood up to kick it off and Gerard continued their work with her top, undoing the buttons and pulling the garment up and over her head. Her underwear was likewise discarded, tossed haphazardly on the floor. Now completely naked, (y/n) let out a pleased sigh as Gerard continued to pleasure her with their kisses, keeping her distracted while they undressed themselves. (Y/n) kissed Gerard deeply, letting their tongues tangle together as their hands explored each others bodies.

When they finally broke apart again, Gerard was pushing their pants down their legs, kicking free with ease. (Y/n) watched in fascination as Gerard pushed down his underwear, revealing themselves fully to her. Their cock was already hard, leaking with precum. Gerard carefully laid (y/n) down on the sofa and spread her legs open, and pulled her closer, slowly moving their hands up her thigh and towards her pussy. She shuddered, excited by the growing need within her. Gerard's fingers brushed against her, tracing the edges of her cunt and gliding along them. (Y/n) groaned at the touch, her eyes closing as she bit her lip. Gerard's finger slipped inside of her, teasingly slow at first before gradually speeding up. (Y/n) sighed, leaning into Gerard's hand as they worked her over. Their thumb rubbed firmly over her clit, occasionally rubbing it in circles. Her breathing began to come faster, her heart beating wildly as she rode their hand.

"Fuck me," (y/n) whispered, breaking the silence. Gerard grinned at her, sliding one more finger into her with ease. "Mhm, everything in good time" Gerard replied, pulling out to rub her clit again. Gerard's tongue snaked out of their mouth, darting out to tease her nipple. (Y/n) bit her lip to try to keep from moaning, knowing that Gerard could tell she was close. Gerard's fingers sped up their pace, working her over with skill and familiarity. (Y/n) moaned helplessly, unable to concentrate on anything but the pleasure. Gerard rubbed her clit faster, while their tongue circled her nipple. “Oh God, Gerard," (y/n) whimpered, her voice shaking. "Please..." Her words were cut short as she came, going limp as she cried out. 

They slowed down their rhythm, giving (y/n) time to get used to the change before going back to work. Gerard licked at (y/n)s nipples, causing (y/n) to whimper in delight. Gerard kept up their fingering, working her over until she was begging for release once more. "Fuck!" (Y/n) cried out. She threw their head back, arching her back in bliss as her orgasm rocked her. Gerard curled their fingers inside of her, hitting just the spot she needed. They stopped, waiting to see if (y/n) was finished with them yet. (Y/n) looked up at them, her eyes hooded with lust. 

"Gerard, I need you to fuck me now. Or so help me god". Gerard smirked at her, but wanted nothing more than to obey. They quickly got atop of her. They kissed passionately, their hands roaming over each others bodies as they moved together. When Gerard entered, (y/n) gasped with pleasure. They started slow, but built up speed steadily. Soon they were both moving with abandon, Gerard thrusting deep into (y/n). They rolled over on the couch, (y/n) now on top. She knew Gerard loved it like this. They sounded so needy, like this was what they had been waiting for the whole day. She grabbed a fistful of their hair and tugged slightly as she ground her hips into them, picking up the pace as Gerards hips began stuttering. "That’s so fucking perfect" Gerard cried out, bucking his hips into (y/n), driving themselves deeper inside of her. ”That’s it” she encouraged Gerard. ”Come for me. I want to see you break.” And it wasn't long before Gerard could no longer hold back. Their legs shook uncontrollably, muscles tightening and hips desperately stuttering as the white hot pressure raced through their body. Gerard cried out, throwing their head back with an unholy moan as their orgasm hit them. They went completely limp as (y/n) stilled in their lap.

They stayed like that for just a moment. That moment meant everything to (y/n), just getting to be close to Gerard. She treasured those moments of closeness almost as much as the ones on stage. But she knew she couldn’t stay. Hastily, she got off their lap and gathered her clothes, quickly putting them on again. Gerard was still sitting on the couch, dazed. ”I have to get going Gee, but I’ll meet you here tomorrow at 11. That’s when the bus comes to pick us up, right?” She tried her best to sound casual, like her heart wasn’t aching from having to leave them. But the proverbial show had to go on.

The first couple of shows of the tour had been absolutely amazing, and (y/n) couldn’t wait to play again the upcoming evening. But first she had to deal with a day of Ethan. He had arrived in town earlier that day, and they were all supposed to meet up for lunch. (Y/n) dreaded it, and as they sat down to eat, she couldn't help but notice the way Ethan kept staring at her. He seemed to be trying to flirt with her, bringing up old memories and trying to make her laugh. It made (y/n) uncomfortable, and she while she really didn’t want him there, she couldn’t help to feel bad. Maybe he had the idea that something could still happen between them. She looked over at Gerard, who sat across from them, trying his best to be polite, but something wasn’t quite right. If (y/n) didn’t know any better she almost would’ve thought his mood could be summed up to jealousy. Gerard could see the way Ethan was looking at (y/n), and it made them feel uneasy. They tried to engage in the conversation, but Ethan seemed to ignore them, focusing all of his attention on (y/n). Eventually, (y/n) managed to make an excuse for them to leave the unpleasant situation at restaurant, realising they had soundcheck coming up.

During soundcheck, Ethan's presence was felt like a dark cloud hanging over them. He acted strangely, standing off to the side and barely answering when spoken to. Gerard could sense the tension between (y/n) and Ethan, and he couldn't help but feel a sense of unease. After soundcheck, they all gathered backstage, waiting for the gig to start. Ethan was still there, hovering around (y/n) and trying to make conversation, and Gerard was beginning to worry. They knew part of (y/n) and Ethans history, and it made them nervous. Of course, they had no say in if (y/n) and Ethan got back together, but still, it would be heartbreaking. They were fed up with the way Ethan was acting, and he wanted to make sure that (y/n) knew how they felt about it, as they could see she was starting to look uncomfortable too.

Gerard was struggling to keep cool, their jealousy boiling just below the surface. It was an ugly, ugly emotion. Especially since they and (y/n) really wasn’t together. But still they couldn’t help but feel it. They tried to focus on the upcoming gig, but their thoughts kept drifting back to (y/n) and Ethan. They couldn't shake the feeling that Ethan was trying to win her back, and the thought made them feel sick to their stomach.

As they waited for their cue to go on stage, Gerard pulled (y/n) aside, away from Ethan's prying eyes. "I don't like the way he's acting around you," they said, their voice low and serious. "He's making me uncomfortable, and I don't want him to hurt your feelings again.” (Y/n) was taken aback by Gerard's concern. She could feel the tension between them, and it made her heart race. "I know," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "But I can handle him. I'm not going to let him ruin our night." Gerard looked at her for a moment, their eyes meeting. They wanted to say so much more, to tell her how they really felt, but they couldn't find the words. Instead, Gerard leaned in and kissed her, their lips meeting with passion. The kiss was electric, sending shivers down (y/n)'s spine. She could feel Gerard's arms around her, pulling her close. It was like nothing else mattered in that moment, just the two of them together. They finally broke apart and (y/n) looked at Gerard, absolutely perplexed. The whole situation was so unusual. ”For good luck” Gerard finally managed to say with a wink and a smile, before stepping out on stage.

As the band took to the stage, the crowd erupted into cheers and screams. The atmosphere was electric, and the band could feel it coursing through their veins. They played with a fierce energy, each member pouring their heart and soul into every note. Gerard, in particular, seemed to be on fire. They danced across the stage with a wild abandon, their movements more suggestive and provocative than ever before. Their eyes kept flicking back to where (y/n) sat behind the drums, and every time they made contact, a jolt of electricity seemed to pass between them.

Despite the incredible energy of the show, Gerard found that they couldn't fully focus on the music. Their mind kept drifting back to (y/n), to the way she looked behind the drums, to the way she screamed along to the lyrics as she played.

Finally, as the last song rang out, Gerard couldn't take it any longer. They strode across the stage, eyes fixed on (y/n), and pulled her to her feet. The crowd erupted into cheers and applause as Gerard pressed his lips to hers, his kiss filled with more passion and intensity than ever before. For a moment, they were lost in each other, the rest of the world falling away as their bodies pressed together. It was as though they were the only two people in the world, lost in a moment of pure passion and desire.

Finally, as the song came to an end, they pulled away from each other, their eyes locked in a fierce gaze. The crowd roared their approval, and (y/n) felt a thrill of excitement race through her body. This was what it was all about. The music, the passion, and the wild, unpredictable ride that came with it.

(Y/n) had seen the way Ethan had looked at her when she sat behind the drum kit. If someone would’ve asked her just over a year ago what she would do to make him look at her like that, she would’ve offered the world. Now, it felt wrong. It felt like Ethan was just here now because she’d ‘become someone’, like he thought what he’d done didn’t matter. It made her uncomfortable and she tried her best not to think about his presence and just focus on the music. Just making the gig count. What she hadn’t seen was the way he looked at her and Gerard when the were half way to making out at the end of the show. The look in Ethans eyes had been that of slight disgust, and somewhere in there, despise for Gerard.

On her way off stage (y/n) stopped to talk to her drum tech, just talking the set-up and some things that needed fine-tuning through in before the next gig. As she walked through the corridors she thought she could hear screaming. She shook her head, it was probably just the crowd hoping for another encore.

Gerard arrived backstage before any of the other members of the band. They were surprised to see Ethan there, with his arms crossed over his chest and pure anger in his eyes. ”You fucking disgust me” Ethan spat at Gerard as they entered the room. Gerard was still pumped up on adrenaline from the show, and the ecstasy flipped to anger much quicker than any of them expected. Gerard glared daggars at the man. ”What’s your bloody problem?” Gerard spat back. ”My problem is that you’re corrupting (y/n). The way you act on stage is repulsive, you’re dragging her down with you” Ethan answered, stepping closer to Gerard. They just stared at him for a moment. And when Gerard didn’t answer Ethan continued. ”(Y/n) used to be so good. Such a nice, sweet girl. Now she’s in the gutter with you.” Gerard was fine with people insulting them, they didn’t really care, but the moment Ethan took (y/n)s name in his mouth it was like something boiled over. 

They crossed the room in just a few strides and swung directly at Ethans face. It was so quick, and they were surprised at their own action. They weren’t one to get into fights typically, but if someone was worth fighting for, it was (y/n). The blow connected, but not enough to knock Ethan down. Ethan dodged backwards while trying to keep standing. Gerard kept swinging, but now that Ethan had his head in the game it was harder to hit. A moment of lost focus allowed Ethan to get a hit in. A hit straight over Gerards mouth, splitting their lip open. Gerard staggered backwards, but stayed on their feet. Ethan followed, ready for another round. Gerard knew they wouldn't last long if the fight went on, Ethan was both taller and stronger than them. "You don't get to speak about (y/n) like that" Gerard growled, shoving Ethan away. Ethan stumbled back several steps. "Yeah? Well she's going to regret leaving me if it’s you she’ll be stuck with" Ethan said before pushing Gerard to the ground and managing to pin them down. Gerard tried to twist free, but Ethan held them tight, pressing them against the floor. "I told you to leave her alone. And I'm not warning you again.” Ethan gritted out through clenched teeth. Gerard struggled hard, but couldn't get Ethan off. "Why should I listen to you? You're not even her boyfriend anymore, you blew that chance ages ago.” Ethan looked like he was about to punch Gerard again, and like this punch would be something other than the earlier ones. ”Well neither are you. You’re delusional if you think she’d ever want to be with someone like you” Ethan bit back.

And at the exact moment Gerard squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for a hit to the face they heard (y/n)s voice. ”Ethan! What the fuck is wrong with you?” she screamed at him. Both Gerard and Ethan was taken by surprise, and while Ethan couldn’t even begin to think of an excuse for the situation she’d found them in, (y/n) had more to say. ”Get off him right fucking now, you bastard” she yelled. ”But-” Ethan began, not quite sure where the sentence would go. ”But fucking nothing. You’re leaving right fucking now.” she spat angrily at him. ”So you’re really choosing them before me? (Y/n), are you sure about that?” he answered, voice almost mocking as he let Gerard go and stood up. (Y/n) looked at Ethan like he was absolutely insane. ”They are my best friend. They’re the world to me. You’re just an embarrassing history I can’t seem to shake. You’re leaving right fucking now and I never want to see you again. Do you understand?” (y/n) shouted at him, looking like she was about to punch him too. Angry tears were welling up in her eyes. Ethan stood still. ”I said now! Or I’m calling security”. Just a moment later security rushed through the door anyway, having been made aware of the racket. (Y/n) tried her best to calm down as she told them what had happened and directed them to escort Ethan of the premises. As soon as he was out the door she fell to her knees next to Gerard who was still laying on the floor.

”Gerard?” she asked, trying to get their attention. Gerard blinked slowly and looked up at (y/n). They saw she was crying and reached up a shaky hand to wipe a tear off her cheek. ”Don’t cry (y/n). It’s okay. Everything is okay. I’m fine, I promise” Gerard said softly and mustered up a smile, which immediately made them wince in pain. She pulled them into a hug and held them close for a long time.

Some of the personell at the venue had offered to take care of Gerard, but (y/n) had insisted on doing it herself. It was her fault that Gerard was in this state, and she’d be damned if she didn’t do her best to fix it. With a first aid kit in one hand and Gerard by the other they walked towards the bathroom. A bathroom where they, in any other situation, would probably have had sex right now. She carefully sat them down on the floor before turning to rummage through the first aid kit. She found what she was looking for. Cotton balls and some asol to clean the wounds, and plasters to cover them up. She squatted besides Gerards place on the floor. “What were you thinking, Gee? You could’ve gotten much worse hurt than this” (y/n) said, trying her best to conceal the genuine worry for them. Gerard smirked at her with a bloody lip. “He had it coming” was all they said. (Y/n) shook her head but smiled at Gerard. 

She got a cotton ball ready and held it up to their face. “Okay, are you ready? This might sting a bit” she warned them, as if they’d never had a wound cleaned before. She softly dabbed the cotton ball against their split lip. Gerards eyes screwed shut and they winced at the feeling. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” (y/n) said softly. She cleaned the wounds one after one before plastering them up. She looked at Gerard. Even like this, with a split lip and bruises beginning to form, they were absolutely stunning. “Okay Gee, you’re all fixed up”. Gerard smiled softly at (y/n). “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that you know” they said with a voice that told (y/n) they were grateful but somewhat ashamed about the whole situation. She was just about to stand up when Gerard grabbed her hand. They looked at her with big eyes. “Would you kiss me?” (Y/n) smiled at them, just slightly perplexed by the whole situation. But how could she ever say no to kissing Gerard. They were a dream. Her dream. She had never loved someone like she loved Gerard. She leaned in and pressed her lips to Gerards, softly and sweetly. The feeling between them was something unfamiliar, but Gerard responded eagerly, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into their lap. After a moment, they pulled away, both breathless and smiling. "Feeling better?" (y/n) asked, grinning. "Definitely," Gerard replied, his eyes sparkling in a way that made (y/n)s heart skip a beat. (Y/n) grinned back at them. "Good. Now, what do you say we go find the rest of the band and have dinner?” Gerard nodded, still grinning. "Sounds perfect to me." 

The whole band walked through the streets, looking for some place to have dinner. They were all talking and laughing about the gig they’d just played. No one seemed to dare mention the fight afterwards, all of them talking around it like the elephant in the room. Until Frank decided not to. “I mean, it’s a shame you got your ass kicked, Gee. It really is. But I must say, I didn’t think you had it in you to throw a swing first like that.” The sentence piqued (y/n)s interest. Gerard had thrown the first swing. It didn’t quite make sense to her. Why would they do that? She decided not to take part in the conversation and instead turned to Ray to compliment him on the solos he’d played on stage. Ray always played amazing solos, and she made sure to tell him every single night. The two of them soon got lost in a conversation and she didn’t manage to hear the rest of what’d played out before the fight backstage.

After searching the streets for way too long they eventually stumbled upon a small bar with a neon sign that read "Food & Drinks". The place looked a little dingy, but the smell of cooking food wafting out of the kitchen window was enough to make their stomachs growl. The group walked in and took a table in the corner. They ordered drinks and food, chatting and laughing the whole time. Once they were all settled with food, they ordered a round of shots to celebrate the successful gig. The group lifted their glasses and cheered to the future of the band. Gerard was particularly excited and kept making jokes and laughing loudly. (Y/n) couldn't help but feel a warm, fuzzy feeling in their chest at seeing Gerard so happy, despite the situation backstage. As they sat there, the conversation focused in on the gig they just played. Frank started talking about how the crowd was electric and how their energy had been absolutely crazy. Ray chimed in, saying that it was the best they'd ever played as a band. Mikey agreed, nodding his head in enthusiasm. (Y/n) listened to them talk, a feeling of pride swelling in her chest. She hadn’t played with them for that long, just since before they started recording the second album, but she treasured every moment of it.

As the night wore on, the drinks started flowing a little more freely. The group got louder and rowdier, shouting and singing along to the music playing over the speakers. After a few more rounds of shots, Gerard was starting to get noticeably drunk, and seemed to have lost their good spirit. The alcohol had strengthened the despair they felt, rather than making them forget it. They kept swaying in their seat and slurring their words. (Y/n) was worried about them, but they insisted they were fine. They talked for a while longer, about everything and nothing at all. The rest of them laughed and joked around, enjoying each other's company. Gerard stumbled a bit as he got up from his seat to go to the bar, and (y/n) caught them before they fell. She looked at the rest of the band, who were all smiling and chuckling at Gerard's drunken antics, also too drunk to notice how sad Gerard seemed. "Come on, Gerard," (y/n) said, wrapping her arm around their waist to steady them. "Let's get you back to the hotel." Gerard leaned their head against her shoulder, their eyes half-closed. "Okay," they said with a soft voice. They said their goodbyes to the rest of the band that had decided to stay a bit longer, and made their way into the night.

As (y/n) and Gerard stumbled out of the bar and into the cool night air, (y/n) wrapped her arm tightly around Gerard's waist, trying to steady them as they walked. Gerard leaned heavily on her, their steps unsteady and their words slurred. "Thanks for taking care of me," Gerard said, their voice almost too quiet for (y/n) to make out. "Of course," (y/n) replied, her voice gentle. "I'm always here for you, Gee.” As they walked, the night grew quiet around them. The only sounds were their footsteps against the pavement and the occasional car passing by. They walked in silence for a few more minutes until (y/n) spoke up. "You seem awfully quiet, what’s on your mind?” she asked, her voice soft. Gerard was lost in thought, their mind consumed by worries about what Ethan had said. Gerard didn't want to burden (y/n) with their worries, but they just couldn't shake the feeling that she was too good for them. They shook their head, trying to clear the thoughts that was bringing them down. "It's nothing," they said finally. "Just thinking."

They arrived at the hotel, and (y/n) helped Gerard up the stairs and to his room. They stood outside Gerards door for a moment, both of them silent. "Thanks for tonight," Gerard said finally, their voice somber and with a bittersweet smile. "Anytime," (y/n) replied, smiling at them sweetly. Gerard was still lost in thought, mind consumed by doubts and fears. But then (y/n) spoke again, her voice warm. "You know, you're really quite handsome, even with a split lip," she said. Gerard smiled, feeling a warmth spreading through their chest. ”Handsome enough for you to come inside with me?” they said with a playful wink, regaining some composure and hope. (Y/n) didn’t say anything, she just leaned in and kissed Gerard softly on the lips. The kiss so was gentle at first, but quickly grew more passionate, both of them lost in the moment. Gerards lips were soft and warm against hers, and she could taste the alcohol on their tongue. Their arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her close as they kissed. (Y/n) could feel the heat of their body against hers, and it made her feel alive. Their tongues danced together, the passion between them building with each passing moment. (Y/n) could feel her heart racing in her chest as Gerard's hand moved up to cup her cheek, deepening the kiss even further. She ran her fingers through their hair, feeling the soft strands slip through her fingers. The kiss was intoxicating, and (y/n) found herself lost in the moment. She pulled Gerard closer, as if closer was a thing to be possible, and for a few brief moments, all of Gerard's worries faded away, replaced by the warmth of (y/n)'s touch. They stood close together, foreheads pressed against each others while they tried to catch their breath. “Okay. Let’s get inside” (y/n) demanded, eyes dark with desire.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Gerards hands were all over (y/n)s body. They quickly pulled her jacket and t-shirt off, then stopping for just a moment to admire the sight. ”God, you’re so fucking gorgeous (y/n)” they said, panting, before closing the space between them again. They stumbled their way over to the bed and fell onto it, without ever breaking apart. Gerards coat and t-shirt got lost somewhere on the way. (Y/n) quickly got on top of Gerard and pinned their hands down on the bed over their head. They looked up at her, pupils blown wide with desire. 

She watched as his eyes tried to take in every inch of her naked skin, in slight disbelief. Gerard leaned up and kissed (y/n), pouring out everything they were feeling into the kiss. She let them keep that up for a moment before pushing them back down into the bed. Once they were flat on their back, (y/n) leaned in to kiss their neck. Gerard moaned softly as she sucked on a particularly sensitive spot on their neck and rolled her hips against theirs. ”Oh god (y/n). Please, more. That feels so good” they whined, barely keeping their thoughts straight. (Y/n) smiled down at them gently before pressing her lips down towards their chest. She licked each nipple, then took one into her mouth, sucking hard. Gerard let out a breathy moan and arched their back, gripping at the sheets around them. They were already hard from her working them over, but this made it so much hard to be patient. She pulled away and moved her free hand down their body. She rubbed their cock through their jeans at a agonisingly slow pace.

Gerard groaned as their hips bucked and their stomach tightened, straining against the fabric of their pants. (Y/n) smiled down at them, then turned her attention back to their cock. She slowly unbuttoned their pants, pulling them down to their ankles before tossing them aside along with the boxers underneath. She ran her fingers up and down their length, watching it twitch when she brushed across its sensitive tip. It throbbed and grew even harder under her touch. She looked down at Gerard, kissing their chest as she continued to stroke their cock. Gerard was breathing heavily, trying to get their hands free so that they could touch her.

”Please (y/n), I need to touch you. Please” Gerard begged her, their voice desperate. Her breath caught in her throat and she stopped stroking them, instead leaning down to kiss their lips softly, her tongue slipping between their lips with ease. They moaned deeply, trying to reach up to get more of her. She pulled away and stood up. Gerard eyes followed her as she unbuckled her belt and slid it through the loops of her jeans. Gerard's eyes widened as they watched her pull the zipper down, revealing her panties. She slid those down over her thighs along with the jeans. Gerard craned their neck, watching her strip. Their cock twitched and swelled even further under her stare. (Y/n) bit her lip, letting a satisfied smirk cross her face as she stepped out of her jeans and underwear. She kicked them away before standing in front of Gerard, naked.

She grinned down at Gerard as she dropped to her knees on the bed before them. They looked at her with wide, desperate eyes as (y/n) bent down towards their hard cock. She wrapped her hand around it and gave it a few slow strokes. Gerard groaned deeply, moving their hips up and down slightly in attempt to get more out of her touch. She smirked down at them, taking their cock into her mouth. (Y/n) sucked on it roughly, bobbing her head up and down. ”Fucking god. (Y/n), please. More.” They didn’t even know what they were begging for, they just knew that they wanted whatever she would give them. (Y/n) gave them a few more strokes before she pulled back up, looking up at Gerard with a devilish grin on her face. She licked her lips before leaning down again. She took their cock in until the tip hit her throat, then let go of it. Gerard cried out loudly as she worked up and down his shaft, her tongue sliding along the underside of their cock with every move. She looked up at Gerard, who had a look of pure ecstasy on his face.

She looked up to see their eyes meeting her own, their pupils blown wide open. They held her gaze as she sucked their dick, making sure to keep eye contact. Gerard was shaking on the bed, their hips jerking up and down, trying to get more from her. She hummed gently into their cock, their hips bucking as she bobbed her head faster. ”(Y/n), please. If you keep this up I’m not going to last” they gasped, trying to keep their hips still. She grinned mischievously and pulled off. Gerard groaned as (y/n) climbed back up, straddling them. She ran her hands down his chest and stomach, then leaned in to kiss them passionately. ”Are you ready?” she whispered in Gerards ear while positioning herself over their cock. They nodded quickly, with eyes screaming of desperation. She smiled down at them and lowered herself down. She moaned as she felt their cock slide deep inside her, stretching her tightness. She threw her head back and moaned loudly, and Gerard could’ve sworn they’d never heard a more beautiful sound in their life.

(Y/n) ground their hips against Gerard, then leaned forward as she began to bounce up and down. She looked down at Gerard, watching their expression. They were so beautiful. Their rosy cheeks, desperate eyes and mouth slightly agape. Gerard put their hands on her hips, helping her up and down their shaft. They closed their eyes, biting their lip to keep from crying out. The pressure was building, their body tensing up as their climax was rapidly approaching. (Y/n) knew exactly what they were feeling and slowed down to keep them right there on the edge. Gerard's grip tightened on her hips, but then immediately they let go, as if afraid they'd lose control and hurt her. But she just laughed and rocked her hips faster, causing them to let out a loud cry. (Y/n) rode them out, slow and steady, until Gerard couldn't take it anymore. He bucked up into her as she came down onto him, their bodies exploding together. (Y/n) threw her head back as the waves of her orgasm crashed through her. Her body relaxed as she came back down to earth, but Gerard was still trembling underneath her. (Y/n) slid off of them, just taking a moment to lay beside them in bed. But she knew she had to leave.

After just a moment she sat up, while Gerard laid still in bed. She looked for her clothes. Clothes that made a trail from the door to the bed. She sighed and reached for her panties to put them on before going after the rest of the clothes. Carefully she stood up, legs a little wobbly both from alcohol and sex. After collecting the rest of her clothes she sat down on the edge off the bed again, starting to put on her t-shirt. That’s when she felt Gerards hand on her hip. She turned to look at them and was surprised to see them look sad again, like the earlier effect of the alcohol had doubled down on them. In combination with the bandaged cuts and bruises they really looked miserable. 

She leaned over and caressed Gerards cheek. It didn’t count to the ordinary, but this wasn’t an ordinary situation either. “What’s wrong Gee?” She asked carefully, not quite knowing what to expect to hear. “Do you really have to go (y/n)?” Gerard asked with a small voice. She looked at them, perplexed. “No. Not really” she said, confused. “Do you want me to stay with you?” she then asked, just to clarify to herself that she’d understood Gerard correctly. They smiled a melancholic smile and nodded. (Y/n) didn’t quite know how to handle this new situation. Sure, she’d seen Gerard sad before, but not in a situation like this. But if they really wanted her to stay, then of course she’d stay. She took off her shirt again and got back under the blanket. Carefully she took Gerard into her arms. They crawled close and rested their head on her chest while she softly stroked their hair. “What’s the matter honey?” she asked softly, daring a term of endearment. “I just want you to stay. I always want you to stay afterwards” Gerard murmured into her chest. She kissed their black mop of hair softly. “You could’ve just told me”. Gerard sighed deeply. “I didn’t know how. I didn’t want to make things weird between us, if you didn’t feel the same” they explained after a moment of silence. They looked up at her, half expecting a negative reaction, aversion. Instead they saw (y/n) smiling down at them. “I’ve always wanted to stay, Gee. I just didn’t know how to tell you” she said, echoing their words back to them. They just looked at each other for a moment before Gerards face broke up into a smile. “Really?” they asked, not quite believing what they were hearing. She smiled back at them. “Really, Gee. I promise.”

Gerard kissed her softly. Not like they usually kissed. Not with the fever or hunger that she was used to. This was something else, something sweet and almost shy, like the kiss they’d shared when she’d taken care of Gerard after the fight. “I really adore you, you know. I’ve always adored you, and the whole situation with Ethan just made me so jealous. I just have to let you know how I feel, even if you don’t feel the same” Gerard whispered softly in her ear. It made her heart skip a beat, those were the words she had waited for for so long. She looked at them, slowly putting the puzzle pieces together. “Was that why you got into that fight with him before?” she asked, carefully. Gerard nodded slightly. “Yeah, he said some really idiotic things about you. About us too, I guess” they confessed. (Y/n) looked at Gerard, slightly confused. ”He said that I’m ruining you and that you’re too good for me. And I guess he’s right. You are too good for me. Too good to be true” Gerard mumbled, a lonesome tear rolling down their cheek. (Y/n) wiped the tear off their face. ”Oh, sweetheart. Don’t cry. It’s okay, everything’s okay” she whispered softly in Gerards ear. They looked up at (y/n), at her soft, sweet smile. More tears started coming, their bottom lip trembling. She pulled them closer and held them tight. ”Gee, honey, there’s no place I’d rather be, no one I’d rather be and no one I’d rather be with than you” she whispered calmingly while drying off more tears. She kissed their forehead, over and over again, until the tears seemed to have stop. “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine” she sang softly while wiping away their tears. “You make me happy, when skies are gray” she continued, whispering in their ear. Gerard looked up at her with big eyes. “You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away.”

Gerard snuggled up closer to (y/n), enjoying the warmth and comfort of her embrace. They breathed in sync, feeling the rise and fall of each other's chest. (Y/n) softly stroked Gerard's hair, running her fingers through the messy locks. They lay like that for a while, just basking in the afterglow of their intimate moment. (Y/n) could feel the tension in Gerard's body slowly dissipating, as they relaxed more and more into her arms. Eventually, (y/n) spoke up, breaking the peaceful silence between them. "I'm going to get you a glass of water, okay?" she whispered. Gerard groaned slightly, not wanting to move ever again. "Do I have to?" they mumbled, burying their face into (y/n)'s neck. (Y/n) chuckled softly. "Yes, you do. You'll get a headache otherwise, and we don't want that, do we?" Gerard sighed and reluctantly untangled themselves from (y/n)'s embrace. They sat up and watched as (y/n) got out of bed, stretching her limbs before padding over to the kitchenette to get a glass of water. As (y/n) came back to bed, Gerard sat up and took the glass from her, taking a few sips before setting it down on the nightstand. They snuggled back up to (y/n), sighing contentedly as they rested their head on her chest once more.

They lay there for a while longer, talking softly about everything and nothing in particular. Eventually, exhaustion caught up with them, and they drifted off to sleep in each other's arms, for the first time ever.

Thank you for reading! And applauds if you made it to the end. I hope you enjoyed whatever this was, and if you ever want to send me a request, my inbox is always open!

[faetaiity]

Hi! I saw you where trying yandere fics so i was wondering if you’d be interested in writing some platonic yandere headcannons (basically the yandere idea without the romance) with the four rise!brothers (or just raph and/or donnie if all of them are too many), discovering a male human younger than them (like 12-13) and while they’re out on patrol and they all become obsessed with the idea of him becoming their younger brother so much so that they kidnap them and bring them back to the lair

i’m just so curious how they’d act to a younger brother and how they’d treat him- like would they let him out of the house, go on patrol with them, would donnie let him into his lab?

if you want you could also do the bat mutant reader or the dark!au, it’s up to you! sorry for rambling lol

I WILL DO ALL OF THESE???? BAT READER IN THE DARK AU WITH PLATONIC YANDERES??? SIGN ME UP FUCKER(S)!! /POS Also, I (tried) to make the readers age ambiguous for the most part, BUT I did have in mind a reader between 7-9 (Early Adolescents)

CW: Reader ends up getting injured, mild angst(?), Yandere themes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

STORY PART (GENERAL HCS AT THE BOTTOM <3)

Mutating for a child is 10x worse

It's almost guaranteed that the kid will be homeless, not necessarily because of their parents (although this DOES happen rarely), but more so because they perceive themselves as monsters as kids, and teens have low self-esteem so they think no one will love them as a mutant

At least with Teens and Adults, they have Mutants in their age range that can help, there are almost NO child mutants, now, Adult Mutants will help Child mutants, but this is a dangerous area.

Cut to a little boy who just mutated into a giant Bat, you, of course, freak out and start crying (Partly because it's canon that Mutating is PAINFUL)

It'll probably be a couple nights or even weeks before the turtles find you, New York IS pretty big.

When they find you, they're curious, they've never seen a super young mutant out by themselves, sure, they were young at some point, but they were always supervised

Raphs the most patient one, even in the canon storyline, Rise! Raph is a sweetheart compared to his brothers, similar concept here, Dark AU! Raph is similar to 2012! Raph, he has his soft moments but mostly comes off as intimidating.

Raph comes over to you and sees you sobbing your eyes out, your fur is matted, you seem to be starving and you have various scrapes and bruises.

Big Brother mode is something Dark AU! Raph experiences very rarely, only towards young animals as his brothers are completely independent from him now, but you managed to trigger that response.

Honey, you got a big storm comin /ref

He picks you up and brings you with him, earning Leo and Donnie's Ire

I'm gonna be honest, he has to beg his brothers not to rat him out to the rat, he HAS to smuggle you into the lair, at least for a little bit for you to be cleaned up and fed.

His brothers taunt him about his sudden "Stupid Emotions", especially considering even though Raph is a decent person in this AU, he's still hardcore af, smashing people's teeth in 'n stuff.

But they cave, Mikey isn't as loose mouthed in the Dark AU, he's actually quite secretive.

Raph ends up taking you to the shower and asking if you know how to take one by yourself (He knows you're young, but he doesn't know your exact age, but he knows you're younger than 10.), if you agree he just gives you some of Mikey's clothes since they would fit you the best, then he leaves.

After showering, you wander around, as nosy kids do, you end up finding the orange one, drawing in what seems to be red paint, he looks over to you with a smile, ew, the paint was leaking from his mouth.

You skittishly wandered into another part of the lair after feeling like you stared death in the face of a turtle.

Going into another part, which had a lot of ripped up dummies, you see the other two that wasn't the red one, one had a midnight blue mask, and the other a Deep Purple, they were screaming at each other, calling each other horrible names, they were both pretty roughed up, knuckles bleeding, blood coming from their nose, bruises, someone brushed by you casually and wandered into that den of Vipers

"MIKEY, GET THE FUCK OUT, WE'RE BUSY" The Blue one yelled at, who you assumed was Mikey, who squinted his eyes and seethed out a "Helloooo~ My Dear and LOVING brother, could you mind NOT fighting so loudly, kid ended up watching y'all fight like raccoons over the last bit of that guy from the police" which made the three look at you

Pinning your ears back you took a step back, the purple one came over to you and coldly said "Raph's in the living room, don't go in there, Splinter will kill you."

You just stood there shaking, tears pricking your eyes before Leo sighed, stood still then giggled "LAST ONE TO SAY NOT IT AND TOUCH THEIR NOSES HAS TO TAKE CARE OF THE KID"

"NOT IT"

"NOT IT"

The one in front of you whipped around at mach one and stared at his brothers ".... I fucking hate you two, I wish you were used as omelets when we were eggs." the purple one seethed

He whipped back over to you; a giant mechanical arm came out and picked you up, making you screech and writhe

"CALM DOWN!" He shouted, making you stop writhing and start whimpering

He walks out of the Dojo and takes you through some rooms before coming to a door that has steel lock bars to keep people out, he uses a code and a print scanner before wandering in, he strides over to a desk and places you on it.

He taps his desk for a few minutes, deep in thought before looking over to you "My name's Donatello." he states, you carefully responded as if saying one word wrong would make him snap your neck "I'm Y/N"

He huffs a small "Don't touch anything, tell me if you need to go somewhere", before he starts to code on a computer, several minutes pass by before a hurried knock at the Lab's door

Answering it, he lets his three brothers in, all of them approach you, as you start shaking violently the more they got close.

Three of them stopped before you, but the red one got closer, He kneeled down, so you were at eye level, you were scared shitless, these were highly scarred turtle mutants with weapons, any kid with enough marbles would shit themselves.

He sighs before saying "We haven't introduced ourselves, I'm Raphael" he stops for a second before continuing "That's Michelangelo" He points to the shortest one with a deep dark orange mask, "That's Leonardo" the one he pointed to was the most scarred out of all of them, he had a giant bloodstained sword, he didn't seem amused that he was there "And that's-"

"Donnie!!!!" you said, kicking your legs back and forth, giving a giant goofy grin, Donatello was NOT amused "It's Donatello." He coldly said, his face was bright red as his brothers started snickering behind him

Raph pulled out a small hairbrush and some hair conditioner "Can I help you untangle those mats?" he gruffed out, it wasn't intended to be scary, his voice was just naturally rough.

You nodded, He spent about an hour detangling your fur while his brothers did other things in the lab, such as Donatello making upgrades to SHELLDON.

After he was done, you got up from his lap and turned around "Thank you Mr. Raphael!!!!" you squeaked out and hugged him, causing him to freeze

His brothers looked over and saw you hugging him, they saw how at ease their brother was as his massive hands draped around you

Once you were done hugging you ran around like a normal kid would do.

Raphael often mentioned to his younger brothers about the feelings of being a big brother and how he felt as one, they got this feeling from you, despite you only having met them for a few hours.

They see you trip and freak the fuck out, this isn't their normal reaction, they would usually laugh or just ignore it, but they felt more panicky.

But then you got up and gave them the most dumb, goofy, teeth filled smile, giving them a thumbs up and running off to other parts of the lab.

They felt warm, deciding to leave you with Donnie in his lab as you seemed to like him

He had to fake being Inconvenienced and irritated, but even the CIA couldn't get that out of him ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ GENERAL HCS THAT ARE SET A FEW WEEKS AFTER THE STORY PART!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yeah, you can't go anywhere without them, end of story

Patrols? You are WITH ALL OF THEM. NO QUESTIONS.

Donnie's Lab? Donnie has to be with you and starts rambling about his tech, feels like fainting from happiness when you take an interest.

Splinter ends up finding out about you and for the first time ever, his students rebelled against him violently, his ear became more torn up, he had a tooth knocked out, and some of his nails cracked, needless to say, you were kept.

Raph's the most Overprotective out of all of them, sees you cry and suddenly finds an excuse to fight anyone who comes near you, even if he didn't really care, having someone other than him near you gets him unnaturally angry for no reason

Mikey was the youngest before you, but he has no resentment towards you, you're absolutely ADORABLE! He's the one that takes you to the hidden city to see the cool things there, He's the 'Fun' but cautious big brother, and by that, I mean, he makes you think he gives you the most freedom but really all he does is give you a safety net that traps you, making you believe after that one incident that you need protection, slowly constricting your freedoms until you HAVE to be with him or his brothers.

Donnie would be the carefree one, he doesn't NEED to be by your side, he has tech and hacking abilities, he can just spy on you, His robots are deadly enough to kill any human or mutant that hurts you.

Leo is the second most carefree, he mainly helps Donnie if his tech fucks over and can't be used or the entire PowerGrid is down, He just teleports to find you from your last known location!

They all adore you, calling you their younger sibling, often making you feel overwhelmed or suffocated (Especially if the reader is Autistic.)

I can see them mildly infantilizing the reader, not as if they're actually like a baby, but more like they're helpless and can't do ANYTHING by themselves, you wanna get something off the top shelf? Raph can do it! GO SIT BACK DOWN.

If the reader gets hurt by another mutant all hell breaks loose

They don't even care if they can only get to them in broad daylight, they have disguises, they'll make it work.

Don't expect them to not scold you if you break the rules.

First offense is a verbal warning

Second or more offense is timeout

Third offense is only reserved for trying to leave them permanently more than once. They snap your leg.

You'll learn to NEVER leave again, either that or your legs won't be able to work anymore.

[prpfz]

💟 Second time using an account like this, sorry for any mistakes!

I am looking for 18+ partners! I would consider myself literate, and my length stays around multi-para (not necessarily looking for a specific word-count from anyone as long as you can match length). Looking for a potentially niche oc request. Please be okay with triggering themes, smut, potentially dark/dead dove content. Iuse realistic faceclaims, and would like you to as well, or be willing to try!

I’m really looking to make new ocs, and potentially give old ocs a new coat of paint and new attention. So i was wondering if anyone has any interest in piling into a server and making ocs and giving our new ones attention? Multiple storylines and universes, some ocs connected to one another, multiple genres, etc? Your darkest ocs and your most light-hearted ones! I want them all! from your serial killers to your pre-school teachers! Your irredeemable pieces of shit to your angels in heaven! I write any and all pairings, m/m, f/f, m/f, as well as non-binary pairs! Please be able to do the same’ I adore writing queer characters a lot, and usually prefer them!

If you’re interested, please leave a like! i’d love to plot with people and make connections with your ocs!

give a like and anon will get back to you

[dark-mnjiro]

[mary] on a cross :: prologue

author’s note: hello! welcome to the prologue of my new multipart jjk fic. I hope you guys enjoy it. I know this has been teased for a while and I think I’m ready to finally get it going. a reminder that I will post the general warning on each part (and also they are listed on the masterlist) but I will also include any part specific warnings on each part as well.

content warning: dark content, nsfw/18+, explicit sexual content, explicit language, neglect, abuse, royalty au, fantasy themes, afab!reader, she/her pronouns/nicknames, reverse harem, kidnapping/disappearances, slavery, yandere themes, enemies to lovers, violence, war themes, specific tags/warnings will be placed on each part (or added to general warnings).

prologue

This had to be a nightmare.

One night you had fallen asleep in your bed after binging all the endings of this silly, little dating simulator game on easy mode before staying up into the wee hours of the morning trying to defeat hard mode. Upon waking up, you realized you were suddenly trapped in that very simulator and not just as any character, but the villain, hard mode: Hana Aruna.

Over the last few weeks, you had thankfully navigated your duties as the Duke’s daughter and managed to raise favorability among your family and other servants after being stuck in the negatives for so long. At least with them, death would no longer be an option.

“Miss Aruna?”

Your eyes fluttered open as a sigh fell from your lips before turning toward your door and spying on your servant, Kaede, stepping into the room. “Yes, Kaede?” you asked, resting your chin in your hand as you leaned against the arm of the couch you were resting on.

Bowing respectfully, Kaede turned to shut the door. “I’ve come to help you get ready for tonight’s party.”

For a moment, your eyes widened before quickly regaining your icy demeanor. It wasn’t that the idea of the party was of-putting, but what this party meant in the storyline of the game. You would be meeting the three bachelors of the game.

Standing up, you nodded at your servant. “Of course, Kaede. Please go pick out my dress choices,” you instructed before stepping in front of the full-body mirror set up in the corner of your bedroom.

The future events played over and over in your head as you recalled the several attempts of progressing through this upcoming party. While two of the bachelors: Gojo Satoru and Okkotsu Yuuta, were the most stable choices for escaping this hell…

You still ran the risk of accidentally triggering the most difficult route: The Crowned Prince, Ryomen Sukuna.

A shiver moved down your spine as you recalled just how many times his route had ended in him slaughtering you just for simply existing. But that was before you managed to unlock the free speech option. “It’s probably best if I just avoid him,” you tell yourself. “At all costs.”

“Miss Aruna?”

Your eyes flicker up to catch Kaede’s gaze in the mirror as she sets up three dress options for you. It was obvious which dress she favored as her eyes kept darting to the emerald green gown with black accents. It was clear your servant was trying to pair the gown with your striking, red hair. This gown would certainly make a statement and would bring out your most attractive features.

“Kaede?”

“Yes?”

“Is the green gown your favorite?”

Her cheeks flushed before nodding. “I’m sorry miss… I know I’m not supposed to push your decisions, but the green would make your hair stand out at the party tonight…”

A gentle smile curled over your lips. “The green gown, it is.”

“Oh perfect!” Kaede exclaimed before motioning you toward the vanity so she could prepare you for the party.

You tried to hide your sour expression as your thoughts drifted toward the party. The dread growing in the pit of your stomach bubbling more as time clicked closer to your departure. The best course of action was to avoid the crowned prince at all costs, that way his route wouldn’t unlock, and the risk of death would be cut in half.

If your memory served you well from your hours attempting the hard mode of this game before… The crowned prince’s route was seemingly the most difficult. He had murdered Aruna the most out of all the attempts you had made.

He was positively vile.

“Miss Aruna?”

Blinking, you looked up at yourself in the mirror and realized just how much time had passed. Your eyes scanned over the delicate makeup Kaede had painted over your features and the lovely curls molded into your hair along with the lovely, emerald gown she had purposely picked out for you to wear. She was right. You were sure to turn heads in this ensemble.

“They’re waiting for you Miss Aruna,” she said before bowing. “Your father and brothers.”

“Of course,” you sighed before taking your leave.

“Aruna?”

You practically jumped at your father’s voice behind you as you turned to meet his gaze. Despite being in the world this long, it was still difficult to respond to a name that was not yours. A sigh left your lips as you looked at the two men who stood beside your father.

Good, you thought as you recognized the marquis, Gojo Satoru, and the young knight-in-training, Okkotsu Yuuta. While you knew of their history and backstory thanks to the play through a from east mode, you forced yourself to remain interested in what the two men were saying as they introduced themselves to you.

Your eyes fell on Yuuta. The former slave turned knight in training. From this party, your father would employ him as a bodyguard of sorts for you. He would be blindly loyal to you no matter how awful you were to him until the return of Miyu, where his sword would be driven right through your very chest for harming her. It was such a strange turn of events in east mode - just how quickly Yuuta fell under Miyu’s spell…

Route unlocked: Okkotsu Yuuta.

You shuddered at the thought before hearing the marquis now speaking. His words were elegant and kind at the surface, but you knew what he truly was. He would be the man who would find Miyu wandering the countryside while on one of his “expeditions” and reunite her with her family. You weren’t sure you were able to trust him quite yet, despite his kind demeanor.

Route unlocked: Gojo Satoru.

“Ah,” Gojo said, turning toward the entrance to the banquet hall. “It seems the queen has arrived with the second-born Prince…”

Your attention immediately went to the precession of the royals as this party was meant for the second-born Prince. The queen’s beauty seemingly was unmatched by any woman in the empire and her son was just as handsome…

The door immediately swung open again, causing the onlookers including yourself to step back in surprise. Your eyes widened as you took in the man who dared to crash the second prince’s party. Blood soiled the bottoms of his shoes and the white suit he wore.

It wasn’t until you noticed just how decorated his suit jacket was and how distinct the design of the sword on his waist was. He had an air about him that screamed importance and that’s when you caught a glimpse of his eyes. The color of rubies…

You couldn’t deny he was handsome. He walked with purpose, with confidence, and that only added to his good looks. But his eyes… His eyes were captivating. While they seemed cold and ruthless, the crimson also seemed to sparkle once the light hit his eyes. Truly, he was a royal. Everyone has to know.

He playfully bowed in front of the second prince and the queen before a smirk curled over his expression. “Forgive the intrusion,” he said. “But it seems I was delayed to my own little brother’s birthday party by assassins, how strange.”

It was the crowned prince, Ryomen Sukuna.

The barbarian of the Royal family.

“Don’t worry,” he continued. “I have their dead bodies stacked outside the place for you to see.” His eyes honed in on the queen, his stepmother. “Would you like to see it? It’s a sight to behold.”

This was as good of a time as any to take your leave outside and distance yourself as far as humanly possible from the bloodthirsty crowned prince. Once you had made your way to the back garden, you allowed your body to relax. A sigh fell from your lips as you looked at the beautiful flowers that decorated the grounds.

“How beautiful,” you whispered as your fingers gently moved over the roses that covered the well-groomed walls of shrubbery. “I wonder if anyone would notice if I just picked one rose…”

“I suggest you don’t move,” a stern voice said from behind you. “Or this blade will slice through that pretty neck of yours…”

A cold blade pressed against your neck as your body tensed, recognizing the voice from behind you. Why…? How could he possibly be here?!

“Turn slowly and face me.”

You did as he asked before coming face to face with a pair of ruby-red eyes. It was the crowned prince.

He took a step toward you and you could swear your noses were touching, but the blade remained stationary against your neck. “Now tell me,” he said. “What are you doing out in the garden at this hour? Spying, perhaps?”

“…w-what no!”

“You’re lying…”

Curse him, you thought to yourself as you began wracking your brain for any type of explanation that would somehow pacify this monster. Perhaps… playing to his ego…?

“I just…” you stammered, trying to find confidence in your words and your lie. “I just wanted to catch a glimpse of your Majesty!”

His eyes narrowed. “…why? To order a kill?”

“N-no. Never!”

“Then why…?”

Would he believe this lie? Well, it was now or never.

“Because I find Your Majesty very handsome,” you continued. “And wished to see you in person to confess my feelings for you!”

Sukuna’s eyes narrowed for a split second before taking a step back. He lowered the sword before sliding it into its sheath on his belt.

Your eyes glanced up to the number over his head which indicated his favorability toward you. It now reads three percent - oh no.

“Perhaps we can continue this conversation later,” he commented as he began to walk away. “I will write to you soon. I have a party I must continue to ruin…”

Route unlocked: Ryomen Sukuna.

[twopoppies]

hi gina! sorry i’ve been looking through your blog but i couldn’t find it so I’m asking have you ever made a post about fics with side ziall? and if not, do you have some recs? xx

Hi, darling. I actually haven’t ever made a rec based on side pairings, and I don’t tend to take notes on how expansive their storyline is. But here’s what I have:

Scorpions et Madragores by Stria (E, 23K) Read the tags and author’s note on this one because there are some themes that could be triggering. This is a dark fic and Harry is a pretty creepy vampire, but the story is very well told and there’s a happy ending.

taking tips and getting stoned by alison (M, 24K) Slightly OOC, but I really enjoyed the realistic approach to the storyline and having a fic about life not turning out the way you thought it might, and the opportunity for second chances.

Run and I’ll Give Chase by orphan_account (E, 25K) I really liked the characterizations in this one; the way Harry wants Louis, but is afraid to want him, and then finally gives in? So good! Plus…there’s a second part Jump and I’ll Catch you (E, 13K) that I haven’t read yet.

let’s talk about making love by istajmaal (E, 25K) Oh, phone sex operator fics, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

Through Eerie Chaos by mediawhore / @mediawhorefics (GA, 102K) This one is set both in present day and the 1920s and I absolutely adore this fic. This is such a unique and compelling story, the writing is beautiful, the characters are wonderfully realized, and I ugly cried for realz. Such a good fic.

Finding Lou by stylinsoncity (M, 60K) This author’s writing is always such a pleasure to read -- they really know how to craft a moving story. Slow burn romance with some super sexy smut and lots of emotions. Yes, I cried

I Will Never Rust by stylez (E, 38K) I must have read this at least 5 years ago and I honestly don’t remember details, but my notes say “gorgeous, sad, sexy” so... I’m crossing my fingers that old me knew what she was talking about. It’s frat boy Harry so that could go either way. LOL!

Loving You Is Free by littlelouishiccups (E, 68K) this was one of the first sugar baby fics I read in this fandom, and the set up is excellent. Steamy smut, and great side characters.

In Dreams by dolce_piccante (M, 24K) This actually might be my favorite of this author’s fics, although I know it’s definitely not the most popular. It’s just soft and romantic and sweet and I’m a sucker for tattoo artist Louis winning over slightly uptight Harry.

May We Stay Lost On Our Way Home by LoadedGunn (E, 74K) Famous!Harry meets fairy!Louis. Yep. Mix in this author’s always incredibly hot smut, magic, quirky characters, and this is just a great read.

Escapade by doce_piccante (M, 146K) I know, I know. This fic really doesn’t need more recs –– everyone knows this one. But it is a pretty perfect fake relationship AU. In particular, the hate to love chemistry of the main characters is done really, really well, the smut is super sexy, and t’s a really fun read.

[and-claudia]

Against All Odds pt. 9 (Joel Miller x fem! reader)

General Warnings for later on: The main story will have an age gap between Joel and the reader (Reader will be 25 once we get to the main storyline), this will also be your warning that it will eventually be an x pregnant reader (if that’s not your jam, I’m sorry) there is also going to be more graphic/trigger parts later on so please always to be sure to read the warnings BEFORE reading. This story will also be 18+ and TO BE ON THE TAGLIST YOU CAN NOT BE AN AGELESS BLOG (i do actually check that) also there first hand full of parts are all prologue so Joel won’t actually be in it for a bit

Warnings for this part: guns, typical cannon violence/themes, mentions of abortions, soft Joel moments!!

word count: 4500+ (Come get yalls juice!!)

Taglist Sign-Up (read my rules carefully before filling it out)

gif not mine

I wasn’t sure how long I was asleep but at some point, my eyes snapped open to the sound of glass crunch under someone’s shoe. 

At first, I thought it may have been Joel or Ellie getting up for some reason, so I laid there quietly, waiting to hear the rustle of fabric on fabric as they laid back down. However, I then realized I could feel Joel asleep behind me. I carefully glanced over and saw Ellie asleep. Maybe I imagined it. 

Wishful thinking. The next thing I knew, two people were in our room. Joel was out, but Ellie had woken up when she heard the door open. Once I saw that each of them had a gun, I put my hands up in surrender, I had no way of defending us. 

“You, on your knees, hands up where I can see them.” The taller of the pair said to Ellie. 

Once she was there, he looked at me. 

“You. Get over here.” He said, gesturing to the spot beside Ellie with a knife. 

I did as he said. Ellie and I were now both on the ground, side by side, her with a gun pointed at her and me with the knife. Then, the smaller of the two people, who I now realized was only a kid, was standing in front of Joel, who was still asleep. 

“Wake him up.” Tallie said, nudging Ellie with the barrel of the gun. 

“Joel! Joel!” Ellie yelled, waking him up. 

The first thing he saw was Ellie and me. Then he turned and saw that he, too, had a weapon pointed at him. 

“Eyes on me. Eyes on me.” The tall one commanded him. 

Joel looked over to him. 

“You don’t have to worry about what to say. We don’t wanna hurt you. We wanna help you.” The tall one said. 

“Okay.” Was Joel’s only response. 

“Okay, um… I don’t know what the next step is with something like this, but if I lower my gun… we didn’t hurt you, so you don’t hurt us… right?” 

“That’s right.” Joel replied, void of any emotion. 

“That’s a weird fucking tone, man.” The tall one was getting nervous, which was, in turn, making me nervous. 

“That’s just the way he sounds.” Ellie said. 

“It is, I promise. I’ve been with him for years, that’s just how he is. But he means it, I swear it. Lower your weapons before you do something you’ll regret.” I said. 

“Seriously, he just has an asshole voice.” Ellie began again, “Joel, tell him he’s okay.” 

“Everything is great.” Joel said in the same voice. 

“Dude!” Ellie said. 

“Fuck!” Tallie was getting more and more antsy and I had to do something soon. 

“Look, dude, you’re dealing with a pregnant lady, a kid, and an older guy. We aren’t going to do shit. I promise. She is right; he just sounds like an asshole. But he won’t risk his daughter and pregnant wife like this. You can trust him.” I tried to reason. 

“Okay…” The man began, “I’m going to trust you. But if either of you guys try anything… yeah?” 

We understood what he meant without him having to say it. 

“Can I sit up?” Joel asked. 

“Yeah.” The older of the pair said. “Slow.” He corrected himself, “Get up slow.” 

Joel kept his hands raised as the kid still had a gun pointed at him as he slowly sat up on the cushions he was lying on. “Who are you?” He finally asked. 

“My name is Henry.” The taller guy said, “That’s my brother, Sam. I’m the most wanted man in Kansas City. Although right now… my guess is you’re running a close second.” 

That definitely wasn’t reassuring for our current situation. He clearly knew that it was us who recked that truck. And he had tracked us here. I began to worry about who else may have been able to do the same. 

“Alright,” I said, “I guess that means we’re working together then.” I made the decision for our group. 

“You two hungry?” Joel asked, with the same tone as before. 

We set up a small lantern on the floor, and all sat around it. I dug into my pack and pulled out a little bit of food for us all to split. It wasn’t much, especially when it was split 5 ways, but it was something. 

“Where’d you get these?” Henry asked. 

Before I could even think of a response, Ellie had already said, “Bill… He’s dead.” 

Silence fell over the group at her blunt response. 

“I noticed you signing to your brother earlier… does he only use sign language?” I asked, trying to change the course of the conversation. 

“No, he’s gotten pretty good at reading lips. He also uses this.” Henry said, pointing a makeshift writing board around Sam’s neck. 

Sam nodded and showed it off to me. It was actually a really smart setup. 

“That’s very cool.” I said with a smile to the boy, causing him to smile back. 

Joel suddenly took the rest of his portion of the food and offered it to Sam, who took it. He looked to his brother and signed something. 

“He says thank you,” Henry relayed for us, “I’m guessing you don’t have much, so… this means a lot.” 

“How old is he?” Ellie asked. 

Henry translated it for his brother who replied back in sign. 

“He’s eight.” 

“Cool.” Ellie nodded, “I’m Ellie.” 

I watched as Henry spelled her name out for his brother, who smiled in response before turning to me. 

“I’m Yn.” I said, once again Henry signed it to his brother. 

Then there was silence before Ellie smacked Joel’s leg clearly trying to give him the hint to introduce himself. 

“I’m Joel. Look you ate, we didn’t kill each other, let’s call this a win-win and move on.” He said. 

I cringed internally. I really thought he could help us out of here. 

“Well, I am betting you came up here to get a view of the city and plan a way out.” Henry began, “And when the suns up, I’ll show you one.” 

Ellie and I both looked to Joel to wait for his response. 

“Fine. But you two sleep somewhere else.” Joel said, still clearly not trusting them. 

Henry agreed, and once they were finished with their food, they left. Ellie layed back down and was falling asleep shortly after, but I wasn’t, and neither was Joel. I knew he would be paranoid about something happening. 

“Want to push some furniture in front of the door?” I asked, laying on my mat beside him as he stared at the door. 

“No. Get some rest. I’m going to stay up, keep watch.” He said. 

I knew there was no point in arguing it, so I just scooted up right against him and closed my eyes. Secretly I was hoping that if I fell asleep cuddled up next to him it would eventually lull him to sleep as well. 

I am not sure if my plan worked because, by the time I was waking up, he was already up off his makeshift bed, packing up our stuff. The sun was just beginning to rise as I stretched. I found my boots and began lacing them up. Eventually, Henery and Sam returned, and it was time to climb up even higher to get a good view of the city. 

“Welcome to Kansas City.” Henry said as he opened the door to a room that had a large window. 

“No FEDRA.” Joel commented. 

He was right, though. There wasn’t a single sign of them anywhere. 

“Not as of 10 days ago, no.” Henry confirmed. 

“We always heard the KC FEDRA was-” Joel began but was cut off by Henery. 

“Monsters? Savages? Yeah, you heard right. Raped, tortured, and murdered people for 20 years. And you know what happens when you do that to people? The moment they get a chance, they do it right back to you.” Henry said. 

I glanced over my shoulder to make sure Ellie wasn’t here to hear any of it. 

“But you’re not FEDRA.” I said to Henry as I looked back to the two men beside me. 

“No, worse. I’m a collaborator.” He said. 

I immediately saw Joel’s face turn as he shook his head, “No. I don’t work with rats.” 

“Yeah, you do… Today, you do.” Henry said casually, “I live here, you don’t. That’s how I followed you here. I know this city. And that’s how I am going to help you and your family get out.” 

“I don’t think we have much of a choice, Joel…” I said, trying to reason with him. 

“Why would you want to help us?” Joel asked. 

“I saw what you did the way you both killed those men. Even you, with your hurt wrist.” He said, nodding to me, “Now, I know where to go, but I don’t know how to make it through alive, not if it’s just me and Sam.” 

“You seem capable enough. You’re armed.” Joel quipped. 

“You’re wrong and wrong. Never killed anyone.” Henry said back, “And pointing an unloaded gun was the closest I’ve ever come to being violent… So that’s the deal. I show the way; you clear the way.” 

Before I could say anything, all of our attention was grabbed by Ellie and Sam. They were sitting at the big table, on the opposite side of the room. Ellie was showing Sam a joke from her book causing them both to laugh. For a second, they seemed like two regular kids. 

“Haven’t heard that in a long time.” Henry said with a small smile of his own. 

Joel sighed as he looked away for a moment before turning back to the other man. “So how are we gettin’ out? And she’s not helping clear the way. She’s injured and pregnant. If I need the help, it’s going to be you.” 

Henry nodded, and we began to discuss the plan. He took a piece of paper and drew a rectangle on it, each side having its own number written beside it as well. By now, Ellie had joined us. 

“Highways,” Henry pointed to the numbers, “Downtown,” He motioned to the area inside the rectangle, “Us.” He pinpointed approximately where we were on his makeshift map, “This whole area belongs to Kathleen.” 

“She’s in charge?” Ellie asked. 

“Leader of the resistance,” Henry explained, “You can see the way we’re bounded by highways. They got people posted all around the inside perimeter. If we get close, we get caught. No question. So how do we get across?” 

He tapped on the table to get Sam’s attention and signed to him the same question. Sam nodded and used to writing pad to respond. When he held it up, it said “TUNNELS.” 

“Boom.” Henry said triumphantly. 

“Kansas City has a subway?” Joel asked, confused. 

“No, but they do have maintenance tunnels. There’s a bunch of buildings all put up by the same developers. And they share these tunnels, including… a bank building here,” He began drawing more on the paper, “So we enter the tunnels here… travel underground and pop up here. Westside North. Residential. There’s an embankment on the other side of the houses. We head down, pedestrian bridge over the river… free as a bird.” He threw down the pencil and clapped his hands once. 

“You’re right. It’s a great plan.” Joel agreed, “So what do you need me for?” 

“You notice anything strange about the city? I mean, other than the strange shit you’ve already seen?” Henry asked. 

I knew where he was going with this. Ever since we left Boston, I had been on high alert of my surroundings. Especially once we rode into the city, and yet I had yet to see, or for that matter hear, a single infected person. 

“There’s no Infected.” I said numbly. There was a not in my stomach as I knew where this was going. 

“Oh, there’s infected. Just not on the surface. FEDRA drove them underground 15 years ago, and never let them come back up. It’s the only good thing those fascist motherfuckers ever did.” 

“No. There has to be another way.” I said, shaking my head. Just the thought of going down there and facing one was making my stomach churn. I pulled out the chair beside me and sat down before running my hands over my face and then looking back at Henry. 

“Look,” Henry began, “Everyone thinks that it’s full of Infected, including Kathleen, which means that we’re not gonna be running into any of her people.” 

“Yeah, only dozens of infected.” I snapped. The more he talked, the more I hated the plan. I was on board earlier but now I was almost completely against it. 

“No, because you see what I know is… it’s empty.” 

“You’ve been down there?” I was thankful that Joel asked it so I wouldn’t bite his head off. 

“No, but,” He began as I rolled my eyes with a scoff, “the FEDRA guy that I worked with told me that it’s clean, completely clean. They cleared it out. All of it.” 

“When?” Ellie asked. 

“Like three years ago.” 

Joel scoffed at the same time I did. 

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?” I sassed. 

“Okay, maybe there’s one or two, but you handle it.” Henry said. 

“What if there’s more?” Joel asked. 

“Or one of those blind ones that sees like a bat?” Ellie chimed in. 

“Wait you… you ran into a Clicker?” 

At the mention of that I stood back up abruptly. Our time in the museum flashed in my memories, which brought back memories of my first time in the museum. 

“I’m going to go wait in the hallway.” I said to the group before turning and focussing on Joel, “Come let me know the plan once it’s decided.” I said before leaving. 

I am not sure what came over me. But I felt overwhelmed by everything around me. After a few minutes, Joel came out and found me sitting against the wall, knees tucked to chin. He took a seat next to me. 

“You okay?” He asked. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be a bitch or storm out… I’m just… I don’t know, Joel…” I said, quietly. 

“Try to tell me what’s going on up there.” He nodded to my head.

“I just… it’s like all of a sudden, I was hit by this fear of everything that could go wrong or could have gone wrong in the past… Does that make sense?” I asked, almost embarrassed. 

Joel nodded, “It’s called being a parent, welcome to it.” He teased slightly, trying to lighten my spirits, “I’ll be honest, part of it is because you’re pregnant, hormones make those feelings worse. But a good deal of it is just realizing that it’s not just you anymore that you’re worrying about.” 

I nodded, “I should probably go apologize to him.” I said, moving to stand up as Joel did the same. 

“Does it ever get easier?” I asked quietly once we were both standing.

“I’ll let you know if and when it does.” He said. 

I smiled slightly at his response, he seemed to be warming up more to the pregnancy each day. 

“Thank you, Joel.” I said sincerely. I knew he didn’t like to be soft and vulnerable, and for him to do so now was very touching to me. 

He gave a small nod before leading us back into the room where the others were getting ready to leave. 

“Alright, we’ll head to the bank and access the tunnels there. You ready?” Henry asked as I walked in. 

I nodded, “Yeah, sorry for snapping at you… hormones, I guess.” 

He shrugged it off, “No worries. Besides, I know we’ve all probably seen some shit in our lives, so I get it.” 

“Alright, then, let's get to it.” Ellie said before turning to leave, the rest of us followed her out. 

Once we got to the bottom of the building, Henry took the lead. He knew all the right alley ways to take and which buildings to cut through to get us to the bank building undetected. However, once we got there, I knew we wouldn’t stay undetected long. The sun was now up and the entire building was made of glass, making us easily spotted. 

As if he had read my mind, Joel looked around and said, “We need to get outta sight.” 

We looked to Henry on where to go, “Uh.. I, I-I think it’s this way.” He said, pointing in the opposite direction. 

Well, that was reassuring. Regardless, we followed him that way. We weren’t running, but we definitely weren’t walking either. I was finding myself getting tired but I pushed on. Hopefully, Henry was right, and there aren’t going to be an Infested in the tunnels, and we would be able to stop for a minute. 

He led us down more hallways until, eventually, he took us through a door and down a few stairs. 

“This should be it. You ready?” He asked Joel. 

Joel sighed slightly as he pulled his gun from his waistband, “Get your’s out too.” He told Ellie as he walked down the stairs to open the door first. 

Although I wasn’t told to, and it would be difficult to shoot with my hand wrapped, I took mine out, too, just in case.

As Joel pushed the heavy door open it groaned as it scrapped against the ground. There was water dripping from the ceiling causing a musty smell in the tunnel. But the coast was clear so far. 

“See, it’s empty! The plan is good.” Henry said fairly loudly. 

“Shh.” Joel warned. 

Just because we couldn’t see anything didn’t mean there was nothing here. 

“The plan is good? We’ve been down here two seconds. We don’t know anything.” Joel said, shaking his head. 

“Your husband’s kinda a pessimist,” Henry said. 

I just shrugged. There was no point in telling him the truth now. He trusted us, and if he found out we had been lying since the beginning, that could break that. 

“Just point your light forward…” Joel instructed the other man, “And be ready to run.” He glanced at me to make sure I was good to run in case we had to flee. 

I gave a small nod, telling him that I would be fine. And with that, we began walking. 

We walked in silence, aside from the eerie groaning of the old buildings above us. Eventually, the tunnel got narrower, and the ceiling got lower. This smaller section led to an area that had been painted with a mural that seemed to have been done by children. It was unsetting. 

“Whoa.” Ellie said, looking at the art. 

“We this isn’t creepy at all.” I muttered under my breath as we all glanced around at it. 

Sam suddenly went up to open the door, causing my heart to skip a beat at the thought of him opening it and getting hurt by what could be on the otherside. Luckily though, Joel was ahead of him and stopped him. Henry then guided him to stand behind him with Ellie. On instinct I stepped in front of them and behind Henry. My gun was ready as Joel slowly opened the door. 

It was much brighter in there. When we got in, and I had gotten a good look at it, I was honestly confused. It looked like a makeshift daycare or school. But what the hell was it doing down here, in the tunnels? 

“What is this place?” I asked as we all continued to look around. 

“I heard about places like this,” Joel began, “People went underground after Breakout Day. Built settlements.” 

“What happened to them?” Ellie asked. 

“Maybe they didn’t follow the rules, and they all got infected.” He said nodding to a board that had their “House Rules” on it. 

The board read: 

-Make sure doors are locked 

-Ask for the password if you font know the visitor

-No shouting or noisy play 

-Run to hiding spot when you hear the alarm

The last one sent chills down my spine. Ellie and Sam went over to one of the tables while the three adults looked around. There were still drawings up on the wall. One that stuck out in particular was one of two men with rifles that said “our protectors” below them. We eventually all split off, just observing our surroundings. I could hear Ellie talking to Sam, but I wasn’t retaining anything they were saying. It wasn’t until I heard Joel’s voice that I snapped out of my own thoughts. 

“Hey, keep it down. We’re not out yet.” I glanced over to where Ellie and Sam were sitting. 

“Ah, c’mon. Can we just rest here for a while?” Ellie asked, “There’s like actually shit to do here.” 

“Wouldn’t be so bad to wait the light out a bit. Safer in shadows when we pop back out on the other side.” Henry added, looking at Joel. 

Joel just nodded. I guess we were staying here for a bit. The three of us made our way over to the larger table, and all took a seat while Ellie and Sam found an old ball to kick around at the chalk line goal on the opposite wall. It was nice to see the kids being kids and playing, but that wasn’t enough to distract my racing thoughts. Joel and Henry were having their own conversation by now, but again, I couldn’t focus on it. It wasn’t until the end of their conversation that I actually heard anything Henry was saying.

“But you get it, though. You’re a father.” He said to Joel. 

“Joel,” I said quietly, but enough to catch his attention, “Can we go talk privately?” I asked. 

I could tell he was confused and caught off guard, “Yeah, sure.” he said regardless and stood up. 

I didn’t say anything to Henry as I stood as well and followed Joel away from the table and the kids. 

“If this is about what he did, I can’t blame him. Sam was sick. If it were me… I would’ve done the same.” Joel said once we were out of earshot. 

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Were you not listening to him?” Joel asked, equally confused. 

“No… not really. I’ve been kinda zoned out…” he nodded for me to go on, “I think I made a mistake… I should’ve taken you up on going to get an abortion pill when you offered back in Boston.” I said, biting my lip to keep the tears from falling. 

“We can’t bring a baby into this fucked up excuse of a world. A place where people are forced to hide underground from murderous Infected. What if we get back to Boston and we have to live somewhere like this? This is no life for a kid, Joel… or what if they get bitten? Then what, Joel? We watch them turn into one of them. Burn their body after putting a bullet in their head?” 

I was working myself up to the point of feeling sick, but I had to get it all out of my head. 

“We’ve already lost so much, Joel… what happens if we lose them too? I should’ve just gotten the damn pill and taken care of it. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Joel.” 

I could tell he was shocked by the words coming from my mouth. I had been so admittedly against it, but now it seemed like I was regretting it. After a second, though, he took me into his arms. I didn’t have the mental energy to even cry, so I just held onto him like he was my lifeline. 

“I won’t let anything happen to you or our baby, okay? I promise. I’m glad you didn’t let me talk you into getting that pill. I am happy, okay? Scared shitless but happy. Everything will be okay. Against all odds, I’ll make sure everything will be okay.” 

I nodded against his chest but made no attempts to let go just yet. 

“Hey, I hate to interrupt, but I think we should get going soon.” Henry said cautiously as he approached us. 

I finally, slowly, let go of Joel as he did the same. He nodded, and we walked over to collect our things once again. Soon, we were back to walking through the tunnels. At some point, Ellie fell into step beside me. 

“You okay?” She asked. 

“Yeah. m’fine.” I said with a sigh. 

“What were you and Joel whispering about earlier?” She asked. 

Glancing at her sideways, “Nothing.” The way I said it, made it clear that she shouldn’t pry and try to get me to talk about it. 

She nodded, “So, do you think you’ll have a boy or a girl? One of each?” 

“Don’t put that on me.” I said, shaking my head with a small laugh, “But honestly, I haven’t put much thought into it… I never really thought I’d have a kid, tried my best not to, but shit happens, I guess…” I said with a shrug. 

“Well, you already have an amazing daughter, don’t you?” He teased, referring to the lie I had told about her, Joel, and I being a family. 

“Eh, she’s alright, I guess.” I teased back, it was nice to just talk and not think about everything from earlier. 

We continued having a quiet conversation until we got to the exit of the tunnel. Once again, guns were ready as Joel opened it. 

“Do you know where we are?” Joel asked.

“Yep,” Henry said, “The other side.” 

He was looking at a sign that said where the tunnel we just exited from would lead to. We walked out, and sure enough, there was an old residential area ahead of us. We still kept quiet, though, and weren’t using our lights just as a precaution. However, once we passed a few houses, Henry broke the silence as he spoke to Sam, but clearly wanted us to hear him. 

“No. No one is here. No one’s going to be here because… my plan worked.” He said triumphantly. 

“So much goddamn talkin’.” Joel said from where he was leading our small group. 

“I’m just saying… I delivered. Make this right, go down the street, embankment behind the last house…and we’re out.” He said. 

“Don’t get too cocky yet; we’re not across that river,” I warned. 

“So what happens when we cross the river? Where ya gonna go?” Ellie asked Henry. 

“Don’t know yet.” Henry said. 

“Well, we’re going to Wyoming.” Ellie said, causing both Joel and I to look at her. 

“What? It’s a huge state. It can fit two more people.” She defended. 

“Yeah, maybe we just call this one a success and say our fond farewells.” Henry said. 

“No, he’ll change his mind, trust me. This is how he goes, ‘No, Ellie. Never ever ever happening.’ And I am like I am going to ask you a million more times. And he’s like-” Ellie said. 

And honestly, I couldn’t disagree. Joel did have a rough exterior but I could tell when he was getting warn down. And it was starting to happen here. Slowly, but surly. But before I could voice my agreement, a bullet flew past our group.

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[avasghost]

foreign birds: update #1

6k into the draft of my new book, and i just realized i haven't written a writing update in over a year since i finished ested. almost forgot how this works. anyways if you missed it, you can find the wip intro here.

disclaimer: this is my original work and plagiarism of any kind will not be tolerated.

TW: suicide, manslaughter, blood, ghosts

here's the playlist because it encapsulates a lot of the vibes, especially the first ~20 songs

so this book is actually going really well! it was kind of a slow start, but i really like what i have so far and it's definitely favourite book concept that i've ever written. the main difficulty is the research, since the book is set in 1973, so there's a lot of googling what motels and convenience stores looked like in the 70s. but i don't mind it since the aesthetic is on point.

the book is written in very short vignette-like chapters, interspersed with full-length ones. there are technically four timelines that we go between, but two main timelines. the primary timeline is the storyline of martin after he returns to his hometown after accidentally killing gabriel, and moving in with rainey. the secondary timeline is the present, after his suicide, where his ghost observes rainey continuing with her life when he returns to haunt the house where they lived together. the other two more minor timelines are 1) flashbacks to martin at college and the development of his relationship with gabriel before gabriel's death and 2) flashbacks to martin's childhood, growing up in his hometown and why he never wanted to go back. its kind of complicated but its really cool and fun to write.

chapters & excerpts under the cut!

CHAPTER 1

the book opens with martin's suicide, which marks the beginning of the secondary timeline (his life as a ghost). it's pretty short so i'll just put the entire chapter here.

It was the hollow of night when I died. The sky was flat and weighty with clouds, street invisible, no moon. I shot myself point-blank in the quiet solitude of our living room, the refrigerator’s hum pulsing in the background. I tilted the barrel to my chin and pulled the trigger with a shaking hand, and I can say now that I’m gone, that I was thinking of you with the last frenzied ticking of my thoughts. I can also say that I’m sorry, for the things I told you that night, but mostly that I didn’t tell you sooner. Your face in the dark, eyes like two moons reflected by the soft jitter of a candle flame. The gunshot rang through the silence of the living room and the bullet burrowed into my skull. The last thing I felt was a spatter of blood—blood on my hands, blood in my mouth, blood on the damask carpet—and then everything fell away. I watched from the corner of the room when you found me seconds later, startled by the gunshot, riled from sleep. You in your nightgown, your red hair feral and static’d around your head. You knelt beside my head and cried until your face distorted and you didn’t look real. I can only hope you don’t remember me dead and bloodied more vividly than you remember me living.

i think that might be the second saddest thing i've ever written ok onto the next chapter.

CHAPTER 2

In the main timeline, we follow martin as he leaves campus early in the morning following gabriel's death and travels home. he books into a motel and is sad and hungover. this is the longest chapter so far, at 2,371 words.

the chapter opens with:

The day after I killed Gabriel was the day I decided to return home for the summer. I packed quickly in the lampshade of blue light that sept through my dormitory window, a headache ringing in my skull, the haze of tiredness making the room tilt as I shoved my few belongings into boxes and hauled them outside.

here's a bit from when he's driving out of the city, featuring the "you" that is rainey

It wasn’t like I meant to kill Gabriel. I should tell you that first, before my reputation is tarnished. I could never have killed him. I probably could never have killed anyone. Too much to lose, too much at risk. It was never a matter of blood on my hands, that didn’t matter, or at least that was what I thought as cityscape flattened into little towns, until massive skyscrapers and supermarkets turned into diners with neon signs and thrift stores and whitewashed steepled churches. I couldn't have felt less guilty than I did that morning, despite the hangover and the absence Gabriel’s death had suddenly bored into my head. He was gone. He was gone. He was never coming back.

shortly after:

My car ran out of gas halfway through a tiny rural town, ringed by a grayscale of mountains. The sky had lightened, and now stretched blankly above my head, bone-white and stark, like an empty room. The sun, pocketed in clouds, was almost invisible.

he goes into a convenience store (because there's something about convenience stores) and then arrives home and checks into a motel.

I had hardly slept in the past twenty-four hours, after lying awake for most of the night, listening to the hum of silence in my dorm room. Gabriel’s face like a ghost splotching against the darkness, a furrow in the static, something recognizable. Despite knowing where his body was, I felt his eyes on my as I sweat between my bedsheets, hair slicked to the pillow, heart scudding sharp and fast.

he tries to go to sleep but wakes up with an even worse headache and goes outside for a smoke. while he's outside he sees his old choir leader walk by, and goes back inside because he doesn't want to be seen by anyone.

I couldn’t even remember her name and she probably didn’t recognize me, with my overgrown hair and half-obscured face, but I immediately snuffed out the cigarette in my sleeve, ash cascading onto my shoes, and ducked back inside into the orange light.

CHAPTER 3

the next morning, martin gets dressed, decides no one will recognize him, and walks down to the beach.

I remembered walking down this sidewalk with my mom when we headed to her friend Mary’s house every other Wednesday, how I’d align my feet with the cracks that snaked through the asphalt like lightning. I stepped on the cracks now, peering at the house where Mary used to live, the empty driveway and shuttered windows. She was probably dead now, the breast cancer my mom had told me about finally catching up to her. It didn’t bother me like it might have then, didn’t bother me at all. I didn’t know any of these people anymore. I wasn’t obligated to mourn their loss.

he sees two women sitting under an umbrella on the beach but doesn't recognize them so he ignores them. here's one of many beach descriptions

The sand gritted beneath my shoes as I stepped off of the grass, grains sticking to the laces and sea spray wasping into my mouth. I spat it out, salt ringing on my tongue. The ocean sloshed, rims of foam pearling across the tiny waves. A kid in bright red swim trunks crouched in the dark sand where the tide had been, shoveling a grave-sized hole in the soft the sand. His mother reclined in a beach chair nearby, her face covered by a large tartan sun-hat.

and here's another beach description

I folded up the legs of my bell-bottoms and waded in almost knee-deep. Plumes of seaweed laced against my ankles like living creatures. I peered into the murky grey of the water at the minnows darting around underneath, black shadows I could only see if I looked closely. The briny air feathered into my face and blew my hair into my mouth. I spat it out and winced around, wind searing my eyes. The women beneath the umbrella were watching me, but were still too grainy to recognize, like a blurry camera shot. I waded back to shore. The sand under my wet feet felt like contamination, but I hopscotched my way back to the strip of grass to wipe them off in the prickly cold. “Holy shit, Martin, I thought it was you.”

so it turns out the woman under the umbrella is martin's sister, jasmine, who's there with her girlfriend, eliza. martin is happy to see jasmine, who he always got along with better than the rest of his family, but tells her not to tell anyone else he's back.

here's some dialogue

"What are you doing here?” My throat dried, suddenly rough and scratchy. Sand was still imprinted to my shins, digging into my skin. “It’s a long story.” “Well that’s not very satisfying.” “All I can say is that it was time to come home. Don’t tell mom and dad I’m back yet, please. Or Leander. I’m not ready to talk to them yet.” “Were you ready to talk to me?” “No. But apparently I can’t avoid everyone.” “It’s a small town, man,” said Jasmine. “Alright, I’ll keep your secret. It would be nice to catch up though. You just look so … I didn’t recognize you. It was just that Eliza liked your shirt.”

CHAPTER 4

this is the first chapter we have the goes back to the earliest timeline, which follows martin growing up in their town as a child. and no the town doesn't have a name yet and i need to come up with one. chapter four is about when his mother became catholic and brought his family to mass for the first time, and he has mixed feelings about it.

My mother was raised Catholic and had recently reconverted. She started wearing a crucifix tucked into her blouses, the chain leaving a red mark stamped into her neck. She made us hold hands around the dinner table to pray, and got us to memorize Our Father to recite every night before bed. My father was skeptical at first but came around slowly, as the house slowly filled with crosses nooked in odd places and colourful pictures of saints plastered to the refrigerator. My mother kept my favourite rosary in the drawer of her nightstand, and sometime I’d sneak into their bedroom just to look at it, to twist the blood-red and midnight-blue beads between my fingers, feel their imagined hum, the holiness I couldn’t feel but knew had to be there. I thumbed the silver crucifix, the tiny metal man, his painted-on blood and crown of thorns. He didn’t look dead, not with his hanging head and the way his body rested, didn’t strain. He looked like he was sleeping.

i don't have any other excerpts for this chapter because the rest of it is kind of boring.

CHAPTER 5

shifting back into the secondary timeline, right after martin's suicide, where his ghost observes rainey crying over his body and calling body-removal people to take him away. it's in present tense now, since this is where martin is narrating from.

You dial the phone number with shaking fingers, and lean against the wallpaper while the phone rings, eyes set on my body, strewn on the living room floor, my eyes still open, still gaping at the ceiling fan, its silent whirring. Your hair tangles in the phone cord as you speak, voice slurry with sleep and shock. Your eyes are pink and your face is streaked, some tears already crusting to your skin, some leaving glimmering tracks down into the collar of your nightgown. You try to yank your hair free from the cord as the man behind the phone assures you that a team is on their way, to stay calm, not to worry. A knot of red hair is left in the phone cord when you untangle it, and the phone slams to the floor when you try to slot it back onto the receiver. You don’t pick it up.

right after:

The ambulance takes fifteen minutes to arrive. The distant sirens hover just above the silence, hardly breaking the curtain of shock, the static in the air. You sit on the damask carpet, arms curled around your knees, rocking silently, head buried in your arms. Your hair obscures your face, but you continue to jitter in the midnight chill, the moonlight glinting on the windowpane soaking the living room in underwater blue.

he wants to comfort rainey but finds that he can't touch her or communicate with her at all.

some men arrive to take away martin's body and he watches as they carry him outside, and tries to follow but finds he can't leave the house, which is his haunt where he will be stuck forever.

CHAPTER 6

continuing the ghost timeline, martin watches rainey for the rest of the day and tries to go to sleep beside her but can't sleep because he's a ghost.

You don’t get dressed all day and don’t eat and hardly move from where you slump at the kitchen table, fiddling with the napkin holder. When you check the clock, it’s 10:17 pm and the sky is inky through the shutters of the window above the sink. You skirt around the bloodstained carpet, something snagging in your throat as you try to focus on the ceiling, the whirring fan, the water stains. Anything but me. Your birds in their cages watch you disappear into the bedroom and I follow, slipping behind you into the dark right before the door clicks shut.

martin observes the neighbours having a good time in the window across from theirs but rainey shuts the curtains.

here's the end of chapter six:

For the first time, you sleep on my side of the bed, burying your face in my pillow, my scent probably still poignant in the sheets. You must know the last time I was there I knew what I was going to do, knew I was going to leave you. Would have rather left you be but now I’m here, in the dark room, sitting on the edge of the bed, not ruffling the sheets or making a noise. Your red hair laces across my pillow as you begin to sob into it again, the emptiness foreign, unfamiliar. My body heat gone, all that’s left turned cold and still. I lay beside you on top of the sheets, on your side, and lean as close as I can into your warmth but feel nothing.

😭😭😭😭

this entire plot of his ghost wanting to be alive again is basically the saddest thing i could possibly think of and i’m just gonna have to deal with that for the next ~50k words wish me luck.

and on that note, that's all i have so far! i hope you enjoyed the update and if you read this far then you're cool. until next time, goodbye

-- silas

taglist (i just have one for all my wips--ask to be added/removed): @flip-phones @chewingthescenery @ghostsofmemories @dallonwrites @wildswrites @annlillyjose @letsgetsquiggly @strangerays @mel-writes-with-her-dragons @teaandtypewriters @kahaaniyaa @coffeeandcalligraphy @47crayons @writing-is-a-martial-art @childhoodlovers @zoya-writes @pepperdee @oceancold @unorganisedbookshelf @musingsbycaitlin @sunstone-iolite @femmeniism @raywritesstories @rodentwrites @cheerfulmelancholies @these-starrynights

[waitmyturtles]

Bed Friend is VERY GOOD (spoilers ahead). The acting is not as sparkling as I wish it could be for how good the storyline is. Hopefully it gets better.

Sorry to YELL, please cover your ears for my first note:

1) THERE IS A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL FOR MOTHERS LIKE THAT. If I ever get my hands on a bitch like that. Very, VERY triggering to watch. I will definitely watch this show in its entirety just to make sure she gets hers. If she doesn’t get hers, I’ll fly to Thailand to bitch and moan.

2) But it’s clear how Uea *can’t* process the complicatedness of his life. I like how this script is leveraging Uea being the subject of total emotional overburden for his entire childhood, through the abusive pressures of engagement with his mother, and how his mother treats him in the present. It’s an emotionally horrible storyline, but I unfortunately think it’s quite realistic. His going to alcohol because he can’t process, and then sleeping with King -- it’s all too real, and I appreciate how the show is actually pacing this non-processing really well (even though it seems like the show is moving fast -- I don’t think it is for Uea’s emotional journey so far).

3) @respectthepetty, as usual, nails it with the analysis that part of Uea’s self-hatred extends to hatred to King for being open and comfortable sexually. But what really moved me was King’s panic after the one-night stand. Clearly there’s something going on with King that we don’t know about regarding his feelings for Uea.

4) Jade, I’m going to really like you!

It seemed like this show was going to be on the crazy side, like Big Dragon or even have a touch of camp like KinnPorsche, but I’m afraid this is going to be a huge meditation on the effects of internalized homophobia and childhood psychological and physical abuse. I wasn’t *quite* prepared for the heaviness of this first episode (especially as I’m nearing the end of a TOTAL emo roller coaster with finishing my mini-novel on Bad Buddy), but -- I live for family disasters in dramas, so this one is definitely a go for me. 

[aromantic-pantyanarchy]

With Gwenpool coming out, slash-discovering herself, being a bit of headline news in our little community here, I, as a resident comics deep diver, wanted to say a couple things on those interested in the character.

1) What to read! Gwenpool is a pretty easy character to look into, she has one solo run, and it’s the most defining run of her career, the full publication title being The Unbelievable Gwenpool. It’s really good and it’s the main reason that people actually know who she is. I would recommend reading the whole thing, you can maybe skip #0 but it’s not a huge deal either way (#0 is essentially a Howard the Duck issue which was used to test the waters on the concept of the character). If you want the storyline where she comes out as aroace, that’s Love Unlimited Infinity Comic #s 43-48.

I’ve not personally read the West Coast Avengers run where she dates Quentin Quire, I tend to intentionally avoid anything with Quentin Quire in it, so I don’t know if that adds any important context to her orientation.

2) Do not read Gwenpool Strikes Back! For my sake and for yours, please. It’s just a bad comic. It is explicitly about Gwen acting out of character, it’s really tryhard with the meme shit, which the original Gwenpool run explicitly decries, and more than just that it takes the absolute wrong followup from the ending of the original run. And it’s weirdly horny, which is probably the opposite of what you want from looking into an asexual character.

3) TRN does not mean anything! I’ve seen at least one person so far identify Gwenpool as “Gwen Poole (Earth-TRN565)” and, no, that is incorrect, I’m sorry. TRN stands for Temporary Reality Number, it is a system that the Marvel Wiki, which is run by Fandom and not affiliated with Marvel at all, uses to classify universes which do not yet have a concrete designation. The Sony Spider-verse movies, for example, still use a TRN number because despite the movies giving the universes reality numbers, they are reality numbers already in use (616, 1610, etc.), and thus could not give the characters and locations unique webpages. The TRN is purely a clerical tool used by the wiki to prevent overlapping URLs, not any kind of designation on the universe that Gwen comes from.

Gwen’s home universe is, officially, “Gwen’s Home Universe, a world similar to ours without superpowers where Marvel characters are represented in comics and media the way they are in our own”. It’s not a satisfying answer, I know, but until Marvel pulls the trigger on whether Gwen’s a mutant or not, it’s the best that we have.

[eureka-its-zico]

i’m so sorry for your loss. grief can be a weird/scary thing to navigate. last year, i found this comment on reddit that explains grief and how it feels. it’s a little long, but it’s helped me a lot with my dad’s passing. i figured maybe it can help you too ♥️

———

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

———

From the bottom of my heart: thank you for this.

I’ve read this over and over what feels like a hundred times. Each time I’ve read it, it seemed I understood it in a new way. I have days where it feels like the waves aren’t suffocating. Where the shipwreck of my loss doesn’t feel like it’s relentlessly pulling me under, while others days it’s completely drowning me.

It’s so weird. I expect to wake up and just start talking to her. Getting on instagram, Tumblr, TikTok, or even just opening our texts reminds me with painful clarity it won’t happen.

I started playing Baldur’s Gate 3 for her last year. She kept telling me Astarion is not only a sassy vampire who I would love, but he had one of the most painful angsty backstories ever. She honestly wasn’t wrong. I finally was able to finish it for her. Even if I literally cried at random moments and had to get up and take a break. I wish I could discuss him with her. Tell her a whole lot of things and have her talk me into writing for him (aka something for her). Although I can’t tell her what impact his storyline had on me, I decided to still write it out and send it to her. To let her know - if she already doesn’t.

Thank you, again, for taking the time to send me this. I absolutely appreciate you sending something that conveys in the most tragically beautiful way what it means to miss someone always 🖤

P.s. I am so incredibly sorry to read about your loss🖤

[aloysiavirgata]

Hi there!

May I ask a few writing questions (which, might sound like I’m actually trying to demand more Henry fics, but I swear are genuine questions, although I would always welcome more Henry fic):

(1) Creatively, what inspires you to create a universe with full storylines from beginning to end (like, say, the Dryad fics, or Waters of Babylon/Petrichor/Singing of Mount Abora VERSUS creating a universe (like with the Henry universe) and keeping it to out-of-order ficlets? Is it the different categories that inspire you differently (Dryad is family fic, Waters of Babylon through Abora are UST to RST, Henry are Scully/Other)? Is it because of the labor involved?

(2) In stories like the Henry stories, do you have a timeline set in your mind of where each ficlet takes place, or do you write without a timeline in your mind? Is it easier or harder to write without a timeline in mind? I have a Master document where I try and place your ficlets (both Henry and non-Henry) where they might sort of fit based on the details you provide but there are some where I just don’t know and just organize them by dates of publication, but it kills me when I don’t know what YOU, the author, intended when it’s your universe/your mind I’m eagerly entering and it made me wonder how/if dates/eras/season timelines, etc ever float around in your mind? Or, the decision-making process for why to sometimes include them, and sometimes not.

(3) For people like you and the Penumbras, Prufrock’sLoves, of the world, etc — you’re clearly gifted at writing, and I assume writing is an outlet of a sort for you. How do you contain that, or give that gift an outlet, during periods where you step away from the fandom and not write for months/years? I ask this as someone who does not have a gift or anything I’m especially good at (which is fine! I lead a full life regardless). I mean, take Henry! The Henry universe haunts me (in good ways, of course). At any given time. During a meeting at work, or while shopping for something that triggers XF thoughts and then I wonder about whether Scully and Henry finally parted ways on the best of terms so that Scully and Mulder can get back to making love inside a car in the rain guilt-free. (haha) And this universe isn’t real! And I didn’t write it! And… it still takes up time sometimes in my head. Wouldn’t this haunting be multiplied in yours since you’ve created all these universes? Are they always in the background of your mind? Do you compartmentalize them? Do you know the ending of the Henry universe, etc?

Basically, what happens in the mind of creative people? How does your brain function?

Weird, super big question, I know, but MAN, I will forever be sorry I missed the ATXC days, or the Livejournal days where I can dig up author postings where they provide more details about their stories/processes.

I just have so many questions for you guys!

Thank you for alllllll you do for the fandom.

First of all, thank you so much for this ask. It still blows my mind that people receive happiness from a hobby that brings me so much joy and relaxation.

I miss the ATXC days as well, and especially LiveJournal. The PornBattles on LJ, ironically, taught me to write.

1 - It’s really hard to say. A lot of my fic is inspired by gaps or frustrations created by 1013. On the one hand Mulder and Scully are these deeply complex people with nuanced backstories and on the other hand…??? David’s wedding ring stunt or Gillian giving Scully an affair with a married professor. Dryad came from a frustrated place that is due in part to Chris seeming to think that you can either be a parent or a complex individual. Plus it was fun to write that autopsy.

Henry was created by an ask that I loved because Scully DOES deserve better but also I want her with Mulder and I wanted to explore that conflict and make a reader feel it.

2 - Oh my gosh that is an amazing compliment! I don’t really have a solid timeline, I’m afraid. I am truly, truly absolutely shit at the WIP life. 🙃.

3 - I remain blown away by this praise. My career shift has allowed me to have a lot more creativity, though not writing per se. Writing is my favorite thing to do. I am a scientist at heart and I love cooking and baking and animals and fashion and home decor but I am most myself when I am writing. I’m usually thinking about writing, even when I’m not actively doing it. And I confess sometimes it is very strange he to be a Serious Adult with a Serious Job who is also running an internal monologue like “would uni-era Mulder thing vagina or cunt or pussy or some secret fourth thing?”

How does it end with Henry? She stays with him. Of course she stays.

Thank you, kind and sweet anon. You are a gem.