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inevitableconfusion · 4 years ago

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part one (here) | part two | part three

@sabertoothwalrus‘s “all left” AU has me feeling some sort of way, and the resulting art/fanart has been haunting me for days. I had to get this out of my system, y’all.

Warning: violence, gore, trauma

Read on ao3

There’s a flash of green light, and all he feels is pain.

Horrible, stabbing, aching, searing pain. He can’t think. He can’t breathe. Ladybug is screaming, but he can barely hear it over his thundering heartbeat. His left hand raises and grips at his right arm… or, where his arm should be.

But it’s not.

His fingers are sticky and warm with blood. And all he can do is stare. His arm is on the floor. Not part of him. Lying on the floor, the white sleeve of his shirt torn and soaking in a pool of red.

Hawkmoth rushes forward in a panic, dropping his transformation, and it’s his father, his father, his FATHER –

Adrien stumbles backwards, tripping over his unsteady feet and falling hard. Fear floods through him, drowning out the pain for a brief moment. His father is Hawkmoth. His father just cut his arm off.

“Don’t touch him!”

Ladybug’s yo-yo wraps around Gabriel and yanks him away with a force Adrien has never seen before. His father skids across the floor until he hits the opposite wall with a grunt. There’s a blur of red and black, and Ladybug is crouched in front of him in a protective stance. She shoots him a look over her shoulder. Her eyes are wide – horrified, distressed, anxious – and there are tears collecting on her eyelashes. Her expression morphs into something he’s never seen before and she whips back around to face his father.

“How could you?! You… you…”

“I’m sorry!” Gabriel is laying on the floor, still bound by Ladybug’s yo-yo. “I’m sorry! I didn’t think… I –”

“You were willing to go this far? We’re just kids!” Her voice breaks, and Gabriel curls in on himself. “He’s your son!”

Adrien feels cold. His vision is getting hazy and he wants to throw up. He thinks he might be in shock.

“Please,” his father groans, voice hoarse, “Please, nothing matters anymore. Just save him. Just save him!”

Ladybug looks at him again, but he can’t make out her expression anymore. She rakes her hands through her hair. “Think, c’mon, think!” She straightens up and glances around frantically, eyes landing on the lucky charm abandoned in the corner of the room. She moves so fast that it makes him dizzy, and he leans on his good arm for support. She grabs the lucky charm and throws it in the air, summoning the miraculous cure with a desperate call. He closes his eyes as the ladybugs rush around him, and then disappear.

But nothing changes. His skin still feels clammy. His head is still spinning. His jeans are still stained with blood.

His arm is still gone.

“No, no, no!” Ladybug fills his vision, kneeling in front of him, hands running over his face, his shoulders, his torso. “That was supposed to work! Why didn’t…”

Adrien lists to one side and Ladybug wraps her arms around him tightly, shifting so he’s laying in her lap. He wants to protest that she’ll get blood on her, or maybe crack a joke to break the tension, but his tongue feels like lead.

But then she calls off her transformation, and in a flash of pink light, his world shifts for a third time that night.

Marinette…

“Tikki, I don’t understand, why didn’t that work?!” Her voice is approaching hysterical, at this point. She starts ripping the bottom of her shirt into a long strip. A red blob floats into his vision. “The cure is supposed to fix everything!”

Marinette… is Ladybug?

“I-I’m not sure,” Tikki responds, concern lacing her voice. Marinette ties her shirt around his upper arm in her best attempt at a tourniquet, but she can’t get the bleeding to completely stop.

Marinette…

“-rinette,” he chokes out, lifting his hand to her cheek. Marinette is Ladybug. Ladybug is Marinette. The last puzzle piece clicks into place. “Mari.”

She lets out a sob, covering his bloody hand with hers and pressing it against her cheek. “Adrien.”

Suddenly his father is leaning over him as well, a purple blob hovering above his head. He tries not to react, but he can’t hold back a wince.

“I’ve called an ambulance. My son, I’m so sorry…”

He’s never seen his father cry, not even at his mother’s funeral. But tears are rolling down his chin and dripping onto Adrien’s face, and he doesn’t know how to feel.

Why? He tries to ask, but the words don’t make it out. His mouth is too dry. Their faces are blurring in and out of focus above him, and god, he’s so tired.

Gabriel’s jaw clenches, and he glances at Marinette. “The wish.”

She looks up, alarmed. Adrien’s hand slips off her cheek, but she keeps it firm in her grasp. She’s determined not to let go of him. “What?”

“We can use the miraculous to help him.”

No! Adrien tries to protest, but his strength is gone, so all that comes out is a groan. His eyes close, despite his best efforts. It’s taking all of his energy just to stay conscious, now.

Marinette squeezes his hand harder and is quiet for a moment. Adrien waits for the kwamis to shoot down the idea, but it doesn’t come. Then, softly, “Tikki, you said there’s a price when someone makes a wish. Do… do you know what it would be?”

Adrien can’t breathe. He can’t breathe.

“The universe needs to stay in balance. So, to save his life, the person who makes the wish would lose theirs.”

No. No!

The last thing he hears is Marinette telling him everything will be alright, and then his world goes dark.

#ml all left au #all left au #miraculous ladybug #ml #chat noir #adrien agreste #fanfiction #violence #blood #gore #trauma #my fanfiction

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ramblesanddragons · 5 years ago

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(I saw this comic by @sabertoothwalrus and I just had too. Side note: I love the way they draw Steven and Ford! When I watch all of Steven Universe I will write a thing proper but I just couldn’t help myself.)

“Stanley, can I have a word with you?”

Stan looked up at his twin and raised an eyebrow. Ford looked a little frazzled which was unusual for him. When ever Ford was surprised there was a wide eyed owlish look to him, but never frazzled. It was also odd that Ford was trying to talk to him at all. They weren’t exactly on talking terms.

“Yeah?”

“That young employee, Mr. Universe, where did you find him?”

“He kind of came to us really. Liked his moxie and hired him. Good kid. What about him?”

“He came to you? Gravity Falls’ law of weirdness magnetism strikes again I guess. Has he seemed...murdery to you at all?”

“N-No! What’s with you?”

“Mr. Universe, do you mind coming here?”

Steven entered with a smile. When he waved his hand Stan noticed the new sixth finger.

“Oh yeah. He can shape-shift.”

“You know about this?” Ford said exasperated.

“Yep. Did no one tell you he’s half alien?”

“... WHAT?”

Steven laughed and shook his hand getting rid of the extra finger.

“Yeah. Sorry Dr. Pines I thought Dipper and Mabel told you. I’m half gem.”

“Gem? As in the gem based aliens in dimension 534^su?”

“Maybe?” Steven shrugged apologetically. Stan rolled his eyes. Why would the kid know that junk? At Ford’s continued staring the kid pulled up his shirt and showed off the stone in his stomach.

“How are you here?”

“I drove here.”

Stan couldn’t help but chuckle as Ford pulled his hair slightly. After a deep breath Ford relaxed a bit. Why this was throwing his brother for a loop was beyond Stan.

“I apologize for my reaction. Would you mind if I maybe ask a few questions? I’ve run across Homeworld before in my travels.”

“Hey! No doing experiments on my employees!”

It would be just like his brother to take the kid and hook him up to God knows what.

“Stan I’m not going to experiment on the poor boy!”

“It’s okay Mr. Pines. If it’s okay Dr. Pines can I wait until I’m off for the day?”

“Of course. This will be splendid.” Ford’s attitude changed from frazzled to that dumb excited look he got on his face when challenged by a new anomaly.

“If you don’t mind before you go back to work what is your gem? I have some notes and I can get some prep work started.”

“Oh sure. It’s a pink diamond.” Steven waved to Stan again and exited his office. Stan went back to his paperwork, until he noticed that Ford was still there.

“Ford?”

“That boy...is pink diamond?”

“I mean I guess.”

“But..but...Stan you’ve hired one of the four rulers of a whole galactic empire...who’s also supposed to be dead!”

“...Neat.”

Stan smiled as he watched his twin flail again.

(When Ford talks to him Steven sets him straight about what has happened in gem history since he ran across them like 10 or something years ago. Ford apologizes again and recounts his troubles with shapeshifters.)

#gravity falls/steven universe #Summer Job Au #Mystery Gems #ficlet #Poor ford #My writing #Steven: Dr. Pines have you considered therapy?#Ford: No? Why?

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lizteah · 3 years ago

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Do you Promise?

Based off this heartbreaking post by @sabertoothwalrus

A/N: thank you to @obsessed-avacado for beta reading

Pairing: ladynoir?

Word Count: ~1k

TW: uhh angst, lots of it (lmk if you'd like me to tag something)

She sat on the rooftop with her legs dangling over the edge, the dark city landscape of Paris spread out in front of her. Despite the late hour, windows were lit up across the city, casting flickering shadows that showed the late night schedules of many citizens. Above her, the night sky was alight with thousands of stars, a minuscule glimpse into an infinite universe.

A quiet voice drew her attention away from the stars. “M’lady?” Next to her, Chat was unusually still, his feet hanging over the ledge and thighs pressed against hers ever so slightly.

“Yes, Chaton?” Ladybug responded, leaning back on her hands. Patrol today had been uneventful, as it often was in the evenings. It appeared as though even villains like Hawk Moth needed their beauty sleep. But despite the peaceful evening, Ladybug could sense that Chat was on edge.

To anyone who didn’t know him, nothing would have seemed out of the ordinary. But she knew her kitty well, and she could tell from his stiff posture and strange silence that something was wrong.

Chat’s tail twitched before he spoke again. “Are you still gonna take my miraculous if I tell you my identity?”

Ladybug sat up, turning her body so she could face him. “This again, Chat?” she demanded, frustration seeping into her voice.

She was tired, and stressed, and really needed Chat to stop with his demands about their identities. It hurt, not being able to share her civilian life with him, and she longed to be able to know who he was under the mask. But it was impossible, and as much as she hated to be the one to say it, she would. And she would keep saying it, if only so that she could continue her duties as superhero and keep her partner safe.

“Listen, I don’t like it either, but it’s still too dangerous to know each other’s identities! You have no idea what I’ve-”

“Ladybug.” He cut her off, the edge to his voice unfamiliar. “Do you promise?”

She gaped at him, thrown off by the question and the manner in which it was asked. She had never seen him so vulnerable, and the pain in his voice made her heart ache.

“... What?” she demanded, caught off-guard.

“Do you promise…” he began, but his voice caught and he had to take a second to collect himself. He was fiddling with the ring on his finger, twisting it again and again. When he continued, his voice was raw. “If I tell you my identity you’ll take away my miraculous?”

“I…” she started, before his words caught up to her and she understood exactly what he meant.

She couldn’t breathe as the reality of his words hit her, the blow to her chest harder than any hit from an akuma. Just like that, she felt a piece of her break, the pain so heavy it felt as though someone had taken a knife to her heart. The threat of tears lay heavy on her chest and made it hard to speak.

“Chaton,” she whispered, her face betraying her heartbreak. Never in a thousand years had she imagined her partner saying these words to her, and it felt as if her worst nightmare was coming to life in front of her very eyes.

His face mirrored hers, although he made no attempt to suppress the tears pooling in his green eyes and making them shine in the reflection of a nearby streetlight.

“I’m sorry, M’lady,” he said, his voice barely loud enough to be heard. “But I just can’t do this anymore, I can’t.”

“Chat,” Ladybug started, but he cut her off again.

“I can’t,” he repeated. “I can’t do this anymore. My father… Ladybug… My father is Hawkmoth. And I…” he broke down, bringing his hands up to cover his face as he sobbed.

Ladybug was crying too as she wrapped her arms around his shaking torso. She held onto him as tight as she could, hoping that if she held on tight and didn’t let go, she could keep his broken pieces from falling apart. His tail subconsciously wrapped around her waist, bringing her closer to his chest as he rested his head on her shoulder.

They stayed like that for minutes, or maybe hours; Ladybug didn’t know nor did she care. All she knew was that her partner, her soulmate, her other half, was falling apart in front of her. In that moment, she realized that she would do whatever it took to stay with him. And if that meant giving up her miraculous, so be it; she couldn’t be Ladybug without him by her side. Slowly, his tears subsided, and Ladybug untangled her arms from his body to reach up and rest a hand against his cheek. It lingered there as his tearstained eyes met hers, and in that moment, a thousand words were said without Ladybug ever opening her mouth. For a moment, he leaned into her touch, closing his eyes.

And then he shifted forward, moving his face closer to hers until their noses were touching.

Cautiously, Ladybug closed the gap, gently pressing her lips against his. It was brief, salty tears mixing with the taste of his lips before they broke apart. She reached her hand up to thread it through his hair, savoring the feel of it despite her gloved hands.

“Chaton,” she breathed, the plea in her voice as clear as the tremble in his hands. Slowly, he untangled himself from her, momentarily putting space between the two of them. He took a deep breath before twining his gloved fingers with hers. The look in his eyes broke her heart, and the supheroine had never felt more helpless. Because nothing she could say or do would sway him; her stubborn kitty had made up his mind and there was no going back from the knowledge he had learned. And tears traced their way down his cheeks as he opened his mouth to speak the three words that were both a beginning, and an end.

“Plagg, claws in.”

#miraculous ladybug #chat noir #ladybug #angst #the comic hit me like a punch to the gut and I couldn't stop thinking about it all day

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ultrakart · 4 years ago

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was gonna ask sabertoothwalrus, no dice, but! now i wonder about everyone's chinese names! i spent hours on mine (yes consult experts, it's SO difficult). i was going to ask if anthony has one. marinette's gotta. but adrien? for that matter, a nippon styled one: would he just go with phonetic kana, or did kagami (and he, maybe) plot out only the fanciest kanji (to stamp all over everything). curious what east asian tumblr thinks. oh i bet they'd add identity sides, huh

I’m sorry, what?

#asks

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caws5749 · 5 years ago

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Follow Forever

In celebration of 1.2k, I’m doing a follow forever! This is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but what better time than now to do it? Listed below are some blogs that I absolutely love and will follow until the end of time! (I’m sure i forgot to tag some people, I’m so sorry! I still love your blogs! I’m just dumb!)

***some aren’t linked bc you can only tag 50 people in one post!

++++++

Marvel Blogs:

@carolnats @startrekkingaroundasgard @forever-more-never-again @properweirdparker @dailywidow @blackwidowrelease @rebeliz777 @domromanoff @lesbian-deadpool @lesbian-dp @a-simple-imagine @lesbiansassemble @marvel-wlw @clintashaotp @incorrectlymcu @lauraderns @vormirjumper @ao3feed-stevenatasha @avengersgroupchat @secondsineternity @wokeupinawalnut @marvelsocialmedia @redspiderling @womenofmcu @natrogersfics @clintbartonruinedmylife @clintbarton-hawkeye @fyeahnatasharomanoff @ hopingforbarnes @5aftermidnight @lesbian-x-blackwidow @nat-blossom @romanoff-nataliaalianovna

Miscellaneous:

@authorspotlight @dankmemeuniversity @chilling-agents-of-deanoru @the-very-tired-gay @grandmascottlang @readyforthemoshpitshakabrah @docresa @tiredstarks @gay-of-all-gays @flawlessbeautyqueens @feministism @platonic-suggestions @ lesbianwoah @ cuteness—overload @ tipsyholmes @ thatsthat24 @ sabertoothwalrus @ shining-Rey-of-sunshine

Famous People:

@markruffalo @markiplier

My Baby’s:

@natthisback @carol-thirteen @empyreanwritings @cloversofshea

#follow forever #1.2k #madison speaks #my favorite #madisons favorites

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squidwithelbows · 6 years ago

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sorry if you’ve been asked this a lot but what are your brush settings (the crayon-y type like in your icon?)

It’s no problem at all, always feel free to ask! I switch up my brushes a lot, but rn I’m really into using sabertoothwalrus’s brush (here) and me-za-me-ro’s brush list (here). They’re both super nice!

#asks and answers #Anonymous

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yellowmagicalgirl · 6 years ago

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With the Distance Amplified Apology

Hey guys. Nearly a year ago I started a fic titled “With the Distance Amplified”. I’m sorry to everyone who was invested in this fic, and would like to thank everyone who supported me, especially @nebulousneko. However, I highly doubt that I will ever complete it. This is for multiple reasons. I don’t really ship Kidge anymore, and I don’t have much interest in Voltron as I used to.

However, instead of leaving you hanging I’m going to give you the outline for the rest of the chapters under the cut. If you would like to see a powerpoint version of this with a different array of details, then feel free to view this. In addition, should this pique your interest and make you want to write this fic or a similar one, then by all means do so. Please just give credit to both me and @sabertoothwalrus for the idea.

Chapter One: And Now the Silence Screams

Chapter Two: Light Years From You

Chapter Three (Partial Chapter can be found here)

The prisoners reveal that Keith was kept in an isolation cell, and imply that there’s something wrong with them. However, there is the chance that this is due to mistrust of them for being mixed species. According to the pod readout, they were low on blood and had an ankle injury that was about 20 months old.

Katie is alone in a prisoner cell, and is tense. She regrets growing out her hair, since it had been a liability for her in the arena, and she doesn’t know what will be done to her.

The paladins train, and then listen to the rest of her recording. Katie states that she is at fault for the fate of the Kerberos mission, surprising everyone because she never seemed to indicate this before. However, this is only after she indicates a sense of worry that Keith being half Galra would have anything to do with this.

Chapter Four

Keith wakes up, and is immediately terrified, especially of Allura and Coran. Shiro is able to calm him down, and they are more visibly calm when not around Alteans or any medical scents. This is due to having experienced medical torture and also that the Druids are Altean.

Keith tells Shiro of their rescue. Katie came to their cell, and when they tried to admit that they were half Galra she asked them how long they had known. She had been relieved to learn that they didn’t know about this until after Kerberos, and then asked if they would be able to stop to rescue the rest of the prisoners. A large amount of said prisoners turned on them, slowing the group down and further injuring Keith. Katie begged for the Black Lion to come to her. The druids caught up, and Katie sacrificed herself while giving them her helmet.

Shiro then asks them what Katie meant when she said the Kerberos Mission was her fault. Keith is horrified but doesn’t know what she means. They also reveal that they thought it had been their fault. They are adamant about this being due to them being unable to fly Katie and Sam to safety and is not a result of their species.

Haggar prepared a special concoction of Quintessence for use on the Champion.

Chapter Five

A robeast attacks. Keith is revealed to have a connection to this particular line of robeasts. The robeasts have the ability to manipulate Quintessence, and so does Keith. Keith is able to turn the tide of the battle, but is in severe battle as they do so.

Katie was not the robeast that was sent after Voltron. Rather, the Quintessence that Haggar attempted to use on her was Zarkon’s Quintessence.

Zarkon is revealed to have attempted to take over Katie’s body, which is why the Black Lion sent her to the Astral Plane. She is now immune to it.

However, she is not immune to Haggar controlling her using her prosthetic leg. Haggar mentions that Katie was foolish to not take out the control mechanisms nor the bomb embedded in there. However, Katie also didn’t let the others look at the innards of her prosthetic much.

Chapter Six

Keith, Coran, and the paladins are helping out at a planet when a miniature robeast coffin touches down. This coffin doesn’t have a robeast, but rather Katie. She carries a sword, and has sheared off a large amount of her hair with it.

Katie believes that she’s in the Arena, but the paladins reach out to her via the Astral Plane. They convince her that what she’s seeing isn’t real, and she’s able to break through Haggar’s control.

Katie has just enough time to warn them about the bomb in her leg and attempt to shield them from it when it goes off.

Keith and Allura are able to stabilize her via Quintessence.

Chapter Seven

The pods can’t regrow limbs, and Katie is missing her prosthetic. In addition, there was severe nerve damage to her other leg that the pod couldn’t heal. Coran explains to her that it’ll be a relatively long time before she can walk again, and gives her the Altean equivalent of a wheelchair.

There is some tension between Katie and the rest of the Paladins, especially Katie and Shiro. However, they’re mostly just happy to see her.

Keith and Katie talk about their relationship. Katie reveals that she has been feeling guilty about not picking up evidence of the Galra on her scanners, even though they have FTL travel and thus she wouldn’t have been able to have picked up a signal. They’re eventually able to come to a consensus that what happened on Kerberos wasn’t either of their faults, even though that strips them of autonomy over their situation.

Epilogue

The paladins minus Katie take Green to do some spy work. This is at least a couple weeks after she lost her prosthetic.

The paladins get caught and both Hunk and Matt are knocked out. Due to this, they won’t be able to fly back.

Katie, for the first time since she got back to the Castle of the Lions, goes to the Black Lion’s hangar. She asks Black not to leave her stranded again, and teleports three times. First to the paladins, and there is some tension with Shiro over who flies the lion. Second is to the Green Lion, and then finally she teleports back to the Castle.

Katie is able to leave the Black Lion without being stranded on the Astral Plane again, for which she is thankful.

In addition, I also had an sequel planned out titled “Take My Hand”, which was my personal solution to Shiro being disabled in the canon but not in “With the Distance Amplified”. It takes place several months after “With the Distance Amplified” , in which Katie has been able to gain a new prosthetic and also access her Bayard. In the first chapter the team attempts to free Shiro from some rubble he was trapped under, only to find out that he lost his right arm in the process. In the second chapter, Shiro adjusts to only having one hand. He’s finally able to resolve some of his issues with Katie over co-leadership, mainly because she asks him to talk to her not as a co-leader, commanding officer, or rival for the Black Lion, but rather as a fellow amputee.

I don’t see the sequel being written either. Again, I would like to thank all of my readers, and apologize to them for not finishing this fic.

#katie holt #black paladin!pidge #voltron legendary defender #green paladin!matt #green paladin!hunk #pidge gunderson #kidge #shiro #keith kogane #galra keith #haggar #my writing #don't stop; march on #except i did stop #with the distance amplified

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playablekairi · 2 years ago

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I posted 3,501 times in 2022

That's 45 more posts than 2021!

3 posts created (0%)

3,498 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dying-offeels

@dingdongyouarewrong

@ourflagmeanslgbtqia

@sabertoothwalrus

@merryaqua

I tagged 2,951 of my posts in 2022

Only 16% of my posts had no tags

#kh - 678 posts

#ofmd - 575 posts

#m - 148 posts

#gay stuff - 139 posts

#destiny babs - 137 posts

#fic - 123 posts

#soriku - 120 posts

#figure skating - 102 posts

#blorbocore - 96 posts

#son boy allowed - 94 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i’m trying to be normal about this but all my brain is screaming is shit like ‘i’m shedding my skin and eating it’ like i’m unhinged by this

My Top Posts in 2022:

2, 8, 4, and 20!

aaaah thank you!!! i had to take some time to answer these because i’ve been busy and i wanted to take it seriously lol. these are gonna focus on skating au because it’s taken over my life 😂

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

i’m hoping to make skating au kind of a mixed media/epistolary sort of fic, which is a style i have always really loved and wished to one day do. i’ve been writing out transcripts of event commentary, making fake tweets/kingstagram posts, coming up with news articles and i want them to be kind of naturally woven through the story…. we’ll see if i can pull it off, but i’m gonna try my best!

8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?

basically, yeah. there was a niche in what i wanted to read and i filled it. i always hope that other people like my work and that it makes them feel something, but honestly i’m just doing this for me 😅

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

i suppose it’s two paragraphs, sorry, but i’m really satisfied with this exchange from sometime near the peak of the intense mutual pining era of skating au. the context is that they’re in practice and their program’s ending pose is borrowed from tessa virtue and scott moir’s umbrellas of cherbourg free dance (skip to 6:30). i'm just a big fan of writing ridiculous flirting, lol.

“Get any closer and you risk picking up some of my lipstick,” she says, willing her voice not to waver. The unspoken “Get any closer and it’s a real kiss,” hangs thick in the air around them.

“What, you don’t think it’s my colour?” Riku teases, and the part of Kairi that believes too hard in love stories half-expects his eyes to dart down to her mouth, but instead they stay fixed on hers, as if daring her to do something about it.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

i could go on until my voice is hoarse about how much fun i’ve had doing research for the costumes, music, and choreography i’ve selected for different skating programs, but i think i’m most proud of the oathkeeper and oblivion programs. they are such important parts of kh canon, fan favourite keyblades, and they both are irrefutably connected to riku and kairi, so i knew i had to include them somehow. it was literally one of the very first things i decided when i started developing this au the month after kh3 came out. i’m still deciding between a few options for riku’s costumes, but i have kairi’s dresses picked out and the music they skate to (oblivion and oathkeeper).

See the full post

3 notes - Posted February 17, 2022

Lmao since I’m already fairly sure of your answers for Kingdom Hearts, answer the questions for Miraculous Ladybug.

LOL and here i was getting my kh answers all ready to go 😂

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most): i don't know if i really have a blorbo? i really enjoy ml but i'm not like that invested it's like the fandom equivalent of junk food? i love marinette and adrien? they're the blorbos?

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped): adrien is baby and i have the adoption papers already filled out. minou.

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave): marinette's parents. yes the fandom appreciates them, but it's not enough

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week): yeah this one is the hardest lol. maybe emilie i get really excited about finally learning more about her

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave): i think legally the answer to this has to be plagg because he IS the poor little meow meow

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason): you know i really think there's opportunity in canon to just torment the hell out of luka, as the only person who knows their secret identities and one with access to time loop powers. he's sweet. break him.

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell): i know gabriel is the easy answer but as somebody who finds the "rude blonde girl bully" trope absolutely wretched and overdone i don't really care about chloe getting a redemption arc i just don't want to see her

6 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

i make a pair of dolls every year for rikai day shh ignore last year i was busy and since twitter is imploding i guess i ought to start posting shit here too

47 notes - Posted November 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#LOL i simply do not make original posts sorry not sorry

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loopalooploop · 2 years ago

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I posted 1,730 times in 2022

That's 460 more posts than 2021!

12 posts created (1%)

1,718 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

blenblon

sabertoothwalrus

meiloorun-notthefruit

25-worms-in-a-trenchcoat

plounce

I tagged 1,000 of my posts in 2022

Only 42% of my posts had no tags

#princess tutu - 305 posts

#vid - 106 posts

#spy x family - 43 posts

#mp100 - 41 posts

#sonic and friends - 32 posts

#kingdom hearts - 31 posts

#rose of versailles - 21 posts

#miraculous ladybug - 18 posts

#insp - 14 posts

#witch hat atelier - 11 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#street pass let you see all the people around you who were also sharing the same experience of walking their 3ds and all benefited from it

My Top Posts in 2022:

Me when I hear a song from Princess Tutu in a different context

51 notes - Posted January 29, 2022

Me this week

77 notes - Posted September 25, 2022

Ladybug: I’m sorry Chat Noir, I didn’t realize how sad you were about all of this!

ShadowMoth listening though Kuro Neko: I COULD HAVE AKUMATIZED CHAT NOIR INSTEAD!?

81 notes - Posted January 26, 2022

179 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I started this project in June and I’m finally done! So for the 20th anniversary (late I know lol) I present my own Princess Tutu doll!

210 notes - Posted August 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Its been a very princess tutu year

0 notes

skeksismars · 2 years ago

Text

Ho postato 3.240 volte nel 2022

Sono 1.914 post in più del 2021!

139 post creati (4%)

3.101 post rebloggati (96%)

Blog che ho rebloggato di più:

@sabertoothwalrus

@whatisthisnonsense

@sniperhasthebooty

@modmad

Ho taggato 699 dei miei post nel 2022

#homestuck - 62 post

#the dark crystal - 55 post

#dracula daily - 30 post

#the dark crystal age of resistance - 29 post

#equius zahhak - 23 post

#skeksis - 21 post

#nepeta leijon - 16 post

#miraculous ladybug - 16 post

#john egbert - 15 post

#mars'art - 13 post

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#i loooove the fashion in kemono jihen but shiki's sister dresses...in a weird manner and kabane is 50% of the time naked and iyo's mother

I miei post migliori nel 2022:

I saw this prompt on @corvinearcher 's blog and I thought I'd try it!

Sorry for poor quality, I was in a rush :p

85 note - Postate 24 settembre 2022

“I sometimes stumble, during my daily tours of the Castle, on the Scientist, murmuring within himself of a new project or a way to impress our wise Emperor. Oftentimes I’m not the only one listening in, as the Chamberlain is always close by, as rats often do, ready to take advantage of any useful information the Scientist might procure him. If I was any bit like my friend the Catacombs Keeper I would reprimand that rat, but I lack the will and the political power to do so. SkekNyx takes care of it anyway, she’s very protective over her associates.”

-SkekPik the Court Painter

116 note - Postate 15 luglio 2022

To all of you who said "Van Helsing was so stupid to not have said anything to the others, everything that happened to Lucy was his fault for not telling the others about vampires". Here you have it. Now apologize

124 note - Postate 28 settembre 2022

Netflix's The Sandman, more like Who Will The Corinthian Have Gay Sex With Next

411 note - Postate 5 agosto 2022

Il mio post numero 1 del 2022

"I do tend to regard myself as a feminist writer"

Burn in hell you piece of shit 🤪

462 note - Postate 19 agosto 2022

Guarda ora l'Analisi del tuo anno 2022 di Tumblr →

#tumblr2022 #bilancio annuale #Il mio bilancio dell'anno 2022 #Il tuo bilancio annuale #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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carpisuns · 4 years ago

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Do you have any art tips? Also, What platform do you use for your art?

ngl, i feel kind of silly giving art tips because i really don't know anything lol and my skills are still very Underdeveloped. but here is what I've found most helpful as I've been trying to improve. (these are more general tips rather than specific technical tips—hope that's ok!)

Oh and I use photoshop and a Wacom intuous tablet :)

Use references! I look at references with pretty much every single thing I ever draw lol I’m incapable of drawing purely from my imagination 😭 but using refs is good practice anyway. Sometimes I draw things based on a single reference but often I end up using multiple references for one drawing.

Study art that you like. This has been huge for me! I’m constantly staring at other people's art both out of admiration and for education haha. When I discover an artist whose style i really vibe with, I like to try to break it down and pinpoint exactly what I love about their art and what their strengths are so I can maybe try to incorporate it into my own art. A few of the ones I've probably studied the most are @bugaboo-n-bananoir @anna-scribbles @jooitshere @shishitsunari @celerydays @picayunearts @leviaana @masilvi @buggachat @ladyblargh @yunyin @sabertoothwalrus — all super skilled and talented and i learn a ton just from enjoying their art!

Draw what you want to draw. I don't often draw things just for practice—I draw things because I feel like it. So instead of saying, "Man, I have to practice drawing X thing until I'm really good at it, and then I can finally draw the idea I have," I say, "Okay, I want to draw this thing and it's kind of out of my comfort zone and I don't know how to draw it but I'm going to try to figure it out and learn as I go." This might seem kind of backwards so hopefully it's not terrible advice lol but I've personally found it to be a helpful approach. Drawing purely for practice will definitely help you improve and is probably the method recommended by 9/10 dentists, but I am the 10th dentist who says, "nah i'm just gonna do what i want" alsfkdafj. My skills are limited but I don't want that to stop me from trying stuff, and it's in the trying that I improve. Basically, all the drawings I post are my "practice drawings." Because almost everything I've posted (unless it's like a headshot at a 3/4 angle asdlkfjasjf) was out of my comfort zone a bit and I was not confident i could pull it off but I just tried and worked at it until I thought it looked ok lol

Don’t worry too much about “style.” I feel like a lot of artists (including me) overfocus on finding/developing a consistent art style, but I think it’s better to just draw lots and build your skills and have fun! Your art style will come through naturally as you do that. Also, there’s nothing wrong with variety. Not all your stuff will look the same, and that's okay. And chances are that your style looks more consistent to other people than it does to you. Even if your drawings look different, they’ll all still have your fingerprints on it and feel like you :)

Give yourself credit for the things you create. It's so, so hard not to compare and get discouraged. Everyone suffers from art envy and gets frustrated with themselves—I definitely do—but it's really important to be patience with yourself. Growth is not a linear journey. There will be ups and downs, and that's okay. I probably get the most frustrated with myself for struggling with anatomy/full-body drawings and for taking a million years on every simple-looking drawing lol. But it's helpful to compare my current work/skills with my past work/skills. When I feel like I'm improving at a snail's pace or not at all, it's nice to be able to look back at my older stuff and see that yeah, I still have a long way to go, but I've also come a long way, and I'm capable of going even further. There is a huge gap between where I am and where I'd like to be someday, but I'm working on being inspired by that gap rather than intimidated by it.

Sorry this turned out so long,,, im a huge rambler lol. but I hope this is helpful. best of luck and happy drawing!! 🤠💜

#anon #ask #art tips #positivity

596 notes · View notes

inevitableconfusion · 3 years ago

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Thank you all so much for your response to part one - it’s been incredible!! This turned into an actual beast (I’m talking like 10 pages in microsoft word for just this part) so I have to split it up again. The final chapter will be up by the end of the week! We’re gonna end this thing on a happy note, you guys!!

All Left AU - fanfiction | part one | part two (here) | part three Creator of the au: @sabertoothwalrus (Here’s the post that started it all - cw: blood, gore)

Read on ao3

He wakes up on a Tuesday.

It starts out slowly, like waking up from a deep sleep that keeps trying to pull him back in. There are voices, quiet and calm, from somewhere near his feet. There’s a rhythmic beeping off to his left. Something tickles his nose, and it takes him a second to realize there’s a tube on his face. Beyond the tube, he smells antiseptic and soap, and recognition slowly sets in.

A hospital. He’s in a hospital. He takes a big breath, and lets out a groan.

A chair scrapes against the floor and footsteps hurry across the room. There’s a gentle hand on his cheek. “Adrien?”

His eyelids are heavy, but he manages to blink his eyes open, squinting against the fluorescent light. His sight is fuzzy at first, but there’s a familiar blue gaze above him, and everything starts coming back to him all at once. The fight. Hawkmoth. The wish.

“Ma-” he breaks into a coughing fit, voice scratchy and dry from disuse. Sabine appears with a glass of water and they help him sit up, tipping the rim gently against his lips. The water is cold and soothing, and he takes several long, grateful gulps until the glass is empty.

Before he can try to speak again, Tom comes back into the room with the doctor. “Mister Agreste, glad to see you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” he croaks and clears his throat. “How long was I out?”

“About a week.” He jolts. A week? “Miss Dupain-Cheng, could you please step into the hallway? I need to ask him a few questions while he’s awake.”

Marinette seems to hesitate, but the doctor reassures her that it will only be a few minutes, and she eventually nods before turning back to him. “I’ll be right outside, okay? As soon as he’s done, I’ll be back.”

“Okay,” he whispers. Her eyebrows scrunch up a bit and she hesitates again, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. He squeezes back, and she turns and follows her parents out of the room. Everything feels a little colder as soon as she’s gone.

The doctor pulls over a laptop stand and slips some reading glasses over his nose. “Are you feeling any pain, Mr. Agreste?”

“No.” He doesn’t feel anything, actually. He looks down at his lap, where his left hand is fiddling with the hospital blanket, an IV taped against his wrist and an oxygen monitor clamped on his finger. He can see thick white bandages in the corner of his eye, peeking out from under the sleeve hanging off his right shoulder. “Just… a little sore.”

“That’s okay,” the doctor says, “soreness is to be expected. But if you start feeling lots of pain, tell me or the nurses and we can give you a stronger medication.” He pauses, taking his glasses off and looking Adrien in the eye for the first time since he entered the room. His expression is solemn and his voice is quiet, almost apologetic. “We tried our best to save your arm, but the damage was too extensive. The bone had been crushed in a couple of different areas and some of the nerves and blood vessels were pretty badly frayed –”

The words fade into the background as his mind flashes back to that day with excruciating clarity. The musty smell of the lair. His mother in a glass coffin. Hawkmoth charging at him with terrifying speed. Pain and more blood than he’s ever seen before, screaming, a flash of light as he de-transformed, his arm –

The doctor’s hand on his shin snaps him back to reality. The beeping of the heart monitor has picked up noticeably, so he closes his eyes and takes deep, shaky breaths until it slows down to a more acceptable pace. “Mr. Agreste, are you alright?”

He winces at the name. “Please, call me Adrien.” There’s a stinging behind his eyes and he can’t bring himself to look at the doctor, instead choosing to stare off to the side.

After a pause, the doctor slowly straightens back up. “I… I apologize, Adrien. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He doesn’t say anything in response; the sound of typing fills the room. A few inconsequential questions later, and the doctor leaves as quickly as he came in.

Marinette walks in as soon as the doctor is gone, just as she promised, nervously fiddling with something in her hands. She takes a seat on the edge of the bed, bites her lip for a second, and then holds out her hand to him. He takes a sharp breath. The silver ring shines beautifully even in the cold light of the hospital room. He can feel it calling out to his soul, an invisible siren song pulling him forward.

“I wanted to make sure you got this back. If… if you want it.”

He reaches out tentatively. The metal is surprisingly warm, cradled safely in the palm of her hand. He blinks back tears, curling his fingers around the miraculous. “Thank you, Marinette.”

She lets out the breath she was holding. “Here, I’ll…” she trails off, gently grabbing his hand so she can slip the ring on his finger. Her hands are shaking. Even after the ring is in place, her touch lingers, clearly lost in thought. It must be a painful memory for her, too.

He threads his fingers between hers and squeezes their palms together. Thank you. She offers a small, sad smile and squeezes back before letting go. Everything feels a little more right in the world.

She reaches up and touches her earring. “Plagg and Tikki… all of the kwamis have been dormant since… for the past two weeks. I don’t think they’re gone forever, but I don’t know when…”

She trails off and he frowns, his thumb tracing the underside of the silver band. Plagg is gone. Maybe not forever, but probably for a while, at least. He didn’t even get to say goodbye.

He curls his hand into a fist. “And… and fa – Hawkmoth?”

She takes a moment to speak, as if trying to figure out how to answer him. “He… he’s in a coma. Here in the hospital.” Another beat of silence. “Do you want to see hi-”

“No,” he cuts her off. He doesn’t want to see that man. He doesn’t want to see him ever again.

Marinette doesn’t say anything in response, but he knows she understands. Of all people, she would understand. She gently touches his hand, uncurling his fist into something looser, and he relaxes. He’s always found comfort in her touch – from both sides of her. Marinette. Ladybug. Two of the most important people in his life, now one.

“How many people know about our identities now?”

She frowns, and he notices for the first time just how exhausted she looks. Like she hasn’t slept the entire week since the fight. “Everyone.”

“What?” His stomach drops. Everyone?

“The… when the ambulance came, so did the police.” Her voice is thick and she grips his hand tighter. “I guess your father confessed when he called, because they knew, somehow. They just – they saw me, and then they saw you, and I didn’t – I couldn’t –” A tear slips down her cheek, but she blinks quickly and wipes it away. “And then the media caught wind, and it was just… chaos.” She closes her eyes, her voice a broken whisper. “There were so many people.”

Everyone. They all know who he is. Who they are. They all know what happened. He doesn’t know what to do, what to say. He feels so lost. But then, he feels the weight of the ring on his finger – solid, smooth, and real. She gave it back to him. And she still has her earrings.

That… that has to mean something, right?

He looks at her carefully. “So, what do we do?”

She sniffles and opens her eyes. Her expression is firm. Steady. Determined. And even through the tears, it’s just so Ladybug. “We face it, together.”

Adrien’s heart stutters. Together. He lifts his hand to cup her face, his thumb brushing over the soft skin under her eye. He swallows the lump in his throat. “For the record, I’m really glad it’s you.”

Her brows scrunch up and she takes a shaky breath. She lifts a hand to cover his, pressing it against her cheek. “I’m glad it’s you, too.”

He gives her a watery smile, feeling his own tears well up. “It’s you and me against the world, m’lady.”

“Always,” she whispers.

He feels his face crumble as everything comes crashing down. She throws her arms around him, pulling him closer, hugging him tighter, until there’s no space between them. He buries his face in the crook of her neck, finally letting out all of the emotions he’s been holding back.

He’s alive. She’s alive. They made it.

His father dies on a Thursday.

It doesn’t really come as a shock; he’s been waiting for the news since he first woke up two days ago. The doctors have been doing everything they can to keep him alive, but Adrien knew that nothing would help in the end. The wish saved his life, so it would take his father’s. The universe has to balance out, and nothing can change that.

What does come as a shock is information that he’s given directly after.

His head shoots up, eyes wide. “Nathalie is missing?” He hadn’t even thought to ask about Nathalie, given everything that’s been going on.

Officer Raincomprix pauses, then slowly closes his notepad. “We… have reason to believe that Miss Sancouer was working with Hawkmoth, under the name ‘Mayura’.”

“What?!” Marinette shrieks, leaping to her feet so quickly that her chair knocks over. “Why are we just being told this now?”

The officer holds up his hands in a placating gesture. “I’m sorry, but since you can’t turn into Ladybug and Chat Noir right now, we could not risk having you try to go after her. It seems Ms. Sancoeur has fled the country, but we are doing everything we can to track her down and bring her back. Justice will prevail in the end!”

“She has a miraculous! We don’t know when they’re going to become active again, so the fact that she’s still out there means she’s still dangerous! And now that she knows our identities, don’t you think she’s going to come after us first?”

“Not to worry. By then, we’ll either have her locked up, or you’ll be Ladybug again. Either way, it wouldn’t be smart for her to try anything.”

“I am still Ladybug. And you have a duty to-”

“Wait!” Adrien shouts, interrupting them both. There’s a strange mix of cold emptiness and white-hot rage boiling up inside him. He feels his body shaking. “Wait. Did Gorilla know about this, too?”

Officer Raincomprix’s eyebrows furrow. “Who?”

“The Gorilla! My bodyguard!”

“Oh. No, he has been cleared of all involvement and released.”

Adrien rubs his eyes and then pinches the bridge of his nose, doing his best to hold off the sudden, unwelcome tears building up. “Okay. So, two out of the three people living in my house were secretly trying to hurt me for years. Got it. Cool.”

“Ad-”

“I need a moment,” he snaps, and then sighs and softens his tone. “Please.”

They are quiet for a few seconds, and the policeman offers his thanks for their time before leaving, closing the door with a soft click. Adrien still has his eyes closed, but he can feel Marinette’s concerned gaze on him.

“Are you okay?”

His shoulders sag, feeling heavier and heavier as the day goes on. He leans back against the pillows on his bed and stares at the ceiling. He doesn’t feel like crying anymore, he just feels tired. “It’s… a lot to take in.” He rolls his head to the side and gives her an apologetic look.

Sometimes he’s thankful that she can read him so well. She offers a gentle smile and grabs his hand, giving it a light squeeze. “I’m gonna head home a little early today. See if you can get some rest before your therapy session, alright? I’m only a text away.”

She starts to pull away, but before she can get too far, he tugs her hand closer and kisses her knuckles. Thank you.

She stares for a bit too long, and he realizes belatedly that that was a very Chat Noir thing to do. Warmth crawls up his neck and over his cheeks, but there’s a fondness on her face that he’s not used to seeing. “See you tomorrow, kitty.”

Silence fills the room after she leaves, and it would be enough to drive him crazy if he had the energy to think. Instead, he lies back and closes his eyes.

Father is dead.

He wakes up in a cold sweat. Just as quickly as the thought comes, the memory of whatever nightmare he was having fades into nothing. He’s not sure how long he managed to sleep. A few minutes? A few hours?

A gentle knock on the door tells him it was the latter. It’s time for his therapy session. He’s not ready. He��s never ready.

The physical therapy they’ve been having him do every day has been tough. His muscles are sore from a week of being unconscious, and his right shoulder hurts with even the barest movement. He has to re-learn how to do everything with only one arm – going to the bathroom, carrying large items, writing with his non-dominant hand. Even the once-simple act of tying his shoes or buttoning a shirt has left him in frustrated tears a few times.

Yet, the emotional therapy is so much harder. It’s difficult to turn his jumble of thoughts into words, much less coherent ideas that he can then dissect and analyze. And every time the counselor tries to bring up his father, he completely shuts down. Progress is slow and mentally taxing, and tonight is no different.

He finishes his dinner in a daze and Louise – one of his nurses – comes in. She sets his empty plate to the side and starts unwrapping the bandages on his arm to check on the stitches. She tries to make small-talk, but Adrien only answers half-heartedly, and eventually the conversation peters out. He feels a little bad; she’s a very kind lady, but he just doesn’t have the energy to talk. All he wants to do now is sleep.

After re-wrapping the bandages, Louise pulls an envelope out of the pocket of her scrubs and wordlessly hands it to him. He takes it, tossing her a questioning glance. “It’s a get-well-soon letter.” She picks up the dinner tray and gives him a small smile. “We thought it might make you feel better.”

She walks out of the room and he stares down at the letter, debating with himself. The exhaustion wins out in the end and he sighs, setting the unopened letter on the bedside table. He’ll get to it tomorrow.

The funeral is on a Friday.

His Aunt Amelie has insisted on have at least a bare-bones ceremony, because even though no one wants to honor the man who’d terrorized Paris for the past three years, she still wants the people close to him to have the opportunity to say their proper goodbyes. And by people, she means him.

Adrien doesn’t want to go, but his counselor thinks it could be cathartic, an opportunity to get everything off his chest. The hospital releases him an hour before the funeral starts, and even in death, he realizes he’s still stuck under his father’s thumb.

When he walks into the lobby, Gorilla is sitting by the door, and he feels a flood of relief. The man stands as soon as he spots Adrien, and his stoic face melts into something softer before engulfing him in a hug.

Gorilla isn’t officially his bodyguard anymore. He isn’t being paid; he has no obligation to be here. He has the right to uproot his life and start fresh somewhere new. Adrien wouldn’t blame him if he did. And yet, here he is.

It… it means a lot.

They step out of the doors together and are immediately swarmed by the paparazzi, the sound of inaudibly shouted questions and incessant camera shutters filling the air. Thankfully, Gorilla manages to mostly block his body from view, and they’re in the car just a few steps later.

The funeral itself is nothing to marvel at. A small church that he’s never set foot in, a simple urn, a wreath of flowers next to a picture of his father. It’s the only photo he’s ever seen with his father smiling; a family portrait from when he was a child. A happy, loving family that’s long since disappeared. The pews are almost empty, since very few people were allowed to attend. Not that many wanted to attend, anyway. He sits alone at the back, eyes scanning over the rest of the guests as the organ music drones on and on. The priest is kneeling off to the side, dutifully entranced in prayer. His aunt and cousin are in the second row; Andre and Audrey Bourgeois in the middle section; Roger Raincomprix and Gorilla standing guard at the doors. And that’s it. The only people in the world who cared about his father, all gathered in one room. Not a teardrop in sight.

He slouches in his seat, very aware of how much he does not want to be here. But someone sits down next to him, and he jumps. There, wearing a simple black dress, blonde hair in a sleek updo, looking like she’s halfway to tears, is Chloe Bourgeois.

“Chloe?” he whispers, unable to hide his shock at her presence. He hasn’t seen Chloe in… months. At least three or four months, probably. Not since he’d confronted her about her increasingly cruel behavior, and she’d subsequently cut him out of her life.

But here she is, eyes locked on the dangling sleeve of his suit jacket. Without a word, she reaches out and touches the sleeve, slowly closing her hand around it, as if afraid to see if it was truly empty. It is empty, of course. The realization seems to hit her hard, and she clasps her other hand to her mouth to muffle a gasp. She looks up at him, mascara already starting to run down her cheeks. “Adrien, I’m so sorry.”

It’s a little weird. Chloe’s become almost a caricature of herself over the years, really leaning into her mean-girl attitude, especially after cutting Adrien out. So, it’s strange to see her be so… vulnerable now. The way she’s looking at him, it reminds him of the girl he used to know growing up; the girl who shared her teddy bear when he cried, who played with him when he was lonely, who always stood up for him whenever his father was angry. Something like hope sparks in his chest, seeing her now. Maybe, just maybe, his friend isn’t totally gone after all. Maybe she just needs a friend, too. Someone to pull the old her out of this new shell.

He feels the corner of his mouth lift a little. “I lost an arm, Chloe. I didn’t die.” She wipes away her tears, taking a moment to compose herself. “I thought you hated my father?”

“I didn’t come here for him,” she scoffs. “I came here to support you, Adrikins.”

That’s… actually touching. A small, fond smile tugs at his lips. “Thanks, Chlo. It means a lot that you’re here.”

She faces the front and rests her head on his shoulder – a brief, silent show of solidarity. He rests his head against hers in response, and when the organ music cuts out, they both sit up straight. The priest walks to the front and begins the service with a solemn “Thank you all for coming,” and Adrien has to fight not to scowl. He wouldn’t have come if he’d had the choice.

Marinette plops down at his other side, slightly out of breath. “Sorry I’m late, the police almost didn’t let me in.”

He ducks his head closer to her, feeling significantly more at-ease. “That’s okay. I’m glad you made it.”

She takes his hand and gives it a squeeze. But she stiffens when her eyes lock onto something over his shoulder, and he realizes with some apprehension that she’s caught sight of Chloe. The two girls are staring each other down, and the air that hangs between them is so thick that he’s almost choking on it. But the tension breaks when Chloe gives her a curt nod, and Marinette nods back in some sort of weird understanding, and they face the front again.

The sermon is as short and to-the-point as it can be, but it still feels like it drags on. Marinette holds his hand the entire time, and it’s the only thing that keeps him from disassociating. When the priest asks if anyone would like to come up and say a few words, Adrien stays silent.

Afterward, as people are leaving, the priest offers the urn to him. He tries to refuse, but Aunt Amelie suggests that he take the urn to the mansion and spread his father’s ashes in the garden, next to the statue of his mother. And well… it’s as good an idea as any.

The ride to the mansion is silent. It’s just him and Gorilla now, and his bodyguard was never much of a talker. Not that he feels like talking, anyway. Adrien looks down at the urn resting in his lap, and frowns. He can’t remember the last time he was this close to his father, aside from that day. He can’t even remember the last time his father had hugged him. And here he is, cradling his ashes gingerly, as if he – as if he cares.

Gorilla stays in the car while he steps out, choosing to walk around the exterior to get to the garden. He doesn’t dare step foot inside the mansion. The last time he was here… well, it wasn’t a good memory. He didn’t have a lot of good memories here, actually. At least not after his mother died.

And his mother wasn’t really gone, it turns out. She had been in the basement for years, frozen in some sort of awful cryo-sleep. She was always there, waiting in limbo; while father was torturing him, and his friends, and all of Paris; while his house – the place where he was supposed to feel safest – became a prison; while his only remaining parent cut his arm off… all in the name of bringing her back.

Adrien sets the urn on the grass and takes off the lid. It really is a beautiful urn. It’s a shame it holds such an evil man.

He picks up the urn with only a little difficulty and starts spreading the ashes as best as he can, taking care to keep them close to his mother’s statue so it won’t harm the other plants. Now – now he can be with his wife for eternity. It’s what he wanted, isn’t it? Never mind his son, never mind that he still had family – all that mattered was bringing his wife back from the dead.

All of the love Adrien had for his father, all this time… it was all one-sided. It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. The empty urn drops onto the grass with a dull thud.

He’d done everything his father had asked. For years, he’d done everything – things he didn’t want to do – piano, fencing, Chinese lessons, homeschooling, modeling, all of it. He was left to grieve his mother alone, he was isolated in his home, he was kept from having friends and seeing other family; all while working sun up to sun down, until he was exhausted to the bone, and even then being pushed to do more. And despite it all, he tried his best to be the perfect well-behaved son that his father expected him to be. He – he’d tried so hard just to get a little praise, a little attention, a little love, but he never did.

His father had been so blinded by his goal of resurrecting his wife, that he failed to realize that he still had a son. He had his son, right there, hurting and in need of a father when it mattered most. And he hurt him further. Adrien wanted love, and all he ever got was pain, pain, pain.

No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, it was never enough. He was never enough.

He doesn’t even realize he’s crying until the tears drip onto his hand. He wipes roughly at his cheeks, but they just keep coming. He’s crying – why is he crying over this? Over this person, this person who caused him so much anguish? This person who was supposed to love him?

He feels stupid for crying. He feels angry.

Why?

The question he wanted to ask his father as he slipped out of consciousness. The question he will never truly know the answer to.

Why?

A wave of grief crashes over him, knocking him to his knees. He curls in on himself, ribs pressing into his legs so hard that he can barely breathe.

Why?

Because despite it all, despite everything, he couldn’t hate his father. He wanted to, god, he wanted to. He wanted to be able to move on, to carve out all memory of him and live the rest of his life in peace, to say he hated the man who had cut off his arm and ruined his life. Yet, he can’t. He can’t erase the memories of playing in the garden with his mother and father, laughing in the sunshine, his father smiling like he didn’t have a care in the world. He can’t shake off the ghost of his father’s arms, circling him in a hug when he got home from his first day at school. He can’t unsee the panic, the regret, the tears dripping from his father’s face after he de-transformed. His father was the only family he had left. Adrien had loved him so much, so unconditionally, for so long, that he – he didn’t know how to hate him.

Why didn’t you love me back?

Strong arms pull him off the ground and into a hug, and it just makes him cry harder. It’s like everything he’s been holding back, everything he’s been refusing to let himself feel, is all crashing out of him at once. The flood gates are open and there’s no turning back.

He’s angry, and he’s confused, and lonely, and sad, and relieved, and it’s just – it’s all too much.

“I was there, that day, before the ambulance came.”

It’s the first time Adrien has ever heard Gorilla speak, and it’s enough to startle him out of his thoughts. His voice is deep, but quiet.

“It took me a while to break into the room, but by the time I did, you were already unconscious. So was Gabriel, and Marinette was kneeling by your body. She looked so scared.”

Adrien pulls back and looks at Gorilla, sniffling and wiping at his eyes.

“She told me who she was,” he says, “and who you were, and who Gabriel was. She said that there was a wish – that, if you make a wish using two of the miraculous, it could save you. Your father knew this, and wouldn’t let Marinette make the wish herself. He was the only one who knew the incantation, and he refused to tell her unless she gave him the miraculous.”

What?

“She had no choice, so she gave them over. He made the wish, and then he collapsed.” Gorilla moves his giant hands to rest on Adrien’s shoulders. “Your father loved you. He was proud of you. I heard the way he talked about you when you weren’t around. He tried to do what was best for you, he just went about it the wrong way.” Gorilla pauses, choosing his next words carefully. “He wasn’t… a good man. But he did love you.”

Adrien’s gaze falls, a few fresh tears rolling down his cheeks. “I… I can’t forgive him.”

“You don’t have to. No one has to. What he did – especially what he did to you – was unforgiveable. But,” he tips up Adrien’s chin so he can look him in the eyes, “You can’t hold onto this anger forever. Your father couldn’t get over his grief, and that was what lead him down the wrong path. Negative emotions like this, they’re important to feel – they’re what make us human. But if we hold onto them for too long, they can turn us into monsters.”

A shiver runs up his spine. He doesn’t want to turn out like his father. He doesn’t want to be another monster that his father created. But he can’t… he doesn’t know how to move past this. Not when looking at his reflection, seeing his missing arm, is a daily reminder of what his father did to him. “How? How do I let it go?”

Gorilla pulls him into a gentle hug. “You do better. Be better than he was. Turn your anger around into something good. It’s okay if you don’t know how yet. You are the strongest person I know, Adrien. And you have all of us – your friends, and your family, and all of Paris – behind you, to help you. We’ll always be here, so don’t worry about facing this alone, because you are not alone.”

The words are a weight lifted off his chest, a warm fire melting the ice that has surrounded his heart since his mother died. You are not alone.

He closes his eyes and buries himself into Gorilla’s chest.

That night, he’s the one to bring up the topic of his father in therapy. It’s not much, but it’s a start.

#ml all left au #all left au #miraculous ladybug #ml #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #adrienette #angst #fanfiction #my fanfiction

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