#I’m so sorry to y’all’s dashes it will happen again tho | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yoichichi · 4 years ago

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Big Brain Bitches Playlist ❣️

For the lovely @nataliahaslosthershit , thank you for always being so kind and being patient!!!

disclaimers: this is a fem!reader since it is a request, so if there’s any instances where those pronouns or the fact it’s a fem reader is alluded to that’s why!

warnings: Tsukishima, that’s the warning

gif not mine, credit to owner

a/n: thank you for being so patient sweetie!! I really hope you like this and I did my best with the playlist to include a little bit of everything you like!!!

Relationship Headcannons

As much as Tsukishima would lowkey HATE the way you always wanna make friends (not really he just likes being a shithead) he also just finds it so cute??? Like he’s like 🙄✋🏼 must you talk to everyone?? But is also like :) shes so friendly and tries so hard to be nice :) how did I find someone like her :) but he keeps that on the lowkey a bit and GOD LET ANYONE BE RUDE TO YOU WHEN HE SEES YOU AS AN ABSOLUTE ANGEL‼️‼️‼️

Tsukishima is also focused on his studies and would appreciate you being focused as well, he would hate to see you over stressed from the importance your parents put on it, and he’d always be doing/saying things to get you to relax as best as he could

“You’ve gone over this 5 times, do you really think you’re that stupid that you have to go over it again?”

“We should take a break, let’s go take a walk to the corner store and find some good snacks. Studying is always more effective if you take breaks like that anyway.”

It is, but he’s more concerned with removing those frown lines from your forehead and warming your hand up with his

Sidenote - definitely the type to blow on your hands while their held in his to warm them up

ANYWAYS

Regardless, it’d become a habit for you two to always do your studying together since he wants to be sure you’re not overworking yourself.

STUDY DATES‼️‼️

Idk I can just see him always bringing a second bottle of water with him just in case you need it ??LMAO like y’all would be studying and you’d be like

“I’m a little thirsty, I’m gonna get-“

“🤨”

boom bottle of water on the table for you

PLS he won’t give it to you until you mention you’re thirsty tho, unless he feels like he hasn’t seen you drink enough water

I don’t see him as a big talker while he studies with you unless you’re helping each other out, he just kind of likes your presence while you guys are studying cause it feels like bonding and he just likes spending time with you :)

A bit off topic of study dates but you can’t tell me his love language ISNT quality time and he would never admit it but he’s definitely clingy lowkey LMAO

like he just wants to spend his free time with you even if it’s just being in the same room together but doing different things?? He thinks being able to be your own person while still enjoying each other is important in a relationship

So of course he’ll sit in a room with you and eavesdrop read a book while you gossip with your friends over the phone and then listen to you rant about it after

just like how he appreciates when you ask about his day while you cook dinner together and ask him all kinds of follow up questions, cause you actually care and want to know!!

Ok but ANYWAY back to study dates:

So like I was saying, not a big talker, but I feel like complete silence would freak him out?? This mf always got his headphones so one of you has got to be playing music while you’re studying, but do you know what this means?

This means that a song has definitely come on that he likes and he totally was humming or even quietly singing along to himself, not really thinking about the fact you were there and can definitely hear him, and as soon as he realizes he would just look at you and shut up SO fast LMAO

Like he’d just get wide eyed and breath in and stop singing and just kind of look up at you AND HIS EARS WOULD BE SO RED (he’s an ear blusher for sure) and he’d do that WHITE BOY SMILE THING WHERE HE HAS DEAD EYES AND HIS MOUTHS A THIN LINE but he’d look so shy and embarrassed plssss and he’d just look back down to his textbook and try not to think about it

And you’d just giggle and he could only groan and be like “let’s move on 😐” BUT YOURE DEFINITELY NOT FORGETTING THAT

But study dates?? Yeah they’re important to you two

Tsukishima would also be constantly making sure you’re taking care of yourself outside of studying, like making sure you’re needs are taken care of since you have a tendency to over look them in the favor of others (which I feel like would really drive him crazy cause you’re his baby!!! He can’t stand that thought !!!)

Like if he saw you offer a friend your last snack knowing you hadn’t eaten enough today he’s slapping a snack in your possession so fast like 😐 eat this, now.

ITS A LITTLE AGGRESSIVE IN THE CALMEST WAY but it’s just cause you’re important to him

The bullying??? Yes he’d love that cause he’s just like 😳‼️ you keep up with him and he’d just love the back and forth between you two so much

Queue the eye rolls and lopsided smirk while he’s grabbing your hand and kissing it telling you to shut up

Regarding your stims - he’d definitely take notice and probably do things like always holding your hand to make sure you aren’t hurting yourself too bad!

I know people have mentioned him not being that big on PDA but I feel like he’d take a neutral stance on it, like holding your hand is so innocent and if it helps you not pinch your wrists or picking at your nails of course he’s gonna do it!! It’s his way of showing you he notices and cares 🖤

Regarding your self confidence, he’d definitely still bully you cause cmon 🙄 this is your guys love language and he knows you know it’s harmless, and the last thing he’d want to do is make you feel like he’s coddling you and suffocating you by not being silly with you the way he normally would

HOWEVER

If anyone else clowns on you whew please it is over for them

Like let’s say you meet the boys and you and hinata are clowning on each other?? Tsuki is NOT playing games LMAO like he’d definitely be like

😐😐 hinata I KNOW you’re not talking and you’d have to remind him in private that it’s ok he doesn’t care he will bully hinata any chance he gets

Okok real talk Tsukishima would think it’s so fucking cool you know how to speak more than one language!!! Not the type to necessarily be like let me hear it 🤠 but if you do speak another language around him he’s always like 🙂 wow, that was pretty cool

Ok also?? Both of you being introverts?? Tsuki is happy to the MAX

Like he just gets to come home to you and detox in his little home and sit with you on the couch and talk about your days and watch whatever you’re feeling and it’s just so recharging for him and he’s so grateful you’re perfectly ok with that :)

And finally, tell me he wouldn’t bully you for your height but also find it so so adorable 🙄‼️

Ahhhh!! Ok here is the acclaimed playlist I made for you!! I hope you enjoy it❣️

Ok I did my best to include your variety of music tastes in here!! But if there’s anything you’d like me to change please feel free to let me know and I will!!

Ahhhh I hope you like it, enjoy my descriptions below!

1. The Most Beautiful Thing - Bruno Major: ok so yes we’re starting this off with a dash of Tsuki angst, as much as I know he’d deny it he yearns for love. Like the idea of someone being so important they get his attention and devotion and they love him the same is sooo comforting to him! And sometimes he would daydream about it like :) I wonder when I’m gonna meet them, I wonder how, I can’t wait - but the way he would he embarrassed if anyone knew this - and when he DOES meet you it is not what he expected LMAO

2. 80’s makeout session - dacelynn: OK SO HE MEETS YOU and is just like 👁👄👁 and it’s everything he dreamed of, if he was feeling irrational he might’ve even believed it was love at first sight but there’s one problem, the way Tsuki is be lowkey mad he wants your attention LMAO. Like you would meet and he would just look into your eyes and he feels his heart stop; and you’re so nice when you’re introducing yourself to him and your voice is so sweet and he can’t stop thinking about the way your curly hair is framing your face and he just oop 🤒 he got the love bug bad AND HED BE SO MAD cause like, he tries to only do things for himself! And that’s exactly why love was a daydream cause UGH HOW PATHETIC IS HE. He never tries impress anyone else cause he’s his biggest critic anyway, but suddenly he wants to be noticed by you and impress you and the way that would just irk him, but he cant help it 🤷‍♂️ sorry bout it Tsuki

3. IFHY (feat. Pharrell) - Tyler, The Creator: more on Tsuki being mad he likes you LMAO - I think what would push him to get over himself and how it’s kind of scary for him how much he likes you would be imagining what could happen if he DOESNT grow up and just let you know. The thought of you with somebody else? Yeah he don’t like that one bit and that’s when he knows he better suck it up and accept he’s got it for you hard

4. Make Me Your Queen - Declan McKenna: OK CALLING TSUKI SIMPS OUT- you’d want him so bad but he’s so bad at showing his interest!! So on your end it’d be soooo much pining and patience and a little bit desperate like PLS I jus wanna be your s/o man 😕 but don’t worry he likes you just as much, he’s just awful at showing that at first LMAO

5. Kiss Like A Woman - Mona: ok but once Tsuki accepts he’s got it bad, I don’t see him as someone who wastes time at. All. Like he’s like ok well she’s fucking great obviously if I like her cause I have great taste so it’s only a matter of time before someone else tries to get her attention, so I gotta act fast. However, he’s clueless so he’d think he’s being obvious but he’s not. Like he starts his habit of bringing you snacks and water on your study dates before they’re actually dates and you have no idea he likes you. And he thinks he’s being smooth like, how could you not know he likes you? But it’d be the end of your study session and you’re about to leave and he’s been wondering why it seems like maybe you’re not interested? He can’t tell so he’d just be like, “do you like me, too? Or am I making you uncomfortable? I’ve been waiting for you to let me know how you feel but you really haven’t said anything, so.” AND YOUD JUST BE LOOKING AT HIM LIKE 😳🧍🏻‍♀️ and you’re blushing hard so he’s like ok obviously she likes me? And he would kind of tilt his head in your direction and raise his eyebrows waiting for you to answer, cause he still wants to be sure. And you’d hold your books tighter to your chest and nod so fast. He’d walk over to you and kiss you on your cheek and be all, “see you tomorrow, idiot.” And walk off like a bad bitch, cause that was pretty smooth, but once his back is to you and his headphones are on while he’s walking away BOY IS BLUSHING HARDDDD CAUSE HE’S LIKE did I really just do that oh shit 🥴

6. A Sunday Kind Of Love - Etta James: when I mentioned Tsuki liked to think about love this is exactly what I mean. He just wants something so relaxed and devoted and when he gets that with you? WHEW he is not letting that go!!

7. Black Dog - Arlo Parks: ok so this song itself is more intense than for what I’m writing for it and what it inspired me BUT this is really how Tsuki feels when he sees you overworking yourself. He can’t stand to see you stress so much over something, especially if it’s school, and then see you push your own limits in the favor of others. It’d definitely be a day where you come to his house to study but when you guys get there instead of pulling out the stuff from his bag he just sets it down and walks over to you and pulls you into his chest. After holding you for a while, he pulls back and makes you look up at him with his hands on your cheeks and leans down to kiss your forehead. “Are you ok?” It’s such a simple question but it really hits home and it’s one of the first times you guys simultaneously realize how much you care for each other. And you’d just hug him tighter and he decides nap time holds a little priority over studying right now.

8. come out and play - Billie Eilish: as smooth as Tsukishima can be or as clueless as he is, he’s also a shy lover for sure. It will take him a while to be genuinely soft and let his walls down and be vulnerable and tell you how much he cares about you, he try’s to show it as best as he can cause it can be easier than looking into your pretty eyes that make him all nervous and choke on his words while he tries to tell you he loves you. So it’ll take some coaxing and you being patient, but he’ll get there eventually and become more confident with his declarations of love.

9. Pleaser - Wallows: more on Tsuki being shy LMAO he wants to tell you he loves you SO BAD but he just cannot make himself do it

10. I’m Glad There Is You - Julie London: ok you mentioned slow dancing in the kitchen type songs? Stop it this is the one - to me this is the introvert love anthem , perfect for you two right? Like you’d be playing music in the kitchen while you two are cooking and this song would come on and normally he’s not a person who shows his affection much but this song would just get to him? Like he almost wants to cry??? He just looks at you, and maybe you’re humming a little, he really can’t tell but he doesn’t care cause you’re just so bright and gorgeous and the more he hears the song, the more his heart is starting to swell thinking of you. And so he wouldn’t be able to help himself. He’d just come up behind you and lean down so his head his resting on top of yours and his arms are wrapped around you. He leans down a little farther and presses a soft but long kiss to your cheek and just whispers how he loves you and hugs you tight one more time before going back to his part of cooking dinner; as if that wasn’t the first time he was finally able to tell you that.

11. Linger In My Arms A Little Longer Baby - Peggy Lee: kitchen dancing music kitchen dancing music kitchen dancing music !! I feel like once Tsuki dances with you ONCE he’d be addicted 😶 like you just look so happy and it hits him in his gut in the best way and he’d kill to feel like that with you again 🖤

12. Sweet Creature - Harry Styles: stop I fucking love Harry styles when I say Tsuki sees you as his home I MEAN it, it doesn’t matter what happens between you two. Sure, like any couple you guys argue and it can be rough sometimes, problems can arise it’s natural. But Tsukishima would never be the type to say something he doesn’t mean or do anything to ruin the relationship, you’re his person and no matter how much you two argue he’d always be sure you know he loves you and you’re the most important thing to him, and you’re very aware of that.

13. I Think I Like It When It Rains - Willis: ok a little bit of angst! In those difficult moments, sure sometimes Tsuki does wish it was like how it was a while ago when the pining and awkwardness was still there and you would go home after studying and you’d both still be giddy and trying to calm yourselves down. Cause the pining and awkward feelings were easy to solve, but these problems are harder, they’re the ones you solve for the long haul. But once he takes a breather he knows this is so much more important and worth it, and he’s reminded of how much he really loves you.

14. I CHOOSE YOU - Adam Melchor: you really would be living in Tsukis mind rent free LMAO and while he was all grumpy at first at the fact he even wanted your attention he’s so happy now it’s so cute pls. He goes to the store and sees something you like?? Yeah he’s buying it. Hears a song you might like? He adds it to the playlist you guys share (yes you would have one from when you would study together all the time and you’ve just kept it and he always add songs to it still for you) all in all, you take up his mind 25/8 now and he’s accepted it with a smile on his face

15. this is how you fall in love - Jeremy Zucker, Chelsea Cutler: introvert love anthem #2, this is literally so cheesy and I hope it fits your taste but anyways!! Falling in love is just so easy for you guys, it’s the easiest thing Tsuki’s ever done, and he holds a lot of pride to that statement.

——————

that’s it!!! That’s the thing!! Gosh I really hope you like it !! Thank you for being so patient and kind to me again, and don’t forget to message me if you need a change

-🐇out

#haikyu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyu requests #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu playlist #haikyuu hcs #tsukishima hcs #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima fluff #hq tsukishima #tsukishima imagine #tsukishima headcanons #tsukishima x y/n #tsukishima x you #kei tsukishima

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clevercorvidae · 4 years ago

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BNHA Common Misconceptions

I’ve been seeing wayyy too much bs on my dash lately. So I thought I’d share some of my thoughts on some Controversy™

***Spoilers For The Manga***

1. “What the HPSC did to Hawks wasn’t bad”

A government organization putting a young child through rigorous training so that he can be used as a tool is bad. I don’t know why I have to spell that out

Hawks had to abandon his real name at a very young age. That’s damaging for a kid’s sense of identity. His identity as a person no longer has any separation from his work as a hero. Being a hero is all he is now. I wouldn’t be surprised if (provided Hawks’s wings are gone for good) he has an identity crisis after this arc because he can’t be “Hawks” anymore.

Hawks is based on Lionel Messi, a soccer player recruited at a young age in return for paying for his medical procedures. I’ve seen people say that Hawks chose to be a hero. One, he was a child, young children shouldn’t be making decisions like that. Two, we know based on context clues that Keigo was more than likely living in poverty, possibly with alcoholic parents, and we literally are told that the HPSC payed for his family’s living expenses. Do you really think Keigo had much of a choice here?

I’ve seen people say “it’s just like what UA is doing”. First of all, UA is called out for being irresponsible and endangering their students IN UNIVERSE. Second, Keigo was a young child, the UA kids are 15+. There’s a huge difference.

2. “Mitsuki isn’t abusive”

Honestly when it comes to her smacking Katsuki, I could excuse it as a joke done in poor taste and not hold it over her as a character.

Hitting him WASNT just discipline tho. You should never, ever, under any circumstances hit your kid. Fuck that noise.

What I really have an issue with is what she SAYS to Katsuki. Her guilt tripping him isn’t a throwaway line either. He repeats the sentiment that he is responsible for Kamino during Deku v Kacchan 2. It’s one of the main reasons he fights Deku.

Horikoshi says that Katsuki has a good relationship with his mother. In that case, he did a horrible job at presenting that. What is written in the canon is what should be used as the basis for how we interpret her character.

3. “Shigaraki chose to kill his family/was born evil”

No...just...no. He was FIVE for crying out loud.

He wanted to be a hero, and took extra care to play with kids that had no friends. He definitely wasn’t born evil lmao.

His quirk manifested while he was having an emotional crisis. Decay is controlled by emotion so of course it went haywire.

He didn’t even know it was him doing it at first.

“But Shigaraki said he WANTED it to happen” Shigaraki is an unreliable narrator. What we actually SEE tells a very different story. He reaches out to Hana and his Mother for help. His grandparents are just caught in the shockwave. The ONLY person he killed on purpose was his father.

Now when it comes to his father, he had just beat him and locked him outside. He’s FIVE, and he has no healthy outlet for his anger and frustration. Hell, we see that in his “itchiness”, he only feels like this in the house, because his father makes him suppress his love for heroes and his dream to become one. He takes joy in killing his father because it’s the only release he’s ever experienced.

The fact that you guys forget that this is an abused child with no real control over his quirk that just got beaten and locked outside... Nope, no reading comprehension here.

4. “The League of Villains are justified/are a revolutionary group”

...Shigaraki has stated over and over again that he just wants to destroy everything. He doesn’t care about reform or improving anything. That one panel in Ch. 222, where he says he wants to destroy everything I think sums it up perfectly.

He wants to destroy EVERYTHING good or bad or neither or both. There’s a newborn baby, a field of flowers , Nine, various heroes, the UA kids, etc all varying in innocence.

The rest of the league have very different goals and reasons why they continue to support Shigaraki. Twice wants to protect the only people that accepted him. Spinner just wants to have purpose for his life. Toga wants to live the way she wishes with no consequences. Compress is also here.

The only “revolutionary” is Dabi. But his views are not universal throughout the league.

Even if they were trying to improve things. They have killed countless innocent people, they’ve tried to kill the UA kids too. That’s not ok. And it’s not erased by the fact that they’ve done good. (I do appreciate them for killing the MHA version of the KKK, truly epic of you)

5. “Hawks is abusive”

It’s not abuse to manipulate someone for info when you’re a double agent. It’s kinda shitty, and you could argue that it was unnecessary for Hawks to do so in context. But it’s not abuse.

Y’all need to stop using the word abuse/abusive tendencies to describe all immoral actions

I’ve also seen people say that Hawks has abusive tendencies (as in he’s abusive in all his relationships with other characters) and...do I really need to explain why that makes no sense at all?

6. “Twice deserved to die/it was necessary to kill him”

Feel like I need to remind people that we’ve only ever actually seen Twice kill one guy and that was one of the KKK guys.

Twice isn’t evil, even Hawks admits that he is a genuinely good person. Good people don’t deserve to die.

It wasn’t necessary, and here’s why: Hawks could’ve just knocked him out or even just severely injured him. (Or the HPSC could’ve just grown a brain cell and sent more people to back him up, making it easier to hold back his quirk and arrest him)

Hawks shouldn’t have killed Twice, he only killed him because he’s been raised as a child soldier and I wouldn’t be surprised if what he told Twice about taking out villains was a direct quote from the HPSC

Also, Hawks would’ve killed Twice with or without Dabi’s intervention

Something I do have to say though is that Hawks was right not to just let Twice go. It’s tragic because Twice WAS leaving to help his friends, but the other side of that tragedy it that his friends are terrorists. If he was allowed to leave a shit ton of people would have died (again that doesn’t mean he deserved to die either, don’t get it twisted)

The WHOLE POINT of Hawks v Twice is to make you question who the bad guy is. Both characters are morally gray and the only reason they even have to fight is because of the outside forces controlling their fates. It’s supposed to be tragic it’s supposed to be unclear who is in the right, so stop arguing about it.

7. “Bakugou is abusive/irredeemable” (I know it’s been talked to death but I still see it everywhere)

People are, in fact, allowed to grow past the person they were in middle school.

Most people get hung up on the “throw yourself off a building” line. Which is fair, but again, he was in middle school.

People also say “he hasn’t apologized yet”. Yeah? And? The story isn’t over yet. Horikoshi has already acknowledged that too. I don’t know what you want? People who like him know that his arc isn’t over yet.

I’ve seen a lot of people denying his character development. In the beginning of the series he was a bully and let his ego control him. I don’t think he’s bullied...anyone since Deku v Kacchan 2. He insults people but they obviously don’t take it seriously.

He’s also gone from preferring to fail a final exam to avoid working with Deku, to following him into battle against Shigaraki.

Also, when he actually likes and respects someone he doesn’t mistreat them. This is the same thing with Hawks where y’all NEED to stop misusing the word abuse. He was an abusive friend to Deku when they were kids, that’s it.

8. “Rei was abusive too!”

I’m BEGGING YOU to learn what the term “abuse” means istg

She had a psychotic break. She genuinely thought it was her abusive husband coming through the door, and she acted out of fear.

“Well that’s not an excuse” yes it fucking is. Not to mention that as soon as she realized what happened, she sobs hysterically because she hurt Shouto and tries to use her quirk to help him.

I genuinely don’t understand why people think this

9. “Dabi actually does care about the league”

Listen, I know it sounds harsh, but y’all need to get your heads out of your piles of headcanons.

We know next to nothing about how Dabi feels about just about anything. But we do see that he’s aloof and distant with the league, he doesn’t put in more than he needs to. The rest of the league think of each other as family. Dabi straight up says he doesn’t give a shit about them.

“What if he was just putting up a front for Hawks” Why? Why would he do that? When asked who he was he answered him. He tells him how he feels about hero society and Stain. Not to mention that he was getting ready to kill him. If he was hiding his true feelings about the league I doubt he would’ve so easily said that he didn’t care about them but rather how useful they were.

At this point it’s just wishful thinking. Based on everything we’ve seen in the series so far and everything we know about Dabi, I think it’s safe to say that he doesn’t care about them all that much. If he secretly does care about them, I’d say it’s likely that he doesn’t even know he does.

Idk why all of a sudden villain stans and hero stans are feuding over things that shouldn’t even be up for debate in the first place. Sorry if this came off as super aggressive, I’m just sick of seeing this stuff all over the place. If anyone has anything to add go ahead

#bnha #bnha spoilers #discourse #bakugou katsuki #Hawks #keigo takami #dabi #league of villains #mitsuki bakugou #shigaraki tomura

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readbythestarlight · 3 years ago

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c2e141 (part 1)

Okay this is so long I’m splitting it into 2 parts pre and post break so I don’t just end up with something horribly long that clogs up the dash

I’m already emotional just over the intro you guys i’M GONNA MISS THEM SO MUCH

"Skin cradle idk what to call it" how about NOT THAT MATT

[[MORE]]

Home!!

AWWWW

Clarabell!!!

I’m so glad his family is all there and safe

Awwww that’s so sweet, showing him the cards <3

"Hey Molly! Go fuck yourself!"

M: :D

Poor Essek is so lost

A night’s rest yes that would be good for ALL of you

Also it’s time to fake his death

"And will you face the consequences of your actions, or run?"

"I need a night’s sleep first, if you don’t mind."

That’s fair

I’m worried tho

Cad

Cad this isn’t allowed to be goodbye

Not yet

Not this early into the episode

Don’t do this to me

Okay, if they’re all gonna stay that’s okay that’s fine

I mean yes go see

Oh no wait

This

We can’t split up this early y’all I can’t handle it

Yes good bring them here don’t split up

So many HUGS

Oh no

Plz don’t

Please choose to stay, Frumpkin!!

Stay??

No!!

COME BAAAAACK

godDAMMIT

30 minutes and I’m already crying

At least Marisha is crying too I’m not alone

"I needed him when I needed him. That time has passed."

Please adopt all the stray cats

"The last couple of years" baby it’s been less than a year canon time

"YOURE a good person"

"I could be"

"You are"

"There’s just a little more to do"

"She’s not wrong. Trust me, I know a few bad people, you’re not one of them." ESSEK

I’m gonna cry AGAIN

"I think you’re a good person" THAT’S IT IM GONE

Aww Molly bringing them flowers

They have a valid point though, like is this Molly anymore?

Jester curling up next to Fjord I cry they’re so cute

"Hey Fjord? I love you"

AKDLALSKAKA YALL

ITS SO CUTE

I can’t handle them

Veth going swimming?? Willingly??

SAM

The DM will remember that and Sam’s character will be the first to die next campaign

"There’s not even any bugs? That’s not meat"

Fjord is describing my entire week rn

Clarabelle is the sweetest

I’m gonna miss Jester’s messages xD

Jester omg I can’t breathe

Yeza is gonna be so worried

"Okay… ‘honey’. I think I know who this is but I take it as good news" I LOVE HIM

Mollyyyyyy?

MOLLYYYYY??

Woman?? In a red?? Coat?

Sad angel okay yeah

Y’all need to give him some TIME you can’t just fix this super fast

Awww he remembers Yasha a little that’s good

Poor Molly

What woman??

WHAT WOMAN??

Is it his goddess?? The moonweaver?

He’s gonna change his name to King Tealeaf lol

Why don’t y’all chill and let him pick his own stuff and figure his own stuff out

He wants a parasol lol

Travis like what even is a parasol lol

So like

We’re not actually getting Molly back in the end huh

Oh boy temporary splitting up

lol Yasha with the "I can definitely message you"

Y’all can’t just bamf into places like that lol

Oh dear please don’t walk in on your parents

Dad aaaaaaaaand? Is mom there? Momma? Are you theeere?

AYYYYYYYY

NICE

MARION AND THE GENTLEMAAAAAN

THE PARENT TRAP WAS A SUCCESS

I’m so delighted

Y’all had better get married by the end

They’re so sweet I love Marion and Jester bless Laura and Matt for giving us a healthy parent/child relationship

LUC lol

Poor Yeza is probably going prematurely gray dealing with this lol

"I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything, it was—it was mostly flesh" I almost shot tea out my nose

"Dad I won’t sink to the fucking bottom"

Oh dear

That was the most accurate child thing Matt has ever done

Marion is the queen of this place she doesn’t need your cemetery Jester lol

I love the way things turned out with the Gentleman it’s so soft

Jester sweetie you literally told him NOT to say anything back

I’m emotional y’all

Fjord like Jester babe NO

FUCKING HELL

I’m going to stab this bitch myself

YOURE a tragedy

Fuck you Ikathon the answer is NO

Oh my god okay are we doing this

We’re doing this

HES HERE??

HOW??

How did he know they were there???

And Veth just brought her family there too

That MOTHER FUCKER

I can’t believe I’m getting my wish for them to fuck up Trent after all

Fuck fuck fuck how many people can he transport out??

Also you can’t burn down Cad’s home!!

Oh god Essek is going to have to face him too

There’s too much going on here I’m STRESSED

Does he have dunemancy magic?? Is that what that is?

"We had issues larger than your ambitions" OOOO BURN

Suck a dick Trent

"Erase these errors, so I don’t have to look at it" FUCK YOU

What is happening holy shit

What is this????

Run Luc and Yeza run!!

Poor things :(

Poor Caliope

Poor Clays

Essek booiiii

Oh my god I looked at the stats on this spell and it’s BAD

THE COLLAR

What

Wilting what what what

Counterspell

Thank god

NOOO

53?!

IN ONE HIT??

AND HES SPOILING THE FOREST TOO

NO NOT AT JESTER

FUUUUUCK

Oh my god he rolled BAD thank god

I was just saying thank god he’s alone at least but NOPE

Astrid had better not wait in the shadows to see who looks like they’re going to win and then only joining the winning side

Caleb protecting his maaaaaan

FUCKING STOP

DID HE COUNTERSPELL

THAT BITCH

THAT FUCKING BITCH

NO NO NO

they’re so FUCKED

Thank fucking god

COUNTERSPELL PLEASE WORK

YESSSSS

I don’t care what Astrid’s game is I’m tired of it and she needs to die along with Trent

And so does Wulf if he’s gonna play the same game

Come onnnn Wulf do the right thing

Mood, Fjord, mood

MARISHA xD

Ooooooh nice!

“Caleb’s produce flame” her one wizard spell is a Caleb spell omg

FLUFFERNUTTERRRRRR

Nice SHOT Veth

WHAT

Come ON

Why can’t they hit him??

Come onnnn Essek do something baby

Oooooo! So what does that mean?

Does that mean when one takes damage the other does too?? That’s amazing

Caleb noooooo

Thank god

Hits??

COME ONNNNN

Ouch

Okay but the stars haven’t done as much damage as they COULD yet which is good

STOP calling him Bren

Fucking HELL come on

WORK?? WOOOORK???

DID IT

YESSSSS

YEAAHHHH CALEB

Oh thank God

Too little too late bitch

Wulf is gonna die though I can feel it

A second shield UGH

No you stay AWAY from Caleb

Come ooooon Jester!

YEAH

Nice!

“Come ooooon!” Boy you’re tethered either way

I have a feeling we have too much time left until break for the collar to work but GOD I hope it works

E: “Caleb! I’m scared!”

I shouldn’t be laughing but I am

VETH NOW

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

PLEEEEEASE

God god god

Godddds

come onnnnnn

IT WORKED

IT WORKED IT WORKED IT WORKED

ITS ON HIM

ACTIVATE IT

A C T I V A T E I T

NO NOPE NOPE NOPE

COUNTERSPELL IT FJORD

DO IT

YAAAAAS

Good Wulf smart man

Ouch oh shit Caleb no

Oh NO

Caleb!!

Wulf, Astrid, soembody DO

CADUCEUS MY MAN THANK YOU

What does Caduceus say to the god of death? NOT TODAY (respectfully)

70 HP niiiiice!

Hot DAMN Veth nice call I love it

Oh come ON

Activate it!!

I still hate Astrid but fine

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

#cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #critical role #emi watches critical role

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secondhoekage · 4 years ago

Text

Ignore this long rant I’m high as shit but I... can’t take the hero commission oR HONESTLY THE HEROES THEMSELVES, seriously anymore

They’re BRAINLESS they all share one (1) brain cell and it belonged to Crust. THESE GUYS had MONTHS to strategize this attack and what did they do? They fucked it up. They want me to believe this was planned and not written on a chalk board the night before? Sent out to all heroes the next morning at 8am in a CHAIN EMAIL?

Unpopular opinion(?): they sent the worst possible, ill-suited heroes to each location for this PLF raid and I’m mad at them for it and I’m mad at Hori for making me be mad at it even tho he had to do it beCauSe oF pLot but I’m mad.

The MLA’s plans to take on The League of Villains? Spotless. Chef’s kiss. The detail. The one-on-one counters they planned out. Accounting for each enemy’s quirk. Yeah there were like 6 of them to account for but?? Heroes, yall had enough info and enough time to think of ways to go about this raid and I’m supposed to believe that you did, BUT DID YOU REALLY? MONTHS TO PLAN, and saw one electric Sir Crocodile rip-off and immediately threw Kaminari on his ass. Good move. Kinda. But the rest of the PLF? Heroes just gonna make shit up as they go I guess??

To make myself feel better here’s a long ass useless rant on what could’ve damn happened and which heroes should’ve gone where and to make this an epic ass rumble. ugh. Even just doing some of these things would’ve made this arc (imo) feel more... convincing and delicious

under the cut tho bc damn this is too long

In this essay I will—

Edgeshot??? EDGESHOT?? EDGESHOT?? i’M GOING TO GO OFF.

I swear to shit Edgeshot could’ve soloed the hospital but they had him at the PLF mansion for Some Reason like... like they didn’t make him run up on the League’s bar instead of the Nomu factory bc they knew he would take care of shit immediately. Make it make sense. If he was at the hospital eye just—Nomu in the way?? Doctor running off? Say less. Electric slide all the way in there Shinya. DID NO ONE SEE HOW EASILY HE HANDLED KUROGIRI? Did everyone just forget this man can pull a K.O in .3 seconds flat? Heroes didn’t think it might be a good idea to have him there, ready to give Shigaraki the paper cut of his life the second he woke up (if he even did bc my mans likely could’ve prevented the ‘doctor getting away>high-end awaken>rush to get shiggy out of the tank>shiggy wakes up’ chain of events)? Didn’t think to send him instead of this guy X Less just sitting there with That Look on his face?

I get they needed heroes like Edgeshot at the mansion to take out a handful of enemies in one go but COME ON NOW. There were more than enough long-range AOE heroes there. And even if you don’t wanna believe he could solo then STILL, EDGESHOT DUOING WITH MIRUKO, ANYBODY? If anyone was gonna keep up with her happy ass zooming into the lab it could’ve been him. We were robbed of an Edgeshot/Miruko teamup and I’m not okay. Could’ve had a sexy ass panel of the hospital-team hyping up Miruko and Edgeshot as they dashed to Ujiko’s lab, two fast as shit bad bitches, zooming through these Nomu, absolutely obliterating them at lightning speed, watching each other’s backs too, PROBABLY SAVING MIRUKO FROM BECOMING THE PRE-DEATH ORGAN DONOR THAT SHE IS NOW. I know it was hot watching Miruko take on these high-ends but I’d have rather Edgeshot share the spotlight if it meant Miruko was in one piece rn. Hori played her

Anyways the literal dumb bitch energy that went into not sending Edgeshot to the hospital is sending me. Could’ve at least let him just be on the team and on standby while Shigaraki was waking up. With those sharp as shit reflexes of his we’ve seen? Shigaraki would’ve been out like a fucking light the second Edgeshot saw him sit up. X-Less you had a nice thicc upper lip that lip was too shaded for you to die, but F in the chat bitch. Useless plot fodder I’m sorry X-Less. There isn’t a hero there right now (besides Aizawa but like... idk, plot is nerfing him) that could’ve incapacitated Shiggy so quickly and prevented the mess they’re in now like my guy Edgeshot could’ve. Feels like a cop out

In conclusion: Edgeshot sweety I’m sorry they did this. I’m sorry you were nerfed. I’m sorry they didn’t let you deliver Kamino Pizza to this hospital. I’m sorry they ignored you and now everyone’s gonna die bc they didn’t they respect your Ninpo rights

CEMENTOSS??? y’all sent him to fuck up the mansion FOR WHAT??? If I were the hero commission and thought :

“Dang we need to completely ass blast this huge PLF resort to make room for our heroes to run in... but it would also be good if we had someone to do that at the hospital too just in case things get tricky and we need to pave a quick way to Ujiko’s secret hideout... but I’m single-celled and can’t weigh my options logically so ok. Cementoss, to the mansion.”

...................... Ok but can I in interest you in PIXIE BOB? I get the mansion is huge but going by the shit we’ve seen her do?? I’m not about to underestimate ol’ girl. I know she could’ve fucked that place up if they let her, switched her out for Cementoss, who could’ve made THE EASIEST route for the hospital team to get into the secret lab, trapped Ujiko, also trapped a couple nomu/high-ends in cement while he was at it, rearranged some tunnels for optimal tactical movement, probably could’ve done a decent-fucking-job at slowing the onslaught of Decay too if it got to that point (AND IT MIGHT NOT HAVE BC THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS RANT IS TO INSIST THAT A BETTER SELECTION OF HEROES WOULDN’T HAVE RESULTED IN SHIGGY’S CURRENT THANOS SNAP ORdEAL)

I know Pixie’s mostly on rescue operations and that’s what she’s doing at the hospital/surrounding city but WHY?? EVEN IF THEY REALLY NEEDED CEMENTOSS AT THE MANSION—WHY NOT HAVE PIXIE BOB DOING SOMETHING IN THE ACTUAL HOSPITAL BATTLE? JUST A LITTLE? The hospital is built on uh.. oh yeah... EARTH? And considering in the Forest Training arc she was using her quirk from a remote location (to make that Earth golem, or whatever) she wouldn’t even HAVE to be IN Ujiko’s lab to be useful

Can y’all PLEASE put at least ONE of your terraforming heroes at the place where y’all REALLY need them?? And not after-the-fact like y’all just did with Pixie Bob? Because clearly she didn’t do shit this last chapter trying to stop Decay. I’m sorry girl. You may be dead. Terrible.

I would have legitimately sent Snipe to get Ujiko before I sent Miruko and that’s that on that. Where is he even? He was there during the briefing but he’s gone? MIA? Idk. No way Ujiko is getting away from those bullets. Target locked: Ujiko’s hand. Fire. High-end Nomu remote goes bye bye. Then another bullet in the leg. No need to worry about him escaping and waking up high-ends/Shiggy when he doesn’t have kneecaps. Problem solved. No way it would’ve taken that long to break Shiggy’s tank either with a few well-placed pew pews zigging around some Nomu (not that we really wanna break him outta his tank bc look what happened). Snipe’s 6/5 technique stat deserves better!!!!!

Gang Orca did not go off and give a bunch of kids brain damage during the License arc to be so thoroughly ignored here. He’s clearly about to get his shit rocked by some gauged-out ex-Hot Topic employee in the next few chapters and ugh you’re TOO GOOD FOR THAT ORCA. COULD’VE BEEN OF USE AT THE HOSPITAL. PARALYZING SONIC WAVES? WE’LL TAKE IT. Who knows if any of the high-end Nomu would’ve been affected by paralysis but the small fry? Probably. Shiggy’s little twink ass? I would bet on it. Not that it would really stop him from using Decay but still

At the risk of sounding like someone I know who endorses child labor (the hero commission) here me out: CAN I GET A UHHH JUZO HONENUKI??? AGAIN YEAH good that he was at the mansion to do some long-range AOE action but if y’all are gonna force kids to join in on this war anyways, put your strongest and most useful ones at the place you need them. Shit it would’ve been real nice if Honenuki was there to trap some Nomu—uncertain if it would work against the high-ends that show some pretty flexible quirks but who knows—and even at the risk of reaching, maybe in some universe where Shiggy and Honenuki face off, it would be interesting to see Decay against Softening, since Decay’s one big weakness is that it can only work on solid objects sooOooOo? Idk. Would’ve been a cool match up but I hate that the kids are fighting anyways so we’re gonna ignore this Juzo rant. Just know it would’ve been cool

And as for the mess that’s going to be this fucking mansion soon... .. We’re just gonna ignore a whole ass Geten, big destructive power, big fucking threat, and not gonna throw Endeavor’s ass in there? Makes sense. They’re leaving it to Shoto I guess. They said time for you to fucking shine kid. Get in there. I mean really trading Endeavor for Edgeshot would’ve been top tier strategy but...

I MEAN THEY?? Made up a whole ass plan to counter ONE greasy-looking PLF guy by throwing Kaminari in there, but they couldn’t make up a plan to counter Geten? Are they just?? Pulling names out of a hat to see who gets to fight who? Did they spin a bottle to see who it landed on? Did Mt. Lady pull the short stick? I swear on shit when Geten starts going feral soon I’m not gonna feel sorry about it. Unless heroes got a plan and someone’s gonna make a sexy ass top 10 anime entrances to counter his ice then I’m disappointed. We went ape shit over Kaminari countering one of the commanders but are we not gonna get anymore ‘I’m your perfect counter and I’m here to stop you’ moments? No? I’M PISSED.

I would have also settled for my kween Nejire being there to blast away some ice because who tf else is gonna do it? But eh.

Dabi will also be trouble depending on what he decides to do. He only has about 3 good ideas a month and he’s used them all up by now so he’s in dumb slut territory as we speak. But you’d think that a villain as widely recognized as Dabi with such a destructive quirk would urge the heroes to have some plan to take him on but?? So far I don’t really see anyone quick to take on the role. Not that it’d be that hard bc he’s dangerous but also dangerously dumb. Where is Inasa. Maybe he can just blast the flames back in Dabi’s face. I love him but at this point he deserves to have some of his rights taken away

Don’t even get me start on Gigantomachia. I get the heroes had little choice except to attack before Shiggy was full-power but just?? NOT having a plan in case by some little chance Gigantomachia DID wake up? You stupid bastards. You absolute fools. I guess there’s not much you CAN do but FUCK y’all just gonna let him SIT THERE? No counter measures? No ‘Let’s execute this incredibly thorough and thought-out plan we’ve spent months formulating to restrain Gigantomachia in case he does end up waking up, because better safe than sorry’? When he tramples like 50 students I bet that shit gonna hurt

I hate it all. I was really happy about seeing Shiggy go off 272 bc he’s a king but after rereading from like, 258 I feel... weird. Maybe this will be resolved with more chapters but. eh. Now that I’ve thought of this, I can’t go back. I miss the brain power that was behind the MLA fight

#bnha spoilers #bnha 272 #i'm mad #bnha #Why did I make this? It’s so dumb #i'm gonna wake up tomorrow and scream #they're 2d bro LMAOOOO #is htis a meta #meta #bnha meta

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rrrawrf-writes · 4 years ago

Text

lordy lordy loo it’s been a hot minute since i’ve made an original post, i forgot where the button was

so. some of you may have seen the stuff running around about violetvineyard and mvcreates, some of you may not have. i’m just gonna lay out my experiences here, now that other people are talking about it and now that the server has been deleted. i’m gonna try to present a fair and nuanced version; i’m not gonna include screenshots (right now) bc i’m lazy, mostly.

there are several other people who are putting up way better breakdowns than i am. i just figured i might as well toss mine onto the pile bc why not? but if you’re hoping to hear from me a story about how i’ve been wronged, per se, you won’t find much of one, because i played mainly a spectator role, and never had much trouble there. i will have a vague, lukewarm defense of some of the people involved that other people may not agree with, but again, this is all just the whole VV deal from my point of view.

@nuwuhorizons (i haven’t said how dang much i lOVE your url) and @sapiencenotes have very good receipts and breakdowns. if you want a more in-depth (and dramatic, forgive me for using the word, i’m not trying to downplay this), check them out. @time-to-write-and-suffer also has some great stuff on their blog about all of this.

all righty. so. i joined VV not right at the beginning, but soon after it was started. there was an application process, i got accepted, i was looking for a community to help me start writing more. (it didn’t help, but that’s not their fault, that’s mine.) the person who owned the server was called mina, and on tumblr, mina’s url was mvcreates. mina is a nonbinary Muslim woman of color, a professional who i believe works at harvad and deals a lot with things like infectious diseases, iirc. she was doing a whole lot of work when the pandemic came around, and so the past few months wasn’t quite as active as she had been at the start, both on the server and tumblr.

the very first time mina came on my radar, before i joined vv, was because she had corrected someone’s typo on a post, and it stirred up a minor drama about “don’t give unsolicited criticism” and “is pointing out minor errors like that okay” and blahblahblah. i ran across that on a friend’s dash, and also ran across the promo for vv from that friend’s dash, as well, and joined bc y not.

everything was p cool for a while. it was nice to meet some new people and some of my mutuals on there. mina seemed like a fun person. she was about a year, year and a half, maybe, older than i am. the first things that kind of started rubbing me wrong at the start was how she would kind of dismiss suggestions for the server than i and a friend had, and how she kept bringing up her age - she would often say things like “well i wouldn’t do that but i’m an Old(TM) so maybe i just don’t get it” and i can’t really explain why that bothered me. i think it felt dismissive, like Younger Folks Don’t Know How Things Should Work. also, like. she kept bringing it up. as if it meant something, as if plenty of us on that server weren’t actually around her age. there was a convo on vaccinations where i wanted to make the point that a lot of anti-vaxxers should be educated instead of ridiculed and shamed, but i never really got to making that point bc she jumped in very sharply and explained that anti-vaxxers all come from a class of people who are generally educated. i didn’t bother saying anything else.

at the start, it was tiny little things like that. i chalked it up to her personality and mine just not quite matching up. i sat down a lot and examined my own internal biases, bc i knew something was bugging me, but i couldn’t tell if it was legitimate, or if i was jealous and petty, or if i was being discriminatory towards her identity. i still wonder that a lot; i want to be careful that i’m examining her actions here, and not the person who made those actions.

because the other thing that bothered me was that she was perfect at pretty much everything. she was a decent, if not good, writer, from what i read. i thought her “art”/edits were neat, even if sometimes i looked at them going “that just looks like an edit, not your own art, but u kno, edits are art too, so i’m not gonna say anything.” she had a lot of motivation, a lot of ambition. soon, this kind of transferred over into me feeling like she acted like she had to be perfect at everything. i think this is probably one of the more “lisa is just being petty” things, rather than a judgement on her character, but she seemed to flaunt her own skills and accomplishments a lot. not that no one is allowed to brag sometimes! but it was just another layer of “this bothers me.”

then there was the hero worship.

people in the server loved mina. i liked her. i had no problems with her, even if there were a few things i was a little “ehhhh” about. vv got pretty big, pretty quickly, and i assume there was a decent amount of turnover and people who just joined to lurk or sometimes share things in the promos channel or elsewhere. but the most active folks just. they adored mina with every fiber of their being. mina could do no wrong. no one ever called her out on anything; everything she did was hailed as fantastic and wonderful. and honestly, for the most part, it wasn’t like she was doing crappy stuff. some of the praise was well-deserved, imo, but it just bordered on embarrassing for some of these people, how much they just worshipped the ground she walked on.

and she didn’t really like, discourage it. like, at the start, i think i remember her being more modest, but in general, she just let it go, and so did i, bc like. i aint that kinda jerk.

the stated purpose of violetvineyard was to have a community that valued reciprocity. reciprocity was mina’s biggest thing. there was a channel for people to post their stuff on, so the rest of us could browse and read and reblog. i, admittedly, didn’t do as much of that as i wish i did, but part of it was because i do have a life outside of the internet, a memory and attention span the size of a gnat, and because like. 90% of the stuff that people put in the promos channel were things like edits, writeblr intros, wip intros, etc etc, when all i wanted was to just read some actual writing. but that’s neither here nor there. what got hilarious to me, though, was whenever mina’s fervent admirers would talk about how mina was, quote, a pillar of the community. how vv was doing something No Other Writeblr Group Had Done Before. how Important and Special this server was.

folks. i’ve been on here for several years now. we don’t have a community. we have a bunch of little cliques who reblog from their friends and complain about people not reblogging them. noah fence, but come on. vv got pretty dang big, but it was still a small corner of a small section of tumblr. like. sorry, all y’all, but them’s the breaks.

also, this was hilarious to me bc there are several big writeblrs who have been running around long before mina and vv showed up. yet, according to these people in the server, mina had Single-handedly Brought Hope To This Desolate Wasteland.

in the end, vv became just another little clique whose members reblogged from their friends. i don’t want to devalue the good that did come out of vv. a lot of the picture being painted rn was that the majority of the server were scary dog-piling people. the majority of the server were just writeblrs looking to promo their stuff and talk about their writing. unfortunately, few bad apples, bad rep, negatives outshine positives, etc etc. but i think it did do some good re: exposure for a few folks, even tho it didn’t turn into what it could have been.

another one of the things that was a minor irritant to me was that they eventually started archiving the vent channel, which was probably the most-used channel. that didn’t sit right to me, but as always, i was a coward had nothing to say about it, so i didn’t. the reason given was that there were often things in the vent channel that people might regret being there, so it was periodically archived and a fresh channel started.

so i’m rambling a lot about stuff that’s probably boring and inconsequential. that’s 90% of this whole vv thing, tho, you need to understand that.

the biggest thing that bothered me about mina, i think, came about from the constant hero worship from her adoring fans. and i know there’s a whole argument to be said about expecting labor from people with marginalized identities, which is an argument i agree with - don’t expect someone of a minority group to educate you or to face trauma or to shut down bigots, etc etc. but by now, mina had a lot of followers in general, and in specific, she had quite a few people who would defend her at every single perceived slight.

she made a lot of those fun writeblr reblog games, like “send me a fruit that says this about my writing.” those were cool, i’ll admit that. but she was super into “you have to send an ask to the person you reblog from, RECIPROCITY!!!!!!!!!!!” and seemed to struggle with the fact that sometimes, people don’t follow her established rules on her posts for these games. she’d complain about it every single time that happened in the vent channel, which, again, that’s fine? that’s what vents are for, it’s annoying to not get cool fun asks when you do these games, but also, that’s life for you. she could depend on her fans to send her plenty of asks, whereas the much smaller blogs who reblogged these games would probably get f-all, half the time. if you’ve gone through nuwuhorizons or one of the other blogs i mentioned earlier, you’ll have run across the incident where mina’s friends harrassed an 11 year old for not doing her ask game right.

an eleven year old.

and this is my biggest grief with mina. she only stopped her friends from dogpiling people... once? maybe twice? that i remember. and not only that, but there were SEVERAL occasions where she would get on the vent channel, complain about someone who had said something wrong on one of her posts (and sometimes, again, these were legitimate!), and then ask if someone in the server wanted to reply to them. reasons for such ranged from “i’m too busy rn” to “they would probably listen more to a white person than me.”

again. this, on occasion, is not necessarily a bad thing. we cannot expect labor and response from minorities. my issue was that she kept doing this. and sometimes it was fine, just someone who would drop a note on the post or send a polite anon. but this, to me, the whole asking someone else to fight your battles for you? that really bothered me. mina is a grown adult. either ignore it, like the rest of us chumps, or deal with it yourself. having friends support you is not a bad thing - if i was attacked on tumblr and my friends jumped in to defend me, i’m cool with that. but i wouldn’t ask them to, and then not do anything myself.

to me, this attitude just encourages dogpiling. this felt like she was taking advantage of the people admiring her so whole-heartedly, and using them to deal with minor grievances. (again, i don’t want to downplay some of the actual racism and xenophobia she experienced on this website, because there was some pretty sketchy stuff that did need someone else stepping in to object to. but then there was “ugh this person asked me what program i use to make my music and i don’t want to answer them bc that’s rude,” and stuff of that caliber. like, mina, you built yourself a pretty big following here on tumblr, you don’t get to complain when people are trying to ask you questions and engage with you when you set yourself up as a knowledgeable person on a subject.)

i’m going to mention @gingerly-writing because she already made a post on the subject, but there was an instance where we were in the vent channel and watched a lot of mina’s friends send anons and reblogs of a hurtful nature to one person. eventually, ginger stepped in to say “hey, i don’t think we need to keep doing this, they are a minor,” and after she did so, i also jumped in, saying something along the lines of, “yeah, i’ve seen this kind of stuff blow up in another server and end in a really regrettable situation where no one was happy, can we stop.” both ginger and i received a private message from the mods (individually) saying that we shouldn’t police the chat, etc etc. not during that message, but on the vent channel, another mod jumped in to say that the people dogpiling the blogger were also minors. as if that makes it okay, and isn’t actually extremely worrying in its own right.

after that, i pretty much took a stance of “all right then i just won’t say anything at all.” i stuck around vv because i hated myself actually really liked a few of the others in the server, including a couple of the mods who are actually really cool people, not all the vv mods are sketch, and because honestly? i lowkey knew that vv was going to crash and burn sometime, and i wanted to be there to watch what happened. due to the pandemic, and her line of work, mina became less active, and the whole server died down a bit.

then someone reblogged one of mina’s ‘art’ posts and accused her of tracing. mina’s admirers immediately jumped into action. nuwuhorizons has it pretty well documented on their blog. there was nothing in the server about it, except one of the others said “oh man i saw that and it pissed me off,” there was some minor chat, and then i woke up and wanted to know what had happened, and was told “don’t worry about it.”

so, naturally, bc the only thing i thirst for is water and Drama(TM), i went looking for it.

found it on some of mina’s friend’s blogs, where i found who had reblogged and said mina was tracing, and followed those reblog chains, where several of mina’s followers attacked the accuser and made fun of their name and age and defended mina, pulling out progress videos and stuff of mina’s work. the accuser was trans and still a teenager, even if technically an adult, so that made things a lot worse. mina eventually posted something explaining that she was pencil tracing and had a very cheery, false-positive tone to the whole thing.

things sorta ended at that, but then maybe the same day, or the day after, user hyba made that big ol post about the Big Scary Tumblr Mirror Website Copying All Your Good, Hard Work. mina and her friends jumped on this. they threw it in the server and talked about things like intellectual property rights and “i don’t like how this makes me feel :(” and from there, went in to how tumblr was a terrible garbage site and then mina and most of the mod team decided that it was time to pack up VV and leave tumblr completely.

pretty much everyone i know were mina’s besties have vanished off tumblr. mina made an announcement that VV was “migrating” off tumblr and discord(???) and dropped another application to join the great vv migration. i did not apply bc i just have too freaking much going on in my life and needed to get out of this for the sake of my own mental health. it was tempting as hell, tho, i will say that.

a couple things about this - at the time, mina is also having some pretty bad things going on in her family. she was very vague on the details, but i think that really contributed to wanting to leave; on top of the pandemic and everything else, she was probably heckin stressed. but also like. she never called out her followers for attacking her accuser. she never made any sort of post talking about it. she never told her friends on the server “hey don’t do that.” she never took accountability for it, or, honestly, for anything else she or her friends have done that didn’t feel too good. the mirror sites aren’t really a big deal.

after the server was archived, it was left up a couple days so everyone could grab contact info, etc. during this time, i was checking the ‘violetvineyard’ tag and saw someone post “what happened to mvcreates they haven’t answered my application to vv,’ and i responded with “oh, the server closed down bc of the copy cat sites.”

the same day, i got a tumblr DM from one of the former mods asking me not to give away any details about vv leaving tumblr. it was very politely worded and everything, but it was still just like

okay? vv is over? why are you asking me not to say anything. and it wasn’t like i was even spilling any hot goss, i was just repeating the excuse (and i do mean excuse) mina gave us.

anyway, that mod is off tumblr, too, as far as i know, or else they stealthin. which is fine, u do u, buddy.

uhh conclusion time, i guess? i have a few scattered screenshots of things, but i’m not posting em bc i’m lazy and also running late for a thing. but really, for me, i didn’t have a whole lot of beef with mina or pretty much any of the other folks on vv. i thought that mina and her friends were a bit too eager for blood, and that really bothered me. i’m annoyed they shut down vv completely, because it could actually have been something great. if mina wanted off writeblr, i wish she had given the whole network over to people interested in running it; instead, what was a good thing for a lot of people is now completely gone, with no existing framework for people to build on. sure, anyone can go make their own network/family for writeblr, but now it’s just going to splinter into a bunch of different, smaller groups, and we’re all back to square one.

but whatever. i didn’t get to see the server go down in flames, instead it just ended with a hasty retreat and a few whimpers, and quite honestly i wished my staying in had paid off.

i do want to reiterate - there were quite a few people in vv who i think are great, and this does include some of the mods themselves.

i’ve also gotten a couple messages from a few other folks who had been in vv who have their own real, real sketch stories, which are making me rethink how i feel about mina and her friends, and all the good credit i gave them. i just wanted to present this bc it’s my blog and i do what i want, fight me.

and if anyone wants to chat about vv, hit me up. i keep things as private as you want them to be, and i love love love talking about this nonsense. Give Me The Deets.

#violetvineyard #vv drama #long post #sorry not sorry #i just wanted to give a touch more balanced view on vv #i have a few other things i could talk about but none are really worth the effort

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trensu · 5 years ago

Text

Episode 32: The One where the Moonlit Rooftop BETRAYS Us

Remember how the last episode brutally tore the heart right out of our collective chest?

Well get ready to dial that pain up to ELEVEN BC THIS TIME AROUND THEY RIP THE HEART RIGHT OUT OF US AND THEN CRUSHES IT BENEATH THEIR HEEL

And i can’t even skip most of it!! Bc it is crucially important to know what state of mind our beloved sunshine boy is in for everything to make sense!!

Especially for what’s going to happen in the next episode!

So we HAVE TO SUFFER. THERE’S NO WAY AROUND IT.

We start our episode at the super fun jin ancestral hall in lanling where jyl is mourning the death of her husband!!

Enjoy this bc this is literally the least painful moment in the entire episode!!!

My precious sunshine boy is lurking behind a pillar, guilt-ridden and alone

He can’t get any nearer bc of the guilt

But he can’t stay away bc that’s his sister, his most precious person

Too bad madam jin spots him

AND THEN JYL SEES HIM AND STARTS CRYING

WWX’S FACE HERE, OH GOD, I CAN’T EVEN DESCRIBE IT

STRICKEN? HEARTBROKEN? DESPAIRING?? WHATEVER IT IS, IT MAKES ME WANNA CRY

So he flees, he can’t face his sister, not when he’s the reason she’s grieving

We’re in the middle of a forest again! It’s even less fun than the last time we were in the forest!

MY DARLING WWX IS HALLUCINATING

HE’S HALLUCINATING HIS SISTER

HE’S SO DESPERATE FOR ANY SCRAP OF KINDNESS OR AFFECTION HERE.

HE’S SO ALONE.

THE RESENTFUL ENERGY IS TAUNTING HIM ��LET US OUT, LET US HELP YOU. YOU CAN ONLY RELY ON US”

HE’S SCREAMING BACK AT THEM, “GET LOST, GET LOST, LEAVE ME ALONE”

IT’S AWFUL. I WANNA DIE.

Now we’re at Qishan, listening to a bunch of cultivators gossip

Again.

The Wens’ bodies are hanging from rafters, all out on display in the open

Because slaughtering them wasn’t horrifying enough, they had to humiliate them after death too. Fucking jin clan.

Wwx appears behind the group and scares the shit out of them (GOOD)

He calmly pulls out his demon flute and starts playing

Within three notes he’s got the entire group of gossips pinned to the ground. Then he played a little extra just for kicks.

THAT’S MY BOY, SHOW ‘EM WHO’S BOSS

Now he’s like, why’d y’all stop talking? Weren’t you saying how you were gonna stop me?

And some idiot rando is like, you think you’re hot shit bully us weaklings?? You should go fight the clan leaders at their big celebration.

Wwx starts to choke him out bc he’s annoying him but wwx gives us this epic line

“Every injustice has its perpetrator.”

And he ditches those basic bitches to hunt down the guys that killed his people

Now we’re watching all this pompous sect leaders celebrating the murder of innocent lives, but we’re not gonna get into it bc they piss me off and nobody needs to pay attention to jgs’s speeches ever

Although i will mention that lxc and jc both look very conflicted at the events that are going down

HANGUANG JUN!!!

We’re back with the basic bitches and lwj appears!!

Lwj: where is wei ying?

Of course his first words in the episode are about wei ying.

And they’re all aw, you just missed him bro, he left about an hour ago

Lwj: where did he go?

And they’re like, Nightless City to hang out with the sect leaders!

Lwj’s face here is just, Worry and Dread.

We’re back with the sect leaders. Jgs is talking again

Thankfully, wwx interrupts him with his mental breakdown!!

AND HE INTERRUPTS BY SHOWING UP ON A MOONLIT ROOFTOP

MOONLIT ROOFTOP, HOW COULD YOU??

YOU WERE SO KIND TO US BEFORE!! WE TRUSTED YOU!! WE LOVED YOU!!!

WHAT DID WE DO WRONG?? HOW COULD YOU BETRAY US THIS WAY??

Jgs: what are you doing here?

Wwx: why can’t i be here? don’t you guys want me here? I’m saving you the effort of hunting me down!

Then there’s a lot of back and forth with rando cultivators throwing accusations at him and wwx making Valid Points left and right

As we all know, Valid Points don’t make a smidge of difference against the incredibly stupid and obstinate.

We won’t get into too much detail here bc it honestly doesn’t even matter what they’re saying, but there are a couple cool lines that i wanted to include

Somebody says something about him having a grudge against Jin Zixun a year ago

Wwx: Little characters like him i forget in 3 days, much less a year.

Which, like, LOL bc he’s right, jz was an insignificant little worm except worms are good for soil so he’s MORE insignificant than a little worm (i’m sorry worms, i shouldn’t have insulted you that way!!)

Later somebody says something about how they had admired wwx before but now they hate him

Wwx: Both your hatred and admiration is so cheap!

WE DO GET A COOL SCENE HERE THO

Some basic bitch shoots him with an arrow and it hits him right in the chest

Wwx barely even flinches

He tears that arrow right back out and covers it with resentful energy

Then LITERALLY THROWS IT BACK AT THE GUY WHO SHOT HIM AND PIERCES HIS CHEST

IT WAS AWESOME

And then he gives us another cool line.

Someone calls him vicious for shooting the guy who shot him before and he says “you’re already branding me as someone who uses wicked tricks, you can’t be counting on my mercy to let it go, right?”

It’s basically a whole ‘you want a bad guy? I’LL SHOW YOU A BAD GUY’ moment. Which looks cool, right, but is also super upsetting bc THIS IS MY PRECIOUS SUNSHINE BOY

MY PRECIOUS SUNSHINE BOY WHO ONLY EVER WANTED TO PROTECT THE WEAK AND DEFENSELESS

Now there’s a battle breaking out! Between the cultivators and the resentful spirits wwx summons

WWX LOOKS SICK AF PLAYING HIS DEMON FLUTE AND SUMMONING SPIRITS, LIKE ALWAYS.

But we don’t care about this battle.

This battle doesn’t matter. Even if it does look pretty cool.

Because all the important stuff happens on rooftops, as we already know.

And on the rooftop WE SUDDENLY HAVE LWJ SHOW UP WITH HIS GUQIN

HE’S PLAYING MAGIC MUSIC.

HE’S FACING DOWN WWX.

Wwx: lan zhan, you’re here. You should have known i’d be immune to the Song of Clarity

Lwj whooshes his guqin away.

Wwx: lan zhan, i knew one day we were gonna have a real fight.

anD WWX STARTS PLAYING HIS DEMON FLUTE AGAINST LWJ

LWJ DRAWS BICHEN AND STARTS DIVING SWORD FIRST TOWARDS WWX

AND EVERYTHING HURTS

WWX SLAMS HIM BACK WITH RESENTFUL ENERGY BUT LWJ PUSHES RIGHT BACK

Lwj: wei ying, stop it!

Wwx doesn’t respond. In fact, he’s kept his eyes closed and unresponsive since he started playing his flute, PROBABLY BC HE CAN’T BEAR TO WATCH HIMSELF ATTACK HIS SOULMATE

I ALSO CAN’T BEAR TO WATCH HIM ATTACK HIS SOULMATE BUT HERE I AM WATCHING BC APPARENTLY I ENJOY SUFFERING

Lwj: wei ying, stop it now!

Wwx: lan zhan, do you think i have any other choice now?

Lwj: the situation has changed!

Wwx: what?

Lwj: trust me. It’s not that simple.

Wwx: what do you mean?

But before we can get any answers or clues or anything useful, we get interrupted by jyl’s voice crying “a-xian!”

And thus begins the world’s WORST, MOST PAINFUL GAME OF MARCO POLO EVER

Because jyl is on the battlefield, still in her mourning robes. And she’s calling for her brothers.

Both jc and wwx hear her and instantly start looking for her

Wwx ditches the rooftop (and lwj with it), gives up his high ground and dives into the battlefield to look for his sister

He gets attacked by some cultivators and we hear the strum of a guqin

Lwj followed him! And defended him against attacks, BC THAT’S WHAT HE DOES FOR HIS SOULMATE. THAT’S HIS WHOLE THING.

Lwj: wei ying, your flute!

What he means is, keep playing, i’ll protect you from attacks while you get to your sister

And wwx starts playing again, bc EVEN AFTER he and lwj fought one another with all they had, he still trusts lwj

Jyl, jc, and wwx all take turns calling each other’s names. MY YUNMENG SIBS ARE TRYING TO REUNITE

Meanwhile we see lwj flitting about the edges of the screen blocking attacks left and right, and keeping wwx safe

SUDDENLY, we hear the sound of a second flute pierce the air! And the puppets get more vicious. WWX IS NO LONGER IN CONTROL

Btw, apparently, we the audience are the only ones who can hear this second flute BC NOBODY ON-SCREEN SEEMS TO QUESTION THE FLUTE MUSIC PLAYING EVEN WHEN WWX VERY OBVIOUSLY DOESN’T HAVE THE FLUTE AT HIS MOUTH TO PLAY IT

IT’S SO FRUSTRATING. I THOUGHT THESE CULTIVATORS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SOMEWHAT INTELLIGENT BUT NOTHING THEY’VE DONE EVER SHOWS THIS

And oh fuck, once the second flute takes over the puppets we get the SAD BACKGROUND MUSIC FROM “THE ONES WHERE WE GROSS SOB FOREVER”

FUCK

I CAN’T

I’VE BEEN FUCKING PAVLOV’D TO INSTANT TEARS AT THIS MUSIC, DAMN IT ALL.

NOOOO, NONONONONO I’M NOT READY, I’M NOT READY, I’M NOT READY

The yunmeng sibs are still crying out for each other as this Sad Music plays aND I JUST CAN’T.

They finally set eyes on one another, only to see a puppet come up behind jyl

Jc is begging wwx to stop the puppet bc he thinks wwx is still in control

Wwx is so desperate here that he doesn’t even use his flute, he just starts SCREAMING at the puppet to stop, “GO AWAY, DON’T TOUCH HER”

And lwj sees this all happening! He follows wwx’s line of sight and sees that jyl is about to get cut down by a puppet

LWJ SEES THIS AND IMMEDIATELY TRIES TO GO TO HER AID

BC HE KNOWS JYL IS WWX’S PRECIOUS PERSON. TO PROTECT HER IS TO PROTECT WWX’S HEART

Also i like to think that lwj and jyl bonded over their love for wwx way back in “the one where jyl captains the ship” so he’d want to protect his friend anyway

But he gets intercepted by two other puppets who attack him and keep him stalled far away from jyl and wwx

FUCK

WHY

GOD DAMN IT

The puppet cuts down jyl from behind

AND IT FUCKING HURTS ME IN THE DEEPEST PART MY SOUL

And wwx is in a state of shock bc HIS SISTER, HIS BELOVED SISTER IS HURT, HIS SISTER IS HURT

Wwx makes a mad dash towards her

But Lwj intercepts him and says “wei ying, stop your puppets! Stop them!”

Wwx doesn’t listen to him. He flings lwj’s arm away and keeps running

Wwx finally makes it to where jyl fell, where she’s now being cradled in jc’s arms

Wwx reaches for her but jc shoves him away

Jc: you said you could control them, you said there was no problem

He’s not even really yelling here, but his voice is all cracked, hoarse, and pained

Wwx: it’s not me, i don’t know! i didn’t make them kill people, why can’t i control them? I lost control of them!

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

I’M HURTING SO MUCH RIGHT NOW

I’M SICK OF CRYING, SHOW, I’M SICK OF IT. PLEASE STOP. WHY MUST YOU HURT ME

Jyl is still alive!

Jyl: a-xian, xianxian

She reaches and puts her hand on the side of his face

Jyl: you ran so fast, i didn’t have enough time to look at you and talk to you

AND I’M FUCKING SOBBING BC SHE SOUNDS SO WEAK AND WWX HAS TEARS STREAMING DOWN HIS FACE AND EVERYTHING FUCKING HURTS

Jyl: i wanted to tell you--

But she doesn’t get to finish that sentence bc she sees someone aiming for wwx’s back and she shoves him out of the way to protect him

She gets a sword to the chest

And the rando cultivator holding the sword is all it’s not my fault, i was aiming for you, wwx this is your fault!

FUCK YOU RANDO CULTIVATOR FUCK YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL

Wwx starts to choke him out, which is good bc i wanted to do that myself too

And jc is sobbing, rocking his sister’s body

AND THIS IS WHERE THE EPISODE ENDS

WHAT

THE

FUCK

NO, I CNA’T, I CAN’T, I’M HURTING SO MUCH, COME BACK AND MAKE IT BETTER GOD DAMN IT

I HAVE NO MORE TISSUES!! TISSUES ARE CURRENTLY A HOT COMMODITY, I CAN’T JUST GO OUT AND BUY MORE

FUCK, JUST LEAVE ME HERE TO DIE. I CNA’T ANYMORE.

Return to Masterpost

#WangXiantics #wangxian #the untamed #cql

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sergeanttpoliteness · 5 years ago

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➹one love confession, please➹(peter b. parker x reader)

The sad and divorced man who’s become a regular for the past year is constantly spilling his emotions to you, his favorite bartender. This wasn’t something new; you can’t count with both of your hands the times you’ve heard someone recount the odyssey of their life. But these flutters in your stomach were definitely something you didn’t experience with your customers, and you definitely did not end up making out with them at the end of the night. Maybe Peter B. was your only exception, though.

(PART I)

word count: 12.3k (oof)

warnings: cursing, alcohol, and mentions of sex (let me know if i missed something!)

a/n: it’s five am where i live and this is already awfully long so i’m gonna make it as brief as i can. first, i’m sorry it took eight months, but at last, it’s here, and i’m so happy and proud of it ! thank you a million times for the amazing support this story got, seriously. second, this was also for @connorshero 1.6k followers writing challenge, and i can’t express enough how ashamed i am that it took so long lmao, i’m a clown. it’s here, tho, and i hope i hear your thoughts and that y’all enjoy it (:

taglist: @fanbase-jumper

Never in a million years would you have deemed possible a human could undergo through such a crushing feeling of dread, yet, sadly, you found yourself to be wrong, for there you were, a pressure smothering your lungs and an iciness washing over you. You never would have imagined yourself hiding in the bathroom from a certain Peter B. Parker, either; but then again, contrary to your previous thinking, there you sat on the closed toilet seat, your eyes squeezed shut, breathing heavily as a frostbite in your heart eclipsed any other thoughts in your head.

For the last few days, you had tried to repress a memory which physically pained you as you worked at the bar, almost as if it were nothing more than a bizarre dream you had one night, or a movie you watched as a little kid and couldn’t figure out as a grown-up whether it was real or not. It didn’t take long before in your restless little brain, that date did not exist in the calendar. So… strange, how all of sudden you couldn't remember anything from that night. Yeah, nothing happened. There’s no reason or possible explanation as to why you nearly dropped dead to the ground every time the entrance opened, or why your lower stomach erupted like a geyser refusing to rest whenever you caught a glimpse in the mirror of the bruises on your neck and, just maybe, somewhere in the back of your head, recalled how they came to be in the first place; how the small vessels burst, why they’re there. Your self-induced amnesia surprisingly worked. Yeah, like a charm. Until you looked up for the billionth time and it wasn’t another false alarm. The fortress of protection you constructed collapsed as if it took no effort to build it, because there he was— there stood Peter, just a few feet away from you.

Of course, you panicked; hysterically searched your surroundings for an excuse to leave, but no one wanted to bother you when you most needed it. Terrible luck, indeed. You only had two choices (although, really, you most likely had more): you could be, you know, smart and face your problems, or, Peter, to be more concise, or you could run away to hide and wait it out in the bathroom. So, after analyzing it thoroughly for approximately two seconds, what did you do?

Get the fuck out of there, obviously; you threw your towel, sped out of the bar, and instantly headed to have the meltdown of the century in the bathroom.

You screamed into your hands as you relived everything in your head, stomping your foot on the floor tiles. Remorse didn’t suffice anymore to explain the sharp pain in your stomach. You’d sabotaged yourself— you got a nip that night, a morsel of something greater, a catalyst for ‘what if’s and a total loss of self-control, because once the temporary high didn’t satiate you any longer, you’d seek it again. Regardless of your constant imbecility, you weren’t oblivious: it was nothing more than a distraction for Peter’s troubles and conflicting emotions over a woman he’d married, and it would never mean anything to him. It never would, despite how much it meant to you.

Suddenly, your phone vibrated in your pocket. You pulled it out, narrowed eyes reading the recent message while your heart went ballistic.

‘You can’t stay there forever, he’s starting to get suspicious.’

You breathed out, partially relieved. It was your friend. You texted him earlier as you lost it in the bathroom stall, as one does. You were close to getting on your knees and start praying to any superior entity that he was simply imagining stuff like most of the time, attempting to read in between the lines when, in reality, all Peter did was drink his whiskey served over ice, totally unconcerned. Yes, perhaps, you running away didn’t signify ‘subtle’, and the fact that you two hadn’t shared a word or texted ever since you fled his apartment a week prior didn’t brighten the situation at all. Why should it matter if you chose to continue escaping your issues? You could stay there forever, and it was no one’s business. The bar’s urine-scented bathroom could be your new home.

Your phone rang again. ‘Dude, c’mon.’

Goddammit.

Your friend shouldn’t have the power to knock some sense into you with just two messages, but he did anyway. You required an abundance of courage you did not carry to hesitantly walk out of the stall, and then the bathroom. You were sure your heart could hop out of your chest, as gruesome as it may have been, at any moment as Peter’s figure came closer and closer to you with each dreadful step you took. It wasn’t as dramatic in real life, most likely (most definitely). But as if you finally understood your situation, the charisma awakened from its sleep and, in an instant, you let out a disappointed ‘aw!’, replacing your terrified features with an exaggerated pout. “Oh, man! Somebody else already took your order? Unbelievable.”

He reacted as though he overheard the most unbelievable noise— a call from God itself or extraterrestrial life, because he could’ve gotten some whiplash by the way in which his head jerked up.

Peter cleared his throat, unsure of what to do with his hands as he showed you a tight-lipped smile. “Uh, hey! Hey…” He exclaimed and you winked at him. “I thought you weren’t here, or something.”

You thought for a moment. For real this time. You couldn’t say ‘I was just having a breakdown in the bathroom’. “Nah, my boss just needed my help… with stuff,” You waved your hand, aware that your boss had left an hour ago. He hummed and nodded, downing his shot. Wait. Your eyes returned to his glass when you fully took it in. It wasn’t whiskey served over ice.

You pointed at the empty drink in his grasp. “What’s that?”

He glanced down at it, raising a brow. “What, you’ve never seen a shot of vodka?”

“No, no, I mean— yeah, but what the hell happened to your whiskey?”

Peter pressed his lips together, shrugging one shoulder. “I dunno, guess I just… got tired of it?”

The corner of your lips tugged down momentarily. “Ah, I see…” You distracted yourself with a glass, cleaning it despite its already pristine look. You just needed anything to focus on other than Peter. “This is so tragic, your whiskey days have come to an end.” You joked, laughing quietly and disguising the aching in your chest.

He tilted his head, quirking an eyebrow and grinning a confused smile. “What’s wrong with vodka?”

“It’s just… so boring.”

An incredulous grin stretched across his face. “More boring than whiskey?”

Your smile faded, a frown taking its place. “I… I’m guessing I had just grown used to it— I don’t know.”

For the first time in a whole year of weekly meetings and ongoing chatter, an uncomfortable silence sat amongst you two. And for the first time, too, you did not know what to say. “Y/N?” You looked up at him attentively, although you did not want to hear what he had to say at all.

Peter avoided your gaze, instead focusing on his lap, and opened his mouth, closing it when you couldn’t think up any words. “I think, uh… we gotta talk, right? About… y’know.” Your face heated up as red as a field of roses.

You laughed nervously, your hands on the bar as you slanted forward. “...About what?”

“Just, about what happened, and that thing you said the morning after—”

“Did I say anything the morning after?” You cut him off, wishing you’d stuck with your plan of moving into the bathroom.

To your horror, your biggest fear unfolded as Peter let out air through his nose, chuckling without humor.

“Are you gonna try to convince me it was a dream again?” You nearly passed out as Peter cited the words you so vividly remembered uttering. “‘You’re just dreaming?’” It all came back to you, everything— your forced memory loss received a fatal blow as memories bombarded your brain: Peter’s face twisted with puzzlement and sleep after you blurted out your utter nonsense and— how could you forget, oh God, how could you— the cherry on top, your uncomfortably intense five-second staring contest as you headed for the door and dashed out of his apartment.

“‘Wake up?’” He continued and you merely blinked back at him. He didn’t need to fucking quote you and remind you what a joke you were— who does that? But also, who tells the guy you just hooked up with that he’s dreaming after he caught you in the midst of trying to sneak out? B-B-Bingo! Of course, of course it had to be you out of all people.

You stood frozen, like you did that embarrassing morning, begging your head to stop it with the callbacks and breathing out. “What if it was a dream? You never know.” You said, unwilling to give up your idiocy. Peter stared at you, his lack of amusement terrifying you further.

“A dream.”

“Yeah.”

He rubbed his face. “Jesus Christ, Y/N—”

“What?”

“Stop acting like an idiot, please.”

“Peter, you literally could’ve brought up anything else other than this.” You hissed, exasperated. “Any other fucking thing.”

“I can’t not bring this up.”

“Well, why not? I surely can.”

“‘Cause it was weird.”

You grimaced and covered your face with your hands, muffling your words, “Oh my God, I know, I fucking know. What did you want me to do—”

“I don’t know, maybe just talk, you know!” He suggested with raised hands, the harsh sarcasm in his voice deepening your pained expression. “Wh-why did you even say that?! Like—”

“I didn’t want to be there! I just wanted to leave, okay?!” You admitted loudly, uncaring of your blatancy. When you didn’t hear him, your shaking hands slowly unveiled your face. A man two seats away eyed you two as he drank, while Peter stared at the counter with knitted brows, digesting what you said.

“Do you wish it had been a dream?” He asked quietly. You began to tap your finger, your lips shaping the words you wanted to speak, but didn’t exactly know how to.

“No. That’s not it, I…” You croaked out. You couldn’t continue when you noticed what you thought was a flourishing desire in his eyes which you saw that same night back at his place. Just say it. Your fingertips thudded the wood faster, your feet shifting, voice stuttering. Say you’d do it again.

“It was just a one-time thing, right?” You whispered. Then, you doubted if that lust had simply been a delusion your brain fabricated. That, perhaps, you yearned for something bigger so badly you’d projected your own silly cravings onto the man, for all trace of that weakening glimmer was now nothing more than the familiar amity the always held.

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Right.” You breathed out.

“It was just a one-time thing.” He repeated as if it were obvious.

“Yes.” You both nodded, unable to look at each other straight in the eye without squirming. As soon as some clients called for you, you shared a last glance before you left. When you returned, all you found were some crumpled dollar bills and no sign of Peter.

You didn’t buy him a gift. And neither did he, but he did send you a message saying, ‘Merry Christmas!’, and there exists a possibility that you broke down crying whilst drunk because of the smiley face he wrote along with it, but that’s something you wouldn’t ever disclose— even if it happened one more time during New Year’s Eve as your head pounded with the people around you religiously blowing their party horns. That was it, though. You didn’t see him at the bar, which a part of you could only be thankful for, but the remaining kicked itself for not fixing things when you had the chance to. For not being honest when you could have.

Your friend yet again with his wisdom from the gods told you to stop wasting time and move on with your life, albeit not as kindly, as if saying it in such a way wasn’t hurtful enough. However, after being too sensitive for two seconds, you sucked it up and knew that he was right.

You managed to keep Peter out of your thoughts most of the time, focusing on your job and getting additional money with your paintings to treat yourself. You could go out more with your friends, buy a new TV, maybe save for the vacation you’d been dreaming of for the past years. For some time, as there was no Peter in your head nor at the bar, it was just like before the man nearing his forties and with a really, really nice nose sat down in front of you.

You could only maintain him out of your orbit for so long, though.

You sat at another bar two blocks down your place, hunched over and your eyes glued on your cell phone’s screen, anticipation pulling imaginary strings connected to your fingers which fidgeted, tossed the device from hand to hand. Your friend was the fourth person you texted in the last thirty minutes, an act born from desperation, perhaps; created upon an urgency for an anchor, a quick fix that would momentarily patch up the heaviness in your chest that made an unwanted visit too many times to your liking and dissipate all the thoughts in your head. You needed something, a distraction, anything— hell, you’d even texted your boss, a known shopaholic, asking if she wanted to go shopping. But everyone appeared to be doing something that night, too engaged in their own affairs to remember you. It was selfish, you understood, to think that way; they had lives, after all. Nevertheless, that selfishness was a blemish you couldn’t vanish as the three dots emerged, followed by the exact same message you dreaded: ‘Can’t tonight, I’m with dad. What about tomorrow?’ There was no tomorrow, though. No, you ached for it right now, in that instant, something.

Peter.

No. You couldn’t. Another decline was a final blow you couldn’t withstand, anyway, especially from him. However, you weren’t the one making the decisions anymore. Your heart manipulated your limbs, and in a blur, you’d searched his contact. Too soon to your liking, you heard that tedious beeping, your heartbeat then the sole noise in your ears once it halted. All of a sudden, you couldn’t talk, your words lodged in your throat, because it was strange to hear that voice again and it was too much for you right now.

“Y/N? Are you there?” Peter said after you didn’t make the slightest sound, hesitance evident in his tone, for he wondered whether it’d been an accidental butt dial. You took in a big breath and pressed your phone closer to your ear, your elbows aching from the hard counter they rested upon.

“...Hi.” You scrunched up your nose, shaking your head at yourself.

“What… what’s up?” It was odd, you both knew, because when did you ever call each other, and when was the last time you two talked? But turning a blind eye to your friend’s advice, you itched to fulfill your own cravings that night— it didn’t really matter what kind, but just a friend was all you needed, just someone.

You stuttered for a while, internally grateful he remained silent and waited for you to clear your mind. “Nothing. That’s why I’m calling, I guess. Just wanted to talk.”

“To talk?” You could hear the engines of driving vehicles in the background and you frowned, scratching the back of your head.

“Sorry, are you busy? I didn’t mean to bother you. I can call another time—”

“No, no!” He stopped you, your heart growing wings, fluttering and capable of flying out of your chest with how gentle he sounded. “I just got done with something and I’m going back home, you don’t have to hang up.”

You hit the tip of your shoes against the bar, tense brows still not relaxing. “Oh, okay…”

“Are you at work?

“No, my shift ends at a normal time on Friday’s, thankfully.”

He chuckled. “Oh, I see— so you’re home alone and bored?”

You observed the place around you, focusing on the bartender and then on your drink. “Eh, not exactly.” You closed your hand into a fist, struggling to not dissect the skin around your nails like an animal in a biology class. “I know this is unusual, we never really talk outside of the bar and we haven’t seen each other in a while, but…”

“It’s kinda our first phone call, isn’t it?”

You smiled, your lip trembling. “Y-Yeah. Our first phone call.” You almost cursed when your voice wavered.

“Hey, you alright?”

You sighed, scratching your head. “Not gonna lie, I’ve been better.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“It’s stupid, I don’t know. It’s a Friday night— everyone’s out having a good time, and I’m just… here, in a bar and on my own.” You shrugged, your nails carving the timber.

“It’s not stupid.” He murmured and you snorted, unconvinced. “If it makes you feel any less alone, I’m not exactly out partying and having a good time, either.”

“Do you even still party, grandpa?”

“Just ‘cause I’m old, it doesn’t mean I still haven’t got the moves.”

“It definitely sounds like you don’t.”

“Don’t sound so sure, you haven’t seen me at my best.” Seeing him wasn’t necessary, you could easily imagine his teasing grin.

“Hm, yeah, I’d immediately take off my clothes if you pretended to lasso me at the club.” You both giggled and you hugged yourself, glancing at the empty stool beside you, biting the inside of your cheek. “Do you maybe want to come and have a drink with me?” You shot your shot, to your thumping heart’s dismay. Guessing by the click you distinguished, he probably just got back home.

“...Have a drink with you?”

“J-Just to hangout, you know.” You quickly explained. “Chat for a while. I can pay, if you want.”

You waited for a response, a rejection. But it didn’t come.

It was quite embarrassing, to say the least, that after he agreed and you hung up, you almost dropped your phone with how the fright weakened your arms as you tried to send him the bar’s address. You eagerly waited, too, like a damn puppy anticipating its owner’s return at the end of the day. Using your phone’s selfie camera, you checked your appearance, tidying up all just to make yourself look way more put together than you actually were, even if you were in a bar, alone, and, well, drinking. Despite your awaiting, though, you were taken off guard when a man chose to settle down beside you and cleared his throat.

“I gotta say, it’s weird to see you on the other side of the bar,” Peter smiled as a greeting. Your eyes scanned him, taking in his presence, struggling to process it as if he were a ghost. In your defense, it did feel as if he hadn’t been part of your world for the last two months.

You chuckled, shyly moving your view to your beverage. “Sorry, I won’t be playing bartender tonight.”

“Too bad, I like it when you give me free drinks.”

“Technically, you still are getting free drinks from me tonight.”

He huffed, a crooked smile lingering on his face. You called for the bartender and side-glanced at Peter, quietly asking what he wanted and biting back a disappointed grunt when it wasn’t whiskey served over ice. Whatever. It was just a drink. You two didn’t share a look after that small interaction, though, your face flustered, redder than the bartender’s awful and painful-to-look-at-from-how-bright-it-was shirt. You preferred to believe it was the alcohol, regardless of the truth that you hadn’t drunk that much yet. But your skin burned since he was there, and suddenly, the last disastrous meeting you two experienced replayed way too loudly in your head, the scorching sensation only spreading further and gaining more vigor with the possibility that it did the same in his, too. The unspoken and evident discomfort was enough to make you assume that it definitely was on his mind.

You made the effort to spark up a conversation with the dreaded small talk. ‘How have you been?’, ‘Anything new?’, ‘The weather’s been pretty cold lately, huh?’— blah, blah, blah. Nonetheless, neither of you had more to say other than short, boring responses. It became so unbearable, you knew the only way you could get through this night— seeing as you couldn’t leave after he’d just gotten there— depended on your current and whoever many you could afford future drinks. Quite an alcoholic mindset, perhaps, but there was no way you were the only one or that Peter didn’t have the same wish as you.

Holding your third drink, tispy thoughts pressed you to climb out of the hell you were in. You turned your body to face him, nudging his leg with your foot. He’d been paying attention to a wildlife documentary and an animal hiding from its predator before he lifted an eyebrow and nodded at you. “What?”

“Where have you been?”

A crease formed between his brows as he found it hard to differentiate this question from the one you asked earlier. “I told you, I haven’t really been up to much—”

You shook your head. “That’s not what I asked. Where have you been?” Peter pursed his lips, contemplating.

“New York.”

You hummed, bringing your drink up to your lips. “Okay. So if you were here, how come I haven’t seen you since, uh—” You pretended to count in your head, tongue poking out of your mouth as you summed with your fingers. “—December?”

“I was busy.” You narrowed your eyes.

“I thought you hadn’t been up to much?”

“I… haven’t,” Peter said slowly, too far in to escape the contradiction. You bit your lip before finishing your half-empty drink all in one go, head spinning, the weight in your stomach drawing you down to the Earth’s core.

It’s difficult to perceive the line between overthinking and legitimacy. It’s so fine and faint, like a message written with chalk in the middle of the neighborhood’s road that can only be deciphered if you stare at it long and closely enough after the days have passed by and the rain showered upon it. On one side, the message was nothing more than scrawls and nonsensical letters, an unnecessary distraction on the road disrupting you from reaching your destination on time. But then, there was the other side: the truth. A truth that, funnily enough, you reached by overthinking in the first place. Which was what occurred when you suspected the reasoning behind the lack of Peter in your life could be pinpointed to the man purposefully avoiding you; and, right now, grasped that, after all, it wasn’t just another case of irrational overanalyzing.

“Do you hate me?” You blurted out, your eyes going round with the disappearance of your filter. Confusion overflowed Peter’s head and spilled into his expression, adorning his face.

“Huh?”

“Do you hate me—”

“Yeah, I heard you the first time. Where the hell did that come from, though?”

“You’ve been ignoring me.” You stated the obvious, visibly hurt. Peter denied with his head the misconception, sighing.

“It wasn’t intentional.” He assured you not just with his words but his gaze, too. You pressed your lips together, not fully convinced.

“Was it not?” You asked with a small quirk of your mouth. He stared at you, embarrassment crawling across his skin.

“Alright, maybe it was.” He admitted sheepishly. You let out air through your nose, turning on your seat.

“So you do hate me.”

“Y/N,” Peter called for your attention, although he knew it was half-joke. You returned your attention to him. “If I hated you, would I be here, sitting next to you?” He questioned, motioning around him. You shrugged one shoulder, a grin growing on your face.

“I don’t know, maybe you’re just being nice.” You said and he groaned jokingly, sporting his very own lopsided grin.

“I’m being nice because I like you.”

Your smile fell for an instant, but you put the expression back up, reminding yourself that, once more, it didn’t go further than platonic. “Good. But you were mad, then.”

“No, not exactly.”

“You left without saying goodbye last time.”

Peter frowned, rubbing the nape of his neck. “I did. Sorry.” He apologized, the sincerity interlaced in his voice worsening your state. You wanted to place your hand on your chest, as you diagnosed with your zero quantity of medical knowledge that you had a high chance of having a heart attack before the night came to an end.

“I’m sorry, too.”

“Why?”

“Well,” You placed your chin on the palm of your hand, moving your eyes elsewhere. “First, for being a dumbass back when we hoo—”

“You know what? You’re fine.” He interrupted you. “Save yourself some time.”

Your brows snapped together. “But—”

“You were right. Let’s just not talk about it and move on, alright?” He waved his hand, grabbing his drink. “If you do talk about it, I think I’m actually gonna get up and leave.”

You laughed, nodding. “Ah, I see. So that’s why you’ve been ignoring me, then?”

His actions halted in the midst of taking a sip. “Maybe.” He answered vaguely.

You rolled your eyes. “You can’t just run away from your problems, Peter.” You pointed out like the hypocrite you were, particularly after that was exactly what you were doing not too long ago. Peter, unaware of this, however, had to admit you spoke the truth as he rubbed his nose with his knuckles, grumbling.

“You see, you say that, but I’m still gonna continue doing it.”

“No, you’re not, because we’re going to discuss this like adults—”

“As an adult, I’m telling you that all is good and I’m over it.” He finished with a warning tone you couldn’t take seriously and you giggled. “Next topic.”

“Okay, grandpa. Sure thing. All is good.” You grinned, the ice in your heart melting off as he copied your countenance.

“For real this time.”

“Yeah. For real this time. Can I be honest with you, though?” Peter waited for you to go on, paying close attention, his gaze soft. You stared at him for a moment too long ‘till your eyes moved to your hand now feebly holding your empty drink. “I missed you. Kind of. Is that dumb?” You mumbled, your voice small.

You couldn’t properly see him, but through your peripheral vision, you didn’t catch any movement. That’s when you prepared to scream ‘sike!’ to his face— a real-life undo button to delete the emotions you couldn’t take back and shove down your system anymore. However, it felt… good. For once, it wasn’t spilling your guts out and regretting everything as you attempted to cram your organs back into you; you had plucked out a thorn that’d been hanging inside the palm of your hand for far too long. It was liberating. And you peered up at him, expecting that relief to be temporary, but his tender features didn’t let that happen.

“...No. I missed you, too.”

You both smiled.

The conversation began to flow. Words started to spill, and although you weren’t at the bar, you enjoyed that exact same security and blissful buzz. You realized then— a revelation that did not help your case— the location didn’t play an important role, and perhaps it never did; bar or not, if Peter was there, you’d still feel stupidly and overly content. Your worries faded away as you two caught up with no drop of MJ’s name, but some lingered anyway, because change was inevitable, looming over you. Laughter left your lips, his hand rested close to yours on the counter. You noticed, but couldn’t bring yourself to pull away, to walk away from the euphoria tainting your body. More liquor entered his, over time you stared at his mouth one, two, three, four seconds too long as you became intoxicated along with him, and so did he with yours.

“C’mon, tell me.” You pouted for an instant, interchanging it for a drunk smile. “Your secret dies with me.”

Peter slammed his fifth drink down, cheeks tinted pink. It was wrong, indeed, to take advantage of his condition and try to get out of him something you’d wanted to know for the longest time, and that he kept to himself as if it were government classified information. In your drunken brain, it did not seem too far off. Perhaps he went on outrageous underground missions. You laughed at yourself. Peter didn’t seem like a spy-type of guy. Unless…

“Do you, like, work for the government?” Peter screwed up his face at your absurdity.

“No.”

“Then what is it?”

Peter opened his mouth, a giggle escaping. “I can’t.” You dragged your stool closer to him, as you weren’t close enough already. Actually, when did you get so close? It didn’t matter. You analyzed his face, hoping that somehow, if you looked at him long enough, you’d gain the ability to read minds and crack into his. Peter drew his lower lip between his teeth, studying you like you were the most interesting being. You didn’t know why, but you felt tempted to move that strand of hair that always hung in front of his forehead away from his face. As any rational person wouldn’t, you did, your thumb brushing against the barely visible scratch that started the conversation in the first place.

“What are you thinking?” You questioned, brimming with interest. He went crossed-eyed as he tried to follow your hand.

“About stuff. Whatcha thinkin’?” He asked back, his view traveling down to your lips. You bit your lip.

The closeness, your full-blown pupils, the actuality that you could lean closer to him and you’d meet his lips. It all seemed too familiar. And so you wondered, if you did move and kiss him, if you stopped resisting and glanced down at his lips, too, what would happen?

“I don’t know. What does it look like I’m thinking?” You asked, lowering your voice. The stench of alcohol should have been enough to stop you both from advancing any further, but Peter licked his lips, smirking.

“It seems to me like you wanna fuck me.”

You gasped, hiccuping. “Oh, my! I didn’t know this part of yours, Peter B. Parker. Is it just the alcohol speaking?”

“Maybe. But is it true?”

“What?”

“What I said.”

Your upper body swayed closer to him, tired, dizzy, and wishing to lie down. You gripped his shoulder and helped yourself add some distance, your other hand landing on his knee. “Maybe.” You simply said. Your eyes remained interlocked into one another, your hand running up his shoulder to his neck, and then all the way up to the back of his head, sensing his goosebumps. “Maybe…” You repeated as your touch on his knee traveled up his thigh. Peter took in a sharp breath, his hand unconsciously wrapping around your wrist.

You couldn’t help it anymore. You leaned in and captured his mouth in a rough kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck. Pull away, a voice said in your head as you felt his tongue momentarily slide against your bottom lip. Pull away, the nagging voice went on and you did, shaking your head.

“I told myself I wouldn’t let this happen again.” You whispered, yet your mouth came back into a messy kiss, even messier hands craving touch. Breaking glass startled you two apart and you looked down, sighing when you saw your drink’s contents all over the ground. “You owe me a drink.” You panted, your lips swollen.

Peter scoffed, his half-smile blurring your vision as he tilted his head towards your ear. “Nothing has to happen if you don’t want it to.” He said, mouth ghosting near your cheek despite his words, yearning to continue. You pecked his jaw, lips resting against his hot skin, careless about the other customers in the bar.

“I do want something to happen, though.”

You both ignored the conversation your sober selves had. ‘It was just a one-time thing, right?’. Peter slammed your apartment’s door closed whilst your lips were still connected, your hands clumsily coming down to try to unbuckle his belt. ‘Yeah’. His own hands aided yours, the clinking of his belt buckle speeding up your heartbeat as if it weren’t already dangerously fast. ‘It was just a one-time thing’. Peter groaned into your mouth, tasting like liquor, like something you’d both regret the next morning but did not care about the consequences, even if it was a lesson you’d already learned. Not at the moment.

But nothing happened.

You couldn’t recall much the next morning. The first proof that it didn’t go further from a make-out session was that you woke up in your bed, alone, and wearing the same clothes as the previous night. The second evidence you gathered when you barged into your living room and there slept Peter on your couch, his appearance also identical to the one in your hazy memories. He didn’t remember anything. As you struggled to cease your trembling legs, he simply laughed and asked if he got so wasted he had to crash at your place. You shrugged and smiled, still capable of tasting his lips and vividly feel his hot breath.

From then on, you avoided drinking or being too exhausted to have any common sense when you were around Peter. One day he invited you to go out and have a few drinks again, to ‘repay’ you, and to which you responded as calmly as you could that you had other ‘plans’; other plans that, truthfully, were faker than the disappointed expression of yours that followed. Then, as if you couldn’t ever reach a state of peace, he asked again a month later, and you had no other choice than to invent a faulty reason for why you didn’t feel like drinking that night, the next night, or the one after, even if, according to all the drunk stories you’d recounted to him in the past, you never really turned down a drink or the opportunity to get inebriated. Guilt poisoned you when he never brought up the idea after that, fingers crossed that he didn’t get the impression you didn’t want to meet him in other circumstances other than the bar; regardless that that’s exactly what was going on. Every other night after he helped you with closing the bar, you’d also nod goodbye at him and stand in the middle of the sidewalk, waiting until he turned around the corner so your feet could dreadfully carry you to the subway station, your now-unfixable car present in your head like an aggravating piece of gum that stuck to your shoe.

Nothing could be more vexing than this, though.

Eventually, you began to wonder. Perhaps, yet again, you were as weary as that time you slept with Peter, seeing as you couldn’t think straight, almost as if you’d suffered from a concussion and all your neurons died, to your utmost dismay. But there was a dissimilarity: the unfortunate detail that, unlike physical fatigue, mental exhaustion wouldn’t pack its bags and wave farewell after a night-long sleep. Not when immediately after you woke up, the same worries still found their home within your head. So your imagination took it as an initiative to force feelings and schemes onto you, ones which involved the stomach-churning plausibility that maybe, just maybe, Peter liked you back and you could happily come clean. You had to laugh. But then you really started to wonder.

You needed at least six reasons to follow through with it. First. He was the one who made a move months ago. Second. He wasn’t drunk. Third, you listed in your head, you kissed. Again. And, fourth, this time he might have been drunk, but if he did it both as a sober man and a drunk one, it had to mean something, right?

You were struggling to distinguish the line between overthinking and legitimacy again.

You went to work that day, decided, the fifth reason simply being that you couldn’t get him out of your head, but the sixth reason missing. A truck landing on you would probably do the job, you thought. You didn’t mean it whole-heartedly, of course. But, apparently, the universe didn’t know about sarcasm and how it worked since, an hour after the thought passed through your head, it sent you a nice little gift and Spider-Man just so happened to get in a fight near the bar and an actual truck broke through the walls of the pub.

“I can’t fucking believe a truck landed right here. This is why I hate living in this city so much,” You scoffed, holding a towel wrapped around ice up to your bruised forehead as you observed the gigantic hole where the truck happily invited itself into. Peter barely reacted to your comment, too focused on disinfecting the wound in your arm. You pulled the makeshift ice bag away from your head, screwing your eyes shut. “I’m starting to get a headache from how cold this is, can I—”

Peter grabbed your hand and forced it back up to your forehead, shaking his head and focusing again on your arm. “No, trust me, it will reduce the swelling.”

“Should I be worried that you know so much about injuries?”

“I’m just trying to help.”

You chewed on your bottom lip, looking down at your lap. “I know. Thanks.” You smiled, recalling the urgency in his voice after he called you, saying he’d seen what’d happened on the news. He moved on to the gauze and began to bandage your arm, making sure his movements were delicate lest he hurt you more. “I met Spider-Man, though. I think I can finally die in peace.” You caught the way the corner of his mouth lifted upward.

“Really? Did he apologize for almost killing you?” Peter grumbled, accepting the scissors you offered him to cut the cotton fabric. You released a huff of air, admittedly offended and immediately going to defend the masked superhero.

“He didn’t almost kill me, it was the other guy. Bad guys, you know? They’re everywhere.” He huffed. “He checked up on me and offered to take me to the hospital, though. Pretty cool guy.”

“And why didn’t you say yes?”

You contemplated his question. “Stranger danger.” You shrugged. Peter laughed softly, muttering ‘fair enough’. “It also wasn’t necessary. I didn’t want to interfere with his, uh… superhero duties…”

Peter’s eyebrows furrowed. “Isn’t making sure you’re okay part of his duties?”

“I guess, but I’m fine, it’s no biggie.”

“Y/N, you could have died.”

“But look at me,” You patted your torso, then holding your arms wide open. “I didn’t. You’re making it sound much worse than it actually was.” Peter ran his hand through his hair, exhaling tiredly.

“Whatever,” He said, hesitance showing through his eyes. “I just think the guy should be more careful. His job is to protect the people, not to… hurt them.”

You scowled playfully, kicking him lightly. “Dude, fuck off, don’t talk shit about him like that. He’s Spider-Man. Give the poor guy a break.” He didn’t say anything, though, stirring your concern as you realized he seemed off since he first arrived. “Are you okay?” You inquired, frowning.

Peter glanced up at you before rubbing his face. “Yeah. It’s just been a long day.”

“Every day is a long day when it comes to you, isn’t it?” You joked lightly, nudging him a second time. “You helped me, now let me help you. What’s up?”

He moved his head from one side to another. “You’re always helping me.” He said almost as an apology, smiling sadly. You smirked back, standing up from your seat next to him to jump over the bar. You grasped an empty shot glass, checking no small debris had made its way into for the sake of Peter’s health (now, that’d be a hell of a lawsuit) before you slid it towards him.

“It’s my job as your bartender.”

He peered down at the glass and then up at you. Chuckling defeatedly, he took ahold of it, and you read it as ‘ah, the hell with it’ as you reached for the bottle of vodka. “I fucked up.” He whispered while you poured the liquid.

You screwed the cap closed, your eyebrows lifting high. “How come?”

Peter placed his head in his hands, nose crinkling. “I, um… talked to MJ?” And just like that, your mood took a fall as well, an inaudible ‘oh’ fleeting past your lips. “It’s the first time we talked in a long time.”

“...And?” You asked anxiously, folding your arms across your chest. Peter clutched onto the shot of vodka, watching the liquid dangerously reach for the edge of the glass after he slowly tipped it.

“Well, she’s trying to move on.” Surprise crossed your face. “And I was so distraught by it for the rest of the day that I really fucked up at work.”

“What were you thinking about?”

“That maybe I should move on, too.”

Your arms fell down to your sides. Maybe you really did hit your head too harshly, you thought, as your body started to feel heavy and you had to support yourself on the bar, for all this information you were hearing at once was colliding against you more vigorously than the pieces of wood which fled towards you earlier. Swallowing to bring moisture to your throat, you continued with the million-dollar question pestering you.

“What’s stopping you?”

You regretted uttering the words, something you seemed to be doing too much to suit your taste as of lately. However, Peter, although the question troubled him the same way it did you, clasped his hands together and you studied him whilst he went through every thought in his head and through every feeling, seeking an explanation he himself needed to know as well.

“I’m not sure if I want to. But I know that I have to.” He finally breathed out. You leaned forward, not satisfied, needing to hear more and more even if it’d hurt, because nothing was more vexing than this feeling.

“But you love her,” You said matter-of-factly. Silence. Your heart pounded rapidly enough you could sense it in your head. “Right?” You asked, embarrassed by the apparent desperation in your tone.

“Huh?” Peter snapped out his thoughts, blinking up at you.

“You love Mary Jane?”

He bit his lip as he went back inside the isolated room of his brain after only just sneaking his head out, evidently growing stressed. “It’s okay,” You brought him back out, sacrificing your curiosity as you gently smiled at him. “You don’t have to answer.”

Peter exhaled thankfully, downing his shot. “What’d you wanna tell me earlier, anyway?” He asked expectantly, his voice scratchy from the liquor. Oh. Yeah, right. Plans might have changed an hour ago, yet for some reason, you still wanted to come clean to Peter. However, right now, after hearing about Mary Jane, you forgot about the sixth reason and remembered why you never did in the first place after all this time.

“Do you… want to go get a drink?” You cursed your imagination for not working when it was necessary. Peter’s forehead creased with astonishment as if he never thought he’d hear that sentence again (in his defense, though, it’s exactly what you were planning to do).

“You finally wanna go and get a drink?”

“Hey, just be glad I’m feeling like it.”

It was an understatement to express you were feeling like it.

You continued searching for that sixth reason for the next weeks, even if the entire world knew that after you found it, you’d keep your lips sealed. Your friend put your friendship at risk when, during your September lunch with your boss, he couldn’t resist but telling her about your ‘secret crush’, saying he simply did it for a third opinion, but neither of you gained no new eye-opening advice for your boss dragged on about how Peter could be ‘the one’, which honestly worked in scaring you away from the topic. One day after, as you couldn’t fall asleep, you deliberated the reasons why you should forget about Peter.

One. He’s your friend. Your really good friend. You liked him being your friend. He’s funny, a nerd, and you could talk to him forever, even if it was merely absolute nonsense. Two. He’s a lot older than you. Not that eight years mattered that much, but it could. You were just entering your thirties whilst he was nearing his forties. Even if he’d made it clear kids weren’t his cup of tea, he could change his mind. You weren’t ready to settle down yet, despite most people reminding you the clock was ticking and you should start considering it.

Three. The iconic Mary Jane Watson. Peter’s ex-wife whom he loved dearly. He might have not talked about her since he mentioned the idea of moving on, but you knew it was easier said than done. If you opened up, he could shut you down and reveal he’s still in love with MJ. Or worse, if you two did wind up dating, he could decide to leave you for her. Four. Your friend helped you with the fourth one. He had yet to tell you about why he’s bruised most of the time. It admittedly awakened the cynicism in you, for it could be something which had the potential of putting you at risk, or get you killed. Plus, if he did not want to give you an explanation, it meant he didn’t trust you enough.

Five. You couldn’t lose him. You already almost did. Your absurd crush could be the last straw and get rid of him for good. If that was the case, then you’d do anything to muffle your heart singing its love songs when he crossed your mind or simply stood in front of you. You’d do it, even if it’d hurt.

Again, you couldn’t come up with a sixth reason. You established, then, that whichever reason you uncovered first, would be the final word. Your friend knew both a sixth reason for why you shouldn’t forget about Peter and why you should that, trying not to influence you any further, he kept to himself; it being clear in his head which one he hoped you’d find first.

It was another Friday night. You’d just returned home after wasting your money on some restaurant that definitely was not worth the price (goddamn New York) when your phone blared its ringtone in your pocket. Your heart clenched as you read the name and were about to answer immediately, until you stopped yourself. Counting eight seconds in your head, your thumb slid across the screen after you got to the last number and picked up the call. “Peter?” You were audibly and justifiably perplexed— why has he calling you at… you checked the time— ten P.M,? It may have not been the first one anymore, but phone calls were still a rare occurrence between you two.

“Hey! Are you busy?” His breathing was heavy, which made you wonder what he possibly could’ve been up to before he called you.

You opened your apartment’s door and blindly searched for the light switch. “No, I just got back home, actually.” You muttered, and then voiced a victorious exclamation when the room lit up in front of your eyes. “Why?”

He inhaled profoundly. “Cool. Great. Yeah.”

You guessed the barely distinguishable quiver in his voice could be defined as uneasiness as you sat down on your couch’s armrest, squinting.

“Is everything okay?”

“...Yeah. Yeah!” He repeated, firstly too quietly but now with faux confidence. “I needed to talk to you.”

Ah, hell. You had one important question and one only: when would you get a break from confrontation and those words? The last time you and Peter ‘needed to talk’ didn’t exactly go as smoothly. That in mind, your organs plummeted down into an expanding black hole in your stomach as you brought your fingers up to your lips. “I’m all ears, as always.” No, not really, but you didn’t exactly have any other choice.

“Okay, okay. Um, I, uh… what am I doing?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

“I wanna say sorry in advance.”

You tilted your head. “Why?”

You could solely hear what sounded like wind. “You’re not gonna believe me, so just, just look outside your window.”

The black hole having devoured the contents in your system, you raised to your feet and sped to the window, not capable of painting in your head a single picture of what in the heavens the man could be planning. You unlatched the lock and glided the window upward, your head gradually peering out. Your eyes went as big and round as the full moon glowing above you when you saw it.

You stared dumbfounded, close to pinching yourself to do a reality check. It had to be a dream. A strange dream. There was just no way. No fucking way, it was absolutely impossible. It was beyond the innumerable existing possibilities that Spider-Man looked back at you, stuck against the wall. Similar to someone’s lack of subtlety, it couldn’t have been any more evident. You didn’t even need a big brain or to think, to analyze deeply as if it were a riddle in a newspaper. Because it was just right there in front of you, plainly obvious and transforming your blood into ice: the phone he held up to his face.

“Hi…” Said the masked hero. And so did Peter through the phone call.

Your phone slipped from your grasp, yet you didn’t glance down at it. You continued to gawk at the man as he flicked his wrist and saved not only your phone, but simultaneously also your bank account from having to spend hundreds of dollars on a new one. You did not mutter a thanks, let out no relieved sigh when he gave it back to you. You just stared.

“I know I’m pretty cool to look at, but can you please say something?” He laughed nervously. Ignoring him, you took a step back and retreated your head, eyes close to falling out of their sockets. The phone in your shaky hands rang a second time and you answered without needing to look at the contact.

“H-Hello?”

“Hi.”

“Peter, what the fuck.”

“I’ve done this so many times but I still don’t know what to say.” He groaned to himself. You put your hand on top of your head, disbelieving.

“Get in.” You abruptly ended the call and plopped down on your couch, clutching your stomach, blinking furiously after black dots uncontrollably twirled in your vision. You heard a thump, the floor shaking slightly; however, you didn’t turn around to look at your guest, instead focusing on the wall in front of you. It wasn’t until the cushion beside you sank with the man’s weight that you blew up. “Holy shit.” You cupped your face with your hands, laughing out of pure shock. “Holy shit… holy shit!”

“Don’t freak out.”

“How am I not supposed to freak out?!”

Peter— Spider-Man shrugged, his white lenses wide. “I don’t… I don’t know.” He admitted.

You scanned his mask, the mask you’d become familiar with after seeing it so many times on TV and pictures. Somehow, however, regardless if you knew that mask and the person behind it, you couldn’t believe its authenticity. “Take off the mask.” He didn’t move or respond. “Please.” You begged.

You first saw the stubble. Then his lips. Then his crooked nose, and soon, those eyes. The whiskey eyes. Peter’s whiskey eyes. Your hands wound up on his broad shoulders, and for some reason you yourself couldn’t work out, it just dawned upon you how muscular they were. Your eyes came back to his face. Yeah, that’s Peter. That’s Peter B. Parker. Peter Parker was Spider-Man. All the revelations crashed against you quick, glass shattering in your head, everything suddenly making sense. The bruises. His constant fatigue. Everything.

“Peter… oh my God.”

“I know I-I kept this from you for a really long time, and I know it’s hard to fully digest it, but I did promise I was gonna tell you one day.” He said, the corner of his lips twitching. But you weren’t smiling— all the terrible fights you’d watched on the news throughout the years flashed in your head, going all the way back in time to when you first discovered Queens’ brand-new superhero as a seven-year-old.

You gasped, covering your mouth. “You’re telling me you’ve been at this since you were a fucking kid?”

Peter let his mask drop to the carpeted ground, his back sliding down the sofa’s backrest. “Since I was fifteen, yeah.”

“Peter…”

He grimaced at your concern. “I know it sounds sad, but it’s not… it’s not that bad.” He promised you, but you couldn’t take him seriously. You picked up your legs, sitting cross-legged and playing with your fingers as you continued to go through your racing questions.

“I used to look up to you when I was little.” You revealed quietly. Peter scoffed, grinning playfully.

“What, you don’t anymore?”

You shook your head vigorously. “I do. Shit, I still do. I never thought I’d meet my childhood hero the way I did, though.”

“Sorry I’m just a sad, old man.”

You rolled your eyes, prodding him with your elbow. “You’re so much more than that.” All humor fled his expression and he shut his eyes, throwing his head back.

“Am I? I constantly feel like I’m letting everyone down.” He huffed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he spoke. There it was, of course; he couldn’t talk about Spider-Man in a non-degrading way.

“You’re fucking Spider-Man!” You exclaimed, not accepting his utter bullshit, but he was willing to accept it as he peeked one eye open to look at you.

“I know, you always say that.”

You gave up in trying to change his mind and shifted closer to him, copying his position, unable to focus on your view of the boring, mundane ceiling; so you turned your head to see Peter getting lost in the white square. “You really didn’t have to tell me. This is a big secret.”

“It’s alright. I trust you.” You were glad he kept staring up as you felt the blood rush to your face.

“You do?” You asked, your chest warm, illuminated with glee. Peter glanced at you, nodding nonchalantly.

“I mean, yeah. I really do.”

You turned your face away from him, your muscles close to tearing from how big and proudly you grinned. “Spider-Man trusts me.” You hushed to yourself.

Peter breathed out, exasperated, his eyes fluttering closed again. “Stop.” He pleaded, laughing himself nonetheless. You bit your smile back, moving to sit straight in what your friend liked to call your ‘parent worried about their kid’ sitting position.

“I guess I was right for worrying, huh?” You smiled sadly, taking in the severity of the situation. He poked his cheek with his tongue, shaking his head.

“I don’t want you to worry.” He sighed. You snorted.

“That’s dumb. You’re saying you’re always putting your life on the line? Of course I’m gonna worry.”

“Well, I worry about you, too.”

“How come?”

“If you’re close to me, then you’re putting your life on the line as well.”

You frowned, squeezing his arm to comfort him. “No, don’t say that.”

“Y/N, it’s the truth, though.” He fully sat up to turn toward you, his eyebrows furrowed. “It’s the worst thing about this. How many times have the people I care about gotten hurt? All ‘cause of me?”

You remained speechless. Moments later, he placed his hands flat against the sofa, preparing to stand up. “Y’know, I get it if you want to keep your distance from now on. I actually think it’d be a good—”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence.” You warned him, expression stern. “It’s stupid.”

“I almost got you killed that other time—”

“You didn’t almost get me fucking killed, for Christ’s sake!”

Peter’s jaw tightened and he ran his hands through his hair, that strand of hair falling back in front of his forehead. “Whatever. You can’t be so sure, anyway.”

You pressed your lips together, knowing that he was right. You nervously placed your hand on top of his. “Can I hug you?” You asked like a child, giving him a half-smile. Peter looked down at your hand before his eyes moved to you.

“Sure. Y-Yeah.”

You wrapped your arms around him, hugging him hard, your eyes squeezing shut. You felt him slowly embrace your waist, scared of underestimating his strength. “I’m glad you told me. It must have been really hard.” You murmured against his chest. He chuckled humorlessly, his cheek on top of your head.

“You have no idea.”

“I’m gonna be here for you no matter what, okay? Whether it’s to vent or for some weird spider shit. I…” Love you. “You’re my friend, dude.”

After he left that night, you’d never been more conflicted about your feelings. It was a conundrum; a whole headache-inducing brain-teaser. You’d striked out the fourth reason why you should forget about Peter, the original five down to only four, but you still searched for that sixth— now fifth reason. As if it didn’t scramble your brain enough that it left you dazed and your thoughts impossible untangle, Peter unknowingly joined the game with the objective of rattling you up more.

You noticed he didn’t disappear without notice ever again, and if he did, he didn’t leave you hanging, rather he sent you a text the day after with an entire clarification. Then, you caught onto the increasing meter of his touchiness: new and unexpected hugs, holding your damn hand— although that only happened twice, but still. Your overdramatic friend didn’t even need to point it out.

One Saturday, he sat down in front of you, and before you could greet him, he surprised you. “One whiskey served over ice, please.” He smirked. You gaped at him, laughing, face astonished.

“What’s up with that?” He shrugged, grin never disappearing.

“I dunno, I guess I missed it.”

You never thought you’d continue hearing ‘one whiskey served over ice, please’ ever again. But you did.

This year, you did give him a present for Hanukkah and Christmas. A painting of one of your favorite photos of his that he showed you one day; a day you so vividly recalled, for he asked you to come with him to take pictures of an exhibition at a museum, and you accidentally broke a statue after you leaned against it in the attempt of doing an extravagant pose. To your surprise, he gave you one, too: a photo album with pictures from that day, and a message that read, ‘Merry Christmas!’, accompanied by a smiley face. In the blink of an eye, it was New Year’s Eve again, except that this time, you and Peter were talking.

You came out of the party’s bathroom, unable to tear your gaze away for the fourth time from Peter’s New Year’s Eve message, until you bumped into someone and had to force yourself to pocket your phone. You lazily swayed to the music, your vision blurring out, turning it harder to find your friend amidst the people. While your body was there, all your five senses working perfectly, feeling the heat from the enclosed space, the music vibrating in your chest, the smell of alcohol and smoke fixed in your nostrils, your mind lived in December 20th. December 20th being last Monday: a date that continued to echo in your head, the entirety of the day playing from the beginning until the pitch-black hour of midnight. It played, played, played relentlessly, exhaustingly. December 20th, it continued, a stupid date that your drunk self could not let go of.

You distinguished your friend in the crowd, comfort kissing your body and your tired legs guiding you to him, until you moved a person aside and saw the full view of his lower body grinding against a girl all over him. “Ah, fucking gross,” You groaned, pushing the unlucky same guy as you took a turn and headed for the glass door leading out to the balcony.

You firstly bumped into the door thinking it was open, but successfully slid it open and made it out into the winter weather, the city more awake than ever twenty minutes before the New Year. But you weren’t focusing on the future. No, you held onto last Monday, gripping it so tightly it hurt, hanging onto it as if you’d be nothing once it left. You stumbled towards the bench to your left, falling defeated on it. December 20th. You turned on your phone, squinting down at the screen, eyes struggling to focus through the brightness. Last week. You opened your contacts and without hesitation called a number, bringing your phone up to your ear, humming along to the beeping whilst you awaited for the person to pick up.

“Hello?” Peter said. You hung up, eyes wide. What the fuck were you doing? You didn’t answer your own question, though; you pressed the button to call again.

“...Hi?”

You ended the call a second time, growing frustrated with yourself. Having finally made up your mind, you called him one last time, jumping when he answered in what appeared a worldwide record-time. “Y/N, what the fuck—”

“Peter! You answered.”

There was a short silence. “I did.” He agreed, undeniably puzzled. You slumped against the wall, muffling your dopey laughter with the palm of your hand. You could hear… ah, wait. You could see, not hear, his face in your head with no problem: his furrowed brows and narrowed eyes.

“How are you?” You wanted to hear about his day. What had he eaten that day? What had crossed his mind? Hopefully you’d made an appearance at least once. That’d be nice.

“I’m good, thanks for asking.” You hummed happily. “How drunk are you?”

You shook your head, failing at rubbing the haziness out of your eyes. “Just a bit tipsy, maybe.”

“How much exactly is ‘a bit tipsy’ for you?”

“How many phone calls have we had?”

A question out of the blue, you knew, and you were expecting yet again the quietness as he processed your sudden need to quiz him about such insignificant rubbish. Well… did he think it was insignificant? So many questions bouncing off your skull all at once, worsening that awful migraine you could already feel coming… or was it the booze? No, who cares. All you cared about at the moment was his response, because knowing how many fucking phone calls you’ve had wasn’t that hard unless you didn’t care.

“What?” Really? He was going to make you repeat yourself? You dug the heel of the palm into your closed eye, white fireworks blowing up in the darkness behind your eyelids.

“Like, for these past two years. How many phone calls?”

“I… don’t know, maybe like three?”

Your face fell ever so slightly. “It’s six, actually.” You heard an unenthusiastic gasp.

“Wow, that’s great.”

“Do you remember the sixth one?”

“Isn’t this the sixth one?”

“This is the seventh one.”

“Okay, and why are you giving me a class about how many phone calls we’ve had?”

“Because you don’t remember the sixth one. I’m sure you don’t even remember the fifth one that well.”

He remained quiet for a moment. “It’s a blur.” Peter murmured.

“You were drunk…” You shut both eyes now, trying to dig through the fog to recall. “It was after you came to the bar…” Peter’s embarrassed stutters, similar to his inebriated ones, helped to uncover the memory further.

“I-I was drunk, yeah,” He admitted, “just like you are right now.”

“And what did you say?”

He laughed uncomfortably. “I think you remember better than I do.”

You grinned. “You’re embarrassed.”

“Of course I’m embarrassed, Y/N.”

“Well, what about the sixth time you called me?”

“I seriously can’t remember a sixth time.”

“It wasn’t a failed booty call.”

He breathed in harshly. “Ah, I’m glad, I guess.”

A frown took over your features. “You really can’t remember?” You needed him to. He had to. Or else... or else…

“I swear on my aunt.”

Your heart shattered, the sharp pieces prodding and hurting your chest. “So… so I guess you didn’t mean what you said?” You mumbled to yourself, realization sobering you more than you wanted it to.

Peter couldn’t help but begin to panic a bit at the mention of expressing something without his knowledge, or at least without his not drunk self’s knowledge. You immediately grew conscious of it for this time, the silence was different. “...What did I say?” He questioned, somewhat afraid. You didn’t speak. “Y/N? What did I say?” He pushed more urgently.

“It doesn’t matter,” You changed your mind. Calling was just another bad idea. You took your phone away from your ear for a second, jumping off from your seat, but your foot accidentally knocked over your drink. You stared down at the growing pool of alcohol staining the floor, seeping underneath your shoe. Blinking, you looked at your phone, at Peter’s name, and the numbers of the counter below it rising, marking each of your thumping heartbeat.

The sixth reason. You needed it to stop you right now; an instruction to back out, the reassurance that it was still an option and it didn’t stop being one long ago. But as your finger came down to end the call for the better, your head screamed, freezing you.

Sixth. You were in love with Peter Parker.

You dropped back down on the bench, eyes glazed over. That was it. The sixth reason. Peter. The man nearing his forties and with the loveliest messed up nose. The customer you met last year and that continued to come to bar you worked at just to talk to you, his bartender. The guy you laughed with, sang with, slept with, became too close with, fell in love with. You put the phone back up to its right place, anxiously licking your lips. “Look, I’m gonna regret this. I know I am. But that hasn’t stopped me in the past, so why should it now, right?” You chuckled, your eyes wide.

“I’m really concerned about that phone call, though.”

“Peter,” You glanced up at the sky, gulping. “I’m so glad I met you. I really am.”

“I-I’m glad I met you, too.”

You smiled momentarily. “Good. Working at the bar had become such a pain in the ass, and it still kinda is, but then you came that first time, and you called me ‘kid’ which annoyed me, but I was still hoping that maybe you’d stay, you know?”

“Why?”

“Because…” Your free hand came up to aid the other which trembled too much, grasping it tightly. “I don’t know, it was weird, I just couldn’t… I-I really wanted to get to know you. And it took some time but eventually we did talk— you said that stupid pick-up line and somehow it worked. I really need to higher my standards.”

“Hey, it was a great pick-up line.”

“It really wasn’t.”

“You gave me your number, didn’t you?”

The corner of your mouth twitched upward, and you laughed softly at yourself. “I did, I did. And I’m glad I did, even if you were just trying to get your mind off of MJ.” The truth stung as it glided out of your mouth.

Peter thought for a moment before continuing, “Maybe I just wanted a friend.” But it lacked sincerity, and you both could recognize that.

“But, Pete,” You bit your lip, looking down at the mess you’d left on the ground, the sole of your shoe now sticky. “Am I really just a friend?”

More silence. You breathed in, your chest moving up. “Be honest with me, please.” You begged, your voice hushed.

“Okay.”

Your stomach began to cramp up. “That time we hooked up,” You paused, the eerie shortage of noise on the other side of the line pushing you to go on. “Did it mean anything to you? Was it anything more than just a distraction?”

“I…”

“Or what about that other time at my place? Why did nothing happen?”

“We were too wasted. It was wrong.”

“So you do remember.”

“I do.”

You placed your hand on top of the other, beginning to pace around. “Are you lying about that phone call, too?”

“What is it with this phone call you say? What happened?” He repeated, desperate and with a hint of irritation. You approached the railing, placing your elbows on the metal.

“Just… be honest with me.”

“I am, Y/N.”

You kneaded your forehead with your knuckles, shaking your head. “I can’t take it anymore. It’s been too long, and it’s so confusing. You’re so confusing. Or maybe I’m stupid, I don’t know. There’s… there’s this thing, I know you can feel it as well, and sometimes it’s as if there’s a chance that you might feel the same way I do, but then the next minute it’s as if not, a-and it’s so confusing.”

“Feel the same way you do? What do you mean?” He clearly knew what you meant. Your eyes traveled around the city, the cold and strong breeze nearly knocking your body backward. If he knew, why couldn’t he simply outright admit it? Why, all of a sudden, was it taking him so long?

“The phone call…”

He groaned. “Y/N, just please tell me why you’re so hung up on that phone call?”

“It was last week. You said you liked me.”

You said it. He heard it. He finally heard it, and you waited for anything like an idiot, yet it never came. You checked if you had accidentally hung up the call, but when you saw that it was still going, you sighed and decided to end it for once and for all. “We can be anything. Anything, okay? I can just be your bartender, you can be my client, we can be friends, w-we can be more. If it’s not supposed to be, then just as long as you’re there, I really won’t mind. Just, please… I’m begging you…” You whispered, not capable of discerning whether your body quivered from the winter or the fear brutally gnawing on you.

“Be honest.”

Peter held his breath. “Y/N…” You waited, shoulders shaking, the stupid fucking silence clutching you by the neck as you waited. Just say it. Just say it—

“I’m still in love with MJ. I’m sorry.”

Oh.

“Oh.” You said aloud, voice cracking. “Wow.”

“I’m sorry—”

“No. Pete, no, I’m…Thank you. It’s just kinda hard to take it in, but I...” You tightened your jaw, your throat aching, swallowing back your pity. “I will. Thank you for being honest, though.”

“I really hope this doesn’t ruin things,” You could barely hear him: your brain too loud compared to his voice. You shook your head frantically, scrunching up your nose to hold back a sniffle.

“Never. I love you.” It wasn’t the way you wanted to say it. “You’re my friend. And I’m not going anywhere because you said I was stuck with you, remember?”

He laughed, a beam of light that almost mended your fractured heart. “Yeah, I haven’t forgotten about that.” You smiled brightly, wiping the tears you’d tried so hard to stop from running down your cheeks. You stood straight, but it was only for a mere second, for your arms plopped back down onto the railing from the lightheadedness which threatened to bring you down.

“Okay,” You slurred, the bile rising up and burning your throat. “I’m gonna leave you. My friend will hate me if I miss the countdown…”

“Sure. Happy new year… be safe.”

You giggled, waving your hand at no one, really. “Don’t worry about me grandpa, I do this every year.” You doubted the idea that popped in your head, but voiced it anyway, “And if you need any help with MJ, I’m here. I can give you a discount at the bar for a date night!” The excitement you forced onto yourself was salt on the wound.

“I’m not sure if that’s a romantic idea, but thanks, I’ll think about it.” You both hesitated, waiting for something once again. But when you realized that it’d never arrive no matter how much time passed, you nodded quietly and unwrapped your arms from yourself, preparing to let go of that feeling you’d clutched onto for the longest time as well.

“I’ll see you around.” You finally said and hung up. You stared at your phone, grief by your side, holding your hand. Yet, to your surprise, a weak smile started to creep on you, relief slowly sewing your heart together. You told yourself that the heaviness in your heart didn’t matter, because at least you had Peter. At least he would still be there, at the bar, with his whiskey served over ice.

As you stumbled to your feet, ready to join your friend and drink away your bittersweet ache, your phone began to vibrate. Your brows twisted together and you looked down, sliding your thumb across the screen.

“Peter?”

#peter b parker x reader #peter b parker x you #peter b parker x y/n #sm:itsv #spider man into the spider verse #peter b parker one shot #peter b parker imagine #one make out session #fem!reader #male!reader #gender neutral #sadies1.6kwc

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mayapenelopeclutterbucket · 5 years ago

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*SPOILERS* Thoughts I had while watching TGD 3x17 “Fixation”

Not that anyone probably cares but sorry being m.i.a. and only active on the day tgd comes on 😭 I just feel bleh during the week and as sad as it is lol the Good Doctor coming on makes me happy again so I will catch up on my notifs soon and reply to everyone!!!💕💕

-I’m so excited for tonight and the melendaire drama holy shit I’m not gonna be able to deal

-v dramatic patient entrance with the helicopter

-this actress annoys me because her character annoyed me in marvel runaways lol

-oof wow dash in the hospital with Claire and Melendez watching HE JUST DID HIS LOOK BACK AT DASH AND CLAIRE OH MY GOD 😭😭 before the confirmation of a date 👀

-so we’re taking it as canon that Melendez helped Claire with Kay’s death right?!!?

-Melendez and Claire bouncing ideas and exchanging looks with each other is what I LIVE FOR

-Melendez feels awkward talking about lim in front of his boo Claire 😭😭 and they had a moment

-Melendez giving advice to shaun is also what I live for THE OGS ARE BACK BABY

-melendaire is killing me already this ep and we’re only TEN MINUTES IN

-I want shea to work our so bad ngl

-oof family drama with park yay

-I’m still waiting for the ep where shaun will be wrong and “learn a lesson” and have a patient die on him, will this be that ep??

-how do people have money for these endless hospital visits and bills like how is this lady not in debt

-there’s too many different dramatic storylines going on this ep

-damn what the fuck y’all really gonna let Morgan get away talking to people like that

-shaire friendship yesss. We love to see it

-this is going too smoothly shaun can’t be right already lol we’re only 30 minutes in

-Morgan looks v pretty this ep tho

-why is this husband so creepy and unsettling

-is Morgan about to donate a kidney

-my babies!!!! Interacting!!! Him seeking Claire out and being there for her as always HES SO CONFLICTED AND WANTS HER TO SAY NO TO THE DATE I CAN TELL FROM THE LOOK ON HIS FACE but hes encouraging her so softly and says she DESERVES TO BE HAPPY IM DEAD OH MY GOD

-he wanted to know what Claire thought before giving his opinion because he loves her and doesn’t want to make the first move if she doesn’t feel the same 😭

-shaun calling Morgan the most selfish person he knows lmaooo HES NOT WRONG but I still love her problematic ass even tho she has been pushing it lately

-Melendez mentoring shaun is what I’ve been NEEDING

-it should be a democracy lim tf is that not what happened with Claire when she disagreed with Melendez last season?!

-why are they making her the bad guy wtf this is all coming from a woman who once defied a woman’s wishes on her reproductive surgery??? Like excuse me??? This is NOT my Audrey Lim I do not like this

-awww nooo they’re gonna have lim lie to the kid like that wtf why make her do that and why make that kid feel guilty when he inevitably finds out he is a match

-the adorable that is melendaire and the ogs 😭

-is lim about to donate a kidney

-WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS I EXPECTED TO SEE MELENDAIRE INTERACT AGAIN IM NOT OKAY I DONT WANT TO SEE THIS DATE WITH DASH

-okay wow break my heart before the ep ends why don’t you 🙃🙃 Shaun did need to take lea seriously though since she’s been saying no I wish she hadn’t said it like that though

-OKAY SO we finally got more confirmation that there WILL BE 20 eps with a two parter finale 👀 and Melendez telling shaun he won’t be his resident if he does something

-BUT REALLY NO MORE MELENDAIRE HINTS???!!? Like that Canadian promo built up this melendaire drama and those promo photos showed a melendaire scene that was cut out!!! I NEED MORE we were mislead with that synopsis too

-I know this won’t be the the end of our ship though because we have 3 EPS LEFT!!! So plenty of time for more melendaire and angst and a lovely arc with those 3 eps and I AM READY!! DONT WORRY SEASON 5 ENDGAME IS STILL A GO

-also I’m still so disappointed about ANOTHER cut melendaire scene :// BUT APPARENTLY IN THE CANADIAN PROMO WE GET MORGAN SAYING SHES GONNA LEAVE BECAUSE HER ARTHRITIS IS GETTING WORSE AND CAN I JUST SAY I WAS RIGHT ABOUT WITH THE EP BEING CALLED HEARTBREAK THAT WAS GONNA BE A STORYLINE

-ALSO WOW just realized NO CARLY tfff

#the good doctor #claire browne #neil melendez #tgd #melendaire #shaun murphy #shea #lea dilallo #morgan reznick #alex park #audrey lim

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burnedbyshoto · 5 years ago

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anon: The artist @franeridart answers all of their asks in one mass post with a read more link so maybe you could try that as well. That way you could answer everyones ask but not spam anyones dash with all of your replys

you genius anon, and you genius artist! I just feel like as of late I have been getting a lot more things in my askbox, and I dont want to overwhelm anyone with spam. so, I will be creating these! unless it’s for y’all thirsty hoes asking for extra parts or whatever from very recent posts, expect this to happen every so often! the rest will be below cut. also first time using photoshop? how’d I do yall??? and also like.... let me know if you like this idea??? if not i’ll just resort to spam :)

@your-parental-figure : IK BUT DETECTIVE GUY CONSIDERED BOTH TOKOYAMI AND KIRI TO BE ALL MIGJTS SUCCESSOR DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT MENT??? THAT MOMENT WATERED MY CROPS, CLEARED MY SKIN AND SOLVED WORLD HUNGER

oh season four episode one, you may have been a filler, but you made me so happy to watch. honestly ngl, I was pretty surprised when he said kiri, not because he has no potential, but because it seemed like the top 4 from the sports festival, bUT FUCK YEAH KIRI AND TOKOYAMI!!!!! IN A DIFFERENT WORLD IT COULDVE BEEN THEM!!!!!

anon: Makeup smut for villain Deku should be good. 100% tender, no chicken

honestly, my favorite thing at this point is seeing you all crumble in fear if i’ll even give you a happy ending, and tbh idk if it will be for villain!deku >:)

@ohmycolie: So it’s Saturday night and I’m just sitting at home 🤦🏼‍♀️ could you maybe do a scenario where Bakubaby and Kiri decide to bring Kami into their sexcapades and after their little adventure Kiri is like “can we keep him?” 🤤💕

hi bby, while I can imagine something of this sort I am only a “x reader” blog :( so while its good thirst, I won’t be writing anything about it, sorry :( ily tho!

@michealsheep: Honestly is shiggy ended me after an intense nut like that I’d just thank him

honestly, I want shiggy just to end me??? whatta way to go. death by fucking nut.

bigdickkiri: I don’t get ship wars. Why do people wanna be so mean? It’s so easy to not be a part of any a that.if everyone appropriately tagged their posts, blacklisted rags they don’t like and didn’t act bitchy then they wouldn’t be an issue. - bigdickkiri

neither do I honestly. they’re just people looking for drama at this point, and it’s like... come on... you’re 25... stop

bigdickkiri: What a fantastic evening to tell my favourite writers that I adore them and that they're amazing! Look after yourself and have a gorgeous day! ❤️💙❤️💙 - bigdickkiri

I’m literally the worst. but um, I adore you so much, and I think you’re amazing!!!!! its 2am rn, but I can’t sleep anyways

🍒💥anon: Girl, your blog is having a glo up!!! I love it!! So pretty 👌 How are you doing today? Are you taking care of yourself? *sending good vibes and virtual hugs your way* -🍒💥

teehee, thank you for noticing!!!!!! i’m not 100% happy with it rn, but I haven’t had the time to get it perfect!!! wait a few more weeks and when I have actual down time, im fixing it >:) also, I am doing well, a lot of caretaking today! I never take care of myseld! *accepts the good vibes and virtual hugs because I am touch starved*

anon: I'm part of the protect uraraka squad!!! ♡

me too boo! you wanna fight me on my mochi loving girl meet me on the corner of my fists and in your faCE!!!!! (is this considered cyberbullying?)

anon: WTF @ THAT ANGST I M SAD NOW

this was in regard to my fic “because of you” which I posted because I was in a crying mood. HAHAHAHAHA YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FEEL SAD I WINNNNNNNN

@joyfullydawn: I just wanted to say you're heccin' amazing??? The fact you named that roommate one "And they were roommates" I just--yes. This is more than ok. This is excellent. Please keep being awesome aaaa

and they were roommates was the first series I had, and the thing I did in celebration for 100 followers.... jesus that feels so long ago and not in fact less than two months ago!!!!!!!!!!! maybe I should reblog my old works so you newer lovely followers can read them!!!!!

anon: would u ever do a part 2 to under the mistletoe with aizawa? its so sad and i just want them to be HAPPY

I am planning on doing it!!!!! it’s in my requests, so no worriesssss ;)

hermana anon: hermana that todo angst 🥺🥺you’re literally the best angst writer jdjdbd

okay but for real do I write actually good angst??? asking for a friend..... and HGAIGHJIAORGHUOG THAKN YOU FOR THAT COMPLIMENT!!!! PLEASE RECOMMEND ME ANGST FICS BECAUSE I LOVE CRYINGGGG

🍒✨ anon: this has literally nothing to do with anything that’s on your account right now but do you think that dabi sends shoto happy birthday messages? i like to think he does because even if he’s a villain, he still lowkey care about his siblings - 🍒✨

this was from a very long ass time ago, and im sorry I never responded to you sparkle cherry anon, but I definitely do believe that he sends birthday cards. with his baby bro’s increase in his fangirl club, he now is unafraid to send shouto a card. its always the only one that catches shouto’s attention when he goes through them because they’re weirdly personal. shouto, being a smart yet dense idiot, believes its someone in the class pranking him.

~ I won’t be posting these messages, but they were from awhile ago when I was hitting a rough patch with my insecurity as a writer and my ability to give my all to you. there are many of you, 19 messages in total, where you told me why you loved my writing. I never responded to them because they make me cry even now looking back at them. to each and every anon, I thank you for saying those kind words. to @saladsharkz, @thecryingsombra, @olivenight17, @shutupwylow, @expressyourstarstruckrebel, and @awkward-theaterkid thank you as well. there is another non anon, but they asked not to be revealed. thank you so sososo much.

~ I will not be posting these as well, because again, drama from awhile ago. but this was in regard to the anon who did not like the kinklist I had created for kinktober. while now I think I am doing a pretty damn good job, and no one has said otherwise, to the 2 anons, @connors-my-boy, and bigdickkiri, thank you for fighting an anon that was never your responsibility to take <3

@w0w-s0-3dgy: u make me uwu so much🥺❤️ I LOVE YOUR PAGE BABE I HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL!

BBY I LOVE YOU AND I AM DOING WELL NOW!!!!! THANK YOU FOR LOVING MY PAGE LITERALLY WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT YOU?!?!??!!

anon: You followed me and idk if it was just to be nice or if you want to be friends or what hdhakanskenebdhsiq

im starting to follow back people that make me happy. it’s been awhile since ive been on a followspree, but I follow you back when i see kind messages from you, when I see that you’ve liked so many of my horrible posts, when you reblog my things with the most amazing tags. I follow you because I want to be your friend, you’re always welcomed to be my friend!!! hell you can literally be like “bitch listen to this” and never once having spoken to me I will respond with “give me the fucking chisme my queen”

anon: *gives u an encouraging and comforting yeehaw*

now.... now I can conquer the world, thank you

anon: Hi! I love the way you're writing things for kinktober, and I'd personally love if you could reblog what you're writing multiple times because I'm at uni most of the day so I miss out on a lot. Pd. I absolutely adore your writing! Please keep up ❤

I AM TRYING TO REBLOG MY STORIES NOW BUT OMGNGSOUHFIPA YOU LIKE HOW I WRITE?!?!?!??!?!?!

heathers anon: Its the anon who sent the Dabi heather au. I send it because i know your popular and a lot of popular blogs check your blogs. And I honestly struggle with other blogs because they ignored most of my asks.

teehee, I appreciate you thinking im a popular blog and that other popular blogs check mine, but thats not true!!! sorry for never responding back, but i’m sure they’re not meaning to ignore you on purpose. there’s just so much happening things get buried!

@sinnaminsvga : we're both alyssa so it's really interesting to see the nicknames u use bc i see you use lyssa and i got the nickname ari and i think that's pretty neat how we both have the same name but wildly different nicknames

it don’t matter, we be alyssa twinsies!!!!!!!!!!

anon: I was just going through your master list, cause I’m in a stunning mood and why not make a good mood better? and I saw bakugous “sickness and that word I can’t spell” got hella happy for a sec CAUSE YES THAT WAS SO ADORABLE AND I LOVED IT. Then I remembered the heart shattering angst that came with Todos side. So like. Ily but you a meanie.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA WE LOVE SUFFERING!!!!!! I just... really have a thing for angst it seems... don’t tell my followers though, im in denial over it...

#ask lyssa anything #lyssa doesnt shut up #anonymous #hermana anon #big dick kiri anon #heathers anon #dabi headcanons #thank you all so much I do love and appreciate every single one of you out there :)

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arodrwho · 5 years ago

Text

cr 2.85 lb

Oh Boy

so a post on my dash reminded me of sth i’d been wondering myself at the end of last episode--which is whether caleb was actually with them or not when the shopping scene began

& my thoughts at the end of last episode were that he probably isn’t?

& the post concurs

& so now i am Very delighted abt that

as well as of course. a little concerned for 1 caduceus clay

like he’ll be fine ofc but BOy is he hurt currently

sidenote i hope we get yasha back this episode that would be DOPE

oh caleb’s rolling initiative i guess he IS there

alrighty!

agh i forgot poison daggers

“but—” oh right! she can’t be poisoned!

“i am immune to poison, because of monk shit” lmao

ohhhh pumat can FIGHT????

oooooo invisiCad

“and woodenly climb up onto the table” god i love caleb

also was that a pun

19 hits?? i thought 23 missed last time????? ??? did i misremember

please don’t kill nott again :((

“i hate this table” lmfao

oh god nott’s dead again isn’t she

or at LEAST unconscious

oh Fuck

is she rly actually dead

again

oh thank god she’s fine she’s unconscious she’s alive

“and add 5 to their ac, that misses” oh is THAT why the rly high roll missed last time? maybe i didn’t misremember after all

“i don’t like this but i’m going to do it” oh boy

caleb just left nott :(

“and i’m going to do--nothing” :(((((

caleb u should rly carry potions w/u

the tiny pumat is rly amusing

lookit thos crossed arms

hey thank u cad

“thank u caduceus. uhhhhm, this sucks” :(

thank u cad that’s helpful

yEAH BEAU

BANE god i love bane

fuck yeah my dude,

OH i forgot she tells a joke every time she casts this spell!!

“u know why i joined a tharizdun cult? jjjjust for the hell of it!!” lmao i love u nott

eyyyy go cad!

what the FUC K

banishes it???????

they are wiping the fuck OUT rn

m’sorry guys

mannn they got away :((

“i like where ur goin with that but i think that should be a very last-case scenario” lmao

god i love pumat

“you’re a goblin of taste” i can’t remember if pumat knew nott was a goblin before but he certainly seems unsurprised by it now? so that’s neat

big autism vibes in this gentleman prep talk

i love that beau’s the only one who realized this

“i care about you” hey beau i love u

i think it’s rly funny how “chaos crew” now includes beau instead of caleb? chaos crew before was caleb jester & nott but they dropped that during the tattoos thing

anyways

beau is a vry good friend & i love her

o damn nott

BEAU LORE

thank god they talked her out of that plan

sidenote but i wonder if pumat actually made the amulet caleb’s wearing? since he makes stuff for the assembly, & trent is in the assembly & presumably hands these out to his underlings?

i realize i’m vry late to that particular party but u know

WHISPERRRRRS

jester looks so sad :(

“do you smuggle people?” “i try not to” yea that’s not a no

“i’ve been able to close my business opportunities that—” hm well that’s something

“i’ve done things i’m not proud of” :(

“i’ve sold a number of relics out of the savalierwood” ooooooooo! like WHAT ????

SKULL

SKULL SKULL SKULL SKULL SKULL

oooo kamordah

ok was it THE SKULL that obann was after or was it the SKULL from clay’s garden

“a wine family” B E AU

competitive wine family………….

“kind of the addams family of kamordah” lmao

what reaction was That taliesin

:( “and i have had some experience with those types” oh????? DO tell caduceus,,

“if he is your dad, fuck him right? why do u want a relationship with someone who doesn’t want a relationship with you?” hell yea beau u pass on ur wisdom

“WE’RE glad to have u” gosh

y’all are good friends

“his eyes are very clearly trained on—” i’m sorry what

is he watching them? what’sa happening

“what just happened” “stuff for later” taliesin?????

exPLain

“sometimes it’s hard to write them off. give it some time” oh

o h

...hey that’s hurts liam

o ur asking abt ur family! bc he mentioned the savalierwood!!

yea boyyyyyyy

or at least abt ur home

yea ur checking abt ur home

gosh

why don’t u just ask cad

“i don’t know where they are and i don’t know if they’re okay. it’s been a long time and there’s a part of me that is very lonely” :(((

“i apologize, i’m a little. family is so complicated. i was cruel on occasion to my siblings and not as honest to my parents as i wish i could’ve been. it is a unique & exquisite complication” CAD LORE CAD LORE CAD LORE

“i’m just saying u should tell her. i think it would do u good, both of you”

“i’m sorry that ur father has not been a part of your life. he is the one who has missed out. and i drink half of the milk and it’s really really bad” lmao

SECRETS TIIIIIIIIIIME

“stay in your personal sphere when you are playing dungeons and dragons!”

“for the first few days i was kind of attracted to him” I’M CACKLING

“had a little bit of a crush! and then i got to know him” ok i choose to ignore this part thank u

OH maybe i don’t ignore this bit, grayaro nott.. CANON BOI

that is as close to canon as we are EVER going to get and u know what. i will fucking TAKE it. i will TAKE it

JESTER JESTER U LOVE JESTER

MARISHA SAID BEAUJESTER RIGHTS

also oh damn no wonder that’s appealing to nott, she doesn’t have that for sheself

also that reasoning sounds aroish so i’m good i’m cool

SAM RIEGEL SAID BEAUJESTER RIGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD I’M SO DELIGHTED

oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shiiiiiiiit

gentlemab……………

“i didn’t know about you until you showed up” gosh

“i’ve been there” “..yeah, right” BITCH

u should’ve at least sent her a letter :(

“so basically, you can’t smuggle people ever again” lmao i love her “i’m okay with that” very good.

“next time i’m in town……..let’s play some uno” “...marquesian. interesting. ...okay” g O S H!!!

HEY MATT

I’M GONNA SUE U

FOR

??? POSITIVE EMOTIONAL DAMAGES?????

OR SOMETHING ??

anyway back to cad for a second

he lied to his parents???? about WHAT

and WHY

he seemed so snarky abt the concept of parents lying i never thought he might’ve lied to THEM

he was cruel to his siblings? plural? not just the 1 sibling he didn’t like? hmmm

hmmmmmmmmmmm

anyway we’re BACK

“a HUUMAN HAAAAND!!” fkjghfjghfdjh

“i’ve died A LOT lately” “how are u feeling about that” “real bad. reaL bad” hug her

“i should go because i cannot be found”

i lov. caleb pretending 2 be jester

also SEE this is what i’m TALKING about

the MASKING

“i’m learning. i could take tips from you” caleb i love you

hey. that’s upsetting

“i know you meant well” hey. that’s upsetting

“puts a hand on nott’s shoulder & gives a gentle squeeze” hey. that’s upsetting

i’m upset

oh boy it’s scrying time

“actually yeah there’s a 4th trailing ‘em... --oh god it’s her” lkdhfg

“nervous about going home” lmao understatement but also :( u still think of it as “home”

PUMAT’S GOING WITH THEM???

fuckin SWEET BRO

we’re gonna break for the night soon probably but o hey man

o HEy

krynn? but they changed out of their clothes?

attack, okay, uhhhhh

uhHHHHHHH

well! that’s unfortunate

are they using this as like. a cover u know

again

ohhhh boy & oh dear

“i’m just gonna go & stroke caleb’s hair & say ‘it’s okay. u gotta calm down buddy’” that’s paraphrased bc i forgot bc got distracted by yasha has rly low wisdom. 16? 17!! so

but anyway gosh

“i should go” D: “come with me” “yes” hoooooooo CALL fuckin BACK

and he’s scanning rather than running

oh SH I T

oh fuck they’re spotted

oh fuck & hell

hoooo y’all got away

the guards were running the other way from where they were walking so they should just

go the opposite direction of where the attacks are probably?

unless they’re all over, which they might be, because ?? thing. worms, yes

[VERY LOUD YELLING]

i forgot to yell but H E y this one FINAL yell will! have 2 suffice!!

jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez that was so much

#daypost #cr spoilers

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cannedapricot · 6 years ago

Text

Road Trip with! NCT Dream

the album,,,,,,, the mv,,,,,, i’m soft don’t touch me,,,,,,,,,,,, here’s a road trip au based on their mv to let my uwus out. also this gif makes me hella emo

hello

so i know school has started in most countries

but for this au, pretend that you’re still on summer vacation!!

aka what i wish i was on rn ugh

anyways!!

high schoolers! dream!!!

except-

mark’s already graduated high school

and will head off to his uni after the summer ends

then donghyuck, jeno, jaemin and renjun’s gonna graduate before next year summer

which really means

that it’s gonna be the last summer of your crew as high schoolers

this thought didn’t really go through your head until a week before school starts

when the 00 line fucking shows up at your door with their bags already packed

and bright smiles

you’re just like-

????when did we agree on a sleepover????

“hEY YOU UP FOR A ROAD TRIP TO COMMEMORATE OUR LAST SUMMER AS HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS?”

“uh-”

“come on, dear y/n, it’s not like you were planning on doing anything else”

you eyes narrow

becaUSE DID THEY JUST ASSUME YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO

i mean,,,, they’re right tho,,,,, all you’ve done all summer is laze at home because it’s way too hot outside,,,,,,,,but,,,,,,,,,,,,

“can,,,,, you even drive tho”

“hahHAHAHAHAHAH DONGHYUCK? DRIVE?”

“i even don’t trust him with my fish what makes you think i trust him with the wheel”

“okAY JUST BECAUSE I FAILED MY DRIVING TEST TWICE DOESN’T MEAN YOU GUYS CAN BULLY ME”

fuck no one’s sane here

but what’d you really expect from two jocks and two art geeks

the same jocks and geeks that pushed you back into your own home and watched as you packed

wipes away tear

“why am i always forced to do dumb shit with you guys”

“whAT DO YOU MEAN????”

and so you were pushed out the door after having a word with your parents

who only agreed to let you go cause they deemed renjun trust worthy

because he’s the only one who at least acts normal around your parents

“whoSE CAR ARE WE EVEN U S I N G- oh”

right on the curb parked mark’s old and stuttering blue car.

on which he sat in the driver’s seat, trying to get the old thing to play music

“are you sure we’re not gonna die”

“nope, but it’s the only car we have available”

jeno whispered in response, throwing your bag in the trunk

“ah, y/n, i see you’ve been successfully dragged into hyuck’s dumb idea”

donghyuck climbs into the passenger seat next to mark,

flipping his friend off in the proccess

“you are all here because we are all friends and we love each other”

you, being squashed in the back seat:

“no - not really”

“wtf jaemin there’s another row of seats in the back stOP TRYING TO PUSH ME OUT”

“BUT I WANNA SIT WITH Y/N????”

“fucking donghyuck”

“WHY ME???? WHAT HAVE I DONE????”

wow great start to your trip 10/10

picking up chenle and jisung literally took five seconds

they lived next to each to each other

and it only took one excited nod from chenle for jisung to tag along

and that’s the story of how you ending up being in a shotty blue car with seven teenage boys

miles from home on an empty ass road

screaming the lyrics to micheal jackson songs into the heat (thanks to dj haechan)

at least mark got the speakers to work again

“wherE ARE WE EVEN GOING???”

“IDK LOL”

“WAIT WHATTHEFUCJ-”

at one point, jisung and chenle at the back decided to sit up onto the car, with their legs on their seats

“I’M PRETTY SURE THAT’S ILLEGAL AND DANGEROUS”

“yOlO!!1!1!!!1”

“how the fuck do i disown them”

“push them off”

everything was going swimmingly

until the car breaks down in the middle of the road

“i knew this was gonna happen sighs”

mark then jumps out to check the hood

then immediately notices something wrong rip

“hyuck, pass me the box in the glove box.”

“you’re prepared???? does this happen often or????”

so mark tries to fix the car in the blistering heat with renjun nagging beside him, holding an umbrella to hide the two of them from the sun

whilst the rest of you start playing uno on the back of the car

multiple times, not once, buT MULTIPLE TIMES

CHENLE HAS LOOKED AT YOUR CARDS

HE’S DOESN’T EVEN TRY DEFEND HIMSELF WHEN YOU POINT IT OUT

WHAT A LITTLE SNAKE

“FOR FUCKS SAKE ZHONG CHENLE IF U DON’T STOP I SWEAR-”

jisung won every round

which made the rest of you bond trying to break his win streak

“jeno do you have a plus four to screw him up with”

“i only have a green plus two if that helps”

and that kinda goes on until mark lee emerges from behind the raised hood, telling y’all to give the car a push

“yeah just a second, jisung’s finally losing-”

“hA YOU THOUGHT”

THROWS DOWN FIVE NINES

INFURIATING

everyone grumbles as they hop off and start pushing

“lets just put our rage into pushing this stupid car”

which ends up moving easier than y’all thought it would

so the seven of you stumble a little when the car started moving by itself

mark nearly drove away himself lmao

made the group of you chase after the car for a moment lmAO

you wished he did drive off though because the second the car starting moving with everyone back on,

he yells,

“lET’S GET IT”

“siri where’s the nearest bus stop to get home”

“HSEGFSUEF NO I’M SORRY :C”

then as the day slowly got darker,

your screams didn’t die down lol

the latest feud was over chocolate vs vanilla

and you honestly think about how you got stuck in a group of dumbasses

“remember when hyuck hated jaemin and jeno back in freshman year lol”

“nO SHUT UP RENJUN”

“LMAO DIDN’T HYUCK DISLIKE THEM BECAUSE THEY CHUCKED A BASKETBALL AT HIS HEAD”

“what you still remember that? i’m sorry hyuck :’cccccc”

“NO JENO I’VE FORGIVEN YOU AGES AGO- FUCKING RENJUN-”

the group of dumbasses did make you laugh though

so maybe it wasn’t so bad

night then came and the conversation finally started to tone down

mark pulls to the side of the road

“let’s call it a night, yeah?”

the rest of you mumble in agreement

“our last summer as high schoolers huh”

you hum, running your hands through jaemin’s freshly dyed candyfloss hair

“but will anything change even if you guys graduate?”

chenle asks from the back, head on jisung’s shoulder

“not much, i don’t think. we just won’t see each other as much.”

it was a clear night, and the stars were brighter than ever

everyone was staring up at the night sky, enjoying the cool breeze

“we always have summer right?”

a round of agreement sounded before jeno cuts through-

“does this mean we’re going on another road trip next year?”

“way to ruin the mood jeno”

“oh please no, i don’t think i can handle another one with you dumb fucks”

lies

you loved every moment with them

“this is a cute moment and all, but can jaemin get off of us now?”

renjun asked, referring to the long boy sprawled on top of jeno, renjun and you

“i was planning on sleeping in this position tho-”

he didn’t get to finish his sentence before the three of you pushed him off

mark chuckled before leaving his seat to pull the hood over the open seats

“good night”

you were shook awake by mark the next day, greeted with a sky that wasn’t even awake

“what’s going on?”

“fancy watching the sunrise?”

turns out, mark woke up earlier than the rest of you and drove to an empty beach to watch the sunrise together :’)))))))

you stumbled out of the car, legs soft from sitting for too long, finding the rest of the boys sitting on the hood of the car and on the concrete in front

donghyuck pats the space next to him and you hop on top of the creaky car

“is this safe”

“probably not”

“ o h “

it’s all quiet before the sun starts coming up

then gasps were heard and wishes were made

and it was all heartwarming :”)))))

before all of you made a dash to the cold ass water

trying to chuck mark in

“whY ME????? I DROVE Y’ALL HERE”

“YOU’RE LEAVING THAT’S WHY”

“SBRGOSBEGOSBAE??????”

S P L O S H

chenle was screaming the entire time

then one idiot cough hyuck cough accidentally chucks sand into mark’s blue car

which then leads to mark pulling the squad into a self wash station

“come one guys let’s wash this car together!!1!1! wE’rE aLl In ThIs ToGeThEr”

“wow i suddenly dont know you”

then some idiot coUGH HYUCK COUGH starts chucking suds at everyone

AND JAEMIN’S LOWKEY TRIGGERED BECAUSE NOT HIS NEW HAIR

SO HE FIRES BACK

AND RENJUN WHO WANTED TO HOSE THE SUDS OUT OF HIS HAIR ENDED UP FIRING WATER AT CHENLE’S FACE

EVERYONE STARTED LAUGHING LIKE NO TOMORROW AND YOU GOT A GOOD VIDEO OF IT LMAO

AND EVERYTHING JUST ENDED UP WITH EVERYONE GETTING A FREE SHOWER AT THE STATION

and renjun getting pinned to the car by jeno but u h 👀👀👀👀👀👀

y’all end up drying yourselves by sitting under the hand dryers in the bathroom

“at least we don’t have to worry about showering”

“hyuck you started this shut up”

hopping back into the small car, the group decides to start heading back

mainly because your snack supplies were running low

but also because you don’t think the car’s gonna survive any longer

but mostly because snacks were running out

“chenle ate all the fucking pocky”

“nO JISUNG DID”

“WTF-”

“i love best friends throwing each other under the bus”

taking a shorter route home, you stop at a basketball court to move a around for a while

“why is jaemin and jeno on one team, they’re the star basketballers of our school tf i call bs”

“you literally picked your own team-”

nomin vs the rest of u fuckers

no surprise, nomin won

now you guys owe them mcnuggets

“hA SU C C”

“let’s leave them behind quiCK TO THE CAR”

mark: trips over own laces running

in no time, you were in front of your own house again

unlike before though, you lowkey didn’t want to leave your friends

“i still can’t believe that we ran out of snacks in a day and a half-”

“blame chenle”

“hEY-”

renjun pats your shoulder as jeno and jaemin go get your bag for you

“we’ll be living and sleeping at mark’s place until he leaves. you’re welcome to join”

mark from the driver’s seat: what.

and as they drive away with mark questioning when this was decided,

you head back inside to restock you bag, leaving for mark’s house just a few hours later

when high school started up again, you weren’t surprised to see renjun having chensung in headlock in front of your locker

whilst hyuck just whispers-

“right in front of my goddamn salad” at the sight

creaking open your locker, the first thing you do is stick up a group photo taken on your trip

nomin lean on your shoulders, craning their neck to look at the photo

“we look dumb”

the picture was taken by mark setting a timer on his phone then running to join the picture

everyone was lined up, leaning against the old blue car against the sunrise

but mark bumped into haechan who bumped into jeno, who bumped into jaemin etc etc

and the picture ended up coming out with everyone slanting as y’all fell in a domino effect

but the smiles on your faces were precious :’))))))))

“i think it’s cute”

you say, closing your locker, ready to face another year with these fuckers.

hi i’m apri and i present to you yet another unedited piece of shit :’)

listening to the dreamies’ album while writing this made me really emo about mark’s graduation so it got really deep in the middle im s o r r y

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istheresomebodywhocanimagine · 6 years ago

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Hey, darling! May I please get a ship (Queen and Bo Rhap)? At first people may consider me as shy and distant but that immediately changes when I'm comfortable with you. Then I'm really chatty, sarcastic and kind and would love to give advice if needed. I'd like to think I'm smart. I hate talking about politics and religion. I'm a chubby hetero girl who has long hair and black (like my soul lol) eyes. Sometimes I don't pay attention at my surroundings, I'm just daydreaming a lot. Perfectionist.

god i’ve tried starting this like 100 times but recovering from spring break is killing me

SORRY FOR THE SLOW TURNOVER yall i’m drowning in projects so they’ll come when they come tbh

anyways!!! ships below the cut

For Queen, I ship you with John Deacon! (ignore roger in the gif even tho he cute as hell)

I think both Roger and Brian are far too opinionated and politically-driven to mesh well with you. However, John doesn’t concern himself with those things nearly as much. He keeps to himself, and he doesn’t flaunt his opinions, and that works really well for you two. Religion may be a place where you disagree a bit, but he doesn’t force his religion on you at all.

Plus, he loves the similarities between the two of you. The initial awkwardness made you both realize that you were one and the same, so you quickly attached to each other upon realizing that your proclivity towards quietness/shyness is just a sort of temporary wall that you only have up for strangers.

And since you’re a chatty girl, I think you met Deacon through Freddie. You and Freddie were friends through school and he invited you to one of his gigs because he swore he’d found your match made in heaven.

Although you didn’t particularly like his blind date setups, he seemed very insistent on this one, so you begrudgingly agreed to put on your best dress and come out to see them play.

“You’re gonna love him. He’s a little sweetheart, really!” Freddie gushed as he wrapped his arm up in yours, pulling you through the crowded bar towards the door that led back to the makeshift dressing rooms. It was the earlier Queen years, where they were still playing pubs and colleges, and you’d apparently happened to show up on the night where they played the smallest pub they could have found. As a result, their backstage area was... well, a bit cramped.

“Freddie, what if he doesn’t like me?” you asked nervously, tugging him to a stop just outside where the other three were.

“Like who?” Roger asked, popping his head through the curtain before looking directly at you and smiling. You’d already met a few times at Freddie’s (Deacon never really went there much), and he’d grown to like teasing you about your aversion for politics. “Well, look who it is. You hear about Heath and Whitelaw and the IRA?”

“Roger, if you start talking politics right now, I’ll keel over and die before the show even starts. Would you like that?” Freddie groaned, pushing Roger back into the curtain before turning to you and taking your face in his hands. “And he’ll love you. I promise.”

“Love who?” you heard from inside the curtain, the voice sounding soft and prim and unmistakably like Brian. “Roger, paws off my beer, thank you. Don’t think for a second that I won’t wallop you.” Yep. That was Brian.

Before you had time to make a dash for the door, Freddie tugged you through the curtain, where you nearly ran into Roger as he backed away from an irritated Brian. Between the two of them was a young-looking man, maybe 20ish, with beautiful brown hair that cascaded down over his shoulders and silvery-green eyes that nearly made your eyes go like those cartoons where they turn into hearts and pop right out of your skull.

As beautiful as he was, it was only made even better when he gave you a painfully shy smile that had just the slightest gap in the front. He put his hands down, having been in the midst of breaking the two morons up. “Sorry,” he managed to say quietly, addressing you and Freddie, but mainly you. “Didn’t want them having a row before we played.”

“That’s alright,” you replied gently, returning the smile and letting go of Freddie’s arm. “I know how they can be. Especially Roger.”

“Well, hello, love,” Brian greeted cheerily, blissfully unaware of John and you lowkey making googly eyes at each other., and he came in to give you a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, which you reciprocated. “Haven’t seen you in ages. Has Freddie dragged you down to one of our shows, finally?”

“Well, he said I have someone to meet,” you replied unsurely, smiling a bit nervously before glancing over at Deacon, who was just to Brian’s left and still watching you quietly. “I’m assuming this is him?”

Your question was confirmed by a nod from Freddie, who went through a surprisingly only moderately painful introduction for the two of you. There was some small talk, but you didn’t get the chance to feel a conversation out before it was time for them to play.

However, John pulled on his big boy pants after the show and bought you a drink, then managed to find a space at the bar where the boys couldn’t bother you, and from there, you bonded incredibly fast.

Nothing like sharing a general distaste for the drummer’s political hogwash.

Anyways, you started to hang around Deacon’s more often, Freddie complaining that he meant to bring Deacon around his place more often by acquainting the two of you. He’d managed to achieve the opposite - more often than not, you weren’t at Freddie’s now.

You were with John instead, just spending time with him and only him. He was a lot of fun to talk to, particularly because his sarcasm matched yours really well, and he was able to have deep conversations with you without challenging your anti-political/religious stances.

One time in particular, you were both sitting on the bus late one night on your way back from Freddie’s, elbows bumping in the most unsatisfactory of ways - but it was okay, because the two of you were laughing at Roger’s latest conquest he’d brought that night. He had forgotten her name, which John hadn’t let him hear the last of all night.

“All I’m saying is that I wouldn’t be heartbroken if Roger conveniently forgot my name,” you giggled softly, shaking your head. “He’s got more notches on that bedpost than I’ve got hairs on my head.”

“A bit harsh, but you’re not wrong,” John laughed along, looking ahead of him and smiling for a moment before intentionally bumping you with his elbow and turning to you again. “Promise I’d never forget your name. As long as you don’t forget mine, that is.”

The sudden sweetness (and shameless flirt) made your cheeks turn a light pink, but since you no longer had your guard up around the man you’d seen become your closest friend as of lately, you didn’t back down.

“Forget your name? Don’t make me laugh, Mister.... er, remind me again?”

“Oh, you’re such a comedian,” he groaned, playfully crossing his arms as he slumped in the seat a bit. After a moment of thinking, he snickered to himself, a sign that he’d thought of something that probably was only funny to him. But he said it anyways. “If I ask you out now, would it be considered a blind date since you don’t know my name, apparently?”

You were right. It wasn’t that funny. But it was kind of cute, in an endearing dork sort of way, and that was basically John in a nutshell. And he was being far more direct than he’d ever been before, which was saying something... because that question still wasn’t direct.

“Why don’t you find out?” you teased gently, but there weren’t any malicious or ill-intended undertones to your voice. There was a kindness to it instead, one that fueled John’s confidence and coaxed him out of his shell - your kindness always brought out a more confident version of John. He was able to be himself around you, a more sure self.

“Would you let me take you on a blind date tomorrow, then? To the Italian place just down the street?” he asked, smiling a bit shyly, but still warmly, over at you. And you returned the smile, just like when you met.

“Of course. What kind of guy should I look for when I get there?”

“Oh, about 6′4, incredibly fit. Great hair, too.”

And for BoRhap, I ship you with Joe Mazzello! (the deacy duo wow blessed)

I think Gwilym’s a bit too political for you, and Ben, although sweet, probably would egg on your perfectionism too much. Despite his rough-seeming qualities, at his basis element, he’s pretty type-A (look at his fashion sense, for example - only someone with a type-A personality dresses that well in an AIRPORT. I bet you’ve got hella fashion in the airport. Y’all would stress each other out in that respect, even though you’re not completely type-A from the sounds of it).

And although we love Rami, I think he’d be a bit too awkward to hit it off with you romantically. But, you definitely could be friends. And that’s how you would meet Joe, who is just dweeby enough yet outgoing enough to really mesh well with you.

You’d probably meet Joe by chance when you stop by Rami’s. And as chance would also have it, you would have no idea that Joe was there, so when you immediately start talking once Rami invites you in, your chatty Cathy nature and general unawareness makes you completely oblivious to Joe until you literally run right into him.

“Rams, if I had a dollar for every time you managed to remember to grab ALL of your things before you left my apartment, I’d be broke. Boxers this time, really? How do you forget those, you didn’t even had a second outfit, did you? You worry me,” you rambled as you walked in, handing him a bag that contained his missing boxers. He followed you down the hallway, grumbling as he did so.

“Thanks for bringing them here. But I absolutely had a second outfit in my bag. I’m not a heathen, you know!”

“Thank God you’re not a heathen, I was so worried,” you teased playfully, giving him a playful eyeroll before you rounded the corner into the kitchen and ran straight into another human. A yelp escaped your lips as you barely managed to catch the bowl of popcorn that you’d knocked out of his hands, some of it spilling directly onto your shirt and getting just a bit of butter stains on the fabric.

All Rami could do was snicker to himself as you stared at Joe, still a bit shocked by the abrupt encounter. And Joe, ever the blushing dweeb, was already laughing at himself and apologizing profusely while Rami grabbed paper towels.

“I am so sorry, what a terrible first impression!” Joe laughed, taking the popcorn back from you carefully before sitting it on the counter and watching you with a curious, yet guilty look as Rami returned with a few paper towels, handing them to you so you could clean up a bit.

“Oh, it’s my fault!” you dismissed quietly, your voice still a bit shy but sure enough to let Joe know that you didn’t blame him. “I didn’t pay attention to where I was going.” You laughed to yourself as you cleaned your shirt off as best as you could. Meanwhile, Rami put in another bag of popcorn to pop, then hung back while he observed the two of you awkwardly trying to salvage the situation.

“Well, either way, I’m so sorry!” Joe apologized again, tugging on his collar a bit nervously. When you were quiet in response, far too shy to try another joking response to someone you didn’t recognize, Joe shot Rami a quick look that could only be a cry for help.

“This is Joe,” Rami interjected, leaning on the counter as he gave you both an amused smile. “And this is Y/N. I think I’ve told you both about each other.”

“Is this the Pacific guy?” you asked, pointing to Joe as you looked at Rami questioningly. He nodded, and you grinned a bit as you looked back at Joe. “Rami seems to have a bit of a crush on you, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Oh, and I have just as big of a crush on him, for sure,” Joe joked back without missing a beat, sending Rami a quick wink before he grinned back at you, slightly intrigued by your wittiness despite being so quiet.

But when you were quiet in response again, he just took it as an invitation to keep talking, which is exactly what you needed - Joe taking charge of the conversation from the get go greatly helped your initial awkwardness, and made the situation not so quiet and uncomfortable. Which, in turn, boosted your confidence a bit and made you not so distant in the future.

“And if you’re Y/N, that means I’ve heard quite a few things about you. Rami also speaks pretty highly of you, and returning his nasty ol’ boxers? Admirable.”

“Oh my god, Joe, don’t talk shit about my boxers like I’m not right here!” Rami interjected, making a jokingly hurt face as he picked up the boxers and stalked out of the room with them. As he left, the microwave stopped and Joe walked over to retrieve the popcorn, bringing it over to the bowl carefully.

“Promise I won’t spill this one on you.”

After that, you joined their movie night and you found you had a lot in common with Joe - he was very much like Rami in the sense that he was a big dork, which you immediately hooked on to.

But he was also very charming when he wanted to be, which he definitely wanted to be around you. From the moment he saw you, he was pretty entranced by the long hair-dark eye combo. You looked like some sort of Lady Godiva character, and he found that attractive from the very beginning. And it goes without saying that he was pretty cute too.

So one day, when you were out on the town with just him and you mentioned cutting your hair just in passing, you thought he was about to have a heart attack.

“What? No!” he’d immediately protested, looking at you like he’d seen a ghost. You were both headed home from a game that he’d bought tickets for as a sort of date thing - you were both still feeling things out, but definitely had some sort of feelings for each other (yes, Rami was a proud momma hen when he found out). You’d noticed that you sort of liked the look of your hair when it was behind your shoulders, about shoulder length, when you were putting on his baseball cap.

“My god, Joe, are you gonna be alright?” you laughed, giving him a gentle nudge with your elbow as you both exited the subway car at his stop. Like clockwork, you both headed up to the east exit, on his side of the street. “You’re acting like it’s the end of the world. I didn’t say I was going to cut it. I just think it looks kinda cute short.”

“So you’re not cutting it?” he asked hopefully, looking over at you with an equally hopeful look as you ascended the steps together, walking in sync. “You better not be. I’ll fight hand and teeth for you to not cut it.”

“Would it really be a crime if I did?” you teased gently, reaching the top of the steps with him and heading for his apartment. After a moment of contemplation, he looked over at you. To help his deliberations, you pulled your hair back over your shoulders and gathered up the rest of it in your hand, hiding the length of it. With that, he sighed.

“Damn it, you’re right. You’re even cute with short hair.” Grumbling to himself a bit too much, he unlocked the front door to his apartment building and held the door open for you while you giggled softly at his melodramatic annoyance. “Oh, hush. You knew that I’d lose this argument, didn’t you?”

“Well, it wasn’t really an argument. You never got the chance in the first place,” you reminded him, and he gave you a playful eyeroll as you both got in the elevator together. When the doors closed, it was quiet again. A bit more quiet than either of you would have liked.

But, the quiet did bring one good thing. Joe got the balls to say what was on his mind, mainly because the silence had spooked him a bit. Unbeknownst to him, you were just partially zoned out, easily having lapsed into a daydream that may or may not have been about Joe.

(It was.)

His voice did lull you out of the dreamlike state, though, and you listened as the elevator slowly rose through the building. “I just really like your long hair. You look like a badass, it’s really cute. But you also look like a badass with short hair, so that’s completely unfair to my case, you know? I guess I’m just trying to tell you to stop being cute, please and thank you. It would make my life a lot easier and asking you out on another date a lot less stressful.”

“That is.... so cheesy, Joe. But thanks,” you laughed, giving him another gentle nudge. This one, he returned, along with a goofy smile that made your heart melt. “And right back at you.”

“Wow, you think I’d be cute with long hair? I’m flattered.”

“Oh my god. The last part, smartaleck. Why do I even go on dates with you?”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out. I guess I’m lucky we’re both cute.”

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