#I’m so glad they got to see the Statue of Liberty together and nothing bad happened

[selfmade-sam]

‘I’m floating in the most peculiar way, and the stars look very different today’

[thewebcomicsreview]

Is it weird that I actually like Homestuck 2, and am at the same time going “Oh Christ, I have to read it now”?

Regardless! New planet! New lore! Will we get a whole new species now? I really hope so, it’d be lame (and nonsensical) is it were just more trolls. I want to see what the natives of Universe C look like!

I didn’t think about it enough in Chapter 1, but the fact that Terezi crash-landed the ship, apparently on purpose and for lulz, is really weird. This is a bit past “prankster” and more in the realm of “the player you stop inviting to DnD”. Wandering out in space for years and fucking John Egbert changes a person.

New looks for everyone! Fun fact: That painting behind Dirk - which is a real painting Andrew Hussie owns - actually made a cameo appearance in Legend of the Hare! 

Which was mostly a reference but also foreshadowing that Mary here would be the Horse Champion. Anyway, new looks for everyone! Homestuck characters used to change appearances constantly but it sort of stopped after Act 6, so it’s nice to see the return of Fashion. Apparently, Terezi ditched Jade’s shoes at some point for dragony ones and grew her hair out, while Rose is wearing a statue of liberty tiara, which is probably a reference to all the statues of liberty Alpha Dave made in that timeline for reasons that never seemed to matter at the time but now might. 

This is a cute little subtle gag. Dirk’s “Terezi, you too” was extending the “Render yourself more symbolically” command, but Terezi thought it was a continuation of Dirk’s line from the previous page. She’s not as immune to his powers as she things. That green jacket is more than a little evocative of Lord English, and the color-loving Terezi could probably be convinced to trade the gold trim for flashing colors. Just a thought to keep in the back of your mind. 

ROSEBOT: At the very least, none of us succumbed to substance abuse. Or re-succumbed, I guess I should say.

ROSEBOT: The perks of not having an appetite or a liver, in my case.

ROSEBOT: In yours... I'm actually not sure. Perhaps the underlying cognitive dissonance or trauma you were originally trying to distract yourself from is no longer a going concern?

ROSEBOT: Or... ROSEBOT: No, wait. ROSEBOT: That's not right. ROSEBOT: I'm thinking of a different Terezi. ROSEBOT: Or maybe I'm thinking of a different me? ROSEBOT: Maybe the different me is thinking of a different Terezi, and I'm just witnessing the thought happen as a bystander. ROSEBOT: It's much the same thing at this point. ROSEBOT: ... ROSEBOT: And I suppose I'm also prematurely ruling out the potential of anime functioning as an abusable substance. ROSEBOT: In which case I've got very bad news for all of us.

The plot of Homestuck is so convoluted that even the characters can’t keep it straight anymore. Rose is referring to her struggles with alcoholism in the original Game Over timeline, but this Rose is from the post-Retcon timeline, and going Ultimate is causing them all to blend together in her mind. Also she seems to think that Game Over Terezi’s problem was being addicted to Faygo, not having an abusive boyfriend, unless she’s thinking of some other Terezi.

Also, as someone who was the treasurer of a college anime club despite not liking anime, I can confirm that Rose has some very bad news indeed.

ROSE: Where shall our allegory begin? DIRK: Beg pardon. ROSE: Oh come on. The cave? ROSE: I have to say I’m a little disappointed in you. Three years, and not once did I witness you replacing any parts of the ship. ROSE: How are we to jerk ourselves off philosophically if you don’t lean into your clumsy allusions? DIRK: It's a fair question. DIRK: But since the name you suggested was nothing more than a very juvenile play on words, I can’t say you’ve got much ground to stand on. ROSE: What’s juvenile about The Kant? DIRK: Nothing. DIRK: At least, not when you say it. ROSE: It’s not my fault you sound like a gay cowboy. DIRK: Sigh.

See, this is what the epilogues were missing! Bantz! Rose was practically comatose for the Meat epilogues, so it’s good to see her back. Maybe one day we’ll get Jade back, too. 

Who the fuck is this? This isn’t Dirk narrating, it’s black text. Is this the same person who was narrating the last chapter with Calliope? That narrator didn’t address the audience like this.

Dirk is naming the new planet “Deltritus”, which is a Homestucky portmanteau of Delta (As in “D”; It’s the fourth SBURB planet), and detritus. Kind of an insulting name, honestly. If this planet has SBURB on it, doesn’t that imply it’s inhabited? Do the locals not have a name for it?

DIRK: The point is, we will be building intelligent life on this planet from scratch. That was one of our key mistakes with Earth C. We should have started our guidance from the very beginning, instead of letting it grow organically in our image.

Oh, okay, guess not.

ROSE: Our own world was abandoned by its gods. Or, I suppose, its gods never reached it.

I’d actually really love to see an AU where there trolls made it, and Vriska and Aradia guided the human race as immortal gods. Rose is right that it probably would’ve been way worse, especially given how the Alpha Earth went.

I’m deeply curious about who this narrator is, who speaks in a neutral black text and uses more casual language than Dirk or Calliope. Is this Ultimate Dave, maybe? It sounds more like Dave than anyone else. But how?

Oops, I was wrong. It was Dirk, all along. Well I guess you’ve made a monkey - yes you’ve finally made a monkey - you’ve finally made a monkey out of me. 

Oh, that’s actually cool! Rose and Dirk are going to create their own species and let them compete to play the game! 

ROSE: There's something so delicious about the two of us being the ones to populate an entire planet from scratch. ROSE: The irony doesn't get much sweeter.

“From scratch”, you say? 

DIRK: Next step is adding mutations. DIRK: We can use any old shit for this. Literally any captchalogueable object can be added into the mix by inserting its card into one of the slots here.

So, they each clone themselves, and throw random items in the pot to basically alchemize a new species, the way they used to make weapons? The potential for absurdity here is immense, as is the potential for crimes against god.

ROSE: It's amazing what pieces of inconsequential information your mind can recall at a moment's notice, a whole decade after they were last relevant or interesting to anyone. ROSE: ... ROSE: I think I missed this.

I did, too. Behind all the angst and the melancholy and the sci-fi adventures, Homestuck is a profoundly stupid comic and I’m unironically glad they’re remembering it, and bringing back some of the fun of creation.This is a surprisingly impactful line.

Ed....ward......

Incredible. This is all sorts of fucked up and I love it.

Oh god, Dirk is going to make Cherubs and Rose is going to make Squiddles and the long-memed 48-player Squiddle session is actually going to happen, isn’t it?

Edit: Any item that can be captachlouged can be made part of the species, and that includes John’s dead body that’s currently burning a hole in Terezi’s inventory. So Karkat’s shitty breeding chart from Act 5 can come true after all.

[ducktracy]

67. i’ve got to sing a torch song (1933)

release date: september 23rd, 1933

series: merrie melodies

director: tom palmer

starring: sara berner (greta garbo/zasu pitts/mae west)

tom palmer’s second and final effort at warner bros. this fares better than the disastrous buddy’s day out, but only slightly. i also forgot to mention, looney tunes and merrie melodies have both adopted new theme songs. looney tunes’ 1933-1934 theme song is currently untitled, but it would be used all the way until “porky signature” replaced it for the 1936-1937 season (albeit a faster, more up tempo version of the song). merry melodies adopts “i think you’re ducky”, which would be replaced by “merrily we roll along” in 1936 and stay that way until 1967. back to the synopsis: celebrities and personalities are abound as everyone tunes into the radio station to overhear their wacky antics.

a little light of creativity is finally shown with the opening sequence, various shots of people tuning into their radio sets with bated breath. what follows next is a sequence of gags, all revolving around the same radio show: an exercise program, the announcer dictating “one, two, one two, breathe deeply, one, two”. a family is shown bending at the waist, a man tightening his wife’s girdle, a father rocking his quadruplets, a man pulling tickets from a machine, and even a caricature of benito mussolini riding a mechanical horse in his bedroom. bernard shaw is also shown boxing at a globe. the animation and delivery suffers like it did in buddy’s day out. everyone is wobbly and janky and feels unstable, insecure—a reflection of tom palmer’s insecurity and indecisiveness as a director.

a caricature of ed wynn rides a horse on a stick, pulling a whistle on his trademark firemen’s cap and waving a bell. he yells into a microphone, “when you hear the gong, it’ll be 8:00 whether you like it or not! clocks in a clock shop come to life and grunt “you’re tellin’ us!” tom palmer utilizes a lot of fades. fade between each scene. face between the clock faces and the clocks actually having anthropomorphized faces. there’s nothing to break up the monotony, and likewise things feel like they blend together and become predictable.

now, this did give me a good laugh (and not at palmer’s expense), so good on him. cros bingsby bing crosby is in his bathtub, singing into a microphone treading the waters. fade to a gaggle of gals gathered around a radio, listening to their favorite crooner. another woman cradles her radio and kisses it affectionately. back to bing, who had previously been shown covered in bubbles. he turns on the shower head and rinses himself off, and we’re greeted with a rather disappointing bing crosby caricature. he looks too normal and indistinct, too smooth. a good descriptor would be mannequin-esque. thankfully, the future holds many an entertaining bing crosby caricature for us to ogle at.

another clever trick that is standard at the same time. we see two pairs of legs tap dancing, a mystery as to who they belong to. pan up to reveal caricatures of james cagney and joan blondell with their hands in their shoes. the animation is awkward and floaty as ever when cagney playfully punches blondell, who merely glides away. it’s a lack of spacing. there’s no spacing in the animation, no accents, no impacts, nothing. as a result, everything glides and feels loose and wobbly.

back to ed wynn, who’s shooting a pistol and yelling “hello, 8:00!” elsewhere, we turn to ben bernie conducting an orchestra, which turns out to be a record player. not much to say on these gags, they feel very straightforward and present.

palmer’s view fails to come forth once more as we get a shot of a bunch of little globes floating in space and spinning. it’s supposed to symbolize that everyone around the globe is tuned in, not just us locals in america, but instead it reads as jarring and confusing.

i also suppose i was pretty foolish to think that now that harman and ising were gone, the casual racism of the 30s would be put on the back burner—especially foolish since i’ve seen many shorts that are equally unsavory, if not moreso than the ones made by harman and ising. we have ethnic stereotypes nonstop. cut to china, where a man is pulling a cart labeled “shanghai police”, all of the police asleep. the phonograph they’re listening to disturbs their slumber, and they tie it in a knot and go back to sleep. elsewhere, we fall back to the “african cannibal” stereotype, a blackface caricature of a cannibal listening to a cooking show whilst mixing up a big pot of comedy duo bert wheeler and robert woolsey. the gag is trite and uninspired, little imagination present. cut to the arctic, where an inuit man is ice fishing. he reels in a big catch—a whale, diving away as the whale eats the iceberg he’s sitting on. the whale salvages the radio and dances to some tunes. once more, the animation is alien and off putting, and the voice of the man screaming seems merely pasted on instead of a deliberate choice.

animation of a harem dancer is especially poor, without a basic understanding of anatomy. her limbs seem rubbery and almost broken. though it is the era of rubber hose, it’s clear that wasn’t what they were going for. the sultan observing her is just as unimpressed, turning the station to listen to minstrel show amos ‘n andy.

after some redundant attempts at some gags, we finally launch into our title song “i’ve got to sing a torch song”, sung by loose caricatures of the boswell sisters. the harmonies are lovely as always and a joy to listen to. probably the most bearable part of the cartoon.

other characters chime in, including a man robbing a safe with a torch, and two men playing a jigsaw puzzle in a hole (signs labeled MEN AT WORK).

more caricatures sing the song, such as greta garbo, zasu pitts, and mae west. once again, the animation is lost and confused, caricatures underwhelming, and any chances of a laugh dropped. what’s also confusing is that zasu pitts is clearly in another setting: photo limit prevents me from showing so, but the curtain behind her (she’s the one in the middle) is a totally different color. yet in the shot above, they’re all on the same stage. palmer’s view is muddled in his own lack of confidence. there’s also a random cutaway to a jimmy durante statue of liberty, likely a last minute attempt to throw in a celebrity.

finally, back to ed wynn and the tired 8:00 gags. he shoots a cannon, which launches himself into the air and straight through his own ceiling, where his wife and children (all dawning firemen hats) all cry “SOOOOO?”, a catchphrase of wynn’s as he laughs awkwardly. iris out.

though this cartoon was, well, bad, it fared slightly better by buddy’s day out, but not by much. tom palmer’s lack of cohesion, clarity, and confidence reflect into almost every aspect of the cartoon. the animation is vague. the story is vague. the caricatures are vague. it’s all vague. i’m really disappointed about the caricatures, they feel way too toned down and normal, not at all funny. being born in 2001, i’m not going to know who people born in 1900 are or what they look like (well, i mean i will, but the point is i don’t recognize every caricature i see. i spend a lot of time researching and frantically digging through the web as i type each review), but i can still appreciate them and laugh if they’re drawn, look, and act funny, and here there’s none of that. i do feel bad for tom palmer, though. being plucked from disney as an animator and put into a director’s position at a competing studio would definitely be shocking, especially with no prior directing experience. so i’m glad that he did what he did, managing to pull through, somehow. i wouldn’t recommend this cartoon: it isn’t even funny enough to hate watch. it just bears little significance overall. but, as always, i provide a link just in case!

link!

[plus-size-reader]

Duty and Honor

Robert Baratheon x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 1587 words

Warnings: none 

Summary: Reader is Robert Baratheon’s best friend and has been all his life but their world is changing. Robert is to be groomed to rule in his father’s place, leaving the reader behind...even though he loves her. 

———————————————————————————————————

Robert had responsibilities, and things that people expected him. He didn't have the liberty to frolic around the woods or play with street children in the village, not like you.

You had been his best friend as a child, and no one knew him better. There wasn't a moment he didn't spend with you, and if anyone ever tried to question that, they'd be met with a rude awakening.

If ever either of your parents needed to find one of  you, they simply had to look for the other because you were never apart. You both liked it that way, and had no intention to change that.

There was a lot of running around the woods and horse back riding together, filing your evenings with laughter and comfortable silence. Neither of you considered that it would ever come to an end, or that the world would pull you apart, until it did.

Robert was his father's firstborn heir and they were grooming him to rule in the event of his fathers death. That replaced evenings of laughter and fun spend together by the river with days and nights of studying and training.

...and it wasn't only Rob's responsibilities separating you two. You had things you should have been doing too, it was just that if you didn't feel like quilting or cooking, no one could really force you.

While Robert became more straight laced and serious, falling in line with his parents plans nicely, you rebelled against your mothers ideas of what you life should be like. You got so bad that some nights, your brothers would have to go out in the woods and search for you after you didn't come home on time.

You were wild and free, it was something that Robert had once admired about you, before they took him away. As far as you were concerned, Rob would still be by your side if it wasn't for his parents forcing him into his role.

His father was a healthy man, who would probably live a long life, and you were angry with him for treating you in such a way. You felt like they had taken your best friend away and it was only natural for you to be upset by that.

You did the only thing a woman in your position could do, and ignored Rob, hoping that would prove your point. It wasn't really meant to upset him, though it did. All you really needed was a break from him.

It hurt you to imagine your relationship never being the same, because Robert was the most important person in your life. It didn't matter though, there was nothing that could be done to stop it. Robert was the next in line to rule and the hurt feelings of one little girl wouldn't change that.

You should have known. That was how the rest of the people saw you, just a delusional little girl who wouldn't have much value at all if it wasn't for the prince who somehow decided she wasn't useless. You were nothing more than a pawn in a game, and that was all you would ever be.

You wished that you could say you accepted it...that you could move on and let your parents marry you off to a stranger like all the others but you just couldn't do it. No one would ever mean more to you than  he did, and there was no use trying to replace him.

For the most part, you two didn't come in contact with one another anymore, which was just as hard on Rob as it was on you. He made it a few weeks, not seeking you out but before long, he was losing his mind.

It was as if some part of him was missing, and he knew exactly where to find it. It wasn't an exact science, but there were a few places you were likely to be. The woods were his best bet, and he couldn't wait any longer to find you.

So, with a few problems from his teachers and guards, Robert left the building on quick feet and mounted his horse, rushing down the streets until he broke the cover of the trees.

He was sure he'd find you there but after hours of searching, there didn't seem to be anything for miles, except for more trees. Without a shadow of a doubt, you should have been there, and yet, you weren't.

Deciding to take a break, the prince got down from his horse and sat on a rock which was covered with a dusting of fresh powdered snow. The area was well kept and beautiful, and it wouldn't have surprised Rob if you spent a lot of your time here when you were stressed.

The area itself seemed to breath and it was peaceful, and so different from inside the castle walls.

Admittedly, Robert was tempted to give up, and and go home but just as he thought about climbing in his saddle and returning to town-an acorn fell from above him, hitting him atop the head.

All he had to hear was that familiar giggle of yours to know who was responsible for the assault, but more than angry, he was glad you were there. There was a reason he was so sure you were there, with this being your favorite place in the world.

"What in seven hells are you doing?" he hummed, craning his neck to get a better look at you, only to find you perched in a tree high above his head. It had always amused him to see a lady of your size and status scale a tree but you had a passion for it.

You simply shrugged at his question, beginning your decent down the branches. You didn't have a problem proving to him that you were just as fun and free as you always had been, not that he ever doubted it.

There was a time when you'd dared Robert to climb the tree beside you as children. You smiled fondly, remembering the memory as you made your way back to the ground. He'd made it half was up to where you were now, and made a misstep, a misstep that consequently sent him tumbling to the ground.

He'd broken several bones in one of his arm. You remembered his mother being so cross with you that she wouldn't even look you in the eye at feasts, even though you were but seven years of age. It wasn't your fault he wasn't that good of a climber, which was not something you should have told her.

By the time your feet hit the ground, you'd went through the entire series of events that had happened in that tree all those years ago. Robert could see the shine of those memories in your eyes, and smiled, cocking his head to the side.

He had no idea what you had on your mind, so he asked...though he wasn't sure if he wanted the answer. "What are you thinking about?" he wondered, curiosity shining in his dark eyes as he watched you.

There wasn't all that great an answer to his question, so you did you best to find something he would like. "You, as a young boy" you allowed, sitting down beside his rock, your dress sitting in the snow delicately.

That answer seemed to amuse the young man, who let out a belly laugh as he grinned down at you. "There's no point in amusing yourself with the past, I'm right here in front of you little one" he teased, using that old nickname you hated so much.

You had never liked it but something about it seemed out of place right now. You two were adults now and if Robert was going to act like a king to be, he was going to have to give up such childish things.

"You're in front of me now but what about the last few weeks, I've hardly seen you" you grumbled, folding your arms across your ample chest as best you could, though it was becoming more and more difficult with your tight corsets.

You were painfully aware of how childish you were acting, and how foolish it must have seemed but you didn't care. You missed your best friend and you wanted all his attention, not that you were going to get it.

Rob understood what you meant. You two were connected and nothing would ever change that. "Oh, I know little one...but you have to understand, my father needs me" he explained, telling you the same thing he'd told you a thousand times.

You knew that he didn't have a choice but that didn't make you anymore upset than usual, taking his hands in your own. You were needy and wanted his attention but that didn't mean nothing could be done to stop it.

"Please Robert, I understand, duty and honor, right?" you groaned, realizing once again that nothing you said or did was going to change the fact Robert had responsibilities.

You were just going to have to understand that, because there was no other choice.

All Rob could do was nod. Duty and Honor above all things for the man who would be king. There were no spoils like love in a world like that, but if Robert was honest...he did love you, more than he ever had another person on this earth and eventually he was going to show you just how much.

[fallout4holmes]

Journal 49

The trip east was fairly quiet, at least concerning my companions. The super mutants, raiders, Gunners, and ferals that make up Boston’s populace were as violent as ever. Ada is formidable, despite her convictions that her defensive capabilities should be improved. Valentine saved Cait from a Gunner’s missile, which she repaid by blasting her way through a pack of ferals that took him by surprise.

“Your contract’s with Holmes, not me!” he scolded her.

“Yer boyfriend and that wicked sword of his are fuckin’ fine!” The last feral fell, “Damn shamblers give me the creeps. There, now we’re even, you and me.”

Valentine was puzzled, “Even?”

“For knockin’ me out o’ the way of that tattooed cretin’s missile. I keep tellin’ Holmes, I don’t like owin’ debt to anyone.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Word of advice though, it’s bad manners to steal cigarettes off the guy you’re supposedly saving.”

Cait laughed, and tossed him the pack.

I decided that rather than attack General Atomics immediately, we should first stop by the Castle, as it was just south of the factory and the sun was already setting. We could rest and prepare, and alert the Minutemen to the Mechanist’s threat. As it turned out, the Minutemen were already aware of the hostile robots roaming the Commonwealth.

“General!” Ronnie Shaw greeted us as we entered, “Sure do have impeccable timing.”

That likely wasn’t a good sign. “Do I?”

“Just missed the Brotherhood vertibird dropping a messenger by our front door. Said their scouts had noticed you coming this way.” She held up a holotape, clearly annoyed if not offended that the Brotherhood would be spying on the area. “This is for you.”

I took the tape, labeled “For General Holmes Only” in block letters. “Before I deal with this, the reason I’m here is--”

“Robots.”

I blinked, “Yes.”

Shaw nodded, “Got word from Sanctuary, we’re scrambling reinforcements to every checkpoint and settlement near where they’ve been spotted. Can’t reinforce everywhere yet, spread us too thin, but we can at least bolster the known threat zones.”

“Ah. How did Sanctuary--”

“One of our provisioners was attacked, we let Sanctuary know. Then word came in from MacCready about robots at the Ironworks, and Colonel Garvey got right to work alerting everyone to keep an eye out for robots built from scrap terrorizing folks. Good commander, that Colonel of yours.”

I smiled, “I hope to justify his faith in me to be the same. We have a plan to find the person responsible for these robots. Ada,” I gestured to her, “believes that we will find some in the General Atomics factory north of here, and they might provide us with the information we need.”

“It’s a start at least.” Shaw glanced at the holotape in my hand, "Your quarters are as you left them."

I thanked her, and took the holotape to the quarters reserved for the General. My companions followed, Valentine because he was concerned, Cait because she was bored, and Ada because she had nowhere else to go. I played the tape on my Pip Boy.

 “This is Elder Maxson speaking to General Holmes. My reason for contacting you is two-fold. First, the situation between our organizations is reaching a breaking point. This truce cannot survive indefinitely. As I have no desire to declare war on the Minutemen, yet, I invite you to discuss the matter with me. Second, I have no doubt the Minutemen are aware of the hostile robots that have appeared in the Commonwealth. My Scribes have been unable to track their origin. You seem to have an uncanny ability to find that which is hidden. Therefore, I request your presence on the Prydwen to discuss the new threat to both Brotherhood and Minutemen forces in the Commonwealth, and to negotiate new terms between us to keep the peace. Bring your second and third in command with you, as a token of goodwill and to ensure that there is no miscommunication in the chain of command. I insist.”

The recording ended.

"If Maxson thinks you're delivering Danse on a silver platter," Valentine said, "he's flipped his lid."

"Having Preston and I there adds a level of security for Danse," I pointed out.

"Unless he wants to wipe out the whole Minutemen command at once."

"He knows the Castle's artillery would destroy the Prydwen at the first sign of foul play. I'll contact Sanctuary first thing in the morning and see if Danse can shed some insight on his former commander's intentions."

Danse and Preston’s reactions were as I expected when I told them about Maxson’s request.

“With all due respect, General,” Preston said over the radio, “what the fuck?”

“He is insistent that both you and the Lt. Colonel are present at the negotiations,” I said.

“No. There's--”

“Garvey,” Danse scolded, but Preston spoke over him.

“--no way this isn’t a trap!”

“With all three top ranking officers on board the Prydwen, Maxson is assured that the Minutemen will not strike at the Brotherhood,” Danse explained. “It’s a power play, a bit of arrogance perhaps, but it is not a trap. He will expect us to take precautions. If we do not contact the Minutemen after a set amount of time, then the Castle opens fire on the Prydwen. If Liberty Prime takes one step outside the airport, then the Castle opens fire on the Prydwen. Maxson will not risk his flagship being destroyed, especially not while he's still on it.”

I could hear Preston’s frown as he said, “I hate everything about this. This is not a good idea.”

“Good idea or not,” I said, “attending without you two will be taken as an insult, and could be the slim excuse Maxson needs to justify swift action.”

“Understood, General,” Danse said, ignoring Preston’s sigh, “We’ll meet you at the airport seventy-two hours from now.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant Colonel.”

It was roughly a two day walk to the airport from the Castle, which gave us the day to investigate the General Atomics factory. We wasted no time; Ada wasn't certain what information we might find on the Mechanist's robots, if they were still in the factory, but it was the only lead we had and I had no intention of letting it slip through our grasp.

The Mechanist's robots were there, in greater strength than I'd expected. I was glad to have extra assistance. Cait barrelled through, recklessly but effectively blasting modified Mr. Handy's and eyebots out of the air while Ada's laser fire was a welcome addition to Valentine and my bullets against the robots on the ground.

Each eyebot was broadcasting a message:

 "Attention, people of the Commonwealth! I, the Mechanist, have come to bring about an age of peace. Do not be alarmed. These robots are your allies, your protectors, and they will not rest until the Commonwealth is saved. Together we will restore justice and bring about the dawn of a new age."

"Can't these things shut up!" Cait shouted.

"I think the Mechanist and I have very different definitions of the word 'saved,'" Valentine added.

"He can't actually mean any of that rot," Cait continued. "If he does, he's loony."

"Considering he built an army of scrapbots," Valentine grunted as his fight with what once may have been a protectron went to fisticuffs, "I'd say he's probably pretty nuts!"

Then the robobrain armored like a tank appeared. "Aim for the brain!" I shouted, dodging a swing of its tesla-coil arm. Ada and I fired as Cait and Valentine did their best to keep the other robots still standing occupied.

With a shudder and a crackle of electricity across its surface, the robobrain fell. Tense silence settled. When it was clear no more robots would be coming around any corners, we relaxed.

"What the hell is that thing?" Cait asked.

"It's called a robobrain," I said, "though I've never seen one so weaponized before." I'd only ever seen them inside the Vault near Far Harbor, and those were much smaller compared to this one.

She stepped closer, "Is that… is that a person's brain in there?"

I nodded, "It is."

"That's disgustin'."

"I agree."

“According to my data banks,” Ada said, “the robobrain was considered one of the most technologically superior robots ever constructed, but the model never reached full production status.”

"Wonder where this one came from," Valentine said.

Cait huffed, already bored by the conversation, "So how're we going to find the Mechanist with these heaps of junk?"

"We look for clues," I said, and got to work.

Ada, Valentine, and I searched the robots while Cait paced the room.

Valentine whispered to me, "Holmes, that woman has more psycho in her than is healthy."

"There's a healthy dosage of psycho?"

"You know what I mean. She took a hit, took a stimpak after snapping her arm back in place, and then took a second psycho for good measure. I'm amazed her heart hasn't exploded."

I sighed, "There's nothing I can do about it now, and I doubt she'll welcome conversation, especially with the state she's in."

"The crash ain't gonna be great either."

"What do you want me to do?"

He was quiet a moment, shaking his head. "I don't know. She's done her job so far, I'll give her that much, but she's gonna fall apart soon.”

"Are you detectives looking or flirting?" Cait shouted from across the room. "Hell of a lot more quiet chat than discovery goin' on."

"Jealous?" Valentine called back.

"Of you?"

“Enough,” I interrupted. “Ada, any luck?”

“I have not yet discovered a significant indicator of origin,” Ada reported.

“I’m going to look over the robobrain again,” Valentine said.

I approached Cait. “Valentine tells me you were injured?”

She was offended, “Stimpak patched me up just fine.”

“Good. And are you supplied for the trip north?”

"What?"

“Hey, Ada,” Valentine said, “My robot anatomy is a little rusty, but does this look like something interesting?”

He held up a device, which Ada examined. “Impressive technology. If my analysis is correct, this is a specialized radar beacon. I suspect it's how the Mechanist was keeping track of the robobrain. Thank you, Mr. Valentine, this may be exactly what we needed.” Ada turned to me, “As the next logical step, I need you to install this beacon within me so we can use it to our advantage.”

“Install it?” I admit, I balked at the prospect. Modifying weapons and armor, even building traps and turrets were one thing. Installing a radar beacon into a sophisticated robot seemed to be something else entirely.

“You'll need to use a robot workbench to ensure proper installation,” Ada explained. “I have the schematics. Do you want to return to the Castle to build it?”

“No,” I said, “not the Castle. There is an engineer out west who would be just the man for the job, and the location far enough away from the Brotherhood’s patrols to avoid attention.”

We decided that Valentine and Ada would leave for Sanctuary and tell Sturges about the robot workbench Ada’s creator invented, while Cait and I would make our way north to meet Danse and Preston at the airport. Valentine wasn’t thrilled with the plan, but he didn’t have a better suggestion, either.

I had already told Ms. Shaw about my meeting with Maxson before we left. As Danse suggested, I gave her explicit instructions for action to take should anything seem amiss. And so Cait and I started the walk north to the Prydwen.

[sugar-petals]

Omg I love your writing style so much ❤️ It always hits in the right places 😏 As I see you have requests open may I ask for historical AU with Taehyung being a nobleman son and his and reader's wedding night when they never (or barely) saw each other before a wedding? You know they don't know each other but they have to do it 😩 If you don't feel like writing this anything else with Tae will be fine with me 😉

My Word To Treat You Well [M]

length | 3.5kgenre | angst, soft smut, enemies to lovers, fluffy endnote | The other members are side & main characters!warnings | bullying, homophobia, child abuse, evil kings… doing evil things 

Appalling. Twenty or more people would offer you a hundred bucks to know whether Prince Taehyung was good in bed or not. 

Probably to sell the juicy secret to The Daegu Herald or Gyeongsang Sentinel for twice the money. You’d get extra pay for revealing what he was into. Meanwhile, you yourself wondered about that. The cash went past your gloved hands under mid-July’s oppressive evening heat, waiting for the crowds to disperse with your relatives departing, too. The tedious diplomatic talks, over-the-top banquets, shrill music, and painful dances were over. Familiar stars shed soft lights on the rattling carriages that headed north from the Kim Palace. That was the only thing good about this day. It was hard knowing Ilsan was so far away. You mother, widowed Queen Choi, had left you with a plea to all the strength you possibly have. And she must know how it is. 

You were looking forward to throwing your heeled shoes into the palace pond, not fucking the Crown Prince. He had been acting arrogant with his friends all day, tripping waiters. In fact, you thought he was Daegu’s number one blockhead. Next to his unruly partner in crime: Yoongi from the local Min family. He loved to harass and mock the elderly guests while Taehyung laughed along. The Min clan wears their blue emblem with such a toxic haughtiness, even Prince “Phony” Jimin of Busan wouldn’t compare. Thankfully, the latter had remained absent today and didn’t make things worse. Because that Min guy was already prickly, a textbook bad influence to Taehyung. The kiss in front of the altar had been enjoyable, that was true. He didn’t smell, he didn’t use tongue or teeth, he kept it short and smiled courteously. The Prince was attractive and well-dressed, sure. That was good enough down the aisle. He wouldn’t start too many dances either. But Kim had soaked up the aristocratic mannerism so much, at the ball it felt like he wanted to own this place. Which he didn’t. Namjoon was still the one in charge in both this province and the palace. It seemed like the Kim patriarch’s iron rule had raised a glaring thorn in his crown. And you had to deal with him now: In bed. It’s a cruel world.

Prince Taehyung comes waddling along the marble corridor with relative unease. He seems aimless, maybe drunk. Prince Prick is not with him. They had been glued together the entire day, more than you were supposed to spend time with Taehyung instead. On the one hand, protocol breach would cause atrocious chatter. On the other hand, having Taehyung off the hem of your hanbok frankly was congenial. Maybe Yoongi was quite a convenient figure on this chess board. You’d keep that in mind. Waiting for Taehyung to arrive was awkward enough. But as he just stood there blank-faced like a statue for a solid minute, you took the liberty to just drag him to your chamber by the lapel. What a huge moron. He lands on the canopy bed quite frightened, but it leaves you cold. “Let’s just get it over with,” you tower at the lower end of the bed, “you whip your cock out, shove it in three times, dump your jizz so Daegu gets an heir, and we’ll go to bed. Me, I’ll just pretend I’m dead.” 

Taehyung looks even more flabbergasted. You don’t know if it was the language or the directness. Probably both. You let yourself fall right next to him, kicking off the nasty restrictive shoes. The chambermaids had at least managed to remove your bride headpiece and the ridiculous, scratchy ceremonial wig. It was one of the major reasons why you hated marrying in summer. They also fidgeted at your head to wipe off the goo that was supposed to be face paint before you snapped and sent them away. They should enjoy the evening and not bother with your oh-so costly attire that was only designed to trouble you anyways. It didn’t even look as beautiful and regal as what Taehyung had worn. He was all the rage while people slandered you the second you were out of sight as your mother had remarked. It was just important that he was married. It preserved the patrilineage and elevated his status, not you as the wife and new member of the family. The future Queen of Daegu, in fact. But they didn’t seem to respect that.

That way, they had “decorated” you. Criticizing all sorts of things about your appearance. Nobody in Ilsan had bothered, thought something was not right or good-looking. Nor did you. Queen Choi had insisted beauty was not a female ruler’s most important asset. It was power, plain and simple. That is what rulership is about. She warned you that the house of Kim had more double standards. You yourself didn’t think making a Princess less confident and secure in herself was particularly benevolent. Nose too long, hands too broad, voice too loud, height too tall, hair too coarse, eyes to narrow, skin too tan, hips not wide enough for having kids? All they wanted was a weak, pregnant fairy glued to Taehyung’s side by day. And a mute fuckdoll to keep his dick wet by night. You weren’t wrong saying you would play dead. That is how passive they wanted you to be here. And as anxious and self-conscious as possible, that no deeper thought about this rotten palace would ever cross your mind. “My ears are too ugly for me to have authority!” thought no king ever. 

You undress ripping away the satin, pearls, embroidered sticks, emeralds, ribbons. All the layers of hanbok have to go. They land on the floor while Taehyung remains dumbfounded. Once the work is done, you’re in the underwear that’s been itching and sweaty all day. You lift the blanket, then roll your eyes at the Prince. “I’m kidding. Move, I want to sleep. Everything hurts.” You’re about to blow out the candle on your nightstand that Taehyung finds his words. “Hey, I’m sorry,” he murmurs, “I had hoped you had fun with us today.” He looks depressed now. “It’s arranged, this is not cloud nine,” you reply, “Good night, I don’t need your fake concerns.” Taehyung jumps up from the bed. “At least put on something comfortable, Princess,” he points to the showy wardrobe left to the entrance. “You just wanna see me naked to jack off while I sleep,” you growl, pulling the blanket tight over your chest. Taehyung rummages in the wardrobe, then tosses over a plain, long nightshirt. “I’ll go to the other chamber until you open.”

And indeed, he slips into the adjacent dressing room and closes the door shut. He turns the key, flicks it into your boudoir underneath the door. You quickly change into the green gown in a dark corner. It’s light and cooling. You tiptoe across the room and yank open the door after you unlocked, suspecting to catch Taehyung while he eavesdrops or looks through the keyhole. But no, he’s sitting at the window in a chair watching the night sky, startled at the vehement entrance. “Y/N, what’s wrong?” he whines, pale and daunted in the moonlight. “Nothing,” you snarl and return to bed. He just follows reluctantly. Where did insolent Prince Taehyung go? It has to be another joke or farce. He had entertained everyone with offensive shenanigans all day. 

You curl yourself together at the farthest possible point from him as he comes to lay down. Soon, some of his warmth sneaks across underneath the blanket. Disgusting. The topmost dipshit of Daegu is in the same bed as you. That alone makes you want to puke. On Namjoon’s throne, at best. He raised the scum. For a while, everything remains silent. But the heat, moonlight, and his breath won’t let you sleep, let alone his mere presence. Who knows what he does to you when you don’t pay attention any longer. You would be glad to pass the night without getting groped at least once. After what felt like hours, you just wind back and forth. At some point, you accidentally ram him hard in the flank with your elbow. The following whimper sounds so horrifying that you jolt up in a cold sweat. “Please, please don’t hurt me,” he trembles, holding his ribs in pain. Serves him right. “I didn’t want this either. He beats me already. Please don’t hurt me, please!” He’s almost bawling. You’re quite impressed by these acting skills. “Calm it Kim, I was just trying to turn around. Can’t sleep, thank you very much.” - “Me either… I’m very sorry!” Now you bellow at him. “Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry all the time. Are you no longer mean or what?” Taehyung looks like he might as well wet himself any second. The guards might have heard, but you’d be happy to get thrown into a cold jail cell. “Y/N, if I’m not acting like that I’ll get hit,” he answers, pulling down the impossibly high neckline of his gown. 

Oh.

Fuck. 

Green and blue marks — everywhere. One above the solar plexus looks new. Taehyung notices you staring at it. “He did it so I would promise to be tough with you tonight,” he says, covering his chest once the shame becomes too unbearable. “It’s really all an act?” - “It’s how everyone here does it, it’s normal. But we shouldn’t speak about it…” - “And Yoongi? Jimin?” - “They’re not like that when we’re alone,” he affirms, “it’s all to play along. Jimin got shoved down the stairs by his dad last week. He broke his leg just because he refused to marry an unknown woman. Yoongi’s dad threatened to do the same. All three of us have to marry this year, it’s protocol. Jimin got denied medical attention by King Park. That’s why he’s not here.” 

Now you get why Taehyung showed up dizzy and shut down after you grabbed at his suit. The dressing room reaction was similar. He’s not drunk, or anything like that. The King just gave him a heavy disciplining minutes before he appeared in the corridor. And Jimin — there’s no way the life of the party would stay at home without something this severe going on. It’s Prince Taehyung’s wedding, after all, the event of the year. They really pushed him down the stairs. You can’t believe it. He could be dead by now. The southern royals are as fucked up as you suspected, just in a way that’s… ten times worse than you’ve seen at the ball. 

There’s a legitimate reason as to why you thought they were all completely unlike themselves. It really is a tragedy behind the scenes. You enclose Taehyung in a caring hug while he’s crying his eyes out, your nightgown soaking it all up. “I have to apologize, too,” you soothe while he hangs feebly in your embrace. The tears slowly disappear after you’re petting his hair, mumbling excuses. His body feels slack and empty. You suggest going outside to visit the small palace garden. Walking through the solemn corridors barefoot, hands intertwined, it feels much closer to how you wished your day should have been like. The guards at the main gate appear quite surprised to see you walk around at such a late time. But both stand tall with a nod and the obligatory congratulations as you state the destination. Taehyung hides his swollen eyes behind his bangs as you inform them. They let you pass without resistance. 

You seat your husband on the edge of the central fountain. The surrounding roses, hydrangea, and dahlia flower beds emit a tranquilizing haze, along with the bubbling water and warm summer breeze. Your throbbing headache says goodbye. Walking on the tingly grass is a welcome relief, too. There are no clouds above you, the sky is lucid. The Prince looks up sighing deeply. “Taehyung, you like the stars, too?” He nods. You point out your favorite constellations to each other. Boötes, Virgo, Scorpius. Cassiopeia, too, she’s among the easiest to spot. Taeyhung looks handsome and frail in the tender moonshine. He’s really a beautiful man, rivaling the stars. Or complementing them. You pluck a cream white rose for him to hold, and he is careful with the thorns. “That’s for scaring you.” You pick another, coral red. “For the elbow accident.” A third one is bright orange and yellow. “To heal your chest.” You lean close to his face for the fourth flower – your mouth brushing over the bridge of his nose, then uniting your lips. “And this, Prince Kim, is my word to treat you well.”

Back in bed, you’ve cast away the heavy blanket and gowns. The clear moonlight has come to serve as an advantage now. Taehyung’s head is buried between your legs, tongue curling up and down gently. His large hands cup at your hips with fondness. You’re mindful not to put pressure on his upper body while you’re above him, facing his feet. His chest looks times worse than what you’ve seen when he first showed it. There are thin scars on his legs, too. You hope that every kiss mends them just a little bit, even if it’s just inside his heart. Taehyung tastes balmy and mellow when you circle your tongue around his length. It’s fun to plant your lips on his tip to sink down swaying right and left with your head, feeling his serpentine veins brush past the corners of your mouth. That’s a dick you’ll keep wet three times a day when the mood is right. He’s magnificent, better than all the savory cakes from the buffet. You regret having rejected a bath in your imperious fury earlier, now feeling ready to earn the title: Most obnoxious and smelling Crown Princess that the kingdom has ever seen. But Taehyung doesn’t care one bit, indulging you with graceful little flicks and dips at your clit. It’s so amazing. Maybe you’re not as malodorous and unbearable as you think. Because you’re comparing yourself to the sky-high golden standards of Taehyung. Which is probably what Namjoon’s mind control aims for. Then you will indeed think you’re just a meaningless fairy puppet by sheer comparison. That, you realize, is something to cast away. Taehyung is Taehyung, a wonderful delicate person and spouse. You are you. Queen Choi’s most unyielding daughter, to-be sovereign among her ranks of power, and impending defender of the Prince to install justice. Namjoon will pay for every mark he left. 

After sunrise, you already have to confront a perverse mob of “two hundred bucks? three hundred bucks?” fanatics led by chief servant Hoseok. You command them to rather spend the money on sending Prince Park a proper doctor. They swallow the bait, pester for details. You know better not to get hanged for treason on your first day as Princess of Daegu. Instead, you send them off with a trusted contact’s name at Park Palace, knowing they will not stop until they discover the truth. If they can expose the secret on their own, they’ll think they’ve invented it. And then comes the craving for big money, and more investigation. Especially the Daegu Herald is predictable in that regard. You hope the story blows up. Someone has to take care of Jimin. Maybe you should send a letter.

The throne room is the next obstacle. You’re glad there was no breakfast yet so you are maximum ill-tempered. A heavily bearded King thrones golden at the very end, and almost loses his crown when you enter without bowing, still in your plain dress. But he catches himself – back to the fake smile, fake words, fake posture. “Ah, this is what I call a regal sense of duty. A good early morning!” he says jovially. His own father must have slapped him into this demeanor. They’re all despicable. This is the generation where it ends. “The whole palace talks about your tryst. Everyone is impressed by the Rose Prince! Truly a man. Making such romantic gestures.” You’re angry that someone watched and couldn’t keep it to themselves. But then again, the palace harbored many guests tonight that had been equally restless and curious. The garden is public anyways, and visible through many windows. But it seems like everybody had twisted the story around and pretends you’re not even part of it. “I’m not here to talk about that. I have a request, actually.” - “Oh sure Princess, go ahead?” Namjoon falls somber now. “I’m not happy with this situation,” you furrow your brow. “Just like I expected it to be,” he huffs into his beard, “Well, we can always nullify the marriage after a certain time. But that needs a special legal procedure and at least two produced infant heirs. I advise you to wait anyways. Taehyung will become a good man for you even if you don’t like him now.” This place is truly hell. Produce an infant heir. King Namjoon has lost his mind. You fortify your stance before the throne. “I wouldn’t divorce because of Taehyung. I would divorce because of you. I’ll take him back with me to Ilsan.”

“Because of me? You wouldn’t dare. I have organized the best wedding of the last fifty years. Kim Seokjin is not ready to become the Crown Prince yet! Taehyung is the heir. You have to be his Princess. The alliance with house Choi is important for trade, too.” - “All the reasons to leave. Without heirs. Just with Taehyung. From your words, I can tell he’s not as important to you as the lineage and your reputation. Nor am I.” The King looks like he is about to combust. He can’t hurt you. Taehyung needs kids and Daegu resources. “Choi, what do you want?” he bursts out, hammering his staff on the ground. “Stop beating Taehyung. And don’t treat me as secondary. That’s all I ask for.” - “But this is protocol!” - “Then why do you keep it hidden when it’s all fine and necessary?” There it is. The King is gritting his teeth hard. Who would have known the doll bride would have this much leverage. “I’ve sent a giant horde to Park Palace. If you don’t put King Park and King Min in their place and abolish the protocol, they will. If my mother comes to know about it, Ilsan and the Northern Kingdom ban trading gold, silver, spice, and silk. Say goodbye to your dynasty and alliances.” - “You’re lying…” - “Then wait and see. It’s the truth. The crowd just left. Jung Hoseok called in sick today, didn’t he? Guess why.” - “Stop, stop the crowd! We’ll revise the protocol all you want, just stop the crowd!” 

For five hundred bucks, Hoseok gets an in-depth story about the ‘Rose Princess’ garden tryst. With a lot of embellishments and inexplicable plot holes, but still immensely detailed. Two days after, even the notoriously stuck-up Gyeongsang Sentinel readers send you presents after Hoseok sold them the story for a fortune. The five hundred bucks you spend for the messenger on horseback who had raced to the neighbor province, calling back the wild mob headed to Busan. Instead of you having to write a letter, Crown Prince Jimin sends you one instead. His leg has received treatment by the kingdom’s most expensive doctor. His father begrudgingly appointed him. Jimin is delighted to marry his lover in October – the beloved childhood friend and son of Busan’s Grand Duchess, Jungkook. An adoption is already on its way. The public is nowhere near as enraged as Jimin’s father had dreaded. Jungkook is very popular for good looks and charm and already well-known as Jimin’s second half. Queen Park appears to be very excited, too, especially since lifting the protocol has impacted her beneficially. 

You’ll have to live with the fact that King Namjoon cares about grandchildren more than Taehyung’s less “tough” side or, well, you. That you hope will change with time. But he busies himself with Seokjin instead of you where his prospects fall on fertile ground, and Queen Kim keeps an eye on it. At least he is happy that Jimin’s marriage does take place and has decided for the family to travel to Busan in late September. Taehyung has developed a habit of walking in the park with you often in the meantime. Also, you meet with the citizens on the farmer’s market by horse. Huge masses of people gather to see and talk to you. Namjoon had security concerns and sent fifteen high-strung guards along. But Taehyung allowed them to stroll on the market (you called it “patrol”, tongue in cheek), keeping only the four that seemed not exhausted from being constantly yelled at by the King. It was about time anybody left the dusty walls of the palace. Many had only seen you in the drawings of herald papers and heard mostly peculiar stories save the garden one. After a pleasant afternoon you buy Taehyung fresh apples and tangerines, pick up the guards and ride towards the forest. There, you spend time with Yoongi who has earned your nickname of “Prince Perfect” after some initial misunderstandings. Together you practice arching or swim in the river, and discuss wedding presents that Jimin might like. You’re very happy with Taehyung who’s always watching you with a beaming smile, and glad that he’s able to wear normal necklines again. 

My, this was a great prompt as usual. Thank you historical Tae anon (I’ll just call you this way) for the request. Asks: Always welcome my sweet cubs 🐯 I love you. - Caro

[shadcatmastered]

Kid x Law - Fanfiction - A Hogwarts Story

"So, anybody can answer the question and there is no password after this? That's stupid. Anyone can enter as they want. …and you should be the 'most intelligent' house?" Kid crossed his arms while his voice was mocking. He raised an eyebrow as he looked at Law, who pulled up his blue tie with a grin. "If it’s so easy, give it a try. It's a different question every time, so nobody can write down the answers or memorize them." His voice was full of malicious joy, but that only spurred Kid on his ambitions. He would be able to answer a simple question! Damn, if he had known that before, he would have spent many years ruining the common rooms of the Ravenclaws. Damn. Let's see if he could make up for that in his last two years. The redhead turned to the simple front door and just as he was about to reach for the door knocker, the door knocker in the shape of an eagle began to speak. "If you tried everything, does that mean the number of possibilities is limited?" What? Well, Kid had expected something different. Especially with the Ravenclaws, he could have imagined stupid questions from class. The ingredients for a potion, or a rare spell. He could handle that, having grown up in a pure-blooded magic family, he had been surrounded all his life with magic and magical knowledge. But that was a very different question than he had expected and he was silent for a moment before he answered simply: "...Yes." The door knocker was silent and the door did not open, before Law burst out laughing. Kid gave him an pissed look from the side, while he could not stop his cheeks from blushing with shame. Stupid Law! Stupid Ravenclaws! The black-haired man wiped the laughing tears from the corner of his eyes before he said to the eagle in amusement: "No. The possibilities are never limited, only our understanding of what might be possible." Immediately, the door opened and Law grinned so broadly that Kid would have liked to punch him. "Damn, be glad you ended up in Slytherin and not in Ravenclaw. Otherwise you would spend many hours outside the door." His voice was so mocking, but kinda because of that mean words Kid felt something else besides his anger, which had made him aware of Law in the past in the first place. When the black-haired man walked through the door and he followed him, Kid let his hand go under his cloak and pressed his butt very quickly. Now Law turned red and turned quickly to him, but Kid just passed him in the common room of the Ravenclaws. He grinned now. Although the shame was not gone, he could not prevent saying: "But as mean and malicious as you are, you would have done damn well in Slytherin. You're just used to the kind of questions you have to answer, that’s all. Your answer was not super clever or anything like that." Kid turned to Law with a grin, but he had only crossed his arms. Apparently confused by the fact that Kid had so naturally touched his ass ...and that he had liked it. The redhead grinned a little wider as he looked around the common room. Of course, everything was in bronze and blue, but Kid had to say it did not look bad otherwise. In contrast to the common room of the Slytherins they had a beautiful view over the mountains and the ceiling was decorated by a big starry sky. "Hey, now we could always see together to the stars." Kid flirtatiously uttered his words with a sparkle in his eyes, whereupon Law returned to his usual form and looked with a mocking grin to the great statue of Rowena Ravenclaw, peering all over the room. "It is said that her spirit are still looking down on their students, whether or not they are performing well... if you do not mind being watched?" But with these words, the black-haired could not annoy him! Kid came closer to him, so close that her nostrils could touch, before whispering: "... on the contrary it makes me more horny." Law giggled softly, then put his arms around Kids neck. He had to stand on tiptoe to look up to him and somehow Kid liked the fact. He liked to be taller. "I would like to see the common room of the Slytherins, too. All those years at Hogwarts and I do not know a single other common room. A shame, right?" When they were so close, they both blushed a bit. But Kid reluctantly put his hands on Law's hip. It was very rare that they had so much time undisturbed for themselves. Otherwise they had to meet each other only secretly and if someone disturbed them, they had to get of each other quickly and perhaps had to barking at each other, as if they had just argued violently. No one should suspect anything. "I'm sorry, but other Slytherins stayed during the winter holidays too. Not like you. An empty common room for you alone." Kid spoke his words amused, but with a glint in his eyes. Yes, or an empty common room for them alone. Law grinned crookedly and said nothing. The redhead knew it was not an easy topic. Sometimes, after class together, they often had time to talk. And once in the evening, when they did not get bother by anyone, they sat down by the lake and Law had told him it was difficult at his home. His mother was a muggle, while his father was a wizard. However, while Law was at school his father had left his mother and when Law came home in his summer vacation, his father had been busy creating a new family with a new Muggle woman, while his mother was so angry that she even could not see Law anymore. He looked very much like his father, along with the fact that he was also a wizard. Law had meant with a sigh that he was glad to come back to Hogwarts after the summer holidays and therefore did not feel like going home for Christmas. If Kid was honest, he'd only been there for Law over Christmas. He could have gone home. He had no problems with his parents. They were just like they were. He had often heard other people judge his family's relationship as cold. But Kid did not think so. Everyone took care of their own problems and affairs. Could that really be that wrong? The only thing that bothered him was that he was always a little scared about how they would react if he and Law... if they become a couple and if he had to introduced him to them. Since his childhood he had been taught that he would have to marry a pure-blooded witch to keep the bloodline with his children. Well, Law was probably the opposite of what he should look for. He was a Ravenclaw, not pureblood and well... a man. The topic with the children was then probably completely done. But when Kid saw Laws beautiful blue eyes right now, he did not want to think about that. What interested him already what his parents thought? They were not here and he was happy. His grin softened as he leaned forward and kissed Law. It was a small, sweet kiss and he closed his eyes as he just enjoyed the moment. Law's arms pulled him closer and Kid grinned as he took the liberty to kiss him a little more passionately. It was so beautiful. So nice, just to be undisturbed. Only both of them, in a room in which one could not suddenly come in one. When they broke the kiss, they grinned at each other, both blushing. Well... that was probably the perfect moment. "Wait, I have something for you." With that, Kid took his hands off the Law’s hip and turned around, pulling something out of his pocket instead. It was a small box, but wrapped in nice blue wrapping paper. He picked it up in front of Law, who took his arms off him and took a step back to take a better look. The redhead grinned very broadly. "Merry Christmas. ...I mean, technically, that's only tomorrow, but I wanted you to have a present when you get up tomorrow. That's why I wanted to give it to you today." Kids voice got a bit faster and Law looked at him. ...before he started laughing again. And he did not laugh at him this time. It was obviously a joyful laugh, at least Kid hoped for him. "Thank you! That's sweet of you. Almost too cute. Watch out, if you're too cute and I no longer think you're a badass douchebag, maybe I'm not interested in you anymore." Of course Law had to go for it! Kid narrowed his eyes at these words and wanted to pack the gift again. "...well, if you see it that way!" But before he could do that, Law quickly pulled the gift out of his hands and looked at it with a very happy smile on his face. He sensed the little box and thought about what it was before he chuckled for a moment and then leaned up and kissed Kid on the cheek. "Thank you very much. I'm really looking forward to opening it tomorrow." Law grinned as he put the present in his own pocket. Kid now felt his heart beating faster. He was... nervous. Yeah, he was really nervous because he was worried for some reason that Law might not like the gift. But Kid shook his head slightly. Now he could not do anything about it. "I hope you like it." Kid spoke softly as Law looked up at him again. Only now he laid his hands on his chest. The black-haired man licked his lips as if considering how to phrase his next words. Then he said with a fine smile on his lips: "I also have a gift for you. I ... I want to invite you to ... you ... that ... … I want not to wake up alone tomorrow morning. ...but next to you. So we can celebrate Christmas together and you get your gift at Christmas night." Law became so embarrassed and so red in the face that Kid would laugh at him in every other case. But now he could only take a deep breath himself as he put his arms around the black-haired man's back and held him close. At the same time he could feel how he was so excited and ... yes, he was looking forward to it, he was also completely embarrassed. In a nice way. …he blushed so much! Law meant clearly ...that they would come closer to each other. Neither of them had a girlfriend or boyfriend before. So it would be the first time for both of them.... Wow. A very broad, overjoyed grin pulled over Kids lips, as softly said: "Well, that's the best gift I could imagine." Law began to laugh at these honest words and Kid looked at him with happiness. Damn, that's why he wanted so many times that the black-haired should be really in Slytherin. Then it would be so much easier to be close to each other! The redhead leaned forward to kiss him, but at that moment Law turned his head away. Kid looked questioningly at him, whereupon he clasped his arms firmly in his sweater. "But I have a condition!" Now his words sounded almost stern, which made Kid raise an eyebrow in amusement. It could have been too easy. "If we do that, I want you to be my boyfriend." Law made his voice stern, but Kid could see exactly the fear that he would say no. But he certainly did not intend to do that. No, he rather took Law by his tie and now pulled him into a kiss without any compromise, as he spoke gently to his lips: "Of course, I did not want anyone but you." He could then clearly feel Law relax in his arms. Then Law wrapped his arms around his neck again and Kid could swear that they had never kissed each other with such affection, as after these words. Well, now he had a boyfriend in public, eh? ... what an exciting thought. No more hiding, no secret meeting and no staring at each other, while pretending to dislike each other. It certainly would not be easy. He also was not sure how their classmates would react, or the teachers, or his parents ... but in the end it did not matter, did it? All that mattered was this beautiful moment when he put his hands on Law's ass and he squeezed it, whereupon the black-haired guy giggled and then kissed him a little more. It felt right and beautiful. What a great Christmas present. ...and who knew, maybe his grades would even get a little better if he was hanging around with a Ravenclaw for a while.

written by Shadcatmastered

[impr0bablyhighrn]

Fallout OC Profile

(Some art I commissioned that is almost done has finally pushed me to make one of these for my Lone Wanderer. 😁 )

Full Name: Charlie Talise Myles (DeLoria)

Also Known As: Charlie, and certain people *cough* who are smartasses *cough* call her Charles, Chuck, or Chuckie and THAT is a great way to get a broken nose. 

Species: Human 

Sex and Gender: Cis Female 

Age: 20 

Birthday: 13 July 2258 

Birthplace: Capital Wasteland 

Sexual Orientation: het-demi 

Marital Status: Married 😍 

Religious Beliefs: non-practicing Christian, she thinks? 

Notable Strengths: She is smart, intuitive, creative, dependable, persistent, and loving. 

Notable Weaknesses: She has zero patience, a very defective personal filter, and she is almost always exhausted and cranky. She has frequent mood swings, is pretty pessimistic, and suspicious of others. 

Favorite Attire: Her armored vault suit and her Lyons Pride power armor...and her Tunnel Snakes jacket. 

Favorite Weapons: Harkness' plasma rifle and her silenced 10mm. And the BB gun her dads gave her, but she doesn't really use it. 

Personality Details: 

Most people just kind of think she is a huge bitch, but that couldn't be further from the truth. She wants to do good. She wants to help. She cares very much. But, she's also just really freaking tired in like every way. And everyone keeps yanking the rug out from under her feet. She doesn't trust most people, and when keeping them at arms length can come across as chilly or sometimes rude. To the people close to her, though, she's delightful. To them she is warm and generous, reliable, and occasionally pretty funny. She's not shy or afraid to speak her mind, and that sometimes gets her into trouble. She will f*ck someone up if she's pushed to that point...for example...she straight up murdered that traitor bitch who left Dr. Li's team for the Enclave. 

Backstory: 

Her backstory is consistent with the Fo3 canon. When she left Vault 101 for the first time, she was confused and alone, and entirely focused on finding her father. She ended up in Megaton, then Rivet City, then the Citadel. The only odd jobs she took were ones that helped her gain the means to survive or got her a new lead. She traveled only one mission with Star Paladin Cross, a friend of her father's, before Cross was killed in action after Charlie agreed to help rescue some mercs from a horde of mutants. She took it hard and blamed herself, then swore not to put anyone else in harm's way. She continued her search alone. 

 After she found her father and he was almost immediately killed by those Enclave bastards (seriously, f*ck those guys) she began working exclusively with the Brotherhood of Steel to avenge him and take back Project Purity from those who would use the good intentions of her family to do harm. She didn't entirely trust the Brotherhood, but she trusted Dr. Li and her team. 

 She found herself in the northwest sector of the Capital Wasteland in a cave full of children. This did distract her from her mission for awhile. She took the time to make sure they could have real nutrition and stop surviving on cave fungus. She made sure Big Town was secure so those kids wouldn't die the minute they left Little Lamplight, and after escorting Sticky across the wastes told them that whenever someone came of age to contact her and she would come help them make it to their new home safely. 

 Charlie returned to Megaton to resupply and use a linked terminal to check in with the Brotherhood. While there, she picked up a distress signal on her pip-boy from Vault 101. Her feet couldn't take her there fast enough. Once she was through the vault door, she demanded to see her best friend Amata immediately. Almost everyone she encountered on her way to the clinic had something rude to say about James or Charlie. Charlie bit her tongue, but kept her hand on her 10mm. She didn't trust any of them after they killed Jonas and tried to kill her...out of nowhere... just for being associated with her father. 

Tensions were obviously still running high, as one of the security guards nearly shot one of the Tunnel Snakes right in front of her! When she ran into Butch outside the clinic, she took a moment to speak with him. He bullied and harassed her and Amata their entire childhood, but the last time they had seen each other, Charlie rescued his mother. Butch was still grateful, and filled Charlie in on a lot of what happened since she left. He wanted out. The "rebels" wanted to open the vault doors and engage in trade. It was all so simple. Amata confirmed this, and Charlie went directly to the Overseer. She made no promises not to kill him, despite how Amata begged. After what he did to Jonas...and to her...he deserved whatever he got. 

 She was accosted and nearly shot by a security guard, so she went snooping in the security office where she found her former teacher imprisoned, and released him. She also uncovered a plot to have more people killed, and confronted the Overseer with this information. He had no choice but to step down and appoint his daughter to the position, but in a surprising turn of events, Amata used her new power to permanently ban Charlie from the vault. Not that she wanted to stay anyway, but after everything, after dropping her mission on the surface and after putting herself in danger to help, it was quite the slap in the face. She had barely taken two steps out the vault door before it sealed behind her with a "good riddance" from many of the inhabitants. 

It was like she was back at the beginning, lost and confused. She headed next to Rivet City. Megaton was too close to 101. She wasn't a favorite there but she did have friends, and she certainly wasn't in a frame of mind to continue her mission. About a week later while she was whiskey soaked in the Muddy Rudder, Butch DeLoria walked through the door. Maybe she was just drunk, but she had never been so glad to see him. They drank together and got pretty foul about some of the 101 dwellers. They both thought it was pretty messed up what Amata did, too, but Butch kept assuring Charlie she was better off anyway. 

 One thing led to another. 

 They set out together the next afternoon back toward Little Lamplight. Charlie hacked Joseph's terminal that sealed the caves off from Vault 87, but insisted that Butch stay behind. He wasn't thrilled, but would rather stay alive so he agreed to wait for her there. 

 After fighting her way through the vault, Charlie met a nice mutant named Fawkes who helped her retrieve the G.E.C.K. Unfortunately, she didn't make it back out. 

She did have a delightful time destroying Raven Rock and President Eden. Fawkes was waiting for her on the outside. They passed through L.L. to see if Butch waited there. He did not. Mayor MacCready told them Butch said he was going back to Rivet City, where Mungos belong. 

 With the help of Liberty Prime, Fawkes, and the Lyons' Pride, they reclaimed Project Purity, but not before Charlie agreed to sacrifice herself. She only wished she could have said bye to Butch...he was the only person other than the people present who she figured might give a crap. 

Thankfully, she didn't die, and she woke in the Citadel with both Butch and Fawkes at her side. She immediately wanted to see the progress of Project Purity and was delighted to be sent there, though incredibly distressed that Dr. Li abandoned it and left the CW to go north. Things only got worse. Not only were citizens finding ways to exploit and do harm with Aqua Pura, but there were even those in the Brotherhood finding ways to take advantage...and superiors wiling to overlook that abuse so someone could turn a profit. It made Charlie sick, but when she tried to inform Elder Lyons he wouldn't even listen. She just KNEW Sarah would have helped, but Sarah still hadn't woken up. 

Having no one in the Brotherhood to turn to and feeling completely powerless and disgusted, she went awol with Fawkes and Butch. They encountered some escaped slaves and helped them secure the Lincoln Memorial. They checked in on Little Lamplight often. They found a lush, green paradise to the north that was home to a talking tree man named Harold. This is where Butch proposed to Charlie, and well, since Harold was a "god", he officiated a small, private ceremony for them. They traveled to Underworld where they met many ghouls and told Gob's family what had become of him. 

 (This is where I'm at in the game so I'll add more after I know what happens and decide Charlie's fate.) 

Known Family: 

Butch DeLoria (husband) 

James Myles (Father, deceased) 

Catherine Myles (Mother, deceased) 

Jonas Palmer (Other Dad, deceased)

 Adopted wasteland family includes Fawkes, Dogmeat, Charon, Star Paladin Cross (deceased), Sarah and Owyn Lyons, Squire Maxson, every child at Little Lamplight, and Gob. 

Habits: She bites her nails when she's nervous, and bounces her leg when she's impatient. She always peels the labels off of bottles. She has to eat something salty after she eats anything sweet or she will want to keep eating forever. 

Likes: She loves being near water, doing something casual and relaxed with loved ones, and sleeping. 

Dislikes: She hates talking about her mother, being around too many strangers, tight spaces....and f*cking centaurs, who the hell even made those? 

Theme Song: M.I.A. "Bad Girls" 

Life Philosophy: "When nothing goes right, go left."

[feisty-mary]

Never the Twain Shall Meet (Liam x MC, The Royal Romance)

Notes.  My MC is Sabrina de Marek. Plenty of angst ahead.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What happens if you never meet the person the universe has always intended for you?

Angst/Romance. AU. 2.1k words. One-shot.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the evening of his bachelor party, Liam’s friends take him to a private cruise to see the Statue of Liberty.

It comes as a surprise, both literally and figuratively. Not one of them has ever picked up on his desire to see the statue before, and Liam has never been one to impose what he wants on others.

Maybe you should, he remembers Leo tell him, and smiles fondly when Maxwell reveals that it’s a gift from his older brother, after all. If there’s anyone who will willingly put Liam’s wants before everyone else’s, it won’t be himself, but Leo.

But I thought we were going to hit one more pub before leaving tomorrow? Liam asks. He can almost see his brother rolling his eyes in disapproval, but Liam can’t help himself – putting everyone else’s wants and needs has always been something that felt most natural to him.

Maxwell sheepishly mentions something about mixing up dates and prioritizing Leo’s gift for Liam. Leo said this would mean to you more than a trip to another pub, so everyone agreed to cancel that one instead. 

Liam claps Maxwell on the back reassuringly, giving his friends a grateful smile. I wouldn’t have minded, but thank you. I really appreciate this.

Liam waits until everyone else has gone to the lower deck before he walks eagerly to the railing, a wide grin on his lips. He can’t see himself, but he knows he’s practically beaming as he looks up at her. Lady Liberty looks like she can command the entire city with her presence alone, and briefly Liam wonders if he can do that, too, once he’s king.

I’m glad we met, at least, before I get married, he tells her.

If there’s a small voice in his head that tells him this could have been the night when he meets the love of his life, he dutifully ignores it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the other side of New York, Sabrina de Marek drums her fingers while she waits for her friend to close shop. Daniel has been nothing but excited since the reservation for tonight’s bachelor party got cancelled, but for some reason it left her feeling… restless. Like something in the world has gone off course and now the day isn’t ending the way it should.

Daniel only laughs when she tells him, convinced she’s still stressed out from the panel interview she had only three days ago. A favorable result, after all, will kick off her career in international relations.

She agrees halfheartedly, but while it assures Daniel that nothing is wrong, it only leaves her feeling even more agitated than before. 

On her way home, she takes a detour to the docks, her secret sanctuary in this bustling city. There is something calming in looking at the brilliant city skyline this late at night, in marveling at the Statue of Liberty not too far away.

Usually, anyway.

Sabrina puts a hand over her chest, and wonders why it feels like something important has slipped between her fingers.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Liam returns to Cordonia the following day. He barely has enough time to rest before he is thrown into the festivities of the social season.

Maxwell jokes it’s too bad Liam never met the love of his life while they were in the US. House Beaumont could have sponsored her as a contender for your hand in marriage! 

The Duke of Ramsford looks at his younger brother in aghast before telling him to stop being ridiculous. 

Maxwell only laughs. It’s just a joke, Bertrand.

Liam smiles at their exchange, but otherwise keeps his expression neutral. That joke would have been his fairytale come true, but they don’t have to know that.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Daniel has a fascinating story about a prince a few days later. 

The Crown Prince of Cordonia was in New York the night we closed shop early! What if he was the one who was supposed to come here that evening?

Sabrina laughs at the mixture of horror and despair in her friend’s eyes. Must be why I was feeling off that night. We totally blew my chance at being queen. 

Daniel grumbles. Queen Sabrina de Marek has a fancy ring to it, too. 

Sabrina grins her agreement before picking up her phone to look up pictures of the Crown Prince. It vibrates right after she hits search, signaling the receipt of an email. Distracted, she switches apps, opens her message, and gasps. 

Daniel, I got the internship! I’m flying to the Tokyo research arm of the UN in two weeks!

In the background, left unopened in her excitement, turns up thousands of images of Liam, Crown Prince of Cordonia.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Halfway through the social season, Liam finds himself alone in the Forgotten Falls.

One day, once I’m all grown up, he used to tell Leo, I’ll bring the girl I love to this place. We’ll jump into the water together so we can get the blessings of the lady of the waterfall.

He remembers Leo looking at him fondly then, with something like sadness in his eyes. Of course, little brother. One day.

There’s a familiar feeling of emptiness in Liam’s chest when he realizes that one day will never happen, but that’s all right. He knows he’ll get used to it soon enough.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sabrina knows all about Cordonia.

All about the social season, anyway. Daniel floods her inbox with regular updates, mostly because he’s gotten hooked on courtly gossip since Sabrina ‘missed an opportunity to be queen’. 

She doesn’t tell him she’s only ever opened a few of them, what with the internship and her part-time job taking up most of her time. She doesn’t even know what Prince Leo looks like. No, wait. That’s the prince who abdicated. The new Crown Prince is called Liam. Prince Liam.

Somewhere in between preparing for bed, she realizes she’s been tuning out most of what her friend has been saying on the other line. I’m sorry, what about the social season? Are they almost done?

Yes, the coronation ball is tomorrow! The Prince is finally going to make his choice – Sabrina? Sabrina? Did you fall asleep on me again?

Sabrina manages to grumble an apology before she succumbs to sleep. If she dreams about being queen of Cordonia that evening, she doesn’t think too much about it.

Daniel insists it’s the universe telling her something, but she dismisses it with a laugh. He’s only daydreaming, and that’s all there is to that.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When the social season ends, Liam chooses Lady Madeleine to be his queen.

There is no reason not to, he tells himself. She’s from one of the finest families in the kingdom and her upbringing and education have prepared her for the big responsibility that the role entails. It doesn’t hurt that everyone loves her, too – the Council, King Constantine and Queen Regina, the people of the kingdom…

Everyone, except Liam himself.

Not that it matters. The social season has never been about himself, but Cordonia. The country and the people need a queen who will best serve their interests.

Liam marries Lady Madeleine in autumn, after an engagement tour he barely even remembers. If his heart breaks a little when he finally says I do, he doesn’t dwell on it. He’s always known that a king very rarely gets what he wants, anyway.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is three years later when Sabrina flies to Cordonia for a two-day seminar on international trade, this time as a full-time technical staff to the UN. She has to put the phone away from her ears when Daniel yells; King Liam is out of the country for a conference of global leaders and won’t be back until after Sabrina’s departure from his kingdom.

It’s as if you two are fated not to meet, Daniel says, to which Sabrina laughs. It sounds absolutely preposterous.

It’s Her Majesty the Queen who welcomes Sabrina and the other delegates to Cordonia. Queen Madeleine proves herself the most gracious hostess, although there is something about the coldness in her eyes that is completely at odds with the lovely smile on her lips. 

That’s a little intense, Sabrina thinks, realizing too late that she spoke the words aloud and two of Queen Madeleine’s ladies-in-waiting are right behind her. Lady Kiara shoots her a dirty look, but Lady Penelope barely blinks.

She’s the worst, Lady Penelope whispers conspiratorially. She calls my poodles mangy. Who says that, right? 

Sabrina almost laughs, until she realizes that Penelope isn’t kidding. That’s… not very nice, she agrees, pressing her lips together when Lady Kiara shushes both of them. Lady Penelope discreetly rolls her eyes before telling Sabrina not to worry.

Don’t worry, I’m friends with King Liam, Lady Penelope whispers.

Sabrina only smiles, and wonders what kind of saint a queen with such cold, calculating eyes must be married to.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the delegates’ last evening in Cordonia, Queen Madeleine invites them to a small feast in the palace. They are having their dessert when the Queen calls Sabrina’s attention. I heard you’re from New York, Miss Sabrina. 

She nods. Yes, Your Majesty. I left three years ago for an internship, then continued to work in Japan full-time.

Queen Madeleine sips her tea. King Liam traveled there incognito around the time you left, then. For his bachelor party. She appears thoughtful. I heard they meant to do… pub-hopping? Though the King tells me they cancelled at the last minute to visit the Statue of Liberty.

Sabrina nearly drops her pastry fork when she hears this. Queen Madeleine looks at her curiously. Something the matter, Miss Sabrina?

Sabrina shakes her head, her heart suddenly beating erratically in her chest. N-Nothing, Your Majesty. And yet she remembers that evening very clearly, the night when it started feeling like something in the world had gone all wrong.

At that time I was finishing my graduate studies and waiting tables in the evening. She manages a smile, her throat dry. Who knows, had things gone a little differently, maybe I could have met King Liam then.

That would have made an extraordinary story, one of the other delegates say, and the table shares a good-natured laugh.

At the head of the table, Queen Madeleine smiles, but there is something about her rigid posture that tells Sabrina she isn’t at all amused by the idea. An extraordinary story, indeed.

An extraordinary story that never happened, Sabrina thinks to herself, and wonders at the bitter taste that the words leave in her mouth.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three months later, Lady Penelope steps into Liam’s office with an excited grin on her lips. She brandishes a piece of a paper proudly – she has been tasked with arranging his wedding anniversary celebration.

Her Majesty told me she wants to go to New York this year, Lady Penelope says, scribbling in her notebook. She said she wanted to see the Statue of Liberty.

Liam looks up from the documents in front of him, unsure if he heard right. She said that?

Uh-huh. Said she knows someone who can show you around. A friend she made during the conference a few months ago. Lady Penelope taps her pen on the table. Let me know if you’re okay with it so I can make arrangements as soon as possible?

Liam gives her a nod, a little bewildered. It has to be nothing but pure coincidence. He knows for sure that Madeleine doesn’t know his love for the Statue of Liberty. They have always had an unwritten rule about minding each other’s business.

That, and a small part of him is rebelling at the mere thought of sharing a big part of himself with someone who doesn’t care about him.

No, Liam finds himself saying. He knows the elaborate celebration is necessary to maintain the appearance of a blissful marriage for the country, but he hates it, and he knows Madeleine does, too.

Lady Penelope blinks. No?

Liam shakes his head. Ask Her Majesty if she’s amenable to going to Japan instead. I’ve heard nothing but glowing reviews for the Autumn Takayama Festival. I think we’ll both enjoy it.

Lady Penelope nods, rising to her feet. All right, I’ll let her know! Thank you, King Liam!

Liam watches the lady-in-waiting make her way out of his office. Lady Penelope? he calls out, a thought suddenly occurring to him. Do you know Her Majesty’s friend? She’s never mentioned her to me.

Ah, yes, the pretty delegate based in Japan. Too bad you’ll miss her if you go in autumn; she’s from New York and will be there for vacation around that time. Lady Penelope flips through her small notebook, her face scrunched up in concentration. Let me see… Oh, there she is.

Her name is Sabrina de Marek.

[artificialqueens]

I, A Russian Immigrant [Trixya] by ArtificalMandy

Katya’s a foreign, rich girl, and Trixie’s a poor, native sweatshop girl.

EARLY JUNE

Well, we’re off to America. Where’s that? I don’t know. I only know it’s far away. Really far away. You have to ride and ride on a big boat until you get there. And when you get there, mama says they undress you and look you in your eyes.

You have to be careful though because they don’t let just anyone in. If you’re paralyzed, blind, a prostitute, or answer “yes” to the question “would you kill the President of the United States?” they won’t let you in. But I can’t imagine why anybody would say yes to that. Sometimes, I practice opening my eyes real big in the mirror and saying “No” and then “I’m an American.”

Today our neighbor came over: “You’re really going to America? Just last year my brother and his wife went. The first few months we heard nothing. Then we get a letter, which reads- ‘America is a free country where everyone is miserable.’ Now, I ask you, why write this? Why not say like a human being- the what and the when and the how?”

Now, we have to do the worst part of leaving- saying good bye.

Mama and Papa take me between them even though I’m 12 and not a baby. Then we march from house to house. We spend the whole day doing that. It’s boring, and I wish people could say goodbye a little quicker.

I sit next to the neighbor boy by the stove, and I hate him because my parents like to tease me and call him my husband.

“Will you write to me?” he asks.

“Maybe.”

“Do you even know how?”

“In America anyone can learn,” I say to him and stick my tongue out. I know he’s jealous that I’m going to America, and he’s not.

++++++

LATE JUNE

Everyone always writes in books about seeing the statue of Liberty. I look out the boat, but there’s such heavy fog I can’t see anything. The whole New York skyline is gone.

It seems that America isn’t to everybody’s liking, which is strange to me. I see a girl throw up overboard, into the water. I tug on my mama’s hand and ask why. She won’t answer, so I follow the girl down to see where she lives. Everything in the lower decks smells like sickness and a little boy is crying that he’s hungry. I run back up to our room and close the door.

As we unload to Ellis Island, I watch the girl leave with the hungry boy. Is that her baby or baby brother? The girl can’t be more than four years older than me. How can you have a baby at sixteen? Well, mama had me at nineteen, but nineteen isn’t sixteen.

I hold my mama’s hand tight.

They let my parents through quickly. They barely examine us, and I think it’s because papa and I know some english. They don’t even ask me if I want to kill the President. I don’t see the girl or her boy, and I wonder if they’ve been sent back. Why do such thoughts trouble me on my first day to America? This is a wondrous land, and, even though it’s foggy today, I bet that it’s beautiful.

My mama buys me a picture book full of all the Presidents, and I feel patriotic. I beg her to buy me an American flag, and, as we walk to our new apartment, I wave it at anyone who will look. My papa shakes his head, but he laughs.

In the morning, I go to the window and gasp.

Oh! The country is better than I thought. Everything is buzzing with life, and it’s so bustling and busy that I don’t even feel homesick. I find my American flag and wave it proudly.

++++++

EARLY JULY

Today mama took me to buy some new clothes.

We went down the corner from our new apartment in NYC. There she bought me a skirt and blouse, a blue print with red buttons and a hat, which looked so pretty in my blonde hair. I took off my brown old things and threw them away. I hated Russia, and the old things. When I looked in the mirror, I said to myself-

“Wow, Katya, look at you now.”

The Russian shopkeeper, Tanya, is a big woman, and she hugged me tight and told me I looked beautiful. I shook my head and said, “Speak only English. I’m an American now, so don’t speak Russian to me.”

++++++

LATE JULY

My papa’s so old fashioned. I hate him.

If I eat ice cream, he gets mad. Whenever he sees me licking away at a strawberry cone, he’ll snatch it away and say “What a horrible place this country for young girls. What a horrible place.”

Papa hates when I sneak off to movies. I tried to go with him to the movie house once, and he didn’t care for it all. “I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Let alone for my daughter. There’s no telling what thoughts they’re putting in your head, Katya.”

My mama just tells him to be quiet. After that she either takes me or I sneak out by myself because papa sees something bad in every moving picture. How is that possible? It’s beyond weird.

The weirdest thing he hates? Lettuce and celery!

“This is a house for people,” he says as I cover my mouth to stop myself from giggling. “Not for rabbits and cows! Ach!”

Today I put a piece of lettuce in his bed to annoy him and then I leave because I knew I can. Besides, it’s boring at home with mama. All she wants me to do is clean, clean, and clean. I didn’t come to America to wash floors.

So I sneak out to see another forbidden movie.

Instead of going straight there, I stop by the library. I can’t read anything besides picture books, but the librarian, Ms. Malanaphy, is kind towards me and gives me chocolate bars for coming. I settle in the back coach with a colorful picture book and bite off a piece of the chocolate when I see her.

She’s got big blonde hair, bigger and bushier than mine, and I can tell that she’s quite large. No, not large like Tanya large. I mean that she’s only a year or two older than me, but she’s got breasts and thighs. She’s wearing a modest dress, but you can tell that she’s womanly through it. At first I think she’s curled up with a book but then I realize she’s sleeping. Beyond weird.

“Hi,” I whisper because I don’t meet many girls my age. Or if I do, they don’t care to talk to me. I’m glad that I have my light blue bow in my hair because it brings out my eyes. My heart skips a beat as she sits up.

“Hello,” she yawns and flinches. Oops, I’m standing too close.

I hold out my candy bar and blush: “You want?”

She eagerly snaps off a big piece and shoves it in her mouth. Then, realizing how quickly she did it, she blushes.

“My name’s Katya Zamolodchikova. You?” I easily recite. I’ve been practicing on shopkeepers and with Ms. Malanaphy for weeks.

“My name’s Trixie Mattel.”

“How are you?”

She hungrily eyes the rest of my chocolate bar: “Good.”

“Do you want to go with the movies with me?”

Trixie shakes her head so fast that my heart drops.

I give her my candy bar and promise I’ll pay for the ticket. She eagerly nods, devouring it in three bites, and then follows after me. She’s a couple inches taller, and my eyes are level with her breasts. This is a weird thought, but I can’t help but stare at them. It’s just because I’m shorter and scrawnier. Mama says all girls develop differently, but I wish that I would grow now.

“Where do you live?” I ask her, and I hope I didn’t say it wrong because she just stares at me and shakes her head. It’s not a great conversation, but it’s the best company I’ll have all day.

“School?” I finally say when I remember the word. I’m starting classes this September.

“No, I work in a factory.”

“Oh.”

I don’t know what ‘factory’ means, but I can tell by her expression that she doesn’t like it very much.

We watch the movies together, and I stare at her hand. It’s close to mine, and I don’t know why I stare at it. Just that I do. Afterwards, I offer to buy us both ice cream, even though I shouldn’t spend all my allowance in one day, but Trixie shakes her head and says she has to go back to work. I ask her ‘tomorrow?,’ but she just waves.

I watch her go, and I have this funny feeling in my stomach. I hope I see her again. 

[the90dayfianceblog-blog]

season 7, episode 2

The episode begins with Tania continuing to panic in the taxi, with her entourage. “THERE’S TRAFFIC!,” she says about New York City. We are not from NYC and yet, even we know you should probably leave 5 minutes earlier than you think. Because city traffic.  The three friends finally arrive at the airport, where they proceed to drop rose petals all over the floor. Of the airport. A janitor comes behind them to sweep up the obvious slip hazard they have created, and they proceed to yell at him. Tania continues to describe her mild stress in wildly dramatic ways. “I’m having a panic attack,” she says. (She isn’t.) Finally, the man of the hour arrives. The three women erupt into…maniacal laughter? Really, though – Tania cannot stop laughing. “Yo yo yo,” Syngin decides is a good greeting. They embrace, and it’s briefly cute until she opens her mouth to hyena-laugh again. Syngin admits to the camera he thought they’d be a one-night stand. One point given for honesty. We have 90 days to figure out if our future is a lie, he continues. He is maybe ¼ joking. Finally, he addresses her friends. “It’s nice to meet everybody,” he says, laughing nervously. Tania sort of introduces them. They do not shake hands but awkwardly wave at each other instead.

They all (yes, all) head back to the hotel, and he is touched by Tania’s effort with the rose petals and sex toys. She instructs her friends to come back in exactly two hours so that they can have some alone time. He is confused, as are we all, about the friends being there, as he just wants a shower and some sex. He mentions to Tania that her friends being there is weird, and he asks if this is something he should expect going forward. Conveniently, the two hours elapse right at that moment, marked by the return of her friends. “LET’S TAKE SOME SHOTS!” Tania says, rather than answering his question. They proceed to take shots of gin with a Red Bull chaser, because evidently they are drinking for the very first time. At least it is decent gin. Syngin is up for it, which seems to be his nature, and then out they go into the “concrete jungle.” He is mesmerized by it all. Golly gee I’m just a guy from the bush, he says about the very large, modern city of Cape Town. They put a blindfold on him – again, he is shockingly compliant – and drag him out into some public square to reveal a banner (this couldn’t have occurred at the airport?) that says “thanks for moving around the world for me, love, your suger.” No one notices or cares that a 29-year-old spelled sugar wrong, and I briefly wonder about the butchered contents of her democracy protest signs. Tania has since said she knows it was spelled wrong and that is how Syngin spells it. This may be a viewpoint on their relationship. We end their segment with more of the same concern from Syngin that perhaps 90 days is not enough time. “There’s some nitty gritty niggles to sort out,” he says, and shame on TLC for not using this as the name of the episode.

Alyssa predicts: I still don't think they end up married. I actually kind of like Syngin because he wants to make Tania happy right now, even if he is a bit uncomfortable. Tania is presently insufferable.

Laura predicts: Agreed - I still think they won’t get married. They’ve got way more than nitty-gritty niggles to sort out (recall the “kids freak him out” issue), and I don’t see her as the master of compromise or conflict resolution.

Michael and Juliana

These two get the most airtime this week, because the BIG VISA INTERVIEW is upon us. Michael is preparing to go to Brazil. But not without first taking a trip to the jewelry store to buy a $4,000 custom necklace that is red, white, blue, green, and gold, to represent America and Brazil, because all of those colors definitely go together. We hear him continue to defend his relationship to no one in particular, including a discussion how modest Juliana is, layered over a gratuitous shot of Juliana in a string bikini. (I see you, TLC.) Juliana calls him while he is at the jewelry store. There’s an issue with a credit card. “You probably maxed out the card,” we hear him say. “Oh, shit,” says the jewelry store clerk, all judgment. Ah yes, the money. We begin to learn the extent of it. He won’t say how much he’s spent on her, or whether it’s more than $150,000. She bought a car with the credit card, despite her apparent plans to move to the US in a few weeks. “I want her to respect the value of things,” he says about his teenage daughter adult girlfriend.

He arrives in Rio, visibly stressed. He arrives at a hotel, where Juliana is waiting. They both seem genuinely happy to see the other, which is a surprise on her end. She is beautiful, but I would believe she was 16. You look skinny, he tells her, and he chalks it up to their lack of recent extravagant vacations. Somehow the next words out of his mouth are “You’re a poor Brazilian when I’m not here and a rich American when I am.” This appalling statement has no effect on her, but I imagine she’s heard worse. She’s nervous about the interview but is determined to go to America to work…oh yeah, and live with Michael. Work consistently comes first in her stated “why America” priorities. She’s using him, clearly, but he is a negging paternalistic asshole, so I support her choice.

They’re on their way to the interview. She’s in a sexy outfit; he’s in an ill-fitting suit. For someone who is "rich," you think he could find a decent tailor. “Ready to rock and roll?” he asks, as every dad asks his daughter before taking her to school, err, to her visa interview. We meet them on the other side of said interview. It was “very bad,” she says. They wanted to know whether she’d been working as a prostitute, as we already know from the promo that has aired 900 times. Plenty of girls in my position do it, she says, but not me. She says this very matter-of-factly, almost rehearsed. Maybe it’s just her nature, but she doesn’t seem particularly bothered. Michael is more visibly affronted: “WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME? A PIMP? A JOHN?” He’s quick to let us know he’s never had to pay for sex, as though this were somehow about him. It’s increasingly clear that he is obsessed with his own status and others’ perception of him. They need to produce a police report on Juliana for the consulate’s consideration, so something – maybe not capital P prostitution, but something – definitely happened. Now he has doubts. I’ve been naïve with women my whole life, he says, and I wonder who that’s about…probably not Sarah, the stable mother of his children. He is afraid of what they’ll find on that police report, and he decides there’s about a 50% chance that Juliana will get the visa. She suggests they move to London instead, but oh that’s right, you have kids. She admits to the camera that she’s worried he will give up on her and doesn’t know if she’s important enough to him. She starts to cry about this. This, but not the prostitute accusation. Again, let is remind everyone that Michael claims he and his ex-wife married too young, but his relationship with a 23 year old is different. Anyway, they’re still a better couple than Big Ang and Mai-kuhl. It bears mentioning we’re so glad they haven’t shown up yet.

Alyssa predicts: they end up married, but Michael continues to be patronizing and Juilana uses the show as a stepping stone to a model career. They do not stay married.

Laura predicts: they end up married. She’s in it for money, he’s in it for arm candy, and they’re both getting what they want. Seems like he has enough money to throw at the visa problem.

Emily and Sasha

The happy couple heads off to dinner with Masha, Sasha’s first ex-wife. (The rhyming names would be cute if she didn’t so clearly resent him and his life choices.) She looks quite a bit like Emily – blonde, fair, and waifish. The purpose of the dinner is to convince Masha to let Daniel visit them in the US. In all honesty, it may also be a way for Emily to convince herself that Sasha is the "good guy" and the other wives were "mistakes."  But first, we recount Sasha’s history: he married Masha at 22 and left her for his second wife a few years later. The second wife and second kid remain anonymous, and good on them for staying away from this dumpster fire. Sasha says that he became more muscular and his second wife didn’t like it, because that’s definitely how marriages end. Emily loudly mentions how much she, in contrast, appreciates his physique, and much more quietly mentions that she and Sasha were “talking as friends” while he was married to his second wife. Sure you were. Anyway, the dinner. No one’s particularly thrilled to be there. Emily says beforehand that she’s going to fake being nice to Masha, but she doesn’t fake it well. They don’t even communicate directly or even look at each other. They rely on Sasha to translate, and he takes some liberties. I’m tired, says Emily eventually. “She’s tired of this situation,” Sasha (correctly) translates. Masha, it turns out, doesn’t have a strong opinion on the Daniel question. Daniel can choose whether he’d like to visit or not. File this dinner under “could have been accomplished in a text message.” Emily insists once again that she isn’t feeling well and promptly leaves. Masha then gets a bit more friendly with Sasha, reaching over and touching his arm and telling him she doesn’t want to leave. Her post-dinner thoughts are more critical, however. “Where the wind blows, there a man flies,” she says of Sasha, and I am definitely saving that phrase for a rainy day. Masha puts herself and the second wife in the same category – “good, kind, calm” – and sees Emily as nothing more than an excuse for Sasha to get to America. At this point, doesn’t seem like an unfair assessment. I would prefer more of Masha and less of Emily at this point.

Alyssa predicts: they get married, and Sasha finds wife number 4 at a crossfit class. He seems like he'd get into crossfit here.

Laura predicts: they won’t get married and agrees with Masha that Emily is Sasha’s easy ticket to the US. We know that kids aren’t a compelling enough reason for him to stay with her.

Robert and Anny

Robert goes for a beer with his friend Juan, who is Dominican. I know Dominican girls, says Juan, and they’re all just out for your money. Robert makes a valid point that this is an awfully sweeping generalization about an entire country, but he does not really have the high ground considering the circumstances of his own relationship. They end up having a very adult conversation about it; Robert says he respects Juan’s opinion, and Juan says he’ll feel stupid if he ends up being wrong about Anny.

Later, it’s airport time. Bryson is very excited. It’s clear that Robert really wants a mother figure in this kid’s life, which is a veritable crapload of pressure for an eight-hour relationship. Bryson is similarly invested. “I love Anny,” he says. They wait at the airport long enough for Bryson to get cranky, and then here she comes, somehow pulling off a denim jumpsuit. Bryson sprints towards her, and she’s genuinely happy to see him. She’s very put-together (which is always impressive post-airplane) and family-oriented. “Bryson is my new kid,” she says. She wants a big family with Robert. She loves how funny and hardworking he is, and how much he loves his son. I didn’t expect this affection from Miss Angry Emojis. She admits she has a temper, but we don’t see it this week. There is a moment in the car where Anny looks at Robert and seems to be a genuine look of love.

They head back home. Their rapport is shockingly natural for only having spent 8 hours together. Things sour a bit when we learn the house contains only one bed that they’ll all be sharing. Where exactly was that lingerie meant to be used? Robert admits he didn’t get around to getting a bed for Bryson, and Anny is understandably displeased. Robert tries to put Bryson to bed, to no avail. Bryson really wants to show off for Anny in the form of climbing all over her. She is increasingly less thrilled. She’s sexually frustrated, which she tells us in so many words. There’s some metaphor about a lion. Do lions have a lot of sex?

Alyssa predicts: I have more hope for them this episode. I think they'll get married. I also hope Juan shows up more, because he seems sensible.

Laura predicts: they will get married. This is not a well-thought-out relationship, but they’re both clearly motivated to build some kind of family unit.

Mursel and Anna

Mursel and Anna head off to Anna’s house from the hotel. They had sex, which I find hard to imagine. Mursel, like anyone who has ever driven through Nebraska, is unpleasantly surprised at the lack of mountains and the surplus of corn. He decides, rather quickly, that he is no longer excited and misses Turkey. He starts playing some Turkish music and his mood turns back around just as quickly – he begins dancing as passionately as one can dance in a car. There's something...endearing about this. Anna is uncomfortable with the dancing and says she’ll just have to learn to live with it. (Again, back to the disbelief at the sex.) They’re both nervous about meeting her sons. Mursel decides he wants to be a brother to the older two and a father to the youngest one, which is some interesting line-drawing. The meeting of the kids is a bundle of awkward. They try to ask about his trip and ask if he likes pizza (the answers are “good” and “yes,” respectively). The pizza that arrives is inferior to Turkish pizza, Mursel decides, and won’t eat it. I’m not sure if he’s jet-lagged, culture-shocked, or just naïve, or maybe all of it, but in any case his behavior is strange and borderline rude. Her kids are offended that he doesn’t like the pizza or their house. “It was really awkward,” Anna summarizes. Yeah, no shit.

Mursel, Anna, and Gino (the middle kid) head out to dinner with Anna’s mom. It’s suggested that the mom might have some negative views of Turkish people. In reality, she is an absolute racist nightmare. She asks her actual grandchild to type “Don’t stone Anna” into the translator app. Seriously, if there isn’t a GoFundMe for these kids’ extensive therapy, now is the time. Mursel is confused and offended, which is appropriate. He says to the camera that he wants to protect Anna, not hurt her. The dinner goes on, though, and Mursel doesn’t want Anna to have a beer, but she needs one. We all need one from watching this go down.  Anna should have been far more nervous about this encounter than the meeting with her kids. Mursel reveals to everyone that his family doesn’t know about Anna’s kids, he doesn’t plan to tell them, and if they find out, he might go back to Turkey. It’s a blow to everyone. Anna starts crying. Gino now has even more doubts. It is not a pleasant outing.

Alyssa predicts: they do not get married. Mursel returns to Turkey and Anna is devastated.

Laura predicts: they will get married and said marriage will swiftly end in divorce. This divorce will almost certainly include some Mursel family drama. Seriously, what is the long-term strategy there?