#I’m sitting here like wow I wish I could scroll on tumble but I really can’t devote any processing power to reading through posts and shit

[doublesidedgemini]

tw: you know the drill

When you’re feeling :( about your bod and then you want a snack but you don’t eat the snack and then feel :) about your bod

[connordavidscamera]

Living, Learning, and Filming Ch. 3 | Connor Brashier

A/n: one again, revised/rewritten. I remember loving this chapter a lot when I first wrote it, so I hope you guys like it too.

Summary: Someone’s falling…

Warnings: kinda fluffy

Word count: 2.2k

***

Week 2

“You want to pick the music?” I ask, handing her my phone.

“Oh, sure.” She scrolls through my Spotify for a minute until she comes across a song she likes. 

“So, what were you and Shawn talking about?” I rest my arm on the center console, hand up, silently asking for hers, but she doesn’t place hers in mine. I leave my hand there anyway, just in case. 

“Um, nothing much.”

“No? Seemed like something important.”

“He just um… asked me on a date.” Y/n says when we reach a stop light and I slam on the brakes a little harder than intended.

“He did what?” I glance over at her, but she won’t look at me. “Y/n,” I say, trying to get her to say something, anything.

“He asked me out,” she says again, her voice small. 

“And?” I prompt. “What’d you say?” I can see that she’s hesitant to respond, and just by that alone, I’m not sure I want to know the answer. “No, nevermind,” I say, looking forward just as the light changes. “It’s your business.”

We’re silent the rest of the way back to campus. When I park, I turn the car off and she looks at me for the first time the whole ride. “What are you doing?”

“Walking you to your dorm. It’s late, you don’t need to be walking out here alone.”

“There’s no one out.”

“It’ll just make me feel better knowing you got to your dorm. Okay?” I say, staring at her through my hooded eyes. 

“Okay.” She takes her bag from the floor board and opens the door. I wait for her at the hood of the car and without asking, I take her hand. I don’t care if she said yes to Shawn or not. I want to hold her hand, and as long as she’s okay with it, I’m going to hold it because her skin is so soft against mine and I love the feeling. Thunder sounds and lightning cracks against the pitch black sky and she jumps just a little at the unexpected sound. 

“Guess it’s gonna rain,” I say and she nods, leading us to her building. 

“Yeah,” she answers and just as she says it, the first raindrop falls, followed by a heavy shower. She squeals and I can’t help but chuckle as she hurriedly leads me to the main door and she struggles to enter her code with just one hand, but she never lets go, and neither do I. She finally gets it in after three failed attempts, but we’re both soaked through by the time we get inside, you can hear only the squeaking of our shoes on the linoleum floor and the soft squishing of our feet in the damp shoes. I can’t help but laugh when she almost trips trying to get up the stairs, but I’m quick to catch her and keep us both from tumbling. 

“Come inside?” she asks when she gets her door unlocked. 

“I really should get back.”

“Stay,” she says, begs, really. “At least until the rain lets up. I’d feel better about it. Please?”

And when she gives me those eyes, the ones that hold nothing but sincerity, who am I to deny her anything she wants from me. “Okay,” I nod. “Just until the rain stops.”

Her room is warm compared to the hallway, and the drastic change in temperature causes a shiver to run up my spine. Almost immediately after putting her bag on the desk, she goes to her closet and grabs some clothes. Two hoodies that look like they absolutely swallow her up, and then she goes to her drawers where I watch her pull out a pair of leggings. “You can pick either one of these,” she says, laying the hoodies at the foot of the bed. “They’re my dad’s, so they should fit.”

“Thanks,” I mutter as she disappears into the bathroom. She comes back a second later with a towel. 

“Here, so you can dry yourself off.”

“Oh, thank you.” I take the towel from her hands and she smiles sheepishly at me. 

“Um, I’m gonna shower really quick. Will you be okay out here?”

I nod with a smug smile on my face, “I’ve been left alone before, y/n.”

She rolls her eyes. “Okay, smartass. I’ll be fast. Make yourself comfortable. There’s drinks in the fridge, and snacks in the pantry if you’re hungry.” she pulls out a shirt from her top drawer and once again disappears into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

After drying my hair - or attempting to, at least, I pull off my shirt which has been clinging to my body since we got inside. I pull her dad’s sweatshirt over my head and try to pat my jeans dry. They aren’t clinging to me quite as much as you would think they would, but they’re definitely leaving me a little chilly. 

The stack of books by her bed catches my eye when I fold the towel over her desk chair. The stack is as tall as her nightstand. I don’t know anyone who has ever brought this many books to school with them. That just means you have more to take back and unload when you leave and return to campus.

I hear the door handle click and I know she’s behind me. “Find anything interesting?”

“Did you bring all these?”

“No,” she shakes her head. “I bought most of them since I’ve been here. There’s this really cute bookshop downtown. Seriously, it has a great selection. I go whenever I can get away from my homework.”

“So it’s a leisure thing,” I muse.

“Of course. What else would it be?” I smile as I watch her reach for her brush and sit cross legged on her bed. “Why are you staring at me like that?” she asks, looking up at me from where I stand near her tower of books. 

“What else don’t I know about you?”

“Quite a bit, pretty boy. What do you want to know?”

"I want to know everything." I say, electing to ignore the fact that she just called me pretty boy, even though it makes me feel all types of giddy inside. Giddy, what a stupid word coming from me.

We talk for hours about… well literally everything. I don’t even realize that it’s nearing two in the morning until I check my phone to see that Brian texted me three hours ago asking where I was. “I should get going,”  I whisper into her hair, taking in the scent of her shampoo, memorizing her scent. It's intoxicating. 

She’s dozing off on my shoulder and I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be at this moment than right here. Seriously, a blinding flash of light could swallow the world whole at this very moment and I wouldn’t mind because I would die with her in my arms.

“No,” her arm wraps around my waist. “Warmth. Stay.”

“Y/n, it’s late," I try.

“All the more reason to stay. Please?” she groans, basically crawling on top of me. 

I sigh in content because I had no idea her body could feel so comforting on mine. “Okay. But I have to go first thing in the morning,” I say, but I barely believe it myself because as long as she’ll have me, I’ll stay. 

“Fine,” she agrees.

We’re quiet for a minute before she mumbles my name and oh wow it sounds like heaven. “Connor?”

“What’s going on, baby?”

“I said no.”

“Hmm?” I furrow my eyebrows, looking down at her.

“To Shawn. I said no.”

“Oh? Why?”

“Because if I’m going to get to know someone like that, I want it to be you.”

“Wait, what?” I wait a beat for her to respond, but she doesn’t. “Y/n?”

She stirs, pulling at the covers and when I look down, I know she’s asleep, her eyes moving behind her eyelids as she dreams those sweet dreams that I could only wish on her. Those sweet dreams I can only wish to be in.

---

I stumble into the apartment as quietly as I can the next morning because I know Brian is asleep; he doesn’t have class until noon, that lucky bastard. 

“And where have you been all night?”

I jump, dropping my phone on the ground. “Shit! Shawn what are you doing on the couch?”

“Spent the night. What happened? I thought you just went to take y/n back to her dorm.”

“Yeah,” I scratch the back of my neck, “I did. But it started raining pretty hard, so she told me to stay until the rain let up. It just got super late and I uh… stayed the night with her. No big deal.”

He nods. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” I say, grabbing my phone. 

“What’s going on between you two? I mean, I kinda picked up on something last night, but-”

“Well if you picked up on it, then why did you ask her out?” I know it comes out kind of hostile, but I can’t help it. 

“Whoa,” he puts his hands up in surrender. “Look, I didn’t mean to step on your toes. I think it’s great that you’ve found someone you like. I just wasn't sure if it was serious."

I didn't think it was either, but I'm seriously falling for this girl and it hasn't even been three weeks yet. “It’s not. Yet.”

---

Week 3

I’m falling. I’m falling and I’m falling hard and it’s going to hurt like hell when I land. Because neither of us have spoken about what she said the other night. In fact, we haven’t spoken about the other night at all. And I don’t think either of us intend to. 

“Y/n, come here.” I usher her over to the tree in front of me, with its multicolored leaves that in this early autumn season are starting to fall, just like me. 

“Hmm?” she shows up behind me, chin resting on my shoulder

“Can you stand here for a minute?”

“Okay. Any specific way?”

“Nope, just stand there and look pretty.”

She groans, but slips from behind me and leans against the tree. “But that’s hard.”

I’m already filming when she says it. “What’s hard, y/n/n?”

“Standing and looking pretty,” she sighs dramatically. 

I shake my head, starting to walk around the tree. “You’re doing a damn good job of it right now,” I say as I round the corner. 

She covers her face, letting out a soft laugh. “Stop it!”

“Stop what?” I ask with an amused smile. 

“Saying things like that,” she mumbles, pushing her hair out of her face. 

“Why? You gonna kiss me if I don’t?”

She hums and pushes herself off the tree. She waits until she’s out of frame, until her body is pressed impossibly close to mine, before she speaks. “If kissing you is the only way to get you to shut up, then yeah,” she whispers into my ear and I think I lose balance for a second. Her lips press gently onto my cheek and I know I’m a thousand shades of red when she pulls away.

I want to lean in, so badly I want to. Because she’s here and she’s so close and it would be so easy to just capture her lips right here, right now… But it’s not time. No matter how badly I want it, I can’t give into these feelings just yet, not until I know for sure that she feels the same.

Sure, she’s given me signs that she wants me too, but how do I know it’s not still just a game to her? I started it, but y/n’s the type of person to end it. 

And thinking this actually makes me believe that I don’t care. That even if this is a game, I want nothing more than to get my heart broken by her if that’s the case. It would be a privilege. 

“Con? You’re staring.”

“I know,” I say, my eyes focused on her lips.

“It’s making me nervous,” she says quietly.

“Y/n?”

“What?” She questions, her eyes trailing down to my lips too. I can’t help but wonder if she wants to kiss me as much as I want to kiss her. 

I take in a breath, “We should go get something to eat,” I say and I hate myself for it. In my mind, I’m punching myself in the face right now. “I’m starving.”

She pulls away from me, looking down at the ground. “Oh. Yeah, okay. Sure.”

I don’t know if I’m imagining it because I want it to be true, but I swear I see  disappointment in her eyes as she gathers her things. 

“Hey, are you okay?” I take her by the elbow before she can walk ahead of me.

She shrugs me off and I think I can physically feel my heart breaking at the subtle movement. “Yep. I’m fine.”

“Y/n?”

“Come on, Brashier. You’re hungry, right?” She starts walking forward, but I hurriedly get in front of her, stopping her in her tracks.

“Wait, y/n. What happened?”

“Do you want to kiss me, Connor?”

“Well, I-”

“It’s a yes or no question. Do you or don’t you?”

***

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[hollandroos]

Hello, i love you → Tom x reader | Harrison x reader

 Soulmate AU

Summary: You’re only supposed to have one soulmate, one person to give your heart to. So what happens when two boys stumble into your life?

‘What are you meant to do when you promise your heart to two people? You either give it to one or keep it for yourself. Sometimes, you tear your own heart in half in the process of deciding.’

Words: 3.7k

Warnings: None really for this part :-)

You were never good at the whole morning thing.

You’d drag yourself out of bed by seven, force yourself into the shower where the water would either be too hot and cause you to nearly jump out of your skin or bone-chilling cold and result in a possible tumble. The latter ultimately made you realise that you’d forgotten to pay your heating bill again and the threat of more stress then need be would loom over your head because it’ll all come down to whether or not you had enough coffee beans left for a cappuccino or if you’d be left with having to suffer through the bitter taste of an instant.

Breakfast is always a rush with toast crumbs squeezing their way in between the creases of whatever shirt you’d thrown on, jam making its way onto your chin and the scrunching of snack wrappers between an enclosed fist. If you were lucky, you’d have some kind of fruit left sitting on the bench that was yet to go off and maybe you’d actually be able to find your headphones in between incomplete sheets and last nights washing.

The bus usually smelt like piss and if you were extra unlucky, the remains of last night's alcohol wafting off of a hungover man's coat and you were left trying to focus on the taste of the spearmint bubblegum from the corner store. On those days, however, you happened just to be thankful for the fact that you’d nabbed a seat before the aisle filled up.

You’re lucky if the coffee shop next to where your internship is taking place isn’t overly crowded. You’re lucky if you have to wait less then five minutes in line to grab the selection of coffees you were instructed to pick up every morning by eight am sharp and you’re lucky if the waiter that always seemed to flirt with you is on- not because you enjoyed being flirted with by a stranger but because he knew your order off by heart by now and didn’t make you repeat all seven coffees each time you came in. It was both a relief and a struggle.

Today you rush straight to the front counter, a coat pulled tightly against your chest and smile at the familiar worker there. He was a younger boy, probably eighteen making him only three years younger then you but still, the flirty smile he gives you upon seeing you halt in front of him is enough to throw you off completely.

“Morning, Joe.” You force a smile, the corners of your lips surely weren’t thanking you as you hold the look long enough for him to remember every single one of the drinks you were about to order. Today you wanted to treat yourself. “Just the usual, one on me the rest on the company.”

“Got it.” He taps it into his screen and you pull your credit card out, along with a loyalty card. “Having a good morning?” Joe fumbles around, trying not to embarrass himself in front of the older, cute girl in front of him. Someone he still achieved exactly what he's trying to dodge.

“I am, thank you. Trying to take in the weather before I lock myself up for the rest of the day.”

The man in the apron with a slightly wonky name tag hands you a receipt, opening his mouth once more before you go to walk away. “It’s a shame they have someone as pretty as you locked up in the offices.”

It’s a remark that forces you to do everything in your power to hold back a grimace from appearing on your features. The kid is eighteen, he’s awkward and probably drowning in school work. You were there three years ago, so you shrug it off and offer an awkward smile.

“Thanks.”

The little bell above the door rings multiple times while you sit and wait for your order and every time it rings, cold air rushes into the room and a stranger lets out a small remark about the weather. The heat pump begins an endless cycle of pumping enough warm air into the cafe before the door is opened again. It’s a cycle you were used to– one you had gotten used to on only your fifth chilly winter morning of waiting for a tray and a half of coffee.

Aka the only thing that you were sure kept your bosses from tearing each others heads off. Huh, maybe that was why they were so demanding when it came to their caffeine. But this morning you can still taste toothpaste on your tongue and wonder if your coffee will be too impossibly bitter and you’ll be the one doing the tearing of heads.

Tom walks in at exactly seven forty-nine with his hands shoved into his coat pockets. He swears that at his point his lips may as well be blue and the tip of his nose was frozen like an iceberg. He’s almost dying to get his hands wrapped around a takeaway cup, to warm the frozen nubs and get on his own way to work– like the tens of other people in the cafe were hoping for.

He barely notices the girl in the coat that scrolls through Facebook as he makes his way to the counter and orders his drink. He barely even notices the girl as he turns around and pulls his phone out to look through his own social media. Tom would hate to admit that he was one of those people too sucked into their phones for their own good but here he was.

Still, It’s crazy that, how many strangers we walk past every single day without giving them a second glance. He only notices her for the first time when an order is called and she jumps up out of her seat, coat falling around her knees as she walks towards the counter– right next to Tom. Tom wasn't one to say that two people fit together, but he was sure straight away that they fit like cheese and crackers.

“That’s me!” She beams.

It was nearing eight am and freezing outdoors yet she sounded so lively, her voice as smooth as melted honey and she takes the trays with both hands, already eyeing a certain drink he assumes is her own and he coughs, stuffing his phone in his back pocket.

“Can I help you with anything? You really look like you’re struggling.” Tom says before he can stop himself. It was as if he was drawn to her. That type of thing wasn’t meant to happen every day, right?

With more drinks then you wished to carry in your arms, you glance at the stranger but for a moment you find yourself at a loss for words. Before, all you’d seem was a stranger hover near the counter with jeans and a torn Adidas shoes. That small inkling you’d had to look up had been swallowed back by you and now you found yourself lost in the sea that was his eyes. Cliche.

“No, I’m good! Thank you, though–” But you must’ve spoken too soon because in an instant you drop your coffee, the takeaway mugs tumble to the floor until they hit with a splat. The bitter liquid runs under your shoes and Toms, temporarily staining the coffee shop floor and your cheeks heat up in pure embarrassment as people stare. “Fuck.”

The spilt coffee was pushed to the back of Toms mind as his mouth falls open, eyes widening in shock. It was as if everything else around him suddenly didn’t matter but you. You with a now coffee stained skirt and embarrassed expression. But he saw beneath that. He saw every little line that was etched onto your features and lack of sleep, that was for sure. He saw days of what could either be too much school work or work and the stain on your shirt that wasn’t in fact from the coffee that was turning your white shirt a disgusting shade of brown.

“You’re– you’re my–” He struggles.

You cough, choking on air as he trips over his own words. In a moment you believed you’d be tripping over spilt coffee if you didn’t get your act together.

“You’re my soulmate.” You finish for him. Gentle brown eyes that resembled pools of warm honey stare adoringly. You already wanted to take in every piece of him already from the creases beneath his eyes and at the corners of his lips, to the hoodie that drowned his hands and that one overgrown curl that kept falling over his forehead despite his attempts to keep it tame.

Soulmate. That word was one you tried to ignore, pushing to the back of your mind and one you’d jump over like a hole in the footpath because when the day came to use it properly, it’d come and here it was. Staring you right in the face. Finally.

He feels his arm tingling. The feeling could be compared to a spider crawling up his arm or ants padding across his skin and that’s probably the only part of it all that makes him feel uneasy. Tom hates spiders. But that feeling, the gentle tingling in his arm only convinces him further that it’s you he’s meant to be with, the one he’s been looking for as cliche as it sounded.

“This is– this is insane. You’re so pretty.” Tom bites his tongue the second he lets the words slip, fearing he was about to scare his soulmate off before he’d even got the chance to know you. “I’m sorry I don’t know what I’m saying at all right now, you’re just so– you’re amazing. I’m shaking, wow.”

And he wasn’t lying. Toms' hands were shaking, trembling one might say. But so were yours. You could practically feel his nerves though maybe that was your own. The little mark around your ankle is tingling, making you stiffen because it’s actually uncomfortable. For such a special moment you hadn’t expected that– what could be compared to pins gently breaking the first layer of skin.

“I don’t get dressed up like an office assistant every day if that was what you were hoping for.” You laugh at his impromptu comment. “I also don’t wear my coffee to work– however, I am a bit of a clutz.”

“Things to note about my soulmate, doesn’t dress up like an office assistant every day and is a clutz, noted.” Tom smiles as the word rolls off of his tongue again. It sounded all too fake, like something he was dreaming up.

Soulmate. The one person you’re supposed to spend forever with. Someone you’re meant to love for eternity, give your all too and receive a lifetime of happiness in return. Tom couldn’t help but wonder if it’d feel like they say it does to so much as graze your skin, if hearing his name roll off of your tongue could send his chest into a frenzy of love and satisfaction and if you lay together, close enough, skin against skin, your hearts would beat as one.

You laugh lightly,  “Things to note about my soulmate, has pretty brown eyes and rambles when he’s nervous. I have to say, we’re off to a really good start as well as things go.”

“My name’s Tom.”

“Well, Tom, I’m Y/N.” He swears your name sounds like gold, pure fucking gold as it spills off of your tongue and in his mind he’s repeating it over like a chorus– and hearing his own name is better then anything, to put it simply. “I would love to stand and talk to you more but I’m about to be late for work and It’s bad enough that I no longer have their coffees…”

“Oh yeah– right. Can I give you my number?”

“I’d really like that.” You lace your fingers together, doing everything in your power to keep yourself grounded though you doubted Tom would do anything but laugh if you started jumping up and down. He seemed giggly.

“Great, awesome.” He fumbles with his coat, trying to search for anything he can use to write his number on. Maybe it would’ve been easier if he just put his number straight in your phone but his mind was messy, clouded and hazy with pictures of you. “Here, just text me whenever.” He hands you the paper and you tuck it between your fingers and then it fucking happens, the very first touch. “You will call me, right?”

It was so cliche. You met at a coffee shop, you spilt your coffee and he was there to help. Your hands touched– gently grazed and you felt shock waves throughout your entire body and surely he had to feel it too, for only after minutes you were his and he was yours.

“Of course I will, first chance I get.” You smile through lined lips. As every second passed you got closer and closer to being late to your internship but Tom seemed more important than working some desk job. Scratch that, he was. You wanted to remember every little piece of him like the colour of his eyes and the scuffed Adidas shoes on his feet. And god forbid if you lost that crinkly, torn apart paper you’d never forgive yourself.

You leave the coffee shop with a skip in your step despite messing up the coffee orders that morning and a picture of his brown locks engraved in your brain. Already you wanted to send him a text, to be impossibly close. With an overjoyed heart, you glance down at his number scribbled down on a scrap piece of paper with ‘Tom :)’ beneath it, a little heart too to match.

Tom immediately pulls out his phone and goes to his contacts. A part of him hoped to see an unfamiliar number on the screen early but instead, he sends a text to his best friend and in the process nearly walks into a pole but not even that could wipe the grin off of his face. Love at first sight was real, it was what would get him through his day and the next and the one after that. Love at first sight had proved itself.

To: Jacob

I met her. She’s perfect.

-

Harrison forces himself up many sets of stairs. He could’ve just used the elevator, but he wanted to push himself– probably not a good idea considering the day before he’d worked out legs and the ache was still very prominent. Also, his apartment seemed to be near the very top floor and it was more of a hyke then a simple climb up the stairs.

He wasn’t going to complain though. Nope, he doubted the fact that his smile had fallen once since reaching the apartment complex. He made sure to smile at every one of the other residents, even helping the little old lady on floor three make sure she pressed the right button on the elevator before hoping out himself. He gave five dollars to the man outside and allowed a lost seven-year-old to use his phone to call home.

Some would say Harrison had a heart of gold but the boy did have his fair share of bad events too like the one time he got blackout drunk and streaked around the neighbourhood much to the neighbour's disgust (luckily not his neighbours). There was the one time he got in a bar fight too and ended up with a black eye for the next few weeks.

At the same time as Harrison was clambering up the very last flight, the elevator just so happened to ping before the doors open and you climb out– more like struggle with a series of boxes in your arms, covering half of your view. In anyone else's opinion, it would seem like you were just asking for trouble by walking around with too many boxes then what you could handle but you felt confident enough. That was until your arms begun to feel like jelly and you had to side step to refrain from dropping the top box.

Something was bound to go wrong, it was only a matter of time and since this morning– since meeting the charming boy that had promised you his heart you felt like you were on cloud nine, like nothing could get you down.

It wasn’t anything too expensive inside, but the objects were close to your families hearts. It was old photos in photo frames and vases that your mother had handed down to you. There was cutlery that you planned to store away instead of use and little pieces of china that your mother had refused to let you lay your grubby finger son as a kid.

Your arms felt like jelly and your legs threatened to give out so you wanted to cry when you found out that you’d come to the wrong damn floor. You groan loudly, not seeing the stranger standing by the steps with narrowed eyes.

“Can I help you with anything? You really look like you’re struggling.”  

You grunt, holding the boxes with aching arms. This was probably the worst time to run into someone and your mind was anywhere else as you focused on not dropping any of the items in hand. It could’ve been anything in the box from precious china of your mothers to plastic cups and forks.

“No, I’m good! Thank you, though–” You shake your head right as the top box falls out of your arms, landing on the ground with a thud before a terrifying shattering sound echoes throughout the floor. “Fuck.” You groan– then it hits you, a second too late but all too soon. A truth that had hit harder then the shattered cutlery.

It hits you harder then it had this morning when you ran into the cute brunette from the coffee shop. It hits you like a fucking train because you already found your soulmate yet the words on your wrist matched what he’d just said to you and by the look on his face, the words you’d just said suited what was printed wherever on his body too. Your mind runs to Tom with the lopsided smile and cheeky glint in his eyes, from the feelings you felt when you first ran into him to the happiness that soon followed.

But now you were standing in front of another boy– a blonde with piercing blue eyes.

Harrison Osterfield gapes, feeling all kinds of happy as he realised that you were the one. He was ten when he felt the words appear, only sixteen when his closest friends found their soulmates and twenty when he realised that he was the only one without someone to love and call his own. So now he was twenty-three and his heart was swelling with joy because he couldn’t imagine a more beautiful girl to be his soulmate even if he tried. It was as if already, he was more then head over heels.

Whether it be the idea of finally finding his soulmate or that the stories he’d heard from his friends were true. Simply being near the person you were destined to spend forever with could make you ecstatic and he felt that he was finally about to understand.

So he only felt his heart drop when you realised that you looked absolutely terrified.

Fingers reach into your front pocket, toying with a scrap piece of paper just to check that it was still there, tucked away safely between empty gum wrappers and spare change– that this morning really happened and wasn’t some figmentation of your lonely imagination. That Tom existed and he had looked at you like you put the stars in the sky and spoke to you like you were the most beautiful flower in a field of hundreds, all blooming and vibrant but he’d picked you.

But Harrison looks at you like you were the one thing that makes the sun come out of hiding every morning. Like you were the first breath of fresh air in years and he was experiencing proper air in his lungs once more and the thought of letting him down, making his breathtaking smile turn into a calamitous frown made your chest ache and you realised that he too was your soulmate, because if he wasn’t you would’ve been able to let him down but you simply couldn’t because the thought of hurting the person you’re destined to give yourself to fully is meant to be the one thing that hurts more then anything else.

Then Tom is reappearing in your mind and you realise that you couldn’t hurt him either. That your heart longs for both but we can’t always have what we want.

Because how were you supposed to choose between the one that looks at you like you put the stars in the sky and the one that looks at you like you’re the reason the sun rises every morning?

Your soulmate was a brunette with brown eyes like the colour of the coffee you spilt all over the cafe floor that morning and a heart of gold, with a light that could extend to even the greatest lengths - but your soulmate was also a blonde with blue eyes that reminded you of the rain and you loved rain. You could stand in it until you were a sneezing, sniffling mess. He wore eyes that told more stories then you feared you’d ever be able to hear.

“You’re my soulmate.” You say out loud, mostly to yourself then to him. The room is spinning, photos that you’ve marched past at least six times today suddenly look like mere splashes of colour and the railing seems too far away to grasp.

“And you’re mine.” Harrison swallows and your shattered goods don’t seem all that big of a deal anymore. “Where have you been hiding away all this time, huh?”

You’d heard every horror story in the book about people's soulmates and things going wrong but not this. Never this. How exactly was it, that your heart was supposed to belong to not one, but two boys? What are you meant to do when you promise your heart to two people? You either give it to one or keep it for yourself. Sometimes, you tear your own heart in half in the process of deciding.

Maybe you just had a habit of dropping things in front of cute British boys.

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[forged-through-trials]

It was already considerably late by the time I was done with my Thieves Guild Initiation, so I double-timed it back, passing through the Arena District on the way. Spying movement in the dark, I peeked down an alley, and spotted someone wandering around. At first, I thought it was Amusei, still lost and trying to find Amantius Allectus’ house. So I approached to tell him the test was over, but as my torchlight shined on him, I realized it wasn’t Amusei at all, but someone new!

He introduced himself as “Ruined-Tail.” He seemed kind of nervous. Ruined-Tail: “You know, that you are the first person who has spoken to me since I arrived at Imperial City.” Trials: “Why’s that?” Ruined-Tail: “I suppose that most people are bothered by the aura of death that seems to follow me like a bad smell.” Trials: “...oh.” I frowned thoughtfully. “Probably not a good idea to lead with that line, if you’re trying to make friends.” Ruined-Tail: “A certain fetid scent that cannot be cleansed by a swim in a river. It stains my very scales.” Trials: “Have you tried Sload Soap? That stuff can get anything out!” Ruined-Tail: “...” He chortled softly. “You are quite unflappable, my friend. Here I speak so frankly of death, and you make quips about it.” Trials: I puffed my chest out. “I am not intimidated by death!” I said... before deflating almost immediately. “I’m lying, of course. I’m very intimidated by death. Dying hurts!” Ruined-Tail: “And yet, you seem so at ease around me. I think you are braver than you give yourself credit for.” He fell silent for a moment, and it seemed like he was struggling to find the confidence to ask the question that had plagued him all along. “I... I have a proposition for you, Stranger. If you would hear it.” Trials: “Sure! Listening costs nothing, and I’m actually good at that!” Ruined-Tail: “I wish to see the land of Cyrodiil, but I lack the courage to travel it by myself. I am a stranger to this land, and fret over mistakes I would make.” Trials: “I hear ya loud and clear, friend. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth since I washed ashore.” Ruined-Tail: “Then you understand my dilemma. Though it may, itself, be a faux-pas, I’d like to propose that we travel together. I offer you my skills as a Battlemage, and perhaps together, we will make fewer mistakes than we would apart.” Trials: That gave me pause, and I folded my arms behind my back, snout pursed in thought. “I’ve never really had a partner before. You know what, you’re on! I’d welcome your companionship.” And just like that, I’d made a new friend! Our first stop will be collecting his gear from the Battered Dragon Inn, a little dive out in Weye, passed the more popular Wawnet Inn.

On the way, I noticed this poster, explaining that there was apparently something wrong with the city’s aqueducts that I was so admiring just the other day. The usual caretaker has fallen ill, and as a result, the aqueducts have fallen into disrepair. Sounds like something I could look into the following morning. Could be a paying job, and I can’t imagine it’ll be all that dangerous.

It was almost morning by the time we arrived at the Battered Dragon. I noticed this inn before, but now that I have a chance to look at it in more detail, I can see why the Wawnet Inn is more popular. Though, the sign is really nice! Detailed, and it matches the name of the place nicely.

As it was still pretty dark, Ruined-Tail suggested that we retire here until it was morning proper. Trials: “What’s the matter? Scared of the dark?” Ruined-Tail: “The Dark is an old friend of mine, who unfortunately has other friends of whom I’m not overly fond.” Trials: “...uh, just tell him not to invite them.” Ruined-Tail: “Alas, they often come unannounced and the Dark is too polite to tell them to leave. “In the past, the Dark has comforted me, and kept me hidden from my enemies, and often from myself.” Trials: “...” I tilted my head at him, frowning thoughtfully. “Have you ever considered writing any of this stuff down? I think it would be a big hit with people who read Tumble-Scrolls.” Ruined-Tail: “Alas, I’d prefer to keep a low profile. I am not the only one that takes refuge in the Dark, and I need to be wary of who I might bump into whilst enjoying its embrace. He suggested I rent a room while he found us a place to sit, so I crossed the room, looking for the inn-keeper.

First up, in a corner of the room, I met this quartet. They call themselves “The Shadowseekers” and are a mercenary group. The one in the heavy armor is their leader, “Twilight.” In front of him is their mage, “Midnight.” To Twilight’s left is their rogue, “Shade”. And last, in the corner in the back, is “Gloom”, whom Twilight described as their “Specialist Arcanist.”

Twilight: He spoke without even looking at me. A cold and calculating look on his face. “I was wondering how long it would be before you approached me.” Trials: “...come again?” Twilight: “You have the appearance of a fellow merc, and I knew that you wouldn’t be able to resist exchanging a few pleasantries with me.” Trials: “...wow! You think I look like a merc? Because most people seem to think I look like a dork.” Twilight: “Never said you weren’t a dorky merc.” A grin spread across his face and he extended a hand for me to shake. I frowned, but shook his hand all the same. I can handle a little good natured ribbing, and aside from the quips, Twilight was friendly enough as we two exchanged words, and he introduced me to his crew. They’re apparently based out of Cheydinhal, but they like to do all of their business meetings here, as well as this place just being their favorite dive to enjoy drinks in.

Afterward, I finally found the hostess, Ra’shana. A pleasant woman all around, and her inn had such affordable rates at just five gold for the night. I rented the room, and sat down with Ruined-Tail, ready to while away the last of the night, just relaxing.