#I’m posting this on mobile so I’m hoping it’s not too crunchy

[hazbeen]

Demanding kitty Lucifer in season 2 give him to me now

[humanityinahandbag]

good omens: bagged lunch

This summer I volunteered abroad in Israel, and lost all connection to home, and in that time a certain fandom exploded and I missed the beginnings of it. So here I am now. Sauntering vaguely downward into hell with some ideas of my own.

There’s this little idea for post Good Omens that I just can’t seem to shake, wherein Aziraphale (connoisseur of all things delicious and human that he is) would always feel the need to pack Crowley lunches whenever he was off to meetings in Hell, tutting, “Oh Crowley, I know you don’t feel as if eating is essential, but for my sake, dear, can’t you just try to nibble on a biscuit or two? You’re all sinew and wobble!”

And even if he protests, Aziraphale can usually tempt him with promises to pack boiled eggs and tuna and all sorts of smelly things that would disagree with noses. How ghastly and malicious of him, it would be to bring that into a meeting! The Agreement practically begged for this sort of cooperation, didn’t it?

(And tuna is Crowley’s favorite. Especially when Aziraphale remembers to chop up the little cornichons inside and slice it triangularly.) 

So Crowley, to appease his Angel, dutifully takes the paper bags handed to him before the both of them venture to their respective places of meeting. 

The thing that I can’t make myself quite get over, though?

Aziraphale and Crowley spent so much time swapping notes quietly over duck ponds or trading secrets in three separate rendezvous locations. 

Notes are something the Angel has not only acclimated himself with, but they’re something he enjoys. The dangerous side of him wants to send them in lieu of being a spy. The Angelic side of him wants to be caring. The Best Friend/Something More side wants to pour affections. The human side? 

Well. 

How very human it is to show affection through food and the little notes that such a gesture would also contain!

He always thought it clever when humans sent little messages in lunchboxes! Food and love? At the same time? His heart bursts just thinking about it. 

It’s a custom he’d be quick to adopt. Scribbling little messages on bits of scrap paper and tucking them away next to a small bag of sliced apples. 

What I’m saying here is;

Aziraphale would 100% send Crowley to Hell with a paper bag lunch and a written note. 

And when Crowley is drooping, bored after hour three of a pointless Demon meeting, he’d reach into the little bag as loudly as he could and peel the sandwich out, trying to play it smooth, until the little piece of paper would flutter out unexpectantly into the center. 

Hastur would grab at it while Crowley was mid bite into a wonderfully crunchy cornichon'd tuna on white bread. 

“Dearest,” the demon would read out loud, squinting at the paper. Crowley froze mid-chew. “Enjoy lunch. I remembered to pack it the way you like. You’re ever so wonderful. Don’t forget to voice all those smart ideas of yours at the meeting. Pick up the laundry. And take off your glasses once to give your eyes a break. Remember the last time you strained them? Heart Heart Heart.” Hastur stared at the note and held it up to Crowley, whose glasses were slipping down his nose. “He drew some flowers, too. Do you want to see?” 

Crowley quickly snatched the note away. 

Beelzebub, from down at the head of the long table, blinked languidly. “Right,” they said. “So back to our monthly quotas, then?” 

Later he’d beseech his Angel not to do something like that again. 

“But it’s a human expression of affection,” the Angel protested. “And I don’t see how it ruins your reputation at all, having notes sent down. People pray to the devil all the time. I’m sure his mailbox is brimming.”

“With evil! No one sends him lots of little hearts and flowers.”

Aziraphale would sniff. “Fine,” he’d say. “No more flowers.”

“Thank you.” 

Aziraphale would keep his promise. Next time there was a joke. 

It landed in the center of the table when Crowley dragged out a double dark chocolate cookie. 

Beelzebub was the one who got to it first, that time. 

“Why don’t they play poker in the jungle.” She stood on her chair, reading aloud. Crowley was face first on the table, gently smacking his forehead against a squished bag of deviled eggs. 

Ligur piped up, “why, or Lord of Hell!”

Beelzebub turned the paper over, scanning the lilac ink. “Too many cheetazzzz.” It took a moment for collective recognition to kick in. Once it had, they were all doubled over. “I understand! Word play! How drab! Crowley! Tell your Angel to keep zzzending these!” They flipped over the paper again, unfolding a little corner. “Oh. Sorry. Forgot to read; XOXOXOXO - lots of kisses, darling. Eat your vegetables before the cookie.” She looked down to where Crowley was face down on the table, pillowed by squished eggs. “There are pepperzzzzz in that bag,” they glared. “You did not follow the Angelzzz instructions.”

“Got it,” he groaned. “Will do. Next time.” 

“I am going to tell him,” said Beelzebub. “Ligur. Write a letter to the Principality Azzzziraphale. Send it through Gabriel. Crowley did not eat his vegetablezzz first.”

“I shall, Lord of Hell.” 

Crowley dropped his head to the table. 

It only gets worse from there. Because Aziraphale, who often did a lot of people watching from the flat above his shop, began noticing that doting parents would often drew on the paper bags. 

And wasn’t that to be a whole other story. 

“Look!” A lesser demon held up the bag excitedly. Crowley rubbed his temples. “He drew a picture of them married. Wrote A + C under it and everything!”

“What a gallant gezzzzzture,” said Beelzebub, eyes sparking up new ideas for the Archangel with whom she’d been speaking to for the past few millenium. “Crowley. Pick your head up off the table and gazzzzze upon the mazzzzterpiece your Lover has created for you.” 

“No. Thank you. M’good,” Crowley groaned. 

“As Lord of the Underworld, I command it! Gaze! And be enthralled!” 

The only way the entire situation gets any better, is when Crowley begins to pack lunches for Aziraphale. 

Angels, who are attracted to Love like moths to a windshielf wiper, would likely stop an entire meeting just to dote and fawn upon the notes Crowley would send Aziraphale’s way. 

“He’s doing this to be spiteful.” True enough. He was. Aziraphale trapped his face between his fingers. “Don’t indulge!” 

“Oh, but Principality! He has drawn the most delightful series of hearts upon this paper!” Michael stroked the little bit of torn off notebook paper. “And he has even written you a poem! Shall I read it?”

“No!” 

They read it anyway. 

Crowley does more than that. 

Sometimes, when he’s feeling particularly devilish (or Aziraphale cut him off of wine the night before and how fucking dare he do that - he’ll get his revenge) he’ll send more... risque notes.  

With illustrations. 

Both of which an angel will find when they lunge for the lunch bag emanating love. 

“Principality,” Urial with announce, voice like thunder and wind chimes and vengeance and hope all at once, holding the torn paper up like a flaming sword. “It is foretold by this message that your Demon would like to...” she’d squint at the note, nodding. “flip you like a crepe and smash you to next Armageddon.” 

Aziraphale was quietly asking God to smite him. 

“Principality,” says Michael, sitting primly at the table. “We should reply.” 

There was a nod and murmuring appreciation round the table. 

“Ah,” said Aziraphale, quietly, clearing his very dry throat. “I think we’d better not.”

“Nonsense! This note radiates affection. Love! He is a demon who yearns for your forgiveness and heavenly warmth. It is your duty to reply, Aziraphale!”

The next half hour is spent crafting a good note back while Aziraphale begs God to please, if he asks really, really nicely, can’t she just smite him a little? 

“Sir!” Urial jumps up triumphantly. “I have found a website on my mobile telephone! It is called urban dictionary!”

“Splendid! What’s it do?”

“It apparently helps craft love letters for Demons! It suggests we write back that Principality Aziraphale would find great joy in seeing Dat Ass in some apple bottomed jeans, sir. And that he’d very much like to bang him like a tamborine, sir.” 

“Poetry!” Exclaims Gabriel. “Someone get a pen!” 

Aziraphale decides that if God won’t smite him, he may have to smite Crowley when he got home. 

[theblogchelor]

The Bachelorette Week Ten Part Two aka La Quintowns

Here’s What Happened Tuesday

Four onsite dates in the desert heat to test the integrity of Tayshia’s final four relationships, two nieces, one celebrity chef. It’s non-hometown Hometowns.

Revelations

Traditionally, the Bachelorette’s final four boyfriends invite her to their respective hometowns and intentionally take her to bars where they know the popular kids from high school will still be hanging out so they can show off their reality television girlfriend and in a “look at me now” fashion.

But because we are living in the Dark Times, Hometowns must come to the boys by way of tangentially relevant themes on resort property.

When Chris Harrison informs the men of which family members are currently in quarantine waiting to see them, Ben comments that he would cry if he could.

Brendan then cries, right in Ben’s face.

This should go smoothly.

Brendan’s Hometown: Carnival Near A Tree

Brendan’s brother and sister-in-law opt into makeshift Hometowns in the 120-degree desert heat in the hopes that they might get a single goddamn minute to themselves for the first time all year.

While mom and dad are “napping,” Brendan and Tayshia get to babysit Brendan’s twelve-year-old niece, Aliyah. Carnival games are set up under the shade of a tree, which hardly offsets the danger of child heat stroke.

Later, Brendan introduces Tayshia to Daniel, Brendan’s older brother and lifelong hero, and Christine, Daniel’s wife who takes up way too much of Daniel’s attention for Brendan’s liking.

Brendan suffers a mild existential crisis at the introduction of people from his real life to his non-reality plague bubble girlfriend. It may also be heat stroke.

Zac’s Hometown: New York a la Flinstones

Tayshia mentioned New York City once, and one of the producers did set design for West Side Story in high school once, so by that math the logical theme for this date is a cardboard cutout taxi that transports Zac and Tayshia from one vaguely NYC-related activity to the next.

Zac and Tayshia judge each other’s cab-hailing techniques and bagel choices while sweating through their clothes. Eventually they ditch the theme entirely and jump into a nearby fountain to bring their core body temperatures back to non-critical levels.

Zac’s family is exactly my favorite kind of Hometowns family: the kind who absolutely hates it. Zac’s brother and father find the nicest ways possible to ask Tayshia if she is a treacherous whore, but they also must admit that she’s at least a treacherous whore who makes their baby boy smile.

Ivan’s Hometown: Chris Harrison’s Kitchen Suite

An indoor date! Ivan and Tayshia prepare niece Kehlani’s recipe for lumpia. Not surprisingly, considering it was written by a five-year-old, the recipe is inedible.

Later we meet Ivan’s parents, who are impossibly cute. His mother is wearing the same dress as Tayshia and is deeply suspicious of any breathing female who comes within fourteen feet of her son. Her father is quiet but emotionally open, and secretly relishes their bond over a shared scandalous divorcée past.

The plot twist really lands when Ivan’s brother Gabriel shows up: the tatted, bad boy version of Ivan. Without a second thought Tayshia jumps on the back of his hog, wraps her arms around his floral button-down, and drives off with him into the sunset.

Ben’s Hometown: Several Sidewalks

Ben takes Tayshia to the captivity version of Venice Beach: cruising in someone’s old rollerblades, taking turmeric shots out of crunchy obligation, buying overpriced sweatshop sunglasses, dipping in an STD-ridden pool.

Later, Tayshia gets to meet Ben’s girl gang: his sister Madeline and (somehow casually unmentioned) Top Chef Antonia Lofaso.

While Tayshia is elsewhere asking if Ben is just a guarded mystery at default (per Madeline, yes), Ben is speaking to Top Chef Antonia Lofaso about the concept of love.

“YOU LOVE HER,” Top Chef Antonia Lofaso screams at Ben. “I’m in love with her!” Ben confirms, stunned that she baked the feelings right into him.

After several repetitions of practice saying the words, when it comes time to say “I love you” to Tayshia, Ben panics and flees.

The Rose Ceremony

Tayshia is disappointed that it is already thirteen days into their relationship and she has not yet heard a declaration of love yet from Ben. (It’s there! Just trapped inside him!) She decides Ben’s celebrity cameo was not enough to earn him a rose.

Taking him outside, Tayshia asks Ben to blink twice if he’s registering any emotion. Ben stares and mumbles a few disjointed syllables before finding himself loaded into the go home mobile, his body to be dropped off in the desert and devoured by vultures per Bachelorette elimination protocol.

This will not be the end for our sweet Ben. We will see a reassuring emotional maturity in Paradise before one more heartbreak and eventual casting as the post-Matt James Bachelor.

Until then: Fantasy Suites, where Tayshia gets to test drive her three remaining WAPtions. (I’m sorry)

[madscientistjournal]

Product Review: Chronochill

As provided by Joachim Heijndermans Art by Dawn Vogel

Product Name: Chronochill Max Duozone® – Black Version Price: $389,95 & free shipping Customer Rating: *** with 85 customer reviews In Stock.

Product Description: Item Weight:  39lbs/ 17kg. Shipping Weight:  49lbs/ 22kg. Manufacturer: Chronochill LTD. ASIN: B008HFSSB2. Item Model Nr: 866339266CC.

~

Product Information: Temporal Shift Refrigerator. For those wizards in the kitchen who just can’t stand it when the food in their fridge goes bad, even after storing it just two days ago. The Duozone® from Chronochill prevents food from spoiling, melting, and being affected by frostbite or any other side effect that comes with the common fridge. Most refrigerators use cold air to keep food fresh, but moisture buildup eventually takes its toll on fruit, meat, and vegetables. By freezing your food within a single moment in time and storing it in a temporal shift zone, the Duozone® preserves anything you place inside it in its original status. You too will love having your meals preserved the ultimate way, locked within less than a second and still as fresh as the moment you stored it.

~

By freezing your food within a single moment in time and storing it in a temporal shift zone, the Duozone® preserves anything you place inside it in its original status.

Customer Reviews

DaisyDeez75: I bought mine last year, and I absolutely love it. Love, love, love it. My strawberries and blueberries always seemed to get moldy in my old fridge. Now I can actually store my meals for months. I had fresh summer fruit for x-mas. How wild is that? Love it. Recommend it to everyone. Five stars.

~

HarryFires02: It’s not really a fridge, is it? I put a beer in mine that I’d left out on my patio, and a few weeks later it was still lukewarm. Major design flaw. Getting a real fridge next time. No stars.

~

KaKay-zen: @HarryFires02 You know you can install a new temperature once you put your beer inside, right?

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HarryFires02: @KaKay-zen Found it. Thanks. Works like a dream. Five stars.

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KaKay-zen: @HarryFires02 No problem.

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ROYDEEp: I like how much I can store inside. I’ve been able to cook entire courses weeks in advance, and then serve them still piping hot. Good deal. Four stars.

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HarryFires02: Okay, so I managed to get the temp right, but now my six-pack of beer I put in there is gone. Like, vanished gone. No-one took it out, so I have no idea what happened to it. What is up with this piece of junk? Zero stars.

~

84FreeZone: Does anyone else have problems with the noise it makes? It’s not a constant thing, but in the middle of the night, it keeps going off. It’s annoying. Do love the rest of it. I just finished the tempura I got at the hibachi place near me a month ago, and it’s still crunchy and warm. Three stars.

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KathyGibbs: @HarryFires02 Is your name Harold Fines? Because if so, I think I have your beer. I found it this morning in my fridge with a receipt on it. I have no idea how it got there.

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BenSuller: I hate this thing. Hate it! Tried it. Returned it immediately. Stupid Japanese crap. Zero Stars.

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HiJiNx453: @BenSuller Chronochill is a Finnish/Danish company. Dumbass.

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BenSuller: [Comments removed by moderator]

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HiJiNx453: @BenSuller you kiss your wife with that mouth?

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BenSuller: [Comments removed by moderator]

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HarryFires02: @KathyGibbs It is. How did my beer end up in your fridge? What is up with this thing?

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Lolzcaty$$: @HarryFires02 You’re not the only one. I made a casserole, put it in right out of the oven, and the next day it was gone.

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HohoHi: @HarryFires02 @Lolzcaty$$ Same here. My pizza vanished. But there was a casserole in its place. Is that yours?

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HiJiNx453: Ok, this is weird. Why does the food keep jumping around? Someone should call Chronochill and complain.

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ScarfaceSHTMLF: Mine works like a dream. No issues and great food. Five stars.

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KathyGibbs: Throwing it out there, but is anyone missing some vintage bottles of Bordeaux? I think I have them. I feel really bad, and I want to return them to their rightful owner. Also, getting rid of my Duozone.

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HohoHi: Woke up today and checked my fridge. Why is there a snow globe in it? WTF Chronochill?

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Blerra2002: @KathyGibbs Those would be mine, I think. I’ll post pics of them before I lost them. Also, I have Larry Thilbert’s heart medication. Tried to find you, but there’s seven Larry Thilberts in my state alone. Please contact me.

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HohoHi: I’m getting rid of my Duozone. This last week, I kept finding something new every morning. It was funny until today, when I found “samples” that someone stored in there. I pray to God they were either from a lab or for medical testing, because if not, shame on you sir.

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Genndy Wazlow: No idea what the fuss is about. Love my Duozone. Don’t like the color though, but whatever. Four stars.

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KaKay-zen: @Genndy Wazlow You know it comes in different colors, right?

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HarryFires02: I hope they’re gonna do a recall. Mine got taken in for evidence. Not getting a new one, even if they do fix the glitch. Zero stars.

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84FreeZone: @HarryFires02 What happened? Did the cops take it? If so, why?

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HarryFires02: @84FreeZone I put lettuce in it. Got a different kind of head in it the next day. Some psycho put it in his Duozone. Nearly had a heart attack. I’m just hoping the cops believe me, even with the statement by Chronochill. Like I said: zero stars.

~

Click here to read 57 further comments.

 ~

Customers who have viewed this item have also viewed:

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Chronochill LTD, founded in 2093, has been the top brand in temporal food storage. After the success of their first Chrono-depot and the acquisition of their first chained-restaurant contract (the event that led to the end of the McWars, and the final nail in the coffin for Burger Queen/Gwendy’s Jr.), Chronochill has recently expanded with home-based temporal refrigeration units. Despite the controversy regarding this move, Chronochill LTD has sold over 60,000 units last march.

Joachim Heijndermans writes, draws, and paints nearly every waking hour. Originally from the Netherlands, he’s been all over the world, boring people by spouting random trivia. His work has been featured in a number of publications, such as Every Day Fiction, Asymmetry Fiction, Gathering Storm Magazine, Hinnom Magazine, and The Gallery of Curiosities, and he’s currently in the midst of completing his first children’s book. You can check out his other work at www.joachimheijndermans.com, or follow him on Twitter: @jheijndermans.

Dawn Vogel writes and edits both fiction and non-fiction. Her academic background is in history, so it’s not surprising that much of her fiction is set in earlier times. By day, she edits reports for historians and archaeologists. In her alleged spare time, she runs a craft business, co-edits Mad Scientist Journal, and tries to find time for writing. She is a member of Broad Universe, SFWA, and Codex Writers. Her steampunk series, Brass and Glass, is being published by Razorgirl Press. She lives in Seattle with her awesome husband (and fellow author), Jeremy Zimmerman, and their herd of cats. Visit her at historythatneverwas.com.

“Product Review: Chronochill” is © 2018 Joachim Heijndermans Art accompanying story is © 2018 Dawn Vogel

Product Review: Chronochill was originally published on Mad Scientist Journal

[kevinscottgardens]

26 October - 13 November 2020

These past few weeks have been an emotional roller-coaster. Back in September several friends, within 48 hours of each other, informed me about an amazing opportunity in the south of France. I was so touched that people were looking out for me, knowing I’ve been aching to move to somewhere warmer, more Mediterranean. I hesitated for a week because the job announcement on a garden designer’s Facebook page stated French was important. I’ve studied French for a long time and I still have a long way to go to fluency. Again, later in the week, another friend from Kew mentioned it and knew the garden personally.

So I took the plunge and sent my CV, in French, to the garden designers. They liked it well enough to pass it to the client. A week later I had my first phone interview and it went well. Now I was super excited and could hardly sleep. On paper this job sounds really good. I checked out some You Tube videos on the garden designer, their preferred maintenance contractor and the nursery they use. I only became more interested and excited.

Plant ident 30 October

Lamiaceae Salvia africana-lutea syn. of Salvia aurea

Lamiaceae Salvia canariensis

Lamiaceae Salvia confertiflora

Lamiaceae Salvia elegans ‘Honey Melon’

Lamiaceae Salvia greggii x serpyllifolia

Lamiaceae Salvia greggii ‘Stormy Pink’

Lamiaceae Salvia involucrata

Lamiaceae Salvia microphylla var. neurepia ‘Oxford’

Lamiaceae Salvia ‘Nel’

Lamiaceae Salvia ‘Phyllis Fancy’

Plant of the week

Lamiaceae Salvia confertiflora Pohl

common name(s) - Sabra spike sage synonym(s) - Salvia confertiflora var. angustifolia J.A.Schmidt; Salvia confertiflora var. brachyantha Pohl; Salvia rufa Epling conservation rating - none native to - Brazil location - salvia walk, accession 2019-0398 leaves - deciduous, pungently-scented, ovate flowers - slender spikes of small scarlet flowers, covered with velvety red-brown hairs, with the stems of the inflorescence and the calyx also having a red-brown colour, in late summer and autumn habit - a tender bushy perennial to 1.2m tall, becoming woody at the base habitat - tropical, summer rains, dry winters pests - slugs, snails, capsid bug, rosemary beetle, leafhoppers disease - generally disease-free hardiness - to 1ºC (H2) soil - loam, chalk or sand, well-drained sun - full sun, sheltered propagation - seed in containers in a cold frame in spring; softwood cuttings in spring or early summer or semi-ripe cuttings in late summer or autumn with bottom heat pruning - cut down if hit by frost nomenclature - Lamiaceae - lamium - gullet, the name in Pliny refers to the gaping mouth of the corolla; Salvia - healer, the old Latin name for sage with medicinal properties; confertiflora - with dense or crowded flowers NB - first discovered in 1833 by the Austrian naturalist, Johann Baptist Emanuel Pohl in the Serra dos Órgãos, state of Rio de Janeiro. Pohl sent specimens back to botanical gardens of Europe where it was popular not only for its dramatic colour, but also for its prolific flowering well up to the time of frost

References, bibliography:

Gledhill, David, (2008) “The Names of Plants”, fourth edition; Cambridge University Press; ISBN: 978-0-52168-553-5

IUCN [online] http://www.iucnredlist.org/search [18 Nov 20]

Plant List, The [online] http://www.theplantlist.org/tpl1.1/record/kew-182420 [18 Nov 20]

Plants of the World [online] http://plantsoftheworldonline.org/taxon/urn:lsid:ipni.org:names:456011-1 [18 Nov 20]

Royal Horticultural Society [online] https://www.rhs.org.uk/Plants/16324/i-Salvia-confertiflora-i/Details [18 Nov 20]

Wikipedia [online] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salvia_confertiflora [18 Nov 20]

About ten days later I received an email inviting me to meet with his wife, here in London, for a second interview. That took place one evening after work. Again, the conversation went very well and it turns out we have a friend in common - who would have imagined!

The following week, after posting some tea to my sister in LA, I received the call offering me the position. Again, no sleep that night!

While all of this was happening, my tinnitus has been acting up too. I have also experienced a few bouts of vertigo, which is quite rare for me.

So that Friday, two weeks ago, I tendered my resignation. I asked to take my remaining annual leave as part of my notice period which meant I only had two weeks left in the garden. This will give me next week to sort my packing and I’ll fly to Nice next Saturday, 21 November. This will give me one week to work with the person who is leaving. I’ve never had such a fantastic opportunity for a week-long hand-over.

Plant ident 6 November this week was a review of the past four weeks, those were my favourites at Kew because it helped me retain names that would otherwise have just never stuck.

Plant of the week

Cucurbitaceae Momordica charantia L.

common name(s) - bitter melon; bitter apple; bitter gourd; bitter squash; balsam-pear synonym(s) - Cucumis argyi H.Lév.; Cucumis intermedius M.Roem.; Momordica charantia subsp. abbreviata (Ser.) Greb.; Momordica charantia f. abbreviata (Ser.) W.J.de Wilde & Duyfjes; Momordica charantia var. abbreviata Ser.; Momordica charantia var. longirostrata Cogn.; Momordica charantia var. muricata (Willd.) Chakrav.; Momordica chinensis Spreng.; Momordica elegans Salisb.; Momordica indica L.; Momordica muricata Willd.; Momordica sinensis Spreng.; Momordica thollonii Cogn.; Sicyos fauriei H. Lév. conservation rating - none native to - tropical and subtropical Old World location - tropical corridor, accession 2020-0110 leaves - simple, alternate leaves 40 to 120mm across, with three to seven deeply separated lobes flowers - separate yellow male and female flowers; in the Northern Hemisphere, flowering occurs during June to July and fruiting during September to November habit - very vigorous, tendril-bearing vine to 5m habitat - hot humid areas of the tropics and subtropics; savannah and bush; common in coastal thickets, along creeks and streams, and in lowland forest margins pests - aphids disease - downy mildew, powdery mildew, Fusarium wilt, target leaf spot, root-knot hardiness - to 5ºC (H1c) soil - rich in organic matter with 2m to 2.5m of rainfall annually sun - full sun propagation - seed - sow in situ; seedlings emerge five to seven days after sowing, but fresh seed often shows dormancy which is very hard to break and can last for some months pruning - none nomenclature - Cucurbitaceae - cucurbita - Latin name for the bottle-gourd; Momordica - bitten, the jagged seeds of balsam pear appear to have been nibbled; charantia - graceful, the pendent fruits NB - is a laxative, diuretic herb that soothes irritated tissue, lowers fevers, kills parasites and cleanses toxins from the system; probably also a uterine stimulant; the fruit is most often eaten green, or as it is beginning to turn yellow. At this stage, the fruit's flesh is crunchy and watery in texture, similar to cucumber, chayote or green bell pepper, but bitter. The skin is tender and edible.

References, bibliography:

Gledhill, David, (2008) “The Names of Plants”, fourth edition; Cambridge University Press; ISBN: 978-0-52168-553-5

IUCN [online] http://www.iucnredlist.org/search [20 Nov 20]

Plant List, The [online] http://www.theplantlist.org/tpl1.1/record/kew-2372864 [20 Nov 20]

Plants of the World [online] http://plantsoftheworldonline.org/taxon/urn:lsid:ipni.org:names:293413-1 [20 Nov 20]

Useful Tropical Plants [online] http://tropical.theferns.info/viewtropical.php?id=Momordica+charantia [20 Nov 20]

Wikipedia [online] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Momordica_charantia [20 Nov 20]

I worked the weekend of 7/8 November, my last weekend duty.

I’ve been taking private French lessons twice a week for the past three weeks. François has been taking an hour out every weekend to help me with my French. I’m hoping once I start living in the language it will come together. Lucien organised my French mobile number, so it will be ready to use when I land.

During these few weeks in the garden leaves have been falling and falling and falling. Al spends most mornings blowing leaves into big piles. He’s also agreed to stay on through the end of January.

Plant ident 13 November ferns

Aspleniaceae Asplenium trichomanes

Aspleniaceae Asplenium scolopendrium

Blechnaceae Blechnum cordatum

Dennstaedtiaceae Pteridium aquilinum

Dicksoniaceae Balantium antarcticum syn. Dicksonia antarctica

Dryopteridaceae Polystichum setiferum

Polypodiaceae Adiantum venustum

Polypodiaceae Microsorum diversifolium syn. Phymatosorus pustulatus  subsp. pustulatus

Polypodiaceae Polypodium interjectum

Pteridaceae Coniogramme emeiensis

I gave Olivia a thorough hand-over of my beloved tropical glasshouse. I’m sure it is in good hands, and under the always watchful eye of Jess.

Jess and I gave the tropical corridor it’s winter pruning on Thursday.

Nell has allowed me to work on several projects on the database I’ve been trying to complete. I added to my predecessor’s manual for the plant records manager. It is quite comprehensive. I hope my replacement finds it helpful and continues to update it as the roll changes.

Wednesday, when Jill was in the garden, I asked her to create a herbarium specimen of the Romneya coulteri for me, also being a California native.

Friday, 13 November, saying goodbye... I made my way to Victoria in the morning, before work, to purchase one last social from Ole & Steen. After work we indulged in cheese, beers and Nell gave a very nice speech.

Mary Ellen painted this for me, and the plant and secateurs were gifts from colleagues.

The evening concluded with a stint in the jacuzzi - so very relaxing.

Plant of the week - a foreshadow of the next garden in which I shall be working

Cistaceae Cistus creticus L.

common name(s) - Cretan rockrose synonym(s) - Cistus complicatus Spruner ex Nyman; C. creticus f. albus (O.E.Warb.) Demoly; C. creticus f. flavus Demoly; C. creticus subsp. trabutii (Maire) Dobignard; C. cupanianus C.Presl; C. dunalianus Sweet; C. garganicus Ten.; C. × incanus subsp. creticus (L.) Heywood; C. incanus subsp. creticus (L.) Heyw.; C. ladaniferus Stokes; C. polymorphus Willk.; C. rotundifolius Sweet; C. tomentosus Lam. [Illegitimate]; C. undulatus Moench; C. villosus L.; C. villosus f. albus O.E.Warb.; C. villosus var. creticus (L.) Boiss.; C. villosus var. rotundifolius (Sweet) Grosser; C. villosus var. trabutii Maire; C. villosus var. undulatus Grosser; C. vulgaris Spach; Ladanium officinarum Spach; Ladanum verum Raf. infraspecific taxa - Cistus creticus subsp. corsicus (Loisel.) Greuter & Burdet; Cistus creticus subsp. eriocephalus (Viv.) Greuter & Burdet conservation rating - none native to - central and eastern European Mediterranean to Jordan location - history beds, accession 1996-0376 leaves - shaggily hairy stems, leaves are slightly scented flowers - variable in shade from deep purple-pink to rose pink, to 6cm across, with a yellow centre habit - very variable, small, bushy, evergreen shrub, to perhaps 1.5m tall; highly branched shrub that measures between 30 to 140 cm with a more or less creeping stem but without actually taking root in the ground, with little strength to stay upright habitat - distributed in calcareous romerales that inhabit soils with sandy characteristics; can be found growing near oak forests on the coast pests - generally pest-free disease - may suffer from nutrient deficiency when grown on very alkaline soils hardiness - to -10ºC (H4) soil -well-drained sun - full sun, sheltered propagation - seed, sow as soon as ripe and keep in cold frame or sow in spring; softwood cuttings in summer pruning - does not respond well to hard renovation pruning nomenclature - Cistaceae - Cistus - capsule, rock roses are conspicuous in fruit; creticus - from Crete, Cretan NB - traditional herbal medicine, the leaves of Cistus have been used in the treatment of skin and inflammatory diseases (Hudson, 2009). Recent scientific research has confirmed the validity of this traditional herbal knowledge through studies that have demonstrated that Cistus leaf extractives have powerful antibacterial, antifungal, antiviral, and biofilm-breaking qualities (Rebensburg et al, 2015).

References, bibliography:

Gledhill, David, (2008) “The Names of Plants”, fourth edition; Cambridge University Press; ISBN: 978-0-52168-553-5

IUCN [online] http://www.iucnredlist.org/search [19 Nov 20]

Plant List, The [online] http://www.theplantlist.org/tpl1.1/record/kew-2723343 [19 Nov 20]

Plants of the World [online] http://plantsoftheworldonline.org/taxon/urn:lsid:ipni.org:names:168230-1 [19 Nov 20]

ProHealth [online] https://www.prohealth.com/library/cistus-a-natural-antibiotic-antiviral-and-biofilm-buster-6292 [19 Nov 20]

Royal Horticultural Society [online] https://www.rhs.org.uk/Plants/22292/Cistus-creticus/Details [19 Nov 20]

Warbleton Council [online] https://warbletoncouncil.org/cistus-creticus-13547 [19 Nov 20]

SARS-CoVid-2 update (active cases only) 2 November 2020

SARS-CoVid-2 update (active cases only) 8 November 2020

SARS-CoVid-2 update (active cases only) 16 November 2020

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14.12.19 + 15.12.19 -Bursitis

2 days in a row, fuck me I am tireeed. Renee says I can do my washing with her. i feel I kind of let her down. Yesterday at Pallieter I was hot shit. I had my eye on this tall, skinny girl that actually wasn't really nice in a way, well, she 'wasn't a 'good girl' I guess you could say, and she seemed troubled to me, yet still I wanted to try to take her home. She wasn't much interested. That little puppy dog Bets came around, and then she went home, and then I went home, and then nothing turned itself inside out, and in the suburbs of Hoboken the creeps and freaks sleep tonight. The best thing to capture on film is a a persons curiosity. Without curiosity there is no hope. Why don't we take a look around? Why don't we change houses, move to the big apple? i know if I don't do something I'm going to regret it later. So think of your week ahead, get shit done, make reservations to the sleep deliviries. I'm a little worried about my knee, something feels swollen and infected in there. It's lost some of it's mobility. It's called 'Bursitis' apparently, those little fluid sacs in the different parts of the knee have become infected and they're swelling up. So it's time to take extra care of my health, this means: Eating well, getting enough rest, some exercise? Healthy mind too of course. Right now I'm a zombie and a bit concerned that tomrrow will be worse. Met a lady called Zenya recently, she seems really interesting actually. Very open about things sexually. Meanwhile I'm in the hot tub thinking about the last thing I dreamed, the last thing I posted and overhearing the sounds of a crunchy cat crunching her korreltjes. Ask him yourself you idiot. The guitar is made up, learn Handle Me with Care, go to Cool Japan exhibition. Take it easy love nothing.

[dazombi3fari3]

Hey doll hey!!! How’s your day/night going? Great I hope. I slept in today. I was up pretty late last night working on my Beauty Haul post and didn’t get to bed until around            2:45 am. I really loved the way my makeup came out today!! Also I received the 2 items that I was waiting on from my Beauty Haul post so I will do a quick haul post showing you what I received. Well…. let’s jump into this Face of the Day, and as always I will review the new products used in Final Thoughts …. *Side Note* I have decided to include my perfume of the day in my Face of the Day posts, also please ignore the very visible eye lash glue on my right eye lashes …..

This was a 2018 Limited Edition Release by Marc Jacobs. I purchased mine off Amazon for $55, currently on the Amazon website for $53…. It has notes of has a blend of red berries, violet leaf, violet, white flowers, and white woods. I use this one sparingly. I never want to run out. Out of all the perfumes from the Daisy line …. this by far is my favorite one. The scent lingers for hours and is such a soft feminine scent that has a perfect balance of sweet and demure. 

Base: I primed my face using the NYX Angel Veil Skin Perfecting Primer ($11.20 at Ulta). I color corrected just the very inner and outer corners of my under eyes using Believe Beauty Brighten Up Color Correcting Concealer ($4 at Dollar General) in the shade Light/Medium. For foundation today I have a combo of 2 dropper fulls of  Loreal True Match Lumi Glow Amour Glow Boosting Drops ($14.99 at Ulta) in the shade 507 Day Break and 2 squeezes of Loreal 24-HR Infallible Pro-Glow Foundation ($12.99 at Ulta) in the shade 202 Creamy Natural (I only needed to use 1 layer so I put out way too much product on my face palette, so 1 of each would have been more than enough). I lightly concealed my under eyes using Loreal Infallible Pro-Glow Concealer ($9.99 at Ulta) in the shade 01 Classic Ivory (the coverage was a bit low so I added just a tiny bit more on the inner corners where I have deep circling since I didn’t go to sleep till late yesterday). I set my full face using Too Faced Born This Way Ethereal Setting Powder ($33 at Ulta and Sephora) in the shade Translucent. I warmed up my face using Benefit Hoola Bronzer ($30 at Ulta). My skin looked so beautiful with all these glowy items on that I opted not to bake the high points of my face.

Eyes: I primed my lids using NARS Soft Matte Complete Concealer ($30 at Sephora) in the shade Medium 1 Custard and set them using RCMA No Color Powder ($15 on the Beautylish website). For today’s eye look I used the Profusion Cosmetics Eye & Cheek Artistry Palette ($10 On their website). For my transition shade I went in using the color Honest (a dusty peach matte). As my crease shade I used the color Cookie (a terracotta brown matte). On the first 2/3 of my mobile lid I used the color Mic Drop (a bronze metallic). I then deepened the outer v and outer 1/3 of my mobile lid using the shade Come Back (a deep camel brown matte) and then went back in with more of the shade Cookie over the middle of the outer 1/3 and inner 2/3 of the mobile lid to blend the harsh line away. On my lower lash line I dusted lightly more of the shade Cookie and buffed the edges using more of Honest. I used the highlighter shade called Heartfelt (a champagne highlight) from the same palette to highlight my inner corners of my eyes. I lined my lower waterlines using ColourPop BFF Creme Gel Liner ($6 on their website) in the shade Get Paid (a rose gold metallic). I set my brows using the Tinted Brow Gel from the Profusion Cosmetics Good Brow Day 2pc Kit ($8 on their website) to set my eye brows and then I filled in my brows with the matching Ultra Fine Brow Pencil all in the color Dark Brown. I carved out my brow line using the BH Studio Pro Brow Highlighter ($5 on their website) on the made side and set the brow line using the shade Whipped (a bright cream matte). I popped on a pair of the Profusion Cosmetics Iconic 3D Faux Mink Lashes ($7 on their website) in the style Big Tease and coated my upper and lower lashes using Profusion Cosmetics Lash Out Loud Mascara ($4 on their website) in black.

Cheeks and Lips: For blush and highlighter I used the Profusion Cosmetics Eye & Cheek Artistry Palette ($10 On their website). For the blush I combined the shades Lush (muted peach… in the pan it looks like a satin, on the skin it’s actually a matte) and Breath Taking  (a mid-toned coral again in the pan this one looks like a satin but on the skin it’s a matte). I used the shade Heartfelt (a champagne highlight) to highlight the tops of my cheeks, center of my chin, bridge of my nose, Cupid’s bow, and above my brows. I lined my lips using ColourPop Lippie Pencil ($6) in the shade BFF 3 (deep brown nude) and filled in my lips using MAC Matte Lipstick ($19 at Ulta and MAC) in the shade Velvet Teddy (deep toned beige).

Final Thoughts:

Loreal True Match Lumi Glow Amour Glow Boosting Drops: A+++!!!!                                  These glow drops are amazing!! They do not change the consistency of the foundation and they do not change the tone of the foundation either. Combined with the Loreal 24-HR Infallible Pro-Glow Foundation this is a deadly beautiful combination. There is no scent to these drops and they are not sticky or greasy. I will go out on a limb and say these drops are my favorite glow drop formula ever. I will most definitely be repurchasing them.

Loreal 24-HR Infallible Pro-Glow Foundation: A+++!!!!                                                           The shade I chose is 202 Creamy Natural and this is a spot on match for my skin tone. This foundation is so stinking beautiful! Truly it is. It’s also full coverage. I thought I would need 2 squeezes of the tube but I didn’t, 1 would have been more than enough for my neck and face. This foundation looks amazing. My skin was glowy and looked very healthy. I am so in love with this foundation that I ordered a backup today.

Loreal Infallible Pro-Glow Concealer: A+                                                                                   This is a pretty concealer. I’m glad I got the chance to try it. I would grade this one higher save for the fact that it’s not that high of coverage. It’s light weight and a bout low medium coverage.  Don’t get me wrong… just because I didn’t grade it higher doesn’t mean that I don’t really like it. I definitely will be using this a ton more, and I may even repurchase it when I run out.

Profusion Cosmetics Eye & Cheek Artistry Palette: A+++!!!                                                      This is a great face and eye palette. The shadows all went on super pigmented and blended out welll and did not muddy when buffed into other colors. There was very little bit of kick back in the pans for the eye shadows and there was zero fallout on the face. The blushes, however, are not the same. There was heaps of kick back in the pans, so much so that I had to wipe down my vanity after I was done my makeup, but the color payoff is amazing. Theses blushes are not chalky or patchy and the buffed into the cheeks wonderfully. The highlighters are  good …. not the best I’ve tried…  but good enough that I would use them again. This is a great palette to travel with and to have in my collection… and the price point is a great value. I liked this palette so much that I think I may pickup their Siennas Palette also.

Profusion Cosmetics Good Brow Day 2pc Kit: B-                                                                       Out of all the Profusion products I purchased, this was the least impressive to me. In part this is because the brow gel didn’t wow me. It doesn’t hold the brow hairs in place that well and it’s so gloppy that it gets all over the skin around the brows, it’s also deeper in color than the pencil which means I would have to do my brows first and then set them…. I prefer to set my brows first and then fill them in. Now, the pencil is hard pressed…. meaning that it takes more presser to get the pencil to coat the brows. It didn’t skip but I did feel as though it did pull at the brow hairs a bit. I liked the way my brows looked with this product, but it was hard to get a crisp outline and it does fad around the 3 hour mark around the outside of the brows. It’s still a good brow kit for the price point it just didn’t wow me. I’ll continue to use the pencil but i will not use the gel again and I do not see myself repurchasing this product.

Profusion Cosmetics Iconic 3D Faux Mink Lashes: A+++!!!!                                                      Out of all the Profusion products I purchased this is the stand out winner for me. These lashes do not need to be trimmed down or worked over to get them to shape around the eye shape. The bands look as though they would be stiff and heavy but they’re not. They are very flexible and I can barely tell that I’m wearing them. There’s no pinching at the ends and they flair out so beautifully. I already placed an order for more pairs of the Big Tease style and also ordered one box of the Oh Darling style. I can already tell I will be repurchasing these lashes again and again.

Profusion Cosmetics Lash Out Loud Mascara: A+++                                                                        I can’t believe this mascara is only $4. It’s a great quality mascara. The wand shape is like the Too Faced Better Than Sex mascara wand except a bit longer. My lashes don’t feel crunchy or clumpy and the length I got on my lower lash line was amazing. I can see myself repurchasing this mascara again.

  Well that’s it dolls… Hope you have a great rest of your day/night and that you are in good spirits. Stay tuned for my mini beauty haul. As always remember… save a spoon for a bit of lipstick.

XOXO

Face of the Day Featuring Makeup From Yesterday’s Beauty Haul Hey doll hey!!! How's your day/night going? Great I hope. I slept in today. I was up pretty late last night working on my Beauty Haul post and didn't get to bed until around            2:45 am.