#I’m not crazy but I’m probably ovulating or whatever

[nc-vb]

Thinking back on it, I don’t think I had ANY motherly or protective instincts until Kabukimono was introduced… like… he’s the babyest thing right

And then from there it was Arlan and Yanqing… who’s next?? like I barely had any self preservation for myself and these goddamn pixels triggered something

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

Hi again, same anon that asked for the ovulating reader thing. I wouldn't mind either but if you could do maybe a mix of both like fluffy at first and it leads to smut that would be great!!😊

I hope you like itttt! :)

Pieces of you - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader

Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader

This contains SMUT - Minors DNI

Summary: You're extra needy of Ethan's attention.

A/N: TWO POSTS IN ONE NIGHT. I feel like I've been slacking a little lately lol. I'll be updating my masterlist tomorrow with everything that isn't already on it:)

Ethan had just gotten his own apartment, and you pretty much moved in with him almost immediately. He never wanted you to leave, because he loved waking up next to you. He’d gotten used to all the cute little random things you like to do and became more familiar with your emotions as he spent all his free time with you. But today, you were acting differently. He couldn’t figure you out.

When you woke up from a nap, you walked out of the bedroom to see Ethan on the couch watching a movie.

“Why’d you leave me in there?” you asked.

You fell asleep with him spooning you, because you needed him around you.

“I’m sorry babe. I wasn’t tired and I didn’t want to wake you up,” he said, as you sat down on his lap.

You snuggled into him as he sat there, your head laying on his chest.

“I missed you,” you said, taking in his scent. “The body wash you use smells amazing on you.”

He laughed a little at your comment, wrapping his arm around you. He focused on the movie he was watching, but you wanted him to focus on you.

You traced your fingers over his shirt-covered abs, as he started to wiggle. The movement of his hips made you gasp.

“You’re tickling me,” he laughed, as you stopped moving your fingers.

You sat there in silence for a few minutes, but he could tell something was bothering you.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” he asked, placing a kiss to the top of your head.

“I don’t know, I just…I feel weird today,” you said, “Can we talk? Like, about anything. I don’t care if its school.”

“Uh,” he said, pausing the tv, “sure, baby. I’m going to be really busy with school next semester, I hope you don’t mind.”

You did mind, but that’s probably just your hormones talking.

“What new classes are you taking?” you asked, placing a kiss to his chest.

As he spoke, you couldn’t help but admire the sound of his voice, and the way his words vibrated through his chest as he talked.

“Are you listening, baby?” he asked, trying to look down at you.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. What did you say?” you asked, as your hand rubbed up and down his chest.

“I was asking what you have going on after break’s over. What classes are you taking?” he asked, his hand running along your hip. The simple action wasn’t meant to be anything more than sweet, but it was starting to drive you crazy.

“Oh, um, I’m not really sure. I’ll check later and let you know.” You said, his hand movements really getting to you. “Can you stop rubbing my hip like that?”

He stopped his actions, feeling confused.

“I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t know you didn’t like it,” he said, holding his hand still.

“I love it, but you just can’t do it right now,” you said, holding on to him.

Ethan sat there, still confused, trying to figure out what was going on.

“You haven’t eaten anything yet, do you want to go get some food?” he asked, gently scooting you off him to stand up. “I’m starting to get really hungry, and we forgot to go grocery shopping.”

The only thing you were hungry for was him, but you decided to get up too.

“Yeah, let’s go,” you said, slipping on your sneakers as he grabbed his keys.

You sat in the passenger’s seat struggling to sit still. You really missed the loss of contact, but you also didn’t want your boyfriend to starve.

“Do you want to go to a sit-down restaurant, or you want fast food?” he asked, as his hand rested on your thigh.

“Oh, um, I don’t know. Whatever you want, babe,” you said, watching his hand rub up and down your thigh.

“You okay with Olive Garden? I really want some pasta,” he said, glancing over to you before focusing on the road in front of him.

“That’s fine,” you said, as he took a left turn towards the restaurant.

Once you got there, you took a seat across from him at the table. The waitress was quick with your drink order, but you felt like the food was taking forever.

“You want a breadstick?” he asked, taking a bite. “They’re so good.”

“Sure,” you said, finally deciding to eat something.

“Babe, are you sure you’re okay? If I did something, you’d tell me, right?” he asked, as the food was finally sat in front of us.

“Yeah, I guess I’m just a little needy today,” you said, twirling the spaghetti noodles around on your fork.

“It’s okay, I like you being all cozy with me,” he said, as he started to eat his food. “Fuck, this tastes amazing.”

You started to realize that if you didn’t fuck him soon, you might actually lose your mind. He grabbed your hand on top of the table as you talked about the things you wanted to do for the rest of the break.

“Babe, can we get out of here soon?” you asked, looking for the waitress.

“We can take the rest to go,” he said with a smile as his fingers played with yours. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you smiled, as the waitress walked over to give Ethan the check.

On the way home, his hand was back on your thigh. His thumb was rubbing circles against you, and you finally couldn’t take it anymore.

“We need to get back home,” you said, stopping his hand.

“Why, babe? I was thinking we could go to this cute overlook. I brought a blanket, and we can cuddle while the sun sets,” he said, and you started to feel bad because it was so sweet and romantic…but you couldn’t hold back anymore.

“If you don’t take me home and fuck me, we’re going to have to do it in your car. I need it, baby,” you said, your pleading eyes connected with his.

“Is this what’s been bothering you all day? You just need me to fuck you?” he smirked, starting his hand movements on your leg again. “All you had to do was ask, babe. You know I love it.”

“I’ve been trying to hold back all day,” you said, gasping as he squeezed your thigh.

“Don’t ever hold back again, okay?” he said, as he turned into the parking lot of the apartment complex.

You both got out of the car and hurried up the stairs to his door. When you made it inside, you grabbed his hand, pulling him to his room. You stripped out of your clothes in seconds as Ethan stood there, watching you. You started to get impatient as you walked over to him, lifting his shirt over his head. His lips connected with yours as he unhooked his belt and slid his pants down his thighs.

“I guess you really do need it,” he said, as your hand stroked his cock through his boxers.

“So bad,” you mumbled against his lips.

You led him back to the bed, lightly shoving him so he’d fall back. You straddled him, grinding your wet pussy against his clothed cock. You lifted off him a little, to pull him out of his boxers so you could have him inside of you.

“Baby, wait,” he said, as you whimpered. “If you want to skip the foreplay that’s fine, but at least let me stretch you out with my fingers. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Okay, but no teasing. I can’t take it right now,” you said, as he flipped you over to have better access to your dripping pussy.

He slid one of his fingers inside of you, gasping as you started to clench around him immediately. He started to move it in and out of you before adding another.

“Oh my god,” you moaned out, finally getting the attention where you desperately needed it.

He pumped his fingers in and out of you for a few minutes, as you started to whine.

“Okay, I think that’s good. I need to ride you,” you said, the eagerness in your voice making him laugh.

“What has gotten into you?” he asked, smirking.

You didn’t answer as he laid back, and you resumed your position on top of him. You lined him up to your entrance before slowly sinking down onto him.

“Fuck,” he gasped, loving the feeling of you around him.

You started to move as his hands started to roam your chest. You whined out as he softly pinched your nipples. You leaned down to kiss him as you grinded on him, his own hips starting to thrust into yours.

You were a moaning mess within minutes, and your brain started to get foggy with pleasure.

When you sat back up to ride him again, your hand went to your clit, rubbing circles against it.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he said, as he helped you rock your hips.

You kept rubbing your clit, and kept trying to get close to an orgasm, but you couldn’t get there. You started to get really frustrated, tears welling up in your eyes at the disappointment.

“Hey, what’s wrong, babe?” Ethan asked, wiping the single tear off your cheek.

“I need to cum, but I can’t,” you whined, as you tried even harder to get there.

“Maybe it’s just the position. Want to try another one?” he asked.

“Yeah, I guess,” you said, sliding him out of you.

You felt empty as you waited for him to tell you what to do.

“Let me fuck you from behind, baby. That always makes you cum,” he said, as you got in the position.

He groaned as your ass was stuck up in the air, your pussy craving him. He wasted no time as he started to thrust into you, as his other hand snaked around to rub your clit.

“Fuuuuck,” you whimpered, as the tip of his cock repeatedly hit that special spot inside of you.

“That feel better?” Ethan asked, as your arms spread out on the bed in front of you.

“Yes,” you mewled into the sheets.

He started to move faster, knowing how desperately you needed it. Loud moans were flying out of your mouth as you finally started to feel like you were getting close. Your hips moved back to meet his with each thrust, the sounds of his skin slapping against yours filling the room.

“God, you’re so fucking tight,” he said, his free hand running over the curve of your ass.

Your hands were balled into fists as you gripped the sheets, your impending orgasm quickly building.

“Fuck, you’re gonna make me cum,” you cried out, the feeling starting to wash over you.

Ethan watched you pull at the sheets as you started to shake underneath of him, the sight making him close to his own orgasm. Your walls fluttered around him, your incoherent babbling making him laugh, until those laughs turned to groans.

“God baby, your pussy feels amazing,” he moaned, as he reached that peak.

He pulled out, painting your lower back with his release. He kept his hands on your ass while he caught his breath.

“Thank you, babe,” you said, as you relaxed your grip on the sheets.

“You’re welcome,” he said, grabbing a towel to clean your lower back.

“Can we cuddle?” you asked, getting underneath the comforter.

“Of course, baby,” he said crawling in beside you.

He ran his fingers over your bare back as he held you against him. He loved the special, intimate moments he got to have with you, especially right after sex. It makes him happy to make you feel good.

“Hey, Ethan?” you said, looking up at him.

“What’s up?” he asked, placing a kiss to your forehead.

“Can we watch the sunset tomorrow night? I thought it was really sweet that you wanted to do that.”

He smiled at your words, “We can watch the sunset every single day if you wanted to.”

[endofradio]

NSFW HEADCANONS: HERR KÖNIG (CUCKOO)

honorable mention tags go to @trelaney @lokidoki9 @not-alesha and @hesawifebeaterdanusethegun 😋

likes comments and reblogs appreciated 🙏 trying to carry this fandom on my shoulders fr fr. also it’s crazy how people keep sleeping on könig like Hellooooo he deserves the same amount of attention longlegs is getting if not more /lh

PRAISE KINK!!!

Breeding kink but I feel like this is extremely obvious.

He’d be obsessed with the idea of you having his children. 💀 Okay buddy. Probably would go the artificial-insemination-via-cuckoo route. But normal pregnancy would be nice.

Sex on a frequent basis even when you’ve conceived until he knows for sure you’re pregnant. Gotta make sure, right? 🤷

Hoooolllyyyy shit. German dirty talk. Or just. German pillow talk. Speaking in German in general. German pet names etc etc. Bonus points if the reader, OC whatever isn’t fluent in German. He’d use that to his advantage.

Basically in other words: voice kink.

Yeah this guy has a lot of kinks.

There’s this one post I saw that went something like “eating you out while you’re ovulating so I can taste you at every stage of your biology” and like. Yeah that’s könig to a T.

His eating out game goes crazy.

Bit of a choking kink??? Maybe???

He’s got big hands and he’s going to use those to his advantage. Especially if reader/OC is shorter and smaller than him. Teehee.

Totally hasn’t memorized reader/OC’s cycle so he knows when they’re ovulating. Totallyyyy. Anyways.

Major claiming kink. His devotion is intense and not pretty. He needs you to remember that you’re his like it’s common knowledge. Something you don’t even need to think about it’s just something you Know. Wants you to smell like him. Hickies on your skin. You see what I’m getting at.

Mirror sex if he’s feeling particularly spicy.

Bit of a degradation kink. In German too.

Huehehehrhehhehe. Car sex.

He’s a power play kind of guy also because he’s emotionally stupid as hell. Not fond of being vulnerable. So he likes to fuck with his clothes on while you’re naked. Obsessed with that sense of power.

And he sure as hell loves giving commands. Telling you to get on your knees. Telling you to take your clothes off.

He’d like to watch you touch yourself. Haven’t done it before? It’s fine, he’ll… teach you.

If the orgasm is that good he might bite down on your neck a bit. Maybe so hard that a little blood is drawn.

Call him Leonard DiCaprio with the way he probably has a thing for 20-something-year- olds. Bro is the sugar daddy who keeps showing up in your dms. (I need to kill myself.)

Likes his dick getting sucked. Makes you swallow that shit too. Holds you down. Admires you when you pull away and your face is a mess.

Corruption kink. If you’re a virgin he’s going to be having a field day with that.

Overstimulation kink need I say more

Orgasm denial! Need I say more

He’s also a god at fingering.

Makes you lick your mess off his fingers afterwards. Or perhaps he’d do it himself. Savoring the taste.

Say his name during sex and he’s a goner.

Snarling/growling. Swearing.

For a man his age he’s got stamina. No need for Viagra. (I need to stop.)

Hear me out. soft dom könig.

Though he can definitely be a little more aggressive if/when he wants to be.

Favorite body part has to be tits. Not really picky though.

Very serious during sex.

Also a huge tease.

BODY WORSHIP!!! Adoring every single inch of you. No need to be shy with him. You’re insecure? Not to worry.

When he has the patience for foreplay he’s a god at it.

Once he’s comfortable enough to be vulnerable he’d make the most exquisite toe-curling love to you.

While aftercare isn’t something he normally does, he’s capable of it if he tries. And it’s nice. Bathing you washing your hair (now I’m picturing that scene from Secretary lmfao). Also the idea of him holding you and quietly shushing you while you’re overwhelmed and trembling.

The guy’s got a thing for pet names in general. Especially “my angel” and its variations.

He’d never admit it but his “dark” secret is that he’s actually needy as hell. What childhood trauma and overall lack of love does to a mf. If you’re affectionate with him during sex then he’s a goner.

[marieskey]

Look at me, typing out again so soon. Um I’m so glad I’m not pregnant. We have not had sex again. Honestly had I not been sick, I would’ve gone up there and had unprotected sex while i was ovulating, thank GOD i was sick bc I would’ve made the dumbass choice 👅 👅. But no really I would have I kept telling myself I COULD NOT do that to myself for the whole month worrying about whether or not I was pregnant. Like gosh that would’ve been terrible. 

So i’ve been telling myself to get a gripe sort of. If I”m being honest, that was the best sex I’ve ever had, but the flip side of that is that I only I’ve only had sex with 3 people. Its not hard to be the best when there’s only 3 total people. I wake up so horny every morning now.  I don’t think thats every happened before. OMG seriously I want him to fuck me again so bad..If I didn’t have self control it would be embarrassing. But I do, so instead I just imagine fucked into pleasure every morning which is excessive. This is the last weekend I can get fucked before my period. LOL but seriously. 

Our schedules have only been alining when I can get pregnant, thats rude..I counted this morning sort of I came  like 5 times just from the head. Couldn’t even begin to count orgasms from his dick, which I’m still surprised happened. Its been almost a month. We’ve talked but haven’t seen each other. Semi regular dick is not a bad place to be at this stage in my life. 

I don’t want to be with him and as it stands right now, he doesn't want to be with me. I don’t think he’s telling the truth. I think he wants me a lot and enjoyed fucking me much more than I did him. Which I don’t think he was expecting. IF we were different people I think we’d be a good match, but were not and its not. Intellectually were equally yoked but we are at wayyyyy to different place in life.  I don’t want to be attached to him forever either,  so I need not have unprotected sex with him again, will I, probably. I’ve only used a condom once. With anyone its crazy, idk what’s wrong with me. If he got me pregnant I’d keep the baby, 🙄 🙄. I would tho 🙄 BUT I wouldn't want to tell people he got me pregnant. I’d be a little embarrassed. I’d literally only tell people who needed to know, like my immediate family. Maybe Amanda, and Erica, Shekiah but again MAYBE. I’d give the kid his last name or whatever, but I’d leave the rest of that shit up to him. I’d be a single parent. I don’t think he’d “make me” a single mother but honestly 🤷‍♂️ 🤷‍♂️ BUT I’d genuinely be embarrassed to be pregnant with his child.  I say this as a person who likes him. I genuinely like this man, haha It makes me so hot that he want me... literally getting wet thinking about it but its lust. I think about him calling me sexy and I get so hot it Hate it literally bc I should not care. I know I’m hot AF with huge tits and decent sized ass of course he wants to fuck me. BUT it makes me so wet knowing he wants to fuck me. SMH its bc I like him, Men want to fuck me all the time. I literally never give that much of a fuck...anyway lets wrap this up. Goodbye. Hopefully next time I’ll be chronicling how I came repeatedly.  

[let-me-write-shit]

can you write a little something about Harry and reader finding out the gender of their baby after a long time of trying?

Ok, first of all, I’m SOOO sorry for taking so long to write this while I finished up my story. When I got this request, I got super emotional because this happened with me and my husband. So the story I wrote is our actual story. I hope you like it.

Word Count: 2,950

Requests are OPEN! If you have a request for a blurb, oneshot, imagine, whatever, Send me a message HERE!!!

And don’t forget to let me know what you think! Enjoy.

CLICK HERE TO READ OTHER COMPLETED STORIES

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Little Miracle

It had been two years. Two long and frustrating years. When Harry and Y/N first started talking about trying to get pregnant, it was exciting. They had been married for about three years at that point and Harry had finally started to slow down in his career a bit to focus a little more attention on his wife with the prospect of starting a family. But things hadn’t gone to plan. They didn’t expect to get pregnant on the first try. Maybe not even the second. But by month three, they started to get discouraged. Maybe their timing was off. Y/N’s period was irregular, after all, and their ideal of ‘letting it happen when it happens’ was starting to become easier said than done. So, Y/N started taking ovulation tests.

She took a text every single day for a week, and all of the tests came back negative. Not a big deal, there’s only three days of ovulation in a month. She continued to take them. The third week, nothing. Maybe her ovulation days were spread out further apart since her period was so irregular? By week five, Y/N began to worry, but she hadn’t lost hope, yet. She visited her OB/GYN who encouraged her to keep trying, try to stress less, and eat healthier. So she did. She started exercising, changing her diet, taking more vitamins, even starting couples yoga with Harry, doing everything within her power to live a better lifestyle. Nothing worked.

With every negative ovulation and pregnancy test they got, Y/N spirits dwindled. Harry began picking up more work, doing anything he could to distract himself from the ranges of emotions that were running through him. Of course, he wanted to have a baby with Y/N. She was the love of his life and to be able to bring a piece of both of them in this world would be the biggest blessing he could have imagined. But seeing the pain and heartache in Y/N’s eyes each day after another negative test felt like a stab in his chest.

He tried to do little things to take her mind off of it. Spontaneous dates, trips to the spa, exotic getaways, concerts, you name it. But when they got home at the end of the day, passing by the empty room they had always talked about one day making into a nursery, he saw the flicker of hope in her eyes die. It was even harder whenever tabloids speculated her pregnancy or friends and family asked when they would have a baby. They always played it off, simply saying ‘it’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen’, but the rage he felt whenever someone brought it up was something awful. It took everything in him not to lunge at the person joking about it. If only they knew, maybe they wouldn’t be so insensitive.

After a year and a half of trying, they decided to bite the bullet and meet with a fertility specialist to see what was going on. Harry had just finished a tour and they thought now was the perfect time to get serious again. Dozens of tests were done between bloodwork, urine screenings, semen samples, and finally an ultrasound. That’s when they were given the news. Y/N had a pretty severe case of PCOS. It was the cause of her irregular periods and the reason why it had been so difficult for her to conceive naturally.

The doctor had sat them down in a room to discuss what this meant. According to him, the chances of Y/N ever conceiving naturally, without medical intervention, were slim to none. And even though there were several medical and procedural routes they could go, the chances of a baby sticking, though not impossible, did not look to be in their favor. The look on Y/N’s face was enough to kill.

After the doctor laid out all of their options, he gave them some space to digest, and as soon as he left the room, Y/N collapsed into Harry’s arms. They had given up hope. What was the point in trying? Why go through all the pain and discomfort of medications and procedures for the high probability that it’d end in miscarriage? When they got home, they began discussing their options. There was always surrogacy and adoption. But the more they talked about it, the more frustrated Y/N got. She tossed all of her unused ovulation and pregnancy tests in a drawer under her bathroom sink and slammed it shut.

“Maybe we can get a second opinion about your PCOS,” Harry suggested, following her into their bedroom.

Y/N shook her head, shrugging her shoulders, and curling up on her bed, tired from all of the crying, “Maybe the universe is telling us we shouldn’t be parents. Maybe it’s just not time yet.”

Harry pouted, curling up with her, “Love, we’re going to have a baby. It may not have your eyes or my dimples, but we’ll have a family someday.”

Months had passed and Y/N continued to take her ovulation tests out of the habit of taking them every day for nearly two years, and every day they would still come up negative. It was Father’s Day, and after a long day celebrating with Y/N’s dad, the couple came home and got ready for bed. Y/N opened a drawer to her bathroom sink to get some floss and to take her daily ovulation test, setting it on the vanity counter before finishing her business, and as she washed her hands, she noticed the faintest extra line imaginable.

Laughing, she threw it in the trash, almost certain that it was either a false positive or a trick of the light. Still, with over four hundred negative ovulation tests under her belt, it was a bit strange. She didn’t mention anything to Harry, afraid he would think she was crazy. The number of times she had convinced herself she was pregnant because of a ‘feeling’ was starting to become ridiculous. But, what’s the harm in trying? Harry looked especially hot today with his hair extra floppy and the perfect amount of stubble on his chin. All it took was her dropping her dressing gown to get him in the mood.

But when the next day rolled around and her ovulation test was negative, she figured the previous night was just a dud. Typical. She had completely forgotten about it, her mind distracted by the fact that Harry had to leave for a few weeks to work on a new album, meeting with producers and mixers, songwriters, and masters in LA. Y/N stayed in their London home, spending time with his family and meeting up with friends.

The day Harry was supposed to return, she decided to get all dolled up for him. It had been a while since she had gone all out, and she wanted to surprise him. First thing’s first, she needed a shower. She stripped out of her clothes, tossing them in the hamper, and decided to use the bathroom real quick before she got in. The sink drawer was slightly ajar and she saw the outline of the unused pregnancy tests she never got the chance to take. She frowned, pulling it out of the drawer, all of the lost hopes and dreams fluttering away with this one pregnancy test. She should get rid of them. She sat on the toilet in thought for a moment before shrugging her shoulders. What’s one more test, for old time sake?

She held the test under her stream for a few seconds and shook it dry before tossing it to the ground, barely out of sight, knowing that the test would be negative like it always was. Besides, she had no symptoms of being pregnant. She felt fine. So, she finished her business and washed her hands. But just as she was about to get in the shower, she happened to look down and saw it. It was faint. Very faint. But it was there. Two blue lines.

Fully naked and one foot wet, she rushed over and grabbed it off the floor, pulling it to her face and holding it up to the light to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. But no matter how she turned it, she couldn’t unsee the two lines.

“Nope. It’s just a false positive,” she told herself before tossing it on the counter and getting in the shower.

But she could barely focus. Her mind kept wandering back to the test. Was it possible? She remembered the ovulation test she had taken on Father’s Day. Maybe she had ovulated. Maybe she was pregnant. No. Not possible. But….maybe?

It was a good thing she drank so much water that morning because when she got out of the shower, she had to pee again. This time, she made sure to get a cup to pee in, wanting to try multiple tests, just in case. She dipped three into the cup and set them on the counter, leaving to get dressed before returning. She took a deep breath, trying not to get her hopes up, before looking down. And her heart began to race. All three, barely visible, had two lines. Were they too faint? Did that mean she wasn’t pregnant?

So, to be sure, she took out the big guns. An electric pregnancy test. She needed to see the words. It wouldn’t be clear until she got a definitive answer. Pregnant or Not Pregnant. So she dipped it in and saw the little hourglass blink, and watched as the bar got closer and closer to completion. It took a moment to register, but when she saw it, an audible gasp escaped her as she clapped her hands over her mouth and stepped back.

Pregnant

“Oh my god!” she cried, tears rolling down her face in streams.

She picked it up, put it down, and picked it back up again to make sure she was reading it right. Pregnant.

Y/N had always imagined telling Harry in a cute, fun way. Putting a bun in the oven, or with a game of Pictionary. Maybe even a little onesie. But all of that went out the window. He was going to be home any minute and there was no way she could keep this to herself long enough to figure out how to tell them. It was something they had been waiting on for two years. She wouldn’t wait another second.

She gathered all of the tests she had taken, capped them so nothing could be exposed to the pee, and took them down to the dining room table, scattering them around and staring at them. Her leg shook, anxious for her husband’s arrival, and she bit her fingernails, still in shock that this was even happening. The beeping of the motion sensor went off, signaling that the front door had been opened and Harry’s voice rang through the house.

“Y/N?! I’m home! Where are you?!”

She tried to shout, but she couldn’t find her voice. The butterflies flapped around in her stomach like crazy and she felt like she could vomit from the nerves. It only took seconds for him to find her, though. He wore sweats and his hair looked almost greasy from his long flight home, a smile had stretched across his face at the sight of her. But it quickly turned into confusion when he neared.

“What’s this?” he asked, looking at the objects scattering the table as he got closer.

He picked one up to examine and upon seeing what it was, his eyes widened, gasping, “What? No way?” he put the test that he had been holding down and quickly grabbed another one, and another, and another, repeating, “Is that a line? Y/N, is that a line?” before finally grabbing hold of the electric test that read ‘Pregnant’. He gripped it tight, finally looking up at his wife, tears rimming his eyes, “You’re pregnant? We’re going to be parents?”

Y/N grinned, her eyes beginning to water, and nodded, “We’re going to be parents.”

Harry lost it, unable to control his emotions anymore. Two years of pent up sadness had blown out of him and he bawled, collapsing into Y/N’s arms and squeezing her tightly, blubbering, “I’m going to be a dad.”

They waited a while before telling anyone, terrified of their fertility doctor’s prediction that their baby would most likely not stick. But after three months of regular appointment and growth checkups, all of which looked great, they felt comfortable enough to tell their immediate family and very close friends, all of whom were beyond thrilled for the couple.

It was easy to hide her pregnancy for a while. She had no symptoms, she hardly showed, and it was at a time where Y/N and Harry hardly left their house anyway, so most people hadn’t suspected anything. They had managed to get halfway through the pregnancy without any leaks, and finally, at their twenty-week checkup, they would be finding out whether they were having a boy or girl.

They were especially nervous because, although they had been tossing names in the air for months now and had a boy’s name picked out almost right away, they hadn’t been able to agree on a girl name quite yet, and Y/N was almost certain they were having a girl, though Harry had been adamant that it was a boy.

“I don’t care, either way. I just want to know what kind of laugh they’ll have,” Harry said as the ultrasound technician moved the wand around his wife’s belly, taking measurements of all of the baby’s extremities and organs. “Like, will it have that cute high-pitched baby laugh? Or will it have one of those laughs that sounds like demonic possession, you know? I just want to be prepared for what I might hear in the middle of the night.”

Y/N laughed, rolling her eyes, “I hope they have a demonic laugh. Imagine how much more fun Halloween would be? And everyone would be too creeped out by their laughing to want to stay too long. Imagine all of the awkward or boring situations we could get out of because of it.”

Harry’s eyebrows raised, “Well, when you put it like that…”

The nurse giggled at their conversation and turned to face them, “Okay, are we ready to find out the gender?”

“Yes,” they grinned, squeezing each other’s hands tighter.

“Alright, let’s see if baby’s cooperating,” sang the technician, sliding the wand down further and pressing it harder into her skin. They saw their baby’s legs moving around wildly as she tried to get a better look in between their legs, digging the wand in harder. And that’s when they saw it. They shared a look with each other, mouths agape, as the nurse smiled, “It’s a boy.”

Y/N laughed, turning to face her husband, expecting him to start gloating. But she saw the reflection of light hit the water that started to collect at his lash line and a single tear rolled down his cheek, his chin quivering and sniffling as he quickly wiped it away.

“We’re having a boy,” he choked, catching his breath and pressing his lips to her forehead, his hand squeezing hers even harder now. The nurse grinned at his display of emotion as Harry whispered into her ear, “Paxton Robin Styles.”

-------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @odetostep

[sambergscott]

i'll promise that i'll love you for the rest of my life

one giving the other flowers, as requested by @rosalitadiazz AGES ago, also dedicated to @397bartonstreet for the initial idea of amy sleeping in/just being the best and @nine-niall for helping with the marriage highlight reel.... and for making me listen to heartbreak weather on repeat for the last few days and coming up with this title

happy anniversary to jake and amy!!! (also since the ep aired 2 years ago today i'm not *technically* late thank u very much)

One million, fifty one thousand and two hundred minutes after marrying Amy Santiago (or, two years), every moment is as wonderful as day one. He still feels the same rush of excitement when he sees her waiting by their car at the end of a shift, the same swell of pride when she introduces him to someone as her husband, the same “oh my god we’re actually married” moment when he catches her rings glinting in the sunlight. It’s been the best one million, fifty one thousand and two hundred minutes of his life. And while he appreciates every single second they have together, knowing how in their line of work things can change all too easy, their second anniversary presents the perfect opportunity to remind her that everyday he gets to be with someone as amazing as her is crazy to him.

He has flowers, a handmade card, he even hoovered and she’s still asleep.

She never sleeps this late.

Everyone knows she’s the morning person in their relationship and he’s the Get Out Of Bed After Snoozing The Alarm Seventeen Times person. They live together, share a car, and yet most mornings he ends up riding the Subway, squashed between an old woman and a nerdy looking guy who smells like he hasn’t showered in a week, Amy rolling her eyes when he gets to work mid-briefing. The rare days she can get him out of bed early usually involve some kind of bribery using food and/or sex.

The point is, he’s supposed to be the one sleeping in past 11 AM, but ever since their doctor prescribed Clomid to help stimulate ovulation and boost their chances of making a baby, their roles have been totally reversed like Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis in Freaky Friday.

Pregnant Amy falls asleep anywhere and everywhere. The couch, the car, the cleaning cupboard at work when she was trying to find some Nuclear-strength cleaner to remove the stench of Charles’ lunch from the air before she hurled again.

She could sleep all day if he let her and he quite easily could. She looks so peaceful and cute and free from the stresses of her family asking why they waited so long (well, long for Santiago standards) to start a family. Plus, the messy hair and tiny bit of drool on her chin are impossibly endearing in the way only she can be.

He smiles and wraps his arms around her, resting his head on his shoulder, his hands - like his thoughts - drifting to her growing bump as they inevitably always do.

This time next year they’ll be celebrating with their little boy or girl, telling them all about the insane, magical day that was May 15th 2018. Of course, it might be some time before they can fully grasp the TV-worthy drama of the creepy phone call, the bomb in the vent, the ex-boyfriend proposing - twice! - and the wall of Amy photos, but they will sure as dammit know how beautiful their mom looked in her dress and how happy their dad was when Grandpa Holt finally announced them as husband and wife.

“Can’t breathe,” his wife squeaks, finally awake. “Arms too tight.”

“Oops. Sorry, babe.” He kisses her by way of apology; sometimes when he gets to thinking about that day, about seeing her walk down the shredded paper aisle under the glow of fairy lights, surrounded by the very people who watched them fall in love, he kind of forgets where he is and what he’s doing.

She’s always had that intoxicating effect on him. That’s never gonna change.

“Time is it?” She yawns, stretching her arms above her head.

“Twenty five to,” he pauses to brace himself for her reaction, “...twelve.”

“Twelve?” Horrified, she moves to get out of bed and yeah, he knows her so well. “Let me go,” she huffs in frustration when he forms a barrier to keep her from leaving.

“No can do, Santiago,” he says authoritatively. “You’ve been working yourself to the bone and you’re pregnant. You need to rest. We’ve both got the day off, our dinner reservations aren’t until 8. Just let your husband take care of you for a couple of hours.”

She chews on her lower lip, making her contemplative face that he recognises from sitting opposite her for so many years, preferring watching her piece together the leads in a case rather than work on his own. “Fine,” she eventually concedes. “Happy anniversary, by the way.”

“Happy anniversary,” he returns the sentiment, kissing her again because, well, he can, one of the perks of marrying Amy Santiago (alongside a perfectly organised sock drawer and getting to hang out with the best person in the world 24 sevs). “I got you these,” he adds, procuring the daffodil bouquet he found online.

“Jake,” she sighs dreamily, placing the flowers on her nightstand. “They’re beautiful. And my favourites.”

“I know,” he smirks. He may not be Santiago level smart, but he’s smart when it comes to all things Santiago. “Also made you this.” He hands over the card.

She opens it, instantly tearing up at his sweet message inside, the dam bursting when she notices the scrawled message written with his wrong hand from their unborn baby. “Mine sucks in comparison,” she laments, passing him his card before locking her eyes back on the words ‘happy anniversary to the world’s best mama’.

“It does not suck,” he reassures her, clutching it to his chest. “I’m going to savour it for all times. I want to be buried with it.”

She rolls her eyes, drying her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I thought you wanted to be buried with your original copy of Die Hard.”

“OK, Die Hard and your card. Rhymes for a reason, Ames.”

“You’re such a dork,” she responds, stifling her laughter. “Can’t believe I’ve been married to you for two full years.”

“I know.” He grins. “What was your favourite part?”

Her eyes glimmer with excitement and love and memories of their first anniversary before things turned upside down. “Are you suggesting we do a marriage highlight reel à la NBA inside stuff?”

“That’s exactly what I’m suggesting. I’ll go first. NUMBER FIVE,” he yells in his spot on Ahmad Rashad impression, earning a giggle from his wife. “Number five is that dress you wore on my birthday. Your butt looked the bomb in it.”

“Thanks, babe.” Two years in, she’s used to the constant “your butt is the bomb” comments, often uttered at the most inappropriate of times like when she stands up to brief the squad or play soccer with her brothers, much to her chagrin and their delight.

“Number four,” she quickly moves on. “The time you taught me to play Mario Party and I beat Wario on the first try.”

“That was my worst moment,” he groans.

“And that’s why it’s my best.”

He sighs, considers debating it, engaging in the classic back-and-forth that is the very foundation of their relationship, but it’s moot. She was way better than him. Santiago’s learn fast. It’s in their genes or something. And despite the crushing disappointment when she beat Wario with ease and dork danced her way to the kitchen to grab them both an orange soda, it was still a very fun night and a worthy moment in the highlight reel.

“Number Three. The York murder.”

Immediate understanding spreads across Amy’s face, but he explains anyway.

“I spent three days working that case and you just came in, saw the board and solved it right away.”

“I’m very smart,” she jokes lightheartedly.

“You are,” he agrees, his voice coming out softer and sincerer than even he imagined. “I love that about you. I love your brain. I love how good you are at your job, at figuring out puzzles. I love that you listen to NPR and know so much about the font Helvetica and have read, like, a million books. I love that you do a crossword every night and I love how proud you look when you give me a sports clue and I actually get it right. I love cheering you on at Trivia Nights even when Kylie can’t stop glaring at me. How lucky am I to have the smartest wife in the world?”

Touched, she can barely compile her thoughts to reveal her Number Two.

“The night at Shaw’s, at Hitchcock’s second divorce party, your speech, the way you kissed me, the way you were so gentle when we got home,” she sniffles. “It was special and made me feel so loved and if I say anymore I’m going to cry again, so you go.”

He chuckles knowingly. The pregnancy hormones have been making her extra emotional lately, they can’t even watch commercials anymore without her fully weeping. And while last year Pam and her twisted bowels interrupted before they could get to Number One, this year Number One is obvious. Clear as day. And there’s no one to interrupt.

He pretends to think about it for a minute (because he will always love teasing her, married or not). Only when she grabs his arm and digs her nails into his skin does he put both their hands on her bump and smiles. “Obviously this little guy or gal is Number One.”

She smiles back at him, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

His own face falls. “Ames?”

“It’s been a hard year, hasn’t it?” She sighs, thinking back to calendars and fertility appointments and the strict no nacho policy.

“Yeah,” he says, “it has. But this next year is gonna be the best one yet.”

“I mean... We’re probably not going to sleep a lot.”

“You might not sleep a lot but I sure will,” he teases, his words falling flat. “Just kidding, babe. Obviously I’m going to get up for all the feeds and diaper changes and whatever else this kid throws at us. Gonna be there for you both. No matter what.”

The pregnancy hormones strike again and she starts crying and, honestly, he can’t wait for this baby to get out, for more reasons than one.

“BRB, I’ll go make your favourite breakfast to make you feel better, don’t grow anymore body parts while I’m gone.”

He returns seven minutes later with pancakes, a ton of fruit, decaf coffee and another kiss. He climbs back into bed, devours his own Nutella pancakes and posts his favourite blurry, drunk on Champagne and love selfie from their makeshift wedding reception at Shaw’s, on Insta with a caption about how he promises he’s gonna love her for the rest of his life.

And he keeps that promise.

[botanyshitposts]

do u think lichen could/would evolve in the future to make a sort of like sexually reproduced package seed-like thing with all parties involved?

i mean, they kind of already do that??? it’s in the specific cases of the two main vegetative forms that do, though. i know ive talked about this before, but we don’t quite understand lichen sex yet, although we do know a fews ‘lichen reproduction’ methods:

to unpack this graphic a little (as we understand it right now): the ‘vegetative’ category is the closest you’re gonna get to ‘thing that can grow into a full lichen with all the symbionts intact’, the catch being that it’ll produce a perfect clone of the mother lichen; these are literally just ways the lichen can break off parts of itself in different sizes to start growing other places. the ‘asexual’ category refers to the fungal symbiont making clone spores of itself; these can develop into lichens in the right conditions, just like any other potentially lichenized species, but they also can land and just...form the non-lichenized version of the fungal symbiont. likewise, the sexual category is literally just the fungal symbiont having sex, which produces fungal spores with, again, the potential to become lichens but equal chances to just grow into a new fungus. 

the kind of propagule that you’re describing are produced by Soredia, under the vegetative category in this graphic. the propagules produced by soredia are probably the closest possible thing to the ‘little seed package’ you’re describing. in that case, the lichen forms a little pocket in the thallus where the upper cortex exposes the algal/fungus layer underneath. the result looks kind of powdery up close/under a microscope, and it’s full of propagules that get dispersed by wind/rain/whatever. this is a good illustration of one:

note also that this illustration mentions both fungal hyphe and algae, but nothing else that’s been recently discovered as being part these weird soups (see: a second fungus and a yeast, which seem to be consistently part of some lichens more so than others. bacteria can also colonize lichens, which we’ve known for a long time due to the specific organs they form in the thallus, but to my knowledge those just come from the environment). i suppose it can be assumed that soredia propagules have literally everything packaged together, including any yeasts or second fungi or whatever else is in there, but of course we’re still trying to figure out like, even how to find that, and the presences of more symbionts have only been proven in a couple families so far, etc etc, but the bottom line is that The Lads know what they’re doing and we have no idea what they’re doing. 

in terms of evolution potentially developing seeds...as you can see from the above, the propagules are pretty exposed and don’t have a seed coat, and the fungal spores not pictured aren’t much better. 

i’m not gonna go into full seed evolution here except i am because i have a test over this tomorrow, but the important thing to remember is that seeds evolved from spores as a consequence of the evolving plant reproductive system, as the soon-to-be-seed-plant evolutionary line realized that making fewer offspring with more protection and food and all that yielded equal or higher rates of survival then just...making as many spores as they could with the hope a few would get fertilized by chance and survive. turns out folding up your (at this point female, ovule-producing) fertile leaves, and therefore protecting the organs producing as many spores as you can from the elements, allows fewer spores to be carried away by wind and rain undeveloped and also has the fancy side effect of being able to filter which pollen you get pollinated by, and you dont have to make as many offspring...the most popular hypothesis is that it all went downhill from there: 

and that turned into gymnosperms (plants with cones), and then...well, you know. 

but you see, the fucked up thing is that lichens are as old as green algae on the banks of the primordial ooze. lichens were around before plants even STARTED to make leaves. as soon as there were fungi and algae together on this earth, they were not only forming symbiotic associations but were making soups. we have fossil evidence of this. now, the condition of how lichens evolve is kind of weird, since becoming a lichen is less of like, a species and more of a potential adaptation that multiple species have should they end up in the same small area together, but what i’m pulling away from that is that unless some crazy shit happens, lichens seem perfectly happy with......whatever this is. whatever that is. if the thalli of some obscure lichen species starts folding up around the fungal sexual organs, thus inventing the world’s first fungus carpels, we’ll know we have a problem and i will be afraid

[kpopisamood]

Queen’s Clan { 17 }

Summary: y/n is plagued by nightmares. She realizes that the more she runs away, the less frequently they haunt her. However, in running away, she’s also running straight into her ultimate demise. Will she be saved in time by those who would lay down their lives for her, even if they don’t know of each other’s existence?

Monsta X/Reader, Human/Vampire(s), Reverse Harem

Warnings: mentions of period sex (READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!)

Word count: 2.49k

Tag list: @noonaduck @lovinggalaxies @elenaramos1 @girlwith-thecinder-blockgarden @snowythellama @stargazersara @luvthatleader-nim @jooheonbee @vincent-stargogh @perrshian @kurochan3 @imbxckytrash @joonsgotthejuice @mymymywonderland @2ka-tja2 @qween-of-trash

***

You felt like literal death. Mother Nature had decided to come early and grant you the gift of...well, lack of the gift of a child. In your mind, you were laughing at your former self. You’d been kind of snippy and a bit emotional that last couple of days and waking up this morning in a pool of your own goo confirmed you weren’t some whiny bitch. You cringed when you remembered the moment you teared up when Jooheon had offered his last taco at dinner when he saw you eyeing it. Or when you’d thrown a remote at Shownu just for simply walking in front of the television to get to the kitchen. Looking back, you’d realized you owed the boys some sort of form of an apology and you were mentally preparing yourself for what might happen.

If you survived this week from impossible cravings and gut-clenching cramps first.

You hadn’t left your room since you started this cycle, save for sanitary changes and stocking up on food, and the boys were getting a bit restless.

Who knew vampires and periods didn’t mesh well?

Just knowing you were ovulating was enough to make them extra possessive and touchy with you but you could only imagine the hold you’d have now. You couldn’t help but have a slight, morbid curiosity about what they thought of this certain situation.

***

“If she doesn’t come out, I’m breaking that door down.” Wonho muttered, laying on his folded arms while sitting at the table, restlessly clicking his fingers against the wooden fixture.

“If you break down that door, she’ll throw a remote at you next.” Shownu shot back, a ghost of a smile on his lips as he remembered you nearly decking him. You were very independent, and you certainly stood up for yourself. But to see you ready to kill him over something so trivial was a bit...cute, albeit slightly arousing.

“Oh, dammit! She took all the Hot Cheetos again!” Changkyun complained, grabbing another small snack to munch on as he joined the others.

They’d been discussing you and how to help you with your...predicament. They all knew you were in some sort of pain and they were all desperate to comfort you in any way, shape, or form. Anything to not have you shut them out like you were. Anything to get the chance to be around you.

“What if we take her for a walk?” Minhyuk opted, looking around the group.

“You wanna try getting her out of her room?” Jooheon asked, folding his arms and leaning against a wall.

“Well, shit. How are we supposed to help her?” Wonho pouted again, tapping his fingers in a pattern.

“I heard orgasms help with cramps.” Changkyun stated.

Everyone stopped and stared at the younger man. They kept looking from him to the direction you were in while curiously thinking over this option.

“This isn’t a ploy to get into her pants again, is it?” Jooheon warned, eyes already turning a deep black at the possibilities this could bring up.

“Well, obviously, yes. But I’ve heard it really does help.” Changkyun replied.

Interesting, they all thought.

***

The skin-slapping and the shameful, yet arousing squelching noises filled your room. The air was thick and humid from how long you’ve been taking their ministrations and you groaned in frustration when he edged you again, not quite letting you take that leap of faith, but not leaving you completely helpless.

“Fuck you, Wonho.” You sighed, trying to pull away, only to be further held down by Shownu. Wonho has you pinned under him, arms curled around your thighs, not letting you leave his sinful mouth while Shownu held onto your arms and delivered slight smacks to your breasts to keep you on edge. Every time you thought he was finally going to let you come, he’d pull away and smirk at you and each time you were about to let him have an earful, he’d go back to his merciless attack against your clit, nipping and suckling at the tender button effectively silencing any and all complaints. Shownu’s chest was at your back, and he held you in place to take whatever Wonho gave you. Your legs were parted over his much stronger ones and each time you tried to close them, he’d pull them even further apart and try to get you to relax while Wonho drank from you like a starved man.

“That can be arranged, Y/N.” Jooheon’s voice sounded to your right. The others were also in the room, watching eagerly as the two gave you this delicious torture. You don’t know how exactly this came about, but frankly, you didn’t care.

A familiar knot appeared in your belly once again. This time, you were going to get what you wanted. Even if you had to trick them. Maybe you could pretend you still had a ways to go and then just come unexpectedly.

But Wonho saw right through your plan and pulled away with a pop and smirked up at you again.

“Son of a bitch!” You complained, throwing an arm over your face in exasperation.

“Y/N, look at him this time. Don’t turn away.” Minhyuk suggested, watching the sight lazily and smiling to himself.

You took his advice and looked down at Wonho, this time, seeing his chin and mouth covered in a sticky, red tint, licking slowly around the edges of his lips to get more of the red liquid into his system. The image alone should have disgusted you, but it fueled your arousal that much more.

Just as he dove back in to feast more on you, you felt Shownu’s teeth pierce your skin while he growled and held you closer, one of his hands coming up to hold your neck, slightly applying pressure to your throat and making your vision thin in and out. You could feel yourself shaking and the explosion finally came upon you while—

You woke with a start, clutching the sheets surrounding you. You slowly sat up and surveyed your surroundings, checking to make sure you were truly alone and not experiencing what happened in your dream. Or was it a nightmare?

You honestly couldn’t believe what you saw. You had let Wonho go down on you during your...cycle?! You were outright ashamed with the thought but somewhat curious. Sure, during this time, one could be susceptible to hormonal changes and maybe even be a bit horny. But to actually go through with an act like that? Letting someone see you and be in you so intimately during a time where you were so vulnerable was shocking. In society’s eyes, periods were a repugnant event that were overly taxed for capitalistic advancements. Period sex may be for those more open-minded couples that were comfortable with one another, but to you, it’s something you can’t exactly wrap your head around.

This was just a dream. It didn’t happen, and probably never will. So why did you ache?

A knock at your door brought you out of your stupor and you bunched the sheets up closer to your chest as you told the person to come in.

The man who was going down on you in your dream came in and took a seat on the edge of your bed and you wanted to die. Remembering the things he did. Seeing him enjoy it and gain pleasure from edging you and tasting your—

“Would you like assistance with your cycle, my Queen?” He asked, smiling at you as if he had asked you about the weather.

You wanted to bury yourself under the covers and never come out to see the light of day again. You could pull it off. Perhaps call the other Queens so you wouldn’t completely go crazy. Order food and have the delivery person come straight to your room and slide it under the door like a prisoner. Avoid the boys altogether until you wasted away.

“I-uh, what?” You mumbled against the sheets, slowly covering your flushed face.

“Y/N, we can all smell you from a mile away. Also, you’re not the quietest when you’re having a wet dream.” He chuckled, brushing a few stray hairs out of your face.

Jesus, take the wheel.

You swear you could have passed out right then and there from shock were it not for Wonho smiling at you comfortingly.

“Being what we are, we’re completely comfortable with menstruation and would like to help in any way you’d like us to. Be it massage, snack runs...intimacy.” He suggested.

“I can’t. It’s not exactly sanitary—“ he cut you off.

“We figured you wouldn’t be as comfortable as we are with this, but there are other ways to help you without you letting us see you so, how would humans say it, messy? Although, there’s absolutely nothing unsanitary about this.”

Jesus, crash the car.

“Keep in mind, we’d be honored to ease your pain and give you pleasure, but we will not force anything on you. We sensed your unease and wanted to help...aid you, if we could.”

You’ll admit, what he was suggesting could possibly help your pain. It wasn’t exactly bad pain, but it wasn’t good. You’ve had worse cramps before, it’s just absolutely incessant. When you think you’ve finally felt the last of the nausea and dull throbbing, another wave hits and picks up where it left off.

“If I say yes, what would we do?” You ask timidly, trying not to look him in the eye.

He smiled softly and laced his fingers through yours, tugging down the sheets softly. “Just simple petting, perhaps grinding. If you wanted more, we could give you more—“

“No, no! I mean, if we do this, it won’t be weird?” You asked.

“What’s so weird about something so natural? If you think it offends anyone here, excuse my informality, but you’re mistaken. If anything, it offends us that we can’t help you. It makes us feel like we’re not doing our job and that you don’t need or want us.” He finished off, staring at you intensely.

You really didn’t know what to say to that but you nodded along. “Clothes stay on.” You ordered.

Wonho smirked at you and leaned in, just a breath away from your lips. “My clothes or yours, my Queen?” He whispered huskily before nipping at your bottom lip, causing you to gasp out before throwing your arms around his neck and taking his lips once more.

He groaned against you and leaned in, pushing you up against your headboard. You moaned against him and he stealthily let his tongue slip past your lips, exploring your mouth. He slid his hand down your arm, clutching your hand. His other free hand explored more cautiously, lightly brushing at intimate areas but not resting completely against them so as to not make you uneasy.

You could faintly hear your door opening and shutting before hearing another set of footsteps join you and felt the bed dip on your left.

“My turn.” Jooheon whispered, softly pulling you away from Wonho’s kiss and straight into his. He was a bit more rough, dominating the kiss completely and making you melt under his skillful tongue. You felt Wonho scoot up closer, spreading your legs and kneeling in between them with his powerful thighs. When you tried to turn your attention to him to see what he was doing, Jooheon greedily pulled you back to his lips. You moaned against him when you felt Wonho gently glide his hands up and down your legs. You were wearing shorts and each sweep he made, had them bunch up before he brushed them neatly back into place.

“What do you want me to do, Y/N?” Wonho asked, stopping completely. Jooheon released your lips, hand still grasping your chin as he turned your head to focus on Wonho.

You hesitated as you tried regaining your breath and whispered, “Please help me come. But don’t go under my clothes.”

“Yes, my Queen.” Wonho smiles before swiftly flipping you onto your hands and knees. The swift action caused you to yelp out before you found your bearings and by then, it was too late.

Wonho leaned against your back, not putting his full weight as he rubbed and massaged your shoulders. He slowly made his way down to your behind, to the back of your thighs, before coming around to rub against your stomach and slowly, oh, so slowly, go down to cup your center.

Heat pooled where he finally touched and you grit your teeth, trying to not make a sound.

“My Queen, I’d love to hear the sounds you make from being pleasured.” Jooheon smiles innocently at you. “Be as loud as you please. We’ll take care of you.” You were about to tell him to stick that comment where the sun doesn’t shine when you felt Wonho push against your clothed pussy, making you gasp and almost fall face first to the bed. Jooheon caught you and cooed at your reaction, absolutely loving every sound you let escape your lips.

Wonho wasn’t satisfied, though. He needed more. He skillfully pushed one digit against your tender clit and swirled it around slowly, grinning when he heard you pant his name. You were completely left to his mercy and your toes curled at the thought of him being so in control of you.

“F-fuck!” You shouted as he pushed a bit harder, making you grind against his hand to get more.

“That’s it, Y/N. Just let it go. We’ve got you.” Jooheon whispered against your neck, lightly suckling at three skin and whispering words of encouragement. “May I have a taste, my Queen?” He asked.

Without hesitation, you consented. The moment he bit down, you saw stars. Wonho helped you come down slowly from your high. He wasn’t edging you like he did in your dream, and you were grateful. The light aftershocks and pulsing of your inner walls made you sigh in relief. The pain had subsided significantly and you were finally somewhat comfortable in your own skin again.

When you finally get yourself together, you heard another knock on your door. This time, Shownu and Minhyuk came in.

“You didn’t think they’d be the only ones pleasing you tonight, did you, my Queen?” Minhyuk teased before taking Wonho’s place.

This was about to be a long night.

Please do NOT repost! All rights reserved!

[allie1804-fan]

New Beginnings (Chapter 3)

1  2 3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12

New Beginnings Baby Drabble

New Beginnings Baby Drabble No2

6 months later (November)

It was a Saturday morning at around 9 when Emily stirred from her slumber, easing out from under Keanu’s grasp to go to the bathroom. As she wiped herself after taking a leak, she felt the tell-tale sign that her period had started.She drew a shaky breath and tried to get herself under control but it was no good. Anger and sadness filled her with bitterness. She knew rationally that this could take a while and 6 months was nothing in the scheme of things but it was relentless having the monthly reminder that they had failed again. She decided on a hot shower to soothe her tension away and got up from the toilet to turn the water on.

“think positive thoughts” she berated herself as the water tumbled down “you have a girly lunch with Chloe today, that will cheer you up and maybe you can talk over these raging feelings with her”

As she washed the shampoo suds out of her hair she heard the shower door slide open and Keanu stepped in behind her immediately wrapping his arms around her.

“Morning sweethe…. don’t” she interrupted her greeting, yelping as his fingers had started to trail to her opening”

“What?, I thought you liked that!”

“I do, usually - sorry love, it’s just, you don’t wanna go there, I just got my period” she huffed, looking up at him over her shoulder with sad eyes”

He pulled her round to face him and hugged her close.

“Try not to worry, darling, we’ll get there, it just sometimes takes a while I guess”

Emily nodded back, a stray tear leaking out which he smoothed away with his thumb.

“Don’t you have plans today? Lunch with Chloe on the Drive right?”

“Yeah, what are you doing?”

“biking and lunch with the boys – be back around 5 I expect”

Over breakfast Chloe started on a topic she didn’t think would go down well with Keanu but she couldn’t stop herself

“Do  you think we should maybe do anything different, you know to help our chances?”

“like what?”

“Well maybe like trying to be a bit healthier?”

“We are healthy, aren’t we? – I mean we eat well. Don’t drink that much……….. oh I see where this is going. So this is my fault now because I smoke right?”

“I never said it was anyone’s fault Ke – I just want to move ahead and maybe that might help. Listen, you don’t have to give anything up. It’s just an idea is all”

Keanu stepped around the kitchen island. His face was contrite as he wrapped his arms around her gently.

“I’m sorry, I over-reacted. I know this is especially hard on you ….”

“Oh so it’s OK for you because you don’t really mind either way huh?”

“Jesus Christ woman, no that’s not what I meant. I just meant everything feels focussed on your body – if we succeed, you’ll be sick and all that and when we don’t succeed you have the reminder of your period driving you crazy, that’s all I meant! And if you recall, it was me who brought up the idea first, not you so don’t say I don’t want this!”

“God sorry, sorry – I’m just crabby. Ignore me”

He hugged her to him “take a taxi to lunch, go drink espresso martinis, champagne – whatever you want. Take my American Express card and go shopping on Rodeo Drive after!”

She laughed and hugged him back.

“Good plan Reeves – I might take you up on that”

They puttered around the house getting ready for their respective trips both looking forward to time with other people after the tension of the morning.

Emily met with Chloe at 208 Rodeo at noon hugging her tightly.

“Boy, I really, really need this” she exclaimed. I’m gonna drink myself a little bit silly then take you up to the shops on the drive and exploit my boyfriend’s credit card, deal?”

“Sure” Chloe said brightly though Emily caught the whisper of hesitation in her manner. Brushing it off, they headed in to get their table by the window.

“So how’s tricks?” Emily asked

“No, no you first, you’ve always got more interesting things going on than me” Chloe protested.

“Well if interesting is getting my period again then your life must be really dull!” Emily grimaced.

Chloe was the only person she’d trusted with the secret that she and Keanu were trying for a baby and for the first 5 months she’d sent ‘crying face’ emoji’s to Chloe each month when the bad news came.

The waitress came back just as Chloe had taken Emily’s hand in hers giving it a squeeze, a pained look on her face.

“2 espresso martinis to start us off ” Emily exclaimed.

“no no not for me Chloe exclaimed. Just a white wine spritzer. I can’t take the hard stuff at lunch.

“Spoil sport” Emily pouted.

Their drinks came and they placed their orders for lunch, settling back to their prior conversation.

“Listen, Em, you’ll get there in the end. It’s just random luck you know. It took ages, you know like well over a year for Jamie and” she paused

“and what?”

“and nothing, I just mean it can take a while. I know it’s super frustrating but, you know it can’t be so bad doing the deed with him can it”

Emily giggled and blushed

 “Ok, ok you got me there. I’ll try to chill but I guess it’s just starting to grate and then I end up looking for advice on the internet and this morning I brought up his smoking ….”

“Oh! and how did that go?”

“badly I’d say, he got real defensive, then guilty. I was just so tetchy – my period came this morning and I’d started to hope some of my now obviously pre-menstrual symptoms were, you know, symptoms!”

“It’s such a bitch that they are basically the same symptoms right?” Chloe sympathised.

“thank god I have you to talk to.  I think I’d go completely crazy without you. So, do you think I overstepped mentioning his smoking? I guess I forgot that it took you a year to get pregnant with Jamie. Did you and John ever fall out over it?”

Chloe laughed a little nervously.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry….”

“hey, no it’s OK – where shall I start. Errm yes we fell out – I got kind of obsessed you know with the optimum conditions and he felt like I only wanted sex for making a baby you know.  It’s so hard to chill and not to wonder why it’s not worked but listen, it’ll probably just fall into place when you least expect it” Chloe looked away through the restaurant window, a frown crossing her face.

“You OK hun?” Emily asked, “you seem kind of distracted today”

“I guess I am, distracted I mean”

Emily looked questioningly at Chloe

“so what’s up”

“Hun, I have something to tell you and I know it’s not going to be easy and given what we’ve been discussing, it’s going to hurt …..”

Chloe’s eyes were filled with tears as she watched the realisation slowly dawn on Emily’s face.

“You’re pregnant aren’t you?”

Chloe nodded slowly reaching out her hand to Emily’s – Emily tried to pull away at first but Chloe grasped her fingers

“you know I didn’t do this to hurt you, we only just started trying….”

“you think that fact makes me feel better!?” Emily spat back at her, snatching her hand away now, anger flashing in her eyes

“no, no I just mean I thought about how it might be if I got pregnant first but after Jamie I was just sure you’d fall first and it wouldn’t be ….like this” she gulped down a sob “please don’t hate me Em!”

Emily took a shaky hold of her drink and gulped it down then just stared at the table for what seemed like several long minutes to Chloe. Emily battled with herself, wanting to run away and die in a ditch but knowing she needed Chloe too and she still had a tiny rational voice telling her this was just bad luck for her and not a deliberate act of spite by Chloe and John. She took a deep breath and looked Chloe in the eye at last.

“Congratulations” she smiled tightly. “I’m not gonna lie, this is , err painful for me but I know it shouldn’t be. Honestly, I’m happy for you, it will be great for Jamie to have a brother or sister”

“Thanks Em … I love you, you know?”

“I know” Em sniffed.

Their lunches arrived giving them the opportunity to just digest this new change in their lives. Eventually Emily spoke, sticking to the  same theme.

“So” Emily began “do you have any top tips for how I’m gonna make it through this without going completely bat-shit crazy?”

“not sure I’m the best person to ask somehow, given the amount of times I took ovulation tests and my temperature when we were trying with Jamie.

Emily chuckled.

“I’ve been telling myself not to go there but now it’s getting very tempting. Especially as I am pretty sure we’re gonna miss some opportunities soon coz Keanu’s off on a 6 week shoot in January.

“well I can’t stop you going there and I know only too well that telling you to relax is just stupid. But maybe just try to have as much other stuff going on to think about, you know. I’m not saying that it will make conceiving more likely, but it might just stop you going bonkers! And I know this doesn’t really apply to you, but we ended up deciding to spend a bunch of our savings on a trip – do you remember when we went to Paris and stayed in the Georges V?

“yeah, yeah I do – why did you think that would help?!”

“I think we just thought screw it, we deserve something nice and maybe fate’s sense of irony would grant us a pregnancy the minute we’d run our savings down and couldn’t really afford a child!”

“And did it work?”

“yeah I guess so, I think we went on that trip in the June and we were pregnant by end July!”

“maybe I should get Keanu to donate all his money to charity then!”

“nahhh don’t do that  - but hey a holiday might be a good thing. What else do you have going on?”

“I’ve got some re-writes on a couple of movies and Keanu’s TV thing is back on the table so I’ve got some deadlines to keep me busy”

Their lunch continued and they even went and did a little shopping in the upscale stores on Rodeo Drive. Emily was back home by 5 and Keanu arrived shortly after.

“Did you have fun sweetie” he asked “looks like you got in some retail therapy too, huh?” he said noting the bags on the floor.

“yeah thanks, I did” she said quietly

“you sure, you don’t look too happy ………… is Chloe OK?”

“Yup, Chloe is fine …… Chloe is pregnant!”

“oh!”

“yes, oh”

“I don’t know what to say”

“It’s OK, we didn’t fight or anything, in fact talking to her was useful  - but I can’t deny at first I wanted to curl up and die!”

“Come ‘ere” He pulled her into a tight hug.

“It’ll be OK hun, we’ll get there ……. And if we don’t we have each other right?”

Emily nodded sadly

“you don’t have to look so thrilled at the idea of just me!” he huffed

“sorry, I know you’re right and I love you, you know I do, but I, I just really want this you know and I’m not ready to think about it not happening, not just yet OK?”

“OK, me neither”

1  2 3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12

New Beginnings Baby Drabble

New Beginnings Baby Drabble No2

[sesskag1postchallenge]

Ch11 - Operation Grandpup Drop (A SitBoy Discord Crack Fic)

MA

Chapter 11:

 Stormie Like Weather08/31/2019

Meanwhile, at a beach retreat for Shrine Keepers, JiiJii scrambled to pack his bags full of as many sutras as his fellow monks could make. His granddaughter was in trouble! And it was no half demon trouble this time, but a full demon! Wearing nothing but his speedo, he boarded the first flight back home. As soon as Sesshomaru thought he'd found the right moment to so his dog oats, some nearly naked elderly man threw open the bedroom door. "W-what at is this?! That school girl uniform does not fool me, demon!" Suddenly paper flung all over the place, sticking to whatever surface they could find, "DEMON BEGONE!"

 Walter20508/31/2019

Sutras flew everything and Sesshomaru went crazy as he jumped up and tried to swat them down but there was so many, some were meaningless scraps of paper but others held real power as best as he tried while taken off guard, a dozen powerful sealing sutras still managed to strike Kagome at various points over her body, eliciting a painful scream from her before she disappeared in a cloud of demonic smoke. 

 When it cleared, where Kagome used to be lay an albino kappa demon, sporting familiar blue eyes but otherwise just looking like a more curvy version of Jaken with more modern clothing. It sat up and looked around before waving to the demon in the middle of the room  and the two people standing in the doorway. 

 "Hello I'm Jakome, it's so nice to meet all of you!" croaked Jakome before adding in the beaked version of a big smile. 

 "Old man...what have you done?" demanded Sesshomaru as his eyes bled red, his aura crackling with such energy that all of the remaining sutras, worthless or none, instantly caught fire and burned to a crisp. Jii Jii did the worse possible thing in this situation and took off running and Sesshomaru instantly gave chase until....

 "Sit Beta!" croaked Jakome. Sesshomaru didn't have any beads around his neck but still ended up face-planting onto the ground. Checking himself over, he saw a ring of purification power around his neck and looked up to see a chain of purification energy leading back to Jakome. 

 "Now listen here...intended...," Sesshomaru started as he got up and headed for the bed with a mean look in his eyes. 

 "Sit Beta!" Jakome croaked again. Sesshomaru sighed into the cratered hardwood floor. How was he going to get out of this new mess now?

Stormie Like Weather08/31/2019

While Sesshomaru was kissing wood, JiiJii was busy contacting his buddies back at the retreat. After explaining the situation, there was only one thing to do, call upon the Kami and force Kagome to eat a mummified kappa demon's hand, only then may she change into something more appealing. JiiJii didn't care if it was a bat demon or a Miko at this point, anything was better than what was parading upstairs!

 Walter20509/01/2019

Mama Higurashi had a better solution in mind when Jii Jii told her of his dilemma. Taking the mummified kappa demon's hand from her foolish old father, she promptly fed it into a blender along with some water and pulped it, before adding some raisins and stirring it up into a smoothie. Taking the concoction upstairs she knocked on the open bedroom door and found Jakome playing with Sesshomaru's long elfen like ears while the latter kneeled obediently at the foot of the bed. 

 "Jakome sweetheart? I have a delicious fly smoothie here for you," said Mama Higurashi soothingly. Perking her kappa ears up, Jakome bound over and accepted the cup before downing the concoction in a single big gulp before letting out a loud burp. 

 In the next instance there was another big poof of pink smoke, only this time when it cleared it revealed Kagome, but she was unlike any form she had taken before. She was as a full Inu demon and certainly felt or smelled that way to any who contained such senses yet she was still hanyou, rather she seemed to have become the type of hanyou that's full demon during extended periods followed by extended periods of being human.

 Kagome didn't know what had happened to her, only that she felt incredibly heated at the moment, like she had an itch that only a man could scratch. She used her newly found demonic power to throw up a barrier in her room, pushing Mama and Jii Jii out of the room while keeping in the only eligible male that could fulfill her current desires. 

 For his part, Sesshomaru was glad to be free of his bonds and looked up only to gawk at the luscious creature that was sauntering over to lay on the bed in front of him. 

 "Well Sesshomaru, it feels like it's been a while for some reason. How about you get to exploring my new body? I feel like you could probably use a 'tasting' as you called it," Kagome practically moaned to him. His drool now coating the floor, Sesshomaru happily moved to oblige.

 Slayer09/02/2019

Several  days layer they emerged from Kagome's  ridiculous pink bedroom after having tasted everything each had to offer several times. They went down stairs and were greeted by everyone  waiting for them in the kitchen.

 Stormie Like Weather09/02/2019

JiiJii bawled while bowing an apology to Kagome, his shoulders shaking, "Kagome, my dearest granddaughter I never would have done..." Shaking her head, Kagome grabbed him up, careful with her amount of squeeze  so as to not hurt him, "Don't worry about it, I'm fine now. Though you really ought to stop throwing sutras at people." He nodded, "I will only throw them at the demons I know are evil in the future." "Eh...sure." she sighed, stepping away as her Mother came close. She reached out and grabbed her daughter's cheeks, "Wow, you still look like you, but even more beautiful." Kagome giggled, "Thanks mom." Her grin turned sheepish as her mother asked, "So, what was going on in there for the last few days, it was like all sound was blocked out. "Well..." Kagome blushed and pulled down the left side of her collar to reveal the crescent mark on her skin. "What does this mean?" Her mom whispered as she leaned in to get a closer look. Sesshomaru proudly replied with a smirk on his face, "We are what you might consider married, but the term we prefer to use is Mated." "Oh!" She gasped, and grinned, "Oh..." Her eyes lit up, "When are the grandchildren happening?"

 Walter20509/03/2019

Sesshomaru laid a hand caressingly over Kagome’s stomach as he confidently answered “Six months, give or take a month depending on how often Kagome lapses into her human form.”

 Slayer09/03/2019

"Oh fabulous!" Mama said we must go shopping. She grabbed as many females as she could and ran out the door dragging them behind her.

 Stormie Like Weather09/03/2019

Unfortunately the shopping trip landed them at the mall, and while passing the food court, morning sickness kicked in. "Hehe, glad someone else is going through this for a change." Dango piped in while beating her thick golden bat wings, "did you know ovulation for a demon bat is like once every three years," she grinned, "I'm going to actually get to enjoy sake for awhile before getting knocked up again." Kagome's mom laughed while rubbing her daughter's back, "Morning sickness is a true joy of pregnancy. Keep throwing up, it means the baby is sticking."Kagome rolled her eyes, but before she could retort, she spotted a baby store right next to a pet store selling puppies.

 Slayer09/03/2019

"You should  totally  get a puppy for practice Kagome!" Sango said with a wink. 

"That is a fabulous idea!" Mama said.

 Stormie Like Weather09/03/2019

And that is how Kagome ended up staring up at her mate, a mountain of baby gear behind her, with two very licky, very drooly, adorably wrinkly shar pei puppies in her arms. "Look at them! Aren't they sooooooo cute!" Each yipped and licked her hands some more. "Hn."

 Walter20509/04/2019

Later Kagome bemoaned the lack of suitable clothing for her new body. She now had four sized D breasts instead of just two, the two extra ones riding below the normal two. She still had the same stomach and hips as before but now her midriff had grown an extra six inches to accommodate the new feeding stations for her pupper batches and it had thrown off all the rest of her measurements. 

 "Mate, strip naked and let me show you something," ordered Sesshomaru as he likewise stripped. She did so, albeit somewhat reluctantly as she wondered his motives and didn't feel like coupling again at the moment. 

 "Concentrate on your demonic energy, bring to the surface as you would your miko power but instead of praying you use subtle anger. Then picture what you want to wear before release the demonic power you have stored up as if you were suddenly sweating while trying to cool down," said Sesshomaru as he was enveloped within his red demonic aura before it faded, leaving him fully clothed in his normal garb, sans the armor and swords. 

 Kagome closed her eyes as she concentrated, envisioning a four cup bra, a nice pair of panties, and a nice dress she had seen earlier at the mall sans a hole for her tail, plus a sunhat that was friendly on her ears. When she released and was enveloped in her dark blue demonic aura, it faded and she walked over to the mirror, her eyes lighting up as she saw her splendorous form now beautifully clad in well fitted clothes. 

 Laying down on the bed, Fido and Hachiko came over to her whining for meal time. Folding down the top of her dress and undoing her top, she brought the two pups to what she called boob stations one and three, the two on her left side and gently got them suckling. Sesshomaru settled down on the bed behind her, one hand resting over the legitimate children growing inside of his mate's belly as he watched her feed the young adoptlings with loving rapt interest.

 Slayer09/04/2019

"Mmm I adore watching you like this Mate. I have long waited to see you swollen with my pup. And your breasts ready to feed them." Sesshomaru  nuzzled the blue crescent moon in her shoulder and ran his big hand over her slightly swollen stomach.

 Walter20509/04/2019

Suddenly the door burst open, causing Sesshomaru to look up in alarm before he settled down upon sighting Miss Higurashi entering the room with a plate of something in hand alongside four or five bowls. 

 "Here, I brought refreshments for you two," said Mama Higurashi as she entered and settled on her knees next to the four of them. Kagome and Sesshomaru both looked down to see the plate covered in bone shaped doggy treats. 

 "Mama! Just because we're dog demons doesn't mean we...," Kagome started in protest before her nose caught scent of the delicious little treats. She hungrily snatched one off of the plate and chewed down on it, her noise of appreciation overshadowed by the crunching of her food with her mouth open. 

 Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow at her mate's half-declaration before she munched down but decided it would be rude to decline so he tried one as well. His eyebrows lifted at the tasty nature of the snack and he thanked her as he took a handful for himself as well but left the balance for her mate. Mama Higurashi nodded in welcome before turning a scowling expression to her daughter. 

 "Kagome! How are you going to practice using only two of your milkery mammaries at a time? You really need to have all four going for proper practice. Jii Jii, come in here at once!" called Mama Higurashi as she leaned in closer. Kagome looked at her mother in an askance questioning stare. 

 "Now now daughter it's fine, when I was pregnant with you my father helped me with practice alongside my husband. It's just natural so just lay back and let us help you in turn," Mama Higurashi explained as her Grandfather entered the room. 

 Soon all four feeding stations were in use and Kagome felt blissfully fulfilled in her motherly duties, so much so that she was able to ignore two of the four recipients of her mother's milk being her own mother and grandfather. Sesshomaru however eyed the proceedings with an uncertain look on his face.

 Stormie Like Weather09/04/2019

It wasn't until much later in the evening, when all other occupants left, that Sesshomaru voiced his displeasure. "Your breasts belong in no one's mouth but mine, our pups, or our adopted pups." Kagome frowned, "Well they are mine and I'll do whatever I want with them." His growl only made her more frustrated. Her breasts were sore, and with no other alternative but to fight, she cocked a breast and sprayed him right in the face, "There. You want milk?! You got it!" She sprayed him again with a second.

 Slayer09/04/2019

Sesshomaru  cocked his head to the side and opened his mouth he loved the taste of his mate's milk. It was sweet and warm and reminded him of all things good and pure in the world.

"This one would be more then happy to assist you in growing your milk supply, Mate. I can't help wanting all your luscious milk for myself." He walked to her and nuzzled into her top left breast.

[whiskynottea]

An Interruption in the 1st Law of Thermodynamics.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Chapter 39 Chapter 40

AO3

@theministerskat, as always, thank you for the beta, love! ❤️

Chapter 41. An Emergency

Stars sparkling against a black sky, a crescent moon rising on the horizon. Jamie’s breaths in sync with mine. His heartbeat steady under the palm of my hand. Everything was perfect.

Well, almost everything. The chill of a Scottish summer night was not ideal. As time passed, it started creeping into my body, making me shiver, even though I had glued my body against Jamie’s.

“Are ye cold, Sassenach?” he murmured in a hushed tone that made me think he was on the verge of sleep.

“Mmm,” I replied in similar style, trying to shimmy closer to him.

Jamie rose on an elbow, his eyes searching the ground around us. We had heard voices from the path some time before, and we had both sighed in relief for the perfect timing when we saw a group of four or maybe five bachelor students sitting on the grass at a distance from us.

Five minutes earlier, and they would certainly have heard our moans.

Jamie groped for his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders. “Come here,” he said, and I snuggled beside him once more, much warmer now. He took a deep breath and placed a kiss on top of my curls. “I dinna want this night to end.”

“Me neither,” I whispered, breathing in his musky scent mingled with the spices of his cologne.

Time didn’t consider our requests though. As the moon moved above our heads, the wheels in my brain started turning again.

And my thoughts ran wild.

I thought about the prom, seeing him in a kilt for the first time, his silly jealousness during dinner and the way he held me tight when I told him that he was everything I needed. Our synchronized moves as we danced, and his husky voice when he told me to steal away together. How we ended up making love under the stars.

How amazing that was. And how different, to feel nothing between him and me, having sex without a condom.

Having sex without contraception.

When was my last period?

What if I was late for my next one?

What would happen if I hadn’t ovulated when I thought I had?

How I could be so stupid and risk everything for one night’s worth of a good time.

Eventually, unable to contain my thoughts and feelings within, I sat up with a loud sigh, hiding my face in my hands.

“Sassenach?” Jamie let out a confused mumble. I felt him sitting up, his arm instantaneously coming around my shoulders. “Mo chridhe?” he prompted again, seeing that he had gotten no response with his first attempt.

“We’re so stupid,” I murmured, my voice muffled.

“What?”

I ran my nails against my scalp, not knowing what to do with myself. I was angry. Angry for the absurdity of not having a place we could go, for my stress during the exams that might have changed my cycle, for not always having a condom in my purse. Angry at him, but most of all, I was angry at myself. Angry at my recklessness.

Damn. How did I do this?

“Claire.” His voice was authoritative now, and he turned my face towards him with two fingers on my chin, searching my eyes for the reason of my distress.

How can he be so ignorant?

“What?” I asked, and heard my voice shaking as I did so.

“What’s wrong?”

“Do I need to explain everything?” I huffed, exasperated, and heard him snort.

“Yes, ye do. Apparently, I’m not smart enough to figure what the hell got into ye.”

“We had sex without protection,” I finally explained, talking sharply with my arms open, if I was acting at an ancient tragedy.

“Oh,” he whispered, running a hand through his hair. His brow furrowed, and I saw him biting his bottom lip, hard. “I thought ye said twas safe.”

Oh, well done, James Fraser. Let’s say this is all my fault. It’s easier that way, I suppose.

I said nothing, and after a few short breaths I pulled away from him.

“Claire,” he said again. “I ken it wasn’t the wisest thing to do – ”

“Most probably the stupidest.” I set my jaw, looking into the distance, trying to calm down.

“Aye, most probably. But ye said tis not your fertile days, and I didn’t come – ”

“You know what people are called who use that type of birth control? Parents!” I said, mocking him with distaste in my voice.

Jamie let out a loud sigh and turned his body away, mimicking my posture to avoid looking at me. We sat like that for a while, the boisterous thoughts in our heads swallowing the city’s noise. I could feel his body rigid, his breaths as strained as mine.

I was rubbing my face with my hands – makeup be damned – when I felt the back of his index finger timidly trailing a path on my arm.

“Babe,” he pleaded, and my heart clenched in response. “Can we talk about it? Can we deal with this together?”

I turned to look at him, grateful for the darkness because my tears threatened to get the better of me.

“I’m terrified.” The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could think of something better to say.

“I ken. D’ye want to come here?” He opened his arms wide, and smiled shyly, waiting for me.

I nodded and moved into his open arms. The warmth that enveloped my body had nothing to do with the chill on Calton Hill. It was coming the from inside, from the conviction that whatever was to come for us, we would be together. From Jamie’s unending belief in me. In us.

“What do you want us to do? What are our options?” he asked, his voice quiet.

“Apart from always having condoms with us,” I started, and he made one of his throaty sounds in response. “Apart from that, there is only one thing I can think of.”

“Which is?” he asked, and I felt him frowning. “Christ lass, do I need to ask for every little thing before you decide to honor me with yer thoughts?”

I laughed at that and turned to place a soft kiss on his neck. “The morning after pill.” I felt his frown getting deeper. “Emergency contraception,” I added, trying to make him understand.

“Do we have to wait until tomorrow morning?” he asked, making me laugh again.

How can he do this? I was feeling desperate just a few minutes ago.

“No, you oaf! I think the sooner I take it, the better. Let me google it.”

I snatched my phone from my purse, ignored Jenny’s and Joe’s texts and searched for more information about the pill.

“It can be taken up to seventy-two hours after sex,” I murmured, “But yes. It’s more effective the sooner it’s taken. We have to go to a local pharmacy. And it’s free,” I finished and turned to look at Jamie.

“Do ye want to go tomorrow morning? We can go together.”

“Jamie…” I looked at him under my eyelashes. “Can’t we just go now?”

Jamie smiled and pulled me to him. “Aye, of course we can go now. There is a 24-hour pharmacy close to the medical center,” he said, kissing my forehead with a reverence and a sense of protection that would make my knees wobble if I wasn’t sitting already.

He stood up, and offered his hand to help me up too. I wore his jacket and we walked down the hill, his arm around my shoulders, mine on his waist.

“Jamie,” I said while we were still enfolded in the hill’s quietness, before the city’s lights fell on us. “I’m sorry?”

“Was that a question?” he chuckled, and I pinched him for teasing me.

“I freaked out,” I said with a pout. “Before.”

“Aye, I ken. I would freak out too, if ye hadna gone ballistic yerself.”

“Ballistic?” I asked, incredulous, and pinched his side again in revenge.

“Yer always my crazy curly wig,” he said, and pulled me closer for a kiss. “No matter how hard ye try to conceal it under a stylish bun.”

“Why, thank you,” I laughed. “Bun-istic. I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Mmhm,” he smiled, and we walked towards New Town, to find the pharmacy and the  security that our future would be as we planned.

It took us about fifteen minutes to arrive at the pharmacy. The lady behind the counter gave us the pill and glanced at our clothes with a knowing smile. We ignored her slightly raised eyebrow, nodded repeatedly our assent when she told us be careful next time, and left, as fast as we could.  Five minutes later, I swallowed the tiny pill and gave Jamie a broad grin.

“Thank you,” I said, and meant it. He was the one that kept us sane, and I owed him that.

“I told ye I’ll always take care of ye. Especially when I’m the one to create yer problems.” He shrugged in the most charming way and I laughed. I kissed him then, softly at first, showing him that I was grateful to have him, and then harder, releasing all the tension I held inside.

“Claire,” he said, and increased the distance between us so he could look at me.. “I ken for now this is out of the question, but eventually… Ye do want bairns, don’t ye?”

I smiled and set both my hands on his kilted arse, pulling him closer again. “I think I do. I’ve never seriously considered it, but I do want to have a family. Eventually.”

Jamie mirrored my grin and took my lips in his.

“Hey,” I said when we broke our kiss. “What makes you think I’ll have that family with you?” I challenged him, raising one eyebrow.

“Oh, dinna fash. I’ll take care of that myself.”

“Mmm, will you, now?”

“Now and forever,” he smiled slyly and kissed me again. A promise, for the future we could only imagine.

I almost got lost in his scent, in his kiss, in the way his body heated mine, making his jacket unnecessary.

“For now, though,” I said, and resisted his lips that tried to hush me again. I was determined to make my point. “We need to always have condoms with us,” I continued, pursing my lips in thought. “In my purse and in your wallet. Just to make sure.”

“Aye,” Jamie chuckled. “Maybe bury some on Calton Hill, too. Just in case.”

“I’m not kidding! I’m not going through all this again!”

“Aye, mo chridhe. We’ll have condoms, always,” he agreed, but I felt that he had more to say. “But, Claire…” he started, then trailed off.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He shook his head, pretending it didn’t matter, but he didn’t meet my eyes.

“What?” I insisted.

“Ye didna feel it?” he asked, somehow shy. Seeing my questioning look, he continued. “Twasna different for ye, without the condom?” he asked, running his fingers through is hair.

“Oh, that.” I smiled, remembering that this was one of the first things I thought on Calton Hill. “Yes, it was. Different. Better.”

“Aye,” he beamed. “Much better. The way I felt ye… Christ,” he shook his head again, this time smiling, his bottom lip captured between his teeth to restrain himself from sharing more.

“So, when we’ll have a place of our own,” I said cheekily, “I’ll get on the pill. Or have an IUD.”

“IU what?” he asked, perplexed.

“It’s a tiny device that gets into the uterus and prevents the sperm from reaching the egg. Lasts for five to ten years,” I winked at him and chuckled, seeing his wide, surprised eyes. “Impressed, are you?”

“Oh aye, I am.” He licked his lips, thinking. “Maybe we can decide on one of these sooner? Even before Oxford?”

“Impatient, are you?” I laughed, but he cut me short with a kiss.

“I am,” he said, in his most serious voice.

“Okay, then. Which one do you prefer?” I asked, seeing him frown in thought.

“Which one is the best for ye? Will they harm ye?” he asked, his face suddenly clouded.

I kept silent, thinking. “Each one has its advantages and disadvantages, I suppose,” I said at last. “The pill has hormones; the IUD can be either copper or hormonal.”

“I have no idea what ye’re talking about, Sassenach.” I felt his fingers drumming on my back and I hardly hid my smile.

“I’m thinking the copper IUD would be better. I’d rather not take hormones. Plus, it’s fitted once, and we’re done. The pill on the other hand, has to be taken every single day.”

“It surely won’t hurt you? It’s going to be in yer body for five or ten years?” Jamie’s excitement for replacing condoms with other types of birth control was slowly turning to concern and worry.

“It’s safe, Jamie,” I whispered reassuringly and pulled his head towards me, until his forehead touched mine.

“We can ask a doctor. To be sure,” he whispered.

“I’ll call to arrange an appointment.”

“And if in the meantime we decide differently?” he asked. “Ten years is a long time.”

“I can get it removed,” I said, feeling my heart melting at the thought that Jamie already imagined having a family with me. “But we have time.”

“Aye,” he said, cupping my face and kissing my forehead, my cheekbones, my nose. “All the time in the world.”

He kissed my lips then, and I kissed him back, picturing the two of us, growing old together.

Chapter 42

[mistyyygoode]

Godmother (Raulson)

Sarah sits across from her best friend, Lily, in their favorite small café around the corner from the studios. Sarah could tell there's something different... something new about the dirty blonde. Lily sits with a glowing smile on her face as she looked down at her cup of warm green tea with ginger. She looks up, meeting Sarah's questionable look. "What?" The blonde giggles. "Something's... different." Sarah says, cocking her head to the side, as if from this new angle she may possibly see it. "Something is different," Lily clarifies, still grinning. "What? Different shade of blonde?" Lily shakes her head softly, "No." "Did you get a tan? You look like you got a lightly tanned... you're glowing." "Nope," Lily says. Her smile shifts into a wicked grin as she tries to keep her secret in for just a little while longer. Sarah's eyes shift to Lily's hands, searching for a ring, possibly a wedding ring, thinking maybe her and Hamish ran off and eloped. But still, nothing. She sighs, "God, I have no fucking clue, Lils. You're just gonna have to tell me." Lily's smile grows, her eyes stare straight into Sarah's, making sure she captures the woman's response. "I'm pregnant." "OH, MY GOD!" The older woman screams with a smile. This makes everyone around them state their way. The bleached blonde puts her hands over her mouth, trying to keep herself from yelling again. Lily's head falls back as she laughs hysterically. "Jesus, I didn't expect that." "Are you serious?" Sarah finally asks, trying to keep calm. "Yes," she smiles. "I'm four months along." The news strikes a match Sarah's mind. This makes her realize everything. It's the perfect sense to why the woman is radiant over all, and why her wardrobe has changed to looser fitting clothes. "Why didn't you say anything before?" "Well, I've been waiting for the right time, and I wanted to know the sex of the baby before telling anyone." "What is it?!" Sarah smile curiously. "A girl." "Yes! Oh, a little Lily, that's going to be adorable!" "I know," the younger actress smiles, looking down at her small baby bump that wasn't visible though her dress. "I'm so excited." Her gaze shifts back to Sarah. "I wanted a boy, but a girl is even better know that I've been thinking about it." "I agree! Fuck, this is so amazing." Sarah smiles. "Was she planned?" Lily nod softly, "Yes, but we didn't want to tell anyone until we knew I was officially pregnant in case I couldn't." "How long have you been trying?" "Probably six months?" She laughs at her thoughts of the memories. "I turned into one of those crazy women who times their ovulation schedule. I made sure what every time each month that we... you know." Sarah nods. "And, I would lay on my back, my legs up in the air, and my feet against the wall for almost an hour trying to help everything do its thing. Then, the last time we tried it worked!" "I'm so happy for you, lovepants. Really, this is so incredible." Sarah smiles lovingly, and places her hand over the blondes. "I am too, I don't think I've been this happy in a while." "Do you have a name yet?" "Yes, but I want to see what she looks like before I choose one." "What so you have in mind?" "A few Shakespeare names, Juliet, Beatrice, Celia, or... Cordelia, but Hamish is one the fence about that one." "I love the name," Sarah smirks. "Any others?" "Jill." "Awe," she smiles. "That'd be so beautiful." "Yeah," Lily's gaze drops. "That's my favorite so far. But, like I said I can't to wait." "Well, whatever you choose I'm sure will be perfect for the little peanut." "It's funny that you'd call her that," the never leaving smile only grows larger. "I call her that all the time. My little peanut." "It's cute." Lily nods, "I called her that when I found out she was the size of a peanut." "How big is she now?" "Mm," Lily hums and makes a circle with her hand. "About this? Like a small melon, I guess." "Awe! That's still so small." "It is, she's the cutest little on the sonograms. Oh! I have one, hold one." The blonde picks up her purse. She pulls out a small picture, and hands it to her best friend. "She's the blob-like-thing here." She explains as she points to the area. "She looks like a little alien." Sarah laughs as she studies she the picture. "She does!" Lily laughs softly. The older blonde hands the picture back, "When is she due?" "February twenty-eighth." "Good thing there's not a twenty ninth this year." "Oh, lord. I know, the poor child would have a birthday ever four years." "I can't get over this, I'm so ecstatic." Sarah says once again. "Me too, honestly." Lily takes a sip of her tea, and remembers the second reason she asked to meet Sarah for tea. "I have one other thing." "Okay?" "It's actually a really super-duper important question." "Okay?" Sarah laughs. "Will you be her godmother?" The bleached blonde refrains herself from screaming again as she bites her bottom lip. Her smile appears again, only larger this time. "Really?" She asks, feeling joy fill her whole being. "Yes, I trust you more than I trust my bothers. And, if there were ever something to happen to me, I'd want you to take care of her." "Don't talk like that." "I'm not, but hypothetically speaking... that's what I want. So, will you be her godmother?" "Yes!" Sarah nods quickly. "Holy fuck, yes." Lily giggles, "okay, thank you. I didn't want to ask my second choice." "Who was that?" "Hamish's mother... I hate this mother so much, oh, my god! I don't understand how he grew up with her. I would have ran away or shot myself. Jesus, that woman." A chuckle escapes Sarah's lips. "That's how I felt about my step mom." "So, thank you for saying yes. This means a lot to me." "It means a lot to me too!" Lily notices the growing grin on Sarah's lips and her eyes go wide at whatever she was thinking about. She watches as the woman touches the necklace on her neck. "Can I get her a matching neckless to ours?" "Yes, I was already thinking that." "Yay! Oh, this is going to be so much fun. Your child is going to be spoiled rotten by her aunt Sarah." "I already anticipated it." Lily laughs softly.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #76

“yeah, you’re a crazy bitch, but you fuck so good.”

do you ever think about what went wrong in your last relationship? we each made mistakes, and i feel more certain of this now that jason and i have talked. i, for one, gave up on life while still being alive. on jason's end, he, too, gave up on me instead of trying to rebuild me. do you know your best friend’s middle name? yes, colleen. she goes by her middle name, but her "real" name is elizabeth. you have to get a piercing, what do you get? vertical labret on my lip. would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler? a standard poodle. ever driven into the ghetto to buy drugs? no. mom denies it and got pissed once when i mentioned it, but we once lived in sharpsburg, and that was totally the ghetto. do you own a gun? as i'm mentally ill/have had suicidal tendencies, i legally can't. my mother even can't because i live with her. would you rather sleep with someone or alone? with someone. while it's less comfortable, it's comforting. are there any songs that remind you of falling snow? or any songs that remind you of winter time but are not necessarily about that? dude, i have noooo idea why, but for whatever reason, "dreamer" by ozzy osbourne definitely brings to mind winter for me personally. is there anything coming out soon (books, albums, movies, video games) that you're looking forward to? hmmm, i don't think so... but then again, i live under a rock and am not informed on what's coming out so- wAIT IS OUTLAST 2 OUT YET what is something you wish you had learned earlier that you know now? how would this have helped you if you'd known it then? i don't know if there's anything, honestly... i used to say i wish i'd known jason would leave me, but i guess i don't now. because i loved, beyond explanation. i loved with such a naive innocence, and i don't regret that. when you’re interested in someone, do you let them know? according to my history, i do. what was the last compliment you received? someone liked my hair. i got compliments on it non-stop at the hospital. do you have any siblings? are they older / younger? 
 including half-siblings, tiffany, misty, bobby, katie, and ashley are older. nicole is younger. have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced? it has been pierced before, and i plan on doing it again very soon. favorite shoes you have EVER owned? the finding nemo once i had as a kid were fly as FUCK allergic to? pollen and silver favorite fruit? strawberries who was your first prom date? jason where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent’s house? i lived with jason, amanda, and jacob. if you were to have sex right now, would you use a condom? in almost all cases, yes. the only situation where i wouldn't is if i was with jason at this very moment and he wanted to have sex, and he didn't have any. just apply the pull out method, and besides that, i shouldn't be ovulating right now, so i wouldn't get pregnant. do you think it’s bad to have sex at your age? no, i'm an adult. have you ever wanted to get drunk and take your mind off of everything? i sure have. how long do you think you will live? eh, probably early 80s, maybe even 70s... i'm not the healthiest person, mentally and physically. have you ever been stung by a bee? i have not. do you like the snow? very much so. how old are you? do you feel as old as you are? i am 21, but i certainly don't feel it. does the quality of a video, on youtube or a television, matter to you? at least very mildly, sure. it needs to be watchable at least. do you tend to listen to music that embraces your mood or does music dictate your mood? is it a little bit of both? i tend to embrace my mood with the music i pick. are there any books or films that have influenced your philosophy? if so, is there one you could name in particular? "johnny got his gun," i r8 8/8 what is the cutest animal? meerkat pups, oh my GOSH what seasons seems most fitting to your personality? in what ways and why? autumn, because everything is dying. :'D do you think you would be a good parent? i don't know, honestly... blue, black, or red pens; or another color? black do you like watching people play video games? yes, i do!! idk why, it's just entertaining to me. when was the last time you swam in a pool?  years ago what are your parents views on sex? err, in regards to what about it exactly? have you ever babysat before? yeah, for the neighbor. if your current boyfriend/crush suddenly moved away what would you do?  i'd be pretty devastated, honestly. if your best friend revealed she was a homosexual, what would you do?  well that'd be a problem, as she's married to a man. i'd be pretty concerned about what she'd do. have you ever dreamed about your wedding? i have. do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of facebook? nope. j and my pictures are still up there. ever plaigarised? no. i have too much respect as a writer. do you edit your profile pictures before posting them?  i do minor adjustments, of course. i was a digital photography student, we know aaall about the mandatory deception of editing. :P what's your middle name?  marie what's your wallpaper on your phone? lock screen is the bogeyman from "silent hill: downpour," but the artwork is from "anne's story." home screen is pyramid head from the white hunter comic. favorite tv commercial? the dirty mr. clean commercial mAKES ME SOB YA'LL SHOULDA SEEN ME THE OTHER DAY I WAS DONE what is your favorite type of cat?  hmmm. persians, sphinxes, ragdoll, etc... what religion were you raised in? are you still that religion, if you had one? catholicism, and no. i'm christian now. would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? nooooo. how many times is your cartilage pierced in your ears?  once. do you prefer to spend more time with your SO, family, or friends? why? in my history, my s.o. jason really just touched this part of my brain that just REALLY made me happy. if you see a homeless person asking for money, do you give them any? i'm not going to lie, no. i don't know that person, and WAY too many assholes are deceptive little shits. what will immediately disqualify a potential SO?  smoking, doing drugs, excessive drinking, abusive past, and i'm certain there are others i'm forgetting... i am honestly VERY picky. when was the last time you really panicked? when i overdosed a few days back. do you ever get eczema? nope. have you ever witnessed a serious physical fight? i have not. is there anyone you would do literally anything for?  honestly, yes. i'd kill for jason. it's very unhealthy and i wish the mentality would stop, but i honestly can't do much about it... do you enjoy corn on the cob?  i do. in your opinion, what's the ideal age to start having children? about mid-20s. what's the longest you've ever slept in one go? it HAD to be almost 12 hours. jason and i were up almost the entire night being horny whores and when i fell asleep, i was GONE. have you ever dated someone with an accent different than yours? no. does caffeine affect you, or not so much?  not very much at all. would you ever want to follow down the career path of your parents? no. but then again, they both dropped out of/didn't go to college, so... guess i'm not too far off. do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea? *sexual moaning* if you have any tattoos, do you reckon you might regret them when you get older and have children? i sure won't. is there anything in particular that your parents argue about? what? just gonna say there's a reason they're divorced. do you act differently around the person you like? i mean, i'm happier. kissed someone you didn’t like?  on the cheek, never on the lips. ran a red light? no. experienced love at first sight?  nope. pointed a gun at someone?  no. had a gun pointed at you? no. dumped someone?  yep. lied to avoid a ticket? no. ridden in a helicopter? no. made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? i woulda preferred you to rip my fucking heart out. eaten snake?  omg no. puked on amusement ride?  no. been in a band? nope. been in handcuffs? i've been in full-body shackles on one occasion. i was going from the mental hospital to the court. what is your favorite breakfast food? pancakes. who do you (romantically) love? my ex, jason. do you enjoy kissing?  sure, yeah. what about making out? i r8 8/8 m8 where are you most ticklish? MY FEET HOLY SHIT where do you want to get married? gothic-styled mansion or similar building pls do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? yes. have you ever slow danced to a song you didn't know? no. if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? south africa. i want to photograph the meerkats at the kalahari meerkat project. describe your perfect partner. his name's jason. would you prefer to be a vampire or a werewolf? vampire, i think. the werewolf transformation seems painful. most embarrassing moment?  borderline having a panic attack because i was like really close to having an orgasm for the first time and i didn't understand what was happening to my body lmao. jason was super cute and sweet about it though and helped me calm down. would you ever consider getting married?  i want to get married. if it were possible, what exotic animal would you keep as a pet? if it weren't so bad for them, i'd totally have a meerkat. what is your least favorite thing about your appearance?  my stomach. ew. have you ever had a bonfire on the beach?  no, but that sounds cool. do you listen to music while driving?  it has to be VERY quiet. or else i can't concentrate. have you ever received an autograph from a celebrity?  no. can you honestly say you’ve been drunk before? i have. is there a certain color of eyeshadow you prefer, if you wear eyeshadow? black as my soul. would you ever do something you didn't enjoy sexually just to please your partner? depends on what, really. like there are some situations where i'd absolutely draw the line, but here's an example: i don't like oral, but i guess i'd give it sometimes if it made him happy. when was the last time you watched south park?  probably not since j and i were together... i remember one occasion where we chilled in my room for hours watching it. are you italian? no. where’s the nearest game stop near you?  in rocky mount, by wal-mart. do you have any best friends that you only know online? i guess i still consider mini at least a very close friend, despite not talking much. i have other very close friends too, but not best, i guess. if you could, would you want to stay young forever? yes. being elderly is just, in general, inconvenient. not saying old people are, just the state of being old is. are you interested in anime? no more, no less than the usual person. hogwarts house: just took a quiz, and apparently i'm a mix of all? i very well coulda been off, 'cuz there was a lot of harry potter terminology that i don't know... what’s “out of bounds” for you during sex?  do. not. hit me aggressively. main thing. hickies - get ‘em or give ‘em?  i enjoy getting 'em, enjoy giving 'em. are you okay with rough sex?  hell yeah. i think i'd prefer soft and sensual more frequently, but i'm not totally opposed to just fucking. how big was the biggest dick you’ve ever seen? was it in a porn or in real life?  this survey sure took a sexual turn. but i've only ever seen one penis, so... how do you feel about daddy dom/little girl roleplaying?  nO JUST NO do you have any sexual regrets? i regret not going all the way with j. he was my first love, and he deserved to know me in every single way possible. have you had anal?  no, and i don't want it. do you like to spank/be spanked? i like being spanked, but not too hard. do you like teasing or would you rather get straight to the point? tEASE TEASE TEEEEEAAAAAASE are you able to have emotionless sex? fuck that. sex should be the epitome of physical displays of affection, imo. does penis size really matter?  honest to god, i don't care. it's not like a man can choose how "well-off" he is. describe an orgasm. oh wow. i don't actually think i've ever properly orgasmed, but i was extremely close once and totally panicked. it felt totally otherworldly, and i honestly felt like screaming, puking, and just exploding all at once??? i was so scared at first, but as i calmed down, shit was awesome. what’s the longest time you’ve had sex for? never had sex, but done sexual things for hours... like, all night. if you could change the person you lost your virginity to, would you? i would change the fact i didn't lose my virginity to jason. what’s something sexual that you thought you wouldn’t like, but ended up liking? anr/abf surprised the FUCK out of me. i honestly thought it'd be really awkward and uncomfortable, but it's honestly an extremely stimulating and motherly sensation okay i'll stop before this turns into a pornish thing. but basically it taught me ya can't totally judge some things 'til you try it. give your best sex advice, GO. uhhh. ever tried sucking on your partner's tongue while making out? turned my ex the fuck on, at least. would you say you’re good in bed?  have evidence i was good enough. do you like gagging on cock/having someone gag on your cock? why? i just choked on my fucking drink. but no, because i like air. when it comes to oral, are you gentle? do you use your hands too?  i. was so. timid giving oral. i was so scared i was going to hurt him. i don't think i've ever used my hands at the same time. okay, how do you feel about handjobs? since we were stuck with foreplay due to my abstinence, we relied on handjobs a lot. they're great. have you had any unwanted pain during sex? i've had pain while being fingered, sure. but i guess it wasn't entirely unwanted. has anyone drew blood from you during sex, whether it was by cutting, biting, or scratching? how did you feel about that? no, never. have you ever fucked someone who was sad? did it help them emotionally or make it worse?  i'm sure i have, and he's done it to me when i was sad plenty of times, and yes, it's honestly a great mood booster. are you more submissive or dominant? i'm definitely more submissive. who’s your ideal sexual partner?  jason was nothing short of perfect. are you accepting “applications” for a partner? lmao fuck that i don't do no "applications" for this kinda shit. who was your first kiss with? first person to kiss me was juan, but the first person i kissed who reciprocated my kiss was jason. how far have you gone sexually? depends on how you rank sexual things, idk...? did you shave your legs today? done with the sexual questions, eh? anyway, no. have you ever made out with someone in public at all? no. do you think masturbation is dirty? not necessarily dirty, just lustful. have you ever made out in a hot tub? *adds to bucket list* do you play with the other persons hair when you kiss? jason had long hair for a male, to his shoulders, and yeah, i liked playing with it. have you ever smoked pot? nope. do you sing in front of people? NOOOOO. ever lived in a trailer park? no. have you ever had dandruff? no, but i have a dry scalp. though both cause flaking, they're still different. what would people say about you at your funeral?  i was very quiet and thought too much. what lessons in life did you learn to hard way? your actions have consequences. would you ever give up your life to save another?  i'm not going to pretend to be a superhero. it depends on who it is. what is stopping you from living the life you want to live?  money, health, willpower... ever held a newborn animal? kittens, yes. how do you dress when you’re not at work? i don't have a job, so. but when i'm home anyway, i'm dressed for comfort, usually in my pajamas. if i'm going out, i will dress usually in something like yoga pants and a graphic tee. do you care overly about other people? the only person i'd say i care "overly" about is jason. what was your favorite pokemon as a child? charmander (: do you know what the heck the difference is between the statements “we’re just dating” and “we’re together”?   technically the same in my honest opinion, but at the same time, "we're dating" also sounds more casual. if a person is brought up speaking both spanish and english in equal amounts and equally fluently, which language do they think in?   *KA-BOOM* have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?   it was pierced for many years, and i'm planning on getting it re-pierced very soon. last film you watched?   i just finished "finding dory" actually, now i'm watching "zootopia." when consuming a beverage that comes in a can, do you prefer to drink it directly from the can or do you pour it into a cup?   i like to drink it from the can.  tastes sliiightly different and is colder. what do you do to cure a headache?   sleep or take medicine. do you still possess any belongings from your childhood? do they hold some special significance?   absolutely.  i actually have two things i call "treasure boxes" where i hold certain, very special belongings.  nostalgia overdose. are any of your fingers or toes deformed? what about the nails?   no.  i would, however, call one of my nails unusual.  my right ring finger, its nail curves inward towards the base definitely more than it should.  it's so weird considering both my immediate sisters have it, too. when yawning, do you cover your mouth?   always in public, yes.  it just seems polite. as a kid, did you love playing on neopets?   neopets and webkinz were my SHIT.  i was more into webkinz, but neopets was amazing, too.  i loved the dragon one and the newer one that looked like a doggish thing with a stripe going down its body?  i think it started with an "x"? what is the background on your desktop? why’d you choose that?   on my own laptop, it's trico and the boy from "the last guardian" bc i love that game and its artwork.  on the laptop i've been using for like three months, it's a picture of my sister ashley and her baby aubree at the beach. are you comfortable with people going through your phone?   no, and i don't know why, actually...?  like i have NOTHING bad on there, it's just... weird? do you tend to daydream a lot? if so, about what?   i do, aaaaa lot.  aaand it's always about jason. e_e have any interesting conversations lately?   ohhh god.  not necessarily a convo, but lemme just make this known. chelsea: *creates fire w/ hairspray and lighter* *screams ensue* YOU ALMOST MADE ME COME HARDER THAN JASON EVER HAS then came the laughter and the stomachache from all the heaving what do you have pierced on you?   now?  only my ear lobes, and i'm livid about it.  i had to take my fucking piercings out at the hospital, and they closed up.  my ear lobes didn't tho, i guess 'cuz i've had them since childhood... but i am actually pissed. where do your grandparents live?   maternal: well, she technically lives in florida, but stays in new york with her son's family a load.  paternal: michigan. pencils; mechanical or traditional?   mechanical, by far.  eliminates the need to sharpen. what was the last zoo/aquarium you went to?   asheboro zoo or whatever it's called. what is the last big risk you took? did it pay off?   talking to jason face-to-face, absofuckinglutely.  that could've so easily ended in another suicide attempt.  but anyway, yes, it paid off. what's the closest you've come to death?   overdosing, i guess. what chocolate is your favorite?   milk who is your favorite blogger?  i don't really have one. what was the best thing you were given?  jason's love and attention, even if just for three and a half years of my life. have you ever cheated on your partner?  nope. are you over your past?  not in the slightest. did you try to change for a person?  ha.  he left too soon to give me a chance. e_e are you in a good or bad mood?   eh, i'm good for now. name someone you can’t live without.   no one.  after losing jason, well, i'm sure i can survive without anyone, ultimately. are you a crybaby?   10/10 do people praise you for your looks?   no. SEXIEST disney character that's not human?   okay sorrynotsorry but scar and steele are SEXY do you believe in the phrase “if it’s meant to be, it will be”?  ha!  no, sorry.  i refuse to believe jason and i weren't "meant to be." what do you put on hotdogs?  ketchup and mustard do you know how to play chess?   no. did you/are you going to go to prom?  i went to jason's senior and my senior.  man... i remember how shy he was when he asked me... it was so cute. :/ what’s the most physically painful thing you’ve ever experienced? having a pilonidal cyst opened and drained while still conscious and insufficiently drugged.  FUCK THAT. what’s the most emotionally/mentally painful thing you’ve ever experienced?   jason leaving me. have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life?   not to my knowledge. are you a very open or private person?   open online, private af irl what do you get complimented on the most?  my hair who was the last person you talked about sex with?  chelsea or colleen what was the last deep conversation you had about?   jason.  i was talking with chelsea. why do some girls become so dependent on their boyfriend/husband?   well, i, for one, was rather dependent on jason, and it was because i needed a pillar, and he was strong, but i guess i put too much weight on him... i had no fucking idea it was too much.  as well, it was because i am not an independent person.  i'm a follower and act like a dog on a leash towards the people i trust.  it's simply my desire to be a loyal companion.  i don't know how to change that. do you enjoy going to church?   i do, but not for TOO long. what do you have tattoos of/what do you want tattoos of?   oh god.  you asked for it.  as for tats i have, i have a semicolon butterfly on my right wrist, "perfectly flawed" written on my left, upper arm, and "ohana" written on my right collarbone.  as for what i want, i have about 100 ideas, but i'm going to only list the ones i am quite serious about.  my next tat is of "denialism" by da's tatchit, and it's going on my right upper arm as a half-sleeve.  here's the list: - "... and you ain't got his smile" written maybe under my left breast.  it's a harley quinn quote, and i want it as dedication to jason.  which no, i will not regret. - the magic sigil thing from "shadow of the colossus" somewhere - either a pyramid head, robbie the rabbit, or halo of the sun tat to pay tribute to "silent hill" - "he who knows pain is dangerous" written somewhere, which is a rammstein lyric, in either english or maybe german - spider sternum tattoo - a hydra coming towards the viewer with "from slave to master, i've become the hydra" (otep lyric) written in a semi-circle above it.  i honestly want this on my lower stomach, like, starting above my private, but i most likely will not do this.  still thinking of where to relocate it. - "i believe what doesn't kill you simply makes you stranger" written somewhere, a quote from the joker. - "how long is forever?" "sometimes, just one second" from "alice in the wonderland."  i want the quotes in speech bubbles vertical of each other. - a harley quinn-esque design with "rotten" written on it.  on my right asscheek.  yeah.  talk about slutty lmao. - a large viper on one of my hips. - three sketch-style arrows going down my left lower arm - "once upon a time, i ripped the wings from my spine, but when i hide inside your eyes, i still pretend that i can fly" (otep lyric) written along my spine I HAVE SO MUCH MORE.  but my phone's dead (i have more ideas on there) and i have even more saved to my dead computer... are most of the adults you know married or divorced?   divorced... it's so sad. :/ when was the last time you were mistaken for a mom?   at therapy some time ago.  mom was with me, and she was babysitting. what is your mom’s and dad’s favorite tv show?   mom's: "the big bang theory," probably.  dad, idk. have you ever suspected your mom or dad of having an affair?   nope do you think buying second hand clothes is gross?   certainly not. does it gross you out when your parents kiss?   well, they're divorced, sooo... does your dad swear?   yeah. do you sweat easily?   i sweat like an obese pig.  it's due to one of my medications. if your last kiss asked you on a date, what would you say?   "absolutely!" when you like someone, do you picture what your children will look like?   no. when was the last time you drank strawberry milk?   elementary school when i tried it for the first time.  absolutely fucking disgusting. do you own a pair of fingerless gloves?   yup.  i was big into that in high school. did you have a good driver’s ed teacher?   he was fine, but i am 100% certain that on one occasion, if i had listened to him, we would have died. if you have siblings, which one of you is going to be married first?   ashley's already married, i'll probably never find anyone, so i guess nicole's next. did you kiss the last person you really wanted to kiss?   like, do you mean did i kiss him the last time i wanted to kiss him?  if so, no.  he barely even let me hug him. when your last relationship ended, how long was it before you felt ready to think about being with someone else?   it's been over a year and i still don't feel entirely ready. do you think it’s wrong for someone to commit themselves to a long-term relationship at a young age? explain.   no, and there's no real need to explain...?  obviously, even young people are capable of sincere love? are you legal to drink?   yep. do you have any dirty pictures on your cellphone?   i do not. what do you want more than anything in this world?   jason. last time you felt physical pain?   earlier today.  my stomach was hurting. last time you felt emotional pain?   i'm clinically depressed.  i live with emotional pain. what are you listening to?   "american horror story" is on.  it's actually a ptsd trigger, so i'm trying to watch it again to like... edit the memory.  i'm doing it with chelsea so i won't be alone. do you like your handwriting?   i do. do you own any dresses? if so, what colors are they?   i do not.  i wish. when was the last time you went tanning?   never. have you ever been in a car accident?   quite a mild one.

[heresmytale]

TW for self harm and  suicidal and intrusive thoughts

Let me tell you, having suicidal intrusive thoughts without having depression is wild. Like, yes, you do want and need support, but you aren’t hopeless or helpless. Yes, you do want to share this thing with your close friends for comfort, but you cannot deal with their pity. It’s tough, because you’re stuck in this middle place. There’s no way you’ll be able to continue living like the way you are, but many forms of intervention can seem like they are either too much or won’t do anything.

Personally, I have the added annoying twist of my suicidal thoughts being linked to my menstrual cycle. (That may seem a little wacko, but trust me, every really bad episode has either been during ovulation or right before my period.) This means that, most of the time, the idea of suicide is not even on my radar. Sure, avoiding the topic is probably a good idea, but it probably won’t affect me too greatly. But then all of a sudden something mildly upsetting happens (and sometimes nothing at all!) and then all I can think about is killing myself because life has no purpose while I am literally shouting meaningless words in my mind to try and distract myself. It’s not a pleasant experience, and the great contrast makes me feel like I’m crazy. And then I feel like my friends all think I’m weak or something (which tbh probably isn’t even true) and I absolutely cannot stand it.

AND THEN whenever anyone else mentions suicidal thoughts or self harm or whatever, I can so clearly see why they are valuable to this world and why they need to stay around, but for some reason I can never apply that to myself. AND IT REALLY FUCKING SUCKS.

Oh, and one more thing: please pay attention to what you are saying, even if you are paraphrasing someone else. You do not know what someone might be going through and how damaging something can be. For example, my LA class was recently discussing Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf (which has a very pro-suicide ending), and my classmates were discussing (spoiler alert) how the guy who killed himself was the only character who actually did something about not liking his situation. And that was incredibly difficult to hear. It consumed my mind for much of the rest of that day. At any rate, please be careful. Words have consequences.

So yeah, that’s what I have to say. This has been very rambling, and I kind of diverted from my original point, but I needed to get my thoughts out somewhere. 

[nogalski-nest]

Eloise's Birth Story

Evan and I actually took two negative pregnancy tests a few days apart before we got a positive. I was starting to get cramps and other normal period signs and finally accepted that this month just wasn’t our month. I could also tell I was getting sick, so I figured that whatever I had, probably prevented ovulation (yes, that does happen. God amazingly wired our bodies to be able to say, “Hey, I’m not at my healthiest right now. Probably not a good time to bring a baby on board.”) Bummer.

Ugh, my glands were swollen, my head hurt, and I was so, so tired. I would come home from work, take a two hour nap, and still be in bed by 9. Not to mention, the cramps I’d had for a week with still no sign of my period. Hmmm…

One day, when I could barely keep my eyes open at work, I texted Evan and told him I was going to stop by the store and grab one more test on my way home. That way, I could call my doctor to be seen the next day (at this point I was convinced I had mono) and she wouldn’t think I was crazy. This test was about a week after the first one we took and I had every indication I was going to get my period. It was going to be negative. BOTH of us were fully expecting it.

Evan came home and I took the test, handed it to him, and waited. Evan always read the tests so he could, for at least a few seconds, be the only one to know I was pregnant. Was it just me or was he staring at this test longer than normal?

Evan: “How long are we supposed to wait again?” Me: “This box says three minutes.” Three more minutes pass… Me: “Is anything showing up? Like is the negative line there?” Evan: “Well… here’s the thing… you could be pregnant.”

We stared at each other and the test for a few minutes. Complete. Shock. Honestly, I expected to be more excited. But I couldn’t be excited until I confirmed that this was not just a fluke. I grabbed my purse and put on my shoes to go buy three other brands of tests. While reaching for the door, I looked back at Evan, who had made his way to the couch and asked, “Are you coming?” to which he responded, “I think I’m going to throw up.”

Three positive tests later and I decided to call my doctor the next day.  I now understood that I, in fact, did NOT have mono, but a baby instead! They estimated I was about six weeks along based off my last period. (They were wrong, more on that in a minute.) They scheduled me for an ultrasound at nine and half weeks.  But wait. The cramping. One evening it got so bad that I felt like someone was grabbing each of my hips and ripping me apart like a wishbone on thanksgiving. And everyone knows cramping in pregnancy is bad. Right? Wrong again. I went in to see my doctor the next day. She did an exam and I had to get two blood draws done, 48 hours apart. The draws showed that my hormone levels were rising just as they should be. My doctor assured me that cramping is actually completely NORMAL because your body is stretching and growing at a crazy rate, even that early in pregnancy. Whew, crisis averted.

Despite the cramping and a few other minor complications that, thankfully, turned out to be nothing major, I felt pretty good! I made it to eight weeks with no morning sickness and even got to enjoy Evan’s bi-annual family vacation in North Carolina… until the day before we left. I braced myself for the FOURTEEN hour car ride back to Michigan, PRAYING that I could keep it together for one day. I had a relatively good handle on things until we all stopped at Chick-fil-A and everyone brought their breakfast in the car. That was the moment I lost it. Evan just threw up his hands and said, “Well, surprise! Val’s pregnant.” (For the record, Jim teared up.)

I spent the next few weeks feeling more like I was dying than growing life, and then we had our first ultrasound. I’ll never forget the moment the tech turned on the monitor and said, “Well, this is what’s making you sick.” There was our little bean. It even wiggled for us. It was too early to hear the heartbeat, but we could physically see the heart beating inside the little body on the screen, a healthy 166 bpm. We were both in complete awe, sucked in to that little bean on the screen. All of the sickness, canceled plans, and tears of exhaustion became worth it in that moment. We also found out at that ultrasound that I was not 9 weeks and 5 days. I was actually only 7 weeks and 6 days. My due date was officially confirmed at June 14th.

After that ultrasound, we had my parents over for dinner to celebrate my mom’s birthday. I told her we had a present for her, only it wasn’t ready yet. But we had a picture! I handed my mom the ultrasound picture and I couldn’t even count how long she stared at it. Finally, she said, “Is this what I think it is?” I asked, “Well, what do you think it is?” To which she replied, “It’s an ultrasound picture!” When we told them I was due in June, my dad’s first comment was, “Mary, you get a picture for your birthday but I get the real thing!” (God certainly has a sense of humor because, lo and behold, their first grand baby actually would be born on my dad’s birthday!)

At 12 weeks, we got to see our little peanut again. I could not believe how much he/she was moving! How was it possible that I wasn’t feeling this? Baby was moving around so much that I couldn’t help but laugh, which made him/her move around even MORE! Needless to say, we are overly thrilled and so thankful to have a healthy little baby on the way.

Right around 18 or 19 weeks, I began to feel some little flutters! At first, I honestly thought it was just gas but the kicks grew stronger and stronger and by 20 weeks they were unmistakable. Then, right before little babe turned 20 weeks, Evan decided he couldn’t wait any longer to find out the gender! So, we walked into our 20 week scan, ready to find out if we had a little girl or a little boy. The tech asked us if we had any feelings about the gender. Well, feelings were an understatement. I knew from the moment it sunk in that we were pregnant that this was a girl. There was no doubt in my mind. I just knew. Evan had been praying for a girl (not that we wouldn’t have been thrilled with a boy. I mean, a mini Evan walking around, come ON.) But this one… this was our little girl. In that moment though, I froze. I told the tech we had a feeling but I didn’t want to say it out loud in case I was wrong. Then Evan, being the straightforward guy that he is, stated blatantly, “We think it’s a girl.” The tech smiled and said, “Well… you were right.” She then proceeded to show us all of the intricate little parts of our baby: lungs, brain, kidneys, and all four chambers of the heart, all of them looking textbook perfect. At the end of our scan, the tech shared that if all babies looked the way ours did that her job would be easy!

The next step was to plan a gender reveal to share the news with our friends and family! Instead of using the traditional pink and blue, we decided to use peach and mint for the theme because they were our wedding colors! We made pins for everyone to wear their guess and confetti poppers for the reveal. When it was time, we got everyone in a big circle in Jim and Tracy’s basement and on the count of three, every popped their popper! The reactions were priceless to the pink confetti flying out all over the floor!

At 24 weeks, Evan finally got to feel our daughter move! Up until then, she would be dancing like crazy but the very moment he put his hand on my stomach, she would immediately stop. We had the theory that Evan truly was calming for her. We’ll see if it holds true when she’s born! I will always remember what a sweet moment it was when he felt that first tiny kick.

Over the next few months, we felt and watched baby girl move and grow. She even got the hiccups a few times! Sometimes she moved quite a bit, bee-bopping around like a little jumping bean!

At 36 weeks, Mommy and Daddy got to see baby girl on the ultrasound again. Linda, the tech, said that when she saw my belly she thought we were going to have a little baby. But this baby was 6lbs 7oz already, which was nice, healthy, and maybe even a tad on the bigger side! We watched her practice her breathing, her stomach moving in and out on the screen. Linda mentioned that she must get a lot of hiccups because she was practicing so vigorously!

As the last few weeks started to wrap up, we grew all the more anxious to meet our baby girl. I started eating six dates a day and drinking red raspberry leaf tea in an attempt to prepare for the big day. (Eating all those dates also completely curbed my cravings for anything sweet, haha!) It was a scramble to get the nursery together, hospital bags packed, getting mentally and physically prepared for labor and feeling the urgency of knowing that it could be any day now that we would finally get to meet our daughter. But even in the midst of all of the anticipation, some of my favorite moments were those where I stopped to look at Evan and thought about how none of this would be possible without him. There wouldn’t be the three of us if there hadn’t been the two of us first. I didn’t think I could love him anymore than I already did, but this brought a whole new level of love that I couldn’t have imagined before. God picked the perfect husband for me and the best daddy for our daughter.

On Saturday, June 10th, Evan and I went out for what we figured would be our last dinner date before we would start needing a babysitter. Little did we know exactly how true that would be. That evening, I noticed that baby girl seemed to be moving around a lot less than normal. I just had a feeling that something was different. I hadn’t felt the need to do any kick counts during my pregnancy because she was such a strong and regular mover, but that night after dinner we laid down in bed and did a kick count. Sure enough, I felt 10 movements within about a half hour (the standard for a kick count is 10 movements in 2 hours.) I felt a little better but I still had the sense that something was different. I made a comment to Evan about how ready I was for this baby to come, and Evan leaned down near my stomach and said, “Get out.” I laughed and rolled over to go to sleep… for about an hour.

At 1:00am on Sunday, June 11th, a contraction woke me up. I started to drift back to sleep since I’d had false labor contractions previously, until I noticed how wet I felt. What on earth? Had I peed myself? I put my hand down on the sheets and whoa… the sheets were wet. I stood up to go find Evan (he sometimes falls asleep on the couch watching TV) and I felt a gush of fluid. My pants were soaked. That’s when it sunk in. My water had broken.

Good thing I had finally persuaded Evan to help me finish packing and sorting our hospital bags the day before since, ya know, we were due to have a baby in three days. I am not a procrastinator and had been trying to tell Evan that our daughter might not be either. Sure enough, I was right because we were on the road to the hospital by 1:30am, three days early.

The drive there was nothing like I imagined. Despite what you see on TV, there’s only a small percentage of women who have their water break at the beginning of labor. I had imagined laboring at home first and being in agony on the way to the hospital, but my contractions were relatively light and weren’t coming in any kind of consistent pattern. Even though little gushes of fluid kept coming every few minutes, I was getting nervous that maybe I had just peed myself and the hospital staff would send me home. We arrived at the emergency entrance, which is where our hospital tour nurse had told us to go if I went into labor after hours. Evan went in to make someone aware of the situation and a security guard came out with a wheel chair. I told him that my contractions weren’t very strong yet and I was certain I could walk, but he made me get in the wheelchair anyway and a nurse wheeled me down to Labor & Delivery. Now I really felt like a goon because I, 100%, didn’t need this wheelchair.

When we got to triage, they hooked me up to the monitor and confirmed that baby girl was doing great and that I was, in fact, having contractions. The physician on duty came in to check me and confirmed that I was leaking amniotic fluid (not pee) and that I was already dilated six centimeters! They admitted me and by the time we were settled into our room, my contractions were coming consistently, every three minutes or so. Labor continued progressing pretty steadily from there. Thankfully, I was able to (kind of) sleep during the first part of labor, even if it wasn’t very deep because of the contractions. When transition came, I knew exactly what was happening because I had prepared myself with four different birthing books. Despite knowing about 30 different ways to manage pain during labor, my body instinctually went with the Bradley Method, which tells you the opposite of every other pain management technique, to relax through your contractions. By relaxing your body, you let the contractions work for you instead of fighting against them by clenching up. I’m convinced that letting those contractions work for me is what made my labor progress so quickly. I’ve never focused on anything so intensely in my life. My goal with every contraction was to get to the peak of it and then remember that it was going to drop back down and I would get a minute to whisper “Ice” to Evan, who would feed me an ice chip and then I would fall asleep (no I’m not kidding) for about 60 to 120 seconds before the next contraction started to build.

Finally, the Doctor came in and told me I was completely dilated and that it was time to push. In every birth story I’d heard, pushing was always the woman’s favorite part. I have to say that for me, pushing was the part where I questioned my decision not to get the epidural. Pushing is HARD WORK. I was exhausted and was truly afraid I wasn’t going to have the stamina to make it through. Praise the Lord, the Doctor let me sip on apple juice in between pushes and that little spike in my blood sugar gave me some energy to keep powering through. Then I heard the Doctor say, “I see hair!” I was so surprised! Hair? My baby girl has hair already? What color was it? Was there a lot? And then Even, “I see it, babe! It’s there!” We were so close to meeting her! Just a few pushes later and the Doctor started getting all of his surgical gear on, which he told me he waits until the last minute to do. This meant it was go time! A few more pushes and the Doctor asked me to get my hands ready because after this push I was going to have a baby in them.

Eloise Nicole Nogalski was born June 11th, 2017 at 10:35am. When I felt and saw her for the first time, the whole world stopped. She was even more beautiful than I imagined. This was her. This was the little bean we saw give us a wiggle on that very first ultrasound. This was the little soul that moved and kicked and hiccupped in my belly. This is what she looked like. And she did have so much hair! All I could do was laugh and say hello. Evan cut the cord and they took her and measured her. She weighed 8lbs even and measured 20 inches long. I had pushed for about 50 minutes and labored 9 hours total.

Eloise came out with a lot of fluid in her lungs and had a hard time regulating her oxygen. Her initial blood work was also showing signs of a possible infection, so she spent the first five days of her life in the critical care nursery. She was weaned off of her oxygen by the second day and was responding well to the antibiotics. Mommy and Daddy got to stay with her in the CCN all day and Mommy was able to feed her. Eloise was a champion breast feeder right from birth. The CCN nurses were amazing and took such great care of our baby girl when we couldn’t be by her side. She was a fighter and recovered quickly. On Friday, June 16th, we got to bring our sweet Eloise Nicole home. And so begins our story as a family of three…