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jenovahh · 5 years ago

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The Honey Pot - Ch. 11 - Sweet as Honey

“You would think you all would’ve learned by now…” Zenos sighs, exasperated, knocking a helpless man to the floor.

Your eyes are trained to that same floor, hands locked tight behind your back with Zenos’ sword in hand. You wish you could have ear plugs, ear muffs, anything so you could block out as much of this as possible.

“So weak and helpless are you, that you cannot even create your own form of income, that you must come and steal ours. Interfere with our shipments, rob our trucks mid transport, and sell our product with the audacity to claim it as your own.” Zenos monologues, circling the quivering man on the floor. “Isn’t that right, Foulques?”

The snow white hair of the Elezen is dirtied, covered in dust and soot. He lies in a mangled heap on the floor after Zenos had you forcibly break his legs earlier. It had taken all of your willpower to hold back the bile that threatened to come forth at the sound of his bones snapping in two.

“If you wanted to help redistribute, it was but a matter of contacting us. An arrangement could’ve been made. Instead, you let your greed cloud your judgement, and now here you are, broken on the floor.” Zenos cackles, placing the heel of his shoe on Foulques’ face. “What is a suitable punishment, you think? Personally, I am quite fond of death. After all, there is no greater way to ensure it won’t happen again by ensuring you are not alive to do so.”

Zenos presses down hard, uncaring of the man’s cries of pain. “Where’s that fire I had heard so much of, Foulques? I had heard talk of your strength and yet my guard snapped you in half as if you were but a twig.” He taunts, kicking Foulques onto his back, causing the Elezen to wheeze in pain. “No words? Really, how dull…”

Zenos reaches out his hand expectantly and you flinch, frowning as you pull his sword from behind your back. You place it gently in his hands, fingers touching as he moves to unsheathe the blade. “Well I suppose the message will be sent once your gang members come and find you bleeding out on the floor.” Zenos muses, tossing you the scabbard. “I’ll be sure to send some flowers to your children.”

Children?

“Zenos, wait!”

You block his blade with the scabbard, holding his deadly gaze. You have to talk fast. “Don’t kill him.” You whisper, doing your best to sound strong.

“You know that I must.” Zenos hisses, eyes narrowed on you.

“Just...he has kids, right? Sure they might want vengeance on you if their father is dead...but think ahead a bit more. If he lives, he can sow the seeds of hate in his children himself.” The words sicken you even to say them, but you can see Zenos’ stare visibly lighten as he considers your words. “To send him home broken and mangled, knowing he wasn’t even good enough to kill; what would be a better motivator?”

Your arms tremble beneath his strength, feet planted firmly on the ground to steady yourself to withstand his strength. You watch as Zenos closes his eyes in thought, a vicious smirk painting his lips. “Truly, you are a most valuable prize, my beast.” Suddenly the pressure is gone and you nearly tumble as a result. Zenos snags you by the waist to steady you until you can stand upright.

Turning back to Foulques, he crouches down to his level. “It looks like your false gods have seen fit to give you my mercy. Though, it would be in your best interests to do as she says. Train your children to kill me. I can wait. I am patient.” He chuckles, standing back to his full height. Stepping over Foulques, Zenos heads for the door without a single backwards glance.

You do the same, unable to look at the mangled man any longer.

The walk out of the Duskwights’ hideout is silent like most other raids. It had taken some time to actually get ahold of their leader Foulques, who seemed good at keeping his head low, and with good reason. It was only after Zenos had killed enough of his men did he decide to finally show his face. It seemed like there might be quiet negotiations as Zenos offered to handle things in Foulques’ office, only for him to order you to beat the man to near death.

At least you didn’t have to kill him.

Zenos didn’t seem to get any real enjoyment out of his kills; if anything the act bored him as much as anything else. He had even told you himself that it was merely a result of people refusing to follow orders and getting in his way. If he had enjoyed the act of killing, he would be hard pressed to find anyone to work for him. That did little to soothe your tumultuous thoughts, especially ever since your first outing.

“Perhaps, I can train you in this too.” Zenos muses, breath ghosting across your face. It’s entirely too warm with the furnace that is his body, feeling every single muscle against your own. “I know the savagery is within you. The desire to sink your fangs into my neck and drink deep of my life’s blood...I will see it brought out by my own hand.” He whispers, wiping away the last of your tears.

“You say you did not know what to expect. I suppose I am at fault for that.” He sighs, brushing stray hairs from your face. “So eager was I to fight you, I forgot to attend to other business...but no matter. You too will understand the nature of The Hunt.”

You could feel yourself steadily become immune to the suffering you inflicted on whatever poor gang you had to terrorize as the weeks went by. There were still times where you would nearly be pushed to your limit, but already you could tell your mind was protecting itself, learning to tune out the cries of pain as you shattered bones, made men bleed. Your sullen demeanor didn’t go unnoticed, Zenos seeming at first seeming proud before it turned into displeasure. Despite this, you still were made to accompany him on his excursions due to your role.

“You are distracted.”

You barely move to dodge Zenos as he swings to hit you, narrowly moving out of the way of his follow up hit. You’ve lost your balance as a result and Zenos is ever the opportunist, pursuing you like a hawk. Kicking your feet from under you, you crash into the floor, unable to get up as Zenos has already pinned you in place. Fist balled in your shirt, he stares down at you, but any joy of victory doesn’t show on his face. “Unacceptable.” He hisses, clenching his fist tighter, pulling you toward him.

Averting your eyes, you worry your bottom lip, ready for whatever speech he’s about to give you. “You were bound to catch up eventually.” You lie, and that seems to anger him more because he knows it’s a lie too.

“I am not ashamed to know you are my better, my beast. And I am not too stupid to see your mind is not fully here.” He growls, dropping you back to the floor, uncaring how you wince in pain. Caging you with his arms, he nears his face to your own, hair falling around you like a curtain. “Are you unwell?”

He doesn’t care, you tell yourself, trying to think of an excuse. “I’m fine, Zenos. I’ve just got stuff on my mind is all.” You huff, flashing him an annoyed look. “Now could you please get off me?”

His hands flex tighter around your wrists. “Make me.”

Brows furrowing together, you glare at him full on. “You know damn well I can’t get your heavy ass off me you giant.” You bite out, watching his signature smirk slide into place. “Zenos,”

“Does it make sense? That you are fully capable of throwing me over your shoulder, yet unable to free yourself from being pinned? Perhaps you like being under me…” He teases, failing to notice the way your face immediately flushes red.

“You actually know what you’re doing to immobilize me!” You bark back, trying to control your expresion. “Besides, w-who would want to be underneath you?” You stammer, suddenly unable to look him in the eye.

“Oh, plenty of people, my beast. Men and women alike, have shared my bed.” He purrs, nearing his face even closer to yours. Your breath comes faster, his lips not even an ilm away from your own. “Would you like to be next?”

“Like hell I would!” You renew your efforts to try and free yourself, unable to move as much as you’d like for fear of closing that gap. It’s warm, too warm, and getting warmer in places you know it shouldn’t. The more you struggle, the more the lower half of you tingles.

“Oh, you wound me. Am I not your type?” He continues to tease, tilting his head to bury his nose in your neck, breathing in deep. You start feeling lightheaded. “I promise to make it worth your while…” He purrs, the baritone of his voice rolling across your skin.

Would you really?

“If you weren’t my employee.”

Just like that he’s off of you, heading to grab a bottle of water from the mini fridge. You stare dumbly at the ceiling, slowly pulling yourself off the floor. “E-Excuse me?”

“As fun as it is to tease you, my beast, even I must try and retain some degree of professionalism. It would not do to have relations with my employees, the media would twist and mangle any story beyond repair.” Pulling his hair down from its ponytail, he flashes you a smug look. “Plus we don’t have the time. A hospital my father sponsored is opening today, and we must attend. Your attire should be waiting for you in your room. I will take longer than usual getting ready, so don’t rush on my account.” Saying nothing more he steps out the door, leaving you alone and aroused in the gym.

You wait until he’s far down the hall to scream in frustration.

Marching to your room, you curse him the entire way; how could you be so foolish? Of course he was only messing with you, of course he didn’t actually want you--

Of course you were foolish for thinking otherwise--

You stamp the disappointment down before it can grow into something worse, thankful you at least the satisfaction of being able to fling the door to your room open and slam it closed hard enough to make the walls shake. Undressing, you quickly turn the shower on to blasting, the cold waters chilling your soul as you stand under the spray.

How could he go on about professionalism with how he treated you? It was simple enough to say that he didn’t want you instead of lying. If he truly cared about being professional he would call you by your name, he’d treat you nicer, he’d not pin you between his muscled legs and arouse you so…

A bastard in every sense of the word except the correct one, he was. You had never hated him more than you did in that moment. More than when he had found you. More than when you watched him kill innocents in front of you. If only you could strike fear into his heart the same way he did to you.

You dress in a rush, giving no mind to the quality of the suit that was resting on your bed. Its slight sheen goes unnoticed, its comfort disregarded. You can think only now of squashing whatever feelings it was you’re feeling, merely tucking your gun into your blazer. Suited up, you head to sit in the foyer, taking your usual seat on a window sill as butlers and maids pass by on business.

“You’ve changed, you know.”

Head snapping up, you lock eyes with Ardbert who gives you a hesitant smile. “Good morning, friend.” He greets, eyeing the open space next to you. “Mind some company?”

Frowning, you quickly look around. “Ardbert, you know that Zenos,”

“I get the feeling that his threats are more warnings than actual threats. I’ve driven him around for years. Think he’d hate to have to train another chauffeur, yeah?” He laughs lightly, moving to sit next to you.

Something about Ardbert’s presence is calming, your frown melting away. “What do you mean I’ve changed?” You ask, brushing your hair behind your ear.

He seems to mull over his words for a moment, thinking them over. “I’ll be honest, Honey. This job. It’s not good for you.” His face is serious, concerned. A genuine concern that you haven’t seen ever since you had started working here. “I had hoped that he wouldn’t drag you back to those places. Like I said when I met you...you don’t belong here. You look like nothing had gone as planned.”

It surprises you what a good read Ardbert is, considering most of your interactions are not face to face, given that Zenos is also usually in the vicinity. You can feel tears pinprick behind your eyes, quickly turning away. You couldn’t cry in front of him too.

“It’s alright.” Ardbert’s voice is gentle as he holds out a handkerchief in front of your face, one you accept graciously as you dab at your eyes softly. “It’s been buggin’ me a while to ask but...why are you here? You had to have known what you were getting into, right?” He questions, seeming as if he wants to reach out and comfort you, but even he dares not go that far.

You bark out a bitter laugh, wondering if he’s a mind reader. “I had an idea, but I suppose I didn’t think hard enough about where I would end up when I applied to work here. I feel so stupid now.” You whisper sourly, angry at no one but yourself. “He had called me naive, you know. Maybe I really was. Am.”

“Naive might not be the right word.” Ardbert offers, bumping shoulders with you. “I don’t think anyone expects to become a bodyguard who moonlights as a hitman. I certainly didn’t expect it myself, when I was hired…” He gives his own bitter laugh, a frown marring his handsome face. “Had I known he would eventually take you there, make you do those things...I would have warned you. Told you to run away, so that it wouldn’t have been too late.” Scratching the back of his head, he gives a forlorn sigh. “I thought maybe you didn’t have a clue, given the circumstances we picked you up under…”

Those words alone are almost enough to make you want to cry all over again and fling yourself into his arms. “Ardbert…”

“Hope you can forgive me.” He offers an apologetic smile. “But if it wasn’t obvious, I’m your friend yeah?” He holds out a fist with a smile. He laughs richly as you stare at it for a moment, giving it a shake. “Well come on then. Don’t leave me hangin’.”

Giggling, you curl your hand to a fist and bump it against his, smiling genuinely for the first time in weeks. “Thank you,”

He shakes his head as he stands to his feet. “What are friends for?” Adjusting his tie, he moves to head for the door. You watch him head outside, surely on his way to the garage to retrieve the car. You would actually be riding in a separate car with Varis’ bodyguards, protecting both the front and the back of his and Zenos’ shared car. It strikes you then that you’ve actually never met any of Varis’ bodyguards, and you begin to ponder what they could possibly look like. How good were they in a fight that Zenos resented his father for taking them from him?

Your fingers flex unconsciously, thinking of the prospect of a different opponent. Not that Zenos was boring; his adaptive ability made every day a challenge. But even you couldn’t push back the excitement of knowing other worthy potential opponents were so close.

You were becoming too much like that asshole.

“You’re Honey, correct?”

Looking up, a taller, Garlean woman stands before you, her red hair slicked into a tight bun atop her head. She wears the exact same suit as you, but somehow with her long legs, she looks so much better in it. “That’s me.” You reply, extending your hand out to shake.

“I see.” Her eyes run over you in distaste, causing you to frown. “I am Lord Varis’ chief bodyguard, Livia sas Junius. You will be sharing a car with me.” You don’t even bother extending your hand in an offer to shake it. Clearly they could only find the most stuck up Garleans on all of Hydaelyn.

“Alright. Is it time to head out?” You ask, standing to your feet.

“It is time to ‘head out’, yes.” She mocks, walking toward the door. “You would be aware of this if you were on the correct linkshell channel. Not that I would expect a savage to know how to work advanced, Garlean technology.”

You see red as you glare at the back of her head, following after her. “Call me a savage again, bitch.” You dare, watching as she turns to you slowly.

“And unprofessional too. Really, does Lord Zenos,” She doesn’t get time to finish her sentence as Zenos catches you hard by the wrist.

“Insulting my employees, Livia?” Zenos asks, leveling her with a bored look. However after your months of being around him, you have learned his tells, able to hear the slight annoyance in his voice.

“N-Never, young master.” She bows, clearly flustered.

“This is my bodyguard’s first time on this type of excursion. I would expect you to set an example and instead guide her on correct protocol so as to not embarrass herself and by extension my father...who I won’t be needing to inform about your misstep, now will I?” A chill fills the air at his tone despite the warmth of the summer day, Livia doing her best to not visibly shake.

“No, my lord.”

“Good. Now do as you are told and make sure she does her job efficiently.” Releasing your arm he turns to head back inside. “You would do well to not anger her. Next time I might not be around to stop her from demolishing you.” He calls over his shoulder.

Your cheeks tingle with the rush of blood to them at his compliment. Though it wasn’t direct, it was praise nonetheless, without being followed by a backhanded comment. Turning back to Livia, she too is red, though from shame rather than embarrassment. “Come along….Miss.” Livia grounds out, heading back to the garage. You can’t help but snicker to yourself as you follow behind her.

You’re given a quick run down of how the linkshell works, being given a more in depth tutorial on how the more advanced linkpearls worked. The debriefing gave you a strange sense of nostalgia; reviewing the floorplans, potential dangers, instructions on emergency maneuvers all reminded you of your time on the police. You picked it up naturally as a result, though Varis’ bodyguards didn’t find it impressive. Livia was joined by Rhitahtyn, a man who somehow managed to outdo Zenos in bulk, though he was far more stout. Skin almost as dark as Gaius’, he had an equally imposing image. Livia was quick to inform him to keep down about you, letting you know that even though they were nothing to sneeze at, they still feared Zenos.

A hospital seemed far too philanthropic for what you knew of Varis’ character, and you’re positive that it’s nothing more than to play up his public image. From what you remembered, he was surprisingly well liked by the public, regardless of having a very stern persona and conservative ideals. It didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, and you would most likely try to be on your phone through the majority of the ceremony.

When it’s time to load up, you catch father and son entering their car, Zenos looking entirely disinterested and like he’d rather be anywhere else. Varis maintains his usual frown, and you have to wonder if his face just rests like that, or if he’s that pissy all the time. Shrugging, you hop into the car with Livia, buckling in for the ride to the new hospital.

The building itself speaks of Varis’ tastes; just from the outside you can see no expense was spared in making it. It’s quite a ways from downtown, allowing it more space to sprawl outward. The grounds are filled with the greenest grass, the loveliest blooms gil can buy. The sun shines brightly on the grouping of various buildings, making it a picturesque day for this unveiling.

As the car pulls up, you step out, adjusting your suit. Paparazzi are held at bay by ropes and security, so you mosey on over to the Galvuses’ car as they pull up. Opening the door, Varis steps out first, Livia already at his side. You hold back a snort as they begin their walk down the red carpet, turning your face away from the dozens of flashes of cameras. Zenos steps out soon after, wearing a full suit and looking entirely too good in it. Closing the door behind him, you follow him down the aisle, sticking close to his side as he doesn’t bother to even wave for pictures.

A simple stage sits just outside in the parking lot, filled with balloons and reporters alike. Reaching it, Zenos follows his father to go sit down in a row of chairs, picking the one closest to the end. You stand with Rhitahtyn off to the side, instructed to stay out of primary view of what’s being recorded, but also close enough should anything happen. From what you’ve seen though, security is tight and there’s few places for anyone to hide. All reporters and guests have been checked for any firearms or weapons, making for a smooth event.

If only it wasn’t so boring.

Since you are out of sight of most of the cameras (and also Varis and Zenos) you play games on your phone through the majority of the dull speeches. Anytime Rhitahtyn shoots you a look you give him one right back, daring him to say anything. You know he’s as bored as you, and that despite the fact you’re at least entertaining yourself, you still pay close attention to anything being said in the linkshell. You find it better than purposefully rolling your eyes at anything doctors say or how Gaius sings Varis’ praises, prattling on about how generous he is. The crowd cheers as Varis makes his speech, making himself seem some sort of visionary.

You wish you were totally out of sight to flip him off behind his back.

Clapping for appearance’s sake, you move into position to get father and son to the front doors where a huge red ribbon is waiting to be cut. Bodyguards are out of arm’s reach, but still a reasonable distance away, as to not mess with the image of Varis walking the halls of his new hospital. He’s clearly confident with his security, if he’s going to choose his image over common sense. The bastard clearly enjoys being the center of attention, answering every single question with ease as he touts about how advanced the facility is and how many lives it will save. Would it be rude to ask him when he’d shut up so you could go home? Probably, and sadly it was not a risk you were willing to take.

Several floors up now, you’ve held yourself back from sighing no less than twenty times now, settling for watching the day pass by out the windows. It really is a beautiful day out, one best spent out in the sprawling gardens of the estate and instead you are stuck here, following a rich man on an ego trip. Watching the trees sway and grass grow proves more entertaining than listening to Varis talking just because he likes the sound of his voice. Even the reflection of a stranger in the glass is--

Before your mind can catch up, thick smoke fills the hall, burning your throat and stinging your eyes, sending the hallway into a panic. “Zenos!” You call, trying to open your eyes but every time you do it burns like the seven hells. You hear shuffling and grunting, Livia and Rhitahtyn calling out for Varis over the panicked screams of the reporters.

But not Zenos.

“Zenos!” You shout, trying to move but bumping into one person after another in the hallway. The entire hospital powers down, leaving the sun through the windows the only source of light.

Cursing, you reach up to your linkpearl. “Livia! Rhitahtyn!” You hiss, trying to hear anything over the sound of people coughing. “Do you have eyes on them? Either of them?!”

Static sounds through the linkpearl for a few moments. “I can’t see a damn thing!” Comes Rhitahtyn’s deep voice. “Someone’s had to have taken them. They’ve not responded to me at all!”

Dread pools in your gut as you make your way to the closest wall. “We need to get out this hallway!” The gas doesn’t let up as you feel your way along the wall. You mumble apologies as you bump into the several people crowded in the hallway, trying to move out of the gas as quickly as possible. You yelp as you’re suddenly pulled forward through a door, the metal slamming shut behind you.

Jerking your eyes open, the serious faces of Livia and Rhitahtyn stare back, the latter handing you a handkerchief which you accept eagerly. “We must act quickly.” Livia begins, turning to head down the stairwell she had pulled you into. “Rhitahtyn, do you have any fix on their location?”

“They’re currently being moved downstairs, I suspect to some getaway car. We need to act fast.” He answers, swiping along on a tablet. “They are moving somewhat slowly. Both Lord Varis and the young master are not easy to transport due to their stature and would therefore slow them down.”

You can’t help but be a bit surprised at their competence and quick thinking. You begrudgingly give them your respect, leaping down flights of stairs.

“Very well. Rhyitahtyn, contact the security outside to be ready for potential interception, and also begin the building’s lock down phase. Contact the police so that they can already be on their way here once we apprehend these fools.” Livia hisses, pausing to glance at the glowing screen. Her eyes flick to you. “You. I want you to come with me as we intercept them. We don’t know how big this team is, but between the two of us we should be able to stop them until more help arrives. If your skills live up to Lord Zenos’ praise.” Red lights begin flashing in the stairwell, and you hear the distant sound of metal doors slamming shut.

“The hospital has successfully been locked down.” Rhitahtyn informs, sitting his hulking form down on the stairs. “They’ve been stopped successfully. You should be able to intercept them now. They’re on the second floor, but you must still hurry before any harm comes to them. I will keep you updated via the linkshell.” Reaching into his pocket he hands the both of you matte, black cards, and you recognize them to be similar to the ones used at home. “These will help you unlock doors to make your way to them. Be careful, Livia.”

Nodding, Livia motions for you to follow her, heading down a few more flights of stairs. “All right rookie,” she begins, still managing to cling to her pride, but unwilling to run the risk of you telling Zenos she insulted you later. “We’re not going to do something as stupid as splitting up unless we see the opportunity to pincer them. They’re obviously somewhat organized, so we have to minimize all risk of harm until we can confirm that our targets are safe. Do you have your gun?” You give a sharp nod as you both come to a stop to a door. “Good. Only use it when absolutely necessary; absolutely no harm must come to Lord Varis or the young master.” Holding the keycard up to the door, the latch unlocks. “Follow me.”

Quiet as a mouse, you slink into the hallway, lit only by the sunlight. You can see a slight panic outside, as security herd reporters away from the building. Shaking your head, you turn back to focus on following Livia as you make your way through the halls of the hospital. Livia begins to check her phone for an update, but you grab her attention as you hear voices down a hall. Nodding that she understands, you slowly make your way, following signs toward the lobby.

“You absolute idiots!” You hear someone yell, their voice echoing in the large space. You and Livia quickly duck behind one of the desks at the nearby reception area, poking your head out.

A blonde, Hyuran man stands in the midst of several men, all wearing red. The blonde man slaps a lackey across the face, quite hard from the sound of it, uncaring that he crumples to the floor. “We were supposed to grab these two and get out of here, but you idiots are too weak to lift two men!”

“Boss, the son has to weigh at least 200 ponze of pure muscle!” One pipes up only to be silenced by the blonde man smacking him in the face.

“Do I look like I care about how much he fucking weighs? We spend an entire night camping inside this fucking hospital, only for them to put it on lockdown! We’ll be lucky if we make it out of here ourselves, let alone with these two alive!” He roars, taking a deep breath as he reaches up to pinch his nose. “Perhaps we should cut our losses and get out of here, before it’s too late.”

“Look, there.” Livia whispers, pointing to a grouping of couches. Zenos and Varis are strewn upon them, unconscious. “Good. They seem unharmed for now.” Shifting her weight she turns to you. “That savage is Lambard. He’s incredibly dangerous, we’ll have to be careful…”

“Boss, why don’t we take just one?” An underling proposes, flinching when Lambard turns to him.

“Oh and which do you propose we take, hmm?” Lambard asks, voice mockingly sweet.

“The uh, son? His father will want him back right?”

It is silent for a few moments until you hear a loud slap. “It is well and good I don’t pay you all to think.” Lambard sighs, drawing near to the two, unconscious men on the couch. “If you all would pay attention to anything around you for two seconds, you would realize there is absolutely no love lost between father and son. The bastard wouldn’t care if anything happened to his only child, and the whelp couldn’t give a damn about his father.”

“Then why are we trying to get ‘em both?” The same one asks, groaning in pain as Lambard steps on him with his heel.

“Because, there are people willing to pay a pretty penny for Varis’ head on their wall. At the very least, they are both unconscious and we can abandon them here, wait for things to cool off, and try another time. No one will know it was us.” Lambard snickers, punching Zenos across the face. “Ah, that felt great.”

You feel your fists clench reflexively.

“I suppose we could leave ‘em a little beaten up and bruised before we get out of here.” Lambard cackles, giving Zenos another punch in the face. “Ah man this feels so good! After having to have this whelp come around and threaten me for so fucking long…” He slaps Varis across the face, roaring with laughter. “These drugs must be strong! They’ve hardly moved!”

You begin to rise but Livia yanks you back down, furiously shaking her head. Gnashing your teeth you turn back as Lambard continues his abuse on the two, anger rising as you watch.

“Boss, we should really get out of here…” an underling warns, to which Lambard responds with a swift kick to their knee.

“What did I tell you about telling me what to do?” He asks in a sing-song voice, smirking as the underling crumples to the floor. “Though I suppose we have overstayed our welcome...though now, I am reconsidering my idea from earlier. Perhaps we can make use of the son. It is only half of the deal, but something is better than nothing, correct? And who knows! Perhaps his old man will have a change of heart and want his baby boy back.” Lambard laughs. “Have those idiots found a backdoor yet?”

“Yes boss. We’ve managed to find one of the hidden exits through a connected building.”

“Excellent! Perhaps you all aren’t so useless after all.” Lambard grins, snapping his fingers. “Leave the bastard. Let’s go.”

You watch as a few of the men in the group slowly heft up Zenos’ hulking form, panic shooting through you as they begin heading in the opposite direction out of another doorway. Without thinking you launch yourself from behind the desk, ignoring Livia’s commands for you to stop. “You get Varis!” You call over your shoulder, vaulting over chairs and couches as you move to catch up.

Adrenaline propels you forward, throwing all tact and reason out the window. Barrelling through the door they left through, it slams into the wall, alerting them to your presence further down the hall. “Who the hell are you?!” Lambard yells, quickly turning back to his gang. “Stop the girl! We gotta get this guy out of here!” He orders, ushering the men holding Zenos down another hall.

A group of five men stay behind, chuckling to themselves. “You lost ma’am?” One taunts, cracking his knuckles as you make your way toward them.

“Get out of my way.” You respond, clenching and unclenching your fists, quickly analyzing each of them. Five on one is still a lot, and the space in this hallway is pretty tight. Looking at them you can see they’re nothing but run of the mill thugs, and should all go down pretty easily.

“Think you’re tough in your little suit, huh?” One laughs, causing the others to join in as he pulls out a gun. “Don’t want to get hurt, now do ya missy? Come over here and be sweet.”

Huffing, you march over to the band of men with your hands upraised, keeping a close eye on their gun. “This is your last warning. Get out of my way.” You snarl, finally standing before the gunman.

“No need to be that way! If you come quietly, we’ll talk it over with the boss and show you a real good time,” Now in arm’s reach you quickly disarm him, knocking his feet from under him to send him crashing to the floor. The others try to scramble into action, throwing themselves at you haphazardly. Centering yourself, you don’t pull your punches, making sure to bruise as they fall to the ground in a heap one by one. Once the last one is down, you hop over their bodies and dash down the hallway, praying they hadn’t gotten too far.

“Livia?” You call into the linkpearl, heart thundering inside your chest. You’ve lost track of them. “Livia!” You try again, spinning in circles frantically.

“What is it?!” Livia finally answers, voice crackling through the linkpearl.

“They’re trying to sneak Zenos out the back exit, I’m trying to catch up,” You get out between breaths, running down halls like a madwoman. “Tell them to reinforce the,” You yelp as you’re suddenly hit in the face, sliding to the ground as you clutch your bloodied nose.

“Well, well, looks like even the Galvuses’ lackeys break just like the rest, huh?” Lambard cackles, fine, leather shoes walking into your vision. “So what’s your name, huh? Don’t think I’ve seen you around.” He kicks you hard in your side, surprising you with his strength.

Taking a steadying breath, you push yourself up onto your elbows, fixing the Hyuran man with a deadly glare. “My name is Honey.” You spit, swiping your hand across your face, smearing your blood on your cheek.

“Honey, huh? Are you as sweet as your name?” Lambard taunts, shoving you with his foot. “I don’t understand why the bastard feels he needs so many bodyguards…” He groans, walking back toward his members that still carry Zenos. “But, since you’re here, I might be willing to run off without killing you if you can tell me a few things.” He grins, spinning to face you.

“I won’t tell you shit.” You begin pulling yourself from the floor again, willing strength into your limbs. The pain from your broken nose fades into a slight throb, allowing you to focus your breathing.

“Boss,” One of the lackeys warns, but Lambard ignores them.

“I am not running away from some girl.” Lambard snarls, eyes fixated on you. “You two! Take care of her.”

The two men holding Zenos’ legs exchange a look, but set them down to follow orders. The first one launches himself at you, swinging his fist in a wide arc. You easily slip under him, delivering a well placed uppercut to his jaw so hard you hear his teeth click together. As he clutches his face in pain, you take the chance to deliver a roundhouse kick to his face, sending him to the floor.

Shaking your hands, you take pleasure from the fear you see filling Lambard’s eyes.

The next man throws himself at you, a bit smarter than the former, keeping his fists closer to himself. He’s easy to find an opening for though, snatching his fist from midair to bend it backwards toward him, grinning darkly as you feel his bones crack in ways they’re not supposed to. Punching him square in the chest, he lands flat on his back, screaming in pain as you step hard enough on his chest to crack a rib.

“W-What...what are you?!” Lambard yells, eyes wide with fear. He backs away frantically, scrambling to get behind his last underlings. “No one moves like that! It’s unnatural! You’re a freak!” Shoving at the last two lackeys, he makes them drop Zenos as he pushes them toward you. “Get her!”

The two of them seem as afraid of you as Lambard is, unsure of whether to follow their sense of self preservation, or orders from their boss. “I said kill her!” Lambard draws his own gun, spurring the two men into action. Cursing, they don’t make the mistake of their former companions and both approach you at once, prompting you to back off. They’ve got you on the defensive, pushing you further away from the exit. One manages to get a cheap shot on you, making you stumble, giving the other the chance to grab you from behind to lock your arms together.

“Ha! Not so tough now are you?!” Lambard jeers, waving his gun at you. “So now, maybe you’ll start talkin’!”

“I told you I’m not telling you shit!” You bark, struggling against the hold of the man behind you but the second socks you in the gut, knocking the wind out of you. Exhaustion begins to set in, your muscles crying for relief.

“Yes, yes, you told me before.” Lambard groans, shaking his head, coming to kneel beside Zenos. Your eyes widen as he places the barrel of the gun directly to his head, fixing you with a cruel smile. “How about now?”

Biting your lip, you stare down at Zenos’ unconscious face. “Leave him alone.” You murmur, fixing Lambard with a pleading look. The action only serves to make him laugh, grabbing Zenos forcefully by his hair, shaking him around.

“Who is he to you? Who are you to him? Does he know you’d beg for his life? Never thought I’d see the day someone would beg me to not kill this son of a bitch.” Lambard chuckles, dropping him to the floor. “Go on. Beg me for it.”

Your mind is racing malms a minute, deciding on the best course of action. He seems more concerned with stroking his ego at having you at a disadvantage than escaping, so even if it stings your pride, you can buy yourself some time.

“Please...don’t kill him.” You beg, scared with how genuine your voice sounds. Lambard cackles loudly, clearly enjoying himself and part of you wonder if he gets off on it.

“Oh, man is this how that bastard feels? I gotta say, it feels pretty damn good.” Coming to stand before you, he gives you a taunting sneer. “Maybe I should take you with me instead? You’re a lot easier to run off with, plus I could keep you like a little trophy, hm?”

Holding your tongue (and your bile), you nod slowly. “Anything to keep him safe.” You plead, even going slack in your captors’ arms. Pleased with your submission, Lambard clutches your face in his hands, giving you an evil smirk. “Such sacrifice...what a good find you are.” He practically giggles, rubbing a thumb along your bottom lip.

“Lambard!”

All of you turn to see Livia come barreling around the corner, gun drawn as she aims straight for Lambard. Her eyes are fierce, but she doesn’t fire. “Drop your weapon!” She demands, slowly making her way toward you. Lambard only sighs, releasing your cheek as he steps away from you.

“So many lovely women keep popping up...and surely your friends aren’t so far behind. I suppose I should throw in the towel…” He sighs, shaking his head slowly as he slowly lowers himself in a crouch to place the gun on the floor. Just when it looks when he’s about to release it from his hand, everything happens in slow motion.

Hear…

Your heart feels like it’s caught in your throat, pounding in your head. The hall is quiet save for the panic outside.

Feel…

The men still hold you tightly as they watch their boss slowly lower the gun to ground. With wide eyes you watch as Lambard quickly shifts the gun in his hand at the last second to angle it toward Zenos, too quickly for Livia to react quickly enough. Alarm races through you, adrenaline once again flooding your veins.

Think....

“He has no use for anyone who is not willing to kill or be killed for him.”

“Those in power cannot afford to show weakness.”

“Kill him.”

Your mind goes blank.

Something comes over you, something unnatural, giving you the strength to free yourself from the hold of the underlings. With unfeeling, calculating hands you reach for Lambard’s head, a hand at the back and one under his chin. Gripping hard, you twist his neck with a loud snap, releasing him to fall on the floor. Turning on the guards you quickly deck one in the face hard enough to dislocate his jaw, giving him a few more blows to send him to the ground as well. The other grabs you from behind, arm around your neck in an attempt to choke you. Reaching up you grab his arm and bend over, launching him over your back to slam into the floor. You pull your gun from your blazer, aiming down, hand on the trigger.

“Don’t kill them!” Livia shouts, eyes so wide you can see the whites of them. “Honey! Don’t fire!”

Hearing your name snaps you from your trance, taking a good look at the men on the floor. His hands are held in front of his face, tears streaming down his cheeks as he trembles in fear. The gun falls from your hand onto the floor, the man jolting as it lands with a clatter. Livia approaches slowly, lowering her gun as she eyes the pile of men on the floor.

“Rookie…” Her voice is but a harsh whisper, peppered with disbelief and shock.

You do not hear her.

“Rhitahtyn...the culprits have been apprehended.” Livia speaks into her linkpearl, turning away to go check on Zenos. “Have an ambulance come around, quickly, for the young master…” She pauses, glancing at your frozen form over her shoulder.

“And one for the rookie too.”

#zenos #zenos yae galvus #FFXIV #ff14 #Final Fantasy XIV #THP

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piscesbarnes · 6 years ago

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Ease Your Frustrations → Bucky Barnes

pairing: bucky x reader

warnings: smut. dry humping. slight humiliation kink? finger-sucking. slight dom/sub.

prompt: getting yourself off was getting harder nowadays, you especially needed it with all your stressing. bucky’s more than willing to help you out

“Fuck!” you shouted out of anger, thrashing around in your bed, harshly kicking off the linen sheets that lined your bed. The amount of stress and anger you felt welted and built up in your chest caused your temperature to increase rapidly, a heavy pant falling from your mouth.

“Ms. Y/N, your body temperature seems to have grown in the last few minutes. I have contacted Mr. Stark immediately.” FRIDAY’s voice rang through your room.

“What? No!” you shrieked, tears welding in your eyes. You didn’t know why you let yourself cry. You had been extremely frustrated lately. The only thing you’d been running on in the last few days were coffee and anxiety. You didn’t need this to add on top of it, you knew if Tony had seen you, you’d been up in the lab all night for testing, leaving you without sleep.

“I am terrible sorry Y/N. However, Mr. Stark is busy right now. He has sent Mr. Barnes on his behalf.” you threw your head back, groaning in annoyance. Didn’t FRIDAY understand that you didn’t want to be disturbed?

The knock at your door interrupted your thoughts of plotting to kill everyone in the building. They didn’t do anything to you, but you were fed up with everyone. You gathered yourself together, angrily mumbling to yourself as you tugged your door open with an exasperated sigh.

“Hey Y/N, you okay?” Bucky questioned, although the tears on your face seemed obvious enough. He didn’t take the time to notice you weren’t wearing pants; you were swallowed in a big t-shirt.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” you sent him a tight-lipped smile.

“You don’t look okay...” he said gently, stepping forward. He knew when you were upset, you enjoyed affection. So, he was going to hug you. However, a hug from Bucky was the last thing you needed. The smell of his musk and his light choice of cologne would drive you crazy. You stepped back instinctively, holding your breath. “What’s wrong?” and now he was genuinely concerned.

“I’m just a little stressed with school.” you were studying for exams all week, day and night. You were in college and yet, Peter fucking Parker got exactly what your classes were teaching. You felt so stupid to ask a child for help on quizzing you. “And I can’t fucking come, I’ve been trying all week and it’s not working, I-“ the tears spewed from your eyes quicker than the words coming from your mouth. It seemed a little much, telling your friend about your sexual frustrations. But you didn’t care. You were a bundle of emotions that needed some TLC.

Bucky’s eyes widened at your confession. He wasn’t used to your bluntness, you almost never got straight to the point. But he could tell your distress was finally getting a little exhale. What was he supposed to do? Hug you because you told him you needed to come? Wish you luck and have you try again? You were a crying mess in front of him for fuck’s sake.

Bucky moved forward, taking a step into your room. The smell of you hit his nostrils, the smell of your sex roamed around, sticking to your bedsheets, but more importantly to you. He could smell you on your fingers and god, were you intoxicating. He was afraid you’d see his pupils dilating, but you were crying, not paying attention. He shut the door behind him, running his hand through his hair, trying to figure out how to help you. You looked up at him, tears staining your cheeks. The second you looked at him, you were done for. He was going to completely ruin you.

Marching up to your stuttering, confused body, Bucky gripped your neck tightly, pulling you in for a teeth-clashing kiss. The force had you stumbling backwards, Bucky made sure to set you gently on your bed where your aroma teased his senses.

“Buck,” your voice came out in a light, airy sigh. Music to his ears. He nuzzled himself in between your legs as he kissed you needily. This is what you wanted right? Your desire for him was set ablaze. You were on fire and you needed him to soothe you. You needed this, you wanted it. It wasn’t a surprise that you were completely sensitive to his touch. So, when he grounded his hips into yours, you let out a louder noise than you expected, surprising the both of you.

“S-sorry, I-“ it was like he knew before you did. He knew what you were feeling. He pushed his hard-on against your core, your legs instinctively tried to clamp shut around him, his metal arm looped under your thigh, propping it against him. “Bucky,” your whimper was sinful enough to deem you unforgivable in a nun’s eyes. Your eyes were glazed over and Bucky couldn’t believe how sensitive and responsive you were to the touch. Your skin was glossed with a feverish, light sweat.

With the whimpers leaving your lips, Bucky could definitely tell you were extremely desperate for a release. The way you needily moved against him spoke more than your words. He carefully rolled over onto his back, letting you take the reigns. His hand gripped your sides as you rutted your bare pussy against the clad of his jeans.

“Jesus sugar, are you not wearing under that?” groaned Bucky as he felt your wetness seeping through the fabric. You shook your head with a pant, your cheeks flushed at how desperate you were. God, it was a little embarrassing and pathetic, how horny you were, but you kinda liked it. “Look at you, my needy girl. You want it bad, don’t you?“ he caressed your thigh, giving it an encouraging squeeze. You had no idea how you could be so sensitive, everything he was doing to you was hypnotizing. His voice, his light touch that lingered in your skin, his cock hardening in his jeans. Yet, he wanted you to come first. Such a gentleman.

While your lips had been parted in a pant, Bucky brought his hand up, his thumb popping in your mouth. You immediately craned your neck, cuddling your cheek to the palm of his hand as you sucked on his thumb. You hallowed out your cheeks, shutting your eyes as you moaned around his thumb. The blood rushed to his cock quicker than your previous confession did. While he did want to watch you suck on his fingers a little while longer, his prominent goal was to get you to come. He wasn’t subtle with rubbing his hand down your chest. He was quick to shove his hand under your shirt, his rough calloused hands dancing across your sensitive skin. Goosebumps rose on every surface of your skin as your nipples hardened. Bucky’s thumb ran over the hardened bud and you couldn’t help but bite on your bottom lip.

It was a sight to behold. Your eyes were clamped shut, your lip in between your teeth as you fucked yourself against his clothed length. You were so beautiful like this.

“You gonna come baby?” Bucky said with a pant. He twiddled his thumb against your bud, pinching it lightly as you bounced lightly, letting out another whimper. You vigorously shook your head, your movements coming to a stop as you hunched over, leaning to rest your forehead on his shoulder. “What’s wrong Y/N?” he stopped too.

“Don’t wanna come yet,” you said weakly. This caused him to raise his eyebrow. You really brought yourself to the brink and willingly stopped after a whole night of trying to come. Maybe you were a little more submissive than you let out.

“But I want you to come.” his voice was soft but firm like melted caramel. His cold, metal hand ran along your thigh, sending shivers down your spine. “Come on, please? Be a good girl for me.”

“Wanna come around you.” your voice sounded muffled and strained. You clenched your tummy as tight as you could, holding back your release but with how Bucky was talking to you and touching you, you knew the dam would break and you’d be a flooded mess.

“You can and you will. After you come at least once.” at least once? When you didn’t respond or move, Bucky decided to take matters into his own hands. He moved his hand to circle around your lower tummy, his thumb coming in contact with your clit. He rubbed quick circles with no mercy. You jumped in his lap at the sudden sensation, he groaned at the feeling of you bouncing on him.

“Bucky, please, please please!” you begged. You gnawed at his collarbone, nipping at the skin there. He felt you shaking once more.

“Please what, sugar?”

“Make me come, I wanna- wanna make a mess all over you. Wanna be a good girl.” Bucky could have came in that moment. Your words, being so... obedient to him, made him feel blissful. He toyed around with your clit, letting you bite at his neck.

“Okay beautiful, come.” he wasn’t asking, he wasn’t allowing. No, Bucky was demanding it. As if your body was more obedient to him than it was to you, your body shook aggressively as you came harder than you had with the shower head. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you yelped at the harsh release. Your walls clenched continuously around nothing, desperate for something to grab. You swore you had some sort of out-of-body experience. Had you just gone to heaven?

When you opened your eyes, you were on your back with Bucky sitting above you, caressing your cheek. You were only out for less than a minute. He pulled a water bottle in the mini fridge you had near your bed (courtesy of Tony Stark) and helped you drink from it.

“Did I pass out?” you questioned after downing the bottle.

“Yeah, you did. Was a little worried there, I’ve never made anyone pass out. I thought I killed ya.” Bucky was smug. His smirk made him look like such a cocky asshole. “How’re you feeling sugar?”

“Mentally exhausted. But I could go again.” you confessed. Your heat wasn’t exactly satisfied. Bucky chuckled above you, brushing the hair from your face.

“Well luckily, you won’t have to move a muscle when I stuff that pretty pussy of yours.” he ran his tongue over his lips, giving you those eyes. The eyes a predator would give its prey. You knew you wouldn’t have a problem with not coming anymore.

#bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #bucky x you #bucky x reader #marceline writes #this is based on the fact that i can’t get myself to come lmao RIP in peace

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szopenhauer · 4 years ago

Text

Can you talk on the phone while having the tv/radio on? not really ^^”

Describe your teeth: ugh...

Whats the longest youve lived without electricity? days, maybe weeks, no longer than 2

Name all the types/brands of cigarettes you have tried: RGD blue

What is one thing you stand strongly for? hmm... I’m weak

If you could be the owner of one site what would it be? old polyvore :( I’d keep it

What does your doormat say? sadly nothing

What is something you always have in your fridge? light lol

What age can you not wait for? I’m not looking forward to growing older wtf

Name all the drugs you’d never do: I don’t plan to try any illegal substances nor even cigarettes or alcohol

What is the most alcohol you’ve drank in a night? half a mug of absynth while I was on meds that I shouldn’t mix with it :x

What street sign do you find totally pointless? round ones have no points lmfao *dry humor

Do you like water? but drink or what?

Would you ever be a zoo keeper? maybe Do you like the name Mia? it reminds me of Mamma mia and I disliked this movie as I’m not fan of musicals so... Do you have pictures in your room of your friends and you? just parents and dog, not even grandma’s anymore Would you like to live in Canada? no Do you want to be a mouse? dunno When was the last time you had a date? recently Are you in a poke war on Facebook? it reminds me of Sebastian :x Aren’t penguins cute? they’re fine Would you rather have your friends at your house or you at theirs? have friends over is cool if not my mother and mess (and covid now too of course) as going out is a struggle True or false: Life is unfair. sigh... Do you have curtains in your living room? What do they look like? we do, they’re like golden/yellowish/beige

Are you a fan of Star Wars? huge

Do you hate when people don’t capitilize the beginning of the sentence? I do it all the time True or False: Justin Bieber is gay. he’s married to a female, he was dating a gal before too, it’s unlikely

Are you worried about how much paper and water we use? mhm

Did you ever take a computer class in school? we all had to Would you like to sit around and do nothing all day? mmm :3

Mini skirts, jeans or both? neither Are you good at come backs? better than when I was a kid fo sho! When’s the last time you watched the news? I don’t even remember Do you really think that the number 13 is unlucky? it’s my dad’s lucky number Personality or looks? personality is 90% + I don’t count sex - just women exclusively Do you ever dance around your room when your by yourself? at times Do you hate the cold? very, brrr How long can you hold your breath for? about a minute? What’s something you seem to run out of often? ... Do you think that there really is someone out there for all of us? not for every human being Do you think Cookie Monster is cute? it’s alright Do you ever wish you were a bird? yes Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone? I fight a lot of ppl in my dreams Do you ever wish on your eye lashes? I believe they’re sent by those who think about you instead Do you ever make up stories in your head and wish they come true? some of them only Do you look at people in the eyes when you talk to them? usually not when I talk which makes them think I’m lying, I prefer to look them in the eye when I listen Which is worse: stuffy nose or runny nose? runny nose is worse Do you think it would be cool to be part of the royal family? it would be easier in some ways, harder in others, guess it could be worthy after all? Do you have to wear a belt with your pants? I don’t own/wear any Do you think your last relationship was a disaster? I’m taken rn True or False : You were born in March false Do you wear hats in the winter? I do, it’s cold

Are you looking forward to the new year? sorta Are you afraid that one day you may get cancer? I know I will Which is worse : Dentist or doctor? doctor

Do you hate when the radio overplays a song? that’s one of the reasons I don’t listen to the radio What’s your least favorite thing that begins with the letter C? chronic illnesses? Do you wish you could walk on water? how would I take a bath then? Which is your favorite symbol : ! @ $ % ^ & * ( ) ? ? Do you like your legs? they’re not the worst Would you rather visit London or Paris? London Twilight or Harry Potter? HP if I have to choose any Do you have a big nose? I heard I do, they were calling me NOSE in middle school Can you rap? nah Do you like the number 4? meh What color is your bike? my push scooter is green ;) Have you ever tried to count the stars? I don’t think so Are you not over someone? apparently as we’re dating

Have you kissed someone today? not today Have you taken a painkiller today? nope Have you had a nap today? neither If you’re currently in a relationship - do you think it will last? I’m afraid not ;( *covid, my issues, our differences etc. - everything can fuck it up and probably will I try to enjoy the moment but it will break us hard sooner or later and I’m getting used to the tought even tho she asks me not to give up (I don’t plan to but I worry she might) I’m gonna miss what we have... if this relationship won’t work I’m not gonna look for anybody new ever What would you wear if you were being taken out to dinner tonight? how fancy? Do you take your Christmas decorations down before or after New Years? after, before my birthday Have you made a large purchase today? no Have you ever had a migraine? it’s a disease, you either have it or not, that’s not just a single headache Have you locked your front door today? my parents are outside muahahaha Have you been awake before sunrise today? noooooooo

Do you normally eat dessert? nope Do you think you could be happy if you had to live with only nine outfits? not during winter Do you watch sunrises? barely ever Do you wake up before the sunrise? when I can’t sleep Do you watch sunsets? not interested

What would you paint on a pumpkin? why not carve? Do you ever imagine you are richer than you are? when planning my dream apartment Do you ever imagine that you live in an entirely different world? kind of Would you rather change your first name or your middle? I have no middle name, I could add one or change first, whatever Do you wish your last name was more interesting? more like shorter If you wrote a novel, would you give the characters ordinary names? it varies Do you worry too much? I’m a worrier What’s your favorite leaf color? green Do you wonder if you have super vision? I have a very good vision which is weird knowing how much I read in the past and how long I sit in front of the computer Do you like the smell of autumn leaves? not a fan If you were a singer, what would you sing and write songs about? sad stuff Would you rather be a dancer or a musician? musician

Where do you put your keys when you get home? not gonna tell you

Are you expecting any phone calls or emails? what if I win the contest?...

What does a successful relationship look like to you? success is when ppl die together (I mean not the same time but when they get older together) and not just because they had to, relationship is more than getting used to and coping - it’s happiness out of being together even if everything around is shit, you know what I mean?

What is the best house you’ve ever lived in? I’ve never moved

Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house? if I need to

Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way? nope?

What was the last email you received? spam

Do you know someone who speaks without a filter? less filters than most but it also depends on who they’re talking to and what about

Are you the youngest, middle or eldest child in your family? youngest

What’s something you’ve been meaning to do but keep putting off? I’m a procrastinator so don’t even ask

What’s the first thing you check on your phone at the start of the day? fb messenger

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lady-une · 6 years ago

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BSD Ch9

God it’s late, as you all know I had some trouble getting this chapter done. I hope you all enjoy it. Please as always leave me some feedback, like the story, and reblog. Help me reach some new people.

He thought their love was eternal, that nothing would be able to break them apart. He put his trust and faith in the man he loved with all his heart. The one man he thought would never hurt him, did it in the most horrific way possible. How will he move on, having to see the man who broke his heart day in and day out. Having to see him smile and look at another the way he once did him. If had known this was his destiny all along, he would never had started on this path to begin with.

Word count: 3731

Theme: Angst

Rating: Mature, SMUT, Drinking

Pairing: Kwon Jiyong x Seungri

Master List

Chapter 1

Waking up the next day Seungri felt the pressure behind his eyes and knew he would look like shit before he even went into the bathroom. Grabbing a wash cloth Seungri ran the water as cold as possible before drenching the wash cloth in water and tossing it in the freezer of the mini fridge. By the time he got out of the shower and was dressed the wet washcloth was partially frozen when he grabbed it out of the fridge. Laying on the bed he applied it to his eyes hoping to help ease away the puffiness from the night before. As he laid there Seungri kept going over the events of yesterday. He needed to find away to make this easier on himself. He knew that there would be more days like today in the future and he had to figure out how to deal with them. The knock at the door was his signal that he was out of time and needed to go out and face everyone, grabbing his sunglasses off the dresser in the room he made his way to the door.

The car ride to the venue Seunghyun and Daesung kept looking at each other before looking back at Seungri who sat in the back again with his arms crossed and head leaning on the window. Clearly the maknae had a hard night with his choice of sunglasses, meanwhile Jiyong sat up front happily talking away with Youngbae. Both of the men were worried with how Seungri was going to be this morning, if he was going to be able to handle the fact that Jiyong’s girlfriend would be at the concert tonight.

Youngbae did his best to listen to his best friend who was happily chatting away about music. Yet he couldn’t help but feel unease come from the backseat that held the maknae. He hadn’t heard him speak at all this morning but noticed a bit of puffiness to his face. Youngbae was hoping Jiyong had picked a different path after their talk. Youngbae felt the disappointment fill his heart for his best friend when he didn’t pick the maknae over girlfriend. Had he just done that then things would have been different. The group could have gone back to their old ways and there wouldn’t be this unspoken divide in the group. Youngbae feared for what was going to come, he felt it in his bones that something bad was coming and he had no idea how to stop it.

Arriving at the venue the members unloaded and went to the stage to begin the soundcheck. The night of restless sleep and none stop tears was not helping Seungri’s concentration. More than once Seungri had bumped into a member because he was at the wrong mark for the song. More than once he slipped up in his lyrics. Seunghyun and Daesung tried to cover up for Seungri but Jiyong was not having it. Jiyong marched his angry body over towards Seungri who had just spun right into Youngbae.

“Seungri is this a joke? Are you drunk!?” Jiyong angrily asked.

“Sorry hyung, I will do better.” Seungri said in his broken hoarse voice.

“What is wrong with you?”

“I stayed up late going over some emails.”

“Don’t do that anymore, save those for another time. We don’t need to mess up in front of everyone.”

“Sorry hyung.”

Jiyong walked back to his area as Youngbae tried to console the maknae. Seunghyun could feel his anger starting to rekindle itself, how dare Jiyong be so mean towards the maknae? Was he ever in love with him? It wouldn’t make sense for someone who claimed to have loved another to not even notice when said person was lying right to his face. Daesung saw the eldest clench the microphone in his hand and knew he needed to diffuse the situation. Grabbing onto Seunghyun’s free hand he tugged on it. Turning to Daesung he bent down to hear what Daesung wanted to say.

“Hyung please not now. We have so much going on. Please if you let this go for now I will talk to my art friend in Tokyo.” Daesung whispered into Seunghyun’s ear.

Surprised, Seunghyun stood up right before leaning back down to whisper in Daesung’s ear. “For you I will let this go.”

Laughing Daesung moved passed him, “you mean for the Art you will let this go.”

With the sound check complete the members moved into the back to start getting ready. In the showers Seungri did his very best to pull himself together. While his heart may be broken beyond repair he knew it wasn’t fair to the fans to give them a bad performance. Coming out of the shower he put his mask on with a wide panda like smile. Sitting down in the makeup chair he was asked about his large puffy eyes and he just smiled and made a smart-ass remark about being a business man and how business men never get to sleep. After makeup he went to get his clothes on and that’s when Youngbae took his chance to talk to him.

“Maknae how are you doing?”

“I’m fine hyung, I’m sorry about earlier. I won’t be messing up anymore.”

“You didn’t have any emails, did you?”

“Hyung of course I did. There are some new Aori shops that need final say on things. Plus, NHR stuff and YGX stuff.”

“Seungri, you know you can come to me about anything. He might be my best friend, but you are my maknae and you deserve someone to be in your corner.”

“He has me in his corner, always and forever.” Seunghyun added as he swung his arm around the maknae’s shoulder.

“Hyung I’m glad he has you in his corner.” Youngbae said as he clapped Seunghyun on the shoulder before going off to get himself dressed.

The concert went off like it should, Seungri was true to his words and didn’t mess up once. If anything, he was extra silly and was playing around with all the members of the band. He had a big smile on his face and even twirled around with Jiyong. His ability to put on a fake smile and the happy panda act was even surprising to himself. When it came time for them to do their little talk with the crowd Jiyong stepped forward and said that today was a special performance because he had someone watching him from the crowd for the first time. All the members knew who he was referring to and the fans were cheering extra loud. Seungri who was at the opposite end of the stage from him kept his smile on as his heart broken inside even more. In the past when they were doing solo songs or when Jiyong did his solo tour they always had hidden meanings behind things they said. A way for them to show their love for one another but now it was Jiyong who was showing his lover for someone other than Seungri. None of the members could even glance towards the maknae in fear of the fans catching on. Instead they had to play along and hope that the maknae wasn’t falling apart.

By the end of the performance everyone was tired, Seungri’s face was hurting from all the forced smiling he was doing. Following quietly to the back to change Seungri who wasn’t paying attention bumped into Seunghyun’s back.

“Ow hyung.” Seungri said as he bounced off and rubbed his nose. When he went to move around the eldest, Seunghyun turned and held him in place shaking his head.

“Look at me, don’t look anywhere else but me.” Seunghyun said in a stern voice.

“Hyung what’s up? I am tired, and I just want to go to sleep.” Seungri said as he shook off Seunghyun’s hands and moved to step away. This time it was Daesung who was blocking his path.

“Seungri how about we go take a peek at the audience and make sure they are all getting out ok.”

“Sure…” Seungri responded to Daesung with his eyebrow raised.

The three turned towards the way they came and began walking away but Seungri quick on his feet spun around and slipped between his two hyungs and stopped in his tracks. He should have listened to them, how had he not heard her shrill of a voice. For what was in front of him was something he could have gone without seeing. Jiyong with Soo-Min locked in a lovers embrace with their lips on one another. Seungri wanted to cry but he had a part to play. He didn’t need any more pity from his members. Putting the panda smile back on he turned and waived for his hyung’s to follow him as he walked passed Jiyong he shouted “Get a room” before laughing and going into the changing room.

Seunghyun, Daesung, and Youngbae were all surprised by the way the maknae was handling things. They all shared a glance before following Seungri into the dressing room. While Jiyong still held Soo-min he stood there surprised himself at Seungri, he wasn’t sure if he was joking in a playful way or if he was hurt. Surely if he was hurt he would have gone to Jiyong and asked him to not do that in front of him. With a quick kiss to the cheek he went in to change.

Seungri was pulling his pants up as Jiyong came in, he wanted out of there as quickly as possible. He even wondered if he would be able to get a different ride back to Seoul and claim it was business related since they had a few days off. Grabbing his shirt, he was pulling it on as he felt Jiyong put a hand on his arm. Turning around he found Jiyong standing behind him with a concerned look on his face. His heart did a leap in his chest, yet he pushed the stupid hopeful feelings out of his mind because what he wanted was never going to happen.

“Seungri, are we good?” Jiyong asked calmly.

“Of course we are, why wouldn’t we be?”

“Well I did yell at you earlier and then well…You know that if things make you feel uncomfortable that you can come to me and tell me, right?”

“Yeah, I know hyung, but don’t worry about it. Everything is fine.” Seungri responded as he used all his strength to put a dazzling smile on his face and placed his hand on Jiyong’s shoulder giving him a squeeze.

“Ok good.”

“Well I am off, I have some business that needs my attention, so I am finding my own way back to Seoul.”

Seungri grabbed his stuff and walked towards the door. Thankfully one of the staff members who were also staying at the same hotel had driven themselves up and agreed to drive the maknae back to the city.

Arriving back home Seungri quickly showered and emptied his bag of clothes before filling it back up enough for a few days before grabbing his keys and rushing out the door. He needed to be away from everyone and all their glances and their pity. Throwing his bag in the front seat Seungri grabbed his phone from his pocket making sure that any locating apps were turned off so that no one was able to find him. He needed space.

Arriving at the secluded villa outside of Seoul Seungri pulled into the garage and waited for the door to fully close before climbing out. The air in the villa was stale, he hadn’t been here in so long and neither has anyone from his family. This was his own personal hiding space that no one outside of his family knew about. Walking over to the windows he opened them all up before turning on the fans and walking up to the master bedroom. Pulling the white sheet covering the bed off a cloud of dust filled the room making Seungri cough. Seungri tossed the sheet in the corner and went to the window throwing the curtains to the side so that he was able to open the window to ventilate the room. Seungri made quick work of stripping the bed of the current sheets before replacing them with semi fresh ones out of the linen closet.

Falling back onto the bed Seungri stared up at the ceiling into the bright light that lite the room. Standing back up he walked over to the switch and flicked it off drenching the room in complete darkness. The only light was coming from the street lamps outside, shadows from the trees blowing outside danced across the walls opposite of the window. Slowly Seungri made his way back to the bed before laying down.

“I refuse to cry over you any longer. How could you do this to me? Did I mean so little to you that you could caste me aside so easily? I loved you with all my soul. I would have given you anything. I would have given you my heart if it meant that you could keep on living. Yet all you could give me was heart ache. I hate you.” Seungri spoke out loud the words he didn’t have the courage to speak directly to Jiyong. Closing his eyes Seungri allowed the tiredness take over.

The next morning Seungri found his phone still in the car with many missed calls and text from his hyungs, all of them wondering if he was ok and where he was. Seungri simply put a message to the group chat that he was fine and just handling business and would be back soon. Seunghyun was the first to respond demanding Seungri’s location which Seungri said he was fine but had to run. The notifications started going off as the eldest member was flooding the room with concerned questions. The other members chimed in as well also worried. Seungri knew he would need to make some post so that they wouldn’t worry as much. Opening up his phone he quickly searched through his many pictures until he found one of him at an Aori shop on one of his many visits. Making sure that there was nothing in the background that could give the date of the picture away, he then posted it to Instagram with the caption “working hard” under the photo.

The rest of the day Seungri spent laying around the villa, first he was laying in the living room before moving to the backyard, and then ending up on the floor in bedroom with his feet propped up on the bed. The whole day he hadn’t glanced at his phone since he posted his picture. The thoughts running through his mind all day were of Jiyong and how unfair things were. He thought of getting revenge but knew it wouldn’t matter, Jiyong was over Seungri and probably never loved him to begin with. No Seungri now just needed to live his life the best way he could and to not care what Jiyong thought. Closing his eyes, he tried to freeze his heart and to turn off his emotions. He needed to go back a different man but had no idea how to do it. Getting up off the floor Seungri walked over to the bag that he had retrieved from the car and pulled out a notebook. Laying on the bed he began writing. He wrote out all his emotions and feelings. Wrote about the unfairness and the love he had for Jiyong. Wrote about his loneliness and the fear he had for his future. Seungri used this moment to just unload all his emotions on to the paper, unsure if this would ever be seen by anyone. When the tears started flowing quicker then he could swipe them away he finally set his pen down and allowed the emotions to flood out of him. He was determined to make this the last time he ever cried over Kwon Jiyong.

The morning of the last day of the groups resting period Seungri woke up feeling different. As if he had something lodged in his body but it was finally free. Going around Seungri closed all the windows and made sure things were locked up before getting in his car and heading back to the city.

Getting off the elevator Seungri was answering some actual work emails as he walked towards the door to his apartment that he didn’t notice someone was waiting for him. Looking up Seungri was surprised to see Mino standing at his door with two cups of coffee.

“Hi.” Mino said in chipper voice.

“Hi, what are you doing here?”

“I had called your sister when you weren’t answering my calls yesterday. She said you were fine and would call me when you came back home. She called me a little bit ago and said that you were on your way back here, so I should hurry up and get over here. So here I am.”

Seungri smiled as he unlocked the door and held it open for Mino. Clearly his sister must have logged into the villa’s security system and saw that Seungri was there. How else would she know that he was on his way home? Once inside Mino handed Seungri a cup of coffee before heading to the couch to sit down.

“So how is everything?” Mino asked as he sipped on his coffee.

“Good, everything is good.” Seungri replied as he too made his way to the couch.

“I heard about the concert.”

“I am fine Mino, I swear.”

“You know I might not have known you as long as the other members, but I am not stupid. I catch on to things quickly. Like how when you lie or try to hide things your pinky will twitch ever so slightly.” Mino sipped on his coffee as he raised his eyebrow daring Seungri to deny it, which he could not.

“Mino can we not, I finally fill a bit of peace in the whole matter and I don’t want to stir things up again.” Seungri sat his coffee cup on the table to the side of the couch before turning to Mino.

“I won’t say anything, that is unless you are hurt. I won’t sit by and watch you be hurt anymore. I only want you to be happy. Let me help you be happy.” Mino pleaded as he reached for Seungri’s hand taking it in his.

Seungri was lost for words, he wasn’t entirely sure what Mino meant by what he said. All he could do was smile and nod his head. It was time for him to start living his life again.

The next day as the group was supposed to set out for their next stop on the tour the manager received a message from Seungri saying he was going to find his own way. The other members were surprised when the van started driving off without their maknae.

“We are missing a member, I don’t think we should be leaving.” Youngbae said from his seat.

“The maknae is meeting us there.” Was the reply from the front seat.

“What is the maknae thinking? He never does this, was he out drinking the whole time?” Jiyong asked as he turned towards the other members. Seungri always rode with the group, there was something off and Jiyong wasn’t sure what was going through the maknae’s mind.

Seunghyun grabbed his phone from the side of chair and sent a text asking if he was ok or if he was drunk. Seungri’s reply was instant, that he was already on his way to the hotel and that he was very much sober. With little to be done Seunghyun sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. Daesung who sat next to him patted his knee, he too was worried about the maknae, but he had to have faith that things would turn out alright in the end.

When the members arrived at the hotel they made their way inside but stopped when they reached the atrium that sat inside the hotel. There sitting at a table with a glass of orange juice was their maknae laughing and smiling ear to ear. Seunghyun pushed passed the stunned members and marched right up to Seungri.

“Yah maknae what do you think you are doing worrying us.” Seunghyun asked as he turned Seungri to face him in his chair.

“Hyung I told you I was fine and that I would meet you all here.”

“Hyung please don’t be mad at Seungri it was my idea.” Mino said as he was surprised that the eldest member would be acting this way.

“Next time if one of you two could please just let me know what is going on instead of being so secretive.” Seunghyun stood back and allowed Seungri to stand before pulling him into a hug. “I worry about you, but I guess maybe I won’t have to worry as much anymore?”

“I am much better, please let’s move on.” Seungri said into Seunghyun’s shoulder.

Seunghyun released Seungri so that he could pull Mino into a one-sided hug. Jiyong walked up to the three men and he too started demanding to know what was going on with Seungri.

“Hyung I am here, and I am not drunk. You don’t need to worry about me. I am a big boy and I know what my responsibilities are.” Seungri grabbed his orange juice and Mino’s hand before walking passed Jiyong and towards the elevator.

Jiyong watched Seungri walk away hand in hand with Mino and was stunned. Seungri was acting like how he was when he was younger, as if nothing mattered except what he wanted. Jiyong hated how hard it was to tame Seungri back then, now the maknae was older and stronger. He was more confident and wouldn’t be able to be molded like he once was. Crossing his arms Jiyong started to wonder if the return of this Seungri was due to the influence of the younger man. The last thing Jiyong wanted to deal with was a zero fucks to give Seungri. Things were going to get difficult if Seungri kept on this route, Jiyong was now stuck trying to think of ways to detach Mino from Seungri’s side.

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mrsbenedictbridgerton · 8 years ago

Text

CSJJ Day 26: Proverbs to Live By

She had sworn to hate him. So why did they keep falling into bed together? And why did it feel so right?

also on ff.net and ao3

>10k

Wow - I get to post on Colin’s birthday! I hope you enjoy a dose of angsty, smutty, fluffy-ness!

as ever, thank you to my wonderful beta, @nickillian

Christmas

Emma Swan had opened the thin, square gift and laughed. A calendar. Her brother had always said she had a terrible memory for dates - she was always forgetting birthdays and anniversaries. Inside, she could see that these key dates had already been written in every month in the looping, neat script that she recognised as his.

Proverbs to Live By, it was called, the title written on the front in sugary pink, curving script. She’d laughed; clearly that had been some kind of joke. Emma had no time for flowery words and suchlike.

The calendar ended up hanging on a little hook beside her fridge, quickly filling up with further dates and ‘remember tos’, every time she turned the page to a new month she found herself rolling her eyes at the latest cliche...

March

Easy come, easy go

It was a chilly evening at Storybrooke harbour. The sun had long since disappeared for the day and the Atlantic Ocean was whipping up, tossing a fine spray of saltwater onto dry land. Emma tugged her leather jacket around her as she waited.

A small, well-kept boat pulled up the the jetty. “Killian Jones?” she shouted.

The man at the wheel was bundled up in a thick down jacket with a beanie pulled down over his forehead. He tilted his head and held his hand up to his ear to indicate he couldn’t hear and then pointed at the engine. With a sigh, Emma checked her watch. It was already 7pm and she needed this skip back in Boston by 7 am at the latest.

She waited, less than patiently, as the skipper eased the small yacht into the berth and turned off the engine. He then took a loop of thick rope and began to wrap it around the metal cleat that was attached into the dock’s timbers. Not seemingly in any rush, he then continued to tie up the rest of the hitches before hopping effortlessly onto the jetty and strolling towards her.

“Can I help you, lass?” he drawled, his crisp British accent so out of place that it startled her for a moment as she simultaneously noticed that his eyes were a brilliant blue against the rest of his dark attire. She swallowed hard and gathered her thoughts.

“Emma Swan, bail bonds and PI,” she announced, handing him a business card that he quickly scanned before shoving it in his jeans pocket. He smiled, exposing perfect white teeth.

“Killian Jones, owner and captain.” He held out his hand but Emma ignored him and pulled out photocopy of William Smee’s mugshot from her jacket pocket and held it up.

“You know this man?”

He squinted, taking a few steps forward as he tugged off the beanie and revealed a crop of thick, dark hair. “Ah yes, nice fellow. Just gave him a ride.”

“A ride? I thought you gave sightseeing cruises?”

She eyed up the fresh sign that sat beside the boat’s berth ‘Jones Scenic Tours’, illustrated as it was with a painting of a vintage style yacht silhouetted against a sunset. The business was new to town in the past month or so (according to the gossip she heard in the diner) and as such not much was known about it other than it’s name and that of its owner.

“Well yes, that will be my main purpose come the warmer months, but as it is a while yet til that time I am also available to charter.”

“Right,” she muttered, “So where is he?” she looked behind him, expecting her skip to be also exiting the boat.

“Who?” he asked, tilting his head.

“Him! William Smee!” She waved the mugshot in front of his face, feeling quickly exasperated by this man with the ridiculously blue eyes (and, she noted to her chagrin, he had good hair�� and a perfect jawline with a layer of scruff that was distractingly attractive, even in her current state).

“Oh,” he cried, scratching at said scruff. “I let him off. He decided when we were out he wanted to make it a one way trip.”

“What?” she screeched. “What the hell? Where?”

Captain Killian Jones looked sheepishly at the ground. He winced a little and then quietly replied, “Canada…”

“CANADA!? Motherfucker!-”

Jones shrugged, “I saw no harm- he said he wanted to visit some family-”

Emma shook her head, raising her hands in frustration. “You aided and abetted a wanted criminal, you jackass!”

“Hey, lass, calm down-” he took a step closer to her.

She tossed him an icy glare. “Jesus, stop calling me that. I’m a grown woman not some ‘lass’. Did you know that man is wanted for fraud and forgery in three states?”

“No…”

“And that aiding and abetting a felon’s escape is a crime?”

Folding his arms, Killian Jones rolled his eyes. “Come on now, no harm done. I can show you where I dropped him if you have a map. Then you could go get him and do your bail bonds thing. Short fellow, big beard - he doesn’t blend in that well.” He grinned, showing those neat white teeth again that just infuriated her even more.

“Trust you? No siree. But you can bet your ass the sheriff is going to hear about this.”

“Hey now, isn’t that a little much?”

If blood could boil, her’s certainly was now. “A little MUCH? I’ve been tracking this guy for two weeks and I finally nail him down and then thanks to you, buddy, he skips out!” She took an angry step forward and planted her fists firmly on her hips.

Killian pursed his lips for a moment, before leaning a little closer. “Well maybe, love, if you were a better bail bonds ‘person’ it wouldn’t have taken you over a week to find the damn fool. He’s hardly a criminal mastermind!”

She gasped in shock, “Oh no, you do NOT get away with insulting me like that. I am VERY good at my job.”

“Clearly not good enough,” he quipped.

She looked at him with disgust, scanning over his body from his mussed up hair to his old scuffed boots. He may be handsome, but he was an asshole, which more than cancelled out his good looks.

“Just you wait for the call, buddy. I’m very good friends with the local PD.”

“I await with bated breath,” he said, giving her a sarcastic wink.

“You… you…” She balled up her fists in frustration as all rational words seem to leave her head.

“Yes?” he asked, folding his arms.

“Urgh!” she cried, spinning abruptly on her heel and stomped back towards her car.

That ass, she thought, he is not going to get away with this.

April

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer

Spring had sprung.

Storybrooke was beginning to wake up from its winter hibernation and prepare itself for the upcoming tourist season. The nip in the air finally softened and the first buds of new flowers began to appear.

Not that that mattered too much to Emma. Her work was not dictated by season and frankly, more tourists in town just gave her a headache when she had to wait in line for her morning cocoa at Granny’s Diner for more a minute or two.

Spring brought with it the month of her brother’s birthday and as per usual it was to be celebrated with a party involving just about everyone Emma Swan and her brother knew.

Frankly, Emma was not in the mood for a party, even one for her beloved sibling. Hot on the tail of William Smee all week (predictably, he hadn’t been able to stay away from his old haunts), somehow he’d gotten away. Again. It irked her more than it usually did when a skip got the better of her. The man was slippier than an eel.

If it hadn’t have been a special occasion then she would definitely have begged off and gone to bed with a bottle of whiskey and some take out. Not that that was an unusual occurrence. David and his girlfriend Mary Margaret Blanchard were true social butterflies, always arranging one get together or the next, with barely a week going by in between. The pair were used to Emma declining when she was called out of town for work (actually not always a lie, Emma was a workaholic if she was anything).

The party was held at the large loft space just off Main Street that David and Mary Margaret shared; open plan and nicely rustic - it as an ideal place for a party but it didn’t offer many spaces to hide. Emma decided the best course of action, considering her mood, was to sulk by herself at the periphery of the room and hope that she would be left alone.

By nine, the loft was buzzing with people. With David being the small town’s sheriff, he knew just about everyone and everyone loved him. He was one of those down to the bone good people and that’s what made him perfect for Mary Margaret. She herself was white as snow, as perfect as a princess- normally something Emma would hate but how anyone could so much as dislike the elfin schoolteacher was beyond her. Truth was, they were both just really good people and as such were liked by just about every person in the small town. Thankfully that meant a crowd of people Emma could hide behind.

Sipping on her Jack and Coke, she slouched against the exposed brick wall as she watched the guests arrive and greet David, laden with gifts and drinks, bringing smiles and laughter as they shucked off their jackets and tucked into the lavish buffet that the happy couple had laid out for everyone. The perfect hosts as always, she thought with a sigh that had a tinge of envy within it.

The liquor wasn’t exactly filling and it didn’t take long for Emma’s own stomach to start to grumble and remind her that she had not eaten since lunch - and even then a bearclaw did not constitute a meal if the term was to be applied properly. She knocked back the rest of her drink and then took the scenic route around the outer rim of the loft towards the kitchen, managing to make it there with only a few nods and smiles needed to those who had caught her eye. After loading up a plate with both hot and cold appetizers, she was reaching for one more mini quiche when she did a double take.

“Holy crap,” she whispered under her breath as she saw who had just stepped through the door. Slamming down her paper plate, she stomped towards the devil himself.

A second later she was tapping on the shoulder of her target.

“Yes?”

He turned around. It was definitely him. Blue eyes, killer smile, perfectly shaped mouth. Killian Jones. Her nemesis. Looking irritatingly more put together than the last time they met in a leather jacket and button down that made her quickly smarten up her own shirt with a quick downward tug.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

He smiled. The bastard smiled.

“Well good evening to you too, Miss Swan.”

“I’m serious,” she muttered, “Why are you here?”

Killian rolled his eyes, “It’s called an invitation, Miss Swan. Someone invites you to a gathering and it’s customary to accept, should you be available.”

“How do you know David?”

He folded his arms. “Well I do believe someone tried to get me arrested last month. Turns out your brother is a lot more reasonable than you are.”

Emma pursed her lips. It still smarted that he had been let go without so much as a slap on the wrist. Damn, you’d think the local Sheriff being your brother should have some perks?

“So he just let you go and now you’re pals?”

“Well, love, it seems that some people in this town are willing to make a newcomer feel welcome.”

She scoffed, throwing back her head. “This town is not in need of any more assholes.”

“Ooh, darling,” he cooed, stepping forward and tilting his head, “That smacked of bitterness. What’s wrong- some clever sod dumped you and now you’re taking it out on every handsome man you meet?”

“Screw you.”

“Oh wouldn’t you love to,” he jibed, grinning like he was really enjoying this exchange.

“In your dreams.”

He looked her up and down, his jaw falling open as his tongue ran a slow path along his bottom lip.

“How did you know?”

The only thing that stopped her from kicking him in the balls, right there and then, was seeing her brother approach from across the room. The last thing she wanted was for him to see them arguing and then spend the rest of the night trying to get them to make up (ever the conciliator was her brother - that’s what made him such a great sheriff).

“This isn’t over,” she whispered, turning away before David could catch her.

With a scowl, she wandered back to her plate of food, pouring herself a double whiskey in an attempt to douse the fire of contempt that his arrival (and their confrontation) had sparked within her. The plate of food went down almost as easily as the liquor and a pleasant feeling of mild drunkenness had started to descend. So she poured herself another drink, consciously keeping herself on the opposite side of the loft to him, letting herself drink away the annoyance until she almost forgot he was there.

***

Much, much later, when the lingering crowd had started to dwindle, Emma wandered towards the bathroom. Walking in a straight line wasn’t easy, but the drinks had certainly improved her mood. She pushed open the door, only to see it was occupied, quickly dropping her gaze.

“Oh, shit, sorry-”

“No bother love-”

Both parties looked up at the same time. All the anger of their earlier interaction immediately came rushing back, mingled with the complete lack of filter that the alcohol had provided.

He raised an eyebrow and that made her just lose it.

“You lost me a skip,” she spat.

Without missing a beat he replied, “You almost got me arrested - and deported!”

She set her face in stone, looking with disgust at his ridiculously handsome face and the way his leather jacket fit him so damn well-

“You’re an ass.”

“You’re a bloody minx.”

She planted her hands on her hips. “A minx? Is that the best you can come up with?”

“Well, I would call you a bitch but that would be bad form on my part.”

“I hate you.”

“Oh nowhere near as much as I detest you, love.”

The way her drunken mind saw it, she had two options. Either kiss him or slap him.

She chose the former: launching her lips at his with a ferocity that only anger could furnish.

For a second, he was taken aback. Swaying slightly, he soon righted himself as she slung her arms around his neck and pulled him close. It was a kiss that lacked finesse, more teeth than tongue and drunken groping hands that were soon cupping her ass and tangled in his hair. She then pushed him back against the sink, leaning up on her toes to chase his lips.

(He tasted like rum and Coke. She liked it.)

Then, he pulled away a little, scraping his teeth down her neck, gnawing at the flesh as she slid her hands through his gorgeously thick hair. Her skin began to tingle with want, heat burning between her thighs while his wandering lips made their way across her chest, one of his hands flicking the tiny pearl buttons of her blouse open and pulling down the lace cups of her bra before latching onto a nipple and sucking hard enough to make her cry our. Her head fell back, the sensation going straight to her core. He was kneading her other breast with his hand, before alternating, running his tongue in circles around her nipples before pulling them into his mouth. Breathlessly, she began to tug at the hem of his shirt, her hands finding his firm stomach and scraping around the band of his jeans until she could grab his ass, squeezing it tightly until he bit down on her breast and let out a low growl.

Dazed and confused, she let him lean her back against the wall and slide his hand beneath her jeans and into her panties, her body jolting when his fingers slid into her wetness.

“Fuck,” he muttered, looking down at her through his lashes, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip in a look straight out of her fantasies that just screamed of sin and sex and all the things that she shouldn’t be doing with her number one enemy.

But she was too far gone, too turned on to even care as he began to tug down her jeans, freeing one leg as he crouched in front of her and rested her foot on the edge of the tub. His fingers moved over her clit for a moment, before pressing inside of her in a delicious motion that was twinned by the sensation of his mouth upon her, his tongue spiralling and flicking her clit as his fingers pressed and stroked her to a shuddering climax only minutes later.

Her eyes flickered closed, the room spinning from orgasm and liquor. Seconds later, she saw him rise to stand, sliding his fingers covered in her release into his mouth and humming his approval as he licked them clean.

(Which was just about the hottest thing she had ever seen.)

“I’ve wanted to do that since I met you,” he admitted.

“Oh,” she choked.

“And not just that,” he added, his voice lower and more dangerous.

“Oh.”

Standing there, pants half off, breasts hanging out of her bra, she really should have felt more self conscious. But the way he was looking at her - damn, all sexy eyes and pure goddamn lust - pushed away any emerging thoughts about just how fucked up this was and all she wanted to know was what else he wanted to do to her.

(And to let him.)

“Wanna show me?” she asked, licking her lips a she clocked the bulge in his jeans.

A slow smile spread across his fucking handsome face.

“Outside,” she whispered, “Five minutes.”

“Make it two,” he quipped, his eyes flickering over her bare chest before he opened the door slipped back into the loft.

She stood there a second, her heart racing, her mind foggy, her lust-soaked body drunk on expectation. Then quickly, she dressed (well, as quickly as her drunkenness would allow) and counted to 50 before she followed him, giving a quick goodbye to the hosts who were thankfully almost as merry as she and hopefully less likely to have noticed the dual occupants of the bathroom.

She hoped.

***

Later, in his bed, sweaty and exhausted but thoroughly sated, she turned to him. The bed sheet was over his hips, barely covering him. He did have a beautiful body, she thought. Lean and long, but not like he cared too much to slave over it in a gym for hours. Just… natural. It had felt so good on top of her, firm and warm and even through the haze of hormones and liquor she had to say he was just about the best lay she had had in a very, very long time. (Perhaps every, a little part of her said, quickly quietened.)

“I still hate you,” she said as her breathing slowed back to normal. He tilted his head and smirked, his kiss-reddened lips swollen and sexy.

“Feeling’s mutual,” he replied with a wink.

Five minutes later she was gone.

June

Birds of a feather flock together

Late one Saturday evening Emma received a text from Mary Margaret. It was a single picture of her hand adorned with a solitaire peridot ring on her wedding finger. So David had finally gone and done it. After five years of dating her older brother was going to make his girlfriend an honest woman. Emma’d replied with a congratulatory message, full of the enthusiasm that the couple deserved. But there was a dull ache that accompanied the news. One that felt an awful lot like envy.

The pair were the epitome of everything that she thought a relationship should be and had long since given up on for herself. God, she was so happy for them. But it still was a stinging reminder of that she would never have and what she had turned her back on after one too many jerks had messed with her heart.

She needed to do something.

Impulsively, she grabbed her leather jacket and jumped into her car. She drove into town from her little cottage on the edge of the woods, parking outside the diner and planning to pick up a ride or get a cab back later. The heels of her boots clacked on the pavement as she walked the short distance to the one bar that she knew stayed open late in Storybrooke and would have some strong liquor that would happily banish these negative thoughts, for tonight at least.

A few paces outside she could already hear the music coming from the jukebox and the sound of a Saturday night crowd. She took a breath and stepped inside, her mouth already watering at the idea of a stiff drink.

And, of course, the first person she saw as she walked in was Killian Jones. Same leather coat, same butt hugging jeans with a bottle of beer in hand and his hip pressed up against the bar as he nodded to her in welcome.

Her face instantly flushed. Memories of the night they had shared (that she had tried to lock away) came back in relentless waves, causing her heart to flutter a little as her gut clenched. Averting her eyes, she walked purposefully past him, threading her way through the crowd before taking a seat at the furthest end of the bar and placing an order for a strong hiball.

“Avoiding me?”

She almost jumped out of her skin at the soft, dulcet tones of Killian Jones voice just a few inches shy of her ear.

“Shit,” she cried, smiling apologetically as the barman placed a Jack and Coke in front of her. “Some warning please,” she hissed.

“Sorry,” he grinned, sliding onto the stool beside hers. “So, are you or are you not avoiding me? Out of curiousity, I mean,” he asked.

Emma took a quick sip as she contemplated a suitable reply. “More like pretending you don’t exist.”

“Ah,” he replied. “How quickly hatred becomes indifference.”

“Oh, I still hate you,” she quipped, averting her eyes from as she noticed he was wearing the same cologne as the last time time their paths had crossed and the scent brought her back to his bed.

“Hmph,” he grunted, before signalling for another beer. “Good. I like a consistent woman.”

Turning, Emma gave him a pointed glare. “Can I help you? I just came here for a quiet drink.”

“Didn’t you know, it’s bad form to drink alone.” He leaned in a little closer, “Leads to all kinds of rumors.”

With a scoff, she knocked back another mouthful.“Like I care what people think.”

“Oh?” he asked, his eyes wandering over her face in a way that made her far more exposed than the time he had actually seen her naked. She shivered.

“Yeah. So, if you don’t mind...” she gestured for him to shoo away.

He shifted, placing both elbows on the bar in front of him. “I think I’ll stay here. Bit drafty where I was before.”

“Seriously?”

He leaned closer to her, lowering his voice. “What love, am I making you uncomfortable? Perhaps certain events of the past are at the forefront of your mind.”

She flushed again and was damn thankful that the bar was so poorly lit.

“That was a mistake,” she whispered, though she wasn’t sure who she was worried about overhearing their conversation considering the music and the crowd.

“Agreed,” he hummed, “But certainly one of the better ones I’ve made.”

Emma let out a huff of air. “Well, live on the memory buddy, because it isn’t happening again.”

“Oh really?” he replied, “Shame.”

His arrogance astounded her. As if she would ever sleep with him again! She glanced sideways as he picked up his beer and lifted it to his lips, cursing the day she had met this man.

***

One hour later, those same lips were trailing a sinful path down her neck and across her throat. Good lord this man knew how to make her body sing. Her hands anchored themselves in his hair as he turned her attention to her breasts, half exposed as they were from where he had earlier pulled down the neckline of her shirt. He clearly had a thing for them, not that she was complaining of the attention.

“This means nothing,” she mumbled as she moved to unbutton his shirt and push it over his shoulders.

“Of course,” he agreed, giving her a quick wink before he continued undressing her.

How they had gotten to this point, half dressed in the hallway of his apartment was a little fuzzy. It had started with at least three cocktails, then an argument over a bowl of bar nuts had led to him (allegedly accidentally) knock a near full bottle of beer over her jeans and then he insisted she come to his place and change into something dry.

Yeah. She’s seen through that almost instantly- (she wasn’t that drunk. This time-). But Emma hadn’t cared, she had just wanted to feel good and forget all about the shitty parts of her life for one night. Though she may hate him, she knew he could do that for her.

Soon, he was wonderfully naked and splayed across his bed, propped up on his elbows with a cheeky grin on his face that she knew just the solution for. Without ceremony, she crawled over him, raking her hands over his body - his hair covered chest and the lean muscle that gave him a graceful elegance even when wrapped in denim and leather. Scraping her nails over his skin, she listened to his moans, her cheeks flushing with stupid pride as she took his heavy length in her hand and then wrapped her lips around him.

The further appreciative sounds he made had her hollowing her cheeks and circling her tongue around his tip, the heat growing between her legs, the sounds of him getting turned on turning her on. His hands slipped into her hair, his legs spread out as his hips rocked upwards. He was really enjoying it. So she worked harder, taking him deeper within her mouth, swallowing around him, one hand holding him firmly as the other cupped and fondled his balls until he was begging for mercy.

“Fuck, Swan-”

“What?” she laughed, a twinkle in her eye as he pulled her up to him and kissed her ruthlessly before turning his mouth to every bare patch of skin he could find.

(And the reason why she had found herself at the bar - and in his bed - completely escaped her mind…)

***

Her toes had cramped as she finally came, her hands pressing on his sweat covered chest, her thighs trembling a little from the effort of riding them both to release. After a few breaths, she let him slip from her and fell by his side, her heart still racing.

The tingling had barely dissipated from her body when she reached for her jeans.

“You don’t have to go, love,” he said, placing a warm hand on her arm, causing her to pause and look back at him.

“I don’t do sleepovers,” she said pointedly.

“Well how about just five minutes? A man could be insulted at how keen you are to leave his bed.”

His cheeks were nicely pink. It made him look almost sweet and was quite disarming.

“Oh?” she asked, arching an eyebrow. “I thought you had thicker skin than that.”

He shrugged his shoulders but kept his eyes on her and after a moment’s hesitation she settled back down, pulling up the sheet to cover her nakedness and tucking it under her arms.

A few quiet minutes passed. Her heart began to slow and she listened as their breathing fell into sync. Her eyes wandered around the room. She quite liked it; all dark wood furniture with muted blue-grey walls that reminded her a little of the ocean in the winter. The walls were adorned with pictures; not of people, but of places. She recognized one of the London skyline and another of the white cliffs of Dover. It made her wonder how this man had ended up so far away from his roots.

“Why did you come to Storybrooke?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper in the silent room.

“Maybe I have a thing for blondes who hate me?” He laughed, (and she smiled) before he added, “Why not? It’s not so bad a place, is it?”

“I guess,” she smiled. “But I don’t think it would come up top in a Google search of places to live.”

“True. But circumstances led me here.”

She turned to she could see him. He was still lying on his back, his fingers interlaced over his chest.

“Oh?”

His eyes met hers again and then turned to focus on the ceiling. “I needed to start a business to get a residence visa and Storybrooke had the capacity to support one - or so your chamber of commerce would have me believe considering my current experiences. Maybe I should have gone into bail bonds. Seems there’s a lack of quality in that industry around these parts.”

She reached across the bed and jabbed him in the side.

“Ouch,” he hissed, twisting and looking her dead in the eye. “I would advise you not to assault me, I have close ties to the local sheriff.”

“My brother will always put family first,” she grinned back, before adding “Most of the time, anyway.”

He shifted onto his side, the sheet falling lower on his hips so she could see the line of muscle that led to his crotch. She swallowed hard and tried to look higher… but then she was engrossed again in his face. That handsome face with perfect jaw and blue eyes.

“My brother is why I am here.”

“There are Jones’?” she cried. “I can barely stand one!”

“Were…there were two of us.”

“Oh, shit…” she felt like utter crap as she watched a wave of pain ripple over his face.

“I brought it up,” he replied. “He was in the Navy - we both were, actually. But then there was an accident during a training exercise about a year ago and… he died.” “Jones, you don’t have to-”

“You’re the first person here I’ve actually told. I think I want to talk about him, it’s just a strange thing to bring up when you’re the new man in town.”

“Yeah, I’d say you’re right.” Emma thought back to her own childhood of foster home and moving to a new town every few months - no one ever really knowing her. She waited a moment, before asking, “You left when he died? The Navy, I mean.”

He nodded. “My commission was up that year. I’d been gunning for my own captaincy. But, things change, right?”

She wanted to dislike him. She did. And he was still an ass… but he had shared something with her. She could tell he had needed to talk about his brother, if only briefly. She wanted to give him a little something back.

“David and Mary Margaret are engaged.”

“Oh,” he nodded.

“I found out tonight. That’s why I was at the bar. I was engaged a long time ago and it turned out pretty bad. It still… you know.”

She looked at him, willing him to understand what lay beneath her words. That she hadn’t lost something physical - a brother like he had, but instead she’d lost a future - a ‘maybe’ and a ‘hopefully’ had become a never. He nodded again, slowly reaching his hand out to run over the arm that she had left lying between them.

“Perhaps we aren’t so different then, the two of us. Both quite good at hiding from our worries.”

“Maybe,” she smiled again, just a little too openly - a little too hopefully. “But I still don’t like you.”

“Aye love, I know,” he winked, “Same here.”

August

No man is an island

It shouldn’t rain in August.

It certainly shouldn’t rain in August when her damn car has broken down outside the sheriff station and she is pulling her leather jacket over her head as she tries to make it to Granny’s to sink back a hot cocoa and work out how she’ll get home.

But it did rain; the tail end of some tropical storm the weather report had said, and Killian Jones had found her soaked to the bone crossing Main Street, pulling up beside her in his big black truck and insisting she get inside out of the ‘goddamn rain’. Then upon hearing of her conundrum he had insisted upon driving her home. ‘Not much interest in boat trips today’ he’d explained and in a moment of weakness she had agreed.

All of which had then led to an invitation to come in for a coffee (another moment of weakness)… which resulted in her being naked from the waist down, perched on the edge of her kitchen countertop as he fucked her senseless.

Her ass was cold but she didn’t care. Her rain-damp shirt was stuck to her skin, his hair was all messed up from where she had ruined it with her fingers. His shirt hung undone by his sides, underwear and jeans merely pushed down, such had been her haste for him.

(Yeah, she’d started it. He’d offered to help make coffee and then he was bending over to get some milk from the fridge and those damn tight jeans made his ass looks so good… and it was so easy to yank on his arm and then kiss him, sending the milk crashing to the floor and earning her a surprised grunt.)

It felt so good to just let go. Her body was so desperate for him, slick and wet as he’d slid home with throaty moan. Her annoyance at the day faded into nothing as he snapped his hips and pulled her close to the edge of the countertop, hitting her deeper inside as his fingers dug into her ass and he snatched breathless kisses from her lips.

With a strained gasp, she came, her hands encircled on the collar of his shirt, his movements grew faster as chased her to a peak, her legs wrapping around his hips as she willed him to fall with her-

Until he froze, curses falling from his lips until his forehead, laced with sweat, fell to her shoulder.

“Well, that was unexpected,” he panted a moment later.

The lusty haze was replaced with a chill as Emma straightened herself up, giving him a second to do the same before she looked him in the eye. He was flushed again - she was getting used to his post orgasm face, she thought with alarm - a satisfied smile gracing his lips. She suddenly felt exposed.

“Well, um, thanks,” she muttered, nudging him away from her and slipping herself down onto the kitchen floor before padding into her bedroom to locate a pair of sweatpants and a dry shirt. As she pulled the t-shirt over her head, she looked at herself in her mirror. Her hair was a soaking mess but her face- well, it wore the look of satisfaction, despite the scowl that had started to form as she left the kitchen.

“You alright love?” he called from the other room.

“Don’t call me love,” she snapped.

Scrunching up her face, she walked back into the kitchen to see him already dressed and preparing the two mugs of coffee that had been forgotten in the heat of the moment.

“Hey, sorry, I-”

He held up his hand, his face devoid of all the signs of the contentment of a few minutes before. “No worries lass. I’ll just have this and be out of your hair.”

And that, for some reason, made her feel like utter crap. She may have sworn to hate him, but she didn’t need to be an utter bitch about it when she had just used him for sex like some desperate hussy.

Her attention was taken to the window when a heavy burst of rain hammered against it. She could see the trees nearby stretching and leaning as they tried to escape the clutches of the storm's strong winds.

“Thank you for the ride,” her cheeks colored as she realized her double entendre. “Um, you don’t need to rush to leave. The storm's pretty bad and the road back into town likes to do this flash flooding thing.”

He gave her a curious look. “Why Swan, is that you asking me to stay?”

“More like saying I’d rather not have your tragic death on my conscience.”

He picked up his coffee mug and looked like he was considering her offer, which made her roll her eyes in exasperation. She was trying to do the right thing here.

“I have Netflix,” she offered dryly.

After another quick glance outside at the weather he shrugged. “Netflix it is then.”

***

He’d surprised her when he hadn’t argued with her about what to watch. She was right in the middle of a marathon of one of those cheesy forensic-cop shows and was dying to find out who the big bad of the season (who had been taunting the fearless crime fighters for weeks now) really was.

Killian seemed content to sit on the end of her thankfully large sofa with a dwindling supply of coffee in hand and watch silently, with only the occasional flippant comment about the ridiculousness of the show. Emma, used to watching alone, found a strange comfort in rebuffing his jibes and explaining to him just how serious it was.

“They use real science consultants and the same techniques the police do.”

“”Hmm, I bet,” he hummed with a chuckle.

She glared at him, hugging a throw cushion to her chest. “Are you mocking me?”

“Wouldn’t dare,” he quipped with a flashy grin as the credits rolled and she had to resist the urge to lob that cushion at his smug, handsome face.

(And it was at that exact moment that it occurred to her that none of this felt weird. They’d had sex - sweaty, frantic sex - and instead of feeling uncomfortable that he was still nearby she felt strangely okay about it.)

She was skipping to the next episode, when she noticed him looking around the room, almost studying it.

“Swan, I have to say, this place is a bit of an odd choice to set up home.”

“Says the man who would probably live on his boat if he could.”

He shrugged and nodded his head in agreement. She settled herself into the chair, observing that it was still raining and reasoning it couldn’t hurt to tell him a few key facts about Emma Swan.

“It was my mom’s - my adoptive mom’s, I mean. She took me in when I was about thirteen after I’d been bounced around a million foster homes since I was a baby.” She gave him a look as he opened his mouth, “No sympathy needed. The past is the past. Anyway, she had this cabin that we used for day trips into the woods - and when I got older we’d come here with our friends and kinda camp out. I always loved it and I guess she knew. She died a few years ago and left me this place. David helped me renovate it - put in a real kitchen and a bathroom and here you go. My only little slice of solitude.” She looked around fondly at the exposed timber walls and the open plan living-kitchen space. It was small but perfectly formed and every window had fantastic views of the woods.

“So you like being alone then?”

She sensed more meaning behind the question than he let on, but chose to ignore it and smiled softly. “Always worked out for me in the past.”

He placed his mug on the small coffee table in front of them. “We’re both orphans then.”

“Technically… I mean, my birth parents might be out there but it’s not like I’m expecting them to turn up out of the blue and go all Annie on me.”

With a laugh, he bit on bottom lip and hummed his agreement. “Aye, that seems unlikely.” He was looking at her again, with a curious glint in his eye. It sent bolt of something sharp to her gut and she had to look away.

He made to stand. “Anyway, I think it’s time I took my leave. Let you watch your show in peace.”

She noticed that the rain had lessened as he went to retrieve his jacket and boots from where they had been left in the kitchen. She watched as he shrugged on the worn leather, admiring the way it stretched over his back; remembering how that back had felt under the hands.

“Goodbye Swan,” he nodded one final time as he headed for the door.

The words had reached her lips before she even realized.

“I still hate you,” she said softly.

“Yes,” he began, turning back to her, “I haven’t forgotten.”

It was only when the door closed that she noted that he hadn’t said it back to her.

Turning back to the tv, a peculiar feeling overtook her. Somehow the cabin seemed a whole lot emptier than usual.

October 2016

You can't always get what you want

Tangled in Killian Jones arms- in her own bed - was not how she had expected to spend the eve of her birthday. She’d had a great night with frozen pizza and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s finest planned, her usual pre-birthday ritual that she had kept for the past half dozen years without fail.

But here she was.

Warm and sated, she pressed her body closer to his, enjoying the hum of his heart against her chest and the warmth of his bare skin against her own. She knew she had to move away from him and send him on his way, but, damn, it had been a long time since she had just snuggled with someone. Even someone she hated.

His fingers began running up her arms and she shivered at the ticklish sensation.

“Cold?” he whispered.

“Ticklish,” she admitted as she spun onto her stomach. “So, do you always turn up unexpectedly at the homes of your sworn enemies with Chinese take out or is this a new angle for you?” Her stomach rumbled a little as she thought of the boxes of noodles that still sat, as yet untouched, in her kitchen.

“Well, since I’m not in the habit of forming enemies, I’d say this is new for me.”

Resting her forearms on his chest, she planted her chin on top of her interlaced fingers.

“But when I heard it was your birthday I thought it was about time that I finally made it up to you for the whole helping-a-felon incident.”

“Oh, so you admit you were an ass?”

“I only admit that I could have been a little more civilized about the matter had a hot-headed blonde not got me so riled up.”

Emma blushed a little.

“Sounds like an admission to me,” she teased. “Seriously though, the whole food thing was unnecessary. Kinda makes it harder to hate you.”

“Harder but not impossible,” he added, with a sad smile that she tried not to consider. “You actually haven’t reminded me that you hate me yet.”

Eyes flickered over him, looking so damn good in her bed, and she considered all she knew about this man and all she never would. Sex and pillow talk had given her a window into his soul, but she knew she had to let that mist over and let him drift away from her before things got… complicated.

This was far too comfortable, she thought, laying on her bed, talking like - like it was a relationship. Something it could never be, she thought with a start.

She had to end this soon, a little voice said. Her heart sank a little in resignation.

“You brought food, that earns you a pass.”

“Oh, then I shall have to buy you more gifts.”

She scoffed and shook her head, looking to change the subject. “We should probably eat the food before it’s ruined.”

“I think it already is, love. We’ve been in here quite a while.”

She looked at the little alarm clock on her bedside. It was almost 11 and he had arrived sometime before 8. “Shit.”

“I think we were quite preoccupied.”

And oh they had been. If the man had been given any talents, she was sure one of his greatest was in the bedroom. And he was handsome. And charming. And she was pretty sure he was a really interesting guy (if she could take the time to get to know him).

Suddenly, she was nervous. Her mouth dry.

This was all feeling a little too real, a little too like a something.

And the room was spinning and all the thoughts and doubts she had about whatever the hell was happening materialized into a wall of feeling that slammed into her, shattering her composure-

“I think we should stop this,” she said, the words racing from her lips, not allowing herself to watch his reaction. Her whole body seemed to sink into the bed, her limbs leaden. Strangely, only her head retained its lightness, taking on the likeness of a helium balloon dancing at the end of a piece of string making her feel particularly abstract not only from her surroundings, but herself.

“This?” he asked

“This,” she repeated. “ The sex. I mean, it’s not going anywhere-”

“Of course,” he muttered shifting away from her and making the mattress groan.

“I mean it’s ridiculous,” she rambled, staring at her hands as she talked, “We hate each other. I mean, you should be with someone you actually care about and like rather than someone you can barely tolerate.”

He was inching away from her on the bed, a deep sigh escaping his lungs.

“I understand,” he said, “Sex is off the table. We have been a little thoughtless, haven’t we? But we could still be friends...” he whispered.

“Friends?” she quipped, giving him a quick, doubtful glance, “We weren’t to begin with Kilian.”

Softly, he sighed. “Touche, love.”

Arranging her face in a composed manner that would have fooled even the most adept student of her expressions, she offered him a bright smile while he went about dressing.

“I think I’ll leave the food to you, love. It’s getting late and all.”

She didn’t allow herself to look at his bare chest and the hair that swept over it, or the way his jeans hugged his hips or his bedhead. She didn’t allow the sudden feeling that she had made a terrible mistake to transpose itself into words or actions. She didn’t even allow herself about the crassness of having this conversation mere minutes after they’d been having sex.

Instead she nodded quickly and turned away to slip on a robe. And then he was gone, quietly and with barely a ‘goodbye’ and she was standing there, a little stunned in her cotton robe watching the door close.

Then it hit her.

She could smell his cologne on her skin and the burn of his scruff was still raw on her cheeks.

It was really over.

December

There’s no place like home.

A New Year’s like the ultimate cheesy cliche to Emma. But if anyone could pull it off, it was her brother and his glowing bride.

Their vows had been taken outdoors, in a large glen in the woods, a favourite spot since their youth that somehow managed to be as beautiful in the depths of winter as in the August heat. The rain that had tormented Storybrooke for the past few months stayed away and instead a blue sky greeted the couple and the minister who joined them. Emma, as maid of honor, watched in awe as the pair pledged their love for one another and their futures together. It was a truly beautiful ceremony.

In fact, it was only marred marred for her by the attendance of Killian Jones; second row, groom’s side, with the rather lovely local librarian Belle French as his date.

Of course he had a date, she had told herself as she walked down the aisle and spotted him. He was handsome and gregarious. She shouldn’t be surprised. He could have his pick of the single women of Storybrooke. But still, the idea of someone with him stung in a way that surprised her.

She’d snuck glances his way a few times. He wore a dark grey three piece suit, a look that was different on him but utterly handsome of course. It would be pretty hard for him not to look attractive, she surmised. In fact, he may even have gotten a little more so in the weeks since she had last seen him. She’d become adept at avoiding the docks and finding out if he had been invited to any event that she too was. Of course, this was all the more easier since she had thrown herself into work with such vigour that the boss of the agency she worked for was soon offering her better and better contracts.

Every cloud, she thought as she tried to stop herself thinking of Killian and his date and instead watch her brother slide his mother’s wedding ring onto the finger of his new bride.

***

For the reception the guests had decamped to a function room in the city hall. There was a band playing and everyone was in fine wedding and new year cheer, the double celebration raising the spirits of just about everyone she knew in the small town.

As is customary, there were speeches and toasts and then the dance floor was cleared and her brother and his bride took to their first dance, bridal party and groomsmen joining them after a few minutes. Emma, being made of honor, had the joy of dancing with Victor Whale, David’s best man who had been a buddy of his since college and no matter how hard she tried to like him, there was always something about him that was off and gave her the chills. It really didn’t help that he stunk of vodka. Her nose prickled every time he spoke and made humourless observations about the wedding.

He twirled her around the floor, her silk dress fluttering a she tried to relax and keep step, remembering the dance lessons that Mary Margaret had insisted upon as the dance floor began to fill up with the other guests.

She felt a tap on her shoulder.

“May I cut in?”

Her mouth dropped open when she saw it was Killian. He’d taken off his jacket and tie and rolled up his sleeves. She dampened her lips as Victor nodded and made straight back for the bar.

“Hey,” she smiled softly as he took one hand in his and put his other about her waist.

“Hey to you too,” he grinned, stepping easily into the dance. “You looked a little tense,” he noted.

“Victor Whale is not exactly my favorite person.”

“Seems a little off-”

She shrugged. “Something like that.”

(Oh, the feel of his hand through her thin dress - the warmth and it’s shape - the memory of it touching her body and his digits pressing into her skin. It was so vivid and real, like it had all happened mere hours - not months - ago.)

“How are you other than that? I’ve not seen you since your birthday.”

No he hadn’t. She had made sure to that.

“I’ve been busy, work… actually I might be moving to Boston,” she blurted out, feeling a sour kind of triumph at the way his expression froze at the news. “Leroy - the guy who runs my agency - has been trying to get me to move down there for a couple of years and I think it’s time. There’s lots of work there, maybe I could even end up in New York. If things turn out…”

She watched his reaction, something changing in his composure as her words washed over him.

“And that’s where you want to be?” he asked flatly, “New York?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted as he spun her around.

“I just never pegged that as one of your dreams.”

She shrugged, her eyes flicking over the couples dancing around him.

“Maybe it’s a new dream?” She sighed, pursing her lips. “This place hasn’t felt like home for a while,” she admitted.

“But I believed you’ve lived in Storybrooke for quite some time?”

“I have,” she nodded, smiling wistfully, “But someone once told me home is a place that when you’re not there, you just miss it.”

“And you don’t…”

She shook her head, “Not now… not for a long time.”

“But your family are here”

“David is married now, he and Mary Margaret will be starting a family… I guess I need to start making some plans of my own.”

“Well Emma, I hope it makes you happy. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

“What do you mean?”

The song was ending and they slowed to a standstill, at the edge of the dance floor, the lights were dimmed further as the band began a slower track.

“One of the first things I noticed about you was the look in your eyes, this yearning. I was never able to quite work out what it was exactly and I suppose you can forgive me for not asking you, all things considered. You know you intimidated me a little.”

“I intimidated you?”

“Just a smidge. When you’re all focused and determined… you are beautiful, regal almost. But intimidating.”

“Thank you, I think,” she replied with genuine surprise.

Her eye was quickly caught by the sight of Belle French, her pretty lemon chiffon dress easy to spot as she made her way across the floor, two glasses of champagne in her hand.

“Anyway, I should go… leave you to your date. Thank you again, for rescuing me.”

His face twisted, like he was confused, but she didn’t let him say any more, instead slipping out of his reach and far, far away.

***

Darting towards the exit, she found herself in the deserted garden area just outside the city hall. There was a full moon in the sky, the darkness peppered by the dazzling flecks of light offered by the evening’s stars.

Dancing with him had been a terrible idea. It had brought back all the feelings and emotions that had caused her to push him away in the first place. The way he had looked tonight - so dashing in his suit and such a far cry from the jeans and flannel she was used to. How he’d looked when she’d said she was leaving.

(She knew she had to leave now. It was the right choice. It would mean so much to her career… she could make something of herself…)

The winter chill had grown and she’d forgotten to pick up her wrap before she’d ran outside. I’m going to miss him, she thought, wrapping her arms around her body. She could admit it now to herself, while here, alone. Admit it and then never think of it again. She’d miss his voice and their conversations. His wit and even his charm. And all the things she’d never get to know about him. Like how he likes his pancakes, or what size shoes he wears, or if he prefers the beach or the moutains and just what he was like as a kid-

Then her own words came back to haunt her.

I’ll miss him.

Miss him.

And suddenly, she knew, she didn’t hate him at all. Had she ever?

No. She loved him. Loved him because he made her feel complete and whole. She loved him so much she knew she had to leave, or her heart would break because he didn’t want her in that way.

Approaching footsteps paused that painful thought. She looked back over her shoulder, body tensing as a natural reaction to being alone in a darkened place at night.

“Emma?”

“Killian?’ she whispered, turning around until it became clear that the figure approaching her was indeed him. “What are you doing? Where is Belle?”

He ignored her questions, instead taking confident steps to join here where she stood.

“I remembered I forgot to do something.”

She opened her mouth to ask what, but she didn’t get the chance.

And then he kissed her; and it was lovely and tender- his hands cupping her face, her feet rocking onto her toes so she could linger against his mouth.

“Why did you do that?” she asked quietly, tears threatening to peal from her eyes. “What about Belle-”

“Belle’s just a friend. Friends can go to weddings together, my love.”

He was teasing her, but there was a strange sincerity to his tone that made her stomach clench. A feeling of foolishness overcame her. “Oh…”

“And why did I kiss you?” he asked, still staring at her, her breath caught in her throat-

“Yeah.”

Killian shifted a second on his feet, like she imagined he would when he was nervous. Not that she imagined he could ever be nervous.

“Because… I didn’t know how else to tell you that I care about you and that I want you to stay. And that I’m falling for you.”

She digested the words.

“I want you to stay,” he repeated in a desperate whisper. “I know it’s mad and I know we didn’t get off on the best footing, but that’s all in the past. You’re all I’ve been able to think about for weeks now.

Her head spun.

“You want me to stay. You love me?” she repeated to herself before looking back at him, “I thought you hated me?”

“I never hated you Emma. Maybe I disliked you when we first met and you tried to have me arrested-”

“For good reason!” she interrupted.

“Perhaps,” he smiled, pulling a strand of her hair between his fingers. “But that was before you and me.”

“There’s a you and me?” she asked, placing her palms flat on his chest.

“I want there to be.”

She shook her head, doubt and fear flooding her, and tried to take a step backwards, through her legs wouldn’t cooperate.

“But I’m moving to Boston, I can’t just give all that up for you.”

Even as she said it she didn’t really mean it, the words feeling hollow in her throat. She’d been really good at running away as a kid and maybe this was just the grown-up version.

“Why not? Why not take a chance? A real one? Stay here with your friends and your family who love you. Emma, I’d never want to stop you from pursuing your dreams but I know Boston and New York are not that. I know it’s not what you really want. See, I just figured out what you’ve been looking for: it’s a home, it’s to feel like you are home.”

“How did you…” she gasped, knowing instantly how right she was. How she’d been seeking a place in the world for herself, looking for some kind of happiness but never really knowing how that would take form.

“It was when we were talking earlier, it all clicked into place. Since we met, you just seemed so unsettled and restless. Emma, I want to see where this could go, give it a chance. Maybe you are already living the life you want. But you just haven’t realized it yet.”

She shook her head. “You’re drunk.”

He placed his hands firmly on her shoulders, looking her square in the eye.“I’m not drunk. Far from it, if anything I’m seeing things very clearly tonight. Say you’ll stay?”

Emma looked at this man, who she had tried to hard to hate but instead found quite the opposite to be the case. Maybe he was worth it.

Maybe it was time to stop hiding from her feelings and try a different approach.

So she slid her arms to his shoulders and pulled him in for a slow, lingering kiss that tingled on her lips. She could feel him smile as he pulled away.

“Why did you kiss me?” he asked breathlessly.

“Because I wanted to say yes,” she smiled, “I want to give us a chance,” she added before pulling him into another dizzying, wonderful, hopeful kiss. Finally, she looped her arms around his neck and released his lips, whispering into them, “And maybe I’ve fallen for you too.”

@csjanuaryjoy @icecubelotr44

#cs jj #cs january joy #captain swan #cs ff

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seriouslysoulsearching-blog · 7 years ago

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I’ve been so, so busy

The whole month of January has practically gone by and I haven’t posted anything! Day shift at work is VERY consuming. The pace is SO different from nights. The first week or two of working days I felt like my head was spinning from trying to keep up with all the buzz of day shift and trying to learn new stuff. Not to mention waking up at 5 in the morning--ugh! I feel like crap every morning I wake up. I just zombie through the first hour and a half until I get onto the floor. However, once the day starts, I hit the ground running. I don’t feel tired during the day because there’s literally any time to sit. When I come home, I’m WIPED. Days has a whole different pace because there’s more daily meds to be given, discharges/admissions happen more frequently, report to the NPs, talking to the patient’s and their families. It’s A LOT but I’m still liking it. I feel so incredibly grateful to be working on the unit that I do. The floor itself is interesting because it’s trauma. It’s not boring as shit like a general med-surg floor would be. It’s a smaller unit and the patients still share 2 to a room and the floor is sectioned off in pods so all my patients are in the same area (i.e: I’m not running all over the place) And most importantly, the staff are WONDERFUL people. So open to giving help and teaching me when I ask questions/ask for assistance. They are so friendly and so nice. Even though I enjoyed nights, I’m going to officially work for days. My manager approached me two or so weeks ago and told me that I would have the option to choose what shift I would work once orientation ends (which is Feb 4th--two weeks away!!???!?!) since there are people leaving on both shifts. I was a little undecided for a few days, but I was sold working for days when I was able to actually be productive on my days off--such as: running errands, seeing friends, or simply having time to myself. I’ve even gone out after work a few times to meet up with friends.

Which brings me to my next point I wanted to mention, I’ve been feeling more up to socializing than I have in a really long time. And most importantly, I finally feel like I’m beginning to be more like myself again. I feel lighter in the sense that my mind is less heavy. Don’t get me wrong, my anxiety is prevalent on the regular, but I’m laughing more sincerely--I mean like good belly laughs, almost crying. I’m getting along SO much better with my mom--I’m able to practice more patience with her. I don’t know if that’s because it’s a good week for me or that’s how it’ll hopefully move forward with my mom. I think now that she see’s me working and making a living, she’s giving me more space/ given me more respect. Which is nice but I should have been getting that regardless. I DIGRESS. Back to my point. I’ve been socializing more as of late. My old friend Jack texted me earlier this week inviting me to see his band play at a place in Philly. He said Cate, Zayna, Jess were going and that after his gig they were just gonna drink afterwards at that bar. I had work that night but I told him I’d come afterwards. I figured I hadn’t seen my old high school friends in quite some time and it would be a great setting to meet up with them--and I was exactly right, I had a ton of fun with them. I felt like I always say I want to hang out with that group when they’re hanging/ say I want to see Jack play, but never follow through. But on Thursday night, I followed through and had a good time. I brought a change of clothes with me to work, got changed and cleaned up in the staff locker room, and pushed through the sleepiness. I’m glad I did! Cate is my true connection left to that group. Well, actually, Zayna will always be my bud too, we’ve always been so comfortable with each other and every time we see each other we leave off right were we left it. Anyway, I’m just proud I followed through this time. THEN, Friday night (yesterday), I met up with Lindsay. I texted her last weekend out of the blue and asked if she wanted to get drinks in the city. I wanted to see her new apartment and catch up. I feel like now that I’m single and working, when I do have time off, I want to be more proactive. I had a GREAT time with her as well. Our conversation was so fun. Considering we’ve known each other since we were three, we’ve had a natural connection, so that too felt really natural. I wasn’t feeling anxious leading up to it or during, which was a concern of mine. Anyway, we walked to a pub called Dandelion a few blocks away from her apartment in rittenhouse. I loved the atmosphere of the place it was so cozy, so packed, and really reminded me of pubs in Ireland. I love that Lindsay is at a point in her life where she’s just so free in terms of like, interacting with guys. Like when were signing the check at the pub, she put her phone number down on the receipt of our cute waiter! Like that is bold! I’d wuss out of doing that. I definitely want to keep going out with her because she’s single like me and just down to have a good time. And I really need that right now. We were joking our goal of the night was for each of us to make out with a guy that night (it didn’t happen, but the night was still great) Then after the pub, we stopped by her apartment to put my leftovers in the fridge. We were sitting and talking on her couch, and I was getting all comfy thinking I’d be ready for bed and even mentioned possibly just taking the patco back home, and Lindsay was like “it’s not even midnight yet. c’mon kait you said we had to find guys that we were gonna make out with. lets go to this bar right down the block for a drink” and I was like welllll I kinda wanna sleep and she didn’t take no for an answer she replied with something along the lines of “cmon lets just go to this bar and we could order water and go home after that” And I couldn’t say no to that! I grabbed my coat and off we went. When we first got to the bar, it was kind of empty. We grabbed a seat at the bar and got chatting with these two super attractive bartenders (we later figure out the one is engaged--sigh--but he was really cool to talk with regardless) We ended up staying there until 3 in the morning hahaha. When we got back to her apartment, we munched on my cold leftover fries and fell asleep in her bed. It was SUCH a good night. She’s such a good balance for me. Lindsay has always been the bossy type and in this situation, it was beneficial! I’m glad she pushed me to get my coat on.

Another major thing: I BOUGHT A CAR TODAY!!! Actually, funny story leading up to that, I woke up at 7:30 this morning (that’s right, I only slept for like, 3 1/2 hours) to make sure everything was lined up so I could get my car today. It was before nine when I got on the Patco. 15th/16th station wasn’t all that busy so I didn’t really think much that when I went underground and got onto the train (which I watched come in, btw) it was empty. The train doors close and the lights turn off. I’m like “hm okay, they’ll come back on in a second, I know sometimes they flicker” well, THEY DIDN’T. And then I noticed it didn’t stop at 12/13th st, or 9th/10th, the train would just blow through them. By 8th and market stop I came to the full realization that I’m on an empty, out of service train! I was underground and had no phone service. My next though was, well WHO am I going to call?? Would I just end up going all the way to lindenwold to the service station and have to bang on the heavy metal train doors until someone saw me?? To be fair, I stayed REALLY calm through this. I realized how comical it was from the getco. So because I stayed calmed, I was able to think about finding a number to called based on remembering there was a sing on train I read every time I take it which says something along the lines of “if you see suspicious behavio , call this number” And it turned out being helpful! The patco police number was on that sig! Once the bridge was crossing over the river, I was able to get service again, and I knew once I’d get back on the jersey side my service would drop for the first few stops since they’re also under ground. So as soon as I saw that 4G icon pop up on my phone, I called the patco police and was like “um hi hello I’m a passenger on a train and I don’t think they know I’m on it because the lights are out and they haven’t stopped at any of the stops yet” hahah sucha funny phone call to make. And they were like, well what train are you on/which direction/what stop do you need to get off on/we’ll contact them/we’ll call you back (in gist) Welp, turns out, it was an express train that was running today for the women’s march that was goin exclusively to and from 15th street stop to collingswood. WHOOPS. Hahaha. Makes for a great story and I got plenty of laughs out of it today. And I managed to make other people laugh while telling it. It was a fun mini adventure to have while mildly hungover.

I’m going have to finish talking about my day today tomorrow. I have work in the morning and it’s almost 10:30. I NEED SLEEEEEP so tired. Especially from today. So exhausting! I did so much running around. As soon as I got off the patco, I was calling the car dealership about faxing stuff over to my credit union in order to secure the loan. The loan office was only open til 1 today so I had a time crunch. By the time the dealership sent over the proof of purcahse papers to the credit union, it was 11. And I called twice in the morning and couldn’t reach anyone. So I decided to drive over there myself to hopefully speed up the process of getting that check from the credit union. I get to the office building around 11:45 and the woman was like “well, I may not be able to process it today because there’s another person who I was gonna do the car loan paperwork and I may not be able to do yours before 1 today” blah blah blah. But I was like “welp, I’m just gonna sit here” and sure enough, I got helped on. While waiting for the loan person to get all my paper work ready for me to sign, I had to call the insurance company and open up my own policy. And I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. Honestly this whole process of buying a car, I’ve basically followed my mom’s suggestions (she’s more informed) but I have like barely a fucking clue about the interest rate, car insurance, and loan shit. My brain was FRIED. Not to mention, I was moderately hung over, and hadn’t gone home yet. So it’s like 1 PM by the time I sign my loan paperwork and get the check, and I’m STILL wearing my outfit from last night, with the make up I didn’t wash off my face from the night before, smelling like B.O. So I quickly race home, shower off my hang over, and shove my face with food because I hadn’t eaten at all at that point. Then around 2:30, I headed down to the car dealer with my mom to pick up my car. That shit took almost two or so hours to get done as well. I was so eager just to get the fuck out of there. Doing this whole adult thing is fucking exhausting. I was running around ALL day today for this fucking car purchase. It was damn worth it though because I absolutely love my new car. I love love love it. Every thing about it. I feel so comfortable driving in it. I enjoy being higher up off the ground--I can see so much more.

Okay so I said I was gonna go to bed but ended up writing all that so now I REALLY need to stop typing and get some sleep because it’s almost 10:45 and I’ve gotta be up sooner than I’d like. It’s kinda funny that everything I wrote is basically from this past week. It goes to show how much goes on on the day-to-day. I still have to talk about that date I had with a guy named Dan and my current feelings about looking for guys. But for now...zzzzzzz

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