#I’m in an airport can’t stop thinking someone hit me with a baseball bat or smth

[sickgraymeat]

I think that, for a lot of her life, Bonnie is very much unaware that the world is not a fun game. (EDIT: more accurate phrasing might be “that a fun game is not the world.”) I think she puts a lot of unconscious and semi-conscious effort into avoiding reality for her own safety and sanity, but I don’t think she actually tries to use others as pawns. She’s very isolated emotionally speaking (as in she is around a lot of people but rarely makes deep connections with them) and struggles with empathy. She makes things a certain way, it keeps her and her loved ones (okay mostly Neddy) safe, so she sees no reason to change it, even if/when she’s unhappy. This bitch was born with a certain amount of understanding of the living world and how to interact with it, and for a long time, she had no reason to doubt that that was all there was to it. She was a child (emotionally and socially and experientially) who thought she was a grownup simply because she was smart and capable of keeping herself and her brother alive and him content. While Marceline’s emotional growth was stunted at a hugely volatile stage, Bonnie’s was nipped in the bud— in the root, really.

When the loneliness of being a child with adult priorities started to weigh on her, she used a picture of a happy family and the ruins of their home as her entire blueprint for interpersonal relationships. These people are grownups, so they will take care of me. That’s how it works because I read that somewhere.

Can you imagine the shock she must have felt when she first met Finn and Jake? Jake lets his baby brother play with swords and go on dangerous quests, sometimes even on his own?? Can you imagine, then, what Jake must have told her? Finn is a scrappy kid who will play outside in this fucked up world no matter what we do. He’s safer with the ability to defend himself than he would be if he never faced danger. He’s not much like Neddy. Not all people who fill the same roles are much like each other (still a relatively unfamiliar concept to her). Finn loves fairytale stories and grandeur and helping people— he’s like Bonnie. So yes, she will play knight and princess with him, because it keeps them both safe, and because it’s fun! It’s her chance to be kind of like a kid, and there are even some threats (IK) that are easy to delegate because they won’t hurt Finn the way they hurt her! But she’ll also protect him, even if it’s just by allowing him to train and sending him on missions she knows he can handle. Even if her protection hurts him and/or other people.

You’re fighting the knight, you’re seeking the dragon’s hoard, you’re trying to vanquish the demon. You don’t stand a fucking chance with the princess watching you, because unlike them, she’s not worried about being consistent or happy or good. She doesn’t even know what good is.

[doing-all-write]

you’re out

Pairing: Joe Mazzello x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your favorite past time is roasting Joe about how much the Yankees suck. So, when you go to a Yankees game with him and make a bet about whether they’ll win or not, you can’t help but hope that maybe, just maybe, they’ll win so Joe can do whatever he wants to you. 

Word Count: 5K

Warnings: SMUT (don’t interact if you’re under 18 please!), swearing, mentions of alcohol, continuous talk of how much the Yankees suck (they do, I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules!!!!). 

A/N: Hello, hi, hey, anyone else bummed there isn’t any baseball to watch?? No?? Just me?? Alright, well, have soft, baseball loving Joe to fill the void in your heart. (and once again, thank you to @diasimar​, @fairestkillerqueenofall​ and @mrhoemazzello​ for their contributions and for being in horny/yearning hell with me all day every day)

💖As always, likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated! 💖

"NO!" 

"HA! See, that's why the Sox are the best team in the league right now and the Yankees, well, the Yankees, they suck." She took a long pull of beer as Joe’s string of curses were muffled by the material of his Yankees cap.   

Slapping him on the back, she raised her hand to get the bartenders attention. Her friend, Dylan, nodded back and slid two tequila shots down the bar toward them, not even bothering to hide their laughter at Joe, who had fully slumped over the bar and was letting his forehead bounce lightly against the wood. 

Pushing one liquid gold shot toward Joe, she pulled her own closer, watching a droplet of water fall over the edge of the lime's rind into the glass.

"C'mon Mazzello. Buck up. It's just the Yankees fifth loss of the season. Which means they’ve secured their status as the most suck-tastic team in the MLB." Smirking, she threw her shot back, quickly bringing the lime to her mouth and biting down on soft flesh, the sting of acidity biting back as she licked her lips, making sure she got every bit of salt from them. 

Watching (Y/N) lick her lips was the only thing that was enough to make Joe stop feeling sorry for himself and start feeling a different emotion. 

"Can't you have some sympathy for a mourning man? I'm dying over here. I'm slowly being killed by the thing I love most." He wasn't quite sure if he was referring to the Yankees or the more than friends feelings that he'd had for (Y/N) since the moment he’d met her. 

And her boyfriend. 

But the boyfriend was out of the picture (She'd swanned into his apartment one day, already monologuing, "So, I dumped Mitch. He told me once we got 'serious', my career would need to take a back seat so I left him, and our relationship, in the back seat of the Uber we were in.") and Joe felt like he needed to take his chance before someone else came into the picture. 

Laughing, she reached her hand up to the Sox cap she wore, twisting it around so the brim was facing towards the back.  

Joe almost choked at the action.  

"Joe, if you don't take that shot right now I'm calling the cops because I'm pretty sure that's alcohol abuse to leave a perfectly good free shot sitting in front of you." Dylan raised an eyebrow as they finished wiping down the last glass they had pulled from the crate they'd brought from the kitchen.

Ripping his gaze from (Y/N)'s form, he hurriedly threw it back, scrunching his face up in an exaggerated fashion as the burn of the alcohol streaked down his throat and warmed his stomach. Popping the whole lime slice in his mouth he heard her laugh,

"Joe! God, how many times do I have to tell you that you don't have to put the whole lime in your mouth?" 

"When you stop laughing every time I do it." He admitted as he delicately placed the mangled husk of said lime on his napkin. Dylan shuddered as they touched the very edge of Joe's napkin to let it fall into the trash can behind the bar.  

Shaking her head, she swiveled in her chair to face Joe, "So. I have a proposition." 

Please let it be that she things we should be together forever and get married. Or that she proposition me for sex. Either one. 

"You know how I scored those tickets to the Yankee's/Sox's game for next week?" 

Shaking himself from the imagery of shoving a piece of wedding cake in (Y/N)'s face, Joe nodded, taking another gulp of beer. 

"Well....since you're my best friend who I love dearly," she placed a hand on his thigh, smiling, and Joe knew he would do whatever she wanted. 

"I was thinking we could make it extra interesting." Her heart was racing at just the small action she had accomplished. Feeling Joe's thigh muscle tighten as she laid her hand on it made something deep in the pit of her stomach tighten as well.

Since she'd broken up with Mitch it freed her up to do things she'd always wanted to do. To focus on her career, her friendships, herself and on the fact that she wanted her best friend, Joe Mazzello, to absolutely wreck her in the bedroom. 

The first time she'd envisioned it, she'd almost drained the new pair of batteries she'd put in her vibrator and since then she'd been falling without a parachute. The only thing that kept her from ripping the cord was the fact he was her best friend. They spent all their time together, what if it went wrong? It was a silly fear, she knew if anything were to happen they’d work through it like they always did, but it still bugged her that something so trivial was stopping her from potentially jumping into the best relationship she'd ever had. 

Besides, she'd do anything for Joe and she knew he’d do anything for her. They'd picked each other up from the airport, taken care of each other when they were sick or hungover and once Joe had plant sitted for her. 

(The key word there being once. She'd come back to all of them dead. "Joe...they're succulents. How do you kill those?")

She was nervous the fantasies she'd cooked up in her head would never live up to the reality that was in front of her, but recently she'd noticed little things that were starting to embolden her. 

Lingering gazes, holding on for a second too long during hugs. Once, it had been late, and they'd pulled apart from a hug only for their eyes to lock. Her breath caught as the thought oh god it's actually happening flitted through her mind, but Joe just gave her a gentle nudge toward the door urging her to get into bed as soon as possible. 

But, she was nervous that she was reading too much into these signs. 

If (Y/N) had been able to read minds she would have been very confused to see Gwil in his "I Want To Break Free" get up but it was Joe's surefire way to get rid of an erection and with (Y/N)'s hand so close on his thigh, he knew he needed to do something desperate to settle himself down.

Bringing herself back to the feel of Joe's thigh under her hand, she peered up at him through her eyelashes and shot him a smile, "I think we should place a bet." 

"A bet?"

"Yes, Joseph. A wager. On this ball game."

"Alright, what are the terms?" Joe leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the way the sleeves of his t-shirt stretched against his biceps. She swore he bought his shirts a size too small just to fuck with her. 

"Well, if the Yankees lose, which they will because they suck," Joe made an indignant noise in the back of his throat, "then you have to do anything I want."

Joe's eyebrows almost shot into his hairline, "And if the Sox’s lose? Which they will," he declared pointing a finger in (Y/N)'s face, causing her to lean back in her chair, batting his finger out of her face, "then you have to do anything I want." Crossing his arms behind his head he settled back into his chair, smug smile firmly planted. 

"It's so on, Mazzello." She declared as she stuck her hand out for him to shake. As his hand slid into hers, she could have sworn they both held on for a beat longer than was absolutely necessary. 

~~~

In (Y/N)'s opinion it wasn't really summer till she went to a baseball game. The artificial green of the grass, the sun��shining down, the crack of a baseball hitting a bat. There wasn't a scent more intoxicating than that of popcorn, hot dogs and cheap beer. 

Which was probably why Joe had sent some serious side eye her way as she filled her lungs and drank in the scene before her, settling into their seats, hands clasped around flimsy plastic cups filled with overpriced alcohol.  

"What? You don't love the smell of a ball game?" she shot him an incredulous look.

"No, I do. But I don't try to inhale the whole stadium through my nostrils." 

Reaching a hand around she knocked his Yankees hat off his head, laughing as he scrambled to pick it up and jam it back on his head. Turning, she saw he had his best scowl prepped as he glared at her, 

"How dare you try to knock the best good luck charm the Yankees have off my head?" 

"Because I need my bathroom cleaned and I want you to do it." she shrugged as she took a sip of what was mostly foam. Gotta love baseball beer.

"I can't even be that mad at you because you did bring me to a baseball game that my team is going to whoop your teams ass in so, thanks, (Y/N)." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, bringing her into his side as she leaned a head against him, smiling and wanting to  stay in that position for as long as possible. 

"Oh, you two are just the cutest couple! Reminds me of myself and Harold at our first baseball game." 

Both their heads turned in perfect unison to look at the form of a woman cautiously making her way down the stairs, cane in one hand, her grandson holding her other arm and mouthing I'm sorry at them over her head.  

Laughing self-consciously, (Y/N) started to disentangle herself from Joe's embrace, "Oh. Ah. That's really not-"

"Thank you ma'am, that's really sweet of you. Were you and Harold married a long time?" Joe interjected, keeping his arm firmly wrapped around (Y/N)'s shoulders.

Stopping in the middle of the aisle, the woman’s eyes grew soft, "Oh yes. We were friends for the longest time until finally one day he kissed me on the cheek. I remember I turned to him as he turned bright red and looked ready to melt into the floor. But I just told him 'It's about damn time!' And planted one on him myself." She laughed at the memory as her grandson rolled his eyes,

"C'mon Grandma. Let's get to our seats. The first pitch is gonna be thrown soon." 

Waving goodbye, they watched the woman toddle down the stairs. Lifting one thigh and then the other, (Y/N) felt her skin unstick and prayed to god she wouldn't have butt sweat once this thing was over. 

"That's cute. But also it sounds like she was a huge hussy back in her day." 

Snorting, she slapped Joe in the chest, "Really, Joey? You're going to call a sweet old lady a hussy for sharing a cute story about her and her husband?" 

"I'm just calling 'em like I see 'em!"

"And that old woman is a hussy?"

"She's the one throwing herself at men!" Joe protested as he tried to hold back his laughter. Soon, they both were laughing so hard no noise was coming out, just their whole bodies shaking with mirth.  

"Okay, okay...oh my god. I will give her credit, that's a very sweet story." (Y/N) admitted as she leaned back in her seat, adjusting her own lucky Sox hat.

"It is. I've always liked being friends with someone first before dating them." Joe admitted as he slid his eyes over to meet (Y/N)'s. Staring back at him, she felt her heart stop as his gaze burned into hers. Nodding, she mumbled, "Yeah, me too."

His lips twitched upward as he broke the gaze and leaned back in his seat, throwing one arm over the back of her chair and propping his foot up on the seat in front of him, "I think it's gonna be a great ball game."

She could only nod mutely as she tried to pick up the scattered fragments of her thoughts. 

~

"C'mon. Go. GO. GOGOGO. DROP IT...AHH FUCK." Her head dropped into her hands. She was so sure that the hit the last batter had was going to be the one that got the Sox the win but the Yankees outfielder had just managed to snag it.     

Beside her, Joe was on his feet, pumping his fists in the air and cheering along with every other Yankees fan in the stadium causing the floor to rumble underneath her Converse. 

"C'mon (Y/N), you're missing the best part!" Joe laughed as he tugged on the back of her shirt. Lifting her head up she was met with confetti raining from the sky and Frank Sinatra crooning "New York, New York" over the stadium speakers as the crowd started to flood out of the ball park. 

"You're an insufferable bastard."

"Yeah but I'm your insufferable bastard." Joe cooed as he patted her head, snickering as she rolled her eyes and dodged out from underneath his patronizing hand. 

"Whatever, Mazzello. Let's head out." Pulling her phone from her pocket to call a ride, her brain was already going a million miles an hour, thinking about what Joe would possibly make her do. Just the kind of thoughts she was having were causing her to shift in place, trying to find some relief for the ache that was building between her thighs. 

Joe was consumed by his own thoughts at the opportunity before him. He didn't want to make (Y/N) do anything she didn't want to do but at the same time...he wanted to kiss her. He'd almost been disappointed that the kiss cam hadn't landed on them. 

Both of them were lost in their own world and as such didn't realize that the herd moving to exit the stadium had stopped which caused Joe to run into someone which made (Y/N) bump into Joe with an "Oof" 

Reaching an arm back, he wrapped his hand around her arm, steadying her as she tottered on the balls of her feet. 

"Without even looking back, that's impressive." 

"What can I say? I'm an impressive sort of guy." (Y/N)'s breath caught in her throat considering what else about Joe was impressive but immediately snapped out of it when he turned to face her over his shoulder and waggled his eyebrows up and down. 

Rolling her eyes, she shoved him forward, "Let's just get home so I can sooth my wounds with booze and maybe some leftover Chinese." 

"Wait, but we had Chinese at my place, none of it is at yours." Joe wrinkled his brow. 

"I know, that's why we're going over to your place. You have all the good food and booze." She shrugged as they pushed through the gates and walked to the bus that would take them home.   

"You always say that and then I run out of food and have to buy more. Why can't you ever have the good food and booze?" he grumbled.

"Because I can't afford to have you eating and drinking all my stuff." 

~~~

Shoving his door open, they fell into Joe's apartment, letting the artificial coolness of air conditioning wrap itself around them. Both of them letting out involuntary sighs at how good it felt after being crammed onto a hot bus with more warm bodies than seats.

"Time to munch..." (Y/N) clapped her hands together before she opened the door of Joe's fridge and pulled out a Chinese takeout container, popping it open, mouth watering instantly at the sight of the golden dumplings waiting for her, like little doughy presents.

Before she could even grab a fork, Joe's hand wrapped around the container, whipping it up and over her head, causing her to turn in place so she was witness to Joe shoving a dumpling in his mouth, "Oh, I'm sorry. Did I not tell you? Dumplings are for winners." He said through a mouthful of her dumplings. 

"You're the meanest person in the whole world." She declared as she turned her back on him to rummage around in his fridge, only to emerge with two beers in her fist. 

Joe couldn't help but admire how she looked in his kitchen. He couldn't help but think what it would be like to cook with her. Or cook for her. Having her sitting on the counter as he made her a home cooked meal, stealing kisses in between stirring and chopping, making small talk, kidding around with each other, he wanted that so badly he felt his heart seize with longing. 

"Well, I guess we can't put it off any longer." She sighed as she slowly placed the beers on the counter. The look on her face was so melancholy, Joe put down the takeout box and felt his heart leap up into his throat, "What do you mean?"

"I mean the bet. I lost. Which, I would like to point out, how brave I am for admitting that without retching," Joe rolled his eyes, "But I get to do anything you want me to do so, hit me Joe. What do you want me to do?" 

Peering up at him through her eyelashes she searched his face, hoping against all hope that he would say "get on your knees" or "get into my bedroom". She knew that was wishful thinking on her part but she couldn't help it. Watching his Adam's apple bob up and down as he took a huge swallow, she almost didn't hear what he muttered next, 

"Want you to kiss me." 

Her eyes shot up to his.  

"I mean, only if you want to. I don't want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with but, fuck, (Y/N), I've wanted to kiss you since I first met you and I don't know, it feels like there's been something more between us lately and I didn't want to hate myself forever for not just, going for it, so, if you want, I'd really like it if you kissed me." He ended this speech with a shrug, fiddling with his fingers. 

"Joey," she breathed out and Joe's form stiffened as he waited for her rejection, 

"I've waited for you to ask me that for so long." she admitted, almost laughing at how wide Joe's eyes became. 

Blinking he stepped forward, "Then get over here and kiss me."  

Eyes widening, she stepped up to Joe, their arms hanging at their sides as they contemplated each other. Unsure, she tilted her head up. Joe leaned his head down, lips ghosting over hers as he whispered, "Are you sure?"

She just nodded and felt her heart clench as a smirk grew over Joe's face. 

Reaching a hand up, he cupped her cheek, letting his thumb stroke over the soft skin. Closing the gap between them, he placed his lips against hers, gently. Not enough to really count as a true kiss, his last ditch attempt to give her an out if she wanted. 

The electricity zipping through her body let her know that this was meant to happen. 

Letting out a small moan, she reached her arms up to wrap around Joe's neck, dragging him down more fully against her lips. Twining his arms around her waist, he pulled her flush against him. Feeling her soft curves fit up against him in the most delicious way possible.

Deepening the kiss, he nudged her back toward the counter. She made a small noise in the back of her throat as her back hit the edge. 

"Jump," Joe breathed and she did what she was told, leaping up onto the counter, spreading her legs as Joe stepped between them, running his hands up and down her thighs, giving them a squeeze when he reached where she wanted him most. 

"Such a good girl taking my directions." he breathed into her mouth. Her head dropped back as she let out a groan. Joe smiled at the effect. 

"You're gonna ruin me, Joe." she laughed weakly as one of her hands intertwined with one of Joe's. 

"That's the plan, darling" he said devilishly, bringing his other hand to the back of her head, pulling her down to reconnect their lips. She cupped Joe's face with both of her hands, giving her all to the kiss. Letting all of her pent up want and need spill through her lips and tumble into Joe's heart.  

Letting his tongue slip through her lips, he explored her mouth. She gripped his shoulders as she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him flush against the counter. Chuckling, he twined his fingers through her hair, giving it a gentle tug as he felt her body become pliable at the sensation. 

"So, you like having your hair pulled, huh?" He murmured as she mewled, scooting her hips closer to the edge of the counter, wanting nothing more than to grind her core against something, anything to relieve the ache that was building in her. 

"Mmm and you're a needy little thing too." he cooed as his hands ghosted down her body, outlining her curves. Nodding ferociously, she drapped her arms around his neck, pressing her lips to his again as he gave her hips a squeeze. 

"Joe!" the yelp that came from her mouth was louder than she intended but she hadn't been prepared for Joe's arms to lift her from the counter and carry her into the bedroom. Feeling his chest rumble against hers she smiled, "I got you. Don't worry."

"I know. You've always had me." she breathed into his ear and Joe had to bury his head into her hair to keep from letting the enjoyment he felt hearing that shine too strongly through his face. 

Lifting his head from her soft waves, he gently laid her on the bed groaning when she stretched her whole body and smiled up at him, "Aren't you going to ravish me now?" she fluttered her eyelashes at him and felt her pulse quicken as Joe started unbuckling his jeans. 

"Sweetheart, I'm going to make sure every inch of you is screaming with pleasure." Eyes widening, she started to fumble with the buckle of her belt as Joe chuckled, "I, uh, kind of wanted to be the one who did that." Lifting her eyes she saw the blush in his cheeks and smiled, "Then come here and get into these pants, Mazzello." 

He pounced on top of her so quickly she wasn't even sure how it happened. His fingers making quick work of her belt and shimmying her shorts down her legs.  

"God, you're gorgeous." Joe's eyes shone as he drank her form in. When he got to her head his lips quirked up, "You're gonna have to lose the hat, babe. Besides, if anything you should be wearing the hat of winners." he joked as she rolled her eyes. Then, a wicked idea overcame her.     

Rising up on her knees, she placed her hands on Joe's shoulders to breath into his ear, "You mean like this hat?" Grabbing the hat Joe was still wearing, she flung her Sox hat to the floor and replaced it with his well-work Yankees hat. 

Seeing (Y/N) wearing that hat caused Joe's cock to twitch in his boxers and he let out a soft whine as she placed a hand on his thigh, "Do you want to fuck me in your Yankees hat, Joey?" 

"God, yes. I don't care how stereotypically male that makes me but, fuck, (Y/N), yes." his hands came up to her face, pulling her into a deep kiss that was interrupted by his moan as her hand started palming him through his boxers. 

"Fuuuck (Y/N)" he breathed out as his head fell against her shoulder. Smiling she kissed his neck as she tugged at the band of his briefs, "I want these off" 

Again, it seemed like Joe moved so fast she wasn't sure how it happened. In the blink of an eye he was laying on her bed, briefs off, shirt off and beckoning her closer with one finger, his eyes never leaving hers. 

Smirking, she crawled over to Joe. Straddling him, she reached for the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head, being careful not to mess up the hat that was positioned on her head. Joe smirked at the action but his jaw quickly dropped when he saw her. Her pink bra and floral panties somehow making the hat on her head even filthier. 

She felt his cock twitch underneath her heat and groaned at the contact. Leaning forward she pressed a kiss to Joe's lips then slowly started kissing his neck, down his chest and finally to his thighs where she most wanted to be.    

Biting his hips, Joe finally hissed "(Y/N), please, wanted this for so long..." Taking pity on him, she wrapped her lips around the tip of his cock and started working him over. The way Joe threw his head back and groaned was all the praise she needed.

Even though, as she bobbed her head up and down, Joe was heavy on the praise, "Such a good girl, making me feel so good, babe. God, don't stop..." when she took his entire length in her mouth, she felt Joe tug on her arm, bringing her back up to his lips, he kissed her deeply. 

"My turn," he murmured as he pressed her down into the bed. Smiling, she snuggled down into the pillows behind her and sighed as Joe pressed kisses all over her tits, reaching his hands behind her and making quick work of her bra.

She ripped it from her body and threw it to the floor as Joe danced his hands down to her cunt. 

Stroking the inside of her thigh softly, dragging his fingers closer and closer to her entrance she whined, "Joe..." lifting his head from her chest, he smiled,

"What? Not moving fast enough for you?" She nodded frantically and Joe's eyes never left hers as he moved a finger to run up and down her folds.

With a gasp she threw her head back and Joe growled, "Shit baby, you're soaked. Who did this to you?" 

"You...you did Joey. You always make me this wet."

"Always, huh? I think I'd remember if we hooked up before this." he smirked. 

"Every time I touch myself I imagine you doing it..." she murmured as she bucked her hips up to get his fingers closer to her entrance which meant she missed how comically wide Joe's eyes got and was caught off guard when he planted another kiss on her lips. 

"Those are the hottest words I could ever hear come from your mouth." she breathed out a laugh and then she felt her eyes rolling into the back of her head as Joe slowly inserted two fingers into her cunt. 

"F-fuck Joe, that feels so good..." Her voice trailed off as Joe started pumping his fingers into her slowly, relishing in the feel of the walls of her pussy tightening as he sought out the one spot that would make her lose her mind. After a particularly deep thrust that had her eyes rolling into the back of her head Joe leaned down to kiss her neck. 

Speeding up his fingers she felt her cunt clench, between his fingers and the way he was kissing on her neck, she knew was going to cum soon. 

"Joe...I-I'm gonna cum" 

"Good, want you to. Want you to cum around my fingers and then around my cock. Think you can do that for me, sweetheart? Want to feel how good I make you.” 

Making a whining noise in her throat she reached a hand up to the back of Joe's neck to reconnect her lips with his.

Pumping his fingers in and out of her he started to swirl his thumb over her clit and she moaned into his mouth, "Fuuuuck, Joe, don't stop"

"Wasn't planning on it" he chuckled into her mouth as he felt how close she was. Pressing more firmly on her clit, (Y/N) saw stars and she didn't even have time to warn Joe before the waves of her orgasm crashed over her. 

As she came down, she was aware of tightly she was gripping onto Joe's hair and let go with an apology. 

"Never apologize for pulling my hair when I make you cum like that. Truly, it's a small price to pay to see someone as beautiful as you cum because of me." Blushing, she reached her hands down to shimmy her panties down her legs and throw them into her room. 

Grabbing her hand, he gave it a kiss and they stared deep into each others eyes, she reached a hand down, brought his fingers up to her mouth and licked them clean of her juices, keeping direct eye contact the whole time. 

Joe's eyes darkened, "I need to fuck you. Now." 

"What are you waiting for then? Please fuck me, Joe." she cooed as she brought his fingers out of her mouth with a pop. Reaching her hand down, she pumped his cock a few times as Joe growled. 

Batting her hand away, he guided his cock to the entrance of her cunt, swiping it up and down her folds, "God, there's nothing hotter than getting my cock wet with your own juices, baby girl." 

"Fuuuuuck, Joe" she whined as she brought her hands up to rest on his biceps, squeezing them and laughing when she felt him flex, "Did you just purposefully flex?" 

Winking at her he pushed himself fully inside. Giving them both a minute to adjust, he brought his forehead down to rest on hers. Both of them closing their eyes and breathing each other in, it was the most vulnerable moment they'd  shared with each other. 

This one moment, where they were closer than they had ever been, it felt so right they couldn't quite believe that in a city of thousands, they fit perfectly together. 

"Joe?"

"Yeah, sweetheart?" 

"If you don't move soon I'm gonna be pissed." 

Laughing, he kissed her nose and started to thrust. Throwing her head back, she let out a string of curses as her hands clutched the sheets, feeling the walls of her cunt clench around Joe's length. 

"Fucking hell, feel better than I ever imagined."

"You feel a hell of a lot better than my vibrator" she choked out as Joe let out a single bark of laughter, thrusting harder. He lifted her legs so they were over his shoulders, enjoying how the new angle let him get deeper inside her, and by the way (Y/N) had started babbling about how close she was, he had a pretty good idea it felt amazing for her as well. 

"Fuck, Joe. Rub my clit. I'm so close. Again..." a moan swallowing the rest of her sentence as Joe started rubbing her clit. 

Seeing her writhe underneath him, knowing he was the cause of her pleasure and the fact that this was all happening while she was wearing his Yankees cap was almost too much for Joe.

"Sweetheart, I'm close.." he choked out as (Y/N) nodded, "Me too, want to cum with you..." she murmured and Joe nodded, thrusting harder as she brought a hand up to tweak her nipples. 

Pressing more firmly into her clit, (Y/N) felt her pleasure overtaking her body and succumbed to the orgasm that swept over her. Feeling her walls clench around his cock was the final push Joe needed. With a final groan, he filled her with his love, taking a minute to catch his breath. 

When they finally both opened their eyes they burst into giggles, 

"Hey."

"Hi" Joe breathed out as he tweaked her nose

Scrunching her nose, she reached her head up to press a gentle kiss to Joe's lips. Pulling himself from her, they both moaned at the loss of contact and after cleaning them up, he crawled into bed next to her, pulling her into his arms. 

"God, that was...amazing"

"And long overdue in my personal opinion." 

"Yeah, ya think?" he pressed a kiss to the top of her head then pulled back with a disgusted noise.

"What? Does my hair smell bad? Do I have lice or something?" pulling back she looked up into Joe's eyes. 

"No, this hat smells nasty. I can't believe you wore it when we had sex, who would do that?" 

"Don't lie, it was the one final push you needed to cum, yeah?" 

"I don't have to admit anything to you" he sniffed as she curled up into his arms.

Nuzzling into his chest, she placed a soft kiss right on top of his heart. Humming, he drew her in closer, closing his eyes and locking into his memory how it felt to hold her in his arms. 

His eyes snapped open, “Wait, hold on,” he jumped up, ignoring her protests as he rummaged around on the floor. 

“Joe, c’mon, come back and snuggle.” Pouting she turned only to be met with the lens of Joe’s camera focused on her. 

“JOE! I’m NAKED! What is your PROBLEM?” Scrambling, she threw the sheet over her form, peeking over the edge so only the hat and her eyes could be seen. They narrowed as Joe laughed, taking picture after picture of her. 

“Holy shit, there’s a really great one here. I think I managed to capture the exact moment your soul left your body when you realized I was taking pictures...” his voice trailed off as he swiped through the photos he’d taken, smile growing bigger with each one. 

“Glad you’re enjoying those horrible pictures. You better burn those Joe, I’m serious.” Pulling the sheet down to her neck, she fixed him with her best glare. It didn’t last long. 

How could it when he looked up at her with adoration radiating from his eyes? 

“You’re so beautiful.” 

Her indignation drained and she sat up, patting the bed, “Come back to me. Please?” 

Joe climbed into the bed, kneeling in front of (Y/N) to kiss her softly, “I’ll always come back to you.” 

Hiding her head in his shoulder, she pressed a kiss to the soft skin there, fighting back the tears she felt welling up suddenly. Pulling back she heard the click of the camera one more time. 

Joe lowered the phone, “So beautiful.” 

Taking the phone from him she turned around, her back against his chest as she held it aloft, “C’mon, first picture as a couple.” 

Smiling, they took one good one and the rest were a mess. One or both of them pulling ridiculous faces. A series of pictures where Joe was obviously playing with her boobs. Their favorite one was where (Y/N) was mid-laugh and Joe was looking at her, the love between them written so clearly in their eyes that they felt like they were infringing on a private moment. 

Looking at it, (Y/N) turned to Joe, “You think we’ll look at each other like that, even when we’re old?” 

Chuckling, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, “Absolutely. You and I are gonna be like that old lady at the baseball game and her husband.” 

“Are you calling me a hussy?” 

“Again, I’m just calling them like I see them.” 

“I feel like you shouldn’t call your own girlfriend a hussy.”

“Oh so you’re my girlfriend now?” Joe rolled on top of her, peppering her face with kisses as she laughed. 

“Well I won’t be if you keep calling me a hussy!”

“What if I only called you a hussy when we’re getting sexy?” 

Pausing, she reflected on Joe’s proposition, “Hmm, I guess that could be okay. But can you not call it Getting Sexy? That makes it decidedly not sexy.” 

“Alright, we’ll come up with something good. Though you should definitely always wear The Sex Hat whenever we fuck.” 

Sighing, she flicked the brim of the hat she was still wearing, “I set a dangerous precedent by wearing this, huh?” 

“Darling, you have no idea how dangerous you in that hat is.” Joe growled as he nipped her neck.

“Mmm, I think I have a pretty good idea.” She smirked as she tilted her head to the side, “It’s just enough to distract you so I can do this.” 

“Wha-” Joe hit the bed with an grunt as she slide out from underneath him and raced out of the room. 

“I’M GOING TO EAT THE LAST DUMPLING AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME.” 

Pushing himself up, Joe raced after her into the kitchen, knowing he’d be too late to stop her but he wanted to be around to imprint the image of (Y/N) naked in his kitchen into his brain for forever. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Surveys #431-432

two biggins’ in one, beware the long post.

Do you own any Funko Pop! figurines? No. How many cats and dogs have you had as pets in your lifetime? I couldn't possibly count the cats. A lot. We've had I wanna say eight dogs through my entire life. Can your mom and/or dad play any instruments, or how about anyone else in your family? No. My older sister played the clarinet in school, though. Have you ever colored in an adult coloring book as a stress reliever? I have, but they don't really affect my stress level. Can you crack crab legs without a tool? UGH EW I hate crab legs. So mushy and just... ew. I don't think I've tried to without a tool. How many light sources are in the room you’re in? Excluding the natural light out my windows, three. What’s your favorite thing to put on bagels? Just your usual cream cheese. Who’s your favorite director? Tim Burton. I love his style. Bats: cute or gross? Bats are SO goddamn cute. What was the last really intense pain you felt? I had a sudden pain in my chest the other day that scared me quite a bit. Would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake? A lake, for sure. How would you feel about traveling abroad alone? I'd be way too lonely. What is your father's middle name? John. Where did your last kiss take place? The airport. Which movie villain do you find the most terrifying? Probably Jason. A masked guy just casually pursuing you with a knife is horrifying to me. If you married your favorite celebrity what would your last name be? Fischbach alskdfla;wer;lkwera;wle Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? No. Which one of your family members are you closest to? My ma. Would you rather have name brand shoes or name brand clothes? Shoes. It's very important for them to be comfy for me. Are you a good liar? Yes. :x Are you proud of your parents? Yeah. If you could get backstage tickets to ANY concert - which would you pick? If Mom was with me, Metallica. She would actually fucking die if she met them. Like she cried and laughed with joy when she found out about the concert in Raleigh some years ago, and we thought we were going to go, but yeah, money. Which is better: orange or grape soda? Orange cream soda. Grape soda is so gross. Was the last thing you ate hot or cold? It was room temperature. Who was the last person in your house who isn’t family? Our landlord/family friend. I think. What color was the last swimsuit you wore? Black. Can you remember the last song you listened to? I'm listening to "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White right now. Have you ever been dumped really harshly? Ha, that is a colossal understatement... Can you do a back flip, or anything else of that sort? Definitely not. I couldn't even do stuff like that as a kid. Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? No. What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? ^ Are you more of a phone or a computer person? Computer, for sure. Do you have a job, and if so, where do you work? No. If not, do you want one? Not right now. I want to focus on the gym and getting in shape. Do any medical afflictions run in your family? A whole lot. What’s your favorite Mexican dish? Shrimp quesadillas. Or rice with cheese sauce. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yeah, hockey and baseball. Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? I'm actually conflicted on this right now. I use tampons, but there are reasons I don't really like them and am considering something else. Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Not me myself, but Mom has. What months were you and your siblings born in? My two immediate sisters were born in April and June. What did you have for dinner last night? Uhhhhh... I want to say I had a chicken pesto bowl? Have you ever had sex in/on a vehicle? No, that sounds so uncomfortable. Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? No. I don't care about that anymore. Has your town ever flooded? Oh, for sure. Hurricane Floyd from when I was... I wanna say two or three WRECKED my area. Have you ever played at the McDonald’s play place? Yeah. That was a blast as a kiddo. Have you ever taken a picture of snow? Yeah. Do you cry easily? Very. Are you happy with where you live? No. The suburbs suck. I miss living in the country so much. Do people ever mistake you for being a different race? No. Do you hate the last person you kissed? No, she's my best friend in the whole world. What genre is your favorite movie? I actually don't know what it's considered? It's a kids movie, though. Who was the last person you were in a car with? My mom. Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? My permit picture is fucking hideous. When was the last time somebody hit on you? *shrug* Was the last person you met a male or female? A guy - my personal trainer. What brand is your underwear? I'm in my pjs, and only a madman would wear underwear to bed. What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food? Just the rolls, really, lol. I'm not a big fan of Thanksgiving foods at all. Do you have a TV in your room? No, because I don't watch TV. Are any of your electronics charging right now? My laptop always is, though I know you shouldn't do that. I need to charge my phone, too. What was the last video game you played? Video game, not computer, I want to say uh... The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon? What’s the biggest promise someone’s ever made to you? Did they keep it? To never leave me. He didn't. Google, Bing, or Yahoo? Google. What was the last song you had on repeat? The song I mentioned earlier. Who is your favorite person to watch on YouTube? Markiplier. :') How many college degrees do you want? It'd be nice to have a Bachelor's in SOMETHING, but I'm not returning to school. Three tries was enough money down the drain. Can you wink? Yeah. Do you own any jerseys? No. Have you ever tried to snort Pixie Stix as a child, or even an adult? Uh, no. Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? No. The last time Jason and I hung out in any capacity was his brother's wife's baby shower, and it's a bad memory. As well, it just reminds me of what I once wanted with him. I'll go to them and be okay, but definitely not thrilled. Has there ever been a time in your life, you felt sexually undecided? Yes, especially in the I want to say 8th grade. I had an inescapable crisis that literally lasted a whole week (or maybe more) forcing myself to believe I was straight, despite already showing but denying bisexual attractions. I was religious back then, so believed if I wasn't straight, I'd go to Hell. Then I came out as bisexual in uhhhh... 2018 I wanna say, and that was a long examination of my feelings. It felt like a massive weight off my shoulders when I accepted it. I felt legit happy. Do you think tattoos and piercings are sexy on the opposite sex? ugggghhhhh yes Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? No. What color are the headphones you have at this moment in time? My earbuds are pink and white. Ever choked severely on something during lunch at your school? No. Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? Fruits, for sure. My fave is strawberries. What would you say is the color of your favorite bra? I have a pink and black lacy one that is super cute, but it's too small for me right now. It just stays in my drawer. Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? No. What do you usually buy when you go to the dollar store? If I'm stopping there for a snack (which is usually the only time we stop by one), I tend to get a honeybun. Ever peed in the pool? Be honest! No, that is so gross. When you’re older, what kind of house do you want to live in? I want a medium-sized house that's semi-isolated in the woods. I'd love a nice path to walk down and take photos, a catio for Roman or whatever cat I may have in the future... stuff like that. I need lots of nature. Where do you want to get married? In some sort of gothic building, though I'm sure that would be a WILDLY expensive venue, so I doubt that'll happen. Realistically, either in the woods or even a massive flower garden. Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? Yes. What is your favorite childhood TV show? Pokemon. Honestly, do you like school? No, I didn't. Last thing that made you cry? PTSD. Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now? No big secrets, no. Last person you took a walk with? Sara, years ago. Have you ever liked someone who didn’t like you back? Oh, have I... Who was the last person to actually pick you up in the air? Probably Jason, honestly. Does any part of your body hurt? My non-existent abs are killing me from exercising yesterday. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret what would you do? While it's tempting, hand me the cash. Can you keep a secret? Absolutely. You tell me a secret, you can guarantee I'll be keeping it between you and me. Your favorite romantic movie? The Notebook. How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? I honestly like it. I love the aesthetic of it, and I know people say "well you should celebrate love every day," and while that's right, what's so wrong about nationally designating a specific day to appreciate it? I think it's a very cute holiday. Who was the last person you took a picture with? My sister Katie. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? I haven't worn jeans in yeeeeaaaarrrrssss. When I did though, I loved jeans like that, especially for skinny jeans. Do you celebrate 420?No. Have you ever kicked a vending machine? No. How do you eat Oreos? I prefer to just dip them in milk. If that's unavailable, I separate the two parts, eat the cream, and then the two cookies. Do you wear your shoes in the house? No. Would you survive in prison? Absofuckinglutely not. It's dark, but just to be entirely honest, I'd probably find a way to kill myself. Ever been to Georgia? I've been through it. Do you get your hair cut every month? Not every month, no. It needs a trim right now badly, though.

Current relationship in detail. I'm single and should be. If you were kicked out of your house, who would you call/go to? My dad. List things you spend money on in an average week. Nothing. Rate each of your sexual partners (if any) from 1-10. He was honestly a 10 lmao like I don't have a lot of experience at all, but yeah. Post the last FB group/page that you joined. I actually don't remember because I've been on break from Facebook for around a month. Would you parents be mad if you were in a relationship? No... Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? I'm sure he has. He dated someone right after me for like... eight months or something? Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to? I think that's very obvious by now. What board games are you good at? Idk, I don't really enjoy board games. Is there a sport/hobby you keep thinking about taking up, but that you’ve never quite gotten around to starting? Definitely no sports, but I've been wanting to get back into video editing. I just... haven't, even though I have the software. Do you think pranks like egging/toilet-papering someone's house are funny or immature? They're incredibly immature. I see zero humor in them. Do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea? They're hot as fuck, man. Is there anything in particular that your parents argue about? What? I'll just say they're divorced for good reasons. Do you ever actually read the “Terms and Services” when you sign up for websites and such? No. If you have a handheld games console (a DS or GameBoy, for example), how often do you use it? Almost never. Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for, what do you say? Realistically, I wouldn't answer because I don't answer numbers I don't recognize. Hypothetically, if I knew it was him, I'd probably say something along the lines of, "Hey J, are you okay?", because something must be seriously wrong if he wants to talk to me of all people. If your best friend was kicked out, would your parents let him/her live with you? Mom absolutely would. Are you afraid of falling in love? I'm terrified of it. Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now? I wish I didn't. Have you ever kissed someone & wished you didn’t? Yes: Tyler. Did you get kissed last night? Haven't been kissed in years. Do you enjoy going through a carwash? Bring out the rainbow soap and it's hype lmao. How did you get most of your scars? My cat, ha ha. He sometimes plays way too rough, and I just scar very easily. Ever had to take an inkblot test? Yes, when I went to a psychologist. Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do? Maybe? Have you ever seriously slapped someone in anger? My sister as a kid on her arm. Safe to say I got in trouble for it. What/who woke you up this morning? Just my body. Who was the last person to be in your bedroom besides you? Mom. What’s one of your locked text messages? da;lsd;fakwer I have one locked from Sara that says something like, "You are so beautiful." I cried. Have you ever finished a game of Monopoly? I think? Jason and I used to play the digital one you could download on the PS3. Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? No. I mean, I know of a girl who went to my school who was paralyzed from the waist down in an accident, but I didn't/don't know her personally. She was a MASSIVE deal in my education community. Like you would see "prayers for (name)" on school and church signs. The truth all comes out when someone is drunk, true? Usually true. I sometimes think back on the one time Jason was drunk, and he just told me in the most adoring voice, "I love you, Brittany." It's painful as fuck to remember. I really do wonder if he meant it, given this was in the later half of our relationship. When was the last time you felt disappointed in yourself? Constantly. How about feeling disappointed in someone else? I dunno. For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? I definitely experience envy more often. Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? No. Do you have any specific chores you do around the house? I'm supposed to empty the dishwasher in particular. For you, does comfort or fashion come first in dressing? Comfort, 100%. Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? No. Do you like Laffy Taffy? I do. That sounds pretty good right about now. Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? Electric. Are your biceps at all noticeable? Yeah, no. Have you ever seen a walrus? Yeah, at SeaWorld as a kid. Did you ever have one of those Easy Bake ovens as a kid? Yeah. My little sister in particular was obsessed. Does your bathroom have a theme to it? No. From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? Two. Are there a lot of trees in your yard? No. :/ I miss that. Have you ever liked someone that treated you like crap? No. Have a best friend? Yeah. :') Does it bother you when your best friend does stuff without you? That is so childish. Everyone needs space sometimes. But to answer the question, considering she lives many states away from me, obviously not. Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? Yes. Does anyone hate you? I wouldn't at all be surprised if Jason does. Colleen might, but I really don't give a shit if she does. What’s the one thing you regret more than anything? The way I spoke to Jason after the breakup. If only I could take those letters back. Do you remember important dates? I am VERY bad at dates, doesn't matter how important they are. What’s some lyrics from a song that means a lot to you? "For such a little thing, you sure are in your own way" from a Mother Mother song. Who gives the best advice? Sara. Who do you usually see in your dreams? :) Jason is nearly a permanent fixture. Jeez, I'm bringing him up a lot in this one. I'm surprised my PTSD isn't dragging me into a pit for it. What type of cake did you last eat? Uhhh I wanna say double chocolate? Mom got two slices from the store for me and herself a long time ago. How many of your friends are gay or bisexual? A large number. I don't feel like counting. What’s your favorite type of sandwich? Just your usual peanut butter and jelly. When was the last time someone asked you out? Did you accept or decline? Years ago by Girt. I accepted. Do you like The Offspring? Sure, I like a handful of their songs. One pillow or two? I sleep with two. Do you like Mad Libs? Sure, they can be funny. Are you suicidal? Well damn, just throw that in there. Anyway, no. I'll admit I've had very brief, passive thoughts very rarely as of the late, just wondering if there really is a point to me being here, but I'm not actively suicidal at all rn. Where do your grandparents live? They're dead. When alive though, they lived in Florida and Michigan. Do you cut yourself? And this one? No, I haven't in many years. What is your pet’s name? Roman and Venus. Have you ever been to Canada? No, but I'd love to visit. Aren’t babies overrated? "Overrated" is definitely the wrong word... I don't particularly find a lot of babies cute and I don't want my own, but they're not overrated. Have a built-in pool in your backyard? Never have. Ever won yourself a stuffed animal? Yeah. Ever had someone else win you a stuffed animal? Yes. Ever been to a circus? No. I wouldn't set foot into one. Ever shot animals? I never, ever could. Do you consider yourself intelligent? I USED to. I think I'm dumb as shit now. School knowledge did not latch onto me well, I guess. Have you ever run away from home? Yes. It was so overdramatic. I came back hours later because I had my phone and Mom texted me threatening to call the cops. Do you put family first, friends, relationships, school, or something else? I will never put my mental health behind anything/one again. What’s something you’ve stood up for in the past? When Colleen and I were friends in middle school, we both spoke before the class in absolute disgust at how our classmates were treating our poor substitute teacher. Colleen had AT them, while I was more tame about it but still wanted to bash into their heads that they were all being absolute trash to the poor man. What’s something you worked extremely hard to get? My mental wellbeing. Granted, I'm not exactly "well" now, but once upon a time I was living in the deepest ocean trench as far as depression goes. Are you satisfied with your body image? Hell no. I really, really, really hope loyally going to the gym will help me with that. Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory? Not that I know of. Have you ever seriously taken advantage of someone or been taken advantage of? No. Have you ever been seriously ill? Mentally, immensely. Physically, not really. I've had some nasty stomach bugs, but nothing truly severe. Have you ever befriended a former enemy? Ha, it's funny, I used to hate Jason's first ex/heartbreak for how badly she hurt him. Like she could've been falling off the face of the earth with only me to save her, and I'd let her keep falling. I hated her. Yet now we're Facebook friends and comment on each other's stuff like it's nothing, ha ha. She reached out to me a few years ago to apologize for high school stuff (she also hated me for Juan - her ex or something along those lines - being interested in me instead of her), we chatted a bit, and now I think she's great. If you’re not religious, would you ever pray as a last resort? If you are religious, do you often pray for other people? I don't pray anymore. That's all I'll say to keep this from becoming potentially very offensive. Have you ever dated someone, then after you dated they came out of the closet or switched (for lack of a better word) sexual orientation? I'm pretty sure my middle school boyfriend Aaron is gay, but I'm not certain. He vanished from Facebook a long time ago. Has a boy/girl ever walked a ridiculous distance just to see you? How about vice versa? I tried doing that the night of the breakup. By car, I know it was a seven-minute drive, but walking there, never mind at night, was ludicrous. I only didn't manage because after a few minutes, Mom came after me and kept cutting me off with the car. When was the last time you felt really uncomfortable? Right now. My abs REALLY hurt, and I'm also cramping like a motherfucker after not having a period for 3+ months because of TMS therapy. I'm still pissed about how it had a physical effect on me, but didn't mentally do what it was meant to. Is there anything that your mom is really known for as to how she is as a person? She is very, very loving and lives to help others. Who have you been talking to the most today? Nobody, really. I've spoken with Mom obviously, but for the most part, today's been quiet. Are you nosy? I can be pretty damn nosy, yes. What’s the meanest thing you have done to a friend? Consistently flirted with her boyfriend behind her back. I was 12, okay? If your ex called you crying, what would it most likely be about? THE ex, I have no idea. I don't know what's going on in his life, besides his mother dying quite a few months ago, but I don't see why he'd contact me about that. Who was the best kisser out of all the people you have kissed? Jason. Have you ever been told that you have an annoying laugh? No, but I think I do.

[tell-me-when-ur-ready]

This Thing Called Love (part seven)

Summary: When Shawn meets dancer Kellie in Toronto, he falls for her—hard. But Kellie has an invisible disability and thinks it’s impossible that someone could really love her the way she is.

Author’s note: PHEW things are getting good. The usual disclaimer: I have multiple chronic illnesses that are similar to Kellie’s, but not the exact same health conditions she has, so I apologize if I get anything wrong.

Warnings: language? just once lol

Word count: 2k

Kellie and Shawn didn’t talk to each other for two full weeks. It wasn’t for lack of trying on his part; Shawn continued texting her and calling her and trying to connect with her, but Kellie thought it was better to just make a clean break. It would be better in the long run for both of them.

Shawn had gotten Mackenzie’s number at some point during the summer (something Mackenzie had been way too excited about at the time), and he was using it now. Each evening, Mackenzie would show Kellie the latest texts.

Can you tell Kellie to call me?

Has Kellie said anything to you?

Ask Kellie what I did wrong.

“That boy’s in loooooove,” Mackenzie said, delighted, at first. But she got a little more exasperated as the days dragged by and the summer started to wane. “Kellie, this is just cruel,” she finally said. “Why won’t you date him? Because you think he’ll be scared away if he sees your health issues up close?”

Kellie shrugged uncomfortably and looked away.

“You could at least tell him that instead of just leaving him hanging. See what he says,” Mackenzie said, pursing her lips disapprovingly. But Kellie just shrugged again.

Shawn wasn’t the only one who was suffering. Stress affected chronic migraines, making them worse, and Kellie got so sick during those two weeks she almost forgot about Shawn altogether. The second week, she was only able to go to work one day; the other four days, she was at home in the darkness, lying in bed and periodically running to the bathroom to throw up.

 She’d gotten used to texting Shawn when she felt bad. But that wasn’t an option anymore. At least, that’s what Kellie kept telling herself.

 “I can’t do this,” she sobbed on the phone to her mom one Friday night. “I’m going to lose my jobs.”

 “Slow down,” her mom said. Kellie’s family lived an hour away, more north of Atlanta, so Kellie’s mom could no longer help take care of her when she flared up. Mackenzie had brought home groceries that day and Shelby had gotten Kellie’s prescriptions for her, but they were out with friends now. And Kellie didn’t want to burden them any further, anyway. She’d been upfront with them about her health issues when they decided to all move in together, but they weren’t obligated to babysit her.

 “But I am,” Kellie said. She wiped at her eyes. “Going to lose my jobs, I mean. I can’t work, I can’t eat, I can’t do anything.”

 “Is this at all related to Shawn?” her mom asked. “You haven’t mentioned him lately.”

 Kellie sighed. She’d told her mom (who had never heard of Shawn) about the music video, of course, and had vaguely said that she was staying in touch with Shawn and liked him a lot. But that was all her mother knew.

 “I mean, we haven’t talked in a couple of weeks. But it’s not a big deal.” That second part was a lie. “I’m way more worried about how I can pay rent. I can only call out of work sick so many times.” That, unfortunately, was the truth.

 But somehow, she woke up the next morning feeling better. She was able to keep breakfast down; her migraine was almost completely gone. Kellie rested all day Saturday anyway, to get her energy back up, and went into the dance studio Sunday.

 When she got home, exhausted but feeling a little happier after a few hours of teaching a lyrical workshop, she started pulling ingredients for a smoothie out of the cabinets. Someone knocked on the door, and she wiped her hands and went to get it; Mackenzie and Shelby were both at work, and she didn’t think they were expecting anybody.

 The door swung open and Shawn was standing there.

 Kellie’s first thought was that she looked awful, sweaty and tired with her hair in a messy bun (not the cute kind, but the actually-messy kind). Her second thought, which she said out loud, was, “Mackenzie.”

 Shawn shoved his hands in his pockets and smirked a little. “I like Mackenzie,” he said conversationally.

 “Well, she’s not here,” Kellie snapped, moving to shut the door. She didn’t know if she would have actually closed it in his face, but before it was halfway shut, he had reached out to stop her.

 “Can I come in?” he said, his face serious now. Reluctantly, Kellie nodded.

 Thankfully, the apartment was relatively clean at the moment. Their squishy couch was covered in pink pillows and the kitchen island held a stack of books and a pair of pointe shoes; out the window, you could see the hanging plants Shelby had installed on the balcony, green leaves swinging in the breeze.

 “Cute,” Shawn said, looking around. He slung his backpack to the ground and turned and looked at her, leaning against the counter. “Hi,” he said, his eyes going soft.

 “I’m sorry,” Kellie blurted out. But before she could get anything else out, the door opened again and Mackenzie came flying in.

 “Shit, he’s already here? I thought I was going to get home first,” she exclaimed, breathless. “I was going to prepare you—” She looked at Kellie apologetically.

 “I should have known you would do something like this,” Kellie said with a heavy sigh, glaring at her. Secretly, something inside her had lit up at the sight of Shawn’s face—but she didn’t really want him here, because now she had to face the reality of all her complicated, messy emotions and the things those emotions had made her do.

 “Sorry,” Mackenzie said, not sounding sorry at all. She held up her hand for Shawn to give her a high five.

 “Nice to finally meet you,” he said, sounding amused.

 “Go fix all of your problems,” Mackenzie said. She waved her hands at them in a shoo-ing motion.

 Kellie frowned at her. “Life is not a rom-com. It’s not always that easy.”

 Mackenzie shrugged, patted Shawn on the back, and disappeared into her bedroom with one last bright smile over her shoulder.

 There was a moment of awkward silence. Then Shawn said, “Are you feeling okay today? Do you wanna—go somewhere and talk?”

 “Yeah,” Kellie said shyly, figuring there was no way around it now. “I guess so.”

 She slid her feet into flip-flops and they went down to the parking lot of her apartment complex. On the sidewalk, Shawn rubbed a hand across the back of his neck and said, “Uh, so I might not have totally thought this through. I caught an Uber from the airport and they didn’t stay. Do you… feel well enough to drive?”

 She did giggle then, a real one, and Shawn smiled, obviously encouraged.

 “I guess so,” she said, and she was fishing out her keys when Shawn stopped her with a hand on her arm.

 “Really?” he asked seriously. “Because I don’t want you to feel like you have to say that. And I have a little self-interest here, too, since I’ll be in the car…”

 It was so different from what others said. If Kellie was starting a migraine or getting over one, she didn’t feel as if she could drive safely because of the pain and disorientation the migraines caused. Her friends didn’t always understand that. With Shawn, though, it was like he truly understood what her disability and her life were like—or at least, he was really trying. For the first time, Kellie felt like this might actually work.

 “Yeah,” she said softly, and nodded.

 She drove them to a park ten minutes away, trying not to be embarrassed about her dirty old Toyota, most of the drive spent in silence except for a few questions from Shawn about places they were passing. When they got to the park, they sat down on a picnic bench overlooking the baseball fields where teams were beginning to warm up for a late afternoon game; Shawn sat on the opposite side of the bench from Kellie and twisted the rings on his fingers.

 “So,” he said after a moment. “I want you to talk to me. Really talk to me. Mackenzie told me—some—”

 “Probably too much,” Kellie said with a rueful smile. Her voice sounded hoarse and strange and she cleared her throat. Her stomach was feeling fluttery, but for once that had nothing to do with Celiac.

 “But I want to hear it from you,” he finished. He stopped fidgeting and set his hands flat on the table, looking straight at her. His gaze was a little frantic and a little wistful, but there was a certain steadiness to it, too. “Please.”

 Above them, the wind blew through the leaves; from down the hill came faint yelling and the clang of a baseball hitting a composite bat.

 “Okay,” Kellie said slowly. She licked her lips and looked down at the rough wooden table, then looked back up, latching onto the steadiness in his eyes. “I just—okay. It’s not that I don’t want to see you. I do want to; I want to so badly. But I feel like I can’t. Because…”

 And she went on, describing how she felt as if it was unfair to the other person to try to be in a relationship, because she was constantly canceling plans and resting in bed and too busy caring for herself to think about anybody else. She talked about how she was scared to be with somebody because she thought, even if they said they didn’t care, they would see the real her—Celiac and chronic migraines included—when they started dating, realize everything that entailed, and wouldn’t stay. She explained how her life was unpredictable and how sometimes her physical problems affected her mental health and how she was so used to being alone in her pain she just didn’t know what it would look like to have someone by her side.

 When she finished, Shawn was silent for a moment. Kellie swallowed and wished she’d brought along a bottle of water for her dry throat.

 “You know the thing you left out in all that?” Shawn said softly. Kellie shook her head.

 “I love you,” Shawn said frankly. Kellie stared at him, mute, feeling her eyebrows draw together in something like shock or maybe disbelief.

 “Or, I think I would,” he added, “if I had the chance. And I think love makes all that other stuff not matter. I think, I mean I know, you can’t help that you have health problems, and I think everyone is afraid for someone to see the real them. But I think the real you is what someone should want in a real relationship. And I think… I mean, I know… if you give me a chance, I won’t leave. I’ll stay.”

 Kellie felt tears prick at the back of her eyes and turned away slightly, bringing a hand to her face.

 “Are you upset?” Shawn asked, his voice full of concern. An entire baseball team was walking by them, metal cleats crunching on the sidewalk, but Shawn never took his eyes off of her.

 “No,” she choked out. “I’m happy. I—no one’s ever said anything like that to me before. But I’m still scared.”

 He reached out and gently pried her hand away from her face, taking it in his own.

 “Do you think I’m not scared?” he said, laughing a little, almost incredulous. “Kell, I’m scared too. I’m scared for you to discover the real me. I’m scared my anxiety will get bad again and I’ll shut everyone out. I’m scared of what it might be like to have a relationship that’s inevitably going to be very public. I’m scared because you’re really pretty and I don’t want to say something stupid and sound dumb.”

 Kellie laughed through the tears that were now dropping on her face. She brought her other hand up to wipe them away and cover her eyes, but he captured that one too, not letting her hide.

 “But I think,” he said, low, “we can’t let fear dictate our lives.”

 There was a long moment of silence while all the things they’d said hung in the air.

 “Okay,” Kellie whispered finally, and Shawn looked at her steadily.

 “Okay?” he repeated, and she nodded. He smiled. And then she asked, “Do you have a tissue?”

Taglist: @rosiemercy@ @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @evibesss @tnhmblive (let me know if you want to be added/removed)

[midsommersolstice]

Follow the Pipes

Whumptober 2019 - Prompt #1: Shaky Hands

Fandom: Marvel/MCU/Irondad

Summary:  Tony wakes up at the bottom of a bomb shelter with a concussed Peter next to him, their only means of escape being a hatch 40 feet directly above them.

Word Count: 5104

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20849627

@whumptober2019

Tony rolled onto his side, coughing slightly as heavy dust caught in his throat and lungs. A few weak beams of light filtered through the air, illuminating the space around him just barely enough for him to make out Peter lying unconscious a few yards away. “Kid,” he hissed towards the young man’s unmoving form. “Hey buddy, you gotta wake up.” He couldn’t see Peter’s face. He was on his back, ankles tied tightly, hands secured underneath him, and head rolled in the opposite direction. He didn’t so much as twitch in response to Tony’s voice and the older man pulled and struggled against the coarse ropes that held his hands behind his back as well. They were in what Tony suspected was an old bomb shelter deep in the earth that had been converted into a makeshift holding cell. The limestone walls were smooth and perfectly cylindrical like a giant well, but the opening high above them was sealed off with a heavy steel hatch. A few pipes jutted out up and down the walls, connecting to what had most likely been a sink and a toilet. Both had been removed, however, leaving Tony and Peter alone on the dusty, dirty floor. “Hey! Kiddo!” he tried again. No response. He shuffled awkwardly toward the teenager, then swiveled until he could gently push against Peter’s hip with his feet. “Peter!” he said a little bit louder. Anxiety had been simmering deep in his gut for several hours now, ever since he’d felt a taser jam into the small of his back and a baseball bat had broken over the side of Peter’s head. The boy had dropped like a rock without ever knowing he’d been hit. He hadn’t moved a muscle since, which was more than a little worrying. He may be super human, but a blow like that followed by hours of unconsciousness was pretty indicative of a serious concussion. He pushed Peter with his feet again, rocking the teenager’s body as hard as he dared. “Peter!” Finally he heard a deep groan and Peter’s head rolled in his direction, giving Tony a good view of the dried blood that ran from his temple, down his face, and into his ear. “That’s it bud, come on.” Tony waited in vain for further movement. “PARKER!” He yelled sharply, his voice echoing about their stone enclosure. Peter’s face scrunched at the loud noise and he groaned again in protest. “Pete?” Glassy, unfocused brown eyes blinked open. “Hey, there you are, kid. How’re you doing, you with me?” For a few frightening moments Peter just stared back at him with blank, half-lidded eyes, and the anxiety in Tony’s chest began to tighten as the seconds passed by. “Mm hm,” Peter finally hummed in affirmation and Tony released a long breath. “Okay Peter, we need to get out of here ASAP, but I need your help to do that. D’you think you’re up to helping me out?” Peter blinked lazily a few times then nodded his head. Whether or not he actually understood, Tony couldn’t tell. But he was relieved at the cognitive responses nonetheless. “Okay, good. That’s good. Do you think you can get out of those ropes?” Peter’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Ro-... there’s... um. There’s...” He shifted slightly and felt the restriction on his wrists. “Oh. Yeah, okay.” He pulled at them experimentally and then rolled onto his side toward Tony with a small grunt. His gray t-shirt and jeans had both turned several shades lighter from all the dust and fine sand clinging to them. The muscles in his arms bulged and his face scrunched again as he strained against his bonds. Within a few seconds his arms popped free and he was rubbing at the kinks in his shoulders. “Ugh... ow.” “Okay kid, good. Now your ankles.” He laid still long enough for Tony to think he hadn’t heard him before slowly curling into a ball to reach his ankles and pulling those ropes apart as well. “Where are we?” Peter’s voice was a bit rough, his words slurred. He coughed as the dust began to get to him, then winced and brought his hands up to his head. “Ow.” “I know, sorry kiddo. You got whacked on the head really good.” Peter felt around gingerly at the blood on his face, fingers following the trail up to what must have been an extremely tender bump at his hairline. He glanced at the flakes of dried blood that came away on his fingertips, then looked at Tony and began to crawl toward him. “In answer to your question, I don’t know where we are,” Tony said, watching him carefully as he approached and noting his dilated pupils with unease. “Not in the city, though, that’s for sure.” “Why are we?” Peter sat next to him and began to untie Tony’s ankles. “‘Why are we?’” “Um,” Peter stalled as he moved on to Tony’s hands, clearly having trouble talking and working with the ropes at the same time. “Here. I mean. Why’re we here? Do y’know what’s happening?” Yeah, definitely a concussion. The ties on his wrists finally fell away and Tony sat up, taking a few seconds to shake out the tingling in his hands before pulling himself to his feet. “Well. I don’t know much. The guys who took us weren’t the chatting type. Which was honestly disappointing, half the fun of kidnappings is the banter.” He began to circle the space, running his hands along the smooth walls and squinting up towards the circular hatch high above them. “What I did overhear though, is that they plan to put us on a plane, and that absolutely cannot happen. I’m guessing this is just a pit stop near some old unused airport and we’re all waiting for the plane to get here.” He was met with silence and turned his attention back to Peter, who was still sitting exactly where Tony had left him. They stared at each other for a few seconds and he could practically see the teenager’s poor rattled brain working overtime to catch up. Finally he nodded. “We can’t... uh, we can’t be here when the plane gets here.” Tony smiled fondly at him. “Right.” Peter got unsteadily to his feet, swaying a bit. Tony gripped his upper arm until he got his balance and then pointed up to the ceiling. “Okay, that’s the only way out, and there is an alarm connected to that hatch. I can’t get up there, but you can. If you can deactivate the alarm you should be able to get out.” Peter let out a long breath as he stared up at the metal box on the wall next to the hatch. “God.” “Yeah. I’m sorry, kid. I know you’re not in great shape. If I thought there was any other way to get us out of this, I would do it.” “Can we call someone?” “They took our phones. Maybe we can find them when we get up there, but first we have to actually get up there. There should be a rope ladder that you can toss down for us non-superhuman folks.” “Can we climb out the um... the lights?” Tony glanced at his intern in time to see him wobble and then lean heavily against the wall, closing his eyes. “Whoa, easy.” Tony grabbed his shoulder to help steady him against the wall. He stopped himself on the verge asking Peter whether he was feeling okay. The answer was obvious. Peter answered the unspoken question anyway. “My head really hurts, Mr. Stark. I feel like I might throw up.” He raised his eyes to meet Tony’s gaze, where the older man found a mixture of pain, guilt and shame that only Peter Parker was capable of. “Okay, that’s okay,” Tony said carefully, placing his hand on the non-bloodied side of Peter’s head and rubbing his hair briefly. “You can throw up if you need to, I won’t mind. Hey, I used to throw up on a weekly basis during my partying years. Just take it easy for minute.” Peter closed his eyes again and sagged against the wall. Tony stepped back to give him space in case he needed it, trying to balance the urgency of their situation with his unwillingness to worsen Peter’s condition or cause him more pain. He paced across the floor a couple times and took off his sport coat, leaving him in just his AC/DC shirt and jeans. Despite the bunker being mostly underground, the sun filtering in and the lack of fresh air had warmed it up considerably and it was beginning to feel like the inside of a kiln. He followed the sunbeams with his eyes and wondered if Peter was asking about the possibility of escaping through the windows when he mentioned climbing toward the lights. Unfortunately that wouldn’t be an option. The sunlight did shine through long tunnels that led up to the surface, but the tunnel openings were only about two feet by two feet. “No way through the windows, squirt, in case you were wondering.” “Huh. Yeah, I see.” Peter was at his side again, staring dazedly up with him. He was looking a little bit less pale but one of his hands had unconsciously found Tony’s sleeve to keep his balance and sweat was beginning to collect at his hairline. “So I just need to climb up to that box, right? Do you know how to turn it off? To um... to disarm it?” “You’ll have to tell me what it looks like when you get up there so we know what we’re working with. But I’m sure we can rub our two genius brain cells together and figure it out.” Peter gave a little huff of laughter and then, without preamble, began to crawl up the side of the dusty stone wall. It had to be at least three or four stories high in total, possibly more, and Tony couldn’t help but pace restlessly as he watched Peter climb higher and higher. His movements weren’t nearly as coordinated or fluid as Tony was used to seeing, but he was making good progress regardless, and Tony felt a touch of pride as he made his way up. Things began to take a bad turn when he reached about three quarters of the way up, however. His pace began to slow, his movements growing increasingly sluggish until finally he stopped altogether. Tony watched and waited for a few moments to see if Peter would start up again but he just stayed frozen against the wall. “Pete? How’re we doin’ up there?” “Dizzy,” the teenager murmured, leaning his forehead against the smooth limestone. His voice was quiet, but it echoed downward just enough for Tony to hear him. “It’s okay, Mr. Stark. It’s just... kinda hot up here.” Sweat had seeped through his t-shirt, darkening his back and under his arms. Of course, hot air rises, Tony thought. It was already stifling where Tony was on the ground. It must be near unbearable at the top. “You’re doing really good, kiddo. You gotta keep going, though, okay? We’re running out of time.” Tony’s heart clenched in guilt. Peter was clearly nearing his limit and Tony wanted nothing more than to set the kid down, let him rest, and find a way for them to escape himself. But their situation didn’t allow time for rest. Tony didn’t know when the men who took them would return, but he knew that things would almost surely go from bad to worse when they did. He had frighteningly little information on them, which in itself showed their intelligence and experience. He didn’t know who they were, where they were taking he and Peter, and most importantly why they were taken in the first place and what waited for them at their final destination. What he did know was that they were well prepared, with this bomb shelter and a goddamn plane on it’s way. Torture and/or execution were not at all outside the realm of possibility at the end of their journey and if pushing Peter past his limits now meant sparing him from that future, then that’s what he’d do. “Look up and to your right. Do you see that black pipe?” Peter didn’t move. “Pete, it looks like it might support you. If you can get to it you can hold onto it.” His intern nodded slowly against the stone wall but didn’t actually look for the pipe. “Kid?” Unease sat heavy in the pit of Tony’s stomach. “Peter? Stay with me, bud, stay focused.” The boy’s right hand slid slowly outward, blindly looking for the pipe like Tony had instructed him, but he was nowhere near it. “You gotta climb up a few more paces before you can -“ Peter’s head lolled back, his hands slid from the wall, and then he was free falling backwards through the air. Tony’s heart stopped dead in his chest, his blood running cold as his protege’s body plummeted towards him. Flashes of light illuminated his limp form as he whizzed through beams of dusty sunlight. Tony had stepped back a ways to get a good view of the wall but now he darted forward again, desperate to get under Peter before he hit the ground. He made it with a few seconds to spare and tilted backward slightly to be sure the kid wouldn’t fly straight through his arms. Then Peter slammed into him and Tony wrapped his arms protectively around the boy’s body as best he could before toppling backwards under him. As soon as he got his bearings he rolled them over, his heart thundering in his chest. “Peter!” He grabbed the teenager’s slack face between his hands and patted his cheeks. His skin was pink and overheated under his hands. “Kid?!” He pressed two fingers into Peter’s neck to check his heart rate. It was steady, though perhaps a little bit too fast. He pushed sweat-dampened curls off of his forehead, then let his fingers continue into his hair to look for any new bumps on the off chance that he had hit his head against the floor upon landing. He knew he wouldn’t find anything, he knew his arm had been protecting Peter’s head, but it made him feel better to check. “Peter,” he called firmly, snatching his sport coat from a few feet away and using the sleeve to wipe some of the sweat from his forehead and neck. Once relatively dry, he took the bottom of the boy’s shirt and began to flap it rapidly to get some air moving against him. “Come on, buddy. I just got you awake, you can’t conk out on me again so soon.” As if in reply, Peter’s hazy brown eyes fluttered open again. He slowly focused in on Tony’s face, then looked to the ceiling behind him. “Crap,” he moaned. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Stark. Did I fall down?” “Yes, you fell down!” Tony snapped, nerves putting an unintentional bite to his words. But Peter paid it no mind, already pushing himself up into a sitting position. “Whoa whoa whoa, you stay down,” Tony ordered, keeping a firm grip on Peter’s shoulder to keep him from standing. Peter looked from the ceiling back down to Tony in confusion. “What? No, I can do it Mr. Stark. I just passed out for a minute, but I know I can do it.” “You passed out 30 feet in the air, Peter! You’re not going back up, no way.” “I think I just took too long. If I go shorter, then the heat won’t-... I mean if I go faster then I won’t get as hot as fast.” Tony took a few seconds trying to decide whether any of that made sense. Before he could work it out, Peter looked back up the wall and stood as though Tony’s grip on his shoulder wasn’t even there. Tony huffed and stood up as well. A dull ache flared through his lower back as he moved, followed by a sharp pain in one of his elbows. One of the downsides of being flattened by a free falling teenager, he figured, as he pushed himself up. “I was almost there,” Peter murmured, staring up at the alarm box. He listed dangerously to one side in his attempt to get to the wall but made it there nonetheless and braced himself against it with his hands. “Hey!” he said suddenly, rounding on Tony as though a light bulb had been turned on in his head. “How will you get out once I’m up there? How were they planning to get us out?” “There’s a rope ladder at the top, remember? They pulled it up behind them.” Once again it took an unhealthy amount of time for Peter to process and organize that information. Then he simply started up the wall again. “Hey!” Tony called, lurching forward. Peter was already moving faster than he had the first time, but Tony managed to grab onto his ankle. “I don’t want you going up there again. Come back down.” “I have to, Mr. Stark, that’s the only way out.” He looked down at Tony with earnest eyes but it only made Tony’s grip on him tighten. “Okay, just... just come down for a second. If you’re going to do it then we need to plan it better.” “What’s there to plan? I just have to go up.” “Okay, but there’s a couple pipes that - God, just come down for a second!” He gave Peter’s ankle a careful but insistent tug, then caught him under the arms when he obediently slid back to the ground. “Okay look.” Tony backed him up several steps and pointed at the pipes running vertically up the wall. “See that thin silver pipe? Head for that one first and hang onto it if you need to. Then go to the thicker one higher up and to the left of it, and then finally to the big black one right near the alarm box. If you get to that one you can probably let it support you while you work on the alarm. You almost made it there last time without stopping, so I bet you can do it if you just take a couple seconds at those first two pipes to rest.” To Tony’s relief, Peter seemed to follow his words pretty well. “Follow the pipes,” he mumbled, his eyes moving up the wall above them. “Follow the pipes,” Tony affirmed, giving Peter’s shoulder a squeeze. “I’ll help guide you from down here.” Peter nodded and began his second attempt. Still uncoordinated. Shaky. But there was a determination in his movements this time as he made a beeline for the first pipe, and he made it there surprisingly quickly. He wedged his foot in the gap where the pipe protruded from the wall and held on for a few seconds. “Awesome, good job. Only two more to go.” Peter glanced down at him with a weak smile before turning his attention upward and starting off again. “Hey, give yourself a minute, Pete. That was the plan.” “Sorry, Mr. Stark, I’ve got a chemistry quiz in two days that I haven’t studied for yet.” “Christ,” Tony muttered under his breath, but the corners of his lips twitched upwards in a small smile. Joking and thinking beyond his immediate surroundings was a good sign. He continued to make good time but was breathing heavily by the time he got to the second pipe. This time he wedged his foot in again but then crouched down on that leg and wrapped both hands around the pipe, leaning into it and letting it support some of his weight. “You feeling dizzy again?” Tony called up, rubbing nervously at his aching elbow and feeling frustratingly useless on the ground. “A little bit,” Peter replied, briefly closing his eyes as he hugged the pipe. “I’m just super tired. Like ‘I could sleep through the first Star Wars movie’ tired.” “Holy shit, that is tired.” “Not The Empire Strikes Back, though. Just the first one.” “Oh okay, so not all hope is lost.” “Not all hope, just A New Hope.” “...Was that a reference? You know I don’t get half of your references.” Peter opened his eyes wide and looked down at him in dismay. “That was such an easy one though, Mr. Stark.” “Whatever kid, just sit tight for a minute.” “No, I’m okay.” He disentangled himself from the pipe and started crawling again, eyes focused upward. “You’re not very good at listening and following instructions, you know that?” “Yeah, I know...” To Peter’s credit, he sounded genuinely disappointed in himself. They both quieted to allow Peter to save his breath as he reached the height he’d fallen from last time, but he just pushed steadily past it. The closer he got to the black pipe the faster he seemed to go. Tony wanted to yell for him to slow down, but before he could even open his mouth Peter was pulling up along side it and squeezing himself in between the pipe and the wall. “This is so dumb!” Peter called down as he got himself situated. Tony couldn’t help a snort of laughter. “What’s dumb?” “I scale buildings higher than this in like a third of the time almost every day.” “Sure, but not with a concussion after getting your head bashed in with a baseball bat.” “Wow, is that what happened?” “Yeah. Okay, can you reach the alarm from there?” Peter was a lot smaller and harder to see that high up but Tony watched him maneuver himself around until he was wedged in, balanced on one foot with his chest pressed against the wall and his back to the pipe. He stretched his arms above his head to reach the alarm box. “Yeah, I can mostly get to it.” Tony heard a tiny metallic popping sound followed by a small “catch!” from Peter and then the metal casing that covered the alarm was sailing down towards his head. Tony cursed, scrambling first away from its trajectory then back towards it as his mind raced through the pros and cons of trying to catch it versus letting it fall. Trying to catch it meant a good chance of bodily harm. It was only about the size of a shoebox but it was all metal and sharp corners and gravity was not his friend. However, letting it hit the ground would almost surely result in a sound loud enough to draw their kidnappers, who would open the hatch to investigate and find an oblivious and concussed Peter practically sitting on a silver platter for them. At the last second, he snatched up his sport coat and held it out, where the casing landed with a quiet thump. He only let himself revel in his split second genius for a moment before dropping the bundle to the ground and glaring up at his intern. “Peter!” he spat. “I’m sorry Mr. Stark, I’m going as fast as I can!” he called back, clearly mistaking the reason for his scolding as he fiddled with some of the wiring. “It’s just, it’s hard to see and my hands are kind of shaky so I can’t see what I’m doing.” “Stop! Stop doing things!” “I don’t think I should stop for too long.” “No, Peter, if we mess this up here then that’s it, we won’t get another chance. Tell me what you see so I know what we’re working with.” “Mr. Stark, I think the sun is setting,” he said, not turning away from whatever he was doing to the alarm. His voice was tight but surprisingly lucid for someone with a concussion. “My eyes have been weird and blurry since I woke up and it’s only getting darker and harder to see. If the sun sets before we do this then we’ll be stuck for the night.” Tony took a moment to assess their lighting and realized that Peter was right - it was dimmer than it was before and had begun to turn a deep golden hue. “This pipe is super duper hot and it’s making me really sweaty, most importantly my hands, which are already shaking all over the place and kind of tingly and weird and I’m actually really scared of passing out again because if I fell from here I would die and if you tried to catch me you might die too and it’s only getting worse as time goes by but I can do this, Mr. Stark, trust me!” Tony stared up at him in stunned silence. He forced himself to remember that this was the same kid who scavenged old electronics, re-purposing and crafting them into new and better inventions. The same kid who designed and built his own web shooters at fourteen years old. He scrubbed his hands down his face and heaved a great sigh. “Okay, kid. I trust y-“ “Okay, that should do it!” Tony dropped his hands in shock. “What? Already? Are you sure?” He squinted suspiciously up at Peter’s form, which was growing more and more shadowed as the seconds ticked by. “Yeah, I think so.” Tony could only watch with his heart in his throat as Peter left the relative safety of the pipe and crawled slowly and carefully right up to the corner where the wall met the ceiling hatch. He kept his feet stuck against the wall and leaned out to grab the large metal wheel that kept the hatch latched shut. He paused and Tony would’ve bet money that he had just stopped himself from turning to glance down at him. “You got this, kid.” Tony encouraged, trying his best to mask the anxious tremble in his voice. “Put your ear to the door, see if you can hear them outside.” The shadows covering Peter made it almost impossible for him to see the small responding nod. Several seconds of tense silence followed in which Tony assumed Peter was listening for the men outside, and then he slowly began to turn the wheel. Immediately a loud screeching noise flooded the cavern. At first Tony feared the alarm had gone off but then Peter yanked hard on the wheel and the screech changed into a metallic grind as the gears turned in the latch. With a final echoing clang it went silent again but Peter wasted no time in heaving the steel door upward with such force that it flipped on it’s hinges and hit the ground on the other side. Instantly the entire bomb shelter was flooded with the golden orange light of the setting sun and Tony was forced to look down and shield his eyes against the sudden change. When he looked back up, Peter was gone. He felt an instant rush of panic but knew not to call out. Instead he waited, arms crossed, one hand fidgeting as he stared hard at the lip of the opening. The sound of a scuffle erupted somewhere out of view and he momentarily stopped breathing. There was a grunt followed by the sharp call of someone who was definitely not Peter and then the air went silent again. Tony stood perfectly still, heart pounding and gut clenching with dread. A minute passed. Peter should have been able to send the ladder down by now. Another minute passed. Had he been knocked out again? He hadn’t been in good fighting shape. His balance was way off, he would be considerably weaker than normal. He even admitted that his vision had been poor since he woke up - “Hey look Mr. Stark, I found our phones!” Peter popped into view at the top of the hole with a smile on his face, curly hair back-lit by the coral sunset sky. He held a phone up that was way too far away for Tony to see and then looked at it sadly. “Yours got cracked though. Which is pretty surprising, considering you make your phones way more durable than this crappy one that I’ve had forever. I mean yours still turns on, see? But it’s hard to read the screen. Maybe they broke it on purpose? I know you do those durability tests on them specifically with hammers and drills and all kinds of things though. I saw the commercial! It was really cool, especially the slow motion and that techno-metal song.” He finally seemed to trail off but then suddenly perked up again. “Oh and hey, you were right! We are right near an old airport! I mean I think it’s an airport.” He looked off at something Tony couldn’t see and his patience began to dwindle. “There’s a long strip of dirt and dead grass that I guess could be used for landing a plane. Maybe it’s just a field.” “Can you please, for the love of God, send the ladder down so I can get the hell out of this stupid hole?” “Oh right, I found that too!” He disappeared again and Tony heard a few clanks and grunts and then the heavy rope and wood ladder came clattering loudly down the side of the bunker. Tony tugged on it a few times before beginning the long climb. Peter appeared over the edge again. “It wasn’t right next to the hatch here like I thought it would be. Oh my God, Mr. Stark, that’s such a long way down.” With that he disappeared yet again and didn’t return, leaving Tony to climb the rest of the way in relative silence and wonder how long this little adrenaline burst of Peter’s would last before he went downhill again. He got his answer when he finally, finally hauled himself up over the edge into the fresh air and found Peter flopped on his back, sweaty, dirty and flushed, with his arms folded over his face. Tony gave a sigh and tried unsuccessfully to dust himself off. “Ready to go home, kid?” Peter groaned and nodded before blindly holding both phones out to Tony. “I’m sorry Mr. Stark, I think your phone is broken. You can use mine if you want.” Tony shook his head and took the phones. “Alright, time to go home and get your noggin checked out. You did really good today. I’m proud.” He saw a small, bashful smile grow under Peter’s arms and couldn’t help but mirror it as he began to dial Happy’s number. “You can relax now, kiddo. I’ll take it from here.”

[endlessly-searching-for-you]

Plane Luck

Another one for @meeraaverywalker's November Challenge day 5: Trouble. 

Summary: Young runaway pilot gets a job offer he can't refuse. 

Word Count: ~1900

Warnings: swearing, and lots of it. Also pointing guns at people and a few hits where it hurts, not very graphic because the fight scene sucked and I deleted it

A/N: A kind of Endless Summer prequel, one of the fics that sat in the back of my notes for a few months. It really bugged me: how does a penniless fugitive get a plane? My theory has more holes than a Swiss cheese, I know, but let's pretend for a minute it doesn't, and let the guy tell his own story ;)

(And there’s also another question at the end)

Tags: @darley1101 @mysteli @brightpinkpeppercorn @likethetailofacomet @akrenich @zaffrenotes @agent-bossypants @mind-reader1​

The first rays of sunshine hit my face like a baseball bat. Fuck. Did I really drink that much last night? Maybe I just have one of the tropical diseases that turn your brain to mush. Nausea fills me from the deepest pit of my stomach all the way up to my mouth, every cell in my body hurts, my hangover has a hangover.

And I still remember.

I close my eyes, but the images won't stop. No matter how hard I try to push them out of my mind, they always come back.

Weeks of hiding and running like a hunted animal.

Face of that bastard Lundgren.

Mike's death.

It could have been me. It should have been me. Mike's dead, and it's all my fault. My best friend in the entire world is dead just because I was stupid enough to believe in justice.

The memories make me sick. I need some fresh air, but getting up from the bed is not an easy thing. The liquid that was once my brain sloshes inside my skull, one of my thighs feels like it belongs to someone else, and the Death Valley is a tropical oasis compared to the inside of my mouth.

I reach to the fridge, pick one bottle at random and down it in one big gulp before I realize what it is. Milk?! Ugh. I regret the decision when it forces its way back up a few seconds later.

The floor slowly stops swaying under my feet, and I pour myself some coffee. All milk went down the drain, so it's pitch black, just like my mood, and this time it stays down. I hesitantly reach for a slice of stale toast. It's gross, but I don't have anything else, and my rumbling stomach demands a sacrifice, so here it goes.

I splash the cold water on my face and look in the mirror.  I look like absolute shit. Is that really me? I can't even recognize myself. Which, I realize, is actually a good thing. I don't want to be recognized.  Maybe I should grow a beard? Nah. It would be a shame to hide a jawline like this. Long hair? I'm sick of the short military haircut. Yes, that's it.

I can't tell if it's the coffee or the toast, but I feel really good right now. Cheerful and energetic, even. Both my legs are back, so I grab the worn out sneakers and go for a jog. Maybe that would flush the toxins and despair out of my system.

For the first time in a while, I'm running for fun, not because someone is chasing me. I feel alive and free. I drop to the ground and grind as many push-ups as I can before I fall flat on my face and right in the mud. Forty-five. Not bad for a guy with a hangover, but I know I could easily double that. It's about time I stop wallowing in self-pity and get myself back into shape.

I open the door and stop immediately. Something's not right. Someone's here. They found me. A treacherous floorboard creaks under my foot and I know I'm a dead man. I reach to the pocket of my jacket, but it's empty.

“Are you looking for this?”

A tall, muscular guy stands in the door with my gun in hand. He speaks with a heavy accent, and I don't think I've ever seen him. Policeman? Headhunter? Doesn't matter, I'm screwed anyway.

“Nice to meet you, McKenzie. Why don't we sit and have a chat?”

He waves the gun at my table—it has a fucking teapot and two cups on it, and I'm pretty sure I didn't invite anyone for a fucking tea party—then points it back at me, sits and starts to drink.

“You're awfully quiet.”

I bare my teeth at him in response. What the fuck does he want from me? How does he know who I am?

“We heard you're a pilot.”

I nod.

“My boss wants to see you at five. He's got a job for you.”

He takes another sip, and I fight really hard to stop myself from snatching the cup out of his hands and smashing it on his face.

“I know where you live. I'll come to pick you up.”

He finishes the tea and walks out of the door, taking the gun—my gun—with him, and I pick up my jaw from the floor, wondering what the hell was that all about.

I have absolutely no intention to go, but the bastard keeps a watch on me, and he doesn't even bother to hide. When I look out of the window, he waves at me. The clock chimes four, and he's back in my house with a big smile plastered on his face, like we're fucking friends, and soon I'm in the car, squeezed in the back between two more goons, driving who the fuck knows where.

He drops us off in a shady bar downtown and the two thugs drag me through the crowd. I can't hear, I can't breathe. I'm getting drunk just by inhaling the fumes, and my skull starts to throb again with all the noise. I'm almost thankful when they shove me to a quiet room behind the bar. It's filled with cigarette smoke, but despite that, I feel the increase of oxygen in my lungs.

I don't know who I expected to be the boss, but it definitely wasn't the guy before me. He can't be much older than me. Twenty-five, maybe thirty, tops. Really tall—I hate tall guys—and really handsome. His suit probably costs more than I could earn in a year, and don't get me started on the watch. He looks just like the type of guy who would hire someone else to do the dirty work.

I think I'm not what he expected, too. There's something in his eyes I saw way too many times, and for the first time since this morning, I feel the tiniest spark of hope. There's a slim chance I might be getting out of this alive.

He shakes my hand, smiles the fake smile that doesn't reach his eyes, pushes a glass of water in my hand and babbles something about the weather. I should have taken some business cards, because it feels like a fucking business meeting.

And then he drops the bomb. There is a certain shipment he wants out of the country.

“What happened to your guy?” I ask politely, and he shrugs.

“He had the most unfortunate accident.”

Of course he did. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK! I knew I was a dead man the second I walked back into the house.

I look him straight in the eye. We both know I'm in no position to refuse, and I'm not even talking about the obviously armed bodyguards. But there's one thing Jake McKenzie won't do, and that's smuggling fucking drugs.

I'm looking for a way out—maybe I could escape through a bathroom window—but my friend from this morning casually pats his bulging pocket to remind me just how fucked I am. My eyes fall to the table, and I notice a card deck. I feel the faintest idea coming to my mind and hang on to it like a drowning man to a lifeboat.

“Why don't we play cards?” I smile at the boss, my signature underwear dropping smile, and oh my fucking God, I was right. His face flushes for a fraction of second, but there's no fooling me. I shuffle the deck and look him dead in the eye. “I propose a bet.”

He stares back at me, clearly amused, but takes the bait.

“If I win, you agree to work for me?”

“Yes.” God, I hope the deck isn't rigged. “But if I win”—the bastard laughs, and my heart drops, but I continue anyway—“if I win, I want a plane.” His smile widens, so I lower my voice, put the smirk back on and add, “Or, if you want, we could just play strip poker. Like normal people.”

Bingo. His face turns bright red, and one of the thugs chokes on his beer.

“Fuck off! I'm not into dudes!”

Like hell you're not, I add in my thoughts and break into a wide grin. You can deny it all you want, I already know what I needed to know. 

“Well?”

His fingers wander up to his tie. Good. I need him distracted to buy me some time to think of a next step. I win the first round easily. Then the next one, and the next, and another one after that. The clock is ticking. If I win another one, he probably will have me skinned alive. And I still have no idea what to do.

“Too bad we're not stripping,” I joke, and I wish I could shove the words back into my mouth the moment they leave it. The boss's fist lands on the table with a loud thud. I crossed the line.

“You're taking the job.” It’s a statement, not a question. He waves his hand at one of the guards, and I feel the cold steel of a gun barrel pressed to my back.

I nod slowly, unable to breathe, as he explains the details. It's easy enough, no real risk, but I loathe myself already. Unless...?

“Let’s do it right now. I really need some cash.”

His eyes meet mine, and to my relief, he agrees and whispers the orders to the tea-drinking thug. I could almost hug them both. We drive to the dilapidated airport in the middle of nowhere, and my friend—I think I can call him that, I really love the guy right now—repeats the orders to his crew. They cannot be serious, I think. Just two guys?! They run to fetch the goods, and we're left on board alone. The engine hums nicely, the tank is full, and I can't believe my luck.

I turn to him with a big smile and ask for help. Nothing big, he just needs to press a few buttons. He reaches to the first one, and I act quickly. He might be big and strong, but as it often is with big and strong guys, he’s also awfully slow, and I learned long ago to play to my strengths. I knock my gun out of his hand and smash it right in his face. Time seems to slow down when I rush to deliver a flurry of blows and kicks. The attack catches him off-guard, he can't do much except shielding himself from me, passes out not before long, and I shove his limp body out of the door.

I hop into the chair and try to steady my shaking hands. My body already knows what to do, I don't even have to think about it. I can see the two thugs returning and trying to shoot me, but it's too late. I'm off the ground, and they can't do nothing about it. I started the day regretting I'm alive, but right now I couldn't be any happier. I really am one lucky bastard. Adrenaline still rushes through my veins, and I laugh hysterically. You see, my gun wasn't even loaded. I shot the last bullets a while ago. 

I don't know how long I’m flying, but the fuel indicator slowly starts to drop and I land on the first clear patch I see. I don't know where I am, but I'm here, and I'm alive. I jump out of the cockpit and roll on the grass, laughing like a little kid. I can't believe I did it. I fucking did it! 

I take a small flask out of my pocket and raise a toast to the big, starry sky.

To the new day, new life and new beginnings.

===

Very Important Question!

Maybe you can help me figure it out. What kind of plane it was? We know there are at least 14 seats, most likely in the 1+2 layout (there’s 11 students, 1 tour guide, and at least two free seats, because MC could sit next to Quinn or Sean during the turbulences). 

Outside-looks-wise I’d say it’s King Air, but it’s too small. Twin Otter, on the other hand, has the right inside, but doesn’t look like it from the outside. HALP I CAN’T SLEEP UNTIL I KNOW

[cardboard-moon]

40 Things You Never Wanted To Know About Me

You probably already know me decently well or else you wouldn’t be reading this, so instead of rehashing the basic (boring) “getting to know me” questions I dug a little deeper and asked myself about what’s really important. Here is the result: 40 Things You Never Wanted To Know About Me. Enjoy!

1. What Parks and Rec character am I?

While I could argue for almost everyone on the show I’m probably most like Ben Wyatt: a white, brunette, and sad man who eats soup alone on a park bench (minus his love of math and rollerskate kink)

2: Top 5 books?

To Kill a Mockingbird, The Secret History, A Prayer for Owen Meany, The Help, 11/22/63

3: Top 5 movies?

Chinatown, Star Wars, Rear Window, National Treasure (nick cage can be good in small doses ok) and Nancy Drew (2007)

4: Top 5 shows?

Parks and Rec, B99, That 70′s Show, Mad Men, Arrested Development

5: Top 10 most iconic vines?

1) Chris is that a weed/Mary is that a police

2) Hi My Name is Trey I have A Basketball Game Tomorrow

3) Rebecca It’s Not What You Think

4) The one where the girl is just hitting elmo with a baseball bat

5) Anything Kermit but esp. the one where he falls off the building

6) You Know This Boy Got His Free Taco

7) 2 Bros Chillin in the Hot Tub

8) Waelcom to my Keeetchen we have bananis and avocadis

9) Whoever Threw That Paper Your Mom’s A Hoe

10) i spilled lipstick in your valentino bag (yOU SPILLED WHAHULAUG LIPSTICK IN MY VALENTINE WHITE BAG)

6: Where do I see myself in 21 years?

One of my dreams in life is to marry the heir to a prestigious winery out in wine country. I have a vision of myself at 39, waking up at 10 AM on a tuesday and standing on my private balcony in my state-of-the-art spanish stucco villa. i am drinking a chardonnay despite the early hour whilst i observe my grape empire in my silk negligee. the only event planned for the day is a portrait sitting for my rottweilers (4 of them), for which i have arranged spaces in the family’s private art gallery. i am aging well despite the harsh california sun and my partner and i have a trip to tuscany planned for the fall. it’s a charmed life and i never tire of eating grapes  

7: Top 5 favorite cryptids

1) Nessie (Nessie is a true lady I believe in her)

2) Mothman (not real)/ el chupacabra (possibly real)

3) the kraken (definitely real)

4) Bigfoot (not real but a legend anyways)

5) the yeti (real only in russia)

8: Do I Believe in Ghosts

It’s a complicated topic and of course we will likely never know for sure but the short answer is yes. in my opinion though, what ghosts are is the important question: are they really the dead coming back to haunt the earth? are they just manifestations of energy that the mind interprets into recognizable shapes? hallucinations? or is it wish fulfillment and the reduction of tensions on a heavy conscience? our brains are capable of powerful things, but it begs the question as to whether if a human desperately wants something to be true does the human mind have the power to make it true? c. s. lewis mentioned once that he never understood the ghost debate since, given that ghosts are real, they have no real power over us or anything interesting to say. but i believe that just goes to show how the mystery is far often more important than the solution.

9: Best/Worst Month of the Year

Best: May/November (spring/fall in full swing, holidays, time off school, great atmosphere) Worst: August (too dang hot & start of school)

10: What is one of my embarrassing secrets

I didn’t learn how to tie my shoes until I was nine (velcro ftw)

11: What is my Dream Date

We go cryptid hunting in the woods and have a picnic in the dark; you supply dogs for entertainment and guardianship purposes, i supply drinks and the cryptozoological myths we are chasing. Afterwards we get gelato

12: Top 3 Presidents

(this is based solely on arbitrary opinion not policies) 1) Barry Obama 2) Lincoln  3) Millard Fillmore (his name is funny) 

Honorable mention: jimmy carter (he was the only noncorrupt man in office for like 30 years before barry)

13: Top 3 Vice Presidents

1) John Adams, if nothing else but for the drama this man caused 2) Walter Mondale 3) the big boy JB 

Honorable Mention: Nichard Rixon

14: Top 3 Secretaries of State

1) Madeline Albright 2) Henry Clay 3) Elihu P. Washburn 

(note: secretaries of state have the funniest names, like Hamilton Fish (1869-1877) rest easy Mr. Fish)

15: Worst Activity they make you do in middle school PE

Middle school P.E. is the worst in general but I’m going to say either grading you on your shotput skills (?) or BMI (??) or just the tuesday run in general (luther kids know)

16: Top 4 Worst Scents

1) Washing a knife covered in peanut butter 2) Really cheap perfume that they sell in checkout lines at convenience stores 3) Olives 4) organic deodorant

17: Top 7 Conspiracy Theories

1) The Denver Airport is an underground military fallout shelter designed to protect the 1% from nuclear warfare

2) A Roman pope adjusted the Gregorian calendar so that his reign would fall on 1000 AD so we’re actually living in the year 1783

3) Paul McCartney is dead and was replaced prior to the Seargant Pepper album by a lookalike named Billy Shears

4) The state of Wyoming is a myth

5) Avril Lavigne died and was replaced back in the early 00’s

6) The Titanic sank because too many people went back in time to prevent it from sinking

7) Not to be cliche George Bush and the military-industrial complex orchestrated the 9/11 attacks (jet fuel can’t melt steel beams and all that)

18: Inside jokes with myself

I’m not usually a “gamer” but every year without fail someone introduces me to a game exactly at finals time and I get hooked and it ruins my gpa and study habits. This year it’s Stardew Valley, last year it was Dream Daddy and the year before that it was undertale and I blame Jojo for absolutely all of it bc they are usually the instigator. Anyway, every year I joke with myself about what game will derail my grades this year

19: Top 5 Worst Tactile Sensations

1) Putting tights or leggings on wet, hairy legs post-shower

2) Running fingernails along cardboard

3) Sweating in a turtleneck

4) Having wet, salty hair after swimming that drips down onto your back and makes the top of your shirt damp

5) Reaching into a bag of grapes and only finding really soft, slimy ones

20: Best Cat I’ve ever encountered

One time my friend and I were leaving Romancing the Bean and walking back to her car and the fattest, fluffiest, softest ginger cat I’ve ever seen came trotting up to us and flopped over at our feet. He was such a good boy!!! And so friendly with strangers!! He was very well groomed and just wanted some love, and whenever we stopped petting him he would jump up onto our legs and leave little wet paw prints everywhere, I wanted to kidnap him

21: Best dog I’ve ever encountered

All of them

22: Best squirrel I’ve ever encountered

My dad has befriended a squirrel named Nutty that likes to sneak into his office when the door’s open and steals peanuts. if the door is closed he’ll bang on it and scream until we acknowledge him

23: If I were a furry what would my fursona be

I do not know because I am not a furry. HOWEVER someone who is well-versed in furry matters told me once that I would be one of those long, nervous dogs like a greyhound maybe and tbh I could see it

24: Favorite/Least Favorite Disneyland Rides

My favorite has always been haunted mansion, except for the halloween season when it’s nightmare before christmas and then it’s thunder mountain. I just love the outside atmosphere of the house bc I’m a slut for that southern gothic architecture style. Worst is splash mountain because there’s no seatbelt and LOGICALLY i know I don’t need one but it doesn’t stop me from having a panic attack every time I get on and we go up the big hill as I worry about being flung from the toboggan across the park

25: Least favorite restaurant within 10 mile radius of my house

I live over by Porto’s so I am #blessed to be surrounded by some really dope food. However there is a hipster place a couple of blocks over in Toluca Lake that only serves bizarre food like fried chicken in maple syrup with waffle fries and it’s surprisingly bland, so the lack of taste combines with how expensive it is probably makes it the worst (it’s also forgettable bc I can’t even remember its name)

26: Rank of JBHS history department according to how good of a parent they would be

9.Mr. Bixler - I have never had this man so I can’t say shit. NA/10

8. Ms. Snowden - I’ve never had her either but I’ve heard enough about her between Burroughs and Luther to know that this woman is kind of scary, intimidating and uptight, all things I personally do not desire in a parent. 2/10

7. Mr. Hatch - I love Scott Hatch but he is a tremendous mess of a man. Judging by his wife’s instagram photos his idea of parenting is taking naps while cuddling his children and letting his wife do the rest of the hard work. Plus he seems like the type to be too wrapped up in his own melodrama and too busy hangin out with his best friend Edward Frankenbush playing Xbox to pay much attention to his kids. However, he did skip the first day of school to take his daughter to kindergarten so he gets points for that. 4/10

6. Mr. Lee - Mr. Lee is a very respectable guy who seems like he does a very good job providing for his family. He’s ranked as middle of the road because he’s a naturally private person so I can’t speak to his parenting tactics or personality much, however the few stories he shared about his daughter were very cute and he does the typical teacher/parent things like making her his screensaver on his computer. Overall, a very quality dad and man, 6.5/10

5. Mr. Fitz - Kyle Fitzgerald is similarly a mess of a man, but the difference between him and Scott Hatch is that he seems to make an investment in his kid. He always talks about current events in terms of what idiocy his poor daughter will have to put up with which shows his devotion to her well-being and survival in a confusing world. Also he brought her in to go swimming once while I was working at Verdugo and I got to see them having a great time on the splash pad and it warmed my heart. Great dad 7/10

4. Mr. Piper - Richard Piper is such a good father but in a detached way. He loves talking about his son and wife just as much as he loves talking about planes. The real kicker? When he talks about taking his son ON planes and geeking out over history together. He also asked all of his classes for people looking for tutoring work when his son was struggling in math which is so cute. Good guy Rick gets an 8/10.

2. (tie) Mr. Frankenbush and Ms. Hacker - Ed and Jan are both beautiful people. I know Ms. Hacker is #divisive but I personally am a big fan and would die to have her guidance in my daily life. She’s always interested in what’s going on in people’s lives and sure she’s definitely chaotic but it’s a loving chaos that’s only looking to help other people. I’ve not had the pleasure of having Mr. Frankenbush but he always is hanging out with his son Joey and they love coming to the Burroughs pool and playing water polo together; they spend a lot of time together since his wife works so much and they have such a buddy friendship. Both of these lovely people are super devoted and invested in the youth and would make great parents. 9/10

1. Mr. Clark - A god. We don’t deserve this man and I can’t sing his praises enough. Were were all lucky enough to be Greg’s children I don’t think evil would exist in the world. 11/10

27: Worst book I read for school

Hands down Tale of Two Cities since it’s the only one I’ve never finished. Dickens just doesn’t do it for me I guess plus I get really tired of the one dimensional characters and how much he romanticizes Lucy

28: Favorite little-known tidbit of history

When Richard Nixon went to Soviet Russia as Eisenhower’s VP during the cold war his secret service agents detected higher than usual amounts of radiation coming from Nixon’s hotel room, so they started talking loudly about it bc they knew the Soviets had planted buds and were listening. Within like an hour the radiation had vanished and they never heard anything about it again so man Soviet’s ain’t sly

29: 5 Places in Burbank That Are Definitely Haunted

1. Coral Cafe for obvious reasons, look up the ghost on youtube

2. The View seems like it would have some kind of el chupacabra-esque creature prowling around, maybe a mountain lion hybrid

3. Fry’s Electronics

4. The abandoned train station under the bridge

5. The LA river by the equestrian center

30: Rank of all the AP classes i took in order of entertainment value

9) AP Bio: I liked bio but the class wasn’t very entertaining. There’s not a lot of humor in bacteria and cells, and Mr. Van Loo is much more of a calming than a humorous and chaotic presence, so overall it takes the hit as the least entertaining class.

8) AP Stats: Math is similarly not very entertaining, but Mrs. Hollingshed’s erratic personality gives it the edge over Bio. Definitely more humorous than expected of a math class.

7) AP Econ: I bombed econ and business/money isn’t very entertaining but Jan Hacker made it so thanks to her chaos (love her though).

6) AP Euro: European history is incredibly iconic because, spoiler alert, Europeans are idiots and historically speaking everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. I just wish I remember it since I think idiot sophomore Lily slept through most of the class so needless to say I didn’t soak up much of the entertainment value. If it were up to me I’d take it over again and maybe stay awake this time.

5) AP Lit: Lit was just as much challenging and intimidating as it was entertaining, so it balances out. Mrs. Caluya is notably iconic and the books we read were all pretty interesting so it gets a high vote from me.

3) (tie) Gov/APUSH: History is always entertaining in my eyes since people do stupid things out of pettiness. These two tie for different reasons: Mr. Piper is a great teacher and that mock trial we did for the industrial age was great, but the subject was also extremely entertaining overall. I loved reading about how John Adams made making fun of him illegal. Gov was mostly just entertaining because of Mr. Hatch and how salty his is about the government. His sarcastic comments about how corrupt everything is gave life to an otherwise pretty lifeless subject.

2) AP Lang: aka the class with no curriculum, or the Kuglen Hour. I love Mr. Kuglen so much and he is responsible for 99% of the amusement in the class. I somehow learned how to be a better writer by listening to him complain about Trump and everything else under the sun for an hour every day so it was well worth it. Also who doesn’t like a class where you read Dave Sedaris for homework?

1) AP Psych: Without question, this is the epitome of entertainment. Psychology is just a mishmash of people trying to figure out why humans are as stupid as we are and why we do dumb things. Add in all the iconic psychologists and history and a class led by salty Mr. Hatch and you have a recipe for an entertaining year.

31: Top 5 Iconic JBHS teachers that I NEVER had (no particular order)

Mr. Peebles: A quirky man who I would have loved were I any good at math whatsoever

Mr. Arakelian: Band kids hate him but the stories I hear are so frickin iconic that I wish I could be an honorary band kid for a day and see the horror firsthand. If you have Arakelian stories please send them my way I’d love to hear about your pain

Mr. Frankenbush: A sad boi who everyone should get to experience and I regret never having.

Dr. Madooglu: He was so kind to me after the failed anti-trump lunchtime protest last year and he didn’t even know me. I wish I could’ve experienced him as a teacher.

Mr. Clark: The man, the myth, the legend

32: List of some iconic swim horror stories

Charlie breaking his hand after he lost a race and punched the gutter as hard as he could

Some idiot JV boys smearing poop all over the Burbank High locker room

The entire JV team getting Burroughs swim banned from Islands

Me almost passing out at the Los Amigos meet last year after I didn’t eat or sleep all day

Everyone always feigning illness or injury to get out of swimming the 4x100 relay

Getting in trouble for watching boys volleyball practice instead of doing the weight room sets

Every. Single. 5AM morning practice before school.

When coach martin finally figured out how periods work and suddenly we couldn’t use that as an excuse for not swimming anymore

33: What Office Character Would I Be

A mix between Angela, Oscar, and Kelly (we love our dramatic icons)

34: #1 Thing I’d Bring With Me to a Desert Island

Castaway for instructional purposes

35: What Would I call my memoir

Schadenfreude

36: 7 Best Buzzfeed Unsolved Episodes (no particular order)

This is one of my favorite shows so these are my recommendations:

1. 3 Horrifying Cases of Ghosts and Demons - one of the very first and best episodes; a 45-minute special where the Boys investigate the Winchester house in San Francisco, the Island of the Dolls in Mexico, and the Sallie House in Kansas

2. The Strange Disappearance of D. B. Cooper - A man going by the name of Dan Cooper hijacked a plane, demanded money and passage to Mexico, and then at some point jumped out of the plane and was never seen again. To this day no one knows his identity or his fate despite some of the ransom money turning up in a river somewhere.

3. The Haunted Halls of Waverly Hills Hospital - Ryan and Shane explore an abandoned asylum in Pennsylvania and some creepy stuff ensues. One of the best supernatural episodes

4. The Thrilling Gardner Museum Heist - An almost hilarious story (with reenactments!) about a seriously inept security guard and the loss of some of the world’s most beloved paintings. This was one of the first episodes after they started making money and the production quality is off the charts 

5. The Scandalous Murder of William Desmond Taylor - Another excellent reenactment story about one of Hollywood’s first and biggest scandals, the suspicious murder of a leading film producer.

6. The Enigmatic Death of the Isdal Woman - A woman’s body was found suspiciously burned in the European wilderness and no one knows who she is or how exactly she was killed. Watch if you like espionage!

7. The Strange Killing of Ken Rex McElroy - An entire town seemingly rose up to murder a douchey, violent pedophile. One of the only episodes that’s actually happy?

37: 6 Things I would Have Changed About High School

1. Definitely would have joined yearbook as soon as I could

2. Wouldn’t have forced myself to swim for all 4 years; if the passion’s gone then you shouldn’t force it. It’s just a sign that you need to move on to better things

3. I would’ve taken more AP’s and maybe tried another stem ap class. I’ve always been self-conscious about how bad I am at math, but I’ve gotten a little better over the years and instead of being too afraid to challenge myself I would’ve liked to see how I could do and prove myself.

4. Worrying less about grades!! I killed myself over my grades for like three years and then I just kind of let myself go. I would have let myself have who knows how many more hours of sleep and taken the L on a couple of assignments; I’m still learning that my health is more important than perfection.

5. Meeting the right people! I wouldn’t have restricted myself to a few friends and would have branched out more by joinng stuff like JSA. It sucks meeting the right people your senior year and realizing that I was hanging out with the wrong people this whole time.

6. Spanish instead of French.

38: What Would I Name My Farm Animals if I had A Farm

I’d definitely name them all after female Shakespearian characters. My cows would be Hippolyta and Titania from Midsummer, my horse would be Desdemona from Othello, my chickens would be Gonereil, Regan, and Cordelia from King Lear and my goat would be named Gertrude from Hamlet

39: Most Useless Talent I Have

I have a really strong internal clock so when I don’t think about it too hard and guess intuitively I can usually predict how much time has passed/what time it is without looking at a clock. It’s really only useful for estimating how much time I wasted standing in the shower staring at the wall

40: Top Regret After Writing This:

Writing this instead of studying for my econ test in seven hours.

Thanks for reading!

[rexbosworth]

this is personal stuff that I want to write out and let it hit the air. anyone is welcome to read or not read. 

So as you may or may not know, I split up with my husband this March. We were together for a little over 4 years. We were only married for ten months before I decided to leave him. There were some other things that happened around that time, but the decision to leave Andy was mine and mine alone. I did fall in love with someone else, but I was able to separate it from the root of the issue. Which was that Andy didn’t value me. He loved the idea of coming home to someone and  sleeping next to someone at night. He liked the idea of bringing someone to his parents that wasn’t a complete fuckup and he loved starting a life with that person. I feel like it could’ve been anyone as long as they could put up with his shit. There was nothing special about me in that relationship. I could never have an opinion, I could never be right about anything, things that I was hurt or upset about were laughed about or dismissed because he didn’t understand it. I loved Andy. I wanted the best for him, and I still do. I tried to push him to write because he was good at it and I know he hated his miserable job. I tried to encourage better eating and a better lifestyle. I let him be open about anything and I never once judged him. The one thing that wore me down was his drinking and him not caring about my feelings. I hated seeing him drink and drink and drink until he was beligerent and mean. I hated seeing his face get pale and sick. I hated that he would embarrass me in public and even in private. His whole attitude was “You knew I was like this when you got with me so deal with it or don’t.” The thing is, when we started dating, he slowed down his drinking and things were pretty good for a while. Then he started drinking heavier again and I was in denial for a long time. My ex husband IS an alcoholic. I didn’t want to use that word but I knew it in my heart. I denied it because I felt like an alcoholic was someone who needs it to function. Andy is the type that doesn’t need it to function, but uses it to self-destruct and to numb himself. That also hurt me. I understand that him not being happy and wanting to drink himself to death wasn’t my fault, but I was always trying to make him happy and it seemed like it was never good enough. The alcohol always did the job though. that always made him happy. He was always trying to show off to his friends by chugging bottle after bottle. It made me sick to watch. He always acted like he needed to prove himself but to be honest, Andy can be a really decent person. He knows how to have a great conversation and he’s really funny (when he doesn’t resort to racist or sexist jokes) His friends like him for who he is and in fact, I’ve seen them get frustrated at how much he drinks. Yet he continued to act tough and pound shot after shot. He didn’t fucking respect me either. I would literally have to cry and beg him to stop drinking and just come to bed with me and he STILL would just laugh and dismiss me. If I raised my voice because I was angry with him, he would raise his voice louder and be angrier. He would scream in my face and make holes in the wall, there were even a few times he laid hands on me. Nothing that hurt me physically. It hurt that his intention was to cause me harm. That did more damage to me than anything. He would destroy our things. He would smash stuff, throw stuff, and one time he hit our dresser with a baseball bat as he screamed at me, “I COULD BASH YOUR FUCKING SKULL IN!” Which I don’t like to believe that he would, but I’m glad I didn’t find out. A week before our wedding, he got drunk with his brother and he passed out on the couch. I just wanted him to come to bed with me because I hated sleeping by myself. I woke him up and asked him to please come to bed and he refused. It escalated suddenly when he snapped awake in a drunken stupor and started screaming in my face again. I ran into the room and locked myself in. He was throwing himself against the door and screaming, “I PAID $$$ FOR THIS HOUSE! YOU BETTER LET ME INTO THIS ROOM!” His brother came out and stopped him. He asked him why he was screaming and bashing the door while his future wife was in the room crying and suddenly he calmed down and said he was “just trying to get into the room he paid $$$ for.” I unlocked it and I went to my side of the bed and cried myself to sleep. He crawled to his side and immediately passed out. Never to remember a fucking thing. I hate him for that sometimes. I think about all the shitty stuff I had to go through and he has the luxury of never having to remember any of it because the alcohol conveniently helped him block it out. He went overboard drinking on our honeymoon too. He got trashed in Liverpool trying to impress another young couple that we made acquaintances with. Then he got drunk on our last night in Edinburgh before the trip home and he was trying to impress people there too. I made a lifetime friend actually and it wasn’t because he could chug beer and down shots like a fucking nut. I kept telling him he needed to take it easy because we had a long trip home. He just fucking ignored me like always. We’re on the bus back to the airport and he was sickly and pale. I had to hold a bag under his chin just in case and even though I was so mad, I felt really bad for him. I knew the way home was going to be a nightmare. AND IT WAS. I had to force coffee and water into his system and I let him sleep for a while but eventually it was time to go. He threw a fit in the airport because I had to wake him up a few times so we could find our flight information. I didn’t want to just leave the bags with him because he was asleep and I couldn’t carry all of it myself. I made him eat something and we made it home. I could go on forever about all the things that made me decide to leave him. I haven’t even talked about his parents. Maybe I’ll make another post about that in the future. They’re the fucking worst. Racist, sexist, elitist pricks who think they’re shit smells like roses. Down right mean and definitely the reason that Andy is the way that he is. I tried. I tried so hard because I loved and cared about him. I wanted to keep it going but the truth is, I knew it wouldn’t last about two years in. After the first violent outburst, I realized that it was going to be a long road but I wanted to be hopeful. I thought maybe he would want to change for me. I thought maybe he would see how hurt I was and want to do something about it. He didn’t care. He just wanted someone to be with. Someone that would just take his shit and shut up about it. Hopefully he finds someone that will bring the light out in him. He deserves it. Everything in this post is true but that doesn’t mean we didn’t have any good times together. We laughed a lot and we shared a lot of amazing things together. We learned a lot about ourselves and grew a little bit. I wish him the best but it doesn’t mean I’ll forget. Anyone who knows about this situation could probably jump to the conclusion that I left him for another man. There was someone else in the picture, but it wasn’t why I left Andy. He told me that he’s always going to see it that way and I truly don’t give a shit. That just shows how blind he really was to everything going on. Some of our mutual friends completely abandoned me without even caring about my side of the story. In fact, one of my best friends, Lana called me selfish and said, “everyone does dumb shit when they’re drunk.” Yeah well that doesn’t mean I have to fucking put up with it just because she chooses to. She told Andy about a thousand times while we were together that he was lucky that I didn’t leave him, and that I was too good for him. Suddenly when I realize that, I’m a fucking monster and I’m selfish. Fuck that and fuck her. Andy fucking villainized me and made me out to be this evil, gold-digging bitch when really, he was a drunk asshole that couldn’t see my worth until I was gone. He told all of our friends that he paid for this brand new car and this european vacation and then I just “bounced.” What kind of fucking jerkoff does that? Especially someone that claimed to have loved me? I paid for half, if not more of that vacation and I planned and mapped the whole thing out, and worked really hard to make sure it was nothing short of amazing. Regarding the car, He put 1000 down on it but I planned on paying for it all myself anyway (which I’M CURRENTLY DOING) I’ve paid double his down payment since then so suck on that. I lost a lot of friends through this because he trash talked me and I’m actually ok with it. The people that have given me nothing but love and support through this are amazing and I can’t thank them enough. You will know when someone values you. If you have any negative feelings about someone. Any intuition at all, TRUST YOUR GUT. The person I’m with now is so wonderful. We’re dealing with a lot so theres been some tension but we talk (or yell) things out and we’re honest. I feel like we’re going to create a lot of great memories together and although right now things are hard for us, I know that it’s going to get better. We’re in it for the long run. Also he doesn’t drink so that’s a plus.

[trixcuomo]

Final?? Org Daily Mail Interview With Trixany Cuomo

Approx. 10 min read. The Org Daily Mail liquors Trixany up and let’s ‘er rip. BTW Trix has a guild tag now, but I did leave her unguilded for a while and it inspired me.

Alternate title: Free Trixany!

Org: So, Trixany…

Trix: Eyup.

Org: Eyup.

Random Orc #1: …Eyup.

Random Orc #2: Uh-huh. *hands out the beer*

Trix: Wow. Kaja Cola makes beer? Nice. *has a big sip*

Org: Sort of. Miss Trixany Cuomo, thank you for joining us again.

Trix: Yeah. Being here for the second time is… meh. I guess. And I figure the Trixany versus the Org Daily Mail, love-hate relationship thing has to end sometime, right? You know, this Kaja Cola beer is unusually good. It’s even giving me ideas!

Org: Well done, Trixany. You’ve earned a toffee.

Trix: Haha, nice! *spins in her swivel chair*

Org: Let’s get to it--

Trix: Ooh! I know a girl in another video game who says that. She’s good with a whip. And if I ever, as a video game character, did a cosplay of another video game character, like inside my game? It would totally be Franziska Von Karma.

Org: What… the heck are you talking about now, Trixany?

Trix: *gulps more Kaja Cola beer from the can, swivels*

Camera man: *chuckles*

Org: *starts ignoring Trixany* Alright. So, a lot has happened since the last time you were in the Org Daily Mail studio. Care to explain?

Trix: Oh cool! Yeah, I was wanting to talk about that—wait, do you mean about my glam fishing project?

Org: Welp, this episode will be boring and drop our ratings then… *mutters, annoyed* No, tell us about something more… spicy.

Trix: Okay so, me and Haris Pilton finally had that knock-down, drag-out fight that witch deserved. But then, someone got cute and put us in the same ghetto Lower City Hospital ward. *shrugs, swivels* Which only led to a re-match.

Org: Woah. That’s awful, Trixany. We’re so sorry to hear that someone out there finally took a swing at you… *winks at the camera*

Trix: No, she’s the rotten one. After her little dog stopped being cute, Paris stole my pet dragon whelp Nautistrasz, saying it wasn’t ‘my brand.’ And I told her that her brand is trashbags and Febreeze! Then, she hit me. *tears up* I’m a Bloodknight. She started it, I finished it. Retribution comes with the territory. *sips her beer, calms* Anyway, it ended on a good note. After they transferred me to Scryers Hospital and my recovery was almost finished, I figured—hey, I’m already in here. Might as well get some work done. And there are some treatments you can only get for a good price in Outland. Can you see it? I sort of have a new face now, like that Kardashian girl. *puckers* It’sh shubtle, but alsho mega poutier, shee?

Org: Uh… Hokaaay...

Camera man: How do we trick her into talking about the really good stuff that’ll get her jailed again? Try that!

Org: Ah! So, I see that you’re currently guildless. Isn’t that a bit shameful for someone at your level? A bit… sad? Aren’t you lonely? Angry? Angry enough to start fighting people, or to start some other crazy drama? Maybe shave your head? Attack a Goblin trike with a baseball bat? Punch a camera man in the face like Kanye while you’re walking out of the Mankirk’s Wife Memorial Airport*, right at the heart of Orgrimmar?!

Camera man: Or, you could not encourage her to punch me in the face…

Trix: Wait, is the zeppelin… place… is it called that?

Org: Yeah, it’s pretty sweet. The new zeppelins are now tricked out in all those Quilboar hides that were just piling up in the Barrens, but few people know. Actually, we’re going to start calling it Mankirk’s Wife Memorial Airport after we crash the zeppelin master’s association dinner and finally expose them. Can’t wait. Muahaha…

Camera man: Yeah, you have to tune in for the next episode!

Trix: Mhrm, *files nails* I figured that seemed more like something -you guys- would do.

Org: Now, about you being guild-free and ready to hurt people and also raise our ratings?

Trix: I know, I know, whenever you see someone max-level without a guild tag, it’s like… I dunno, seeing someone who’s clearly not wearing a bra and it’s kind of awkward? And also kinda hawt. But I think you guys can handle that from Trixany. Like right now. We’re hangin’ out and everyone’s fine.

Org: … Wait.

Camera man: Woah. And now, this episode is being banned in Thundberbluff, the Exodar, Stormwind… Not Goldshire, for some reason.

Trix: Being guild-free is liberating, it’s wild! Another thing, being guildless is like being bra-less in that it’s also nobody’s bloody business. I tell those haters, ‘Don’t spam me with your life advice—I look great!’

Org: *clears throat and carefully looks her in the eye* Well, um. But don’t you sometimes feel like you need… more support? Social support, I mean.

Camera man: Sure, Bill. Whatever you say, Bill...

Trix: Nah, I got friends. I still hang out with all the Kaja-Cola girls, too—Actually, there’s talk of us re-forming our girl band. Our new single is going to be unbelievable. Mega Meghan Mango and I wrote it. I think we’re calling it… Roleplay Got Back? It’s the cutest song. And scandalous, yet empowering. And hilarious. Which is like, exactly my brand. Stupid Haris….

Org: Wait, let’s go back to the free Trixany thing—

Trix: Wanna sample? I know one of the verses. Let’s see… *turns her rose red RET HO snapback the other way, and gestures aggressively* My emote anaconda don’t want none unless your roleplay got buns hon!

Org: STOP!! Now, about your lack of a guild… Ratings… need ratings… Trixany! Wouldn’t you be more comfortable if you went around in a um…? And, I mean, I’m a guy, but still-- aren’t there benefits to having one of those… *trails off, looks her cautiously in the eye again* Anyway! I’m just saying, we here at the Org Daily Mail, a quality family show, are very concerned because, without a bra-- a guild! Without a guild, you might stick out too much—No! What I’m saying is, you won’t fit in with other people! And you get less experience. Your mail doesn’t get delivered as fast, right? And aren’t there certain battle pets and other stuff you won’t be able to buy? Is being an individual really worth it?

Trix: I think I stick out just fine. Also, I have plenty of amazing experiences, the mail man always visits me first, and I walk right up to the front of the line at the auction house. They just let me. I even get a discount. Thanks, Drezmit! He’s taking me out this weekend. Aww, isn’t that so sweet of him? He says he’s been worried about me.

Org: *Tries hard not to laugh*

Camera man: Holy crap. I think she’s actually onto something there.

Org: Hold on. *feigning serious again* Are you… saying that you planned this? Going, let’s call it ‘tag-less’, is a real strategy for you?

Trix: Either that, or I just don’t care. *gulps more beer* Do you know what? Maybe it’ll be like that ‘I kissed a girl’ song or that thong song and everyone will start dropping their guild tags for the realer benefits, am I right? I mean, you’ll go to Club Night Owl and be like dancing, and then some hottie without a guild tag will walk in, and then they turn up the music, shine that spotlight, and suddenly everybody just drops their guild tags too, and parties even harder!

Org: Yeah, that won’t happen.

Trix: It could trend, you don’t know. Like glam fishing. I will force glam fishing to be a trend if I have to. Ouch! Sorry—kinda TMI I know, but this bra has been pinching me all day.

Org: Sure it is and I guess I’ll finally ask you… What’s glam fishing? Is this like a low-budget glamping that only Horde B celebrities would be into?

Trix: Seriously? Someone is finally asking me? Yes! Oh goodness, now I’m nervous. I invented it myself, it’s so cool. And it’s perfect if like, you feel your toon, IC’ly, would never dirty their hands with fishing, like me. Well, first, you find a beautiful fishing spot. Next, and this part is most important, you--

Org: Wait, nevermind! My camera man here says we’re out of time. *fake smile* Trixany, we can’t thank you enough for coming into the Org Daily Mail studio and telling us how you are. We care so much and we’re so glad that you’re out of rehab now and doing the topless thing—

Trix: It wasn’t that kind of rehab, and I would never do that! Why would you say that? Are you somehow twisting my words? I thought our last lawsuit settled this! *her speech slows* Wait, whyyyy did I blaaather on the way I did? What’s in thiiiiis friggin’ beer? And WHY did you saaaay this episode was being banned eeeeveryplace but Goldshire??

Org: And thank you all for watching! Remember everyone, the Org Daily Mail cannot be held liable for any gross misinterpretations of what its employees actually said and did today in the studio. Org Daily Mail is also a subsidiary of the Kaja-Cola Corporation: ‘We don’t exploit our workers, we exploit big flavor!’ *cheesy TV grin* Now everybody, you know how it works. Let’s say it together!

All: FOR THE HORDE, AND GOOD NIGHT!

Trix: Waaugh! *Falls out of her swivel chair.*

…

*Note:

Special thanks to a random stranger I talked to a whiiiiiiile back on an alt for the Mankirk’s Wife Memorial Airport idea. Sadly, I can’t remember your name! I joked about all the Quilboar hides piling up in the Horde probably going into the airport in Orgrimmar; that our zeppelins would be covered with them. And then, they laughed and said that if I saw the zeppelin towers as an airport (and it SO totally is) then it would have to be called Mankirk’s Wife Memorial Airport. I can even see Blizz putting a sign up there that says it. Can’t you? Okay so… possibly. And also some NPCs curing Quilboar hides as well as towing parcels… It’s kinda goofy, but I love it. Thank you, kind stranger! I hope it catches on. Another reason why I love this game. Random encounters with really, really fun people. Hahaha!

[floofsta-x]

Scenario x Top Ten Bias (Tag)

So hey @fyhjjxxn tagged me in this little scenario thing, and it sounds like a lot of fun so hey! 

Rules: Go to this site and enter in your top ten biases from any groups and randomize them. The order they are displayed to you becomes their number and you just have to choose between the biases for each scenario!

Kino (Pentagon)

Jaeho (HISTORY)

Minsu (Boys Republic)

Yeo One (Pentagon)

Johnny (NCT)

Kyuhyun (Super Junior)

Leo (VIXX)

Shownu (Monsta X)

Jooheon (Monsta X)

T.O.P (BIGBANG)

(Just a lil note by me that my list of biases is very fluid right now--so many lovelies help TT also I’m putting the rest of this under a cut because )

Go to a baseball game with 4 or 10: Yeo One or T.O.P // Whoa this one’s interesting, since Seunghyun’s serving compulsory military right now... Honestly, probably with T.O.P, I’ve said this in the past but I really want to pick his brain and this would be a good opportunity! Though it would be fun to go with squishy Yeo too!

Play a game of Twister with 1 or 7: Kino or Leo // Oh man this one’s tough too xD I’m no good at twister lol! Leo wins this one! I really want to see him laugh :3

Eat ramen at 2am with 2 or 8: Jaeho or Shownu // The idea of sleepy Shownu eating ramen at 2am makes me blush and giggle and grin ❤︎

Watch a Disney movie in theaters with 5 or 10: Johnny or T.O.P // Ugh why do all these have to be so tough??? Hm, this might seem really superficial but Johnny has a softer shoulder I think :) And he’d enjoy the movie more, we could even watch it in English.

Go hiking with 5 or 9: Johnny or Jooheon // Oh Lord save me from the floofies xD Jooheon though, I mean he is my ultimate but I’d love to see him sniff the fresh air, freedom, and smile so wide his whole face is tooth ❤︎

Swim with the sharks with 4 or 5: Minsu or Yeo One // Minsu’s angry (but cute) face would ward the sharks off in no time whether we were in a cage or open water lol

Swim with the dolphins with 7 or 10: Leo or T.O.P // Like really no reason?? This one could go either way??? This would be super cute to do with Leo though  

Fall asleep talking a 4am with 3 or 9: Minsu or Jooheon // Sorry Minsu, but Joo’s my ultimate and falling asleep talking with him would be heaven on earth ugh ❤︎

Wake up next to 2 or 7: Jaeho or Leo // Taekwoon is totally husband material. Though... Jaeho.... have you seen his gym pics lately??

Be stuck in rush hour traffic with 4 or 9: Yeo One or Jooheon // We’d be laughing and singing and rapping along to the radio and it would be great! and yeah uh ultimate bias always wins

Build a snowman with 7 or 8: Leo or Shownu // THIS ONE IS TOUGH FOR ME TOOOO????? They’re both like really manly and it would be really fun to play in the snow with them??? I’m going with my gut on this one tbh

Spend a day baking with 5 or 7: Johnny or Leo // Why is 7 used so often?? I always pick Leo though lol! In this instance, he just seems more like the baking type ahah ❤︎

Be stranded on a desert island with 2 or 9: Jaeho or Jooheon // Though Jaeho is swole af, honestly Jooheon. Wow a lot of these are becoming solely gut. I’m also choosing the same people over and over....

Be hit by a car by 1 or 9: Kino or Jooheon // The one question I’ll never choose my ultimate on. I’d never want to put him through that ugh!! I wouldn’t want to put me through that or anyone else either. 

Hit 3 or 4 with a car: Minsu or Yeo One // I would never do this if someone told me that I had the opportunity to hit someone with a car, ok? just... keep that in mind please. Both of these boys are so sweet! If I could get away with just a brush I would and apologize so much that Minsu would be sick of me :c

Kiss 4 or 8 in the moonlight: Yeo One or Shownu // Damn this game for making my heart flutter. Thinking about this is hard because oml both are so handsome and soft and make me swoon. But I choose Yeo because I love the idea of his slow, soft smile after kissing me and the sparkle in his eyes. ❤︎

Dance in the rain with 2 or 4: Jaeho or Yeo One // Not more of this ugh. ;-; I have such heart eyes for soft Yeo ❤︎

Be kidnapped with 1 or 5: Kino or Johnny // Ok so I’m picking Johnny for this because legit reasons. Johnny would probably know how to escape, and we all know he’s extremely wily, so yeah if I’d be kidnapped, I’d want him kidnapped with me ahaha.

Arm wrestle 1 or 3: Kino or Minsu // Oh I could totally take either lol cx nah, I think Minsu would get such a huge kick out of it!! ahah

Go to an art museum with 3 or 5: Minsu or Johnny // I imagine that Johnny’s more of an art aficionado, lol. 

Have a picnic with 2 or 3: Jaeho or Minsu // Both boys would be amazing to picnic with, but my automatic first pic was Jaeho!

Buy a puppy with 1 or 10: Kino or T.O.P // oml that first meeting of the puppy and Seunghyun would be soooo cute!!!

Get a forehead kiss from 7 or 9: Leo or Jooheon // FUUUUUU I just whisper-swore; my roommate popped up her head and asked me what was wrong lol. Anyways, ummmm so ugh more heart flutters??? I love Jooheon... and I’d die at a forehead kiss... but tbh I’d rather marry Leo aghhh. In the end I go with my gut and choose my ultimate ❤︎

Pick up 2 or 6 from the airport at 5am: Jaeho or Kyuhyun // I’d go anywhere, do anything for Kyu. ahh. Even if it’s going to the airport to pick him up at 5am.

Go on a road trip with 3 or 8: Minsu or Shownu // Shownu! We’d have to make frequent stops though so he could stretch his legs lol~

Have an all night study session with 6 or 8: Kyuhyun or Shownu // Um this one is harder than I expected; but I would really love to pick Kyu’s brain tbh and soak up his words like a sponge. Hopefully I could do a little of the same for him in return. 

Sing karaoke with 8 or 10: Shownu or T.O.P // lol ugh well Seunghyun could rap everything I couldn’t ahah... but Shownu would be so great. I choose the latter because I feel a stronger chance of not being able to sing anything because I’m dying of laughter.

Climb a tree with 6 or 9: Kyuhyun or Jooheon // Ultimate bias privilege again I can climb trees, it takes me a bit of effort but I can. Joo’s such an adventurous soul, I think he’d agree to some tree climbing in no time flat ❤︎ 

Go to the zoo with 2 or 5: Jaeho or Johnny // Oh god either of these boys would be great tbh. hm, this one’s gut again, but Jaeho

Go bowling with 3 or 6: Minsu or Kyuhyun // Ohhh, I can totally see Kyu as a bowling person ahaha. (truthfully this is gut though)

Have 1 or 8 do your make-up: Kino or Shownu // I’d love to have a handsome lipstick prince do my makeup lol! 

Swim in the rain with 4 or 7: Yeo One or Leo // ...swim....in the rain? ohhh, ok, I get it. ahah. I’m picturing the cover of The Notebook except Leo and I are half-in water lol

Share your favorite food with 6 or 10: Kyuhyun or T.O.P // Jeez both of them are people I like solely because of their intellect and they seem like smart, awesome people. This is a great conversation setting, too. Going with T.O.P on this one.

Go ice skating with 1 or 4: Kino or Yeo One // God, Kino... he’d be such a prince on the ice. Don’t get me wrong, Yeo would be too, but Kino........

Get lost on vacation with 2 or 10: Jaeho or T.O.P // Um Seunghyun? Because again, long time traveling = conversations = chance to pick his brain

Get locked out of your car in the middle of nowhere with no cellphone signal with 4 or 6: Yeo One or Kyuhyun // Another toughie. hm well I’d be able to sit and talk with Kyu until another car came by or something

Rob a bank with 5 or 8: Johnny or Shownu // Let’s be real here, our handsome Chicago gangsta Johnny would be the obvious choice. Though Shownu could intimidate.

Have 8 or 9 write a song about you: Shownu or Jooheon // Jooheon’s raps are really the best ❤︎❤︎❤︎ Though I lowkey also want to pick Shownu because I’ve never seen/heard of him writing lyrics/songs? It would probably be very sweet and interesting. :)

Be embraced by 9 or 10 after you cry: Jooheon or T.O.P // ok so factoid about me: if I really respect you there’s no way in heck that I want you to see me cry!!! I’m very much the strong-wannabe type. But thinking about this, I’d rather have Joo walk in on me. He’s a huge softie and squishy.

Have 6 or 7 cook for you: Kyuhyun or Leo // I’ve heard that Leo is pretty good at cooking, so ^^ Sorry Kyu :o

Have 1 or 2 be your sidekick: Kino or Jaeho // ahahah! This is great! Kino for sure! though people would probably mistake me for his sidekick a lot lol!

Star in a K-drama with 1 or 6: Kino or Kyuhyun // Though Kino would be typecast as the dashing, swoonworthy lead, I think I’d rather star with Kyu. It’d definitely be a softer love story, which is perfect honestly ❤︎

Build a dresser from Ikea with no instructions with 3 or 7: Minsu or Leo // This one’s kind of ridiculous ahah. hm, I think Minsu though. (Gut.)

Be in a zombie apocalypse with 5 or 6: Johnny or Kyuhyun // Sorry Kyu, but Johnny would be cracking off Zombie’s heads with a reinforced baseball bat and wearing those bandanas he does and slaying me kicking Zombie ass and taking Zombie names. Just in general being a badass.

Run a YouTube channel with 3 or 10: Minsu or T.O.P // Ugh, hard. Seunghyun though I think, we’d probably do like...art news or music news or something like that ....ahaha.

OK so this took a really long time!! but it was really fun!! Try it out and if you can’t finish, don’t worry about it loves <33 Tagging @leeminpuppy, @wonholypeach, @ameehhhhh, @hyungnu, @missmugiwara, @honeyvevo, and whoever else wants to do it! (I think this is the usual crew though lol!) 

Love you guys ❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎

[gencottraux]

  People seem surprised to find out I like going to baseball games. I wouldn’t say I am necessarily a baseball fan. I don’t really watch games on television or follow scores or statistics. But I love to go to the ballpark to see a game. There is something special about it that’s hard to describe.

    Plus I love a good costume, and now I have a whole collection of Giants attire. Because I do root for the San Francisco Giants (and sometimes the Atlanta Braves, if they aren’t playing the Giants).

  I got game! Well, I got a baseball cap, anyway.

  If this bag was vegan and less expensive, I’d buy it.

  And I get an excuse to sing the Journey song Don’t Stop Believin’ at the top of my lungs without people thinking I am crazy.

  For the third time since Bob and I have been together, we made it to the San Francisco Giants spring training in Scottsdale, Arizona this year. It was a short trip–we flew to Phoenix Monday morning, went to an afternoon game, out to dinner, Tuesday morning at the Musical Instrument Museum, an afternoon game, and home Tuesday night. But what it lacked in time it made up for in fun and sun.

      Our day 1 game was at Camelback Ranch, ballpark for the Chicago White Sox. Who actually wear black socks. I felt cheated. (Which leads to the question, are you a fan of high socks with the uniform? I am.)

Giants Brandon Crawford and Buster Posey show their socks style.

  At the Giants v White Sox. Giants win!

  It’s really hot in March in Arizona. Really hot. Siri said so.

        The closest I managed to get to a well-known player was when Brandon Belt was at bat.

  Vegans and teetotalers can have a hard time at the ballpark. In the heat, while most everyone else was drinking beer, I really wanted a shaved ice. This is what I ended up with. I realize it is not a color known in nature. It was supposed to be cherry. I think it was sugar and red dye number whatever. But it was cold and I ate it anyway.

  After the game, we checked into the Hilton Scottsdale Resort & Villas, a splurge but oh so nice! Thank you Bob for the indulgence!

The first thing I saw in the lobby when we checked in was the ice-cold fruit-infused water. This is one of my new obsessions. I drank about 4 glasses of the concoction while we checked in. Baseball is thirsty work.

  Our villa suite was amazing. There was even a washer/dryer and a dishwasher! We didn’t stay long enough to enjoy all of the amenities, but it was quite relaxing and comfortable, to say the least.

  Next day, we hit the Musical Instrument Museum before settling in for the Giants v Padres at the Scottsdale Stadium. As I might have said, when a museum nerd (me) and a music nerd (Bob) travel together, this is where they go.

I was thinking it would be a small, homey, do-it-yourself place. One of those old-guy-with-a-collection opens his garage kind of things. Was I wrong! This is a beautiful, world-class museum and collection. It is well worth a day or two of wandering and wondering. Athough I was a bit alarmed and amused at the no weapons sign. I’ve never been to a museum that specified this. I didn’t think they needed to.

  Just a few highlights:

One more example of the superior lines of Danish design.

  The Johnny Cash tribute.

  One day, I will be that lady banjo player.

  The 60s. Suit worn by Roger Daltry of The Who. Jimi Hendrix on the monitor.

      Just another visitor trying out the piano in the lobby.

    The Apollonia, in the Mechanical Music Gallery, a 2-ton dance organ.

    I have a whole novel centered around the Apollonia worked up in my head, and it would make a great movie, too. I’ll fill you in in a future blogpost.

Don’t forget to exit through the gift shop!

  Back to baseball! On to the Scottsdale Stadium, where our seats were a little more in the shade but a lot more behind really tall people. It Genevieve’s Law: the tallest adults at the ballpark (movie, concert, whatever), will have tickets for the seats directly in front of the shortest adult at the ballpark (movie, concert, whatever).

  My view.

  New souvenir cup to add to my collection.

  The Giants win again! Then a short trip into old town Scottsdale before heading to the airport.

    I bought a beautiful ring at one of the nicer stores there on a previous visit. But I am clumsy and sometimes forgetful, so I managed to lose the ring. I was hoping to find the same store; they have less-touristy merchandise and less, shall we say, ostentatious designs. Bob was on the case, and lo and behold, the first store he suggested turned out to be the right one! If you are in Scottsdale, check out Scottsdale Jewels on N. Brown Avenue. Don’t be alarmed by the taxidermied bear (okay, be alarmed, but it’s still a nice jewelry store and they aren’t pushy like in the other stores).

I wish someone had thought of the Don’t Touch idea before killing and stuffing the bear.

A quick flight home, and back to life as usual. Which is a good life all in all.

Baseball season 2017 opening day is Sunday, April 2. I’m not sure when I will get to a game, but I hope to see you there! Go Giants! Peace and hugs from this Giants Girl.

    P.S. Another obsession: I saw this dress in the Southwest Airline inflight magazine. I want it. I must have it. I can’t afford it, but maybe I can put my sewing skills to the test and make my own knock-off. Fashion detectives, if you can lead me to any information about this dress, I will  be forever indebted.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame! (with an interlude at the Musical Instrument Museum) People seem surprised to find out I like going to baseball games. I wouldn't say I am necessarily a baseball fan.