#I’m going to kick the shit outta Gary I’m gonna kill him

[aratinatophat]

Going from Faith game to Sonadow in like 2.4 seconds like my life depends on it

[randomfandomfamily]

What if Invictus made Avocato kill Little Cato?

---

Yeah, you know, because this kid hasn’t been through enough already.

Gary could barely hear over the ringing in his ears. He felt disoriented. And geez, why did everything hurt so much? What was he doing back on Kanopus Prime? Wasn’t he just trying to escape Invictus? And what on earth was Little Cato shouting about?

He focused just enough to hear Little Cato yell, “Dad, no! Fight it!”

Fight what? What was going on? He sat up and squinted at the blurry figures in front of him. The familiar sight of his friend brought him momentary relief. “Avocato?” But when Avocato turned, Gary could that the brainwashed person in front of him was not his friend.

Avocato’s eyes glowed an eerie purple. Oh god, is that why he couldn’t remember anything? Had Invictus gotten ahold of him somehow? Little Cato looked panicked. And beaten. Oh crap, what had he done? Did he hurt Little Cato while he was possessed? Did he hurt Avocato?

Whatever had happened, he definitely managed to get Avocato possessed. And possessed Avocato did not look happy. “You stole my son away from me.” A shiver went down Gary’s spine. That voice didn’t belong to Avocato. “And you left me for dead!”

Was that what happened? That wasn’t what happened! Unless that was what happened. Gary couldn’t remember. His thoughts were spiraling out of control. He needed to find his son and go. His son? Avocato’s son. Jesus, did he really steal Little Cato away from Avocato?

Somewhere in his haze of thoughts, Gary tried to say ‘I’m sorry’, but all he managed to say was “I…” before pain exploded in his side. Somewhere it registered that he had been shot, but he couldn’t quite believe it. No, he could, he just didn’t want to believe it.

Little Cato darted forward and grabbed the gun. “Stop it! This isn’t you!”

Avocato growled, which was so unlike him that it pretty much solidified that his friend was no longer in control. “He turned you against me!”

Every single one of Gary’s senses sharpened as his possessed friend kicked their son. Little Cato went skidding past him, and Gary sat up, the haze finally starting to clear out of his head. “Avocato, whatever that thing is, it’s poisoning your mind.” He tried to push himself back,but it was hard with the blood pooling on the ground around him. “You asked me to look after your boy. We broke time to save you, we’re friends!”

“Dad, stop it!” Gary glanced behind him to see Little Cato picking himself up off the ground. “Come on, you can fight this thing.”

“Little Cato, don’t,” Gary said, “Stay outta this, bud, just go.”

The young Ventrexian ignored him. “I know you’re in there. And I know you don’t want to do this.” Little Cato took a few tentative steps forward. “You can’t want to do this.”

Avocato’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t get in my way, boy.” He lifted his gun. “Gary Goodspeed is a no good thief!”

“You don’t believe that,” Little Cato said, “I know you don’t believe that.

“You don’t know anything,” Avocato spat, “You’re just a child!”

“And you’re Gary’s best friend!” Little Cato protested. “Don’t you remember that? He is literally the first thing you remembered!”

“I said ‘get out of the way’,” Avocato hissed.

Little Cato hands curled into fists. “No, Dad. You have to stop.”

Gary felt an indescribable pressure hanging in the air. A tangible feeling that something was about to go horribly wrong. But there were so many things that could go wrong. “Little Cato, seriously. He’s possessed and you need to go.”

“You should listen to the thief,” Avocato said, “And get out of my way.”

Little Cato took a deep breath. “Dad-”

“Move.”

“Please, just listen-”

“Move!”

Gary managed the strength to stand, causing another wave of blood to flow from his side. “Avocato, we can talk about this.”

“I’m done talking.” Avocato pointed his gun at Gary. “He dies right here. Right now.”

Little Cato stepped in front of Gary defensively. “Like hell he does! You’re not even mad at Gary! He took care of me just like you asked him to! He didn’t turn me against anybody, he was just… there for me. Because you asked him to.”

Avocato lowered the gun slightly. “You’re in the way.”

Little Cato took another step forward. “Dad, please-” And then it happened.

That was it.

It just happened.

Gary wasn’t sure what he was expecting. The world to slow down? For the blast to somehow freeze in the moment like it did in the movies? He didn’t know.

But what he saw was Avocato’s arm tense, the flash of his gun firing, and then Little Cato falling back like he had been shot.

No, not like he had been shot. He had been shot. Oh god, he had been shot. “Little Cato!” Impulsive rage flowed through him, scooping Little Cato’s gun off the ground, all pain forgotten. He pointed it at Avocato, admittedly shaky, but he was too overwhelmed with anger and fear to care.

“What the hell did you do?!” Gary demanded.

“He was in the way.”

Gary’s grip tightened on the gun. “In the way, my ass! He’s a fourteen year old kid! He’s your fourteen year old kid!” He put his finger on the trigger. “Now you better step the hell back before I shoot you.”

Avocato laughed. “You wouldn’t.”

But Gary would, and he did, because that thing was not his friend.

And there wasn’t any hesitation. There was no dramatic music. There wasn’t a brief flicker of recognition in Avocato’s eyes that told Gary that maybe--just maybe--there was still a piece of his friend buried deep down inside Invictus’ control.

There was nothing except a gunshot, and Gary couldn’t even hear it over the blood roaring in his ears.

He watched as Avocato fell to his knees, the hole in his chest spilling blood. In a brief moment of shock, or maybe hysteria, Gary had the urge to point out that they were now matching as far as gunshot wounds go. One for one.

It would have been a ridiculous thing to point out at a time like that, and that’s part of the reason he would have done it: because it was ridiculous.

Because it would have made Avocato laugh, even though he definitely would have called Gary an idiot afterwards. And Gary would have been okay with that because it would have meant that the Ventrexian glaring at him was still his friend.

It was almost as if Invictus could still manage to get in his head and peer into his thoughts, because the very next thing Avocato said was, “You are no friend of mine!”, as if responding to Gary’s fears.

“No,” Gary said, “I have always been your friend. And I always will be.” He shook his head. “But you… you aren’t you.”

Black started to creep up Avocato’s arms. “I will find you,” Avocato said scathingly, “And I will kill you!”

“Try me, you piece of shit!” Gary shot back. “You just shot my kid! You think anything in the galaxy is gonna stop me from making you pay this?”

Avocato sneered, “Your kid? The child is mine.”

“You are not Avocato,” Gary seethed. “You’re just a twisted possessed version of him. You are not my friend, and you are not his father!”

“Neither are you!”

Gary continued to stare at the spot where Avocato disappeared. He lowered the gun to his side. Which hurt. A lot. God, was that really what he was thinking about right now? Little Cato had just been shot and-

“Oh shit.” Gary tossed the gun aside and knelt at Little Cato’s side. “Hey, little buddy, talk to me.” He wasn’t moving. Why the hell wasn’t he moving? “Spider-Cat? Come on, say something.”

He gently turned Little Cato onto his back. The kid’s hands were clamped over a blossoming stain of red. “Ah… Gary?”

“Yeah, it’s me. I’m here, okay? I’m here.” He put a hand over Little Cato’s and tried to ignore the bright red that seeped through his fingers. “Everything’s gonna be okay. W-we’re gonna get you back to the ship and-”

“I’m so sorry.”

Gary paused, his mind still reeling. “What?”

“I didn’t think he’d shoot me,” Little Cato said, “I didn’t think… I just… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Gary said firmly, “This is not your fault.”

Little Cato looked down at himself with a frown. “You know, he never saw me… until the Lord Commander made him kill me. You should have seen it, Gary, he really saw me.” He looked up at Gary blearily. “I thought if seeing me could convince him to betray the Lord Commander then maybe… maybe seeing me would help him fight Invictus too, but…” He sighed. “But he didn’t see me.”

Gary struggled to focus on Little Cato, and the hurricane of thoughts that were howling in his mind wasn’t making it easy. “Little Cato, I need you to stop talking, okay? Just take it easy and we’ll get you back to the ship.”

Little Cato took a shaky breath. “I thought… maybe he’d see me again…” He laughed weakly. “I think he only sees me when he has to kill me.” His smile faded. “And that’s funny… r-right?”

Gary shook his head. “No, that’s… that’s not funny.” He slipped his arms under Little Cato. “Hold still, okay? We’re going up.” He stood unsteadily, his own side throbbing in pain, and Little Cato winced.  “I’m sorry, buddy, I know it hurts.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Little Cato murmured. “It’s only the second worst hole I’ve ever had in my stomach. Doesn’t even hurt that bad, really…” Tears started welling in his eyes. “He didn’t see me, Gary. Why couldn’t he… why couldn’t he see me?”

“I don’t know, Spider-Cat,” Gary tried to keep his voice level as he walked. “He was possessed. That was all Invictus, it wasn’t really your father talking.” He held Little Cato tighter. God, the kid was small, he was so so small. “But we’re gonna get him back. We’ll get Avocato back, I promise.”

“I know,” Little Cato whispered, “You always keep your promises.” He tilted his head. “Hey Gary?

“Yeah?”

“Can you see me?”

Gary was going to kill Invictus for this. He wasn’t even sure what Invictus was, but the son of a bitch was going to die. “I see you,” Gary reassured him, “I’ve always seen you.”

Little Cato looked relieved. “Okay.” His gaze was unfocused. “”Everything’s so blurry.”

“Do not close your eyes,” Gary instructed. “I mean it. Just talk to me and keep your eyes open, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I mean it.”

“Oka…”

Gary halted in front of the waterfall they fell down earlier. “Little Cato? Little Cato!” He put on their helmets and took off into the air. “Shit, shit, shit!” He clutched Little Cato tighter to his chest. “Hang on, okay? Just hang on.” 

The next few minutes were an absolute blur. He barely remembered the flight back up to the ship, but Nightfall was there when he came through the airlock. She said something, or asked something? Something about Avocato? And then she took Little Cato from him.

Which was wrong. Gary couldn’t be separated from Little Cato, not right now. He watched them disappear down the hall and panicked. “No… no, wait.”

“Easy,” Fox said, “We need to get you to the infirmary.”

“Little Cato-”

“Nightfall’s taking him to the medpod,” Ash told him. “He’s really banged up, and so are you.” She reached up and touched his right eye gingerly. “What did this to your face? You look like you’ve been hit by a spaceship.”

“Not to mention you’ve been shot,” Fox added. “Come on, AVA and HUE will help you in the infirmary.”

Gary shook his head. “I need to get to him. I need to-” His vision blurred around the edges. He stumbled into Fox, who caught him by the arm and helped him stand. “Little Cato!”

Fox picked Gary up and threw him over his shoulder. “Sorry man, but you’re not gonna be any help to him if you bleed out.”

He tried to break free of Fox’s grasp, but his struggles only strengthened the blackening in his vision. The fog managed to overtake him, and he woke up in the infirmary, laying in the chair with HUE at his side.

Sitting up, he looked around frantically. “Where is he? HUE? AVA?!”

‘Little Cato is stable,’ AVA told him.

Gary tried to get up. “I need to see him.” He fell back, supporting himself on the arm of the chair. “Where is Nightfall? I need to talk to her right now.”

The door to the infirmary slid open. “I’m here, Gary.” She put a hand on his arm. “You have a gunshot wound in your side, Gary. You need to take it easy.”

“Little Cato has a hole in his stomach, and you just want me to-” Gary winced and held his injured side.

‘AVA already told you that Little Cato is stable,’ HUE reminded him.

“Stable isn’t good enough!” He turned back to Nightfall. “Where is he?!”

Nightfall lifted her hands placatingly. “Still in the medpod. Ash and Fox are there with KVN keeping an eye on him” She hesitated and lowered her arms. “Gary, what happened out there?”

“Invictus happened,” Gary growled. “Avocato got possessed, and Little Cato got shot, and everything went wrong!” He stood up, feeling the bandages pull at his wounds. “I am going to go see him.”                   

‘We already told you he is stable,’ HUE repeatedly unhelpfully.

“And I told you that’s not good enough!”

Gary tried to walk past Nightfall, but she pushed him back. “Gary, you need to rest. I know you’re worried, but why is this bothering you so much? They just said he’s stable.”

“Because I don’t need him to be stable! I need him to be safe!” Gary breathed heavily in the silence. “I-I need…”

Nightfall sighed. “You’re worried. I get it. We’re all worried.”

“I’m not just worried, Nightfall, I’m… I’m pissed.” Gary paced around the small room. “I let Invictus out, a-and I got Avocato possessed. He tried to shoot me, and Little Cato got in the way trying to protect me. And you know what Invictus did? Used Avocato’s body to shoot him!”

HUE tilted his head. ‘You are angry with Avocato?’

“No!” Gary exclaimed. “He’s possessed! I’m not mad at him, I’m mad at… at everything! The universe, I guess, I don’t know!” He ran a hand through his hair. “Because… I mean, the kid needs a break, damnit! And getting his father back was supposed to be his break.

“Little Cato has been through hell and back so many times, I’ve lost count! Saving Avocato was the one thing I could do right by him, and I couldn’t even do that! Instead he nearly ended up dead trying to stop Avocato from killing me!

“He could have died saving me. Just like he’s almost died dozens of times! Which is dozens of times too many! He’s just a kid, Nightfall! He’s a fourteen year old who has lived a lifetime of misery. Can’t the universe leave him alone for two goddamn seconds?!”

“Gary.”

He whirled around to face her. “What?!”

Nightfall took his hand. “Let’s go see Little Cato. We’ll deal with Invictus and Avocato and everything else later, but if it’ll make you feel better to see him now, then we’ll do that. Okay? And then you rest. You both need it.”

Gary took a breath. “Okay. Yeah, let’s do that.”

Avocato trusted him to protect Little Cato when he died. Now he was alive again, and Little Cato was still in danger. This time because of him.

That was never gonna happen again.

And Gary wasn’t even sure if he could make that promise because he had already broken it. So, so many times.

But he was going to try. Again and again, until Little Cato was safe, really safe. He didn’t know how to do that yet, but he was gonna have to do something. He was going to have to step up somehow. The question was, how do you step up for a kid who had become so used to being alone?

Gary stepped into the dimly lit room with the medpod. Seeing Little Cato in that metal contraption made him sick, and the blood-stained sweater didn’t help. It also  gave him an answer of sorts. How to step up for a lonely kid?

All he had to do was be there. And Gary was pretty sure he could do that, but the blood-stain also solidified his decision in something else.

Invictus was going to pay for this. No matter what it took.

[unfortunate-stranger-losers]

Right-Side Up AU, Part Three: It’s the End of the World {AO3} {tumblr} {Part One} {Part Two}

Chapter Thirteen → Kidnapping the Mayor

“Do you think it’s going well?” Nancy asked. 

Her and Jonathan sat in waiting room chairs, while Joyce leaned against the desk, saying something boring to the mayor’s receptionist, Candace something-or-other, who seemed very unnerved that Hopper had just barged past them and left her with three people to annoy her during the workday. 

“Um…” Jonathan guessed. “Sure.” 

Nancy sighed, and then said, “I’m gonna listen in. Make sure nobody notices.” 

“Wha- Nance!” 

Nancy stood up, going to the door, and Jonathan sighed and walked over to his Mom, joining in the conversation and standing in just such a way that the receptionist wouldn’t see Nancy. 

She reached for a sidetable, where a few drinking glasses were kept- probably for office parties- and she grabbed one and put it against the door, leaning her ear against it. She had to strain to hear, but she finally caught the end of one of Hopper’s sentences. 

“-ringing any bells?” 

“Uh…” she heard the mayor laugh, a bit awkwardly. “I don’t think so.” 

“Really?” came Hopper’s voice. “Cause he was just here two days ago. This was right before I saw you.” 

“Oh!” a snap of fingers. “You know what?” 

“What?” 

“Could be the maintenance guy.” 

“Maintenance guy?” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, can’t remember his name… oh, Gary or John or something. Candace’ll have his name on file. We’ve had trouble with the plumbing. Clogged toilets and…” another laugh. “Sinks with minds of their own.” 

“You meeting with a lot of plumbers, Larry?” Nancy flinched at the sound of Hopper’s voice. It sounded very dark, very cold. She hadn’t known him to speak to anyone like that. 

Mayor Kline must have noticed this too. “Excuse me?” 

“This guy, when I saw him, he was coming out of your office.” 

“Okay, well, I don’t remember that. I shake a lot of hands, you know?” 

Silence for a moment. Nancy glanced back to make sure Jonathan and Joyce were still keeping Candace busy, and then she heard Hopper say, in a very low tone, so low she had to strain her ears to hear, “Do you remember when I caught you out in the hideaway with all that powder all over your nose?” 

Another awkward laugh. “Aw, geez.” 

“Do you remember?” 

“Oh, Jim, come on, man.” 

A bit louder. “Do you remember when my boys found you and Candace going at it like a couple of bunnies in the back of your cadillac? Do you remember that? Does your wife remember that?” 

Then Kline’s voice went just as cold. “You… you really wanna play this game?” 

“Not a game, Lar.” 

“Okay. You remember those pills you used to swallow like candy? When you first got the job here- I don’t recall, did you have a prescription for those?” 

Oh, fuck. Nancy hadn’t expected that. 

“And with a little girl at home, too. What would’ve happened if she found those before you stopped?” 

Oh, fuck. 

“Don’t bring her into this.” 

“Oh, speaking of kids at home, how long was the other kid supposed to stay with you? Doesn’t she have parents somewhere?” 

Nancy shut her eyes. Fuck, fuck, fuck… 

“Oh, that’s right, they left town. Never did find out why, did we? And her… father, in California hasn’t sent for her? Now, I don’t know about you, Hopper, but I think if people realized she wasn’t supposed to stay with you so long, they might wonder why she’s at your place with no supervision.” 

FUCK, he did not just- 

“Then again, a lot of new kids been popping up recently. Real interesting, isn’t it? Where’d Byers find her kid again? Or is it kids? I’m a bit unclear on that.” 

Nancy considered, for a moment, lowering the glass, breaking it on the ground, and using the shards to rip Kline’s insides out. 

“The stories you could get from all that, wow. Could make some real headlines. One call to Tom at the Post and you’re done, buddy. You’re gone.” 

Son of a- of course Tom Holloway was buddy-buddy with the mayor. Of fucking course. 

“Oh, and please, don’t give me that dead daughter sob story, cause I just don’t care. Clearly you don’t anymore, either, cause you’ve gotten a replacement for her.” 

Oh, that’s it.

Nancy stood up, sliding the glass back on the table. She reached for the door, planning to throw it open and kick the mayor in the fucking face- she really didn’t care about how much trouble she’d be in afterwards, she just knew she wanted him dead right now, and the most holding back she could do was grievous physical injury. 

But as she attempted to turn the handle, she realized it was locked. And just as she tried the handle again, she heard a shout and a loud thud against the door. 

The others heard it too- Joyce, Jonathan and Candace jumped to attention, whipping around to stare at the door. Jonathan’s eyes darted to Nancy, and she gave him a shrug, as if to say, I didn’t do anything. 

She heard, muffled yet very close behind the door, “My nose! You broke my goddamn nose!” 

“And your friend almost killed a friend of mine last night, so I’d say we’re still not even!” 

“Larry?” Candace stood, moving to the door; Nancy considered jumping to block her, and then considered whether or not that’d be suspicious, and if it was worth trying to avoid suspicions at this point, and by the time she decided she should probably punch someone, Candace was already trying the doorknob and also finding it locked. 

They could hear more muffled shouts from behind the door, and after a moment, Candace worriedly moved to her desk, as fast as she could in heels, and reached for the phone. To Nancy’s surprise, Joyce, quick as a whip, reached forwards and ripped a wire out of the phone, knocking it dead. 

“Who you calling?” she asked incredulously, as Candace and Jonathan stared at her in shock. “The police?” 

At that, Jonathan moved to the door to the hall, hitting the lock. 

“Well, what do you expect me to do?” Candace hissed. “Obviously that brute of a man-” 

“He’s doing way less than I would’ve done had I been in there.” Nancy informed her. “So consider Mr Mayor lucky that I’m locked out here with you.” 

“What’d they say?” Jonathan asked, deciding to ignore the panicking secretary for a moment. 

“Asshole’s threatening the kids.” 

A fire lit in Joyce’s eyes. “I’m going to kill him myself.” 

“Excuse me?” Candace gasped. 

“Viva la Revolución.” Jonathan nodded. 

“Ms Byers, are the kids still at the pool?” 

“Should be.” Joyce sighed. “If they run off, I swear to God-” 

“And Dustin and Will are with Steve, so they’re fine.” Jonathan said. 

Nancy paused a second. “Hey, Jonathan, you think we’re getting fired for not showing up to work today?” 

Jonathan groaned. “God, I didn’t even think of that- we’re fucked-” 

“No, don’t be like that, I just wanna know how much I can beat the shit outta Holloway.” 

“Why-?” 

The door suddenly swung open, and Nancy leapt back as Mayor Kline was pushed out, almost hitting the wall. Hopper stepped out, a stone cold glare in his eyes as he grabbed Kline’s arms and hoised him up towards the door. 

“Larry?” Candace gaped as Jonathan quickly ran to unlock and open the door. 

“Oh, he just bumped his head.” Hopper said, dragging the man out and smiling uncaringly at the secretary. “Just a little boo-boo, right, Lar?” 

“Oh, I see we’re going.” Nancy said, following closely behind Hopper and glaring at the mayor. 

Joyce looked back at Candace, said, “Have a nice day!” and closed the door behind them. 

As they walked down the hall, Jonathan said, “I feel like the car’s gonna be crowded. And we’re gonna get arrested.” 

“Like this is the worst thing we’ve done.” Nancy sighed. 

“And look at this, Jonathan,” Nancy spread out her arms in the foyer, almost tripping on an expensive-looking rug, “We get to see the mayor’s house! Isn’t this so much better than work?” 

“Nancy, are you taking this seriously?” Hopper sighed, as he pushed the captive mayor up the stairs. 

“I am lightening the mood because I’m terrified, Hop.” Nancy said, without dropping the smile on her face. 

“What are we doing here again?” Jonathan asked, taking Nancy’s hand and leading her up the stairs. 

“The Goon who attacked you two works for Starcourt,” Joyce recapped, “Which bought up a shitton of land. Kline’s got papers here.” 

“Cool. Major conspiracy bust.” Nancy said. “And we get to piss off the guy who said- what did he say about our kids again, Hop?” 

“Nancy, please.” Hopper sighed, once they reached the upper floor. “Let’s just get these papers and then we can all forget this happened.” 

“Maybe you will.” Nancy snorted, running her hand over the polished railing. 

“Why are they here, again?” Kline asked, glaring back at the entourage. 

“We’re a package deal.” Joyce shrugged, glancing back to make sure Jonathan and Nancy were still following. 

“Yeah, there’d be more of us if they weren’t all busy saving the world and/or eating way too much ice cream.” Jonathan mentioned. 

Kline groaned, before leading them into a large bedroom that was probably bigger than the Byers’ living room and kitchen combined. He swiftly unlocked a safe on the wall, pulling out a file that he passed to Hopper, before sitting down on a chair and groaning, head in his hands. 

“Alright, so,” Hopper said, flipping open the file, “What exactly are we lookin’ at?” 

Kline sighed, as Nancy and Jonathan quickly ran to Hopper’s side and began flipping through the papers. “Land deeds, transfers of property.” 

“So your buddies at Starcourt,” Hopper said, as Joyce joined them, “Suddenly start buying up all this property. They tell you why?” 

“I told you, they don’t tell me anything.” 

“Yeah, they’re just using you, we get that.” Nancy said, as Hopper closed up the file. 

“What I’m not getting, personally,” Jonathan said, as Hopper passed the file over to Joyce, “Is why you have a bunch of land deeds in a safe in your bedroom. Seems a bit-” 

“Paranoid?” Nancy interrupted. 

“Was gonna say ‘overprotective.’” 

“Yeah, that works.” Nancy glanced over towards Joyce, who was flipping through the deeds with that look of concentration on her face. 

“You kids wouldn’t get it.” Kline said, giving them a stern look, a tinge of fear in his voice. “These people. They’re bad news.” 

“So is this blackmail?” Nancy asked. 

“Protection.” 

“Protection.” Hopper echoed. 

Joyce interrupted with a quick, “Hold on a second,” and she turned and started into the hall. Without hesitation, Nancy and Jonathan followed, watching as she flipped through the papers and walked towards a large city map, hung on the wall of the hallway. Once Hopper came out, glancing back quickly into the room to make sure the mayor wasn’t going anywhere, Joyce pointed up. 

“These places that have been bought out- Hess Farm, Henry’s Place… they’re all here.” She spread her hands around an area in the corner of town. “Look, they’re all here. They’re all in Southeast Hawkins, right near Jordan Lake.”

“I’m not following.” Nancy admitted. 

“What else is near Jordan Lake?” Joyce prompted. 

Hopper’s eyes widened. “The power plant.” 

“Four nights ago, there was that power outage.” Jonathan recalled. “They’ve been happening all the time, but the one four nights ago- the day after that-” 

“The magnets fell.” Nancy nodded. 

“Mr Clarke said a machine needed to make the magnets fall like that would take a massive amount of power.” Jonathan said. 

“This machine does exist.” Nancy realized. “And we didn’t find it at the Lab-” 

“Because it wasn’t at the Lab.” Jonathan said. 

“It was at one of these properties.” Joyce said. “They’re hiding something over here, and all we have to do is track it down.” 

“Holy shit, Mom.” Jonathan said, leaning against the wall. “How did you get that so fast?” 

Joyce shrugged, and Hopper smiled a little. “Why don’t you forget about sales and come work at the Hawkins PD?” 

Joyce laughed, closing the file again and passing it back to him. “And have to look at your face every day? I don’t think so.” 

“Also if the mayor tells anyone what just went down, you’re probably toast.” Nancy said. Then she narrowed her eyes. “Wait. Did we leave him alone?” 

They heard some kind of muffled shuffling, and a little groan. “Larry!” Hopper took off running, back towards the room. 

Nancy sighed. “Okay, it’s the kids’ turn to be smart, I guess, cause we just completely forgot we took a politician captive.” 

“We’re gonna be in a lot of shit for this.” Jonathan sighed. 

“So much shit.” Nancy nodded. 

“Eh, we’ll be fine.” Joyce waved her hand. “I mean, I think we will. We’ve got… connections.” 

“I dunno if the government guys-” 

They heard another shout from Hopper, and Nancy said, “We should help him, right?” 

“Yeah.” Joyce sighed.

[coffeecupandteatime]

Obscure Reviews #3

It’s time to spork fics and ruin lives.  

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ'✿,｡･:*:❀･ﾟ'❁

Oh? We’re back already? Whelp, let’s start the shitshow again. I’m Jagerbomb, your favorite alcoholic caffeinated drink, bringing you the review of a story that you could call the My Immortal of Attack on Titan.

Welcome. I’m Coffee. Fuhuhuhuhuhuhu~ Consider this a proper welcome to the party. Though glossing over this, it doesn’t deserve such a title, yet.

Shush it you, you bloody wanker.

Well anyway, hello all, I’m Tea.

WHERE’S MY EMOTICON!?

You mean this? (ง •̀_•́)ง

(ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง YEAH! FIGHT ME!

DON’T MAKE ME GET THE PAN!!!!

As usual we will be incredibly offensive. Don’t take it too personally.

9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB!

And now we present The Wolf of Trost. Only God can save us now.

Chapter 1: Struggle for Trost: The two monsters

Oh god, what the fuck is this?

The fuck is that?

The fuck are THOSE?

I do not own Attack on Titan, I only own Jacob Patrick and his very deadly secret. Here's a quick Bio on my OC and his (lowercase)Secret (halfway.) Some things will be different due to me adding my OC. (No period, lowercase) And to keep my plot line and idea original.

Oh joy, disclaimers. What the fuck do I say here??

Where do we begin? How about with his ~deadly secret~?

I’m gonna be honest, it feels like he’s trying too hard to be edgy.

Name: Jacob Patrick II.

You know what, I forgot about the shit that happened in this. I should lay off the drinks.

Age: 15. Height: 6"2'.

 Christ in a handbasket. Fifteen years old and already 6’ 2”. It’s not impossible, but unlikely.

That’s a little young to fight titans.

Didn’t they all leave training at 15?

No, I don’t think so; you’ll have to look it up.

(ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง FIGHT ME

(ง •̀_•́)ง BRING IT!

Let’s just focus on the story.

Weight: 125 LBS. Hair Color: Jet Black, Wild and to his shoulders, bangs cover left eye.

That sounds inconvenient for titan-fighting.

Eyes: Right eye is a deep calming blue, while the left is bright, glowing yellow with a slight pupil.

You, my friend, have won the Special Snowflake award.

What the fuck is a slight pupil? ಠ益ಠ ENGLISH FUCKER!

Skin Color: Pale white.

So not only is your vision halved by your ridiculous hair, but you’ll also burn like my steady-growing hatred for this fic.

Birth-date: October 10th.

Aw damn, all the jokes could have been made if you said the 31th.

You have jokes?

Appearance: Slim bodied, canines are extremely sharp (Sharp enough to bite into a Titan's hide), fingernails are one inch long claws that are very sharp. Narrow waist, Thin arms and legs and slightly pointed ears.

A painful existence.

I know what was written, but I can’t get the idea of this OC going “OMNOMNOM!”. Imagine this kid dangling off a titan by his teeth and the titan just looks at him with this deadpan expression, unsure of what to do.

Special Skills: With his thin body he is extremely agile and flexible, making him one of the best at using the 3D Maneuvering gear and Blades.(NO PERIOD, LOWERCASE) Though most have seen him running UP the SIDES of the Walls and buildings. His thin frame means less resistance while running, making his speed triple above our fastest soldier. (He can) Can jump very far, close to thirty feet. He's always been able to scan the Titan's and find ways to trick them and trap them. One last skill he has is very secret and no one knows it.

Why is up and sides capitalized? We know what the gear allows you to do.

Because it ADDS unnecessary EMPHASIS.

ಠ益ಠ  This angers me greatly. He’s a goddamn Mary Sue.

Couldn’t just write a normal human boy, could you?

Most Notable Quotes: " I'ma (I’m) gonna make me a Titan burger!"

Seriously?

Permission to prepare the noose?

Permission granted.

" Yahooooooooo!"

This is kinda ripping off Naruto.

This is reminding me of those people who do Bigfoot calls.

Now we combine those together.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ'✿,｡･:*:❀･ﾟ'❁ Combining. Result: Cringeworthy.

" Oh bite my skinny ass!"

Is this supposed to be a Bender reference?

NAAAAAAH YOU DON’T SAY? Speaking of which, watching Futurama right now.

" One does not anger the beast without being mauled."

One does not simply walk into Mordor.

Good Lord why?

*coughs*Tryhard*coughs*

Ya know what? I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna poke the bear. *poke poke*

*loud inhale* You did it!

" Hurt my friends...And you'll see why they call me a freak!"

What friends? You have made yourself out to be a rather unpleasant main character.

SHOTS FIRED.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)▄︻̷̿┻̿═━一

and the ever famous Jacob Patrick II song he sings when(One word)ever drunk (which is a(Separate words)lot)

" Oh I'm gonna get that booty!"

NO.

Pffft- This would be gold it weren’t serious.

I have to agree with that. It’s almost as bad as My Immortal. Also, why is a fifteen year old drinking?

Because that’s what the cool kids do. (⌐■_■)

Personality: Out(ONE WORD)going, happy go lucky, lived on the streets since he was four, which in turn allowed Jacob's body to thin and slim due to having to steal food, clothes and books to survive and learn.

I think we’re mixing up personality with backstory and then further mixing it with appearance.

Seriously? Everything past happy go lucky has absolutely nothing to do with personality. They are also living in a society where you contribute to society, they wouldn’t let him live on the streets unless he was completely useless.

Looks like someone doesn’t understand the show.

No one will let you get away with theft is the point.

Jacob's dark secret allow caused the color of his left eye, his claws, pointed ears and sharp canines, but it has also made him prone to rage fueled attacks at random times.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻ GET THIS SHIT OUTTA MY FACE!

So, I’m going to take a wild guess and say his secret has something to do with werewolves.

I mean, it’s so obvious. I read ahead...We have weirdness next chapter.

FFFFFFF- ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

 He's loyal to his friends and super protective over them.

Now I remember. Give me a drink please.

Would you like a fancy cocktail?

-,- That ain’t no man’s drink woman.

Don’t complain. Anything is better than nothing.

A lot of people call him insane, which is true. 

*Squints suspiciously* “Insane”, eh?

What? That’s not insanity, that’s just acting like a kid.

He'll do and say the most random things.

LOL IM SO RANDOM

HAHAHHA LOOK AT ME!

There you guys go, Jacob's Bio. NOW GET TO READING DAMMIT!

Rude. You know what? I won’t read it. JUST TO SPITE YOU.

*coughs*Asshole*coughs*

" Humans speaking" ' Human thoughts or flashbacks.' Time skips or locations. " Titans sounds and roars."

Okay, different text types. Fucking kill me now please. Is this necessary? Can’t just - I don’t know - write? Yep, just hold the readers’ hands some more like they just learned how to read this trash.

Apparently Author doesn’t think we can tell what’s what.

We are evidently blind.

____________________________________________________________

(Jacob’s POV) Year 850. Trost, 2:45.

I just love it when writers think they have to announce whose perspective it is. I mean, it’s not like we could have figured it out by ourselves or anything.

Me, Armin and Eren (Him and Armin are two of my three friends)

*Prolonged sigh* Show, don’t tell. Show, don’t tell. Show, doN’T TELL. SHOW, DON’T TELL.

Coffee… Do I need to get Katherine’s pan to smack this author?

…..Yes, probably. No correction, absolutely. Get the pan.

were running across the roofs of houses and buildings, well they had their 3D Maneuvering gear ready to scale the next building while I could just jump up on to (Onto. Spellcheck is your friend) it.

Right, right, right. Why would the OC need something that everyone else needs? Guess who earned a gold star for a “very good job”! ☆

HURRAY! Good job buddy!

I look back to see a Titan jump up and bite Eren's leg off.

What..? There was no prior indication that this was a problem. We’re just… going right to it, eh? Skipping everything else and interjecting Gary Stu into only the important, plot related stuff, huh?

Author is costing on plot hoping readings fill in the gaps.

Armin screamed out to him while I turned around and jumped the gap between my building and the roof with Eren, I slashed the Titan's nape as it turned to attack me, (AND) it fell with a loud thud.

Fucking Mary Sues man. Fucking run on sentences. Armin must’ve been screaming for some time while the OC did all of that.

Well all Armin does IS scream so I assume he’s good at it.

No, he screams Eren a lot, let’s get it right.

" Eren!" I shouted as I land next to him. " Are you ok man?", my answer was Eren smacking my with the hilt of his left Blade.

 Sure, he lost a leg, I’m sure he’s fine bud.

Tis only a flesh wound.

Monty Python away!

YAY!

" Of course not. But I'm fine, just go protect Armin!" Eren shouts at me. ' HE'S MISSING A FUCKING LEG AND SAYS HE'S ALRIGHT!?' I scream in my head as I jump back to stop a 10m Titan from eating Armin, who was still running. I raise my Blades high above my head, opened my mouth and shouted.

*Tying noose around neck while whistling* Hard to tell who's worse, Katherine or Jacob. Either way I’mma go on vacation. *kicks stool*

" I'MA GONNA MAKE ME A TITAN BURGER!"

LAAAAAAAAAAAAME

That is a really lame catchphrase.

Why did I think of a Simpsons character?

My Blades came down on the Titans nape, I worked fast to carve the nape out and slay the monster. " You don't eat my friends (COMMA) bitch!" I exclaim while flipping the dead Titan off.

How old are you? Twelve?

Remember, angsty teen must always flip at least one thing per episode.

Yes, lets flip of the creature that’s already dead. Was there even a gesture for this back then?

I look over at Armin and laugh, only to realize he had made his way to Eren (I guess while I was distracted he saw a Titan close to Eren).

You guess. And what’s wrong with him going to support Eren? It’s not like he can just walk out of there. Nope, just gonna leave him there to die I suppose.

For plot! :D KILL ME!

Such a good friend.

I jump the gap, only to be too late as I see a grey bearded Titan EAT Eren, leaving only his arm, which had hit Armin in the face. To be honest I have to admit that it was comical.

HAHAHA, MY FRIEND JUST GOT EATEN AND MY OTHER FRIEND IS PROBABLY TRAUMATIZED! HAHAHA SO FUNNY!

HOLY SHIT IT’S SANTA TITAN! But I’mma admit, I did laugh when the arm hit Armin.

" EREN!" Armin and I shouted.

Noooooo not the overly angry German! Nooooo!

It’s better for him this way. Goodnight, sweet prince.

I knew there was only way to save him…

Do I need to say anything about this or..?

Best to leave it be.

but it was too risky and he would probably die of blood loss if I wasn't fast enough.

I assume this Only Way was to A: Kill the Titan or B: The Deadly Secret. Fuck I don’t care anymore! COFFEE! GIVE ME THE RUM!

You better share.

Would you like ice with that?

Of course boss. I always share -,-

So I cursed myself for not helping but ran and picked up Armin before the Titan could get him. Armin was to (TOO) shocked to notice anything.

“I can’t do anything about this except for the fact that I can and no, this may or may not bother me in the near future. If it does, it’ll be for the ANGST. Oh, right Eren’s dead, better save my other not-friend so it looks like I accomplished something.”

“Look at me! I’m the Stu! Everyone should just accept the things I do and not question it!”

You cursed yourself for not helping? You didn’t have a problem about not helping before.

' Eren...I'm sorry... But I WILL kill every last Titan to avenge you!' I thought as I quickly escape the Titan.

Whelp, he’s dead. Better say something to remind the audience that they were friends with as little emotion as possible and vowing revenge.

*coughs*OVERACHIEVER!*coughs*

Revenge fixes all Titan problems. If not satisfied, you’ll get your money back guaranteed! Just pay two payments for the low low price of 19,999,999,999,999,999,999.99! Pay processing and handling.

In fifteen minutes I found Connie Springer, Sasha Blouse, Ymir, Annie Leonhart, Jean Kirstein, Bertolt Hoover, Reiner Braun, Krista Lenz and Mikasa Ackerman (My other friend and secret crush).

Ha, who needs these losers? It’s not like their actual characters with depth or deserving of any actual description or personality. Who cares? Just drop their names and we’re good. Am I right?

AHAHHAHHAHAHA, Cos yes, nobody knows who any of these people are now so let’s add a sentence of just names.

And of course Mikasa is targeted for “love interest”. Mikasa’s first priority is Eren’s safety; the Stu wouldn’t stand a chance. Get out while you can.

-is being sucked into a black hole- Coffee! HELP!

Shhhhh, it’s better this way.

I drop Armin as I put my hands on my knees and pant heavily while the others all come over to us, mostly to see what was wrong with Armin. Mikasa came up to me, (PERIOD) I could see the worry in her eyes.

They all walked together in a collective bunch. Clearly they’re not busy with anything like titans in the city.

Speaking of eyes, I need to drench mine in bleach.

" Where(APOSTROPHE)s Eren!?" She asked me. I looked down at my feet, still panting.

I don’t know, probably digesting inside Santa’s belly.

Maybe if you weren’t standing around waiting for the plot to come to you, you’d know.

" Titan.. (CAPITAL)ate...him.." I manage to breath out between breathes (breaths).

But it’s okay, because I, the main character, am safe with no emotional scars from the death of my apparent friend.

I used my fangs to scare the titan off, of course it wasn’t mentioned. Apparently.

I straighten up some more so I stood at my full six foot two height. I look down at Mikasa as her grip on her Blades tightens,(PERIOD) her eyes narrowed as she walked passed me before jumping and taking off with her gear.

To get away from all of these run on sentences.

To get away from the Stu or Stus.

To get away from the plot. 

" MIKASA!" I shout as I try to grab her ankle, but she was just out of my reach.

Good!

RUN MIKASA! RUN!

I look back at the group and stare at them all, my bangs moved out of the way of my left eye. The bright glowing,(NO COMMA) slit pupiled yellow eye bore holes into the group's souls. I spoke one command in a deep and dark voice. My sharp canines gleamed in the sun's light.

If you were any edgier, you’d be a triangle.

Any edgier then that and he’d be a pyramid

He keeps mentioning his bangs so much that he’s become a tassel. A toothy, triangle, little tassel.

I could swear to God that I saw Ymir turn a ghost white.

Your angst is scaring them. Stop.

Oh god not shiny fangs!

" Stay with Armin."

“He’s pretty much useless.”

“I, the Stu, shall retrieve Mikasa alone!”

With that I jumped off after Mikasa. I dropped my gear (Keeping my Blades)

You don’t need parenthesis if you juST WRITE PROPERLY.

-Tosses empty bottle away- Whelp we’re outta rum again.

by the group as I did so. ' Mikasa...please don't get eaten or killed'" YAHOOOOOOOO!" Was heard by the group as Jacob soon disappeared from their sight.

Why are you referring to yourself in the third person? If this becomes a problem, Coffee is going to kick your ass, just as sure as she’s tearing apart your awful writing skills.

Permission to prepare the ceremonial noose, ma’am?

Permission granted

(Below is the thought the rest of 104th Trainees Squad)

' Did that just happen?'

Actual writing; who needs it?

Gee I don’t know, did it? Cos if there was action and words, it happened.

(Back to Jacob's POV)

You never changed perspective in the first place.

ಠ_ಠ My brain hurts.

I jumped from roof to roof after Mikasa, I had to dropped my gear to make myself lighter

YOU JUST DROPPED YOUR GEAR BEFORE THIS DAMMIT!

┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

, even while I run at full speed (Which Dot Pixis had recorded to be close to 50 mph, without any gear on)

You want to know how fast Usain Bolt can run at maximum? 28 mph. You’re trying to convince us that this Gary Stu can run almost TWICE as fast as the fastest runner without much training or experience?

I’m calling God mode. Someone get an admin. Oh wait, I am one.

I couldn't keep up with her.

For plot convenience.

Even though I could’ve used my gear to catch up with her, why did I think RUNNING would help? Oh, just to SHOW OFF MY STU-NESS!

I could tell she was using her gas in large bursts to increase her speed. Bad idea cos (BECAUSE, YOU CRETIN) you lose A(SEPARATE WORDS)LOT of gas that way. I growl in a very wolf-like manner

Wink wink, nudge nudge, tap tap, hit hit, SCROTAL PUNCH

We need a gif for a nut shot, PRONTO!

as I grip my Blades tighter, causeing (CAUSING) the hilts to creak and break, I drop them as I close my eyes in frustration... Bad idea again. I'm quickly grabbed by a Titan, a 15m Smiling Titan. ' This can't be happening!'

THE END

HAHAHAHAHHA NOPE!

" MIKASA!" I shouted out to her...but I think she didn't hear me over the sounds of dead Titans falling down.

She didn’t respond because she doesn’t care about you.

She saw you jerking off in the bushes at Training Camp -,-

 The massive jaws close down, just missing my head... I slid down it's (ITS) throat to my doom.

Suspiciously sounds like what happened to Eren a few paragraphs ago.

So original.

' I never even got to tell Mikasa that I loved her...'

…Seriously?

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻  FUCK IT!

Your waifu will never know. At least she can’t point-blank reject you.

Time skip: Where Mikasa has only a single Blade left and is cornered by a Titan.

Yay, more lazy writing. FUCK YOU

DAMMIT!

(Nobody's POV)

Who the hell is Nobody and why aren’t they the main character instead?

Nobody is my favorite person.

Best character.

Mikasa stood back up from her knees, Eren's words about fighting for survival echoing in her mind. She was about to try and charge at the Titan when a 15m Titan with a muscular build, fleshless jaw that revealed the odd arangment (ARRANGEMENT) of teeth, bright emerald eyes, pointed ears and long brownish black hair ran out from behind her and slammed a fist into the other Titan's head. The result was a dead Titan and a new one standing over the body, screaming/roaring.

Well, that escalated quickly.

No smooth transition! EVER!

" NNNNNAAAAGGGHHH" (YOU TRY SPELLING OUT A TITAN SCREAM/ROAR!)

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHH! Did I do it? (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

Mikasa stared on in shock at seeing a Titan kill another of it's (ITS) kind. The new Titan ran of (OFF), searching for more Titans to kill. Mikasa shook her head and used her gear and little amounts of gas to find the others.

What about Eren? Mikasa, focus! That’s why you ran off in the first place.

 I’m sure everyone else is still on that singular roof.

To her shock they were still were Jacob had dropped Armin off. " Why are you all still here?" She questioned. Connie answered for everyone.

That’s what I want to know.

Called it.

" After you took off Jacob's bangs moved away from his left eye...it...it.. IT BORE HOLES IN OUR SOULS MAN!"

Much like how this story bores holes into my brain.

His hair moved and you saw his differently colored eyeball. Oh no, the horror. *deadpan*

Oh dear lord save us all. -___-

The teen shouted.

So, I have this rant I’ve been holding in for awhile.

Are you KIDDING me? You FUCKING ESTABLISHED who was talking already! Why do you feel the need to refer to him as “the teen” instead of giving him a proper description? THAT IS LAZY WRITING. ALSO do not use “shouted” or any other verbs as dialogue tags! Do you have any idea how awful that is to read? ALSO, is Connie a FUCKING FLOATING HEAD or something? Is he doing ANYTHING ELSE besides standing around and SCREAMING? WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?! Are they just standing around too? GOD DAMN IT.

YOU’RE A LAZY ASS WRITER! I HAVE SEEN LITTLE TO NO ACTUAL PLOT LINE WHAT SO EVER! I get this was written in 2014 but that’s no excuse!

Ymir rolled her eyes, smacked Connie upside his bald head and looked at Mikasa.

I assume with a look of disdain paralleling the current state of my face right now.

The Pan can help with that.

The pan always helps. (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

" Your friend Jacob left his 3D Maneuvering gear and ran off after you,(PERIOD)

“Good riddance, right?”

Yes we know, it was stated that he dropped his gear…..twice.

My brain hurts. COFFEE! ANOTHER ROUND OF RUM! Shit forgot, Tea didn’t buy any more. DAMMIT! BRING VODKA!

he told us to stay with Armin in this...this...just overpowering voice. Even Annie and Reiner stayed."

Apparently no one has the balls to oppose the Stu. Or were they sincerely hoping that he’d get himself killed?

I mean, I’m pretty sure Reiner could beat the hell out of Stu. Wait, read ahead, he can’t, Stu gets worse.

The tall girl said. Mikasa looked surprised. Jacob had followed her... Then it hit her.

Turns out a titan had found them standing around in a big group and decided to have a light snack.

GOOD END 1

HAPPY ENDING!

" Wait, if he followed me but didn't come back that must mean that..(... CAN’T EVEN DO ELLIPSES RIGHT) Oh God no.." She fell to her knees, a small tear made its way down her cheek.

Why is she crying for this Stu? And she just forgets about Eren?

Nobody likes the Angry German.

Everyone looked at her.

“Sorry Mikasa. You’ve been infected by OOC syndrome. I’m afraid we have to put you out of your misery.”

Could be worse, she could’ve been the Draco to Ebony.

I believe you mean “Enoby”

" 'Oh God no' what?" Sasha asked, her eyes filled with fright. Armin looked up from his spot, still having tears in his eyes. ' Where(APOSTROPHE)s Jacob... W-Whose gear is that..?' Where (WERE) his thoughts.

Really Armin? Did you not pay any attention to the Stu’s display of teenage edginess?

Armin was too busy being the only character traumatized by his friend’s death.

" I think what Ackerman-san is trying to say is that it's quite possible that Patrick-san was eaten by a Titan." Said Annie as she stood up and dusted herself off,

Since when was Annie Japanese?

“This is anime, so they must all be Japanese right?”

She’s Russian right? Either way “Since this is an anime I have to use Japanese honorifics.”

Ymir nodded in agreement while everyone else had horrified looks.

Everyone should take a page from Ymir’s book and not give a fuck. Remind me again why anyone cares for the Stu?

Maybe he was a fun person at camp?

Because he is “Author-Avatar-san”. He is loved by all.

" But what I want to know is why Mikasa took off." Sasha said as she wiped a tear away.

Where were you, Sasha? Weren’t you right there when the Stu revealed that Eren was eaten?

She was busy eating bread and taters.

In her defense, who doesn’t like bread and potatoes? They are significantly more interesting than this drivel.

DAMN.

Mikasa herself answered While (LOWERCASE) she wiped he small tears away. " Jacob...he told he and Armin saw a Titan eat Eren." This time everyone (minus Annie and Ymir) gasped. Connie stood up.

WHAAAAAAAAAT? WHAT WERE YOU ALL DOING? WHERE YOU ALL ENAMOURED BY PAINT DRYING OR SOMETHING? YOU WERE STANDING THERE. HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW THIS ALREADY?

YAY FOR DRY PAINT!

" Now what?! HQ is overrun with Titans so we can't get gas! Jacob, who was one of the best trainees,

Of course he was, but we wouldn’t know that because it was never established in the story!

Sure, I can he would be a good Trainee… If he wasn’t such a damn Stu! WHY THE FUCK DOES HE NEED ABSURD SKILL!?

is dead along with Eren!

You know, just as a side note.

Cos I’m sure we all forgot Eren again.

We(APOSTROPHE)re all going to die!" The worried teen exclaimed.

Why must you test me so?

-Hands rum- Here, helps with headaches till the morning.

Everyone nodded their heads in agreement seeing as this was true. Then Mikasa remembered that new rouge(SPACE)Titan she saw.

“Oh right, that thing seemed kind of important. I probably should have said something sooner, but for some reason, I needed to cry and sniffle over that Stu.”

“But I’m sure they’ll see eventually.”

" Wait... When I was cornered by a Titan a 15m class Titan came out of nowhere and KILLED the other Titan." She said. Everyone looked at her like she was crazy. Reiner spoke this time. " Don't be stupid Ackerman, Titans don't kill their own kind."

“-Despite the fact you’re probably one of the most trustworthy people here and the city is under attack. We just might have believed you if you weren’t infected with OOC syndrome.”

Sums that situation up nicely.

Annie nodded in agreement. Mikasa rolled her eyes and spoke again. " If we could lure this new Titan to the HQ we could use it to kill the other Titans. And if you don't believe me look behind yourselves." And just as she said that everyone turned around just in time to see the rouge Titan punch the head of another 15m Titan off.

This story gives me current traumatic stress disorder.

YAY~! -kicks stool and hangs again.-

Everyone looked surprised till Mikasa took off again, most regained their wits and followed her, leaving Armin and Connie.

And they didn’t leave because…?

Well so did Armin go with the them or is he still being a bitch?

" Come on Armin, lets help the others with Mikasa's plan." Connie said, as he helped the still shocked blonde up as they looked down at Jacob's now missing gear. ' Mikasa must of picked it up.' Connie thought as he and Armin followed the others to carry out Mikasa's idea.

Well, that was pointless.

(ʘ‿ʘ) I really want to burn this.

Just as they had all left, the very same Titan that ate Jacob appeared, but something was off... It's smile was some(THIS IS ONE WORD, JACKASS)how a frown.

Simultaneously. A smiling frown if you will. Otherwise known as an oxymoron.

Herpaderp! Look at me creating impossible expressions!

Then there was a deep, primal and beastial (BESTIAL) growl, but it wasn't the Titan.

It’s okay. I’m fine. I can handle this. I swear.

Oh god… Here we go again.

Then all of a sudden the Titan exploded as something ripped it's (ITS. THE WORD YOU WANT IS ITS) way out of it's (ITS, AS IN POSSESSIVE PRONOUN NOT IT IS) stomach.

It’s a-me, Hercules~.

Once the Titan's blood stopped falling from the skies (COMMA) a very strange creature roared into the skies, the roar was loud, primal and sounded like a Grizzly Bear's roar mixed with a wolves howling.

KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT.

BURN IT WITH FIRE!

The creature was fifteen meters tall, it had a wolf-like head with two very large canines poking out from it's (ITS) lips. It's body was muscular and man like, but it was covered in shaggy jet black fur, the arms came down to it's (ITS. ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER)waist, but the hands were not man like. They had a due claw instead of a thumb, meaning the four finger like toes had to do the gripping, each of which had razor sharp claws that were two feet in length. The creature's legs were like a dog's hind legs, the feet were large paws with claws, (AND) there was no tail. But what stood out was (WERE, UNLESS THIS SON OF A BITCH WAS A CYCLOPS) the monster's eyes.

It was almost as if the monster was saying “Do it now, kill me. Come on, kill me. I’m right here. Kill me now.”

It’s hands stop at its waist? BWAAHAHAHAHHA! IT HAS BABY ARMS!

Can anybody say wannabe werewolf?

The right one was a deep blue with a round pupil and glowed while the left was a bright glowing yellow with a slit pupil.

Wait a minute. I recognize those angsty-borderline-constipated looks! Y’know, with a slit pupil…

Shouldn’t that say slight? Like in his bio?

Nope because who needs consistency?

The monster roared again as it dropped to all fours and charged towards a large group of Titans, a group that was in front of 104th Trainees Squad.

Let’s just do a mic check here.

Wow, that must have been some high quality paint watching if they didn’t notice titans approaching.

Or if they didn’t hear this thing roar twice.

As the wolf-like creature got closer the pounding of it's (ITS. USE THE SPELLCHECK) paws on solid ground got louder, this in turn caused Connie to look back. His entire face became a ghost white.

Becoming a ghost is your only way out.

Cos he’s Danny Phantom.

Oh, so I guess this hand grenade won’t work then?

Don’t waste our last grenade dammit.

The flamethrower then?

Y’all are running my joke into the ground.

He shouted out in horror. " WHAT THE FUCKING HELL THAT THING!?"

“WHY AREN’T WE KILLING IT?!”

PLOT CONVINCE!

This fic is painful to read.

At Connie's shout everyone else looked back as the creature bounded up to them, then past them, then right into the group of 15m Titans, and there at least six of them.

“Oh shit. Did you guys notice that? I didn’t.”

“Did you guys remember those roars we heard? No? Okay!”

EVERYONE

MORE UNNECESSARY EMPHASIS

YAY~!

was shocked to see the furry beast lunge past them and into a group of Titans of the same size. But were more shocked to see it land on it's (ITS) hind legs and stand upright like a human. The trainees stopped and landed on a nearby roof.

“Hang on a second! Let’s take a selfie!”

“Duck faces everyone!”

" Someone answer me! What IS that THING!?" Connie yelled at the others. Ymir looked over at the creature and stated the most obvious thing.

Relax, Connie. If you keep asking questions like that, you all just might have to do your job.

Lord forbid we actually use our training and get in Stu Wolf’s way.

So we’re just going to stand around and stare like a dead fish….?

" Well obviously it's a giant wolf." Pretty much everyone sighed at the statement.

It’s clear that literally no one cares enough to do anything besides state the obvious.

-bashes head in wall-

" We can see that, Ymir." Reiner said.

“Still not doing anything about it though.”

Mikasa looked over the Titans and wolf-beast. The monster had it'(NO APOSTROPHE)s jaws on a Titan's throat out, ripping it out before swiping it's (ITS. OTHERWISE YOU’RE SAYING IT IS) claws across the Titan's nape, killing it. Then another Titan bit into the creature's shoulder. The result was a pain filled roar, which drew the attention of a new comer. The Wolf turned around and tore into the attacking Titan. A new sound filled the air as the Rouge Titan, the one that saved Mikasa, jumped over the building with the trainees on it and onto another Titan, punching it's (ITS FOR FUCK’S SAKE) head off in the process. The wolf creature lifted it's (ITS *RAGE*) head up it's (ITS. SILENCE! I KILL YOU) kill, it was eating a dead Titan, to stare at the new comer.

So Mikasa, didn’t you have a plan or something? Does your plan involve sitting and staring as the plot progresses in front of you?

How can you eat a Titan if their body’s literally starts decaying right after death?

Both wolf creature and Titan had a small stare down. (COMMA, NOT PERIOD) Which then ended as they both went to killing the Titans.

“HAHA, GLAD THAT’S OVER. KILL YOU SOME OTHER TIME, GARY STU.”

“NICE MEETING YOU BUDDY!” Is only what I imagine they said.

(Mikasa's POV) I stared at the gory and brutal battle in front of me and the others.

“I have become quite skilled at this.”

“I should start a business.”

Connie was shaking, Armin pretty much almost entered a shock induced coma and everyone else were (WAS) either shocked or scared for their lives.

“Seriously, we’re just as lazy as this writing.”

Yes watching a bunch of creatures being brutally murdered could be scarring. BUT YOU ARE TRAINED FOR THIS! TAKE ACTION!

A shock induced coma? You could just say, oh I don’t know, PASSED OUT.

I turned back when I saw the large monster wolf start to eat a dead Titan like it hadn't eaten in a month. I look at the others.

“Hey, do guys wanna go grab some burgers or something?”

Again, you can’t eating a body that decays rapidly.

" We can't stay here, we need to get out of here while they kill the last Titan! C'mon!" With that I took off with the others in tow. Behind us I could hear the wolf's monstrous roar and the Rouge (ROGUE) Titan's screaming/roaring.

Quickly now! Run with your tail between your legs!

Okay, this is really hurting my brain.

The eye's (EYES) of that giant wolf thing looked so familiar... But I can't put a thumb on it.

“Weird, it’s almost like that angsty loser that got eaten earlier. I hope he doesn’t come back in some convoluted werewolf-wish-fulfillment that has absolutely no place in this world…”

*coughs*readahead!*coughs*

(Nobody's POV)

Nobody is the best character. Oh yes, they are the best.

As the trainees left, the last 15m Titan was killed by the Rouge (ROGUE. SPELL CHECK MOTHERFUCKER) Titan. The large wolf then dropped to all fours and ran off towards HQ, which had many Titans around it. The Rouge followed, but it wanted to also kill the large wolf monster as well.

“NO HARD FEELING BRO, BUT I’M GONNA KILL YOU AFTERWARDS.”

“NAH MAN THAT’S OKAY!

Time Skip: After All the Titans inside and outside HQ are killed.

Wolf beast and Titan, both fifteen meters tall, both deadly...both had kill in their eyes.

You might want to rinse out your eyes before they get infected. On second thought, don’t.

Too late! -rips eyes out and dips them in bleach-

Then in a powerful lungeing (LUNGING) punch the Rouge (ROGUE YOU HAVE ACCESS TO THE TECHNOLOGY. USE IT) had knocked the Wolf down, then the Rouge jumped onto the Wolf's chest before repeatedly punching it's chest and head. This in turned angered the creature a(TWO SEPARATE WORDS)lot M(LOWERCASE)ore then(THAN) it already was.

FINISH HIM.

K-K-K-KOMBO BREAKER

In a stroke of seconds

It was a backstroke to get away from this trash.

In a stroke of seconds Stu was finished with his bush.

the Wolf had turned the tables by using it's powerful hind legs to kick the Titan in the gut, causing said Titan to be thrown off and into the side of HQ, this caused the Trainees and some Garrison cadets to stumble in their places and some rubble to fall down to the Wolf roared it's Grizzly Bear/Wolf howl roar, this caused a few 10m Titans run out all directions and to attack both the Rouge and Wolf, both were throwing Titans at the other or trying to hit the other with a dead Titan.

(Coffee.exe has stopped working.)

Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again?

Don’t waste dammit.

Soon the smaller Titans were dead or thrown away like broken toys. The rest of the fight lasted ten minutes as Titan and giant mammal brutally attacked the other. Large bodies slammed into each(SEPARATE WORDS)other. Body parts were lost and teeth knocked out of jaws. Bones were broken.

Cos y’know, can’t have a fight without extensive damage.

What’s a description?

The Rouge was missing it's (ITSITSITSITSITSITS) left arm from the elbow and down and it's face was badly damaged, there were dozens of deep claw marks all over the Titan's muscular body.

All this isn’t needed.

Too much detail on literally everything that isn’t important.

The Wolf was missing it's (ITS MOTHERFUCKER) whole right arm, its

left eye and a few teeth. Hell it was missing some patches of it's (ITS, I THOUGHT WE MADE PROGRESS, GOD DAMMIT) jet black fur. There were some broken bones within the beast's body.

Seriously, stop.

Yeesh, stop. We get it already.

You just love prattling on and on don’t you?

Both were on their knees and panting heavily... Soon they both fell forwards. As soon as they hit the ground steam rose from both monsters. Soon there was a large cloud of steam.(COMMA) Hiding the large bodies.

FINALLY!

YES! DEAD, JUST THE WAY IT SHOULD BE!

Our prayers have been answered!

Everyone on HQ's roof stared in disbelief.

They quickly went back to doing nothing.

Yay, more painting drying!

They just saw the two monsters that helped them fight against their enemy fall down after both gained severe injuries. Mikasa's eyes widened when the steam cleared just enough to reveal the large bodies were halfway decaying with flesh still on the head and shoulders. But on the napes of both necks were two 'lumps'

I hope those lumps aren’t more cancer.

It is cancer. Stu cancer.

I’ll get the chemo ready.

The 'lumps' moved and tore as two human's (HUMANS) emerged halfway from the napes of the necks. Everyone in 104th Trainees Group knew who the people were.

Cos the Trainees can see that far clearly.

They have suddenly become more aware of their surrounds as soon as the action was over.

Eren Yeager and Jacob Patrick II, the supposed dead trainees.

Couldn’t just have stayed dead.

Tbh, I hate both of them. Stu’s just worse for being a damn OP copy of Angry german.

At least there isn’t more of the OC running around.

Mikasa jumped off the roof and ran towards Eren's semi-conscious body. " EREN!" She cried as she removed him from the nape fully and held him. Mean(ONE COMPLETE WORD ASSHOLE)while everyone turned and looked to see that Jacob was fully conscious and fully out of the nape.

Who gives a fuck about Eren? The Stu true main character is alive.

Whose Eren? The Angry German?

His already pale skin was even paler, like he was drained of life.

Eren, you would have been spared from this atrocity if you had died.

The Stu allows no deaths. o,,,,,o

But his eyes shone bright before they closed and he fell unconscious and almost face first into the pavement if he wasn't caught by Mikasa, who had Eren over her shoulder.

“Oh no, the Stu that I care about for some reason, even though Eren has always been my first priority and I really have no valid reason to care about the Stu in the first place.”

The one time Mikasa didn’t forget Eren was just to sling him over her shoulder like a dirty towel.

" JACOB!" She screamed, tears fell from her eyes more then (Than) they did when she saw Eren's body.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU DIE?”

“FOR THE PLOT BABY!”

Everyone on the roof had shocked faces... They just couldn't believe it... Jacob and Eren... both were monsters

The Stu more so. All the more reason to shoot on sight.

OH NO! Cos it wasn’t obvious Jacob was the wolf!

. (CAPITAL LETTER) one was what their enemy was and the other a very large canine monster. Only Mikasa was crying as she held both males close to her, one certain multi-color eyed boy had one final thought, seeing as she was holding them close to her chest, his head right one her...*coughs*..assests (ASSETS)..*coughs*.

Her financial assets.

PLOT TWIST, those weren’t Mikasa’s breasts. They were Armin’s.

PLOT TWIST! They were Bertolt’s sweet buttocks.

'Score...'

 Those were his final thoughts before he was smothered to death.

Everyone wants to die by them tig ol’ bitties.

____________________________________________________________ PHEW! That was the longest time I've ever spent on a chapter. Well, I'll see you all next time I update. JA NI!

(◡‿◡✿) You lying piece of shit. (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK IS JA NI, YOU WEEABOO PIECE OF SHIT!

CONCLUSION

Lazy writing riddled with easy-to-spot errors, author avatar, reduction of major cast to lazy eggs, and a terrible case of OOC for all involved but easy to make fun of; I give this a 2/10.

I give this a 2/10 for lazy writing, spelling errors and putting the original cast completely out of character as well as putting a shipping where one shouldn’t exist.

Personally...I wouldn’t rate this at all, but seeing as it’s a three year old story, 0.5/10. Why? Because it shat on werewolves, AOT fans, and the anime itself.

 Well, that was fun. Let’s never tackle this again. Agreed?

This story is pretty terrible, so I can agree that we should not tackle any more of this. There are more chapters though so I say light it on fire.

Yeah I’m not doing this hell again. ONTO THE NEXT STORY DAMMIT! We need more drinks again. Tea forgot to bring the rum. ಠ╭╮ಠ

 -Coffee, Tea, and Jagerbomb