#I’m glad that asexuals have gotten more noticed in the community but it seems that people use it to overshadow being aromantic at times

[sockdooe]

It really brothers me when people keep assuming I’m asexual. I’m aromantic. I never said I was asexual.

I’m not aroace. People keep assuming I am. I’m not.

I think and listen and watch sexual content. I shouldn’t have to hear every time that “oh I just never expected you to be that type of person”

Where have I ever stated that I was uncomfortable with those topics?

Not all aromantics are asexual or sensitive to sex.

No one assumes that all asexuals are aroace but everyone assumes all aromantics are inherently also asexual.

No we’re not. Some can be yes, but not all.

[canvas-the-florist]

Learning to Listen

Ships: Past Romantic Prinxiety, Romantic Intruality,

Warnings: Messy breakup, swearing, unintentional bigotry, mentions of sex, brief (VERY brief) making out

Summary: Virgil, Roman, Patton, and Remus move into a house together as housing during college. It works out great until Virgil and Roman breakup and Remus discovers some things that could complicate his own romantic relationship with Patton (none of the characters are unsympathetic they’re just stupid.)

Word Count: 1.8K

-

   “I’m just an over glorified fuck buddy to you, aren’t I?!” Virgil yelled through the thin walls and Remus flinched at the noise. Roman and Virgil decided to have an apparently much needed fight. He was glad that Patton wasn’t home to witness what he assumed was a breakup. Remus didn’t know whether or not he was going to have to comfort Virgil or Roman.

   “No! I just- Virgil you aren’t listening to me! Like you ever do!” Remus turned up the music in his headphones, despite it already at max volume. His eardrums were probably going to explode, with blood and whatever cartilage did when it couldn’t handle the stress of hearing.

   “Are you breaking up with me?!”

   “Yeah, VIRGIL, I think I am!” Remus was impressed that they had gotten to that part after two hours. But hey, they got there in the end, right? He heard the door of the room open and slam shut. He paused his music and looked up to see Roman looking deflated. Roman walked over and sat next to Remus silently. Remus didn’t say anything, not wanting to fuck up his brother’s day anymore, even though that sounded like fun. Roman screamed into a pillow and fell the back of his head onto Remus’s lap, slapping his phone to the ground. “Did you manage not to hear any of that?”

   “Oh I’m pretty sure your voice could’ve broken the windows if you tried harder.” Remus supplied. “I don’t know exactly what the fight was about though, you guys were talking like normal people at the point.”

   “What would you know about normal people?” Roman responded snarkily, before shaking his head softly and corrected himself. “Sorry. That fight was a lot, I’m not sure the adrenaline of it has burned out yet… Remus, is it weird that I thought we were doing really well? I didn’t even notice Virgil wasn’t happy with it. I really fucked up.”

   Remus thought briefly to his own dating life. He realized he related more than he wanted to. “Yeah, you really boinged that one, dude. But, I’m sure it’ll be okay. If it doesn’t work out I can decapitate Virge for you. He’s my best friend but you’re my brother.”

   Roman laughed lightly, and tears rolled down his face unto Remus’s legs. His laughter quickly turned to sobbing into Remus’s shirt until Patton came home from work 30 minutes later. He opened the door humming to himself until he saw the twins on the couch, Roman’s makeup running and generally looking like a mess.

   “Is… everything okay?” Remus shook his head and Patton nodded to himself. “Where’s Virgil?” That simple question got Roman to crumble down horizontally on the couch again. Patton thought to himself with furrowed brows about that response. Remus pointed to Virgil’s room and Patton followed, knocking on the door. He went in after a few seconds to see Virgil curled up in a ball, shaking and clearly not alright.

   He couldn’t even choke a word out. Patton closed the door and sat on the ground in front of him. Without questioning anything he opened up his arms in case Virgil wanted a hug. He did. “Okay kiddo, breathe in for four seconds for me. Now hold it for seven-”

   This went on until his breathing was stable. Virgil’s fist was closed around a piece of Patton’s shirt. “I shouldn’t have yelled at him.”

   “Do you want to talk about it?” Patton asked, tightening his grip. He had begun to suspect what might’ve happened and almost wanted to cry about it himself, but it wasn’t about him right now. “Not that you have to but if you need to, I’m here.”

   “No, my therapist has told me to communicate better. Which, ironically, what I was trying to do with Roman…” Virgil trailed off, loosening his grip of Patton’s shirt and looking up to his ceiling. He doesn’t really seem to want me other than to have sex and after mentioning that it eventually turned into a screaming match. And then he… then he broke up with me. I should’ve listened to him before but I didn’t. Patton I don’t know what to do.”

   Patton bit his lip for a second. Only sex, huh? He thought back to himself and Remus. They sort of had the opposite issue… This wasn’t about that though. Virgil still wanted a response. “I wasn’t there, Virgil, and this isn’t my relationship we’re talking about. I- do you want suggestions or do you just want me to listen without giving any opinions?”

   “Suggestions would be cool.”

   “Alright,” with that permission Patton tried to think of his best friendly advice. ‘Communication’ was usually always the answer but it was some sort of subsection of that Patton wasn’t sure how to explain. Listen to Roman? Be clear about your wants in a romantic relationship? It was hard for Patton to follow those in his OWN dating life. He realized more and more issues to bring up to Remus after this resolved somehow. “Well, it would probably be helpful to listen to what Roman wants in the relationship and have him listen to what you would want. And then… based on that, work on how to do that together or if that’s not compatible… Break off the romantic relationship because it would probably be healthier that way.”

   Virgil whistled lowly. “Dang, Pat. I was sort of expecting a follow your heart thing. But, thank you. I guess that would mean confronting the issues, which is quite honestly terrifying. I should probably do that now or something…” He stood up, holding his head from doing it too fast and made his way to the door. Patton remained on the floor a moment longer before following.

Remus was back to listening to music while Roman was scrolling on his phone as Remus played with his hair idly. Virgil grabbed the fabric of his jacket before walking to the loveseat. He heard Patton close his door and almost jumped out of his skin. He took a deep breath. “Roman? Maybe we should try again with that discussion… I don’t want this to be screaming. I like you, a lot. What do you say?”

   He made brief eye contact with Roman, seeing the dried tears and puffy eyes, but he nodded and sat up. Remus gave Virgil a raised eyebrow but said nothing. “Okay.” Roman croaked. Patton walked to the kitchen almost immediately to give both of them glasses of water to fight back against what the yelling and tears did to their throats. “You can start.”

   “Should we leave?” Remus asked, as Patton handed the glass to Virgil and then Roman. Patton sat down at the one chair in the room, but didn’t get comfortable just in case. “I mean it’s your conversation.”

   “You can stay. I don’t want to yell again. A mediator would be good.” Like it helped before, Remus thought to himself, but stayed put. Virgil cleared his throat with a small cough and took a sip of water. “I’m starting? Okay. I feel like I'm not getting a lot of romantic affection lately in our relationship that I would really appreciate. We don’t really kiss or anything and I would like to know if that’s because of me or not. You can go now.”

   Roman blinked and used a tissue from the side table to clean up his face as he spoke. “Thank you for telling me that, Virgil… I didn’t realize that you wanted affectionate stuff that badly. I feel like I don’t need that in my relationships and I’ve been questioning my sexuality and romantic orientations for a while. And I probably should’ve brought this up earlier but… I think I’m…” He looked down at the ground. “I think I’m aromantic.” He sounded like he was about to cry again. Remus looked at Patton with wide eyes.

   Patton returned the look as Virgil talked next. “Oh. Roman, I’m so sorry about the fuckbuddy comment, shit. I didn’t realize… but I’m proud of you for finding that out about yourself. Maybe it would be healthier if we broke up, huh?”

   Roman laughed, new tears falling down his face. The two embraced each other, laughing while crying. “Yeah, I guess we are breaking up then!”

   It would hurt for a while, and the change was definitely huge but it was better. But after witnessing that Patton and Remus knew that they had to talk. The only question was who would be the first to bring it up?

-

   Remus and Patton were on Patton’s bed, making out. Which was fine, neither of their roommates were home and it was fun. The issues came up when Patton’s hand went under Remus’s shirt. “Is this okay?” He asked. It all came crashing down when Remus shook his head no. They stopped immediately and fell onto the bed looking up at the ceiling next to each other. “We should talk about this. Not that you didn’t want to, just that we need to define better boundaries for our relationship.”

   “You’re right. We should talk about this.” Remus gulped. Apparently it was already happening. After two weeks but it still didn’t feel like enough time. “Patt, I love you… But I don’t know about fucking.”

   “Crass, but I get it. Are you… asexual?” He looked over at his boyfriend, who shrugged. “Well, that’s fine too. So no sexual stuff. Got it. Anything else that would cross the line that we should talk about?”

   Remus was tempted just to shrug again but didn’t. “I don’t know yet. After Roman finding out he’s aromantic I’ve been thinking. I still want to be with you, but can I give you everything you want in a relationship? I don’t think I… I don’t think I NEED or WANT sex at all, but I haven’t decided yet. I’m so fucking confused.”

  “I may want it, Remus but I don’t think it’s a need in our relationship.” Patton reassured. And he wasn’t lying either. He believed what he was saying, glad that his conversations with Janus had also gotten him to check his own wants and needs in general. “I think I’m alright like this, but it’s important for me to know for sure.”

   He reached out for Remus’s hand, and he took it. They looked up at the ceiling, with a feeling of clarity that helped them relax. It wasn’t really a change at all, but it gave reason to actions and made sure they wouldn’t make the other uncomfortable. And that was worth it.

Taglist: @vpow @loveroffandoms @yourfellowsmolgay @moth-bugs @vsem-5

[swimmingnewsie]

Of Coffee and Cookies- Chapter 17

Link to AO3 

---

“Come on, slowpokes! We’re going to be late!”

Elsa couldn’t help but laugh as her little sister rushed ahead, running and tumbling through the streets. Though admittedly it still made Elsa nervous, parkour was an active part of Anna's life now- a part that made Anna happier than she had in months. The pure joy on Anna’s face as she swung around on dubiously strong light fixtures was worth the minor scrapes and bruises she helped fix up at the end of the day.

“Oh no you don’t!”

She shook her head as both Kristoff and Ryder ran ahead as well. They had gotten so competitive in the wake of Anna’s newfound strength, always wanting to race when given the opportunity. It left some sense of normalcy that had been gone for the longest while. But unlike her companions, she felt no reason to rush. Softball had nine innings after all; it was okay to take her time.The warm spring sun felt perfect on her face, a light breeze bringing her peace and clarity of mind.

As April turned to May, the weather wasn’t the only thing that was improving. After her night in the emergency room, things changed quickly for Elsa. Berkeley Behavioral Health had ordered a genetic test for her, one that tested the compatibility of antidepressants with her body. And after years of the wrong medication, Elsa finally had something that worked. Between that and exercise and the increased sessions with her therapist, the highs felt good again and the lows weren’t as scary. It was incredible what just a few small changes made.

She felt better than she had in years.

She could work again. Her responsibilities were still stressful; her students still emailed her at two in the morning over their exam results or advice for their papers; her dissertation was still a mess. But the mess was manageable now. Nights that might have otherwise been lost to crying and sleeplessness had turned into only an hour or two of distress. The chains on her mind had loosened, not broken, but there was space to breathe again. Space for fun. Space for life. And to her greatest joy, space for Honeymaren, who had been by her side the whole time, even when things were tiring or frustrating or upsetting.

Elsa could finally repay her for the previous months in gentle kisses and sweet love. She could be there for all the little moments they had missed before: rubbing soft circles in her back as she lamented the awful PTA meetings she was forced to attend; holding her as she told her about the awful phones calls she had to make that day; smiling as her love got excited over a lacrosse match. Or in this moment, getting to watch the middle school softball team she had heard so much about at night.

The sound of a ball clinking against a bat drew her attention from her thoughts. The faint sound of cheering followed, unconsciously quickening Elsa’s steps towards the small field.

The stands were relatively empty, not that Elsa truly expected much different. It was a sixth grade softball game in the middle of Thursday afternoon; parents were the target demographic. But even for the light crowd, the kids in the dugout certainly filled the field with energy and excitement.

Well at least the kids on the opposite team. Maren’s girls for the most part, bless their hearts, were terrified of the ball. And being a home game, it would take a while to get past the top of the inning.

“Come on, Janie! You can do it! Strike them out!” Maren cheered enthusiastically from the side. Elsa couldn’t help but blush; Maren looked good in her coaching uniform, highlighting more than her authoritative attitude. She couldn’t help but stare at her-

“Quit gawking at your girlfriend! There’s baseball happening here!” Anna shouted from above her.

Elsa laughed, racing up the bleachers to her sister. “You stinker!” she teased, tussling her sister’s hair. “I’ll get you back for that.”

Anna laughed in return. "I'm not the one eye-fucking my girlfriend at a children's sporting event."

"Anna, language!" she jabbed before any of the parents could do the same.

Anna rolled her eyes before looking at Kristoff and Ryder. "Am I wrong?"

Ryder shook his head laughing. "Sorry, sis. I'm asexual as they come and even I can tell that's what you were thinking."

"You've never been exactly subtle, Els," Kristoff chuckled, only causing Elsa to blush more heavily.

Elsa glared at him. It was good natured, but she would kill for the teasing to end."Hush up and watch the game."

"As you wish, your majesty."

---

"Eye on the ball doesn't mean it's gonna hit you! You can do it, Megs!" Ryder shouted from the stands.

Even he had to admit, this year's team wasn't the easiest to cheer for. The girls were quite timid and afraid, especially of the spherical object that ran the game. But, dutiful brother and occasional waterboy, he would cheer them on day in and day out. Even if they hadn't scored in four games.

"I'm sorry, Coach's Brother!" A dejected preteen shouted back after striking out.

"It's okay, kid! You'll get it next time!"

Ryder sat back down, resting between two bleachers. The innings were moving slowly, but at least they were moving. He looked to the field changing and then to his friends around him. Maren was high-fiving her students, making any attempt to bring their spirits up. Elsa on the other hand was still eyeing his sister, with Anna not so slyly taking embarrassing pictures. And then there was Kris.

Kris was engrossed in something, flustered by something on his phone. It was cute, the way that he bit his lip and scrunched his brow. "You know the baseball's up here," he teased, poking his ex-boyfriend on the shoulder.

“Sorry,” Kris sighed, putting his phone down. “Guess I’m a bit distracted is all.”

Ryder huffed, looking back at their friends. “Seems you aren’t the only one. But I think I’m better to help you than them, don’t you think?”

“Maybe.” He stretched his back, smiling at the satisfying crack. “Just looking at jobs, but I- I feel conflicted.”

“What over, find something better than baristaing?” Ryder teased lightly. “You’ve been applying for weeks, did you get a hit somewhere?”

“Sort of.” Kris ran a hand through his hair, his eyes looking around. “They’re offering me a promotion at Mermaid’s. They want me to be the assistant store manager. They want to train me to run the whole damn thing.”

Ryder couldn’t help but smile. The promotion would mean the world to Kris. He would be able to fix up his car properly and finally have a regular schedule and probably so many other things. “That’s amazing, dude! That’s so exciting! Why are you excited?”

“I- I don’t know,” he said, nervously picking at some grout in the bleacher. “I would have to take some more classes and certification. More food safety and even some management and marketing classes at the community college. But- I don’t know. Weeks ago I was so desperate to get out of there and now they’re offering this position and it feels almost like a betrayal to me? I don’t know it’s stupid,” he shrugged.

“It’s not stupid, man. It’s a big decision. And it’s not one you have to make right now.” He gave Kris a pat on the back, turning to get up. “You know what will make this better?”

“Yeah, and what’s that?” he asked, with that dumb little teasing sound to his voice.

“Nachos,” he said point blank. “I’ll be right back.”

He headed straight down to the small concession stand. He tried to be as fast as possible, but perhaps he was a little too fast when-

“Shit, not again! I’m so so sorry. Are you okay?” A young woman with bright multicolored hair ran into him, sending his food falling. “Oh no, I’m so sorry. Let me get you a new one? Please?”

“Um, I’m okay. Are you okay?” he asked, brushing the last of his chips off of his shirt, a bit baffled by what happened. “You don’t have to, it’s not a big deal.” If he was being perfectly honest, he wasn’t sure who had run into who.

“No, no please I insist,” she said, helping to brush off a few crumbs. “I’m Gale,”

“Ryder,” he said, starting back to the stand. He was finally able to get a good look at her- no them. He noticed a pronoun button, pinned proudly on a t-shirt for the middle school. “One of your kids go here? I’ve been around for a while, but I can’t say I recognize you.”

“My nephew,” they said before turning and ordering. “I think he has a crush on one of the girls on the team. He certainly has a sudden interest in baseball, that’s for sure. But who am I to object? I’ve always wanted to share it with him. Glad I finally can.”

Ryder smiled. “That’s sweet. Some of my favorite memories were of my dad taking me and my little sister out to play. Definitely something worth passing-”

“Gale!”

Anna was shouting up from the bleachers. How the hell did Anna know them?

“Hey! How’s my favorite barista?” they laughed as Anna started to come down. “I was just going to text you! What are you doing tomorrow night?”

“I get off at 10:30. Pre-closer, so hopefully I’ll be out on time. What’s up?” she said, dusting herself off. “Ryder, this is my friend Gale. I met them at my parkour class.”

Ryder nodded, grabbing the food that was set out. “So this is that Gale? Nice to finally meet you.”

Gale blushed. “Talking about me?” they teased. “Hopefully good things.”

“All good things,” Anna said rolling her eyes. “Like how badass you are, how you always manage to beat me in a race,all sorts of good things.”

They laughed. “Well I’m flattered. Well I was going to text you and ask if you would want to come out with me to Oaken’s tomorrow night? They’re doing a fundraiser for some high school’s GSA. Karaoke and drink profit goes to the school. What do you say?”

“How did a high school manage to run a fundraiser through a gay bar?” she asked with a small laugh. Ryder nodded; he was thinking the same thing.

“I think the owner’s kid goes there,” they shrugged. “Nevermind that, what do you think?”

Anna pondered it for a second. “What do you think, Ryder?”

HIs eyes widened. Was she trying to get them together? What was her goal here? “I mean it sounds like fun. You should go.”

“Think I would be fine bringing some others?” she asked.

Gale nodded enthusiastically. “More the merrier. It’s for a good cause.”

“Perfect! Ryder, you tell Kris and I’ll tell Elsa?” She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before running off. “This’ll be fantastic.”

Ryder stood in shock for a second. “Um, sorry about that. Anna has a bit of a habit of-”

“Meddling?” they laughed. “I know. She kept trying to set me up on dates until I told her I was aroace.”

He didn’t think his eyes could get any wider. That’s why Anna was asking what he thought. “I- I’ve never- I’ve never,”

They tossed some of their hair back. “It’s okay. A lot of people don’t understand. Don’t worry.:

“No, no,” he said, putting a hand out as if to catch himself from stumbling over his words. “It’s just- I just realized it myself a couple of months ago. I haven’t met someone- not in real life at least- someone like me.”

Gale smiled. “Well Ryder, I will happily be your first triple-A friend: asexual, aromantic, agender.”

Ryder smiled back at them. “Thanks.”

“Come on, we’ve got some softball to watch.”

---

“Elsa, come on. You are not going to a gay bar in your professor clothes.”

Elsa tilted her head at Honeymaren. “What do you mean? I look good.”

“You look professional,” Maren said, wrapping her arms around her waist. She leaned her head into the crook of Elsa’s neck. “Besides, how am I going to dance with you if you wear that stiff shirt?”

Elsa laughed a little bit as Maren nibbled at her ear with a kiss. “You seem to be doing just fine right now.”

“Mmmmm,” she moaned softly. “Perhaps, but you’ll get hot so quick in that.”

“Oh, you’re worried about me being hot?” Elsa teased, reaching back to touch Maren’s hips. “Then what do you think I should wear, Oh Great Firemistress?”

“You are such a dork,” she said, sneaking one last kiss. Maren searched through her girlfriend’s closet, working past her usual work clothes. “What about this? I’ve never seen you wear it?”

“Never the occasion. A navy sundress isn’t exactly lab attire?”

“Hmmm, well good thing we aren’t going to the lab,” Maren smiled mischievously. “For me?”

“Well,” Elsa smiled, tapping on her chin. “Only if you help me take this off?” she teased.

“Oh, that I can absolutely do.”

---

Kristoff paced nervously in the living room. He hadn’t been out in a while, much less going out with his ex-boyfriend and their group of friends. But this would be fun right?

“How long does it take to get dressed to go out? Elsa is a stickler for time,” Anna sighed sitting down on the ground, her back against the couch.

“Well I don’t know if you noticed, but my sister is also in there with your sister. We could be waiting a while,” Ryder teased, handing her a controller. “Might as well play.”

“Uck-” Anna said, taking the offered controller. “Don’t make me think about the fact our sisters might be boning while we’re home.”

“Hey, I don’t like it either! Why do you think I put on Mario Kart?”

Kristoff smiled. Even after all this time, Ryder made his heart flutter. He shook his head and pushed it aside. He couldn’t act on it. It wasn’t right. “You know we could just go bug them to hurry up?”

“And risk burning my eyes out? Fat chance,” he laughed. “You want in next round, Kris?”

“Sure, I’ll play winner.”

Maybe going out wouldn’t be so bad. He could let loose of it all, be whoever he wanted for a night. It would be good. It had to be.

---

Anna didn’t know what to expect when they arrived, but it certainly wasn’t the dance club they arrived at. She hadn’t heard much about it other than seeing it on the news when it first opened, but Anna hadn’t been much for clubbing when she had first come to the city. It was everything the old Anna would have loved: loud music, a large dance floor, and plenty of people.

She fiddled nervously with the bands on her wrist. She had to admit, the club was pretty clever. There were a set of bands for the gender you identified as and a second set for what you were looking for. It had always been a passive thing, something she and Elsa had talked about, but she never brought it out in public. She had been too vulnerable after Hans to try and deal with it. But wearing the bisexual bracelet made it real, powerful. She could be her true self with no limits.

The music blared an old pop song she couldn’t but dance to. She smiled, letting herself move freely towards the bar where Kristoff was sitting alone. “What are you doing here by yourself?” she asked with a little more gusto than normal. “You’re at a dance club, and you aren’t dancing!”

“I don’t have that kinda rhythm,” he laughed, sipping on his whiskey. “Go, I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Now,” she laughed, a bit giddy. “Come on, the song is called “Shut Up and Dance” not “Sit Down and Drink.””

Kristoff shook his head, downing the last of his drink. “You’re drunk.”

“Maybe...” she slurred. Her mind did feel a bit foggy, but it was a good fog. A happy fog. A fog she wanted to share with Kristoff. “Come on, please?”

Much to her delight, he joined her in dancing. Neither were particularly good, but they didn’t have to be. She danced against him, her back to his chest and breathing in his scent. Normally the musk of sweat and alcohol would have turned her away, but she found herself wanting to draw closer.

“Having fun?” he asked as her movements slowed. Her limbs were tired, and she just wanted to hold onto his warm embrace.

“The best,” she said, breathless. “The best because you’re here and it’s fun and it’s really really nice.”

She felt his chest shudder, but decided to ignore it. “Best because I’m here?”

“Mhm,” she nodded. “I know you’re sad about Ryder still, but you came and are having fun.” Her eyes opened wildly, gaze unfocused. “You are having fun aren’t you? I’m sorry. I’m so awkward. I’ll shut up and-”

“No, no,” he gave a small laugh that made her whole chest feel like it was about ready to burst. “Just not what I thought you would say.”

Her body relaxed again against him. “I’m glad you’re having fun,” she said, her eyes getting tired.

“You wanna sit down for a bit? Have some water?” He was holding onto her hand, leading her off the floor. She nodded slowly, letting him lead her to a chair. “There we go. I’ll be right back.”

“Thanks, Kris. Love you.”

She didn’t watch as he walked away, didn’t notice or care how he reacted. She was happy and warm and a little drunk. Everything else could be taken care of in the morning. But for now, she would live in this one perfect moment.

[kinkymagnus]

Henlo!! I love your blog so much 😍 it gives me life and makes me happy when I have a bad day. I was wondering if you had any headcanons about Malec’s first time or something where Magnus is a nervous wreck cause he has to tell Alec that he’s trans? Thank you and sorry for the bother 😭♥️

y’all it is a CRIME how long this has been in my inbox, im really sorry and ur not bothering me at ALL i just love this ask and wanted to do it JUSTICE 👏

also im!!! so flattered!!! aaaaaAAAA im glad my blog can cheer u up :) 

okokok so trans magnus + malec’s first time + magnus being nervous about coming out lghkjgfh

ok i have no fucking idea why but i’m making this twi malec. i’m just. in the mood for twi malec i guess. fuck it amiright

magnus is just. he has a lot of secrets. there’s a reason he hasn’t gotten close to anyone in a long time, there’s a reason he only talks to two or three people who actually know him, there’s a reason he hasn’t been how he used to be--out and about, flashy and showing off and wearing armor made of glittering beauty and colorful silks and bold makeup, instead of comfortable cardigans and twitching hands and quiet. 

speaking of which: def headcanon twi magnus wasn’t always the way he is in that episode. he was a lot like canon magnus once upon a time, charismatic (well, he’s still charismatic, but like, in that bold flashy way, you know?) and open (closed off, but with the illusion of having all his cards on the table) and bold

anyway. there’s a reason. lots of reasons. mostly all the secrets he hides.

the fact that he has magic, that he’s immortal, a dusty relic of a time long gone, of an age past, clinging on past his due date. he feels like he doesn’t belong in the modern world, like he should have died with the shadow world, like he should have been sealed out with all the other demons.

the fact that he is a prince king of hell, son and slayer of the greater demon asmodeous himself. even tho he’s sealed it all away, he has a huge amount of power, both from just. originally being the son of such a powerful demon, a fallen angel, and also from managing to kill one.

i don’t think it fits with canon twi lore but i don’t care, i’m saying twi magnus was involved in the sealing of the realm, and he managed to kill asmodeous and basically absorb his power, so a) he actually did this huge incredible feat that changed the whole world, whether on purpose or not i’m not sure yet (it has something to do with asmodeous, but i’m not seeing the whole picture yet) and b) he’s actually. more powerful than canon magnus. it’s partially why he sealed away his magic for so long, he was afraid of what that power could do. 

honestly i dont have this super well thought out but i like the potential

but anyway! barely related to this! let’s get back on topic!

and. the fact that he’s trans. a decidedly more mundane secret, but still one he keeps close to his chest. he’s lived through a lot of eras with bad very transphobic times? like he’s lived through places/times with very accepting atmopshere, but he’s also lived in like, victorian england, you know? and canon magnus had a chance to be more out of his shell and open in the modern world but this magnus has completely closed himself off. he mostly talks to people other than his close friends to give them a tarot reading. he’s not like, totally cut off, i can’t imagine him like. not helping people. you know. idek. but the point is he’s more isolated. canon magnus was closed off in a lot of ways, but still surrounded by people. he had a job to do, people to protect, and parties to attend. not to mention going to pandemonium and stuff. twi magnus isn’t really doing that. man i really went on a tangent here but the point is i feel like that would contribute to how he feels about being trans. feeling isolated, having less friends to be open with and to help him you know? in my experience it’s a lot harder to feel like. valid? without that sense of community. even with a few close friends, it’s hard. if you’re “passing”, which magnus is, it feels like a secret. 

the point is! i am getting so off track! magnus has got layers and layers and layers protecting him, both literal and metaphorical (he doesn’t wear the more flashy and revealing clothing canon magnus occasionally favors, preferring thick and comfortable sweaters and cardigans and stuff like that. bonus headcanon: whatever happened that ended in asmodeous dead and the walls of the world sealed, it left magnus with more scars. not to mention top surgery scars he may have, or even just hiding a binder, or using thick layers to disguise small tiddies since binders are great but you can’t bind all the time or every day for centuries and still be like, healthy. anYWAY) 

and when he starts dating alec despite that little cautious voice in his head insisting he needs to not get attached, alec begins to just. effortlessly peel those layers away

he’s so blunt and honest, unlike people who have lied to and manipulated magnus in the past (CAMILLE, anyone? i feel like she’d still be a thing in the twiverse. also asmodeous, albeit in a different way) and he’s gentle and loud and bold and he’s funny and sweet and he just. fucking cares about magnus.

when he finds about magnus’s magic he’s like “oh my god that’s so cool” he just fucking accepts him so easily!!! 

and even when magnus ends up tearfully confessing he may or may not be a literal king of hell (or, one of the hell dimensions) alec’s like “damn, i’m dating royalty?” and maybe makes a joke about not everyone getting to make a king scream with pleasure and magnus is just so relieved???

but that’s later

anyway

they haven’t had sex yet and magnus is just like. he feels like inevitably this relationship is gonna fall apart. he has too many secrets, too many hidden parts of himself that if he ever shed light on, alec wouldn’t see him the same way

and as much as he wants alec to fuck him, as much as he wants to be in bed with alec and cuddle with him and have sex with him and show him everything, he feels like he can’t, it would be the beginning of the end

he keeps pulling back just as alec begins to initiate, and alec never pushes but wonders if he’s doing something wrong, or if maybe magnus is asexual, or just doesn’t want to have sex for other reasons, and eventually he broaches the topic with magnus and magnus is so surprised alec noticed something is wrong (he expected alec might confront him over not “putting out” but alec doesn’t seem to care about the sex--he makes sure to emphasize while he is attracted to magnus and would lvoe to have sex with him if that’s what magnus wants, it’s by no means a requirement--but more about. magnus. and communicating with him.) that he just blurts out i’m trans. 

and alec kinda blinks at him. his beautiful, wonderful, nervous and scared boyfriend. and he ends up blurting out oh thank god. because he would be more than okay with magnus not wanting to have sex--he’s super gorgeous and absolutely smoking hot, but alec doesn’t ever like, want to have sex with him unless magnus wants to. obviously. but he was honestly worried it wasn’t magnus but him, that he’d done something wrong or wasn’t attractive or something, and honestly worrying about something being wrong with him was not a feeling he was used to. then he realizes how bad that just sounded, and he’s like, aaaaaaaAAAA WAIT and ends up panickedly rambling like i mean sorry i just was kind of worried i was doing something wrong but like, i love you so much and you being trans changes nothing about that, and if you never want to have sex that’s totally okay and i love you, but if you’re worried about me still being attracted to you that’s not a problem, but-- and magnus is like y-you’re not?? but you’re gay! and i’m-- and you know that feeling of like. internalized [insert form of bigotry towards yourself, in this case transphobia]. where you think something bad about yourself. and if you think about it you’re like “no that’s transphobic i would never think that about anyone else” and your brain is just like “yeah it’s true about you tho” that’s this. magnus is like. i’m not a real man, how could you be attracted to me? and alec (not to be all Cis Savior, but look, magnus deserves a loving supportive boyfriend who comforts him and shit, okay! i am PROJECTING) is like yeah i’m gay and you’re a gorgeous, beautiful, stunning man? 

and they end up talking it out and get it sorted that yes, magnus does want to have sex, but it would be okay if one of them didn’t want to, magnus being trans does not make alec unattracted to him, it’s okay, they’re okay, because malec are Kings of Communication,

ANYWAY

ACTUAL FIRST TIME

probably not the same day, that day they cuddle and talk 

but like later

>:)

alec is just so gentle and reverent y’all. like. them big hands on magnus’s body, all warm and gentle and magnus is like oh fuck this is nice

they do have to kind of communicate boundaries--alec’s asks if there’s anywhere magnus doesn’t want to be touched because dysphoria (or any other reason) and vice versa, magnus trying to be like “you know if you only want to fuck my ass or have me wear a strap-on or anything like that it’s fine, i understand you’re not necessarily attracted to those parts of me” and alec’s like “we’ve established that you would enjoy me eating you out and i WANT TO EAT YOU OUT” 

their first time probably is pretty simple, “vanilla”, idk why but im thinking they just exchange oral sex tbh like magnus blows him and then alec eats him out 

also magnus cums pretty fast bc he hasn’t been touched like this in a long time and he’s very embarrassed about it but alec is like “damn that’s hot can i try to make you cum a few more times” 

ok but imagine their first time it’s just alec holding him down and eating him out until he sobs and squirts? yes

anyway tho they have like, lots of “other” first times too like. first time alec fucks his pussy. first time alec fucks his ass. etc. 

first time alec slides that Thick Dick balls deep into magnus’s cunt he’s for sure immediately on the edge of orgasming he’s so full and it feels so good--

and alec’s like holy SHIT bc he’s warm and wet and tight and he clenches every time alec praises him or dirty talks him and it feels amazing

first time alec fucks his ass is also very fun for both of them ;) 

it’s just a good time all around folks communication and magnus getting pounded the way he deserves :’) 

not to mention when they first start getting into kinks 

alec, carefully broaching the topic of bondage: how would you feel... about handcuffs?

magnus, barely looking up: mm, padded or not? and what kind of padding? the normal kind hurt my wrists after too long and not really in a nice way, so i like padded. furry can get a little itchy sometimes but they look real nice. also, are we talking above my head to the bedpost, and if so, am i on my stomach or back? because stomach is a little uncomfortable. or like, behind my back? especially bent over, mm. good view for you ;) 

then he like looks up and realized he’s said all of this very casually and alec’s looking at him with 1. shock and 2. lust 

like. “i wasn’t expecting this, but i really should have, and now i want to bend you over and tie you up and fuck you hard” 

and he blushes just a lil bit like o shit i just said all that and alec’s like “padded it is. behind your back or above your head... hm... both have potential, but maybe the latter? i love you on your back under me, i can see so much of your beautiful body and all of your gorgeous face :)” 

and like TOYS 

aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA ANYWAY

[sazandorable]

so im gonna do that AAW meme thing! cw: tmi about aza’s thrilling life, some cringey or vaguely depressing/upsetting anecdotes, some happy things in a silly way, and fandom

1.      Sunday, 21 October:

o   Describe your experience of finding out about asexuality/the ace spectrum.  What source(s) did you find it from? How did it feel to find out about asexuality? How did it change your life?

~Sherlock BBC fandom~! /o/ Yeaaaaah.

To be precise, the kink meme, on livejournal. just a random prompt asking for something exploring the arrangement between asexual sherlock and uhhh probably john but tbh i don’t remember that. maybe Irene. I’m almost sure this was right after the Scandal in Belgravia episode had aired, and that episode was why people were playing with the idea of Sherlock being uninterested in sex.

I don’t remember my exact feelings when I read that word, but I do remember that I was delighted at the concept (+ the discussion in the same episode about falling in love outside of your sexual orientation) and immediately convinced, that I jumped into researching asexuality, and that barely a few weeks later I was very deep in contemplating and musing about my own levels of attraction and sorting out all that stuff. I do think I just instantly realized this concept applied to me; I found the AVEN site and its definitions very fast, and grey-a felt good instantly. (I found demi later, and it took me a bit longer to claim it for myself, though I don’t remember much details about that.)

Like, years later I’m very much bitter about and Over™ Sherlock BBC, its writers, and that episode in particular and their stance on the sexualities and orientations of all their characters, but... it did bring me something very precious, that it would have taken me years to find out about otherwise.

It did change my life in that this is when I realized that I really, really, really didn’t have to date, have sex, marry or whatever “one day” if I never wanted to and I wasn’t “late” on anything. Took off a lot of pressure, and also made me stop trying to dub-con myself into accepting things I didn’t actively want just because I didn’t actively hate them.

2.      Monday, 22 October:

o   Talk about your coming out experience.  Of course, one many never be finished coming out, but you could describe how you came out to friends, what reactions you have gotten, how you have felt by coming out, and more.

Mm, two:

not quite coming out, and I don’t remember how it came up, but I mentioned “ok but what about asexuality” at my mother, perhaps a year or two after finding out about it, and she just scoffed and said “that’s not a thing, it’s just being scared of sex,” and I just... froze. Blanked out. Zoned out. Possibly shook a little. This was my first first-hand experience of being just... disacknowledged, erased, denied out of existence, and I had absolutely not expected it, nor the violence of it, nor the casual quality of that violence. I couldn’t say anything in reply, and I don’t think my mother noticed anything at all.

on another hand, I once explained to a gay male friend of mine that, well, I don’t call myself a lesbian, I like girls but I don’t call my super-duper-precious-friend my girlfriend, we are extremely close but we don’t have sex or really date, I’m asexual; and his reaction was “?? THAT’S SO COOL. That fits you! I’m glad for you that you can just do whatever works for you without following conventions about relationships! Cool, great!” and that just made my day.

3.      Tuesday, 23 October:

o   Describe your experience of confronting stereotypes.  There are many stereotypes or expectations of what being on the ace spectrum is like, but of course aspec people are just as diverse as any other group.  How have you defied or corrected these stereotypes?

uuhhhhh

Mostly this happens when I talk about asexuality with people who are questioning themselves, explaining the many different flavors it can come in, that yeah you can be asexual at the same time as enjoying sex, masturbating, having fantasies, wanting to date, etc. Not so much smashing established stereotypes, more confirming that nop this thing that you think would “disqualify” you from being asexual doesn’t, actually, you still might be, you’re not “fake”.

4.      Wednesday, 24 October:

o   Talk about positive representation of aspec people in media which has benefited you or speaks to you strongly.  Aspec people are not often represented in media, so it will be nice to see which representations have the strongest impacts.

*STANDS UP, VIBRATING*

TWENTYACETEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

This year I got two cases of explicit, confirmed, canon, accurate and nuanced representation with central characters in two series that were already extremely close to my heart, and I’m so happy about it!!!!

Spoilers for both fandoms!

1) Shimanami Tasogare: a recently finished manga about LGBT community. In one of the last arcs, we learn that the very central yet mysterious character Anonymous (Dareka-san) is asexual. Like, the character says it, in full letters, and it’s discussed a lot.

Well, it’s more complicated than that, because it’s set in Japan and written in Japanese and Japan has different approaches, concepts and vocabulary around asexuality than English-language; what Anonymous initially describes might be closer to what English-language would call aromanticism. But they also later go “Am I interested in sex, or not? Who knows :)”, with their potential interest in sex represented with them reading porn magazines, and they’ve already expressed that they’re not interested in dating, so as it happens they’re probably both aro and ace (in English terms) anyway. (In the same sequence, they also explain that they might be male, or female, and generally aren’t overly concerned with how people think of them, anything works for them.)

This brings the other characters to think some more about their own desires for love, sex, relationships, human contact... There is a beautiful scene where the main character thinks that knowing this lets him finally understand Anonymous, that this must be why they are so mysterious and detached and fleeting — and Anonymous tells him point-blank that nah. They’re not just their asexuality. Don’t reduce them to that. They’re not “anonymous” because they’re asexual, and vice-versa — those are just two incidental parts of who they are. They are a full person, who just happens to be asexual, and also to enjoy being anonymous and unknown and find freedom in living their life this way.

It was just incredible to read entire chapters dedicated to a central character talking at length about their asexuality, and also how they relate, not only to straight people, but also to queer non-ace people. In the end the main character still doesn’t quite get Anonymous, and that’s how they like it.

2) The Magnus Archives: an ongoing horror podcast that’s casually LGBTQIA-friendly. (Like, a lot of horrible stuff does happen to queer people, but that’s because there’s a lot of them, and I do think that statistically more of them survive than straight people. Equal opportunity horror.) I had been toying with headcanoning the main character Jon as asexual for a variety of reasons for a while, and then in an episode that aired a few months ago a character casually mentioned that “apparently [he] just... doesn’t. At all.” Asked to elaborate, the writer confirmed on twitter that yup, he’s written as asexual (though who knows if Jon would use that word himself, he doesn’t really think about it).

I’m especially delighted because this came up, in context, because Jon has dated. At least once. We know his ex, and she is super chill with him. This reveal also comes up in the same breath as the reveal that a male character seems to have a crush on him, and IMO the show seems to hint that said character is aware that Jon doesn’t do sex, and doesn’t/wouldn’t mind this if they were to date.

Jon did start out as the usual cold, rational, unempathetic character archetype (in fact, he’s very reminiscent of BBC’s Sherlock in early episodes), but by the time this line comes up, the listener knows that he actually cares a lot and is full of emotions. He’s shown to be very, very protective of the people close to him — though also very bad at it. And at expressing it. But, still around the same time of the ace reveal, he is making deliberate efforts to communicate more and value everyone’s feelings. And of course, being the central character, he’s a veeeeery developed character with tons of evolution and nuances, and a huge fandom fave. The reveal that’s he’s asexual has changed exactly nothing in the show; but, like I said, it fits him, he read as asexual to the point that I was suspecting it despite zero real textual evidence until then.

When this episode came out and I heard that line (... I actually had missed it on first listen), I was at work, and I just started almost crying at my desk.

And then I got to go around yelling about it at my fandom friends.

... And at my non-fandom friends.

[stardustacefics]

Defining the Self

Pairing: Jimin x Taehyung 

Summary: Taehyung and Jimin’s relationship has changed a lot over the years. During this time, Jimin finds out that he is asexual and Taehyung is worried that he is losing his soulmate.

W/c: 2k

“You are my soulmate. Longer than seven summers and cold winters. Longer than numerous promises and memories.”

~

2013

While Taehyung and Jimin didn’t get along right away, as time went by, they started to grow on each other. Taehyung’s box smile had the ability to make Jimin smile and laugh, even in the hardest of times. Jimin was always there to give comfort and support when Taehyung needed it the most. When they weren’t studying at school together, they were practicing in the studio together. They really are the best of friends.

~

2014

Okay, maybe Taehyung thought of Jimin as more than a friend. I mean, they were getting along so well now, and they have learned to understand each other better, but there was something else that Taehyung couldn’t quite figure out. Maybe it was the way that Jimin would wear his caps backwards hoping that it would make him look cool, but it actually made him look more adorable. Or it could be those mochi cheeks of his. Or maybe it was his abs… nope. Not going there. He wasn’t ready to go there. However, there was one thing that Taehyung was sure of. The way Jimin’s eyes sparkle when he is dancing… it makes his heart melt. He’s beautiful.

~

2015

Jimin had learned something about himself. This whole masculine persona that he used was making him uncomfortable. There was so much pressure to always be tough and stoic, but that just wasn’t him. He wanted to be authentic.

As always, when in doubt, Jimin went to Namjoon for advice.

Jimin knocked on the studio door. “Namjoon-hyung?”

Namjoon opened the door, smiling. “Hey Jimin-ie.”

“Could we talk?”

“Of course”.

Jimin walked in, and they both sat down. Namjoon looked at Jimin expectantly.

“If a guy doesn’t like to dress in a masculine way… is that… bad?”

“No”, Namjoon says gently, “It is absolutely not bad. People can dress however they want to. It’s not a matter of gender, but rather of personal expression. People should dress in a way that makes them feel the most comfortable”.

“If I wanted to dress differently, would that be okay?”

“You get to define yourself, Jimin-ie. Not me. Not the other members. Not ARMY. Just you. Just be yourself, and we will all support you. Always.”

Jimin smiled. He knew that Namjoon would be encouraging, and he always would be.

~

Jimin has really become more comfortable with himself, Taehyung thought. He had thrown away his hyper-masculine persona and become the soft, bright, and positive Jimin that he had known all along. It made him fall in love with him even more.

He wanted to tell him. He wanted to tell him that he liked him.

One night after they had finished practice, Taehyung and Jimin went down to Han River to take a break. The members had been practicing nonstop for weeks and they just wanted some time to themselves to relax. The sun had already set, and the stars were shining brightly in the pitch-dark sky.

“Do you believe in the galaxy?” Tae asked curiously as he stared up at the night sky.

“Yes. Do you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

Taehyung thought about it for a moment. “I guess, it’s so big. There are so many mysteries. I don’t think that we will ever really know what all is out there. Is it even possible?”

“Maybe not. But it is beautiful.”

They both stared at the sky in silence for a while, just enjoying each other’s presence. Taehyung stopped and turned to look at Jimin and smiled.

“You’re beautiful”.

Jimin looked back at him and saw this peaceful smile on his face, not the box smile that he has when he’s fooling around. He actually meant it.

“Taetae… are you trying to tell me something?”, Jimin asked with an evil grin.

“I like you, Park Jimin”.

“I like you too, my alien”.

Taehyung’s box smile appeared and Jimin started giggling.

~

2016

It’s too much, Taehyung thought. There was too much going on. They were all so busy all of the time. The members were putting all of their time and effort into the next comeback and he was absolutely exhausted.

“Alright everyone, let’s do the choreography for Blood Sweat & Tears again”.

He couldn’t. He just couldn’t do it.

“I…I need to go to the bathroom”, Taehyung said as he was already halfway out the door.

Jimin watched him as he was leaving and could tell that something was wrong, so he decided to follow him just in case he needed anything.

When he got to the bathroom, he could hear Taehyung sniffling from the other side of the door.

“Tae? Taehyung-ie? What’s wrong?”

No answer. Jimin sat down, leaning against the bathroom door. “Baby, what’s going on?”

“I’m… I’m so tired. There’s j-just too m-much… I can’t…”

“Shhh sweetie. It’s going to be okay.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

After a moment, Taehyung said, “Hey Jimin-ie?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t leave.”

“I never will.”

~

Jimin and Taehyung has been together for a few months, and as more time passed, Jimin started to get concerned. Not with Taehyung, but with himself. It’s not that they didn’t get along, but there were moments that made him feel bad. One time, they were both sharing some kimchi fried rice and Taehyung put his hand on his knee. It was nice, even a bit comforting. But when Taehyung’s hand started moving up his leg, he just felt… off, as if something wasn’t quite right. Taehyung must have noticed because he stopped. This wasn’t the only time that this had happened though. Another time they were kissing in the dorm, but when it started to get more intense, Jimin started to panic. He had made some excuse, saying he had to go to the bathroom. It may have worked that time, but it wouldn’t work forever.

There must have been something wrong with him. Maybe he was just nervous and would eventually get over it? Yeah, that had to be it.

Jimin decided he was going to do some research, just to make sure that there wasn’t actually something wrong with him.

Why don’t I enjoy kissing my partner sometimes?

Why do I panic during sexual moments?

All of his searches gave different reasons, which was not easing his anxiety. Then, he found the term “Asexuality”.

As he was reading the definition and the stories, a lightbulb seemed to go off in his head. This is it. This is what is going on. This is my answer.

Then, his heart sank. How was he going to tell Taehyung?

~

2017

Months had gone by and Jimin still hadn’t told Taehyung. He just couldn’t. What if he hated him? What if he didn’t want to be his boyfriend anymore? Could they even go back to being friends after this? Different worries kept appearing and he continued to spiral.

~

As Jimin continued to run away from any kind of sexual encounter, Taehyung had gotten the hint and stopped trying to initiate anything. However, Taehyung had interpreted the situations a bit differently. What if he’s not interested in me? Maybe he doesn’t like me anymore? He was becoming more and more discouraged, and he didn’t know what to do.

“Taehyung-ah? You okay?”

Taehyung looked up to see Yoongi standing in front of him with an iced Americano and a hot chocolate. “Here”, he said, handing him the hot chocolate.

Taehyung took it with a small smile. “Thanks, hyung.”

Yoongi paused for a moment. “You didn’t answer my question.”

Taehyung hesitated. He normally didn’t talk about this kind of stuff with Yoongi, but he decided to try anyways.

“I don’t think that Jimin-ie likes me anymore.”

“What? Why? You guys are such saps. It’s really gross actually.”

Taehyung gave him a look. “I’m serious, hyung.”

“Okay, okay. Why do you think that he doesn’t like you anymore?”

“He… he doesn’t really seem interested in me. We kiss and cuddle, but he doesn’t seem to want to take it any further than that.”

Yoongi nodded. “Have you talked to him about this?”

“Not really. I… what am I even supposed to say? Hey, Jimin-ie? Why don’t you want to have sex with me?”

“It’s more than that, Taehyung-ie. It’s about communication. Don’t make any assumptions about him without actually hearing what he has to say. You’ll never know the truth if you don’t ask him.”

Taehyung nodded solemnly.

“Hey, can I tell you something?”

“Yeah?”

“Not all relationships are the same in that way. It’s about the individual. You have to know what Jimin likes and Jimin has to know what you like. To be honest, for me, I’m not interested in sex.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I don’t have any interest in having sex or dating or any of that stuff. It’s just not my thing. Why I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t judge Jimin’s actions so quickly. What’s going on may not be what you think it is.”

Taehyung smiled at Yoongi. “Thanks, hyung. And, thank you for telling me.”

Yoongi smiled back at him. “Any time”.

~

He decided to take Yoongi’s advice. Taehyung and Jimin were eating dinner together when Taehyung gathered up the courage to talk to him.

“Jimin-ie, you know that you can tell me anything, right?”

“Mmm”, Jimin nodded, his mouth full of bibimbap.

“Anything at all?”

Jimin looked at him curiously. “Where are you going with this, Taetae?”

Taehyung stopped, searching for the right words. “If you don’t want to have sex, all you have to do is tell me. I wouldn’t be angry or anything.”

Jimin looked down, blushing furiously. “I…”

Taehyung waited, looking at Jimin. He suddenly felt really guilty. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked? What if he offended him? He might have just screwed everything up.

Jimin still wasn’t saying anything. The silence was long and heavy, and all that he wanted was for it to be over.

“Tae?”

“Yeah, Jimin-ie?”

“I… don’t want to have sex.”

“Okay. We don’t have to.”

“Don’t you want to know why?”

“Only if you want to tell me.”

Jimin looked up and saw Taehyung smiling at him, comforting as always. He should have known. He should have known that Taehyung would be accepting. What had he been afraid of all this time?

“I’m asexual.”

Taehyung smiled even wider. “That’s great! I’m glad you told me. Thank you”.

Jimin’s eyes started to tear up. “Why are you being so nice to me? After all of the times I ran away and ignored you-”

“I shouldn’t have tried to push you. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Taetae”.

“It’s not your fault either”, Taehyung took Jimin’s hand into his own. “Is this okay?” Jimin smiled and nodded. “Somebody once told me that communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship. Maybe… maybe we could work on that together? I want to make sure that you are comfortable”.

Jimin started to cry, burying his face into Taehyung’s shoulder. Taehyung brought his arms around Jimin and held him closer. “I love you so much. Please don’t ever forget that”.

When Jimin stopped crying, he looked up at Taehyung, who brushed his hair off of his tear-stained face. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

Taehyung pulled him back into a hug and smiled.

~

2020

Their communication definitely improved over time. They had discussed boundaries and found ways of showing love to each other that they both enjoyed. Their relationship was truly a special one.

“What do you think it will be like to perform our song for ARMY?”

“I am going to start crying. I’m actually getting emotional just thinking about it,” Jimin said with a smile. “I get to tell the whole world that you are my soulmate”.

“And I get to compare our pinky sizes at EVERY SHOW!”

“TAEHYUNG!!!”

~

“For eternity, keep staying here. You are my soulmate.”

[thejeweledtravelerofsmokedreams]

The Professor

Here are my comments for the Prologue and Chapter 1. I would do more but I’ve burned out this wonderful movie for now. I can always go Chapter by Chapter. Let me know

I like the dark intro. As I believe it has a play feel, hearing the Doctor’s voice in the dark would work on stage too.

It should be noted that the doctor speaking to Richard has Oncology written on his jacket which means Richard was referred to him and was possibly expecting a result for a while now. The Doctor did say the tumors had been there for some time

Now he processes his shock to some lovely classical music and wandering into a pond. Not before going to one of his classes. Hopefully it’s his and gazing thoughtfully out of the window.

Actually I don’t think anyone at a college/university would have noticed if anyone wandered into a pond, swearing and disturbing the swans. I wouldn’t have because of my headphones.

Poor Richard

He sits there for a bit with a look on his face that says. This was a good idea at the time and this pond is gross and I probably have an infection now.

Awkward dinner. In which he plans to tell his truth but everyone else does instead.

First Olivia his daughter. #TeamOlivia. Decides right now it’s a good time to announce she’s gay.

Her mother Veronica laughs (very casually)  and says it’s only a phase. She doesn’t add as a missed opportunity that Olivia is too pretty etc. She’s “an artist”. At least she not stereotype.<– the mother

Richard stands by Olivia forever and is relieved his news his still worse.

Olivia storms out but there isn’t a giant battle about. She did seem surprised by her Mother’s words.

Veronica decided to say HER piece. I’m having an affair with your boss.

Richard while annoyed and grossed out the guy’s third testicle and Henry in general(WHAT?? And EWW!!)

He does have a nice laugh about it.

Also “Have some taste in your infidelity) <— THIS! AND LOL!

She thinks his non reaction to her news and not caring about their relationship makes him an asshole.

I’m not sure what to make of that. Richard’s just a fellow smart ass. 

How did she want him to react?

Again he’s glad his news is worse but he still doesn’t get to tell them.

And he made dinner too. Poor Richard.

The portrait of the person on the wall on the right is silently judging them. Ironically it’s probably Veronica’s “art”

So what’s with the smart ass atheist comment?

I thought maybe more would have come from that. So I’m going to go with Richard’s a Catholic. This explains some things later but not much else.

So Richard is finally teaching a class. Possibly with a headache or something else

I’m really curious what this class is called in the course catalog and the description of it.  It’s clearly not a first year class or really a required one. It’s more for English majors who don’t mind guessing what the Professor made up today.

I believe Rose is talking about Mary Shelly’s mom: Mary  Wollstonecraft who wrote A Vindication of the Rights of Woman (1792).

And here’s a website!

https://www.britannica.com/biography/Mary-Wollstonecraft

We come in the middle of her argument so I’m sure why it started or what’s it about. Poor Rose the bird flying into the window like that.

Richard gets it.

I’ve seen birds do that. I’m surprised no one else has. Sometimes they break their necks sometimes they live. Usually it’s because they see the sky and keep going or it’s symbolic and superstitious.

https://www.auntyflo.com/Superstition-dictionary/spiritual-meaning-birds-hitting-window

Girl with no name who sticks around and is annoyed and judgmental all the time protests about doing nothing for the bird.

Let’s call her Snow White as he REALLY missed the opportunity here, but more than make ups with it with 

“Were you friends with it? Did you know it personally, like, by name?”

Me” LMAO!

GIRL: her face: He’s mean! What’s his problem?

 ME: I LOVE PROFESSOR BROWN! (re watches the scene several more times)

Also note it was a black bird. I guess too much Game of Thrones for me. Dark words/ dark wings but Richard already had the bad news.

HEY Snow White, YOU’RE IN AN ENGLISH CLASS and a bird symbolically crashed into a window!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I’m glad I never I phone to go off in class. There I go dating myself.

Here he is kinda of a jerk to Claire about her phone ringing IN HIS CLASS.

But he’s still somewhat nice about it. At least he didn’t tell her to put It on speaker phone.

Now we learn that he’s decided to do over this class and basically kick everyone out he doesn’t care for by encouraging them not to stay.

If you aren’t going to put in the effort, business people (I don’t know why unless some communications people were encouraged to take the class) AND people who’ve never read just because (WHAT???)

Poor girl in sweatpants really wanted to stay. She said she had a cold. She should have said something else like: they only look like sweat pants, it’s laundry day and as it’s not a women’s college I don’t think she can get by with mentioning menstruation. Not according to Richard’s current mood, maybe yesterday.

ALSO Snow White has holes in her jeans and he didn’t say anything about that.....

He mocks those who leave.

Now the plan is to pick a book and explain it and teach it to the class. “persuade your peers of the works importance” That appears to be it. I could do that! Also no essays??! Yay!

Unfortunately to Rose’s horror he bans feminist and queer works. He’s big on not hearing lamenting. Again it this were yesterday maybe that would be the only works allowed.

Also he’s going to drink heavily for the next two days, alone. BYE

He has some martini’s with his friend Peter. He’s trying to get a sabbatical. Typically you are still paid but you don’t work. Often people travel for their specialty or go back to school.

Richard says he’s going to write a book. A smart ass comment but maybe he should.

Then he tells Peter who can’t handle it from the get go.

He likes Peter but Peter can be a bit much sometimes. Richard is ok now. Not totally excepting it but someone knows.

Here is Veronica and Henry.

He of handed says “maybe you could do the whole campus” inference to her possible art instillation  at the college. I understand what he meant but I can’t stop laughing.

Oh and Veronica smokes…..

Any here are Veronica and Richard bonding over some whisky. Apparently she’s cheated before but let’s not worry about that because Richard’s “randomly” gotten some prescription drugs and she’s not the least bit worried about as to why! I’m not sure who to be more worried about now. She doesn’t protest the pills and happily takes them!

Oh and by the way I’m going to cheat now too. He tells her. I guess divorce is too much of a pain. And I’m wondering if he’s Catholic.

Then she asks if it still works

OUCH?!

But’s he’s like I don’t know.

Me: ????? WHAT????? WAIT????…..

“It’s sadly laid dormant for years” at his age maybe I guess. Then I started to wonder if Richard is asexual or demi sexual as to why he didn’t bother to find out. But here he’s all like more pills then. YAY!

Now’s time to meet the girlfriend.Taylor. I personally never liked Taylor. Olivia can do better.

Olivia’s more concerned that her parents are home than hearing glass breaking…..

So basically Olivia is humiliated by her getting along totally stoned parents. And her mother WHO IS TRYING TO HARD! But it’s ok Olivia manages to bolt with Taylor.

Revelation: all their wedding gifts currently in the living room are all hollow. OOH more symbolism but it’s more fun to break them, right?

Somehow they managed to get up stairs. Veronica shouldn’t mix pills and whisky.

Here he seems to still care for her (I don’t know why) as he comforts her than she’s not a bad person.

End of Chapter One

[justifiedsurrender]

Thoughts on kink not being queer

I’ve started to feel a lot of hostility in the oft-repeated mantra “being kinky doesn’t make you queer.” I’m not saying I disagree, but I worry about the assumptions behind it. Even when they acknowledge that some people are both, maybe they go so far as to notice that for some people those identities are closely related, it doesn’t feel like enough to me. It still feels like a demand that I compartmentalize, that I take apart parts of myself that have always been intertwined. More than that, like a demand that I accept the idea that one of these parts matters and the other doesn’t. That one of these can be my identity, and the other is just something I do. That one of these is virtuous, and the other is forever questionable.

It’s all tangled up for me, because I knew I was kinky way before I was bi. I knew I was kinky way before I knew there was a word for it. I knew I was kinky for a long time without knowing if I’d ever actually want to have sex. I knew I was kinky as I grappled with the idea that I might not be able to have a “real” relationship. It wasn’t until I’d figured out the kink thing, until I’d calmed the hell down and started to believe I could be ok, that I really considered who it was I was interested in (gender-wise) and what being “interested in” someone even meant for me.

Almost five years ago, I got up in front of my college’s LGBT group at an open mic night and “came out” as kinky. Total Cringe, right? Didn’t I know you’re not supposed to do that? It’s hard to explain now the circumstances that led to this happening. I was already aware of the “being kinky doesn’t make you queer” thing, I’d already shrunken from the hostility without being able to explain what I was feeling. But somehow, it felt ok. The event was called “Speak Out” and while most people used their time to tell their coming out stories, it was also billed with “or if you want to come out as something…” And hell, I was 19. I was 19 and lonely, and this was the closest I’d ever gotten to the right time and place, and I went for it.

I talked about wishing I didn’t have to be afraid of people finding out. How I’d seen my boss at my summer job reading Fifty Shades of Grey while she ate her egg mcMuffin on break and I thought “why does she get to do that but I have to hide, because I have this secret. Well screw it, I’m telling my secret!”

I talked about how much it meant to me finding fanfiction where people were like this and they didn’t need to be fixed, they still were good people, they still loved each other. A friend said to me after “I’m so glad you mentioned fanfiction,” and I didn’t understand right away what he meant. It came up later, how he’d internalized the idea that being gay meant he wouldn’t ever be loved or have that kind of connection, and fanfic helped bring him out of that.

It’s weird though, if it had been him talking about this struggle first, and I had gone “me too, I know what that feels like!” that’d be wildly inappropriate, right? Even if I wasn’t claiming it was the same degree, just drawing any connection between that and my own experience, that would be so out of line. But as it happened, I was the one to spill my guts first, and he shows up to say “me too.” So are we allowed to share this moment relating to each other? Or does it only go in one direction.

Someone else sent me an email after the meeting. We weren’t friends, I’d barely spoken to her before, but she called me “an incredibly brave and beautiful person.” It wasn’t clear from the message if she was kinky herself, but she mentioned being asexual and implied seeing some kind of kinship between those communities even where they didn’t overlap. In that moment I saw what she meant. I wanted to believe that all these weird complicated people could support each other, and try to understand.

Here’s my real position: I actually don’t believe being kinky by itself should count as queer. I think the word means a certain thing and kink doesn’t fit there. They’re interconnected for some people, but not the same thing. However! I’m also super unconvinced by most of the arguments I see in favor of that position. Everything I read about how Problematic it is to consider kink as queer seems to hinge on arguing that kink doesn’t matter to people. That of course it isn’t a part of who you are. It must be just about sex, or just a thing you do, it doesn’t affect your life. Or even that being kinky isn’t really challenging any expectations, it’s actually inherently “normative.” Um, ok, sure. I don’t know what that means. But sure.

I don’t believe being kinky by itself should count as queer, but I don’t think it should be off-limits to ever draw comparisons. There shouldn’t be a wall between these two concepts and the expectation that if we ever dare to act like kink might matter, that the harassment or judgment we face might hurt, that we must hasten to clarify “but being kinky doesn’t make you queer!”