#I’m fine- (80s synth starts)

[notacluedo]

he’s telling Neil to get his gross runners feet off the walls

challengers screencap redraw 🤌🤌

[manysmallhands]

Top 10 Albums of 2023!

This was all supposed to work out differently. As i recall from the now long distant past, my original plan was to do a countdown where i put up one post a day throughout December. However, I got Covid on December 1st and that plan immediately became lame and useless. After that, my assumption was basically that i wouldn't be able to do any of this, but i got better more quickly than i'd anticipated and found myself working on these reviews in bits as the month has gone on. So, having rushed through all the the song blurbs that i wanted to do, here i am on New Year's Eve with a more or less finished Top 10 albums to put up.

The only problem is that there are ten quite lengthy reviews here and the vibe is already pretty tl:dr. But tbh that's fine: there really is only my girlfriend who ever reads everything (and i believe her, trust is what love is all about after all) so for anyone looking at this and thinking blimey, that's a lot of text, my advice is: you don't have to read any of it. Just look at the albums, scan thru to see if it sounds like something you might like and give one or two of them a listen if that looks like the case. The words are really just to keep me occupied but i'd like to hope that someone likes some of the records.

I said yesterday that i would reveal what the best one is and so I am now delivering on that important promise. The best one is Scarlet by Doja Cat. Anyone who follows me on whatever platform already knows that the best one is Scarlet by Doja Cat. Don't make me say it again.

Barbie - The Album

Few people have seemed much interested in the Barbie soundtrack, other than the punters who kept it atop the compilations chart for four months. I, as ever, channel the spirit of the populous. The sound is basically 80s synth pop updated for a modern audience  - the likes of Haim and Ava Max slot in predictably well - but its the extra dimensions created by how the artists interact with the film that provide some of its more interesting aspects. Sam Smith’s Man I Am reflects a surprisingly LGBTQ Ken despite protestations (certainly its "I'm not gay bro, but..." T-shirt is prompting a lot of questions already answered by the shirt), while Billie Eilish dwelling on life as a manufactured product makes for interesting and uncomfortable parallels in What Was I Made For. Mark Ronson’s plasticky production suits its subject to a tee, further cementing the conceptual unity of the project.

Star turns abound throughout the album as A-listers like Dua Lipa and Lizzo bring their best games alongside some terrific and unlikely downcard cameos. What Was I Made For? and Dance The Night were both deserved #1s, but the pacey pop punk of GAYLE’s Butterflies and Dominic Fike’s breezy, hook laden Hey Blondie are as much highlights as any of the bigger names here. Special mention should be made for Ryan Gosling’s I’m Just Ken, a blockbuster 70s rock number that, whilst puncturing the wider stylistic template, is batshit and hilarious enough to more than justify its place as well as netting him a surprise hit too. The quality lapses once or twice (Tame Impala in particular are bloody awful) but by the time Ava fires the final laser I’m generally happy to go back and start all over again. With banger after banger here, my verdict is in: the Barbie soundtrack is *Charli voice* HOT!

Claire Rosinkranz - Just Because

While this has been a year that I’ve gotten more fully into pop, it took a while for me to find many new albums that I’ve been interested in. This may partly be to do with me clinging to an idea that LPs ought to be substantial beyond having good hooks and charm. In truth, all I needed to do was revert to my indiepop training, where bands have never knowingly been fussed about having any great weightiness. But even so, it took Just Because to make it clear to me that no, you really don’t need any grand vision at all: a high number of great if frothy pop songs will do just fine. It’s a record which bounces from banger to banger in an endearingly sunny style, with each tune so catchy that their lightness becomes a strength rather than a weakness.

Rosinkranz’s voice seems to mark her out as one of the many Billie clones who populate the current pop scene but her musical ambitions are both simpler and more instantly engaging. Not yet 20, her songs have an element of schoolyard whispers which add a welcome silliness here and there, but she also plays with the intensity of youthful emotions to make them a little heartrending even as she goofs off. Highlights include Dreamer, a break up song where the vocal makes it clear that she’s far from as done as she says she is, and Wes Anderson, which offers some sombre advice but packages it in a song so sweet that you’d never know. But in spite of all this it makes no end of year lists (well, maybe just the one), being merely a lovable set of songs that are very hard to forget. Need it be more? I don't believe so.

Doja Cat - Scarlet

Mired in discourse throughout the year, Doja Cat still found time to make a chart topping single (Paint The Town Red) that took the world by storm and a cracking album which, sadly, did not. Scarlet was in my opinion the better of the two: largely ditching the afrobeat pop of Planet Her, Doja staked her claim as an old skool rapper and brought it off pretty well, mixing hard rhyming with her more scattershot pop delivery and sounding entirely comfortable wherever she landed. While flitting musically between modern RnB and neo-soul grooves, her subject matter was largely taken up by how much she hated her fans, a bold strategy that found her shedding support even as blistering tracks like Fuck The Girls shaped up as some of my favourites of the year.

Whilst I’ve found myself uncomfortable with both the company that she keeps and the views which she may or may not subscribe to (i feel safe in saying that she's a right wing edgelord but i suspect that’s the least of it), Scarlet is such a good album that I’ve found myself, if not making excuses for her, then at least deftly navigating around my distaste in order to keep listening to it. While Agora Hills often reminded me how serious she is about her scumbag of a boyfriend, it’s still a song that can submerge me in its beauty entirely; while some of the complaints from her online audience are less easily dismissed than others, it’s more comfortable just to think about the morons calling her a devil worshiper, especially when she mocks them so wickedly on the elegant Skull And Bones. Am I the problem? Maybe I am: it’s a place I often find myself in with hip hop, where faves are frequently problematic and exceptions beg to be made. As such, I can not wholeheartedly recommend this record to people who might want to take a principled stand against some of her bullshit. I can only say that, as a musical talent, there was no one better all year.

Lana Del Rey - Did You Know That There’s a Tunnel Under Ocean Boulevard?

After 2021’s fairly middling brace of albums, Did You Know That There’s A Tunnel Under Ocean Blvd always felt like it was going to be a return to form and this time the faithful were not disappointed. It was another epic and sprawling record which unfolded like a cross between The Bible and a 50s musical. While changeable in style, ranging from hammy country ballads to trap beats and beyond, the thing that springs to mind most often is the Great American Songbook, as Lana takes the melodramatic grandeur of those standards and soaks them in her own messy and complicated worldview. This draws in family, romance, the future, her relationship with religion and how it all scrappily fits together, ranging widely and wildly across 75 extraordinary minutes.

Much of the album feels like it’s being broadcast from a kind of dreamworld, although one that overlays with reality neatly enough. Lana’s dismissive “if you want some basic bitch go to the Beverly Centre and find her” line undercuts the mood on the otherwise lush and evocative Sweet but the impact is hilarious rather than jarring, a perfect marriage of the strange and mundane. In contrast, the brooding A&W initially brings that realism to a far more uncomfortable level, before goofing off wonderfully in the second half in a way that only Lana ever really dares to do. Much of the record feels like it's creating its own language, as key phrases (“let the light in”, “when you know, you know”) are repeated and musical themes come back around in strange modulations. All in all, while perhaps less satisfying as a pop record than Norman Fucking Rockwell, Did You Know… feels like her most complete statement on a personal level yet, whilst still working well within the broader world that she’s spent over a decade constructing.

Mitski - The Land Is Inhospitable And So Are We

Despite liking the odd song or two, I have until now been largely immune to Mitski over the full length of an album. But The Land Is Inhospitable And So Are We has a much more organic sound than I’m used to hearing from her, well adrift from the polished guitar rock of her big 10s records. Instead, it takes many of its cues from classic folk and country, occasionally lush and expansive, often determinedly sombre but always at a distance from the areas where she’s generally been at home. Opener Bug Like An Angel is a brooding scene setter, where Mitski unveils the terse and grumpy presence we will grow familiar with over the next half hour. The main elements of the album are already in place - the spare instrumentation; Mitski’s extraordinary voice, hard and intransigent but still full of yearning; the occasional, overwhelming interjections from the wings. It all creates a distinctive atmosphere, extremely intense but intimate too: we’re allowed into Mitski’s world but there’s a lot to take in.

Lyrically, the songs are both heavily allusive and extremely personal, like hearing ancient parables told by the characters from the story. Surprise hit My Love Mine All Mine seems to sit apart as a relatively standard love song but a closer listen reveals deeper layers; the placing of her love as something independent from its object makes it feel more of a piece with the album’s other enigmas. At a time where Mitski seemed to be cooling on being a rock star, The Land Is Inhospitable adds a new twist to her long musical journey, seemingly presenting a more intimate portrait while in fact retaining most of her essential mystery. As an album, it really is quite something: what that is I’m less certain of but I like it regardless.

Olivia Rodrigo - Guts

Tho I wouldn't have called myself a hater (I don’t think I would have been bothered enough), I don't really like Olivia’s all conquering debut Sour, which I thought a bit too one-note and overpopulated with slushy ballads. But by the time Guts came around I was open to listening again, drawn in by its excellent singles and primed for a different experience. Vampire, the best of them and more or less of this year, was a fantastic example of taking something that Olivia is clearly very accomplished at (the grand piano lament) and then, rather than running that into the ground, instead using it as a springboard for an entirely different idea. Get Him Back and Bad Idea Right hark back to earlier guitar based tracks like Brutal, but on Guts they form a much more substantive part of the album, cementing its brand of addictive pop grunge and working up a much goofier version of her messy teen persona.

Elsewhere, the ballads did in fact return. Some have speculated that this may have been a bad idea (right?) but for me they’ve been growers, particularly the likes of Lacy and The Grudge, where Olivia explores the bitterness of youth and uses it to tear holes in the people who’ve wronged her. But if I’m honest, it’s the rockers that I’m usually waiting for: whether the new wave pastiche of Love Is Embarrassing or autumnal Cure homage Pretty Isn’t Pretty, each one feels like a mini-revelation and it’s the style that I hope she leans on most in the future.

Palehound - Eye On The Bat 

Palehound have been around for a while now and every so often I’ve given their records a try and haven't really managed to connect with them properly. Eye on the Bat has been the first exception, though whether that's because it’s any better than the others or I just made more of an effort with it I don’t know. Its template is certainly well worn in the indie world - country rock with varying degrees of aggression or melodic sweetness - but there’s still a lot here that grabs my attention, especially in the charming indie pop of the title track and the heart-rending melancholy of Route 22.

But the thing that caught my ear the most was Ellen Kempner’s disarming honesty, with much of the album spent documenting what sounds like a deeply messy break up. Whether she’s bitterly picking through the fall out on Independence Day or remembering some hilariously embarrassing bedroom scene on opener Good Sex, Eye On The Bat's almost diaristic view is mesmerising throughout, making you warm to Kempner even as she works thru some of her own worst traits. And aside from anything else, her understanding of relationships underlines her strengths as a lyricist, as she dissects their complexities with wit, sympathy and occasional anger to capture all the stuff that transcends whatever we were hoping for in the first place.

Poppy - Zig

After the wild ride that commenced with 2020’s extraordinary pop/metal mash up I Disagree, Poppy has journeyed thru indie rock, goth and punk to wind up back where she started, only not quite. Zig may represent a return to pop - indeed it’s produced by Weeknd affiliate Ali Payami - but it’s one that’s filtered thru all of the places she stopped off along the way.

The crepuscular grind of Church Outfit and Knockoff sound like more danceable versions of the I Disagree sound, while the crunching title track suggests that she can still go as hard as ever. But there are nods to a lighter side here as well, particularly in the strong trio that wind up the album: The Attic recasts her sound in a euphoric drum n bass clatter whilst closer Prove It kicks up a remarkable blend of manic hyperpop and gentle electro-balladry, whilst still working in the rich emotional palette that she’s developed in recent years.

In one sense this is a huge departure from the frenetic punk of last year’s Stagger EP but the vibes here stake out territory that you’d still find oddly familiar. Some of the gothy ballads are less immediate than other songs but nothing on Zig is boring, just varying refinements on her ever evolving musical journey. The critics were split, occasionally rattled and sometimes just plain baffled, but that’s only to be expected by now. Poppy follows her own plan and rarely sticks to the same tune: in truth it’s a privilege just to be a witness to the chaos.

Sweeping Promises - Good Living Is Coming For You

One thing that I find missing in a lot of modern guitar based music is snappy songs with good catchy hooks. While Sweeping Promises appear to place their focus elsewhere - their high concept sound is best understood as someone broadcasting direct from 1979 through a wristwatch speaker - their second album still finds time to deliver fully on the tunes. Good Living Is Coming To You is steeped in bubblegum melodies and memorable choruses, with songs that become earworms before you’ve even registered how catchy they are. 

More than anything, it's dominated by Lira Mondal’s imperious vocals: whether it’s in the cascading harmonies of Throw Of The Dice, the fierce yells and hisses that close out the title track or her sweet voiced switch-outs on Ideal No, her character springs out of every song in a way that few singers ever really manage to impose. While you might think that the post punk era has been mined to death by now, Sweeping Promises drag new life into it by going back further: their sound may be heavily rooted in a specific moment but the elements of songcraft often have more in common with 60s girl group classics than gnarled art rockers. Ten bangers and no filler: Good Living Is Coming For You is everything I wanted from it and more.

Wednesday - Rat Saw God

While the queasy vibes of 2021’s Twin Plagues are still high in the mix here, it was the welcome injection of melody on Wednesday's third album that managed to alert the media. That lightness was more apparent in Karly Hartzman's lyrics than you might notice on a passing listen too: though often praised for her grimly amusing takes on middle American backwaters, the key to them was her deceptively soft touch, casting a sympathetic eye over grisly scenes even as she retained their gnarlier undertones.

Single Chosen To Deserve, with its crunching chorus and heartwarming romantic turnaround, feels like the designated big moment from the record but in reality Rat Saw God has an embarrassment of riches. Quarry in particular, with its Waterloo Sunset-esque signature and matter-of-fact dissection of grim local gossip, is an almost pop version of the most haunting aspects of Hartzman's craft, while the washed out bounce of closer TV in the Gas Pump pitches a lonelier scene in a similarly gorgeous manner.

This is not to forget that Wedneday can still rock extremely hard when they want to, especially on the brutal 8 minute Bull Believer, an ambitious multipart epic that ends with Hartzman screaming “FINISH HIM!!!” repeatedly over the chaotic finale. But while Rat Saw God brought this kind of sawtoothed sound back to widespread acclaim, its real trick was how it sugared the pill just enough to get it past even the most determinedly sweet tooth.

[video-killed-the-internet-star]

I just wrote a Miss Brannigan/Mr Cocker fix-it fic. While I know the show is deliberately a stereotype of 80s movies and all couples have to have a happy ending, I don’t think Miss Brannigan and Mr Cocker should have gotten back together. So, I wrote this so it doesn’t evade canon but also doesn’t put both of them in a relationship they shouldn’t be in.

Sheena sat on the edge of her couch and bounced her legs up and down. Her shoes made her feet hurt but she had already cried three times while getting ready so she bit her lip and stared at the clock.

7:57pm.

Three minutes until Stevie was meant to arrive. The clock didn’t match the blue floral wallpaper on her walls, but she liked the clock and she liked the wallpaper so she sat on her hands to stop her from taking the clock down.

She hoped Stevie liked her apartment. She had moved since he had last gone to her house. It was a lot nicer than her office. There was a lot of crying in her office. There was a lot of crying in her apartment, too.

Sheena stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. She didn’t dress as formally as she used to, maybe Stevie would think she had turned into a slob. She wondered why she allowed Stevie’s existence to have such a chokehold round her. She wondered why her hair was sticking out at the back.

Ding dong.

Sheena walked over to the door and answered it, then turned her head upwards to look at Stevie. His hair was combed back neatly, not like it had been the past few months, and he must have put a product in it, a new and better one than the one he had been using recently.

“Hello, Sheena.”

She felt her face crack a wide grin, and her cheeks flushed the same color as her sweater.

“You look very nice,” Stevie nervously handed Sheena a bouquet of flowers, then coughed.

The bouquet was red and was mainly roses. Sheena noticed how she had seen the same bouquet in a store the day before for a very cheap price and pursed her lips, then remembered to be polite and grinned widely again.

“These are beautiful, thank you so much, Stevie,” she rubbed his arm then her hand fell down onto his. Both of them blushed, but neither was embarrassed, just excited.

“So,” he nervously coughed again, “shall we leave?” He held his arm out for Sheena to take, which made her grin.

“We shall,” she said, trying not to let her excitement warp her voice, then took his arm.

Stevie’s car wasn’t grand, in fact it was far from it. It was a dull brown, faded by the sun and time, and was a brand so generic Sheena couldn’t recognise the make. The front was rectangular and almost looked like Stevie, which made Sheena bite her knuckle trying not to laugh.

“Are you alright?”

“Oh yes, I’m fine,” she could feel a warmness inside her chest, a feeling of such intense fondness she felt silly for experiencing. This feeling only escalated when he opened the car door for her and smiled so gently she wanted to cry.

Once he himself sat on his side and placed the keys into the slot, Sheena put her hand on his knee and looked up at him. “I’m so glad we’re doing this again,” she giggled when he started blushing, “I forgot how adorable you can be sometimes.”

Stevie placed his hand on top of hers, then looked down at his lap. “I’m sorry I was an asshole.”

“It’s alright, honey. Now, the dinner reservation is at 8:30 so we should better get going.” She squeezed his knee playfully, then turned on the radio.

The warmth of reconciled love and synth filled the car, and both adults sat in a very comfortable silence. Occasionally, Stevie would hum along to part of a song, and the time Sheena giggled, he stopped with his face turning bright red.

“No, please continue, it was really sweet!” Sheena smiled widely and turned to face him.

“No, I- no, I better not,” he shook his head to himself, then cleared his throat. “I’m glad we’ve put this whole magazine thing behind us, now.”

Sheena furrowed her brow, trying to think why this was in any way relevant. “Yeah…”

“And I forgive you completely.”

She slowly sat forward in her seat, her face becoming more and more tense. “What are you forgiving? What did I do wrong?”

“Your mistake: showing off your body,” Stevie replied happily.

“What are you talking about?” She could feel her cheeks getting hotter and hotter, her eyes hurt from intensely she was looking at Stevie.

“Well, you know, you made a mistake when you were young, but you’ll never do it again so there’s no reason for me to get angry.”

“Oh my…” Sheena took her glasses off to massage her temple. Her head was throbbing.

“It’s ok Sheena, you don’t need to worry anymore. I forgive you.”

“Oh shut up, Stevie,” she whipped her head round to glare at him. After seeing his pathetically feeble expression, she turned back to face the front and said coolly, “Stop the car.”

“Sheena, why are you getting so angry?” He snapped.

“Because I chose to do that. I would choose to do it again.”

“But aren’t you ashamed? Embarrassed?”

“I’m not ashamed. And if I was, it would be my actions that I would be embarrassed of, not yours. Why are you so afraid of a past that you didn’t experience, Stevie?” She felt herself shouting, and she didn’t see the need to stop.

He opened his mouth, then closed it again, like a goldfish, and just huffed.

“Please, I don’t want to do this anymore. Pull over.”

Stevie didn’t respond, he just kept on driving.

“Stevie, pull over.”

She watched the houses whizz by.

“Stevie!”

“Fine, just shut up,” he rolled his eyes and pulled over.

Immediately, Sheena climbed out of the car, and just as she was about to start walking, Stevie grabbed her hand. “Will I ever see you again?”

She bent down so that their faces were level, and replied, “maybe on the cover of Playboy when you get lonely.”

Stevie sat in his car and watched as Sheena walked away into the sunset, and couldn’t even find it in him to be angry anymore.

[phlistopher]

Ranking the Filthy 15

Back in the 80s, Tipper Gore and other cultural conservatives went on a crusade against sex and violence in popular music. They put together a list of fifteen representative songs to use as a political football, known as the filthy 15.

Apropos of nothing, I’ll rank each song. Each will score between 1 and 4 filths, gaining one point for each of the following objective scientific criteria.

😳 Flushed: Would I be embarrassed if my grandmother heard me listening to this song?

🧠 Memorable: Does this filth get stuck in my head?

🪶 Poetic: Does it paint a vivid picture?

🍑 Fuckable: Would I have sex while listening to it?

Note: because of the content, you’ll have to click through to YouTube to listen to the songs.

“Darling Nikki” by Prince

Why Tipper hated it: Sex/masturbation

The song that set off the anti-music craze, it’s an undeniable classic off Purple Rain, an album with an embarrassment of classics. A strong contender for the best song on this list. It’s pretty dirty, too.

Speaking of embarrassment, how would I feel if my grandma heard me listening to this? The words “sex” and “masturbating” really pop out of the mix, and I think we’d both throw ourselves out the window at that point. For reference, all grandma analysis applies to both sides of the family. This is important to no one.

This absolutely gets stuck in my head, it paints a very frank, vivid picture, and this thing is so sexy, I’d bang a sand dune to this shit.

😳 🧠 🪶 🍑

“Sugar Walls” by Sheena Easton

Why Tipper hated it: Sex

Barely a metaphor, I hadn’t really listened to Sheena’s personal vagina explainer. Pretty standard 80s pop, while it’s frankly insulting to metaphors to call the lyrics one, it’s just enough for my grandmother to not understand. The “blood races to your private spots” line is risky, but her hearing isn’t great. The lyrics are high level and vague, just thin innuendos, so no picture. But sure, it wouldn’t kill the mood.

🧠 🍑

“Eat Me Alive” by Judas Priest

Why Tipper hated it: Sex/violence

Not my favorite Priest song, off maybe my least favorite Priest album, this song is fine. Nothing concrete in the lyrics here, just vague innuendo. Tipper said this song advocated for oral sex at gun point, which is pretty intense, but in context the lyrics feel more “metal metaphors for a beej” instead of anything more sinister. Or interesting.

I’d be embarrassed if my grandmother heard me listening to it, not because of the lyrics, but because of the genre. She’d be so disappointed.

“Out of all the Judas Priest albums, you’re listening to Defenders of the Faith?” She’d say, pulling my ear.

😳

“Strap On ‘Robbie Baby’” by Vanity

Why Tipper hated it: Sex

Pretty sure this was the first time I’ve heard this song when researching this piece. Pretty nasty riff, the guitars and synth combined sound like an 808 fucked a car. I might have to get into Vanity. Anyway, I couldn’t understand the lyrics at all, so there’s no chance my grandma could. As killer as the music is, I’ve already forgotten it now that YouTube is auto playing another Vanity tune called “Sex Shooter”. I do remember that I would absolute fuck to it, though.

Bonus points for the whip sound effect.

🍑 💥

“Bastard” by Mötley Crüe

Why Tipper hated it: Violence/language

The quintessential of-its-time hair metal band, they do have some catchy songs. While this might be the first time I’m hearing it, I think this is one of them. I couldn’t really understand the mumble-ass lyrics, but man would my grandma be upset if she heard me listening to this.

“Chris, you’re listening to Mötley Crüe? What year is it? Madone.”

“Let Me Put My Love Into You” by AC/DC

Why Tipper hated it: Sex

This song was five years old by the time Tipper said it was rotting kid’s brains, so I guess it was pretty potent to still be doing the devil’s work out in the streets.

Off AC/DC’s commercial peak Back in Black, that album was the start of the clumsy-if-not-appalling Brian Johnson sex innuendo era, instead of the clever-if-not-appalling Bon Scott sex innuendo era. Despite all that, it’s a great song, it gets stuck in my head unprovoked, my grandma wouldn’t know what was happening but wouldn’t like it, so I wouldn’t like it, and honestly this has too much of a virgin dorm vibe for me to have sex to.

😳 🧠

“We’re Not Gonna Take It” by Twisted Sister

Why Tipper hated it: Violence

I don’t know why this song ended up on this list. Violence? The closest the lyrics get is Dee Snyder saying he’ll fight the powers that be. Sure, the whole song is anti-authority, and he says the word “fight” a few times. I don’t know, saying this is violent is a real stretch. Catchy tune though. My grandma would ignore this. We’re not gonna take it anymore is hardly a sex sentiment. We all prefer I Wanna Rock.

🧠

“Dress You Up” by Madonna

Why Tipper hated it: Sex

Pretty tame silk sheet boudoir lyrics. The most explicit they get is during the chorus, when Madonna lets you know that she’ll dress you up in her love, all over your body. So, sex. Pretty fun song, but nothing special, especially given Madonna’s catalog. The lyrics paint the vaguest picture, to the point where I feel like I’m in a blank room more than anything. My grandmother would find this unobjectionable. I guess I’d fuck to this in a pinch, and I use that term advisedly.

🍑🥱

“Animal (Fuck Like a Beast)” by W.A.S.P.

Why Tipper hated it: Sex/language/violence

Whoa, kick it up, it’s W.A.S.P.! Straight out of the gate, Blackie Lawless is bragging about his nudie pictures next to his bed, then starts talking about smells. Holy shit, that’s a picture! I never listened to W.A.S.P. before this, and while the lyrics descend into standard hair metal sex talk, verging into pretty gross misogyny, Blackie’s voice has a real compelling power amidst the slick buzz-saw guitars on this tune. I would rather die than let my grandma catch me listening to it. This song also has the power to evaporate genitals.

😳 🧠 🪶

“High ’n’ Dry (Saturday Night)” by Def Leppard

Why Tipper hated it: Drug and alcohol use

Another one I don’t think I’ve ever heard before researching this piece. Pretty forgettable stadium rock. I don’t understand why this song in particular gets on the filthy list for alcohol use; there’s so many popular booze tunes, and this one isn’t any more explicit on the topic than any other. Also, why the hell is everyone wearing Def Leppard shirts now? Fucking Def Leppard? My grandmother would fall asleep to this song. I don’t have sex at frat parties, so this song is out on that count as well.

🚫

“Into the Coven” by Mercyful Fate

Why Tipper hated it: Occult

Finally, mixing up the theme! Forget sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll, “Into the Coven” gets on the naughty list for the occult! This is definitely the first time I heard this song. Starting off with a medieval mandolin-ish intro, then going into bog standard head bang riff with a Rob Halford-ish high note vocal, it’s totally ish. I couldn’t understand the vocal, so I had to look up the lyrics to get that sweet, sweet devil text.

Howl like a wolf And a witch will open the door Follow me And meet our high priestess Come, come into my coven And become Lucifer’s child

Yep, that’s occult, and it’s painting a pretty vivid picture. Fun stuff! It repels sex. I thought my grandmother would be offended, but when I performed the ritual to contact her from beyond the grave, she was fine with it.

🪶

“Trashed” by Black Sabbath

Why Tipper hated it: Drug and alcohol use

Certainly not the first Sabbath song anyone thinks of—or the thirty-first, really—it’s more of a cautionary drunk driving tale from the one-off Ian Gillan era than anything scandalous. The story is specific and clear, and the riff is solid if unmemorable. I don’t think any of Black Sabbath’s music get within the same post code as an aphrodisiac. My grandma would appreciate how the nice boys are educating people about the dangers of alcohol.

🪶

“In My House” by Mary Jane Girls

Why Tipper hated it: Sex

What a fun bop. Great hook. Lyrics are pretty tame, and vague, even by 1980s standards! But yeah, they’re about sex. It does make me dance, so maybe that adds extra scandal to it. It’s so catchy, and in an uncomfortable couplet, I would both have sex to this song and dance with my grandmother to it.

🧠 🍑

“Possessed” by Venom

Why Tipper hated it: Occult

One more occult tune! It starts with the lyric, “Look at me, Satan’s child” amidst foreboding guitars, so already more thematically occult feeling than Into The Coven. Darker, more alienated, and far less commercial than anything else on this list. This feels actually worthy of a moral panic, which makes it feel a lot more fun than it actually is. Pretty neat double bass drum breakdown section, though. This one is way too antisocial for sex. It’s so antisocial, that it would be a humiliating social experience for my grandma to catch me listening to it.

“She Bop” by Cyndi Lauper

Why Tipper hated it: Sex/masturbation

Ah, the perennial classic. Great song, so catchy, with specific lyrics that really do paint a picture despite their heavy euphemisms. Of course I’d have sex to this tune, and, thank God, my grandmother would absolutely not understand the lyrics.

🧠 🪶 🍑

Final thoughts

To no one’s surprise, the best song on this list, according to science, is Prince’s Darling Nikki, with She Bop a close second. The worst is whatever that Def Leppard song was.

Thanks Tipper!

[vitaminwaterreviews]

Wonder Girls - Reboot

So traditionally, I listen to the album, then decide which songs to add to my playlist after I’m done. This time around I figured I’d add songs as I go, so I don’t forget any of them later on. I ended up adding 10 out of 12 to my main playlist. So I did in fact add the remaining two to my playlist just to make sure.

It’s hard not to compare this album to Pink Tape for me, but I don’t actually think it’s all that similar? It did have a Toy moment in Oppa, but I think it stuck to its sound and its genre a lot more than Pink Tape does. It explores a lot within that sound and genre though; I didn’t get bored at all, which is good for a 12 song album. I also didn’t totally understand what to make of a lot of the songs. Like, they were Good, but I feel like I didn’t Get them. I’ll have to go back and relisten to a lot of these before I feel like I can have a solid opinion about them.

A couple of 9’s, several 8’s, but no 10’s. Nothing did that for me; I keep saying that Oppa had a “Toy moment”, which it did, but the positioning in the album and the type of song that it was made it surprisingly predictable. Like, when it happened, I didn’t freak out; I was like “oh yeah, I guess it’s about time for this isn’t it?” Plus the change was like, from one type of hip hop to another type of hip hop, as opposed to whatever Toy does with its rap rock to dubstep. The 9’s were both really good, but again, they didn’t do that for me. Average score of 7.8 which … maybe a bit low? I’d round up to an 8 but it’s close enough that I’ll let the literal average do the talking. I think I will definitely grow to enjoy this album more though; there’s a Lot here to learn to appreciate, and a first listen can only do so much.

- Baby Don’t Play

Welp this sure was intended to be listened to with stereo audio

Yeah this definitely Feels 80’s

Dude the synths in the chorus here

Are they strings? Or just string-inspired?

Haha I’m reminded of Apink’s What A Boy Wants for some reason in this post-chorus

Back to distorted stereo vocals I guess

Yeahh I’m not a fan of that kind of alternating from side to side thing

It feels … kinda tacky to me?

7/10, nice solid start, pretty good

Candle (feat. Paloalto)

Who’s Paloalto I wonder?

Yep, we are still 80’s

Oh is this supposed to be a sexy song?

I don’t think 80’s music will Ever feel sexy to me

Mkay, we’re rapping now

The rapping definitely doesn’t feel 80’s in this context

Yeah I dunno about the rapping yet. It’s fine but I don’t know if I like it

That said I do think I’ll be adding this song to my playlist, it’s very unique

Here he is

(who is he again?)

I don’t think he added too much but it was alright

7/10 but I suspect I may grow to like it more

I Feel You

Jay Whay Pee!

And the Wonder Girls! We’re Back!

Lmao

This isn’t the title track is it?

Oh it is! Why doesn’t it have the most listens then?

I did intend to not watch the MV regardless, on average I think I can analyze songs better when I don’t see the MV

Speaking of analyzing the songs, this song is kinda crazy

Like the synth chime thing with the melody is fun

I think I like this actually?

8/10

Rewind

Okay, this is the one with the most streams on Spotify. Plus the name makes it sound like it should be the title track

This feels suspiciously like a ballad

The ooh’s are cute

Mkay, not a true ballad

I don’t know how I’m supposed to be feeling though

Dude those string hits in the bridge are Kinda annoying imo

Oh wait there’s a rap section?

I really have no idea how to feel about this song

7/10 I guess?

Loved

Kind of a chip bass

Opening with a rap

Mkay and now we’re singing

The background synth here is super nice

The “you know / I know / we know” is really cool

Mmmm yeah, I like this

The bridge is kinda … underwhelming? I think I want more here

Yeah I guess it builds a bit

The vocals in the last chorus are Excellent tho

8/10

John Doe

Sparkles!!

Wowowooowooooowowowommmp

And now we forget about both of those

Oh ok we get the sparkles back

Haha the horn section, that’s nice

Hey wait, who’s their rapper? Like what instrument does she play live?

And likewise, who’s the drummer?

More sparkles!!

So many of these songs feel like, somewhere between a 7 and an 8

8/10

One Black Night

Cute drums

80’s noir or something? This is an interesting sound

The chorus is Soaring though

Mmmm the “you and I” is so good

Yeahhh and then that high synth up there, that’s pretty

Post-chorus rap, let’s go

“Getting dark dirty naughty” oml

Did they just meow??

No lol that’s a synth

This is so funny though

Like I don’t know what to make of this song, but in a good way

9/10 I guess??

Back

Woah, all metallic ig

And now we’re all hip hoppy

And this is like, proper 80’s hip hop

Yes I understand how to spell back thanks

You’re only 24, this late into your career? Jeez

Actually fair enough, I know a couple of them were 14 at debut

Certainly Hyuna was anyway

“I’m not a doll” has to be one of the most cliched cliches in kpop

I’m so curious what the Korean is bc the chorus is So generic

Maybe that’s intentional though?

Bruh the bell out here like

Okay the vocals at the end are really nice, fair play

Oh apparently this is the least listened-to song on the album

7/10, I do not know what to make of this song

OPPA

…huh?

The hits, whatever they are, feel like firecrackers

The english though is So generic omg

This is another song that I just don’t know how to feel about

It’s enjoyable to listen to but like … what??

I heard ‘molla’, that’s like my favorite Korean word or something

Yeah the english is like, almost painful to listen to omg

Oh okay

Nmixx moment

This 100% elevates the song

Wait okay hold on what?

I guess that was supposed to be the Toy moment of this album then?

8/10 ?????

Faded Love

Love this soundscape

Mmmmm and here’s the beat, god man this synth is So good

If you asked me to grade this set of sounds then it would get an A+

Dude the vocals wait what

Da da da da da da… mmmm

I love the strings

Both the violins and the guitar

This bass is having wAY too much fun

Was that a ritardando for a second there?

9/10, this was purely enjoyable to listen to

GONE

It’s kind of amazing that Twice debuted in the same year as this album

Like how Red Velvet are older than 4 Walls, it just feels kind of Wrong for some reason

Oh as far as this song goes, this is Gamer

The synth runs are fun

Pretty vocals

You can tell I’m mentally fried by this point though by how little I’m trying

8/10

Remember

The second least listened-to song on the album

Feels kinda Disney in the intro

Oh no

That “clink”

I’d know that clink anywhere

That’s the slow jam clink

Yep haha, the drum groove, the vocals, the background music

But y’know what? They definitely earned it, both in this album itself and in terms of their career as a whole

I really like the “Baby I’ll always remember your love” lines, those are sweet

Yeah, we did in fact earn this. If the whole album was this then I’d hate it, but in context it actually fits so well

8/10

[1980ssunflower]

good morning (or evening, idk what time zone you’re in 😭)! t here!

awww, sounds like you’ve got a lot of nice hobbies!! i saw in your bio that you like to draw, that’s really cool!! i love artists, i used to commission like crazy for a bunch of different projects of mine lol

nice!! how proficient would you say you are at guitar? i hope you can follow your dreams someday, that sounds like it would be a ton of fun!! would you play original stuff, or be a cover band do you think?

oh yeah, i saw you rb’d a bunch of stuff relating to that last game when i started messaging you! would you recommend it? seems like you really enjoyed it, from what i can tell!

aww, i understand… i’m sorry all that happened for you 🥺 i wish i could help you, i love doing reports and essays! what book is it for? i’d offer legit help, but i don’t think i’d be able to get it to you in time 😭 i hope things get easier for you!! i also hope that things continue to get better for you, i’m sorry you got into a bit of a funk… that can be real hard, can’t it?

lastly, tell me a bit about what kind of shows and movies you like! i saw in your bio you like infinity train, yeah? i don’t know much about it; i only got to watch the pilot, sadly!

take care, and i hope you have a lovely rest of your day! talk to you again soon!

- t

i think im pretty ok at guitar! tbh i want to be a lot better but i just dont have a lot of time to work on it and end up having long periods of time where i barely am able to play! though people seem really impressed by how fast i pick stuff up and how i come up w songs :-]

id like to do original stuff tbh! id like to have a band and make music that sounds like something that would have come out during the 80s! i want to use an authentic 80s synth too for that kinda stuff :-]

also YES id recommend slay the princess! as long as youre ok w drawn blood and gore you should be fine! its best to go into the game blind ;-]

also yeah i like that show a lot! season 3 is insane and makes me sad and season 4 is a big comfort season to be because of the characters 🥺💖💙 outside of that i really really love the good place! and movies like spinal tap, arrival, pleasantville, bill & teds excellent adventure! i also really like fast times at ridgemont high tbh and i want to get the vinyl soundtrack for it!

[major-music-project]

Major Music Project Description

For my final major music project, I will be creating a full length album in the genre of Synthwave. Synthwave is a genre that I have a lot of love for and also a lot of experience in when it comes to listening, writing, and producing music. I will aim for around ten songs on the album, with the album length being around half an hour to forty five minutes. All of the instruments I will be using will be electronic synths and drum machines, with the exception of human vocals and potentially some guitar work in the form of guitar solos. Everything will be recorded, mixed, and mastered by myself without the help of anyone else.

Below is my work in progress folder. Here I store all of the ideas I have for songs, whether it is full demos of just random hooks and riffs. It isn’t the most organised folder but it helps a lot when I feel like I’m stuck in the writing progress of a song as I have a backlog of random ideas I had that I can look through and get inspiration from. Some of these ideas have also been the starting points of full songs I have produced.

Below is what a typical project session will look like when working on it using the DAW Reaper. I have a template setup that I like to use when creating synthwave music as it already has all of my instruments setup with the correct effects and plugins, such as EQ, reverb, compression, flangers, etc. This allows me to quickly get into the writing and recording process without having to worry about setting everything up first, and allows for consistency of sound between different songs. Of course, I’m always adding new instruments and settings to my songs as my ideas and sound change and evolve, but this template is always a good starting point and a massive help in the songwriting process.

The TyrellN6 synthesiser is the main synthesiser I use when creating synthwave. It has a lot of really useful presets with lots of different sounds and instruments programmed into it, but it still allows me to fine tune everything on the synthesiser itself to really get the sound that I want for my music. 

I also use a variety of different plugins to get the exact sound I’m looking for. This includes using EQ, compression, reverb, flangers, and delays, some of which you can see below.

In terms of my inspiration, I take a lot of inspiration from retro futurism themes as well as the past in general, mainly the 1980s. Classic films such as Blade Runner and its soundtrack composed by Vangelis, as well as a lot of John Carpenter movies and soundtracks such as The Thing and Halloween, all played a pivotal part in fuelling me with inspiration when it comes to the atmosphere I want my music to give off.

The Synthwave artists Xennon and Gunship also give me a lot of inspiration for the way I want my music to sound, especially the sounds of the instruments. These two artists are at the forefront of Synthwave music and create incredible music that transports you to a different time and space entirely and I take a lot of inspiration from that.

When creating my music, it is very important for me to have a clear target audience in mind as I want my music to be able to reach a certain niche of listeners that I know will appreciate the sort of music I am producing.

The obvious target audience for my music is of course Synthwave and electronic music fans, as my music can be classed as Synthwave and is very electronic based. However, I also want to target fans of classic 80s Sci-Fi and Horror movies such as Aliens, The Thing, Halloween, Friday the 13th, etc. as well as retro video game enthusiast. I would class myself as both a retro video game and classic 80s movies fan and want to create a type of music that I myself would enjoy listening to; the type of music that has the ability to transport you back in time and space to a different place altogether and make you feel nostalgic for a time that you might not have even been alive to experience yourself. Music is an incredible tool that allows the listener to transport themselves away from their current surroundings and that’s what I aim to do with my music.

[banananutsmuthie]

The Dangers of Owning a Smartphone

Idol(s): Yena [IZ*ONE]

Word Count: 5.1k+ words

Content Advisory: Titfucking

A/N: Dedicated to @friskyriskywhisky based off this ask. Sadly, I did not finish this fic in two sittings, so I guess I lost frisky's bet :(

need your cock so bad. Come to my place RIGHT NOW and fuck me

And just like that, any productivity you had for the day evaporates.

That’s the power of Yena’s texts. It isn’t just her words—you’re used to Yena’s frequent booty calls by now. No, it’s the picture she sends with it that drives you wild.

There she is in stunning high resolution, kneeling on her bed, playfully pulling on her high pigtails. Her gaze exudes the confidence of a woman who knows what she wants, screaming to be dicked down. Her tongue licks at those famous dick-sucking duck lips, further supporting just how bad she wants it.

Zoom in and you can see every minute detail of her sinful body: every ridge defined in her exposed midriff, every goosebump running up her glistening thighs, and even that perfect cleavage reserved for your eyes only. But what really commands your attention is her outfit and the lack of coverage it actually provides. There’s subtle holes in her purple knit top and skirt; the image at any lower fidelity would’ve missed the lack of clothes underneath. Thank God for smartphones then, to be able to capture Yena’s perky tits and pussy lips, visible through her knit outfit in all its intended high-def glory.

“Holy shit, is that Yena?! You didn’t tell me you were dating my ult bias!”

You should’ve known by his unmistakable musk that Wooseok was in the vicinity. You turn around to see him hovering over your shoulder gawking at Yena’s zoomed-in body.

That’s the danger of owning a smartphone when you date Yena.

“Wooseok, what the fuck! Why are you at my desk?”

“Seeing if you wanted to do lunch, but it looks like you’re already eyeing dessert,” Wooseok replies with a sly smile.

“Keep your voice down! No one’s supposed to know.”

Wooseok’s hunger can no longer be satisfied by lunch alone. His eyes widen, hungry to know more about that delicious Yena body. His firm hands grasp at your shoulders, playfully shaking you as a congratulatory gesture. “This motherfucker! Banging idols now? What’s she like in bed? Fuck man, you gotta tell me everything!”

“Dude, I’m not talking about this with you.”

“So I take it we’re not doing lunch today then?”

Wooseok already knows the answer. Normally, lunch out with the work bestie talking shit about the other co-workers is a welcome break from the monotony of writing a review for another tired 80’s-inspired title track overloaded with synths. But knowing there’s a full course meal of duck being served just for you superseded any previously agreed upon lunch plans. You get up and start to walk toward the elevator without even answering him, but Wooseok tugs at your wrist and holds you back.

“At least tell her that her biggest fan says hi!”

“Now why would I do that?”

“Dude. We work for a tabloid. An idol dating scandal? That’s a headline. That’s my headline. Just tell her I said hi and I won’t say anything. She’ll know who I am, I’ve been to all her fan signs.”

“Ugh, fine.” Wooseok finally lets go, allowing you to enjoy your lunch break.

* * *

“Yena?” you holler through her apartment.

“In the bedroom, oppa!”

As you approach her room at the end of the hall, you can hear Yena’s feet shuffling, then a thud followed by the coils in her mattress giving way. It all makes sense when you finally turn the corner and stand in the open door frame.

It’s almost like a murder scene in there. Her purple panties play the part of the victim, lying lifeless on the carpeted floor. Splotches of her bodily fluid splatter across various areas of the room, and of course, the weapon of choice, her bullet vibrator, still left at the crime scene next to Yena’s undergarment. The lone suspect sits atop the bed, her legs spread wide, face unable to hide her guilt and naughtiness, beckoning you to interrogate her insides.

But first, there’s the matter to resolve with Wooseok.

“You know, you shouldn’t be sending me explicit texts and photos when I’m at work, Yena.”

“Why not? I know you love it, oppa!”

“That’s not the point! My coworker Wooseok saw the text! He started asking what it’s like sleeping with his IZ*ONE bias and asked me to tell you he’s your biggest fan. It was kinda creepy to be honest.”

The speech falls on deaf ears. Yena lunges off the bed to pepper you with neck nibbles. As her hands grasp at your biceps, her perfect breasts press against you, allowing you to feel her perky nipples through her top.

“I know you didn’t come here to just talk,” she says.

Her fingers wage a war with your button down shirt, but it isn’t so much a war as it is a slaughter. Yena’s fingers are too skilled to even consider it an even fight, swiftly undoing each button with the precision of an experienced surgeon. Her lips follow the exposed skin trail left in the wake of her destruction, leaving pink lipstick marks down your chest until no buttons remain fastened. All it takes is a small tug at the hem, and your shirt becomes a useless decoration on Yena’s bedroom floor, joining her crumpled up panties and glistening vibrator.

“You don’t know how bad I’ve wanted this. Been thinking about your cock all morning.”

Yena’s knees crumble to the carpet with a soft thud as she firmly plants herself in front of you, licking her lips as she finally makes way to the spoils of her war. Your belt buckle doesn’t even stand a chance; Yena aggressively pulls down your pants and underwear with ease, her eyes lighting up like seeing a long lost friend when she finally sees your cock.

But then she looks back up with a look of mild frustration. “This won’t do.”

“What?”

“Need you to get hard for me, oppa. I want your big hard cock in me and I want it NOW.” Yena hastily pushes you onto the bed. “Close your eyes for me, oppa.”

Yena disappears behind your shut eyelids as you follow her command; the lack of a concrete visual aid only heightens your other senses. Shivers run down your back as Yena’s cold fingers wrap around your flaccid cock.

“I bet you imagine me under your desk secretly giving you a blowjob while Wooseok is in the next cubicle over, not knowing his favorite idol is giving you head. Go ahead, imagine it.”

Turns out she was listening earlier about Wooseok after all, but he becomes a distant memory as the subtle sound of Yena’s breasts clapping against each other from her aggressive handjob drowns out any other thoughts. As she swiftly strokes, Yena’s wet, pouty lips surround your tip, helping to evoke the image she’s attempting to paint. Your imagination finally conjures a representation of Yena to fill in the visual void: her face is full of cock, stuck between your parted thighs under your desk discreetly trying to milk you.

Her longing eyes meet your gaze, begging you to get hard for her, longing to feel what it’s like to be mouthfucked in such a public space. A tear streams down her cheek as Yena’s lips tighten, the confines of her tiny mouth shrinking until your tip manages to poke at the back of her throat. Unable to contain you anymore, she pulls off, her slobber trickling down your shaft as she continues stroking instead.

“Look at that, getting hard for me at the thought of office head. You like that, don’t you?”

“Mhmm. Go on,” you respond, eyes still closed, letting your imagination take you wherever Yena wants.

“I bet you thought of abusing your media privileges to get backstage at one of my concerts. But that’s not the only thing you’re abusing, is it? Catching me in the middle of a wardrobe change and abusing my used hole from behind. Can you hear that? That’s the sound of my fans screaming my name for an encore not knowing I’m screaming your name and chasing a different kind of encore.”

The office disappears. Suddenly, you find yourself in a dark corner backstage staring down at Yena’s sweaty bare back, her safety shorts pulled down to her ankles as she props herself up on some musical equipment cases. The sound of her clapping breasts serves as a proxy to the image of Yena’s ass cheeks rippling against your crotch with every imaginary thrust. Her pussy tightens as you thrust faster, but in reality, you know it’s just you getting harder to Yena’s maddening strokes.

“Mhmm. What else, baby? Fuck, keep going.”

“Bet you’ve jerked off in the office to all my teaser photos late at night after everyone’s gone home, even though you know you can get this pussy any time you want. You probably even imagine your idol girlfriend squirting all over your desk while you’re doing it. All of that while you try to meet your deadline for all those reviews you do for K-Pop girl group comebacks. But you know what, oppa?”

The room goes silent. The sudden lack of euphoria causes a blank image again, and so you open your eyes to see your fully-erect cock throbbing between Yena’s tiny hands. Satisfied with getting you hard, Yena’s hands have stopped stroking but continue to grip harshly around the base of your shaft.

“What?” you ask, praying that there’s more to this lunch break than just a quick hand job.

“None of them can sing the way that I do when you ram this big cock into my tight little pussy.”

She pumps one more time, putting your tip back into her mouth and giving the most sensitive part a lick. Her mouth delves deeper. Her hands fall off your cock, making way for those greedy lips that have now consumed the length of your shaft. Yena groans but refuses to come back up for air, then you see why: her hand reaches for your phone, placing it in front of her and propping it up against your stomach. After a few screen taps, she finally pulls off, saliva dribbling from between her lips.

“What are you doing?” you ask.

“You told me not to send you explicit photos, so I’m saving them instead so you can pull them up on your own time and jerk off to me whenever you want. See?” Yena turns the phone around, showing off the picture of your cock fully in her mouth, her eyes watering from holding it in so long.

That’s the perk of owning a smartphone when you date Yena.

“Fuck, Yena, you’re so fucking naughty.”

“Good. I’ve been thinking of shedding my bubbly image, maybe try a more mature concept.”

“Oh, yeah? How mature we talking?”

Her knees are an irritated pink as she gets up off the carpet. Yena arches down to give your tip one last lick before releasing you from her grip, finally backing up to allow you one final view of her outfit before it becomes one with the floor. Like your button down shirt, all it takes is a simple tug for Yena’s scratchy skirt to slide off her hips, and gravity does the rest.

Yena’s perfect pussy is always such a sight to behold. It was already unbelievable that she agreed to a date when you first met; it was meant as a joke to ease the tension when you first interviewed her. But to now have been to her apartment for the umpteenth time, to know the nymphomaniac hiding behind her squeaky clean idol image, and to have that body all to yourself whenever you wanted? This whole thing could’ve easily been mistaken for another one of Yena’s imaginary sexual concoctions.

This time, without your eyes closed, it’s clear all of this is as real as it gets.

“This mature enough for you, oppa?”

Yena’s hand sits just inches from her face. As she parts her fingers, you can see the look of excitement in her eyes admiring the strings of your precum and her earlier slick webbed between her fingers. She shuts them back together and sticks them into her mouth, sucking the cocktail off her digits and letting out a moan of satisfaction. She leaves a trail of saliva as she runs her fingers down her neck, through her cleavage, and across her tight core until her pilgrimage leads to her clit. Her other hand grabs at her chest, Yena now rubbing herself in her most sensitive regions, unable to hold back a muted moan even through a bitten lip.

“Mmm, I don’t think it’s mature enough. Still too much clothes. How about you take that top off?”

Yena chuckles. There is lust in her eyes, scheming a plan on how to best present her breasts. She doesn’t want to just take it off; she wants to make a show out of it, and so Yena finds a loose string in her top and tugs. The more she pulls, the further her top unravels, slowly stripping away the last of her decency and exposing her chest little by little. Her underboob starts to get exposed; her breasts look so supple in this teasing state, leaving you in a stupor. Yena catches you licking your lips, and she pinches off the long string of yarn before going any further.

“Why’d you stop?” you ask.

She doesn’t need words to answer when she can use her body. You prefer it, even, knowing just how well she’s used it in the past. Yena doesn’t even break eye contact as she moves toward you on the bed, once again kneeling between your legs and guiding your stiff member underneath what’s left of her top and in between her breasts. Thrust upward, and your tip manages to escape through the other side of her cleavage. Now you see why she stopped at exposing just her underboob.

“God, Yena, your tits are fucking amazing.”

“Yeah, bet you never thought of titfucking me, huh? I’m actually surprised we haven’t done this yet.”

Yena purses her lips, conjuring saliva that drips down to her chest below. Her fingers start to rub, lubricating her cleavage with her bodily fluids. The sight alone causes you to throb uncontrollably between Yena’s pillows. She finally gives the command when she’s finally done.

“Fuck me, oppa.”

The feeling is somewhat unfamiliar as you push and pull against her chest for the first time. It’s euphoric, not unlike thrusting between Yena’s pink walls, but it’s the velvety softness hugging your shaft from both sides that really makes it extra special.

Yena lets out a moan. It’s just as pleasurable for her as it is for you, it seems. You increase your speed with each subsequent thrust, causing Yena’s contained breasts to heave heavily with rippling waves forming on the surface.

“Tell me how much you love fucking my tits, oppa.”

It’s hard to even answer her with how much focus it takes to thrust between her chest, but she takes your grunts as a sign of approval. Yena smiles back up at you, and you can’t help but think of ruining that pretty little face, those perky lips, and that blessed chest. Grab at her pigtails like they’re handle bars, and Yena purrs like a Harley. It stabilizes you, allowing you to rev faster between her breasts.

“Fuck, Yena, you’re so fucking amazing.”

Yena winces, but it’s not like she isn’t used to rough sex. She loves it, only goading you on more.

“Oh, I see you like it rough,” Yena says in response. “I can play that game, too.”

She reaches for the bullet vibrator on the floor, turns it on, and tucks it between her chest, wedging it under your shaft for mutual stimulation. Yena’s words come out in a raspy vibrato: “You like that , don’t youuuuu~?”

The feeling is intense: muscles spasming, toes curling, fingers tugging tighter on Yena’s black locks. It’s almost a little too much, feeling like you could cum on Yena at any given moment with how mind-numbingly good it is. You respond back with a low growl, surprised that it comes out with the same pulsating pitch as Yena.

Keep going. Yena’s saliva has long been dried up between her chest, leaving her skin in a reddish irritated state where your skin roughly rubs against hers. Somehow, fucking her tits still feels as good as the first thrust: with every push, beads of sweat begin to percolate down her neck and upper chest thanks to the hot and humid action, flowing down her cleavage and starting the lubrication anew.

“Cum all over my chest, oppa. I want it everywhere.”

You want to be defiant to her words, to hold out just a little longer and enjoy every moment. Yena can see it in the way you bite your bottom lip, can feel it in her hair tangling even tighter in your grasp. You try to look away, hoping that avoiding eye contact with Yena will prolong the inevitable. You try to think of anything else other than fucking your girlfriend’s tits silly. You try everything, but it isn’t nearly enough.

“It’s cute that you think you can hold out any longer, oppa.”

Yena grasps across her body underneath her breasts with one hand, pushing her chest together and suffocating your cock even more. Her other hand grips at your tip; with each thrust between her chest, she strokes, only further stimulating you. With her bullet vibrator still wedged between her chest and the underside of your shaft, there’s not much you can do to prevent the inevitable, and so when Yena tells you to cum all over her chest, you do as she says—there’s no negotiation.

“Fuck, Yena!”

You toss your head back and thrust upward one last time, holding her in place by her pigtails to ensure she receives the full force skyrocketing out of your cock. Yena grabs at your exposed shaft that throbs in her hands, coaxing every last drop out of you. Each of Yena’s strokes beat in time with each explosion that sprays her chest in white until there’s nothing left to give.

Yena’s chest is a mess, nothing but a wasteland of cum. Even her lips are painted in white as it drips in globs down her chin and back into the used crevice that heaves heavily around your softening cock. She grabs your phone again, taking more pictures of the artwork you just painted on her, lips protruding and proudly showing off your cum like a trophy.

“These look so great, oppa. You’re gonna love jerking off to these later!” Yena takes a second to admire the photos she took before finally slipping out of her top and turning off her vibrator.

Yena desperately looks around for something to wipe off the sticky load you left her. There’s no towels or tissues to be seen. She debates even using her skirt but eventually settles on her panties to wipe herself down, the purple undergarment now a creamy white as she tosses it toward the headboard.

“Now it’s my turn. Need you to make me cum.”

Yena pushes you down onto the bed, swinging one leg over you and hovering over your softening cock.

“This won’t do,” she says again.

“I don’t know if I have the strength to go again, Yena.”

“Maybe this might change your mind.”

Yena lowers herself onto you, her glistening pussy rubbing against the underside of your shaft, gyrating against you to change your mind. Her lips part ever so slightly at just the slightest pressure your tip exerts, revealing just how wet she already is. You can tell she wants to push further, wants to fill herself up with your cock, but if there’s one thing that Yena enjoys more than sex, it’s the chase.

She knows just how hypersensitive your cock is after an orgasm, and so she grinds harder to get you erect again. Let her. It’s what she’s good at.

Slowly, your cock starts to grow again. She continues, letting your shaft glide between the smoothness of her outer lips. When your tip pushes against her clit, she lets out a moan, causing you to leak a little more cum, her rosy slit now tinged in a hint of your white glaze. Yena pulls away with a smirk seeing you at full erection. She’s done her job, sowing the seeds in your mind to sow your seed in her.

“I guess you can just go back to work if that’s what you really want.” She feigns disinterest, looking away as she starts to dismount. By now, it’s a game of chicken seeing who’s the first to break, but the thing about Yena is that she never loses. Of course not. Who would dare turn down sex with Yena?

Tug at her hips and pull her back in. You know how this goes. This isn’t some random one night stand, this is Yena: idol, sex extraordinaire, owner of your cock. And so the moment she feels your fingers gripping her ass and pulling her back in, she knows she’s won.

“Good,” Yena says with a smile, “I knew you couldn’t resist.”

“Shut up,” you playfully tell her.

“Fill me up, oppa. Don’t go slow, either. Hard and fast. I’m already so close.”

You thrust upward into Yena, penetrating her easily as she lets out a sharp exhale. It’s effortless with how much she already got off on her vibrator and with how familiar she is with your cock. It’s home for you, living between her warm, inviting walls. You’d stay longer inside her and enjoy the moment if you could, but Yena wants hard and fast, so you give her exactly what she asks for.

Pull out halfway, slam back in, then repeat. It isn’t hard; you’ve done it before. Each thrust sends Yena’s head back further as she shuts her eyes, letting you do all the work. The cum you left on Yena’s pussy lips earlier starts to lather your shaft, creating a warm, creamy mess that starts to drip out of her slit with each penetration.

“That’s it, oppa. Fuck, you’re so big.”

Your nails dig deeper into her hips, gripping her firmly as you mindlessly fuck Yena into oblivion. She sucks in through gritted teeth, soldiering through the pain and taking in all the pleasure of your ramming cock. Yena’s breasts, still glistening with a mixture of sweat and leftover cum, bounce wildly up and down, keeping time with your pelvis crashing upward against her body.

“Ugh! So fucking good! Can’t believe how fucking good this cock feels in me.”

It’s too much to handle, having to do all the work while Yena stays stationary above you, screaming at the top of her lungs like she’s riding a roller coaster. She isn’t gonna shut up any time soon with how much she’s enjoying herself either, so you roll and toss her onto the bed; you’re the one hovering above her now.

Yena giggles. For how commanding she’s been during this lunch break, she still loves getting forced around and used like a rag doll. Her eyes open, giving a signal to push her further, to use her like a sponge and soak up all your cum.

“That’s it, oppa, make me your cumdump. F-fuck, right there, oppa, right there!”

Turn her around, force her diaphragm against the mattress so she stops quacking. It still isn’t enough.

“Stop being a tease and stick it back in! Fill my hole with cum, oppa. Make me dripping wet.”

You grab her soaked panties, the one she tossed on the bed after wiping herself off—there’s no reason to let all that cum go to waste. Ball it up and shove it into her mouth. She did say to fill her hole with cum; that’s her fault for not specifying which hole.

“Mmpph!” Yena cries out.

“This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

It’s a good pacifier and she loves it. Yena can only let out muted moans as you thrust back into her from behind. You push your hand against the small of her back, causing her ass to perk up for you and forcing any air out through her nose in an audible exhale. You give her ass a good slap; watch as it ripples against your crotch. Yena squirms and jerks forward, letting another moan escape between her cum-soaked duck lips.

She grabs at your phone again, unlocks it with a tap of “2909”—her birthday, of course—and starts to find the right angle for another photo to add to the growing collection. Leave it to Yena to make it Instagram-worthy, crawling a little to the left to make sure the sunlight hits her face just right, tilting her phone for the perfect shot.

“Mmm?” Yena asks as she lifts the phone up to let you admire the photo now saved for eternity in the cloud.

You like what you see on that tiny screen as you continue to pound her from behind. It’s the first time seeing her gagging on her panties between those protruding lips. Cum leaks down the corner of her mouth, catching between her cleavage in the bottom of the photo. The high angle also manages to capture her tiny, squishy butt and your tireless cock pistoning between her reddened cheeks.

“Looks so good, Yena. Such an obedient duck.”

You collapse onto her back; it’s exhausting trying to make your duck cum. One hand reaches underneath her, her nipples still hard as they’re pinched between your fingers. Your other hand grabs at her throat. She gulps, and you can feel that lump of cum going down her trachea. You run your lips on the side of her sweaty neck, tasting the tang of her sexual frustration.

“You’re so fucking tight, Yena. So close, aren’t you?”

Your hand releases Yena’s throat to reach out for her vibrator at the edge of the bed. You slide it underneath her, feeling around until it touches her clit. One flick is all it takes to turn her vibrator on, and she shudders, throwing her ass upward towards you when she feels that sensation pulsating against her sensitive hood. It’s too much for her. She tries to escape, tries to prolong the inevitable, but you push her back down with your cock and let her feel it, her own toy vibrating at maximum speed against her needy pussy.

“Ngghh~!”

Yena’s hands now grasp harshly at her bed sheets. Her crescendoing moans fight their way through her makeshift gag, back arching as her face drowns in her pillow—every telltale sign that Yena is close.

“It’s cute that you think you can hold out any longer, Yena,” you tell her, teasing her with the same sentiment she gave you earlier.

A couple more thrusts and Yena can’t take it anymore. She finally succumbs to her orgasm, her body convulsing, core tightening, pussy pulsating. You let her ride it out by continuing to thrust into her, but you start to feel yourself arriving at the same end as Yena.

Your grunts join Yena’s moans. Her walls constrict against your shaft. Warm bodily fluids flow out from between her pussy lips. You can’t tell if it’s yours or Yena’s. Doesn’t matter. You keep going until both of you are too drained to continue, stopping only after Yena’s flailing body eventually goes limp.

“Yena?”

You flip her around to make sure she’s still alive. Yena’s eyes stare off past the ceiling in a daze. Her breasts act as buoys, floating up and down with every inhale and exhale. Below, her bedsheets are marked with her essence in a huge puddle soaking into the polyester. Your own cum drips onto the bed sheets out of her pussy that’s almost unrecognizable behind the overflowing load.

You pull out the used lingerie out of her mouth. It’s completely clean, your cum now lining her stomach like the foie gras meal she is.

“That. Was. Amazing,” Yena manages to express, every word coming out in a drawn out breath.

You collapse once again, this time next to her, your arm reaching across her bare midriff for a quick cuddle. Yena grabs your phone one last time, taking one last picture from between her legs and capturing the collective mess.

“Shouldn’t you be getting back to work, oppa?”

You glance at your phone in Yena’s hand noticing it’s been nearly an hour since you clocked out of the office.

You lunge out of the bed. “Shit, shit, shit!”

“Man, these photos came out great, too, oppa!” Yena’s eyes widen as she scrolls through your phone, admiring all the photos she took while you hurriedly put your clothes back on.

“Can you hand me my keys and phone, babe?”

“Sure thing, oppa. Let me just put these photos in a secure folder for safe keeping.” When she finally finishes, she hands you the phone along with your keys.

“Gotta go,” you tell Yena, kissing her on her cheek. “I’ll call you later, maybe dinner tonight if you’re not busy?”

“Sure. And tell Wooseok I hope he enjoys the rest of his day!”

“Cool, see you tonight.”

* * *

It’s nearly 3:50 PM before Wooseok finally comes back from his lunch break.

“Dude, where have you been? It’s almost 4!” you tell Wooseok as he walks past your desk.

“Holy shit, dude. Those pictures your girlfriend sent me were so fucking hot. Completely drained me. Almost didn’t come back to work.”

“Photos? What photos are you talking about?”

Wooseok pulls out his phone, making sure no one else in the office can see all the photos Yena took of herself with your phone. “She texted these to me from your number,” he says with a big grin.

You hurriedly pull out your phone and confirm that Yena did, in fact, send all of the photos she took while at her apartment to Wooseok along with a message:

Hi Wooseok oppa! This is Yena, hope you enjoy these pictures of me 😄 consider it fan service for being one of my biggest fans and a sign of good faith that you won’t leak my relationship. See you at the next fan meet xoxo

There isn’t anything you can do about it now except to pray that Wooseok’s loyalty to Yena is strong enough to not ruin her career as well as yours.

“Please, Wooseok—”

“Don’t worry, I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone,” Wooseok says after noticing the look of horror on your face. “But I’m definitely keeping these photos.”

And to think this all could’ve been avoided if you didn’t use Yena’s birthday as your passcode.

That’s the danger of owning a smartphone when you date Yena.

[rivetgoth]

Bands I saw last night in order—

Death Bells: I missed part of their set since they opened and I got in like 10-15 minutes late but they were really fun. Just like very classic post punky shoegaze, good energy on stage especially considering they were playing to basically an empty audience since most people didn’t show up until later (the show went from 6 to 12:30!). I liked ‘em a lot.

Cold Gawd: Really cool shoegaze project with like, 5 different guitars at once lol. Had an effect of making them sound like a thunder storm or something, really full sounding. I also really enjoyed this one. Both of these bands are ones I’ll be listening to in the future even though I hadn’t heard of them before!

SRSQ: I wanted to like SRSQ more because I know people who like them, they were fine but didn’t grab me quite as much. Kinda like dancey but lowkey modern electronica with a very operatic vocal style. Frontwoman had fun energy and I’ll give them another shot but yeah not my biggest of the night. Fun to see though!

SPICE: Slightly more rock sounding than the others but still pretty squarely in the realm of shoegaze post punk. Reminded me occasionally of The Velvet Underground. I liked them, but they also weren’t the most memorable of the night for me.

Hiro Kone: Classic noise woman moment. She was an ambient noise project with a big sound machine with cords and wires sprawled across it. I liked her, just very psychedelic and atmospheric with enough of a rhythm you could still kinda bob up and down to it lol.

Helm: Also experimental noise but admittedly in a way that interested me less. I’m sure he’s good at what he does, but unfortunately one of the bands I’d primarily gone to see was up next on the main stage so I left early to get a good spot hah.

Choir Boy: One of the bands I primarily paid to see and did not disappoint. They sounded AMAZING, they played a really good set with some of my favorite songs of theirs, frontman had really fun energy, just a super magical moment where everyone was so hype for them and their synth sounded so nice. Really really great highlight for me. If you don’t know them check them out, they’re a really dreamy 80s Kate Bush-esque throwback project mixed with modern indie folk stuff. Really unique.

Riki: Riki!! I love her. She’s so cute and her music is so fun, I’ve already seen her before a few times and I love her energy to death. Only complaint is that I got a kinda bad spot for her set since she was on the second stage and Choir Boy ran a little late so I didn’t have the chance to get upstairs before she started but omg, her sound was amazing even near the back. She never disappoints. Fun modern dark electronic music with lots of variation (she’s a Cold Waves Festival alum).

ADULT.: Also a band I’ve seen before and also one of the reasons I was there, also absolutely did not disappoint. Also Cold Waves alumi. They brought the energy that no one else had haha super fun electronic industrial dance music, screaming and jumping and flashing lights and the frontwoman right in the audience’s face. So fun and hype. Totally check them out if you haven’t, they are so good at what they do. Last time I saw them they were performing the same day as Severed Heads and started a pit for them LOL!!

Drab Majesty: Cannot believe I’d never seen them before. Kind of a bucket list band for me. What can I say? Drab is amazing at what they do. Their sound was amazing. They looked great. Chugged straight from a bottle of wine between songs, kept the lights off for their encore and instead flashbanged all of us with giant handheld headlights while they played in darkness. Only complaint is that I was so fucking exhausted after running between stages for 9 other acts for hours so I was kinda relieved when they were done LOL. But they were great and I’m so glad I finally got to see them.

So yeah! I’m so happy, it was such a good show, lots of bands I love, bands I’ve wanted to see, bands I’d never heard of, just a super fun night 🥺🖤 Thank you Dais Records 🥺🖤

[setzappersto-pew]

StarKid and Musical Score #2

Pop culture parodies tread fine lines to avoid copyright violations, especially when it comes to music. Some go for a certain mood or genre to evoke the source. Holy Musical B@man! is a great example. Nick Gage and Scott Lamps used strictly synthesizer and an electronic drum kit. They made great use of the standard synthesizer sound, calling to mind ‘80s new wave electronic music; a darker electric guitar sound to capture the gritty Batman from The Dark Knight or The Killing Joke; and light and playful bell tones, representing the innocence of Robin or perhaps the campy silliness of the ‘60s Batman TV show.

When it’s a parody musical of a musical, the challenge is even greater. Enter Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier.

There’s not a lot of interstitial music to set the scenes, but what little there is excels with capturing the mood, like the eerie strings and woodwinds coupled with sporadic percussion during Aladdin’s breakdown near the end. Instead, Twisted features a large number of songs to fill its 2.25 hour runtime, so I’m going to focus on the instrumentals of those for this post. The instrumentation for this show includes keyboard, drums, guitar/bass, violin, cello, flute, clarinet, and alto/tenor saxophone. It’s a much bigger and more varied band than any StarKid show had before or since.

The endeavor that composer A.J. Holmes, accompanied by incredible lyricist Kaley McMahon, set out on was to evoke not only the source material, Disney’s Aladdin, but also other Disney movies of the same era and the Broadway musical Wicked. The Disney references are all over the place, including the Disney-fied StarKid logo. The latter was accomplished via the title (Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier vs. Wicked: The Untold Story of a Wicked Witch), the album cover, the method of role reversal (a villain posed as the hero of their own story), and even a direct reference to the book. But A.J., along with orchestrator Andrew Fox and music director Justin Fischer, took it a step further with several songs to give the audience a truly immersive and magical experience.

To keep it simple, I’m going to link each song--or most, as some I can’t quite figure out--to another Disney or Wicked song that A.J. was likely, or even obviously, taking influence from. The similarities are often in the instrumentation and tempo; chord progressions and adjacent melodies; or lyrics and character situations.

Not a song, but the opening music evokes the haunting strings and bells in the opening of Beauty and the Beast to a tee. Like...it’s a dead ringer, obviously in purpose.

“Dream a Little Harder”: An opening ensemble number like “Belle” from Beauty and The Beast. Introduces the protagonist and the surrounding characters with a sweet and tremulous flute at the beginning and bouncy strings throughout. Lyrics mirror each other, i.e. “Fuck you” = “Bonjour”...Nick’s favorite line, “Marie! The baguettes! Hurry up!”...they all hate Ja’far vs. they all think Belle is weird. Belle is even part of the ensemble, telling Ja’far to keep his “fat face out of the mother fucking book”! It’s a pretty obvious comparison. 

“I Steal Everything”: “One Jump Ahead” from Aladdin is the obvious parallel in orchestration, melody, tempo, lyrics, character situation...everything.

“Everything and More”: Again, an obvious parody of “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid. Same gentle yet sweeping melody, same lilting tempo paired with vocals timid one moment and powerful the next, lyrics exploring desire for more.

“A Thousand and One Nights”: This one was a little harder, as really none of the Disney princesses have duets with their princes. But I think it pairs well with “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” from The Lion King, at least after Timon and Pumbaa have their moment! The back and forth between lovers talking to themselves about the other has a similar feel. Honestly, this song is pretty original and yet manages to evoke Disney love song perfectly without copying any. The gentle melody, sweeping yet sweet orchestration, and the dialogue really sell it. They knew it was the love song because they went ahead and parodied the cheesy pop covers that ‘90s Disney movies are known for with a true bop performed by Britney Coleman and Carlos Valdes.

“Orphaned at 33″: Perhaps the reprise of “One Jump Ahead”? It’s slower and more melancholy and has similar chord progression and crooning vocals. Maybe “Go the Distance” from Hercules? Both are songs of sadness and longing, but StarKid’s Aladdin is far more pathetic and creepy than Hercules. EDIT: “Proud of Your Boy”, which was cut from Aladdin and put in the stage show, is absolutely the reference here! Again, a song of sadness and longing and self-pity and lamentation of a bad childhood...and StarKid’s Aladdin is still more pathetic. Musical parallels: similar chord progressions, embellishments, instrumentation, time signature, tempo, etc.; starts with delicate notes and Aladdin just talking (this starts at 46 seconds in “Orphaned at 33″, after a prelude); lilting and tiptoeing melody in the middle (1:56 for “Orphaned”, 1:08 for “Proud”); powerful sustained vocals and sweeping winds and strings to finish. I know this song was in the back of my mind, but it just wasn’t coming to me. Thank you @hatchetfieldtheories and @melchron for helping me out! 

“Happy Ending”: The last half, at 1:50, really reminds me of “Defying Gravity” from Wicked, specifically at 5:15. The quiet and tense music make way for powerful vocals and are just waiting to burst forth for a showstopping ending. Both songs are also Act 1 closers. I can’t really place the rest of “Happy Ending”, but it all reminds me of Wicked with the powerful rock guitar and drums paired with cinematic strings. Plus, I always love when multiple melodies come together as reprises, most often as Act 1 closers!

“No One Remembers Achmed”: A sillier version of “Gaston” from Beauty and The Beast. The spurned villain’s cohorts are pumping him up and singing his praises! Both melodies are jaunty, though with different instrumentation...Twisted’s featuring sillier sound effects and goofy xylophone.

“Take Off Your Clothes”: A sexier version of “A Whole New World” from Aladdin. Slightly modified melody, and obviously the lyrics, but it’s exactly the same.

“The Power in Me”: A solemn and sweet farewell duet between friends like “For Good” from Wicked. The delicate woodwinds and strings sound similar to the gentle synth in “For Good”. Vocal performances are cautious and tender at first but quickly become strong and confident. “You are the power in me” and “I have been changed for good” follow almost the exact same rhythm.

The titular song has many facets, so I’ll detail them here:

Opening to 1:03 and 5:55 to the end = “No Good Deed” from Wicked, with the same intense strings and percussion. The whole situation and lyrics match, with both Ja’far and Elphaba deciding to just be antiheroes because no one sees them as heroes anyway. “I’ll be twisted, it’s my turn” matches “No good deed will I do ever again” and “I’m wicked through and through”.

1:10-2:06 = “Poor Unfortunate Souls” from The Little Mermaid...it’s Ursula, so of course...but also, the woodwinds and keyboard mimicking brass evoke the same bouncy yet menacing rhythm, akin to an evil polka.

2:07-2:50 = “Be Prepared” from The Lion King. Obviously, it’s Scar’s moment...but also, they have similar deep and primitive drums and woodwinds.

The rest of the songs (”Sands of Time”, “Golden Rule”, and “If I Believed”) I couldn’t really place, but they still evoke the source materials. “Golden Rule” has a classic musical theatre ensemble number feel, with fun strings and woodwinds and delightful choruses; the reprise turns it on its head with menacing piano and bass. “If I Believed” is another take on an “I want” song; the flute and cello pair very nicely together to support Dylan’s soulful voice.

My next post in this series will likely be about the Hatchetfield series: The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals, Black Friday, and Nightmare Time. There’s a lot in between, like the AVP Trilogy, ANI, and Starship, but the music for those stands out less to me. They’re great, don’t get me wrong, but I think that the score is not what makes them special. The Hatchetfield stuff, however...is intense.

Thanks for reading!

[tisthenightofthewitch]

The story behind the song: Dance Macabre by Ghost

"What I’ve tried to do is make Ghost a little more Queen than AC/DC,” Tobias Forge says, of the ambitious menagerie of sounds of his band’s 2018 album Prequelle. “I don’t mind a good rock banger at all, but with Ghost every song has to have its own clear idea and structure.

"What I expanded on in Infestissumam and Meliora was that a Ghost song is not necessarily something that just starts with a big guitar intro. With Ghost you can do pretty much anything.”

He pauses, before adding with a smile: “I’m a little rock opera with my music.”

By this point the hitherto ‘secret’ (but not really) identity of frontman Papa Emeritus (reborn as Cardinal Copia, but more on that in a moment) was officially out. A lawsuit involving former bandmates accelerated Forge’s decision to ‘unmask’. Come 2018 and the release of fourth Ghost album Prequelle – with a new band – and the spotlight moved to the songs themselves.

They didn’t disappoint, least of all Dance Macabre. Classic Rock’s album review said it was “a pure 80s rock-club banger that’s as audacious as it is glorious”. If Europe revisited The Final Countdown, with Satan, and swapped some (but not all) of the synths for guitars, this could have been the result.

Warmly embraced by the metal world, despite being about as un-metal as ABBA, Dance Macabre defied heavy music conventions and nailed one of the most irresistible choruses of the century. Like Iron Maiden, Marilyn Manson and Slipknot before them, Ghost have become one of those rare bands for whom a new album is so much more than a new album. It’s an event, a chance for fans who’ve waited with baited breath to see what new imagery, storytelling and feats of showmanship await them.

In the way only the best bands manage, it seemed that just as we were starting to get used to the Ghost formula, Tobias had fucked with it spectacularly.

“I’ve always tried to make things hard for myself,” he says with a sly grin. “Instead of just doing big, blunt commercial statements, I’m trying to do things in a more cinematic way. If we just continued with Papa to Papa to Papa to Papa, that would grow very boring.”

If this talk of Papas and secret identities has thrown you, here’s a brief explanation. Pre-Prequelle, Ghost’s frontman had always taken the form of Papa Emeritus, a corpse-painted, Pope-like figure delivering sermonic odes to life, love, death, sex and Satan on behalf of the mysterious Clergy, backed on stage by hooded, anonymous musicians known as the Nameless Ghouls. Each new album meant a ‘new Papa’ with a modified new look.

Then, just in time for Prequelle, things changed with the arrival of the more youthful, agile Cardinal Copia. Dressed in a black cassock, his sunken, haunted eyes peeking out from under his biretta, and sporting the kind of villainous ’tache that would have Dick Dastardly twiddling with glee, Cardinal Copia is part Monty Python, part medieval nightmare; the kind of character who perfectly occupies the murky space between camp showmanship and gothic horror that Ghost have inhabited since day one.

In short, he’s the personification of Prequelle, of which Dance Macabre is the ultimate drug that metalheads, rockers and pop fans alike just can’t resist. In the run-up to the album’s release, its gleaming, musical theatre-rivalling refrain of ‘Just wanna be, wanna bewitch you!’ was the one that everyone in the Louder offices sang at some point.

For Forge, being recognised as a shadowy, face-painted lothario, rather than his actual trendy Swedish 30-something self, feels comfortable for the time being. “I will never be able to outshine my characters,” he says. “And I’m fine with that. I am quite happy not being the main visual aspect of the creation. I would like to take credit, in as much as I’m responsible for it happening, but I don’t have to be the focal point.”

CLASSIC ROCK 

[boognish-worshipper]

Blue Monday

(this should be sorta short, at least shorter than the last one i posted hopefully 👀 also wow this is my second completed piece, 2 in 1 day babyyy)

inspired by a dream i had lolz

How does it feel

To treat me like you do?

When you've laid your hands upon me

And told me who you are?

Trevor never really liked the 1980s. It wasn’t until the near end of the decade that he began shifting his view on things around him. One thing he knew though was that he never really liked the generic pop music that was churned out constantly. Hearing hits on the radio didn’t do much for him, except maybe a headache from the earworm-like tunes. People like him didn’t exactly flock to the discotheque. When he met Michael though, he had been forced to listen to all types of 80s music. He was rather fond early 80s pop rock (aka that shit labeled “new wave” or whatever the fuck) whereas Trevor liked late 70s hardcore punk. They had discussed their taste in music a long while ago, so Michael almost fainted from shock upon learning Trevor’s dislike for the 80s, music and all. The two had been listening to some random station in Trevor’s truck when the topic was brought up.

“What?! The 80s’re golden, man! Ain’t nothin’ like it!”

Trevor merely scoffed at his flustered demeanor.

“Yeah, well for me it’s been shit. At least up until now, I guess.”

“Dude, I gotta give you some song recs-“

“Ehh you don’t gotta do that-“

“No, I do! Tell you what. I’ll make you a mixtape with some of the best songs I know that I think you’ll like.”

“Ugh.. fine.”

Trevor kicked up his feet as another song played on the radio, some Queen song Michael was really into. He told Trevor that Queen was one of his favorite bands, relaying to him about the first time he saw them in concert. He gave him a soft smile in return, watching how passionate Michael was about his interests.

“Listen, next time I see ya I’ll have the tape ready. You said you were into punk or something right?”

Trevor felt his heart flutter faintly. He didn’t think Michael would remember that.

“Uh.. yeah. You didn’t forget?”

“Of course not man, I ain’t some jerk who don’t listen to what you gotta say.”

He felt heat creeping onto his cheeks, choosing to look straight ahead so he wouldn’t have to look into Michael’s eyes.

“Cool, cool. Thanks.”

“Of course.”

The two sat and chatted for a little while longer, with Michael talking to him about his favorite movies or whatever song that came on that he knew by heart. Trevor felt warm around him, especially whenever Michael carried himself in conversation with all the confidence a person could have.

The next time they met, he handed Trevor the cassette. He placed it in his palm with both hands, eyes glimmering at him with a childlike sort of glee.

“I really hope you like it, T.”

The contact made him feel warm again, but it was slowly approaching an uncomfortable heat. He pulled his hand back, looking over the cassette. On a piece of masking tape, relatively neat handwriting read “Songs 4 T” with a small smiley face on the side. He looked back up at Michael, who was bashfully glancing to the side and scratching the back of his head.

“I uh… I wasn’t sure what to label it but it’s yours so.. yeah.”

Trevor grinned lopsidedly at him, and he thought it was sort of cute how meek he became.

“I appreciate this Mikey. Thanks.”

“Yeah, yeah. You don’t gotta thank me though, I just figure you need some taste in your life for once.”

“Hey, fuck you. Punk rock happens to be very uplifting.”

“Oh I’m sure it is T, with all the screaming and whatnot.”

The two of them chuckled and parted ways. Shortly after leaving, Trevor suddenly realized he didn’t have a walkman or anything like that to play it on. He’d have to either buy one, or shake some random civilian down and steal it. He shrugged, thinking to himself that the latter could wait for another day. He had enough money to buy one.

When he heard the unfamiliar beat start on the cassette tape, he was immediately hooked. He wasn’t expecting Michael to be into that true new wave synth pop music. He thought that he just stuck to his regular pop rock like Queen and other artists like them. The steady beat and wonky noises that filled his ears caused him to be enamored with the sound. The post-punk vibe resonated with him, feeling himself basically melt into the music. Michael remembered.

I thought I was mistaken

I thought I heard your words

Tell me how do I feel?

Tell me now, how do I feel?

The rest of the tape was satisfactory, with Trevor underestimating how superb Michael’s taste in music was. He didn’t expect to like a single song, plotting a lie in advance if Michael asked him what he thought of the tape. His favorite song was definitely the first one that played. He knew he’d have to ask Michael what song it was the next time they hung out.

“Blue Monday. New Order. Used to be Joy Division before one of the members passed?”

Trevor had liked Joy Division. He didn’t know that they had rebranded themselves for a different type of sound under a new name.

“The tape didn’t suck to be honest. Liked the sound.”

Michael beamed at him. Trevor felt the same warmth again.

“Good. I was ah.. hoping you would.”

Trevor would go on to cherish the tape, listening to “Blue Monday” over and over. He eventually went out and got some New Order cassettes to have for his walkman, and courtesy of Michael, got a few more mixtapes with artists ranging from Bruce Springsteen to Prince. He would always love the one labeled “Songs 4 T”, making sure to never lose it.

//20 something years later…

Trevor had been driving around in his now-beat up truck when he heard it. He had left on Michael’s favorite radio station, forgetting to change it.

“Coming up next, New Order’s Blue Monday-“

He wondered why the name sounded so familiar, until he heard the opening beat play. He sat in shock at the sound, memories flooding back to him. It was like he was launched into the late 80s, to when him and Michael were just getting to know each other. He cranked the volume as high as it could go, turning a couple heads in the process. He sped up, flying through a red light at a relatively empty intersection. He had several cars honk at him, and a few profanities thrown his way but he didn’t care. He felt like he was floating, the words coming back to him twice as hard.

I see a ship in the harbour

I can and shall obey

But, if it wasn't for your misfortune

I'd be a heavenly person today

He wondered a lot about who he’d be today if Michael never faked his death. He thought about it again hearing the words pour out of his blown out speakers. It only made him press harder on the pedal, coasting down the Grand Senora Freeway. He shut his eyes briefly, trying to relive the first time he heard the song. It reminded him of what he thought was a better time, taking him back to when he first recognized those feelings he had for his partner. The familiar warmth flowing through him.

I thought I told you to leave me

While I walked down to the beach

Tell me how does it feel

When your heart grows cold?

[michals]

Can I request some Luther and Vanya scene please

I had a more solemn, angstier idea for this then thought, naw, I'm just gonna let 'em hang out, haha. This is the album in the fic btw.

-

Allison jokingly calls them ‘playdates’ no matter how many times Diego protests and rolls his eyes. But Vanya has to agree with her, they really are kind of like playdates. Since the big reunion that was the end of the world…ends of the world, the seven of them have spent plenty of time together as a whole – usually in the form of family dinners that turn into all night group therapy sessions involving a lot of booze. But besides that they’ve gotten into the habit of breaking off into twos, spending more time one on one with each other. Playdates.

There isn’t a schedule for it but somehow Vanya always finds herself with Luther on Tuesdays. This Tuesday the record shop down the street from her apartment reopened after a remodel and it just seemed like something he’d like.

She was right, Luther walks out of the store with a stack at least 20 records tall. She thinks he probably made the shop owner’s whole week. A lot of the talk of 80’s rock divas and synth bands were lost on her but Luther enjoyed himself.

“Seriously I’ve been looking for this forever,” Luther says excitedly, holding up the one on the top. Vanya’s never heard of The Hothouse Flowers but then again she’s more a Mozart fan.

“You’re gonna run out of space in your room soon,” she tells him.

“Oh I’m converting dad’s office,” Luther says nonchalantly. “Like a music library or something.”

Vanya’s surprised, the Great Purge of the Academy mansion has been extensive yes, but so far dad’s office and bedroom have remained mostly off limits. That Luther’s the one to finally take that step is a good sign, she thinks proudly to herself.

Luther walks her home without it being a question. It’s early November now and the temperature dropped from mild to ‘good lord it’s fucking cold out I had to actually wear pants today’ – as Klaus puts it – in a matter of days. Vanya’s already broken out her thickest coat that looks like she’s smuggling something underneath.

“Want a beer?” she asks when they reach her place.

“Yeah, sounds nice,” Luther answers, stepping in behind her. She doesn’t really need to offer anything, Luther’s welcome to just hang out, because they do ‘hang out’ now. She spent over a decade out in the world but she’s never had a lot of friends. ‘Hanging out’ with everyone has been a welcome addition to her life.

She shucks her shoes but not her coat when they get inside the apartment, Luther awkwardly attempts to unlace his boots until Vanya takes the records from him. She makes sure he sees how delicately she places them on the counter.

He takes a seat on the couch, the same place he usually sits, as Vanya goes to the fridge. “I’ve got grapes and some pretzels too if you’d like some.”

“No no, I’m fine,” Luther says unconvincingly. Vanya nods like she believes him but takes the bag of pretzels with her, the beers in her other hand. He takes the beer then eyes the pretzels for a second before taking a handful. Vanya holds back a sly smile, she likes that she knows him well enough now.

They sit for a moment in silence as they open the bottles and take a drink. Then Luther looks around, brow furrowed.

“Is it really cold in here?”

She laughs, she was wondering if he was even going to notice. Super endurance and all. “Yeah, it is, sorry.”

“Do you…not want the heat on?”

“Radiator’s broken,” she says with a shrug, “I’ve told the super about it and he told me he’ll get to it.” (She’d mentioned it to Diego a couple days ago at lunch and had to insist that no, she doesn’t need him to ‘intimidate�� him for her, thank you though.)

Luther looks to the radiator across the room like he’s trying to see what’s wrong with it from here. He points and tentatively asks, “Can I?”

Vanya’s a bit taken aback, she has no idea what he can do about it but she gestures, says, “Yeah go ahead.”

Luther goes to the radiator, looks it over and then unceremoniously drops to sit cross legged in front of it. He looks down at the gasket that’s covered in rust.

“You have a wrench?”

Vanya almost laughs at that. “The only tool I have here is a corkscrew.” She’s never been all that handy.

Luther purses his lips, kind of shrugs and wraps his hand around it and turns. Who needs a wrench when you have super strength?

“Bucket and a rag?”

Those Vanya can provide, she grabs them from under the sink and brings them over. Luther fiddles with the gasket for second, puts the bucket under it and with another twist a stream of air bursts out of it and water sluices into the bucket. Vanya just watches in interest. After a moment the air stops and Luther replaces the gasket, wipes the water from it.

“Try it now,” he says. She turns the thermostat on for the first time in nearly two weeks. “Give it a second.”

She brings his beer over, hands it to him with a curious look. “How’d you know how to do that?”

He shrugs, “The one in the bedroom hallway broke a couple years ago, I had to figure it out.”

She tilts her head as she considers this. “Luther do you know how to fix other stuff?”

He gives another shrug. “Well, yeah I suppose. The house is pretty old.”

She’s never had to consider it before but now that she hears it it makes perfect sense. She’d never actually seen a repairman or a plumber or any kind of worker in the mansion though she’s sure there must have been a couple, she can’t imagine dad debasing himself to fix a clogged sink. But Luther’s lived in that house his whole life, it figures he’d taken over the upkeep of it.

“Why?” he asks, taking a sip of his beer, “Anything else broken?”

She lets out a sigh that turns into a laugh. “Well, the intercom’s never worked, and the latch on that window broke off – that’s how Mrs. Kowalski’s cat keeps getting in. Oh and the oven never gets very hot.”

Luther frowns in confusion. “You pay to live here right?”

She smiles again and it’s her turn to shrug. “I do, yeah. I know I should probably pester Dillion – the super – more but…” Honestly she hasn’t thought about it much, those problems have been around for a long time and she’d just learned to live with them without making a fuss, she used to be like that. It’s not til right now that she realizes she doesn’t have to anymore. She’s gotten a lot better at making a fuss.

“I can fix those,” Luther says.

“Really? Even the intercom?”

Luther tilts his head, says humbly, “I mean I did rebuild the towncar’s engine, it can’t be harder than that.”

And now Vanya’s really surprised. “The whole engine?”

“I, uh, had a lot of time on my hands,” he says sheepishly. And that does make her feel sort of bad. He’d been hidden away in that house for so long, she hadn’t spared it a thought back then. For all her own isolation, even after she left, she’d never considered that her brother was feeling it too.

Luther holds his hand up to the radiator, “Looks like it’s working now.”

Vanya puts her hand by it too, relief hitting her as she feels it heating up, she won’t have to sleep in her coat tonight. Luther gets to his feet, Vanya pretends to help though she knows he outweighs her by her whole body weight. He makes to go back to his seat when Vanya asks:

“You wanna put the record on?”

Luther’s eyes practically light up, “Yeah?” He’s already starting towards the stack on the counter, “This is their best album, debut, 1988.”

She takes her seat on the armchair, takes some pretzels as Luther goes on some more about the record as he carefully places it on her (admittedly very cheap) record player and starts it up. He gives a satisfied little nod as the song starts then returns to his place on the couch.

Vanya sits back and listens for a bit, and yeah, it’s not quite her style but Luther’s smiling.

“Next Tuesday?” she asks, “For the intercom?”

He settles back into the couch, “Yeah, Tuesday’s good.”

[returnn-of-the-mac]

Companions meet Gordon Ramsey (He’s a ghoul now) How would they react to the criticism towards other chefs?

I decided to make Gordon a synth just for the sake of ease. So just picture a normal-looking Gordan.

Please enjoy! 😊

FO4 Companions React: Gordan Ramsay

As Sole and their companion entered Goodneighbor for some supplies, they noticed brightly colored flyers taped to every door in town.

Gormay food Cook-a-Thong feet. is Steamed Sheff Gordon Ramsee.! At Hotel Rexford.. Bring jet..

Curious, Sole and their companion decided to check out the event.

Once they made their way to the hotels and paid their dues, they were able to snag a seat at a table right in front of the action.

“Ashlee, you fucking donkey!” Chef Ramsay hollered, “Do you really think lemon zest and mutt chops go together? Pathetic!”

“I apologize chef!”

“Washington! Mind your own damn business and pay attention to your burning eggs you yankee doodle piece of shite!”

“Sorry chef!”

“Chef! Chef!” A male ghoul cried, on the verge of tears, “I accidentally set the oven to 400° instead of 300° and my dish is incinerated! How do I fix it?”

“Oh dear, oh dear, come here,” Chef Ramsay cooed. He then picked up two slices of bread and put them on either side of the ghoul’s head, “What are you?”

“A-“ he began.

“An idiot sandwich,” chef Ramsay stated calmly, “NOW START THE DAMN DISH OVER!”

The ghoul ran away crying and Gordon through his hands up.”

“CHRIST. ARE WE IN A MOVIE!?”

...

Danse: [in disbelief] And I thought Kels was a bit harsh to our soldiers. This man is absolutely ruthless.

MacCready: Now this [laughs] This is some quality entertainment!

Deacon: [furiously writing in a notebook] This guy’s damn witty! He’s got so many good lines. Gotta steal em all!

Stong: Why little man yelling? Strong just want food. Tummy grumble. Is hungry.

Hancock: [slamming fists on table, seeing red] Don’t you dare talk to my people that way, you British piece of shit. You look like you make tea using a microwave!

Piper: [poking dry lamb leg with fork]

Ramsay: Ma’am is there something wrong with your dish?”

Piper: It’s a little dry, but it’s totally fine!

Ramsay: [to chefs] YOU BUFFOONS, WHERE IS THE LAMB SAUCE?? YOU FORGOT THE LAMB SAUCE!”

Piper: [shrinking in seat] Oh god.

Ada: I have acquired some soap for this man’s mouth. I have detected filth. An unclean mouth can lead to herpes.

Preston: [sympathetically to the various chefs as they bustle by] Don’t cry! Oh, it wasn’t that bad. I swear, it looks delicious! You’re killing it! You’re all such hard workers!

Longfellow: Now why the hell would anyone willingly subject themselves to this kind of humiliation? Oh yeah. This is Goodneighbor.

Gage: [entertained] Shiiiit I could watch this all day. Watch this [to chefs] Ya’ll are a buncha losers!

Ramsay: [to Gage] Shut your mouth, you twat!

Gage: [squealing] Ee! He noticed me!

Curie: [clutching chest; fighting tears] Oh, my heart breaks for these poor chefs!

Codsworth: Oh my, he’s a little rough around the edges, isn’t he?

Nick: [pulls out wallet] And tonight we’ll be leaving an 80% tip for these poor souls.

Cait: I’m gonna see if I can get this sexy, sexy chef’s attention [whistles]

Ramsay: Who are you whistling at!? You look more like a dog than I do!

Cait: [fanning self] Shite, What a heartthrob.

X6-88: [stoically] I was on his show once. He crushed my dreams and made me into the hollow, broken man I am today. [clenching fist] He said my Beefaroni looked like...a steaming hot mound of elephant shite.

[luuurien]

Wallows - Tell Me That It’s Over

(Indie Pop, Indie Rock, Jangle Pop)

Wallows' second album is an improvement on their messy, cluttered debut, but not by much. Their songwriting is still lackluster and insulated from any sort of introspection, Dylan Minette and Braeden Lemasters' singing has little presence, and it's hard to find a solid identity in anything that they do. It's inoffensive, but it sure is a bore.

☆☆

Is boring music bad music? It's something I wonder about anytime I'm at the shopping mall or walking down a hotel hallway, where the most acceptable and passive songs come out to play and act more like background noise than any kind of strong artistic statement. Do I hate the songs that I hear while standing in an elevator? Surely not, they're not nearly unpleasant enough for me to be any more tired than I was before I heard these songs. But I wouldn't ever listen to them outside of this context, where the only reason I've come into contact with them is circumstance rather than choice. This is exactly how I feel about Wallows' sophomore album, Tell Me That It's Over: there's nothing particular about it that upsets me because there's nothing to be upset over. It's bright chord progressions and catchy hooks for the sake of it, and nothing more. And that's a fine way to do things, but it doesn't make for anything remarkable as an album. Looking to dress their sound a little more lavish, Tell Me... incorporates a wider array of instruments to help separate it from the cheesy, guitar-and-drums indie pop of its predecessor. Piercing harmonicas find their way into lead single I Don't Want to Talk, some baroque strings pop up here and there across the tracklist, and even a soft nod to 80s synthpop in the chintzy syncopated bassline and handclaps on Hurts Me. But it doesn't ever go further than this, all tucked into the same easygoing corner Wallows have situated themselves in since the start, too scared to stagnate but unwilling to explore anything deeper than knee-level, why the self-proclaimed Brian Eno worship of Permanent Price is so utterly agreeable even with some tense guitar harmonies and layering characteristic of Eno's work 70s works or the strange drum pad breakdown in the middle of I Don't Want to Talk is too awkward and stiff even as it tries to be this unexpected energy shift. It doesn't help that the songwriting feels just as juvenile as it did on Nothing Happens, butterflies-in-the-stomach synthpop tune At the End of the Day a potential breakup song without much gravity or weight to it, Braeden Lemaster's grasps at romance given zero depth ("Please lay your head here on my shoulder / The night is young but we're still getting older." Alright, dude, could this be any less corny?). While it's clear they wish for things to be easy ("Wish that things could be simple, as they used to be / Wanna take you for a ride, you'll lay back the seat, Dylan Minnette croons on Marvelous), it infects everything else about Tell Me... to the point where it's hard to find any real emotion within. But that's again where it becomes difficult to figure out what you're meant to get out of Tell Me... in the end. These songs are pretty, sure, with lots of bright chord progressions and soft instrumental embellishments, but that doesn't make up for a lack of personality. It's easy to imagine the twee pop of Permanent Price being blown out of proportion to make its love story feel that much more heartwarming, but Minette and featured backing singer Lydia Night of The Regrettes fame are too content to lightly sing together without emphasizing any of that. Finale Guitar Romantic Search Adventure makes for one of the album's better tracks with its less linear structure and soaring synth leads, but these tiny revelations in Wallows' sound don't make up for how inconsequential everything else is here. It's perfectly alright to listen to in the car, or while waiting in the checkout line at Target or H&M, but as a singular artistic statement from the band it fails on nearly all levels. I wonder, though, if that car ride music is the point. If your goal can be to make music fit for the most menial of tasks, songs to keep your brain busy during the most uninteresting parts of the day. If that was the goal, Wallows succeeded with almost every song here, save for the irritating I Don't Want to Talk and the oddly upfront rhythm guitars on Missing Out, these songs are ever-friendly and don't ask for too much of your attention most of the time. But that comes with the sacrifice of something more, this all being the explanation for why Wallows' tentative steps toward more adventurous sounds and song structures feel so half-baked. They don't make any commitment with Tell Me That It's Over, and that's a perfectly fine way to do things, but it comes at the cost of it all evaporating from your mind the second that it's over.

[newmusickarl]

Album & EP Recommendations

If I Can’t Have Love, I Want Power by Halsey

Halsey’s evolution across her career has been quite something to witness. Having begun her career in pure pop territory, her artistry has developed over time with each new record seeing the American singer-songwriter up the ambition and scope of her music. Now with this her fourth album, Halsey has gone bigger than ever, teaming up with Nine Inch Nails members and Oscar-winning composers Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross for her boldest work to date.

Produced entirely by Reznor and Ross, Halsey describes this new record as “a concept album about the joys and horrors of pregnancy and childbirth.” Naturally with any concept record there is going to be a cinematic feel, however Halsey has gone one step further and even delivered a full theatrical film to accompany the album, the trailer for which you can watch above. Although I am yet to see the film, there is no doubt that the musical portion is a mightily ambitious and accomplished project, with each song seamlessly segueing into the next despite the array of styles and genres across each track.

It may still be a pop record at the heart, but with the masterful touch of Reznor and Ross, Halsey also brings in some industrial rock elements, as well as a bit of pop punk in places too. However, it is not just sonically that Halsey pushes the boundaries but also thematically as well, using the album’s concept to press the issue of feminism and misogyny within the lyrics. Arguably what’s most striking about this record though is how tightly constructed everything is here – under the watchful eye of Reznor and Ross, the dramatic production is inch-perfect.

Most importantly, the songs here are just fantastic, from the religious imagery and glistening synths that lace the wonderful melody of Bells of Santa Fe, to the raw, grungy guitars of You asked for this. There’s also the atmospheric piano ballad 1121, where Halsey really flexes her impressive vocal cords. Pulsating, stylish electro-pop single I am not a woman, I’m a god is another standout. Once you have been amazed by all of this, the gentle plucking and raindrop like xylophone of stunning closer Ya’aburnee arrives to really blow things away.

In a year packed full of outstanding pop records, Halsey has delivered, for my money, one of the best of the lot. With Reznor and Ross holding the reigns, they help Halsey deliver on her epic vision with both style and control. It’s one thing to attempt a record like this, it’s another thing to pull it off as expertly and vibrantly as this – hats off for this one!

Listen here

Screen Violence by CHVRCHES

Also delivering their fourth album this week was Scottish synth-pop group CHVRCHES who, whilst predominantly maintaining their vintage sound, have lyrically pushed themselves into darker territory on this new record. Probably their finest work since their debut, frontwoman Lauren Mayberry takes no prisoners as she tackles sexism and misogyny, calling upon her own experiences within the industry to really illustrate the issues being put front and centre.  

This is highlighted best on electric single Good Girls, a track Mayberry wrote “after listening to some friends arguing about the present-day implications of loving certain problematic male artists – I was struck by the lengths that people would go to in order to excuse their heroes and how that was so juxtaposed to my own experiences in the world.”

Other highlights include He Said She Said, a glistening synth-driven pop banger that’s contrasted against razor-sharp lyrics with a defiant message at its core – catchy, but also powerful and thought-provoking. There’s also the superb collaboration with The Cure legend Robert Smith, How Not to Drown, which is a moody, atmospheric, and synth-soaked belter of a track. Although it is incredible right the way through, the real spine-tingling moment comes during the song’s outro thanks to the ghostly vocals of Smith being cast over some hauntingly melodic guitars. Outside of the singles, the rawness of heartbreaking closer Better If You Don’t leaves the biggest impression.

All in all, this album ranks amongst their best work and although it may not be quite as dramatic or impressionable as Halsey’s album, there’s still plenty to which you’ll want to digest and ultimately keep returning.

Listen here

How Long Do You Think It’s Gonna Last? By Big Red Machine

The National’s Aaron Dessner and Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon have certainly kept themselves busy over lockdown. It seems they weren’t satisfied with just taking Taylor Swift’s music to incredible new heights on 2020’s folklore and evermore, as they have now also released their second album under their Big Red Machine guise. The most noticeable thing about this second record is that the duo have extended their collaboration further this time around, bringing in renowned artists such as Ben Howard, Sharon Van Etten, Lisa Hannigan and Fleet Foxes, as well as two more collaborations with Miss Swift herself.

Given the talent involved, it is no surprise that this makes for a really special and stunning collection of songs. There’s wonderful electro-folk track Mimi, which sees singer-songwriter Ilsey Juber join Justin Vernon on lead vocal duties. Phoenix sees Robin Pecknold of Fleet Foxes and Anaïs Mitchell join in for a wonderful, horn-backed number. This track in fact isn’t the only time Anaïs Mitchell steals the show, as her beautiful, soothing vocal performances on opener Latter Days and closer New Auburn arguably provide the two best moments of the entire album.

The two tracks with Taylor Swift are also fantastic, with Renegade offering a sweet, pop cut that wouldn’t be out of place on either of Swift’s last two records. The better of the two though is Birch, a piano-driven, string-tinged ballad which sees Swift simply providing back-up vocals to Vernon’s haunting folky croons. It’s stunning and possibly my new favourite collaboration between the three artists.

Ultimately this is just a superb album, with Dessner and Vernon thriving alongside their chosen collaborators for a collection of songs that will frequently both move and astound you.

Listen here

Donda by Kanye West

Easily the most talked about album of the week, after several launch events and many, many delays, Kanye West finally released his long-awaited tenth studio album, Donda. Now anyone who knows me knows that I am not a fan of excessive, bloated albums, so with Donda clocking in at almost 2 hours long it was always going to struggle to win me over.

As expected, this is another West project that struggles with inconsistency, with moments of brilliance balanced out with plenty of moments that ultimately underwhelm. Although it has more high points than Ye and the production is more polished than Jesus Is King, there is no track as good as Ghost Town and sonically I found it less inspired than Jesus Is King in many ways. I’m not sure just yet if this is indeed the worst West album, but it is certainly down there in the bottom half for me.

That said, there are still some great moments to be found here. Once you get passed the massively irritating Donda Chant opener (honestly, so painful!), the Jay-Z featuring Jail offers an anthemic rock-influenced gem to get the album started properly. From there The Weeknd featuring Hurricane, the Lauryn Hill sampling Believe What I Say, the heavenly melody of Kid Cudi feature Moon and the organ-backed closer No Child Left Behind provide some of the other highlights. However possibly the finest moment comes in the form of Jesus Lord, a 9-minute epic that sees West deliver some of his best bars in years, returning to the social-consciousness that made him a star in the first place.

If you are a fan of West’s recent gospel-influenced work, then this album will reward you for your patience if you stick with it. For me, although there are some moments I enjoyed, the length was just too much, with this album having the same inconsistency problem that The Life of Pablo had but without reaching the same heights as that album did when it was at its best. Disappointing, but still somewhat worthwhile.

Listen here

The Awesome Album by Mouse Rat

And finally on the albums front, if like me you are a big Parks & Recreation fan, you’ll be pleased to hear that Chris Pratt’s fictional band from the show, Mouse Rat, have finally released their debut album this week. Featuring classics such as 5,000 Candle In The Wind and The Pit, this one is a lot of fun for fans of the show.

Listen here

Tracks of the Week

Good Ones by Charli XCX

Coming off the back of the definitive lockdown album How I’m Feeling Now that earned her both a Mercury Prize nomination and a place in my Top 5 albums of 2020, Charli XCX has returned with a new synth-driven banger that packs in an insanely catchy hook and wonderful 80s vibes.

Listen here

Family Ties by Baby Keem & Kendrick Lamar

Also making his return this week was King Kendrick who delivered a fantastic new collaboration with his cousin Baby Keem. Over a brilliant horn-driven beat, the two family members go toe-to-toe and bar-to-bar across this concise hip-hop banger.

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Alone by Rag N Bone Man & Nothing But Thieves

A remix of a track from Rory Graham’s latest album Life By Misadventure, this version sees Conor Mason of Nothing But Thieves join in on vocals, along with some triumphant rock production that replaces the stripped back nature of the album cut.

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Spirit Power & Soul by Johnny Marr

The brilliant first track from his forthcoming new EP, Spirit Power & Soul finds legendary guitarist Johnny Marr in fine form, sonically calling back to his days with Bernard Sumner in Electronic. Built on a masterful central riff, pulsating synths and a big anthemic chorus, it’s a belter!

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Nothing Else Matters by Chris Stapleton

And finally this week, we’ve had plenty of great, unique covers of Nothing Else Matters by Metallica already this year, with Miley Cyrus and Phoebe Bridgers already offering their own take on the classic song. However, I’ve always got time for another and this 8-minute epic from country singer Chris Stapleton is just as dazzling, thanks to some amazing bluesy guitars and his textured vocal performance.

Listen here