#I’m curious to see how the Janet Jackson sounding song will be like

[gwyoi]

Besides Air Force one this might be my favorite post bbc release yet….. I cried when oec came back because it was the first release 😭 but I seriously love the autotune they are doing it sounds like a phone alert and the ViWon chorus……

[purplesurveys]

829

Are you the type of person who gets straight to the point? For the most part, yeah. I’m a little impatient and quickly get annoyed when people go around in circles. What was the last thing you said in complete caps? It was probably the conversation I had with Angela this morning since we talk in all caps 97% of the time. The subject of the conversation is a bit of an inside joke though so it’ll be complicated just to start explaining it. Do you enjoy playing board games? Not really. I’m bad at following instructions so I’m mostly uninterested when someone tries to explain a new board game to me. I stick with the ones I already know, which aren’t a lot. Are there any movies you are wanting to see? Yeah but not any upcoming ones (if there are even any). My film queue is full of stuff that’s been released in the past, and the ‘My List’ section on my Netflix for instance has movies like Rosemary’s Baby, The Pianist, The Truman Show, V for Vendetta, etc. Do you live closer to the Atlantic Ocean or the Pacific Ocean? Pacific. I’m nowhere near the Atlantic Ocean.

Who was the last contact you stored into your cell phone, if you have one? The makeup artist who did my hair and makeup for my test grad shoot last December. My mom loved how I look so she had me ask for their contact just in case she needs it for future events. Did you wear anything new today? Nope, because I’ve been home for the last three months. That sounds more and more ridiculous to say each day... Would you ever have a calendar in your car? No, that’s what my phone is for. I think having a calendar in my car would be highly distracting too? What was the last song you sang along to? I’m not sure, I don’t think I listened to music today or yesterday. My guess would be Saw You in a Dream - The Japanese House. Are you a fan of the band Taking Back Sunday? No, but I heard of them a lot when I was a younger teenager. Do you ever eavesdrop on people's conversations? I don’t usually get to because my hearing is bad lol, but if it’s juicy and if I caught the context I probably would. Aside from waking up, what was the first thing you did this morning? I hung out with Cooper. I’m officially in charge of playing with him whenever he’s awake haha. I’ve never cared for a puppy before so one thing I learned is it’s a lot like taking care of a newborn baby? Cooper’s routine so far has been sleep for 1-2 hours, play for 1, and repeat. Once we notice him getting up, I’m the fun mom that plays with him until he tires himself out. Are you good at playing Hide and Go Seek? I can be good at it but I generally don’t like playing it. I always feel anxious whenever the It gets warmer to wherever I’m hiding. Do you live in an apartment or a house? House. Is there a music artist that never seizes to amaze you? In recent years Paramore has been drastically changing their sound for every new album they put out, so I’m always excited when they have new material because they always hit it out of the park. At what time do you normally go to bed? It ranges between 12 and 2 AM. It’s no longer as late as before. What is the last magazine you read? I haven’t read a physical magazine in a year or two; but the last online version of a magazine that I checked out was Esquire. How many words do you type per minute? If I’m taking a speed typing test where I really have to type as fast as I possibly can, I can reach 80-90. I never have to type that fast though so my typing speed would definitely be considerably less. What is your favorite term of endearment? I like baby. Do you like Twizzlers? I got into them as a kid just because Kristen Stewart ate it in the Twilight movie LMAOOOOO. Fangirls are ridiculous. I’m honestly just fine with them, they’re not groundbreakingly good or anything. I don’t even think I’ve had them again since my Twilight phase. Who or what made you smile last? I took a peek at what my dad was making for dinner and I already know it’s gonna be so good. Have you ever seen the movie The Wicker Man? Nope. How many states are between the state you live in and Florida? *yawn* Another US-centric question; though I got a little curious and looked up the distance between Florida and Manila instead. Google says 14,717 km. Do you sneak in candy/soda when you go to the movies? You don’t have to sneak in any type of food when you go to the cinemas here since they allow you to bring in whatever you want. I once bought Cinnabon buns to watch Wonder Woman hahah. The only unofficial rule is just don’t bring something that’s gonna smell and distract everyone. What was the last song you had on repeat? Back To You - Louis Tomlinson because of a question I answered on a survey yesterday. Do you often have that song on repeat? In 2017 I sure did. I don’t encounter the song these days anymore unless I look it up myself on Spotify. What brand of lotion do you use? I don’t use lotion. Where are your favorite pair of jeans from? I’m not sure actually. It was my mom who saw it and she bought it when she thought of me, and I never thought to ask her where she got it from. Silly string or confetti? Like, for a party? Confetti looks nicer to me. What month is your best friend's birthday in? June and September. One a scale of 1 to 10, how tired are you right now? 12 from taking care of Cooper, 2 in general because I made coffee. How long is your favorite song? I don’t really pick favorite songs because I have at least one in my preferred genres at a time. Nachos or tacos? Nachos. Also because I miss Nacho. Whose wedding did you last attend? My uncle and his then-fiancée, now my aunt, but that was 2007. It’s my parents who get invited to a lot of weddings, but not me and my siblings. Are you a rebel? Not anymore. I definitely acted like one when I hit puberty though. Does it take you more or less than an hour to get ready for the day? Less. I usually savor my time in bed then hurry up once I’m about to be running late haha. I’m out the door by 15, 20 minutes.   What was the highlight of your day today? Taking a survey this morning on the couch with Cooper napping beside me while Kimi was near my feet :) Do you tap your foot when you listen to music? No, especially not when I’m driving lmao. Would you rather use tape or glue? Tape, it’s more secure. Homemade or store bought cards? Either works fine because my ultimate takeaway is that at least someone thought of me. I would personally make homemade cards/letters though. When did you last eat popcorn? Sometime around Christmas. My mom started making us bowls of popcorn but we got tired of it pretty quickly so our popcorn binge only lasted over the break. Have you ever done community service? I’ve done it with my classmates for a class requirement, not because we did something bad and it was our punishment. Will you get your hair cut anytime soon? Nope, I just gave it a big haircut earlier this year. Are you uncoordinated? Mostly not, but I still have moments where I trip over air. Michael or Janet Jackson? Michael. I know Janet is crazy talented too but I just never started trying to get into her music. Do you listen to any hip hop? Just some. What will you be doing at this time tomorrow? Most likely doing surveys too, as is routine. Have you ever listened to Jane's Addiction? I haven’t. Orange or purple? Purple. & - the typical ending to my surveys - how about some lyrics? “There’s just no future left for us to dream of, living in an era of instability / So caught up in the culture of their rivals, fear breeds in honest men.” From High Pressure Low - Against Me! Been thinking about these lyrics for the last few days.

[sunnysynthsunshine]

4th Comedy Monologue

“Hands up if you just love combining strange foods together and gauging down on them while watching netflix on a late night?”

Oh yes you over there what do you like to conjure up?  

Gravy and rice,Nandos mayo on pasta or...or  lightly salted Doritos dipped into a  KFC Oreo Krushem

KFC,Kentucky Fried Chicken or Kentucky I can’t say the word but this is what baby me would’ve called it Chicken  one of the biggest fast food chains in the world or mainly in the UK while America has so many fast food places we only have a couple of their places while the rest are mainly local

They have tacos,soups and stacked burgers over here we only have the odd few places and then the chippy down the street

Speaking of chips, who here has tried their new chunky chips yet?

Ok,quite a few of you enjoy your potatoes being chunky and the rest of you like chips how you like your make up covered in plastic and full of chemicals.

Personally despite not minding the new chunky chips I’d go with liking both of them  but I’ve seen mixed reviews

Some prefer the chunk others don’t, while some of their chips weren’t bad I get the same feeling from eating them that I get from our everyday weather

“It’s very dull isn’t it? like my eyes when I lose sleep”

Sometimes you just want to get the blanket out and have some britcom and chill

Which I know probably isn’t going to catch on since most of you prefer watching american teen dramas about comic book characters where the same person who plays Salem the cat

is the same guy who was in that old disney or nick tv show from your childhood

Either that or your someone more into looking at images of Freddie Mercury and Roger Taylor’s actors from the Bohemian Rhapsody film

then again me neither, and I mean the Roger Taylor from Queen not the Roger Taylor from Duran Duran although they’re both cuties

John Deacon and Brian May’s actors too

When I watch films I try to teleport myself into the film’s universe as much as I can

I got a bit of a surprise when heard a northern irish actor playing one of Freddie’s lovers Paul Frenter

On hand Yay! More representation!, more film opportunities, on the other hand he plays the villian!

When I went to see the film I expected some things but then again outside of their music I didn’t know much about the personal lives of Queen,

In one of the scenes with Paul Frenter I was like is this a film about classic rock legends or does it want me to break free?

So my/this country has been featured quite a few times recently in films hasn’t it

Derry Girls,Coming Home,Game of Thrones,Star Wars etc.

While I’m listing these I think your noticing something in the intonation and tone of my voice

It’s that despite being Northern Irish my voice doesn’t sound like I come from there

I come from the land of punk music,Nirvana and chip shops but because I looked up to Hannah Montana,Lady Gaga and P!nk for most of my life so as I got older I ended up sounding like a alternative instagram model before instagram even existed.

That and with the  stuff I was interested in I could go from being into Music,Games and books to being interested in the cultures of different countries

I used to love typical american based things,then japanese things during my weeaboo phase although I will admit that phase might still be going on,German things,Scandinavian things etc.etc.

In the year Instagram was invented 2010,I was on holiday on florida and because my yank voice of stars and stripes was developing the people in florida didn’t know I was from a different country that’s how confusing my voice was,

I mean I know now. some people here are like me and don’t have the accent but even before that as a child my voice was so high if someone went up to me or had a conversation with me it would be like talking to a balloon.

You’ll float too!   (evil voice)   (mickey mouse voice) Hiya Fellas it’s me Mickey Mouse

But if we are talking about representation and how we identify with certain people or characters

I’d say I’m not really much of a liam neeson type of irish person I’m more of a Ed Byrne irish person

I like potatoes,punk music and pirates how about ye

So speaking of certain generations liking certain other alternative things

A lot of people have started  liking blur recently

Then again who likes the gallaghers anyway?

So the people liking Blur are like what I used to be like about One Direction

Pulp are pretty good too I like me some of Jarvis Cocker

Jarvis Cocker in his younger days actually looked a  lot like Ed Byrne other times he looks like Tim Burton

There is one thing I disagree with Jarvis Cocker on though and it’s his short tea about michael jackson

Basically during the 1996 brit awards he showed his bum to the public in protest of the cringy performance michael jackson was doing

Oh,great now that makes it sound even more wrong

Jarvis was defintely off his cocker but he wasn’t mooning the moonwalker...ok he was

He  interviewed a furby on the radio moving on

So, Michael Jackson one of the rock legends alongside bowie and mercury

You either like him,adore him,not really care about him or dislike him based on the rumours and scandals created about him by certain people and publications

I love him,he was peculiar sometimes but I was fascinated by that by his neverland,

by his talent and by how he was able to reach into the hearts of millions

So many opportunities for comics and actors to make creative jokes or puns

but nope let’s joke about the one thing some people mainly associate him with outside of his music which he was tormented for the rest of his life.

Oh almost forgot my blanket,at least I’m not dangling it over a window balcony

(deadpan stare)

Cringing can at times feel like a sting from a bee

Speaking of bees we apparently won’t have them for much longer

Bees are now next to pandas and Tigers in the endangered animals of the USA

Have we learned nothing from the bad history of colonization!

Well in the words of Suggs  let’s bless the bees

Besides It’s the wasps you should be killing not the bloody bees

  you can remove the cause but not the symptom

It’s a bit of a mind flip as the future continues we are heading into a  time slip

Let’s do the Time Warp again!

I’ve recently been listening to the soundtrack of Rocky Horror Picture Show

But not just that the sequel too

Some of you know what I’m talking about and the rest are probably surprised that a rocky horror sequel even exists

It’s called Shock Treatment it came out in 1981 and it was less successful

It’s more focused on Brad and Janet as they live in a fictional town called Denton

Where everything is televised as the town is located inside a tv studio,

Not too different from 2019  seeing as we are all looking at screens that show manufactured faces,

The storyline is about how reality tv affects the public and mental health

Considering reality tv hasn’t changed much since then I’d say that film was quite accurate in it’s satire

Do I need to bring up roxanne from Celebrity Big Brother?  

Brad is not feeling good after the events of the first film so he and Janet have been having marriage problems.

They go on a game show hosted by tosser in a purple wig...I mean Barry Humphries as they sing about how they relate to refrigerators and toasters

Such a mood

Brad is then sent to the set of a fictional soap opera Dentonvale which takes place in a mental hospital

Where the character actors are played by some of the same actors from the original such as Patricia Quinn,Richard O'Brien and Nell Young

The songs are actually quite good

Especially the title song,little black dress,farley’s song,Breaking Out  and Me of Me

For those of you curious to see that film watch it

If you like rocky and if your ok with  rocky going from the sci-fi horror genre to the musical comedy genre

When you see that Time Warp sequence in Rocky Horror it’s like a circus just a group of talented people being their kooky,incredible fun vibrant selves

It’s art house,it’s shock humour,it’s surreal but it’s fun and it’s out of this world

Like Belfast sometimes a few weeks back I was there and the streets were full of performers

There were musicians,actors,comedians,stunt artists and even a very tall person on stilts

It’s things like these that make me realise how creative this country is

A lot of good talent is overshadowed from our lack of representation in media to being ignored in projects

Northern Ireland is a cool place

Kurt Cobain,Stiff Little Fingers,Van Morrison,Two Door Cinema Club,Patricia Quinn,Mark Ashton,Terri Hooley, Jimmy McShane and all you performers,singers,actors,dancers,designers,Producers,Directors,Artists and Creators

are all from here

I’m just a sweet transvestite from Hibernia--i ha ha

We're going to do it anyhow, anyhow

We're going to do it anyhow, anyhow

We're going to do it

No matter how the wind is blowing

We're going to do it anyhow, anyhow

We're going to do it anyhow, anyhow

We're going to do it

We just gotta keep going

The sun never sets for those who ride on it

Goodnight!

[jordansyndicate]

Last Thoughts on Kurt Cobain

Wow. 25 years. I feel like now is the moment to share my story of how Kurt and Nirvana touched my life.

First some background: I grew up in a conservative Christian home. Secular music was, for the most part, verboten. In my pre-teen and even early teen years, my exposure to popular music was limited to some pop/rock records (Michael Jackson, Elton John, The Eagles, Simon & Garfunkel) and Great Falls' long-gone oldies station (1310 AM, KEIN).

That changed in 1994. I went to a friend's birthday party where music was playing throughout the evening. I heard hits from Whitney Houston, Salt-N-Pepa, Janet Jackson, Madonna, and more. I was amazed. I was just beginning to realize that there was a much wider world of music out there than I had previously been aware of. So I started listening to the Top 40 format radio station in town. I find delicious irony in the fact that Top 40 was my gateway into music discovery and appreciation, given that nowadays you wouldn't catch me listening to that format if my life depended on it. Then again, we are talking about Great Falls, MT - station choices in that market were (and remain to this day) sorely limited.

Among all the Ace of Base, Counting Crows, Paula Cole, and Lisa Loeb in early 1994 was something different: Nirvana's "All Apologies." Despite really liking that song, at that point I didn't even have a sense of who/what Nirvana was. In fact, Kurt's death was barely a blip on my radar during that freshman year of high school, only entering my consciousness via the expressions of grief from some of my classmates.

Flash forward about a year to when one of my friends gave me a mixtape containing several songs from Nevermind. The funny thing is I didn't have the realization that these songs I was falling in love with were Nirvana songs until some years later. I just knew this was something different, something visceral, honest, raw, and powerful.

Flash forward a few more years. In my first year in Seattle, I was frequently in the audience of Jet City Improv, a group that exists to this day (jetcityimprov.com). At that time they performed in a tiny theater in the U-District, and every night pre-show in the lobby they would play music; one song always in the rotation was "Smells Like Teen Spirit." And it was through that experience that I understood the intrinsic connection between Nirvana, grunge music, and Seattle...and I loved it. And over the years, it all became part of who I am.

Despite the fact that my childhood was radically different from Kurt's - I had no demons to exorcise or pent-up anguish to express - I felt a significant connection to the music, the lyrics, and the feeling conveyed in this noise of guitars and his voice that alternated between screaming, disinterested moodiness, and hypnotic charm. And that connection became stronger over the years as I slowly (in the pre-iTunes/YouTube days) explored more of their music and lived through a few difficult personal experiences for which Nirvana's raw, emotion-packed sound was often a balm. And it made no difference that I was diving in to the music 10-15 years after it was made; it remains vibrantly fresh and timely. The angst-filled intensity of the music facilitates catharsis and validates the listener's pain, joy, fear, hope - often all at once.

Perhaps no other performance better exemplifies this than their stripped down set on MTV Unplugged - the candlelit set, the special guest appearance by Meat Puppets, and Kurt's banter with the audience and the band - all indelible in my memory. That was such an intimate, otherworldly, unique moment, culminating in the unforgettable final chorus of "Where Did You Sleep Last Night," when Kurt seemed to be trying to expel all his pain as he belted out "shiverrrrrr...the whole...night through." So. Many. Goosebumps.

I recently embarked on what I would call my own personal Nirvana journey. It started in August 2017 when I saw Meat Puppets perform at the "Rock the Boat" celebration on Everett's waterfront. It was almost magical hearing them play their songs that Nirvana had introduced me to: "Plateau," "Oh, Me," and of course "Lake of Fire." And I would be remiss if I didn't mention that the show's headliner, none other than Sir Mix-A-Lot, graced us with his own abbreviated rendition of "Smells Like Teen Spirit." A few short weeks later I saw my first Giants in the Trees show down in Olympia. (In case you don't know - not very likely since you've read this far into a blog post about Nirvana - Krist Novoselic plays bass and accordion for Giants in the Trees.) I went to that show to see Krist but came away with a new treasured PNW band. Their energy and music welcome you in and show you a rockin' good time. I would see them 4 more times over the next year in various venues, leading up to the capstone of my journey: Foo Fighters with The Joy Formidable and Giants in the Trees at Safeco Field on 9/1/2018. And the best part? I had my sons with me. About halfway through the Foo's set, the much-anticipated (almost expected) moment came. Dave brought Krist on stage to play "Molly's Lips" - one of my favorite tracks from the Nirvana compilation that is Incesticide. Three quarters of Nirvana - Dave, Krist, & Pat - reminded us in that moment just how awesome Nirvana's music was, is, and ever shall be.

I still find myself at a loss for how to reconcile Kurt's genius and talent with the fact that it was largely driven by his lifelong demons that led him to cut his life tragically short. I wish he could have found some way to rise above his tortured existence and achieve a life of peace, wholeness, and hope. But I'm not sure if that path is available to everyone. There's a song by The Mountain Goats called "Love Love Love," and it includes a verse about Kurt ending his life. John Darnielle of The Mountain Goats had this to say about the song:

The point of the song is, you know, that we are fairly well damaged by the legacy of the Romantic poets–that we think of love as this, you know, thing that is accompanied by strings and it’s a force for good, and if something bad happens then that’s not love. And the therapeutic tradition that I come from–I used to work in therapy–you know, also says that it’s not love if it feels bad. I don’t know so much about that. I don’t know that the Greeks weren’t right. I think they were–that love can eat a path through everything–that it will destroy a lot of things on the way to its own objective, which is just its expression of itself, you know. I mean, my stepfather loved his family, right? Now he mistreated us terribly quite often, but he loved us. And, you know, well, that to me is something worth commenting on in the hopes of undoing a lot of what I perceive as terrible damage in the way people talk about this–love is this benign, comfortable force. It’s not that. It’s wild, you know?

So be grateful for the relationships and aspects of your life where you're lucky enough to interact with love as a constructive, affirming force, And try to be patient with those for whom that isn't the case, for whom love and life have left them battered and hurting. They probably need an easy friend with an ear to lend.

P.S. If you're at all curious about the details of Kurt's childhood, I highly recommend Charles R. Cross's biography Heavier Than Heaven.

[supere1113]

The Artist In Me - Track 8: Disseminate

All the powerful, intense emotions that I was feeling in Normal were a lot for an 11, almost 12-year-old to handle and process. All that unprocessed emotion and energy can eventually lead to other spiritual and physical problems. Meanwhile, I was entering what some would call a more ‘adult’ school of thought, in school and in general, and that’s what Disseminate details.

Ever since I was born, before I could even form words in my mouth, people have always thought of me as being smart, intelligent... whatever you want to call it. I’ve been seen that way by others all my life. I still struggle sometimes (to this DAY!) to understand what it is about me that reflects that exceeding intelligence that people talk about. This is probably weird to hear one talk about themselves in such a manner. What I’m doing is building perspectives. My perspective of myself ultimately is that I’m simply a thing who does... things. I build, I draw, I write, I create. No ego involved. I just do stuff. The prevailing perception of me from the outside world is that I am this great, ridiculously smart, caring, mannerable person who’s going places in life.

The detail of that last paragraph lays the foundation for and is a perfect example of what this song details. (ha ha ha! details) I was in the middle of middle school, and I was beginning to learn more about how the world works. My library of knowledge was growing more rapidly than ever before, and I was soon going to experience a side effect of learning, uh... period, but especially when you’re learning a lot.

I’m kinda hard-wired to find deeper meanings in... everything, honestly. As I learned more about the details of things, in school or via a book or the internet, I would dig deeper and find out deeper meanings and reasons behind various things ( I know this probably sounds vague. It happened with a lot of different things). I’m from Dallas, Texas, we have a lot of experience with severe storms Now, upon learning that tornadoes form at the boundaries of hot and colder air masses, I would visualize it as convection makes air from the two masses rotate and basically chase each other around in the sky. This tube then has the propensity to rotate down on one side and strike the ground to dramatic (and destructive) effect. But I wouldn’t stop there. I would then begin to visualize the beyond countless individual air molecules moving in space as the tornado forms. In short, I was doing what some people would call “splitting hairs” about that and literally everything else (I’m doing it right now!). Dissemination.

In school, this would become a very advantageous trait to have. Middle school begins to conjure the critical thinker in you up out of you. All my my knowledge was just expanding and expanding, like a snowball rolling down a hill. But after awhile, there comes a point where the acquisition of such great knowledge begins to backfire. Dissecting every possible thing you learn and/or think of until your individual thoughts are actually fragments of greater, simple thoughts can lead to paranoia about all sorts of things (learning about World War II for example, and the fact that we as a species have created a way to put a gun to our collective head and shoot ourselves, a virtual suicide button: the global nuclear arsenal, really messed with me).

Also, I found that if I don’t have a strong-enough sense of identity, I would certainly get lost in the malestrom of knowledge in my head (just curious, have you ever felt this way? Let me know on Twitter, insta or YouTube if you have. I feel like I’m the only one). At the time, a LOT of things about me seemed uncertain. My literal favorite human to ever live had died just months ago (Michael Jackson. To say I love that dude is an immense understatement). My sense of normality had been recently shattered by the revelation that I was on the autism spectrum, not completely alien, not completely normal. I had only been introduced to autism as something bad or defective at that point so I had to embrace that to keep my identity intact. I found out that the only way for my grades to fully reflect my intellectual abilities was to leave the only friends and school I had ever known (a private christian school) and start anew at a secular public school, at the dawn of my adolescence... and every other kid’s. All of that, coupled with everything else I’ve disclosed, led to my developing a great deal of anxiety about every possible thing a bright 12 year old kid would worry about.

I have dealt with anxiety for probably 75% of my life (I'm currently 21), I still deal with severe anxiety pretty much weekly (and probably moderate anxiety the rest of the week) as I write this. It was just beginning to become more palpable at this point in my childhood.

*deep sigh* In comparison to all the others, this song is kinda hard to explain (sorry it took so long). It’s very much like discussing yourself while simultaneously being you, yourself. That same thing kinda made it so that every song on TAIM was really hard to write. I finished writing this song probably a week or so before the album came out! (I started it about 3 years earlier) What made it hard was that the song was completely self-referential. It’s like trying to see your eyes (without a mirror). That being said, this is actually my favorite song on the album.

Disseminate borrows from the sounds and styles of a genre called New Jack Swing. Created by Teddy Riley and made popular by artists like Michael Jackson, Janet Jackson, Bobby Brown, Babyface and Bell Biv DeVoe in the late 1980s into the early 1990s, it has a frenetic, sharp, dynamic and even at times hypnotic sound to it. The loud, crisp, often sampled drums, the deep, wavy bass synthesizers that form the groove, down to the little accents that producers implement to make the song into a universe all its own. In the context of this album, this is kind of a step backwards in the march of modern music history (the last song, Normal, takes cues from early 2000s pop. I kinda skipped over new jack swing in the preceding tracks). I did this because the song needed to have a bite to it. it needed to have this urgent, anxiety-inducing energy that no 2000s pop could match.

Knowledge may become overwhelming at times, but you eventually learn that fundamentally... (are you ready? this is about to be really good advice) it’s never that deep, fam.

But seriously...

You can listen to Disseminate here if you want. This link will take you to wherever you listen to music. YouTube included. ❤

[tesscsanders-blog]

No Need

FREE WRITE AT DAWN IMAGINE A TWITTER PAGE KEPT BY GOD  THERE IS NO NEEED

God is without the kind of communication

that requires it. God’s voice is automatic and omnipresent it is rich truth below the other waves of sound. my gratitude is true. My aim is true and my high power is leading me where I am meant to go. I have known the difficulty of stringing words together.

How screenshots tell stories

How I search for TRAUMA

seek to define PORTENT

How the Lord is my light and my help, so whom shall I fear? How I get up and say “I’m ready”

I find proof and reminders of gratitude. I find encouragement humble and stoned. I find typos in wedding vows. Is this interesting content? Yes, Tess yes yes it is very interesting.

You are so beautiful.

HE WANTS ME TO SAY IT  remember the sun inside of me in Danville

I will have that sun again flowing up my vagina, that orgasm. The cellulite kissing dawn I saw the sun rise once and I lived to tell the tale  At the tail end is this exquisite dropping in,

how cool

the internet, how lucky, the living!

How blessed is my maker whom Phaedra prays for, too. The extent of my freedom is the extent to which I am willing to be not understood

Not understood  when I am not legible what happens?

This wrenching this wretched second-guessing and third helpings;  I have

belabored the metaphors of grief buffets

pretty sure I coined the term

grief buffet

is it a term of art?

a new business franchise?

People are ready for that kind of honesty, honestly, they are, even if they do not know it intellectually yet…. it’s all Grace, but especially the unbecoming

Am I doing this right? Yes. Less less less less more more more more more gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme some of that green sugar stuff it in there mmm mmmm ooohhh ohhhh deeper harder faster slower oh yeah just like that that’s right deeper this orgasm will save humanity this orgasm will right all of the wrongs mmmmm uhhhuh that’s the spot the redemption of all human kind right there, yup yeah yum yes that

In truth, the disgust is close to the surface. I am proud of who I am. Voice quaking like Tracy Chapman’s in the live recording of DONT GIVE UP with weird old Peter Gabriel

voice shaking

I think my friends are people. It scares me. I know my friends are human, it terrifies me.

Who are they? I have no idea! Humans as they are, they are foreign all the way. More alien than Foreigner mixed up in my psyche like the Greeks at the crux of breaking all of this up, are we? Once and for all

a free write to end all grief?

no thank you!

I know about waves and wires and tunnels and pummeling pummeling pummeling until I’m clenched in the womb. It doesn’t rhyme, but it’s my pain, it’s my loss, my potential my light to shine  BE KIND REWIND in my opinion not such a good film

when I realized ariana was following franky o the path of less resistance all-capsing the names of poems instead of italicizing

interrupting my flow state to call my sibling my unconscious mind wants their approval so bad wants simultaneously to dishonor their identity shout from the rooftops this isn’t about you sis this ain’t about you cuz it’s about me it’s about meeeee meeeee meeeee meeeeeeeee the way i am deep down convinced some nonbinary people are just flexing egos controversy the give and take of corn flakes replete i am afraid of that content i might delete THAT content

for sure deep sea fishing with sharks i’ve never been how imagination is procrastination a rose by any other name etc

My soul is thirsting for the living God; when shall I see him face to face?

a need greater than water a truth deeper than phishing a spam harder than rock He sank beneath your wisdom like a stone

i’m afraid of hurt feelings hurting feelings causing pain no you’re not, Tess, you have torn up too much to open Photo Booth now. don’t you dare do it. God

grant me the serenity

Once I tell God I won’t do something, I usually don’t do it. exit clause escape routes

pretty sure I didn’t coin the phrase escape valve and that it is a term of art, like the

wind carrier in tommy boy

i mean the

mail shoot

in tommy boy

the wind that blows his boat in the last scene

or is it the

pen

ultimate

scene

wherein tommy is on the water (shit i am gonna cry ) talking to his dad “I could use a little help”

son of a

that’s gonna leave a mark    

i want to leave

a mark            we all do

so badly so needily our fingers

pressed in every ink stamp the well has run so dry and then

though, all of these people i want to be are menstruating while i am not how hungry i am for my own blood  the manifestation of shakti who drinks from her own blood stream

opens her whole head up

this free write will not ‘save’ the world

this free write may even induce carpal tunnel

but i won’t be alone for it

SIC SIC SIC SIC SIC SIC SIC

we’re all so sick

so sick and so sick of the latest and worst and sick of being sick and tired  

la la la

it’s funny, not haha but haha

okay

sure

the way my mind chases its tail around i find myself sitting where i’ve been

cozying up to a mug from SEA WORLD

i have never been

the name elizabeth printed on it

I believe in the Resurrection. i can’t explain it to you and I don’t want to. I believe in the visitation of the angel Gabriel to Mary and I want so badly to be understood by one poet in particular. these minds these minds these minds  to whom I want to prostrate myself

SEE ME SEE ME PLEASE

It is enough, it is finished, I see you, Tessa I see you i see you baby i see you i see you you’re brilliant you are making so much sense you are making so much sense you don’t have to worry about publishing truths or falsehoods because that isn’t what you’re talking about here i relieve you this noose   | lifted |

this is not about political correctness an invention you hate and this is not about bigotry either because we both know you are not a bigot in any direction by any stretch

stretch

stretch

stretch mark of the imagination

cellulite dream we could be heros  just for one day

the need to justify when i said ego flex i meant

how precious our personhood is. when i am high and think only of how, deep down,

my pronouns are

she her he him his

how language  is nothing but everything  bang bang saxophone solo how your mind reading this does a different thing altogether how i bought a blanket 100% acrylic made in Ecuador how what other people think of me

nun of my business

none of my business that’s why I can’t let the right hand know what the left is doing. When I catch on is when the tail snakes back around

how i

felt like

Jessica was passing the torch of menses to me

how much shedding how much shedding

the baby voice,

sweet blessed infantilization of my poor old soul !!!!

{i mean it, Tess, you are flawed if you’re not free. oops that sunk in wrong i don’t blame you, jenny lewis

cat power I DONT BLAME YOU  my ex’s penis is still the sweetest penis that ever played inside my vagina}                                  alone together  a hashtag to build a dream on   give me a hashtag to build a dream on        i miss you God

not for sentimental reasons

but because being ripped from you is too easy to mistake for the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God

in other words, tracing my entrance back to your absence is not the work of my life is not the meat of being but it is easy to make the mistake of seeing the hole as the center when at the center is the Life itself

come on rude boy boy boy is you big enough

come on rude boy boy boy is you big enough

just now  already I nearly broke the no Photo Booth promise funny how quickly that happens EH

EH?

canadian bacon is a john candy film i have never seen    my adverbs of choice

holy

go

lightly

mmmmmm sweet sweet boredom the fear of ending is about the fear of dying? no, that’s not quite it. about the fear of being alone? yes! that’s it, that’s it.  traces back to the fundamental fallacy of Godlessness

of being separate it’s the whole platonic two halves bit

to have and to hold, till death do us part that’s the

traaaa   la la laaa laaaaaa

how can i trust myself without hyperlinks?

don’t let me be understood, God. just for today, grant me the serenity. Don’t let this be understood. Yes, I’m your angel. Yes, the reader does not need to know you’re thinking of a yoko ono song, that you’re worried about not attributing due credit to rihanna, that you have not looked at kim kardashian’s instagram since the

“pandemic”

“began” but that she showed up in your dream last night and that your sibling ‘got into’ with her, lightly, casually, cooly, wearing denim — my sibling was leaning in close to kim kardashian

AND SHE WAS

the tail of my mind is snaking back to ordinary complaints like

WHERE THE HECK ARE MY MISSING ALBUMS

1999

and

LITTLE CREATURES

they’re my favorite and they’re gone gone gone

how much of a new revelation

Janet Jackson’s song any time any place is to me

How inconsistency is at the heart of

not giving too many hoots

in certain contexts how meaning is relative how language is everything

nothing

how Jesus spoke in parables and contradictions how I never liked puzzles  literal ones    but how I walk around like I alone am meant to be solving the deepest puzzle of all

Reconciling myself back to the Source, i mean, to God Godself how a proliferation of healers come out of the woodwork into the email inbox offering discounts during this crisis and

who

am

I to judge?

There is one thing I ask of the Lord,

for this I long,

to live in the house of the Lord,

all the days of my life.

am i his temple? yes, no, maybe so, dawning on me is dish soap   sweet like the night inside

like the beginning of doing nothing

remaining alive. remaining human.

DONT JUST DO SOMETHING

SIT THERE

friends, i am still overwhelmed by your humanity. i find it so threatening, i can’t even begin to tell you. i don’t mean your mortality, moreso the fact that you’re just as deep

just as pulsing

just as curious just as in possession of some heart (human or not; shoutout to my girl elena with a porcine pulmonary valve) as i am

what that amounts is not fear of being not unique but rather that  the belonging we are called to is such a tall order such a tall order such a tall order  drive through window on foot people like memes

the readers in 3408 are like,

what’s a meme?

who can say if they will ‘google’ it?

I doubt the empire will rage that long …. the Empires on adderal the Empire fucking all millennia long on HARDON shoot i  am

not even trying

to be funny i can’t think of the name of that erection drug

i swear all that keeps coming up is PROZAC

leave it in the comments below, what’s that ED drug?  all my life

[runfreeandspeak]

So it’s curious that Cyrus has seemingly completely changed her tune, distancing herself entirely from the culture she once appropriated. When asked about her musical influences, Cyrus told the Billboard interviewer: “I also love that Kendrick [Lamar] song [‘Humble’]: ‘Show me somethin’ natural like ass with some stretch marks,’ . . . I love that because it’s not, ‘Come sit on my dick, suck on my cock.’ I can’t listen to that anymore. That’s what pushed me out of the hip-hop scene a little. It was too much ‘Lamborghini, got my Rolex, got a girl on my cock’ — I am so not that.” This kind of thinking is exactly why Nicki Minaj almost snatched Cyrus’ ass off the MTV stage in 2015. Back then, she asked the infamous question, “Miley, what’s good?” Now I want to know the same thing. In 2013, also in Billboard, Cyrus appeared to have reinvented herself with a hip-hop persona almost overnight. Earlier that year, she uploaded a video of herself twerking to a dirty south rapper J.Dash’s song, “Wop.” This was our first official introduction to the new “ratchet” Miley, and with this transformation, she was convinced that she had abandoned her pop-star image, enough so that she started being referred to in mainstream media as as “The White Nicki Minaj.” Cyrus’ Billboard interview has people asking what happened to the girl who twerked her way into appropriating black culture not too long ago. But any slight chance of that comparison being valid disintegrated when Miley explained to the New York Times, “If you know Nicki Minaj is not too kind.” Cyrus even admitted to understanding why people, including Minaj, were possibly upset with her, because she’s a “white pop star,” but still she doubled down on the misunderstanding. When Minaj called out MTV for rewarding Cyrus for appropriating black culture and mocking the bodies of black women everywhere, rather than nominating Minaj, a black woman, Cyrus took an #allbodiesmatter stance. “There’s girls everywhere with this body type,” Cyrus told the New York Times, right before calling Nicki’s grievance just another “catfight.” It was Cyrus’s frightened response to the “angry black girl” trope, which included Minaj’s now-infamous question that some believe put an end to Miley’s “thug life.” In the most recent Billboard interview, Cyrus is really trying to put that image to bed — but she comes off as the typical colorblind white woman who still doesn’t seem to get how she’s been appropriating black culture over the last several years. She calls the fact that she was called out for using black women’s bodies as props “mind-boggling” and denies any wrongdoing in “taking advantage of black culture.” White People: I Want You To Understand Yourselves Better Your survival has never depended on your knowledge of white culture. In fact, it’s required your ignorance. theestablishment.co But her comments about Kendrick Lamar highlight the real issue with Cyrus wearing blackness like a costume. She has reduced rap culture to nothing more than Lambos, dicks, and Lamar. Her comments reek of respectability politics and seem heavily coded in racism, with her cherry-picking negative stereotypes from the genre she poached the first time she felt it was time to re-create herself. Throughout the entire article, she goes to great lengths to disassociate herself from behaviors that can be coded as “urban,” and her repeated usage of the word “roots” seems synonymous with “white.” She even boasts about how she was inspired to reach beyond what she calls “outspoken liberals” to “cultivate country fans and red staters” (a phrase that could also be read to mean Trump supporters). I know I shouldn’t be as mad as I am. But seeing Miley categorize all of her “hoodrat” shenanigans of the past few years as a “phase” is exactly why people of color constantly fight to protect their culture. Cyrus has been waiting for the perfect moment to retreat back to her country facade and the white privilege that comes with it. And it is black women who will suffer from this, who will be ridiculed for the aspects of their identity Cyrus borrowed for a profit, long after she’s shed the faux-extensions and taken out the gold grills to get back into the good graces of her white fan base. On Saturday, after being dragged up and down on social media and Black Twitter, Cyrus released an additional statement on Instagram: “I have always and will continue to love and celebrate hip hop as I’ve collaborated with some of the very best!” She continued: “At this point in my life I am expanding personally/musically and gravitating more towards uplifting, conscious rap! As I get older I understand the effect music has on the world & Seeing where we are today I feel the younger generation needs to hear positive powerful lyrics! I am proud to be an artist with out [sic] borders and thankful for the opportunity to explore so many different styles/sounds! I hope my words (sung or spoken) always encourage others to LOVE…. Laugh…. Live fully…. to be there for one another… to unify, and to fight for what’s right (human, animal, or environmental) Sending peace to all! Look forward to sharing my new tunes with you soon!” Though this statement may seem innocuous, asserting herself as more “evolved” for listening to “conscious” rap still alludes to parts of hip-hop culture being inferior if they do not follow respectability politics. It also doesn’t address her complete overhaul from cultural appropriation to country girl. Miley’s temporary gentrification of hip-hop music is nothing new. Miley’s temporary gentrification of hip-hop music is, of course, nothing new. She is not the first talent to toss their “urban” persona as soon as they reached new heights of popularity. I still remember when P!nk actually had fuchsia pink hair and spoke with a “blaccent” before she successfully transitioned into a more mainstream aesthetic. And not long after P!nk came Justin Timberlake, who transformed from a B-Boy grabbing on Janet Jackson’s titty to singing jingles for the Troll movie. Today we have Justin Bieber going through his rap renaissance, before likely abandoning that as well. Some — including Cyrus — may argue that this is all a part of artistic growth, but I wish these pop stars would skip the part of their career when they decide to exploit the genres that are already hard for aspiring black artists to break into. We know the only remedy is to keep on creating. To quote Miley Cyrus, in a time where authenticity matters, black artists know this: “We Can’t Stop.” Nicki MinajCultural AppropriationRacismMiley CyrusArts Creators 84 Follow Go to the profile of Jagger Blaec Jagger Blaec Tweet me @basicblaecgirl. In some circles they call me the #BlaecZoeBarnes.✨But mostly I'm just a story teller. Imaginary Love Child of Oprah&Sean Combs. Follow The Establishment The Establishment The conversation is much more interesting when everyone has a voice. Media funded and run by women; new content daily. More from The Establishment To Everyone Who’s Just Barely Holding It Together Go to the profile of Hanna Brooks Olsen Hanna Brooks Olsen 1.4K Also tagged Miley Cyrus The Funniest (and Most Confusing?) Anti-Trump Ad of the 2016 Campaign Go to the profile of Ted Scheinman Ted Scheinman 14 More from The Establishment Heineken’s Ad Is A Terrifying Sham — And I’ve Lived It Many Times Over Go to the profile of Ruchika Tulshyan Ruchika Tulshyan 115 RESPONSES The author has chosen not to show responses on this story. You can still respond by clicking the response bubble.