#I’m an itsy bitsy spider defender myself

[theywontletmebeprincipal]

no “both” option as that is for cowards. you will need to justify your answer with a short form essay

[ramblingsofa20something]

To my first therapist

I think of what you said to me all those years ago. When I am quietly driving to work or in my kitchen making pumpkin pancakes. A peace wraps its arms around my heart as I go through the daily motion of things. I was only 15 when we met, terrified of not reaching my “full potential”. As if being ordinary would be the worst thing that could ever happen to a person. My mother’s fear echoed in my head, a daily reminder that something was broken in me. You were the first person in my life to say “what if you didn’t do any of that?”. It never occurred to me. You said you saw me living in a small town, a quiet and peaceful life. I clung to the thought. My mother hated that you said that to me. She threatened to never take me back. I tried to defend the words but really I was defending myself. The part that knew I didn’t want to exceed, excel, and overcome. I just wanted a quiet to come over the chaos of my mind. For the first time in my life I felt seen. It’s funny how when we stop trying to be who we are not our life becomes extraordinary on its own. God knows exactly where we are going. He waited for me to stop forcing my way. And now I’m in tiny Carson city. A “hillbilly” town, my mom called it. I went to a unknown community college, not Stanford. I’m not a prima ballerina or professional singer. I spend my days having dance parties in the living room and singing “itsy bitsy spider”. I wake to little hands and big smiles. Aspirations come easily when your husband walks by your side holding your hand. And I would call my life full. I feel exceptional. And I’m happy. Something my 15 year old self thought I would never live long enough to see. You were right.

[setepenre-set]

Soundtrack for Megamind the Musical

lyrics:

Things Could Be Worse

MEGAMIND’S MOTHER: WE’VE ONLY MOMENTS LEFT UNTIL—

MEGAMIND’S FATHER: —THE SUN GOES SUPERNOVA; STILL—

BOTH: MY SON AT LEAST YOU’LL HAVE A CHANCE TO LIVE

MEGAMIND’S MOTHER: AND AS YOU GO INTO THE GREAT UNKNOWN I PROMISE YOU WON’T BE ALONE—

Here is your Minion. He will take care of you.

FATHER: And here is your binky. (he places glowing blue binky in escape pod.)

BOTH: THINGS COULD BE WORSE THINGS COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE OUR SON, AT LEAST, WILL LIVE THANK THE MERCY OF THE UNIVERSE

WE’VE ONLY MOMENTS LEFT, IT’S TRUE BUT AT LEAST WE’RE SPENDING THEM WITH YOU

(baby Megamind cries.)

MOTHER: Oh, my love; shhh. DON’T YOU CRY ANY MORE

FATHER: MY SON, YOU ARE DESTINED FOR—

MEGAMIND: I didn’t quite hear that last part. But it sounded important. Destined for—what?

CITIZENS: THINGS COULD BE WORSE THINGS COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE YOU BETTER REMEMBER THAT SAY THANK YOU TO THE UNIVERSE

TRUE, A BLACK HOLE HAS CRUSHED EVERYTHING YOU LOVED TO DUST BUT IT COULD BE WORSE THINGS COULD BE WORSE

MEGAMIND: I set out to find my destiny!

CITIZENS: OH NOW DARLING DON’T YOU CRY OR YOU’LL GET SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT THINK OF THIS AS A CHANCE TO LEARN ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO WITHOUT

IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD IT’S JUST THE END OF THE WORLD THINGS COULD BE WORSE THEY’RE GONNA GET WORSE

MEGAMIND: Turns out a kid from the Glaupunkt Quadrant had the exact same idea as me. That was the day I met Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes. And our glorious rivalry was born!

Was this what I was destined for? A dream life, filled with luxury? Apparently not! Even fate picks its favorites. No big deal.

CITIZENS: IT COULD BE WORSE IT COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE TRY TO REMEMBER THIS WHEN YOU FEEL YOU HAVE BEEN CURSED

OH NOW DARLING DON’T YOU CRY OR YOU’LL GET SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT THINK OF THIS AS A CHANCE TO LEARN ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO WITHOUT

YOU’LL GROW UP BEHIND PRISON BARS BUT YOU SHOULD THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS BECAUSE THINGS COULD BE WORSE THINGS ARE GONNA GET WORSE

MEGAMIND: After a few years, and with some time off for good behavior, I was given an opportunity to better myself through learning at a strange place called shool.

It was there that I once again ran into Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes.

He had already amassed a gigantic army of soft-headed groupies. He bought their affections with showmanship and extravagant displays of his power. So I, too, would show off my special talents and win over those mindless drones!

That’s when I learned a very hard lesson. Good receives all the praise and adulation, while evil is sent to quiet time in the corner. So fitting in wasn’t really an option.

CHORUS: IT COULD BE WORSE IT COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE TRY TO REMEMBER THIS WHEN YOU FEEL YOU HAVE BEEN CURSED

MEGAMIND: Some days, it felt like it was just me and Minion against the world.

CHORUS: YOU HAVE ONE FRIEND IN THE WORLD SO IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD IT COULD BE WORSE IT COULD BE WORSE

MEGAMIND: While they were learning the Itsy Bitsy Spider, I learned how to dehydrate animate objects and rehydrate them at will!

No matter how hard I tried, I was always the odd man out.

The last one picked. The screw up, the black sheep…

STUDENT ONE: Freak!

STUDENT TWO: Weirdo!

METRO BOY: Get him!

MEGAMIND: The bad boy.

CITIZENS: OH NOW DARLING DON’T YOU CRY OR YOU’LL GET SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT THINK OF THIS AS A CHANCE TO LEARN ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO WITHOUT

IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD YOU DON’T FIT IN THIS WORLD

MEGAMIND: Was this my destiny?

YOUNG MEGAMIND: Being bad is the one thing I’m good at.

MEGAMIND: If I was the bad boy, then I was going to be the baddest boy of them all!

YOUNG MEGAMIND: I CAN BE WORSE I CAN BE SO MUCH WORSE I CAN BE THE BADDEST THING IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE

MEGAMIND & YOUNG MEGAMIND: OH, YOU THINK THAT I’M BAD NOW? I AM GONNA SHOW YOU HOW I CAN BE WORSE I’M GONNA BE WORSE

MEGAMIND: I was destined to be a supervillain! And we were destined to be rivals!

And so began an enduring, epic, lifelong career. And I loved it! Our battles quickly got more elaborate. He would win some. I would almost win others! He took the name Metro Man: Defender of Metrocity.

I decided to pick something a little more humble.

Megamind! Incredibly handsome criminal genius and master of all villainy!

CITIZENS: THINGS COULD BE WORSE THINGS COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE YOU BETTER REMEMBER THAT SAY THANK YOU TO THE UNIVERSE

YOU’VE FINALLY FOUND YOUR PLACE

MEGAMIND: True, it’s getting punched in the face.

CITIZENS: BUT THINGS COULD BE WORSE THINGS COULD BE WORSE

MEGAMIND: Yes, things could certainly be a lot worse!

Oh, that’s right. I’m falling to my death. Guess they can’t.

I’m So Bad

MEGAMIND: THE EVIL PLOT IS RIGHT ON SCHEDULE I COULD JUST EVIL LAUGH WITH JOY LOOK OUT NOW, METROCITY! I PLAN TO BE A BAD, BAD BOY

GONNA SHOW OFF MY TRUE COLORS LET MY FIENDISH BRILLIANCE SHINE I’M MEGAMIND, THE EVIL GENIUS! AND SOON THIS CITY WILL BE MINE!

BECAUSE I’M BAD, BABY I’M THE BADDEST THING IN TOWN AND I AM GOOD AT IT AND METRO MAN IS GOING DOWN!

I’LL ALWAYS BE A VILLAIN What can I say; it’s just a gift! OH, I’M SO BAD AND EVIL—

MINION: Well, hello, good looking; need a lift?

MEGAMIND: Certainly do you fantastic fish, you!

MINION: Get in the invisible car, you!

MEGAMIND: OH, I AM BAD, BABY THE BADDEST THING YOU’VE EVER SEEN MY HEART IS BLACK AND WICKED AND I’M SO HORRIBLE AND MEAN!

Nice work sending me the disguise watch, Minion!

MINION: You got it, Sir!

MEGAMIND: Ah, there’s no place like evil lair!

MINION: Oh, the brainbots certainly missed you, Sir!

(Brainbots make ‘bowg’ noises of enthusiasm.)

MEGAMIND: Did you miss your daddy? Who’s a menacing little cyborg? You are; yes you are!

OH, I’M SO BAD, BABY PEOPLE SEE ME AND THEY RUN THEY KNOW I’M MEAN AND NASTY OH, BEING EVIL’S SO MUCH FUN! (The Brainbots bring him his cape and help him into it.) Ah, my cape! How do I look, Minion? Do I look bad?

MINION: Disgustingly horrifying, Sir!

MEGAMIND: You always know what to say!

IT’S GOOD TO BE BAD, MINION! TIME TO UNVEIL THE EVIL PLAN

MINION: This one’s sure to work, Sir!

MEGAMIND: AND WE WILL DEFEAT METRO MAN! (Roxanne stirs and begins to wake.) Ah, she’s awake! Places! Places!

IT’S SUCH A GOOD BAD FEELING WHEN THE CROWD’S CURSING YOUR NAME

I KNOW I MIGHT BE INFAMOUS BUT INFAMY’S STILL FAME! (Brainbot pulls bag from Roxanne’s head; all Brainbots exit.) Miss Ritchi! We meet again!

ROXANNE: Would it kill you to wash the bag?

MEGAMIND: You can scream all you wish, Miss Ritchi! I’m afraid no one can hear you! (pause) Why isn’t she screaming?

MINION: Miss Ritchi; if you wouldn’t mind.

MEGAMIND: Like this! (screams)

I’M SO BAD, BABY LET ME HEAR THOSE FRIGHTENED PLEAS I’M JUST THE SUPERVILLAIN TO BRING THIS CITY TO ITS KNEES

Except, of course, for you, Miss Ritchi. As my evil queen, you will, obviously, be exempt from any shows of obedience required from the ordinary populace.

ROXANNE: Ugh, the evil queen joke is getting really old.

MEGAMIND: It’s not—

ROXANNE: Almost as old as this bag.

MEGAMIND: Again with the bag?! You don’t seem to be taking all of this seriously!

DON’T YOU KNOW THAT I AM BAD, MISS RITCHI? CAN’T YOU SEE THE PERIL YOU ARE IN? MY EVIL PLAN’S COMPLETE NOW AND THIS TIME I WILL WIN!

COME ON AND SCREAM FOR ME LET ME HEAR YOU SHRIEK WITH FEAR! (silence) I SAID SCREAM FOR ME! (Minion screams quietly.) That’s what I like to hear!

I’LL ALWAYS BE A VILLAIN THE BADDEST VILLAIN OF THEM ALL I’M GOOD AT BEING EVIL

Today Metrocity will fall!

Better Than This

MEGAMIND: I’VE GOTTA DO

MEGAMIND & ROXANNE: BETTER THAN THIS

ROXANNE: DON’T YOU KNOW YOU’RE

MEGAMIND & ROXANNE: BETTER THAN THIS PUT THAT GIANT BLUE HEAD TO GOOD USE COME ON, MEGAMIND; JUST THINK—

MEGAMIND: BUT SHE’S SO BRILLIANTLY SMART

ROXANNE: YOU’RE SO SMART

MEGAMIND: DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO START

ROXANNE: DON’T YOU KNOW THAT

MEGAMIND: A HEROINE LIKE HER DESERVES THE VERY BEST IN VILLAINY BUT ALL THE THINGS THAT SHE’S SEEN

ROXANNE: YEAH, I’VE SEEN THAT

MEGAMIND: EVERY EVIL MACHINE

ROXANNE: STILL NOT SCARY

MEGAMIND: MY INVENTIONS AND MY GADGETS; NONE OF IT’S BAD ENOUGH FOR HER

I’VE GOT FLAMETHROWERS AND SAWS

ROXANNE: SAW THAT LAST TIME

MEGAMIND: AND I’M GRASPING AT STAWS

ROXANNE: I THINK IT’S PAST TIME TO GET OUT OF THAT DEATHTRAP THAT YOU’VE LOCKED YOURSELF INSIDE IT IS SO VERY CLEAR

MEGAMIND: IT’S SO CLEAR

ROXANNE: I DON’T FEEL ANY FEAR

MEGAMIND: I’M A FAILURE

MEGAMIND & ROXANNE: AND I KNOW I’M NOT AS SMART AS YOU, BUT EVEN I CAN SEE

SOMEONE AS AMAZING AS YOU DESERVES BETTER AND NEW AND I WISH THAT I COULD TELL YOU BUT YOU DON’T CARE WHAT I THINK

STILL, I PROMISE I KNOW THE TRUTH UNDER THE SHOW

MEGAMIND: GOTTA DO BETTER

ROXANNE: DON’T YOU KNOW THAT YOU’RE BETTER

MEGAMIND: BUT MY PHASERS DON’T PHASE HER THE SPIKES AND THE LASERS I’VE GOTTA DO BETTER

ROXANNE: DON’T YOU KNOW

MEGAMIND: OH, I KNOW

ROXANNE: YOU DESERVE

MEGAMIND: YOU DESERVE

MEGAMIND & ROXANNE: YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS

Metro Man

METRO MAN: Yeah, Metro City! Look at this great museum! I’m—

CITIZENS: METRO MAN; METRO MAN HE’S BRAVE AND STRONG; CAN DO NO WRONG OUR HERO, METRO MAN!

METRO MAN: Hey-hey! Thanks I’m—

CITIZENS: METRO MAN; METRO MAN HE’S ATHLETIC, ENERGETIC THANK YOU SO MUCH, METRO MAN!

METRO MAN: You’re welcome, Metro City! You know, I’ve been—

CITIZENS: METRO MAN

METRO MAN: —for a long—

CITIZENS: METRO MAN

METRO MAN: —time now, and—

CITIZENS: HE’S COURAGEOUS; HERE TO SAVE US

METRO MAN: Like, a really long time, now—

CITIZENS: HE IS CONSTANTLY ON CALL

METRO MAN: —so I guess what��

CITIZENS: METRO MAN

METRO MAN: —what I’m trying—

CITIZENS: METRO MAN

METRO MAN: —trying to say is—

CITIZENS: HE’S PERPETUALLY ON DUTY AND NO PROBLEM IS TOO SMALL

METRO MAN: —I—

CITIZENS: METRO MAN; METRO MAN OUR DEPENDABLE DEFENDER THREE CHEERS FOR METRO MAN!

Piece of the Action

HOT FLASH: GOTTA GET A PIECE OF THE ACTION GOTTA GET A PIECE OF THE PIE JUST DESERTS AND SATISFACTION GET ROXANNE RITCHI, AND THEN IT’S

HOT FLASH & LADY DOPPLER: GOODBYE

LADY DOPPLER: TO PLAYING SECOND FIDDLE TO A BLUE FREAK WITH A GIANT HEAD WE’RE GONNA CHANGE THE MUSIC MAKE HIM DANCE TO OUR TUNE INSTEAD

PSYCHO DELIC: THE TIME’S RIPE FOR A CHANGE NOW DOOM SYNDICATE IS ON THE RISE GONNA GET SOME OF THAT FAME AND FORTUNE MEGAMIND’S IN FOR A SURPRISE

DESTRUCTION WORKER: GOTTA GET A PIECE OF THE ACTION GET OUR FAIR SHARE OF THE LOOT GONNA SEIZE CONTROL NOW GRIND THIS CITY BENEATH OUR BOOT

ALL: GOTTA GET A PIECE OF THE ACTION THIS CITY’S OURS TO TAKE GOTTA GET A PIECE OF THE ACTION

HOT FLASH: THIS IS GONNA BE A PIECE OF CAKE

ALL: GOTTA GET A PIECE OF THE ACTION RESPECT AND POWER WE REQUIRE

HOT FLASH: You know, I’ve really been thinking—it’s time for the Overlord to retire.

Anyone Can Be A Hero

ROXANNE: Yeah! I mean, it’s like they say—heroes aren’t born; they’re made.

MEGAMIND: …heroes can be made. (Music for ANYONE CAN BE A HERO begins as they each get an idea)

MEGAMIND & ROXANNE: That’s it!

MEGAMIND: IT’S SO SIMPLE

ROXANNE: IT’S SO SIMPLE

MEGAMIND & ROXANNE:  SO VERY SIMPLE

MY EYES HAVE BEEN UNCLOUDED AND I’M SUDDENLY SO SURE

MY THOUGHTS WERE LOST IN ENDLESS DARKNESS BUT YOU’VE LIT MY MIND ON FIRE AND NOW IT’S WORKING BETTER THAN IT EVER HAS BEFORE

ANYONE CAN BE A HERO ANYONE CAN SAVE THE DAY I WAS LOST, ALONE, IN DARKNESS BUT NOW I REALLY THINK THAT I CAN FINALLY SEE MY WAY

MEGAMIND: Heroes can be made! All you need are the right ingredients!

ROXANNE: Yeah! Bravery—

MEGAMIND: Yes!

ROXANNE: Strength!

MEGAMIND: Of course!

ROXANNE: Determination!

MEGAMIND: Imperative!

AND JUST A LITTLE SMIDGEN OF THE FORMER HERO’S DNA

I’LL MAKE A HERO

ROXANNE: I’LL BE A HERO

MEGAMIND & ROXANNE: MY OWN HERO

ROXANNE: SOMEONE HAS TO STOP HIM AND THAT SOMEBODY IS ME

MEGAMIND: What?

ROXANNE: ANYONE CAN BE A HERO EVEN SOMEBODY LIKE ME THERE’S DARK AND EVIL ALL AROUND US BUT I CAN BE THE LIGHT OF CHANGE AND SET THE CITY FREE

MEGAMIND: Yes!

ROXANNE: I CAN DO IT

MEGAMIND: YOU CAN DO IT

ROXANNE: I CAN— You—you really think so?

MEGAMIND: Of course you can, Roxanne!

ROXANNE: I CAN DO IT

MEGAMIND: YOU CAN DO IT

ROXANNE: I CAN BE A HERO

MEGAMIND: BE A HERO

THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS BECOMES THE HERO THAT I NEED I WAS FEELING LIKE A FAILURE BUT WITH A HERO LIKE ROXANNE MY PLAN CANNOT HELP BUT SUCCEED

ROXANNE: I’ll find out what Megamind is up to—

MEGAMIND: —I should have most of the equipment already in the Lair—

ROXANNE: —I’ll figure out how to stop him—

MEGAMIND: —I’ll start work on the formula tonight!

ANYONE CAN BE A HERO ESPECIALLY SOMEONE LIKE YOU BRAVE AND SMART AND SO DETERMINED YOU’RE A HERO THROUGH AND THROUGH

MEGAMIND & ROXANNE: ANYONE CAN BE A HERO ANYONE CAN HEED THE CALL I WAS LOST, ALONE, IN DARKNESS BUT NOW YOU’VE SHOWN ME THE LIGHT AND I’M NOT LOST AT ALL

ROXANNE: IT’S SO SIMPLE

MEGAMIND: YOU CAN DO IT

ROXANNE: I CAN BE A HERO

MEGAMIND: THE PERFECT PLAN

ROXANNE: I CAN DO IT

MEGAMIND: THE CITY’S HERO

ROXANNE: I’LL BE A HERO

MEGAMIND & ROXANNE: MY OWN HERO

ANYONE CAN BE A HERO ANYONE CAN BE A HERO ANYONE CAN

Nice Guy

HAL:

Can she seriously not take a hint? I mean, how many times do I have to ask her out before she gets it? What, is she really still hung up on stupid Metro Man? Yeah, okay, he died, and it was like, sad and whatever. But come on! It is soooo obvious that I’m the one she should have been with all along!

WHY DO HOT GIRLS ONLY LIKE JERK DUDES I’VE PUT IN THE WORK, DUDE I’VE BEEN, LIKE, A GOOD FRIEND

COME ON ROXAROO HAVEN’T I BEEN THERE FOR YOU? NO ONE ELSE CARES FOR YOU LIKE ME

‘CAUSE I’M A NICE GUY NICEST GUY YOU’VE EVER KNOWN BUT I’M IN THE FRIENDZONE WHY CAN’T YOU COMPREHEND

WE ARE MEANT TO BE YOU ARE MEANT TO BE WITH ME COME ON ROXY CAN’T YOU SEE YOU’RE MINE

‘CAUSE I’M A NICE GUY AND I’VE SHOWED IT SO I’D SAY I’M OWED IT AND I’M GETTING TIRED OF THE WAIT

MILADY’S A COQUETTE STOP PLAYING HARD TO GET IT’S TIME TO PAY THE DEBT YOU OWE

YEAH, I’M A NICE GUY NICEST GUY YOU’VE EVER KNOWN BEEN IN THE FRIENDZONE I’D SAY I DESERVE AT LEAST A DATE

I’M SO STEADFAST I’VE ASKED AND ASKED AND ASKED BUT NICE GUYS FINISH LAST ALWAYS

AND I’M A NICE GUY SUCH A NICE GUY THAT HAS TO BE WHY ‘CAUSE I’M A NICE GUY WELL, ROXY MAYBE I SHOULD STOP BEING NICE—

Oh, I’m totally kidding; totally kidding! I would never do that!

‘CAUSE I’M A NICE GUY

Going To Go Wrong

MINION: Oh, I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all. Why in the world does Sir even need a hero? It doesn’t make any sense!

MEGAMIND (as Space Dad): The flames of my evil burn bright! Now you say something cool back at me.

HAL: You…bad! Aaaraaaghhhh!

MINION: THIS IS SUCH A BAD IDEA AN INESCAPABLY BAD PLAN

HAL: Smash! Smash! Smash!

MINION: I CAN’T SEE HIM AS A HERO, SIR AND REALLY I CANNOT SEE HOW YOU CAN

IT’S GOING TO GO WRONG

MEGAMIND: Can’t wait—LOL—smiley face!

MINION: IT’S GOING TO GO WRONG

MEGAMIND: THINGS ARE GOING RIGHT THINGS ARE GOING RIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I REALLY FEEL THE FUTURE’S GOING TO BE BRIGHT

THINGS ARE GOING RIGHT Oh, what fun!

ROXANNE: You don’t get out much, do you? I used to come here with my mother when I was a kid. It was one of my favorite things to do. Now look at it. It’s a dump.

MINION: IT’S GOING TO GO WRONG IT’S GOING TO GO WRONG BUT SIR HAS GOT ONE OF HIS BRIGHT IDEAS SO EVERYONE HAS GOT TO PLAY ALONG

IT’S GOING TO GO WRONG Why are we cleaning up the city, Sir?

MEGAMIND: Well, we don’t want to battle our new hero in a dump, now, do we?

ROXANNE: It’s clean! But how? Why?

MEGAMIND: Maybe Megamind isn’t so bad after all.

THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD IDEA

MINION: THIS IS SUCH A BAD IDEA

MEGAMIND: I’M SO GLAD I CHANGED THE PLAN

MINION: AN INESCAPABLY BAD PLAN

MEGAMIND: FATE GAVE ME A DIFFERENT PATH AND NOW I’M HERE AND PARTNERS WITH ROXANNE

MINION: IT’S GOING TO GO WRONG DISASTER’S LOOMING NEAR AND THE ONLY THING TO HOPE FOR IS IT DOESN’T GO AS BADLY AS I FEAR

IT’S GOING TO GO WRONG

MEGAMIND: Oh, that was such a funny story! And brilliantly told, by the way. Okay, now you tell one!

ROXANNE: Bernard, I never knew you were so funny!

MEGAMIND: And—I never heard you laugh before.

ROXANNE: Yeah, it’s been a while. Feels pretty good.

THINGS ARE GOING RIGHT I’M SO GLAD TO HAVE YOU HERE I HAVEN’T QUITE GOT THIS DECIPHERED YET BUT I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT SOON IT WILL BE CLEAR

MEGAMIND & ROXANNE: THINGS ARE GOING RIGHT

MINION: IT’S GOING TO GO WRONG

MEGAMIND: NOTHING’S GOING TO WRONG

MINION: IT’S GOING TO GO WRONG AND THEN YOU’LL SEE I’M RIGHT, SIR AND YOU’LL SEE THAT I HAVE BEEN RIGHT ALL ALONG

MEGAMIND & ROXANNE: THINGS ARE GOING RIGHT

ROXANNE: I’M SO GLAD YOU HAVE YOU HERE

MEGAMIND: I’M SO GLAD TO BE HERE

MINION:

DISASTER’S LOOMING NEAR

IT IS GOING TO GO WRONG SOON AND THE ONLY THING TO HOPE FOR IS IT DOESN’T GO AS BADLY AS I FEAR

MEGAMIND & ROXANNE: THINGS ARE GOING RIGHT

MINION: SIR IS HEADED FOR A FALL BUT THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO EXCEPT TO STAND BEHIND HIM AND THEN PICK UP ALL THE PIECES WHEN IT’S THROUGH

IT’S GOING TO GO WRONG

IT’S GOING TO GO WRONG

Let Me Be Good

MEGAMIND: I’VE READ THE COMIC BOOKS AND NOVELS SEEN THE TELEVISION SHOWS WATCHED A MILLION ACTION MOVIES I KNOW HOW THIS STORY GOES

BEING BAD HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE ONLY THING I COULD DO RIGHT AND PEOPLE ALWAYS LOOK SO HAPPY AS THEY WATCH ME LOSE A FIGHT

EVERY STORY NEEDS A HERO THE HERO ALWAYS HAS TO WIN THE VILLAIN HAS TO BE DEFEATED AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN

AND I’M TIRED

I’M TIRED OF THIS DESTINY I AM TIRED OF LOOKING IN THE MIRROR AND SEEING ME BUT I CAN FIX THAT AND MAYBE THEN I CAN BE FREE

FATE, LET ME GO LET ME GO LET ME BE

LET ME BE GOOD

I WANT TO BE GOOD THIS TIME WIPE THE LEDGER CLEAN AND START ANEW BE SOMEBODY GOOD THIS TIME SOMEONE WHO’S NOT EVIL AND NOT BLUE

ALL MY LIFE, I’VE NEVER THOUGHT I COULD BE SOMEBODY GOOD BUT FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE—

MAYBE I COULD

I WANT TO BELONG THIS TIME STEP ONTO THE STREETS AND NOT HEAR SCREAMS PEOPLE SMILE AND WAVE THIS TIME IT’S JUST LIKE THE CITY IN MY DREAMS

I HAVE NEVER DONE SO WELL AT KNOWING RIGHT FROM WRONG BUT FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE—

LET ME BELONG

AND MAYBE IT’LL WORK THIS TIME AND I CAN RIGHT THE WRONGS THAT I HAVE DONE AND I’LL LEARN TO BE GOOD THIS TIME AND I’LL EARN MY PLACE HERE IN THE SUN

ALL MY LIFE, I’VE ALWAYS THOUGHT I WAS EVIL TO THE CORE BUT FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE—

LET ME BE MORE

PLEASE LET ME BE GOOD THIS TIME LET ME HAVE A CHANCE TO MAKE HER SMILE AND I KNOW I’M NOT WORTH HER TIME BUT LET ME MAKE HER HAPPY FOR A WHILE

I HAVE NEVER DONE SO WELL AT DOING WHAT I SHOULD BUT FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE—

LET ME BE GOOD

Stupid Girl

ROXANNE: STUPID GIRL DON’T YOU DARE LOOK BACK AGAIN DON’T YOU DARE WATCH HIM GO OR THINK ABOUT WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

YOU WERE FALLING IN LOVE WHILE HE WAS PLAYING A PART STUPID GIRL STUPID GIRL STUPID HEART

YOU THOUGHT THAT YOU COULD SOLVE THE PLAN HE’D MADE THOUGHT YOU COULD WIN THE GAME ALL ALONG YOU WERE GETTING PLAYED

DON’T YOU DARE LOOK BACK DON’T YOU DARE WATCH HIM GO STUPID GIRL STUPID GIRL DON’T YOU KNOW

YOU’RE JUST A STUPID GIRL WHO THOUGHT SHE WAS SO SMART STUPID GIRL STUPID GIRL STUPID HEART

STUPID GIRL ALL ALONE IN THE RAIN YOU’VE JUST YOURSELF TO BLAME SO DON’T YOU DARE COMPLAIN

YOU KNOW IT’S YOUR OWN FAULT FOR BEING SO NAIVE STUPID GIRL STUPID GIRL TO BELIEVE

THAT AT LAST YOU HAD SOMEONE’S RESPECT ALL OF THE LIES HOW COULD YOU NOT SUSPECT

YOU’RE JUST A STUPID GIRL AND IT WAS ALL A LIE STUPID GIRL STUPID GIRL TELL ME WHY

YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD BE MORE THAN A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS YOU’RE JUST A STUPID GIRL WHO LOOKS PRETTY IN A DRESS

YOU WERE FALLING IN LOVE WHILE HE WAS PLAYING A PART STUPID GIRL STUPID GIRL STUPID HEART

Piece of the Action (reprise)

HOT FLASH: GONNA GET A PIECE OF THE ACTION

HOT FLASH & LADY DOPPLER: GONNA GET A PIECE OF THE PIE

HOT FLASH, LADY DOPPLER, PSYCHO DELIC, & DESTRUCTION WORKER: JUST DESERTS AND SATISFACTION

HOT FLASH, LADY DOPPLER, PSYCHO DELIC, DESTRUCTION WORKER, & HAL: NO MORE BEING A NICE GUY

HEROISM IS FOR LOSERS SO JOIN THE VILLAINS’ TEAM INSTEAD GONNA GET A PIECE OF THE ACTION AND PAINT METRO CITY RED

Going to Go Wrong (reprise)

MINION: IT’S GOING TO GO WRONG DISASTER’S LOOMING NEAR BUT THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO IF, SIR, YOU SAY THAT YOU DON’T EVEN WANT ME HERE

SIR IS HEADED FOR A FALL BUT THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO EXCEPT—

There. It’s finished now. Time to go.

I’m So Bad (reprise)

MEGAMIND: DON’T YOU KNOW THAT I AM BAD BABY PEOPLE SEE ME AND THEY RUN THEY KNOW I’M MEAN AND NASTY OH, BEING EVIL’S SO MUCH FUN

AND I AM BAD, BABY THE BADDEST THING IN TOWN THE ONLY THING I’M GOOD AT It’s time to go down…in style.

See Through Lead

METRO MAN: I HAVE EYES THAT CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH LEAD BUT I GAVE IT ALL UP TO SING INSTEAD

I USED TO SPEND MY TIME FIGHTING A SUPERVILLAIN BUT PUNCHIN’ GIANT ROBOTS NEVER FELT FULFILLIN’ SO I CAME UP WITH A BRILLIANT PLAN I FAKED MY DEATH AND NOW THEY CALL ME MUSIC MAN!

Only One Here Is Me

ROXANNE: I HAVE ALWAYS     SEEN THE GOOD IN YOU ALL THE WORTH YOU TRY TO HIDE I KNOW YOU’RE GOOD INSIDE NOW I NEED YOU TO STEP INTO THE LIGHT

I NEED YOU I NEED YOU TO BE A HERO THE ONE I’VE ALWAYS KNOWN THAT YOU COULD BE NEED YOU TO BE IT NOW FOR ME MEGAMIND, IT’S TIME TO PROVE ME RIGHT

MEGAMIND: I’M NOT A HERO I KNOW I’M NOT A HERO ALL I EVER DO IS FAIL THE VILLAIN’S NOT MEANT TO PREVAIL

ROXANNE: I NEED YOU TO RISE UP AGAIN AND FIGHT

SAVE ME I AM ASKING YOU TO SAVE ME I CAN’T DO THIS ALONE BUT I HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN THAT YOU’LL BE THERE TO CATCH ME IF I FALL

I’VE ALWAYS KNOWN YOU COULD BE A HERO I KNOW THAT I’M NOT WRONG THE POTENTIAL’S BEEN THERE ALL ALONG AND NOW I NEED FOR YOU TO SHOW THEM ALL

MEGAMIND: I’M NOT A HERO I COULD NEVER BE ALL I’VE EVER BEEN IS THE VILLAIN YOU NEED A HERO BUT THE ONLY ONE HERE IS ME

AND I’M NOT A HERO THAT’S VERY CLEAR LOST EVERY FIGHT TO DATE YOU NEED SOMEONE GREAT YOU NEED A HERO BUT I’M THE ONLY ONE HERE

ROXANNE: I NEED YOU MEGAMIND, I NEED YOU

MEGAMIND: YOU DESERVE A HERO TO COME TO YOUR RESCUE BUT HEROES ARE IN SHORT SUPPLY AND I CAN’T JUST SIT BY YOU NEED A HERO BUT A VILLAIN WILL HAVE TO DO

ROXANNE: I HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN YOU COULD BE A HERO

MEGAMIND: I’M NOT A HERO ANYONE WOULD CHOOSE I’M WELL AWARE I DON’T HAVE A PRAYER BUT YOU NEED A HERO SO I’VE GOT ONE LAST FIGHT TO LOSE

I’M NOT A HERO I DON’T SAVE THE DAY IT’S NOT FATE’S DESIGN THAT DESTINY’S NOT MINE THE STORY DOESN’T GO THAT WAY BUT I WILL TRY TRY TO DEFY MY DESTINY YOU NEED A HERO AND THE ONLY ONE HERE IS ME

Things Could Be Worse (reprise)

CITIZENS: YOU’VE ONLY MOMENTS LEFT UNTIL YOUR INEVITABLE DEATH, BUT STILL

MEGAMIND: Normally, I’d just chalk this up as my last glorious failure—

CITIZENS: SOMETHING IN YOU WON’T LET YOU GIVE IN

MEGAMIND: —but not today.

I’LL FIND A REASON TO SURVIVE FIND A WAY TO STAY ALIVE

What can I say? Old habits die hard!

Path We Choose

MEGAMIND: ALL MY LIFE I BELIEVED IT WHEN THE WORLD SAID THAT EVIL WAS MY DESTINY

FOR SO LONG MY MIND’S BEEN SHACKLED BUT I’VE CAST OFF THE CHAINS OF LIES NOW, I AM FREE

ALL: YOU CAN BE A HERO YOU CAN BE A HERO IF YOU LOOK INSIDE YOU’LL FIND THAT YOU ARE GOOD

YOU ARE GONNA MAKE IT YOU ARE GONNA MAKE IT YOU ARE GONNA DO THE THINGS YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU COULD

MEGAMIND: I HAVE LIVED WITHOUT HOPE OF RESCUE ACCEPTANCE OR FORGIVENESS OR REPRIEVE

FOR SO LONG I THOUGHT I DESERVED THAT BUT MY MIND IS FREE NOW AND HERE IS WHAT I BELIEVE

ALL: YOU CAN BE A HERO YOU CAN BE A HERO THIS BATTLE YOU ARE FIGHTING CAN BE WON

YOU ARE GONNA MAKE IT YOU ARE GONNA MAKE IT YOU ARE GONNA STEP OUT FROM THE SHADOWS TO THE SUN

MEGAMIND: I’VE BEEN PUSHED DOWN AND THE WORLD HAS TOLD ME THAT I DIDN’T DESERVE ANYTHING MORE

BUT I’M THROUGH I’M THROUGH WITH FALLING THIS TIME, OH, THIS TIME I’M GONNA SOAR

ALL: THE WORLD MAY BE AGAINST US THE WORLD MAY BE AGAINST US BUT THIS IS NOT A FIGHT WE’RE GONNA LOSE

FATE IS NOT THE PATH WE’RE GIVEN FATE IS NOT THE PATH WE’RE GIVEN DESTINY’S THE PATH WE CHOOSE

(setepenre-set)

[hazel-k-proserpine]

Itsy Bitsy Spider

Well, I hope you all enjoy this like you seemed to enjoy the last one <3 -K

Peter had grown up without parents, so when he found Tony, it was like finding a lighthouse after being stuck in a storm at sea. He finally had someone that he could look up to, not only as a science mentor, but as someone who cared about him and wanted him to feel his absolute best all the time. 

Today was a day that he was not feeling his best, and Tony knew right away. Peter had walked into the Avengers tower right after school, and went straight to the room Tony had given him after the battle with Thanos. Tony always wanted to know the kid was safe and had a place where he felt wanted, so he made sure of it. His eyes followed him until the door shut, and then he walked into the kitchen. Peter generally felt better after he had something to eat, so Tony went to make himself and Peter a snack before he went to check on him. He made some smores and some hot chocolate, nothing was better in the cold New York winter than chocolate with toasted marshmallows. He walked over to Peter’s room and knocked on the door.

“Peter? Hey bud, can I come in? I brought snacks.” He heard a small yeah come through the door, and he saw Peter sitting on his bed, facing the windows. Tony set the tray down on his desk and sat down next to him on the bed. Peter turned away from him, so he couldn’t see his face. 

“What’s going on? I know something’s up, so don’t pull that teenager routine of saying you’re fine and hiding the real problem. Out with it.” He poked Peter on his side and in his neck, and Peter nearly fell off the bed from how hard he squirmed. 

“Ticklish are we?” Peter’s eyes widened and he pushed himself farther away from Tony. 

“Mr. Stark, please don’t. I- I...I’m doomed aren’t I?” Tony smirked and scooted closer to Peter. 

“Pretty much, but I promise I’ll stop when you need me to. I just figure you could use a good laugh. It seems like you’re having some problem and maybe you just need to relax.” Peter smiled slightly at that and resigned himself to being tickled for a little while by someone who cared about him. Tony smiled at him and started by pulling Peter back up onto the bed so that he could have better access to the rest of his body. He started to run his fingers all around Peter’s sides and stomach and he started to hear the kid’s light, breathy giggles. 

“How’re you doing so far kid?” Tony asked as he started to squeeze at Peter’s hips, which caused him to practically hiccup with laughter. Tony smiled as that happened, the kid wasn’t happy nearly enough of the time, and when he got to see him truly happy, it made Tony happy too. He started to hum “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” as he spidered his fingers up to Peter’s neck. 

“Ahahare you rehehehally humming the itsy-bitsy-spider?” Peter asked as Tony slowed his fingers. 

“Maybe I am. Problem with that Spidey?” Tony smirked, starting to trail his fingers down to under Peter’s arms. 

“You’re so lame.” 

“And....you’ve done it.” Tony spidered his fingers all over under Peter’s arms and Peter screamed out in laughter. Tony tickled everywhere, until finally, Peter gathered all of his air in his lungs and yelled, 

“Stop!” Tony immediately pulled back his fingers, and helped Peter into a sitting position. 

“Now, what was bothering you so much bud?” Tony asked, rubbing a hand over Peter’s back to try and help him breathe easier. 

“Well, there’s this girl at school, and I went to try and talk to her, but apparently one of the jocks on the football team likes her too, and pummeled me. I don’t have any bruises because I heal fast, but I couldn’t do anything to defend myself without showing my powers. And she saw me and I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m pathetic now, and I have no chance.” Peter sighed and leaned against Tony. 

“I’m sure she doesn’t think you’re pathetic. And if she does, I’m sorry, but she’s not worth it. Peter, you’re an amazing kid. You’re willing to put others before yourself, and you’re always trying to help people. You’re brilliant and kind and honestly, the only kid I can tolerate being around.” Peter smiled and hugged Tony. 

“Thanks dad----I mean, Mr. Stark.”

“No, Peter it’s okay. You can call me dad.” Peter looked at Tony in surprise and then smiled. Tony ruffled his hair, and then stood up to grab the, now cold, smores and hot chocolate. They enjoyed their snack together and then spent the rest of the day hanging out in the lab and watching t.v.

And if Peter went to school the next day and found the entire football team cowering around him, well, that could stay their little secret. 

I hope you all enjoy this one! -K

[setepenre-set]

(setepenre-set)

Things Could Be Worse

song for a musical theatre version of Megamind

(Megamind’s parents, the Chorus, Young Megamind, and Megamind sing Things Could Be Worse after Megamind’s opening monologue begins and the flashback to his planet starts.)

lyrics:

MOTHER: We’ve only moments left until

FATHER the sun goes supernova, still—

BOTH: my son, at least you’ll have a chance to live

MOTHER: And as you go into the great unknown I promise you won’t be alone

Here is your minion. he will take care of you.

FATHER: And here is your binky

BOTH: Things could be worse Things could be so much worse Our son, at least will live Thank the mercy of the universe

We’ve only moments left, it’s true But at least we’re spending them with you

MOTHER: Oh, my love—shhh

Don’t you cry any more

FATHER: My son, you are destined for—

(explosion)

MEGAMIND: I didn’t hear that last part. But it sounded important. Destined for what?

CHORUS: Things could be worse Things could be so much worse You better remember that Say thank you to the universe

True a black hole has crushed everything you loved to dust but it could be worse Things could be worse

MEGAMIND: I set out to find my destiny!

CHORUS: Oh now darling don’t you cry Or you’ll get something to cry about Think of this as a chance to learn All the things that you can down without

It’s not the end of the world it’s just the end of the world things could be worse They’re gonna get worse

MEGAMIND: Turns out a kid from the Glaupunkt quadrant had the exact same idea as me.

(golden pod knocks Megamind’s pod around)

MEGAMIND: That was the day I met Mr. Goody-two-shoes. And our glorious rivalry was born!

(pods fly towards city, Metro Man’s is headed towards prison, Megamind’s is headed towards the Scott Mansion)

MEGAMIND: Was this what I was destined for? A dream life, filled with luxury?

(Metro Man’s pod collides with Megamind’s; they rebound and Metro Man lands in the Scott Mansion while Megamind lands in the Prison)

MEGAMIND: Apparently not! Even fate picks its favorites. No big deal.

CHORUS: It could be worse It could be so much worse Try to remember this When you feel you have been cursed

Oh now darling don’t you cry Or you’ll get something to cry about Think of this as a chance to learn All the things that you can down without

MEGAMIND: Mr. Goody-two-shoes had life handed to him on a silver platter. The power of flight, invulnerability, and great hair. But I had something far, far greater. My amazing intellect and the knack for building objects of mayhem!

(explosion offstage, young Megamind enters looking dazed, Warden looks angry.)

CHORUS: Things could be worse Things could be so much worse So just remember that And say thank you to the universe

You’ll grow up behind prison bars But you should thank your lucky stars Because things could be worse (Things are gonna get worse)

MEGAMIND: After a few years, and with some time off for good behavior, I was given an opportunity to better myself through learning at a strange place called shool. It was there that I once again ran into Mr. Goody Two-Shoes.

(Young Megamind steps into the classroom; there’s a sign; “Show And Tell”. Metro Boy is showing off his powers to the delight of the other kids.)

MEGAMIND: He had already amassed a gigantic army of soft-headed groupies. He bought their affections with showmanship and extravagant displays of his power. So I, too, would show off my special talents and win over those mindless drones!

(explosion. Metro Boy puts Young Megamind in the corner and receives a gold star.)

MEGAMIND: That’s when I learned a very hard lesson: Good receives all the praise and adulation, while evil is sent to quiet-time in the corner. So fitting in wasn’t really an option.

CHORUS: It could be worse It could be so much worse Try to remember this When you feel you have been cursed

MEGAMIND: Some days, it felt like it was just me and Minion against the world.

CHORUS: You have one friend in the world So it’s not the end of the world It could be worse It could be worse

MEGAMIND: While they were learning the Itsy Bitsy Spider, I learned how to dehydrate animate objects and rehydrate them at will!

(dehydration, rehydration)

MEGAMIND: But no matter how hard I tried, I was always the odd man out.

(dodgeball)

MEGAMIND: The last one picked, the screw-up, the black sheep…

KID 1: Freak!

KID 2: Weirdo!

METRO BOY: Get him!

MEGAMIND: The bad boy.

(The kids round on Young Megamind and go to throw their balls at him; he flinches, protecting the Minion Ball. The scene freezes.

Young Megamind pulls out the spike helmet and puts it on. The scene unfreezes and the other kids fly backwards, still holding their balls, and act as though they’re suspended in the air. Metro Boy flies forward and tears the helmet off, then throws it down and stomps on it. The other kids drop to the ground and cheer. The Teacher points to the corner and Metro Boy takes Young Megamind there.)

CHORUS: Oh now darling don’t you cry Or you’ll get something to cry about Think of this as a chance to learn All the things that you can down without

It’s not the end of the world You don’t fit in this world

MEGAMIND: Was this my destiny? Wait, maybe it was. Being bad is the one thing I'm good at. If I was the bad boy, then I was going to be the baddest boy of them all.

YOUNG MEGAMIND: I can be worse I can be so much worse I can be the baddest thing In the entire universe

MEGAMIND & YOUNG MEGAMIND: You think that I’m bad now I am gonna show you how I can be worse I’m gonna be worse

(paint bomb)

MEGAMIND: I was destined to be a supervillain and we were destined to be rivals. And so began an enduring, epic, lifelong career. And I loved it! Our battles quickly got more elaborate. He would win some. I would almost win others! He took the name Metro Man: Defender of Metrocity. I picked something a little more humble: Megamind! Incredibly handsome criminal genius and master of all villainy!

CHORUS: Things could be worse Things could be so much worse You better remember that Say thank you to the universe

Oh now darling don’t you cry Or you’ll get something to cry about Think of this as a chance to learn All the things that you can down without

You’ve finally found your place

MEGAMIND: True it’s getting punched in the face

CHORUS: but things could be worse Things could be worse.

MEGAMIND: Yes, things could certainly be a lot worse…oh, that’s right. I’m falling to my death. Guess they can’t.

[theoneofwhomisblue]

Both have a cyclic life of torture, yes

But Sisyphus just got jacked rolling a rock over and over. It's rolling and then rolling and then rolling the same rock, it's boring, it's monotonous, it's physically difficult, but that doesn't even compare to what the itsy bitsy spider had to do

The itsy bitsy spider on the other hand, has to climb a metal tube, thousands of times taller than it, only to get splashed, and hit, and thrown around, and nearly drowned by a torrent of water incomprehensibly large. Then, it gets it prepared with it's few hours in which to heal, and mentally fortify itself for the coming day. Of insane mountaineering, on a proportion unrivaled by mount everest for humans, in the baking sun. Mild suffocation, alongside intense physical battery, as your progress is thrown away from you in a torrent of freezing water. And a cold night of trying to recuperate from the previous day; knowing that in a few hours, that torture shall start anew

no “both” option as that is for cowards. you will need to justify your answer with a short form essay