#I’m also realizing I haven’t properly introduced Emmie here yet

[mythrilpencil]

Bit of a Throwback Thursday—This is my little fairy mascot, Emmie (the fairy in my profile pic), in her summer outfit.

It’s been absolutely sweltering lately! Stay hydrated y’all!

[ranwritesstuff]

Belladonna Edison’s Journal No. 1

I heard that the love of my life is dead.

Emmy was murdered, they said. I heard of how brutal it was when the police driver relayed it to me in his squad car. I couldn’t do anything then but cry and wonder about the why’s and the who’s.

He was such a good man, kind-hearted, loving, accepting, compassionate, and beautiful - absolutely beautiful. Why would anyone harm him when he’s done them no wrong?

“Maybe I could try helping you with remembering anything that I can about possible suspects, officer.” I offer, trying to hide my grief behind a big, helpful smile.

“We would still need your statement, Ms. Edison, when we-“the officer started but I interjected quickly with a “how about I start now so we can finish early?”

I did not wait for his reply and started my retelling of our love story in the hopes that I may find something that could help in the investigation.

“I first met Emery Coen in the autumn of ’09. I saw him in a Halloween party that’s oh! What do you know?” I craned my neck to look behind us. “That’s where the party was held!”

The police officer glared at me through the rear view mirror. I guess he didn’t like the way I giggled. Emmy liked it though, that’s why I love him. He accepted and loved me when no one did.

“Anyways, I was dressed as a horror movie victim. I was sitting alone on one of the couches there and that’s when I saw him.” I took a moment (or maybe more) to smile at the memory. It made me feel turquoise, happy tendrils of color going through my body.

“Emmy was gorgeous, his light halo of hair was gelled down, a three piece suit hugged his muscular body. His laugh was just so cute but then it turned..“ I twisted my mouth, ”…weird. He was looking around every once and a while and I swear I would’ve done anything to make him laugh again. I would’ve killed the one that made him stop laughing like he did. But it came to me that it must have been because I haven’t introduced myself yet.

“So, I went and walked over to introduce myself. His friends all tried to be friendly but I didn’t care about them. I cared about how he was holding hands with–Aine.” I spat out the name like it was the most vile thing in the world, and she was.

“I thought that she was my friend! But she looked right through me like that was the first time she saw me. Whatever!” I was raising my voice maybe a bit too much but she tried to harm my Emmy.

“Her death grip on my Emmy’s hand was hurting him. He looked so uncomfortable; I wanted to just take him away from everyone. Maybe it was her, Officer. Maybe she just couldn’t take that Emmy loves me, not her. Stricken with so much grief on losing him, she murdered him so that no one else can have him.”

The officer just hummed at the road in front of him. “Maybe you could’ve been a greeeaaaat detective.” I’m still not sure but I think he sassed me. Silence ballooned between us after his /little/ comment and it was awhile before I even took a breath. “If there was such a thing as forever, Emmy and I would’ve started earlier if Tera wasn’t there when I confessed.”

I stared blankly out of the window for a while, it was such a shame that Tera had to go sooner than I originally planned. I would give anything to have her friendship back. I would still give absolutely everything to have Emmy back though.

The officer cleared his throat and I snapped back to reality.

“Ms. Edison, are you alright back there?” his annoying, gritty voice was laced with concern. {wow}

“Yes, shall I continue my story?” he replied with an uninterested hum but I know  that deep in his vested chest that he cared about what I had to say. “Morning light looks really pretty when light sheets of rain go through it. Like there are little rainbows everywhere you look and you know! It just makes everything seem much more special. But in reality nothing is and everything you did, everything you were proud of would just be gone-be just one big mistake. That’s how it felt.

“I saw Tera and Emmy together that August morning in 2014. They looked so content just being in each other’s company.” I sighed wearily and looked out the little town slowly rolling outside the squad car. It was too sunny for me. The nauseating hue was offending my very being. Nothing should be this bright when Emmy’s not here. Heck, I don’t think that anything has been dull ever since he’s been gone. Not even hospital gowns and bleached sheets. Everything is so sharp and crisp nowadays, don’t you agree, doctor? “I wanted-I wanted.” I didn’t even realize then that I was crying until I felt my throat constricted and dry. I swallowed to relieve my throat and continued on, “I wanted to- to be her so much. I wanted to be the-the re-receiving end of a gaze as-as-as loving as his. I did-didn’t want to be just the obsidian blue he sees me as. I wanted him to be as blue as his eyes are for me. I wanted him to hold my han-hand as carefully as he held hers. I wanted so much… "But I’m not Te-Tera and no matter what I do I would never be the great person she was nor the best friend she was to me even after my confession.” “What happened when you confessed, Ms. Edison?” the Officer did care after all, however I was so shocked then that I gaped at him before closing my mouth and properly answering him. “Well, I went to their booth and-and tried to get Emery to at least /remember/ me. But he kept on moving away and denying that he had even seen me before and called me /insane/.” I spat out bitterly. “Then I did the only thing I thought that would get through him.” I paused for breath. “I confessed my love for him.” The static white started to calm down behind my eyes. Just a calm, unmoving snowy white remained to cool my heart. “I lost control when I saw red bleed out to a fine pink. Not just the neon pink that wants to get your attention, it was the blood-in-water hue that could awaken monsters inside anyone. Do you know what I’m talking about, Officer?” He didn’t answer me again as the radio comm crackled into life for the nth time but that annoying voice was for him. I can’t remember what it was exactly that the other officer on the other end of the comm said but it was something about the transportation of a criminal? I don’t want to focus on that though. The silence was suffocating and I just let it brew for awhile. Just to get his full attention back. “I got kicked out of that Starbucks. I still do regret getting kicked out but it’s fine since there are better coffee shops out there. Although, it’s getting annoying that they’re starting to take over my little hometown with how many stores there are. There’s even one where they have a drive-thru! Who needs a drive-thru for a coffee shop?” I try to “lighten” the mood. “Well, there are people who are too busy to go down from their vehicle to go and get coffee.” the Officer explained. I think he was trying to entertain me to keep me away from our previous topic. He must’ve gotten what I meant. That would actually be impressive since no one ever got what I mean when I tell them about my emotions. Doctor, I hope that you could get it too. It’ll be easier for me to tell you what you want if you actually understand me. I let out a little puff of amusement and he laughed awkwardly. “Do you know what blue means, Officer?” “Well, it could mean a lot of things for different people like how it’s serenity or peace or even sadness in different flowers. It just depends on what kind you are.” “Well, for me it means love.” “Would you care to explain, Ms. Edison?” “My mom used to explain it to me when I was a kid like–I think so just because the clear sky is blue. If the sky is blue, it means that there’s no storm-no conflict. It means everyone is happy. No one is malcontent, no one is selfish, that everyone is given what they need and not what they want.” I wanted to smile, I really did but my mouth just wasn’t cooperating and the static was coming back up. “When I asked her what she would symbolize herself as when I was in high school, she answered ‘the sea’. She told me since I was the sky, and the sea reflects the sky and she feels whatever I’m feeling; it was the perfect match. I wonder if she also felt that pink run through her veins when I felt it. "It wouldn’t have mattered even then though. She’s already resting in heaven in a well-deserved vacation with the saints. "You know, after the confession, I never felt blue again for a few months. I didn’t understand how he could’ve smiled like he did when he got the daffodils I sent him but not when I was actually talking to him. "I couldn’t even dream normally. The colors were all distorted and nothing moved realistically. It was like seeing a colorful but colorblind shadow puppet show. I kept on feeling static white with splashes of reddish hues and violet purple blurbs that came to life too. It was like Emmy shattered my mind and it just bled to my body.” My hands were fists on my lap as I recollected the nightmares I went through after the confession. Luckily, I didn’t have to do it alone, Doctor. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t my promise to her. Thank her if she does go and visit because by the time I think I’m finished with this assignment, I wouldn’t be wearing just marigolds on my hair. “Tera tried to help me even after me almost hurting her. She’s such a kind, compassionate person. I don’t think I can do anything to pay back my favor. If that even was a favor.” By that, I meant that she came to me when I was still blaming her so bad, I almost did something…unfortunate for both sides. But you know what, Tera continues to be a role-model for me. Even if I hated her at first, I’m glad I didn’t act on my first instinct. She might be the last person I would betray but I’ve already failed on that one so what about a few more secrets? Well, she told me that she also had a crush on Emery a looong, long time ago. That there wasn’t anyone on the planet that wouldn’t have fell for his charms except if you were a “cold-hearted bitch”. She got over it and if she could do it, maybe /I/ could do it too. I was always obsidian but never blue. I couldn’t get to that right shade that would be the very meaning of love. Maybe it’s not in the color spectrum that I see? I maybe blind to the very thing that I need and want the most. This means that I don’t even have the right capacity to even do a very basic human skill. I can’t feel blue. I felt pink but never red. I never had the patience to end where and when I needed something to end. I don’t have a hobby. I never liked the program I went to in college, I didn’t have the patience to even take a bath for too long but for the first time in a long time, I really wanted him to stay with me. Red filled my very being and made me feel alive.