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wthzoe · 4 years ago

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chapter 7 pt. 1 - you can never be too happy in this life

'you can never be too happy in this life' damn that's it, that's the line

series masterlist - here

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a/n: wow would u look at that i'm alive lmao. i had so much planned for this chapter that i had to divide it in two. gee i hope no one suspects anything from the title. anyways im sorry for not updating more often 😭 didn't realize how time consuming funerals and emotions were. my laptop is still not working so rip me. posting on tumblr using a phone is a bitch. anyways, enjoy!

taglist(? is this even a list lol): @crayonwriting

The following days after the match had been nothing short of amazing. You'd say it's almost better than the day the triplets were born. Almost. Speaking of the triplets' birth, today was their 3rd birthday and the five of you were getting ready to go back to your hometown to celebrate with your grandparents.

Kuroo was nervous. Very much so. He was so nervous that he was quiet the whole drive there. You couldn't understand what he was so worried for, your grandparents loved him. They were so thrilled when you introduced him through a video call one time and your grandmother demanded you bring him home as soon as you can.

Chuckling softly, you reach for Kuroo's thigh. You felt him flinch then relax under your touch. He sighed then grabbed your hand with his before giving your knuckles a kiss.

"Are you nervous?" You playfully asked him to which he rolled his eyes.

"A little bit, yeah."

"A little bit?" You place your hand on his chest, feeling his racing heartbeat. "Yeah, that's only a little bit."

Once again, he rolled his eyes yet said nothing. You arrived at your destination in no time, the traffic being kind to you for once. The triplets excitedly shuffle in their seats at the sight of their old home. Kuroo laughs at their impatience while helping you get them out of their seats.

Your grandparents immediately come out to welcome you and the triplets in, your grandmother peppering all four of you with kisses. Your grandfather notices Kuroo watching you from afar with a warm smile. He reaches an arm out for him, urging him to join in the hug. Kuroo was flustered yet he obliged, awkwardly placing his arms on you and your grandmother's back. Your grandmother smiles at him then pulls him down for a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Welcome home, Kuroo." His eyes wells with tears.

"Thanks, ma'am."

You never knew that your heart could feel this much happiness until today. Your grandparents, sons and boyfriend happily bonding together in the living room. You felt so complete that it was almost unbelievable. Then, you remember your parents. The people who deemed you a disgrace when you needed them the most. You could still remember their disappointed looks at you paired with their harmful words.

You didn't notice Kuroo walk up to you, concern evident in his expression. Oh, you didn't notice that you were crying at all.

"Hey, baby, what's wrong?" He whispered as he grabbed your hands and gave them a light squeeze.

"Nothing, really, just... thinking about stuff," you assure him but he didn't seem to believe you. You sigh, "I'll tell you later if it makes you feel better, okay?"

"You better." Engulfed in his embrace, you realize how protected you felt around Kuroo. Like nothing can ever harm you ever again. You hug him back, hoping that you could express your gratitude and love for him that way.

The peaceful moment between the two of you was interrupted when three high pitched 'Papa's and 'Mama's were heard from the living room. Pulling back, you wipe your tears before turning to your three angels.

"Yes, babies?" You reply. They all hault in front of the two of you, each holding what seemed to be paper behind their backs. You glanced at your grandparents who were recording the moment then glanced at Kuroo who had crouched down to the boys' level.

"Ta-da!" They reveal colorful drawings of five stick figures holding hands together. One had scribbles for hair, one wore a skirt while the three in the middle were significantly smaller than the two. Above the drawings were messily written 'I love Mama' while below was 'I love Papa.'

For the second time that day you cried. Even more so when you saw Kuroo pulling all three boys into a hug and giving each a kiss on their foreheads. You joined the group hug, none of you noticing how your grandmother was also crying at the back.

With that, night came. The triplets had to sleep in their old shared crib in your bedroom while you occupy the bed with Kuroo. His arms were wrapped around your waist from behind as you both watch the moon from your window.

"So, can you tell me what you were thinking of earlier?" He whispered with his lips tickling your ears. You felt your heart clench but you did promise him that you'd tell him.

"Have I ever told you about... everything before college?"

"Not really. Are you okay with sharing it with me?"

"Of course I am. You deserve to know, papa." You tease to try lightening the mood. His hug tightened around you as a reassurance that he's willing to listen to you.

"When I was in first year of high school, I had a boyfriend. I don't really want to talk bad about him or point fingers as to how it all happened. We were both in it together but we were not as careful as we should've been. Then I found out I was pregnant. I was scared. Very scared." Your voice shakes as all the feelings you felt came back. Kuroo placed kisses on your nape while his thumb drew circles on the back of your hand.

"A-and then I told him. I really thought he would be there for me, I thought we would go through it with me but instead, he told me that this was not what he wanted and that he wanted to break up," by then you were full on crying. Kuroo's hushes fill your ears as he strokes your hair. "I hated him but at the same time I understood how he felt. We were too young. So, I told my parents hoping that they'd help me because, well, they're my parents. But I never should've expected anything because it broke me even more when they threw me out."

You stopped to stabilize your breathing and to quiet yourself down as the triplets were sleeping. You took a deep breath then continued;

"They said I was a disgrace. Why couldn't I be more like my cousins who were good children. The next day they gave me a choice. They said I could either get rid of 'it' or get out of the house," you take a deep breath once again. All the crying and remembering had your head throbbing but you continue. "I really considered getting an abortion. I can't believe I even thought of that. Thank God I said no. I packed my things before telling them my decision and they were furious. They threw me out the moment I told them."

You turn to Kuroo and bury your face into the crook of his neck. He hugs you tighter than he did before while rubbing comforting circles on your back.

"I was so scared. I had nowhere to go and no idea how to take care of myself and my baby." You sobbed. "Good thing grandma called and I told her everything that happened. Grandpa picked me up in an instant and ever since then they've taken care of me and the triplets. They gave me the strength and guidance that I needed at the time and I couldn't be more thankful."

Kuroo’s eyes had gotten teary when you glanced up at his face. You cup his face with your hands. “Then you came. I didn’t realize that even though I had my grandparents and the triplets I was still incomplete. You complete me, Tetsu. Thank you very much.”

The tears pooling around Kuroo’s eyes rolled down his cheeks and into your hand upon hearing your words. He placed his hand on your cheek and placed his lips into yours. The kiss shared between the two of you spoke the words you wanted to express to each other. I love you, thank you, I treasure you and so on. You pulled back to gaze at his face before placing kisses all over his face.

“I love you.” A kiss on the forehead. “I love you.” On the left cheek. “I love you.” The right cheek. “I love you.” And finally, on the lips.

You stopped and stared into his eyes, both of you sharing a warm gaze.

“I love you, Kuroo Tetsurou. So much.”

“I love you even more, (L/N) (Y/N).”

The five of you came home the next day but not before your grandmother doted on you, again. It felt like the day you moved out all over again but this time Kuroo has to endure it, too. He didn’t find it to be 'ridiculous' as you did. Apparently, his grandmother was like this to him as well when he lived with them, probably even worse.

“Take care of my darling (Y/N), okay? Never leave her side. And make sure to always make my baby boys happy.” Kuroo must have said at least a hundred 'Yes, ma'am's at the span of his conversation with your grandmother. “I leave everything to you.”

“Grandma, it’s not like we’re not going to see each other again, okay? We'll come back as soon as we can.” You say as you gently pulled you grandmother away from your boyfriend.

“You never know, darling.”

“Stop it. We'll come back soon. Love you.” You place a kiss on both her and your grandfather’s cheeks before walking to the car. You wave at them one last time before rolling up the car windows.

While driving Kuroo kept glancing at you from time to time, looking like he has something to say. It didn’t bother you at first but it had become too often. It was dangerous, seeing as he was driving at the moment, so you turn to him.

“Is there something you want to say, love?” He visibly tensed up at your sudden question.

“Well, you see, I've been thinking. Since, um,” He continued rambling for a few more seconds before taking a deep breath and getting right to the point. “Sinceialwayssleepoveranywayandtheboyskeeplookingformewheni’mgonewhydon’twejustmoveintogetherit’snotlikeit’sanydifferentright?”

You look at him confused. What did he say? You couldn’t even catch a word other than 'since.’ He concluded from the look on your face that you didn’t understand him at all so he mustered up the courage to speak again.

“I said, since I always sleep over anyway and the boys keep looking for me when I'm gone, why don't we just move in together?” You continued staring at him in confusion, but this time you were confused about why he was so nervous to ask you that in the first place. It's not like you would say no anyway.

“What were you so nervous about? Of course I'll say yes. I've been thinking about that, too.” Kuroo just wanted to pull you in his lap and give you a tight hug at that moment. Unfortunately for him, he was driving so all he could do was grab your hand and give it a kiss as he keeps his eyes on the road.

#kuroo x reader #kuroo imagine #kuroo imagines #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo tetsuro imagine #kuroo tetsuro imagines #kuroo tetsurou x reader #kuroo tetsurou imagine #kuroo tetsurou imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu au #haikyuu #haikyuu scenario #haikyuu scenarios #with a smile series

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thestarsarejusthelicopters · 7 years ago

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After 12

request from anon

Genre: fluff? i think? idek Pairing: Jungkook x reader ft. Yoongi x Hoseok Summary: Jungkook decides to stay after hours to finish up dance practice, but when you call to check up on him, there’s no answer… and you have no idea if it’s just your boyfriend getting caught up in his work again, or if it’s something serious this time. Warnings: profanity Word Count: 2,179 (this went longer than i thought it would oops) A/N: a million and one apologies for how long this took me TTTTTT i changed a bit from the request (+ i felt like throwing some mxm in there lol), i hope that’s okay! also throwback to fetus jungkook *coughcoughcough* ohmygoddd look at himmm ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓

“Jungkook, what the hell are you still doing? Get your ass over here, we’re leaving, come on. We’ve already gone overtime, we’re done today.”

“You go ahead first, hyung,” Jungkook pants roughly as he dances hard to the beat. “I’ll just stay back for a bit, practice some more. I’ll meet up with you guys later.”

Hoseok stands at the door, bag slung over his shoulder lazily and brows furrowed as he stares at the youngest with a mix of concern and admiration. “You sure? The others already left over an hour ago, Jungkook. You’ve got the choreo down. Take a rest, man. I’m sure you need it.”

Jungkook shakes his head adamantly as he goes and pauses the music on his phone. “Nah, just a bit more. I can handle it, Hoseok,” he flashes a confident smile at Hoseok before reaching for a towel to wipe his neck and face. “No longer than another hour, okay? Promise.”

The older boy scoffs. “I don’t believe you. Just don’t overwork yourself, okay Kook?” Jungkook nods, quickly tapping the play button and resuming position as “Fire” restarts, blasting through the speakers once again. “I better see you at the dorm before the clock hits twelve!” Hoseok shouts at an already-dancing Jungkook, finally making his way through the doors.

Alone, finally.

Not that Jungkook didn’t like practicing with his hyungs. But that was to practice their dances as a group, to perfect the flow and formations. When he had the chance to practice alone, he could focus on his own movements more and make them as flawless as he could. That, was the beauty of practicing alone. No one else to focus on or to be aware of. Just him and the music. And the rare moments where Jungkook could do that, were just that. Rare. Uncommon. So the chances he had, were the chances he took. And before he knows it, he gets lost in the music, lost in the dance, lost in everything, as the song repeats itself over and over. An hour soon turns into two, then three, and then four.

Something isn’t right. Jungkook can feel it, he can see it. But he just can’t put his finger on it. It’s something about the dance – the way his body moves (or rather, the way it doesn’t), or the fit to the music that just doesn’t quite work. Something doesn’t look right, it doesn’t sound right, but as much as he tries to fix it, to make it work, it just doesn’t. Suddenly, the sound of his phone ringing cuts through the music.

“Fuck,” he swears under his breath. Jungkook stops, frustrated at the disturbance, and turns towards the bench to grab his cell. He just manages to pick up the phone and swipe to take the call when all of a sudden, he feels it. A sharp wooziness streaks through his head and he backs up quickly into the mirror, searching for some stability, and then he’s sliding down slowly, crumpling towards the ground.

“Jungkook? Hey, you still at the studio? I’m worried about you, babe… why not call it a night, hmm?”

It’s you. He tries to answer, but he can’t. The world starts to go blurry, and for a split second he’s glad he’s already on the ground, that he won’t have to fall. He hears your voice one last time – “Jungkook? Can you hear me? Jungkook!” – but even that starts to fade. The phones slips from his fingers, the edge colliding with the wooden floor in slow-motion, and then everything. Goes. Black.

You frown at your phone before putting it back up to your ear, only to hear dead silence, other than the sound of “Fire” playing in the background. So he’s still at the studio… where else would your boyfriend blast music that loud?

“Fuck!”

You turn your head towards Hoseok, who’s sprawled on the couch, still awake despite the countless amount of times he’s told you how much he wants to go to sleep. “That little shit still isn’t answering? We must have called like a decent ten or twenty times between the two of us. I thought he’d at least answer you, what the fuck?”

“He picked up this time though… but he isn’t answering me for some reason. I think he’s still practicing, there’s music.” You mutter, staring at your phone as if it willing your boyfriend’s voice to come through it. Hoseok sits up immediately once your words register. “What? Give me that!” He places your phone next to his ear, a displeased look on his face. “Jungkook, you little fucker, where are you?” You purse your lips at his language but at this point, even you’re ready to swear Jungkook out. “Well,” Hoseok ends the call, annoyed. “He’s definitely back at the studio. Let’s just go get him.” He stands up and yanks his coat off the rack, shoving his phone and keys into his pocket hastily. “Come on, Y/N, let’s find that idiot boyfriend of yours.”

“Um, excuuuse me. No way in fucking hell are you driving.” Both Hoseok and you turn around, wide-eyed at the sight of Yoongi, back against the kitchen wall as he takes a long swig of water. “What a creep! How long have you been there?” Hoseok shudders as he moves behind you. “Y-yeah,” you stutter, “How can a person even be that silent, oh my god…” Yoongi shrugs, clearly not giving a shit that he just scared the crap out of the two of you. “Throw me the keys, kid, you know you can’t drive for shit.” Hoseok pouts and grudgingly reaches into his coat pocket with a mumbled “can too” but he pulls out the keys and holds them out. “Thanks,” Yoongi smirks as he takes them, striding quickly past you two, but not before placing a quick kiss on Hoseok’s cheek. “Kids, this is gonna be the fucking road trip of your lives!” As soon as the blonde-haired boy is out the door, you turn to Hoseok, eyebrows raised in question. “How can he be so cheery and sarcastic at the same time…? I still don’t get how you guys got together, you and Yoongi are total opposites.”

Hoseok is opening his mouth to reply when Yoongi suddenly pops his head around the frame of the doorway. “Haven’t you ever heard of “opposites attract”, Y/N? You and Kook are proof enough.” You shriek, both offended – was he calling you lazy? – and surprised. You instinctively grab a pillow off the couch and fling it at Yoongi’s head, but he just dodges your attack easily, laughing. “Y’all better hurry the hell up or I’m driving off without you.”

It’s pitch black by the time Yoongi pulls the car into the company parking lot, the time on your watch blinking almost an hour past twelve in the morning. The mood in the car has been light-hearted mostly, but you can’t help but worry about Jungkook. It isn’t like him to not pick up the phone despite the numerous times he’s stayed out late. “Y/N.” Yoongi’s bored voice snaps you out of your thoughts. “Yeah?”

“The car’s stopped, kid. Go get your guy,” he tosses the company keys beside you with a pointed look in the mirror. Hoseok turns around to face you from the passenger seat and makes a face at the cheesy line that just came out of Yoongi’s mouth. You smile; you can tell despite how distant Yoongi seems and how playful Hoseok’s being, they’re both worried about Jungkook too. And that calms you in the sense that at least you aren’t the only one.

The minute you get the front doors open, you run towards the group’s practice room, occasionally calling Jungkook’s name through the hallways. You halt once you reach the entrance – the lights are still on… which means he’s still there, right? You hesitantly push the door open, but once your eyes meet his still figure on the ground, you push the door the rest of the way quickly, rushing to his side as fast as you can. “Oh my god! Jungkook! Are you okay? Shit, you better wake the fuck up, Kook, you’re not leaving me like this!” Curses spill out of your mouth as you scramble for your phone and click on the first familiar number you see in your contacts.

“Hey, Y/N. Did you find him?” Once you hear Yoongi’s voice, you start breaking down and sputtering out broken streams of words. “Yoongi, oh my god, Jungkook…. He’s not awake, but he’s not sleeping… I, I don’t know! I think he’s fainted or some shit Yoongi, I don’t know how long, okay? Just get your ass in here please, I can’t carry him by myself, oh my god, please don’t be dead or something, Jungkook, please! Yoongi, we need to get help or something – Jungkook?” You place your free hand at your boyfriend’s neck, feeling for a pulse. “Please wake up, just, please!”

“Shit! Okay, Y/N, we’re coming – just stay there with him okay? You’re in our practice space right?” Yoongi sounds panicked now, and you can hear Hoseok shouting questions beside him – there’s so much going on in your head right now, but all you can think about is if Jungkook’s okay. “Yeah, we’re there right now, Yoongi. Please hurry!”

“What the fuck do you think we’re doing Y/N? Having a frickin’ party? Just wait a little bit!” Yoongi snaps at you, irritated, but you know he’s just freaked out like you are right now. Soon, he and Hoseok are bursting through the entrance of the practice room; Hoseok’s eyes go wide while Yoongi’s narrows at Jungkook’s body. “Fuck, I told the kid to stop working too fucking hard!” Hoseok grumbles as he and Yoongi struggle to pick up Jungkook. “Y/N, go get the car doors open, we’ll catch up with you as soon as we can,” Yoongi says hurriedly, “and call emergency while you’re at it.” You nod frantically, stealing once last glance at your boyfriend before standing up and running back to the car.

Yoongi shakes his head, muttering as he and Hoseok start carrying Jungkook through the halls. “This idiot, I swear to god… getting his girlfriend all worked up and stressed like this…”

Jungkook wakes up less than an hour after you arrive at the hospital, but the second the three of you are allowed into his room, he’s bombarded with angry questions and yelling, much to the displeasure of the nurses who leave quickly in annoyance. “What the hell were you thinking, Kook? I said to be back before twelve, goddamn!” “You got us so fucking worried, you little shit!” “Jungkook, I swear to god, I’m gonna have to keep some kind of fucking tracker on you. You better not pull some shit like this again!”

You frown as his eyes meet yours in the midst of Yoongi and Hoseok swearing and cursing up a storm, not wanting to speak in fear of saying words that you’ll regret. “Y/N? What are you doing here…?” He shakes his head, trying to remember what exactly happened. “Shit… you called, didn’t you? Fuck, I’m so sorry, babe.”

Yoongi scoffs. “So we don’t get an apology for carrying your sorry ass across the entire building?” Jungkook furrows his brows at him, and sits up, trying to get your attention. “Come on, Y/N, you were really worried, right? I’m sorry, I really am.” You press your lips together and look away so you won’t start crying because of how happy you are that he’s okay. “Well. I’ll see you guys later, I guess. Update me,” you say, as stone-faced as you could, and head for the door to save your pride. “Wait, Y/N!” Jungkook scrambles to get up but gets tangled in the tubes and mishap on his bed before he can get too far. “Fuck,” he curses as he watches you walk out and shut the door behind you with a click that, to him, sounds like a deafening slam.

“Relax, dude,” Hoseok rolls his eyes and plops down on the chair beside Jungkook’s bed. “She ain’t mad at you, you know? She was practically a mess when the nurse told us you were alright. The whole time she was fucking babbling about how she was just worried that you were overworking yourself and shit, which I clearly said not to do, idiot,” Hoseok looks at Jungkook pointedly. Yoongi leans back against the wall behind Hoseok and smirks. “But you’d best make it up to her because you messed up big time, kid.”

Hoseok shrugs. “She understands though, I’m sure. I mean, Y/N’s like the most understanding person that I’ve ever met." "Yeah, she has to put up with you after all," Yoongi cuts in, smiling cheekily. "Take care of yourself, and treat her better,” he smacks the top of Jungkook’s head as if to make his point, grinning as Jungkook holds his head, muttering curses. “You’re a lucky little shit, you know."

Jungkook smiles sheepishly, still rubbing his head.

“...Yeah, I know.”

#bts #kpopwritingnet #armiesnet #kreativewritersnet #bangtanwriters-net #bts fluff #jungkook fluff #bts jungkook #jungkook #jeon jungkook #wyusekarchteiljcryuvtre what did i just write

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thedivinefish · 5 years ago

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TGIWednesday with an order of Creepy Halloween and a shot of Mercury Retrograde

TGIWednesday News

Ugh, my least favorite day of the year. Lol. Oh and throw in Mercury Retrograde starting ON Halloween and you have yourself a straight up S-show. Although Friday will be All Saint’s Day so we’ll patch it all back up together to keep moving forward. My attorney friend and I go to the movies weekly and sometimes the trailers for Halloween movies are so bloody and bad he says, “Are you gonna clear us after the movie?” and I always reply, “Nope, I’m doing it right now!” If you watch 'Singing in the Rain' and happy-happy-joy-joy movies it changes your mood for the better... guess what happens when you watch hours of Halloween scary/gory ugh movies? Yep that’s right, you may feel paranoid or road rage-ish all the way home. People often find being Scared equals Excitement… even dress up parties and events are like movies in your mind…….So be careful what you dress up as while taking on that creepy persona can be fun/ exciting/scary, you’ll want to clear yourself as soon as you change out of it! Click below to watch the latest video with me and my friend Marla Martenson with new energetic clearings for all who watch, and spooky good vibes for Halloween & the full moon energy. Watch it here.

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divinefishingtips · 5 years ago

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365dailyaffirmations · 5 years ago

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Fish Food

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For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library.

Find a topic that addresses your issue(s), click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better.

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advancedthetapractitioner · 5 years ago

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TGIWednesday with an order of Creepy Halloween and a shot of Mercury Retrograde

TGIWednesday News

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From the Fish Box

FREE Weekly LIVE Healings and Messages

JOIN ME TODAY at 4pm EDT - YOU WEALTH REVOLUTION

** STARTING NEXT TUESDAY - NEW CALL NUMBER, NEW LINK **

Live In-Person Appearances

Tampa folks come see me on FRIDAYs - I'm scheduling 15 and 30 minute appointments at Kodawari Yoga Studios from 10am-2pm.

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! All Mastery Students: Check your email & Login to view all the newly upgraded content including new books and audios!

LEARN MORE HERE

Receive 24/7 Daily Prayers From Jimmy

I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES, UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day.

Choose 7 days @$33 Choose 14 days @$66 Choose 30 days @$99

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library.

Find a topic that addresses your issue(s), click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better.

Increasing Intuition IRS & Tax Time Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Sex Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss Youth & Vitality

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dinacharya · 5 years ago

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Does October air have you feelin like a dry little raisin every time you step outside?

Say hello to my ~buttery~ calendula salve!

* home made with: calendula infused olive oil, organic cocoa butter, organic jojoba oil, organic coconut oil, organic beeswax, ultra-blue lavender buds & marigold petals :)

* uses: needless to say, each of the above ingredients are nourishing powerhouses. in combination, can be a potent aid for dry skin relief, healing rashes & burns, treating minor irritations, soothing eczema flare-ups. infused with lavender essential oil for a calming scent. poured & stored into an up-cycled, pocket-size tin. (sorry, no more lozenges in there).

So, your fingers are oozing with hangnails and skin crack-a-lackin (not in the good way)? Well then…

Welcome to ~ VATA SEASON! ~ (& Ayurveda Essay #02)

What’s Vata season, you ask??

Vata is now! “fall - winter” / One of 3 distinct seasons of nature, as acknowledged by Ayurveda.

Why am I a fan of regarding the seasonal cycle via the lens of an ancient Indian medicinal system? Well, to answer that question I’ve gotta back up a bit because it’s not just about me woo-woo randomly abandoning the standard spring, summer, fall, winter terms to be out there…

Ayurveda is a rich practice of holistic healing that dates millennia back, to a time free of industrialization, commercialism, technology, etc etc etc - in other words, it was born in a time when people had far less to be distracted by and far more time to be with nature. It’s a vast system of knowledge built by those who were masters of intuitively understanding their bodies and nature, not so much of coding, supplements, or online shopping. And no surprise..as an INFP, anything that favors intuition & nature speaks to me over relying strictly on data and textbooks.

Ayurveda is founded on the idea that health & wellness are dependent on a delicate balance of mind, body, spirit & nature.

Our individual selves, the time of year, climate, the quality of our environment and surroundings, our daily routines – all are intrinsically connected. But ayurveda also acknowledges that each person’s unique genetic & energetic make up dictates different needs for achieving balancing, and to tune into ourselves & into nature is how we best achieve health.

Being healthy is NOT about “snort this kale, douse your coffee with butter, go to spin cycle class at 6am every day, you’ll be healthy.” NONONONONO.

Health is the seamless flow of nature through our body, everything in harmony. Nature flowing effortlessly throughout, assimilating & eliminating efficiently.

Sounds intuitive enough right?

*Quick Time-Out.. if you’re like hey, this sounds cool but why the f should I trust you you 21st Century millennial dweeb?

I get that. Be skeptical. You should be. Don’t ever absorb health advice or wellness talk at face value. Be analytical, question the source. That’s the only way to see past the marketing and the gimmicks.

If you’re intrigued by this topic, but not about diving into an essay by yours truly, I recommend starting with the first couple episodes of this podcast by Colette Kent. (very easy to absorb. her story also closely reflects why ayurveda initially struck a cord with me and why I’m so inclined to share.) Much of what I’ll be dishing here is info I’ve absorbed via hours and hours of studying researched resources, reading every ayurveda book in circulation at the local libraries, and binge listening to podcasts by teachers, cooks, and consultants of ayurveda (like Colette’s). But by no means am I a guru. *Ok, Time-in:

The first step in learning how to achieve optimal health & balance via Ayurveda is to have a firm grasp of its building blocks & foundational principles. Understanding seasonal energy is one part.

Let’s start from the top: THE 5 ELEMENTS

earth, fire, air, water & space/ether.

These elements are the basis of everything in existence, both in our external world (nature) and our internal world (body + mind). “As is the macrocosm, as is the microcosm.” Each has its own distinct properties, which translate to physical functions in the body as well as emotional properties.

In combination, these elements create 3 principle “doshas” / seasons / energies:

Water + Earth = Kapha (Spring) / EARTHY * governs: the body’s stability, physical structure & growth * qualities: damp, heavy, soft, nurturing/loving, calm, grounded, steady

Fire + lil Water = Pitta (Summer) / FIERY * governs: the body’s stimulation & metabolic system (digestion) * qualities: hot, sharp, radiant, intense/passionate, impatient

Air + Space = Vata (Fall-Winter) / AIRY * governs: movement in the body (circulation, breath, heartbeat) * qualities: dry, cool, rough, active, irregular/changing, sensitive/anxious

As each season rises, its associated qualities come to the forefront. For example, we just said goodbye to Pitta season and transitioned to Vata, so we saw the end of hot weather & playful summer energy, and have begun to see more cool wind, changing trees, sensitive/dry skin, maybe irregular sleep & general spacey-ness. Come spring/Kapha season, we’ll see the soil dampen with rain, greens begin to sprout, we’ll gradually awaken from the cold winter.

With each season’s experience so different from one another, it’s easy to become imbalanced, to fall sick, and to feel lackluster during transitions. To maintain balance internally as the external world continually cycles, we must first tune into our own body’s individual nature, or dosha.

Each person is born with a different ratio of Vata, Pitta & Kapha. They manifest in our physical being, dictate our personalities, and define our energetic make up. Typically, one dosha is more prominent, and while we can experience minor shifts from season to season, our core energetic make up remains the same throughout our lives.

What does this look like?

a Kapha-dominant is generally loyal/caring (like the earth), naturally heavier-set due to slow metabolism, a lover of routine, and has supple/oily skin. When out of balance, they’re susceptible to “heavy” emotions like laziness/complacency/depression, and prone to flus.

a Pitta-dominant is usually born with distinct bodies (tall, athletic, sharp facial features), natural leadership/arrogance/confidence, fast metabolism, fiery intellect, high energy, and prone to fevers, aggression, and “hot” emotions.

a Vata-dominant is naturally small/weak in the body with dryer skin, active/lively, and a fan of change. They’re susceptible to anxiety/mood swings/sensitivity, and cold in the body so prone to catching colds.

So how do these come into play??

An important principle of Ayurveda is that LIKE increases LIKE, and OPPOSITES BALANCE…

In other words, too much of something is no good. Someone who is Vata dominant is more prone to sickness during Vata season because that cool wind/dryness in the air and the changing of daylight in combination with our internal qualities can lead to more anxiety, insomnia, dryer skin. (lol who dat. oh it me. hence the cooking up of calendula & all that in my kitchen!) Someone who’s Pitta dominant is susceptible to hot flashes/rash outbreaks, etc when they’re consuming too much spice, heat + fried food in their diet. A Kapha person who does not make time to move & exercise quickly accumulates weight and has to battle with chronic lethargy.

Keep in mind, it’s easy to be attracted to what’s familiar/like us. A Pitta person who’s got high energy and athletic build will gravitate to the fast pace, blood-pumping sports. A Vata person who’s naturally creative may be more inclined to never follow routine, hop around a lot, eat inconsistently. A Kapha person may be more tempted to run to junk food when in a funk. But these habits are exactly where like increases like, and these seemingly harmless habits inch us toward imbalance.

Imbalance shows itself in many ways, both minor & drastic. Minute imbalances look like some of those symptoms mentioned above that can be easy to dismiss – a headache, fatigue, short rash outbreaks. They appear during seasonal transitions or after you eat the wrong food, etc. But the persistent practice of habits that aren’t right for our body is how we fall into more serious conditions, illnesses, diseases, chronic pains.

All of this should sound fairly intuitive. That’s the magic of Ayurveda. It brings us back to the basics:

1. Tune into your body 2. Tune into nature 3. Align yourself with nature

Start by evaluating what your own dosha make up is, and start to observe how the ratio of pitta-kapha-vata in your system plays a role in your health/your behavior/your interests/and your processes for balancing. If you’re fresh to it & lost, there are dosha quizzes online that can help to identify your constitutional make-up!

Here’s an easy one.

One reason Ayurveda speaks to me more than any other system of healing & medicine is that it acknowledges that “being healthy” is NOT a one size fits all ordeal. It’s never about “paleo diet for all! celery juice for all! yoga for all! ” It’s the intuitive explanation for why celery juice can make one person radiate, and another person keel. Why one girl’s skin can thrive with just water rinses, while another needs a little more care & attention.

It prioritizes the prevention of sickness & imbalance, rather than allowing ourselves to get sick and then treated with antibioitics or an excess of manufactured product. It encourages us to notice the little signals our body gives off - whether it be night sweats, heart burn, indigestion, etc. and then work on the diet & lifestyle adjustments needed to heal.

This just scratches the surface of how much Ayurveda has to offer, but I’ll close out with words from Colette’s introductory episode and encourage you to check out more:

“In our modern world, we are moving away from nature. But we are a part of nature. We are not separated. We are made of the same elements. Nature is there to protect us. Our relationship with nature is of paramount importance.” “Ayurveda is a holistic approach to living your life in alignment and listening to the natural laws that govern the universe and us. The way to complete health is simple realignment with the natural rhythms. It’s simple, it’s logical. There are not a whole lot of products or supplements you have to buy. It’s basic. We already have this knowing within us, this gut instinct. We’re so used to this barrage of information coming to us, but nature gives us all we need to heal. The key is tuning in so you are empowered.”

#ayurveda #wellness

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ais-n · 8 years ago

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DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVENT READ AFTERIMAGE! When Sin is in danger of termination after the whole almost killing Boyd thing, Boyd is surprisingly calm when he accepts the possibility of Hsin's death. After their heartfelt moment in the psych ward, Boyd cleans his attic while he worries. Most would be hysterical over a former lover's possible death, especially someone you loved so passionately and admittedly still loved. If Hsin had died, would it have hit Boyd harder than he expects later on?

Thanks for doing the spoiler warning in the question itself :D That’s awesome :)

You know, it’s been years since we wrote that and I reread it, which means my memory is less stellar of Boyd’s mindset at that time than it could be ^^; I’d probably have to reread from the start of the series up to that scene to make sure I remember all the thoughts at that time to give a 100% answer but I can give you a 90% one instead lol

The short answer is: yeah probably :)

But, being me, I wrote a long ass answer with more context as well XD See that one below! (SPOILERS FOR ICOS THROUGH AFTERIMAGE, obvs ;p)

From what I recall (which could, again, be totally wrong ^^;;), I think if he seems relatively calm there it would be not unlike what you see him do in other parts of the series, best example I can give is early Fade. There, he reacts quite calmly to really terrible news at first, and holds everything together until he’s alone when he loses it. He was way less stable in Fade at that point than he is in Afterimage in the scene you referenced, but generally speaking Boyd tends to initially distance himself from things he thinks will be problematic or make him too emotional, and then later on deals with the emotions.

Sometimes he doesn’t do that step and goes into immediate full freak out mode lol, but if you look at when he was younger after Lou and all of that, basically he determined back then that the best way to protect himself/live/etc was to have an emotional barrier there, just like his mother. An additional aspect in Afterimage in particular is he was trying to find a way to stand on his own, to be less codependent, etc, and part of his codependence, part of the issues he’d had that had turned everything into Major Drama Mode previously, was him freaking the fuck out over stuff related to Hsin and sometimes acting less logical than usual when it came to Hsin or his worries about Hsin. Or like, doing things that are reckless, whether or not they end up turning out okay. Example being, it was reckless as hell to break Hsin out of 4th in Evenfall, but he did it because he was worried about Hsin. At the same time, taking more drastic measures like that could end up backfiring on Hsin, or Carhart, or Ryan, or others–making others into the collateral damage Boyd usually was for others instead.

Boyd has an arc across the whole series of him slowly growing as a person, slowly shifting the way he views the same topics, slowly working on how to address things differently for a more stable and healthy response, and constantly adjusting things along the way as he messes up or finds something that works.

But for all of that work, like you said, he loves Hsin. Like, REALLY fucking loves Hsin. So there is probably always going to be something a little illogical for Boyd when it comes to Hsin– some part of him will always want to do the thing that doesn’t make conventional sense with Hsin, because after having not felt any emotions for so long and after having lost so much, now having such intense feelings for Hsin to the point of recklessness and having such a fear of losing Hsin tends to make him over-correct himself in his pursuit to Do The Right Thing and Be The Person He’s Supposed To Be. When you consider he learned How To Human from Cedrick and Vivienne, two people with in many ways polar opposite views on love and humanity and the meaning of emotions and connections, and how he primarily learned friendship and love from Lou who was a bit reckless himself, he has a lot of competing views on things. A lot of expectations he holds for himself or others hold of him, a lot of back and forth in his emotions and his reactions.

He kind of doesn’t know what the fuck to do with himself for most of the series, because he’d always been someone who only got support from one person at a time while everyone else judged or hated him. And his experience in life was that The One Person Who Loves Him always dies. That kind of background naturally can make a person hyperfocus way too much on a person once they get involved with them, and for a person like Boyd who additionally takes on the responsibility or fault even of things that aren’t his fault, he fears both being the reason that person dies, and not doing enough to stop them from dying. He simultaneously thinks he has to do everything to protect them while also feeling like he himself may be the greatest danger to them of all. Like he is inherently not worth loving, and anyone who pursues loving him will violently feel the consequences. Part of him feels like the best thing he can do for the people he loves is to leave them, and part of him feels like if he leaves he will lose everything of himself.

That kind of back and forth, that uncertainty for what is The Best Thing To Do, can lead to a lot of variation or experimentation in reactions. And sometimes it can also fuck things up.

So anyway that was a long way of saying, I don’t remember all the reasons leading up to that scene but I think all this went into why he may have seemed unusually calm. He has a lot of give and take in his responses to All Things Hsin throughout the series, and especially in Afterimage he was trying to build in that distance so they had time to focus on themselves more, so they could stabilize themselves with the hope that they would be more stable together. And one of those ways of stabilizing himself and hoping Hsin could stabilize himself too, was in trying to give a little more credit to others, to give up a little bit of the obsessive control that otherwise could easily be formed.

So iirc, I think Hsin’s situation was beyond Boyd’s control at that time, wasn’t it? It’s been so long I’ve forgotten lol But I think at that point he realized sometimes he does more damage by trying to affect things than he does by letting the others like Carhart do their job to help. It isn’t always an easy thing to acknowledge or follow through on, but that’s where Boyd’s tendency to distance himself or try to downplay things internally to make himself freak out less comes into play.

If Hsin had been killed, he definitely would’ve had a stronger reaction later, because at that point it would be something he could no longer undo. He likely would’ve asked himself a billion questions at that point of what he or others could have done differently for things to end differently and, being Boyd, most likely he would take all that responsibility and blame himself entirely. Personally, I think he would have been wrong to do that, because a lot of what would have led to Hsin’s death (if in fact he’d died there) would have been due to Hsin’s own actions and ultimately would have been the choice of the Agency, but blaming himself for life, the universe, and everything is how Boyd rolls so that’s probably what he would have done lol

Now, all that being said, when we’re editing we’ll end up rereading that scene and I have no idea if it might shift a bit. In the process of smoothing out other things earlier in the book, it may come to pass that that particular scene may need to be a bit more or less this or that way based on the mindset he would’ve had based on this or that circumstance.

So you may end up reading this long ass answer and then years from now reread that scene and be like, “But none of this matches what you said???” If so, lol sorry XD Afterimage was written somewhere around 10 years ago so things shift slowly over time, my memory has faded of intricacies of his mindset or the plot, and my understanding of Boyd as a person has also increased after having had the fortune of being able to finish his story. I think it’ll be interesting to do the Afterimage editing for the Director’s Cut version of it, because we definitely don’t plan to do as much cutting or changing as occurred in Evenfall, but we do want to look at the narration of Boyd and Hsin in particular to make sure everything makes sense to us and also make sure everything has a smooth flow.

So anyway that’s the longest way of saying that iirc his mood/reaction in that scene was part of the greater story of how Boyd changes over time but I don’t remember for sure, and that yeah if Hsin really did die there, he would’ve definitely felt more emotional impact later. At the same time-- also, if you think about it, Boyd basically knows or thinks Hsin dies or is imminently about to die in every single book of the series XD And he’d already dealt with that concept or reality a few times by the time that scene happened, which affects how impactful that concept would be initially. I think he was already slowly starting to morph from the “OH SHIT HSIN MAY BE IN TROUBLE ALERT ALERT DESTROY EVERYTHING SAVE THE CHEERLEADER SAVE THE WORLD??!?1/1/1” mode to “Oh hey, I’ve noticed a pattern of when I get too worried about a thing I’m emotional about: in my panic or fear I tend to make decisions I may not agree with later, and things get a lot more complicated” which eventually morphs into “Someone wants to fuck with Hsin? It’s cool. I’ve got a plan for that.”

It’s sort of like, I don’t actually necessarily think everyone always reacts the same way to the idea of a loved one dying or being in trouble. Especially if this is not the first or even second time a person has been confronted with the concept.

For example, my dad has a bad heart, and I grew up with him just like, stopping breathing/his heart stopping in the middle of the night and me waking up to him in the hospital, or he’d go into the hospital almost having a heart attack, or he’d have to get heart surgery, or etc. By the time I was in college, the concept of him having a heart issue was not new to me, and (like Boyd) I’d developed an automatic reaction which to others probably seems bizarrely calm. One night I was in my dorm room watching something with my friends when all of a sudden I got a knock on my door. It was my cousin who lived nearby, wide-eyed, in a panic. She came flying into my room out of breath, freaking out because she got a message that my dad (who lived hours away in another state) was in the hospital currently having heart surgery and OH MY GOD they couldn’t get ahold of me because my phone died so she came flying over and OH MY GOD did I want to call my mom right now and OH MY GOD DANGER DANGER !!!!!!

In that situation, she and my friends were more worried about the whole thing than I was. I was just like, “Oh, is he? Thanks for letting me know. I’m going to finish watching this show and will call my mom afterward. He’ll be in surgery for a while anyway.” Everyone else was like BUT WHY AREN’T YOU FREAKING OUT???!!! and I was like, “Why should I? I can’t control the surgery, I can’t control his heart, he’s had heart problems my whole life, he’s had other surgeries, the doctors know what they’re doing. Me freaking out does nothing except raise my stress levels and does nothing to help my dad. Better to finish what I’m doing and call my mom when some time has passed and they may actually have some updates on the surgery as opposed to calling right away when she won’t know anything but where the process of her rehashing it all to me will only freak her out more, getting her hyped up thinking it over in detail again when she has to sit alone in a waiting room because I live hours away and can’t sit there too.”

I love my dad, I didn’t want anything to happen to him, I wanted him to get through surgery and be healthy and happy, and if he’d died I would have been devastated. But freaking out to the level my cousin was freaking out (or honestly, even getting worried at all) would have done nothing in a situation I couldn’t control and which I had experienced in various forms already multiple times in my life.

So I was calm and watched that show and called my mom afterward and dad got through surgery and everything was fine. Some people may see that as cold but I see it as a learned response to stressful situations. I imagine for Boyd, it was a little like that too because Boyd deals with grief or worry for others similar to the way I do, which is a combination of distancing myself to protect myself, and doing what is in my actual ability to help. He’s more reckless than I am in a lot of ways and I’m more open-hearted on a general basis, but I think we have similar tendencies to try to step back from stressful situations when possible and evaluate our best response or best actions. Which can mean for both of us (depending on where in the series, sometimes me more than him and sometimes him more than me) we can be really calm in the face of a disaster, and right away take control of it, looking for concrete actions that can be taken, a plan that is realistic and within reach, holding off on having an emotional outbreak to something where those emotions will only worsen or not help the situation, and overall trying to be more even-minded so that we don’t miss an opportunity for changing something for the better right now in the immediate aftermath that we would miss if we were too focused on freaking out or worrying or being scared otherwise.

It’s been so long so I could be wrong on all of this lol I could just be assuming it was like how I tend to react to things but it could be I will look at it differently when we get to that point. But for now, I’m thinking that’s the long ass answer to your question lol He would have definitely felt more upset later if the loss became reality, but until it becomes reality sometimes it’s better to focus on the littler things you can do, the tangible things in front of you, rather than obsessing on all the things outside of your power.

#Anonymous #ask ais #icos #in the company of shadows

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