#I’m actually really happy with how Darcia turned out

[theratlivinginyourcouchcushions]

Made some fanart of the characters from

By @brownsplodge

I had a lot of trouble drawing Heather for some reason, and it took a few tries to get the others right. I wanted to give Alison more wolf traits for fun, but her tail looked weird so it’s not in both pictures.

[medea10]

My Review of Arte

How did I get into this anime? Well, I had a few slots open for the spring 2020 anime season! Let’s read what this anime is about.

A girl during the Renaissance era in Florence, Italy wants to be an artist…

*ADDS THIS IMMEDIATELY*

I really don’t want to be disappointed with this. I have a horrible habit of adding animes where the main concept has to do with the art world. And have it go wrong when the anime is too boring or not enough love is given to it. But maybe this will go well! The manga is already getting high marks and praise. And for being a history piece, it got picked up rather quickly from a big anime licensor in the west.

Arte comes from a noble family and her family has plans for their daughter. It’s just that Arte is heavily into…well…art. They’re fine as long as it’s only a hobby, but it’s getting a little out of hand for Arte’s mother. Arte wants to become an artist! BIG problem! This is Italy during the Renaissance era. No women artists! But Arte persisted by asking all around to become an apprentice.

The only man to even give her a chance was an artist named Leo. After testing her endurance, he allows her to become his apprentice. Arte’s life is officially changing as she throws away her nobility to draw and paint.

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: FUNimation grabbed this anime. Surprisingly, they didn’t give Arte a simildub. Quite possibly because this was one of those newer animes that arrived during the COVID-19 nightmare! Or they didn’t want to fuck with Italian accents this time around! The sub had a nice mixture of veteran and newer seiyuus. Color me surprised when I heard Rie Tanaka’s voice again near the end of the series. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

*Arte is played by Mikako Komatsu (known for Mairin on Pokemon XY, Seishirou on Nisekoi, Susamaru on Demon Slayer, Wy on Hetalia, Eternal Feather on Soul Eater NOT, and Tori on YGO Zexal)

*Leo is played by Katsuyuki Konishi (known for Kamina on Gurren Lagann, America on Hetalia, Tsumugu on Kill la Kill, Laxus on Fairy Tail, Tanaka on Durarara, Fuegoleon on Black Clover, and Arima on Tokyo Ghoul)

FAVORITE CHARACTER: Arte! This girl wants to pursue a career in the arts and will do whatever it takes to do so. She defies her mother’s wishes, cuts her long hair, almost cuts off her breasts, did all the impossibly difficult tasks other apprentices could never do, and so much more. You have to admire this crazy, little lady.

SHIPPING: In episode 3, Arte started feeling that light and fuzzy feeling many of us feel when we “fall” for someone. And she started to feel funny whenever she was around Leo. This would be fine and dandy except for a few issues. For one thing, Leo is her boss and she’s his apprentice. Best to keep things professional! Secondly, during this period in time, Veronica does have a point. It’s best that if you want to achieve in your craft in a man’s world, it’s best to stow the romance bags to the side. After that bag of reality was dropped on Arte, she mostly focused on her art work and no romance was ever brought up again.

Although, I do have an inkling about Yuri having the hots for Arte! But I know my girl Arte here don’t have time for this boy’s bullshit!

LEO AND ANGELO: No, this isn’t a shipping debate. Actually, there are fans of the show speculating if these two characters are in fact the famous artists Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo. Come on now, this story is absolute fiction with a few true details here and there. Yes, we still don’t know the full name to Leo to prove that he could be the fictionalized version of the real-life artist and the anime never once put up an advisory at the beginning of every episode saying that any character that’s similar to real-life people is purely coincidental. But it’s possible that these two could very well be those very artists. Both da Vinci and Michelangelo were living Florence around the same time. I’ll chalk this up to you history buffs and conspiracy theorists out there. I choose to believe the creator of Arte just used the names of these artists and that’s that!

ENDING: During the 7th episode, Arte is given an opportunity to go to Venice to become a tutor for a handsome man’s niece and to paint a portrait of his sister-in-law. At the time, Venice was seen as a staple in the art world (despite Florence’s rich history that we know today) and this would be a perfect time for Arte to spread her wings. I mean, she won’t be an apprentice under Leo forever, right?! Yeah, Leo’s words to Arte before she left for Venice played around her head a lot during her stay in Venice. Saying that it’s okay if she chooses to stay there longer than six months or even stay permanently!

During this time, Arte was able to find ground with this difficult child (Catalina) that she must tutor as these two do share something in common. Both girls have a certain passion that they want to hone as their own, but can’t due to family forbiding it, status in the world, and even gender. Arte did so much to get where she is now including disobeying her mother by leaving home and try in a profession that’s mainly for men. Arte was unable to do much with her relationship with her family (especially after her father’s death), but she was able to help Catalina and her mother with theirs and even hope for a future where Catalina can see a boy she likes again.

As we near the end of this series, we find Arte still wondering about her future. She’s still seen as the rarity as being a woman of nobility entering the art world when that profession is usually done by people seen as lower than nobles and majorily male. Plus, what Leo said before setting for Venice keeps replaying in Arte’s mind. It’s true that this time Arte has spent in Venice with Sofia and Catalina was life-changing. And Yuri ended up asking Arte to stay with the family permanently. Meanwhile, Leo is noticing that maybe, just maybe, he’s missing Arte. That or he’s annoyed by all the people in Arte’s circle bugging him.

In the finale, Arte has reached a conclusion on where she’s going to go after finishing up Sofia’s portrait. She got some decent advice from one of the apprentices she met in Venice. That Arte should use her nobility and gender to her advantage in a male dominated profession. Okay, he didn’t exactly say that, but you get what I mean. There’s a certain softness to Arte’s work that’s not seen with many male artists. She should continue doing what she loves despite what others may say or think.

So in case you’re wondering, she turned down Yuri’s proposal of staying with Sofia and Catalina full-time. She’s going to head back to Florence and continue as Leo’s apprentice. Yeah, Catalina is pretty upset by Arte leaving after spending over six months with them. But they promised to keep in touch with letters. Upon Arte’s return to Florence, she learns about Leo doing a special mural for the Easter holiday. But Leo got ill and has been bed-ridden for days.

Arte steps in and takes over the mural so that it could be completed in time for Easter. With a little help from her friends like Darcia, Angelo, and Veronica, she was able to complete it. And just in time for Leo to emerge to give his critique on Arte’s work. As usual, he told her on what she should have done, but acknowledges that she has definitely grown as an artist during her time in Venice and is happy to see her again. Surprisingly, that wasn’t the only shocking moment of the finale.

Arte’s mother was there for the unveiling of the mural and actually praises her daughter. I guess she’s come a long way from the first episode where she burned all of Arte’s drawings. So yeah, girls can be more than just bargaining tools for marriage or becoming nuns. So Arte’s going to continue working under Leo and we end there.

I can already tell you that many people were not digging this anime, but I liked it. But again, painting is my thing. And being a female, I’m drawn to stories of girls trying to overcome prejudice just because of their gender. Even when studying art in school, most pieces that were covered in the curriculum were majority (if not, all) male. Well, unless I took a class with a supremely feminist teacher, we would not learn anything about female painters. And if we did, it would just be for like one day or one week out of the semester before we get to the well-known names like Van Gough, Pollock, and Monet.

By the looks of it, Arte doesn’t look like it’ll get any kind of continuation. I know that the manga is still in publication and maybe if that ends we might get something extra. But I wouldn’t hold my breath on that one. Even FUNimation didn’t bother giving this an English dub. Then again, this aired during the height of the COVID pandemic (in Japan) In fact; it was one of the very few animes in the spring season that never took a week off due to COVID. I would like to see what happens to Arte in the future. Like if she ends up with her own workshop or if she takes over Leo’s place when he retires. It’s fun to think of what happens and I might just one day pick up the manga to see if any of that actually happens. Due to my particular love of painting, I’m going to recommend this series regardless. And while you’re at it, check out some other series like Honey and Clover or Hidamari Sketch.

If you would like to watch this anime, FUNimation and Hulu have all 12 episodes available for streaming.

[missymarysthings]

Unexpected Dances

Octavian had searched around for his aunt a little while before huffing quietly to himself. Normally he could pick her out in the crowd or sense her, however, there were too many people around at the moment for that. As odd as it was for him, he did not let that deter him from his goal. So he reached out for her mentally to find out where she was, and explained that there was friend of his that he wanted her to meet. 

Of course, the only catch was his friend did not know that she was actually his aunt. Octavian heard his aunt chuckle mentally and let him know where he and his friend could find her. “Hey, Idium follow me,” he said to his mage friend.

“What do you have in store for me now my friend,“ Idium asked with a brow raised. Octavian laughed and shook his head. 

“Not telling. You have to wait and see,” he said and began to weave through the people. Idium chuckled a little but followed him anyway.  The two excused themselves as the moved, trying not to bump into the other guest or disrupt their conversations. Soon however, they found a break in the crowd and could see the icy high queen staring off to a different part of the room, watching people, with a half glass of wine held carefully in her hand. Her eyes were lightly shimmering, but the meaning of that was lost to Octavian. “High Queen Crystalia...” Octavian began and bowed slightly. 

A light laugh came from her as she turned towards them. “Dear nephew, it is wonderful to see you, but how many times must I tell you that it is fine not to be so formal with me,” she said, managing not to give her nephew a mischievous grin. Octavian went wide eyed and blushed slightly as Idium briefly raised a brow. 

“A-auntie, please...“ Octavian stuttered slightly and glanced away while scratching his cheek. He had not expected her to reveal their connection anyway. He had to give her some credit for that, but not right now. “Not...not so loud. Anyway...I would like you to meet my friend Idium. He has wanted to meet you for some time now, and I figured this was a perfect chance for that.”

Idium bowed immediately as the Vosmus Queen looked his way. Nevermind the fact that Octavian had just put him on the spot, he was actually being introduced to the woman, nay the queen, he had wanted to meet the most. “It is my utmost honor to meet you, your majesty. Mere words do not do your grace, or presence enough justice.”

Queen Crystalia chuckled softly. “It Is pleasant to meet you Idium, I already know that you must be an interesting person if you are friends with my nephew,” she said softly. “And unless I am wrong in my guess, you are a mage, correct?”

Idium stood straight again and then nodded. “Yes, your majesty. It is true that I am a mage. I know that those like me are not...” he trailed off as she held up her free hand. 

“Let us not concern ourselves with that aspect of our society right now, hm? As long as you do not give me reason to be suspicious, I will not think ill of you,“ she said with a gentle smile. She took one last sip of her wine before handing the glass to Octavian. “Octo, dear, would you do me a favor and properly dispose of that please?“ she asked. Octavian looked at his aunt and then nodded before leaving the two of them alone. He could not help but grin to himself and hope for the best now. 

“Your majesty, I am glad that you will let my actions and words judge me rather than what I am,“ Idium said warmly once Octavian was gone. He was trying his best to keep his composure and not be left in awed speechlessness. Though it became harder when she reach out her hand to him.

“Please, use my name. Queen Crystalia is fine if you wish to retain formality. Not everyone says ‘High Queen‘ anyway,” she said first. “Also, would you like to join me in a dance? Normally I would ask one of my nephews to cure that desire for me, but I want to learn more about you as well.“

Idium took her hand and lightly kissed it first. “It would be my pleasure to dance with you Queen Crystalia. And I am humbled that you truly wish to get to know me,” he said and began to lead her in a dance where they were instead of trying to find space in the designated area for it.

--

It was a bit nostalgic after all for Lula, the former Spade Queen. Visiting the castle for the grand Winter Ball, it really was an event she had looked forward to every year. Sometimes getting to help Queen Crystalia with some of the decorating. And as much as she was enjoying her new life with her dear husband Silva and their newborn son Auberon, she did miss all of the people here. Maybe except for King Marcel. Maybe.

Everything here seemed to be wonderful and on point as usual. And there were things she just knew was Mazella’s handiwork. She laughed quietly to herself as her son cooed happily in her arms, there were a lot of things she had treasured that she did not make fully known to them while she had been here. 

But first...of course she spotted High King Marcel and High Queen Darcia first. She carefully shifted her son so she could point that way. “Let’s say hello and take care of a ‘little matter’ first,” she said to her husband. Lula then cradled her son again as she could not help but march up to the royal pair. She stopped in front of them and stared  somewhat intently at king Marcel. “Since a certain someone was cruel, you are only getting to meet him now Queen Darcia,” she said, not bothering to hide that she was miffed at the king, and turned towards the Richter Queen. Lula’s expression softened at her as she presented her son to her. “This is our little angel, Auberon Ursaris Reinhardt,” she introduced. He gave the older queen one of his precious smiles followed by a happy sound. “Silva and I would like your blessing for our child,” Lula said and then glanced at King Marcel again. “His too...I suppose...”

“Cruel?“ the high king questioned with a brow raised. 

“You could have came with her you know. Like King Seff did with Queen Iona,“ she shot back with out raising her voice as she handed her son over to her husband so she could fully face the Richter king and point a finger at him. “I appreciated Gisela’s presence and help, don’t get me wrong but...I wanted queen Darcia there,” she said softly as she crossed her arms and then looked away. “And maybe, just maybe, you too if you weren’t so dense and overprotective and stupid...” she added more in a murmur. 

--

It was an odd moment. Mazella had been making her rounds but stopped when she reached a group of people seemingly staring and gossiping about...’some weirdo’? She pushed her way through, somewhat politely, to see what was really going on. Her eyes fell upon the male who was dancing by himself in his dress. He seemed to be minding his own business and having a fun time. Nothing to for her to be too concerned about. If anything it was his ‘audience’ she needed to keep an eye on so they wouldn’t start do more than just gossiping among themselves. 

However, Firis had done a little spin and noticed there was someone knew watching him now. Her presence made him pause in his dancing and stare at her a moment. He just adored the winter themed suit she was wearing and how nicely it fit on her. Then he remembered that she was the master of ceremonies. When their eyes truly met, he could not help but smile wide. He had caught her attention! How delightful! Maybe, just maybe, she could spare him a few minutes?

He walked over to her and curtsied before adopting a thinking pose. “Would it be possible for the dear master of ceremonies to spare some time for a dance?” he asked. 

Mazella blinked, caught off guard by his approach and question. “Well...I-I suppose things are going smoothly enough that I could spare some time,” she began and rubbed the back of her neck. “But...I’m sorry...”

“Firis,“ he supplied.

“Firis, I...I’m not much of a dancer,” she finished. “Someone was trying to teach me once but, I’m a klutz when it comes to that,” she added with a bit of a nervous laugh.

“Mazella, right?“ he asked with a tilt of his head and she nodded. “Delightful~ It is quite alright if you are a...’klutz‘ as you say. I could help you! And even if I can’t, it is fun! Even the master of ceremonies should have some fun!” he said and chuckled. “So~ How about reconsidering?“ he asked and held out his hand to her.

“Well...I guess when you put it like that...“ she said with a short laugh and took his hand. The others would want her to have some fun as well. Especially with as hard as she had been training, and all her responsibilities leading up to the ball, among other things. “And I suppose it is hard to say no to someone so curious and beautifully dressed.“

“That’s the spirit, my wonderfully suited companion!”

[twinkletoes-rp]

Wolf’s Rain: Bloodied Chances Ch. 5 - Battle Scars

(Can also read on FFN / AO3 / Previous / Next)

Kiba’s already headed out to take in the moonlight before he sleeps, and Hige’s supposed to follow, but he stops short. He’s frowning thoughtfully at Toboe. After several seconds, he speaks, voice quiet and unsure. “Hey, Tsume?” The silver wolf immediately snaps to look at him, chest tightening. He’s only ever sounded like that when talking about his lost memories and what he did for Jaguara… “I never really…heard what happened with the kid and the old man… I mean, I know he got shot, obviously, but…you know, the specifics.” He bites his lip, looks away. “Toboe told me how you saved him from the guy when you first met, but…” his expression twists in talking about this, but he has to get it out, “…hell, the kid basically stared down the barrels of two guns, the old man’s and Darcia’s, when he died last time… It’s not…” his voice drops even lower, and Tsume’s almost surprised there isn’t a scorch mark on the ground from the heat of Hige’s glare, “…i-it just…doesn’t make sense…”

Tsume watches him for a long moment before he hums on a sigh. “I’m sorry. We should have explained it to you.”

Hige settles cross-legged on Toboe’s other side and smiles gently, hands moving inside his hoodie pocket. “Hey, in your defense, there was a lot going on.” There’s the smallest laughing undercurrent to his voice.

He feels victorious when it actually gets Tsume to smile a little bit. “True…” His eyes drift back to Toboe, and his smile falls, the space between his eyes pinching. “To be honest, there are still some things I don’t really understand myself…but I can guess…”

He doesn’t exactly sound happy about that, but Hige supposes nobody would be in this situation, especially with Toboe being Tsume’s…well, for lack of a more fitting description, best friend. Regardless, color Hige intrigued. “Okay, so…what’re you thinkin’, big guy?”

A small smile coming at the new nickname, Tsume thinks back to the incident. He tells Hige everything he and Kiba saw in taking down Blue and the old man, what Toboe said to him, all of it. He knows Hige would want it, so he goes into as much detail as he can, never mind how the younger man winces at how Kiba quieted Blue. Hige has to know Kiba would do it as gently as he could, though, knowing what she means (meant?) to Hige.

By the time he’s done, Hige looks more than a little pale and horrified, glancing frantically between Tsume and the kid, and it takes a minute before he can get a word past the secondhand panic clogging his throat. “Holy shit…!” he breathes, voice trembling the slightest bit. Tsume can see him curling shaking fists in his hoodie pocket. His gaze travels back to Toboe, looking conflicted and confused. “But why would he…? He could have fought back, could have… I mean, I know he and the old man have a complicated history, but…” Reaching out, he gently brushes his fingers through Toboe’s bangs and long hair with a small sigh. “What the hell happened, kid…?”

Tsume silently studies the way he is with Toboe, then the boy himself. He remembers how reassuring and sure Toboe was with Hige when the older was having his identity crisis in Jaguara’s Keep. Toboe’s always paid attention to things the rest of them don’t, read things in people and their personalities and never been afraid to praise or call them out on them. Hell, the kid did the latter with Tsume when they’d known each other for twenty minutes at best. And back then, with Jaguara, Toboe and Kiba were the only ones really able to bring Hige back to himself after everything. Tsume wishes he could have done more himself, wanted to, but…he’d had his doubts. He wasn’t alone in that, Kiba did, too, but good reasons be damned, he’d pushed and made his concerns more known, and…that put a strain on his and Hige’s relationship toward the end. Luckily, they both did their best to patch it up before they died, and if he really thinks about it...it was only after Toboe’s death that they were truly able to reconcile.

Once again, like pretty much everything good in his life (lives, really), Tsume’s coming to realize…it’s all because of Toboe.

Sheesh… When they first met, he never thought he’d be so lost on the kid, but…well, here he is. But if he’s being honest? He wouldn’t change a single damn thing about it. Any of it.

“So…you said you had theories…” Hige’s slow, thoughtful voice snaps him out of his thoughts, and Tsume tunes back in to find Hige staring at Toboe as well. He must have been thinking, too. Good. Otherwise, well, it might have been awkward. Permission to keep going, even begging, is more than present in his packmate’s tone.

Tsume nods stiffly, still a little startled to be back in reality and not quite sure how he’ll take his ideas. “Y-yeah…” Gaze shifting back to their youngest, Tsume takes a breath. “Have you…ever heard of something the humans call PTSD?”

Hige raises an eyebrow at him, mouth scrunched up in thought. “I don’t…think so… Why? ‘s it some kinda food?”

Tsume can’t help but breathe a sudden laugh at that, caught off guard, but not surprised. “No, dumbass,” he says, cuffing the other wolf upside the head gentler than he normally might. Hige smirks a trifle despite their conversation. Sobering, Tsume’s fingers ghost over Toboe’s wounded leg. He’s never wished for healing magic before, but he’d take some of Cheza’s right now gladly. Hell, even that Cher woman’s medical advice would be appreciated. “According to some of my men, it stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. They said it’s like a kind of…sickness in the brain some people develop in response to severe trauma. It usually mostly affects those who’ve fought in or been victims of war or some other kind of mass tragedy, but it can get to other people, too. One of my underlings was mauled by a dog as a kid, scarred physically and mentally, and whenever we came across one, he’d royally freak out. He shot one once, tried to shoot us when he lost his head completely. We’d have to drag him out of there after we managed to calm him down, if we could. If not, we did it kicking and screaming, fighting us all the way. And that’s even if we could get close enough to touch him at all. It got pretty dangerous, even for me.”

Hige’s quiet, listening intently all the while. He doesn’t really know what this has to do with Toboe, but…maybe the old man? Or both? Either way, he trusts that Tsume’s getting there. This is about Toboe, after all.

“They said he definitely had it. But they also said it could manifest in different ways, too. It could be a silent, frozen kind of freak out, wide-eyed and trembling and possibly hurting themselves without realizing. They’ll be there physically, but mentally, they’re reliving the trauma. Breaking out of it is like…being able to breathe again when you’ve been drowning…”

Hige watches him carefully. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say Tsume talks from experience—or maybe he’s just reading too far into things. Whatever the case, his gaze zips back to Toboe, from his face to his leg and back. “So you think, the way he died, it might have— He might have— And the old man, too?”

Tsume hums in confirmation. He’s catching on quicker than he thought. “That’s my working theory, anyway.” He holds up two fingers, ticking them off as he goes. “The old man has the first kind, the violent one. Toboe…” he clenches a fist so hard that his knuckles pop, nails almost break skin, “…well, from what I saw…he has the second…”

There’s a kind of tense silence that settles here, both of them staring hard at Toboe with guilt and frustration and a particularly painful kind of devastation playing in their chests. Outside, having heard every word, Kiba feels it, too.

“Damn it…” Hige hisses, and Tsume glances over. He’s looking at Toboe with such sad, angry eyes. “I wish…I wish there was something we could do for ‘im… More, you know? I wish…” He gets that look in his eyes that tells Tsume he’s remembering his own trauma at the hands of Jaguara, and it curls something so startlingly painful in Tsume’s gut that he can’t help but want to stop it in its tracks.

Reaching out, he lays a firm hand on Hige’s shoulder. “Hey.” The younger wolf turns at the deceptively stern tone of voice, the gentleness underneath drawing his attention. He’s shocked and maybe a little helplessly awed to see the calm, confident smile on Tsume’s face. “Don’t look so defeated.” Gaze moving back to Toboe, he squeezes Hige’s shoulder. “If he was alone,” like he was when Tsume first found him, “maybe we should worry. But he has us,” has Tsume, “and he knows we won’t let anything happen to him.” Not again. A gentle thumb strokes a bead of sweat from Toboe’s cheek. “We can’t change what happened before, but we can make sure history doesn’t repeat itself. If he needs us, we’ll be there, and that’s what matters.”

Hige blinks, Kiba’s smiling proudly outside, and then the younger wolf breaks out into a bright, toothy grin that has the set of Tsume’s shoulders easing. Thank Paradise for that. “Yeah, for sure! Thanks, Tsume!” He laughs. “You know, you’re sounding more and more like Kiba when you get all wise like that!”

Tsume raises an eyebrow at that last part before he huffs a laugh, smirking. “Yeah, maybe. Just don’t tell him that. He’ll get a big head.”

Hige snorts, brushing himself off as he moves to stand. “Sure. Whatever you say.” Softening for a moment in meeting Tsume’s eyes again, voice following, he says, “Seriously…thanks for explaining everything. I think I understand things a lot better now.” He looks back toward Toboe, melting all the more. “Take care of the runt for us. We’ll be right outside if you need anything.”

Tsume nods. “No problem.” He smiles fondly. “Don’t worry, I’ve got him. I’ll wake you to change his bandage in a few hours. Thanks, Hige. Now go get some sleep before we’re both up all night.”

Yawning, the younger wolf heads out the door with a lazy wave. “G’night.”

As promised, Tsume does wake Hige to redress Toboe’s wound and change out his towel around midnight, and as he also promised, Tsume does do his best to get some sleep afterward. It’s a bit restless and light, under the circumstances, but it’s still a good sleep, and he’s grateful for that.

“No! Granny, wait!”

But somewhere before dawn, that shatters.

Toboe’s frantic, tearful shout startles Tsume awake instantly, gasping sharply and automatically reaching for his knife before he realizes what exactly woke him. The second he does, he’s focusing all his attention on Toboe. The boy’s tossing and turning, blankets halfway thrown off, and his breathing and heart rate are through the roof. He’s drenched in sweat, there are tears running down his face, and his twisted, grieving expression is like multiple punches to Tsume’s gut. “Toboe…”

Hesitating before reaching over to take his hand, Toboe’s fingers twitch at Tsume’s touch before recognizing and welcoming it, threading their fingers together. Tsume can’t help the light blush that covers his cheeks at that, softening, then squeezing. He wants to tell him it’ll be okay, but he doesn’t know if that would be the right thing to do. When Gehl was sick like this and had nightmares, the others always told him it was safer to let him ride it out. He didn’t really understand then, still doesn’t now if he’s honest, but those guys treated Gehl like a little brother, so he trusted their judgment. He still does. He’ll trust their advice now, too.

“G-Granny…” Tsume snaps back to the present at Toboe’s small, sad voice, wincing when it cracks. “I-I never meant… I-I just wanted to—to show you I loved you…t-that I was excited to see you and eat with you, but I… A-and Leara…your bird, I…I-I was just trying to…to impress you, I didn’t… B-both of you…I-I’m so sorry… S-so sorry…”

Tsume’s ears perk at that, finding himself leaning forward a little. He’s always had his suspicions, ever since Toboe first told him about his Granny. Then the incident with Leara’s bird pushed them along a little more, when he wanted to stay behind with those nomads in the desert even more, and finally…with how he died… Well, honestly…if he’s right about what he thinks this is, he can’t say he’s really surprised. Horrified and crushed for Toboe’s sake, but…God, he understands. Probably better than anyone else could.

“I never meant to kill anything…” It’s a broken, guilty whisper, so much that if Tsume weren’t a wolf, he’s not sure he would have heard it, let alone made it out. Part of him wishes he didn’t. “I-I’m so sorry…”

And there it is. That first line Tsume’s heard before, back in the old world after he rescued Toboe from Leara. Now that he has all this, too…it’s as good a confession as any. A lot of things are making a hell of a lot more sense now. Not that he’s happy about it. Of course not. He’s always known how Toboe struggles with hurting people when he doesn’t mean to. Hell, Tsume himself struggles with it, too—a few accidentally-violent exchanges with the boy in question in that once-warzone from the old world come to mind—and he’s almost sure, knowing how perceptive Toboe is, the kid has his own suspicions about that in relation to his past.

But having suspicions and knowing they’re correct…those are two very different things. Especially when they make the silver wolf upset for two colossally different reasons.

“B-Blue…” Tsume jumps in surprise at that name, narrowing his eyes in confusion, “…I-I couldn’t protect Pops…” He grimaces and curls his free hand into a tight fist, glaring at the ground with gritted teeth. Oh…that’s why… “Y-you asked me to look after him for you…I promised, a-and I tried, I swear…but I…I-I still let ‘im die—!” He flinches at that sobbing break at the end, swearing his heart can’t take much more. It’s shattered enough already as is. “P-Pops, I…y-you forgave me…l-let go of your hatred, in the end, but…I still can’t…” Forgive himself. Yeah… Tsume knows how that feels, too… “Y-you held me…in the snow and when we were dying…” Tsume bites back a whine, “…and we were so happy…” Toboe gives another hissing sob. “I-I’m so sorry I couldn’t—! I-I wanted to—!”

The tears are coming faster now, and Toboe has to take a few seconds to catch his breath. Tsume’s almost glad. He has to remember to breathe entirely. A part of him wonders why the other two aren’t here (he’s sure they’re hearing every word), but he knows it’s probably half that they don’t want to crowd the poor kid and half that Tsume will be the best at comforting Toboe. If he needs them, though, he knows they’ll come running.

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness…any of you…” Toboe whispers, and Tsume swears his heart stops. “Pops and Blue…you don’t remember anything… Y-you tried to kill me… T-there was no Granny here…or Leara…her bird… I…I-I was so alone—!” The end snaps off with a devastated sob, and Tsume rests his forehead against Toboe’s hand he holds like a lifeline, squeezing his eyes shut as a violent shudder runs through him. He can’t bring himself to be surprised when a few tears slip down his face. Jesus, kid…! The quietest, most sacred part comes last. “Is this…i-is this my punishment…?”

Oh… Okay, that is it!

There’s a choked sob, desperate and pained, and the next thing Tsume knows, he’s hugging Toboe tightly, pressing his forehead into his chest. “Okay…” he growl-breathes, low and guttural, halfway sobs; he supposes even he has a breaking point, “…okay, kid… That’s enough…please…” He doesn’t think he can take any more, but more importantly, he doesn’t think Toboe himself can either. “I don’t know if you can hear me…but if you can, I need you to listen…you hear me…?”

Toboe, despite his still-flowing tears, is quiet, brow pinched. His head has stopped moving, is essentially facing him. Tsume takes that as cue enough to keep going. He just hopes he can get through to him.

“You’re wrong… You’re wrong, damn it…!” He shakes his head vehemently, not caring when the sweat soaking Toboe’s clothes wets his face and hair. He’s here and warm and alive. That’s the most important thing there is. “No one blames you for anything…! No one is punishing you for anything…!” How can Toboe even think these things?! Why wouldn’t he tell him?! The idea alone makes Tsume want to either be sick or tear something apart. “You can’t control fate… You can’t control what the universe brings you and what it takes away—!” All he can think of is Toboe being both for him, and it makes him choke on a sob. “The only thing you can control is what you do with your life, and none of what happened before was your fault! Not a damn thing! You did the best you could! That’s all anyone can ask, you hear me, runt?!” He and Toboe haven’t talked about their lives in this world before they all met up and regained their memories, but he will as soon as he thinks it’s appropriate because, damn it…he is having a word with fate if it fucking kills him! “I promise you, Toboe…you will never be alone again! You have us, you have me! You don’t ever have to question that!”

He almost jumps when Toboe’s free hand comes up to touch his apparently-trembling shoulder, frozen as it moves up and up and up until…he melts as it starts to stroke his hair. Oh… He felt violated when Cheza did it in the old world, asleep or otherwise, but…he’s entirely conscious here (though he realizes he’d gladly fall asleep like this) and feels like he’s in Heaven… Figures it’d be because of Toboe…

His voice melts in kind. “Granny loved you, Toboe… She loved you so much, and she knows you’d never hurt her on purpose… Leara knows you didn’t mean to hurt her bird by now, I’m sure… Blue and the old man… You did keep your promise to her, Toboe… You kept the old man as safe as you could, died to protect him, and you…you are the one who turned him around in the end… That was all you, kid…!” Toboe’s tears have slowed immensely by now, lower lip trembling in touched shock. “I know, if she were here with all her memories, she’d say the same thing. Probably a hell of a lot better than I am right now…”

He breathes a laugh, moving to rest his ear over Toboe’s heart. Wouldn’t you know…? Playing his favorite lullaby… Now he’s really a goner… “Even if this world is different and new, and people we knew before aren’t the same…we’re all together, we remember, and we will reach Paradise this time. I can feel it.” A heartbeat, two. “And until then, I’ll keep you safe from the nightmares, Toboe…” he whispers, swears, into the dark. “Just trust me… Trust me like you always have...”

Because he knows, even if Toboe doesn’t remember the story he told his body, how big of a deal trust is for both of them.

Toboe’s heartbeat is steadying more and more as the seconds pass, his breathing evening out, too, hand in silver hair slowing. Tsume would look up to see if he’s stopped crying for sure, but…well, looks like those hair and heartbeat tricks worked a little too well. He smiles in his almost-sleep, adjusting their positions so he’s lying beside Toboe and carefully curling the boy close to his chest. Toboe, apparently intent on holding his hand like his life depends on it, turns to nuzzle into his chest farther than he usually would and curl a light fist in his shirt. Tsume breathes a laugh and, after blindly fixing the towel on his forehead, tucks the boy’s head under his chin.

“Night, Toboe…”