#I’m about to fall asleep (holding said sheep plushy) but I wanted to answer this before I did so

[housederiva]

you yell you're not scary, and I'm still scared to interact, damn you, anxiety!!!

I have however seen a bunch of your posts across the main tags and checked out some of your writing, it's really good :) Maybe one day I'll be able to interact without working myself up into a spiral of overthinking :'D

I also have anxiety, we can do this together!! I’m not scary!!!! I’m literally laying in bed right now cradling a giant sheep plushy the size of a rotund toddler

In all seriousness though, I understand how difficult starting conversations can be with other folks and I appreciate you sending this ask in quite a lot xx

[mrsmodric]

(Not) Just A Name

Pairing: Ivan Rakitic/Luka Modric

Summary: Luka has adopted a son and Ivan visits to meet the new family member. Then he overhears Luka talking about him and things take their course.

Note: The wonderful and beautiful @croatian-nt inspired me to write this. Thank you so much for trusting me with your idea, Rin, I hope you like this. 

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The door bell rang. Luka straightened himself and waited for another moment, as if he hadn't been waiting right by the door the whole time. Taking a deep breath, he opened it. Outside stood exactly the man he had expected to see, his smile even a bit wider than what Luka had imagined.

"Hi, dad," Ivan said in a happy tone and pulled Luka into a hug with one arm, the other one being hidden behind his back.

- "Hello, Ivan," muffled Luka into his chest. 

Ivan let go of him, put his free hand onto Luka's right shoulder, and scanned him top to toe. "Fatherhood suits you," he said and grinned. Before Luka could reply anything, Ivan pulled out his hidden hand from behind and held something grey and fluffy in Luka's face. "A koala," he explained. "Thought I could endear myself to your little fella by bringing him something that reminds him of his dad."

Luka just sighed as a reply, stepped aside and gestured Ivan to come in. Ivan did as he was wordlessly asked to, handing Luka the koala and then walking straight forward to where he knew the child's room had to be. "There are worse things to be compared to than koalas, believe me," he said. Ignoring Luka opening his mouth to reply something, Ivan continued, "I'm really happy for you, honestly. But-," he stopped and turned around to Luka who obviously was still thinking about the koala bear -,"I can't believe I wasn't- I mean we weren't included in decorating his room."

- "I’ve already explained it to you," Luka began. "I didn't want to tell anybody, because until the very last moment I feared something could go wrong."

It was true. He had planned on adopting a child for more than one year. Always wanting a child, Luka had waited for the right person to have one with. Life being life, the right person hadn't shown up. Only that in Luka's eyes he had, but they weren't together. One way or another – after thinking a bit about it for a while, he had asked himself why he should wait any longer. He wasn't exactly poor and should be able to get a child trough life. Fast forward and the adoption agency he had picked out had called him with good news. Although having planned the decoration and everything else already a long time ago, Luka couldn't believe it until he had finally held his four month old son in his arms for the first time.

"But it didn't, right?" Ivan asked and Luka shook his head, smiling. Ivan returned the smile, then continued moving to the right room. The door was open, but he hesitated before he stepped in and turned around again. "Am I correct when I assume that I'm the first one to meet him?"

- "From the team, yes, you are," Luka confirmed. "Don't be smug about it," he added when Ivan looked rather pleased about this fact. "Come on now, if you're lucky he's awake right now," he said, entering the room. Luka, who of course had been here multiple times, walked directly to the crib, putting the koala directly next to his son and a little sheep plushie that was already with him. Ivan had stopped right behind the entrance and looked around with fascination. The whole room was basically designed as a forest, the walls painted with trees, deers, birds, foxes and rabbits. The changing table and a cupboard were perfectly integrated into the painting. A rocking chair stood by the window facade, the crib was placed in the middle of the room.

"If you want to put down roots by not moving, you'll perfectly fit into this room," Luka said, grinning at the sight of Ivan being lost for words for once.

Looking from left to right, Ivan slowly moved towards Luka and the crib. "It's pretty, it really is," he finally said, when he arrived. "And so is your son," he added, when he eventually took a look at him, Luka growing taller from pride at the words "your son". The baby was barely awake, obviously fighting the sleep, but still eyeing Ivan with some kind of curiosity.

"May I hold him?" Ivan asked, already stretching out his arms.

- "Of course, just be careful," Luka replied, holding his breath while watching Ivan picking up his son. However, his worries were unjustified, as Ivan did it with such softness that Luka never before had seen of him. He bit his lower lip to hold himself back from swooning when he saw how Ivan smiled at his son, stroking his cheek with one finger. 

The right person, Luka thought, watching a picture unfolding in front of him, that he had secretly dreamed of.

"So," Ivan said, interrupting Luka's thoughts, "I'm Ivan, nice too meet you. And you are-?"

Luka chuckled. "Ivan, this is Ivano," he said.

- "Ivano?"

"It's just-"

- "I'm flattered." Ivan laughed as if he were joking. The truth was, he was really touched, although he knew all too well that it most likely meant nothing. Deciding to joke about it, he nodded at Ivano and said, "Big footsteps you're going to walk in."

Ivano's reply was to fall asleep. Giving him a quick peck on the cheek, which made Luka so weak in the knees that he for a moment feared, he would need to sit down, Ivan laid him back down into his crib. He turned to Luka, forrowed his brow when he noticed Luka's open mouth and his stare, and then put his hands onto Luka's arms, giving them a short slap.

"Naming him after you favorite, huh?" He grinned. "The most beautiful and talented man you have ever met?"

- "It's just a name." Luka tried to laugh it off. "I thought it was nice, but then...yeah. Quite common, right? I didn't want it to be exactly yours, you know, confusion reasons and stuff."

"Sure, yeah." Ivan rested one hand on the crib and crossed his legs, as if he were just about to get started. And he was. "Let's see if he will play more after my style or after yours."

- "He-"

"Ohhh," Ivan made, ignoring Luka, "What do you think, who will he look like more, once he's older? He's got my nose, don't you thi-"

He was interrupted by a ringing phone. "I'm so sorry," he quickly said when Ivano started crying.

Ivan rushed out of the room to answer the call, leaving Luka behind, who picked up Ivano, who calmed down immediately in his dad's arms.

"You hopefully know," Luka said, "that you don't have to play football at all if you don't want to. But if you do and you get to the national team, please do me the favour of not choosing the number seven for you. Ivan would rub that under my nose until the day that I die. Hell, if Ivan would die before me, he would somehow manage to put 'He chose the number seven' on his gravestone." Ivano just yawned at this information. "Anyway," Luka continued. "It also doesn't matter how you'll look when you're growing up, because in my eyes you'll always be the cutest child no matter what, okay? But...if by some kind of witchcraft you manage to get Ivan's smile...that would be good for you. Because it's one of the most beautiful things in the whole world." He kissed his son on the forehead and put him back down. Watching him falling asleep, he just went on. "You know, I lied earlier," he explained. "I totally named you after him. It was the obvious thing to do, right? Name you after the man I love?"

- "You love me?" He heard an all too familiar voice saying behind him. Startled, Luka turned around, rushing towards Ivan.

"Shit," he said, fumbling with his hair. "I shouldn't have..I mean, I'm sorry, you shouldn't have heard that. I never even should have said it."

- "If only I had known," Ivan whispered.

"What are you-"

Ivan shook his head. He couldn't help but tearing up. "I love you so much," he said. "I have loved you since forever. I didn't even get it at first. I tried to tell myself how it wasn't even a crush. That it's normal to love a face as much as I loved yours from the beginning. That it doesn't mean anything."

He licked his lips and shook his head again, not looking at Luka. The words just spilled out. "After realizing that I couldn't hide it from myself anymore, I hoped you would magically become mine. But then you didn't." Ivan now looked at Luka with a pinched face. "And you know what I did? I literally prayed to God he would take the feelings away. But he didn't. And I...I didn't want to be in love, you know? Not with you. Not with somebody I would never be able to get." Ivan wiped over his face once. "I know I'm joking a lot. About flirting, too. But every joke has a litte bit of truth in it, right? I love you," he repeated and the tears started falling again. "So please don't tell me how you shouldn't have said what you said. Please don't. Please-"

Luka just couldn't bear it any longer. Without replying, he grabbed Ivan by his collar, pulled him down and started kissing him. Ivan didn't hesitate for one second but kissed him back at once. Hidden in the kiss were all the secret looks they had thrown at each other. All the moments they had wanted to hold each others hand but didn't. All the missed opportunities. They were all in this kiss, like they wanted, like they needed to make up for them.

Suddenly Luka broke the kiss. Ivan looked confused, almost desperate, as if he feared that it would be over already. That Luka would tell him how it was a mistake.

Instead, Luka said, "I love you, I love you, I love you so much it hurts."

Ivan smiled and laughed a short laugh, but then made sure to close the small distance between them again by taking Luka's face in his hands to continue the kiss. To also say I love you over and over again. But this time without words.  

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Thanks for reading! You can find my other Rakidric fics on my blog under the tag melanie wrote.                                   

[myforeverforlife]

A drabble for @fvck-del-rey! Thank you for sending a request!

Junmyeon + 9. “You can’t banish me! This is my bed too!” + 14. “They’re so cute when they’re asleep.”

Word Count: 1,178

You had finally gotten a chance to go on vacation with your boyfriend for what seemed like the first time in ages. One catch: some of his friends were coming along as well. And you didn’t really have a problem with it — Sehun, Minseok, Chanyeol and Yixing were all nice people, and you considered them your friends as well. Plus, you and Junmyeon would have a room all to yourselves, so everything was all fine in your book.

Until you saw the mess that your boyfriend had made. 

You had only been away for a couple of minutes, going to Minseok and Yixing’s room to ask them if they had seen your phone charger. When you finally found it stuck at the bottom of Chanyeol’s suitcase, you had gone back to your room and planned on taking a calming shower before heading downstairs with the others for dinner. 

When you opened the door, you were taken aback by how different your room looked when compared to when you had left.

“Jun?” you called out tentatively. “Did a tornado hit our room?”

“What?” Your boyfriend stepped out from the small bathroom, following your gaze and scanning the area. “No, why?”

“Um, because it’s a mess? What did you do while I was gone?”

“I was unpacking. I’ll put this stuff away, I promise.”

“Okay,” you answered skeptically, already trying to avoid stepping on any clothes that he had left on the floor. You hoped that maybe by the time you had gotten out of the shower, the mess would be at least a little better.

You were sad to realize that you were wrong — if anything, it had gotten even worse.

“Jun, how are you going to find anything in this chaos?” You draped your towel over your shoulders, letting the damp strands of your hair rest on top of the fleecy fabric. 

“What do you mean? I can find my stuff.” 

“Yeah? Where’s your pajamas?”

Junmyeon’s eyes darted around the room, shifting from side to side until he pointed at a small lump near the sliding door to the patio. “Over there!” 

“And how long did it take you to find them?” 

“A couple of seconds.” 

You rolled your eyes, going over to your suitcase and opening it up. “If you put your clothes in the drawers that the hotel has, you’d be able to find it a lot more easily.” 

“But this system works for me.”

“Jun, this isn’t even a ‘system’. It’s just you leaving your stuff everywhere until you’re forced to clean up.” 

“Okay, okay. I’ll clean up after dinner. Are you mad at me?” 

“No,” you replied stiffly, pulling at the zippers of your suitcase harshly as you took out the piles of clothes and laid them on top of the dresser, ready to be put inside. 

Junmyeon sighed before coming over, knocking over a small lump of pants as he did so. “I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad at me.” When you didn’t look at him, he pressed closer, his hand coming up to cradle your cheek. “Sweetheart?” 

You finally let go of the clothes you were holding, eyes fluttering closed as you leaned into Junmyeon’s hand. “I don’t want to be mad at you either. But I also don’t want to stay in a hotel room with your stuff scattered everywhere.”

“And you won’t. I’ll clean it up. Now come on, let’s go downstairs with the others for dinner.” 

“Okay.” You opened your eyes to see Junmyeon beaming with what you called “the bunny smile”, the one where his teeth were showing and his cheeks became even rounder as his smile pushed them higher. It didn’t take much for your boyfriend to try and win you over once more. 

Dinner was practically a feast, with the all-you-can-eat buffet luring you all in until you felt as if you would burst from how full you were. When you got back to the hotel room, you and Junmyeon were both too tired to do anything but automatically fall into bed and sleep until the next morning. 

You, Yixing and Chanyeol had plans the next day to go visit the zoo while Minseok, Sehun and Junmyeon would spend the day driving around and visiting various historic landmarks. You had given Junmyeon a goodbye kiss at the hotel, reminding him about cleaning the room. “Don’t forget, Jun. Please.”

“I won’t. See you later!” 

Your day at the zoo had been packed full of fun, and you left with a pair of bunny ears atop your head while Chanyeol had his monkey plushie hanging from his shoulder and Yixing held his sheep plushie in his arms. You returned to the hotel tired and with aching legs, wanting to relax without any worries. You opened the door slowly, ready to call out to Jun when you saw the exact same mess as the one that you saw in the morning. 

Groaning, you pulled off your souvenir from the zoo and tossed it onto a table, stomping over to your boyfriend who lay unknowingly on the bed. He held his phone in his hands, and didn’t notice you until you were right next to him. 

“Oh, when did you get back? I missed you.” He sat up, dropping his phone onto the bed and going in for a kiss when you leaned back. 

“Jun, you didn’t clean up your stuff! That’s it, you’re banished from the bed.” 

“What? You can’t banish me! This is my bed too!”

“Yeah, well I’m doing it anyways. I’m tired, and I don’t want to argue with you about this right now.”

“Then don’t. Here,” Junmyeon rolled over until there was space for you. “Take a nap with me and when we wake up, I’ll clean.” 

“Do you promise?” 

“I swear. If I don’t, then you can banish me.” He flashed you a goofy grin before opening his arms to you, waiting for you to curl up in his arms.

It was no use, you were too much of a softie and Junmyeon was too cute for you both to continue this discussion any further. You laid down, letting Junmyeon wrap his arms around you as you snuggled into his hold. “You better keep that promise,” you said with a yawn. Soon, the two of you were fast asleep, light snores filling the room.

From the room next door, Chanyeol and Sehun laughed at how quickly you and Junmyeon had made up. Your little argument had been audible through the walls, and they had almost begun to worry. “Those two and their fights,” Chanyeol chuckled to himself. “They’re so cute when they’re asleep”. 

“They’re cute when they’re not arguing,” Sehun added.

“Yeah, that too. When do you think Jun’s gonna pop the question?” 

“Probably soon. Hopefully he hasn’t lost the ring.” 

Unknown to you, there lay a small box in a tiny pouch hidden in Junmyeon’s suitcase with a ring meant to rest on your hand. It was only a matter of time before he was ready to give it to you.

A/N: i swear i’ve been trying to keep these under 1,000 words, but it seems like every drabble is just getting longer (this scenario just ran away from me lol) also, just imagining the mess was starting to make me anxious! 

@mikapeanut