#I’m a bad Taemint

[corvidclub]

I feel like I’m the only taemint on here who isn’t positively fuming at the possibility of Taemin coming back to superm first…yes they make bad music unlike Shinee or Taemin’s solo endeavors (which they have interfered with in the past) but like…Kai’s gonna go into the military immediately after these promotions are supposed to happen followed by Taeyong. So realistically superm will probably be on hiatus for a long time after this while Shinee and TM have all the time in the world now post-enlistment. I don’t think it’s a big deal if Tae hops on a garbage track with the bestie one last time. It’ll just be a warm up for him + if a tvxq member really joins that’d be funny + I like seeing him and Ten maximizing their joint slay sue me 🤷

[1eos]

I’m sorry, taemints???? Dude he’s had 13 years to build a fanbase he’s not unpopular???? 😭😭😭😭 I don’t understand this

have you met any hardcore taemint? all they talk abt is how taemin is unmatched but also how he's the most mistreated nd unappreciated artist at sm nd how ppl are ignoring him nd saying he's inspired by michael jackson is violence 🙄 nd that most shawols are [insert other member] stans (which is a straight up lie) nd that taemin doesn't get enough recognition why are his views so low why doesn't idea have 100 million views everyone hates him everyone does taemin stages for clout but don't really love him why is taemin so underrated 😔😔😔😔😔....... taemints want him to be an underdog so bad like..... shut up. criminal could hit 200 mil tonight nd taemints will still be like

[dubububbles]

SHINee scenario: s/o attending their event despite being sick and hiding it because they want to support them

(would it be possible to request a scenario to shinee’s s/o attending their event despite being sick and hiding it because you wanted to support them?) 

Requested by anon

Onew:

When your boyfriend was going to hold his first solo comeback showcase, you really wouldn’t miss it for the world. In some cruel turn of events, you caught a flu just a few days prior to it and was more or less ordered to not leave your house by your worried boyfriend. 

However, you wouldn’t listen to him this time. Since you wanted to be there and support him no matter what. 

You didn’t tell him at first, just so he wouldn’t try and stop you, and enjoyed the showcase from your pre-booked seat in the audience, where the rest of his close friends and loved ones would also be seated. 

Afterwards, you were able to go backstage to see him and congratulate him in person. The fact that you came to support him despite being sick wouldn’t really surprise him but he would definitely sigh and feel worried. 

“I told you to stay in y/n.” he said and hugged you tightly before checking your fever and then forcing you to sit down on a nearby seat.

It would make you pout and tell him you were ‘fine’ but he didn’t buy your lie this time. 

After finishing up he would bring you back home himself and stay with you for the next few days just to make sure you wouldn’t get any more silly ideas and make your condition worse. 

Jonghyun:

Since the start of your relationship you had always supported each other, so when you got sick prior to his concert, you couldn’t let it get in the way of that. 

Even if Jonghyun told you to stay home this time around, you still went and asked his staff not to tell him. You then watched the concert from the side of the stage and wore all black to blend in, along with a mask and cap.

When the concert was over Jonghyun sent a text to tell you how it went and also to ask how you were holding up. 

While waiting for your response he circled the backstage area to thank all the staff members for doing such a good job. He then happened to walk by someone familiar and quickly realized it was you, since your attempted disguise wouldn’t really fool him. 

You were sitting down, typing a text, so you didn’t notice him at first, even if he decided to stand right in front of you with his arms crossed neatly across his chest. 

When you ultimately put your phone away, raised your head and locked eyes with him, he would quickly raise an eyebrow in question and await your explanation. 

The fact that you were caught red-handed by him made you pout and also feel a bit embarrassed. 

“Please don’t be mad?”

He would just sigh at those words, since he honestly couldn’t be mad at you. Instead, he would sit down next to you, wrap you in a hug and then scold you for not listening to him when he was just looking out for you.

Key:

Key was going to hold a showcase together with the other SHINee members, which was an event you had been looking forward to for months. So, when you happened to get sick the same day it was scheduled to take place, it would definitely put you in a sour mood. 

Key strictly forbade you to attend and came to your apartment in the morning to personally tuck you into bed and remind you not to get any crazy ideas or go against his words. 

Sometimes he honestly knew you too well, which meant it wasn’t easy to get anything past him. 

You promised him you wouldn’t leave your bed for the whole night but would still end up doing so, as you attended the event without telling him. 

It was a really fun night and despite being sick you enjoyed it a lot. All of them did really well, as always, and you felt especially proud of your boyfriend. 

When it was over you quickly returned to your apartment and tucked yourself back into bed, since you had a feeling Key was going to come by to check on you. He did just that, later at night, and wouldn’t look too happy. 

You played innocent at first but it quickly became apparent that he knew you had attended and he would then scold you a lot.

Minho:

Your boyfriend was sweet and caring and it was something you were usually very fond of. However, you wouldn’t be when you happened to fall sick around the time he had a comeback and he wouldn’t let you attend any of his events to support him. 

“I’m not that sick.” you argued but it wouldn’t change his mind. He still told you to stay home and rest and that he would text you with updates if you were curious. 

It made you sigh. Although he was your boyfriend, you were also a fan of his and wanted to support him like everyone else. The fact that you couldn’t would really frustrate you a lot. 

At first you listened to his words and stayed in the comfort of your home while waiting for his updates. However, it wouldn’t feel enough so you ultimately decided to go against his wishes and attend his event anyway. 

You did so in secret but somehow, he still found out about it because after it was over you received a long text from him, where he essentially scolded you and expressed concern for your health. 

It would make you sigh since you would feel bad and then go backstage to find him and reassure him that you were fine. 

He wouldn’t feel at ease with only your words and then made it his mission to take care of you for the following days until he could see with his own eyes that you were actually fine again.

Taemin:

When you realized that you were on the verge of getting sick, you tried your best to hide it from Taemin, since he was going to hold a concert and you didn’t want to miss it. 

Whenever he had a concert or showcase in Seoul, you would always attend as the loyal Taemint you were. You didn’t want this to be an exception, especially not because of a stupid flu. 

Thankfully, your boyfriend didn’t notice your condition at first and you were able to attend the concert as planned. It was fun and you cheered on him the best you could, even if you felt your body getting continuously weaker throughout the night. 

When you met him after the concert he quickly noticed that something was off and you ultimately told him about feeling sick prior to it. 

“You’re stupid y/n.” he scolded you with a sigh, since he feared your condition was going to get worse because of your decision to support him. “You might get even more sick because of this, you know that right?”

“It will still be worth it.” you said and smiled at him, in hopes that it would cheer him up but it wouldn’t. You then felt a bit bad and assured him that you would be careful from now on and not do anything but rest until the flu had passed.

Those words would definitely sound a lot better to him and he would make sure you stuck by them. 

[5hineebird]

// death // personal

i feel bad for not sharing anything on taemin's bday. it was a little weird, a little more difficult this year. my friend who passed away and shares a bday with taem would have been 40 this year. that is so surreal to me because we met when he was 26 and i was 21. he passed eight years ago. we fell out of touch before he died. i didn't know he'd died until two years after the fact. the two mutual friends we had never told me. i know we hadn't talked in a while but i still loved him. i'm glad he knows that now.

i only knew he died because he frequently came to me in dreams until i googled him and found his obituary.

i hope that if reincarnation is a thing, we get to cross paths and be friends again. i hope that we stay friends. unfortunately the timing was off this time around.

even before knowing he passed, i missed him a lot.

time passes so quickly.

i like to think tim would have been a shawol or at least a taemint.

[zhxngcl]

!!!! idk this is really random

so we’re sad and sappy on main today and i can hear my sister fighting with my parents downstairs and it’s really not helping so i’m trying to distract myself!!

i made a look @ when sad folder a while ago by looking through my mutual tags and some asks people have responded to and dms and honestly i’m feeling Shitty™️so this is p much me saying thank you for all the lovely things i can look through in said look @ when sad folder when i’m sad!!

like i said we’re sappy on main so i’m calling people out lmao let me love you

@nctjaehyvn ellie :((( i love you with every ounce of my heart you’re always there for me everytime i feel even the slightest bit bad and i can’t be more thankful!! i have a bunch of sweet asks you’ve sent me in the last 6ish months that i’ve been looking at and they’re so sweet just like you and i’m so grateful to have someone amazing like you in my life 💝💝💝

@renjvn jemmie my darling you’re honestly one of the sweetest people i’ve ever come across on this hellsite :((( you’ve converted me to renjunism and we’ve started a renjun love club and are so close to starting a renjun network and i love you so much!!! i’ve been looking through some asks you sent me a while ago (maybe july-august ish???) and they’re wonderful and they make me feel a lot better when i’m not doing too hot, and i’m so thankful :(( 💞💝💖

@cupid-johnny my lovely miss scar :((( my sweet bb i love you so much!! talking to you is fun and amazing and i’m so glad i get the chance to do it so much! every time i look through my Emo Hours™️ folder i see random bursts of love you’ve sent over the time we’ve become friends and sometimes i look through old tags or writing i’ve posted and your tags always make me soft i love you so much i’m so thankful that you think i’m worthy of being your friend 💖💗💖

@nctzeve my norenmin soulmate and one of my favorite mutuals :(((( eve you mean the world to me i love you so much!!! when i’m sad i look at the asks you sent me a long time ago when i was super out of it for about a day, and i remember you kept sending me asks making sure i was okay and i’m so so so grateful because sometimes when i’m not feeling okay i go back to those asks and it’s a reminder that someone cares and that i’m gonna be okay and it makes me feel so much better no matter what i’m sad about and i just love you so much ❤️💗💝💖

and here’s a couple more people who i love just as much but don’t necessarily have a lot to write about them individually: @glittermork @huangfilms @qiankult @1meltingheart @j-onehunnit @earthsiqn @taemint-l @strawberryjenos @nctverse (jae where are you i miss you) and @lciest

[gothwho]

favorite taemin song + outfit + concept

Are you ever just…aware of what you are doing and you know it will probably turn out rlly Bad but yet you smh still decide to do it??? Like doing this ask game, Knowing someone would probably send me this, causing me to d*e instantly 🆗‼️💀 I feel a certain pressure answering these with my taemint mutuals breathing down my neck diheoihfoawhefh

Favorite taemin song - hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh One By One. He has literally never released a bad song how am I supposed to choose just one but regarding that it’s therefor impoasible to give any ‘wrong’ or controversial answers.. 🤷‍♀️

Favorite outfit - this is rlly the most ‘impossible to answer’ question you could ever ask me. So I will only choose out of his stage outfits, if that’s alright! 🖤 Just like his songs, there aren’t any bad stage outfits and looks of him either and I just rlly rlly L🖤VE so many of them 🤒 esp the all black ones…but THIS one has always been one of my favs ‘The Pinstriped Suit’ 👏 Namely, THIS one he was wearing for his Danger stage at show champion! The spider brooch, please 😣🕷🖤 I love this look so much.…goth lord. 

Favorite concept - I feel like I’m talking too much so I will make this one shorter than it would´ve normally turned out 🙏  Move and Ace era are rlly…I rlly adore darker concepts! (not that any of his concepts haven´t been kind of dark) Taemin’s aura is rlly adaptable to these kind of vibes. That shimmer in his eyes, his calculated movements when he dances, his passion and strong will, that extraterrestrial, angelic air to him; he’s got it all. It’s rlly intoxicating to see, even through pictures 🎆 Him expressing strong emotions, indulging into gloomy, mysterious or powerful, fierce atmospheres looks so authentic and fluid smh.

[tshelsii]

I attended SWC5 in Seoul on the global package SM offers and I wanted to share my experience on the tour and at the concert with everyone! Mainly so I can talk about the global package and explain what it is and how it works as there wasn’t too many sources about it when I was doing my research prior to going on the package.. That and I also wanted to talk about the awesome experience I had at the concert, because oh my god SHINee was absolutely incredible!!

The third day of the global package: My free time at SM Coex and SWC5 Sunday concert and my after thoughts

I had set my alarm at a time so I could get a decent amount of sleep despite how late I had been up. Of course though, my body hates me and likes to sometimes wake me up before my alarm goes off and refuses to let me get back to sleep after that. So I had a pretty grouchy morning because of that, but the fact that I was watching Bottle Top Bill while putting on my cool as heck new SWC5 Taemin shirt to head down to Coex made me feel a lot better about the lack of sleep I had. Thankfully my hotel was only an easy 10 minute walk away from Coex, so I had gotten there on time and though the lines were pretty bad, they were no where near as horrible as the day before!

My first stop was the store; since I wanted to try and get all the merch that I had picked up the day before once again. I had gotten pretty much all the things I had wanted, besides the SWC3 snapback that I wanted the most out of everything I had yesterday.. But I picked up the Misconceptions of Me snapback to make up for it, and I’ve worn it so much already so! Looking around the store would still be really cool even if you couldn’t buy anything! It’s just really cool to see all these pieces of merchandise and things that the artists under SM promote! They also had a bunch of things you could buy that some of their idols wore in music videos or just regularly. For example they had that pixelated gun hat that Jonghyun wears quite a bit, even the hat that Key wore in some of the pictures for SWC5! They also had a bunch of huge photos at the back of the store, and the SHINee ones are particularly beautiful, eheh. But yeah! I lined up for maybe.. 20 minutes? However long it was, it wasn’t as long as I had waited the day before thank god. I also spotted my friend who I was in line with yesterday again as well! It was funny to run into her at the same place again ahaha. I paid for all the stuff that I got and then went to another counter and showed a staff member my receipt and my SWC ticket. I didn’t mention it earlier, but the people on the global package got given a little SHINee magnetic bookmark before entering Coex the day before, I got Taemin! You could also get the bookmarks when you spent a certain amount in the Coex store and presented your ticket! I think you got one bookmark for every 25000 won that you spent? But I got another three with my receipt; Taemin, Jonghyun and Jinki!

My next stop was the café since I really wanted the SHINee popcorn tin and the SHINee bottle that they sold the slushies in. The journey up there was really cool! They had a bunch of photos of their artists covering the walls there, a huge cabinet of a bunch of the awards their artists have won and also a really gorgeous Girls’ Generation display of costumes and props from some of their music videos! The Girl’s Generation display is probably my favourite permanent part of Coex, it’s just so pretty!! The café is really cool though; I actually didn’t mind another long wait in line because there was so much to look at. Just looking at the idol snacks was amusing enough for me, since it’s still really funny thinking about some of the food they sell. The SHINee cheese sausages are still and always will be very bizarre to me. They also had a bunch of vinyl records on display, prettily designed cakes of some of their groups (They had a SHINee View era one! But tbh, the Red Velvet one was my favourite; it was really pretty and detailed!) and some progress of some of the artworks that SM sells based on their groups. I really loved the TVXQ one! I hadn’t noticed on first glance, but it was actually Max and U-Know’s silhouettes that create the pattern, I was really fascinated by it! I also got to see my friend who I had seen earlier once again as I traded the second Taemin bookmark with her friend’s Minho and Key, which I’m super grateful for, omg. I was only expecting to get Minho or Key, not both of them?? So yeah, I was super thankful that she gave me both of them for one bookmark and allowed me to get all five of the bookmarks so easily! After paying for my popcorn, I went over to the actual café counter and got the slushie I wanted while admiring all the cute little cupcakes. I really liked them, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to eat them so I didn’t bother buying one, otl. Thankfully that line took less than minutes so I was quickly out of the café and making a beeline up to the SHINee exhibition to have a better look around. Also, tip. Don’t think that you can walk around with a big bag of merch and drink your stupidly sweet SHINee slushie that’s covered in condensation, because you can’t. It was a very stupid idea.

There were a couple of other things that I crossed by to get up to the exhibition, but I decided that I cared about the exhibition the most, so I made my way up there first before taking my time to look through the other things on my way back. Though it was only small, I really did enjoy the SWC exhibition quite a bit! It was really cool seeing the outfits they wore, the old concert goods and art by the two artists that collaborated with SHINee for this concert. As I was making my way into the outfit display, one of the J-shawols on my tour group said hello to me! It was really nice since I hadn’t spoken to her before but she still said hi to me, it made me smile! There were two things from the exhibition that made me giggle quite a bit, things that were both found on Key’s outfits. 1, the fact that they put their initials on the collars of their outfits. It’s pretty clear why you would need it, but its still super cute! 2. Key’s white suit from the opening of Tokyo Dome/SWC4 has little Key charms on it! How adorable is that!! I really loved the set up for the outfit display. It was so bright and colourful, and though it was a simple set up, it really did display the concept that the promotional pictures that SWC4 had. I liked it a lot. I also wasn’t aware of the fact that the exhibition had past concert pictures and merch on display too, so I was pleasantly surprised! I really love the Bridge Ship House artworks a lot. They looked fantastic on the merch that I had gotten, but even more amazing blown up at such a huge size (The artworks were so big, oh my gosh)! The Seong Lib artworks were also really beautiful as well. It was really cool seeing some of the many panels that made up the teaser video SM had posted and some of the details that I had missed while watching it. I really liked their art style too, it was constructed with such a simple use of lines, yet it still captured so much detail while still holding a simplistic look. It was really beautiful. The merch wasn’t overly exciting for me because I had seen most of it while I was in the Coex store, but it was still cool looking back at it all opened and nicely displayed before me. The photo display made me want to weep, mainly the photos from the first and second SWCs. All of the pictures from the first concert are extremely adorable, especially this one of Key that I really wanted a print of but I restrained myself because I’m totally responsible with handling my money.. Heh. SWC2 was the first SWC that I experienced so to see all the photos again made me super happy, especially the Taemin ones, gosh. I was a really big taemint until mid 2013 and I adored Taemin’s pictures from SWC2 so much back then, gosh. I had a lot of taemint feelings again seeing those pictures printed and presented so nicely before me, otl. I would recommend going there if you got the chance, but it’s no longer there so.. It was good! It would have been very well worth a visit if you could have gone!!

I was pretty quick to get out of Coex after that since it was getting busier and I wanted at least an hour to sit down in my own company before going to the last concert. I quickly stopped by the handprint display they had and took photos of SHINee’s hands as it was quite crowded there and had a look at the REALLY BIG photo displays. The display of the photos that you can buy are HUGE. You could buy the photos at that size too for over 100000 won. It was insane, but still so cool to see the pictures at such a large scale in such amazing quality. After that, I darted back to my hotel and relaxed for a bit while watching some AFL program. I think that was the only time of my entire life that I was actually excited to see Matthew Pavlich on TV, it was very odd.

We left for the concert at 2pm as the Sunday concert was starting at 4pm, which I liked very much since Australian shows are usually held quite late on Sunday despite the fact everyone has stuff to do on Monday morning. I applaud SM for the early Sunday start, even if that wasn’t their intention. But yes, the bus trip wasn’t too exciting as it was just a run down of getting back to the bus 30 minutes after the concert again or you’re stuffed and I just messaged my friend to make plans to catch up after the concert. I didn’t have to wait around the venue too much to wait to get in, I walked along with the shawol from Hong Kong who I had spoken to the day before and we helped one another figure out which gate we were to go through. I really wish I had gotten some sort of social media from her so I could contact her again, she seemed nice..

I got into the stadium with a lot of time to spare and also much more battery life in my phone compared to the night before, thank god, so I spent most of my time fiddling on facebook and trying to figure out how to catch up with the K-Shawol who I had befriended the night before as she was still outside. Since I was on the floor, literally only seats away from one side of the extended stage, the security were a lot harsher with us taking photos. A younger K-shawol was seated next to me for the night and kept getting told off by security for taking photos before the show started, and even though the security worker saw me taking photos too, she didn’t tell me off. For some really dumb reason though, I offered to the K-shawol that I could send her the photos? She said no, which was fine, but like.. How was I even thinking of sending her the photos?? I literally have no clue what I was planning to do, its been irritating me ever since I asked her. Ugh. Soon the venue was starting to pack up and I was starting to get anxious about the shawol who I had met the day before and if I would see her again, since I’m really good at making easy things difficult for myself. But while I was fiddling on my phone, I randomly looked up and she was trying to get my attention from the end of my row. I thought that we had given up trying to catch up again but she still managed to get into my section and see me, so I was really happy! We only got to fuss over our seats and chat for like a minute, but I was really happy to be able to thank her for being so nice. To make her even lovelier though, oh my god, she gave me some gifts. Honestly, I was absolutely touched and I still can’t get over the fact that she gave me something after just meeting me. I’ve been writing this over several days so I don’t know if I mentioned that I’m a very lonely person yet, but I am so I don’t have many friends and I’m definitely not used to gifts, so to have someone do such for me just ahhhh!! It made me feel so horrible for only giving her a measly water bottle.. I hope I can see her again one day and make up for the gifts she gave me! So after thanking her as many times as I could, I climbed over many people to get back to my seat and have a better look at what she had given me. She gave me two Coex photos of Jonghyun, one from Everybody era and the other from Married to the Music! I was so touched because like I reckon they would have been things she already had in her collection so I was really so touched that she had given them to me. And the whole time I had been in Korea I had been drinking this grapefruit water thing, because it was super delicious. I didn’t even mention it to her at all, but she gave me the lemon version of the water?? It’s just lemon-flavoured water, it’s not something to be amazed by. I know but I was okay, leave me be. It made me giggle so much ahh. I was just really happy that she even wanted to catch up with me again, but to give me such lovely gifts too? Gosh, I’m just really touched. Thank you so much!! Cries.

The second day of the concert was just as enchanting, if not more than, the first day. I was so close to the stage, it was insane. In my five years of being a shawol, I never thought that I would be seeing them so close. It was amazing! I had so many moments where I just stood there like “Holy Shit, they’re actually this close to me.” There was especially this one moment with Taemin where he was dancing towards my end of the stage and I was just speechless and couldn’t believe that it was actually him? Like this was actually Lee Taemin coming towards me and putting his all into his dancing? It was such an odd thought for me having never seen them before that weekend! I want to be able to think that to myself again! There was also a time where Key was on my end of the stage doing some of their slower songs towards the start of the concert, and I probably spent a good minute having to stand there and register that it was actually him right there before me. And Minho was smiling so much at us too, and it was so close too! Ahh, I love Choi Minho. Pretty much, the second concert was the day where I was finally registering that after five years of waiting and hoping to see SHINee before me was actually happening. Though, it didn’t seem to work too well since it honestly still hasn’t hit me yet that I’ve actually seen SHINee now, and it’s been a little over two weeks now!

Though the concert was absolutely amazing, there was obviously one thing that happened that made me feel so worried by the end of the concert. During Ready or Not, I saw Jinki on all fours on the main stage while everyone was running about. I tried to brush it off as “Oh he’s just doing something funny to amuse the people sitting in front of him.” But I obviously couldn’t because he wasn’t actually doing much? I was so confused but then towards the end of the song, he literally threw himself backstage. It was horrible. Saviour was the song that played after he did that, and I really couldn’t enjoy it as much as I did the night before. I could see Jinki surrounded by all these staff and him just lying on the ground, I was so worried. I just wanted for him to be okay, to have some sort of indication that he was going to be okay. They took a quick break after Saviour and so many people around me were crying, many bawling their eyes out. It was so heart wrenching to see them all cry.. SHINee came back with Jinki though, and he seemed okay besides the bandage they had put over his foot/shoe. (I seriously hope they actually put something on his foot, because all I could see was a bandage wrapped around his shoe and that would have done nothing to properly support his ankle. Otl.) But I was proved wrong when he actually started dancing because he was weakly moving about and doing limp jumps while preforming Everybody. While it was so heart breaking to watch him weakly go about the dance, I admired him so much for pushing through the pain he was in and still preforming for us. I’m someone who gives up really easily, so to witness him pushing through something that would be extremely difficult for him to do was really inspiring. I’m sure I’m going to think about what he did that night when reality starts being a bitch to me again and use it to help me try and get through what ever it may be. Though having Jinki getting hurt was horrible, it really did make me admire him and SHINee so much more than I already do. They go through so much just to make us happy and to put on a great show, even if it’s hard for them to do so. It’s just so admirable and I’m really so grateful that all of SHINee works so hard for their dreams and to make us happy. I really am so thankful for all of their hard work.

There wasn’t much left of the concert after that since they had to cut out a few songs and early due to Jinki’s injury. Though it was sad to not get the full set list during the concert, I was completely okay with it since it meant that Jinki wasn’t straining himself. They preformed Romeo + Juliette on the main stage as the last song before they spoke for a bit. This was the only time I cried during the two concerts, it felt kinda odd to because everyone had just been sobbing over Jinki and I was crying while everyone else around me was okay. It was just that I had started thinking that this might be my last time ever seeing them properly in front of me, that when they walked backstage soon that I would never see them again. (Oh shit, I’m getting teary rn just even thinking about it.) I started to think about just how much they really meant to me, how by this trip to see them they had made me do so many things I have always wanted to do but never had the guts to do so. I’m so so thankful for them making me go on this trip, because they made me do something that I was scared shittless about and that people disapproved of, which are the biggest things that hold me back in life.. But I still did it and had never felt happier in my entire life having done that for them. I was just.. So thankful that they had made me do this and live out some of my biggest dreams that I was starting to believe would never actually happen. I just wanted to do it all again and again. I wanted feel all this happiness I was sharing with them again. I wanted to be brave and venture out into the world to see them again. I just didn’t want this to be my last time seeing them before me and letting them hear and feel my support, even if it was amongst thousands of other people. They’ve made me so determined to chase after my dreams, even if they take a bit to get to and it’ll take a lot of hard work to do so, because I will be able to do it. Even though I’ve spent all this money and time travelling just to go see them, I’m so set on doing it again in the near future. I’m already planning with one of my best friends to go to the next Tokyo Dome concert with her and do so many things in Tokyo that we’ve always dreamt of. I’m so excited, I can’t wait! I really hope that we can do it and see SHINee together too! I refuse to let this be the last time I see them, I’m determined to make sure that its not!

The concert soon ended after SHINee’s talk with us, and despite Jinki’s injury, we still chanted for SHINee to come back on stage for an encore stage, because we’re just desperate little shawols who want to see SHINee. Though I knew it was unlikely they were going to come back, I still tried my hardest to chant for them despite being so out of breath after singing and chanting through the entire concert. But we all eventually gave up on them coming back and started making a move out of the venue and taking pictures inside the venue, since security wasn’t telling us off any more ahaha. Since I didn’t have the K-shawol to chat to on my way out and I had also promised I would call them the night before but I didn’t because I’m a horrible friend, I decided to call my friend while walking to the bus. It was so nice to talk to her since I had kept to myself the entire concert and she fully understood how I was feeling because she had gone on the global package before too. So after swearing a lot and probably speaking way too loudly, I’m so sorry to all the fans who were walking beside me to the buses, I just get so loud and swear so much when I’m hyped up otl, I settled down on the silent bus yet again and fiddled with my phone. The vibe in the bus was definitely a lot different from the night before, obviously because of what had happened and also because it was the last concert day so we were all obviously worn out. We all got given another water bottle and cookie set on the way back too which was nice because I liked those cookies a lot, otl.

Though the concert was over, my fun for the night wasn’t over just yet! One of the friends who I had made on twitter wanted to catch up, and her friend also tagged along too! Since we were all fairly close to Coex, we decided to go there and find something to eat. Since I got there a bit earlier than them, I roamed around SM Coex by myself for a bit and oh my gosh it was so weird to be there when it was so empty! (I think it was about 10pm or 10:30pm when I got there? I honestly don’t remember.) Though it was such an odd feeling to be there while it was empty, I actually got a chance to have a proper look around all the places I skimmed over while I was waiting. I actually got to hold my hands to the SHINee handprints and found out I have bigger hands than all of them, even Minho. Otl. It was quite depressing since I thought I maybe had smaller hands than him but nope. Otl. Either way, I pulled myself together and went back up to the exhibition and got to have another good look around there with a few other Shawols before waiting up on there for my friends to arrive. It was cool waiting up there since they were playing Dream Girl on the big TV display they have on the fifth floor and were changing the set up of the little stools for f(x)’s 7th anniversary, it was funny watching the staff figuring out where all the seats were meant to go. Soon enough my friends arrived and honestly, it was so nice to meet them both. I wasn’t extremely close with my friend who I had made on twitter and I didn’t know her friend, but we instantly got on really well and conversation (Something I struggle with quite a bit) flowed so easily! It was just so nice for once not to worry about making things awkward and just being comfortable to be myself, even when meeting a new person! We looked around the exhibition for a bit and fussed over all the pretty costumes, merch and pictures of SHINee there together before going back to the fifth floor. My friend from twitter and I both really wanted to get a copy of the cute black and white SHINee photo where they’re all smiley with one another, but as we were about to get it they were shutting the printing stand, so with out that gorgeous photo of SHINee with us, we decided to leave before we got locked in for the night.

We headed into the Coex shopping centre for a few minutes with hopes of finding us some food. We soon noticed that everything around us was shut, that the food court looked like it was a fair distance away from us and that everyone was heading out the door so we decided to follow suit and go to McDonalds, since it was the only place we knew we could rely on not to shut on us at this time of night. I don’t eat fast food, I haven’t been since I was in primary school, and I don’t think I had eaten Maccas for at least.. 2 years I think before that night? So it was very weird to travel all the way to Korea and have McDonalds when I don’t even like it. Though it was weird to be there, I had a lot of fun there! We pretty much just sat there and spoke about the weekend, what we had gotten up to while we were in Korea and other things while eating our kid’s meals. With the kid’s meals that we had ordered, they had forgotten to give us the “toys” (They were Magic School Bus books), so I, as an adult who was with other adults, asked for these kids’ books. It was very awkward but very worth the book that I’ll probably never be able to read. Once we had finished eating our very mature meals we sat there chatting for a bit, well mainly my new friend and I as my friend from twitter was falling asleep at the table, which was funny in itself. While she was dozing off though, She Is started playing in the restaurant and obviously we both started to freak out while she was practically asleep. Honestly, it wasn’t even that hilarious, but gosh I was laughing so much. She woke up mid way through it and her reaction to it was so funny, I actually started to cry because I was laughing so much?? It was just so amusing at the time! Though we were just sitting in McDonalds late at night, I had so much fun with them! I don’t never do impromptu meet ups, especially so late, so it was really so fun to do something out of the ordinary for me with two really awesome people! I really hope we can see one another again and have another nice time like that with one another; it’d be so cool! Also, I would like to apologise to them both if I was very weird that night, because when I’m half asleep and happy I do weird stuff. I’m sorry. Ahaha!

Eventually I made my way back to the hotel at around midnight after having a really good night with time with them both and promising that we would all try our hardest to go to Tokyo Dome one day. On my way back up to my room there was a J-shawol who was in the elevator with me who pointed out my Taemin shirt and had a quick conversation with me on the way up to our floor. It was nice to have a quick chat with her, but also very bitter sweet for me because she was the last shawol that I spoke to that weekend. If I hadn’t seen SHINee that weekend, the highlight of my weekend easily would have been the shawols. I just really love shaowls. The international fans did put me off a little bit at first, but my friends who I got to meet and the Japanese and Korean shawols I briefly encountered made up for them. SHINee really do have an amazingly wonderful fanbase supporting them and after being there and amongst them all, I’m so much prouder than I already was to say that I’m a Shawol.  They’re all just so lovely and love and support SHINee so much, they’re just really wonderful. Thank you shawols for making my weekend so awesome and making me feel at home with you all and SHINee! After making myself feel sad thinking that was my last shawol encounter for the weekend, I headed back into my room and gushed about my emotions on my snapchat before settling to go to sleep far too late at night for how tired I was.

The next morning really wasn’t exciting at all. I just got the last bits and pieces of my room packed away before checked out of the hotel before 12pm. Leaving the hotel was so depressing because it was pretty much establishing that this was it, my SWC5 weekend was over now.. That it had all happened now and now I would have to wait until my next possible chance to see SHINee to experience it all again. After that I had a very sleepy subway trip back up to the other hotel I had been staying in before my SWC weekend..

I don’t regret going on this trip for SHINee at all. SHINee has meant the world to me for five years and to finally see them after so long.. The chance and experience is priceless to me. This trip has proven to me that SHINee was and will always worth those years of support I’ve given them and all the money I have spent. They’re just worth it. They’re just worth all the love in the world, and though I knew that already after having gotten to know them over the years, seeing them preform in front of me really proved it for me even more. I can’t recommend enough taking the global package tour if you can. It’s going to cost you a lot, yes, but trust me when I say that if you’re a shawol that every dollar you spend is going to be worth it in the end. I’m going to treasure this weekend for the rest of my life, not only because of the fact that I got to see SHINee and actually go to Korea, but this trip has allowed me to find out more about myself that I would never find having not gone on this trip and just watching from a far in Australia. I was able to live out some of my biggest dreams and do things that allowed me to develop in ways that I would have never been able to if I decided to listen to what my family wanted and stayed in Australia. This trip has given more me more than just the chance to see SHINee and I’m so proud to say that it was SHINee who allowed me to do this for myself, because I really needed to do it. I’m just so incredibly thankful that SHINee allowed me to do this, because it really has impacted me in only positive ways at this stage and I’m sure that it’ll continue to impact me positively for many years to come. I’m going to cherish this incredible experience for the rest of my life and it’s all thanks to SHINee.

Next Post: SHINee haul video (Including concert merch and global package goods) All the posts in this SWC5 series

[intaekai]

if you can’t support taemin the way he is, the way he presents himself and continously criticize his image, his looks and his talents and say you want to change specific things about him like his face, weight, voice etc. then i’m sorry but you do not deserve to be his fan. don't even call yourself a shawol nor a taemint. it is alright to speak up about something he does if it’s generally bad, but other than that, love him the way he is. accept him the way he is. if you can’t do such a simple thing, then leave him alone. such a precious person like taemin does not deserve messy fans.

[irockmountains]

SHINee WORLD 2017 ～FIVE Special Edition 03 Sept 2017

I WASN'T READY FOR THIS CONCERT! Y'all know I've been praying for a Dome date ever since I arrived here. But my personal life has been such a mess and I've been so depressed lately that I'm out of the loop with fandom.. also that one time I got on the loop was because of the scandal and that wasn't fun at all. I was tempted for like, one minute, to refund my ticket but I still knew it would be a great show and I want to show my love and gratitude to the four so I still went.

Anyway as usual, my thoughts in bullet points:

NO ONEW AND IT HURTS, IT HURTS SO BAD. The empty spaces. The loud Onew audio during his parts. I kinda wish the other members just learned his parts and sang them, but I understand it may have been too short notice. I didn't mind stand-in Dancer-sans at all, but his absence was felt for ABOAB.

NO SOLOS! What. I was looking forward to solos huhuhu.

I CAN'T GET OVER TELL ME YOUR NAME. I was thinking, "hmm, I don't even have feelings for Jjong my love anymore" but DAMN TMYN happened. RIP ME, they are currently wiping her remnants in liquid form off the Tokyo Dome floor. This should be illegal. I am angry about that sexiness, I wasn't prepared. (The ment before that was all cute and funny and suddenly this?! This is not fair at all.)

NO VIEW???! WHY. Also, where is my Tell Me What To Do Japanese version.. still wishing.

Melody is such a great song, as was Winter Wonderland. We need more SHINee ballads.

As for the upbeat ones, I LIKED THEM ALL bwahaha. ABOAB is such a crowd-pleaser, but the absence of Onew is felt with the empty triangle.

The stage set-up with the rocket is pretty damn cool.

That being said, why didn't they remove the freaking net in the center of the stage? Grrrr.

I usually scoff and roll my eyes with Taemin being sexy, but today, I am one of you, Taemints. I love him. He has grown so much, I'm such an auntie but huhu he was so manly today? I like his hair? He's such a dork? #ProtectTaemin

Minho is forever the manliest though, and OMG he was so cute during Your Number?? And after that with the embarassing ment. We still love you Minho! And his solos! And his jumping and running all over? My only complaint is that he was the only one wearing sleeves during the encore.

Key totally gave his best today and I forever love it when you can see how he's done with the crap that the other members are pulling off, hahaha.

And ofc Jjong my love, I DIED WITH  YOUR ARMS btw baby, we need a solo con here in Japan. We're ok with Korean songs in a small intimate venue. I am sorry I have been missing you lately? But you're always my #ManOfTheCentury.

IDK anymore because it doesn't look like we'll have a comeback this year, and Taemin's comeback has been pushed back even more wtf SM. I do hope they get to celebrate next year with a bang, scandal-less, with more concerts and tours celebrating 10 awesome years of SHINee. And I will be there supporting them anyway. I owe SHINee so much and I wouldn't be here if not for them. I am forever grateful. I hope to see you all again as 5.

[fytaem]

Sometimes I feel bad for not being a taemint sooner, I've honestly only known of Taemin and SHINee for a little over a year, but then I think of that great quote by Alex Gaskarth, "being a fan doesn't mean being there from the start, it means staying until the end" and that's definitely my intention ❤️

That’s right! I’ve been following SHINee since the start of 2013 so yes, I understand how you feel and I also sometimes wish I had the chance to stan them since the beginning, but also I think I met them in the right moment of my life. I’m not a person with religious beliefs but I truly believe some things happen for a reason and in the right time, and discovering SHINee has been one of those precious things in my life. Let’s stay together until the very end~

[berrymeter]

okay so some of these i don’t think u listen to/are interested in if they just debuted but u like me so u will have to handle my commentary anyway <3 this got Very long bc it turns out i missed Everything Ever. i debated adding svt commentary since i missed 3 (edit: it’s 4. i missed 4) whole mvs this year but i did it anyway bc why not. i probably missed some still but like given the list already it’s good enough i tried to post this for a whole hour i hate tumblr

drum by checkmate - it is a great debut imo...... maybe i’m biased bc i missed coed groups that don’t have gargantuan matthéo in them but i rlly like the song!! and um the leader miss sieun is hot ahaha anyway,

la di da by everglow - Songs That Fuck. i REALLY like it and i hadn’t expected it tbh fdslgkdhg onda actually got lines and um sihyeon’s voice is just!! yes... the song in itself is so much better than dun dun and adios i’m living. also i am looking at aisha <3. beautiful by dongkiz - uhh i liked lupin better but the song grows on me everytime i listen to it also kyoungyoon is litrally insane (vocals wise) and munik wore a thotty weird little shirt in their cb stage so i’m fine with it. the vibe of the song doesn’t fit the mv at all HDJKSHF bad idea by moonbin & sanha - another sexy bassline after open mind. the song isn’t entirely memorable ngl that may also be me not really liking moonbin bc of his fatshaming comments but yeah like i mean it’s a song with a sexy bassline i guess parting by onewe - YEAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! THIS SONG!!! onewe’s best comeback since regulus!!!!!! I Recommend Her!!! i will forever recommend her she’s so good!! onewe have the advantage of having a rapper who isn’t obnoxious. cya’s verses really flow well with the song i love this little man. umm anyway yonghoon another insane SINGER not vocalist SINGER and hehehe harin & kanghyun hot i will not comment on dongmyeong i already said too much ok don’t be shocked when i announce the title but back door by skz - i actually like this song a lot more than god’s menu LMAO the choreo is #cringe but like the song is good if u ignore chicken little. changbin and jisung are Great. i’m just wondering if minho even was in the song bc i did not... see or hear him. probably chicken little’s shitty mixing again tho helicopter by clc - not their worst cb but... not my favourite either u know? but the visuals of the mv are Gorgeous and also yeeun <3. the song gets stuck in ur head easily and ig it also grows on u the more u listen to it... it feels like that kind of song anyway obliviate by lovelyz - reminds me of girls by nature ndkjghfjfshdj. i do like the song but it’s a little.. well ... not very unique......? not that it’s surprising but the instru during the chorus could’ve been... different..... criminal by taemin - at first i was disappointed LOL but as the song went i thought... well. taemin wants to do different. this is different. i’m only disappointed bc i had expectations. the song is not bad. and so i really like the song actually HDJKSHFJK i just, didn’t like some of the backgrounds, the bits with the white background were kind of an eyesore for blind bitch perth but, the song is Good and the la la la is very haunting gnfkjhngj. thank u taemin. taemints do not interact light by up10tion - it was going good until i heard the deep voiced rapper jump in HDKJHFK no no the song is good but like it’s a boy group song u can’t expect anything too crazy. better than their previous cb imo but like yk. a song of ice and fire by onlyoneof - i’m... GUESSING that’s a comeback. yoojung is pretty. don’t rlly have anything to say boy by treasure - um... i really like the chorus what the hell? of course the song is not worth the one year and a half long wait for their debut but i hate yg and that’s just nothing new coming from yg. i initially didn’t wanna pay attention to them bc it’s yg but i thought hey, i listen to ikon. everyone’s listening to bp. i’d been waiting for these boys so it’s just stupid. and well boy is pretty good. i feel like i just listened to bling bling 2 i love you by treasure - shut up i missed two songs this Happens... umm this is dna except much better . unnecessary rap part but you know it’s yg it’s a boy group WHAT DO YOU EXPECT. maybe when they’ll get creative freedom i can be harsher on them. the song is very catchy i enjoy it a lot but i feel like yg is trying to recreate older ikon which is really weird to see considering how they treat ikon lol.. the stealer by the boyz - i didn’t wanna watch it bc all of you new juyeon stans make me want to d word plus i just dislike deobis in general but well here i am. uhhh it’s a the boyz song in the vein of reveal i guess. please shut up sunwoo and new i don’t like you. YOUNGHOON? haknyeon. changmin is a sagittarius. YOUNGHOON?? um why is this asshole getting multiple verses when i don’t like him? (those are live reactions) the song is okay i guess but the people i dislike in this group are too distracting and should talk less my my by seventeen - there we are..... after almost 4 months <3 ohh i really like this song!!!!! um! this is bright and comforting i really like it. adding to my “i could fly to this if i had wings” playlist. i have no idea why i thought it was a japanese track? because this is decidedly not japanese. idk my brain is weird sometimes left & right by seventeen - this is the infamous plagiarism song. idk if i really wanna say anything abt the song lol it’s fun but like <3 pledis hasn’t addressed this at all & they’re gonna get sued (i hope tbh). like that... sucks... for svt... i guess... tho it sucks more for cupid lmao since kpoppies are Like that... but um. all i will say? jeonghan 24H by seventeen - WAIT I FIGURED OUT WHY I THOUGHT MY MY WAS A JAPANESE RELEASE it’s bc i missed not 3 but 4 svt releases. i missed fallin flower too. well i’ll get to it anwyay. 24H is really nice i think it’s my favourite svt release this year. idk what to say about it just i really really like it fallin flower by seventeen - MINGHAO FIRST LINE!!!!! [redacted]. mr coups! this song is also really nice i appreciate. the buildup and then how it calms down for the prechorus... and then it builds up again..... um the first part of the chorus is boring but it’s okay seventeen does that a lot. i love the aes of the mv i’m gonna stop here <3 that makes 18 songs. i can also harass u to listen to the other recent releases i like if u want tho hold on this just came as an ad so i ended up listening to it on accident... umbrella by h&d - IDK WHO THOSE DUDES ARE but this song is nice and chill ?? WHO are they. are they some x1 dudes??? wait the keyboardist is a woman?? WOMAN!! i love her long skirt who is she

so i caught up on some cbs i missed last night before crying myself to sleep is anyone interested in my opinions

[mestos]

“I’m thankful to God, I see an angel and tears come to my eyes, Hallelujah”

--Jonghyun’s “Hallelujah”, my favourite song.

I want to send him off well, so I apologize in beforehand for this long post.

If you were one of my long-term followers, I assume you know of the time my url was locket-mesti, or locktae, right?

Yeah, there was that time. During early 2014, that was my url instead of what it currently is, mestos. It was a fusion of both the fandom names for a Key Stan and a Taemin stan - locket, and taemint respectively. When I first got into Shinee, I fell in love with Key, but the more I got into it I fell for Taemin as well. During that time I usually changed my url to what fandom I was in, and as I have been in actively in the shinee fandom, that was my url.

I first got into KPOP through SHINee. One of my close friends used to always be on her phone, and because we were allowed to listen to music in class, I always reprimanded her to do her work because I didn’t want to lose that privilege. Then she let me listen to some KPOP songs - introduced me to what I refer to as the “cursed” song because it was too catchy, T-ARA’s Bo Peep Bo Peep - such as SISTAR19′s Ma Boy, Wheesung’s UUU, Super Junior’s Sorry Sorry, etc. 

Then she let me listen to SHINee’s songs.

We watched a couple of their lives together, and I was pretty entranced with the way they danced. Lucifer was perhaps my favourite at the time because it was so catchy. After a time where I came over to her house I decided to look into SHINee, and I was absolutely in love with Jonghyun’s voice. I loved the way he carried those high notes so well, and his vocal range truly astounded me. Although he wasn’t my type at the time, he really stood out with the way he presented himself as a singer. It made him so memorable. 

During that time - even I cringe at the memory - I decided to dwelve into the fandom. I read lots of RPF, had my own share of OTPs, I was just so into Shawol hell. I listened to all their albums, watched all their variety show appearances, kept my favourites on repeat during my tough and hard moments. Eventually, it became a point where I just really loved all five of them equally, and I just say a name if I had to choose. Taemin’s solo got me sold on him, which is why I would say “Taemin” if I were asked to choose a bias, but even so, I loved all of them.

Then Jonghyun’s solo was announced!! I was so happy and proud because in my honest opinion, while Taemin’s was great, Jonghyun was the real singer. His ability to sing will always be at the top and no one will ever surpass his level out of the ones that I love now. I respect him as a musician because of his ability to compose and create songs with lots of feeling as well as showcase them in the greatest way possible. His looks weren’t bad either; after a while, I realized he was the most handsome in the band, with Minho coming second in my opinion. 

Then I listened to the album medley. I knew instantly that all of the tracks would be a massive hit. Hallelujah stood out to me the most, but literally every song was amazing. I highly encourage all of you to listen to it because it was the very first time I’ve ever loved every single song in an album. Not only the music, the music video’s aesthetic was so good - I remember being destroyed when his shirtless scenes came on haha - but in overall; I was just so proud of how far he came. I know I hadn’t been there in the fandom since he debuted, but I did my own backtracking and watched so many appearances and tv variety and interviews and concerts that they held over the years to keep up to date, and really; you’re able to really see how he grew.  

The album also holds some sentimental value to me. A friend of mine who had returned to South Korea had bought me the physical copy, and it was during a time where there was a bit of rift between my friendship circle, so I felt truly blessed when I was able to hold it in my hands. I was so happy, I made a scene in school - I’m embarrassed of it now - when I saw. When I was finally able to look at his photoshoots with my own eyes, in person, and listen to the full version of the bonus track he had for the physical-only copy, I realized that yeah, perhaps Jonghyun would be the man I’d stan after all.

So from that day, I became a bling bling stan. His stans have a funny name, but its catchy, and I’ll never forget it. I’ll always be a bling bling stan forever even if he is no longer here. 

Needless to say, my interest in SHINee gradually declined which I’m sadly guilty of. I returned back to them when they released their beautiful hit comeback “View”, and I loved “Odd Eye” so much. I’m actually listening to it as I type this. It’s definitely one of my most TOP FAVOURITE SONGS in all of the songs I’ve listened to. Watching their promotions, I just grew to love Jonghyun so much. I listened to his Blue Night Radio broadcasts from time to time and I truly admired his character and his overall niceness. I just loved him so much.

And because of that...I also knew he was going through a tough time.

I’m ashamed of...of forgetting.

During that time I was more conflicted because I was going through my own rough edges. I wasn’t able to get over Kris, Luhan and Tao leaving EXO, and I was generally unable to think of any other band than EXO. I became a full EXO-L at the time and arrogantly said “I actually don’t care about SHINee all that much anymore” at some point. Which was dumb, because I also at the time said “I wish I had just stayed in SHINee World so I don’t have to feel this pain”.

As my eventual KPOP frenzy toned down over the years, I still never stopped listening to KJH’s songs. I listened to them wherever I went, because they were always like an angel’s singing to my ears. Hallelujah most especially. I often listened to it as I walked home and tried to clear my thoughts or get them straight. The song got me through my rough times ; when I was at the lowest of the low ; and became one of my saving graces because of how beautiful it sounded. How Jonghyun’s voice sounded.

Just recently, I hadn’t really been into KPOP as much as before...then I hear the news.

It felt like my whole world just broke.

With no exaggeration, I didn’t feel anything at first. Literally. I skimmed through the internet, twitter especially, for anything that would claim this as fake. I literally could not believe that the man with the heavenly voice was gone. 

Then I moved from my chair, opened my light, and picked up the album that I stored away for safe keeping. My hands were shaking as I flicked through the images, took a picture, posted it on Instagram as a tribute, but at that moment I was still in numbing shock.

When I turned off the light, I fell to my knees and hugged the album tightly. My tears just poured out of me as if everything that had been weighing me down was finally being released. I cried for so long, on the floor amid a mess of a room I have, just holding his album tightly. Through the darkness I searched for his face in the posters of SHINee I hung up my wall, through the faintness of the light from the laptop screen, I just stared at his face, unable to face the truth.

I then decided to bite my tears down and found some strength. I put myself back on my chair and took out the CD from the album and opened it on my laptop. I hadn’t listened to Hallelujah in months - perhaps not even this entire year. When I clicked it and I heard his lines, 

“I’m thankful to God, I see an angel and tears come to my eyes, Hallelujah”

I really couldn’t stop myself. I weeped, I sobbed, I couldn’t do anything except cry as the album played. I really didn’t know what else I could do. 

After some time, I found some strength, in the darkness with nothing but the computer screen’s brightness as my light.

After that, it was a bit of a blur. I spoke to a friend, but I forced myself to draw something as I thought it would get my mind busy. Which is why this picture exists; I was projecting my feelings through Illium.

Eventually the official statement came by and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I shut everything off at around 4:30am, and in the dawn with the skies brightening up to signify a new day, I felt nothing but despair.

At night, I had no dreams. I usually have one, but this time, I had no dreams.

When I woke up in the afternoon I felt like I hadn’t slept. I felt nauseous, as per usual. I skimmed through twitter feed and there was nothing but tributes. My eyes were swollen, and my friend came over to stay the night, and the two of us just talked and talked about it.

The day was enjoyable because the two of us were able to comfort each other, but I often cried. Can I just admit I really hate crying? Because contrary to what people say, it doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me feel pathetic. It makes me feel stupid. It makes me feel like I could be using my time doing something else instead of feeling these stupid things spill from my eyes and ruin my face.

Since then, I’ve been empty. Illium and MapleStory have been helping me get my mind busy, but all I was doing was ignoring the problem, which I’m facing now.

One of the reasons why I was so affected by this one celebrity death is because I know how he feels.

My parents tell me I’m not depressed because I have no reason to be. I tell myself I’m not depressed because I have no reason to be.

But do you know how it feels, when nothing in your life is wrong, things are fine, but yet you can’t help but feel empty all the time?

Everything you see is grey. Everything you feel is grey. When you think you’re happy, you can’t tell if you really are or if you’re forcing yourself to be. You feel “fine”, but what is “fine”? You don’t know the definition of happiness. You’re always tired, you always constantly feel like anything you do doesn’t amount to anything. You can’t seem to remember what it feels like to be happy for a long time. Everything you do is sluggish.

But you’re trying.

I read his suicide note, and I understood.

I was never angry at Jonghyun. 

Not once.

Because I know how it feels to fight your way through the darkness. I know how it feels to constantly keep trying to find things to fill the void in your heart that for some reason keeps growing the more you find. I know how it feels to fight the demons within you. I know how it feels to feel like you aren’t living up to expectations. 

Which is why I just want to say, like what everyone else is saying, “You did well.”

You did so well Jonghyun-oppa.

You must’ve been so tired. So, so tired. I’m tired too, everyday, I open my eyes and wonder if today is going to be another grey day or if its going to be blue, because my life doesn’t feel like it has any other colour. Any day you think you’re happy doesn’t last long, any day you feel like it has other colours disappear back into grey. 

I’m so glad you can rest now. I’m so glad you can just lay back and finally, the demons within you won’t bother you anymore. This isn’t a battle lost. This is a battle won, just not in the best of ways, because you can lay back in the heavens like a hero.

You did so well. Your music will forever be my inspiration, your songs will always flow through my ears all the way into my soul.

You did so well. The smiles you put into my face, into everyone’s faces, will never be forgotten.

You did so well.

You did so, so well.

Although I can never ever see you in person, you’ve imprinted yourself into the net and the world in a way that you can never be forgotten.

I love you, Kim Jonghyun. Thank you for being the best Bling Bling is Jonghyun.

Thank you so much.

Rest in Peace.

[no-please-just-no]

my babe @chenmone tagged me 15.000 times so here we go

Name: Nura Gender: female Star sign: Scorpion   Height: 1.73 m  Age: 19 Favorite color(s): (Pearl sapphire) blue  Time rn: 11:11 pm Hours of sleep:  8  Lucky number(s): 7 Last thing I googled: something for school ugh  Blankets I sleep with: 2

Favorite artists: Super Junior, Taemin (ok SHINee in general) Big bang, 2ne1 *cries* and a lot of other artists like BTS (but don’t worry I like exo too) Dream trip: I don’t know actually Dream job: Doctor What I’m wearing rn: purple T-Shirt and black sweatpants  Follower count: lovely 27 Posts: 3.938 (oh wow that was unexpected) Most active followers: @giwtham @why-always-me-gosh-please @chenmone (cause she is tagging me the whole time) @sunshine-jewel (thanks everyone)  When did your blog reach it’s peak: I had a peak? oh not that long ago  Why did you make your blog: cause of k-pop I love the gifs and pictures (thanks everyone for posting them)  Why did I choose my url: well it sounds like my daily thoughts in some situations

Countries I’ve lived in: Germany, Austria Favorite fandom: ELF, Taemint, Shawol Languages I speak: german, english, french, spanish and I can read russian  Last article I read: some school stuff it’s sad I know Last thing I bought online: ha alright I think the birthday present for someone Phobias / fears: chicken (ok birds in general), spiders, big bugs  Shuffle your song library and list the first 3 songs that play: 

Love me right (japanese version)-EXO 

Bad- Infinite 

Ah Yeah- EXID

Fact: you know @chenmone i slowly start to hate alcohol

if you want to do it feel free to tag me but some are like oh yeah right great and some are like oh no @why-always-me-gosh-please (ha I used a name in a sentence man what’s wrong with me today)