#I’ll tag it Terry later so I don’t get in the way of the event lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

danny-chase · 3 years ago

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Comics I’ve read, so I can actually keep track of things, don’t assume it’s good if it’s on here - aka this isn’t a list of recommendations, but do feel free to ask about any of the titles on here

Edit: A lot of these need warnings before you read if you don’t want to be surprised by racism, sexism, rape, child abuse, suicidal ideation, etc., etc. before reading, i didn’t include specific warnings in this, because it’s been a while since i read many of them, please ask before reading things you’re unsure about 💀, i’ll start adding warnings from what i remember

Team Books:

- JLA/Titans (1998)

- New Teen Titans (1980)

----pedophilia (not addressed as such), Gar sexually harasses woman sm, Terry Long - my detested (prof dating a student), racism and so much more

- The New Titans (1984) (until Dick left the team)

----rape (which isn’t addressed as such) and slut shaming, to avoid skip over issues with mirage, multiple major character deaths, there’s also bad dad Bruce kicking Dick out a few times, Terry Long - my detested

- Young Justice (1998)

----the writing around Anita is racist

- The Titans (1999)

---- a weird arc where they thought a character was autistic but turns out there was a man in her head idk what to even tag that as

- JLA: The Obsidian Age (2002)

----been too long for me to remember but i think someone said it’s racist

- Titans/Young Justice: Graduation Day (2003)

---- major character deaths

- Teen Titans/Outsiders Secret Files (2003)

- Teen Titans: Year One (2008)

- Outsiders (2003)

- The Return of Donna Troy

---- brainwashed mentors hitting their sidekicks

- Titans (2008) (until Dick left the team)

- Young Justice (2011) - have also watched the show (all 3 seasons)

- Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011)

---- Roy and Kory’s characterizations are obliterated by new 52

- Convergence: The Titans (2015)

- Convergence: The New Teen Titans (2015)

- Titans Hunt New 52 (2015)

----ugly as heck art

- Titans Rebirth (2016)

- Batman & The Outsiders (2018)

- Titans: Titans Together (2020)

- Titans: Titans United (2021) (ongoing)

Nightwing Titles:

- Nightwing (1995)

- Nightwing (1996)

----rape (again not being addressed as such) to avoid skip over issues with Tarantula and Liu, and copoganda (Dixon’s run it’s been a while but prolly has more bad takes), Bruce hits Dick in the Officer Down crossover, also uh Devin destroys Dick’s life, mischaracterizes Babs, and his entire city is nuked (i’m literally not exaggerating), passive suicide attempt, Bruce’s F- parenting

- Nightwing: The Target (2001)

- Nightwing (2011)

----domestic abuse (Bruce to Dick), skip Nightwing #30

- Grayson (2014)

----old lady being a creeper, Dick being examined naked, girls thirsting after him, Bruce’s F+ parenting (leaves Dick stranded in the middle of the mission), sibling on sibling violence

- Nightwing (2016) (up to Ric sorry i can’t do it guys, i do check in on tt stuff to rag on it)

Robin Titles:

----warnings for Dixon’s weird beliefs of how the world works (Steph’s pregnancy arc, Tim yells at an alcoholic roommate an he’s cured, ‘boys will look’, girls kissing Tim without permission is fine apparently), major character death, sexism everywhere, Tim's personality taking a 180 after the one year later event

- Robin (1991) Volumes I and II

- Robin (1993)

- Robin: Year One (2000)

----Neglectful Bruce, enabler Alfred RIP Dick Grayson’s childhood

- Batman and Robin (2009)

----obliterates Talia’s characterization

- Red Robin (ongoing)

----I've read the first four issues ngl it kinda sucks imo

- Batman and Robin (2011)

----Bruce is literally a terrible parent for the first part of the run, regresses Damian’s character development from the 2009 run, sibling on sibling violence

- Batman & Robin Eternal (2015)

----obliterates Cass's character

- Super Sons (2017)

Batgirl Titles:

- Batgirl (2000)

----disability is magically cured, Bruce is a shotgun dad, gets Cass high to fight him to “talk to her in a way she can understand” i classify it as abuse, but absolutely a must-read despite this, made me love Cass

- Batgirl (2009)

----pushes Cass out of the role for *checks note* absolutely no reason, but is enjoyable all the same and made me really like Steph

- Batgirls (2021)

----I read the first issue and will not be continuing because it sucks ass

Birds of Prey

- Black Canary/Oracle: Birds of Prey (1995) #1

- Birds of Prey: Revolution (1997) #1

- Birds of Prey: Wolves (1997) #1

- Birds of Prey: Batgirl (1997) #1

- Birds of Prey: The Ravens (1998) #1

- Birds of Prey (1998) - ongoing

Batman Titles:

- Birds of Prey: Batgirl (1997) #1

- Birds of Prey: Ravens (1998) #1

- Batman: A Death in the Family (1988)

----major character death

- Batman: A Lonely Place of Dying (1989)

- The Long Halloween (1996)

- Dark Victory (2011)

- Batman: Legacy (1996)

- Bruce Wayne Murderer/Fugitive (2002)

----Bruce Wayne C+ parenting, physical fight between Bruce and Dick

- Batman: War Games (2004)

----major character death, sexism

- All-Star Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder (2005)

----terrible, child abuse, r-word used, don’t read

- Batman: Battle for the Cowl (2009)

----Jason as a villain idk skip if you don't like him being an antagonist, sibling on sibling violence

- Batman: Streets of Gotham (2009) (up to #12)

- Batman: Batman & Son (2010)

----probably also obliterates Talia (haven't read it in forever), siblings on sibling violence

- The Black Mirror (2010)

- Batman: Gates of Gotham (2011)

- Batman (1940) #687-707 (aka Dick!bats era)

- Batman (2011) #1-17

----Bruce punches Dick in the face in one of the first issues

- Batman Eternal (2014)

----Barbara x Jason, i hate that pairing (idk for sure it's been a while)

- Detective Comics Rebirth (2016) #934-981 (plus Night of the Monster Men crossover) and #983-987

- All-Star Batman Rebirth (2016)

- Batman & The Signal (2018)

Assorted:

- Joker’s Last Laugh (2001)

----hee hee major character death but it’s a good thing <3

- Heroes in Crisis (2018)

----tries to de-stigmatize mental health by making a depressed person a killer, basically don’t read this it was horrid, i hate it, it’s stupid and bad

- Impulse (1995) - literally just the first 3 issues but it’s great

- Tempest (1996)

----sad, made me sad, but also you should read it because Garth <3

- Future State: Wonder Woman (2021) - just the first issue so far

- Harley Quinn: The Animated Series - The Eat. Bang. Kill Tour (2021) - just the first issue, have watched the show

- Some Dark Nights Metal stuff that i don’t really understand what was happening uh Bat is door 👍 very cool 👍

- Scooby-Doo Team-Up (ongoing)

- Huntress: Cry for Blood

#if you got recs let me know i'll work on it but there's like 3 other things i'm trying to get through *sobs*#i may have a pattern of setting down a comic when i know something i don't like is coming up and moving to another run...#it uhhh has been a while since i read a lot of these and i don't remember everything so if you wanna talk about one i may need to reread #so it might take some time XD #and fanon has warped my perception of characters as well so if i say something wrong call me out #LMAO If you look at something and go WHY TF WOULD YOU READ IT - it's because i don't usually look for recommendations before reading #and wasn't really part of fanon until after i read some stuff #so uh. whoops.#and yes before anyone asks i am in fact obsessed with reading Dick Grayson content and i will put down a book if he leaves #i'm working on it OKAY #aghhhh i need to get back to impulse but my desire to read all things batfam is too strong

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incorrectbandofbrothersquotes · 4 years ago

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Dear Heart - Chapter 8

Dick Winters x Melanie Davis

Summary: Melanie Davis is a nurse from North Carolina who has lived a sheltered life since her father died. Her father’s best friend, Colonel Sink, invites her to experience more as a regimental nurse for the 506th PIR of the 101st Airborne. She embarks on the adventure of a lifetime.

Tag list: @thoughpoppiesblow If you’d like to be added, let me know!

Word Count: 4.5k

A/N: I hope y’all enjoy this update! Sorry I left on the cliffhanger for so long!

Warning(s): stuff that resembles domestic violence at the end

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7

Chapter 8 here we go!!!

Mentally, Dick was kicking himself. He closed his eyes and tried to forget, but the image of Melanie being pulled from beneath the rubble was all he could see. Her watery eyes as she blinked them open, the soft way she said his name, and how he became absolutely helpless. Somehow, both relief and worry swirled around inside him. He was grateful she was alive but the blood oozing from her hairline couldn’t be good. He was filled with remorse as he recalled how it was Dr. Clarke - he’d learned the man’s name later - who leapt into action and began looking over Melanie. And Dick watched, frozen with the shock of it all.

He opened his eyes again. The sight of the Bois Jacques replaced his shameful memory. Melanie was safe now, which was what he tried to remind himself. They had gotten her to battalion HQ, where Colonel Sink had given up his own billet so Melanie could have a bed. Another man who could do more for her than Dick could.

Dr. Clarke determined that Melanie had gotten miraculously lucky. While the blow to her head looked bad considering how much she bled, she only had a concussion. And it was fairly mild. The rest of her body had come through with only scrapes and bruises. Dick was thankful, but still felt an inadequacy about the whole thing. With nothing to do for her, he returned to the line. It had been two days since he’d left her there. Two days of feeling like he failed her somehow.

“Dick.”

Dick turned his head at the sound of his name. He knew already that it was Lewis’s voice, so he did his best to appear somewhat content. Difficult in this kind of cold, but Lewis was unlikely to pry regardless.

“Hey, Lew,” he said.

“You alright?” Lewis asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Dick returned. “How’s everything back at battalion?”

Lewis almost smirked. Dick didn’t want to seem like he was asking about Melanie, but Lewis knew he was asking about Melanie.

“About the same, as far as the war’s going,” Lewis told him. “At some point, we gotta take Foy, but who knows when we’ll get it together?” When Dick only nodded, Lew continued. “Melanie’s awake now. Properly awake. She was sitting up and eating when I left there.”

That piqued Dick’s interest. He faced his friend and tried not to sound too eager. “She was?”

Lew nodded. “She asked about you.”

Dick might have laughed if he weren’t feeling so torn. Of course Melanie didn’t care a thing for herself. But he hardly felt he deserved her concern.

“Did she?” he asked.

Lew nodded again. “I think you should go see her.”

Dick wanted to see her. Desperately. He just couldn’t bear the thought of facing her when he felt like such a let-down. Then again, she had forgiven him for worse.

“I probably shouldn’t leave the men,” Dick said, and it was partly true. He also harbored guilt for abandoning them for the sake of Melanie, something he recalled swearing back in Toccoa would never happen. But Melanie meant more to him now than she did back then.

He realized just how much she meant when a future he had barely hoped to dream of seemed lost. When he thought she was dead, all those visions he had of a pretty white house with his beautiful wife and their children had been obliterated. He knew he loved Melanie back in Paris. Now he realized just how deep that love went. And all his inaction once again haunted him.

“Go see her, Dick,” Lewis said. “The men will survive without you for a couple hours. Even if they are relying on Dike.”

Dick grimaced at that. He agreed with the sentiment, but he didn’t like to think about Easy in the hands of yet another incompetent CO. While Dike was a step up from Sobel, the improvement was meager.

“There’s a jeep back in the woods,” Lewis said. “It’s waiting for you.”

“Thanks, Nix,” Dick replied, clapping his friend on the shoulder.

With that, Dick climbed out of his foxhole and made his way to the jeep. It was manned by Sink’s personal driver, which told Dick that Lewis was not the only one eager for Melanie to see the man she asked for. With a sigh, Dick took the passenger’s seat and prepared himself.

When they arrived at HQ, Dick took a deep breath. The last time he’d been this nervous was when he asked Melanie to walk with him after what took place in Eindhoven. He wondered if she was upset with him. How much had Dr. Clarke told her about what happened, if anything? Her father’s pocket watch suddenly felt like it was lead in his breast pocket.

HQ was relatively quiet. Dick nodded to the officers he recognized, but didn’t stop to say hello. Now that he was here, he only had Melanie on his mind. He needed to see her. His feet felt heavy as he climbed the stairs to her room. As he approached her door, through the wood, he heard her voice. It was sweeter than any music he’d ever heard in his life. It meant she was really there, alive and well, and his hopes for the future were not dashed. He knocked.

“Come in!” she called.

He opened the door to reveal her sitting up in bed, a tray of food on her lap, and - to Dick’s disgust - Dr. Clarke sitting beside her on the bed. Thankfully, her smile was enough to melt any bitterness. And she beamed at him.

“Dick, hello!” she said. “I’m so glad to see you! Have you met Terry?”

She nodded at the doctor. Dick smiled at her.

“Yeah, we’ve met,” he said. “How are you, Mel?”

He registered now the bandage on her head, and the other, smaller ones on her arms. She reached out a hand toward him, and his heart ached at the scabs he saw forming on her knuckles. He took her hand and let her pull him closer so that he stood beside the bed.

“I’m alright,” she said. “You really are a darling to come and see me.”

It warmed him to hear her say it. She was happy to see him. Not disappointed at all. Hopefully, her forgiveness would help him forgive himself.

“Melanie,” Terry interjected. “The check up.”

“Oh, yes, sorry,” she returned. “Is it alright if Dick stays?”

“Sure,” Terry allowed, looking at Dick. “Have a seat.”

There was a chair behind him, and Dick took it without releasing Melanie’s hand. Terry scooted closer to her, cradled her face in his hands, and looked her in the eyes.

“Eyes are still lovely,” he said, and before she could offer any sort of rebuff, he continued. “And seem fairly focused. No glassiness, pupils are the same size, all good signs.”

He started to move his hand away, and Dick watched uncomfortably as the doctor slid his hand down her neck, briefly stroking her skin with his thumb before letting go. He glanced over at Dick for a fleeting second, meeting his eye. Dick swallowed every possessive impulse that was churning inside him.

“Really, I’ve just got a terrible headache,” she said.

“That’s to be expected,” he said. “Do you remember the accident or the events before?”

“Not really,” she said. “The last thing I remember clearly is…” She trailed off. This was her first significant stint of time awake since the collapse of the hospital. The last thing she could recall was her rejection of Terry on the steps. “Well, when you and I spotted the planes coming. Everything after is a blur.”

“Alright, so there is some amnesia, but it seems like it’s pretty minor,” he told her. “You really are lucky. Best to stay off your feet, relax, and come back to work in a couple weeks.”

“Weeks?!” she protested, and Dick gave her hand a supportive squeeze, which she returned.

“That’s being generous,” Terry said firmly. “I’d like to have you resting for a month just to be safe, but I know how much you’re needed.”

He placed a hand on her leg, just above her knee, casting another superior look at Dick. To Dick’s immense pleasure she drew her knees in toward her chest, forcing Terry’s hand off. Terry frowned and cleared his throat.

“Sure you can’t eat anymore, Melanie?” he asked.

She shook her head. “I couldn’t eat another bite.”

“Here, I’ll take the tray for you,” he offered.

Dick watched her hand over the tray, the food on it barely touched. He looked over Melanie again, and once more something new struck him. She was thinner than he remembered. Her cheekbones were more prominent in her usually round face. Her collar bones stuck out too from beneath the neckline of her shirt.

Terry excused himself and left. Melanie turned her full attention on Dick, meeting his eyes. It felt like coming home. It had been far too long since they had seen each other and they were both eager to catch up.

“How are you, Dick?” she asked kindly. “And the boys?”

“We’re hanging in there,” he said. “The line is still spread too thin and we don’t have enough…” he trailed off. “Never mind. I don’t wanna burden you with all this right now.”

He wanted to apologize as well, but he knew she’d never understand what for. Nor would she blame him if he tried to explain himself. He held her hand a little tighter. Her brow furrowed with concern.

“Are you alright?” she wondered.

For some reason he was disappointed to not hear an endearment at the end of that question. He liked “darling” from the way she said it a moment ago. And now that she was in front of him, talking and holding his hand, those pictures of a post-war life returned to him.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just glad you’re safe.”

“Me too,” she half-joked. “When those bombs started coming down I was so afraid I might not -”

Her pale cheeks flushed and she looked away. He swore to himself he’d never take that sight for granted again.

“You might not what?” he pressed gently.

“I might not ever see you again,” she blurted out.

For a fleeting moment, he considered telling her everything - that he loved her, that he saw a life with her, and that he wanted to protect her until the last breath left his body. But he didn’t. He couldn’t overwhelm her just now, and besides, the war was not over. The argument he always had came up again - he could get killed, and where would that leave Melanie?

“I was afraid of the same thing,” he admitted. That much, he would allow himself to say. And the way she smiled at him told him she got his message. Loud and clear.

“You’ve got no business worrying about me,” she said. “You’re running a battalion.”

None of them are what you are to me. More words he couldn’t speak.

“Well, they mostly look after themselves,” he replied, forcing his tone to be light. “Y’know, with NCOs like ours.”

She smiled. “Very true.”

A beat passed and he decided to ask one more question on his mind. “Why aren’t you eating?”

“Well, I’m afraid this bump on my head is making me pretty nauseated,” she said.

“This kind of change didn’t happen in a few days, Mel,” he insisted.

“Is it bad?” she asked. “I haven’t properly looked at myself in a while.”

“You’re just awfully thin, that’s all,” he said. “Didn’t they feed you at the hospital?”

“Oh, that,” she said dismissively. “Well, I gave away a lot of my meals. I didn’t need it as bad as the wounded did. And we were so limited.”

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Mel, you gotta eat.”

“I will when I’m feeling better, I promise,” she assured him. “But please don’t fuss over me. I’ll be just fine.”

“Alright, I won’t fuss,” he returned. “Just look after yourself. For me, if not for you.”

“How the tables have turned,” she remarked with a smile. “It wasn’t too long ago I was telling you the same thing.”

He smiled back at her, remembering fondly how she tended to him. How could it be that Carentan felt like it was both years ago and only yesterday?

“I’m just asking you to return the favor,” he said.

“I will,” she said.

He could see that her eyelids were getting heavy, but she fought to keep them open. He wanted her to rest if that was what the doctor ordered.

“Want me to let you sleep?” he asked.

She met his gaze again. “Are you going to leave if I do?”

He nodded sadly. “I’ve gotta get back to the line.”

Her mouth turned down in almost a pout. She moved her free hand then to cover his, sandwiching it between her palms.

“Just one more moment, please,” she said, and he was surprised to see tears welling up in her eyes. “Being away from you has been more difficult than I imagined and I can’t bear the thought of it happening again.”

He wondered what was drawing all this brutal honesty from her - the concussion or almost losing her life. Whichever it was, he was moved with sympathy.

“Alright,” he said. “I’ll stay right here.”

She blinked when she smiled, and a single tear fell down her cheek. She brushed it away as she settled back into her pillows. And Dick remained there with her until she could fight it no longer and she fell asleep. Her eyes closed, her breathing evened out, and she was peaceful. Dick almost wished he could join her. He was exhausted as well. With everything happening on the front and his worry about Melanie, he felt he’d aged about ten years.

He stood up, slipping his hands carefully from hers, before pulling the blanket over her shoulders. She snuggled down further and let out a deep sigh. He allowed himself to stroke her hair, moving it off her forehead, before leaving. After one last look at her serene face, he closed the door. He was back out in the hall and dreading his next steps. Back outside into the cold, back to the line, back to his worry.

Before he could make it out, he was stopped. Dr. Clarke stood in the hall, blocking Dick’s path. The doctor looked even less friendly than he did in the room with Melanie, so Dick braced himself for whatever this could mean. Clarke approached.

“Look, I don’t really know you, but I have to say something,” he began. “I think what you’re doing to Melanie is horrible.”

Dick’s brow furrowed. “What am I doing to her?”

“Leading her on,” Clarke explained. “You’ve known her two years now and you haven’t committed to her. Which tells me you’re not interested, but you don’t want her to lose interest.”

Dick was shocked by what he was hearing. It was the first time since knowing Melanie that someone was telling him he didn’t have feelings for her.

“Doctor, I don’t know what Melanie’s told you, but -”

“It’s not hard to put it together,” Clarke interrupted. “You’ve somehow convinced her you’re worth waiting for. At the expense of people who really care about her. So what is it? Have you...made love to her or something?”

Dick blinked. Several emotions happened to him at once. Further shock at the forwardness of the question. Anger at the suggestion that Dick was that sort of man. And annoyance. He was so tired. Why did he have to deal with this sort of juvenile jealousy when there was a war on? He took a breath to collect himself. Squaring his shoulders, he looked Clarke in the eye, fed up before he even started speaking.

“First of all, anything that’s happened between Melanie and myself is our business,” he began. “Second of all, Melanie doesn’t belong to me. She’s free to pursue any sort of relationship she likes. If she’s chosen not to be with you, that’s not my doing. If I had to guess, it’s because she sees through your bravado. And so do I.”

Clarke huffed. “What the hell does that mean?”

“You march up here and accost me about a situation you’re only guessing at, putting on airs about protecting her,” Dick shot back. “When you were the one who put your hands all over her under the pretense of doing your job. This isn’t about Melanie, it’s about you.”

“I love that girl,” Clarke insisted, and he took a step toward Dick, who did not step away.

“You’ve got a funny way of showing it,” Dick said. “But if that’s how you feel, take it up with her.”

“You really are a coward,” Clarke scoffed. “You won’t even fight for her.”

“Is that what you’re after?” Dick challenged. “Do you honestly think the two of us duking it out is going to make her love you?”

“She needs to know she has options!” Clarke insisted.

“She knows,” Dick said levelly. “You’re just upset because she’s made a choice you’re unhappy with.” He was getting impatient now. This sort of thing was for little boys on a playground, not two officers in the US Army. Then, he said something that even surprised him. “I’m not going to fight you for something I already have.”

Clarke flared up at that, but he said nothing. Somehow, Dick defending himself made him realize the truth - that he did have Melanie’s affection, and he felt more deserving of it than before. He was annoyed by Clarke not out of jealousy, but because the man saw himself as more of a threat than he really was. And Dick truly, honestly did not have time or energy to entertain something of so little consequence.

“And by the way, Lieutenant,” Dick said. “I’m a senior officer. The next time you address me, you will say ‘sir.’”

“Well, fuck you,” Clarke seethed. “Sir.”

Dick chuckled, clapped him on the shoulder, and pushed past him without another word.

***

Melanie healed up nicely in the two weeks she was out of work. She slept and ate as if she were making up for all the sleep and meals she’d missed out on the last month or so. Unfortunately, she didn’t get another visit from Dick. The death toll in the Bois Jacques was rising, and he couldn’t leave the men now.

On January 9th, Melanie was finally free from her bedrest sentence. She had been issued new uniforms since the belongings she’d had with her at the hospital in Bastogne were lost to the destruction. Luckily, she’d thought to leave her valuables - including the dress from Dick - in Colonel Sink’s care, and they were safely in his billet. The fresh fatigues were surprisingly comforting to her. She preferred the dresses and heels, but they were no good in the cold and snow. She was getting ready to put up her hair when there was a knock on her door.

“Who is it?” she called.

“It’s Terry!”

“Come in!”

The door squeaked open and Terry stepped through, closing it behind him. She abandoned her hair and turned on her stool to face him.

“I’m glad you stopped by,” she said. “I wanted to thank you again for taking such wonderful care of me. With all the wounded, I know it couldn’t have been easy.”

“Nonsense, I was glad to do it,” he replied.

He paused a long moment and looked at his feet, which caused him to sway a little, but he didn’t fall. Her brow furrowed as she stood up and went to steady him.

“Are you alright, Terry?” she asked.

He looked at her again and she realized right away what the problem was from the smell of bourbon on his breath.

“I’m fine,” he replied, waving a dismissive hand in her face. “Look, Melanie, before Bastogne got bombed to hell, you and I were talking about something.”

She held back a sigh. She had hoped that he’d gotten the message back then that there was someone she loved. But clearly he wasn’t letting it go.

“Terry, I’m sorry,” she said. “But there’s no use in discussing that any further.”

“No, listen to me,” he said sternly. “I’m telling you, love is wasted on a man like Dick Winters. Especially your love. You deserve someone who is ready for you - right here and now. Someone who wouldn’t let something like a war stand in the way of loving you.”

She frowned, stung and affronted. “That’s a cruel thing to say. You don’t even know him.”

“I know you,” he returned. “And I know that he’s breaking your heart. That’s enough not to like him.”

“You’re sadly misinformed if you think -”

“I love you!” he cried. “And I could give you the life of your dreams after the war if you’d only give me a chance!”

She blinked. Such a confession should have been flattering, but the feeling she got from him made her hair stand on end. He was not saying it out of genuine feeling, he was saying it to win an argument. And that didn’t feel very much like love.

“Terry, what you want from me are words I can’t say,” she replied gently. “Would you really have me accept you and live a lie?”

“You’d learn to love me, I know it,” he said. “I just want you for myself.”

There was a dangerous gleam in his eye at those words that made her take a step back from him. He stepped closer. Her stomach turned.

“I think you should go now,” she said timidly. “You’re upset, you’ve been drinking -”

“Give the diplomacy a rest, Melanie,” he spat. “I’m going to say what I feel and you are going to listen!”

She sighed. “It won’t do any good, Terry. I can’t change how I feel.”

“God-DAMMIT!” he bellowed, shoving the dresser beside him so hard several of the knick knacks toppled off of it. Melanie gasped and jumped back, breathing heavily. “Do you see what you do to me, Melanie?”

“I - I haven’t done -” she stammered, but he cut her off.

“Just the thought of you with him!” he growled. “With ANY MAN!”

To emphasize that point, he snatched a framed photograph off the same dresser and hurled it across the room, right over her head. The glass shattered against the opposite wall, drowning out Melanie’s yelp of surprise. She covered her face with her hands to protect herself from the shards. Before she could say anything in return, he picked up a small globe and threw that at her as well. She ducked to avoid it, and the base snapped against the wall. The globe rolled under the bed.

“Terry, stop it!” she cried.

He moved even closer to her. She tried to recoil, but he snatched her by the wrist and yanked her towards him. With his free hand, he took hold of her face, his fingers digging painfully into her cheeks as he pulled her within inches of him. She could feel his breath on her skin. A whimper escaped her at the pain of his grip, but she couldn’t look away. She was frozen, trembling at the thought of what he might do next.

“I could crush your skull, you know,” he warned. “Right against that vanity. Would that get Dick Winters out of your mind?”

Her eyes went wide, but because of his hand, she couldn’t answer him. His palm covered her mouth. She couldn’t even call for help. She could only shake her head and plead with her eyes. He moved his hand and she drew breath to scream, but he was too quick. He grabbed her by the throat and slammed her into the wall. She winced and prayed for someone to hear the commotion and put a stop to this.

For a brief moment, she remembered when Corporal Biding tackled her that night in Toccoa. She recalled how frightened she’d been before she realized he was no real threat, he had just made a drunken mistake. Nothing like now. While Terry had been drinking, he was far from drunk. And she was so much more afraid. This was an intentionally vicious attack. She saw in his eyes something sinister and heartless. And of course now, Dick and Easy Company were not going to come to her rescue.

Her vision got blurry as he cut off her air. She thought of Dick and how much she’d relied on him after the Corporal Biding incident. She wished he was here to help her again. But he wasn’t. And she was not that scared little girl she was in Toccoa. She had survived D-Day, Market Garden, the bombing of Bastogne, and she’d be damned if she let this pathetic excuse for a man get the best of her.

With all her might, Melanie shoved her knee between Terry’s legs. He groaned at the impact and released her as he doubled over. She took a moment to gulp in fresh air before she reared back and slapped him hard across the face. The sound cracked like a whip. His head lurched back, throwing him off balance enough to stumble. Melanie, adrenaline coursing through her, wasn’t satisfied, so she shoved him, which made him fall to the floor, landing on his rear with a grunt.

“Don’t you ever put your hands on me again!” she yelled.

While he licked his wounds - and his pride - Melanie gathered the last of her things in silence. Rage compelled her every move as she shoved her belongings into her bag. He was still on the floor when she marched for the door. She opened it to reveal Colonel Sink behind it, fist raised, about to knock. He shot her a confused glance as he took in the scene - Melanie, stormy and furious, and Terry in the fetal position on the floor of her room. He noticed as well, the broken trinkets from the unfortunate family who lived here previously. Sink’s eyes flicked between Melanie and Terry.

“Everything alright up here?” Sink asked.

“It’s fine,” Melanie said shortly. “Get me out of here, please.”

“Certainly,” he assured her.

He put a protective arm around her shoulder and led her away. When they made it down the stairs, she stopped him, turned into his chest, and burst into tears. He held her close, patted her on the head, and let her cry. He didn’t ask her what happened, and she was grateful. She never wanted to relive that scene if she could help it. She looked up at Sink with desperate eyes.

“Please don’t make me go back to the hospital, Colonel,” she pleaded. “I’ll do anything else, but I can’t work with him again.”

“Actually, I was about to offer you a change of scenery,” he said.

“Like what?” she sniffled.

He sighed and looked away, which told her she wouldn’t like it. “The Bois Jacques.”

#band of brothers #dick winters #dick winters x ofc #band of brothers fic #hbo war #melanie jo davis #dear heart series

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frostedfaves · 4 years ago

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To Build A Home (10)

Masterlist

Pairing: Rosa Diaz x fem!reader

Summary: Rosa spent years building a friendship, relationship, and eventually a marriage and home with you. This tale follows your journey together up until her sudden murder. Now that you’ve tracked down her killer before anyone else, will you do the right thing and send him to prison or take care of him yourself?

Warnings: some emotional grieving with everyone involved, brief moment of soft!Rosa

A/N: this is the last chapter of the series! I’m sad that this is ending (aside from future blurb requests) but I’m excited to have more time to work on other things! I haven’t really worked on I Don’t Feel Alive much in the past few weeks so posting dates are TBD, but I will be opening my requests again soon while I figure it out! anyway thanks again for all your feedback, comments, reblogs, any little attention you gave to this series, I appreciate it all.

Previous chapter here

A frantic knocking brings Jake and Amy’s attention away from their book or phone, the two of them locking eyes across the table.

“Were you expecting anyone?”

Jake shakes his head, following Amy as she jumps to her feet and heads to the door. Upon opening it, her heart breaks at the sight of you on the other side, holding a bouquet of flowers that caught a few of the tears spilling down your cheeks.

“What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry for popping up so suddenly,” you spoke hoarsely, attempting and failing to clear your face with one sleeve. “It’s our first wedding anniversary and I was going to visit her grave but before I knew it I was here. I don’t want to speak to her that way and I don’t want to see her that way again and I don’t want to—”

You fell into Amy’s waiting arms as you broke, repeating “I don’t want to” until it turned into mumbled sounds mixed in with your sobbing. Jake quickly came around to close the door, putting the flowers you dropped off to the side before sandwiching you into a hug from the other side.

After you’d finally calmed down enough to breathe the three of you moved over to the couch, sitting in silence until you were ready to share what was on your mind. You held the bouquet in your arms once more, cradling it to your chest with one arm while you organized your thoughts.

“I didn’t even get to call her my wife for a year before she was gone.”

Amy shifted her teary gaze to you, placing a hand on your free one with a gentle touch. Jake sat on the other side of you, listening while trying to get a hold of his own emotions.

“We’ll never get to celebrate one year, five, ten, fifty. I wanted all of that time with her and it was stolen from me so easily.”

“Why don’t you write her a letter?” Jake suggested quietly. “When my grandma passed, Gina and I wrote letters to thank her for everything she did for us, and basically say anything we didn’t get to say before she went. I actually, um...I actually wrote one to Rosa the other day.”

Your eyes watered as you turned to him, a tear dropping as you addressed him. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” he asked, brows pressed together in confusion.

“I’ve been so lost in my own grieving that I forgot you lost someone too.” You turned to Amy. “Both of you have.”

“Y/N,” Jake placed his hand on your shoulder, offering you a sad smile. “Yes we all lost her, but she meant something different to each of us. We can’t always relate to each other’s pain with this because it’s different for all of us, and it’s not selfish to take the time to focus on working through what you feel.”

You returned his sad smile with a little more hope behind yours, placing the flowers on the table in front of you and grabbing both of their hands.

“I love you guys. Thanks for always being there for me.”

Amy chuckled a bit, squeezing your hand between both of hers. “It’s one of my favorite things to do.”

You’d barely been home from Jake and Amy’s apartment five minutes before there was a knock on your door. You opened it and a grin appeared on your face at the sight of Terry and the twins.

“Hi, Auntie Y/N!”

“Hi, sweet angels!” you greeted them as you pulled them into a group hug. “Hey, Sarge. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just picked the girls up from a playdate and I needed to bring you this.” He handed you a plastic bag that you instantly recognized.

“Is this the—”

“Yeah.” He sighed heavily. “I was going through the case file and realized this was still in evidence. I was able to sign it out because it had no relation to anything, and based on what today is, you may need it.”

“Daddy let us put something in there for you, too!”

“Yeah! It’s an invitation to dinner tomorrow and your favorite cookies,” Cagney added, her eyes suddenly widening. “Sorry, that was supposed to be a surprise.”

“It’s okay, Cagney,” Terry assured her with a pat on the shoulder before turning back to you. “Are you going to be okay? We would love to have you tonight, too.”

“I’ll be fine, and I’ll be there tomorrow. Thanks for the gift, angels,” you addressed the twins as you hugged them one last time.

You took your time opening the bag once you were alone, setting the card and cookies to the side and using your shaking hands to sift through the rest of the items. Underneath things like toothpaste and deodorant sat a little booklet titled “First Year of Many”.

You took a deep breath and opened it to a page with a handwritten note, handwriting you knew to be Rosa’s. Blinking back a few tears, you stroked your finger along the page carefully before finally reading her last words to you.

“Y/N Diaz, I love you. I was going to stop there, but I know you love it when I get mushy or whatever. So I’ll add that this has been the best (almost) year of my life. Being your wife and having you as mine is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, especially after the horrors of coming out to my parents and being framed. You’re my favorite person in the world, and I can’t wait to celebrate our wedding day every year for the rest of our lives.”

By the end of the note you were sobbing again, and you had to take a few moments to breathe before you could move onto the pictures. Each one was from different days in the past year starting with your wedding day, and you admire her beauty through nonstop tears. Some were taken on special events like birthdays, with or without friends, and others were simply selfies from lazy days where you fell asleep before she did.

You closed the book and took the bag in your bedroom, setting the book on your bedside table to look at again later and placing the other items in the bathroom. You grabbed your phone and sat on the couch, dialing Rosa’s number and trying not to cry again when you heard her voice for the first time in months.

“Rosa Diaz’s phone. Leave a message or don’t.”

“Hey, baby. Um, happy anniversary. I really liked your present, by the way. Nowhere near as good as what I was going to get you.” You laughed a bit, sounding somewhat pathetic mixed in with sniffles.

“I miss you so fucking much. I miss your voice, your snorting laugh, riding on the back of your motorcycle, and cuddling morning, afternoon and night. I’ve never known pain like this before and I never want to again.”

A couple seconds of silence passed before you started again.

“I hope you’re safe and happy wherever you are. I hope you have unlimited axes to throw, and the Nancy Meyers movies are easily accessible. Most importantly, I hope you don’t miss me as much as I miss you because this really fucking hurts. Arlo and I feel like an incomplete puzzle without you. Anyway, I love you and—”

The automated voice cuts you off and you hang up instantly, not needing another reminder that you’ve run out of time to talk to Rosa. Part of you felt lighter after spilling your thoughts out to her, even if she couldn’t hear them. You smiled as Arlo padded sleepily into the room and climbed onto the couch to lie next to you, resting his head on your thigh. You thought back to Rosa’s vows, realizing that her wish of building a home with you had been granted.

You just wish she’d gotten the chance to live in it a little longer.

Tags: @creepingwolfberry @rosadiazswifey @milkfromhell @marie-03 @jay-is-groovy @gaulty74 @xetherealbeautyx

#to build a home #rosa diaz #rosa diaz x reader #rosa diaz imagine #rosa diaz x fem!reader #brooklyn nine nine #brooklyn 99 #brooklyn nine nine imagine #brooklyn nine nine fic series #brooklyn nine nine x reader #b99 fic #b99 imagine #b99 fic series #b99 x reader #b99 fanfic #b99 #stephanie beatriz

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eidetictelekinetic · 3 years ago

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Fic Interview Meme

Thanks for the tag, @rubickk7 !

How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 115 fics.

What’s your total AO3 wordcount?

1,553,954

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

On AO3:

The Magicians (TV) (28)

A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin (21)

Inception (2010) (20)

Suits (US TV) (17)

Game of Thrones (TV) (12)

Black Sails (7)

Supernatural (6)

The Avengers (Marvel Movies) (5)

A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms (5)

The Tudors (TV) (3)

The Hobbit - All Media Types (2)

X-Men (Movieverse) (2)

Marvel Cinematic Universe (2)

The Hobbit (Jackson Movies) (2)

Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies) (2)

X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies) (2)

American Gods - Neil Gaiman (1)

Conviction (TV 2006) (1)

16th Century CE RPF (1)

Star Wars Legends - All Media Types (1)

Star Wars - All Media Types (1)

Star Wars Sequel Trilogy (1)

Whitechapel (TV) (1)

Chronicles of Narnia (Movies) (1)

Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett (1)

Here’s the list from my fanfiction.net days (some overlap here):

Song of the Lioness

Star Wars

Stargate: SG-1

Harry Potter

In The Forests of the Night

X-Men: The Movie

Circle of Magic

Doctor Who

House, M.D.

Wicked

Law and Order: SVU

Torchwood

Charmed

Primeval

NCIS

Tudors

Inception

Supernatural

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Lady of Rivers and Storms [ASOIAF]: When Lysa miscarries Petyr's child before anyone learns of her pregnancy, her father negotiates a different marriage for her instead. Married to the second Baratheon son, will the future be any easier for either of them?

In the Middle (Before I Knew I Had Begun) [Suits]: It's an accident, when Mike touches Lyla. But everything follows from there. (Or maybe everything follows from the moment Rhi saw the golden tiger and all she could think was how beautiful she was.)

Skyfall Is Where We Start [ASOIAF]: 'At least Stannis won't laugh at Renly if the boy tries to follow him around when he's a bit older and takes a tumble on the flagstones. It's not much, not much at all, but perhaps it's enough to be going on with.'

Robert never loved his brothers, but this is not a story about Robert. This is about Stannis, and Renly, and glimpses of how they might have been different, had they let themselves love each other as brothers usually do.

Breakin’ Out the Institution [Suits]: “OK, so, before we start, a few things you should know about me. My name’s Mike Ross, not Rick Sorkin. I am a lawyer, I just didn’t go to Harvard. But you should hear me out anyway.”

Where Mike is actually a lawyer, a Brooklyn ADA looking for a change of pace, and gatecrashes Harvey's interviews entirely on purpose.

Lay Me Down (Pockets Full of Stones) [The Magicians]: The world spins, and Quentin doesn’t even feel his knees buckle, or how his head hits the wall on the way down. All he knows is the fall into the quiet dark.

In which Quentin survives the events of 4.13 by taking such bad care of himself he never actually makes it to the Mirror Realm. Also in which everyone loses him for a day, and Eliot is Not Happy about this.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yeah; I like getting responses to my comments so I do my best to reply to comments I get.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I had to go back to fanfiction.net for this because I never crossposted these to AO3, but Kiss My Eyes for The Tudors. It was Anne of Cleves/Cromwell, which was tragic mostly because it was historically compliant so a deathfic. Honorable mention, same fandom, was And In That Hour, Charles Brandon/Margaret Tudor and Charles Brandon/Henry VIII, unrequited love for the latter.

Fun fact about the latter, it was the first m/m fic I ever wrote; the deal was I’d write a slash fic if one of my forum friends did a femslash one.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

Ha. Hahahahahaha. So, back when I was 17-18 I was working on a verse titled A Moment To Be Real, and it was a crossover verse that, taking all the relevant fics into account, included Charmed, Primeval, the Whoniverse, and NCIS in major capacities. In more minor capacities, the plans for the verse also included Fringe, Supernatural, Stargate SG1/Atlantis, and Warehouse 13. Oh, and there were two main timelines and two minor ones the stories spent time in. Heh. Yeah, that was a thing, yes it was way too big a project and I didn’t finish it, but I truly think that working to juggle all that was very helpful to my later work.

I don’t write a lot of major crossovers anymore, but I tend to just... live in the idea that certain canons can feasibly coexist so when I can do little crossover cameos I like to do them. One recent exception is return to the sunlit lands, which is a Magicians/Narnia crossover.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not recently; a long time ago back on ff.net, I left a comment that was misunderstood as hate (I said something was bad, meaning the characters’ situation, but the author thought I meant her writing) and the author of that fic responded in kind. Once I clarified, they were nicer in a subsequent review. I’ve been very lucky in that regard; I’ve had friends who have had to deal with a lot of drama in that sense.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I didn’t for a long time, but recently I’ve begun to! So far, it’s been m/m and f/f, though there was an intentionally-vague m/m/f scene and I’m... currently avoiding writing a more detailed one because I’m nervous as hell about it, lol.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, actually! Two of my older ASOIAF fics, All the Traveled Roads and I Will Not Fall, I Will Not Break have translations, which is just really neat to me.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

About ten years ago I was working on a joint project about modern day Tudors; never did get posted, alas. I’m not sure I’d be very well suited to co-writing a single story; co-writing a verse where different authors do different stories might work, though.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

God, I have no idea, but I still and always have strong feelings about Sam/Jack from Stargate SG1, so let’s go with that for longevity?

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

A Moment To Be Real, actually; it’s not so much that I want to finish it as that I know I won’t and I regret it. I have another verse that I probably won’t finish but one of these days I’ll at least post an outline of where I saw it going so that there will be some degree of closure. Pretty much every other fic has at least a faint chance I might go back to it, or I genuinely don’t want to.

What are your writing strengths?

Worldbuilding and handling the moving pieces of a canon divergent AU. I’ve also been told I’m pretty good with ensembles.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Action scenes, which is unfortunate when I find myself definitely needing to write a battle, and I suspect is part of my smut hang-ups too.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I have done it occasionally, but honestly I feel it’s usually easier to italicize English dialogue and put the other language in the narration - I think it’s probably easier to read, too.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Stargate SG1

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I couldn’t possibly pick one, really.

Tagging @theemightypen @cosmonauthill @jayneladybright @ofthedirewolves @portraitofemmy @nellie-elizabeth @mihrsuri

#kate writes fic #this took a while!

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atiny-piratequeen · 5 years ago

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Against the Tide: First Voyage (Ch.1)

Pairing: Eventual Poly Ot8

Genre: Heavy Angst, Eventual Smut and Fluff mixed in

Rating: 18+

Tags: DemonPirate!Au, Supernatural, Eventual Poly Relarionship, Violence, Blood, Elemental Powers, Past and Modern Day AU, Mythical Creatures, Character Death

A/N: There could be tags added later, especially if there’s something I write that potentially triggers my readers. The last thing I want is for that to happen, so please don’t hesitate to give me feedback if there’s something I write here you’d like me to tag

Summary: Hongjoong is the leader of a notorious pirate crew. A run in with a demon leaves him with immortality and the ability to grant immortal life to those who form pacts with him. One day, a member of his crew angers a sea witch, and she decides to exact revenge on them by casting Hongjoong into a completely different part of the world and stealing his memories. The seven key members of his crew spend centuries looking for him, to no avail, and meet up in modern day Seoul to try and strategize how they can find their leader. Discouraged, with some close to giving up, they happen upon a man with a familiar smile and voice speaking on the street one day about a Long Journey. Now the seven of them must get Hongjoong to rember who he is before he slips through their fingers once again.

AO3 Link

Taglist

← Last Voyage Next Voyage →

=Age 10=

“What in the blazes is that?”

He flinched, flailing his legs as he tried to get down from the man holding onto him by the back of his shirt. That earned him a sharp jab to his ribs, making him cough and sputter as he lowered his head, fear pulsing through his body.

“He was hidden between some barrels in the hold, Captain. It looks like he was one of the port hands in the last town and he stowed away when no one was looking.”

The figure across from him clicked their tongue, and he cowered as the sound of leather boots approached him, the wood of the deck creaking loud with every step.

“Stowed away on my ship? Do you have a death wish, lad?” a voice growled at him and a hand reached out, lifting his face abruptly so he could look the Captain in their eyes.

“A…woman…?”

The Captain’s eyes narrowed dangerously, one hand going to the blunderbuss pistol strapped to her thigh before she pressed it to the center of his head, lip curling up in dissatisfaction.

“Aye, and you’re about to be at the bottom of Davy Jones’ locker, rat.” She hissed. He trembled, unable to move his head away from the firearm pressed against it. Panicked, his eyes looked around, finding other members of the crew were also women, some with shorter, choppier haircuts. Some of them sent him sympathetic looks, but none of them made any moves to stop their Captain.

“I hope you’ve made peace with your family and your maker, lad. I don’t take kindly to people sneaking aboard my ship.”

“I d-don’t have a family…s-sir.” He quickly admitted, having a momentary battle on what to call the angered Captain. The finger that she had on the safety of the blunderbuss paused, and she put a hand on her hip, arching a brow at him.

“I’m an orphan. I worked at port on the docks for as long as I can remember…I just wanted to see the world and do something more than be a poor orphan on the street, C-captain. P-please…please take me with you, I promise I’ll be useful!” He pleaded, brown eyes holding a flicker of hope and determination. The Captain’s brows went up in surprise, a small laugh leaving her throat.

“Do you know what you’re saying? Me? Bring a child along? You wouldn’t last-”

“I’ll prove it to you! If I can make myself useful and survive, you make me a member of your crew!”

The captain rolled her eyes and lowered the blunderbuss, putting it back in its holster and nodding for the man behind him to drop the child. He fell to the deck harder than expected, groaning in pain before looking up, looking at the Captain’s outstretched hand.

“My name is Captain Jihyo. When we’re in port, you only call me Captain Hyo. If it gets out there are women aboard my ship, or that I’m a woman, our entire crew will be executed. Do you understand?” She snapped. The child grabbed her hand and nodded, pulling himself up with her help before he looked up, determination shining in his eyes.

“My name is Kim Hongjoong. And I swear on my mother’s resting spirit, I’ll be a fine member of this crew.”

=Age 15=

“Must you always get yourself in trouble?” Jihyo grunted, dragging Hongjoong back into the tavern by his ear. He hissed, frowning as he looked up at his Captain. The woman had taken a liking to him in their years together and has quickly become a mother-like figure to him.

Which…would explain the stern look and smack upside his head he received when Jihyo had pulled him into the room he was to stay in.

“I told you not to go outside. I know this town well, I knew you’d pull this again-”

“I didn’t do anything wrong, Captain! He was harassing that lass on the street, she clearly didn’t want any of his attention, so I…’helped out’.” He coughed at the end of his sentence, avoiding Jihyo’s sharp gaze. She stared at him for a long time before she sent him a smile, pressing their heads together and lowering her voice as she spoke.

“I appreciate your respect for others, especially women, lad. But you still have to tread carefully. The last thing we need is a brawl breaking out because you’re on your justice kick.” She gently scolded, ruffling his hair before moving away from him.

“You are a pirate. I would imagine you’d earn yourself a rather..unique name if you continued being so nice.” She waved her finger at him, heading towards the door. Hongjoong rolled his eyes half heartedly, but smiled nonetheless.

“If they remember me for being more than ‘just another pirate’, I’ll take it as a compliment.” He grinned before diving onto his bed, smiling contently.

=Age 19=

“There are some odd jobs we can do while in port.” Jihyo informed them, standing at the ship’s bow with her arms crossed. She had already cut her hair before they neared the port, her eyes set on the approaching docs as they approached. Hongjoong was at her side, along with her First Mate, a quirky gentleman named Daniel.

“I’m sure they’d be happy to see you, Captain. This is your port town, afterall.” He teased. Jihyo hummed, tilting her chin up as they docked. The town was welcoming of pirates, but she still made sure to change their flag to the country’s colors, just as a precaution in the event of any naval officers also being in town.

“We’ll be staying here for a few weeks, stock up and make sure not to do anything stupid.” She ordered as they lowered the anchor, sending Hongjoong a sharp look as he tried to tip toe out of her sight.

“That means you, Mr. Kim Hongjoong.”

“I have no idea what you mean, Captain Park Hyo.”

Jihyo rolled her eyes and smiled, nodding for him and the rest of the crew to disperse and enjoy traveling in the port town. She and Daniel stayed behind. They watched the people mingling in the port with small, calm looks on their faces.

The silence was broken by Jihyo’s coughing, her brows pulling up as she hacked violently. Daniel frowned, pulling her out of the view of the curious port hands before sitting her on the ship’s deck. Worry creased his brow as she continued coughing for a few minutes before letting out a shaky sound, sighing.

“Captain-”

“Don’t say it.”

“Jihyo. You can’t keep pretending this isn’t getting worse.” He told her sternly, holding her shoulders. She looked up at him, her lips trembling before she shook her head, brushing her hands off on her trousers before she stood.

“I know. That’s why we’re here. I heard a tip from the last town that we’d be able to find something here to prolong this…just bare with me.” She told him before she squared her shoulders, pulling her hat down to slightly obscure her eyes as she headed down towards the docks. Daniel sighed and nodded, following faithfully behind her.

=3 Nights Later=

Jihyo smiled as their Quartermaster, Psy, poured her another glass of rum. They all drank merrily together, eating the meat and rice served at the tavern.

Well, most of them.

Hongjoong sat at the end of the table, nursing a glass of water as he looked over some of the maps their Sailing Masters had gotten a hold of while in town. He surveyed the pages, muttering to himself about potential treasure. Jihyo glanced at him before smiling, taking another hearty swig.

The sound of their merriment was interrupted by the door to the tavern being opened abruptly, a group of men dragging in bloodied figures. The tavern owner jolted from her spot behind the bar, eyes going wide as the men dropped their wounded on the taven floor.

“What in the hell are you doing?! You’re going to ruin my floors!” She barked in disapproval, slamming down a mug on the bar, ignoring the way the brew inside sloshed out and spilled onto the counter.

“Bite your tongue, woman! Can’t you see they’re bleeding out?!” One barked. The woman behind the counter, Momo, raising her brows in surprise at the rude tone. She grabbed a knife from her garterbelt beneath her skirt, stabbing the bar as she looked at them with an unamused expression.

“I don’t like your tone.”

“W-we’re sorry, Miss! Please, let us stay just a little longer! We’ll pay for any damages and all the rounds will be on us tonight!” One of the men quickly tried to remedy the escalating situation. The pirates and other patrons in the tavern cheered, going back to their own devices, while the other wounded men sent him a glare.

“What? We have to decide what to do and we can’t leave them on the street!” He snapped. A blonde in their group shook his head.

“I told you dense bastards, we shouldn’t have gone near that cove. Did you see what that wench did to John and Terry?!” He barked. The other three men looked down, clearly terrified as the two they’d brought in coughed weakly on the floor, the focus fading from their eyes.

Hongjoong bit his lip, moving to pull his seat out when a hand landed on his shoulder. He turned back to the table to find Jihyo had moved from her spot, now taking her place beside him. She sent him a firm glare, clearly having sobered up from the shock of the bloodied men.

“Don’t you dare.” she growled, her voice lowered to mimic a man’s flawlessly. Hongjoong shrunk down in his seat, mumbling.

“I wasn’t-”

“Ay, was I born yesterday, lad? I know that look in your eyes. You’re troublesome need to help people all the time. Don’t you dare go to that cove. I don’t want to leave this port town knowing my son-” she paused. Hongjoong’s lips parted in shock and Jihyo cleared her throat, raising her voice to Momo.

“Momo! Another round of rum! Gimme the strongest you got!” She huffed, pivoting on her heel, leaving Hongjoong stunned in his chair. Jihyo sat down heavily in her original seat, avoiding eye contact with the teen as Daniel chuckled from beside her.

Hongjoong felt his heart racing, his mind whirring as he ran the word through his head over and over again.

Son…

A fond smile came to his face, and he momentarily forgot about the men behind him. Until a wary laugh came from the left.

“At least we left that wench bleeding out. Tomorrow we’ll blast the damn cove shut. Send her straight to hell where her kind belongs.” He spat. The other men didn’t laugh along with him, but they seemed to be relieved that whatever it was that injured their own was in pain and soon to be trapped in the cove.

Hongjoong’s gaze drifted back to the maps in front of him.

He can’t focus.

=Midnight=

Hongjoong carefully removed his boots as he approached the cove, knowing he’d have to wade through knee-deep sea water in order to get inside. He rolled his trouser pants up, tucking his shirt into the waistband of them before he began his careful approach. There was a lantern in his hand, and he had to keep it high above his head to keep it from going out.

When he reached the mouth of the cove, he bit his lip, looking from left to right. He didn’t see anything initially, so he steeled himself and pushed deeper, his feet lightly slapping against the wet stones of the cove.

Then he heard it. The low, pained hiss.

“G e t o u t.”

“H-Hold, I’m not here to harm you, I only want to help-”

“Get. Out.”

Hongjoong bit back the urge to turn tail and run, turning to the sound of the voice, lifting the lantern. He saw a puddle of blood, his stomach churning as the light rose until he saw a raised stone, seeing a woman staring at him, her face and hands smeared in blood. Her hair fell in front of her face, her lip curled up into a snarl as she looked at him through the ink-colored locks.

“You need help, you’re injured-”

“G E T O U T!” she screamed, and he was knocked off his feet in a harsh gust of wind. His lantern smashed to the ground, plunging the cove in darkness, with only the moonlight in the mouth to light anything.

Hongjoong groaned, hissing when he felt the glass from the lantern cut into his palm as he pushed himself up.

“L-lass, I don’t know what they’ve done to you or why, but I can’t leave you here hurt like this. Please, they won’t leave you alone. Those sailors intend on blowing this cove shut and leaving you here. You’ll die!” He pleaded into the darkness. There was a laugh, low and humorless.

Suddenly, lights appeared in the cove, in the form of balls of fire, each hovering in mid air around the woman. She stayed where she was, reviewing the brunette pirate with mild interest, though there was still pain in her features.

“You…you must be a fool. Do you not know why they came? Do you know nothing of me?”

Hongjoong ignored the pain of his palm and shook his head, standing to his feet once more as he carefully approached her. He raised both of his hands when the woman’s eyes narrowed at him.

“I am not from this port town. I am a pirate, we’ve only settled in port days ago. My name is Kim Hongjoong. Who are you, lass?”

“I am Hyuna of Tortuga Bay. I am a demon.Those insolent fools came to take the ‘treasure’ of this cove, as fools tend to do. However-” She hissed, groaning as he breathing turned ragged again. She allowed Hongjoong to approach her closer, her hands twitching as he stopped in front of her.

He looked at her face, hesitantly moving her sweat and blood-slick bangs out of her face. She was a beautiful woman with a porcelain complexion under the blood caked to her face. At this point, Hongjoong wasn’t sure if it was hers, or the blood of the sailor’s.

“They said they left you wounded-” He stopped himself when he noticed the culprit of her agony.

The glinting gold crucifix stabbed straight through her chest. His eyes grew, and he noticed the burns around the entrance of the wound and around her fingers, as if she had tried desperately tried to pull it out herself.

“I…I can take it out.” He said suddenly, eyes transfixed on the crucifix. She stared at him carefully, a small glimmer of hope in her light eyes. The flames that illuminated the cove grew closer, and she looked up at him in interest.

“You…said you were a pirate, correct? Why are you helping me? You know nothing of who I am and nothing of the rumored treasure, and yet you come to my aid? You could leave now. I can’t die, I’d be just like this for all eternity and you can take my treasure. Why are you trying to help me?” She inquired. Hongjoong shrugged one shoulder, running his uninjured hand through his bangs.

“I don’t like seeing people being ganged up on. I won’t stand for men doing this to a woman, no matter what the reason.” He told her flatly, meeting her cautious gaze.

“You can say my…my mother raised me well. I may be a pirate, but I was still raised with respect. Besides, if the puddle of blood I’m standing in is anything to go by, I probably wouldn’t make it out of the cove before you ended me if you wanted to, injured or not. Now…do you want me to take this out?” he questioned once more.

Hyuna stared at him for a long moment before she closed her eyes, nodding.

“This may hurt. I’m sorry.” He whispered, wrapping his fingers around the golden base. Hyuna’s brows twitched in pain and he could hear the sound of burning, so he yanked with all of his strength, pulling the crucifix out in one go.

There was an unholy scream and Hongjoong dropped the crucifix in an instant, clamping his hands over his ears. The floating flames went out and Hongjoong frowned, trying to feel around in the darkness.

“Lass? Hyuna? A-are you okay? Did I hurt you?” He called into the inky blackness. There was the sound of a giggle, gentle and feminine before the whole cove was illuminated. He looked up in awe, watching as the light illuminated from Hyuna’s body, different from the small, whisp-like plumes of fire from before.

“I…I am free again.” She exhaled, holding her hand in front of her face, smiling wide as the burns healed themselves. Hongjoong watched the hole in her chest close and let out a relieved smile.

“Good. You may want to leave, though. Those sailors intend on coming back tomorrow to blast the entrance closed.” He reminded her, moving to dust his hands off on his pants, but stopping when he remembered the blood running from his palm.

“You…are unlike any man I have met in this realm. Come, since you’ve freed me, it’s only fair I give you a gift in return, yes?” She hummed, looking down at his hand.

“You don’t have to-”

“You didn’t have to come here, Kim Hongjoong, the pirate.” She countered. He snapped his mouth shut, nodding in defeat. She did have a point.

“I will give you the treasure many have come to this cove for. Eternal life, youth, and power beyond your wildest dreams.” She wiped at the blood on her cheek, reaching for his hand to lace their fingers together.

Hongjoong felt a pulse course through him, and his eyes widened as his heartbeat increased.

“What-”

“Kim Hongjoong, I will give you power. You will be like me, a demon. Upon forming blood pacts, you will also make those under you immortals. If the pact is strong, you will share your powers. Accept my gift, for I know you will use it well.” She muttered, her eyes glowing bright blue. Hongjoong gasped, feeling like his body was on fire, energy coursing through his veins.

“HONGJOONG! GET AWAY FROM MY SON!” a voice caught Hyuna’s attention as a pirate ran full speed at her. She hummed and lifted her hand, a gust of wind lifting the woman effortlessly. She shook her head, sending a fond smile to her.

“Ah, the mother he mentioned? I never imagined his mother would be a pirate disguising herself as a man. It makes sense, why he’s so unique.” she hummed before looking down at Hongjoong, noticing the faraway look in his eyes, his brow twitching in confusion.

“What are you doing to him?! Let him go! Hongjoong! Hongjoong!!” Jihyo screamed, thrashing fruitlessly against the wind. Hyuna smiled in fond understanding and shook her head.

“He has received my gift. He is immortal. Now, he must control his powers. Things tend to get…wild on the first night of the full moon after one becomes a demon. Now sit still. I will help him harness his powers here and now so that your crew won’t be ripped to shreds on the next full moon.” She instructed, watching as Hongjoong’s eyes went from brown to an electric blue, the overabundance of power coursing through him making small spider-web red veins appear on his face.

His gaze snapped to Hyuna and she rolled her neck.

“You and your demonic self must become one. Come, I will train you. Though I suggest we hurry, lest your mother have another child over there.” She informed, nodding at Jihyo’s direction. Hongjoong let out a low sound before darting to her full speed, a large blast of water shooting past him.

Hyuna side stepped and smiled, watching Hongjoong’s face change, three marks appearing on his forehead, along with a bushy white tail. Fireballs rained down on her, all of which she knocked away without batting a lash.

“Water, even my kitsune powers have went to you? Fascinating. More, show me more, Hongjoong.” She urged, skipping backwards as the ground beneath her feet shook.

=3 Hours Later=

Hongjoong finally fell to his knees, panting as his eyes returned to their normal, welcoming brown color. Hyuna flicked her hand, bringing Jihyo closer to them, ignoring the way she immediately pulled her blunderbuss on her.

“Hongjoong….” She trailed off, frowning as he passed out shortly after.

“You…”

“I care not for your personal feelings, but I will explain myself. You are from this town, so you know of me. The ‘treasure’ of this cove is me. My blessing. My immortality. Men find out about demons that can grant them eternal youth and they hunt them down. I have killed most who have ventured here, and had you not have raised him the way you did, your son would have joined. But he is different. I can give him my ‘treasure’ with confidence that he wont abuse it and create a crew of immortal vagabonds. The powers are a little extra gift.” She winked and moved to walk past them. Jihyo watched her every move before she started coughing once more, brows pinched up as she observed the blood in her palm.

“N-No…”

Hyuna stopped at her side, looking down at her in interest before she straightened her back, turning towards the mouth of the cove.

“I suggest you form a pact with him. You don’t have much left, otherwise, pirate.” She informed her before she disappeared in a dazzling light.

Jihyo wiped her mouth and grabbed Hongjoong’s arm, dragging him back out of the cove, sighing.

—-

“Captain, don’t you want Hongjoong to be here for this?” Psy inquired, pushing his glasses up as Jihyo gathered all of the crew-sans Hongjoong-on the deck of her ship.

“No. I have something important to ask of all of you.” She told them, her voice solemn. They all perked, nodding as they watched her carefully.

“My health…is dwindling. I doubt at this stage there is anything I can do. I know Psy and Daniel have no desire to be Captain when I’m gone, and that most of you have found Hongjoong to be reliable enough for the job. I have one order I want you all to take to the graves with you.” She told them, taking her hat off to rub her head before she set it back on.

“Hongjoong was…he’s received a ‘gift’ and he’s not human anymore. The lad somehow impressed a demoness and she turned him into one of her own. He apparently can give this immortality to others,”

“Wait, so why won’t you just-”

“Because I refuse to take advantage of him. I want my son to give his powers to those he trusts wholeheartedly on his own, not have ties to us out of an obligation for us taking him in.”

They all began protesting at once, but Jihyo slammed her heel against the deck, glaring at them all.

“My orders, are for you to not accept any offers of immortality from Hongjoong. Even when he becomes captain. I am here now, and I’m giving the order here and now. Swear to me you won’t betray me. This is a dying woman’s wish.” she told them, leaving no room for argument.

They all exchanged looks before small, reluctant smiles crossed their faces. One by one they all swore, patting their captain on the shoulder as they filtered back down to their quarters. Daniel and Psy stayed by her side, watching the waves of the ocean in silence as tears ran down her cheeks.—-

=x=

“Please!”

“No.”

“WHY?!”

Jihyo sighed and looked up at Hongjoong from her bed, her face pale. Daniel was at her side, holding her hand as she coughed weakly. Her condition had gotten worse at an alarming rate and it became impossible for her to hide it.

“P-Please…Please, I can save you. Please, why won’t you-”

“I said no, Hongjoong. Let me go. Let me rest. You’ll be a fine captain.”

Tears welled up in his eyes as he shook his head, his chest heaving.

“Daniel! You can’t be okay with this! You love her! Tell her to let me help! Tell her to-”

“It’s already been decided.” Daniel cut him off, raising his head to look at him with bloodshot eyes. Hongjoong bit his lip, looking down with tears rolling down his cheeks. He shuffled to her other side, his shaking hand taking hers as he looked at her face.

“Captain…M…Mom…please…”

“Just stay with me, Hongjoong. Stay with me and keep a smile on your face. You’re a different breed of pirate. I want you to make your own crew and change what it means to be a pirate for the world, okay? Until the last wind blows through these sails, please never stop being the center of the world.” She told him, reaching under her blankets to pass him a compass.

“Let it always point you forward, my son.” She mused, cupping his cheek, crying with him as they continued sailing, the boat gently rocking the trio.

= ~ =

The crew shed tears as Daniel set the last stone on top of the pile. Underneath, buried deep in the sand, laid the peaceful body of their captain.

She had asked to be stripped of all materialistic items, jewels, gold, silver, and buried in the sand of an island she visited when she became a pirate.

Remote, quiet, with the beautiful scent of island flora beckoning you in deeper.

One by one, each crew member dropped a bloom on top of the stones, before heading back to the ship. Hongjoong lingered, the bloom in his trembling hand before he sighed and finally relented, setting it down on top of the pile.

“Goodnight, Captain Jihyo…Sweet dreams, mother.” He whispered, turning and heading back with heavy footsteps.

He stood on the bow, the wind carrying saltwater and the scent of island flora past his nose like a gentle caress. There was a flower tucked behind his ear as he stared down at the shore, eyes locked on the pile of beautiful rocks in the sand, topped with flowers and shells. The ship pulled away, and he bit back the need to sob as he watched the mound grow farther and farther away. An old voice called to him from behind, and he turned, noticing Psy standing behind him.

“Captain? We have to keep moving.” his tone was gentle, a hand running through his balding head as he bowed his head in respect. Hongjoong lifted his chin, wiping his eyes with the back of his palms before he turned.

Right. He was the Captain now.

“I’ll be right over. We have a long journey ahead of us.”

#fie writes #Aginst the Tide #AtT Ch1 #Ateez fic #ateez fanfiction #kim hongjoong #park seonghwa #jeong yunho #kang yeosang #choi san #song mingi #jung wooyoung #choi jongho #member x member #pls work this time omg

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multimetaverse · 5 years ago

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Andi Mack 3x20 Review

We Were Here was a historic episode that finally let Cyrus and TJ canon and was the best ending the series could hope for. Let’s dig in!

It’s been a long road but Cyrus Goodman and Thelonious Jagger Kippen are now boyfriends and we witnessed two gay boys holding hands on Disney Channel. It took two thirds of the series but we’ve gone from the muffin scene to the bench scene.

There’s a lot of obvious censorship and flaws to write about but I’ll do that later and for tonight I’d look to focus on all the good in this episode and this series.

Tyrus are the first canon gay couple on Disney Channel but they won’t be the last and one day, hopefully soon, it won’t be seen as a historic or unusual event to have LGBTQ rep on children’s tv.

Josh and Luke did such a great job with this whole story line and they killed it in the bench scene, so much depended on their body language and facial expressions and it was a beautiful scene. When they both exhaled after holding hands, that was powerful.

I liked that we saw Cyrus go out to initiate the conversation but it was TJ who reached out with his hand and took that risk to bring them together. A callback of sorts to his first conversation with Cyrus where he told him to ‘’walk to the muffin like you already own it’’.

TJ has always been an active character and we saw that in full force tonight as he stood up for Cyrus and ended his friendship with Kira and then went up on stage and started playing Born This Way and of course he was the one to take Cyrus’ hand.

The one good thing I’ll say about the Kira plot is that she was disposed of early and only got a minute of screen time and she thankfully didn’t get redeemed. Her line about TJ choosing Cyrus over her probably registers as her demanding TJ only be friends with her to kids but to those in the know it’s a clear ultimatum to either be straight with her or gay with Cyrus. Loved TJ’s line that she melted after he threw water on her.

Really good character development for TJ as the former bully stands up to a bully. TJ has had such an amazing arc from the mean basketball captain introduced in 2x03; there really was a nice person inside of him trying to get out and Cyrus helped him with that. And even in the finale we still learn new things about him: his name, that his mom is a piano teacher, that he plays the piano, and for the casual audience that he’s gay and likes Cyrus.

I’d guess we’re meant to see TJ starting Born that Way as a statement of sorts on his part, especially since Cyrus is the one to start singing and he later moves to join TJ on stage and it’s their performance that leads to the bench scene.

I’m happy that the bench itself was 3 minutes and that Tyrus got ample screen time in the finale as did Muffy. I’m glad that Luke got to choose TJ’s name and it’s very on brand that he snuck a Shrek reference into it. And kudos to Terri for getting the bench scene approved and for getting the last 40 seconds of the scene where Tyrus canons to actually air.

It was definitely random and I did not expect them to land the rights to a Lady Gaga song but it was a fun scene and it was nice to see most of the cast involved; this must have been what Lilan meant when she said at Fan Fest that we’d see characters interacting who had never interacted before.

Muffy was great. I’m really glad they brought Garren back, whatever other ending they would have had to write for Buffy just wouldn’t have had the same impact. Loved that they call backed to their first conversation. Liked that Marty chased after Buffy and that after she told him how she felt that he was the one to grab her hands and kiss her and then put his arm around her before they walked back in to the party. Probably the sweetest kiss we’ve seen on the series and a very fitting end for the Muffy story line.

Liked the Jandi scene, I’m sure they’ll get back together when they’re older and I’m glad they brought the bracelet back. Jonah saying ‘’Love you Andiman’’ was so sweet and a great last line for the series.

Bexie dancing was sweet, though I wish they had just done it at the wedding.

Did not expect Celia to be in the dino costume! Glad she got to experience the party for a bit.

Andi got into SAVA and is going to use Andi Shack as a studio. Really sweet to take a new photo of the GHC. What an interesting convo they’ll have at the spoon the next day when Cyrus tells them what was so life changing about the party.

Sweet lookback at the important scenes at Andi Shack.

Now we know why they needed semi-pro basketball players for the re-shoots, wonder if the flash forwards were a late addition then.

Glad they didn’t bring up the timeline like the texts did so we don’t have to pretend the finale took place in June.

Nice to see the Mackchat kids finally be able to talk about Tyrus openly as a romantic relationship. It will go a long way to normalizing same sex relationships among kids. As they said, it’s been them all along from the muffin to the swings to the bench.

Looking Back:

Andi Mack really was a special show. Yes it fell short at times but when it was at its best there was nothing like it on tv. It leaves a big void and I hope other shows fill it sooner rather than later. Right from the pilot to the finale it tackled so many important issues: teen pregnancy, unconventional families, therapy, financial issues, coming out, panic attacks, learning disabilities, bullying, manipulation, guns, Chinese and Jewish culture, racism, sign language, sexism, and stereotypes.

Andi Mack made history again and again, right from Andi discovering Bex was her mother to Cyrus coming out to Buffy and Andi and Jonah and saying the words, I’m Gay, to Cyrus getting together with TJ. There are no other characters like Cyrus Goodman or TJ Kippen anywhere on kids tv and I hope we see more characters like them soon, on Disney Channel and elsewhere.

All the cast and crew and writers deserve so much praise for making such a wonderful show and I don’t know when we’ll ever see such a talented, passionate group again. I hope they all go on to big things and find happiness and success with whatever they choose to do.

And a big thank you to all of my followers. It’s been such an honour to be part of this fandom and to have so many people read my posts and send me asks, I never imagined when I started this blog last March that I’d get so involved but I’m glad I did. I’ve made a lot of great friends and have had so much fun. This show has had one wild journey for a Disney Channel show and I’m glad we were here together to experience it.

I’ll still be around, answering asks, liking and re-blogging posts, keeping up with any last interviews or information we get related to the show. And one last reminder to tag your posts and re-blogs with Tyrus and Andi Mack so we can get #1 on Fandometrics. Thank you for reading this long ass post and all my other long ass posts and I wish each and every one of you all the best and I hope that the memories we’ve made here and our memories of the show provide comfort as we go on with our lives.

Love, Dave.

#Andi Mack #Tyrus #TJ Kippen #Cyrus Goodman #Muffy #Buffy Driscoll #Marty from the party #Jandi #Jonah Beck #Bexie #Andi Mack Reviews #Andi Mack Meta #Andi Mack Season 3

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creativenicocorner · 5 years ago

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Quarantine Q&A

Tagged by @bifacialler

I don’t know why I put this off for so long, something for me to think about later I suppose. Hell I don’t think half of these answers are well articulated enough - ah well, here’s an attempt

Are you staying home from work/school?

Yes, I caught a plane out of the UK as soon as the course I was taking was canceled.

If you’re staying home, who’s there with you?

I’m with my parents and younger sibling and two dogs.

Are you a homebody?

Yes, I’m very good at making a burrow and staying put for long periods. As long as I have books, a notebook, a laptop, my switch, and a crust of bread and cheese, all will be well. I will adapt no matter what comes in the future.

What movies have you watched recently? What shows are you watching?

There’s a Korean drama I started watching recently with like time-traveling doctors which has been very cool so far, called “Live Up to Your Name” I’m excited to see where it leads

“Avenue 5″ is...okay I suppose, had to stop cause it was giving me too much anxiety ^^’’ Been watching a bit of “Magnum P.I” as well just, a loooooooot of Animal Crossing letsplays, and Letsplays in general (been exploring Snap Cubes channel and their Luigi’s Mansion 3 run)

As for movies, I haven’t sat myself down to watch a movie since the in-flight movies in my return plane ride. To which I watched “Detective Pikachu” (very amazing very adorable! heck yeah) attempted to watch...well I don't know what I attempted to watch but for the remainder of the flight I watched “Jojo Rabbit” on repeat and kept laughing and crying and laughing. It was a very very good movie, and honestly can’t wait to watch it again.

And I know this isn’t ‘watching’ but I’ve also been re-listening to The Adventure Zone Balance arc.

AS WELL AS

youtube

Clint McElroy read the Wizard of Oz, it’s [ chef kiss ] I really needed something like this - I think a lot of us needs something like this.

An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

A lot of events actually.

The a course I was taking in Uxbridge at the Pinewood Studios, an audition to get into a very prestigious showcase that would have been performed in front of casting directors and scouts, a job at a theater, an apartment, among other things. It...it felt like my life was finally starting to shape into, idk, something. I haven’t been that excited and hopeful about my career and just...the sense of being an adult(tm) since moving to LA.

But it’s okay, this was all out of our hands, and despite feeling massively disappointed and just...idk...a feeling I can’t describe yet, who knows what the future will hold...right?

Time will tell, in the meantime let’s keep doing our best.

What music are you listening to?

Ler’s Amazing playlist from her beautiful birthday gift, it’s been on repeat for sometime and a BIG help getting into certain writing moods!! AAAH Honestly I’m still just blown away!!! UTTERLY and COMPLETELY!

I’ve also been listening to just..random stuff really, whatever that could get me a step closer to writing.

What are you reading?

Still slowly going through Neverwhere, and re-reading Sandman, but aside from that A LOT OF AMAZING AND AWESOME THINGS. I have a server (still in beta that I’d like to keep small for now) with a few wonderful friends that is a bit like a reading-club and we get together and read out loud all sorts of things, from fanfics, to the classics, to other fiction - I think my favorite fiction piece so far is finally being able to dive into Sir Terry Pratchett’s Discworld properly. [ palpitates over Monstrous Regiment ]

Honestly it’s been such a beacon in the night of my heart

What are you doing for self-care?

Head Empty

No Thoughts Animal Crossing

jfjdlja jokes aside, I know I can get easily overwhelmed, and these days it doesn’t take me too much to feel overwhelmed so I avoid things I know might be a bit too much(tm) for me right now. Be it certain whatsapp group channels or discord channels, or content I know might make brim ‘over the line’.

Keep in mind I don’t mean this in the sense of burying my head in the sand, though...sometimes it feels like just that, so maybe this isn’t as healthy as I thought, maybe it’s just straight up avoidance? Idk...I’m just... reading, playing animal crossing, cooking with family, and taking things that are a bit much (which could range from not answering messages right away, not reading something too angsty, or not watching Broadchurch but instead watching Monty Python for the gazillionth time, maybe not listening to Mitski so much) with baby steps

Take this fic blog for example! I’ve distanced myself a bit this past week not cause of anything negative, but just needing that choice of breathing space.

If that makes sense, does that make sense? Idk, I hope it does. It’s also a bit of a slippery slope for me as I do also have a habit of just wanting to blink out of existence socially. idk...idk...

We’re going to see our way to the other side of this event one day at a time. With every sunrise we’re a day closer. Believe in kindness, no matter what certain politicians are doing and how hopeless it feels sometimes. It’s okay to feel fear, I’m scared every day, my anxiety has never been more through the roof, so I’ll share my favorite quote from one of my favorite Hobbits below. I know there are so many of us sharing these words, but I do feel like we need them, I know I do. I have it written on my board like a mantra:

Frodo : I can't do this, Sam.

Sam : I know. It's all wrong By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy. How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened. But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo : What are we holding on to, Sam?

Sam : That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.

I tag whoever wants to take part in this Q&A

#about me #q and a's #Nico Responds #Q and A's with myself

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anonymorshu · 5 years ago

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I’m Back!

Yeah, that’s right. I live! Happy New Year!

It seems that Tumblr’s guidelines update a couple years ago annexed all the pornbots, so to my followers that are still here, I have missed you all and will be making some changes for the better that I'll get into later.

Firstly, the reason for my hiatus:

From what feels like since I started using Tumblr, I had tried to check it every night at 11 PM before bed alongside the first two pages each of a couple subreddits I follow. Eventually, I had followed too many blogs to the point that I took a break around July 2018, and slowly tried to recuperate where I left off, going into the 500+ range of Dashboard pages. Eventually, I tried skipping a few hundred pages to try and get closer to the end, but that wasn’t enough. I started setting aside the Reddit pages to get to later so I could put more time into this, and that lead into the series of events that unfolded in this Reddit post I made back in October.

So with that being said, a lot has happened since I made my leave. In particular:

Literally all of Deltarune is amazing. Especially best boy Rouxls Kaard.

Upon release, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate took up a good portion of my time as it would anyone; I main most of the newcomers. Love it to bits, especially playing Terry as of late. I got Piranha Plant later than I would’ve liked; February 3rd. I also beat the World of Light story mode on Hard from start to finish February 20th at 2:19 AM.

I watched Cowboy Bebop from March 9th to June 13th, 6:55 PM. Bit of a bittersweet ending, but it certainly went out with a bang.

I made a Twitch channel on March 31st. Don’t expect streams anytime soon.

I watched JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Golden Wind over the course of its run, as did my parents following the previous parts in 2018. They love everything there is to do with JoJo and I couldn’t be happier.

Come June 11th, I got Final Fantasy VII on Switch on sale and completely get now why it’s heralded in such high regard by the gaming community. I’m certainly anticipating the Remake.

Not long after that, my brother picked me up Axiom Verge as part of a BOGOF deal. One of the best games I’ve ever played.

While I wasn’t really interested from the first episode alone and put it off, I picked Code Geass back up and binged it over the course of October to November 4th. Not the best ending, but given all that happened prior, it was for the best. Still gotta see Akito the Exiled, though.

From November 22nd to now, I’ve been really enjoying Re:Zero as well.

In anticipation of Persona 5: Royal’s release, from November 30th to now I’ve been playing Persona 3 FES and loving it. I plan on playing Persona 4 afterward.

This past month or so, I’ve been watching a fair amount of My Hero Academia. Pretty cool. I’m on the second season thus far.

As I never got to truly post about it, back in late May 2018 I broke 100 Subscribers on my YouTube channel, but didn’t wind up finishing work on the special for it until September. That video can be found here:

youtube

Heck, just recently I broke 300 Subs, but my next special’s at 500.

But back to the subject of Tumblr:

Despite how many (admittedly unnecessary) r/DDLC and spicy anime art link posts I’ve made in the past, the Tumblr NSFW ban barely affected me, thank goodness. I only got 3 posts taken down under the new guidelines, them being this, this, and this. The first one, not too explicit, the third one, completely understandable. But the second one? It’s a completely clean DDLC comic about Sayori comforting a sad Yuri. It blows my mind that that of all things would get detected and taken down. But I digress since I was able to appeal them all and get them back up safe and sound.

Additionally, I was quite upset when I reblogged all those posts from the @memories April Fool’s account due to my lack of getting caught up with Tumblr prior. But I was worried I wouldn’t get the chance to participate come April 2nd, so I had to bite the bullet and reblogged ‘em anyway.

Even now, I couldn’t get caught up if I wanted to since Tumblr’s Dashboard is completely broken. If I click the “Next” button to Page 2 of the Dashboard, it’ll display the second page, but when I go to Page 3 or further, and then click the “Previous” button to go back to Page 2, despite the URL, it takes me to Page 1. Absurd.

And now, what changes I’ll be making:

For my sake, I’m gonna limit how much Reddit and Tumblr I intake so as to prevent another downward spiral. Henceforth, I’m only going to check the first page of each subreddit alone rather than the first two of each, and only the first two pages of my Dashboard when I do my daily check-in before bed.

I’m gonna be removing the “Original Content” tag to my non-reblog posts, and instead, add a “Reblog” tag to my reblogs. This way it’ll be much easier to manage, and it’ll be a much more accurate tag than “Original Content”. Those who don’t want to see my reblogs can filter the tag.

From here on, I may limit how many tags I use on posts, in particular, only putting the franchise/series name(s) only instead of listing every character featured.

I’ll also try to put a heavier focus on my videos, ergo discussing behind-the-scenes things about my videos as mentioned in the update video I made back in November. 2019 was a very slow year for me in terms of channel content, so I’m gonna try and fix that going into 2020.

And that should be everything.

If you have any questions regarding the things mentioned, I may be able to answer them via the askbox. You can even choose to stay anonymous should you so choose.

In closing, I’m sorry if it seems like I left you all in the dark for too long, I hope you understand my reasoning for my absence, and I hope to do better.

Thanks for reading.

#Update

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dipulb3 · 4 years ago

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2020 Audi SQ8 review: Leather-lined linebacker

New Post has been published on https://appradab.com/2020-audi-sq8-review-leather-lined-linebacker/

2020 Audi SQ8 review: Leather-lined linebacker

Not every go-fast SUV needs to be the shoutiest thing on the planet.

Andrew Krok/Roadshow

Sometimes, you don’t need all the power in the world to make a great car. While the eyes of most fast-SUV fans might be on the hot-to-trot Audi RS Q8, don’t sleep on the middle-child SQ8. With a whole bunch of thrust and all the things that make the standard Q8 great, the 2020 Audi SQ8 makes a compelling case in the large luxury SUV segment.

Twin-turbo performance punch

Smooth air suspension

Great cabin tech

Don’t Like

A little thirsty

Iffy 48-volt stop-start

Cool things cost money

Not much of a showoff

The Q8 isn’t actually much of a peacock — sure, there’s a dramatic rear end and a whole lot of creases front and rear, but the overall visual impact of this large SUV is pretty under the radar. My Prestige-trim tester rocks 21-inch alloy wheels and has silver trim around the grille and on the mirror caps, neither of which deliver a heavy punch. The most obvious signs that there’s something more nefarious happening under the hood come from the rear, where there’s a sufficiently large SQ8 badge and a honkin’ set of oval tailpipes. If you want to hustle without letting the whole universe know, this is the way to go.

While the outside may not be the flashiest, the SQ8’s interior carries a whole lot o’ theater. A flat leather panel rests atop a whole bunch of seamless high-gloss material, which makes for a premium look in combination with its “seamless” vents and silver trim. Piano black isn’t my favorite material from a smudge-prevention standpoint, but hoo boy, it looks properly posh. I’d probably skip the $500 carbon fiber inlays if it were my car, but they do add an extra dash of sporting pretension. I wouldn’t opt for dark red leather, either, but there’s no denying that the quilted stitching on the S-specific sport seats is top-notch, making the front buckets look as comfortable as they actually feel.

Despite the abridged roofline, the Q8 doesn’t carry many of the sacrifices expected in coupe-ier SUVs. Each direction offers appropriate visibility through the windows, even rearward, where the back glass fills the rearview mirror. Headroom is ample enough for my six-foot frame to never feel cramped on the rear bench.

Storage is a bit of a mixed bag. Open the trunk and you’ll be pleasantly surprised with 30.5 cubic feet of space, a figure that puts the SQ8 at the top of its segment. The door pockets are sufficiently capacious, too, but the bulky center console offers no behind-screen storage, and the cubby under the armrest is only big enough for a phone and a keyring or two.

Can’t go wrong with a V8

The standard Q8’s 3.0-liter V6 is all well and good, but when it comes to a sport-forward large SUV, Audi saw fit to throw another couple cylinders into the mix. The SQ8’s 4.0-liter twin-turbocharged V8 puts out 500 horsepower and 568 pound-feet of torque, and all that sweet power heads through the car’s four tailpipes, creating a pleasing-but-not-annoying burble of bass both inside and outside. It’s a good noise, but the powertrain itself is even sweeter, with torque available at nearly every opportunity and every throttle position. If the SQ8 does need a different gear, though, the eight-speed automatic transmission will find it quickly and smoothly. There’s loads of power on tap, but it never overwhelms.

In fact, smoothness is the name of the game for the entire SQ8 driving experience. The S-specific adaptive air suspension irons out nearly every kink in the road, so keeping the car in its default Comfort mode leaves me with a ride that’s as smooth as any other large luxury car out there. If you deign to throw the SQ8 into a corner, just tap the mode switch over to Dynamic, where the dampers focus on eliminating body roll to give this big boy some surprising agility, which is further enhanced in my tester by the $5,900 Sport Package that adds active roll bars, a sport rear differential and red brake calipers. It’s plenty fun that way, but honestly, my favorite setup keeps the suspension in Comfort for a good mix of hustle and chill. It’s like Terry Crews in a suit — everything’s fancy and sedate, but you’re keenly aware that there’s a wall of muscle hiding underneath.

There’s a V8 tucked under all this plastic, I promise.

Andrew Krok/Roadshow

The only real annoying part of the SQ8 experience comes from its stop-start system. This getup is keen to cut the engine a little too early while stopping, so when I go for the ultra-smooth stop, there’s a bit of a lurch as everything cuts out. If I lift the brake pedal too far in pursuit of a dip-free stop, the engine kicks back on with yet another stumble. If the V8 would take an extra half a second to turn off, this wouldn’t be a problem, but that’s not going to happen, because an extended stop-start window is an intentional byproduct of the onboard 48-volt electrical system.

The SQ8’s fuel economy also lacks chill, but I feel that’s expected in a V8-toting sports SUV. The EPA rates this guy at a paltry 15 miles per gallon city and 21 mpg highway. While my city figures are… demonstrably worse than that (probably because I love torquey starts), I am at least able to match the highway numbers with little issue — until, again, I remember how much fun it is to accelerate.

Lots of tech, all of it good

Audi’s MMI Touch Response system is good — so good, in fact, that when it debuted it won our Roadshow Shift Award for Cabin Tech of the Year. It remains one of the best systems on the market after a full model year, tot. The whole shebang boots up quickly, even after a night spent chilling on the driveway. The response time is fast, and when handwriting recognition can be used, Audi’s tech picks up my awful finger swipes perfectly.

The 10.1-inch screen in the center of the dashboard covers all the usual infotainment bits, and its built-in haptic feedback makes it easier to hit the right button with little distraction. The 8.6-incher underneath is mostly for the climate control system, and it, too, is plenty responsive and easy to commit to muscle memory. Wireless Apple CarPlay and Android Auto make it easier to use my phone in the car in the event my dumb brain forgets a cord. While I’d like to see USB-C ports in here, I’m happy with the USB-A ports that populate both rows of seats. Virtual Cockpit is standard, too, with its 12.3-inch gauge screen displaying nearly every bit of information I can ask for on the usual drive with simple manipulation through the steering wheel controls.

Three screens might feel a bit daunting at first, but each has specific responsibilities and all are easy to get used to.

Andrew Krok/Roadshow

My Prestige-trim SQ8 comes standard with almost every safety system, although all Q8s come from the factory with automatic emergency braking, automatic windshield wipers and automatic headlights. The adaptive cruise control is mighty smooth, with no major braking or acceleration events causing unwanted head bobs. Lateral motion is well under control, too, with the lane-keeping assist offering a gossamer touch on the wheel to keep the SQ8 centered in its lane. The head-up display isn’t really necessary in my opinion, but it can show the speed limit, which is about all I’d want it to do, anyway.

How I’d spec it

The 2020 SQ8 is an expensive proposition, starting at $89,995 including destination. I’ll stick with my tester’s Prestige trim, which starts at $95,495, throwing a $595 Galaxy Blue paint job into the mix because the only free options are black and white (yawn). A black leather interior is gratis, as is the high-gloss gray oak trim. I’ll also plunk down $1,750 to remove all instances of shiny metal from the exterior, as well as $4,000 to add more leather inside and massaging front seats. That leaves me with an out-the-door price of $106,840, which slides just under my tester’s $107,490 window sticker.

Down to brass tacks

Perhaps surprisingly, there’s a decent market for souped-up luxury SUVs with six-figure price tags. The BMW X6 M50i offers a lot of oomph, but its aesthetics are… an acquired taste, and I don’t think its interior is as well laid out as the Audi’s. The Mercedes-AMG GLE53 Coupe’s mild hybrid system offers an actual output boost, unlike the SQ8, but again, you have to look at the thing. Those looking for a more driver-forward experience will want to turn their attention to the Porsche Cayenne GTS, which you can thankfully get in non-coupe form (although there’s a Cayenne GTS Coupe on offer, too).

Of all those choices, however, none delivers the two distinct experiences that the 2020 Audi SQ8 does. It’s as cool as a cucumber most of the time, acting like a car built for chauffeurs. Hit a few buttons (or, honestly, just depress the accelerator far enough) and things take on a whole new life of brisk acceleration and deft handling. It’s the best kind of two-for-one deal.

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elfnerdherder · 8 years ago

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Dread and Hunger: Prologue

You can read the Prologue on Ao3 Here

Prologue: Syrah

Three Years Before:

Hannibal didn’t often enjoy having to commute to DC –what with the traffic, the rude drivers whose identities he’d never learn, and the utterly impossible FBI he oftentimes consulted with, he would oftentimes not reach his lovely home until the late hours of the night, far too long after a proper dinnertime.

That, and if he did find the time to stop for a relaxing glass of wine, the waiters were just snippy enough that he found himself contemplating the many ways in which their bodies could be carved into a lovely form of art.

All in all, not entirely relaxing for a Tuesday evening. Not when one couldn’t very well murder all of the wait staff of Belle Bleu and get away with it. No, no; if one is going to kill, they have to be patient about the entire ordeal, otherwise they end up like the last gentleman he’d aided the FBI with: Terry Dougan, a clumsy sociopath that cut his way through a Denny’s in a pique of rage after he’d eluded the law for four years and twelve other known bodies.

It truly was a troublesome state of affairs.

“I’m off, Will! We’ve just got that guy in the corner, and two tables just over there. Those guys I just followed up with, they’re fine, and Dr. Lecter is a regular. Just make sure he’s got a good wine, and he’s not too much trouble. Don’t put him out or anything, right?”

“Okay.”

“Remember your eyes, right? Eye contact, dude, eye contact. That’s half of tips. If you want tips, you gotta act like you care.”

“I do care.”

“Show me, don’t tell me, ‘kay?”

“Okay.”

“Have a good night, hun!”

Hannibal watched his bumbling waitress grab a bag out from behind the bar before she disappeared down the hall where he assumed a break room lay. She wasn’t entirely too much of a problem for him, unless he asked for a wine she wasn’t familiar with. To compensate for her lack of knowledge, she tended to bluster, and although commendable, it was mostly just annoying.

He glanced to the side where a young man struggled to pin his name tag on straight, and he let out a quiet sigh, unable to help himself. The young ones, while aesthetically pleasing to look at, knew next to nothing. On a day where he felt charitable, he’d help them learn their own menu, but he wasn’t feeling particularly charitable. When the boy, no older than twenty or so, walked over to him with an askew nametag, he took a sip from his bold glass of Syrah to compose himself.

“Good evening, sir,” he said, like Hannibal hadn’t heard his earlier exchange with Cassie. “Cassie is off for the night, but I’m Will, and I’ll be your server for the duration of your stay.”

He had a soft voice, that of an introvert. Hannibal glanced up at him, met eyes that glanced away after not even two seconds, and he hummed lightly.

“Good evening, Will. Are you new? I haven’t seen you here before.”

“I’m newer, sir,” he said, “but I’m learning as much as I can. Are you here often?”

“On and off, enough that Cassie has dubbed me a regular.”

Will flushed at that, the embarrassment of realizing they’d spoken too loudly. Hannibal tracked a hand that twitched and drummed noiselessly against his leg, a nervous habit.

“I’m sorry, sir, if we said anything-”

“Not at all, don’t worry. If you like, you can practice your trouble with eye contact on me.”

A not-so-kind dig, but it did make him feel marginally better about his day. Rude, all things considered, but rather than turning a ruddier shade of red, the boy surprised Hannibal when he looked back up from his tie –a pleasant plaid of red, purple, and black –and met his gaze again.

“I’d appreciate it. Practice makes improvement, or so I’ve been told.”

It was the tone change, Hannibal figured much later, that got his attention. The drumming fingers stopped their twitching, and his back stiffened, an impeccable posture from the youthful and disparate slouch before. The uncertain twist of his lips became an almost-smile, much like his own when he’d told a particularly clever joke no one understood, and his tone was that of something sophisticated, someone that knew more than they let on.

Truth be told, it sounded almost like Hannibal had spoken through someone else for the briefest of moments.

“I do enjoy that turn of phrase, moreso than ‘practice makes perfect’. If one is not practicing perfectly, they may only learn poor habits,” Hannibal replied after a beat. He watched with amusement as Will nodded and shifted his weight.

“If I begin a poor habit, Dr. Lecter, please let me know. I’ll adjust accordingly.” He didn’t wait for Hannibal to say anything on the matter. With a half-smile, he continued, “I see you’re drinking a Syrah. We have four different varieties, if you’d like to try another.”

Bemused, Hannibal couldn’t help but reply, “I’ll try another. Pick your favorite.”

Will left him with a curt dip of his head, and Hannibal couldn’t help but follow him with his gaze for most of the night. He brought a marginally better version of what Cassie brought him, and over the lip of it, he observed as the somewhat-new-but-learning Will seemed to become what was necessary with each of his patrons. For the loud, distasteful group, his voice seemed to grow and take on a dry edge of disdain for society as they made conversation. For the girl with an eager disposition and daddy’s money to burn, he chatted aimlessly and validated her need for attention. For the couple in the corner celebrating their anniversary, he gave them space and laughed at their poor attempts at corny jokes. For Hannibal, he only returned to refresh his glass and finalize his bill.

Hannibal tipped nicely. At the bottom of the receipt, he added, Excellent eye contact, Will. Your tag was askew, but it seemed to only add to the charm you displayed to the rest the patrons in the bar. Tell Cassie that her regular wasn’t put out in the least.

He decided to go back next time he visited DC, simply to see if this Will was some sort of charlatan whose social skills were an excellent façade to make more in tips, or if there was something more to him than met the eye. His own shift and borrowing of Hannibal’s persona made it difficult to decide which was the truth.

He was no charlatan, Hannibal realized. It was something so much more interesting than that.

A new client whose disability gave him weekly, necessary trips to DC took him back to Belle Bleu on a Thursday, and he lingered in order to avoid the six o’clock rush hour and traffic jams. A recent art piece of his design left him with the sort of buzz and tingle in his veins that made him more than happy with the turn of events of the week, and he perused the articles on his tablet with genuine pride.

“Good afternoon, Dr. Lecter,” Will said, and Hannibal looked up from a particularly gruesome photo of his work in order to meet Will’s eyes. He didn’t quite catch his gaze that time; there was a lull in his aura, and the smell of lab chemicals on his skin that suggested he’d been hard at work elsewhere that worked with iodine and silver nitrate.

“Good afternoon, Will. You appear tired.”

There was a fumbling of words as he seemed taken aback by the blunt observation, and he swallowed thickly. To lie or to acknowledge? Indecision warred in his eyes for the briefest of moments.

“It won’t stop me from giving good service, don’t worry,” he assured Hannibal. It was a good reply, professional and distanced.

“Are you in school?”

“Yes, at GWU.” He lifted his small receipt pad as though it were a shield, and he cleared his throat. “What are you in the mood for today?”

“You informed me just this past visit that you had other options for a Syrah. I should like to try another today.”

“Would you like food with it?”

“Oh, no. I tend to prefer cooking my own food.”

Will nodded and jotted his order down. It was as he was turning to leave, though, that his eyes whose stare was fast avoiding Hannibal’s intent gaze caught the tablet, instead. At the sight of the gruesome photo, he stilled, foot struggling for a step before it came down a little too hard on the floor.

Hannibal looked down to the photo of the body, splayed out and impaled with far too many blunt instruments, and he couldn’t help the buzz of pleasure that lit his veins on fire. The Wound Man was one of his favorite medical photos from centuries before, a lovely version of the many wounds and injuries one could sustain during the medieval era. When he looked up at Will again, he was surprised to see a twisted, uncertain expression on his face, something half-pained and half-afraid.

“Had you seen the news?” Hannibal asked. “It appears the Chesapeake Ripper struck again.”

Rather than mention something about how disgusting or terrifying the Ripper was, Will nodded slowly, uncertain. “The Wound Man.” A pause as he licked his lips. “He was found in his shop.”

Perhaps it was something in the way his mouth twisted, but Hannibal couldn’t help but press, “I’m sure they want you to take safety precautions at GWU.”

“They say to travel in groups,” Will said, tone not so much derisive as it was dry.

“You don’t think there is safety in numbers?”

“Sooner or later, you’re alone,” he replied. “And if he’s eluded the FBI for this long, one can assume he would simply wait for the right moment. Patiently.”

“You think he’s a patient man,” Hannibal clarified, pleased. Will wasn’t wrong.

“I think he doesn’t like the name Chesapeake Ripper,” said Will.

“Oh?”

“His work is refined enough, I think, that something as easily made as Chesapeake Ripper would be offensive. Yes, he has a name, but names have power, and they gave him one that even a two-bit hack could make with a finger of whiskey and a little bit of ingenuity.”

His eyes didn’t move from the photo as he spoke. There was a certain sort of hunger in them, something that made Hannibal shift in his chair, to better see into his eyes.

“What name would you give him, if you were the one to create it?” he asked curiously.

“…My friend Beverly wanted to call him ‘Vlad the Impaler’,” Will replied. He licked dry lips, cleared his throat. “I don’t…I’m not one that thinks much on names and things like that.”

“You don’t?”

“…No,” he said, sounding much more like a ‘yes’.

It wasn’t until the page reloaded, reconnecting to the network, that whatever spell it’d woven on him broke. He gave a quick start, then fumbled with his pad and strode away quickly, leaving Hannibal with a heart pounding oddly in his chest.

He was left with a glass of wine, and Will busied himself with cleaning up the bar, washing glasses from a loud and obnoxious crowd of persons. The longer Will worked with them, the more drawn he seemed to become, their emotions bleeding into him with such a force that Hannibal could almost smell the exhaustion wafting off of him. He continued to peruse articles about himself, but there was a stab of bitterness every time his eyes roamed over the name. Chesapeake Ripper. Will wasn’t wrong with that sort of observation, although how he’d come to such a thought process was curious, to say the least. One as young as he seemed to be didn’t stare at a photo of The Wound Man and simply know such things.

No, not a charismatic charlatan. Something more. Something…better.

There was a quick, sharp sound of shattering glass that cut through an otherwise white noise of churning water from the sink behind the bar and the classical arrangement from the speakers overhead. It was enough that Hannibal looked up from his tablet, and in doing so, he was privy to something absolute marvelous. It wasn’t quite extraordinary in of itself, all things considered, but it was the reaction that made Hannibal pause in order to better look, to better understand.

“Shit,” Will muttered, but that didn’t seem quite like what he wanted to say. Held aloft in the glow of the ambient light in Belle Bleu, Will’s hand ran with blood pink from soapy water. The blood didn’t concern Hannibal; at least, not as much as the shards of glass that jutted out in a haphazard way in Will’s skin did. He thought to walk over and see just how bad the damage was, but as he stood up, the surprise on the bartender’s face faded, shifting from a natural, instinctual reaction to something with a hint of curiosity, of excitement.

Any other person would have either screamed, cried, or hurriedly tugged pieces of glass from their hand in an effort to silence the nerves just underneath their skin that complained. Instead, the peculiar expression seemed to darken as the boy turned his hand about and studied the mess, an almost clinical aspect to the way he pursed his lips and slid a finger from his uninjured hand along a particularly savage piece. Hunger was the expression, Hannibal decided, but the sort of hunger that made the room seem too small, that made chatter fall to a stop.

Hannibal, unable to help himself, licked his lips.

“Oh my god, Will!” a waitress exclaimed, and Will looked up. Unlike before, where he’d seemed to snap out of himself and become himself again –rather, the self he seemed to project –Will also licked his lips, mouth too tight against his teeth.

“Just a scratch,” he murmured, and the girl dragged him away, calling for someone in the back to grab a first aid kit. If either worker noticed Hannibal standing like a fool beside his table, they gave no indication. He sat down, fingertips gliding around the rim of an empty glass.

He decided that he, too, was hungry. So dreadfully, dreadfully hungry.

Will returned seven minutes later with a bandaged hand and dilated pupils. Hannibal tracked each twitch of his muscles, each flutter of lashes as he looked down at his pad and finalized the bill.

“Are they sending you to a hospital due to the blood loss, or are you about to leave because customers complained about the inconvenience?” Hannibal asked, withdrawing cash from his wallet.

“I’m sorry if you were uncomfortable, Dr. Lecter,” Will replied, not looking up.

“That wasn’t quite an answer.”

“That’s not really a fair question.” Will paused, a grimace about his lips as he realized just what he’d said. “I’m sorry, I’m not feeling well. It looks like I need stitches.”

“Yet you came to finalize my bill for me.”

“…Yes.”

“I admire the dedication to finishing what you start.” Among other things. “You must have a rather high pain tolerance. You don’t seem too troubled by your injury.”

Will nodded, an awkward jerk to his head. “I’ll be alright.”

“Keep the change, Will. Go and see a medical doctor.”

As he was walking out, Will intercepted him, messenger bag across on shoulder, hand cradled to his chest. Blood seeped through the bandage already, but he didn’t seem interested in it, as though it were no trouble to him.

“If I were to name the Chesapeake Ripper, Dr. Lecter, I’d call him Shesmu,” he said.

“Shesmu?”

“He was the Egyptian Lord of Blood, known as He Who Dismembers Bodies,” Will continued. “I think…if I were to name someone like that, that’s what I’d refer to him by.”

“You would lift him to a godhood, Will?”

Will didn’t hesitate. “I think that…someone like that would find it funny. Someone that kills people like that already thinks of themselves as a god, choosing who lives and who dies. They would be amused at the comparison and pleased at the historical ties.”

He walked away before Hannibal could reply, head dipped and pupils impossibly large. Hannibal couldn’t help the small smile on his face as he tucked his hands into his pockets and saw himself out of Belle Bleu, and when he saw a news report later on the television discussing the mind of the Chesapeake Ripper, he found himself smiling even wider.

One Year Before:

“Someone call the cops!”

“Oh my god, I think he’s going to kill him!”

“Dude, get back!”

“Fuck you, I-”

“Will, what are you doing?”

It was the name that pulled Lecter from his observations. Comfortably unharmed beside his vehicle, he watched two college-aged boys rip into one another, fists flying and blood staining two perfectly good work shirts. Well, not perfect –Hannibal noted a low thread count and a messy seam as one of the men went flying and landed nearby, hard.

He looked up at the sound of the name, though, and spied Will just across the parking lot. Looking at him gave Hannibal the same sense of purpose that he always felt whenever he saw him: an odd hunger, a sort of drive that made his blood run just a little faster, his heart beat just a little harder.

A girl beside him seemed to be doing her best to stop him from whatever it was that he was doing. Beside Hannibal, one of the assailants leapt onto the other he’d thrown to the ground, and punches flew, landing haphazardly in the man’s fury. Hannibal wasn’t too concerned with it, though, if he was being honest. People fought, and the two weren’t dangerous enough to do real damage to one another just yet.

No, no, he was more interested in the way Will Graham seemed almost excited to join them.

“Sorry, I…what?” Will didn’t look away from the fight as he spoke to the Asian woman beside him. His breath came short, and there was a wildness about his face as he took another step closer, closer. At a particularly vicious curse beside Hannibal, Will’s breath caught, and his hands curled to fists at his sides.

“Dude, don’t stop them, you’ll get hurt!” She grabbed his shoulder, and that seemed to snap him out of his daze. He looked from the fighting to her, then seemed to realize someone else was watching. His eyes flicked up, then around the crowd that watched with rapt horror, then found Hannibal’s stare just across the way.

Hannibal, unable to help himself, smiled.

Then, with practiced finesse, he shifted around the onlookers and leaned down, hauling up the main assailant by the back of the neck, dragging him away from the other that laid sprawled on the asphalt, coughing and spitting up blood.

“Get the fuck off of me!” the man spluttered, attempting to swing around and hit Hannibal. He’d had enough fight from victims to easily dodge it, though, and he smiled, side-stepping around him.

“Be reasonable. The police are almost here, and you don’t want two charges of assault against you,” he said. His grip tightened on the back of the man’s collar, and he pushed him against a car, leveraging his weight against his back with ease. “If it will make you feel better to hear, he still hasn’t gotten up. You’ve won.”

It probably wouldn’t feel like he’d won, given the usual jail time given for things like this. When the police arrived, they relieved Hannibal of his burden, then left him with paperwork and a slew of questions that made it seem almost not-worth the effort to step in and help.

Will was his waiter, though, so that made it marginally better.

“How are you doing this evening, Will?”

“Are you used to breaking up brawls?” he asked rather than answer. There was an anxious buzz about his skin, something smacking of bad decisions and bar fights. Rather than bother with a pen and pad, he kept his hands free, drumming against his leg with nervous energy.

“In my spare time, I try to keep things interesting. It was better me than you, though.”

“What?” That stopped his tapping. He looked up from the tablecloth, really looked at Hannibal, and whatever it was that he saw made his breath catch.

“You looked as though you were going to try and stop the fight.”

“…I wanted to help,” he managed.

Hannibal, a skilled liar, knew them as well as he knew himself. He smiled politely, nodded. “Yes, but the difference being that you would have been fired, and I would have been thanked. Most restaurants have a policy about their staff not stepping in to stop violence due to potential lawsuits.”

“They do,” Will agreed.

“Therefore, better me than you.”

Whatever Will had been expecting to hear from him, that wasn’t it. He nodded all the same, hitched his pant leg up idly, and ducked his head, breaking eye contact once more.

“Well, thank you, Dr. Lecter. This job pays for school.”

“That’s what you’d mentioned, yes. I’d hate for there to be complications in that.”

He ordered a Syrah, since he was feeling rather nostalgic. As Will walked about, almost in a dream-like state as customers hashed and re-hashed the events outside, Hannibal wondered just what it’d take to make someone like Will Graham unable to stop from joining in the next time –how hard would one have to push to make him snap?

Something to table for the time being, he supposed. He did have school to think about, after all.

Present Day, Belle Bleu:

Hannibal knew something was wrong the moment Will walked back towards the bar in his regular clothes. There was something in the way his shoulders tilted, the way his mouth curled down. Time had given Hannibal the ability to see each and every twitch of his person, know them for what they were. His general profession had given him the tools to explain the why behind the how.

“You out of here?” Bryan asked. Will glanced at him and nodded, unplugging his phone from a charger behind the bar.

“Yeah.” His eyes were shuttered, expression shutting down. Will didn’t share his feelings well with his co-workers.

“Was he an ass about it, or did he tell you why?” Bryan pressed. As close as he was to the bar, Hannibal heard every inflection, and an odd knot formed in his gut at the realization of what he was hearing.

“It was pretty professional,” Will said, shrugging. He tossed a cherry into his mouth, feigned nonchalance.

“That’s super shitty, man. Teresa over there hasn’t checked up on her people in over twenty minutes, but she’s been getting the best tables for over two weeks,” Bryan groused, and Will laughed bitterly.

“She can have them…I’ll find a new job.”

“Did you hear the cooks talking? They all knew about it before you even got here.”

“It’s fine, I’m just…” Will gestured towards the phone, then glanced about, always conscious of people nearby that could overhear. Hannibal tried to pretend that he wasn’t listening, but the more they spoke, the tighter the knot in his gut grew, twisted and wrenched about.

“Do you have an idea of a new job?”

“I’ll figure it out,” Will assured him. He walked around the bar to leave, leave because he’d been fired, and the idea was just enough that it made Hannibal call out to him.

“Were you let go, Will?” Will looked over to him, gaze pausing just at the knee of his trousers.

“Sorry that you had to hear that,” he said awkwardly.

“On the contrary, I’m sad to see you go,” Hannibal replied, and he lifted his glass of wine, taking a small sip of it. “Who will recommend such fine wines or inform me when something new has arrived?”

“Bryan trained me, so he’ll know just as much as I do, if not more, Dr. Lecter,” Will promised

“I will have to rely upon your word of his expertise, then,” he said, and his gaze flickered from toe to head, eyes settling on his face. He didn’t make eye contact with Hannibal, fixated as he was on the stem of the wine glass. “Will you be looking for another job, then? One without the strains of…social obligations?”

“That’s what was recommended,” Will said wryly, and Hannibal laughed.

“I’d imagine it’s difficult for someone going to school to find such a job. The foundation of the customer service industry was forged by students such as yourself, as they’re the only ones to tolerate the sometimes taxing needs of the general population.”

“We do our best,” he said.

“Will you be able to find one soon? You’d mentioned paying for classes out of pocket.” Will nodded, fingers tapping lazily on the leg of his trousers. A nervous tic, one bred from the worry of no longer having a job. The knot in his gut tightened, twisted.

“I’ll be able to manage, Dr. Lecter, don’t you worry about me.”

“Perhaps it is the occupation, but it is in my job description to worry,” Hannibal replied, smiling.

“Well I’m not your patient,” Will replied. From anyone else, it would sound rude, dismissive. From Will, it sounded like his own blunt form of attempting to convince Hannibal not to worry, that everything would be quite alright without him.

How very wrong he was, though.

“That’s true,” he agreed, and his smile grew somewhat. “Well, if you attain such a job where you work in a place much like this, do let me know. I am particular about just who pours my drink, and you’ve never disappointed.” It was an innocent enough statement, all things considered. It was said with such a turn to the words, though, that Will looked up at him, met his eyes, and as they stared at one another, his pupils dilated.

“Thank you, Dr. Lecter,” he said, his mouth suddenly dry.

“I’m sure if you inform your acquaintance, Bryan, he’ll pass along the message,” Hannibal added, lips curling.

“I’ll…be sure to do that,” Will assured him.

“Please do.” He turned to his wine and swirled it gently. A dismissal, and Will picked up on the cues of it without thought.

That was what made him so special, though, wasn’t it? He was a person that saw without seeing, that knew without knowing?

He finished his drink, and he lingered for a while at his table, thinking. Hannibal often lost himself to his thoughts, his mind palace filled with many doors and halls and dark things that took thoughts and ran with them, making them something great, something grand. His thoughts were particularly unpleasant, though, as he ruminated on a singular problem:

Will Graham had been fired. He wouldn’t see Will Graham anymore.

That was a troublesome turn of events, indeed.

The knot tightened; tightened as he finally left, tightened as he made dinner and ate alone, tightened as he brushed his teeth and changed into silk pajamas, tightened as he lay in bed and attempting to focus on slow breathing so that he could sleep.

When sleep refused to come, he sighed, changed into one of his few pairs of denim pants and a basic t-shirt, and he went for a drive.

Where that drive took him wasn’t anyone’s particular business, but he did find it odd that colleges were so open about the living arrangements of their students –why post their private information online for just anyone to find?

Still, as he stood outside of Will Graham’s apartment, he supposed it made things far easier for him. There wasn’t much in the way of detective work for him, which was nice, and the lock to the door was picked with relative ease.

Since he couldn’t see Will Graham anymore, it made sense that he would simply have to elevate him to a place where he would forever be able to access him.

He passed through a living room, the air cool on his skin, past a dining room table whose sole occupants were an empty TV dinner tray and cardboard from a Digiorno. Gloved fingertips grazed the wall along the hall, and feet paused just outside of his bedroom door. The knot tightened, twisted, and as Hannibal eased the door open, he wondered just what sort of things someone like Will Graham dreamed of.

Such a thought would have to pause, though, since Will Graham wasn’t in his bed at 2:00 in the morning.

A quick scan of the small apartment told him that no, he wasn’t anywhere within, and with a curt sigh of utmost disappointment, he saw himself out, turning the bottom lock behind him as he went.

As he headed to his car, he reasoned that it only made sense he wouldn’t find him. Someone like Will Graham wouldn’t take termination easily, and as a college student he had access to more than enough cheap beer, cheap bars, and cheap friends to aid him in drowning his sorrows. The thought didn’t sit quite right, though. He didn’t think Will was the type to have many friends, let alone cheap ones.

And sure enough, as he sat outside and waited, ever-so-patiently, within twenty minutes Will was dropped off by a not-so-cheap friend who helped him stumble from her car, drunk. Underneath the glow of the lamplight, Hannibal studied him move about, trip over himself, and fall into her with a low laugh that eased from him, smooth as molasses.

“You drank too much,” she admonished, propping him up. “You shouldn’t have let Margot goad you like that.”

“Margot loves to compete,” he said, waving a hand as he headed towards the apartment stairs. “So when I see her, I love to compete, too.”

“Oh, Will,” she sighed like she knew his burdens.

“I’m feeling a little irresponsible, Alana,” he said by way of apology. “Prob’ly best if I sleep.”

“Yes, probably,” she agreed with a laugh. “Do you have your key?”

“Do I have my key,” he scoffed, and he produced it as they made their way up the stairs. Their voices faded, falling away the farther they walked.

Hannibal waited until the Alana was gone before he also saw himself to his own home, thinking.

Perhaps he wouldn’t elevate him, but instead he could help him Become.

The thought sat rather nicely with him; it helped feed the hunger that curled and twisted inside of him.

And what did Hannibal know of hunger, of the thing that crept deep and nestled far inside?

It needed to be fed.

#The end #LiaS scribbles #Dread and Hunger #hannigram #the beginning of the end #hannibal #hannibal fanfic #hannibal x will graham #someone help will graham #he's found an admirer

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frostedfaves · 4 years ago

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To Build A Home (8)

Masterlist

Pairing: Rosa Diaz x fem!reader

Warnings: angst, grief, more angst, hospital and blood mentions, major character death

A/N: I apologize personally to everyone that reads this chapter. we have sad!reader this time and angry!reader next time. we also get to find out how reader handles Rosa’s killer and who it is if you haven’t figured it out already. anyway, excited to hear your thoughts and even more excited for Sad Sunday tomorrow featuring B99 squad and Avengers finally!

Previous chapter here

Warm.

Your hands felt warm, each one held by either Jake or Amy. You couldn’t tell who was who anymore, you just knew that your foursome was missing a member. One that was losing blood faster than they could replace, one that you’d loved since you met, one that you promised to love until death parts you and then some. One that was slowly slipping away.

Warm.

When the couple had arrived after your call to Amy, followed by the rest of the squad they’d called on the way there, you were shivering. Not one person dared to ask why, you were simply covered in Terry’s jacket. It surrounded you in a warmth that reminded you of your wife’s embrace. The thought made you feel sick, but you pushed it aside, not having the energy for anything more than staring at the wall and waiting for less devastating news.

Hot.

The tears that coated your cheeks burned your skin, an unwanted reminder that you were still alive when the doctor told you her heart stopped for a final time. Jake and Amy’s sobs could be heard from beside you, and you pulled away from their grasp and pushed them toward each other, deciding to wrap your arms around yourself instead.

Cold.

You were the last to enter Rosa’s room to “say goodbye” before she was sent off to the morgue. A nurse attempted to give you her ring but you asked--begged--them to put it back on her finger, something you knew she’d want. You dared to touch her left hand with yours, forcing yourself to cover your mouth with your free hand when a scream threatened to break free. You hated the sensation more than anything in the world.

Cold metal on colder skin.

Arlo greeted you when you returned, sniffing the bag containing Rosa’s jacket, shoes, jewelry and phone. He whined at the door when you locked it, as if he knew that only one person coming home tonight was wrong. You simply dropped to the floor in front of the couch, opening your arms and welcoming him into your embrace. It was the only comfort you could offer him.

Your phone rang and rang until you turned it off completely, welcoming the silence. You were afraid to turn the TV on in fear of catching anything Rosa even slightly enjoyed, and you didn’t dare to look at the table where her favorite takeout had gone cold. Your furry son had drifted into slumber but your eyes were stuck open, barely taking the time to blink.

At some point in the night exhaustion took over, and you were suddenly waking to blinding sunlight and an insistent paw on your face from a pup that really needed to go outside. You walked him to the quieter area of the neighborhood Rosa always took him to, deciding to turn your phone back on as he did his business in a patch of grass. The missed calls and a few texts started rolling in immediately.

“Please call me. I’m worried about you.” -Amy

“Or at least send a text.” -Amy

“If your phone died, I’m sorry about this.” -Amy

“I love you so much, N/N. Also Amy wants you to call her back.” -Charles

“Take off as long as you need. We all care about you deeply and apologize for your terrible loss. We will all miss Detective Diaz to the greatest extent. Sincerely, Raymond Holt.” -Holt, of course

“I don’t know if Holt told you yet but you can take off as long as you need to, okay? I’ll be by later to check on you.” -Terry

You cleared them all, deciding after you were back inside of the apartment to call Amy. Fear pumped through your veins like unshed blood as the phone rang, terrified to break the quiet bubble you’d fallen into with a voice that would remind you that the events of the night before were real.

“Hello?” The deeper, groggy voice surprised you.

“Jake? Sorry, I didn’t mean to...I just wanted--”

“No no, it’s okay!” he responded, suddenly sounding much more alert. “Amy’s taking a shower and I like to sleep until it’s my turn. Um, anyway, I know this is the dumbest question in the world, but how are you? How do you feel?”

“Numb,” you answered immediately. “And like something’s missing but I can’t focus on what it is or it’ll destroy me.” You cleared your throat. “What about you and Ames?”

“Also feeling like something is missing.” You didn’t miss the way his voice cracked in the beginning. “It hit Amy right away but once she was able to stop crying all she could do was worry about you. When your phone stopped ringing she wanted to come over, but she also didn’t want to suffocate you if you needed space.”

“I appreciate it.”

A voice in the background and shuffling was heard, and suddenly you were hearing your best friend for the first time in hours.

“Hey! I’m sorry I called so many times last night. Were you able to get some sleep?”

“I think so, because suddenly the sun was out and Arlo was begging me to take him out to shit.”

A light chuckle was heard through the phone. “So do you need anything? I can pick up breakfast from that diner you like, or--”

“Actually, I could use a ride to the precinct if you’re working today. If not, I can just take a cab.” You took a deep breath to calm yourself. “I just don’t trust myself to drive yet.”

“Jake is going there soon to grab something, so he can take you. But are you sure you don’t want to wait a few days, at least?”

“I’m sure. I don’t want anyone else working on this case.”

After a short car ride full of you ignoring the tears in Jake’s eyes because you were wearing one of Rosa’s many leather jackets, you arrived at the precinct feeling a bit nervous. A surprised yelp left you when Jake suddenly pulled you into a hug, squeezing you firmly, but with care.

“Sorry,” he sniffled as he pulled away. “I don’t know if I did that because I thought you needed it or I did.” You simply granted him a weak smile and an understanding squeeze of your hand as you passed him.

A few moments of intimidation later, you were seated at Amy’s old desk with your laptop and the surveillance footage of last night, not being able to stomach sitting at your own across from Rosa’s. Your heartbeat began to pick up the farther you fast forwarded, until you stopped at the sight of Rosa on the screen.

She walked right into the view of the camera, a bag in her hand as she talked on the phone with you. You watched her hang up and start dialing again. Minutes passed and suddenly a person wearing all black with a covered face was running across the street toward her, being followed slowly by an older white man that was raising a gun. You watched with wide eyes and held breath as he shot sloppily, missing the runner and hitting your wife instead, just as her cab pulled up.

Luckily her body fell from view behind the yellow car, because your eyes refused to look away. The shooter took off as the cab driver scrambled out of the vehicle, frantically dialing on his cellphone as he came to the passenger side and onto the sidewalk. Shaking fingers used the mousepad of the laptop to rewind, pausing when the gunman appeared and zooming in on that older white man with graying hair. Noticing the area and realizing where the camera footage was downloaded from, you came to a conclusion.

You were on your feet in no time, obtaining your gun and keys to an unmarked vehicle fairly quickly. You didn’t have any minutes or seconds to spare now that you knew which piece-of-shit individual you had to pay a visit to, who was going to feel the hot anger that spread through your once cold and numb bones.

Tags: @creepingwolfberry @rosadiazswifey @milkfromhell @marie-03 @gaulty74 @jay-is-groovy @xetherealbeautyx

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green-violin-bow · 8 years ago

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Post-Sherlocked I think people are doing a bit of reassessment on where they stand in the fandom. I’m no different; I’m currently going through real-life events (illness and probable death of a close loved one; intense therapy) that are making me sad, anxious and panicky on a daily basis. For my own good I need to disconnect from the negativity that has raged in the fandom since Series 4 aired. My follower count has been fluctuating wildly in the past few months and I think it’s because people are following thinking I’m one thing and unfollowing again a while later. I just want to make a post letting you know where I’m at on the major issues being talked about post-con, and what I’ll be doing with the blog from now on; anyone who chooses to unfollow after that – seriously, no hard feelings, even if we’re mutuals or even buddies. There are people I’m going to have to (for my own mental health) unfollow right now, but who I hope to be able to follow again later, when/if the fandom gets an injection of good news and positivity.

I’d like to stress – if we have differing opinions, that does not mean one of us is ‘right’. My opinions do not constitute a judgement on yours. I’m trying to do what helps me right now.

Series 4: I hated it, not going to lie. I have made my share of salty/snarky comments in the past few months. However my coping strategy in the last little while has simply been to try and avoid thinking about the series, except for reblogging ongoing analysis posts. I now want to start trying to engage with it more. I’m actually going to rewatch the damn thing again soon, and start trying to read the subtext once more. What’s the point?, you may ask, and honestly that’s why I’ve been so depressed for the past few months. But that brings me to…

TPTB: I was horrified to read from con-goers that TPTB have received death threats and harassment. I honestly feel ashamed for our fandom. If you think threatening and harassing the creators is acceptable, please unfollow me now. (Note: there is a difference between harassment of the creators and expressing your disappointment in private fan spaces.) Similarly, for my own mental health I need to disconnect from the idea of the writers as somehow maliciously fucking with us. I feel as though I was queerbaited, and yes I’m hurt, and I hate that others are so hurt. But I have to just keep plodding on; and for me, that needs to include viewing TPTB as very human humans doing their best with their own specific set of views, biases and prejudices which I may or may not share. In particular I have been tearing myself apart in recent months over the fact that I have admired Mark’s work since I was 11. I have not known how to reconcile that with my feelings post-S4. I’m letting go now. No matter what you think of him, the fact is that he has been a vocal activist for a lot of LGBT causes (including Switchboard, which I myself had cause to use in a very low time). He and his husband are a visible, loving gay couple in a time when it’s still not that easy (just look at all the hate they received on the BBC comment boards during promo for The Boys in the Band). I don’t have any such fondness for Moffat; honestly I didn’t particularly know his work until Sherlock. I think he is rude, condescending and nasty to young female fans. I revolt against that. He and his family still should not be attacked – not only is it awful, it makes the fandom as a whole look insane.

Analysis of the show: I think with the current lack of understanding of S4, it’s hard for me to tell anymore whether Johnlock is endgame. I joined the fandom at the end of 2015 as TJLC, and TJLC is staying in my bio; it is useful shorthand for the fact that my personal reading of the show from this point forward will include speculation on whether Johnlock could still be endgame. To those who think that that makes me some kind of doxxer, harasser or threatener: you are wrong. Check my blog: I deliberately don’t use the word ‘anti’ and I have tried not to use ‘casuals’ in anything but its most innocent sense. I have never sent (or thought of sending) hate to TPTB. I have never started or perpetuated ship wars. The only thing I tag that could be construed as this is ‘mary wank’ because I understand that it upsets some people to see her discussed as a villain (my personal opinion of her). I have been scrupulous in tagging for this. I am not interested in hate and ship wars. I am on Tumblr to appreciate my ships, to analyse the show, and to explore the idea that there could be a romantic Johnlock ending to this story.

Ships: Johnlock and Mystrade. Mostly writing Mystrade recently, because TLD hurt me deeply and made it hard for me to write Johnlock.

Ben’s relationship/family: This is bizarre. I go out of my way to avoid stuff like this. It creeps me out and I will never reblog anything about this.

Other things my blog contains: Benedict, Martin, cake (for Mycroft), fic recs, cats, bunnies, guinea pigs, flowers, Keira Knightley, Discworld and Terry Pratchett, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, kitchens, Ghostbusters, feminism, ACD Holmes and other adaptations, detective novels, politics, ranting about Brexit, Morse/Lewis/Endeavour, Parade’s End, Pride, Maurice

#i hope this helps people to know if they want to follow me or not #me #personal #where i'm at #fandom #sherlock fandom

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placetobenation · 6 years ago

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As many of you are aware, WWE Network is pretty packed with all sorts of content. And as you may also know, we here at Place to Be Nation love long term, in depth projects. So, as part of this initiative, members of the PTBN Staff are choosing programs that coincide with this week in history and after watching each program, they will share their thoughts, notes and recommendations with our readers. So, settle in and enjoy this epic ride through wrestling history!

Show: ECW One Night Stand 2006

Best Segment:

Dave Hall: Paul Heyman’s welcome. This event did not need to rely on many segments, and the small segments were very frustrating (see later on), however Paul Heyman proved again why he is one of the best on the microphone ever. From pumping his product to putting over his talent to putting himself over, Heyman was funny and intense all at the same time. A really enjoyable opening little segment.

Calum McDougall: Tazz vs Jerry Lawler was a great way to start the reboot of ECW, with an all-time legend from the original ECW making light work of the King who has always been outspoken against the Land of Extreme. This was quintessential WWE vs ECW match up and kicks off the show with a definitive win for ECW.

Jacob Williams: Mick Foley has developed a bit of a reputation in recent years for being a bit too self serious in his appearances, so it was fun to see him showing his trademark cheesy sense of humor in his pre-match promo. From his praise of the Stephanie and bragging about selling out (Madison Square Garden, that is!), his prodding of the bloodthirsty ECW faithful for cheap heat was very entertaining.

Steve Riddle: To me, it’s a toss up between two promos and one is the opening promo by Paul as he was beaming with pride about ECW being back, and you could tell that he was hoping to see the brand return to the prominence it once had. The other highlight was JBL’s awesome promo as he runs down the ECW brand, even bringing up what happened last year when he roughed up the Blue Meanie. He also takes time to mention that he is taking Tazz’s spot on Smackdown in the commentary team, and Tazz gets a great jab in that JBL and Michael Cole will be the blind leading the blind. I also couldn’t help but chuckle when JBL called the fans out on their “You Suck Dick” chant and asked who’s the fruit booty now.

Best Match:

Dave Hall: The FBI vs. Tajiri & Super Crazy: While not the most high-profile match, all four guys worked their asses off to try and steal the show, and in my opinion they managed to have the best in-ring match. Super Crazy and Little Guido/Nunzio seemed to thrive with having been shed of the “comedy shackles”, and they were outstanding. The match was fast-paced, intense, momentum shifting and really enjoyable. It surprised me that it was this good.

Calum McDougall: My favorite match on this show has always been Dreamer/Funk/Beulah vs. Edge/Foley/Lita. From the pre-match promos to the brutality and carnage that happened between the bell. It was absolutely superb and it was everything you could hope for in an ECW rules match. You get Funk being his crazy old man best, Dreamer and Foley doing what they excel at, and to cap it off you get Edge finish the match in the most Edge way possible. Outstanding from all involved.

Jacob Williams: The intergender tag match was just a violent, absurd spectacle that fit perfectly on this type of show with its perfect mix of sports entertainment nonsense and ECW insanity. They pushed the violence enough to pull me into the match without quite going completely over the edge (no pun intended). Funk charging back to the ring bandaged was an awesome moment, as his eye cut looked legit and scary. The shot of him crying “My eyeeeeeeee!” while blood pours onto the mat is still burned in my brain. Everyone played their role well, and in a match they could have easily could have broken down and lost momentum, they kept it moving forward by connecting all the wild moments. It was exhausting in the best possible way. Credit to all involved for making this somehow work.

Steve Riddle: As great as the six-person tag was, my pick for match of the night was easily Cena vs. RVD for the WWE Championship. This was a huge moment for RVD and for the revival of ECW as he cashes in his Money in the Bank briefcase here, and the crowd is ready to gut Cena when he comes out and of course we have the great sequence of Cena trying to toss the shirt into the crowd only for them to repeatedly toss it back. I of course would be remiss by not mentioning the iconic “If Cena Wins, We Riot” sign, and I wonder if many were hoping Cena would win just to see if the fans would riot. The match is tremendous as both guys had great chemistry and Cena got to a point where he was almost trolling the fans and loving it, and he really carried the match as RVD did seem to be coasting a bit which seems weird given this was pretty much a gift for him. I will never not chuckle hearing the fans thank Edge when he puts Cena through the table even though a few minutes ago, they were dying to see Edge bloodied in the six-person tag. While the ending was a bit bizarre with Paul counting the three, it was a great moment for RVD to finally see him reach the brass ring and clearly be positioned as the top dog on ECW.C

Most Cringeworthy Moment:

Dave Hall: Chairs Shots and Kendo Sticks: Looking back on this event, in light of the recent changes to wrestling (and other sports) around concussions and head injuries, was very difficult. The chair shots direct to the head in both the Terry Funk & Tommy Dreamer vs. Edge & Mick Foley match, as well as the very stiff chair shots in the Balls Mahoney vs. Masato Tanaka match, were very difficult to watch. The ones in the second match seemed especially unnecessary. Throw on top of that the unprotected Singapore Cane shots on Eugene from Sandman, which were vicious, and I found it a little difficult to wonder why this was ever allowed to occur on a wrestling card. Thankfully it was not in every match

Calum McDougall: I don’t mind the violence at all in the six-man, it’s my favorite match on the show because of the carnage as I’ve said, but I wince any time there’s fire involved. So much can go wrong and its stupidly dangerous, and then you see that Foley’s clothes were on fire before he goes into the barbed wire board. I don’t care how much you plan or how many precautions you take, fire is too much for me. Mick Foley’s pre-match promo was absolute comedy gold, which Tazz couldn’t even help but laugh at. Stephanie McMahon is the ultimate cheap heat in front of an ECW crowd. #LongLiveTheAlliance

Jacob Williams: Plenty of candidates for this category. You almost have to separate it into “bad taste” cringe and “concern for the wellbeing of the wrestlers” cringe. Luckily, the Eugene caning segment has a little from column A and a little from column B. The entire premise of the Eugene character and how he’s portrayed can be off-putting, so seeing him brutally caned was uncomfortable.

Steve Riddle: There were a couple of choices here with one seeing 60-something year old Terry Funk doing the things he was doing, and it was a bit sad seeing it and also sent chills down my spine. The other main choice was seeing Sandman beat the piss out of Eugene with the Singapore cane which makes you cringe a bit. We could also be here all day talking about the vicious shots these guys were taking as 2006 was the peak of garbage wrestling in the WWE.

Funniest Line/Moment:

Dave Hall: The crowd’s response when John Cena threw his t-shirt into the crowd is still hilarious to see, even when you know it is coming. The t-Shirt was thrown back to the ring on at least five or six occasions, and you can see fans spitting on it before throwing it back. It was funny the first time, and funny this time.

Calum McDougall: Mick Foley’s pre-match promo was absolute comedy gold, which Tazz couldn’t even help but laugh at. The Stephanie McMahon is the ultimate cheap heat in front of an ECW crowd. #LongLiveTheAlliance

Jacob Williams: This show had more one liners than a evening with D’Amato, so this was a tough choice. I think I cracked most for Foley shouting out the Invasion, but I’ll give an honorable mention to Tazz saying that the ECW fans were startled by pyro because they weren’t use to seeing it.

Steve Riddle: Mick Foley was the MVP of this night as he busted out two great lines, first swerving the fans saying that he sold out by admitting that he sold out Madison Square Garden. But that is topped when he puts over the greatest owner in ECW history, Stephanie McMahon which was so awesome. Long Live the Alliance, Long Live the Alliance!!!C

Highlights:

Dave Hall: This card was full of highlights. Rob Van Dam’s title win over John Cena was a fantastic crowning moment. It was just a shame he ruined it just a week or so later. Sabu and Rey Mysterio put on a great match (apart from the terrible finish), in which Rey learned from his mistakes the previous year and won over the crowd. The tag team match mentioned earlier was exceptional, and Angle and Orton had a great battle. There was great work by Orton and Cena in response to the crowd, and Funk, Dreamer, Edge and Foley put on an ECW classic hardcore match. But in the end it was the crowd that really stole the show. They were amazing. I had forgotten how hot they were throughout the night, with their chants dominating both the commentary and action at times. The crowd made the main event a truly memorable experience

Calum McDougall: Randy Orton coming out to Burn in My Light was a highlight right out of the gate, I’ve always preferred that theme to Voices and Legend Killer Orton from this time was awesome. JBL’s anti-ECW rant was excellent; he was on top form at this time too. But overall the crowd was hot from start to finish, and it built to a frenzy for the WWE Title match. Much like the War Games we did a few weeks back, that had that big fight feel that is difficult to come by these days, and the soccer-like crowd who you thought would actually riot if Cena won were a huge part of that. I’ve got to give a shout out to Cena playing the guy behind enemy lines heel role to perfection on this night.

Jacob Williams: As expected, the crowd was seismic throughout the night , which most benefited the main event. It reminded me of a rabid home playoff crowd, and the WWE guys were trying to survive. Tazz and Styles did a great job on commentary of being lighthearted and fun without taking away from the big moments and angles. Cena really elevated his performance in the moment and fed off the crowd, really playing the role of a situational heel perfectly for this show. King and Tazz was a nice quick way to fire up the crowd. Orton and Angle each played their roles perfectly to put on a great match. Orton demanding two refs help him to the back was killer heel work. Throughout the entire show, the wrestlers matched what worked for this unique event, and it gave the whole show an organic, refreshing feel.B

Steve Riddle: Paul’s opening promo was tremendous as usual and he was at his peak during this run; It was cool to see back-to-back shows at the Hammerstein Ballroom; Perfectly fine having Tazz squash Lawler to finally shut him up and it was cool seeing Joey get involved as well; Funny how one year ago Angle was tearing up ECW as part of the WWE Invaders, and now one year later he comes here as ECW’s new stud and the crowd embraces him; Angle/Orton was a solid match and on any other night might have been the best match on the card; As good as the tag match was, it would’ve been cool to see one more Three-Way Dance with Guido, Tajiri, and Crazy; The double Tarantula spot was really cool; Rey/Sabu is a pretty cool matchup on paper and they put on a pretty great match; I loved Rey with the big robe as he almost had a Rocky Balboa-like vibe going; Lita and Edge were at their sleaze best on this night; It was pretty cool seeing Beulah get involved even though she didn’t do anything for most of the match; That 6-person tag was so violent and kudos to everyone going all out even though it was a bit uncomfortable seeing Funk at his age doing this stuff; Only Edge could make his pin on Beulah look legit; The crowd was incredible all night and they hit the complete crescendo during the main event between Cena and RVD

Lowlights:

Dave Hall: Not too many. Tazz vs Lawler was so short, it felt very irrelevant. Balls Mahoney and Masato Tanaka’s match was a big let down. I was also a little disappointed in the commentary. Joey Styles and Tazz seemed a little lacklustre, and while they tried hard, they just didn’t have the chemistry to truly rise to the occasion. But the end of the Sabu vs. Rey Mysterio match was truly aweful. The “medic”’, who was never seen before, or after, ended the match with both men “hurt”, and then the very next match we see total brutality and bleeding, and this moron is nowhere to be seen. Rey and Sabu had worked hard, and Rey had even softened the crowd towards him, and then the ending is just horrible

Calum McDougall: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it will be contested under Extreme Rules”… the first sign that this wouldn’t be as faithful a representation of the original ECW as everyone might have thought. I hated the finish to the Sabu/Mysterio match that followed, the match was really starting to hit full throttle and it just abruptly finished after a spot that’s no worse than any have taken before, especially Sabu! Other than that, the chair shots in the Balls Mahoney/Masato Tanaka match were unnecessary and difficult to watch. I don’t mind chair shots normally, but given the knowledge of concussions we have now, I was praying them to let up a bit.

Jacob Williams: There was no reason for Tanaka to have his skull crushed by a chair, especially for a filler match. I get that they were in a tough spot for a finish for Rey and Sabu, but the stoppage really didn’t feel earned for an ECW show, and that was compounded by 60+ year old Terry Funk refusing to quit after having his eye sliced up. I might get caned by ECW fans for this, but I didn’t feel RVD rose to the occasion the way Cena did in the main event. The finish was sketchy too, with one too many steps to get RVD the win, deflating the crowd just a bit for the big moment. Obviously it was still a great match, but part of me thinks it could have been more of an all-timer given the crowd and atmosphere.

Steve Riddle: Lawler couldn’t be bothered to get a legit crown as the one he had looked like the cheapest thing ever; Pyro does not belong in ECW; The F.B.I. is nothing without Big Sal E. Graziano; It’s too bad Angle and Show were such a mess in their personal lives at this point because they were getting booked so strong at this point; As great as the match was, the ending to Rey/Sabu was so bad as Rey could’ve used a clean win and Sabu didn’t need to win; Tanaka/Mahoney felt like a complete throwaway match and seeing Tanaka take a nasty chair shot felt totally out of place; Poor Nick Dinsmore, he had so much potential and now he’s reading poems about ECW only to get caned by Sandman; I thought that Styles and Tazz would have better chemistry than they did though maybe it will grow over time once the TV show started.C

Wild Card Baby!

Dave Hall: If you didn’t know already, this is Vince’s show: While the show really captured the essence of ECW and tried to prepare the new audience for the “relaunch”, Vince had to remind us on several occasions that WWE talent is better than the ECW originals. Big Show came out to destroy everyone in the tag team match, JBL abuses the fans and ECW, and no one comes out to deal with him, Edge gets to denigrate Beulah. Only Sandman got to stand tall, and that was because Eugene was still a low level character. The only “ECW”guys that got to stand tall were those who had made a name for themselves in WWE for several years (Kurt Angle, Rob Van Dam). I felt it detracted from the event at times.

Calum McDougall: Gone So Soon?: A special shout out goes to Super Crazy, Tajiri, Terry Funk, Beulah and Masato Tanaka who were all extremely prominent and kept strong through the whole show, but who would never show up on ECW on Sci-Fi following this night. Funk and Beulah aside, they could’ve really done with talent of the level of the other guys. Super Crazy was even a contracted wrestler but was left to be fodder on Raw and Heat when he could’ve done something good on ECW.

Jacob Williams: ECW Deep Cut: At one point Styles references an infamous match between Beulah and Bill Alfonso where Alfonso had to have a transfusion due to blood lost. If you haven’t seen it like me, check it out.

Steve Riddle: Surprise Doppelganger Appearance: During JBL’s promo in the balcony, if you look behind him there is a fan wearing a Rey Mysterio mask and with the facial hair, I could’ve sworn that was the real Rey Mysterio.C

Final Thoughts:

Dave Hall: This card was outstanding from start to finish. The opener was there to put Tazz over, the tag match was awesome, both title matches were great, and the hardcore tag match was amazing. The only match that was a bot of a letdown was the Balls Mahoney vs. Masato Tanaka match, and it was not offensive. To me this cannot get full marks due to the horrible finish of the Sabu vs. Rey match, and the way Big Show and JBL were allowed to do what they did. But overall this was great, with a truly perfect main event. 9/10

Calum McDougall: My first thought when I turned the show on was how hot and excited the crowd was that ECW was back. Unfortunately, after such a high to begin the only way was down, and boy did it go down. But one this night, the ECW brand was back with a bang! 9/10

Jacob Williams: A fun, entertaining show with nothing truly terrible and a killer crowd that would probably be more of a classic if the two big championship matches would have delivered just a bit more. 8/10

Steve Riddle: Overall, this was a really fun show with a completely different atmosphere compared to last year. One Night Stand 2005 was more of an epilogue to the original ECW while this year’s show was the kickoff to the revival of ECW. It is kind of sad knowing what would happen to ECW in the coming months and how it became something completely different than what it was supposed to be, but that doesn’t take away how awesome this show was. There were a lot of great moments on this show and seeing RVD win the WWE Title was one of the year’s best moments, and there was not a lot to complain about aside from Mahoney/Tanaka being completely useless. While this show didn’t quite reach the same status that One Night Stand 2005 did, this was still a great show and one of the highlights of 2006. 9/10

#IFTTT #Place to Be Nation

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heatpeen03-blog · 6 years ago

Text

My Hoop Dream Became My Reality

The last time I was in a documentary it was 2006 and I was a senior at Marshall High School in Chicago. Arthur Agee, one of the stars of “Hoop Dreams,” asked if he could follow me around and film a sequel. Arthur played at Marshall. He’s from my neighborhood. I watched “Hoop Dreams” growing up. Yeah, I wanted to do it, to show people I could play in college, play at the highest level.

My whole senior year, a camera crew tailed me all around Chicago, everywhere I went. I felt like a movie star. To me, it was a highlight film, scoring 40, beating a--. When we made the state tournament, everybody in my area was telling me, “Last time we went down state were shooting ‘Hoop Dreams!’” With me, they were shooting ‘Hoop Reality.’ You can find it online. Arthur and I are on the cover.

“It was the summer of ‘08 and I had to make a choice: basketball or the streets. I needed money and I wasn’t going to take a 9 to 5. I chose the streets.”

I don’t think about the movie much anymore, but in August, I was flying from Chicago to L.A. for a Clippers season-ticket holder event. Fox Sports West had filmed a documentary about my journey, as part of their “Before the Bigs” series, and I watched the final draft on the plane. I watched it once. Then again. And again. And again. I was so emotional, I watched it four times. I felt like I was seeing the past 10 years of my life wrapped into 55 minutes. It was real. It was intense. It was my personal sequel.

When Arthur and his cameras left, I had just been suspended from Arkansas, and I was back home in Chicago. It was the summer of ‘08 and I had to make a choice: basketball or the streets. I needed money and I wasn’t going to take a 9 to 5. I chose the streets. It was normal for me.

So much happened that summer. My daughter was born. My cousin was killed in a shootout and died in my arms. I flipped my old white Magnum three times and climbed out the driver’s side window. I didn’t have a scratch. In the ambulance, the EMT said, “I don’t know what you’re doing, but you were supposed to die in that accident tonight.”

I was done with Arkansas, done with college basketball, but still working out. One day, at Hoops the Gym, I ran into Will Bynum. For guys like me, hood guys from Chicago, Will “The Thrill” Bynum was a mentor and an inspiration. He did what I wanted to do, what Derrick Rose wanted to do, going from the projects to the NBA. “Will,” I said, “I’m shooting it well, I’m putting up numbers, I’m destroying everybody. What else do I need to do?” I’ll never forget what Will said back to me. “Everybody in the NBA can score. If you want to get there, you’ve got to do it with defense.”

Behind the Scenes of Patrick Beverley “Before the Bigs” premiere.

It was time to choose basketball again. A month later, I was in the Ukraine, taking 20-hour train rides, using my oven to heat my apartment, and turning myself into a lockdown defender. I followed Will’s advice all the way to Miami.

“I was in the Ukraine, taking 20-hour train rides, using my oven to heat my apartment, and turning myself into a lockdown defender.”

I think about Miami a lot. I had it made. This was the first year of the Big Three and the 15-man roster was set. Dexter Pittman and I were the rookies. The only question was whether I’d be the second point guard or the third. I remember it so clearly. End of the preseason, LeBron is cooking in practice one day, and Coach Spo yells: “Somebody needs to step up and guard him!” Mike Miller walks out. “I got him, Coach.” LeBron makes a post move and Mike Miller breaks his thumb. I start thinking: “They’re not going to cut Mike Miller…They’re going to try to replace Mike Miller…And they’re going to want a shooter”. That was Jerry Stackhouse. I was the low man. If Mike Miller doesn’t get hurt, I’ve got two championships and probably three, because no offense to Jason Terry I’d have locked his a—up and we’d have beaten Dallas too.

If I’m being honest, though, I wasn’t mentally ready for all that. I needed the next two years overseas to polish my game. When I made it back to the NBA, with Houston, I was prepared.

Last season, I was excited to be in L.A., but I wasn’t right. I was hurt Opening Night against the Lakers. I was hurt when we played Toronto in Hawaii. I was still having the best year of my career, even though it only lasted 11 games. Sitting out after knee surgery, I didn’t go crazy, I just felt isolated. I spent a lot of time by myself, thinking about who I am, what I like. I realized how much I enjoy studying the game of basketball: how to run the point the right way, how to play-make, how to look at our team’s habits, other team’s habits. I read some books – “The Courage to be Disliked” is a good one – and watched “Game of Thrones.” But more than anything, I watched the NBA, thinking about what I would do in certain situations. I became a student of the game.

This might be the closest team I’ve ever been on. It’s full of workers and grinders, guys who have something to prove and are not backing down. I want to be the right kind of leader, not just the rah-rah type. I’ve done that. I need to lead this group by example. Like with Shai, I don’t need to tell him anything right now. There will be ups and downs, times I’ll have to let him know we need more from him, but at this point I just want him to have fun and keep everything fresh, like we all did when we were kids. He sees the way we practice, me and Avery. I give him a little bit out there. Giving everything, I might hurt myself. I used to do that. I wanted to be the biggest dog on the court. Now I try to save it for the game.

That’s part of growing up. I’m older now, more established. Every couple years, I still watch the movie I did with Arthur, to see my immature self. A lot has changed since then. My hoop dream became my reality.

Source: https://www.nba.com/clippers/features/my-hoop-dream

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