#I’ll give you a hint honey Colin

[polin-erospsyche]

Eloise knows something is up despite Colin’s best efforts to convince everyone and their mother that he is only helping his very dear, warm friend in finding a husband

[missuswalker]

Please can I request a Colin Zabel smut where he loses his virginity with fem reader and he's all like clumsy and bashful, yet a sweetheart? Thank u <3

𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 || 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐧 𝐳𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐥 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

⌕ summary: colin wants you so bad, but he’s also a 30 year old virgin and really has no fucking clue how to let you know he’s ready to change that

⌕ warnings: SMUT!!! loss of virginity, oral (male receiving), piv

⌕ notes: of course, honey !! i’m not great at writing colin, despite how much i adore him, but i really hope you enjoy 💗

there’s a light tap at the door of your apartment, which had been unlocked in expectancy of your boyfriend’s arrival. the door creaks open, colin’s head peeking through, bright smile on his face. “hi,” he greets simply, stepping inside and gently shutting the door behind himself, turning the lock. “you should keep that door locked, you wouldn’t believe how many people’s homes get broken into just because they forget to lock their door.”

you roll your eyes lightheartedly at the comment, standing up from your leather couch to wrap your arms around colin’s neck, bringing him down into a quick kiss. “it’s only been unlocked for, like, five minutes,” you defend, grinning up at him. he rolls his eyes back, pecking your lips once more. “i have a key, y/n, you don’t need to leave the door unlocked for me,” he sighs, moving his lips to your shoulder.

“bad day?” you ask, picking up on the slight slip of exhaustion in his voice. he shakes his head, rubbing your back. “not bad, just long. missed you,” he hums. you nod, playing with the hair of the nape of his neck. “can i make you feel better?” you ask, really having no ulterior motive than to feed the boy and let him take a nap in your bed, but he perks up immediately, looking a little shocked.

“uh, i don’t.. what did you have in mind?” he fumbles, biting the inside of his cheek. you shrug, turning to look at your small kitchen. “i mean, i made some pasta for lunch, i can heat that up, or i can make you a sandwich or something?” you suggest, his tense shoulders relaxing again. “you don’t have to make me a sandwich, the pasta is fine.” he says, though there’s a hint of disappointment in his voice.

“i’ll make you the sandwich if you really want it,” you insist, not understanding the sudden mood shift. “no, that’s not what… i just thought you meant something else,” he shakes his head, eyes shut. “about the pasta?” you raise an eyebrow. “no, not about the- what? that doesn’t even make sense, no. about the taking care of me thing,” he answers, furrowing his eyebrows.

“do you wanna go lay down? or use my shower? i still have some of your man soap, the one that smells like masculinity and forests or whatever,” you offer, joking lightly about his stupid ‘pine’ soap. “no, that’s okay,” he declines, offering an awkward smile and a pat to the arm. “then what do you want, baby?”

god, he did not want to answer that.

“i thought that you wanted to… you know, have sex? jesus, don’t even say anything, i’m sorry,” a rambles, pinching the bridge of his nose. “is that what you want?” you ask, ignoring his request for you to completely forget about what he just said. “no, no. well, yeah, but we can’t.” he groans internally, confusing himself. “i don’t care that you’re a virgin, if that’s what you’re worried about, colin.”

he hesitates, looking up at the ugly, cream colored ceiling or your apartment. “i just don’t want it to be bad. for you.” you almost laugh at his worry. “honey, it’s not gonna be bad. i want to if you want to,” you reassure, giving him an honest smile. he looks down at you, pursing his lips. “are you sure? we don’t have to tonight. we don’t even have to. ever.” you roll your eyes, grabbing his arm and tugging, trying to lead him to your room. “it’s gonna happen at some point, colin. c’mon, stop worrying,” you say, trying to bring him out of that nervous shell.

he relaxes a bit at your unseriousness, deciding that he really wanted this now. as he sits at the edge of your neatly made bed, you stand between his legs, leaning down to kiss him, both hands cupping his cheeks. he returns the kiss immediately, his hands finding home on your hips. his tongue meets yours, almost testing the waters. you had made out before, but it felt different now that it was leading to something way bigger than simple kissing.

he can already feel himself growing stiff at the thought of just having you. he tugs at the hem of your shirt, silently asking you to remove the stupid thing, and as soon as you gave him the okay, he lifts it, attempting to pull it over your head. as it gets caught, he laughs, giving a quick “sorry” and allowing you to do it instead. as soon as it’s off, your lips are reconnected.

“is this okay?” he asks, his hands sliding up your sides, resting right under the band of your bra. “yeah,” you breath out, bringing your lips to his jaw. his hands hesitantly hover over your tits, finally squeezing them after what felt like forever. he trails his hands back down your body, messing with the button of your jeans, eyebrows furrowed. at his struggle, you gently push his hands away, moving onto your knees, undoing his jeans.

“hey, tell me to stop if you change your mind, okay?” he nods in response, watching with big eyes as you slide his jeans down his legs. the thick outline of his cock stretched his boxers, begging to be freed from its confines. he felt the urge to laugh in the moment as a nervous reaction, but he held back, watching intently as you pulled down the waistband of his underwear, his dick standing against his stomach. “you don’t have to do that if- shit, if you don’t want to,” he reassures, interrupted halfway by your hand squeezing gently around his length.

“i want to, for you,” you say, stroking him a few times before bringing him into you mouth, squeezing your lips around his burning tip. he huffs, hand immediately finding its way to your hair, grabbing a fistful. you slowly go down on his dick, hollowing out your cheeks and he does everything in his power to not just shove your head all the way down. you begin to bob your head at a steady rhythm, colin’s free hand gripping your bedspread. only after a minute, his cock twitches, warning you of his release.

“oh god, i’m sorry, baby, i’m gonna cum,” he moans, trying to push your face away, but you keep up with your motions, colin ultimately spilling down your throat, a tiny bit of the white liquid dribbling down your chin. you release him from your lips, swallowing his mess and wiping the rest with the back of your hand. “hey, that’s fine, it’s fine,” you say, crawling up onto the bed. “c’mere,” you says, opening your arms to him.

he practically pounces on you, his tongue down your throat as soon as he could get it past your lips. the bitter taste of his release makes him scrunch his nose, but he doesn’t break the kiss, only moving to unclasp your bra. “damn, how do you do this,” he huffs, letting out a bit of a laugh at his unsuccessful attempt, you giggling along with him, and instead just pulling it over your head, freeing your tits.

“god, you’re so pretty,” he groans, cupping your breasts, already hard again. “colin, fuck me,” you say, your bluntness catching him by surprise, though he doesn’t waste any time, finally getting that button undone and sliding your jeans to your ankles, allowing you to kick them the rest of the way off. upon noticing the wetness already ruining your panties, he groans, leaning forward to place sloppy, open mouthed kisses to your neck.

he pulls off his shirt, tossing it to the side, fully discarding his boxers as well before hooking a finger into the side of your underwear, gently tugging them down your thighs. “i could die right now, you’re so beautiful,” he praises, dragging a finger through your slick. you whine at the sudden contact with your pussy, tossing your head back into your mattress. he straddles you, one leg on each side of your body, pumping himself a couple times before lining himself up with your entrance.

“promise me that you want this and that this is okay,” he says, bringing a hand to your cheek. “i promise, colin, please, i need it,” you beg, putting your own hand over his. he guides his tip in between your folds, pushing in slightly, already moaning at the tight sensation. he has to hold himself up for a minute before he pushes himself all the way in, cock buried deep in your cunt.

he was almost overwhelmed at the feeling, burying his face in the crook of your neck. it’s not long, though, before he’s moving, slow thrusts, in and out, in and out. he’d never experienced something so heavenly. “oh my god, y/n, you- fuckkk,” he groans, picking up his speed. you let out another whine, hand over your face, tits bouncing with each thrust. as he began to speed up even more, you knew he wouldn’t last much longer. “colin, you’re doing so good, baby, go ahead, you can cum,” you say, biting the pinkish flesh of your lip.

the heat of his cum fills you up, his cock twitching. colin nearly collapsing on top of you, arms wrapped tightly around your waist. “you felt so good, so good, just for me, y/n. i love you so much,” he mumbles, lips pressed against your bare shoulder. “i love you too,” you breathe, kissing his temple. “did you cum?” he asks. “don’t worry about me,” you say, massaging his scalp with your finger tips. “i wanted you to. i want you to,” he continues, kissing up your neck. “really, don’t worry about me.”

“you’re so good to me.”

“yeah, i know.”

sorry that it isn’t super in depth i’m so tired but i like this one it’s so silly

[jj-lynn21]

The Charity- various fandoms & x-reader ch 3

warnings: drug use, flirting, male posturing, (Next ch will be smut promise/warn)

Ch 1 

ch 2

ch 4

ch 5

ch 6

ch 7

ch 8

Tagging who has read this so far so they can continue easily. If you want tagged drop me a message. coincidence-ithinknots-blog,  m90schick ,  minaginarium ,  brighterthanlivingstars, super-pink-a-palouza.tumblr, loveyourselvesblog ,  xxxxxerrorxxxxx

Ellen Page “Is that weird? That’s weird, isn’t it?”

Cody says, “I’ve been to stranger dinner parties. No one asked us all to get naked.”

Raising an eyebrow to Cody Alex says, “yet.”  

Cody lifts his drink to Alex and nods.

Alex continues, “I say we do play this game of hiding and seeking to pass the time and possible get to know each other better. I’d just like to add a little twist. I say there are enough of us with various personalities that there can be more than one seeker and still be plenty of hiders. I am a seeking much like my brother Bill.”

Interrupting Valter says, “I’m a seeker also.”

Shaking his head Alex says, “No you’re not little brother. You are a hider like Gustaf. We know Princess is a hider. I know Ellen is a hider and a seeker. What is it tonight sweetheart?”

Ellen says, “I guess I’m in a dominant frame of mind so seeker.”

Chris Evans says, “I’m a seeker.”

Grinning Alex says, “Of course you are Chris. And our other Chris?”

Chris Pine says, “I can go either way. I guess I will be a seeker.”

Chuckling Alex says, “Tom’s?” He looks to both men.

Hiddleston says, “I’ll be a seeker tonight.”

Holland says, “I like to hide. Small tight spaces are my specialty. I love just burying myself someplace deep. As deep as I can go, you know. “

Chuckling Bill says, “Yeah, you’re just a balls deep kind of guy.”

Scarlett says, “I’m seeking tonight so Collin will be trying to hide. I figure it won’t take me long to find him.”

Colin says, “Thanks for the vote of confidence honey.”

Alex says, “I believe that leaves Dad and Robert. Are you guys going to be hiders or seekers?”

Chuckling Stallen says, “I think I’ll check out the rest of the grounds. A good walk after dinner does the soul well.”

Robert says, “That sounds like a better idea Stellan.”

Keeping control over things as he often likes to do Alex says, “Ok everyone. When you are ready Princess, Holland, Colin, Cody, Gustaf and Valter run to hide. Good luck.” He laughs wickedly, “Me, Pine, Evans, Hiddleston, Scarlett, Ellen and Bill will give you ten minutes. Then we will find you.”

Evans says, “Hey, I thought I was the only one calling here Princess.”

Scarlett says, “Get over yourself Chris. We are all going to call her that the whole night. You just started it.”

Everyone looks at each other for a moment. Then the scrambling begins. Laughing you and Tom take off toward the upstairs. Gustaff and Valter are close behind the two of you. Collin and Cody run off towards the library and den. The rest sit drinking contemplating where they will be looking for their prey.

Alex says, “In ten minutes we divide and conquer.”

Bill gets up from the small table to sit by Alex with his glass of wine. He says, “And conquer my conquest I plan to big brother.”

Alex laughs and messy Bill’s hair. Scarlett comes to the table sitting by Evans. Evans looks at his watch as the minutes tick away.

Evans says, “Well, I think I’ll be heading up stairs to start my search. I’m thinking someone will be waiting in a beroom.”

Bill say, “Yeah for me.”

Everyone is laughing when Hiddleston says, “I think Holland just grabbed her pulling her upstairs with him so unless you are in a joining mood, he might beat you to any conquest you plan on having tonight.”

Evans says, “He’s just a kid.”

Shrugging Bill says, “No big deal to me. Tom and I share.  I mean whatever Princess wants really.”

Ellen says, “The toxin masculinity in here is stifling. And who says she would want either of you and not me instead.”

Alex says, “Good call my dear. I apologize for my brother’s hormones getting the best of him. He knows not what he says most of the time.”

Stellan says, “Bill, apologize to the girls for sounding like such a pig.”

Bill says, “I’m sorry Ellen and Scarlett if I offended you with my unadvised comments.”

Scarlett said, “How gentlemanly of you Bill. Your forgiven. I think other men in this room could take a hint and be more apologetic sometimes.”

Evans says, “Fuck, can we hunt them yet.”

Alex says, “Yes, go.”

They all get up heading in various directions to find the hiders. Evans and Bill push each other as they head upstairs. Alex yells for them to stop being idiots.

Meanwhile you have been trying to find a great hiding place with Tom at your side. There are ten huge bedrooms upstairs and you have looked through them all. They all have private bathrooms. Lots of space and lighting. You open a door under the sink to find a good hiding place. 

You say, “I think I can fit under here. What about you?”

Holland says, “I could fit easily but I think I’ll find another place, love.”

You say, “Oh come on. You afraid to be so close to me?”

Holland says, “You don’t want to get involved with me. With…this.”

Giggling you say, “If you want to pick your own hiding place you just have to say so, you don’t have to be so, well so damn sexy about it.”

Smirking he says, “That was not what I was trying to do, love. I swear.”

You both freeze hearing Bill and Evans sparing  and Alex yelling at them as they ascend up the stairs. Tom puts his index finger to your lips to make sure you stay quiet.  He shuts the door to the cupboard quietly. Then goes to shimmy under the bed. Seconds later you hear footsteps in the room.  The hard wood floor echoes as the steps move around the room quickly and then slower. The steps get farther away. You take a breath. But when door shuts it makes you jump. You gasp letting out a small sound.

You hope the person you still hear walking getting closer to the door is just Tom. You hold your hand over your mouth as the bathroom door opens. Then he opens the cabinet door slowly. You laugh seeing him grin a you so big.

Bill says, “I found her Tom. So now what should we do with her?”

You get out of the tight spot. Bill picks you up and puts you on the sink edge.

You say, “Oh, so Tom told you where I was when you found him.”

Tom says, “I didn’t say a word, love.”

Tom pulls a baggy of capsules from his pocket and stands by Bill in front of you.

Tom says, “You ever try Molly, love?”

You say, “Oh, you too are into that?”

Bill says, “Anything in moderation is fine Princess.”

You say, “I like that idea, anything in moderation.”

After taking one himself and giving you each a capsules Tom says, “It will take about an hour to kick in good.”

Bill says, “You two stay here and be quiet. I’ll divert Mr. Captain America by tell him I saw the two of you sneak back downstairs.”

You lay on the bed watching Bill Leave. Tom lays beside you. You look over to him. He looks over to you.

Whispering Tom says, “How do you think we should kill time love?”

You just say, “Um…” And put your hand over your mouth to giggle.

Tom says, “So, green light?”

You nod a yes. Tom says, “Excellent, just remember we have to be very quiet.”

[lobsters-on-their-heads]

Continuing Travels of Cophine, Ch. 8

Hey, look, I finally posted something. Entire work still lives here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13525500?view_full_work=true

And of course, I always love good feedback.

*1 week before Clone Fest*

Frigid wind blew trash against the window of Fung's Diner while Sarah and Art met for their weekly lunch. Art had started giving her little mental challenges, based on past cases of his, and sometimes she enjoyed it, but today she just shook her head.

“Okay,” he said, “you gotta tell me what's on your mind, then.”

She pushed her eyebrows up with her fingers and tried to avoid the quasi-command for a minute or so before giving in. “Mostly just the usual bullshit. And Alison wants me to help plan this Clone Fest thing she's got coming up.”

“Clone Fest?!”

“Yeah. It's like, to celebrate all of our birthdays, or whatever, sort of between all the actual birthdays. It's next week.”

“Oh, that'll be nice. Yeah, Beth's birthday is... was right around this time, now that I think about it.” He chuckled, but shook his head. “April Fools Day. We used to laugh about that.”

She put her hand on his forearm. “Hey. It's still her birthday, right? And we're gonna try to do something to celebrate her, something special just for her, plus the party for all the rest of us weirdos. The party's the bitch, though. It's just...” She put the heels of both hands to her forehead, a gesture she'd picked up from Cosima some time ago, and shook her head. “It's just I have no idea what do.”

“What do you mean?”

“For, like, activities and shit. Alison wants to me to come up with 'fun activities' for everyone, and all I can think of doing is going to a club and getting drunk and high and shitfaced in every possible way until you can't remember who you even are any more. That's been just about every birthday party I've ever been to. Well, birthday party for adults, that is. Been going to more kids' parties these days, haven't I?”

Art smiled. “I dunno, Gemma's indoor pool party a couple months ago sounded like a blast. Maybe that's just more my speed these days.”

She took a bite of her BLT and considered that. “Okay, so we can get shitfaced at an indoor pool instead.”

He got that serious look on his face again. “No. Please don't. Sarah...”

“Hey, glow sticks look pretty cool underwater, you gotta admit.”

“Who else is gonna be there, other than the sisters?”

“Fucking, like, everybody, I guess? Cos and Delphine are flying in from wherever the fuck they are, and Scott's taking time off work to be there. Alison and Donnie and Helena, of course. Fe, naturally. You, hopefully. Not the kids, though. Alison's found a sitter to watch them for the evening.”

“What about Colin?”

She rolled her eyes and ate more of her sandwich.

“Uh oh.”

“If you really wanna know, ask Fe. There's some drama, but he's not telling me about it.”

“Well, even if he does come, I don't think he's got a lot of lifeguarding experience, so it answers my real question either way – who's gonna save your ass when one of you falls into the deep end tripping balls so hard you think that you actually fell up?”

“Cosima said she was a lifeguard in college.”

“In college.” When Sarah gave him a So What look, he clarified, “That means more than 10 years ago, and I'm guessing she hasn't been keeping her license up-to-date.”

When she didn't respond right away, he ate quietly and watched people ducking their heads against the wind outside. She knew what he was thinking, and she wanted to slap him for it.

“Look, we can enjoy ourselves for one bloody night, okay?”

“I'm not saying you can't.”

“You're doing everything but.” She stole one of the olives from his salad and mentally dared his forehead furrows to deepen. “Cosima and Delphine have been off saving our sisters' lives in, like, the shittiest places on the planet, so the least we can do is have a decent party for them. And for me and Alison and Helena, too, of course, 'cause our lives haven't been total picnics, but mostly for them.”

“That's funny,” he said, “I got a postcard from them with a picture of a real fancy resort on it. Said they were having a blast.”

“Yeah, I got that one, too, about a week after one that showed the earth splitting open and spewing fire. They move around a lot, yeah? Point is, it's everyone's birthday celebration, including Cosima's, and hell, including mine! You're not supposed to be responsible at a birthday party, Art!”

He made his “okey-dokey-then” face and cleaned the salad dressing from his chin. “Just don't count on me being there if there's anything other than alcohol involved. And I mean anything.”

** The morning of Clone Fest **

Cosima and Delphine both woke early, their bodies still wired to Middle East time. The weather report showed unseasonably warm temperatures, with highs around 18C and clear skies. After checking the weather report, Cosima dropped the phone next to her pillow and contemplated the day ahead. They were having lunch at Sarah's, followed by relaxed family time and then “something super fun” that evening.

“We should go to the market,” Delphine said, rolling over so that her nose almost touched Cosima's cheek. “The one in the park, you know? With all the sellers with vegetables and fruits. I know they might not have much this time of year, but someone will have eggs, I think.”

The mental image of Delphine casually perusing market stalls, in, like, a straw hat and a peasant skirt and carrying a straw basket made Cosima grin. “You wanna go to the farmer's market to get eggs?”

“Yes.” She kissed Cosima's chin and angled her torso above hers. “And anything else that looks good.”

She played with Delphine's fingers, splayed out next to her face, and smiled. “Can I get you, then?”

“Mmmm.... maybe.” There was another kiss, and Delphine threw back the covers, making Cosima yelp. “We'll see.” And with a smile, she sauntered off to the bathroom while Cosima scrambled to cover herself back up.

It was still chilly when they left at 7:30 in hats and scarves, but the sunlight kissing the buildings and the edges of the still-bare branches hinted at the warmer temperatures ahead. Cosima would have sucked up the chill and walked, but a city bus lumbered up as they neared a stop, so they got on and rode the mile or so to the park, where the market atmosphere was in full swing. At the entrance, they got coffee and home-baked muffins from a stall supporting the local children's orchestra, while a bluegrass duo played guitar and fiddle.

“Hang on,” Cosima said as they passed. “Are they playing Wagon Wheel?”

“What?”

She listened more closely, picking through years of memories for the tune. Then the fiddle picked up again, sawing at the chords, and she nodded. “Yup. It's definitely Wagon Wheel. Haven't heard this song since... well, let's just say it's been a while. Only words I remember is where they sing about having a nice long toke.”

“Ah. That's why you remember it. Maybe you can play it for me sometime.”

“Maybe.” She rubbed her shoulder against Delphine's as they made their way through the already crowded pathways between stalls. The muffin was good, if a little light on the blueberries, and the coffee warmed her hands and insides. “If you come out to California with me, I'm sure one of my uncles or cousins will play it on the guitar and we'll all sing along while we're drunk or high. Or both.”

They ducked into a stall selling leafy greens and inspected the wares, and Delphine asked, “If? Is it in question whether I'll go to California with you some day?”

Cosima balanced her half-eaten muffin on her coffee lid and set them on the counter. “No. I hope not.”

“Then why if?”

“I dunno...” She bagged a few handfuls of mesclun greens, tied the bags, and did the same with some kale. “It just doesn't seem that, like, certain, I guess.” Way to be articulate, Niehaus, she thought. The funk she'd been in a few days prior had dissipated with the family meals and the vigorous fuckings, but now it lurked at the edge of her mind again.

“No?”

And then Delphine was rubbing her back, and it was almost okay, but a young woman nearby scolded her child in Arabic, and Cosima remembered they were going to Baghdad in three days.

“It's fine.” She tilted her head to kiss Delphine, and turned back to the counter to pay for the greens.

They took their time exploring the market, sampling mushrooms and honey and pickled everything, and also buying three dozen eggs, a log of goat cheese, a pack of crème fraiche, fresh dill from the same greenhouse the leafy greens came from, carrots, chopped walnuts, and various snacks to take along. By the time they reached the end of the line of stalls and sat down to snack, the sun had risen and they needed to remove their hats and scarves.

Looking out at the park stretched out in front of them, distant high-rises visible over the treetops, Cosima rested her head on Delphine's shoulder. “It's a nice place.”

“Mhm,” Delphine agreed around a mouthful of apricot.

“D'you remember that day we were gonna have a picnic out here...”

“The day it rained?”

“No, the other time.”

“The day you were pissed at me?”

“Was it... wait. Which day that I was pissed at you?” Cosima paused and thought back. She'd been thinking of the plans they'd made, to bring blankets and some hot spiced wine out here, to listen to the drummers and snuggle up together in public. And then they hadn't done that, because...

“You don't remember? The day you learned that that dental pulp came from Kira's tooth.”

“Was that the same day? Maybe. I remember them as two completely separate events.”

“It was the same day. I'd already set my schedule to leave early, but then you overheard me talking to Scott, and...”

“And the rest is history.”

People with dogs and baby strollers passed, less densely here than at other parts. A distant off-key trumpet player honked out “When the Saints Come Marching In,” and the combined smells of grilled meat, popcorn, and weed made the park smell like a fairground.

“We could get married here.”

Delphine had her coffee cup halfway to her mouth, but she set it down again at that. “As a replacement picnic, perhaps?”

“If you wanna think of it that way. We did tell everyone we'd get married in Toronto, didn't we?”

“Yes, we did. I don't think either of us will want to jaunt off anywhere for a destination wedding.”

Cosima's laugh slid into a groan, and she covered her eyes. “I am trying so hard not to think about jaunting off anywhere right now. Today was supposed to be my day off from jaunting.”

“Ooh, pauvre petit chiot...” Delphine rubbed her shoulder and nuzzled her hair. “I'm sorry that I brought it up.”

“Eh, it's whatever. What do you think, though? Of getting married here? We don't need to decide right now, obviously.”

“Obviously. I think it's nice, as long as it doesn't rain.”

“We can have a backup for rain.”

Delphine giggled. “Like one of those giant circus tents?”

“Exactly like one of those. Oh, and there could be streamers that are, like, DNA-shaped coming down from the top.”

“Mmm, maybe. What else would there be?”

“DNA symbols on the cake, obviously.”

“A DNA cake, maybe?”

“Oooh, that's a good idea.”

They finished off their snacks, and just as they were about to rise, a loud boBOOP emanated from Delphine's purse, making them both pause. While Delphine fished around for the clone business phone, it gave off two more boBOOPs in rapid succession, and Cosima's heart picked up its pace. Maybe it was Özlem, and Cosima's suspicions about the coughing were correct. Or maybe it was someone with some information about Malika, finally. Or maybe it was just some doctor, confirming an appointment in Baghdad or Tehran or wherever.

Delphine unlocked the screen and frowned, then smiled. “Look.”

Leaning over, Cosima saw a picture, likely taken by a webcam, of three children – Fatima, Nabil, and Mohammed Al Numery, the oldest of the Yemeni orphans they'd met in Djibouti. In the picture, only Fatima looked directly at the camera, large dark eyes serious under her headscarf while the boys poked each other from each side of her. With a swipe, Delphine revealed the second photo. The boys smiled here, but Fatima did not.

“They are such good kids,” Cosima said.

“They sent a message, too.”

hello dr delphine cormier it began. we are nabl Fatima and Mhmmd in DJIBOUTI CITY DJIBOUTI please you help aunt nooran sister we say hello ehllo

“Oh my god that is so cute.” Cosima wondered if they'd sent it from one of the internet cafés in the city, or if they'd made a friend with a laptop. She wondered if Nooran had told them how much she wanted Cosima and Delphine to take the children away with them.

“We should write back,” Delphine said. “But with what?”

Cosima took the phone from her and turned it to landscape position. “Easy. Smile.”

*

They strolled down a residential street on their way back from the market, Cosima's arm around Delphine's waist and Delphine's arm around Cosima's shoulders, each of them with bags of goodies slung over their shoulders.

Several blocks away from the park, in an upscale but cozy neighborhood, they saw a house with at least ten balloons dancing in the wind around a multicolored OPEN HOUSE sign. A woman in a burgundy pant suit waved as they approached. “Open house today, ladies! Wanna come take a look around?”

“Eh...” said Delphine, but Cosima stopped and looked up at it. She was fuzzy on architectural terms, but she put the facade around early 1900s, with dark stately brick and those bump-out windows that give the inhabitants a nice cross breeze in the summer. It was three stories, including an English basement, and there was a tiny garden out front with some brave little daffodils poking up.

“We're not in the market, actually,” Delphine said.

“Oh, that's fine!” the agent assured them. “You can still come in and take a look around, get some ideas for when you are in the market one day. Are you two from around here?”

They exchanged a glance. “Not exactly,” Cosima said.

“Well, I see you've done some shopping! We do have a really nice kitchen inside, I have to say. Newly renovated! Come on in! There's free coffee!”

It was such a tacky sales pitch, but another couple walked out of the house and gave them a view of a spacious entry way past a practical mudroom with rain boots set up as props. She looked up at Delphine. “What d'you think, babe? Take a look around real quick, grab some free coffee? It'll give us a chance to put these bags down for a minute.”

Delphine arched her eyebrows and looked down at her with those caramel brown eyes, and Cosima knew it wasn't practical, and that Delphine thought she was being silly, but she didn't care.

“Please?”

“Alright. If you really want to.”

The inside of the house was furnished by the real estate agency in a way that blended Rachel Duncan and Alison Hendrix, but the agent had been right about the kitchen – it was fantastic, although Cosima had to admit that her standards for kitchens had always been pretty low. There was an island with a granite countertop, plenty of cabinet space, and a gas stove. It was easy to imagine having the nieces and nephews over for a weekend and making pancakes for them in this kitchen, or cooking up a romantic dinner with Delphine on a Friday night. A window over the sink and a half-glass door beside the cabinets looked out on a spacious fenced-in backyard where two black-haired little girls ran around with balloons. Cosima thought of the pictures they'd just seen, and imagined Fatima finally being able to relax and run around with her siblings in a yard like this.

“You guys been upstairs yet?”

Cosima turned to see a paunchy man in khakis addressing her and Delphine. “Uh, no,” she said.

“You should check out the balcony. That about sold this place for me, honestly.”

Cosima wasn't sure what to say to that, but Delphine suggested that he put an offer on the house if he liked it so much, and the woman he was with groaned. That set off an argument between the two of them, and Cosima and Delphine scooted away up the stairs.

Upstairs, Delphine wandered into the smaller hall bathroom while Cosima explored the master bedroom. She could see what the guy downstairs had meant. French doors opened onto a balcony large enough to comfortably host ten people. She walked out, ran her fingers over the stained wooden railing, and then rested her forearms on it to look out on the backyard.

The realtor wasn't lying when she said “great backyard,” either. If anything, it was an understatement; the yard was easily three or four times the size of the Hendrix's backyard. The realtor's voice drifted up from below. “Oh, there's definitely room for a swing set! Swing set, sandbox, fire pit, you name it!”

There were maple trees out there, too, with tiny buds giving them a fuzzy appearance. They were just about large enough to string a hammock up between them, but if that didn't work, they could always put a bench beneath them, and sit out in the shade on warm days. They could have cook-outs with the family, or just sit out there together with drinks, just the two of them. She could come home and find Delphine on that sofa downstairs, or in the kitchen making fancy cuisine look effortless. Sometimes she would get home first, and Delphine would come home from work to find Cosima making Kraft dinner or doing a smelly pet science project out on this balcony.

“Hey.” Delphine came up and rubbed her shoulders. “What are you thinking about?”

She smiled over at her, loving the sight of Delphine on this balcony, in her comfy sweater and multi-pocket pants. “Just stupid shit.”

“Ah.” Delphine watched her for a moment. “We can't buy it. You know that.”

Fucking hell... Cosima laughed. “I know that!”

“Okay, just checking. You have that far away look on your face, though.”

“I do not.”

“You most definitely do.” Delphine scooted over to tuck herself beside Cosima, and nuzzled the top of her head. “One more year, if that, chérie, and then we can stay. Not in this house, of course! But we can stay here. Or wherever you want. Back in Minnesota, or California, wherever.”

“I know.”

“We really should be going, though. People are waiting for us, and we have perishables.”

Cosima giggled. “Yeah. Maybe I just like hearing you say perishables.”

On the way to Sarah's house, they passed hundred-year-old maples and oak trees in yards and parks, brown front lawns that would turn verdant in a few months, and all manner of people getting an early start on their weekend. At one corner house, while Cosima and Delphine waited for the light to let them cross, a man and woman looked up at the roof of their house.

“Earliest the contractors can come out is next week,” the woman told the man.

They didn't stay at the corner long enough to find out what the contractors would be coming out for, but all Cosima could think of was We're not even going to be on this continent next week.

She didn't even want a house. They were too much work, with the lawn upkeep and the plumbing and the pest control and making sure the roof didn't cave in. Her parents always said their boat was easier to maintain than any of their houses had been. She didn't want a house.

Once Sarah's house was in view, Cosima's steps slowed. Her sisters were there, and her niece, and she felt as comfortable there as anywhere else, but it wasn't home.

“You okay?” Delphine asked.

And Delphine was several feet in front of her, checking on her, making sure she was okay, knowing her moods before Cosima herself knew them.

“Yeah,” she said, jaunting across the short distance to kiss her lips. “I'm okay.”

[the5275thjournal-blog]

Entry # 3 - Hereditary (2018) Movie Review

Hereditary (2018) directed by Ari Aster; starring Toni Collette, Alex Wolff, Gabriel Byrne, Milly Shapiro, and Ann Drowd.

Contains spoilers.

Let me tell you right away: this movie is fucked up. I saw it twice before but never finished it because I had panic attacks. Today, however, I watched it with my friends and actually had the chance to enjoy the horror this film brings.

The Fear

The fear is real. And it’s not about the loud sounds and all the other gimmicks ‘scary’ movies use to ‘scare’ its audience. I’d say it was mainly about the direction and the camerawork. The way the camera slowly zoomed in and out of the subjects, seeping out all of the confidence I’ve gained from watching all the shitty ones throughout the years—that I could face any horror movies without feeling fear anymore. In fact, I completely lost my interest in the genre. The last horror film to make me scream was the first Insidious film. But it pales next to Hereditary, and I didn’t even scream that much (maybe just a little bit of turning, thrashing, and gagging).

Direction

I truly applaud Ari Aster. Can you believe Hereditary was his directorial debut? I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t hear or read it somewhere. His style for this horror film was unique and spectacular. I hope to see more horror movies with a similar attack, and I can’t wait for Aster to evolve in the coming years and serve us with ones that will surpass Hereditary and its underrated greatness.

Score

Holy fuck. This played a HUGE part in making the movie scarier than it already was. Do NOT mistake this for sounds or sound effects. This film could easily survive without sounds. The picture shown below was a scene that made my heart jump (and maybe made me scream a BIT) and it didn’t even have any jump scare sounds. Or basically any scene where there’s a floating body and I didn’t notice the first time, and when I do I just die.

Okay, back to the score. I said earlier that the direction alone was scary, but throw in the score and it’s anxiety-triggering. I was constantly checking on my breath because I didn’t want another panic attack. The soundtrack was able to catch the atmosphere of the scene. It was slow, creepy, and just makes you hold your breath. Kudos to the various artists of the soundtrack (which mainly consisted of Colin Stetson and Joseph Bishara).

Characters & Performance

I LOVED every character. They were all so different. And the fucking performance? Fuck me. Let’s start with Annie (played by Toni Collette). A perfectly sane woman with a few issues goes full crazy and desperate mainly triggered by the death of her mom and her daughter Charlie. Toni stuns me with her performance. I’ve never seen her in a movie before but I’ll make sure to check her out.

Peter. This character is fucked up, given justice by the amazing performance of Alex Wolff. Toni and Alex were the best performers of this movie. I need not say more.

Other characters such as Charlie, Steve, and Joan were amazing and creepy as well. Their actors Milly Shapiro, Gabriel Byrne, and Ann Drowd, respectively did an awesome job. I specially give praise to Steve for staying sane and being put on fire. I love my fellow skeptics (on fire in hell when we find out God and Satan actually exists).

Joan can go burn too for saying she was a skeptic. FUCK YOU JOAN, THERE’S NO SPACE IN MY HEART FOR LIARS (I loved Ann Drowd’s performance though lol). 

And of course, the short-lived star of the story: Charlie. Bitch freaked me out with the mouth pops (or tongue clicks, idk) and actually caused my first panic attack on that scene where Annie was driving away from Joan’s apartment after their mini seance and suddenly this invisible bitch mouth pops. I mean, honey, if you’re trying to be a drag queen, a car with a hysterical mom ain’t the place to start.

Plot, Story, & Progression

Devil. Rituals. Death. Creepy characters. Old women. Seance. Possession. 

It SEEMS like a mainstream horror movie but it certainly does NOT feel like one. Sure, the plot may be a bit overused but the way they told the story, the way they added new elements and made it fresh...it’s what really appealed to me. It’s like I was watching something that’s never been done before but it also felt familiar to me.

Progression was pretty straight-forward. No flashbacks as far as I can remember. Just plain story and story-telling. For instance, the story started with the funeral and ended with King Paimon’s rebirth/coronation (yes, it might seem weird reading that if you haven’t seen the movie yet). If they needed to tell something about a late character or a memory, they did not do flashbacks (which I actually liked) but talked about them (like how Annie talked about her mom at the funeral hinting about her ‘private friends’ and ‘private rituals’) or they show pictures from a photo album.

Overall Assessment & Rating

Well-done. Simple yet thrilling. Plain but certainly not boring. This movie is an underrated horror masterpiece. 

People might mistake this for a boring film because of the lack of jump scares (which is disgusting, by the way) but they’re wrong. Rarely do we find horror movies that makes us feel what we really should feel—fear. And it does NOT depend on jump scares.

This 2018 horror gem is definitely a 10/10.