#I’ll get to it like our first guest didnt even show up until 9 something why would I need to have the snack bar set up at 6:30 as soon as I

[tariah23]

My boss is so annoying lmfao

[15001700tt]

Mix And Match

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6.

Part 3

After the wedding, i moved to his castle since it was more convenient. Since then i became more acquainted with his home. Occasionally i do get lost but one of his brothers or mates are always around and they help me find my way back.

It was the day where my cousins and I get to meet the remaining two guys. They have been so involved in the war that they had no time to come by. But it was understandable it was getting worse each day, and i could sense it brewing without werewolf heightened senses.

Jong In was also getting restless each night having to wake at the crack of dawn to finish some planning. The dark circles under his eyes get deeper as the days go on i am surprised he hasnt passed out. I brought it up to his attention but he always dismisses it and says hell catch up on sleep later. I dont believe him. But i cant do anything because he wont let me.

The warwas getting on my nerves and i was ready to fly over there and end the war myself. Today is much needed as anyone can see, i am very tense and grumpy and the girls havent had time to talk to me and are getting whisked away by their parents for possible suitors back at home. Hyun Jin is devastated that she doesnt get to fall in love, and Ji Mi just refuses to marry a complete stranger.

As Jong In sat next to as we waited for our guests his head lolled to the side until it slumped against my shoulder. His deep breaths confirmed that he fell asleep. I rolled my eyes before moving him to lay against my lap for more comfort on his part since this is most likely the only nap he will get today or maybe for the next week.

The first one to arrive is Hyun Jin, she came in a grim expression. Her eyes settled on our position before her face lit up ad she awed at out ‘cuteness’

“He couldnt stay awake” i excused. She shook her at us before muttering, “i wouldnt either if i had a war in my backyard”

“Well how are you doing with the influx of suitors?” i asked worriedly.

“Facing an army of vampires doesnt seem that bad anymore” she groaned before she came and sat next to, i started running my hand through her hair while keeping one in Jong In’s.

“I know hun, i wish it was easier”

“Ji Mi literally just chased away the last one but my guy was more sticky that the last” she huffed in annoyance. The doors opened one more time while Hyun Jin was mid sentence, “and the worst thing is he wasnt even trying to be gentle, he was pushing me around and being a total dick. And mid way through he tried to touch me, i almost thre-” a growl erupted from the figure standing by the door.

That seemed to wake Jong In up and grab hold of me. I caressed his face to show him that i was fine, but clearly the man at the door wasnt.

“Baekhyun” Jong In’s voice rang clear in the room, while Hyun Jin’s was more a breathy sigh. I could tell the days events took a toll on her from the way her face looked, all pale and no light that usually shines.

In an instant Baekhyun was next Hyun Jin and looking intently into her eyes, eyes slightly red, before another snarl rippled from his throat scaring Hyun Jin a little bit that she jumped.

“Who dared to touch you?” that seemed to snap Jong In’s haze and immediately he came and restricted Baekhyun and whispered in his ear. He seemed calmed a bit, he closed his eyes before opening them to a golden hue in them, then finally their normal shade.

I knew what this meant, i couldn't help the small smile that creeped onto my lips, a small gasp escaping my lips when JongIn flopped down on my lap again.

“You Are comfortable.” his only excuse.

“Honey we have guests” i told him

“it s fine, those guests are going to get really comfortable, so should we” he mumbled against my legs. I chuckled, i looked up to see that Hyun Jin had moved up from her seat and was standing in front the calm man who had a gentle smile on his face.

I listened in to their conversation when i couldn't help my curiosity, no remorse felt because she spied on my first day of courting.

“I am guessing youre Yong Sang’s cousin” he smiled cheerfully, “i am Byun Baekhyun, One of Jong In’s closest friends and knights” he introduced.

“You are correct, i am Song Hyun Jin” she curtseyed at him while batting her eyelashes at him innocently. Somehow that lead to them furiously hugging, my small gasp caused Jong In to chuckle.

“They went straight to the point didn't they?”

“You should be sleeping” i playfully snapped at him.

“Dont you think Ji Mi and Kyungsoo are taking too much time to get here?” he questioned looking at the slightly ajar door.

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun’s voice cut through the thick haze that surrounded me and Hyun Jin.

“I mean that i can both their footsteps really close but they havent ever met each other and i want to see that” he grabbed my hand and pulled me off the chair and dragged me soundlessly towards the open door. Hyun Jin following behind me and Baekhyun at the end. As we rounded the corner we saw the pair just making eye contact.

3rd POV

Kyungsoo’s eyes flashed gold before turning normal brown once again, he finally found her, whoever she is. Although he was pretty good at guessing, she’s Yong Sang’s cousin, if she was heading this way and he had never seen her before. He needed confirmation thought, he feels as if hes grasping at thin straws.

“I uh i am Do Kyungsoo, head knight” he introduced awkwardly before letting a charing smile grace his lips.

“Song Ji Mi at your service” she responded with a soft voice. She was drained from the events of today, if she could just go to her bed and sleep she was sure she can deal with it tomorrow. She was exhausted to no point and this attractive knight wasnt helping her poor brain.

Of course she knew who he was, she saw his pictures everywhere and he was also the reason for her embarrassment in Yong Sang’s wedding. Her barely functioning brain had successfully led her down the right corridor but she still doubted.

“uhm-I-I do not know if i am going the right direction to the room, would please help me?” she asked with grace even she couldn't believe she mustered.

“I dont think thats a good idea,” he paused before getting closer to her whispering, “theyre eavesdropping at the end of the hall.” her eyes widened in shock.

“I suggest we go to the kitchen because you look like you could use a meal.” he offered.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she couldn't help but snap. “You are my mate” those simple words seemed to turn her whole world upside down, she stumbled back a step. He caught her.

“Are you ok?? You need to sit down” he held her up as he led her to the kitchen. Once they arrived he sat her down at the table. And rolled up his sleeves of the casual attire he wore.

“Wanna tell me about your day as i make you a delicious meal?” he suggested playfully, causing a small smile to bloom on her exhausted face.

“I chased away five suitors today, the last one was stubborn until i punched him right in the face, then he almost hit me,” she in took a breath to calm her frantic beating heart, also hearing a small growl leave his body frame. “Which would be bad for him because i am not trained like an assassin for nothing.” she continued causing Kyungsoo to turn his head and eyebrow raised.

“What? The king and queen thought it would be a good idea to give us some training if we chased away the guard they assigned us” she shrugged.

As time flew, so did the smell of whatever Kyungsoo was cooking because to her it smelled heavenly and mouth watering. He placed the dish in front of and sat down opposite of her so he could see her face better. Unlike the tired expression she held on their way here, now she looked like she was on cloud 9.

“I am glad you think it smells good but shouldn't you taste it first?” he smirked as she bobbed her head. She grabbed her eating utensil and put some of the dish in her mouth, her reaction almost immediate. He grinned as she moaned and grabbed another bite.

“Interesting” he murmured catching her attention, “my cooking won you over not my good looks which hurts my ego a little but but i'll get over it.” he stated with a small smirk.

“If you weren’t such a good cook I’d cut off your hands” she bashfully said.

“Gruesome, i feel bad for the suitors but then again, they didn't know better” he said with fake remorse, causing Ji Mi to roll her eyes at his tactics

“Do you know any better?” she questioned playfully, he scoffed and finally ate some of the food he prepared, “of course i wouldnt be your mate if i didnt”

“Doesnt mean you dont have to win me over” she tsked at his confidence.

“Thought i already did with my cooking” he countered.

“Maybe your fighting skills” she stated

“I am sure i can teach you something” he teased.

“Sure you can” she rolled her eyes, that seemed full of light now. She feels as though she can do this forever.

[bishiglomper]

Who wants to learn about my family drama? Too bad I'm gonna post about it anyway.

So mom got pregnant at 16. Married the guy. He went into the military. I came along 8 years after my sister. It was all fine and good I guess until he came home from a deployment when i was... 12 maybe.

I bring this up because i took a 3 hour roadtrip alone with dad's wife. She spilled all sorts of beans..

So anyway. That was at least his 2nd or 3rd deployment and i guess he sent mom 70k. When he came home, there was no money. No one ever figured out where it went. Figured mom spent it. We have no idea on what. Looking back I can't think of anything she could have spent it on. I dont remember her leaving for secret trips or anything. No new items. No strangers coming around. Its a mystery.

So shit didnt really start take a turn for the worse until we moved to Ohio when I was around 14. Dad had another deployment, but this time he acquired PTSD. I never questioned why, i just figured war was obviously bound to leave you fucked up.

Dad's wife told me differently. I had to twist her arm just to give me vague cryptic keywords. Like "murder" "people who ought not be murdered" and "practically coerced him into being involved" 😳

My poor daddy. No wonder he ended up locked in his room with a swat team surrounding the house.. Until mom donkey-kicked the door in to get to him and take his gun. He witnessed some fucked up shit, even though I'm not quite sure what.

But the real juicy bit is something i didnt even know about until my late 20s. Sissy told me while we were in Ohio, my parents were involved in swinging. Knew no details other than thats where a couple of their friends came from.

The new light she'd on this topic though, was it was mom's idea. I always figured it was dad. But apparently he only did it for mom.

(His now-wife is named Stacy. I love her but i just cant call her stepmom.)

Sje said she researched the topic, and typically swingers are middle-aged couoles who married too young. (So, typical case)

Anyway. I guess mom gradually started breaking rules. Like getting permission from dad first. And she snuck around during his next deployment..

During this time, we jad a daughter of familt friends staying with us. I was only 14 but i knew this woman was trouble. She was the type who could and would totally kick your ass if you pissed her off. Questionable choices. Wild child. All that shit. But she was good to us, so.

Anyway. My niece has brought back stories from her bio-dad's side of the family. One of which being that one time whilst mom and our guest were at a bar, mom tried to get into (bio-dad's family member's pants)

I always thought wow, never knew mom couod/would do that; crazy..

But Stacy filled in some swinger drama from that time and it all fits.

(Took a break from posting to actually discuss and compare notes with my sister)

The only discrepancy is sister is adamant that this WAS dad's idea to swing.

So anyway.

The next bit of drama was my sister having the niece. We all went to Iowa because we spent summers with the aunt and everyone.

At this point we were already planning on the move to Iowa that winter.

So dad, being fed up with my 23yr old sister who was a slob, refused to get a job and support her child.. He's just like "so you can either stay here and I'll send your shit or you can come back for your shit and gtfo"

He sent her stuff. But because she had a child that half belonged to someone else and essentially moved several states away, he sued. Thankfully dad helped with the lawyer and while not perfect, my sister got the best possible deal for the situation.

But all through this, dad absolutely loved his granddaughter. And it was an asshole move, but dad only agreed to support my sister and let her stay with us if he got to name her daughter. He picked Dominatrice. (Doh-min-ah-treece) Because you can get Trixie out of it. We were all like Wtf but ok.

So the last biggest drama was the events that led to dad ghosting my niece.

So one thing that happened was dad wanted to take little niecey out to lunch. She was 5ish. Sister couldnt get work off though, but hes all "its fine, I'll just pick her up and drop her back off"

But sissy was able to leave and met them. But as soon as she did he's like "you know what, im actually gonna go ahead and take off"

Which created a slurry of suspicious thought like "wtf is going on, did i foil plans to whisk my daughter back with them?"

When sissy told me this, I figured it was either just a weird mix of coincidence that set off alarm bells or weird timing. Or both. I'm 100% confident dad didnt plan anything. What was he going to do with her? Its not like he'd be able to kidnap her and go off grid never to be found again. Also was he going to just raise her? None of that makes sense.

Anyway. The big blowout didnt happen until dad was on his way back to virginia and the niece was due to be picked up from ohio. He offered to pick her up along the way and we were supposed to go up after them and spend vacatipn with them.

Sister told him no, he couldn't do that. He asked why. She tried to avoid answering him, but eventually told him that it was in the court order that he not be left alone with the child. Probably because he CAUSED the whole custody fiasco.

But this was the first he'd heard of it. So he was understandably upset. And then he tried hounding her for answers, for proof. Send him the document stating this. It escalated until he would jusy be yelling and svreaming over the phone and make sissy cry until mom had to shut down the phone calls.

I asked my sister why she didn't just show him the proof. Like, thats all he wanted.

She said it was not her job to prove it to him. It was public record, he could do it him damn self.

Stacy told me he tried, but couldn't get it because niece was a minor.

When I told Sissy this, she gave me the SNOTTIEST facial expression which i think meant "well, shit." Mixed with a mocking sort of "he's still a whiny-piss-baby"

So yeah. We're only visiting because after like 9 years dad reached out after forcibly pushing all this anger and feels down in effort to reconcile. Sissy is attempting to but at the same time feels he's too toxic to bother with and doesnt want him near her kids.

All because after this went down, he then ghosted the niece. He used to call her and send her gifts all the time. Her little heart was absolutely broken when he started ignoring her. Stacy told hom not to do that, so the general consensus was that it was indeed a dick move.

His reasoning though was "my daughter thinks i want to kidnap my grandchild, how can i reach out and have a relationship with her without incriminating myself?"

So yeah. Stacy and I are very alike in the fact that we both are able to see both sides of an argument. I'm glad i got to see the other side because apparently dad told her (about the dicorce and everything) "they'll figure out what happened and realize its not all my fault"

Like, uh. No? How were we supposed to reach that conclusion? And i dont know about my sister, but i was a self-absorbed naive teenager, I wasnt aware of jack shit. 😂

And that is the story of the day. :D

In other news, I wrote this while dad finally got his gallbladder surgery and we worried he'd either bleed out or have a heart complication and die. Aaaand he was out in like an hour and a half. So far he's good. Now we can visit the aquarium without stewing in anxiety. Hooray!

[thenextrush]

Did the show really need hosts?

Hosted by Nick Lachey and wife Vanessa, the show was pretty self sufficient without them as they only appeared in several episodes, they didn’t even bother to show up for the 82 minute season finale.    It wasn’t like Next in Fashion where participants needed handholding and direction each week with challenges, and it didn’t even need voiceover narration like they did in The Circle.

Total air time from this supercouple couldn’t have been more than 10 minutes in total, where do I sign up Netflix?  Easiest gig ever!

A wall within the conversation pods divides the couple who decide on who they want to “date” without the pressures of appearance and visual social cues

Not seen the show?  Here’s what you missed:

If you’ve missed the first 9 episodes, it’s different to Married at First Sight because the daters have a chance to engage and get to know prospective partners before taking a leap of faith:

The bachelors live on one side of the complex, while the bachelorettes live on the other.

From 30 singles, 6 couples got engaged and headed to Mexico for their first physical date / honeymoon

35 days is how long it took for them to date in the pods, meet in person, meet their parents, with weddings taking place on the last day

Diamonds are not this guy’s best friend:

One of the most memorable confrontations took place in Episode 4 and because of Social Media & Marketing Manger Carlton Morton‘s omission, it led to NBA Dancer, Diamond Jack making decisions without all the information resulting in a missed opportunity for the show because she turned out to be a firecracker with her dramatic exit.  Whether he wanted to or not, Carlton became the poster boy for fluid orientation and he lost whatever sympathy that could have left this story on a positive note because of that temper tantrum by the pool that will define his Love is Blind appearance for years to come.   His outrage at Diamond was misdirected and inappropriate.  But she gave as good as she got putting him in his place, she needs to come back in Season 2 or ask her to host the show if she’s got a spare ten minutes in case the Lachey’s are busy!   No one deserves to be spoken to like that especially when you drop a bombshell from them out of no where expecting them to be okay with it the next day.  Obviously, they didnt make it to the altar with the couple throwing in the towel in Mexico and going their separate ways.

The Weddings in the Season Finale:

Up until the season finale, the soundtrack of the show could rival any Weddings Greatest Hits essential playlist with its light and bubbly vibe.   As each couple uses the same reception venue to tie the knot, the music quickly turns into a dramatic symphony straight out of a Star Wars Jedi battle as the marriage celebrant ends his piece to recite vows with the question:  “Is Love Blind”, the couples then respond with an “I Do” or an “I Don’t”.

Giannina pours her heart out in a poem:

The fiery Venezuelan retail owner, Giannina Gibelli has been a ticking time bomb since she and Industry Supply Manager, Damian Powers left the pod and it started almost straight away on that yacht in Mexico.  Even her mother before the wedding says to her daughter in Spanish that she “better be serious and not treat this as a game”.

Giannina finally seemed ready, taking on board a hurt and worn down Damian’s feedback at dinner.   The love-hate exchanges with these two seemed to come from a place of passion making them so entertaining to watch because they’d somehow always make their way back to that place they found in the pod.

She genuinely seemed to be making an effort especially with a poem she wrote for him accompanied with socks to wear to the wedding:

“The beginning was rough the middle was sweet the other half was a lot and soon we’ll reach our peak. I asked you once ‘Can you handle me?’ I hope you know now and forget the rest cause ready or not, this isn’t a test So what do you want? Only you can guess”

As Giannina walks down the aisle at the end of Episode 9, Damian becomes teary.

Damian’s shocking 360:

Damian has been pretty consistent and devoted to his fiancee who on several ocassions throughout the season has gone on a tyrade.  The season finale opens with Damian responding to the marriage celebrant’s question to take Giannina as his lawfully wedded wife:

“I do not” he says quivering as tears roll down his face.

Did not see that coming at all, total blindside.  What’s weird is he thinks he can still salvage a friendship with Giannina after she runs out of the church in embarrassment leaving guests and family in a state of awkwardness.   His decision makes Giannina the only woman from the group to have been ditched at the altar.

Opposites Attract until Barnett freaks out:

Ex-Military Tank Mechanic, Amber Pike pretty much quit her waitressing job after she got engaged.  Her dream was to get married, be a stay-at-home mom and let her future husband dig her out of credit card and student loan debt and pay for the $850 custom tailoring on her wedding gown.   Meeting Matt’s family couldn’t have been easy but her unpredictability complements well with the .

Brawl for a Cause fitness professional, Matt (aka Barnett) gets cold feet and things are looking grim with a montage of his doubts if having to choose between his family and fiancee, her financial insecurity and a conversation with his rational thinking brother.  “Getting married means putting that other person before yourself.  Are you ready to give up everything for that person?”.  Matt doesn’t return any of Amber’s calls or texts the morning of the wedding and finally shows up at the eleventh hour.

Turns out it’s just a normal case of wedding day jitters and professes to Amber that he “can’t imagine a life without you”.  Classic Prince Charming Cinderella match right there!

What’s the real reason Kelly wouldn’t sleep with Kenny?

Health Coach, Kelly admitted it herself, that maybe “her whole definition of love is not right” because despite saying that intimacy in previous relationships she’s had without connection has been a total let down and kiss of death for her, she finally comes clean saying she’s “conflicted” because she doesn’t “know if she is 100% in love with him”.

Turns out she’s not physically attracted to him.  Architectural Lighting Consultant Kenny Barnes who is five years younger than her is totally infatuated like a puppy dog and it’s actually devastating to watch him being ditched at the altar.

Poor Kenny, this match really seemed like it was going to work as viewers bought in to Kelly’s stalling.  We were all so distracted with Jessica’s inability to reconcile pod and physical life that we didnt see this coming either.    Especially after Kenny and Kelly’s parents met and had similar shotgun wedding experiences themselves.  There also seemed to be great chemistry between both families in Episode 7.

“This experiment, it brought me to you.” said Kelly at the altar, “Someone who is so fabulous in every single aspect. This has been a wild ride and I am grateful that it has been with you because you’ve been nothing but supportive, and I appreciate every single moment that I shared with you. And I love you.” 

Declaring how much she adores Kenneth and loves him, after the marriage celebrant asks if she’ll take his hands, it all comes crashing down when she says “I don’t” and leaves the chapel with a dumbfounded groom.

Standing alone at the altar, a brave class act of a gentleman,  Kenny addresses the guests in a heartfelt moment that moves the bride’s mother as she whispers to her husband how much he loves the guy for his humble words:

“Obviously this is just a whirlwhind for everyone, and again, don’t want to dive too deep into it, and delve. Because you take something that is so complex, and it is authentic, and it is real, but today is not our day. Um, but I love each and everyone of y’all, and it’s something that I’ll cherish and be grateful for forever.”

Kelly later says to the camera that “I’m fucking 33 and I should know what I want” and the story ends there for now…

Everyone knew this relationship was doomed except Mark:

He was adamant that he didn’t want to “play second fiddle” when it was clear she was weighing up options.  Tech sales rainmaker, Jessica Batten was embarrassing herself continuously with her drunken rants and throwing herself at Matt with no shame and then denying when she sobered up.

All the red flags were there, love truly was blind for personal trainer, Mark Cuevas  who had to have been in denial about their connection and of course she ditched him at the altar.

No surprise there, that coupling always seemed to be doomed.   In the end, Jessica admits that emotional connections aren’t enough and that for a relationship she jumps in to, it’s a combination of mind, body and spirit.   Watching the season back, she clearly always wanted Matt and her efforts to try and make it work with someone she wasn’t physically attracted to weren’t enough.   We would’ve been more sympathetic to her if she hadn’t made indirect passes at Matt after he got engaged to Amber.

We get the happy ending we were rooting for:

The award for sweetest couple of the season has to go to Articial Intelligence Scientist, Cameron Hamilton and Content Creator, Lauren Speed.  It’s in this union we saw total authenticity and openness on both sides.

“Everyday that we’ve spent together has been a blessing to me. There’s so much I love about you. You made me want to be a btter an and you have evberythign I need in a partner and I feel very blessed to have you in my life” – Cameron

“Cameron I love that you make me comfortable being fully myself. No matter how flawed, goofy or broken I may have been. I’m thankful for our time together and how happy our moments are.” – Lauren

The lead up to their vows brought some great moments through the season.  From their first physical meeting to Cameron meeting Lauren’s father, a touching moment between Lauren and her father before walking her down the aisle and Cameron with his mother.  True Commitment.  A family that works.  A marriage that seems like it’s set to last.

The season closes with their final thoughts summing up their experience:

“She has everything I’ve always dreamed about in a partner. She’s charismatic, but down to earth, she’s confident but also humble. She’s intelligent, she’s kind.” – Cameron

“I don’t think I ever could have met someone like Cameron any other way. I’ve been looking for Cameron for over 30 years. Apparently Cameron was looking for me too, I’m glad we finally found each other.” – Lauren

Just two nuptials take place out of the remaining couples.

The final episode becomes available tonight globally 7.30pm (Australian EST). Add it to your MYLIST if you’re looking for something to binge on this weekend.

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  Love is Blind: Who gets ditched at the altar? #loveisblind #loveisblindnetflix @netflixanz #netflix #netflixuk @camrhamilton @mattdbarnett1 @sexfact01 @KennyBarnes_11 @damian__powers @gianninagibelli @wpp_aunz @need4lspeed Did the show really need hosts? Hosted by Nick Lachey and wife Vanessa, the show was pretty self sufficient without them as they only appeared in several episodes, they didn't even bother to show up for the 82 minute season finale.   

[revol-lover]

Ok I need to rant. Majorly.

Maybe I’m crazy. If I am, please let me know. I am turning 24 this month. But ok I got married a little over a year ago. Prior to this I lived at home with my parents, I wasnt allowed to stay out late, they would wait up for me to come home. Wasnt allowed to go on any over night trip with my fiancé. The whole 9 yards of extreme portuguese parent control. 

I am now married and live literally a 2 minute drive away from my parents (because this is a really nice area and I like it not because I needed to be that close to them for any particular reason) and every weekend since I got married I faithfully visit them on Sundays and a few times had them over at my place instead for sunday lunch. (Not worth mentioning but I’ll mention anyway - we’re never actually “invited” over. We’re very rarely offered a meal when going over. Doesn't matter but just a detail.) This includes during my entire pregnancy, from the extreme tired and fatigue and nausea of the first trimester right up until two weeks ago seeing that I’m now in my third trimester and tired and feeling like you know I’d rather spend my weekend relaxing in between all the other things I have to do before baby gets here. its been hella BUSY.

In between visits with my parents they never call or text me. Never check on me pregnancy wise, etc. There are times even when I text my mom and she never answers me (and she is NOT phone illiterate. Also I can see when she reads texts). If I check in with them I get the “ok” responce to “how are you”. I gave up with that. I’m tired of the effort only being on me.

So like I said, its been two weeks since I’ve visited. I didnt give an explanation the first week. No one checked in on me. I mean for fucks sake I couldve been in the hospital or something but they literally never get in touch with me. Then last weekend we had friends of my husbands from out of town (something that had been pre-planned for months) here to visit so we spent a day with them and I was on my feet all day, not to mention socially drained and I needed to relax the other day (theres only 2days in a weekend!) prior to that weekend I texted my mom to see how she was and tell her I probably wouldn't be by because of those plans but said I’d come by THIS weekend (aka tomorrow).

Now its friday and honestly. I don't want to go. Again. No one checks in if I don't. And if I’m silent for weeks, they return it with silence. They don't ever check in on me. I mean is it normal for parents to not care to this degree? Especially when I had zero freedom prior to moving out. They were never emotionally close or supportive to me but there was always that control factor but now I’m moved out, Ive shown and proved plenty that I care about having a relationship with them and they don't return it in their actions at all.

Now maybe if I had NO other priorities besides making that ONE weekly visit, I’d care less and be able to make it work. But that just isn't the case. Kevin has a 90 year old grandmother who we are both very close to and visit once a week during the week, almost every week. Someone who actually does notice our absence. Someone who appreciates our visit. Then, Kevin’s dad is currently in the hospital recovering from a double organ transplant. He has been in various hospitals and medical centers since November. We also visit him (and Kevins mom who is at the hospital with him most of the time) once a week. There was a time during this period that we didnt even know that he would survive. He was on a transplant list for nearly 2 years. He was extremely close to death, if he didnt get those organs when he did he would not be alive right now. Before he got so sick, we also , were visiting Kevins parents every weekend at their house. They always asked us if we were coming by, always made a meal for us all to share. Kevin’s mom, who has been going through literally the craziest, busiest time of her life, going to work and going to the hospital, every single day for the past 6+ months, one of the hospital stays being 1 1/2 hours away from home and she went faithfully every day, THIS WOMAN, has texted my husband every day to see how we are doing, and specifically always asks how I am doing, how my appointments are going, how I’m feeling. Its a tiny consideration that goes such a long way. Something you kind of expect from a mom???? But my own parents don't do.

So its like. Am i crazy to be sick and tired of visiting every weekend ? To go to their house to sit in a room with one of them staring at the tv and the other their cell phone. Occasionally having a conversation with us, but otherwise it being quiet and slightly uncomfortable and god forbid me, feeling like a bit of a waste of time. Especially when they never check in on me/us. They never invite us over. They never ask to come over. But in contrast to that my mom is so overbearing about the baby stuff. She is handling my baby shower and knows that I don't like overly frilly pink things and she's making sure that it is exactly all about that, because thats what SHE likes. And buying the baby a thousand pairs of shoes even though I already told her I won't be putting shoes on her until she can walk. I mean. If you've been following me you know my mom has her own book of issues and our relationship is very complicated, bt she has a shopping addiction and is very materialistic and thats just not me. I don't live my life that way. We really clash there and I don't want my daughter to have to deal with what I dealt with with my mom, which is conditional love. 

Ive totally gone off track here. I hate even writing these things and publishing them because I’m sure theres that one person who has one thing to say at least about oh at least you have parents or something which, yes I get that. But any other relationship in life this lack of effort would not be acceptable at all. I don't chase people who don't ever show that they care to keep in touch. I feel like my parents take for granted how dedicated I have been to keeping in touch. Have I even mentioned that I through a mothers day brunch for my mom mother in law sister in law and grandmother in law that my mom knew about for weeks and chose to come late to even though she's never late to anything and knows people being late drives me a little nuts (like her. she hates it too so I don't get why she did that to me. It wasnt even an accident. my dad went to church. she was home. he was gonna be late. she couldve came and he couldve come late. she chose to wait for him. i live 2 minutes away.. she couldve just came). I had spent the whole morning, in my third trimester of pregnancy mind you, on my feet with my husband cooking a really nice big brunch for everyone and she came late. Made my other guests feel awkward eating the food HOT as intended because she hadn't shown yet. She didnt even deserve me caring enough to do that. This woman has emotionally abused me my entire life, and physically to a degree when I was a child. But still I have this stupid good daughter complex that I feel guilt whenever I don't show appreciation even tho I’ve never been appreciate.

wow I’m sorry. I just needed to get this all out.

I’m having a baby in less then 2 months. She is going to be my #1 priority in life. I don't think people realize the shit I do. The shit I’ve been doing. It isn't going to continue. I need to be present for my child. I need to be what I didnt have. I need to give her the love and time and nurturing she needs. I need to be the least broken version of myself for her. I’m starting to feel less guilty about not putting effort toward my relationship with my parents. I don't have it in me. I can't do it all. They might not understand putting forth and expressing healthy effort to their children, but I know how important it is. My daughter will have that. Even if it comes at the expense of them barely seeing me. Its their choice in the end. They could pick up the phone too. I’m sick of being the only one.

[nrfdxnwr]

Recovery Phase

Welcome to my 2 years worth of recovery story.

The ones’ who’ve known me way before 2015 will know why. But this ones’ for the one who prolly is reading this and dont know hahahaha

I was the girl who loved her ex way too much & is willing to do anything & everything for his happiness. Was supposed to get married but yeah... the longest time ever to move on.

Here’s what everyone didnt know and kept telling me that i always deserve better, when they havent been hearing what was it that is really happening to me, & us. Yes, im gna tell everything that has been happening for the past 2/3 years, till now.

My relationship with my ex was perfect. Prolly the only time i started acting up was when he left me to Brunei, for 9 months.. (yes im also the girl who cant stand being away from my boyfriend for too long) and when i say acting up, i mean, i start being crazy cause i miss him. Hahahah well it was pretty easy cause i had work distracting me. He is honestly a nice, lovely and caring person...

But he had someone else.. oh we were 3 1/2 years together. I knew he had someone else but i kept forgiving him for all that he did cause i loved him & it was too hard for me to let go. & i kept on telling myself that it’ll get better. But i was wrong.

It honestly got worst. It got worst cause i start drifting away from him and do my own stuffs. It really hit me on the night he asked me “b, do you really still love me ?” Cause i know that i was really drifting apart & i also knew what i did what i did... was wrong. Here is what everyone doesnt know... i let guys in.. i let guys be close to me. Only because i wanted to know if he felt what i felt.. if he felt the pain i felt. But nope..

So i stopped wtv i was doing. And he got mad over what i did. I saw him with another girl in his house. I broke up with him. Everyone thought that I actually broke up with him cause he was with another girl in the house. But nope. I broke up with him cause i know the more i hold on, the more shits I’ll be doing, & it’ll be more painful for me. And i knew what was my shortcomings, i knew why the other girl existed. I knew why he did all those. I accepted fate, and left him.

After the break up, i found myself going back to him everytime. I dont even know why. It was hard. Reaaaally hard. I tried Tinder. Met all sorts of guys. Cant seem to forget him still.. then i told myself that maybe i should spend more time with my girlfriend & bestfriend. It worked. But truth to be told, there were times of the day where I’ll rmb him and think of him. I just dont wna start again with someone new... yknow ?

Okay.. the duration from the breakup till i found a boyfriend.... i gained so much weight. It was weird. Serious. Still met my ex a couple of times, just to see how he’s doing. Aight, here’s the part where i start moving on..

I met Anwar.

Not as my officer. But as a guest to my family event. Yep, the first time we met was at my family event.

I was dating his friend...... before i know him.

Something happened and he got me. My life is so confusing.

It tooook meeee sooooo muchhhh to open up to someone new again. I had trouble telling him what is wrong with me, that i tend to just shut myself up. Still checked on my ex once in awhile.

Yes, i treated Anwar like shit for the first 3 months of the relationship. He made so much efforts to heal me, to fix me, to make me love him. He had all the patience which i doubt anyone has. He is really one of a kind..

I started 2016 = i started loving him.

Cause i found out that there was sth else that my ex did wayyyyy before the break up. And I realised that it’s rlly not worth it anymore to think of/abt him. I got engaged to Anwar, mid of the year. I think twice if this is rlly what i want. Yes, i wna settle down but am i doing the right thing ? But as time goes by.. Anwar really showed me.. he guided me all the way, and has never given up. I know right at that moment that he deserves everything in this world. Everything seems to be going really smooth from then on. Gotten over my ex and what he did. Yes... until......

2017 happened. Ally Marcia existed. And it happened again. This girl gave me the shittiest time of my life ever. Im not saying she’s fully at fault. I did scold Anwar for what he did.. he regretted it cause he knows & sees what a minah i can be, when im fucking mad 😂

I felt really empty and useless and worthless. Like why is this happening to me again. Do i really deserve this kind of shit. And again, i shut down from Anwar for almost a month. Zero sayang, zero ‘i love you’, zero kisses, zero attention. I just dk what else to do. I really feel like i wasn’t good enough, no matter how hard i tried.

Tbh, even up till today, just by hearing her name or knowing anyth abt her, can make me feel like i wna kill her... still. Yes. Its really that bad.

She didnt wna give up on trying to get Anwar, even aft 5 months. Even i myself give up on getting mad. Sampai maki maki. Okay im not the kind of person who always curse. But this girl.... i rlly cannot tahan. Can you believe it, even when i sound her and told her to stop it, she still wna disturb my rs and still wna teach my Anwar to lie to me just so she can meet Anwar ? Ridiculous.

But anyways... ive forgave anwar fr all that he did and yes it took alot to make me trust him again. But his efforts is A++. Anwar & I are happy now, with what we both have & with wtv we had faced previously. He has been putting so much efforts in our relationship,to make us work. He did everything for my happiness. He did everything for me. He supports me in everything that i do. Yes, he is my forever & always.

2 years of recovery.. because.. there is existence of 2 unnecessary girls.

Im so glad its the end of the year cause i rlly wna forget all these and put all of these behind. I really love Anwar & ya if you girls wna be close to him.. for no apparent reason, kau standby je kene satu penumbuk. I hope we will get better and better as days goes by.

I love you potato, always 💖

Thank you for existing in my life & making things better for me always.

#nrfdxnwr