#I’d say portishead is far more tight than that

[bird-girth]

The Lana Del Rey / Mitski / Fiona Apple girlies would go fucking insane for Portishead. Not quite visceral - but a quiet intensity to it instead, something subtle and sultry bereft near entirely of strings; an eerie sort of flair to it that I enjoy sinking into. you might, too, if you’ll let yourself!

at least, relief

a mother’s son has left me sheer

the shores i seek

are crimson tastes divine

can’t make myself heard

no matter how hard i scream

oh, sensation

sin, slave of sensation

Biscuit

covered by the blind belief

that fantasies of sinful screens

bear the facts, assume the dye

end the vows, no need to lie, enjoy

take a ride, take a shot now

‘cause nobody loves me; it’s true

not like you do

Sour times

you don’t get somethin’ for nothing

mm, gotta try a little harder

it could be sweet

like a long forgotten dream

It Could Be Sweet

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Voice Notes: How Evanescence's Amy Lee brought her powerful vocals to life

"Something takes over and I lock in and I know I'm where I'm supposed to be."

Evanescence frontwoman Amy Lee has one of the most powerful voices in music. But it took a long time for her to feel comfortable using it.

"I've got to be honest, that came after I'd been doing it for a while," she tells EW. "I was pretty insecure in the beginning; I always felt like I wasn't that good. I started playing music with people in what eventually turned into a band when I was 13, and I was singing only because it was the vehicle for the poetry I used to write."

Lee laughs as she reflects on being a "wannabe dramatic 11-, 12-, 13-year-old" who poured all of her emotions into those poems — along with her original dream of becoming the next Mozart. "I wanted to write genius symphonic opuses and impress everyone with my skills that I didn't have," she says. "I was kind of halfway down the path of realizing that that would be an extreme challenge when grunge hit and I started playing with boys in bands."

Yet she credits joining choir in junior high as a major factor in her becoming a singer, a role she initially saw as "blending in" rather than standing out. It wasn't until she realized how much people liked her voice that she gained the necessary confidence to bare her soul on her own. "The more I did it, the more positive attention I received," she says, adding with a chuckle, "Ugh that feels so weird and insecure to say it that way! I don't feel that way now."

Lee's voice has never sounded more passionate than it does on The Bitter Truth (out March 26), Evanescence's first album of all new material in a decade. Written partly before the pandemic and featuring the band's first ever political anthem, "Use My Voice," the 12-song project explores grief, fighting for truth, and not giving up even when things feel hopeless. "Suddenly there was this fire, this aggression — just frustration and rage at the things that we were seeing go down," says Lee, about the political climate while the band was recording. "We all feel broken sometimes. It's really, really healthy to be able to say that everything's not okay. You have to let it out."

Lee, 39, arrived at a similar epiphany as a teenager, when she learned to lean into her vulnerability by harmonizing with her own voice, pushing herself to achieve the type of natural emotion conveyed by singers including Björk and Portishead's Beth Gibbons. In doing so, she found the freedom to channel her honesty. "I truly see it as an expression of myself," she says of singing. "It's not a job to me; it's my heart. And I definitely hear a physical difference in my voice now. When I sing, I'm not thinking about anything, I'm not nervous. I feel a spiritual, centered transcendence. Something takes over and I lock in and I know I'm where I'm supposed to be."

That's why Lee doesn't put much stock in the long wait between Evanescence's last album with all original music and The Bitter Truth, which will receive its own behind-the-scenes documentary, Evanescence: Embracing the Bitter Truth (out Friday on the Coda Collection on Amazon Prime). "I know that 10 years is a long time but there have been a lot of different projects in there, including a kid's album with my family" featuring her now late brother, Lee says. "That being said, whenever I am in full 'making Evanescence music' mode, I put a lot of my real life on hold. I put my family on hold. I put my friends on hold.... You just have to go with the wave of inspiration if you're going to come up with something great."

But the band's path hasn't always been easy to maneuver, even after achieving global fame with their 2003 debut album Fallen. Evanescence originally received pushback from record label executives who thought the group needed to use a full-time male co-vocalist alongside Lee to make the album more "marketable." They eventually settled on Paul McCoy for lead single "Bring Me to Life" — a decision Lee has spoken out against in the decades since. "I can see alternate realities where that's what helped it be mainstream and what gravitated everyone towards us, so I am grateful," she says. But she also sees that decision as a "timestamp" of 2003, which ends up dating the song.

"That was honestly my biggest problem with it, or part of it," she adds. "It's like, 'You think I can't do this by myself? I got males all around me, there's enough.' Part of me wonders if that one sacrifice hadn't been a part of it, maybe things could have gone an even bigger way for us. Or maybe we would have been understood better."

Lee looks back on that time in the band's (and her) career with the clarity that only comes from maturity. "More than anything at this point, I'm over that hump of frustration of feeling misunderstood, and I'm just grateful that we've made it so far and improved so much," she says.

It all comes full circle on The Bitter Truth, with Lee and her bandmates exerting full creative control. For example, on "Use My Voice," they decided to bring in an army of frontwomen including Lzzy Hale, Deena Jakoub and Taylor Momsen to provide vocals. "It's awesome. It's beautiful. It's what I always wanted," Lee says. "I don't even know how to put that other than like, women! Standing up together! Talking about the rock world and women in rock, of course there are less of us, and that's why it's a pretty tight-knit group."

Along with tracks including the piercing, grief-inspired ballad "Far From Heaven" and the vulnerable "Broken Pieces Shine," Lee is proud of what the band is still accomplishing. But she also admits a lot of the songs are going to be difficult for her to perform live when the world opens back up — even after all these years of honing her voice.

"I keep making our songs harder and harder, I don't know why I do that to myself," she says. "They keep getting higher in my range, and then every time we're going to make another song I'm like, this time I'm going to take it down a little bit. I'm not going to make it so hard for myself. But then it gets to the chorus that I have to! And then it's like, higher than ever."

She laughs as she deadpans, "So, we're f---ed. When we have to go out and sing these songs live, I don't know what I'm going to do. But the challenge is what keeps me inspired and on fire about it."

[chefalier]

SANJI/PUDDING FANMIX: FACADE

facade (n): show, front, appearance, illusion, mask, veil, cloak, masquerade

“A relationship is built on the top of facade when two people step on a royal wedding which is full of conspiracy. When sacrifice is an illusion, trust is betrayed, love is just a game, and tears are shed; which side will win in the end? The actor behind his mask or the actress behind her veil?”

>> LISTEN on Youtube or Spotify

This is a collaboration fanmix made by me and @douxpudding​. Tracks are arranged by chapter order from 845-864, better not to play in shuffle. Annotation/Lyrics snippet are under the cut.

1. Damien Rice - My Favorite Faded Fantasy (You could be my favorite place I’ve ever been. I got lost in your willingness to dream within the dream. I’ve hung my happiness upon what it all could be with you. You could hold the secrets that save me from myself. I could love you more than life if I wasn’t so afraid.)

2. Paramore - Idle Worship (Standing here like I’m supposed to say something. Don’t hold your breath, I never said I’d save you, honey. If I was you, I’d run from me or rip me open. Be sure to put your faith in something more. I got your hopes up. Now I got you hoping but I’m gonna be the one that let you down.)

3. Arctic Monkey - R U Mine? (She’s a silver lining lone ranger riding through an open space in my mind when she’s not right there beside me. I go crazy ‘cause here isn’t where I wanna be. I guess what I’m trying to say is I need the deep end. Great escape lost track of time and space. She’s a silver lining climbing on my desire. Are you mine tomorrow?)

4. Garbage - Only Happy When It Rains (I know you can’t appreciate it. I love it when the news is bad and why it feels so good to feel so sad.  I only smile in the dark. I didn’t accidentally tell you that. You’ll get the message by the time I’m through when I complain about me and you.  You wanna hear about my new obsession? Pour your misery down on me.)

5. Royal Blood - You Can be So Cruel (I’m outside your window, I’m outside your door. Well, I’ve never been this down before and it shows. Killing me so gently, hands right round my throat. Choking me so slowly, slashing every words down to the bone.)

6. 30 Seconds to Mars - A Beautiful Lie (Lie awake in bed at night and think about your life. Do you want to be different? Try to let go of the truth. It’s the perfect denial. Such a beautiful lie to believe in. So beautiful, it makes me. I’m running around in circles, baby. A quiet desperation is building higher. I’ve got to remember this is just a game.)

7. Taylor Swift - Blank Space (Nice to meet you. I could show you incredible things: magic, madness, heaven, sin. Saw you there and I thought, “Oh my God, look at that face.” You look like my next mistake. Love is a game, want to play?I can read you like a magazine. I’m dying to see how this one ends. I can make a bad guy good in a weekend. It’s gonna go down in flame. The high was worth the pain. Darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream. It’ll leave you breathless or with a nasty scar.)

8. Muse - Dead Inside (Unleash a million drones and confine me then erase me, babe. Do you have no soul? It’s like it died long ago. On the outside you’re ablaze and alive but you’re dead inside. Feel me now, hold me please. I need you to see who I am. Open up to me. Stop hiding from me. It’s hurting, babe. Only you can stop the pain. Don’t leave me out in the cold. Don’t leave me out to die. I gave you everything. You’ve taught me to lie without a trace and to kill with no remorse. On the outside I’m the greatest guy, now I’m dead inside!)

9. Breaking Benjamin - Evil Angel (Hold it together, birds of a feather. Nothing but lies and crooked wings. I have the answer, spreading the cancer. You are the faith inside me. Hiding betrayal. Driving the nail. Hoping to find a savior.  No, don’t leave me to die here. Help me survive here. Put me to sleep, evil angel. Why can’t I breathe?)

10. CHVRCHES - Gun (You had better run from me with everything you own. ‘Cause I am gonna come for you with all that I have. I am gonna break you down to tiny, tiny parts. Take a good swing at me and everything is even.  No place for promises here. You better run. Hide, I have burned your bridges. I will be a gun. And it’s you I’ll come for. And I’m gonna see that you won’t go far. )

11. Bon Jovi - You Give Love A Bad Name (An angel’s smile is what you sell. You promise me heaven, then put me through hell. You’re a loaded gun, there’s nowhere to run. Paint your smile on your lips. Blood red nails on your fingertips. A school boy’s dream, you act so shy. Your very first kiss was your first kiss goodbye. I play my part and you play your game.)

12. Katy Perry - Dark Horse (I knew you were gonna come to me and here you are. But you better choose carefully ‘cause I’m capable of anything and everything. Make me your Aphrodite, make me your one and only. But don’t make me your enemy.  I’m coming at you like a dark horse. Are you ready for a perfect storm? ‘Cause once you’re mine, there’s no going back. It’s a yes or no, no maybe. Give it all to me.)

13. The Cab - Animal (Girl, you locked the door behind you when you walked into my room. And your eyes have got me thinking that maybe there’s a different side of you. Crawling on your hands and knees slowly over to me, reach out to touch my face. Anticipation. Push me up against the wall, whispers and nicks and all these tricks you try and pull. Manipulation. My heart may be missing. But I’ll sink my teeth right into it. My eyes and my mouth agree. You’ll be coming home with me.)

14. Backstreet Boys - Masquerade (This scene’s so hypnotic. Smoking mirrors, lights, and magic. There’s soldier boys, beauty queens. It’s got me losing control. It’s a masquerade, a love parade. Just like a perfect dream. I don’t ever wanna leave. A thousand freaks in the show. One’s a tiger, one’s a lynx. One’s a king that suffering. Moving high, moving low. Burning, can’t you see it in my eyes? Wanna play in this game of disguise. I gotta know the girl behind the mask, don’t pretend. Show your face to me, we could be everything.)

15. Britney Spears - Circus (Well baby, I’m a put-on-a-show kinda girl. I’m like the ringleader. I call the shots. I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins. Spotlight on me and I’m ready to break. Better be ready, hope that you feel the same.  All the eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus. When I crack that whip, everybody gonna trip. There’s only two types of guys out there: ones that can hang with me and ones that are scared. So baby, I hope that you came prepared. I run a tight ship, so beware. Follow me, show me what you can do.)

16. Portishead - Sour Times ( To pretend no one can find the fallacies of morning rose. Forbidden fruit, hidden eyes, courtesies that I despise in me. End the vows, no need to lie, enjoy.  Take a ride, take a shot now. After time the bitter taste of innocence, decent or race. Scattered seeds, buried lives. Mysteries of our disguise revolve, circumstance will decide.)

17. Natalie Grant - The Real Me (Do I let it show, does anybody know? But you see the real me. Hiding in my skin, broken from within. Unveil me completely. I’m loosening my grasp. There’s no need to mask my frailty. Painted on, life is behind a mask. Self-inflicted circus clown. What a mess I’ve made of my existence. Wonderful, beautiful is what you see. When you look at me, you’re turning the tattered fabric of my life into a perfect tapestry.)

18. Pink - It’s All Your Fault (It’s all your fault. You called me beautiful. You turned me out. And now I can’t turn back. I hold my breath because you were perfect. But I’m running out of air and it’s not fair. I would never pull the trigger. But I’ve cried wolf a thousand times. I wish you could feel as bad as I do. I have lost my mind.)

19. Royal Blood - Little Monster (I got my eye on you. Where are you going, where you running to? Hey little monster, you know it’s all ok. I’m gonna love you, no matter what you say. I got love on my fingers, lust on my tongue. You say you got nothing, so come out and get some. Heartache to Heartache, I’m your man.  Tell me what’s on your mind, where’ve you been hiding? Can I come this time? So pleased to please you, let me discover. )

20. Ellie Goulding - Only You (Only you can be the aching in my heart. My enemy, the only animal I couldn’t fight. You hold me in the dark when storms arrive. Only you can see the emptiness I feel when you’re with me. When everything you say, baby, I’m on my knees.)