#I’d give anything to cry in your arms again mom

[mister-lucky-bunny]

Started listening to Pink Floyd - Animals, which happened to be my mom’s favorite album

I sobbed and cried VERY loudly while holding her ashes like an insane person

Guys am I crazy?

[luveline]

Hey!! I love love LOVE your criminal minds content so much, especially the Hotch with unexpected daughter reader. Is there any chance you’re gonna write more for that series? I’d literally take anything, the comfort vibes are off the charts with your works and I need some Hotch comfort. But no worries if not, hope you have a great week <33

thank you for requesting! fem, 1.4k

Jack peers at you from over the furthest armrest. “Y/N. Are you grumpy?” 

“Do I look grumpy?” you ask. 

“Yes.” He pokes his eyebrow. “You do.” 

“My face is betraying me then, because I’m not grumpy.” 

“Mine does that to me all the time but mom doesn’t believe it.”

You give him a small nudge. “Your mommy probably knows you better than you know yourself, like, knows how you’re feeling before you do.” 

“But how does she know?”

“I think it’s because she loves you. She really loves you, babe. You’re lucky.” 

“So lucky.” He climbs over the armrest and onto the couch, smiling at you politely, like a friend he’s just found at school. 

You try to see the similarities in your faces. He looks more like Haley than he does Aaron. You look more like your mother, too. There are bits of Aaron in both of you, yours not quite as physical —Jack’s tame when it comes to expressing emotion, and you both talk in a measured tone. (Though your tone is coincidence or genetics, but not learned. You’d have to have known him growing up for it to be learned.) 

“Did dad tell you what mommy said?” Jack asks. 

You glance over his head but see no one. Aaron said he was going to get chips for movie night, and Haley tends to find things to do. “No.” 

“It’s a secret.” 

“Well, you don’t have to tell me.” 

“You can’t tell anyone,” he says. 

Your stomach feels not your own. “I won’t,” you promise. 

“Mommy says you’re here too much.” 

You nod slowly. Jack frowns at you as though waiting for you to be upset, but you’ve suspected she thinks so for a while. It’s not something you blame her for. 

Jack watches you. 

“Dad got really mad.”

“I’m sorry, Jack. That must’ve been scary.” 

Jack drops his face into your arm. “No. Dad doesn’t yell. But he slept in my room with me.” 

“Want a hug?” you whisper. 

Jack squirms under your arm. You pull him toward you and try to divide your feelings into boxes. Embarrassed and horrified and a little annoyed that Haley thinks you’re here too much. Sad and again embarrassed that Aaron defended you. 

This is Haley’s house, and she never signed up for you. She’s never made you feel unwelcome but that doesn’t mean she wants to see you every Saturday. You're a huge new wedge inserted in their married lives, and now you’re affecting Jack, making his parents argue.  

“I’m sorry,” you say, suddenly flooded by a wave of hot, awkward regret. 

You knew when you found out that Aaron was your father that you would change his life. You’ve always hoped it would be for the better, but maybe it isn’t. 

“Jack…” you say. What is it about hugging him that makes you feel like crying? “I’m real sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen.” 

“It’s not your fault. I like you here. You’re fun.” 

“Thanks, Jack.” 

He looks up at you. “Will you stop coming over?” 

“I guess it’s up to your mommy.” You falter. “Jack?”

“What?” 

“I’m sorry if having a new sister isn’t as fun as you thought it would be. I don’t want to make things harder for you, but I guess I did.” 

“Mom says everything is hard now.” 

You bite the inside of your cheek in efforts to hide how you’re feeling. “I’m sorry. Um, listen, can I have a big hug? I just remembered I have to go help my mom at home.”

“You’re leaving?” 

“Sorry, Jack.” 

Jack gives you a hug. You gather your things and rush to the door to shove your shoes on, but your dad catches you before you can leave. 

“Where are you going?” Aaron asks, his smile falling.

“I–” He makes you nervous, and you know your stammer gives you away. “I forgot I had to do the laundry for my mom tonight, if I don’t do it she’ll be mad for days.” 

“I’m sure you can make it up to her tomorrow,” he suggests gently.

“I better go.”

“Honey, what’s really going on?”

“The laundry is really going on,” you say, unconvincing. “I have to go, I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay. Well, I’ll see you on–”

You open the door before he can finish or offer a hug, image of him in his loose t-shirt carrying a tray of sandwiches burned into your guilty conscience. 

—

You don’t see Aaron for three weeks before he corners you. You owe your great avoidance to his busy job, but it didn’t feel good to reject him, to refuse to make time for him as he does for you. 

“You!” he says, clearly kidding but not entirely where he’s waiting outside of your university building. “Beautiful young woman in the blue! I have some questions for you.” 

It’s so absurd for him that you immediately burst into shy laughter. “Dad, what?” you ask, hiding your face. 

Classmates part around you, seemingly unperturbed. 

Aaron retrieves his badge. “See this? I could detain you, but I won’t if you come quietly. In fact, if you don’t argue I’ll buy you lunch.” 

“You’d buy my lunch regardless.” 

He grabs you. Kindly, but grabbing all the same, like he’s worried you’re about to scarper. “Where have you been hiding?” he asks, giving you a quick hug. You feel tenseness in his arms you're unused to, hear a sadness in his voice that makes your throat burn. 

Putting a table between you helps marginally. Aaron pretends he doesn’t know why you’ve been avoiding him and the Hotchner house, and you’re more than happy to go along with it, until. 

“I have something to tell you,” he says. 

You press against a piece of soaked fruit with your spoon. “Okay.” 

“Haley and I are probably going to separate.” 

You bite your tongue so hard it makes you flinch, spoon scratching the bottom of your bowl. “What?” 

“We’ve been having problems ever since Jack was born.” 

You stare. 

Aaron is very still. He talks carefully. Not without emotion, but stilted, perhaps. “I’m not as good a father as I wish I were. And Haley sees that. Sweetheart, I haven’t ever wanted to burden you with the, uh, less than happy details of my life. I think you’ve suffered me enough. But I’m telling you because I know Jack told you about my most recent argument with Haley.” He smiles at you. “Honey, we fight too much. That day, it was about you, but it’s not all about you, and she doesn’t… Haley’s a good woman. She is. I’ve changed her life a hundred different ways and she hasn’t had many choices, and she…” Something vulnerable crops up, a wavering in his breath. “Sometimes I think she isn’t fair. She holds me to standards I can’t reach, no matter how hard I try, but we’ve stopped arguing about it so much recently, and I’m afraid that that’s… the death knell.” 

“I’m sorry,” you say softly. 

“I’m going to keep trying. I don’t want to lose her.” He drinks what’s left of his soda and presses his napkin under the edge of his plate. “But I won’t lose you, you know? I just want you to understand that you’re not the problem, and you never could be.” 

“I don’t want to add another thing to your levy, dad,” you say, still soft. 

“Meeting you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Well, tied with your brother, of course. You aren’t a thing to be added to anything, you’re my daughter, and Haley might not like it but my home will always have a place for you.” 

What if that’s the problem? From his perspective, you’re not a hindrance to his marriage so much as a separate issue, but from your own, it sounds like you’re just making things worse. 

You’ve missed him, though, and you can’t argue that his reassurances aren’t working. 

“It’s not that Haley doesn’t like you,” he adds, reaching for your hand, “more that she’s unhappy. I’m sorry that that’s something you had to carry.” 

You often think to yourself that Aaron talks like he’s telling a story. He’s so calm and steady, the same as the feeling of his thumb on your wrist. 

“I’m sorry I stormed out.” 

“I wouldn’t call that storming out,” he says. “You’re too quiet sometimes. I wish you’d be upset out loud.” 

“I just don’t want you to fight about me.” 

“Honey,” —he holds your eyes, giving your wrist a gentle squeeze— “I’m always gonna fight for you. That’s what fathers do.”

[traveler-at-heart]

The Doctor's In - Part 2

Wanda Maximoff x F!R

Summary: After Billy's accident, you go back to the Maximoff house to babysitt the twins.

Time works differently when you’re inside a hospital. That’s true, whether you’re a patient or a doctor.

You measure it in shifts that can extend up to 36 hours. Sometimes you go inside when the sky is dark; by the time you're done it looks exactly the same, and you wonder if the day passed at all.

What’s certain is that you will always run late. Racing around your house, you take your bag, keys and pour coffee on a thermos, carrying a pop tart in your mouth.

You’re so worried with making sure you have everything, you don’t even notice Wanda is at the door until you crash against her.

“I’m so sorry!” you say, the coffee spilling all over your scrubs.

“Oh, my Gosh, is it hot? Are you ok?”

“It’s cold, no worries. Let me get changed, wanna come in?”

You walk back, finding some clean scrubs on a basket near the stairs. Thank God you did your laundry yesterday.

“What’s up, Wands?” you say, changing in the same room. You’re extremely late and can’t afford to go upstairs.

Wanda looks at your smooth skin and toned muscles and blushes, looking away.

“Oh… I… wanted to give you this. Billy drew it the other day. It’s supposed to be you in the hospital”

“That’s so cute” you walk up to her, looking at the drawing over her shoulder. “How’s the arm?”

“It’s good, he’s just itchy”

“Yeah, that happens. Can I keep it?” you ask and she hands you the paper. You put in on the fridge door, a magnet securing the drawing in its place. “I’d love to chat but I gotta run”

Wanda glares when you pick another pop-tart.

“Is that what you call breakfast?”

“I’m late!” you protest with a laugh, taking a bite on your way out.

“Well, come by anytime if you want to have some real food” she offers and you nod, smiling as you get into the car. “Oh, shoot! I forgot to ask. I need a baking tray to put some extra cookies, you wouldn’t happen to have one?”

“It’s your lucky day, my mom gave me one I never use. It’s supposed to be somewhere in the cupboard. There’s a spare key in that ceramic turtle”

“Oh, are you sure? I could come back later”

“No, it’s ok. As a matter of fact, keep it, in case you need anything else” you smile, groaning when your pager goes off again. “Ugh, gotta run! Say thanks to Billy for me”

“Will do” she waves, smiling as you practically put the entire pop-tart in your mouth.

Wanda ignores the regret she feels over not asking for what she really wanted. It wasn’t a baking tray, but some time with you.

—

“Is that your pager or mine?” you say, moaning when Carol’s lips travel lower, pulling your pants down.

“It can wait” she says, leaving open mouthed kisses as you part your legs, your fingers threading through her locks.

“The word emergency is in my job description” you say, reaching out and sighing with relief. “It’s yours”

“Is it 911?”

“Nope”

“Good. Now shut up and let me eat your pussy” Carol says, her tongue darting out to taste you, your hips canting up to move against her mouth.

“Fuck” you say, breathless as you ride Carol’s face. She leaves her place between your legs and you’re about to protest when you feel two fingers stretching you.

“Shhh” she says against your mouth, letting you taste yourself in her lips. “Be quiet for me”

You try to stay quiet, but almost let out a moan when someone knocks on the door of the on call room.

“Doctor Danvers?”

“In a minute” she says, a hand over your mouth. Her fingers pump in and out of you faster and the idea of someone waiting on the other side adds to the thrill. You reach your orgasm with a muffled cry.

“You good?” Carol says with a smile, standing up to get her clothes.

All you can do is nod, waiting for your breathing to go back to normal.

“See you later, pretty girl” she kisses your cheek, going out to meet the resident that was looking for her.

It was cliche, hooking up with someone at the hospital, but of course you had needs and no time to fulfill them outside of this building.

The fact that Carol wasn’t looking for anything serious helped too.

No feelings, no complications.

The rest of your shift goes surprisingly quiet, but you’re still urged to go home when Chief Fury comes across you in the hallway.

Since you leave on time and very well rested, you decide to go for a run as soon as you get home. You enjoy the physical exertion and being outdoors, appreciating the beautiful sunset as you jog around the neighbourhood.

It’s barely getting dark when you reach home, Wanda outside talking on the phone. You wave, but the tense smile she gives back makes you walk to her house instead of yours.

“Everything ok?” you ask as soon as she hangs up.

“Yeah, I had this thing but the nanny cancelled last minute”

“Oh, that sucks, I’m sorry” you look back to your place, and then your eyes meet hers. “Why don’t I take care of the twins for you?”

“I couldn’t possibly ask you to… you just got back from work, you’re probably tired”

“It was an easy shift, for once. Plus, I gather they don’t stay up too late, right?”

“No, it would only be two hours, three tops” she promises and you nod.

“It’s settled then, let me just take a shower real quick”

Wanda nods, her eyes raking over your body. She suddenly wished you’d go for runs more often, as you tend to wear really short shorts that show your toned legs.

“I can’t thank you enough” she says, going back to reality.

“Pancakes are always a good call” you wink, going across the street to your place. “Be right back!”

As you shower and change into more comfortable clothes, a part of you gets nervous over babysitting Billy and Tommy. Sure, you were good when you did your rounds in Peeds, but that didn’t mean anything compared to spending an evening making sure they were entertained enough.

Either way, you can’t back out now, so you cross the street, knocking on Wanda’s door. You’re taken aback by how beautiful she looks with a red skirt and red turtleneck sweater, knee high boots completing the outfit.

“You look amazing” you say, forcing yourself to look at her eyes, but it’s not any better, the make up enhancing her features and those striking green eyes.

“Thank you” she says shyly and you nod, not trusting yourself with your words. Wanda moves aside to let you in and you find Billy and Tommy in the living room.

“Hey, kiddos” you greet and they look at you excitedly.

“Hey, Y/N. Are you gonna hang with us?”

“Yeah, of course! We’ll have some fun” you ruffle Tommy’s hair, and inspect Billy’s cast. “Woah, someone has a lot of stickers”

“All of my classmates gave me one! I still have some space here, wanna pick one out?” the boy says, and you smile. Yeah, he moved on from the scared stage to being the cool kid with the broken arm at school.

“Of course, I’ll have to find some cool sticker in my collection” you promise.

Wanda leads you to the kitchen, showing you around. Your mouth waters at the smell of the pasta she made.

“I won’t be gone for long. They’re supposed to be in bed at 9 but I know they’ll get excited because you’re here so I’ll leave it up to you to decide”

“Alright. I’ll try my best to be the adult in the room”

“And remember…”

“No candy after 8” you repeat and Wanda chuckles.

“I can’t thank you enough, seriously” she says, walking towards the door.

“Not a problem”

The boys go say goodbye to their mom, and you think it’s adorable how they hug her and each give her a kiss on the cheek.

Wanda waves goodbye and you close the door, blushing as you appreciate one last time how amazing she looks in that outfit.

“So, what do the Maximoffs do for fun around here?”

“We watch movies or play videogames”

“Oh, like what? Crash, Spyro?” you say excitedly, because you love videogames and it’s been ages since you’ve played.

“What’s a Spyro?” Billy says, confused.

“What? Dude!”

“Dude!” the twins turn to each other, speaking at the same time. Oh, no.

“Damn it” you curse and they repeat that too. You cover your mouth with your hands, afraid of letting out another word that is way worse. “Alright, don’t speak like that. Only adults can say certain words”

“But Mom doesn’t speak that way either”

“That’s because she’s a very mature person. Come on, I’ll show you the best videogame ever”

While you wait for the game to download on their console, Tommy shows you around the house, Billy close behind.

“Can we have dinner before playing?”

“Sure” you nod, going back to the kitchen where you take plates, serving pasta and juice for the twins while you settle on a can of soda.

“Your mom is the best cook, I swear” you say with your mouth full, making the kids laugh. It’s been forever since you’ve had a homemade meal.

“Do you cook?”

“God, no. My talents are limited to medicine, Billy”

“So, do you eat hospital food?” Tommy says, grossed out and you laugh.

“We have a cafeteria and the food is ok, plus I forget to eat most of the time anyway. But seriously, your mom’s food is to die for. That’s just an expression, obviously”

“She made cookies. Can we have some?”

You look at the clock, and it’s almost 8.

“Alright, one for each”

The twins cheer, eating their pasta and asking you questions, most of them innocent, until…

“Why don’t you have kids?”

You choke on your drink, the boy blissfully unaware of how awkward you feel.

“Oh, well, Tommy… being a surgeon takes a long time. You have to go to school for a lot of years and then work at a hospital. So, there’s not a lot of time left to do other stuff”

Please don’t ask me how babies are made.

Thankfully, the questions stop once you give them a cookie, and they munch on them as you set up the game.

“He’s a dragon!” Billy says, amazed at the little purple creature prancing around the screen. They laugh when Sparks eats the butterflies and you can’t help the grin that’s on your face, remembering your childhood and how you used to spend your days playing.

“Your turn” you hand the control to Tommy, showing him the basic commands. Billy leans against you, asking some questions about the game.

You hold the control on the right side so he can push the buttons on the left once it’s his turn, enjoying the way they celebrate each time they get a chest full of diamonds.

The music of the game is very soothing, and after an hour playing, they’re both struggling to keep their eyes open. One glance at the clock tells you it’s 9:30, so the timing is perfect.

“Anyone tired?”

“No” Tommy lies.

“Really? I was thinking of trying out how strong I am, carrying both of you upstairs”

That makes them giddy and before they can run away, you carry them over your shoulders. The twins kick and scream, laughing as you go up the stairs.

“I’m so strong” you say as you reach the final step, trying to hide how out of breath you are.

“Now go down the stairs!"

“Uh, pass. Brush your teeth, come on” you say.

“Can we wait for mommy to be back?” Billy says before going inside the bathroom.

“Sure thing. Change into your PJs and we’ll read a story while we wait for her”

Of course, by the time they’re tucked in and you’re reading from the book Tommy choose, both boys are struggling to stay awake.

By 9:45 you leave their room quietly, closing the door behind you and going back to the first floor.

Your body is finally catching up to the exhaustion of the day, but you clean the kitchen and scroll through your phone, reading updates for patients and a text from Carol asking about your next shift.

Just when you’re about to answer her, the front door opens. At first, Wanda makes some noise, but upon seeing the quiet in the house, she closes the door softly, removing her boots.

“Hey” you say, leaning against the wall, hands on your pockets. “Had fun?”

“Uh, sorta” Wanda makes a face and you raise an eyebrow. “It was a blind date that went horribly wrong”

“I’m sorry”

“Don’t be” she walks up to you, and you appreciate how short she is, without the heels she’s always wearing. “The restaurant was awful, he was an ass, and I am never ever letting my coworkers set me up with someone again”

You laugh at that, shrugging your shoulders.

“That sucks, especially the part about the food”

“Yeah. I’ll just grab whatever from the fridge”

“Ok. The kids are asleep. We had dinner, played some games and they wanted to wait up for you but it was almost 10. I’ll... uh, leave you to it” you get distracted by the way Wanda bites on a strawberry, your eyes going to her lips.

“Oh, yeah, of course. You must be tired” she says and your mind must be playing you tricks because she sounds disappointed.

You make a face, waiting for her to elaborate.

“Sorry, I just… would you stay while I eat? It would be nice to have pleasant company while I pretend this date never happened”

“Sure. I can definitely have more of your pasta”

This time, Wanda pulls out a bottle of red wine, and you enjoy the taste of it along with the food she made. It feels like the fanciest meal you’ve had in ages, even if it’s just at your neighbours kitchen.

“What about you?” Wanda says between bites.

“What about me?”

“Do you date?” she says with a smile, sipping from her glass.

“No, not really. It’s hard to do it with my crazy work hours. And I’m not sure I’d date another surgeon”

“Why not?”

“Some of them are batshit crazy” you say, making Wanda laugh.

“Oh, this is the first time I’ve laughed this evening”

“Happy to be of service" you raise your glass. "I’m gonna be a doctor for a second and feed my curiosity. Who else has twins in your family?”

“Me”

“What?”

You’ve met her for two years and somehow, you never knew this?

“Yeah, I have a twin brother. He lives across the country” Wanda says.

“That sounds nice. Not the living away part, but having someone to grow up with” you say, thinking about your own childhood. Wanda waits for you to look up, and you explain yourself. “I was an only child, but then my mom remarried when I was eleven. She and her husband had more children but, I don’t know, I never felt part of it”

“Was it something they did?” Wanda says with a soft voice, her hand coming closer to yours.

“Uh, no. My mom’s really nice, and I’m sure she didn’t do anything on purpose… but of course you’ll turn your focus to your youngest children, that’s how it works. I try to be around but it doesn’t feel like I belong. So I’m better at the hospital, working the days away”

“I’m sorry”

“It’s fine, really. Maybe I’ll return her calls one of these days”

“Wow, now I feel special because you answer my texts” she jokes and you nod.

“You are special, Wanda”

The woman blushes, you biting your lip at the beautiful shade of red tinting her cheeks.

In spite of yourself, the alcohol relaxes you and you let out a yawn.

“Someone’s past their bed time”

“Yeah, yeah” you rub your eyes, standing up to wash the dishes.

“Let me” Wanda says, standing between you and the sink. For a moment, you consider pulling her closer and kissing her, but it’s probably the sleep depravation, or the alcohol making you delusional.

“Thanks, Wanda” you stay close, your eyes never leaving her face.

“Thank you, for taking care of them”

“Anytime” you nod, taking a step back before you act on your feelings.

“Text me when you’re home?” Wanda asks and you laugh.

“I live across the street”

“Yeah, but you had wine and you’re tired, one never knows in these cases”

“Fine” you linger on the threshold of the door, smiling as she looks at you. “Night, Wanda”

You wait until you’re home to pull out your phone, smiling as you type.

Y/N: Just got home. Traffic was horrible!

Wanda: Very funny.

Y/N: :)

Wanda: Night, Y/N

[penkura]

last forever [7/13]

Summary: Zoro only offered to marry you to keep you out of an arranged marriage with a man much older than you. You agreed with the caveat of ending it via annulment once you received word from your parents regarding the original engagement, despite your growing feelings for your close friend.

Pairing: Zoro x Fem!reader, mentioned Sanami later (like epilogue later so chill)

Warnings: Marriage of Convenience, Fake Marriage, referenced sex (waaaaaay later on), mutual pining, Zoro is bad at feelings but what's new there, eventual romance I promise, mention of past attempted assault (I'll warn in that chapter), creepy older dude later on

Note: I apologize for glossing over and skipping fights and so much of this arc. Writing violence is not my forte, and I'd rather focus on the main relationship. We all know how One Piece goes anyway. I had to go back and refresh myself on some of the details, it's been a while since I read/watched Water Seven and Enies Lobby.

But also, I was SO NERVOUS writing a certain part of this, its NOT my usual style omg. But I needed to write what I did when it popped into my head. Just wait until a bit later, though omg. This stays SFW, I swear.

Taglist:

@misfits1a

[Ch. 1] ● [Ch. 2] ● [Ch. 3] ● [Ch. 4] ● [Ch. 5] ● [Ch. 6]

When you finally make it to Water Seven, after your run in with the Foxy Pirates and Admiral Aokiji, it’s nice to be somewhere you recognize. Having only been here a few times when your dad had business and he chose to bring you and Elias, it was always your favorite trip to take when your mother would let you tag along.

The only person who knows this at first, apart from Zoro, is Sanji, when you choose to go into the city with him as Zoro watches the ship; Luffy, Nami, and Usopp go to exchange the gold for actually money, and Chopper goes with Robin to find a bookstore. Sanji laughs a bit when you tell him you’ve been here a few times, give or take.

“You may have been a bit sheltered, but you were well traveled!”

Laughing in return, you tighten your arms around Sanji, laying your head on his back as your Yagara ride continues down the water street, watching all the people. It’s been so long, you forgot how lively this city was.

“Mom would always try to make me stay home with her, but I’d cry and throw a tantrum until she let me go, normally because my brother asked for me to. I was a little spoiled back then by Elias.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Sanji looks over his shoulder to give you a smile, “You were the baby, that’s expected.”

“Tch, yeah,” scoffing, you don’t look up at him, “The baby no one but my brother really wanted.”

He doesn’t say anything, instead just patting one of your hands, which makes you fist his shirt in your grip for a moment before relaxing again. Sanji knows more about your life growing up than most of your crew, only Zoro really having the nearly full story. Even then, you’ve kept somethings to yourself, not because they were painful memories, but because they were some of the few good times you remember, they were more precious to you than any other memories.

The two of you quickly find the shopping district and purchase copious amount of local foods, Sanji reeling off different ideas for dishes as he catches sight of Robin, grabbing your hand to drag you along and around a corner he swears to you he saw her go down, but she’s nowhere to be seen and neither is Chopper.

Your doctor does find you both a few moments later, apologizing on your way back to Merry for losing Robin, but you tell him not to worry, she can take care of herself, she’ll come back later.

When you get back to Merry, the update Zoro gives you feels like a knife in all your hearts. 

“What do you mean Merry is unfixable?!”

“Just what I said,” Zoro doesn’t fully look at Sanji, instead making sure you’re all right with the news, though the frown and starting of tears tell him you aren’t, “A shipwright came to check and said so.”

You hate the idea of having to give up Merry, whether that’s what Luffy’s decided yet or not, you aren’t sure, even as Nami returns and the situation gets worse with Usopp having been beaten by the Franky family and the two hundred million beri being stolen from him. The money didn’t matter, what mattered was Usopp, the rest of your crew going to find him and Luffy but Nami clinging onto you to stay with her, which you do to keep your friend safe.

The rest of the day is a blur, after Usopp is brought back, his fight with Luffy over Merry, and how quickly the rest of you leave to a hotel in the city. Some would probably think it’s strange that you’re holding so tightly to Zoro the whole time, rarely letting go of his arm, but you feel like you need some stability with how things have changed so much in just a day. You all still don’t know where Robin’s gone, you plan to go with Sanji and Chopper later the next day to try and find her.

For now, Zoro doesn’t mind you holding onto and staying by him. He tries to understand, it’s likely you’re thinking back to your parents, having told him of how they’d argue regarding you mostly, Elias being your safe haven who would remove you from the situation for safety.

Part of you doesn’t want to sleep that night, but Zoro makes you, forcing you to lay down. Really you’re worried you’re going to wake up and everything’s been a dream, none of your friends will be there, but Zoro, who you fully are coming to believe can read your mind, pokes you in the forehead before sitting by your bed with his back to you.

“Just sleep. I’ll be here in the morning.”

Every part of you believes him, you’ve got nothing but trust in Zoro.

+!+

With everything that’s happened involving Robin, your crew, Galley-La, and the Franky family, you’re surprised you’re even still on your feet as you follow everyone into Enies Lobby. You’d barely slept the night before and have been awake since early the previous morning, ending up following Sanji to the sea train that was taking Robin from you all. You fight alongside him, Franky, and Usopp, er, Sniper King, to try and reach Robin, only to lose her again in exchange for your own lives.

After the Rocketman train catches up to you and the four of you board it, Nami throws a towel over you since you’re sopping wet from the rain, and you start to draw yourself back from everyone for a few moments. You just need a bit to catch your breath, to keep yourself from crying due to how tired and upset you are. It’s going to be another sleepless night as you listen to everyone try and plan how you’re all going to attack the government island, you want to rescue Robin as soon as possible, even for the selfish reason of being able to sleep properly. Zoro tries to keep you out of the plan discussion, making you sit down and rest as much as you can, giving you water and sending you the slightest of glares if you try to get up too soon.

“Stay there, wife,” he’s quiet while he tells you to stay where you are, trying to keep his slip up of calling you his wife from those who don’t and shouldn’t know, “Rest until we get there. We’ll get Robin back.”

A slight smirk hits your face as you look up at him. “Trust her now?”

Zoro shrugs a bit, leaning on the wall beside you. “I guess. I trust you and Luffy more. But if you don’t rest, it doesn’t matter who I trust.”

Ah, that makes sense, why he’s trying so hard to make you take a break, other than you’re being up for so long now.

You’ll be useless in the fighting if you aren’t as prepared as you can be, if you haven’t had any kind of rest and keep worrying over Robin and everyone else. Even when you get there, convince Robin to let you all rescue her, most of your body wants to give up and stop, but you keep going, keep running to save her with everyone else.

You don’t really mean to get separated from everyone when you go to find the CP9 members who have keys that could open Robin’s sea prism stone cuffs, but it happens and you’re left defending yourself.

A few Marines get a little too close for comfort, but you cut them down fairly quickly, before going the other way from where you came and laughing to yourself at the same time.

I’m starting to take after my husband after all.

+!+

You’ve all returned to Water Seven after rescuing Robin from the government, you’ve maybe given her numerous hugs since even though its only been a couple of hours, and your unfortunate burial of Merry that’d left most of you in tears but all of you heartbroken. So much had happened that you had to step away from everyone for a bit, while there were discussions of what to do next although Luffy had once again fallen asleep from overuse of his powers.

Truthfully you wish you could go to sleep, you’ve been awake for well over twenty-four hours at this point, it would be nice to curl up in a bed and sleep the next several days. Its times like this that make you really wonder if you’re meant to be a pirate, maybe you should just go home and do what your parents want.

“Hey, you okay?”

Then Zoro finds you like always, quietly speaking to keep the others from eavesdropping, though Nami tries, a hand on your shoulder, this time he seems to grip a little tighter than before. You know him well enough at this point, there’s just the slightest hint of worry on his face as he looks at you, brows furrowed just a bit. Zoro knows you just as well, you step away like this when things start to get to be too much, you just need a few moments to clear your head and breathe, and since you’ve had that, you give him a real smile.

“I’m okay.”

“Are you really?”

You nod, Zoro doing the same in return as he knows to believe you, before surprising you by gently taking you face in his hands, as if he’s making absolutely sure that you’re telling the truth.

Having lost track of you while he’d gone on to fight the CP9 members to get Robin’s key, his mind kept wandering to where you’d gotten off to, if you were safe, if you were fighting someone or multiple marines, he really hoped you weren’t against a CP9 member. You had to stay safe, no matter what, you and Robin were his biggest concerns at the time. When you randomly ran into him, Sanji, and Usopp, he was surprised by the relief he felt to see you were a little banged up but otherwise perfectly fine. He’d made you let him carry you on his back the rest of the way, until you got to the ship and were able to safely be on the ground again. He’d barely let you out of his sight since then.

Zoro doesn’t make whatever worry he had about you obvious, only looking like he’s fighting to find something to say while he holds your face and you continue to smile, tilting your head.

“Zoro?”

“Glad you’re okay.”

Giggling a bit, you nod before wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug, your exhaustion and the fears and worries you’ve had the last few hours finally coming to surface while you hug Zoro, making him do the same lightly, to keep you from embarrassing yourself in front of the others while you cry quietly, though you know they wouldn’t care or judge you.

You’re glad Robin is back, everyone is safe and alive, you all may have lost Merry but you’re coming to terms with it.

But most importantly to you, Zoro is safe, and to him, you’re safety is just as important, even if he barely voices it. The last thing he wants is for you to be harmed, in anyway by anyone.

He'll be especially damned if it’s by his hand so he comforts you the best he can, until you’re calmed down enough to rejoin your crew, staying beside him.

He doesn’t make you release his hand as you grip onto it, instead squeezing it back whenever you do so. When you lean into his arm later on, he lays his head against your own, telling you to go ahead and sleep, he’ll get you to a bed. You make him promise to stay with you that night, and he does once everyone goes to turn in, not leaving your side for even a second.

He’ll make sure you stay safe.

+!+

Zoro isn't sure how you two ended up away from the rest of the party. Too much alcohol, yes, but his tolerance is higher than a normal person's. He knows better than to wander off like this, but you took him by the wrist and walked away with a new bottle of sake in your hand, convincing him that it would be good to get away from the noise and everyone else.

You don't normally drink as much as he's seen you do today, he wonders if it's the alcohol that's causing you to giggle incessantly and steal glances at him every bit. Not like you had to steal glances, if you two had been talking you'd be looking at him.

But you'd barely said a word apart from when he asked why you were dragging him away from everyone else.

“Just want some quiet time, husband.”

Zoro never stops you from calling him husband, he's not sure why. Your marriage wasn't real, he should stop you from calling him that.

He should, but he never does.

He doesn't now, even as you lean against him and say “my husband” over and over again. It's only the moment you crawl yourself into his lap that he feels the need to stop you, despite knowing you're drunk or at the very least tipsy enough to not know what you're doing.

“Get off.”

He still doesn't push you off, he's not that heartless.

“Nooooo…” You whine and start to nuzzle your face in his neck, sighing happily after a moment. “My husband~”

“Ain't actually your husband, you know that.”

“But you're my husband still.”

“Stop it before someone sees.”

You pout, but lift your head up to look at him. Zoro can tell more so now that you're definitely drunk, you're more emotional than he thought you'd be. He always expected you to be a giggly or chatty drunk, not emotional to the point you're pouting but also looking like you might cry.

“You should...kiss me.”

“What.”

You nod, leaning closer and touching your nose to Zoro's, making him glance away from you just the slightest bit from the proximity despite the bit of pink across his cheeks that you can see. This is the closest you've let yourself get to him ever, even the nights you sneak into his bed from nightmares, you've never placed your face so close to his.

“You didn't kiss me…when we got married.”

“We're not actu–”

“I'll kiss you then.”

You close the gap for the quickest of seconds, kissing Zoro so fast it's like it didn't happen. Despite your drunk state your face burns with a blush and you apologize, you're not sure why you did that. Must've been the alcohol controlling you or something, that's your excuse. You're both quiet but neither of you moves for a moment, before you decide to get up only to have Zoro hold you in place by your shoulders. His brows are furrowed and you're not sure what's going on in his mind, before he pulls you back into a proper kiss, none of this tiny peck of the lips thing you'd just done. He kisses you fully and for more than a brief second, it's several seconds before he pulls away, leaving you both breathless and you personally shocked.

Shocked for just a moment before you take his face in your hands and kiss Zoro a third time, which he returns, surprising you when he wraps his arms around your waist and brings you closer to him (how you could even get closer when you’re already on his lap, you don’t know). You refuse to let him be the one to end this. You don't want this to end, it needs to continue, even if just for you. Even if all it does is make your feelings for him stronger, even if Zoro later tells you it was a mistake and he still held no romantic feelings for you, despite that fact he's so willingly returning such affection.

Even though, a moment later, Zoro pushes you away gently by your shoulders, neither of you able to breathe properly for a moment, catching your breath as your slowly sobering mind tries to play catch up with what the hell just happened.

You kissed Zoro, and he actually kissed you back. He didn't shove you off or yell at you or anything like that. He accepted it and reciprocated without a single word. You figured he would fight you about this, that he wouldn't accept it so easily.

Is this the progress you've been hoping for?

Once you've both caught your breath, Zoro doesn't even look at you, instead moves just enough that you get the hint and get off his lap finally. It's a few minutes of complete silence between the two of you, that has you confused. You thought things were changing, that you two were getting closer than you had been even before Luffy brought you along.

The fact he'd just kissed you back for several minutes it felt like, you thought maybe Zoro was going to confess to you, but when he still doesn't look at you, you attempt to bring him back by taking his hand, which he lets you for a moment before gently pulling his arm back to himself.

“Zoro…I…I'm sor–”

“I think…you should go to bed, [Y/N].”

“Do you,” you gulp a bit, looking away before you finish, “do you want to come with me?”

“No. That's not a good idea.”

You know this, who knows what trouble you'd bring to yourselves or the crew if you two went to your room together? Whose heart would be broken the next morning if you took things too far when you weren't fully sober? You didn't know, the thought of either of you being hurt made your heart ache and you couldn't bear the thought.

So, instead of trying to convince him things would be fine, you really just wanted to sleep with him next to you, you nod, standing up and dusting yourself off, grabbing the bottle you'd brought with you and looking at Zoro again.

“Are you–”

“Gonna stay here for a bit.”

It's all you can do to nod again, apologizing for pushing things too far before you turn and leave, doing your absolute best to keep your tears to yourself as you return to the party, giving Nami a small smile when she asks where you've been, promising her you'd just gone off to spend some time alone.

She doesn't believe you and intends to get all the information she can later, but she does give you a hug that nearly pushes you over, and says she'll beat up whoever made you sad, especially if it's Zoro, earning her a laugh before you return to your room at the hotel.

I wish he had come with me…

Truthfully you don't regret kissing Zoro, not even a bit. Despite his rejection of your feelings, the fact he so willingly kissed you back made you believe that maybe things were changing in your favor.

Perhaps it was because he was drunk, or maybe he was sober enough that he knew exactly what he was doing, especially when he denied returning to your room with you.

Either way, even with your heart aching from another rejection, it feels like you're making progress with Zoro and your relationship with him, little by little.

For his part of it all, Zoro stays in the same place you'd left him for nearly an hour, trying to calm his own racing heart after that exchange with you.

How he never thought of kissing you before, but now he didn't want to do anything but kiss you (it's the alcohol talking, he swears it is). You tasted like the sake you'd shared and whatever sweet wine Nami had convinced you to take several drinks of. A combination he never expected to be so nice, something he didn't think he'd want to taste again. The moment he thinks about it again his heart skips a beat, and Zoro puts head in his hands in an attempt to stop such feelings.

No, no, shit I gotta stop this.

He sighs and runs his hands through his hair, pulling it slightly to get those thoughts out of his head. Any focus on romance, on you he wanted out of his head. There's been too much of it lately, the want to stay close to you, to pull you away from everyone else, to give in and indulge himself in you alone. He'd told you nothing was going to happen and he had meant it.

But then you had to go and kiss him. The most innocent of kisses, a quick peck on the lips but he'd gone and pulled you back for more almost instantly. Then you made it worse by returning it again and holding his face this time, he didn't know why he enjoyed that so much. This whole thing was ridiculous, there's no reason for these feelings!

The only thing he could do to get some time to think was to push you away, refuse to join you when you went to bed. Who knows what would've happened if he had gone with you? Of course, he knew your thoughts were innocent, you'd shared a bed multiple times when you turned to him after nightmares, it was highly unlikely you were expecting anything more than to just go to sleep and wake up with a hangover, Zoro by your side in case of alcohol induced nightmares.

And he had made you go to bed alone.

That realization, for some reason, causes his heart to ache and Zoro has to finally admit what he's been trying not to, over the last several months, even with the more domestic thoughts he's allowed himself to entertain at times. Something he was hoping would fade away, would disappear over time like it always did for others, the feelings he's finally realized were going to be more long term than he expected.

Damn it all…I'm falling for my wife.

+!+

Contrary to what many may think, Sanji doesn’t particularly like being privy to romance gossip, not the kind involving his crewmates especially. He thinks that such things should be kept between a couple, so when he accidentally hears you telling Nami and Robin how you and Zoro finally kissed the other night, he’s less than pleased to hear it ended with your swordsman pushing you back, not taking you back to your room, or even staying with you for the night.

How unbelievably rude of him! To steal your first kiss, and not even walk you back to your room!

That’s what Sanji would’ve done. If any woman kissed him, he’d walk her back to her room or home, at the very least, to ensure she was safe and nothing happened. Zoro not doing that, when you were inebriated, when you could’ve been hurt or worse, it angers Sanji more than anything Zoro has or hasn’t done thus far. He views you as his best friend, he hates the way you and Zoro seem to get closer to a real relationship, only for something to happen or someone to intervene and ruin your progress. He’s been cheering for you from the start, ever since you confirmed your feelings for the swordsman, only to now wonder if it’s worth it for you.

If Zoro really is what you want and makes you happy, why does it seem like all you do lately is suffer?

Sanji doesn’t fully mean to give Zoro the cold shoulder this time, or even the suspicious looks he throws at him, but Zoro noticed quickly, before anyone else, and confronts him.

“What the hell is your problem, cook?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit, you’ve been giving me worse looks than normal.”

Sanji bites down on his cigarette, finally dropping the knife he’d been holding to face Zoro with a scowl.

“I heard you and [Y/N] kissed the other night—”

“Damn it.”

“—and you didn’t bother to take her back to her room?”

“What, is that my job now?”

“As her husband it should be!”

“I’m not really her husband! Damn it, this is stupid.”

Zoro goes to leave, but Sanji stops him by grabbing his sleeve, holding on and telling him to stop.

“Look, asshole. I could care less that you two are married, real or not, or that you kissed her,” Sanji grits his teeth, finally letting go of Zoro’s sleeve, “But if you break her heart, I’ll never forgive you, mosshead.”

While Sanji turns back to continue prepping for dinner, Zoro stops for just a moment. The two have had fights before, that’s obvious to anyone with a brain, but they’ve yet to fight about you. And he wonders why it's only now, after you kissed him, that Sanji seems so hell bent on protecting you, or maybe he's always been like this, it's just more on display as you and Zoro start to get closer.

“What’s your deal with her?”

“She’s my best friend, mosshead. I just want her safe and happy, even if it’s with you.”

He doesn’t say anything in response, leaving the kitchen to find you lounging with Nami and Robin, the three of you in some conversation when you look up and see him, giving a slight smile that Zoro returns with a nod, before heading off to the crow’s nest. What Sanji last said is stuck in his head, partially wondering if you told your cook what happened that night in Water Seven or if he was good at guessing, but that’s not the biggest thing he wonders about.

Would you really be happy with me, of all people, [Y/N]?

+!+

“All right, wait, so, you honestly kissed him?”

“Nami don't make me repeat myself.”

Nami laughs while Robin smiles, both amazed you got up the courage to kiss Zoro of all people. Yeah, you were tipsy at the time, even though Zoro still believes you were fully intoxicated, but you couldn't help feeling bad about it afterwards, just for a bit.

“I didn't fully think it through. I just…I don't know, I wanted to kiss him so I did.”

“I don't think he's too upset about it then,” Robin nods a bit, taking a sip of her wine, “You said he kissed you back, if he didn't push you away right off the bat, it sounds like he was positively receptive to it.”

“Yeah,” Nami quickly agrees, giving you a grin, “Sounds like you're getting yourself a boyfriend.”

“I don't think he wants that.”

“Well, what do you want? Maybe you guys could talk it through.”

What did you want? You thought you knew, to be a world renowned swordswoman, to help Luffy become King of the Pirates.

But what did you want from Zoro? Just to be with him, to stay married to him? Do you want to maybe have a family of your own with him one day? You'd had those thoughts when your feelings first started surfacing, after your impromptu wedding at that backwater courthouse. You'd stopped entertaining  thoughts for quite a while, but now, they're coming back more often.

More importantly, does Zoro want any of that with you?

“I…think… I want to be with him forever…”

Hearing Nami choke on her own drink, you give her a concerned look before she looks at you with wide eyes.

“You sound like you're in love with Zoro!”

You don't say anything for a bit, even with Nami and Robin looking at you like they're expecting you to deny such a thing. There was no way you were in love with Zoro, not at all. You two hadn't dated, your marriage was only temporary, it was meant to end as soon as you had something from your parents. You two weren't going to last forever, you weren't going to have kids together, live out your lives as a married couple. It wasn't happening.

No matter how much you may want it to. That's what Nami and Robin have come to think over time, from the things you've said to them.

“I am, Nami.”

Despite Nami's new outburst and saying she knew it with Robin laughing, you don't feel any kind of worry or fear about admitting your real feelings for Zoro. Neither of them would tell, your secret was safe as could be.

But for you, all you do is smile to yourself.

You love Zoro, more than anything. You've thought so for a while now, but finally voicing it aloud gives you a sense of peace and happiness. Whether Zoro ever returns your feelings or not, whether you two come to act as a married couple or not, you're more than happy to even stay by his side as his crewmate and friend. Even if you have to love him silently, you'd do so.

You'll hope he comes to love you back one day, but you won't force anything on him.

“I'm in love with Zoro.”

~~

Note 2: Me writing this: now KISS.

After writing: omg they kissed

[youhaveraybies]

Heaven Knows I’m miserable now🍂

… A lot more Jeremy…

@sarcastic-cookie @herondale-lightworm

It’d been four months ; four months since you moved in, four months since your hallucinations and four months since Alan had died. Your mom has finally stopped crying about three months after , i mean she did only know Alan for two months…and she did kinda rush everything…maybe this was the worlds way of telling her he wasn’t what she needed? Your mom seemed happier ; you bonded alot more now, you cooked, you baked and you even gossiped together. She’d started work about a week ago , working at the local libary and you’d started studying…which you weren’t exactly the best at since you found it hard to concentrate. You’d stopped seeing Jeremy around..he’d left you alone..or so you thought .

You wake up, it’s lunch time..you’d slept it once again. Your dog cuddled into your side, your laptop left open and still playing which ever Scream movie you’d left on…you had a habit of picking scary movies and then falling asleep before the end. You stretch, the usual coldness of your room hitting your body as you slink out of bed , eyes darting around before they land on..well…the ghost boy who’d been pestering you the first couple of days you’d moved in and then disappeared for four months.

“hey..” He hums, hand in his pocket and one behind his back, he stands there sort of awkwardly before he looks back out of the window, “i…uh look look i’m gonna apologise for how much of a dick i was..i mean i still want you to die and join me..cause..well that way your mom would leave and then i wouldn’t be so alone..! “ He scoffs out, “but but that’s not why i’m apologising…i’m apologising cause i’m sorry your step dad died..and that you had to deal with me…” He nods, you almost fall for it…but you can’t , you know he murdered his parents and you know he’s probably just saying all of this so you do join him.

He stands there for a moment before rolling his eyes,”i mean it..come on! Believe me, babe. I’m being so-“

“prove it. You can do stuff with your ghost powers so prove you’re really sorry.” You interrupt him, arms crossing over your chest , subconsciously pushing it up in your tank top ; giving the teenage boy before you a view he’ll probably think about for the rest of his undead life . His eyes move, scanning you before they slowly make their way to your face..would you blame him?…he’s still a teenage boy even after years of being dead .

He snaps out of it, “what do you want me to do? posses someone? “ He rolls his eyes before stepping closer to you, his hands now reaching for you before he chuckles out, “hm? i’ll do anything for you..” he whispers against your neck, now nuzzling into your neck causing you to gasp against his ice cold hands and how much his touch seems to taint the warmth you were feeling.

“i don’t know..come on get off..” You mumble out , pulling away which only causes Jeremy to follow, chuckling as his arms fully wrap around you ; his head finding the crook of your neck as he hums out

“i’d do anything for you..” he whispers against your skin, his lips ghosting over your neck . His eyes moving to focus on the way your skin looks, his tongue swiping his bottom lip for a moment before he scoffs out , snapping his head towards yours and his eyes back onto yours .

“i don’t know…just…prove it.”

“how can i prove it if you won’t even tell me what you want? that’s so-“

“can you leave this house?”

“why? want me to run to the store for you..?” He laughs before rolling his eyes, “no. i can’t leave past the treehouse.”

You look over to the treehouse before his hand pushes your face back towards him, his thumb brushing your bottom lip as his eyes fall so intensely onto your lips , his own parting in the process.

“i wanna read the book.”

“that’s all you want ? that’s how im gonna prove it to you? you don’t wanna like…possess your dog for a moment or even..possess your mom..or ask me about the 2000s…you just want the book..?” He stands there, offended that you hadn’t chosen anything that showed his powers or even boosted his ego.

“mhm…the book..and also you have to hang out with me all day-“

“already was planning on that, pretty-“

“and you have to show me your music taste cause..i have no clue how that thing over there works and-“

Before you could even continue, Jeremy laughs, smirking at you before pulling you over to the record player.

“okay okay okay..now we’re talking..!”

He smirks , his eyes moving from you to the record player . He pushes the glass top off of it , his hand moving yours in the process to over it . He stands behind you, his hands moving under your arms as they start to guide your hands to things .

He moves you around , causing small giggles to leave your lips..which just stun him more and..well completely fill his mind ; maybe Jeremy did secretly like you alot more than he let on..and maybe he did actually enjoy hanging out with you. He continues, “okay so this..and this..and this..all make this..” He hums out , guiding your hands and making you press buttons .

“this..!” he hums out, letting a song play before his hands snake over your waist ,pushing your chest against your back as Heaven Knows I’m miserable now plays and fills your ears.

You hum out, giggling as he sways you around , your hands holding his forearms as he continues to gently push you around , you giggle at him ; your head resting against his chest as he continues to sway you around , humming out at the lyrics at you as he turns his head to look at you…admiring you…his eyes stuck on you as he smiles ; it’s a soft smile, not one of the cocky ones he’s worn before , this is a new one you’ve seen..so new it causes you to smile back at him.

He rolls his eyes before his hand lifts your chin a little higher , his eyes stuck on you before his lips meet with yours.

Your eyes close , arms wrapping over his neck as he turns you so your chest to chest , you kiss him back . Continuing to kiss him even after you feel the faint hit of air , your body lifting up before Jeremy pulls away, causing you to look away and around .

You gasp which causes him to chuckle before he sets you both down, he smirks before his hand brushes through your hair , he continues to watch you for a moment before you speak up.

“i said show me the record player not kiss me.” You sarcastically hum which causes him to roll his eyes

“shut up..” He rolls his eyes, laughing for his lips crash against yours again, this time it’s a little rushed and alot softer . You’re not floating around this time, you’re on the ground . Your hands in his hair as you continue to kiss him…this was probably one of the coolest things ever ; kissing a ghost ? how many people would say they’ve kissed a ghost? not many…cause they’d probably be called crazy..but come on it’s cool!!

Jeremy pushes away again, smiling down at you before he grabs the book, his eyes run over you again before he lays back on the bed , “come on..”

“i need a minute…gonna go change..” you hum out , grabbing an old band t shirt and some black flares , Jeremy smirks before nodding at you ; letting you go change before he settles on the bed.

You return , fixing the shirt before moving next to him, eyes scanning the book before you take it from him ; reading the cover before opening a page . Jeremy hums out , his hands moving to your waist as he pushes you down, his head on your chest , “so are we like…undead boyfriend and…alive girlfriend..?” He hums at you

“what?” You’re too busy reading the different parts of the book to even take in whatever he’s saying , just reading it and admiring each part ; your own interest pinning you to each page .

“are we like girlfriend and boyfriend now..?” He whispers which causes you to stop for a moment

“woah..where’d that come from..?”

“we kissed…”

“ i know we kissed,Jeremy..”

“right so…are we together then?”

“i…i don’t know..” You mumble out before continuing to read , holding the book before Jeremy’s head raises to nuzzle into your chest , his eyes stuck on you

“do you want like..flowers ? cause i can get you flowers…? we should be together, come on…you’re the only girl i can see and im the only boy…who..uh..look let’s just date..!”

“you wanted me dead a couple of months ago.” You remind him, now half way through the book before you stop on a page ; The Living….which clearly meant you and the non dead.

“yeah but i’ve only always wanted you dead cause then we can be..like a cute little ghost couple.”

“you’re rushing me.” You hum out , continuing to read before repeating a line, “the living cannot form a relationship with a non living..”

“bullshit..” Jeremy scoffs out , reading the page before he smirks, “another reason you should get someone to repeat this…” he flicks to the page , “so then i can be alive and we can…do alot more than kiss..” He winks

“oh yeah cause the town would just love it if their old..psychopath teenage boy comes back..” You roll your eyes and sarcastically hum out, causing Jeremy to laugh and pull you closer , throwing the book away.

“i wouldn’t murder anyone..again..i’ve learnt my lesson..”

“have you?”

“yeah. I’d be forever yours and i wouldn’t do anything you didn’t approve of..” He smirks , guiding your lips back to his as he kisses you again…you continue to kiss him, giggling as he now rolls you both over so you’re underneath him.

His tongue darts over your bottom lip ; it’s cold..and slightly dry against your skin but who are you to complain? you part your lips for him , letting him push his tongue into your mouth as your own slides against his , your lips capturing his . You’re making out with him…a literal ghost..you should be trying to get him out but no…you’re kissing him , your hands in his hair and your lips moving against his.

The front door opens which causes you to gasp and scramble away from a now chuckling Jeremy , he looks down at you, “look how beautiful you are…” He whispers before you playfully push him away, rolling your eyes before his arms snake around your waist and push his head into your neck , humming out .

“so this is..my daughters room…!” Your mom’s voice interrupts which causes you to jolt up and away from a now annoyed Jeremy who’s now sat so neatly and nicely on your bed. Your door opens to your mom and..some guy , you stand there sort of annoyed and..confused.

“get a load of all this vintage stuff..” The man announces as he moves closer to most of Jeremy’s stuff , “are you selling any of this..?”

“no.” You and your mom quickly reject him, you look back at your mom

“Dan here is gonna buy some of the old…stuff we don’t want..he’s already bought our entire tool supply in the garage .”

“ooh..” You smile before watching your mom move away and out of the room

“are you sure you’re not…selling any of it?” The man hums out , smiling at you

“yeah no i actually love all of this stuff so..i’m keeping it..”

“you don’t look like the type to…enjoy these things-“

“well i do so…”

You stand there for a moment before looking back at Jeremy who’s now well, pushing the open page of the book towards you, “so…are you new to town or..?” you ask Dan, your hand swiping the book as he nods

“yeah yeah…” He hums out before you quickly nod

“you collect vintage stuff right? so..i mean you could buy this ?” You push out the book towards him, watching as he stares down, his hands offering you five dollars before he swipes the book, already reading the page out . The room glows green , a part of the wall opening and dragging Dan and Jeremy in, jeremy waves to you before they both disappear. The wall closing and then room silent…dead silent . Why did you even let Jeremy’s words influence you…was it the fact he kissed you? was it the way he looked at you that stirred you so badly to doing whatever he wanted..?

[2knightt]

IM SORRY, I KNOW U GOT A REQUEST ON THIS SO MUCH ALREADY BUT…

Your motherly!reader fics are so good 😭! can you pleasee do another? platonic with the gang!! no romance 🥰 thank youu ❤️❤️❤️ your work is amazing btw!

the gang x motherly!reader

!warnings!

1.i did headcanons i hope thats okay😭

2.fem!reader

3.swearing and a small mention of violence.

Johnny Cade ;

like i’ve said before in other fics, he loves you so much.

honestly, you might be one of his favourite people!

when he walks down the street and he just so happens to see a cute flower, he picks it and gives it to you!

when he first met you, he refused to see you when he was injured in anyway. he thought you’d think he was weak and never see him again.

but as time went on, and you showed that you genuinely cared for him, he showed more of his vulnerable side.

johnny likes it when you patch him up now!

he thinks it’s calming, relaxing, and a, ‘nice change of things rather than lettin’ mother nature cure it.’

when he unknowingly/accidentally vents to you about his home life, he does get embarrassed.

he didn’t want you knowing, but when you hugged him real tight and told him sweet nothings?? he teared up ngl.

johnny wishes you could’ve been his mom.

when or if you have kids, johnny wishes they don’t take the, ‘how was your day?’ and the, ‘how’s school going?’ for granted.

because to johnny cade, that would be his perfect fairytale.

having someone as sweet as you to turn his life around, makes him excited to see tomorrow.

Dallas Winston ;

another bitch with mommy issues who is glad to have you.

mrs.curtis was definitely the mother he never had but always wanted and when she died, he was devastated.

but when you came along and started being that mother he missed??? he was both annoyed and over the moon.

he didn’t like that every time you bailed him out of jail, he got an ear full. however, he did like to know verbally that someone cared about him

he doesn’t show you any sort of affection, but he will tell you how he feels when drunk.

“thank you, so much y/n. i-i don’t know where i’d be without you.”

for mothers day, he doesn’t do anything special.

BUT—you didn’t hear this from me, before the clock hits 12, expect to hear like a cute little knock at your door, and open it to see a single flower on the ground with a pack of cigarettes.

dally ran off before you or anyone else could see him.

even though he didn’t sign his name, you knew it was from him. so, next time you see him, say thank you.

Ponyboy Curtis ;

he’s like a toddler around you???

ponyboy definitely pretends to be like, your own bodyguard.

but really, who’s scared of ponyboy?

he tries though!

when he watches a movie and some character reminds him of you, expect that to be the first thing he tells you.

“ya know, when i went to the drive in, you really reminded of this one character.”

“oh? why’s that?”

“well because-“

and now you have to sit there and listen to him.

he’ll draw for you so much :(.

if you tell him your favourite flower, he WILL give you a drawing of it the next day. he’ll stay up all night if he has too!

Sodapop Curtis ;

he’s literally your #2 fan. first place goes to johnny.

he’s your biggest hypeman??? omg???

“gee, y/n! you’re lookin’ real fancy!! gonna get all the guys, eh?”

when ponyboy and darry argue and he just can’t take it anymore, he calls you and asks to come over.

and of course, you say yes everytime.

so please, PLEASE, just let him cry into your arms!!!!

when he’s done, he’ll try to go home but i’m begging you to tell him he’s welcomed to stay the night.

and if he does stay? ponyboy will be at your doorstep too.

he’ll share his famous chocolate cake with you!! he’ll make sure steve doesn’t touch it.

“STEVE THAT WAS FOR Y/N! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!”

“OH SHIT SHIT SHIT! WE MAKE MAKE ONE TOGETHER! THE MORE PEOPLE THE FASTER THE CAKE WILL BAKE RIGHT?!”

“DO I LOOK LIKE A SCIENTIST??”

Darry Curtis ;

he is so thankful for you i legit can’t stress that enough.

you keep the gang in check, you keep ponyboy happy, and you help him around the house. what more could he ask for?

you legit force darry to relax while you look after the gang to make sure nothing bad happens.

“we’ll be fine, darry. go to bed, your dark circles are gettin’ darker by the minute.”

“yeah super-man! we’ll be fine with y/n!”

“yeah!!”

“fine, but if she wakes me up to tell me about any of you, so god help me.”

if you welcome him home with a newspaper and his favourite cup of coffee after a long day at work, he might ask you to move in.

Steve Randle ;

steve pretends that he doesn’t like you that much.

but he really does. like, the second he hears some soc threaten or insult you? he’s after them.

shit, he might be chasin’ after them in two-bits car while two-bit yells at the person.

he will legit go to war for you if you asked him nicely.

he will rant to you about cars if you let him😭.

he’ll rant to you about anything, honestly.

“and then the old bastard asked for a refund! the ‘no refunds’ sign was right on the door! how could that old bat not see it?!”

“steve! don’t call people that, but yes, it was very rude of that man to do that too you.”

“RIGHT?!”

Two-bit Matthews ;

he forces you to relax and watch mickey mouse with him.

he says it’s for your own good but when really, he just wants to spend time with you without the gang interrupting.

“guys! you’re stressing her out with all your STUPID questions! c’mon, y/n, mickey mouse is calling our names. can’t you hear it?”

“or maybe its the booze you had at 10AM.”

“i will sock you in your fucking throat steve.”

he plays with your hair…he finds it fun!

please tell him how to do some styles so he can go home and impress his little sister :(.

he offers you beer every once and awhile just so he can say he got you to loosen up.

“so y/n…you want some?”

“oh! no thank you, two. you know i don’t drink.”

he calls you mom in a joking way, ya dig?

“momm! steve called me a dumbass!”

“steve, be nice! apologize.”

“what the fuck?!”

author notes ;

1. i like totally rushed near the end LMFAO.

2. i never thought you bitches would eat motherly!reader up like this??

3.are you guys okay??

4.THANK U SWEETHEART OMFG??

5.i think theres no romance??

may 15th, 2023. 6:39PM

[sergeantbarnessdoll]

His Little Princess » TJ Hammond

Pairings: Best Friend!TJ Hammond x Best Friend/Mom!Female Reader with baby daughter Emma

Summary: TJ helps his girl best friend raise her daughter and she becomes his little princess.

Warnings: Fluff, language, cuteness overload, shitty ex boyfriend, absent father, nicknames/pet names

A/N: Thank you @buckys-wintersoldier for giving this adorable idea🩵

Written on my phone. I’m sorry for any mistakes.

Header made by @buckys-wintersoldier

GIF IS NOT MINE! Credit goes to the creators. I found it on Pinterest.

You stared down at the positive pregnancy test, tears of joy rolling down your cheeks. You heard the door open and close meaning that your boyfriend, Ryan, is home. You ran out of the bathroom and straight into his arms and kissed him passionately before he could announce that he’s home.

“That’s one hell of a way to welcome your boyfriend home from work.” Your boyfriend says with a smirk.

“I have great news!” You say happily.

“What is it?” He asks, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“I’m pregnant!” You tell him, showing him the pregnancy test.

His smile fell from his face, along with his arms leaving your waist.

“What?” He asks.

“I’m pregnant.” You repeated.

Ryan scoffs, making you furrow your eyebrows in confusion.

“Are you keeping it?” He asks.

“Of course I’m going to keep it. Why would you even say that?” You asked.

“I don’t want a child out there who looks like me.” Ryan says.

“Wow, ok.” You scoffed and looked down. “Then I guess we’re over.” You say.

“Fine by me.” He says.

You put your shoes on and grabbed your purse and keys.

“I’ll be back tomorrow to get my things.” You say before walking out the door.

You stood outside TJ’s apartment, knocking on the door repeatedly until he opened the door. The look of concern was plastered on TJ’s face when he seen your eyes all red and teary.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” TJ asks, stepping aside to let you inside.

You didn’t say anything. You started crying again. TJ lead you to the living room and sat down on the couch, pulling you onto his lap and held you close to him.

“What’s wrong?” He asks again.

You sniffled before looking up at him.

“I-I broke up with Ryan.” You say, your voice cracking.

“Did Ryan cheat on you? Did he hurt you? I swear if he did anything to you, I’ll beat his ass.” TJ says, protective mode taking over him.

“No he didn’t cheat on me or hurt me.” You say.

“Why are you so upset?” He asks.

You reached for your purse, taking the pregnancy test out of it and showed him.

“You’re pregnant?” TJ looks at you. “This is amazing! I’m so happy for you!” He says.

“Ryan doesn’t think so.” You mumbled loud enough for him to hear.

“What do you mean?” He asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

“He said that he doesn’t want a child who looks like him.” You say, tearing up again.

“That’s a horrible thing to say. Bringing a baby into the world is a blessing.” He says.

TJ wanted nothing more than to beat Ryan’s ass for breaking your heart, but his first priority is to take care of you and your unborn baby.

“I can’t do this alone, TJ.” You say, your eyes teared up again and your lower lip quivered.

“You’re not going to do this alone cause I’m going to be right by your side through every single second of it.” He tells you.

“You mean that?” You asked, looking into his beautiful blue eyes.

“Of course I do. You’re my best friend and the most important person in my life. I’d do anything for you.” He says, making you smile.

“Thank you, TJ. That means a lot. I love you.” You say, hugging him.

“You’re welcome, cutie. I love you too.” He says with a smile and kissed the side of your head.

You and TJ sat in silence for a while as he continued to hold you.

“TJ?” You say.

“Yes, cutie?” TJ asks, looking down at you.

“Will you go to the doctors appointments with me? I don’t want to go alone.” You asked.

“Of course I will.” He says with a smile.

You called the next day to make a doctors appointment for an ultrasound. By the time the day of your doctors appointment came, you were nervous. You sat in the chair in the waiting room, bouncing your leg. TJ noticed and put a comforting hand on your knee.

“Everything’s going to be fine.” TJ says softly.

He moved his hand from your knee to your hand, holding it to calm your nerves.

“Y/N Y/L/N?” A nurse calls out.

You took a deep breath and stood up, walking towards the door with TJ following behind you. TJ held your hand during the whole ultrasound.

“How long have you two been together?” The nurse asks, trying to make conversation.

“Oh, we’re not together.” You say.

“I’m her supportive best friend and hopefully this baby’s favorite uncle.” TJ says with a smile.

The nurse smiles and prints out the ultrasound pictures for you and handed them to you.

“Congratulations, Miss. Y/L/N.” She smiles. “Just make an appointment with the receptionist on your way out and you’re good to go.” She says before walking out of the room.

You made an appointment on the way out and TJ took you back to his apartment. That was the start of an amazing journey for the both of you. Now here you guys 9 months later, you welcomed a baby girl named Emma into the world with TJ by your side every step of the way. TJ absolutely adores Emma. She quickly became his little princess.

9 months later…

You woke up to the sound of your baby girl crying around 3am. You rubbed your eyes and got out of bed to check on her. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion due to your tiredness when she stopped crying. You walked in her nursery to see TJ feeding her.

“Looks like you beat me to it.” You say.

“I figured you needed your beauty sleep after getting home from the hospital.” TJ says.

“Ok. Well, I’m going back to bed.” You tell him. “Goodnight.” You say.

“Goodnight, cutie.” He says.

You went back to your bedroom and laid back down. You drifted off to sleep with a smile on your face, knowing that TJ is to help you and your daughter. A few hours later, you woke up to the sun shining through the curtains. You stretched and rubbed your eyes before getting out of bed to check on Emma. You heard TJ’s voice in the living room. You walked in the living room to see TJ cradling Emma in his arms while he watched TV.

“Good morning.” You say, walking closer to them.

“Good morning, mama.” TJ smiles at you. “I’m introducing this little princess to the creative and funny world of cartoons.” He says.

“TJ, Emma is barely a week old. She doesn’t even know what a TV is.” You say.

“I know.” He carefully readjusted Emma in his arms. “But she hasn’t cried in a couple hours.” He says.

You couldn’t help but smile and give both of them kisses on their cheeks.

“I assume you already fed her so I’m going to make us breakfast.” You say.

“You’re going to sit down and hold your baby.” TJ carefully put Emma in your arms. “I’ll make us breakfast.” He says.

You giggled at your best friend and sat down on the couch with your baby girl in your arms. Emma looked up at you, making a cooing noise to get your attention when you’re already looking at her. You couldn’t help but smile at her.

“You’re just too cute for your own good, aren’t you?” You cooed, kissing her chubby cheek. “You’re the cutest baby ever.” You tell her. “I know all parents say that about their babies, but I have the cutest baby in the world.” You’re babbling in a high pitched baby voice, making Emma smile up at you. “You’re a mommy’s girl. Yes you are!” You say.

“No, she’s an uncle’s girl.” TJ chimes in, walking in the living room with a plate of your favorite breakfast food.

“Don’t turn my daughter against me, Hammond.” You say, playfully narrowing your eyes at him.

You gently laid Emma down in the bassinet next to the couch and took the plate from TJ’s hand.

“You made my favorite. You’re the best.” You say.

“This is why I’m your best friend.” TJ says with a smile.

You gave him a smile before giving your full attention to your daughter. You smiled down at her small sleeping form in your arms. You gently caressed the side of her head, gently rubbing your thumb against her chubby cheek.

“Emma has your beauty.” TJ says, sitting down next to you.

“Huh?” You asked, tearing your eyes away from Emma to look at TJ.

“I said she has your beauty.” He repeats.

You couldn’t help but blush uncontrollably. You looked back at Emma with a smile on your face.

“I hope she doesn’t look like her dad- Ryan as she gets older.” You say, correcting yourself.

“Don’t say his name. He doesn’t deserve any part of this. He’s the one who broke your heart and now he’s going to miss out on your beautiful little girl growing up.” He says.

“You’re right.” You say.

“We don’t need him.” He states. “All we need is this little princess, mommy, and uncle TJ.” He says.

TJ gently placed a soft kiss on her semi bald head and then gave you a kiss on your cheek. Emma shifted slightly and made a cooing noise that melted yours and TJ’s hearts.

“TJ…” You almost whisper and looked at him. “Thank you for staying by my side and helping me raise my daughter.” You say.

“You don’t have to thank me, Y/N. I’ll do anything for you. You’re my best friend and I love you. I’m more than happy to help you raise this little princess.” TJ says with a smile.

“I’m glad I have you.” You say, leaning your head against his shoulder.

“I’m glad I have you too.” He says, wrapping his arms around you.

Emma woke up, looking up at you and TJ with curiosity in her eyes and made a cooing noise at the two of you, making you guys smile down at the little bundle of joy in your arms.

“We’re glad we have you too, princess.” You and TJ say softly in unison.

🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶

-Bucky’s Doll

[euijoosorangeslice]

I have thoughts about the hyung line :

• Fuma and K tend to be boy's dads

• Euijoo and Nicholas are more inclined towards girl's dad

I completely agree with this take actually.

warnings: suggestive, a lot of pet names, idk what to label this as fluff?

• (child age 7) kei coming to his sons football meet to cheer for him, hugging his son and lifting him in the air. “Great game! You are gonna be big someday, little guy!” Your son would laugh loudly as kei held him upside down by his legs. Kei would place him back on the ground, his son scrambling to grab his things to go home.

You buried your head into Kei’s arm, smiling like a plastic doll. “What’s got you so giddy?” He’d ask, running his fingers through your hair. “Just my two boys in the same space. I can’t believe he really has your eyes.” Kei reached down, sliding his hand over your butt. “I mean, maybe we could have one that has yours?”

• (child age 2) “Papa! Give me uppies!” His son would cry, Fuma working over the stove to make lunch for his family. “I- oh hold on baby, Papa really needs to finish lunch before mommy gets up.” His son would wail even louder, and Fuma would have no choice but to pick him up and attach him to his hip.

“It’s okay, my love. Papa’s here.” You stumbled into the kitchen, leaning against the counter in your robe with your messed up hair. “Ugh, I slept in again.” You’d whine, Fuma smiling at your messed up state. “Good morning, beautiful. It’s probably hard to not sleep in when your legs are still sore from your…anniversary gift last night. Anyway, sandwiches are in the menu, darling. Made a side of beans since you were craving them.”

“Speaking of cravings, I took another test. Guess who’s eating for two?” You giggled kissing his cheek. “The same girl who has morning breath.” You delivered a hard punch to his stomach, making him shout. “Fuck your sandwiches.” You grumbled, walking to the bathroom.

• (child age 16) Your daughter ran excitedly into the living room, holding her phone. “Mom, can I go to a party tonight? Before you ask, yes there will be boys, but I don’t like any of them! And I’ve been taking my birth control anyways. I’m not going to get pregnant.” You smiled at how hastily your daughter pleaded her case. “Ask your father.” Your husband interjected, “No way. Boys are animals, and I don’t want you getting caught up in trouble.”

“Dad! I promise I won’t get into trouble! You know I’m smarter than that.” She pleaded, but Euijoo shook his head. “There’s no way I’m letting it happen. Unless, you can promise me there will be nothing more than kissing, no touching below the belt, and you don’t take any drugs. Drink responsibly and you better be back by 11:30 on the dot.” Your daughter sighed, subtly rolling her eyes. “Fine, ok whatever! I won’t do any of that stuff, thank you.” She ran back upstairs to get changed, making you giggle.

Euijoo leaned into your touch as you brushed your fingers through his hair. “I just don’t want her getting hurt. I was a teen boy once, and you know how that went.” You kissed his cheek, holding his hand. “You have to be a little lenient. We raised a smart one, she can fend for herself. Trust her. Now, she’ll be gone all night and we can have some time to ourselves.” You smiled, kissing his collar. “We could do it right on the couch.”

•(child age 13) just imagining nicho being proud of his little girl playing in something like a basketball competition, (he’d love if she did a sport that he likes) and he’d turn to you and smirk. “We made such a beautiful baby girl. Maybe we should make another when we get home?” He hinted, making you roll your eyes.

“No. We are going to take our daughter down to her favorite place for dinner, and when we get home we are going straight to bed.” You instructed, making Nico smile. “I’d go straight to bed with you any night, angel.” You rolled your eyes again, standing up. “Want anything from the concession stand?”

[mangoshorthand]

Thing of the Past- [Five Hargreeves x F Reader]. Ch2 (Hard Feelings Part 4)

SUMMARY: You can't avoid it any longer: Five has to meet your parents. It goes more wrong than you could possibly imagine, spiralling to bring up secrets he'd rather stay buried.

⚠️TRIGGER WARNINGS⚠️ Chapter One - Chapter Two - Chapter Three - Chapter Four - Chapter Five - Chapter Six - Chapter Seven - Chapter Eight - Chapter Nine - Chapter Ten - Chapter Eleven/Epilogue

You and Five discuss the disastrous visit and the upcoming wedding.

Fluff, smut and fingers up Five's - (sorry not sorry).

⚠️Please heed content warning⚠️

Chapter Two: Custody Battles

“There’s nothing to say you have to invite them.”

“They’re my parents.”

You’re sitting together, blanket-covered legs dangling off the side of the fire-escape. He puts his arm around you and surveys you with sympathy.

“I get it. Family is a huge-ass ball of obligation. Nobody knows that better than me.”

“Hey!” you say, offended.

“Not my chosen family,” He kisses your forehead.

You sigh.

“They’re not even that bad. They’re just…not good.”

“That they ain’t. The Mother-of-the-bride trying to hump the groom isn’t a great look.”

You give a humourless laugh, "Don't worry. There will be other men at the wedding. You'll have safety in numbers. She'll probably try to pick off one of the smaller, weaker ones."

He laughs at this.

“There I was thinking it was my raw sexual energy.”

“Can’t we just elope instead?” you continue, a whine entering your voice.

Now Five sighs.

“We could. But I think I’d be a little sorry. I want to marry you most of all but I’ll admit that I’ve been picturing the big white dress and the reading room and whatnot.”

When organizing your wedding, Five had been both predictable and unpredictable. When he talked about Luther and Sloane’s wedding, you got the impression he’d hated the sentimentality: you’d expected to have to persuade him into anything grander than a trip to the courthouse. To your surprise, however, this couldn’t be further from the truth. You’d actually had to talk him down.

He approached wedding planning as if he were Bonaparte approaching Waterloo: the bedroom dry erase was currently devoted to seating plans and guest lists, budgets and contractors. When venue shopping, he’d taken you on an exhaustive tour of the city. After dragging Aoife around a thirteenth extravagant venue, you’d pulled him into an outwardly unassuming hotel and bar to get a damn coffee and discovered a beautiful reading room with floor to ceiling bookcases, rolling ladders and Palladian pillars holding up a gallery. With one exchanged look, you’d decided right then and there.

Now, on the fire escape, he pulls you closer to him.

“I could just kill your Mom, if it helps? I could make it painless...or not.”

You laugh again, “Hey, it would be free entertainment. Save money on contractors.”

He holds out a hand in front of you both.

“Picture this: in a month from now, you and I will be sipping champagne on a balcony in Marseille, looking out over the vineyards and lavender fields after a day in the spa. The wedding will be over and you’ll be my wife.”

“Hmm. Sounds nice...but I thought you hated lavender?"

“Only when it’s artificial: in detergents and…perfumes. Fresh lavender growing under the Mediterranean sun? That’s a whole different ballpark.”

You close your eyes and enjoy his warmth for a while.

“Have you picked your best man yet?”

He makes a non-committal noise. He’s been pretending to be indifferent about this but you know he’s hiding slight anxiousness.

“You don’t have to have a best man. Diego and Lila didn’t bother with bridesmaids or groomsmen.”

His feet swing a little over the side of the fire escape.

“It's hard to choose. I was closest to Viktor when we were kids but he was Luther's best man and it seems...unfair somehow. I don't want the others to feel... I’d naturally go for Klaus but Klaus can’t officiate and be best man, Diego would be the worst best man and Luther would probably cry all through his speech.”

"You definitely can't have Klaus. I want him with me while I'm getting ready."

"He's my brother!"

"But he says I'm more fun!"

He laughs and pulls you tighter to him. 

"This is a bad start. How are we going to decide who gets custody of him in the divorce?"

“You get Aoife if I get Klaus. At least it’s fun when he keeps you up all night.”

You both laugh at this, finishing with your heads leaned against each other. When your laughter subsides, you look into his eyes. A familiar look creeps into them.

“You’re going to be my wife.”

The sentence is innocent, but the way he says it is anything but. One of his hands comes to grip your chin, squeezing just a bit,

“My. Wife.”

He leans in, keeping imperious eyes on yours. You try to close the gap between you and kiss him, but he pulls back, smirking and eyes flashing. Clearly, he provoked the reaction he wanted. His thumb traces the curve of your lower lip, sending tingles in its wake. Unconsciously, you part your lips and his thumb invades your mouth. He pins your tongue down, stroking his thumb in as far as it will go. His smile broadens perceptibly at your willingness to accept him, at your eyes fixed on his, ready to take whatever he chooses to give you. As he slides his thumb out, you purse your lips slightly. His eyes leave yours and dart to your mouth, watching his thumb protrude, dragging plumped lips in its wake.

With his thumb still hooked around your mouth, he pulls gently, watching your lower lip pout downwards. He uses this grip to pull you to him and kiss you. The kiss isn’t tender. His tongue works like his thumb. You know better than to kiss him back just now. He’s enjoying your passivity. His other hand abruptly grips your left breast through your blouse and squeezes hard, digging his fingers into the sensitive flesh. You gasp in surprise, and now he kisses you more fully, like a starving man. You allow yourself to kiss back, to run your tongue against his. As you kiss like this, his hand creeps to your blouse buttons.

Luther’s heading home after a pleasant evening spent with his niece and nephew. It’s a fine early summer evening so he enjoys his walk to the subway. The setting sun casts a sweet light over everything. As he passes the alley, a movement there catches his eye. There’s Five, legs dangling over the fire escape and kissing his fiancée.

It warms his heart. They’d come so far. The brother he thought he’d lost forever, his brother who’d saved them all again and again. In a few weeks, he’s going to marry the woman he loves- the woman who’d revealed and unlocked facets of Five’s heart that were unsuspected even by his siblings. He sighs a little and smiles. The world can be a cruel place, but Luther knows, deep down, that there’s justice; some divine energy that restores balance.

As his eyes grow misty, the sunlight falls just right and he notices that Five’s hand is down her blouse, underneath her clearly exposed bra.

As Five’s none-too-gentle fingers skim your areola, you hear an indignant shout that causes you to break apart.

“Christ, you’re an animal, Five!”

You both look down to see Luther stomping past the alley’s entrance, gesticulating angrily.

“What was that about?” you ask Five.

“No idea. But I want you inside.”

You both extricate yourselves from the fire escape. Five clambers back through the window and turns to assist you. When you have your legs in the room, he lifts you into his arms and carries you bodily over to the bed, where he drops you.

“Strip.”

He stands over you, looking down and biting his lip as you obey. His eyes rove each new area of flesh as they're exposed, stripping off his own clothes too.

When you’re both naked, he comes to stand by the edge of the bed.

“Get me fully hard.”

You immediately get to it, taking his cock gently in both of your hands, stroking down each side of his shaft. You look up at him, holding his eyes. This, you know, will get him harder quicker than anything; he loves the feeling of your eyes upon him while you service him. He lets out a single ‘huh’ of laughter. He knows what you’re doing.

He closes his eyes and tips his head back, blocking out the sight.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to work harder than that.”

Well…if that’s what he wants. If he doesn’t want to see anything, then you’ll have to give him something to hear as well as feel.

You stroke the velvet head of his dick with your thumbs. You let out a small “hm” as if in surprised pleasure. His dick responds, so you lean forward and tickle the swelling glans with the tip of your tongue, moving it loudly and wetly.

“Mmpph”

You laugh softly. 

“This is too easy.”

His eyes fly open. You see the flash of triumph there. You’ve given him the excuse he was looking for. A blink and then his weight bearing down upon you, body pinning yours.

“I beg your pardon?” his whisper is faux-dangerous.

“I said you’re too easy.”

He actually growls as one of his hands flies again to your chin, fingers massaging your neck with just enough pressure to be deliciously threatening.

“I should slap the shit out of you for that.”

“But you wouldn’t dare.”

You’ve called his bluff and he knows it: face-slapping has always been off the table between you. Unwilling to be seen to back down, the hand on your neck comes to your face. He pats your cheek slightly harder than gently. It makes a tiny thwack.

“I guess I’ll just have to fuck you until that little pussy can’t take it anymore.”

You snort.

“Like you could last that long.”

He likes this particular game. Giving it back to him until the moment you finally submit fully. He likes to feel that he’s beat you- likes overcoming a worthy adversary.

The hand on your face slides down your body and between your legs. He laughs slowly at what he finds there.

“When you’re already this wet? Sure.”

“Lick me.” you try to command, but it ends up being a plea.

His laughter becomes derisive, “No.”

He lowers himself so his mouth is against your ear. When he speaks again, it’s the growling tone.

“Tonight, I don’t give a shit if you come. I’m going to use you like the come-dumpster you are. You’ll get my dick hard as many times as I want and I will come in any hole I want. Got it?”

“Mmm." Heat floods you from the vulva outwards. If he keeps talking like this, he won’t need to worry about you coming.

His hips shift and he places himself at your entrance. You open your legs obediently to accept him. He snaps his hips forward viciously, entering you wholly on the first stroke. He gives a laughing gasp at your surprise, starting to fuck you with a firm, deliberate rhythm.

“By the time I’m done with you, there’ll be come dribbling out of every- fucking- hole,” he thrusts his hips to punctuate the final three words. “If not for that vasectomy, I’d absolutely be putting another baby in you.”

You begin to laugh at his mixture of filth and practicality, but it turns abruptly into a moan as the head of his cock massages your deepest sweet spot.

He groans at the feeling, “You’re going to feel my come running out of you for a fucking week.”

He’s turning himself on with his dirty talk. You begin to rock your hips up towards his, making him speed up.

“You dirty-fucking-come rag.”

Again, his hips slam into you with every word. When he’s not speaking, his mouth works furiously at your neck and ear lobe.

It’s good. You feel your pleasure building as he goes to town on your pussy. You can tell that, for him, this is purely about his pleasure- it wasn’t just talk. The idea of him using you like his fleshlight is enough to get you there…or nearly there.

You feel his dick twitching inside you as he comes with more growls. He rides it out furiously before rolling off you, slightly out of breath. He inspects between your legs, scooping a trail of dribbling come with two fingers and inserting them into your pussy, pushing it back inside.

“Gotta put this back where it belongs.”

He removes his fingers slowly, keeping eye contact as he withdraws. He watches your reaction with a small, gloating smile on his face. He knows you want him to finger you, so he draws out the moment of removing them as long as possible. When his come-covered fingertips finally withdraw, he lifts them to your mouth.

“Eat that, and then tease my cock with your mouth until I’m hard again. I think I’m just gonna lay here while you service my dick.”

“Mm. Yes Sir.”

You suck his fingers deeply, not breaking eye contact. When they're clean to his satisfaction, you get on your knees beside him, cheek against his stomach with head between his legs.  He strokes your ass as you press a trail of feather-light kisses to his thighs, avoiding his soft and sticky cock until it’s hard enough not to be overly sensitive.

Breathing in his pleasant smell, you take one of his balls into your mouth and suckle on it oh-so-gently.

He tenses, always instinctively wary here, but gradually relaxes as he lets pleasure overtake his natural reluctance to have this vulnerable part of him between teeth.

“Mmm... that’s right. You suck on my balls. You know where you belong.”

When you look up again after minutes of licking and sucking them, his dick is semi-hard, persuaded back to life by your gentle ministrations. You lick up its length, provoking a hum of pleasure from Five. When you’ve worked him to full hardness, you take the head into your mouth and envelop in his inches one by one. You contract your lips so as to roll his foreskin down too, exposing more sensitive flesh directly to the warm wetness of your mouth. As you start to bob up and down on him, one of your hands cups his still-wet balls gently, stroking lower occasionally, massaging the base of his dick at his perineum.

When your middle finger strokes his asshole with a gentle tickling motion, his hips twitch upwards. You snigger around his dick.

“I know what you’re doing.”

You withdraw from his dick, spitting generously on your finger and returning it to his hole, just circling the clenched muscle.

“I don’t know what you mean,” you say, tickling him again, asking for admittance.

“It won’t work,” he says, sternly.

But you think it probably will. With your finger up his ass, Five turns into as submissive a slut as he’s ever accused you of being. It’s his one weak spot.

“You too chicken?” you mock, finger still teasing his asshole. You return your tongue to his dick, matching the movement of your saliva-lubed finger with the tip of your tongue on his cockhead.

Five sighs out a moan with the edge of a growl.

“Fine: lube me up. We’ll see who comes out on top. I guess it’s about time you gave your man a prostate massage.”

“Sure,” you say, a knowing smile on your face as you reach for the lube in the bedside cabinet, "that makes it sound a whole lot more macho than getting finger fucked like a little bitch." 

In retribution, he grabs your throat, forcing your chin back and fixing you with an imperious look. It quite clearly asks: Are you going to behave?

You smirk in response; you certainly don't intend to behave.

Nevertheless, when he lets you go, he allows you to rub the lube all over him and slip your index finger into him slowly. He’s tight, walls gripping your finger, so you go gently. You're now knelt facing him between his legs, eyes locked on his and waiting for the reaction you know must come; the moment where he gives up being in charge and bottoms for you like a pro.

The deeper you get, the more slack his jaw goes. There’s a strangled moan from under his breath as you reach the deepest your finger will go.

“Goddamn,” he whispers, eyebrows raised in almost-pained bliss.

You raise one of yours at him:

"You look so cute when you're desperate."

He is desperate but stubbornness alone carries him through. Your finger still inside him, he grabs your hair in his fist and pulls your head towards his crotch again. You take his full-standing dick back into your mouth.

“What are you waiting for? Suck me. I’m going to fuck that face while you pleasure my asshole like the. Good. Fucking. Future. Wife. You. A-Are.”

Again, he thrusts to emphasize every word, his cock hitting the back of your throat. You bring your free hand to the outside of his thigh, ready to tap out if you need to breathe.

You slide your finger in and out of him. He’s already contracting around you as you suck his dick in tandem; his asshole yielding beautifully. He lets you control the rhythm but thrusts his hips up and pushes your head down to get as deep as possible. You up your game on his ass- finding his prostate and firmly rolling the pad of your finger around it. This produces a tiny spike of needy, high-pitched vocalization amidst his otherwise deep moans; surely a step in the right direction.

Five feels his brain wanting to turn off, wanting to submit; throw his legs over his head and beg you to finger him harder. But he can’t let you win; he doesn’t think he could stand your shit eating expression afterwards. Instead, he thrusts his dick in and out of your mouth mercilessly. When you gag and tap his thigh, he notes it with satisfaction.

In the few seconds of break while you catch your breath, he looks up at you, tilting his head insolently.

“You call that a prostate massage? Kinda pathetic. I’d have thought a nasty little skank like you could do better.”

You meet his eyes, yours still streaming after the head of his cock tried to push its way down your throat. He raises an eyebrow at you:

Ready to take what’s coming to you?

You’re ready and willing, happy to be his nasty little skank. You feel your own wetness flowing out from between your labia and running stickily down your thighs.

You bend your head, open your mouth and take his dick again, switching your index to your middle finger in his ass. You find his prostate again and really pummel it this time, stroking it firmly up and down with the in-out movement of your finger. He grunts and speeds his pelvic thrusts into your mouth, going hard. You can tell this is him trying to come, but the second orgasm is harder to wrest from him. When he gets there, he grunts, growls and whines his way through.

By the end, he managed to come four times. The last time, (in your ass), his shouts were pained, almost as if he were being electrocuted.

“NYAH…shit. AAAHHHH”

He had slumped forward, having truly exhausted himself. Now he lies back on the bed, massaging his lower stomach.

“Shit- did I wake the baby?”

You both fall quiet, listening. Aoife sleeps in one of the attic storage rooms, cleaned of junk and renovated into a nursery. There are no sounds of stirring from the baby monitor so he pulls you to him, breathing as if he’s just run a race. He goes into aftercare mode: nuzzling your neck, kissing you and whispering loving affirmations.

“All ok? Not too intense?"

"No. You know I like it."

"I love you, I hope you know that. Did I go too far on the name-calling?"

"That was about my limit, but it was okay. I love you too."

Seemingly with effort, he stops sleepily nuzzling you and prepares to stand, "You need a washcloth?”

“Yeah, I could do with one.”

He heaves himself to his feet and shrugs on his robe, but when he tries to blink to the bathroom, the power fizzles weakly in his fists.

“Awwh. You all tuckered out?” you ask, mocking him gently.

“It’s fair to say I’m out of juice, yes.”

You smirk. “But my pussy could absolutely take more fucking.”

“Oh I hate that tone.” he mumbles, passing you a pack of baby wipes from the diaper bag and getting back into bed as you clean up.

“I’m just saying…I think I won that one.”

He scoffs at this.

“Sure. How many times did you come from that?”

“Hey- I’m not the one bitching out here. You said you’d fuck me until my pussy couldn’t take any more. And I could take much more than your little dick can give me.”

He pulls you close, closing his eyes. “I hate you.”

“And that’s why you’re marrying me, right?”

“Mm. Why else?”

His voice drags from exhaustion. Soon, he’s asleep and snoring softly into your ear.

Tag list: (please comment to be added or removed.) @dilfjohhny , @sunsunhe, @w4stedtr4sh, @nevbrooke-555, @theredvelvetbitch, @td-miley01, @five-hxrgreeves, @rorygi1more, @jamiebower88

Masterpost

Alternatively, join me on A03.  Here is a link to the whole series

Comments would be appreciated here or on ao3 because I'm a needy ho.

[massivedrickhead]

27. "You twitch in your sleep. It's honestly one of the cutest things I've ever seen."

I honestly didn't think I was going to do this one, I didn't have any ideas for it. But I've had two people send it now so I figured I'd have to do something 😅

It's super short, so I hope that's okay

27. “You twitch in your sleep.  It’s honestly one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen.”

Prompt taken from here

Read on AO3

-

“What are you doing up?” Chloe whispered, her hand coming up to rest on Beca’s back. “You should be in bed.”

“I know,” Beca replied. Her voice was barely a whisper. It was hardly there at all and was almost lost even in the silence of the room. 

In the low light of the room, Chloe could see the fatigue etched on Beca’s face. 

But she could also see the love.

The joy.

It had been a difficult birth. Long and gruelling and at times Beca honestly wasn’t sure how she’d survive it. 

Even now she was still in a lot of pain, still beyond exhausted, but she couldn’t seem to tear her eyes away from the little girl who’d made all the pain and fear worth it.

“I just want to look at her,” Beca said. “She’s so…” Beca trailed off.

“I know,” Chloe said. “She’s perfect.”

“She keeps doing this little twitch in her sleep,” Beca said. As if on cue, the baby twitched, her little hand balling into a fist, as her whole body gave a tiny jerk. “It’s so cute.”

Chloe pressed a kiss to Beca’s shoulder as her hand continued to rub up and down her back.

Chloe heard a soft sniffing sound, and when she looked at Beca she saw she was crying.

“Baby, what is it?”

Beca waved a hand like she was trying to swat something away. “It’s nothing,” she said. “My hormones are crazy right now.”

“Come on,” Chloe said, leading her back to their bed, which was only a few feet away from the crib. It might as well have been on the other side of the planet as far as Beca was concerned. “You need to rest.”

Chloe got a still sniffling Beca into bed, and she brushed the tears from her cheeks with a sweep of her thumb. 

“Can I get you anything?” Chloe asked.

Beca shook her head. “Sorry,” she said, settling back onto the pillows, still facing their baby. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Chloe said. “You’re sleep-deprived and in pain and, like you said, your hormones are going nuts.”

“I just love her so much,” Beca said. “And I’m scared. I’m scared I won’t be enough for her.”

They’d had this conversation a thousand times. Chloe knew Beca’s fears and feelings of inadequacy ran deep within her, even if she couldn’t understand why.

She didn’t understand how Beca couldn’t see herself the way Chloe saw her. The way their daughter would see her.

“I know you are,” Chloe said. “But I promise you, you will be enough for her. You already are. I know, without a doubt, that you would do anything for that little girl. That you’ll give her all the love that your heart has to offer. I know you can do this. I know that we can do this.”

Chloe lay behind her and wrapped her arms around her middle. She kissed the back of her head.

“I’m sorry that you have to keep doing this,” Beca said, her voice still shaky, like she could burst into tears at any moment. 

“Please don’t apologise for telling me how you’re feeling,” Chloe said. “I’d much rather this than you try and bottle it all up. And I don’t care if I have to tell you this a thousand more times. I will tell you again and again until you believe it. You are good enough. You’re worthy of this happiness, and this love, and that baby girl that you brought into the world.”

Beca swallowed and released a shaky breath that she didn’t know she’d been holding. 

Chloe could feel the tension leaving her, and she let out her own sigh of relief.

“I love you,” Beca said, her voice soft again.

“I love you too,” Chloe replied. “Please try and sleep. You can watch her little twitches in the morning.”

Beca gave a soft laugh, and Chloe could tell she was smiling when she spoke again. “She’s so cute,” she said. 

“Just like her Mom.”

[milkyplier]

for the WIP thing, I want to know more about Amber. I love Ninjago

I have two complete snippets for this! Let me give you the emotionally devastating one XD

TW: discussions of murder/flashbacks, I think?

Disclaimer: I know nothing about babies, so if anything regarding Amber is wrong…gloss over it 💀 I don’t need it to be really accurate, this is supposed to be for fun so I don’t wanna have to worry about research or anything XD

Kai almost doesn’t go home. The others don’t know about Amber. He isn’t looking forward to having to give them the explanation when he arrives home so late with Amber in tow. He feels torn apart, his anger squashed only by the unbearable grief in his chest, and that is only held back by Amber. She needs him. She’d been in the closet for who knows how long. She cried herself out an hour ago, but she needs food and she needs a bath and a new diaper.

Of which Kai only has what he’d had the foresight to stuff in a bag before leaving the crime scene. He’s going to need more. And there’s no crib on the Destiny’s bounty, nor any toys or clothes or anything at all that Amber needs.

He walks home. He would run, to get Amber taken care of as fast as possible, but he doesn’t want to disturb her.

It feels like it takes forever to get to the Bounty. When he finally does, the whole ship is so quiet he thinks (to some degree of relief) everyone has gone to sleep, but as he is passing through the living room to get to his bedroom, the lights flick on, blinding him.

“Where have you been? It’s one in the morning, Kai, we’ve been worried—“

Nya’s rant gets cut off when she sees the baby cradled in Kai’s arms.

“Kai, did you steal a baby?!” She demands.

“No!” He snaps. “I didn’t steal—why on earth would you think I’d steal a baby?!”

“I don’t know! You’ve done stupid things before!”

“Maybe, but I never—“

A choked sob from Amber silences him and all his anger fizzles out. He turns to her, adjusting her in his arms and bouncing her a little bit.

“No, no, don’t cry,” he coos into her hair, “it’s okay. I know, you’re hungry and you need a new diaper, and you miss mommy, I know. It’s okay, I’m here.”

Whatever she was upset about, Kai’s reassurances are enough to stall them and lull her back to sleep. Kai sighs in relief, and then glares back at Nya. Her anger is gone too, replaced by shock, confusion, sympathy.

“Is she your—“ she starts to say.

“Yes.” Kai cuts her off. A little voice tells him to clarify she’s not his biological daughter, just his daughter by every other right, but he ignores it. “She’s my daughter. Happy?”

Nya doesn’t respond.

“Skyler’s her mom.” Was. Skyler was her mom.

He feels tears pricking at his eyes, and

“Goodnight, Nya,” he says shortly, and strides down the hall. He enters his room and slides his door shut too harshly. The snap it makes upsets Amber, and she cries out anew.

“No, no, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he soothes her hastily. “I’m sorry, I was upset.”

She is not so easily reassured this time; and Kai tries to suffocate his rising panic as her cries grow louder. The others seemed to have been asleep, a baby crying will undoubtedly wake them.

“No, shhh, please,” he begs her, “please, shhh. Shhhh, I’m sorry, it’s okay.”

He bounces her against, and when that shows no signs of working, casts his eyes around the room for something to distract her. Before he can pick anything up, the door slides open.

“Kai, what—?” Cole’s groggy voice starts to ask.

“Nothing!” Kai says. “Nothing, just go back to bed.”

“Is that a baby?”

Amber, unsatisfied with any of Kai’s attempts to soothe her, begins to cry louder. The noise pulses in his hears to the rhythm of his heartbeat.

My heartbeat. Can she feel that? Could she feel that? Would it help?

He briefly lays her down flat on the bed—which brings her cries up another notch—and strips out his gi, and then his shirt. He unbuttons Amber’s nightgown, too. Skyler said skin-to-skin was a bonding thing parents and babies could do. He picks her up again and positions her on his chest, her skin soft against his own. He starts to rock in place, continuing to whisper reassurances to her until finally her sobs die out, maybe out of exhaustion, maybe because she really is comforted, and falls asleep. Kai would sigh again, if he weren’t afraid it would disturb her.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees his door wide open and Cole, Jay, Zane, Nya, Lloyd, and Master Wu all gathered in the doorway as much as they can. They’re all staring at him, in some degrees of shock. Only Master Wu has any kind of poker face, but Kai still sees the surprise behind his eyes.

For several minutes, no one says anything, before finally Kai can’t help by exhale heavily.

“She’s tired. She’s hungry. She needs a bath.” He looks at them all, drawn thin. “Let me get her settled, and then we’ll talk.”

* * *

An hour later, Amber is in much better condition than Kai. He’d fed her, cleaned her, and changed her, and now he’s lying on the couch in the living room, Amber sprawled on his chest and fast asleep.

The rest of the team has settled around the living room, patiently waiting for him to start talking. He knows they’ll wait however long he needs them to, but he also knows they’re wide awake and ready to listen. He only waits a few more minutes before he begins.

“You remember about a year ago, me and Skyler got into this huge fight?”

He hears them all nod.

“Skyler…slept with some guy the next day. Her ex-boyfriend. She told me about it a month later, because she was pregnant with his baby.”

He brings a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. His head throbs.

“I forgave her, it was my fault. I mean, it was her choice, but…you get it. I forgave her, and I offered to help her raise the baby. The day Amber was born, she told the all the doctors and nurses that I was the father, so it’s on Amber’s birth certificate.“

Kai takes a shuddering breath.

“I guess you probably noticed a slight increase in how much time I was spending with Skyler. My every free moment. No arcade, no movie nights, no lazy days. It was all for Amber. And it’s been like that, for three months, but…”

An image flashes behind his eyes—Skyler, sprawled on the floor, eyes wide and unseeing, blood everywhere. He blinks hard and this time, the breath doesn’t feel like it helps.

“She’s dead.” He doesn’t know how else to say it, aside from bluntly. “She’s dead. Skyler’s dead. I went to see her tonight, after patrol ended, and I found her on the floor. Signs of a struggle around her apartment. Blood…she was dead. Beaten to death. And Amber…hidden in the closet.”

He swallows, eyes burning. “She’s…she’s dead.”

He feels like he’s suffocating. Amber is suddenly a leaden weight on his chest, keeping him from breathing. He sits up, holding her so she isn’t technically moved from her place but the weight is not so bad.

“She’s dead,” he gasps. “She’s—she’s dead, and I…I don’t—I don’t know—“

Arms wrap around him, gently, so as not to crush Amber. Selfishly, Kai wants to put her down so he can receive the hug properly.

“I’m so sorry, Kai.” Nya whispers. “I had no idea, I’m so sorry.”

Rather than making him feel better, it makes him feel worse. He tries to reel himself in, but his choking, ragged breathes are difficult to wrangle, and Kai worries he’ll disturb Amber.

As he thinks it, someone plucks Amber from his arms. He stands, beginning to protest, but it is Wu who now cradles Amber and Wu who silences his argument.

“No, Kai.” He says softly. “Calm yourself, first. She knows how you feel.”

Kai nods, feeling ashamed, although he knows that was not what Wu intended. He sits back onto the couch, dropping his head in his hands.

Skyler, sprawled on the floor, eyes wide and unseeing, blood everywhere. Her face is cut and swollen, almost unrecognizable if not for her red hair and green eyes. Skyler, who he loved. Skyler, lying there—

He stands up again, eyes wide open, and begins to pace. He suddenly wants Amber back, suddenly misses her familiar weight. He looks at his daughter, snuggled peacefully in Wu’s careful arms. She has red hair.

Skyler’s red hair.

A sob rips past his lips, and the rest are quick to follow, too quick for Kai to stop them. Part of him feels ashamed; he’s cried very few times in front of the team, fewer times even than Cole. He’s prided himself on that, on his stoicism, on his ability to remain at least seemingly unaffected outwardly by anything. On his ability to seem strong. Now, he feels weak. He knows he’s weak. The weakest man on earth. Hell, he’s not even a man, he’s just 17. A boy. 17, weak, and a single father to a daughter that isn’t really his.

The weakest boy in the world.

He doesn’t know when he ends up on his knees, sobbing into his palms as Cole rubs slow circles into his back. He cries and he cries and he cries until his throat is raw and his face is sticky and hot with tears. He sits back, exhausted and miserable. Nya is next to him, one arm around his shoulders. The others are nearby, clearly wishing they could express their sympathy but feeling as if there’s no room.

“It’s late. Or early, I should say. It would do us all—especially you, Kai—good to get some rest, and then have a good meal in the morning.”

No one replies, but Kai knows everyone agrees.

He stands up, refusing any help, and takes Amber from Wu. He walks down the hall to his room, and the door slides shut with a final, soft, click.

[luveline]

omg I just saw your post about Steve where you asked which Steve we wanted. I'm missing KBD Steve so bad rn. Anything like a family movie night would really just heal my soul rn! (love your writings so much btw)

ty for requesting <3 mom!reader, 1k

“Did you play guitar?” 

Steve slinks further down into the corner of the couch, Avery too big but exactly where she’s meant to be in his lap. She’s affectionate from years of the world's most ridiculous parents, he assumes, so he could have Avery sit beside him rather than on top of him, but why bother? She’s gentle about how she sits despite her long limbs, swinging one arm behind his neck as she gets comfortable against his chest. 

“Did I what?” Steve asks. 

“Play guitar?” She points at the TV. “Uncle Eddie plays guitar.” 

“I can play a little bit, nothing like Uncle Eddie,” he says. “Just enough to serenade mom. I’d sing her all her favourites.” 

“So you had a guitar? Where did it go?” 

“I don’t know, babe. Maybe in the attic? There’s not room for all our stuff sometimes, so me and mom box it up and put it up there.” He looks at her knowingly. “Why, do you wanna try?” 

“Can I?” she asks. 

“Not tonight, but tomorrow? Is that okay? I’ll have to get the ladder from the garage, and we’re gonna watch a movie soon.” 

Avery’s pretty easy, as kids go. When Steve says tomorrow she doesn’t whine. In fact, she gives him a grateful, shining smile, the arm that’s laid across the front of him curling tighter as she presses her face into his neck. “Thanks, daddy.” 

He thinks that it’s because he’d guessed what she wanted. But that’s his job, to understand her and make her happy. “You’re welcome.” Then, because he loves her and he’s feeling quite loved up by her hugging and the feeling of her hair under his chin, he drops his voice into some rare parentese for her, “I bet you’ll be great at it. It takes some patience, but you have so much of it, and then you can play anything.” 

She giggles. “Like the song from The Neverending Story?” 

Steve’s heard enough of that song to last him a lifetime. “What about that song you and mom like? Have you seen her?” He’s tempted to sing it, and he figures it won’t hurt under his breath, “So fine and pretty, fooled me with her style and ease–”

Dove interrupts with a laugh as she tries to join in. The words escape her, but her passion makes up for it. She climbs up from her seat across the couch, sending the jellybeans she’d been holding in the lap of her nightgown careening across the living room floor. 

“Dove!” Avery says. 

“It’s okay, I’ll get them,” you say, standing just in front of the doorway with a towel around your shoulders. 

Steve hadn’t known you were there, you were gone so long for your shower he honestly forgot what you were doing. He groans as Dove drops her face into his jaw, what a disaster, but she doesn’t cry so he brushes it off while you clean up.

“Dove’s gonna help,” Steve insists. “Aren’t you, babe? Ow. You’re gonna help mom pick up your jellybeans. Ow, baby, don’t step on me.” 

“No,” Dove says with a giggle. “Sing again, daddy.” 

Beth jumps in behind you in fresh pyjamas, her hair damp and water wetting the neck of her t-shirt. That’s why you’d taken so long —your shower had been commandeered. It’s nice to see you both in some comfy pyjamas, better to see his lovely Beth feeling better. She’d been sick for so long it was starting to make him depressed; seeing her invigorated after a good shower and chasing down jellybeans with a mischievous smile makes his night. “I got them!” she says. “I got them, mom. There’s like, seven.” 

You hold out your hand. “Thank you. I think you got all of them.” 

Steve misses the rest of your conversation, a chubby palm smushed to his nose that he attempts to throw off. Avery giggles at his misfortune as Dove says, “Sing! Sing!” 

“I can’t sing, I can’t breathe,” he says. 

Dove pulls her hand back. She’s as close to rolling her eyes as she can get. “Sing.” 

“Now I can’t, Dove, you’re making me shy.” 

“Dad!” 

“You sing,” he suggests, leaning back, shielding Avery from her younger sister’s volatility with his arms. 

“We’re gonna sing so much.” You beam as you unveil the VHS tape for tonight’s movie. In time, your three girls gasp aloud. “Daddy’s favourite movie, the Little Mermaid!” 

“It’s not my favourite movie. That movie is my enemy. It makes all my babies cry.” Even Dove ends up in tears, though she usually cries when Ariel’s upset, rather than during Part of That World like her sisters do. 

“It makes you cry,” Beth says. 

“Beth, do we have a problem?” he asks. “Are you trying to get into a fight with me?” 

Beth grins and runs across the rug to climb up on the couch where Steve’s being submerged. She sits down by Doves’s feet, wrapping her arms around Dove’s little tummy, squishing herself to Steve’s side. “No, dad. I love you.” 

“I don’t believe you. I think you know you’ll lose if we wrestle.” 

You snort. Steve steals a glance at you between all the little arms, your hip pressed to the TV stand, your lip between your teeth as you click the wrong button. It’s not like you’re stupid, just the TV is old, and half the buttons don’t do what it is they say they do anymore. Your nose wrinkles and you backtrack, and Steve wishes he was standing right there to smooth it over with his thumb. After a few seconds of searching (and harassment on his end, Dove’s fingers dangerously close to his ear) you click the right thing and the tape that the girls were watching before dinner pops out. 

You smile to yourself at a job well done. Steve smiles at you, though you don’t see him doing it. 

“Your moms kinda pretty, huh?” he asks Avery. 

“Not kinda, super.” 

“How’s the baby?” you ask. 

Steve gives the baby monitor on the table by the couch a tap with his finger to make sure it’s still on. Feedback whines. “She’s hasn’t made a peep since your shower, honey.” 

“Maybe I’ll go see if she’s okay before the movie comes on. Miss the previews.” 

He can’t wait for you to sit down. “Okie dokie. Give her a kiss for me.” 

You raise your hand in scout’s honour. As you’re walking up the stairs, Avery shifts in Steve’s lap and asks, “You smile at mom all the time, does it make your cheeks hurt?” 

He sews a hand behind Beth’s back. “Nope. I have strong cheek muscles.” 

[krikeymate]

Fictober 2023: Day 16: “Do you know a way out of here?” - Tara has a dream. Fandom: Scream Rating: T Warnings: Mentioned alcoholism.

➖

Tara sits perched on her windowsill, ignoring the way the position pulls sharply at her stitches.

Outside, a storm rages.

There’s something peaceful about it, Tara finds. No stormy day has ever matched to the one forever inside this home.

Mom had finally appeared two weeks ago, and what little peace Tara had been able to find in the aftermath of shooting Death in the head had quickly been shattered by a glass bottle and the scent of grape soda. The alcoholic type, if that even needed clarifying.

Mom’s favourite poison, – other than her own words – cheap and strong and almost covers the scent of urine.

It’s a little sad, she doesn’t think she can even remember what her mother was like sober.

She can’t remember if she ever was.

Christina had come home looking for a fight, and she’d found the perfect victim.

For once it wasn’t Tara, tucked safely away upstairs.

Mom never comes up there these days. She wouldn’t make it even if she tried. Instead, she relished having her favourite brick wall back to scream at.

Sam had plenty of her own frustrations to throw back at her.

There’s a part of Tara that wonders if this is all love is.

If not for the gentle way Sam handles her, she’d believe it.

She sighs and presses her bandaged hand to the window pane. Newly-regained sensation in her fingers gives way to numbness, cold seeping into her skin. It almost feels better this way, being numb.

But as always, Sam has a way of thawing her out and chasing the feeling away.

“How do you live with her?” her sister grunts as she enters the room, carefully shutting the door behind her.

She’d learnt first hand just what a slamming door does to Tara, and promised never to do it again.

All her life, Sam’s slammed doors when she’s mad, stomped her feet and thrown objects, found serenity in the crashing and banging and clanking. But she forswore it away, because it made Tara cry.

If she hadn’t already decided to forgive Sam for everything, she would for that alone.

No wonder she couldn’t ever stop loving her.

“Hey, you alright?” Sam continues when Tara fails to respond.

No, she almost says.

How can I be? she thinks.

“Do you know a way out of here?” is what comes out.

She can feel Sam’s warmth behind her, her sister hovering by her shoulder.

Out of this house, Tara thinks.

“Out of Woodsboro?” Sam asks, reaching over and taking Tara’s hand, her own fingers slipping between Tara’s and the glass.

Oh, that’s so much better.

Tara nods, tongue heavy in her mouth. Thoughts of escape burn through her.

She’s thought about it before, of course. Who hasn’t? But it had never felt possible, it’s never been possible. There’s a part of her that resents Sam for bringing it up. Sam who’s known freedom, Sam who got to run.

“Well,” Sam hums, “I’d start by applying to somewhere other than Woodsboro community, for a start.”

“Like where?” Tara scoffs, watching the future Sam dangles in front of her be ripped away.

“Chad and Mindy tell me they’re hoping to get into Blackmore, in New York. You’ve always wanted to live in a big city, haven’t you?”

Tara resists the urge to remind Sam that was her, that Tara had just wanted to be with Sam.

She sighs. “I can’t afford to go to some fancy college in the city Sam. Look at the state of this family, I think you know that. I can’t even afford a car.”

“I do know,” Sam murmurs, wrapping her arm around Tara. “I know that for years I’ve been putting money away for exactly this day. It’s not… It’s not as much as it should be, but it’s enough to get started, and once we’re there – or wherever else you chose to go – I’ll support us, so you can just focus on your studies and not have to worry about anything.”

Tara turns to stare at her sister, stunned. “Are you serious?” she whispers. It- this can’t be real.

“I am,” Sam swears, meeting Tara’s wide-eyed gaze. “You don’t have to be stuck here, Tara.” Sam knows all too well what that does to a person. There’s nothing she won’t do to save Tara from that fate.

“And you’ll come with me?”

“If you want me t–”

“I want you to!”

[doctorstethoscope]

Sink or Swim || September

hellooo my friends and happy saturday <3 I hope all of you who celebrate thanksgiving had a lovely holiday!

masterlist

contains: minor angst, description of anxiety

wordcount: 2.7k

You’ve relished so many of Lexie’s firsts– her first roll, her first laugh, her first taste of “real” food– but the first that you’d been dreading had finally arrived, and it was every bit as miserable as you’d expected it would be– her first time being sick. 

The poor thing had an ear infection that just wouldn’t quit– it started in her left ear, was undeterred by a first round of antibiotics, and had now spread to her right. To make matters worse, the doctor at the clinic tried to tell you that this wouldn’t have happened if you had breastfed her, which made you feel woefully inadequate in the parent-adjacent role you’d taken on, and was just plainly unhelpful. Clearly he hadn’t read the note from the nurse identifying you as the step-parent– which is in itself another painful half-truth. 

You’re sitting on the couch with Alexis, trying to soothe her despite her pain, and both of you are sniffling. Lexie’s had a dose of infant Tylenol, which seems to be helping, but you can’t look at her face to check if she’s sleeping, because for reasons you can’t explain even to yourself, you won’t let her see you cry.

Aaron’s key hits the door and you dab at your face with your shirt sleeve frantically, trying to erase the evidence as if your puffy eyes and tear-stained face won’t give you away the moment he sees you. 

 “Alright, Jack, go take a shower,” he instructs his son mirthfully from the other room. “And please put your dirty clothes in your hamper, not just nearby.”

“Yes, dad,” Jack groans, but you swear you can hear both of their smiles. It makes you feel a little better.

“How are my girls doing?” Aaron asks as he rounds the couch, stopping short when he takes you in. You cringe, all of a sudden hating being seen by him. “Angel, what’s the matter?” He asks, reaching for you immediately. 

You extend Lexie towards him, gently. “Put her down first, please. She just got to sleep, finally, I don’t want to wake her,” you say, your chin quivering. “She needs the rest.” 

Aaron narrows a brow at you but takes her, giving her a sweet kiss before walking off towards her bedroom. You pull your blanket up around your neck while he’s gone, suddenly feeling immature.

“Sweetheart,” Aaron says when he catches sight of you again, joining you on the couch and pulling you sideways into his lap, so that your head is against his chest and he can wrap his arms around you. “Was it just too much with Lexie being sick? I’m sorry, I should have canceled Jack’s practice to stay home with you both.”

“It’s not that,” you tell him as he rubs your bicep comfortingly. “It’s stupid. The doctor at the clinic made a comment about how breast is best and she wouldn’t be so sick if she had immunity from breast milk—”

“That’s so far out of line,” Aaron seethes. “What good is that when she already has the infection?” 

“It just made me feel so… I don’t know, small,” you tell him, tucking your face further into his chest. “I’d do anything for her, but I’ll never be her real mom. That hurts,” you tell him, feeling your tears land on his t-shirt.

“Hey, hey,” he says, placing one hand over your head to pull you closer to him. “You are her mom. It’s real to her, and it’s real to us. Nobody else gets to decide that, okay?” He whispers assuringly. 

“I’m not, though. I’m Dad’s girlfriend,” you remind him. 

Aaron lets out a chuckle that you feel reverberate from his chest. “No,” he corrects you. “You were hers long before you were mine.”

“Do you ever worry about her?” You ask quietly. 

“All the time. That’s being a parent, hon,” he explains. That part of it was nothing new to him, at least. 

“I mean… do you ever worry that she’s going to be, I don’t know, confused? About who her parents are and what our relationships with her mean?”

“That’s the least of my worries,” he shakes his head, kissing the crown of yours. “She has two parents who love her. She has everything she needs.” 

“You don’t ever worry that you’re going to want something other than me someday, and she’s going to—” 

“No,” he interrupts you. “Please don’t tell me you’re worried that someday I’ll want someone who isn’t you.” 

You shrink a little. “These things happen, Aaron. Men lose interest. I know I’m not at my sexiest when I’m worried about the kids.” 

“Boys lose interest,” He corrects you. “Men know when they’ve found the real thing, and they do their damndest to keep her happy,” he gives you a brief, passionate kiss.

******** 

You like to think you were a pretty level headed person. In your line of work, you had to be– you needed to balance high intensity work, adrenaline, physical strength and mental acuity. Keeping your cool was a big part of it, and it was one you did well. 

So, really, this random Tuesday had no right to have you anxiously jittering your leg up and down all afternoon as you did paperwork. It was out of character. It didn’t make sense, and your teammates certainly noticed. Spencer had commented on it, suggesting you cut out caffeine. Penelope offered you a mug of tea that didn’t help, and Emily offered a “loose prozac from the bottom of her purse” which you hoped was in jest. 

What they didn’t know was that it wasn’t just a random Tuesday. It was the day, you and Aaron had decided– the day you’d tell them that the two of you were together. Or, more accurately, that you’d stop hiding, because there was no plan to make any sort of grand announcement.  

At 5pm, you silently thanked God that no case had come in. Even if you all ended up being awoken in the middle of the night after going home, you think you might have lost your nerve if you didn’t do this right here and now. 

You start taking the steps up to Aaron’s office, slowly. His blinds are open, just according to plan. Aaron’s expecting you, of course, but his face still lights up when you cross the threshold. It settles the butterflies in your stomach, just a little. 

“You still want to do this?” He mutters from his desk. 

“It’s now or never,” you agree nervously.

“It can be never, if you want,” he teases, and you let out a tinkling little laugh. 

“It’s time, Aaron. It’s been long enough,” you insist. 

“Longer than long enough,” he agrees, rising from his desk and coming to meet you in the middle of his office, planting a chaste but pleasant kiss to your lips. You know the plan has worked when you hear all of the voices on the other side of his glass windows come to a stop.

“Are they—” you hear Morgan ask, only to be shushed by Emily, JJ and Penelope in tandem. 

You and Aaron both chuckle nervously at that, your faces still only inches from each other. “You ready to go home?” He breathes out. 

“Yeah,” you tell him with a smile, and he takes your coat out of your arms, helps you into it and then takes your hand in his, leading you out into the bullpen again. 

“We’re headed out. Have a good night everyone,” Aaron says, trying to take advantage of everyone’s shock to make a quick exit.

“Not so fast,” Emily calls out, and you both stop in your tracks. 

“We could still make a run for it,” Aaron whispers to you, but you shake your head with a smile, turning around to face her.

“Can we help you with something?” you ask, your voice dripping with playful saccharine. 

“Take a seat,” Morgan says, wheeling two desk chairs towards you. Aaron gives you a glance, wordlessly offers to take the Scary Unit Chief Tone and call them off, but you oblige the team, settling into your chair. 

“What, you aren’t gonna separate us for the interrogation? Make sure we’re telling the same story?” You joke. 

“When did this start?” Garcia asks through a bright grin.

“June,” you answer. 

“After the fight,” Reid remarks. 

“It wasn’t a fight!” You and Aaron defend in unison. 

“Looks like there was no need to separate the two of you,” Morgan laughs. 

“I knew there was something going on back in July,” JJ interjects. “The way Hotch was looking at you on Independence Day– he would have done a better job hiding it if you didn’t feel the same way.”

“Uh, thanks?” Hotch says, pulling a confused face.

“He’s always had a soft spot for her, he just got worse at hiding it,” Emily adds. 

“That’s not true,” you defend Aaron good-naturedly. 

“Hotch?” Morgan goads him on, noticing his lack of response. 

“We’ve got two kids waiting for their parents at home,” Aaron says, taking your hand back in his and rising from his chair. “Have a good night, folks. Try not to lose too much sleep over this,” he calls over his shoulder as he leads you to the elevator.  

“That went pretty well, I think,” he says once the two of you are alone–at last– in the lift. “Do you feel good?” 

“Is Emily right?” You ask, looking up at him with stars in your eyes.

“Emily’s right about a lot of things,” he deflects.

“Come on, Hotch—” you start, but he cuts you off as the elevator doors open. 

“Since when do you call me Hotch?” He scoffs, placing a hand on the small of your back to lead you out the door and towards the car.

“Since you’re being dumb,” you answer childishly. “You cannot possibly be ashamed to admit you had a crush on me. Your secret’s been out for a while, babe.” 

“I’m not ashamed, and it’s not a crush,” he sets the record straight as he opens your car door. “M’not fourteen anymore,” he grumbles as he gets into the drivers’ seat.

“Come on, Aaron. Since when?” You prod. 

“You never got any special treatment,” he insists instead of giving you an answer, but it’s telling.

“Oh, honey, that long?” you ask with a touched little pout– if he was swearing it didn’t impact you professionally, it must have started long before Lexie’s arrival. 

“They weren’t always romantic feelings. Or, at least, I didn’t always know that they were romantic feelings. I had compartmentalized them pretty tightly and did my very best to forget that the box even existed, from the day you joined the team,” he confesses.

“I guess I made that pretty hard when I showed up with that soup, huh?” you say with a little smile.

“Just about impossible. I tried pretty hard, but by March, I was a goner. Or maybe I always had been,” he tells you, bringing the back of your hand to his lips to kiss.

“Any regrets? About opening Pandora’s box,” you ask. 

He shakes his head before you’ve even finished asking the question. “Only that I packed it away to begin with.”  

******

Something was up with Aaron, and you were going to get to the bottom of it. 

You were out on a case in Palo Alto, California, and you probably should have been thinking about victimology or interview tactics as you and Reid drove to a witness’ house, but all you could think about was Aaron. 

His phone had rang just as he dismissed you all from the roundtable, and he took the call in his office. He came out with his jaw set tight– tighter than usual, you’d guess that your coworkers would say. It was true, Aaron ran a much tighter ship at work than he did at home, but that was just professionalism. The look on his face since that phone call. He was stressed. Or maybe upset. Or a mix of both? You couldn’t quite tell.

He’d tell you if something was wrong with the kids, you assured yourself. Or maybe he wouldn’t, because he wouldn’t want you to worry, the less-logical part of your brain suggests. But, if something was really wrong, he wouldn’t be here. Whatever it was, Jess and Bridgette could handle it. Assuming it was the kids. Which maybe it wasn’t. 

Maybe it was just Strauss on his back again. It wouldn’t be the first time or the last. Although, usually he doesn’t let Strauss get to him like this. Who knows, though. Lexie was only just now on the mend from her double ear infection, and that had taken its toll on both of you. He hadn’t been sleeping, his nerves were shot… maybe it was nothing, but he was just too tired to handle it. If you needed to know, he’d tell you. 

You went round and round in circles all afternoon, until the two of you finally crossed paths at the field office. 

“Hotch?” You asked. “Can I talk to you for a second, in private?” 

His jaw relaxes immediately, his stoic abrasiveness traded for a look of forlorn concern. He follows you into an empty office and shuts the door behind him.

“Are you okay?” He asks. 

“I’m fine. Are you okay?” You ask in turn.

“Of course. Is that what you wanted to talk about?” He asks brusquely, putting his Unit Chief Armor back on in an instant. 

“Yeah, Hotch,” you say, your use of his nickname, even as the two of you were in private, not lost on him. “You’ve been scowling since before we left for the tarmac. What’s the matter?” 

Aaron sighs, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. You watch the gears in his brain turn, watch him consider if he’s going to let you in or not. You could push him, you know, and he’d probably give in, but you allow him his moment to process. Just when you think he’s going to brush you off, he speaks. 

“Jack’s teacher called, I guess he failed his time tables quiz. I didn’t even know he had a quiz, did you?” He asks.

“No, I didn’t,” you answer. 

“We were so wrapped up in Lexie being sick, and getting Jack into a new school year rhythm, I can’t even remember the last time I checked his bag for homework.” Aaron laments, staring at his shoes.

“Aaron, honey, it’s times-tables. He’ll get it. And, well, even if he doesn’t, kids his age are always going to have a cell phone with a calculator on it,” you remind him with a teasing smile, placing a hand on the side of his face and forcing him to look up at you. 

Aaron places his hand over your own, drags your palm over his mouth and plants a brief kiss there. “Sometimes I just worry…” he tells you. “Am I always going to have to give one a little more than the other? Is it possible to split myself down the middle, so that they get equal parts of me, all the time? I don’t want them to have to worry about who gets more of me. If they have to wonder…”

“They don’t have to wonder.” 

“I do,” he tells you. “Am I doing a good job, as their dad? Can I possibly, when I spend so much time here, in random precincts and field offices drinking crap coffee and not helping my kids study for their multiplication quizzes?”

“Baby, hey,” you try to slow him down a little. “You are the best dad. Your kids adore you, and so do I.  I couldn’t love you as a man if I didn’t love you as a father.”

You gasp a little as you realize what you said– neither one of you had said “I love you” yet, and this wasn’t exactly how you’d planned on telling him. 

Aaron reads the shock on your face, and then breaks out into a grin when he realizes what caused it. He places his hands on your hips and pulls you in closer to him. “Don’t panic,” he whispers in your ear. “I love you too. We’re even.”

tagging: @spacecowboyhotch @honeybrowne @angelfxllcm @rousethemouse @infinite-tides @gspenc @anlin2058 @zetasaturno99 @darkenwolfie @realdirectionx @witheldclouds @sbeno22 @el-vs94 @hausofwhores

[wheatfieldspoet]

grief, in doses

denial

i think we could have saved you.

anger

they said you hadn’t had an appetite for ten days. ten days. and they didn’t think to call, didn’t think that their pride and stubborn belief in conspiracy should be immaterial in this moment. they just let you sit in your chair and let you fade. i gritted my teeth through the revelation of this sorrowful mystery, biting back the urge to tell them they don’t deserve to cry. they let this happen. they can keep their fucking ivermectin, i want my Lola back.

bargaining

can we go back? please, i had no idea how short the time was. i’m not asking for much, only one more walk—you don’t even have to say anything. just let me lead you down the stairs, one hand on the rail and the other in mine; let me feel the shifting weight of your aliveness before you step foot into your black car. let me have one more embrace to breathe in the scent of your perfume. let me keep your lipstick stain on my cheek. let me say goodbye, but not before giving me the chance to plead for Him not to take you yet. not yet. i’d ask for not ever, but i know that’s impossible, so please—not yet.

depression

when the weight of remembering comes, all i can do is cry. but i’ll choose to overdose on memory any day, to carry everything with me because i’m afraid i’ll forget where i put them down. the color purple, violet, but also garnet. butterflies. poker chips. the queen of hearts. banana rebosado. chocolate cake. ube. durian. a tin can of crackers, a letter opener next to it. the sound of a grandfather clock. “bésame mucho” on the magicsing. rings with large stones that never fit my fingers right but you let me play with them anyway. your hands, always soft. an eyebrow pencil for that time you realized you filled only one brow in, but not until after we were walking around the mall, one of your arches brown and the other grayed. you were graceful in your embarrassment—even if you could never look less than beautiful. i laughed about this with mom recently, and we both burst into tears after the first ha.

anger

i’m ashamed to share a bloodline with some of the men in our family. they survived wars and revolutions but couldn’t bear to plan your memorial. so they left it all to your youngest daughter and i had to be the one to tell my own mother she didn’t have to be strong. i had to feel her break in my arms.

denial

things that don’t make sense: to talk about you in the past tense; to say only Lolo and not Lolo-and-Lola; to see you in pictures and realize we can never take another; that your jewelry and perfume bottles and makeup are exactly as you left them on your dresser; that your perfectly paired blouses and satin camisoles are still hanging in your closet; that one day your things will no longer smell like you.

depression

i remember how it brought you joy to watch me sing and dance; there’s plenty documentation of this on old film, your laughter and applause underscoring the britney spears. you never knew it, but there was a time i was terrified to sing at family events—but i would for you. “moon river” was a song i learned from you. dad played the guitar and i sang to you the whole time. you kept your eyes on me, smiling as you sang the words back. just for me. that night, i made a playlist of songs i could sing with you the next time i got a chance. i didn’t get one. but somewhere in between your novena days, i found the garageband file where you, Lolo, mom, and i sang “somethin’ stupid” for one of your anniversaries. i isolated our vocals together and wept for an hour.

bargaining

can i visit you past the veil and keep no promises? if i am told to walk ahead and not look back, i will give a non-committal nod, knowing full well i love you too much to lose that chance. i’m sorry for all the time i took for granted. i hadn’t even thought there would be a last one.

denial

i am a child again and i am walking with you hand in hand in a field of butterflies. they float above our heads, creating a halo around yours. i giggle in wonder—so pretty!—and name every color i see and can feel the fondness through the warmth of your squeeze. you loosen your hold and nudge me forward gently, telling me to chase them. my delight rings through the air as i skip through the grass. then i think: this is a moment i should be sharing with you. i turn around, only to find a flock of purplewings where you once stood. i reach out my hands to catch one, but they flutter away in a burst.

acceptance

i wake up.

— jade a.

escapril day 10: drug of choice

bonus prompt - @darlingwendy: The Kubler-Ross model, or the five stages of grief, is often thought of as a linear experience. The reality is much different. Playing with a non-linear narrative, write a poem that grieves.

[fuckyeah-dragrace]

If you’re still open- I’d give anything for either maybe 23 or 43 (or honestly anything you feel like!!) for maybe the single mom au or the broader family au- I’ve always been obsessed with those. I go back and reread them all the time 🩷

omg of course oml you don't know how much this made me day🥹 i'm glad you love that au since it's like my first baby

43. "Tomorrow will be better" + 23. "Why don’t you let me braid your hair?"

“I’m so tired.” Jasmine sighed as she got into bed, scooting up close to Daya with a sleepy smile. She chuckled and kissed her hair.

“Oh really? Too tired for some goodnight kisses?” She perked up instantly and grinned up at the taller woman.

“I didn’t say that.” She smiled and kissed her gently and before her hand could come up to her cheek, a small voice spoke out.

“Mamas?”

Daya pulled away little a small sigh. “We’re up, baby bug. It’s okay.” Jasmine had a small pout from their cuddles being interrupted but was quickly gone when Ava opened the door. She was in her little flower night gown and stayed in the doorway. “You wanna come in?”

She nodded and walked over quickly, getting to the side of the bed and climbing up before Daya lifted her up the rest of the way, falling into the mattress with a little bounce. “What’s up, dragonfly?”

“Do I have to go to school tomorrow?” She asked in a small voice, playing with her fingers as she sat between her mothers.

“You do, baby. It’ll be just as much fun as it was today.” Jasmine smiled and rubbed her daughters shoulder. Ava looked down and mumbled.

“What was that baby?”

“School wasn’t fun.” She said louder this time, looking up at them with tears in her eyes. “I hate it.”

Her mothers eyes widened as she started to sniffle, continuing to voice how much she hated school.

“Oh baby.” Jasmine cooed and scooped her up into her arms, the girl burrowing into her and crying louder. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” Daya wrapped her arms around Jasmine and pulled them both closer, rubbing the girls little back and kissing her hair.

“I d-don like it an an it’s so scary! Please don’t make me go morrow.” She sobbed and continued crying as they comforted her.

“Baby look at Mama,” Daya said, taking her daughters hands and holding them tight. “Watch Mama so we can take some deep breaths.” She nodded weakly and followed what her mother did and breathed deeply, her tears stopping only to leave little hiccups.

“Good job, honey.” Jasmine kissed her forehead. “Now how about you tell us what was scary about school today.”

“All of it. Miss Nali was nice but I hated bein way from you an Mama an an everything was so big an I wanted to go home so bad.”

“Oh baby bug.” Daya kissed her forehead and cheeks. “I’m so sorry today wasn’t a good day at school for you.”

“Tomorrow will be better, baby girl.” Jasmine said, running her hands through the little girls hair.

“How you know?” She looked up at her matching green eyes.

“Because it’ll be a special hair day tomorrow. We can braid it and put whatever bows and sparkles you want, baby.”

“Really?” Ava said with a little smile.

“Really. Even Mama can braid your hair.”

Ava shook her head. “Mommy do it.”

Daya gave her a playful glare. “Hey! Why won’t you let me braid your hair, stinker?”

She giggled and hid in her mothers shoulders. “Cause you make it too loose an tickle me too much.”

“Too much tickles? You mean like this?” She had a wicked grin and tickled Ava’s side. The girls eyes widened as she shrieked and squirmed, letting out loud laughs. Jasmine laughed and joined in, watching Avas cheeks turn bright pink. They eventually stopped and she collapsed on the bed in between them, still giggling.

“We love you, Ava.” Jasmine smiled and kissed her cheek. “I promise tomorrow will be the best day of school ever.”

“It’ll be the greatest.” Daya did the same on the other side, watching the girl yawn. “Now get some sleep and have amazing dreams, dragonfly. Night.”

“Nigh nigh.” Ava yawned again and closed her eyes, falling asleep quickly. Daya smiled and pulled up the covers as Jasmine draped an arm over her. They were pulled closer into Dayas chest and we’re about to fall asleep.

“Am I that bad at braiding?”

Jasmine rolled her eyes with a chuckle and kissed her wife gently. “Goodnight, baby.”