#I’d apologize for the linkspam but that would require me to be sorry

[coffee-at-annies]

Hi hello. You have mentioned Mouse Boy and I have been summoned. Oh Jars. My love. My favorite. To quote myself when asked my favorite player and why earlier this year: “Not to sound insane but he grinned and everything about him was perfect, and I fell in love instantly.”

I love him desperately. It’s the eyebrows and the dimples. He gives me cuteness aggression. It’s his everything. I am 100% biased I think he’s perfect and have for almost as long as I’ve been a pens fan. I’m obsessed a normal amount, I promise.

For fave lore, everything about the goalie goal has me feral. I mean I’ve been feral for a while but whatever.

He’s regularly a massive bitch (affectionate). Aka the reason I have my give mouse boy a knife tag with accompanying art. Special shoutout to the original hockey gc name aka how about that fucking save (lore: kinda super fucked up moment where Marchand punched Jars and got thrown out and suspended for it but then we found out the only thing Jars said to him to prompt his reaction was “how about that fucking save” and the euphoria of it lives in my head rent free).

Jars is just fun to watch. He made his initial splash getting called up and staying up by rewriting the pens shutout streak record and then getting another shutout cause he’s that bitch. I made a bunch of shutout memes last season cause everyone was talking shit and yet he was still leading the league in keeping his legs closed.

For other lore there’s the pretty princess photo. Plus the fact that he’s our girlfriend. Helmet kisses were kinda iconic but that’s more about Canner than Mouse Boy even tho Mouse Boy was the recipient (there’s more posts it was a blessed several weeks).

There was that time he rocked up to the 2020 asg as a rookie with Tanger and kid looking to the world like the hot nanny Tanger hired to watch his kid. Also this comment from Steve Dangle several years later is a delight.

This is just gonna be the horny corner sorry (bonus teddy)

You mentioned his dogs

Here’s some random stuff I found in my tags.

Look, all the noise aside he’s a very good goalie who’s had some bad injury luck (the broken foot was not his fault) and the main sin he committed is the crime of not being Marc Andre Fleury despite not even being the goalie that ousted Flower in the first place. Is he a vezina candidate? Hard to tell with his injury history impacting his play in critical situations. Plus the fact that the boys like to play like shit in front of him (if we played defense regularly Lars Eller wouldn’t have had to shame us into doing it by going damn you live like this). Overall he’s a good goalie who works hard and is happy to be here playing hockey and I’m incredibly happy we have him for 5 years. Fuck the haters he’s my favorite.

I went into the Tristan Jarry tag and now I want to know more, more, more about him, can you share some reasons why you love him? 🥺

cracks knuckles, oh boy can i

i must admit i have imprinted on this man like a baby duck from day one for a variety of reasons, including the fact that i am weak for a man with big ol blue eyes and/or dimples, but also because he's a really fun player to watch! when he's having a good game, it's very hard to shake him, and i respect that

there's the penalties he's taken, including the trip on LD29 that lives rent free in my head at all times:

(every time he takes a penalty and the camera focuses on him afterward, he is sat there like ":D! and?" because he knows what he's done. he just does not care. if we as a society think jeremy swayman is a feral animal ready to fight, i'd say jarry is about twice as bad)

the commitment to giving media Absolutely Fuck All when he's interviewed, but when he decides he wants to crack jokes or whatever he's hilarious

you can tell how hard he works and how much he fucking loves this team, how much he wants to be better for them and help take them as far as he can in a season. he loves ned, they get along like a house on fire, and it does not surprise me that both of them were vocal about running back their tandem this upcoming year.

(i also follow his wife, hannah, on instagram and seeing this mf interact with his giant horse dogs is nothing but endearing i'm so serious)

and then, of course, there is the goalie goal! which was absolutely beautiful to watch!