#I would just like. some fuckin reciprocity that doesn't rely on a hypothetical perfect future. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cesium-sheep · 2 years ago

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yknow I get real fuckin fed up with having to project manage my own goddamn support cuz if I don't everyone just stands there with their fuckin dicks in their hands and don't. yknow. support me. if they even remember I needed support at all. cuz no one else seems to have to fuckin do that! certainly not the people I'm expected to support! seems like I project manage their fuckin support more often than not too! and maybe I just wanna receive fuckin help sometimes! but no apparently everyone else is too fuckin stupid.

#like if I put any degree of priority or urgency on supporting me everyone freaks out and I end up having to manage their emotions instead #and if I downplay it it just gets fuckin ignored #which at least doesn't make any *extra* work for me #so of course I shy away from demanding it be taken seriously.#*sigh* yes I will try to talk to my partners about it at some point.#when it comes to friends I only expect support from them if I directly ask for it and so far they all happily step up when asked #even if the request is nonspecific.#but I also don't do that very often.#and I know my partners have their own shit going on cuz I'm the one dealing with a lot of it!#I would just like. some fuckin reciprocity that doesn't rely on a hypothetical perfect future.#like. really I think what I mostly want from them is a demonstration of awareness that I'm Suffering #I don't want it to just be forgotten every time I'm not actively bringing it up.#that's all.

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