#I wont do a chance me on Reddit though they will probably tell me i'm community college bound

[cicadangel]

I HATE APPLYING TO COLLEGE. I finished (I think) my personal statement and it's like fine. It's about my love for Korean literature and then the overall message is that I value intellectual curiosity and obsession (in like normal way. haha.) but i'm froze in my place and going crazy over the fact that my sat is a 1500 so 10 points lower than the my #1 school's alleged (ALLEGED. BECAUSE THEY DONT RELEASE ANY OF THEIR INFO) average score.... (which clearly isn't there average score bc of the Evil test optionals). but!! my sat score is 600+ points higher than my school's avg. (and also, idk how they're gonna weight scores given that the whole sat changed) and even though I am Asian I also go to a severely underfunded school in Maine (my #1 school is in the midwest, according to my calculations (aka instagram stalking) only about 4 ppl from my entire state attend the school each year). and I'm applying for east Asian studies aka major nobody wants do to (yay!) but the other people applying for that are likely insanely intelligent international school impossibly rich international students (BOOOOOO!). but perhaps it's time to give a mixed race girl from Maine a chance huh. my ecs are good I believe and certainly very very unique most of them anyway. I have a clear spike for my major. it's also clear I'm not a loser nerd bc of my letters of rec (hopefully) and the fact I'm top 5 in athletics in the state for my event. [school] LET ME INNNNN LET ME INNNNNN

[datingadviceonreddit]

Hey, I'm a [17M] and she's a [17F], this is going to be very long so please read it all I need help and I have no idea how to process this, so I seek reddit's help. Okay, so a few months ago myself and group of others went across the entire globe to go on a 'school' trip, we visited many countries and I made friends with this girl and friend group, myself and her grew close it was obvious we got along very well, I hadn't felt so good before, I was so confident, happy and just glowing (not trying to sound cocky just saying..) Although at the time we didn't know the other felt this way but we both liked each other. Anywho we got home after a month long trip and we were talking alot and then there was a party and it came out that she wanted to hook up, we didnt.. I thought it was all a joke and I didnt want to look weird or creepy but saying I wanted to without her saying anything to me personally. Eventually we started talking more and it came out that we like each other, we weren't 'chatting up' however we did know we had mutual feelings, all was going well until I had a 'gatho' (a small party of like 8-20 people) and she had a party on the same night, so I asked her if me and my mates at this gatho could come and to the party and have fun because she was one of the 'hosts'. She said yes so we all made our way there on the expectations that she would get us in there without any problems, once we arrived we werent allowed in, I got mad and just told her I couldnt trust her among other things, which I regret it wasnt her fault but at that moment I didn't want to hear it I was so set on the fact she said she'd let us in. Anyway that whole situation was fixed and things were going back to normal and once more we were in a good stance everything was looking good and there was a huge chance of dating.There was a party that next weekend, myself and her were both invited so naturally I was keen I was expecting it to be a great night, I'd hang out with her and then we'd probably hook up and maybe date. Boy was I wrong, I got drunk to the point where I can't even remember most of the night.. That night I was drunk so I couldn't comprehend and think about the stuff I was seeing and doing anyway, my mate and her best friend (they'd never get together its like hard to explain but they wouldnt), well he was even more drunk then I was and he couldnt even walk and he couldnt stop vomiting, so she was helping him and I got upset because I guess I got jealous because she was hanging out with this guy after we had hyped up how good the night was going to be between us and we'd have a great time. (i dont get jealous normally so this is really embarrassing, but im gonna blame the drinks) So I was jealous and I just assumed in my head that night she wanted him and not me, which was the dumbest thing I could of ever done omg.. So I was talking to other girls and apparently I called another chick pretty and asked if she was single, naturally this girl I was getting 'close' with was upset and didnt want anything with me and said she needed time, she called me untrustworthy and unloyal. (keeping in mind we weren't exactly chatting or dating, which is no excuse for what I did but I thought it may have been a little overreaction.) Anyway time goes on and we hang out a few days after it to talk about what happened, basically she said she needs time and I got scared and made another dumb decision (noticing the pattern eh?), I said "you need to decide whether you want me and go back to how things use to be or well nothing I guess.." she obviously said she just needs the time and that kinda fucked me over, naturally it was my own fault I shouldn't have done that.Believe it or not, we start talking again not how things use to be, they havent been how they use to be ever since but it gets interesting from here on, so her best friends and I are all friends and such. So I talk to them about the situation because they know her and what I should I do. So I talk to them and I cant really remember what they said the first time tbh.. So just remember that shes rejected me and I asked her to back to how things were and she basically said we should just be friends and such like that. So time passes, we're talking and being friends but its not the same it kinda seems different and lacking what it use to have.. Anyway we have a 'gatho' for someones 18th and myself and her are invited so her friends tell me I need to prove I can handle myself when I'm drunk and that I wont talk to other girls like that. So the night goes on and I'm talking to her (i assume I was annoying her a lil) but anyway there was another girl at this gatho that was willing to hook up with me and I resisted it and I guess that proved myself a little so thats good. Anyway time passes and were getting a little better but not really.. Anyway I started to get real big feelings that she was leading me on and stuff so I just asked her "do you want to be a thing with me or not" basically another fuck up lmaoooo. So she can't answer and is pretty distant after that and ya' know no surprise I can understand why, so another week or two pass and there's another gatho (it gets very interesting from here on..), so we're at this next gatho and we're getting REALLY close like were always with each other and talking laughing and having a great time, it was a great night like one of the best I've ever had. Myself and her end up staying the night there because she didn't want to drive cause it was late and she didn't trust her fatigue. So we slept in the same bed (not like that, literal sleeping) and shes lying on me, so we fall asleep and the next day we're still close and having a good time. So there was a legit vibe of well dating and stuff I guess again, like you know what I mean, anyway so another lil backstory just so this next part makes sense. Me and her set up her friend and my friend together and it full worked and there together-ish, so we call each other the best match makers in the world blah blah, so anyway the next morning comes and were talking on iMessage ALOT and its going well, then I was like "do you know who we should set up next?" and she said "Who?", my response was "Us x", she then sent a huge paragraph saying how at this gatho she had an amazing time and everytime she looked at me she was smiling and happy but she didnt answer the question, but I left it at that and we just talked about something else.That night, it was my Mums birthday and I had zero money to buy her anything but a card and my mother, the person who raised me didnt get a present like i felt so fucking bad and angry at myself for not saving anything, so I was pretty fucking depressed that night, and this girl I like has some secret thingo with another guy, however they don't at the same time, so I texted her about it asking about it/confronting her about it because I dunno I just felt like things that night couldnt get much worse, well they did, turns out nothing was happening between them (according to what she said). So once more I felt lead on and confused and completely out of it. So I did the unthinkable and asked again "Do you want a thing with me or not?" this time I received no response, 3 hrs later I realised how big of a fuck up I had been AGAIN! So I called her bestfriends because they're the best person to talk about it with, turns out she rang the other one at the exact same time about the exact same thing hahahah rip, anywho her bestmate told me that I should just be close friends with her again but if another gatho happens I should take the opportunity, even as much as it hurts me and so I was like ahh okay thanks I appreciate it. Anyway myself and the girl talk some more, its a lil weird and awkward but its okay atleast we're talking again.. So then another gatho happens and this time we're close again, to the point where we are kissing (finally..) and we did that quite a bit not to much but ya know, then when she droppped me home she made the move so that helped show me it wasn't just a one way kiss.. Then things were decent the day after and stuff, then four of us hung out, myself, her and the two we set up. Basically I set this hang out up so I could make another move and see if it wasnt just a one time thing, anyway she was a bit distant then when we got to the place I got a text with really bad news about the fam, so I went really quiet and just walked by myself and was REALLY distant cause I was processing what happened. I went home that night and she sent me a text saying "Why werent you acting like yourself?" I saw it and just wasnt in the mood and didnt want to say the wrong thing to her so I didnt respond and just fell asleep. I woke up the next morning with a huge paragraph saying how she doesnt think it would work between us and such.. (keep in mind this is 2 days after we were kissing and being super close at a gatho) Anyway so I tell her what I got told and such, she still just wanted to be friends, which I have no problem with i'm just confused af.. Anyway we haven't really spoken much since and that was like 5 days ago.So I'm trying to figure out what I should do, but it all kinda links up though, like her friends told me she doesnt know what she wants and that I should just be friends her until I get another gatho opportunity, but I dunno if I should just forget about her in that sense and just move on.. But I really like her and i dunno what the fuck to do aye lmaoo.TL;DR - i am dumb via /r/dating_advice