#I won't talk about the... trans? implications of this all because that's clear enough in the manga I think

[jacksintention]

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[rosalesbeausderholle]

how do you cope with suicidality over not being straight? both conservative and new age 'queer' homophobia have absolutely destroyed me and i'm tired of being here in the planet. I don't think i should have been born and i hate beyond words how there's no cure.

I'm sorry anon, it's completely understandable, but all I can say is that a) there's people out there in the world from all walks of life who will accept you just as you are and that helps and that b) I'm available to talk through DMs if you want.

Other than that, my way to cope with suicidal feelings on my day to day life, when I had them, was to grab anything that could fully distract me from them at the moment until I calmed down, there's no shame in grabbing into the one thing that keeps you afloat for dear life. For me this was videogames btw, but for the overall suicidal feelings, I don't think there's a proven method, though I did go to a therapist and talked to her about my experiences with queer homophobia, and it was very important to me for her to reaffirm that I wasn't crazy, that my feelings were real but that also it didn't do any good to me to think that every single person in the world thought what I thought they did about me being a monster, that there were people who would accept me anyway. And tbh, this depends on the person, but I've even talked to people in queer groups or my own trans friends about this, and they've agreed with me. It takes someone who is really truly incredibly fringe and disassociated from the world that the statement 'you can't say no to have this type of sex' is something they support. The problem is that not enough people speak up abt it, either because they don't see it or because it doesn't affect them directly, so they don't think it's a problem. There's also many people who will say this shit outwardly for acceptance 'trans women are women so ofc!' but then when pressed they don't actually think anyone is obligated to have unwanted sex and think it's normal if someone is turned off by specific genitalia, what they don't like is discussing the ontological implications of it, which to me is fine, I don't always have to do it, because I give the empathy that I receive, even for things that I don't fully understand.

Also, I think that what also helped me was getting out of a very black and white worldview re: RF/GCs vs trans. There's a lot of unseen radicalization and dehumanizing in those circles which goes both ways (and yes, I very much also mean from radfems and GCs towards trans people) and talking to real people regardless of ideological camps does help both of you fully understand each other's perspectives (though yes, there's some terminally online idiots who are very homophobic and annoying about this particular topic. I simply interact with them as little as possible). And in general, what helped me most I think was to just start to live my life trying to get away from participating in most of these inflammatory debates, which are at the end, just very extreme things that won't affect most people in everyday life. There's homophobes out there, both progressive and conservative, but I stray clear from them and surround myself with people who I can talk about my issues with, even if at first it can be hard (and I'm aware that this is a privileged position and that I'm not surrounded by living with homophobes in my house and I'm lucky to live in places which protect LGBT rights. Of course, not everyone has that luck). And little by little, I realize that my life can be livable, that many people aren't as evil as I thought, that we can understand each other's problems and perspectives and that I can exist in this world and be happy.

For conservative homophobia, I have less experience of it affecting my day to day life other than me debating the hell out of bigots in my hs class but my family has always been pretty cool about this, and even the ones who are more conservative, they're not the kind to say shit to my face. I don't have the specific tools that other people have re: religious homophobia in your own home. So if other people have advice for anon in that regard, I'd be happy to reblog with additions!

I don't know if any of this is useful to you, these are mostly just my experiences and perspectives and I'm not going to deny that it gets hard sometimes still, but less each time. Regardless, if you want to talk in private my DMs are open.