#I won't share stuff I'm not confident with lol I have anxiety

[ndostairlyrium]

give him a pillow immediately!

[redroomreflections]

Paint It Black Snippet

Note: I think a small scene from a chapter leading up to the story being halfway finished and posted is fun. If you don't want to know or see skip this. I just like having stuff available on tumblr and not Google Docs.

Another note: It won't be another WIP I post and abandon I promise. It will be finished and fleshed out before I truly post. I just like to share my writing with people. I'm the kid who can't wait to show you the gift I got you lol.

anyway =)

The girls scramble to their feet, and the atmosphere is suddenly charged with tension. Natasha stands, her heart racing as she casts one last glance at her bed. It could be the last time she sees it.

She follows the other girls along the hallway and into the observation room. As Natasha steps into the observation room, the sterile smell of antiseptic and sweat hits her, a familiar scent that has become synonymous with the Red Room. Rows of hard plastic chairs line the walls and the air hums with a mixture of anxiety and anticipation. Recruits whisper among themselves, but Natasha’s gaze is immediately drawn to you, standing amongst another group of girls.

Your posture is confident, though Natasha can see the tension in your shoulders. You stand tall, facing the front, your hair framing your face as you watch Madam B approach the center of the room. The older woman radiates authority, her heels clicking sharply against the polished floor as she strides forward.

“Welcome, recruits,” Madam B begins, her voice smooth but chilling. “Today, we’ll be evaluating your progress and pushing your limits. In the Red Room, we don’t just teach you to fight—we prepare you to survive. You will learn to harness your skills, not just for the mission, but for the kill.”

A shiver runs down Natasha’s spine at the coldness of Madam B's words. She’s heard this speech before, the hollow promises of strength cloaked in a veneer of empowerment. But beneath it all lies the stark reality of what they’re being trained to do.

Madam B scans the room, her gaze sharp and calculating. “Today, I need a demonstration of what you’ve learned. Y/N!” she calls, her tone suddenly commanding.

Natasha’s heart drops as you step forward. “Yes, Madam B?” You reply, your voice steady.

“You will demonstrate your fighting technique against one of our newer recruits. Let’s see if you can handle the pressure.” Madam B gestures toward a girl Natasha recognizes from the dorm, one of the less experienced recruits who hasn’t had much training yet.

A ripple of surprise goes through the group of recruits, and Natasha can see the uncertainty on your face. But you don't hesitate, and within seconds, you're both standing in the middle of the room, squaring off against each other. Natasha's mind is racing, and she can feel her palms beginning to sweat as she watches the scene unfold.

Madam B stands to the side, observing the two of you closely. The recruit lunges, and you duck and weave easily, the two of you falling into a natural rhythm. Something is mesmerizing about the way you move, your movements precise and controlled, as if you're dancing rather than fighting.

Suddenly, the recruit lands a blow to your abdomen. You stumble but regain your composure quickly, and retaliate with a swift kick to her leg, knocking her off balance. As the fight progresses, you start to gain the upper hand, landing blow after blow until the recruit is backed against the wall, defenseless.

Your fist flies forward and lands squarely on the recruit's jaw, and the sound of bone crunching echoes in the small room. The girl crumples to the ground, and Madam B rushes forward, her expression unreadable.

As the scene unfolds, Natasha's heart races. There's a sudden, intense pressure in her chest, and the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Something feels wrong, but she can't put her finger on what.

"Kill her," She demands from you.

"What?" You ask.

"You heard me. Kill her. That's an order."

There's a beat of silence, and then the recruit lets out a strangled cry. Her hand reaches up, blood dripping from her mouth. "Help me, please!" she whimpers.

For the slightest second, you hesitate. Your hand tightens around the knife tucked into your belt, but the movement is barely perceptible. "No," you finally reply, your voice steady. "I won't."

The room erupts into surprised mutters and gasps, and Natasha watches in horror as Madam B strikes you across the face. "Disobedience will not be tolerated!" she shouts, her voice raw with anger. "You've been spoiled. You think your place here is valuable."

Natasha's eyes are fixed on you as Madam B's blows fall faster and harder. She can't look away, even as the room is filled with the sickening sounds of fists and boots connecting with flesh and bone.

Finally, the blows stop, and the room falls silent. Natasha's heart is racing, and she can't seem to catch her breath.

Madam B turns toward the rest of the group. "Widows," she says, her voice dangerously low. "We must be ruthless in our pursuit of perfection. Only those who can handle the pressure are fit to serve the Red Room. Anyone who falters will be eliminated."

The meaning of Madam B's words is clear: those who can't survive will die or be killed. There was a difference in both. Natasha's stomach churns, and she takes a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She can't let the fear get to her, not now.

Suddenly, you groan and sit up. Your face is bruised and swollen, blood running down your chin.

Madam B looms over you, her eyes cold and unsympathetic. "Y/n, you have failed to meet the expectations of the Red Room."

"That's enough," A voice with chilling authority causes every head to turn.

The room goes silent. The General approaches, his gait slow and deliberate, his eyes never leaving yours. He looks down at you, his face betraying no emotion.

"She's my best girl. She deserves a second chance," He states.

"With all due respect, General, I believe she is a liability. Her disobedience is a threat to the program."

The General doesn't flinch. "Let me worry about that," He says. His tone is firm, but there's a hint of something else—an underlying anger that's impossible to miss. "I've already given my orders. Y/n is a valuable asset. She's not going anywhere."

Madam B's expression remains unchanged, but there's a subtle shift in the energy of the room. She gives a curt nod, her displeasure evident.

"Yes, sir," She replies, her tone clipped.

Natasha feels like she can finally breathe again, the tension in the room dissipating.

"As for the rest of you," The General continues. "This is your first and final warning. Don't disappoint me."

With those words, he turns and leaves, his footsteps echoing through the silent room.

The moment he's gone, Madam B snaps back into action, barking orders and arranging the next fight. Natasha can't help but look at you again. She wants to reach out and help, but something holds her back. You're a liability.

And for some reason, Natasha doesn't want to be caught in the crossfire.

[sotwk]

Hello! I was wondering if, as a fanfic expert, you had any advice for dealing with anxiety about posting fics. I'm considering posting some of the stuff I've written and I'm trying to psyche myself up to do it. If you've any advice id appreciate it. Have a nice day!

My Anon friend, I was about to say, "Aw shucks, I'm not a fanfic expert!"... until I realized that's not quite true because my next point was going to be, "well, when I first started posting fanfic... 20 years ago".

So yeah, I guess even just by merit of my age, I do have quite a bit of experience on this matter. I just tend to forget how much time has flown by in my life. LOL.

Anyway, I am so honored you've come to me with this question, and I whole-heartedly encourage you to post your fic! I certainly hope I would be able to read it whenever it comes out!

The tricky thing about getting started in sharing your fanfics is that you really won't know how well your style and content will be received until you try it. When I got started on Fanfiction(dot)net, I was just barely out of high school, back when I was still an arrogant little snot (affectionate) who had every confidence that my writing was brilliant (it wasn't), so I wasn't scared or worried about sharing it at all.

Not everyone loved my writing back then, and they shouldn't have. I remember receiving a number of mean comments and harsh criticisms. But apparently that didn't crush my soul one bit because I kept writing and sharing and 20 years later, here I still am! I also think the fandom culture has improved a bit in the sense that it is now frowned upon for people to give even "well-meaning" criticisms on fanfic writers' works.

If this encourages you in any way, I've found that, especially in the Tolkien fandom (I hope this is where your fics are based?) these days there is a growing movement to encourage all writers, no matter the level of experience or talent they have, whatever genre or ship or topic they choose, whatever headcanons or AUs they support. Because there is a niche subgroup for everything. Share your works with faith that it will find its proper audience because the fandom community is bigger than you imagine. (I'm still shocked I've found this many people to even care what I have to say about anything.)

When it comes to dealing with anxiety, talking to fellow writers is definitely the best solution I have found, because WE ARE ALL ANXIOUS. We all have the same struggles, fears, and issues. The best advice I could probably give you, if you are able to, is to befriend fellow writers who write in the same fandom as you do. If it's the Tolkien fandom, then you're in luck--we have some of the friendliest and kindest writers around. And we're all hungry for new friends to geek out, simp, celebrate, and commiserate with. Hehehe.

I hope even just a little of what I've said helps encourage you. It's always wonderful to get new voices in the fandom! Take your time, and come and share whenever you're comfortable and ready. :) I look forward to seeing your stories around!

[petitelepus]

hey!! can i request a demon slayer sfw human matchup? :)

she/her, leo, asexual, 166cm, i have (a bit longer than) shoulder-length dyed ginger hair, brown eyes, and i'm very skinny except for my chubby thighs (that are some of my biggest insecurities </3). i care a lot about my appearance, so i (try to) always wear classy clothes and makeup.

i appear as a cold, quiet, rational, and confident person. people say i have a resting bitch face and a look that says "i'm the best" which leads some to think i'm pretty enough to be like a model or smth, and that makes me really happy. also, i'm very introverted, and i really hate being like this lol. i try to be funny and sarcastic.

on the inside, i don't exactly feel so confident, i'm a person with lots of insecurities, very anxious, kinda depressed about everything, and i'm very sensitive about what people think of me. i try my best not to show it, and i'm pretty good at it. i don't want people to think i'm all of these things since it makes me feel weak.

i dedicate myself a lot to what i do, but i usually feel invisible and like a disappointment.

i try to shut off my emotions and distract myself with other stuff (such as writing texts/poems about what i'm feeling, sometimes it can get deep but no one will read them anyway) as much as possible, so sometimes i might seem like an angry person and i distance people without even noticing, it makes me sad, since i appreciate so so soo much every relationship i have, even if i don't show it.

i'm sorry if this is too much and i hope this is good 🥹 have a good day!! 💕💕

I match you with adult Tanjiro Kamado!

People are right when they think that you could be a model, you're that pretty. That, and based on your classy clothes and makeup, people assume you must be from a wealthy or high-class family.

Surely a beauty like you has a lot of suitors, but Tanjiro stands out when he isn't actively trying to hit on you. Go away Zenitsu.

To Tanjiro, this poor country pumpkin you're gorgeous, the real epitome of a proper high-class lady who should be treated with utmost respect.

You may appear cold and hard to approach, but that has never stopped Tanjiro from trying to befriend someone. Also, Nezuko likes you so you must truly be a nice person deep inside.

It takes a second, but Tanjiro soon realizes that your cold attitude might just be your introverted nature trying to protect you. You might taken aback when he tells you that it's good to look out for yourself, but you shouldn't completely isolate yourself from other people and even more from friends.

Feeling like you can trust him, you try to be more talkative and crack a joke or two and he is absolutely joyous when he sees you trying to talk to him like that.

It wasn't love at first glance like some may think, and it took a small moment and some talking for Tanjiro to fall for you.

Somehow this young man can see your insecurities, anxiety, and sadness and despite not completely understanding the reason you have them, he wants to be there for you and support and encourage you.

He hates seeing you feel bad about yourself and when he has your attention, he gives you a huge smile and starts making huge hand gestures as he tells you loudly how creative you are for writing poems, how nice you are despite appearing a little scary and how you aren't a disappointment but a huge source of joy.

Tanjiro will ask for you to share some of your deeper poems with him so that he can really understand how you feel and how he could make you feel better, but if you don't want to share then that's okay also because he is still there for you.

Tanjiro won't give you a chance to try and distance yourself from him, his sister, or friends.

He likes you so much that he will declare that he loves you and he wants to take away your sorrow and replace sad memories with happy ones with him, Nezuko, and even Zenitsu and Inosuke in your life.

[bishiglomper]

Damnit

I can't sleep

I took a whole muscle relaxant but.... yeah

My brain won't stfu

I keep trying to run scripts

Being one of those self conscious autistics freaking SUCKS

I figured out how I could ask Amir stuff though.

I'm weird and can't curse IRL without some major effort so to just SAY "You don't have to fuck to be fab" is already hard enough without the extra layers of social anxiety that come with it. I was about to conceded defeat with that idea. But fuck it I'll just hand him a note like "Can you say this line as Alastor pls?"

Also I was kind of hoping for a-

"You dont have to fuck to be fab, darling!"

But then I thought if he did it more like-

"You dont have to fuck to be fab, my dear."

THEY HAVE SUCH DIFFERENT VIBES AND I LOVE THEM BOTH like a "let your freak flag fly" VS encouragement UUGH how do I verbalize that exkncbfjsn. Like honestly if he did the latter I might get teary fr 🥺

Also that would be fun to share with a panel and voice it at a mic but LOL like i could do that. 💀

Also. If I WERE to have the courage to use the mic..

I would want to pose a question to him as Alastor, and say something like "Do you consider yourself asexual? (a sexual)" (ty 🤭 @grownupchangeling)

But that's a very risky chance of Amir catching onto the wordplay let alone expecting him to run with it.

Though.....

If I can get a hold of him before the Sunday panel (which, I freaking hope I would) Maybe I could just run it by him and then he'd be prepared.. 👀

See, I told you, my brain just won't shut up. I'm so anxious lmao I hate speaking to people. I wish I could just emote irl. Sigh.

You know nephew is so different when he's in a mask costume. Pikachu or plague doctor, he loves interacting with people. He actually had the confidence to sit away from his family to join other kids at an interactive thing at the Ren Faire, and he sat himself at the edge of the road to greet and pass out gems to passerbys. He's just totally different.

My friends said her kid was like that too. With masked costumes, they're just more confident. And she can tell how comfortable they are by whether they're wearing their covid mask or not.

I. DO NOT HAVE THAT.

IT REALLY OFFENDS ME THAT I DO NOT HAVE THAT.

I cannot put on that type of mask, my self consciousness runs too fucking deep. I can't even play imaginary with kids. I can't read/sing aloud. Barely even alone. I feel like too much of an idiot.

One time anime club asked me to explain the plot of the anime we were gonna watch because they didn't see the first episode, but I had. The lights were off, I was in a corner, I didn't have to look at anyone and they didn't have to see me. I also knew beforehand that they were going to ask it of me. I did it but I felt like I was on fire. Even all that only helped by like 15%.

It is just. So bad. So, so bad. My online interactions are only marginally better. The think-to-text filter is a lot more forgiving than the think-to-speech one.

...........

So anyway, that's the trauma dump of the day ✨️💅 I hope you enjoyed your stay ✌️

[ovaryacted]

Can I ask for 22 and 30 please? 🤲

writer ask game

#22. do you ever worry about public reaction to what you're writing? how do you get past that?

At one point I did, when I first started writing like when I was 16 I was always worried about how my work would be percieved or if people would still like what I put out. Of course, I was 16, I didn't know any better lmao. But now that I'm much older and more confident in my writing ability, I honest to God just stopped caring about other people's perceptions towards my own ideas. I've really just learned that at the end of the day, nobody can write like me, execute my ideas the way I do, or sit down and think the way I do. I do it for myself, and nobody else can replicate it, and the people who like my work will find community with me anyway, so I won't have to fight for it. This way of thinking also helps with my anxiety because delusion and spite are the only ways I manage to care less about other people's opinions and focus more on making myself fulfilled. You really just have to win the idgaf war at the end of the day, that’s how you stop caring about that stuff.

#30. share a fic you're especially proud of

I think my personal best fics are either Forgotten Dreams or One of Those Days. Just the way I was able to execute these ideas off the dome and how easy it was for me to write those pieces makes me particularly proud of them. I like revisiting One of Those Days frequently and when I reread I just nod my head like "Yeah...I ate that shit up". I'm also biased because DI! Leon is one of my favorite versions to write for since I just mesh every headcanon I've had of other versions of Leon into one body so it's easier to write for him. I also just think they're probably the "sexiest" and most cohesive things I've written so, yay me lol.

[bonesandthebees]

Also I had some coffee today and it was chocolate raspberry and it was so tasty and I had it with some apple cinnamon bread that my cousin had made and it was a little stale but it's alright bc it was tasty and paired with the coffee it made delicious dessert so :)

Also while I was in the store earlier I had the WORST cramps I literally felt like I was going to fall on the floor but after a while they went away and I could enjoy the shopping again so yay I also got some bright red nail polish I haven't put it on yet but I was thinking of doing that tomorrow

I really want to get into cosmetic stuff but I never learned how to do makeup and at this point I'm too scared to ask bc anxiety of ppl making fun of me for not knowing how to do makeup is strong and that may sound stupid but hey I got issues lol but yeah I want to learn how to do makeup but I have no clue where to start or what brands to get or like anything

Also with skincare bc my skin has seen better days but I'm also too nervous to ask for help with that and I have no clue what to do for that so lol my skin is suffering

I've slowly but surely been getting my wardrobe to my current style and Ive gotten a lot more comfortable wearing shorts in public bc before I always wore pants so my legs were never shown off and I realized about last year(?) That I had gotten really self conscious about my legs even around my family but i actually wore shorts out in public yesterday when I met up with my mom and I felt so happy bc I rlly like the outfit I was wearing it was black shorts with a white shirt with yellow and blue vertical stripes and the shirt was tucked into the shorts and I felt so happy wearing it it was great I felt very very good abt myself which is good bc I am self conscious about my body a little but it's gotten a lot better recently so that's good!

-🌼

chocolate raspberry coffee sounds so good wtf I wanna try that

okay I'm not going to go off on a tangent here on makeup/skincare recs and tips and all that unless you ask for it, but if you ever want that kind of stuff I know quite a bit about those kinds of things and I'm happy to share my wisdom! I'm not like an expert makeup artist or anything and while I hypothetically know about more intense stuff like contouring and baking your face and all that I've never actually done it, but I do know a decent amount! and I can do eyeliner really well so, there's that. and I've already made some skincare rec posts on here but I'm happy to answer more qs about that stuff if you ever desire

I'm glad you were able to feel good about your outfit!! baby steps are important for that stuff, but definitely try to branch out and wear outfits you might not normally wear! if you see an item of clothing you really like but you're self conscious about it, consider getting it any way and seeing if you can just wear it around your house for a bit to feel more confident in it before wearing it out. I used to be really self conscious about wearing tight shirts for a very specific body insecurity I have that I won't get into rn but I really love wearing crop tops so I gradually just started getting tops that were a bit tighter and it really helped my confidence