#I woke up at 11 am and stayed up until 2:30 cuz im not a bitch and am determined to write a fuckin reply

[hereliesbitches--me]

Gala is the first to stir from their shared slumber, announcing her awakening with a jaw-splitting yawn. She's usually a solitary beast when it comes to her napping, but she's becoming fond of having the big bear as a companion. Though his belly is the perfect spot for her head to rest, she's had enough for now. Lifting herself sluggishly, she shifts behind the Pangoro and begins to preen the fuzzy fur atop his head. Her clicking is akin to purring, rousing him gently from his sleep.

The world as they know it is changing.

Whether it be for the better is all a matter of opinion.

 But for the pokemon?

Everything was fine and dandy. At least Pangoro thought so.

The warm tropics of his homeland coupled with the gentle ocean breeze were an ideal setting for a early morning snooze.

Things got easier now that their little wild Rose had found humans like herself to distract her, for the stress of keeping a keen attention to her safety was suddenly alleviated. If she were among her own kind, then he would not have Artemus or Orpheus yapping in his ear about distractions. With the change of environment, the last thing he expected was to be making new friendly company…

Trading out 4 bodies for 1 big one of his own size was the best decision of the century.

     Pangoro slept heavy when he found the time to sleep, an arm tucked behind his head while the other furled around the smooth armored carapace of the companion resting on his stocky stomach.  The breeze rippled gentle across the plush fur of his body, at even pace with his deep lumbering breaths, the chime of the trees rustling proved to be the natural lullaby that kept him in his sweet sweet dreams. From between black lips and thick teeth, the long bamboo stock bobbed, its leafy tip swaying with every vibration that surrounds him. An inconspicuous, but effective alert system. Not one he felt he needed now, with her in his arms.. but old habits die hard.

What ever could a pokemon dream of? A wonder few humans ever considered of their partners, when they still considered the ethics of the world.

Pango, despite his intimidating size and gruff demeanor, still dreamed of his days as a pacham. Somewhere deep in the depths of the mind, he walked the fields and roamed the forest with a nurturing paw in his own, scavenging berries and practicing his hunting on the bugs his mother allowed him to hunt. In a time before he knew what loss meant, he basked in the innocent peace of childhood, blissfully unaware of the way time began to blurr the details of his mother’s face and voice. There comes an edge to dreaming, as you reach the end of a cycle, when the dreamer slowly becomes aware of the flaws in their fantasy.. The grass was too green, the scents were shifting in ways that did not match the scene. The little bear, with his paws mucked by sticky sap and dirt, could smell the ocean when there should have only been the earthy smell of wet soil. The world begins to dim at its edges , fizzing, the soothing voice of his mother distorting as she groomed him.. For a split second, the ocean he smells is a wave of panic that sets an aching in his muscle. The fear he’s known as a cub grows, and he cant describe why it did. His dark eyes widen and watch helplessly, for his world burns and fades to black. In one last desperate attempt, his head whips back  to find answers in the mother that cradles him..

 But she was gone. Just like everything else.

She was gone and he still couldn't accept it.

The bamboo stock creaks between clenching teeth.

    Awareness is a slow trickle upon the senses as his muted world of black is penetrated by those ill-fitted smells that altered his dream state. As consciousness builds, Pangoro is aware of the weight of his own body, but also  the lack of what had once laid upon his stomach. Tingling pricks up in his scalp where his mother had been grooming ,  the haze he realizes now was no figment of his dream, for there was a warmth that affectionately brushed through the dense white fur.  Pangoro grimaced but stirred lightly as the numbness of sleep shook out of his limbs. He grumbled sluggishly,

“ You’re up early…”

 Earlier than himself, that is. As if the sun was not glaring above them at noon.  Resisting the need to open his eyes, the bear inhaled deeply through the nostrils, then yawned.

The ocean may have been far away, but the embodiment of the sea lay just behind him. Gala’s armored build may not have been the softest, yet he found comfort in the scent of sea salt that clung to her skin. A piece of home he could always have near, if only he buried his nose into her, or stuck his tongue out for a lick. Did she notice the way his body trembled when he woke? Did she notice how hardly he suddenly balled his fist?

All too aware of his unease, a part of him prays she wouldn't see as he forces the tension free and at last opens his sleep-crusted eyes. To sink down, away from her tongue, and look upon the angel that cradled him. His eyes, deep and warm like the alolan earth, radiated nothing short of loving admiration , as best as he could muster upon first waking. Pangoro shifted the bamboo to the corner of his teeth and grinned lazily,

“ Good Morning, Gala.” he purred. His massive paw rose from his chest and stroked a black claw tenderly down her jaw,

“ You smell real good. I ever tell you that? Like living by the sea..”

Pango mustered the strength just enough to roll onto his belly and lazily drape his arms around her middle,

“ Hope I didn’t wake you, did I?”

[dayasbun]

Fame - Angus Cloud (5)

Summary- a luckily timed audition leads to you falling for your new and unexpected co-star.

Warnings- okay HI welcome to my first multi chapter series woah?! this is actually so exciting for me like wow especially since angus doesn’t have any fics yet im just really really excited- so warnings! smut for sure, bad words, lotsa fluff, angst- everything in one basically. here comes a ride and I hope you enjoy :)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5 {reading now}

-

You woke up to an empty bed and cold covers. With a sigh you sat up, wondering where Storm and Z had gone. Grabbing your phone, you shook your head as you read the messages on your home screen.

Babygirl Z <3: Yoooo so we dipped cuz Angus's weird-ass kinda threatened us to gtfo out cuz he wanted to spend time w you but don't tell him I told you that, I don't wanna deal w him

Lil storm!: i think the hood boy in love with you or sum- it's weird.

Angus ☁️: you free today? i got some plans for us so if you ain't you free now

Angus ☁️: i'm playin btw like if you ain't free i can change shit around

You giggled as you heard your nails click against the phone's screen as you sent responses.

-mhm i'll act like i never saw this...have a good day of filming gorgeous <3

-see storm, i highly disagree

-i'm free :) is this a date mr cloud? don’t forget we have filming today

You got up brushing your teeth and washing your face. You waited for Angus's response before picking an outfit for the day, and instead decided on making breakfast for now.

Babygirl Z <3: thanks lovely same to you!!!

Lil storm! laughed at your message

Angus ☁️: shittttt ion know maybe- n yeah ik

-i'm making breakfast, come over if you want

Angus ☁️: food?? i'm already on the way

-my trailer door is unlocked so just come in

A few minutes later you heard the heavy trailer door creak open. You flipped a pancake before turning around and facing the taller man in front of you. "Gooooood morning- you look so tired?"

"Damn, thanks Y/N you look great too!" Angus said sarcastically rolling his eyes.

"Boy, I'm kidding." You grinned wrapping your arms around his waist "How'd you sleep?"

"I slept ight, you? Any dream-"

"SHUTUP!"

"I was just checking damn, just checking!"

You let off the hug and walked back over to the stove turning off the burners. "Okay, done! Pancakes and eggs- and fruit! Can't beat that." You made both you and Angus a plate and sat them down on the small table.

You both ate with smiles on your faces, talking the whole time. You learned some more about Angus and his past, and he learned more about you and what you want your future to be like. You couldn't help but laugh when he spotted a carton of store-bought sugar cookies on your counter and insisted he eat at least five. You didn't deny his request, so he polished them off with the rest of his pancakes.

As soon as the breakfast came to a close, both of your phones dinged at the exact same time.

"That's strange," You said picking up the electrical device. You quickly unlocked it as your eyes scanned the screen, and when you finished you immediately looked up at Angus. From the look on his face, you could tell that he clearly had finished reading the message as well.

"So…" he said quietly.

"Yeah."

"Yep."

The text message wasn't too big of a deal, just a simple message from Mary of a suddenly new shooting schedule. You weren't worried until you reached the paragraph that made very clear that instead of shooting you and Angus's sex scenes next week, or possibly two weeks away, they would be shot tomorrow and for the rest of the week.

Shooting the scenes wasn't exactly the problem, it was the caliber of the scenes that you two would be shooting that was the problem. Also the fact- that though there isn't much talking during the sex scenes- you would have to memorize the lines of the new episode. Even though you and Angus were more comfortable with each other, sex scenes were not anything that you two were ready for, you guys hadn't even kissed yet, whether that was a real kiss, or a kiss practicing for the scene.

"I think we need practice."

"I agree."

"So uh..." He turned red as he picked at his nails.

You let out a sigh. "Okay so look. Basically, the scene just consists of me being naked, you being naked as well, but they're going to jimmy rig something so that obviously we aren't actually doing it. Mary told me in my message that I would have some type of pad over my you know what, and you would have some type of cup on."

"But-"

"I'm not done, wait. There are covers over us; so even though I have to give the effect of riding you, I'll just kind of be awkwardly rubbing my padded- you- know- what up against the cup."

"Okay, don't we make out before?"

"Yeah, we do." You stood up and rinsed off the plates. After placing them in the dishwasher, you turned back to your male co-star. "Okay, so it's about 11 AM right now. If we practice our lines, make out some, and I awkwardly ride you clothed in my bed, I think we should be fine..what about your plans?" You asked softly.

"It’s ight, they can wait. But there's another scene- where I smash you from the back. That's the part where I gotta show my cheeks man, damn I don't wanna show my cheeks!"

You laughed a bit "You'll be fine... tomorrow we'll be shooting probably just making out, then the next day the riding scene, and then the day after that more. And I know this seems kind of shitty, but if you read over other peoples paragraphs besides just ours, a lot of their sex scenes were moved up too, and some of the pairings are a bit weird and unexpected."

"Okay let's stop talking about it and just do it."

You nodded and silently walked into your small bedroom, sitting on the messy bed. You hadn't made it because, well you didn't exactly expect to have Angus in your bedroom, let alone to do this.

"So..."

You turned to look at him with a raised brow, "What?"

"So imma kiss you."

Why did that one sentence make your heart. Skip. So. Many. Fucking. Beats.

"Yeah well, that's what the script says right?"

He nodded and licked his lips. "Come get on my lap."

"Why? That's not in the-"

"It'll be more comfortable, especially if we doing this for a minute."

You took in a breath as you went over and straddled his lap, your legs around his waist, and your arms resting comfortably on his shoulders, wrapping around his neck.

You looked into his eyes, and god they were just gorgeous. "Angus.." You said softly.

"Yeah?"

And for .2 seconds you actually debated telling him- telling him that when you kissed him, you didn't want it just to be practice for the show. Telling him that you felt like you lived for the nights that he would facetime you and tell you dumbest shit that would just have you dead tired the next day. Telling him how much he made you laugh, and how it made you so unbearably happy every time you saw his name and knew it was the cause of your phone screen lighting up. Making sure he knew that the past 2 months of your life had gotten so much brighter just because of him.

You didn't though.

But if you had? He would've told you how he felt the exact same way. He would tell you how he loved how your eyes sparkle in the sunlight, how he loved how your nose scrunched up when you laughed. About how you were the only person who would listen to his dumb Mandela effects, even though he knew you didn't believe in all of them. And how it made him blush every time you sent him a mirror selfie on Snapchat for your streak- which he always lost.

But neither of you said anything.

Instead, you made out for a full 32 minutes with absolutely no passion, no lust, no nothing. Too scared to open up to the other due to the fear of rejection.

Until he got hard.

Again.

And that was your little 'ding!' to let you know yet again, 'he wants you.'

So your hips began to move {finally, after 32 minutes of dead nothingness} and you and Angus's lips began to fight for dominance. His hands moved from being awkwardly placed on your sides to under your shirt on your waist. Feeling his hands on your bare skin, you let out a soft moan into his mouth- which you could tell completely caught him off guard.

"Fuck you moaning for?" He teased, still not letting off of the kiss.

"For you."

He bit your lip causing you to moan yet again, your hips still bucking against his hard-on- holy fuck that felt a lot better than it should've. You grinned a bit as you felt his beard brush against your face.

"God. you're so hot."

'Oh my god' you thought, 'It's happening.'

"Baby, I have nothing on you." You replied seductively, sliding your hand down from his shoulder to his crotch.

"Fuck Jess..."

You grinned as he- wait what?

Jess- right, your characters name. Reel it in, you told yourself. This is just acting, nothing more. Just acting. Though you stayed into it, something about him calling you Jess turned you off a bit. After 10 more minutes or so you stopped, getting off of his lap and sitting on the side of him.

“Wel-”

“Yeah, that was good!” You quickly cut him off. “I definitely think our awkwardness has melted away a bit.”

“But don’t you wanna talk-” 

“We have some scenes to film at 1, its 12:30 right now so we should head to wardrobe.”

Angus looked at you with a confused expression on his face, but just nodded slowly and stood up following you out.

All you two had to film was the scene of you coming back, so it was a calm and chill collection of scenes to go through. Everything ran smoothly, and by the time you two were done around 9PM, you were as tired as could be.

“You're such a good fucking actress Y/N.” Angus complimented you as you two walked back to his trailer. He offered you to stay over for the night- just to sleep of course- and you couldn't reject the offer even if you wanted to- which you didn't want to. “Thank you,” you replied softly. “You’re quite talented as well.”

“Nah girl, I'm just being me.”

You two went into his warm trailer talking of filming the scenes, and how tired you both were. You both tried to avoid the topic of the scenes you had to film tomorrow and for the rest of the week; though you were supposedly ready, it was a strangely sore topic.

Soon showers were taken, clothes were changed, and all that was left to do was cuddle.

Angus flipped off the lights and then crawled into the bed with you. You moved closer to him, listening to his rapid heartbeat as you traced hearts on his chest. “Night Redhead.” you said softly, placing a kiss against his cheek.

“Goodnight Mamas.”

And as you lay next to him listening to his light snores, you thought about something. You thought about how though today had been so amazing, and finally, you felt as though the awkwardness had melted away… it was all acting.

Angus didn't like you; that's what you told yourself. Any man would get hard if an attractive woman was sitting on his lap, so that was self-explanatory. Any man would call you baby during a heated moment, any man would talk dirty to you in a heated moment. And a good man like Angus would always make you feel comfortable when you practiced for a scene- that's all he was doing, he wanted you to feel comfortable.

You couldn't be hurt about the situation, the whole point of doing any of that was just practicing for the scenes. And after all, Angus called you Jess, not Y/N.

But at the same time, a little part of you wouldn't stop screaming that you really really really wished he had said your name instead. A little part of you-

Your thoughts were interrupted by the soft glow of your phone lighting up along with a light vibration. A smile appeared on your face as you saw who the message was from.

Babygirl Z <3: GIRL

Babygirl Z <3: BABES ARE YOU UP??!

-yeah you okay? what's wrong?

Babygirl Z <3: shit I'm sorry but i have to tell you this

-what's wrong????? are you okay?

Babygirl Z <3: I'm fine but

-?????

Babygirl Z <3: fuck don't hate me ily okay this is for the best just remember that

-Z get to the point...

Babygirl Z <3: okay so...storm and i just did some digging and

-and?

Babygirl Z <3: and we think Angus got a girl back @ home

-

taglist:

@nikkixostan @melaninmarvel @celiajrs @siriuslycollins @patientplum @babygurlbarnes

[i-mlivid]

01: Yes

02: My mommy

03: No

04: Yes

05: I’m fuckin taken

06: Tragically but not tragically like I’m depressed I mean I wanna die tragically by helping someone or in a horrible wreck

07: A marshmallow

08: I used to do cheer

09: Eww no im not a child

10: Never because I’m a big baby

11: My boyfriend

12: Hell no, I’ve stayed asleep for around 48 hours tho. Only woke up to pee eat tho so does it count?

13: I really hate the people in one of my classes

14: Yes 🥺

15: I have a cute lil gecko I named Emiko

16: Isolated and nervous

17: Yeah, I was giving a handjob too. Not my proudest loment

18: I don’t really think I am because seeing one in my room or out and about doesn’t freak me out but if I’m showering then fuuuck don’t get it near me.

19: I honestly don’t know, I like where I am rn

20: In their car on a residential street at 6:30 while people were walking around. Tinted windows for dayss

21: Pretend to study for my finals but in reality Ima be sleeping

22: I recently decided not to adopt or foster kids, sadly, but because I want to birth two children

23: Zero cuz I’m a baby but I want to get a double cartilage soon.

24: I like to think I’m really good at chemistry and stats

25: Maybe my old friend group but I’m doing fine without them

26: two chicken tamales from this place by my house and their watered down green chili with it too. Fuuuck I want some so bad.

27: Yeah but then they broke mine like three years later by saying in reality they never loved me so ?? Maybe I didn’t break their heart but I like to pretend I did.

28: No

29: So many times because when I talk about my feelings he thinks it’s his fault.

30: that’s its 12:30am and I have a final tomorrow but I can’t sleep so I’m doing this.

31: I hope

32: Green, green, green, green

33: No I don’t have a traumatic past or nun

34: I dreamt my boyfriend and I were in charge of a whole alien species’ future on earth and we were all sent to space

35: My boyfriend

36: Hell Yeah, that’s why for a while I had way too many toxic people in my life.

37: I find it easier to forget because I move on from emotional trauma too quickly

38: Absolutely bot

39: I was 14 and the dude wanted to make out but I didn’t know how so I like pushed my face to his face and then pulled away thinking that was smooth

40: Nah I don’t got the balls for that

51: Pasta, any kind of pasta that’s creamy or like meaty

52: Definitely

53: I was scrolling tumblr for peoples opinions on the Steven Universe Future Premiere

54:iterally never

55: In my head I am

56: zero cuz I’m a big baby

57: Nope

58: I love Summer, fuck this cold ass winter weather and everyone that “loves” the rain

59: No it’s too cold

60: Yes but not like a big fancy wedding or nun

61: No, I think it’s such a default nickname for a significant other

62: Eating and certain tv shows

63: I used to want to change it to Rosalina because my online friends nicknamed me Rose and then they made it cute but now I rather stay with my name

64: Hell nah, lemme kids this Fuu for a whole day

65: Acknowldge it, then move on cuz I’m not losing my best friend over feeling we both know he’d eventually move on from

66: Yes, I love my best friend and he accepts me whole heartedly

67: My best friend, we played Broforce on the Switch last night until like 2:30 so we could finish it.

68: My best friend, dude called me late at night drunk out of his mind because he didn’t wanna wake up his girlfriend and we talked about our futures with our significant others.

69: No

70: No

Thanks for reading this useless shit ❤️

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[the-little-red-noodle]

10/11/18 7:47

okay, lets talk. 

Ive had an emotional 24 hours. I’ve been anxious, i’ve been insecure, i’ve been angry and sad and hurt and manic and crazy and i need to get it out so i can fucking cleanse and move into my weekend.

It started with spencer, what like, 2 nights ago now? i dont remember when it was, but i was getting insecure and noticing how i was affecting him. it was yesterday, cuz it was wednesday. i was insecure and didnt want him to leave my room and i think i really stressed him out because i just wanted him to stay and say the things i wanted to hear, but that isnt reality. he cant read my mind, he cant know what i need to hear, thats why i need to communicate and not just suck into myself and away from him, but i didnt want to do that because i didnt want to be crazy, but then i got crazy and i made him kinda late because he dropped by at 3:30 and only expected to stay till 4 but he left at 6:27 as i needed to go to my 6:30 lab.. so i feel bad but i just agh i couldnt let him leave when i didnt feel good..

i didnt feel good because we talked about politics. he got me going on the wage gap, so i got heated talking about the misconceptions and he was (respectfully) arguing with me because he is suuupperrrr super liberal, very very left, very socialist, and he’s a politics major, so he’s well versed and i get that going in, but i also wanted to share my side because im fairly moderate; i dont believe in a lot of feminist rhetoric, or the wage gap stuff. i read the study, and it bothers me that people misuse the statistics to say that women get paid less for the same job, because that is NOT what the study found. The point was that women take different kinds of jobs than men and tend to work less hours and have less education and qualifications. THAT is the ‘feminist’ issue, not paying women less for the same job because thats illegal and cant happen. 

Heres the thing. I know there are sexist issues in our society. i know that it is harder for women than it is for men. but frankly, i feel better ignoring it as much as i can. i feel like if we keep telling women than they shouldnt be scientists because its a man job, or that society tells women that they need a leg up, because then we start believing it and internalizing and thinking we are less than men. i feel like if we just stopped talking about it, i wouldnt know that there was a gender discrepancy and id feel totally normal getting into stem. i dont want to feel like im some anomaly. and frankly yes, i notice sometimes. i notice the gender divide in stem. of fucking course i see it. i know that there are men in my neuroscience lab who think i dont know shit. im not blind, i know the STEM field is misogynistic. i know it is. but i dont like to subscribe to the feminist thing that im so held down and its because im a woman. but thats just me

anyway, my babe is very liberal and he was listening of course but also making sure i knew that the problems im ignoring are still there, which i appreciate but i also get kinda irritated with hyper liberal men because it sounds kinda guilty? like listening to a straight white man say that straight white men are the problem, annoys me. like yes thats true, but also ugh its annoying. i hate the men shame that feminism encourages.

so we kinda went back and forth for a while, which like, good that we can have real conversations, and politics is something that will inevitably come up, but as the conversation went on, i started getting insecure and anxious because confrontation scares me. not that he was really even confronting me? like spencer is such a sweet man, he’s gentle and kind and supportive and so sweet to me, and i know politics is literally his thing, and im glad that he’s super liberal as opposed to the other end. cuz like ya i am a queer woman and im glad that he seems like a strong advocate for minority groups like that, so like im glad, but i also started to feel like he was frustrated with me for like being ill informed.

 heres the thang tho, im not really ill informed. ive done my research, i watch the news, and im a big fan of shoe0nhead which admittedly is very moderate bias media, but its content i agree with. and i was telling him that im fairly moderate, and he was like ya i can tell, and i was like and politics isnt really my thing, and he was like ya i can tell. but i didnt mean that like i didnt understand politics, i meant it as like i try not to really get into the conversation (partially because of sarah lawrence)

no wait i did tell him that. i told him how involved i was in social justice stuff in new york, that i literally led the anti Trump protest in NYC after he was elected. and when i told him that, he got all dreamy eyed like it was so attractive that his girlfriend was an activist, which is cute n whatever, cuz everything he does is cute..

the point is, that after this conversation i was insecure because i felt like he would be mad at me (he wasn’t) or that he would hate me (he doesn’t). and i know that logically of course, but still... ugh idk, the conversation just got me riled up and then he had to leave town for the whole weekend and i was feeling like we wouldnt have enough time to resolve it

but he kept saying everything was fine, that he wasn’t mad, that he might disagree, but still loves me duh. and i know he meant it, but u know when you get in your head and youre like shit i said too much, and now he will never look at me the same because we slightly disagree about politics, like my moms dating a republican and they reallllyyy disagree on politics, like i will be fine! whats yer issue self?

but ya so i just felt insecure, and i know he was trying to comfort me even tho i didnt let on thaaat much that i was hurting. i feel like when people i love get confrontational with me (which again, he wasn’t) i get upset and my heart feels heavy and it hurts and i want them to leave and i would have just ended our hangout because we both had places to be and whatever we’ll deal with it later, but i knew he was leaving tonight and was gunna be busy and we couldnt deal with it so i was scared and when my attachment feels insecure, i get SO insecure. hahahaaaa i was thinking this relationship would be any different? gurl.

but heres the thing, he is.. he’s fine. he doesnt think anything is wrong and he’s still my sweet pea boyfriend. and i know that now, because i did get to say goodbye in a good re-establishing way tonight.

i knew he was leaving after his class at 6:30 tonight and i was nervous because i knew he was gunna be busy with packing up and everything.

i ran into him walking to class and we were fine and kissy and cute and i love him but as we were parting i was like can i say goodbye before you leave, but i dont think he heard me cuz he didnt really respond because we were diverging and he was giving me his sweet boy eyes with an outstretched arm as we parted and i was like shit im still insecurrrreeee

so i texted him during the first class like “hey i meant cant i say goodbye before you hit the road but sounds like yer gunna be busy so have a great weekend baby i love you!” and i meant it, i wanted to end on a good note but then he didnt respond all day, and my anxiety was mounting and i spent the rest of today in my room doing nothing but stressing about him. stressing about a boy, nothing new for me.

but eventually i got really tired and took a real nap, i had accepted that i wouldnt see him again.. sad.. i woke up at like 7:15 and i was like hmm let me see if his car is still here, ya know, cuz im crazy. i went downstairs to fill up my water bottle and his car was still in the parking lot. so ya know, i text him, cuz im crazy. and i was like drive safe babe <3 and then as i got back to my room there he was outside my door with bags in his arm to pack up his car and i was so effing relieved to see him. we hugged and kissed and he seemed genuinely happy to see me and i was so happy to get to have a moment with him before he left.

i walked him down to his car, and filled up his water bottle for him and once everything was in his car, he just kissed me.. and i know im a hopeless romantic, but i was so happy to just kiss him and feel his lips smiling and feel his arms around me and hear him giggle and be adorable.. 

my heart still hurts, but it’s different now. my heart hurts because I miss him. i already miss him even though he only just left. he’ll be gone until monday night and i might not even see him then because he’ll be exhausted, which is fair. but now im sad because ill just miss him. i know he’ll be camping and among friends and nerding out on his larping camp vacation is fresno. of course ill miss him.. because i love him..

as we were kissing by his car i was like be safe (cuz his larping thing is basically nerd war with foam weapons) and he was like “yeah i will, cant wait to see you when i get back”, and i was like yeah babe ill be here to patch you back together when you get back, and he kinda laughed at me and was like “i dont think that’ll be your intention when i get back” implying that ill probably just want to rough him up immediately when i see him like i usually do. which made me really really happy to hear cuz it was like acknowleding that everythings still good and we’re still crazy about each other and we’ll just want to fuck as soon as he’s home which is sweet to me, like to me thats such a sweet sentiment. and i just got so happy that he in his own way reminded me that like we’re still on a good track, and we’re still happy, and he still loves me, ya know?

and also as we were hugging and kissing i started scratching his back how he likes and he sorta moaned and was like “ugh im really gunna miss this.. like im gunna miss you of course, but im gunna miss your back scratches” and that made me happy.. 

he just makes me happy.. i really love him and i’m really grateful that i got to have this brief reconnection with him before he left town till monday.. 4 days without him is gunna suck, but i know he’s gunna be busy and probably not have service and be off the grid so we won’t talk unless he reaches out. but i will manage. he managed for 4 days while i was camping, so i can manage while he is nerd camping

omigod that reminds me how much i love him, again. he’s nerd camping. ugh i adore him

he was like babe you gotta come next time so we can get drunk and fight together and he was all smiley like he really wants to show me off at his nerd event which is so sweet.. and as he walked me back to the dorm entrance cuz i forgot my key, he called me his girlfriend, and even though its small, its something.. i’ll take it. 

i needed that brief little reconnection. the next 4 days i will have to detox. i have events planned like every day, so i’ll be fine. im gunna see my friends tomorrow and saturday night and i have chapter on sunday and should probably spend some time alone writing and detoxing and getting back to myself and feeling independent. 

i want time to shower and braid my hair and brush my teeth and feed my body good food and watch youtube and write. i need to stay writing. i need to keep journaling because i know how much it helps me. i need to get my emotions out and analyze why the things that upset me get to me. whats the root of the problem and how to get through it. i need that.

i was and still am so frustrated with myself that i got so insecure over one political conversation with spencer. like... thats a problem, ya know? 

and at least now that he’s out of town for the whole weekend, i dont really have an excuse for being anxious about seeing him? cuz he just drops by and i never know when cuz he doesnt text me first. like literally tonight as we were kissing outside my room he was like i came by earlier but you werent home, and i was like oh shit i was taking a nap and i slept through him coming to visit me :(( which is like oh my god that would have been so sad if i didnt get to see him on his way out because i was literally asleep! 

his dropping by, while its the cutest ever because it just like him wanting to see me, its also kind of stressful because i never know when its gunna happen, so whenever im home, im kind of anxious because he could drop in at any second, and of course i get happy when he does because then i get to see my baby, but alsoooooo it means i cant really indulge in my personal space because it could be interupted at any moment, and as i found out tonight, i cant take naps because then i could miss him :(

thats probably something we should discuss at some point, because it creates anxiety for me that is related to spencer, and i want to eliminate any bad vibes from my relationship

relationship.. he’s my boyfriend.. ohmigod wuuuuuuut im still shocked that he wanted to boo me up this much.. he’s so sweet and cute and nerdy ugh

i love him.. i need to get over this dumb insecurity that comes from mild confrontation? that wasnt even confrontation??

so lets remember the things to look forward to about this relationship

he loves me. he claims me proudly as his girlfriend. he wants to bring me to belegarth events, even this day one in san diego where he’d bring me home and introduce me to his home friends which is pretty huge.. he’s sweet, he likes spending time with me and he drops by frequently and stays for hours.. we’re good, and i know i sound crazy needing to convince myself, but thats because i dont want to bug him to validate me, especially not when he has this big event that he’s so excited for. and i want him to be excited for his event and feel secure with me, because of course i love him and want to be with him.

10:53pm i keep taking breaks from the journaling, i get distracted really easy, watching youtube and texting people.. trying to be social, its hard for me. also trying to bury my spencer texts, just cuz i know im crazy and i want to try to not think about him..

do i go walk down to the cooler to get food? or should i just subside on whatevers in my fridge.. also i really should fill up my tank.. and calculate the gas so my friends can reimburse me.. sigh

anyway, i think im feeling mostly better after yesterday. like obviously im still gunna think about it, and ill always worry if spencers as invested as me, but i gotta take it with the context that he was the one who pursued me and crushed on me from day one and wanted to date me and wanted to be exclusive with me and wanted to call me his girlfriend.. he says he loves me and he comes to visit me all the time and spends his free time with me.. he’s a sweet pea and i shouldnt be insecure about it

and not to be cryptic, but what am i even worried about? part of me was reluctant to even get into a relationship, and was supposed to be single and focusing on myself and if anything, dating women. i accidentally caught feels for an amazingly sweet nerd man, and believe me im happy about it. i love spending time with spencer and loving on him. but to be cryptic for just a second.. worst case scenario? he’s just not interested anymore and we break up. sooo? ya that would suck, and i would be heartbroken, but i would also be okay because i have good friends and the whole point of breaking up with ryan was to be single.. so..

anyway, i should probably wrap up this journal entry cuz its long and all over the place

omigod he just texted me

aww he’s letting me know that he got to his thing safely and he loves me

seeee he’s a sweet bean, yall are fine, can you chill now? he’s so into you and you dont need to be insecure about this right now

and wow i sound crazy writing this much, i’ve literally been writing for hours. i know i need to journal more, and this is literally just stream of consciousness for hours and hours.. alright, ima end here and do hw maybe..

stay grateful. stay happy. life is good, you are blessed. friends are good. boyfriend is good. school is good for now kinda haha but i need to stay positive! yes i have bad days, yes i have low points, yes i get insecure and sad and upset and lonely. but i am so very lucky to be alive and to be surrounded by support and love and to feel and give love freely. i am lucky to have found friends i can trust. i am lucky to still have my close friends from beyond this year of oxy. i am beyond lucky to have an incredible man in my life. and also its halloween season which means lots of fun family stuff and so many fun parties on and off campus and looking forward to showing off my jessica rabbit costume and seeing spencers cowboy beebop costume and just drooling over each other ^-^ 

it is going to be a great rest of this month, and after this is november, which means thanksgiving and family stuff, and better fall weather hopefully and that means getting spencer to wear more sweaters.. mmmph and then after that is december which means holiday season, and more family stuff, and of course, finding a time to see spencer and be cozy and watch christmas movies and again, get him into more sweaters.. mmmmmmmph yes babe

there is so much to look forward to!! events and planning christmas presents for people omigod im gunna start that note on my phone, theres so much to do!! cuz i also have so many new great friends for this holiday season which means more presents for people which im always excited about :) and getting to watch my puppy grow up and see my family and take in the quality time together <3 

i am loved. i am blessed. i am grateful. i want to spread love and positive vibes and happiness and love! so much love :)

okay. that’s all for tonight. shower, brush teeth, go to sleep. take care of yourself. LOVE

[s3venpounds]

1-102

102 questions? damn thats gonna be tough my guy but aight

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

i do. at least, i trust in them enough to not take the phrase lightly.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

considering im 22 thats not that huge of a gap, considering some people have like a 10 year difference. so yeah i guess

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

pretty recently actually, went to a birthday party of an acquaintance and i didn’t really enjoy myself til i went to sing karaoke but my drunk friend was being hella annoying at the same time

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

i do that on the daily so yeah

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

i mean probably, humans can’t do ANYTHING without having both a positive and negative influence

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

yeah Spire- Reverie( feat FAWNA) that song was sent by said friend that i got reminded of =]

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

red plaid boyfriend style shirt, pepperoni pizza print socks, superman boxers and some athletic shorts with my highschools logo and colors 

8. How often do you listen to music?

whenever im not talking to someone, playing games, or in a serious atmosphere

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

sweats after wearing sweats style pants for so long its hard to go back to my skinny jeans

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

considering its 2017 and literally nothing happened in 2013 but my graduation then no

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

both? i think im one of those things you call an ambivert.

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? 

yeah and he was way too timid about it man like ‘s just a kiss

13. What about ‘R’?

nope all my friends with an r name arent close enough for me to try that shit

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

nope would love to learn though

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

yep. mostly so i know where to tweak my personality so i can improve as a person i guess but yeah i tend to get paranoid

16. Are you going out of town soon?

not to my knowledge no, but it wouldnt be the first time my parents pull out “surprise” plane tickets to go somewhere i didn’t want to and on such short notice

17. When was the last time you cried?

mmmmmm can’t remember, so its not in the past 6 months or so

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

yeah, went downhill afterwards

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

blue or purple if possible thatd be dope

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

no not really

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

how hungry i am and the lack of food

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

considering im not gay or at least not confirmed yet, no. 

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

dunno, not even sure where we stand

24. What are you sitting on right now?

a folded up blanket and an old office chair

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

its not everyday but when i say i love them they say it back so thats nice

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

yep, multiple times. but yknow oh well right? i would rather something be left where it is than go through an extra excruciating chapter of hurt just because i fell in love with someone i barely knew

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

A.T

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

nope infact the last time i got sick was 2 years ago i believe

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

blue notes, it was on sale and it WAS really soft not its just eh soft

30. Does anyone hate you?

HAHAHHAA yeah. one of my friends confirmed it too still do i think

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

why would i hide them.. these questions were clearly made for someone under 18 and i apologize for reblogging without reading them

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

FUCK.NO.FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME WATCH THEM AND FUCK YOU FOR BRINGING THEM NEAR ME

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

nah sounds like too much maitenence

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

my first year. erase my existence. nah im kidding i would probs delete last year or the year before that anywhere in that time frame

35. Did you have a dream last night?

nope sadly =[

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

the day before yesterday we were both v sleepy after movie night

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

nope. marriage is an annoying thing and until i find someone worth all that struggle not gonna happen. but ive got a good feeling about this one

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

considering they said i love you yeah i would hope so

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

that same person also said this a few days ago so yeah i think so

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

yeah found some old classic songs and got my body groovin that night

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

nope 

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

nope

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

no… and now i feel a little sad

44. What’s the best part about school?

when all ur friends did something amazing yesterday and they talk about it with u all excited and shit

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

yep , some are really cringe worthy 

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

nope i just texted notes were too hard to pass without getting caught

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

yeah a lot to the point im almost there

48. Were you single over the last summer?

yep

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

yeah a little

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

chores, usual adult things, maybe cooking

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

nah i dont hate him, maybe not on the best terms with em but yeah

52. Are you nice to everyone?

nope there are some people that just rub me the wrong way

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yeah 100%

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

are you serious? 6 months? thats so short, how the hell anyone falters at that point? i expect people to start cheating ATLEAST at the 1 year mark 

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

not very to be honest. i wear my heart on my sleeve as a friend says.

56. Do you think you like someone?

yeah i think i do

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

no…….?

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

boys are fun for mindless fun but girls are more for sentimental stuff. both are equally nice to be around

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

yeah tequila is a bitch

60. Do you hate anyone?

yep! same person who hates me!

61. How’s your heart?

like spiritually or like physically. havent gotten a medical check up so dunno, and spiritually? its being taken care of so thats nice

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

yep! and i refuse to talk about it =]

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

nope never

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

person who hates me HEH maybe even my best friend but in an endearing way like “ this fucking bitch decided to snort fucking fundip hes my friend but god damn hes a fucking dumbass”

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

nope i wouldnt mind painting em tho

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

probably i make a lot of them

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

they better not. youre a shitty person for pushing someone to that point. 

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

yeah, sometimes on purpose sometimes on accident, sometimes cuz i wanted to

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

A.T

70. How do you look right now?

like shite mate i havent showered yet

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

yeah Justin HEH

72. Can you commit to one person?

i damn hope so otherwise life is gonna be hella lonely

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

yeah! 

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

yep. multiple times too

75. Did you wake up cranky?

nope woke up horny. thats what happens with morning wood

76. Are you a jealous person?

yeah, the more amazing someone is the more jealous i get

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

i wanna say yes so yall dont shy away from them but like real talk its fucking aggravating, a lot of work, and tiring sometimes. anyone who says otherwise is glossing over shit or hasn’t seen the whole spectrum yet

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

yeah about 98% done too

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

yeah 

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

the same tiring shit as everyday pinky try and take over the world

81. Last person you cried in front of?

justin

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

Azley.

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

considering they stayed up with me while i was hitting an emotional low yeah i would think so

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

cuddling, probably freaking out that we’re physically right in front of each other

85. Are you over your past?

nah, i like my past as shitty, cringy and heartbreaking as it is i love it

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

yeah isnt that how relationships happen….?

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

yeah justin

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

yeah i’d accept it, then close the door.

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

yeah cuz its fucking cold outside my dood, here lemme get some tea or some shit youre probs freezing

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

honestly yeah i once had this really spotty conversation with a girl literally everyone in the school hated at the time. then i realized wow, im just horny and have no substantial feelings for this person and if i do go through with this i will regret it

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

i dont know i dont like to think very far

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

yeah he grew out his hair like that annoying french kid in the will smith movie hitchcock that kept calling him  le petite asshole

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

nope

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

nope 

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

nope HAH

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

considering the last person was my brother fuck no. hes ugly as all hell

97. Who do you have texts from?

uhh, my brother, my best friend, my brother in law, my phone company, and a close friend

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? i would cheer em on while i get fetch the crown royal hidden in the back of the pantry

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yeah not that much different from anyone else really

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? 

no one unless you mean the person who took the photo then my cousin

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

no, and i dont plan to now. i hate them.

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

yes.

overall this shit has gotten my mood a little low so if yall excuse me im gonna mentally drown in music

[kyandice]

CANDICE EDIT THIS UGLY SHIT WHEN U HAVE THE FUCKING TIME

this is an ugly unedited one it has been in my drafts for like 2 months already. so whatever i just posting it. ill edit it if i have the time. thins is is i actually edited half way and MY FUCKING COMPUTER FUCKING CRASHED SO I GAVE UP  and yeahhh ill just post this ugly unedited one and ill edit it again WITH PROPER ENGLISH WHEN I HAVE THE TIME. idk i just cqnt see stuff in my drafts i just havre to post it and yewah wtf.

this unedu=ited stuff is just me writing key poiunts about my day and not like urghhhhhhh i hate this commmmmm. normally i would describe more but i dont want it in my drafts anymore so ill edit it when im free OKAYYYY.

1/3 

Hahahahahah lmao this was the date when i got tgt with K 3 years ago.(omg i still rmb, but tbh its nth special i just rmb useless stuff pretty well)  Never wanted to date a guy again even i with crushes back in sec sch. but anyways, today i went to Sentosa w/ B and he seemed to really like the artificial fiels alot but it was like in the afternoon so it was still kinda hot and yeahhhh. Like it would be much nicer at night. There will be like alot of stars and fireworks too and it will be more windy and cooling idk but it will be nicer at night and i want to spend the night w/ B there again. Oh yeah anyways ystd B bought me the batgirl lego keychain and B told me that batgirl had sex with batman and im shoooked.

2/3 and like today we planned to go to his house anddd then go to parkway parade to some lego secret chambers shop. i went out early cuz my junior wanted to pass me her lego characs but she couldnt make it so i was alr at bishan so i just went to tpy and wait for bryan o wake and meet me so i called him at 11am but he woke up and shouted at me so i just like nvmmmm so i went to the library and went window shopping around tpy and i also went popular 1pm i didnt want to call him up but i was like ugh nvm and called him.. and yay he finaally woke up wna read tuesday with morrie, all the fifty shades of grey and in grey's pov n miss peregrine's home for peculiar children but we still went to parkway parade anyays and he asked me to watch letters from iwo jima so i watched it at night and bryan wanted to watch the breakup list on toggle but it kept playing ads and it just wouldnt play the video so b got alittle pissed 3/3 logan, training (our 8th movie)

4/3 finishing crocheting my first thinggg the bear thing shoud i give it to bryan would he want it so today b was vvvv kinda excited this video thing with ck and cez and im like vvv happy for him cuz he can do smthing he rlly likes with cool n funny ffriends. also he said that he didnt want us to go public at first cuz he was afraid that ppl might tease us he said he was afraid i might be ffrustrated but tbh i was hella frustaratred i dont see the point of hiding our rship but im glad werre like opene now and so at night i went to ikea and b messaged me but i was busyt walking and i didnt recieve his msg but i didnt like lock my phone so it was read. but like it was in my pockets and like my mom doesnt allow me to play my phine whenever im walking but yeah anyways b was angry hat i didnt reply him. we sorta quarreled awhile but we were kinda okay after that i guess. wtf sia today midnight i have to distribute stuff to the homeless ppl in bugis and i was wearing a short paanyts and my mom tied this weird looking scarf i swear i look like some carzy hobo youngster wtf.

5&6/3 sneaked out of house, slept over at his house and after that i went to tpy first while he showers, ate and went home early to pack for camp stuff wna stay over at his house again it was fun we tried to watch moanna but was kinda sleepy

7/3 day 1 of camp. slept with b outised tgt

8/3 day 2 of camp (-met javier and sihui -every camps i go i get very angry -shoulder, water balloon) larn cpr and aed the skit thing worst grp ever

9/3 day 3 of camp water activities we won

10/3 tkd training

11/3

-wtf nxt week go msia (wanted to go work) -quarreled with bteh. cuz i cant go out but he wants me to go out -yyour suffering defines you without it yore a void -japan and korea with bryan -my parents -i want more lego charac -money - i cant wait for tmr for ilighhtsss i want to take like alooot pictures tgt with bryannnn styled hair -nicole choo idk why im still so insecure like i know pretty clearly that im decent looking. decent looking enough to make friends, have a job and not get ostracised in society. and well if you arent good looking enough you'll be made fun off/ostracised in society and thats how humans work. and now everywhere you see are pretty girls and how can any girls feel not insecure. Okay, i have a flat and fat nose. i want to have a sharper and thinner nose like michelle. i have pretty small boobs and i want boobs like naomi. my shoulders are too wide from playing softball, i want a smaller width shoulders like grace. my tummy isnt flat i want a flat tummy. and thing is those are pretty famous girls in like sg and im not even talking abt kim kard or emma wats or like jennifer lawr. omg i dont even know where im going with this im just literally typing all my thoughts down. okay and the boys here???? they all follow those people and im pretty sure they compare them over the normal girls in sch. omg what am i even talking abt. i feel silly even typing this out. but okay if your beauty standards doesnt reach like the norm in society you srsly wouldnt have friends. unless youre realllll rich or your sense of humor is rlly rlly great.

12/3 didnt quarrel but we  were obv upset with each other it was a fun day tho when to see i lights took alot pictures ate llaollao no money

20/3 best s ever went home after it bteh gg aunts house today

his flight will be tmr 21/22 job interview got the job bryaan in flight abt cosplay how i dont have frinds

25/03 bryan found my private twitter accnt                                    bteh tole me abt a girl he liked when he was in korea idk if anyone realised but ive got a really really really bad habit. its weird really. but its a thing ive been doing since young and i never talked to anyone about it before. so actually, when im nervous, or stressed out, or just couldnt take my mind off smthing, i would like start peeling or plucking my nails. okay many people do this but, i ahve a weirder one andddd omg i think i will regret saying this. So actually, i pluck i my hair when im nervous, stressed out or just thinking abt smthing i cant ignore. so back in primary 4 i was doing this math practice paper and i couldnt do any those 6marks big problem sums and i was fking stressed out. and well my habit of plucking my own hair started really really young. and at P4 my mom saw me crying

26 toc competition firdst fight win second fight lose how i dont wna fight nationals cuz my weight cat all got national player lose my chance to win gold cant even get silver r came today

29/ power rangers

30 wanted to go coney island with rapheal and jill and bryan but it rained so we went to lan and gamed without jill bryan pushed me and i banged into someone in the end see museums some forest thing the ligths vvv pretyy

28/hotel

31/ hotel went to work after that talk about work made bryan that key chain clp diner and dance

1/4 learn bst bts for club crawl played boomberang didnt workkk aot is out!!!!!!

2/4 today i need to go mountbatten cc to practice my poomsae my poomsae lousy i dont think i can pass at first try anyways president of stf is milan quey idk if i spelt his name properly but yeah. before that ate yellow sub with B will nvr eat there again portion is small yet expensive and food isint so nice at all but since i get to eat with b im vvvv gladdd

3/4 today i went early to B's house. after that met up with madeline and shirlyn to watch boss baby and the movie was quite nice i thought i wouldnt like it and then we ate pepper lunch and omg osaka is a vvv small place like shirlyn went evrywhere i visited like a a year ago

4/4 AND I WOKE UP WITH BTEH lose his doibok and he couldnt find it my maid threathened to take a mail for my mom cuz she lazy walk and she wants me to do it but i was late

5/4 there was demo training we played table tennis for awhile and bteh is good at it, ok maybe its just that i suck at it but yea theres was fmo so we slacked at tg until demo tng started so at night he said hes tired but idk that he wanted to sleep soon and he was like stop it and i was like stop wat but he ttly just shut me off and then i got pissed cuz i would nvr do that to him

6/4 i had to meet herman but like after meeting him timetable i realised i forget to bring my wallet somethimes im torn in beteen like just not gg out with bteh cuz i have no money to eat or spend his money again he keeps saying its okay but its really not okay im just not comfortable like someone spending so much on me i owe money so he told me his specs broke ttly

One of the things dreams do for us is prepare us for worse case scenario. The dream that is closest to reality about a loved one leaving us prepares the mind for the pain that can be inflicted upon us. It creates a probability. That means it could happen, it means it’s a fear you have, and being such your mind protects your psyche in a way to allow you to feel the emotions of the event, even though the event never occurred.

13 reasons why felt like  th main charac like back in sec sch all i wanted was just to finish my olevels and go to poly so i can be a whole new person. someone who i wanted to be withouht anyone laughing at me

1au away from sol 1au measurement unit like light or smthing sol is latin from sun porbbaly it