#I woke up a 1 am Tuesday morning thinking I’d had a stroke or something

[waugh-bao]

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[makinglifebetter]

Hi. Hello. And welcome.

This blog will be about changes I need to make in my life. Below the cut *points to the 'keep reading' below* I'll explain in more detail.

If you don't want to read about the changes I'll be making, you can check out my TikTok and see them in action.

When I opened my TikTok account over a year ago, it was just so I could follow my favorite creators. But over the past several months, it has become clear that I need to make some major changes in my life. I need to be held accountable to make, and stick with, those changes. And what better way, than by putting it all out there for complete strangers to see?

I don't expect anyone to like or follow, this is one hundred percent for me. So, please, do not feel obligated to like or follow.

On to the reason for these changes.

I always say that I've always been overweight, but that's just not true. I have pictures of myself where I am a normal weight. I didn't actually start putting on the pounds until two things happened: 1) I hit puberty (or rather it hit me) and 2) I was diagnosed as having scoliosis.

I was told that my curvature was just a couple of degrees shy of needing surgery but was low enough on my spine to not need the brace that went up my neck (I remember looking at the x-ray and wondering how I wasn't a hunchback).

I was required to wear the brace twenty-three hours a day. That included gym class and bathing (according to my mother). It was incredibly uncomfortable and I hated the way it was obvious I was wearing it.

I became an introvert because of it.

My weight has fluctuated over the years, as most overweight people's weight has. When I graduated from high school, I was at my lowest. Several years ago I found out I was at my highest.

February 14, 2020, started as any other day. But when I got up to get ready for work, the room spun a bit. I suffer from vertigo so thought nothing of it. Until I was standing at the sink, brushing my teeth. The attack was so bad, I was clutching the counter to keep from falling down.

I texted my boss (luckily she also suffers from vertigo). She told me to rest and feel better.

As the day went on, I started to cough and I knew that meant I was getting my yearly cold. Now, I rarely get sick the same time every year. I usually get sick between September and December with November being the month I get sick the most often. I had my yearly cold in February of 2015 and it turned into pneumonia (the week I moved into this apartment). One memorable year, I had it the week of my birthday. In July.

I cannot remember if I told my mother and daughter I was calling off sick. But the next day, my mother called me. As soon as I answered she told me to call the doctor and she would take me.

While there, they became concerned about my blood pressure. They were afraid I would either have a heart attack or stroke out. So, they sent us to the emergency room.

While at the clinic, they did a rapid strep and a rapid flu test. Both came back negative.

At the hospital, they did the tests again. The nurse that did the swab, shoved it so roughly down my throat, I threw up all over myself.

Those tests also came back negative.

My mother says they told her I had the flu but none of my paperwork says that. Sepsis is all over my paperwork, but other than the negative flu test, it's not mentioned. I think I might have had COVID but since I got on broad-spectrum antibiotics early, it wasn't able to truly infect me.

They admitted me and began treating me for high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes. And something about my good cholesterol being too low?

I felt fine until early evening on Sunday. I'm not sure what time I fell asleep, but it was early. I think I woke briefly Monday morning and moved from the bed to the chair. But then I slept all of Monday. Or rather, I couldn't open my eyes and interact with the doctors and nurses. Until late afternoon. I woke up, my mother convinced me to order something to eat (I ordered toast and ate half of one slice), and then I was asleep again a little after seven (I know based on what was on the TV at the time).

Tuesday I was fine. It was like nothing had happened the day before. In fact, they discharged me that evening.

While in the hospital, I lost thirty pounds. Then lost another nine pounds over the next few months. But then I put some back on. I am currently (as of 7/15/21) four pounds heavier than when I left the hospital in February of 2020 which, considering how I eat, is something of a mystery to me.

My A1C is still over seven and my readings, while consistently under 150, are not where me or my doctor want them.

I told her that I want to lose twenty pounds and not have to take insulin before a meal by the time I see her again in October. The only way I can make that happen is by changing how I eat (something I already started). I know I need to exercise as well, but I don't really have room for that.

So, starting tomorrow, I will be posting TikToks of my glucose readings and what I'm eating. And of my attempts at getting my house cleaner.

And the other reason for the change is I have been in this horrible place six years too long (I moved in in February of 2015) and I am more than ready to move.

But I have a bug problem. I know I have contributed to it, I'm not the best housekeeper, but a lot of it is from when a neighbor moved out two or three years ago.

Before I move, I want to be as bug free as I can be so that I don't risk taking any of them with me.

I have tried in the past to have someone hold me accountable but it didn't really work. They never asked for pictures and if I said I didn't feel well, they didn't tell me to do at least the dishes or pick up trash. I'm not putting all the blame on them, I am the one who didn't want to clean and knew they wouldn't tell me I needed to despite not wanting to.

So, I will post at least three vids a day, with the exception of when I go out to eat or to do my laundry at my mother's. I will still take a screenshot of my glucose reading, but I won't be showing what I ate. I don't really want to have to explain it to my parents.

If you want, you are more than free to poke me if I don't post a vid by a time certain. I do not expect anyone to take me up on this, but just thought I'd put it out there.

If you've stuck around this long, thank you for reading.

Thank you for stopping by. Don't be a stranger!

[gottalovetheletos]

Butterflies. Shannon Series. Ch 5.

Authors note:  Sorry it’s long lol. 

Warnings: swearing, masturbation/ phone sex.

Word Count: 2,168.

Butterflies. Chapter 5.

If you haven’t read it here’s : CHAPTER 4

Monday:

Last night with Shannon was amazing. I just have to make it through this week. I arrived at work and did my normal thing. Calling up people to interview and writing up interviews I’d done. I needed to start writing my questions for the awards evenings too. So exciting to think that in 1 week I get to rejoin Shannon and visit LA. Right, I’ve got to stop day dreaming. I completed a great deal of work before 5 pm which was brilliant. I finally got home, made some dinner, gave the dogs theirs and decided to open up my laptop and do some online shopping for my trip. Oh dear. I’ve spent well over two thousand on clothes. How ever it did include 2 dresses for the awards evening which would be reimbursed by the company. Thankfully. Once I’d gotten over the shock I ran a bath. Once again the room filled with steam as I lowered myself into the colorful water. 

After I decided to wrap myself up in my dressing gown and cuddle up in bed with my dogs, a book and a nice big mug of tea. 

Tuesday: 

My usual morning routine was taking place. Breakfast for me and the dogs. Getting ready for work. I’d just finished getting dressed and realized I hadn’t checked my phone. There was a whatsapp message. I told Shannon to download the app so we could stay in contact. “Good morning beautiful, I made it home safely. Just being driven home. Have a good day at work. Call me when you can! Miss you already x x x” the message read. Oh I love a good morning text. I left the house and messaged him on my way to work. “I know you’re asleep but hopefully you read this when you wake up. Good morning handsome man. I miss you already too. Thank you for letting me know you got home safely. I will ring you at 6 pm here which is 10 am where you are. Speak soon gorgeous x x x” I placed my phone in my pocket and continued my journey to work. I carried on with my work as usual. Lyra walked passed and reversed. “So I hear Big Boss Sally has you going to LA for the 2 night award ceremony.” “You’ve heard correctly” I replied. “You are so lucky. How are you and Mr Leto?” She asked raising her brow. “We’re getting on quite nicely thank you. I would appreciate if you didn’t blurt it out though” I laughed. “Of course. I would never. It’s just very exciting that’s all. Just please let me live Vicariously through you. I’ve always wanted to date a famous person” “We’re not dating. We’re just... erm...friends” She raised both eyebrows. I could tell she didn’t believe me. But to be honest I didn’t know where we were, so didn’t feel the need to label us. “Okay” she raised both of her hands in defense. “When you want to talk about the fact you’re dating him come to me and give me the gossip” She laughed and started to walk away. “Good luck with that one” I laughed back.

I finished my work for the day and went home so excited to speak to Shannon. I waited patiently for 6 pm. The alarm on my phone went off and straight after I was calling him on face time audio. “Hey sweetie” that familiar voice brought tingles to me as he spoke. “Hey babe how are you?” “Wait one second” he hung up and I saw the face time screen pop up. “Shit, I look awful after being at work all day” I spoke to myself. I had to pick up I mean I was just talking to him. I pointed the phone to the ceiling. “Hey” “He..wait why can’t I see you?” “Well I look rough. I’ve just finished work and haven’t had time to shower or anything” “Y/N, just show me your face. I miss it!” he begged. “Ugh okay. But don’t hang up when you see how bad I look” I laughed making him laugh. “I promise baby” I tilted the phone up. “You look beautiful” “You have to say that” “I don’t. I just say what I see”. We ended up speaking for a few hours before I had to go to bed. “Bye baby” he blew me a kiss. “Bye sweetie” I blew him one back. 

Wednesday: Hump day. I ended up being called out for a quick interview with a new celebrity that was on some reality TV show. Luckily someone wrote out some questions for me as I’d never seen the show in my life. After a day of travelling around London I was thankful to be home. 

Thursday: Spending the day writing and editing my interview from yesterday. Back home once again. It was 7 pm and I was in the bath. Shannon was trying to face time me on my phone so I answered. I tried to cover up as best as I could. “Hey” he sang. “Hey, I’m in the bath and kind of a little naked so I’m sorry if you see something you don’t wanna” I giggled. “Erm. Babe. You know I’ve seen you naked and wet before right?” He let out a belly laugh. “Oh right yeah” I could feel my cheeks burning ever so slightly.  I’d just about finished my bath. As I was getting out Shannon told me to grab my phone and said “I’m gonna need a picture of you and that gorgeous body” 

 “Hmm, maybe I’ll make you wait and suffer the rest of the week, you’ll appreciate it more” “Ugh tease” he chuckled. “I know I’m so mean. I’ll have you make it up to you when I next see you” “I think that will have to be the case Y/N” Once again we had to leave our virtual date as I had work tomorrow and Shannon had to go to a Black Fuel meeting. We hung up and I went straight to bed thinking about Shannon’s delicious body. 

Friday: Last day of work before I could start packing my things and getting ready to ship myself off to LA for a week. I started the day with a meeting with the boss. Sally called me into her office so we could talk about the award show. She gave me a list of people who I needed to grab to do a quick interview with. We also spoke about the camera man who’d be joining me on the day. He was getting sent out a day before the show to ensure he’d arrive in time. After we’d gotten the important stuff out of the way we spoke about what I was going to do with my time. I told her I’d be with Shannon for most of it and she was pleased for me. Sally was only 20 years older than me but her and I had a very good relationship. She was like a mother to me. After our meeting she told me to go home and start getting ready for my trip. I thanked her and practically ran home. As I arrived home the delivery van was also at my apartment with all my new clothes I couldn’t wait to open the box along with the two garment bags which had my beautiful award show dresses in. I took the box and the bags from the delivery man and closed the door. I placed them in the living room and tore the tape off of the box. It was so beautiful. It was full of tops, shorts, skirts, dresses, bikinis, shoes, jewelry, lingerie  and a couple bags. I tried a few bits on to make sure they fitted and they did. I took them off and put all the clothing items in the washing machine. Then the dryer. While they were in the dryer I decided to take the dogs for a walk and on our way to the park I messaged Evie, my dog walker/ pet sitter to make sure everything was still okay. We arrived at the park and I attempted to get the dogs to pose for a picture so I could send it to Shannon. 

But Hunter was having none of it. I didn’t mind. I still made a cute picture. We continued to walk around the park then back home. The clothes were dry so I got out the iron and ironing board, turned on my 30 seconds to mars playlist and had them blaring on the big speakers. By the time I’d finished ironing it was 10 o’clock and I hadn’t had dinner. That was the next mission. I didn’t have a lot left so I took a ready meal out of the freezer. After I’d finished and washed up I changed for bed I read my book and fell asleep.

Saturday:

I woke naturally by the sun streaming through the small slither in the curtain that I didn’t close properly. I let the dogs out onto the balcony to go to their potty. Then poured the dogs some food and made myself a bowl of cereal, it was a really fresh morning so I grabbed my dressing gown and sat on the balcony  then had a shower. I pored myself a cup of coffee and made my way back to the living room where the pile of laundry from last night was. I sat down and realized I hadn’t got my suitcase from the guest room yet. After I’d picked it up I sat back down in the living room and I started to fold the clothes and wrote down what I was packing. My face time ringer was going off. I picked up my phone to see Shannon was calling. I answered. “Babe what are you doing it’s 11 am here which means its...” I paused to do the math. “...3 am where you are”. “I’m missing you that’s all” “At 3 am? Honey you should be sleeping. You’re going to see me in less than 24 hours. I think.” I giggled. “yeah but I want you now, I want you here and naked” he growled. “Naked huh” I placed my phone on the side cupboard and removed my top showing my naked chest. “Mmmhmm, just like that” He moved his laptop away from him showing me his length in his hand. I couldn’t help myself. Just thinking about him got me so hot. His hand stopped and moved up so he was stroking his chest. My legs went weak. “Take off your panties” he ordered. I slid them slowly down my legs. I was agonizingly wet already. I moved my phone onto the coffee table and told Shannon to wait for me to come back. I walked back in the room with a pink dildo from my nightstand. I sat down on the sofa and spread my legs showing him my glistening core. I pulled out the dildo from behind my back and ever so seductively licked and sucked at it. Shannon was moaning, the sound making me rock my hips. I dipped my finger into my soaked core. I moved the toy down, brushing my nipples and clit on the way down. I’m watching Shannon on my phone stroking himself. Eyes only on me, waiting to see what’s next. Slowly I pushed the toy into me moaning Shannon’s name. “Mmm I miss that pretty pussy”. I increased the speed of the toy moving it in ad out faster and harder. “Fuck, I wanna feel your body on me Shannon” “Soon, Y/N, soon. Now cum for me” My hand moved from my breast to my clit. I could feel it, I added more pressure to the circular motions being made by my hand. I couldn’t help but moan out Shannon’s name again and again until the knot came undone. In my euphoria I could hear Shannon moaning my name too as I watched him cum. We both stared at each other trying to catch our breaths. “That was hot” Shannon laughed. “It was, now go to sleep I need to finish packing” I ordered putting my clothe back on. “Yes Ma’am” He yawned. We said our goodbyes and hung up. The rest of the day I was packing and getting things ready for tomorrow morning. An early night will be needed. Evie messaged me saying she’d be at mine at 10 am. I wouldn’t be there but she has a key to let herself in. 

Sunday: 4 am alarm was buzzing. I started to get ready. I decided comfy clothes for the airport. I’d be sitting on plane for 12 hours so comfort is the way to go. 

5 am and my taxi came to pick me up. I gave the dogs a big kiss and cuddle before saying goodbye and locking up my apartment. It was time to make my way to the airport. 

CHAPTER 6

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@meghan12151977 @sanellv @pheenixpeterson

[celebritylive]

An Oregon couple is urging other parents to prioritize time with their children after they recently suffered an unimaginable loss when their young son died in his sleep.

Highly-successful businessman J.R. Storment and his naturopathic doctor wife Jessica Brandes shared 8-year-old twin boys, Wiley and Oliver, and adored their life in Portland as a family of four.

However, their lives were flipped upside down last month when Brandes discovered her son lifeless in his bed and was then forced to tell her husband — in a phone call that no parent should ever have to make — that Wylie was dead.

The heartbreaking events that transpired were detailed in respective essays on Storment and Brandes’ LinkedIns — an appropriate medium for the successful couple who admitted that they regretted working often and urged others not to miss out on precious time with their children.

“Hug your kids. Don’t work too late. A lot of the things you are likely spending your time on you’ll regret once you no longer have the time,” Storment wrote. “If there’s any lesson to take away from this, it’s to remind others (and myself) not to miss out on the things that matter.”

“If we’ve learned anything at all, it’s that life is fragile and time really can be so cruelly short,” Brandes wrote in her post. “We wish a lot of things were different, but mostly we wish we’d had more time. If you are a parent and have any capacity to spend more time with your kids, do.”

RELATED: Disney Actor Cameron Boyce’s Parents Speak Out About His Tragic Death: ‘He Is Our Shooting Star’

Storment began his emotional essay, which was published last Tuesday and has since gone viral, by revealing that in the same month he welcomed his sons eight years ago, he also founded his financial analysis company, Cloudability.

The company was acquired three months ago, and approximately three weeks ago, Storment said he learned the devastating news that he had lost his son.

“When I got the call I was sitting in a conference room with 12 people at our Portland office talking about PTO policies,” he recalled. “Minutes earlier, I had admitted to the group that in the last 8 years I’d not taken more than a contiguous week off.”

“My wife and I have an agreement that when one of us calls, the other answers. So when the phone rang I stood up and walked to the conference room door immediately,” Storment continued.

RELATED VIDEO: Bode Miller’s Wife Speaks Out After Toddler’s Death: ‘I Pray No Other Parent Feels This Pain’

The phone call was “icy and immediate,” Storment recalled, and after hearing his son was dead, he wrote, “The next thing I know I’m sprinting out the front door of the office with my car keys in hand, running ferociously across the street.”

Meanwhile, after notifying her husband, Brandes focused on calling 911 and telling Oliver what had happened.

“I knew I had approximately 4 minutes to explain to Oliver that his best friend had died and 15 people were about to swarm our home,” she wrote. “I asked him to pick a location where he would feel safe. Then, sirens.”

From there, the couple detailed the chaotic scene that included their cul-de-sac being “packed with emergency vehicles,” a rush of first-responders storming their driveway with equipment, being unable to see Wiley for nearly 3 hours amid the potential crime scene investigation, and comforting Oliver.

“They confirmed our son’s death using cardiac leads and slowly returned their equipment back to their truck because even an entire truck of life-saving measures couldn’t be used to save this one,” Brandes sadly recalled.

RELATED VIDEO: Family Devastated After Miracle 1-lb. Baby Who Survived Birth Dies a Week Later: Our ‘Hopes Were Up’

After the investigation was complete, the parents were finally able to see their son in an emotional moment that both Brandes and Storment remembered as intimate but heartbreaking.

“An eerie calm came over me. I laid down next to him in the bed that he loved, held his hand and kept repeating, ‘What happened, buddy? What happened?'” Storment recalled. “We stayed next to him for maybe 30 minutes and stroked his hair before they returned with a gurney to take him away.”

“Our time was limited. It was not the way a parent should have to see their child, but it was all we had,” Brandes wrote. “We held his hand and fixed his hair and kissed his head until our time ran out.”

Storment said his son was wheeled down the driveway to a black minivan, and he followed alongside him, “holding his hand and his forehead through the body bag,” as his wife watched on.

“And then one by one, the cars all drove away just as quickly as they had arrived leaving J.R., Oliver and I standing in our driveway in a completely different world than the one we had woken up to,” Brandes wrote.

The eight-year-old, who was previously diagnosed with an extremely mild form of epilepsy called Benign Rolandic Epilepsy that typically self-resolves in teenage years, is believed to have died from SUDEP (Sudden Unexplained Death of Epilepsy).

RELATED: How Does Someone — Like Cameron Boyce — Die from Epilepsy? A Neurosurgeon Explains

“SUDEP is generally seen to be unpredictable, unpreventable, and irreversible once it starts,” Storment explained. “It can be tied to a seizure but many times the brain just shuts down. Statistically, it was highly unlikely to hit our son: 1 out of 4,500 children with epilepsy are affected. Sometimes you end up the statistic.”

“If you think of brains as being the computers of the body, Wiley’s just turned off,” his mom wrote. “No known trigger, no warning. It just shut down and without a brain, there is nothing.”

“I take solace in the fact that it was peaceful. Wiley was warm and happy and asleep in his favorite place next to someone who loved him,” she continued, referencing his twin brother. “If I were to design my own death, it would be exactly that.”

In the time since that day, Storment said he has struggled come to terms with all of the things his son looked forward to doing in his life but never got to accomplish, like starting a business and getting married — something the young boy had dreamed of and had even announced the girl he wanted to be his wife when the day came.

“One of the countless difficult moments of this month was signing his death certificate. Seeing his name written on the top of it was hard. However, two fields further down the form crushed me. The first said: ‘Occupation: Never worked’ and the next: ‘Marital Status: Never married’. He wanted so badly to do both of those things,” he wrote. “I feel both fortunate and guilty to have had success in each.”

He also looked back on his final hours with Wiley with some regret, explaining how he briefly yelled at him for being bossy around his friends during a play date.

“I was stern with him. Too stern in hindsight. And I made him cry. It’s one of the last interactions we had and I’ve beaten myself up for it a dozen times,” he admitted. “A few hours later, things had calmed down … I had a very sweet interaction with Wiley at bedtime and apologized for making him cry. We had a good snuggle and I went to bed myself.”

“Around 5:40am, the next morning I woke up for a series of back to back meetings. I did a Peloton ride, took an analyst call from my home office, one with a colleague on the drive to work, then the rest at the office,” he continued. “None seem that important now. I left that morning without saying goodbye or checking on the boys.”

RELATED VIDEO: Grieving Mom Speaks Out on Dealing with ‘Guilt’ After Baby Dies During Home Birth

Now, Storment and Brandes said their family is adjusting to a new normal — with a brand new perspective.

“Our family has gone from having two units of two (the parents and the twins) to now being a triangle of three,” Storment shared. “That’s a big adjustment for a family that has always been four. Oliver’s brilliant reply when we discussed the shape of our new family: ‘But Papa, the triangle is the strongest shape.'”

“We’re going to work on this new life — how to live it as best we can,” Brandes added. “We are navigating uncharted waters and we will be for the foreseeable future.”

And when it comes to their work schedules, the parents said they plan on prioritizing more time with Oliver and improving their relationships with him — something Storment said is a “silver lining from this tragedy.”

“I believe in the words of Kahlil Gibran who said, ‘Work is love made visible.’ To me, that line is a testament to how much we gain, grow and offer through the work we do,” Storment wrote. “But that work needs to have a balance that I have rarely lived. It’s a balance that lets us offer our gifts to the world but not at the cost of self and family.”

“Out of these ashes have come many new and restored connections,” he went on. “And I hope from this tragedy you consider how you prioritize your own time.”

Added Brandes: “When it ends, there’s just photos and leftover things and time is no longer available to you. It is priceless and should not be squandered. Take your vacation days and sabbaticals and go be with them. You will not regret the emails you forgot to send.”

“From now on, if you email or text me and my reply takes longer than expected, know that I am with the people I love sharing my time, creating my new identity and I encourage you to do the same,” she wrote.

from PEOPLE.com https://ift.tt/2Lqnayx

[iviolingirl]

Numb

The past day and a half has been very stressful. Last year just before I turned 23, I found out that my GG (great grandma) was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. At first we thought it was lung cancer, (which didn't make any sense because she is not a smoker) but we now think it was probably ovarian cancer. Even though she was stage 4, she elected to begin chemotherapy treatment because she wanted more time and wasn't ready to say goodbye to all of us. She only has one daughter, but my grandma has six children, and there are 18 of us grandkids so we have quite a large family. For awhile her treatment was helping her buy more time, but of course it eventually began to take its toll on her and make her sick. So, after her doctor told us that her cancer was spreading rapidly, he advised us to discontinue treatment, set up hospice care, and enjoy the time with her we had left. He gave her an expected three to six months left. This was around the middle of October, I believe. (The time has all run together due to my emotions so I don't exactly remember the time frame.) On November 1, my GG turned 85 years old. She had already stopped her treatment, and was spending lots of time with us. We took her out to dinner for her birthday and then gave her a birthday cake. I went to visit my family for her birthday the week previous to her actual birthday, so the last week of October. I travel two and a half hours to see my parents and such since I don't live at home anymore. I moved for college. Since I work retail, I of course had to work the Black Friday sales, so I went home for thanksgiving with my boyfriend on Monday and Tuesday of last week. My GG was getting much weaker, I could tell the cancer was taking its toll on her, but she was still able to get around with her wheelchair and use the bathroom alone. She wasn't eating very much, and her voice was pretty faint, but she was still strong willed as ever. All of the women in my family most definitely got our stubbornness from her. So after thanksgiving on Monday, my boyfriend and I headed back home the following day so we could be back for work. My mom told me she would call me if GG started taking a turn for the worse. My family celebrated their thanksgiving at my moms house this past Saturday, since most of us work for the same retail company and so would be working on thanksgiving day. My family posted pictures on Facebook. In just the few days since I had last seen her, my GG looked much worse. She was either lying down or in the rocking chair constantly, and had to have help going to the bathroom since she couldn't walk anymore. I could see in the pictures that it wouldn't be much longer, but I hoped at least she had a few more weeks, and would at least make it to Christmas Day. However, this was not to be. Yesterday, I was at work. I usually keep my phone in my pocket and have it on vibrate in case someone needs to get a hold of me. I work at the service desk, so if I feel my phone go off, I usually just go to the bathroom to see what it is. But on Monday, I got asked to cover the lunch on the smoke shop register, which you can't leave unattended at all. While I was over there, I felt my phone start vibrating from a fall in my pocket, and I thought it might have been my mom calling about my GG, but I assured myself if something was wrong, she'd either keep calling me or call the store and ask for me. Neither of these happened, so I decided to just wait until my break and check my phone. About half an hour later, around 11:30 AM I got my break, checked my phone and saw it was a missed call from my mom, just like I thought. So I called her back and she told me what I had feared. GG had begun to take a turn for the worse the previous night. She was no longer eating, drinking, and was barely talking. She was in a lot of pain. I asked my mom if it was time for me to come, and she said yes. I said okay mom, I'll come. So I hung up the phone, and after having a meltdown in the middle of the front end, went and found my store manager, explained why I was leaving, and left. I went home, calmed down a bit so I could make the drive, threw a bag together, put some gas in my car and got on the highway around 12:45 or 1 pm. Everybody was at my aunts house, since that's where we had GG. I got to my aunts just before 3:30 and went inside to find all of my aunts and uncles, my mom and my grandma, plus most of my cousins (the ones that weren't at school). GG was on the couch with her oxygen cannula in her nose, with her legs twitching due to her restless legs. She was somewhat able to communicate still, and she was able to recognize that we were there and tell us she loved us, although it was mostly mumbling. She was being given several different medicines to keep her as calm and comfortable as we could. She was starting to get bed sores. I sat with her and held her hand, told her I loved her and I came to see her. Later that evening, we made the decision to move her into the hospital bed my aunt had rented and set up in the living room. My mom, my brothers and I headed back to my moms house around maybe 9pm, I needed to do some laundry and my brothers both had school in the morning. I had barely eaten much that day due to my anxiety making mg stomach so upset, but I decided I was up to getting something so I put some shoes on, grabbed my purse and headed upstairs. At this exact moment, Braeden (my 16 year old brother) told me that mom was going back to Cathy's (my aunts house.) I asked what was happening, mom said she was having trouble breathing and the morpheme may have been upsetting her stomach. So we jumped in the car, leaving Braeden to stay with my younger brother since he was in bed. We got back to my aunts house, and GGs breathing was much more labored. We eventually got her comfortable again by giving her more medicine and lying her flat on her back. Then for a couple hours, it was a cycle of her sleeping and then waking back up when her medicine wore off, then us giving her more medicine. At this point, we really thought that she would be going soon, so all of us started to say our goodbyes and told her we loved her. I was at her bedside with my mom and my grandma, four generations all together. My mother tearfully asked my grandma if anyone had told her it was okay to go, and grandma said she had. I decided to tell her myself. I got down and whispered in her ear that it was okay for her to go now, that we loved her, and it was going to be okay. I really thought she was going to leave us last night, but true to my GGs stubbornness, she stayed with us. My mom and I eventually left my aunts house after 1 am, and went back home after stopping for me to get a snack because I was very hungry. I went home, ate my snack, and went to bed around 230. I actually didn't sleep too bad once I fell asleep. I woke up shortly after seven this morning to my mom calling me to say she was taking my younger brother to school and then was going back to GG. I told her I would take a shower and then head out there myself. So I got up, showered and left. When I got to my aunts house, Around maybe 830-9 am, my GGs breathing was much more raspy due to all the fluid in her lungs. She was no longer responsive to us and her breathing was beginning to slow down. She was beginning to turn grey around the mouth. We were giving her medicine hourly to keep her comfortable. Due to her no longer being able to swallow, her saliva was building up in her mouth so my aunts would suction it out with a syringe every so often. Throughout the day, her breathing began slowing down even more and she was taking more time in between her breaths. Around 6pm I decided that I was most likely going to spend the night at my aunts because we all pretty much knew she would pass sometime with the next day. I ran back to my moms to grab a few things, and my computer just so I had something to keep me occupied and my mind busy. When I got back, dinner was about ready and they had stared making the younger kids plates since they made them something different. So just after 7pm, I sandwiched myself between my grandma and one of my aunts in the corner of the couch I'd been sitting in all day, and we started eating dinner. 7:12 PM. I had a forkful of food on its way to my mouth. All of a sudden, everyone jumped up. Although I didn't hear it, two of my aunts heard the machine noise that meant GG had stopped breathing. She had left us. We threw our plates aside and rushed to her bedside. My poor grandmother was leaned over her saying "oh, mama" over and over and over. I just leaned over her and rubbed her back, saying it's okay and GG isn't in any more pain. We all told GG we loved her and all us adults were at her side as she left us. We cried and told her we loved her and held her and stroked her hair and leaned on each other as the moment we all dreaded had finally arrived. Someone called the hospice nurse, and eventually the funeral home came to take her. I had notified some people close to me shortly after she passed, but other than that I had not left her side. The only person I was unable to get a hold of was my boyfriend, because unbeknownst to me his phone was dead and he was making the drive from his parents house back to where we live. My aunt had her hand under GGs chin because she didn't want her mouth to be stuck open. Eventually her hand got sore, so I took over. I don't really know how long I stood there with my hand under her chin, telling her I loved her, how strong she was, and crying with my family as we all said our goodbyes. Eventually the people from the funeral home arrived and it was time to take her away. I was still standing at her bedside holding her chin so her mouth would be closed. My Grandma came up to say her final goodbyes, and my aunts all comforted her and told her she wasn't in any more pain, she was okay, her family was taking care of her now, she was listening to Elvis. She had such a wonderful life. My mother had paperwork to sign since she is my GGs medical power of attorney, but when she was done I reached out for her. My mother, my grandma and I leaned over my GG and I said that we had all four generations together. I still had my hand under GGs chin. At this point, my boyfriend returned my phone call. With my hand still on GG, I picked up the phone and told him that GG had died and that I was still holding her, but now I had to let go so they could take her. My mom and my aunt were telling me it was okay, and I let her go and went outside to cry on the phone to my boyfriend. After I was done, I went inside to give GG one last kiss before the funeral home took her away. And the she was gone. We will meet tomorrow morning to make funeral arrangements. I am in so much emotional pain. I am exhausted. The past day and a half has been such a blur. I have never watched someone die before. But I am so glad I got to be by her side and she passed peacefully, surrounded by her family. I am emotionally numb. The next few days will be difficult. RIP GG. I love you so much.