#I wish I was a trust fund baby rn sooo bad so my parents could just pay the other half of my rent
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natugood ยท 10 months ago
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I wish there was like, idk, a housing subsidy or something for people who struggle with finding others to live with, or a way to connect people with roommates when they struggle with the whole process of finding people to live with. and I mean, I wish everyone had access to housing, and had access to safe housing that meets their needs. but like, duh.
My roommate will not be continuing our lease, and I would like to stay in our apartment, but the process of searching for and reaching out to potential roommates, posting housing ads and sorting through interested parties, and then navigating figuring out who might be a good fit is just so, so, so overwhelming and exhausting, it's absolutely too much for my brain. And it's not just a one time activity, you need to do it over and over and over again, and then, if you have multiple interested people, make decisions? And possibly tell people no?? and what if no one is interested?? then what? talking to people is already so hard, negotiating is like 1000x harder, even writing a post and knowing what to say and what details to give and how to say and organize it and who I want to advertise to and where and when and how is SO MUCH.
It feels especially vulnerable for me since my home is my safe space; it's the space I can unmask, a space where I can yelp and stim, where I don't have to be "on", where I don't have to feel shame or hide myself, where I can be clumsy and loud, where I can forget things, where I can writhe and dance and move my body, where I can truly be myself. it's the only space in the world besides like, the wilderness, where I feel safe enough to exist as my full authentic self without shame. Letting a stranger share that space is scary! Especially as it is a space I have already become so comfortable in, and is one of the few places I have where I already feel safe. I don't want to lose that.
and while task of even finding a new roommate is daunting, I also have to talk to my landlord? and that's a whole other step. and the added pressure and stress of talking to at least two different parties while also possibly losing my safe space, it feels like an incredibly difficult and daunting task, its just too much. it makes me want to cry and curl up in a ball on the floor and give up. and I hear all these voices in the back of my head telling me I could have it so much worse, that I need just suck it up and tough it out. that's what everyone else does, and they don't complain. why can't I just grow up and stop complaining. I tell myself my pain is nothing, and I know it's wrong, that I need to treat myself with love and compassion, but just saying that doesn't make those voices go away. and no matter how I feel, I have to do all of it, or else I run out of money. or else I lose my home. I just want to survive. why is that so much to ask for.
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punkscowardschampions ยท 5 years ago
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Grace & Ava
Grace: you okay babes???! Ava: The furthest from without actually being ๐Ÿ’€ Grace: Oh my god what even?! aren't you at that uni thing? Ava: For a few more hours yet, give me strength Ava: Last night was Ava: nah Grace: last night was a sorority girl horror ๐Ÿ“ฝ๐ŸŽž or like ??? Ava: Allegedly a thing but I've yet to see anyone rocking a skinhead without it being a Choiceโ„ข Ava: So, everyone else did go to the ๐Ÿ“ฝ๐ŸŽž last night but I pulled a sickie 'cos Ava: well, that can do one as a concept but also Ava: Are you sure you even want this? It's a whole saga, like ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜ซ Grace: duh x 10000 Grace: there's nothing anyone can tell me about mean girls ๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ’” we can skip ๐Ÿ“ฝ๐ŸŽž when I've IRL lived it Grace: & obvs! talk to me I'm BEYOND concerned Ava: There are no mean girls Ava: and I think the shit I pulled is beyond a Regina level even Grace: UM no way are you casting yourself ๐Ÿ‘‘ thanks! what happened?! Ava: Sorry but you can try and come for the ๐Ÿ‘‘ after I tell you Ava: So they get current pupils to show you around, do the tour, answer questions, do the whole programme with you, right? Ava: Must be good extra credit or whatever, anyway Ava: There's this guy, and the whole time there's this total...vibe, you know? And I'm not delusional or sad like that, its an actual thing but I know him, know of him Ava: so I know why I should just ignore it, but instead when everyone is out, I DM him Grace: excuse you bitch I'm literally reformed but like putting that ASIDE cos this is so much more IMPORTANT!๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ Grace: so are we talking a phoneful of regret or IRL walk of shame? Ava: We talked for a while, so I have literal evidence it wasn't just one-sided but truly do not wanna be that girl but like, I swear Ava: anyway, we did go out, properly and it was Ava: so good Ava: but then he had to go and now I have to die Grace: duh it was ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ I know what a vibe means Grace: he has a gf yeah? honey we've ALL done it don't even stress he's obvs not that into her Ava: No its Ava: more complex Ava: there's Ava: well, he's married Ava: but he's not as old as that makes him sound but yeah, clearly quite into her Grace: Ew! What's with everyone getting ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฐ Grace: if Janis gets proposed to I'm kmsing Grace: it doesn't sound that complex though babes, don't let this family fool you, ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’ is such a thingโ„ข Ava: Can't see it myself Ava: they are cute though Ava: of course but I'm not out here doing that myself, that's Buster's bread and butter, not mine Ava: they have kids as well, two Grace: ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿคข Grace: totally but we literally NEVER have to tell her or them that shh Grace: well that explains it ๐Ÿคฐ๐Ÿ‘ฐ๐Ÿ’ he probs doesn't even love her Ava: My lips are sealed Ava: One of them is like...6 or something and the other is a baby so there's like no excuse Ava: It didn't come to anything more than a kiss but I'm mortified Grace: 6? How old is he?! Ava: Again, not as old as that makes him sound Ava: 22 ish, in his last year Grace: THANK GOD! I was literally picturing like a hot 40 Ava: Somehow that would be less complicated Ava: Unless he was a friend of my parents or something but not trying to hit every cliche before I even start Uni Grace: UGH! remember when I went to the fair with that lad who turned out to be 19 & everyone lost it like I was being groomed ๐Ÿ™„ Grace: such a drama Grace: this seriously doesn't sound that bad Grace: either he's bored of her or having his ๐Ÿฐ & ๐Ÿ˜‹ Grace: who stopped it at ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜? Ava: Well, he did turn out to be a creep didn't he Ava: but he could've been a 15 year old creep as easily, I see your point Ava: He did Ava: his phone kept going off Ava: it must've been her Grace: yeah & like I totally worked it out for myself from reading the vibe Grace: same as you last night Grace: ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ Grace: did he answer? did you literally have to sit there ๐Ÿค!!! Ava: I think I might've got the vibe seriously wrong Ava: well, no Ava: I don't know Ava: we were in a club, he couldn't Ava: but we left real quick and he hasn't looked at me today so that's been fun Grace: oh girl please Grace: trust, as someone who has gotten the vibe wrong WAY more times than we need to admit outside of this convo, you so didn't Grace: he's having a freakout, we've ALL been there too, yeah? Ava: Clearly Ava: ๐Ÿ˜‚ Ava: Oh God Ava: I just need to pretend this never happened and peace Grace: come over Grace: we'll go out & make some new drama happen Grace: soon as you do, you'll know if he's bothered Ava: Sounds good Ava: If I didn't have two other Unis to hit before Summer officially starts ๐Ÿ™„ Grace: OMG you're so extra Ava: Rude ๐Ÿ˜‚ Ava: Not as if I can go here now, is it? Ava: I'm burning through options, girl Grace: ILY for it ๐Ÿ’œ Grace: did you wanna go there for real? Ava: Not hugely Ava: it was in my top 5 but its definitely not ๐Ÿฅ‡ Grace: ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿ’… Grace: it was obvs a ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ’‹ so Ava: seriously Ava: though I'm probably gonna find out that he's made time for every girl on this program Grace: did you pick up on any other vibes? Ava: I don't think so Ava: He did say other girls were flirting with him though Grace: ๐Ÿ˜‚ boys always say that Grace: literally will have been hitting refresh waiting on you ๐Ÿ’ฌ Ava: Or, they really were and that was a subtle dig that I just ignored Ava: ๐Ÿคก๐Ÿคก Grace: ugh don't Grace: nobody's looked hotter the morning after babes Grace: he'd be the ๐Ÿคก Ava: Minus the HP๐Ÿ—ฒ scar Ava: idk where that came from, which doesn't bode well for how trashed I must've been Grace: if he was as wasted maybe he doesn't remember & that's why he blanked you cos everything is Grace: ๐Ÿ‘‹ been there Ava: I wish Ava: like I said, we know each other Grace: do you know his ๐Ÿ‘ฐ? Ava: ๐Ÿ˜ถ Ava: Just kill me now Grace: has he posted anything? Ava: About how much he ๐Ÿ’• his wife and kids? Ava: Fuck knows Grace: well yeah or idk how wasted he was Grace: anything to go on Ava: His ๐Ÿ‘ฐ would not approve Grace: if he doesn't have like a private snap he's no ๐Ÿ’” Ava: Wasn't my first question Ava: Probably does but bit late to ask now Grace: you literally could Grace: cringe but no more cringe than running into him playing happy families when you go get coffee Ava: I'm just gonna leave it Ava: Not a moment too soon Grace: ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ’œ Ava: When the alcohol leaves my system my head will be less ๐Ÿคฏ Ava: Standard Grace: his too though Grace: maybe he'll come to you Grace: ๐Ÿคž yeah or ๐Ÿคž no? Ava: I don't know what I want Ava: or feel about any of it Ava: It's better to just assume nah, a pleasant surprise is always better than disappointment Grace: mhmm Ava: Shut up Ava: I'm confused and hungover, I don't know anything ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜ Grace: no shade Ava: I know Ava: This is too extra Ava: even from me, right Grace: you can wear the ๐Ÿ‘‘ until I earn it back Grace: cos duh who's more extra Grace: me, this hoe Ava: ๐Ÿ˜‚ I'm ready for it Grace: you gotta let me have it there's no ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ˜ in my ๐Ÿ”ฎ Ava: Not even a little? Grace: there was a little but it got too much Grace: too close to being like Grace: I can't Grace: I'm out Ava: I don't think it's all it's cracked up to be, honestly Grace: makes me feel like I'm cracking up Grace: no thanks Ava: Preaching to the converted today Grace: ๐Ÿ™Œ Ava: I'll definitely come over some point this Summer though Grace: YAY Grace: I so need you Ava: I think me and the 'rents are going the first two weeks, then I'm going with my friends the last two Ava: so sometime in the middle to play with Grace: ugh if only my mum and dad were organised about anything ever Grace: god knows when or where they'll spring a hol ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„ Ava: All fun and games Ava: least you get more space these days, I guess Grace: if they're gonna be annoying I'll just bring you with ๐Ÿคท Ava: Three holidays would be a record Grace: hot older lad who?! ๐Ÿ˜‚ Grace: Brazil is on another level Ava: If there's sun and sea, I'm happy Grace: you'll be sooo ๐Ÿ˜Š Ava: ๐Ÿ˜˜ Grace: ๐Ÿ’œ Ava: I did not think that would be such a rant Ava: IOU a coffee, I'll ping you the funds rn forreal Grace: As if! like I've NEVER done you that way Grace: shhh Ava: It's done Ava: Consider it a reminder we need a proper catch up when my head is less fried Grace: ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ fine Ava: Don't be mad, it is essential some good happens today Grace: It's fine babes, promise Ava: Good Ava: I better try and finish this essay thing Ava: Or at least make a better start Grace: or at least get yourself a coffee & put some lipstick on Ava: Cheers, I know I look clapped ๐Ÿ˜‚ Grace: shut up Grace: you do not! Ava: I wouldn't wanna chat to me either tbh Grace: Girl, stop Grace: this convo has been wild & I'm living Ava: I meant him, not you ๐Ÿ˜‰ Ava: Only subjected socials to one pic, like Grace: well duh he wants to kiss you again not have a chat Grace: if you wanna talk you'll have to Grace: there's only one kind of convo lads ever start Ava: Hmm Ava: Have better luck with this essay than thinking of something worth saying Grace: what do you wanna say? Grace: like if you could just Ava: Christ Ava: firstly, what the fuck? Grace: he can't shade you for starting there Ava: Though I initiated it so, ugh Grace: he didn't have to go along with any of it Grace: his wife & kids were literally waiting at home for him so Grace: you like deserve to know if there are other girls or not Ava: What's more insane though Ava: asking around every girl on this course, or asking him Ava: There are definite drawbacks either way from where I'm sitting Grace: you said you know him, how much does he lie? Grace: asking him will be more than cringe if you can't believe a word, it'll be pointless Ava: I don't know him like that but Ava: I suppose I've heard that he's a typical lad in most regards so Grace: yeah Ava: but that's from one source so Ava: who's to say they're 100% reliable Grace: right Grace: I'll stalk the other girls, obvs am insane so Ava: No Ava: 'cos then I'll have to tell you who he is Ava: and it'll all get out of hand Grace: OMG do I know him??! Ava: How would you? Ava: 'course not Grace: then why does it matter if you tell me or not? Ava: I'll sort it myself Grace: Ava Grace: is it already out of hand? Ava: That'd depend on who you asked too Grace: I'm asking you Ava: I've got this Grace: promise Ava: ๐Ÿคž Grace: ๐Ÿ‘Œ
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