#I will say tho...coloring this game is HARD AF. I need to revisit coloring every time I start a new FF game. I had THREE VERSIONS OF THIS

[azntoastyz]

High School: the good

I have to really evaluate this because the bad really out shined the good in my perspective for the past 7 years. I’m pretty sure there were a lot of good moments, so I guess i’ll just generally sum them up? MAYBE BAHA

Freshman year: There was a basketball and volleyball league/camp before school started, so I got to know some of the people in my future class. They were really nice at first, but they always are right? I had fun chilling and taking weird ass photos with them on my go phone. Because of this, I really had fun during the first few months of school because I already knew most of the people anyway. I hung out with them during practices and games, which took up most of my time.

I had so much fun during volleyball season. Everyone got along, and I was a starter. I played a lot, and I loved it. One moment that made me really happy/accepted is when the entire bus (filled with varsity, junior, sophomore and freshman teams) sang happy birthday to me in unison (I believe it was because some friends, more like classmates, from my grade school knew it was my birthday and told the varsity team to sing it because they were in varsity). I was always shy about my birthday. I don’t really celebrate it big even now.

Same thing happened with basketball. Chilled with them and just had fun. Some people got moved up, and I just stopped talking to them. I honestly did basketball just to hang out with people. I was never serious.

Although, some of them were in my classes, I began to not sit with them, but with some other people because I started to show their true colors. We just didn’t start to blend with each other. These people that I started to befriend, didn’t play volleyball or basketball during the summer, but they were so funny and chill as fuck. My favorite class was history because my teacher was so cool, and we’d just chill in our little corner and draw shit and play games and bring random shit to class. I guess this is the moment when the people who I thought were my friends stopped being companions. We just didn’t click anymore (or they didn’t want to be friends with me anymore).

I did track in the spring, and I got to mingle with people outside of my grade. Although, they weren’t lasting relationships outside of track, it was an experience. I also was probably the fittest I’ve ever been because our new track coach was fucking hard on us like damn.

Honestly, there were just times with that history class people that was enjoyable. I hung out with them in library, after school and before school. I also hung out with my friends from grade school (There were 3 of them, but one was with st. eds with me)

Sophomore year: Basketball and Volleyball was pretty much the same until those moments happened mentioned in my previous post (High school: the bad). I joined softball though, and it was fun except for the bitchy oompah loopah. I still had the same friend group with some moar (the artsy kids). It was fun. I wish I did art lol. I also took guitar class. I always wanted to learn, and I did. It was fairly easy because of my piano experiences. I made friends with people who I didn’t really talk to before, like in the freshman class (we practiced together for basketball). I just know we had good times. I became really close with this one girl, and I thought we were 2 peas in a pod (we literally sat next to each other at every event: church, rally, etc) because we always hung out together. I do remember the heated floors on the sophomore religious trip (idk what to call it). This is when I started talking to this other girl (I became her partner in volleyball though. We went to the same college after high school and I thought we were gonna be those “friends for life” but something happened where we stopped hanging out because I always hung out with Fia or my boyfriend and we got into an argument. Ryan thought she was never good to begin with. She did change tho. so did i).

Junior year: This year, I stopped playing sports for good. I didn’t do any activities after school. I did hang out for a bit after school. I don’t think I had my license yet. I started noticing my grade school friends talking to me less and less. I took harder classes, and I was very unmotivated. I would come in very happy in the mornings trying to cheer people in my first class up (english). It worked some times, but sometimes they were like, “why are you so happy all the time?” Well, it’s the only time I could be honestly. If you try to make yourself happy, won’t it?

We had a retreat for 1 night. I hated it because I’m picky with furniture/floors. I hate dirty carpet or worn out furniture/squishy and stained furniture. I remember hiking in the woods with my friends. I remember this particular photo. We took a lot of photos, chilled on the same bed and just talked. No ‘retreat high.’ just one chill ass retreat.

We went on march for life. First time out of state without my parents. It was fun, until I got sick the night we left. The roof in the bus had a crack and the cold and snow came through just for me. Turns out my wisdom tooth was infected. I had to get it removed once I came home. It was fun, but it was very weird because I felt sick most of the time. I lost 5-7 lbs on that trip because I could barely eat.

Senior year:

Just the same old same old. Going to football games, basketball games with the same people. Hanging out with the same people. Just really chill. Something to do and fulfilling my relationship with others thirst. End of junior year and start of senior year was probably my best year. I found out who to hang out with, and my bullies were gone/ stopped doing what they were doing. I was having fun being who I thought I was.

March for life No.2. I didn’t hang around the people who I hung around with the first march for life. It was just me and my volleyball friend. We were secluded from the others. It was really fun because we got to know each other. My peas in pods friends also went, but there was tension because I did hang out with the volleyball friend.

   -My pea in pod friend was dating this guy since freshman year. They broke up during the summer and he started dating my volleyball friend. It was fine at first in the beginning of the semester, but I guess it all went bad. It made it seem like I chose her. I didn’t. I just like being friends with the people I like. Do I have to choose I side? Is that being wishy washy? Ya probs.-

My volleyball friend and I were roomed with this beautiful girl (selena gomez look a like) and this other chick who was AWESOME AF. I was intimidated by them because they were really cool, but I think I opened a bit to them. We laughed a lot in our room together. I remember we dressed up nice, while everyone else just decided to dress up comfortably, and we got criticized for it).

My two peas in a pod friend also stopped talking with me. Same thing with this other guy, whom I did have a little crush on, and the other filipino.

   -The thing is, the other filipino, (NOT THE OTHER ONE WHO WAS CREEPY AF) and his girlfriend broke up junior to senior summer. When we all hung out, we sat next to each other and just did things as friends. We took a photo together, and one person yelled out, “You guys should date. You look cute together.” Pls. why ruin a good friendship. Turns out later that year, he asked my volleyball friend person if I liked him (she obvi told me). I got weirded out and stopped talking to him. I think that’s why my peas in pods friends stopped talking to me because I really did a bitchy move. I didn’t know what to do to be honest.-

I think that’s why they stopped talking to me regularly and because of what happened with photoshop class (discussed in High school: the bad post) and the ex thing.

The kairos retreat is another thing, and I shouldn’t talk about it, but whatever. Everyone gets a high when they go. I didn’t. I never really opened up because I didn’t know what to say. Everyone else’s experiences were traumatic or grown up compared to mine. I was in an okay place, I guess. What was I supposed to say? I was bullied from grade 1 to 4 and then again from freshman year to sophomore year? No. I did love the letters I got from my family. (I revisited those letters. Kept the ones from my family and shredded the ones from my classmates who didn’t mean anything to me. Their letters were so superficial like “You’re so nice to everyone.” Nothing personal. I’m glad you wrote, but pls I know you guys never talked to me). Those really got to me, and I tried treating my family better.

As I started to accept the fact that my original friends from the past years moved on from me, prom started to creep up. I was going to go by myself. I didn’t go to junior prom, so I thought, “I need to go to senior prom because it’s my last year.”

Spring break is when my life got better. I met my current boyfriend through my cousin. It was a blind match up, but it worked. I don’t know how, but I started talking with my 2 peas in pod friend again. I remember eating out with her and her ex (they got back together at the time) with her friends from grade school. I remember going to sushi station and chicago with them. I remember taking prom photos with them. Every weekend of my remaining senior year, I spent hanging out with him. My volleyball friend was supposed to take photos with us, but she didn’t come. She did go to prom though. It was really fun. My focus was with Ryan. She got frustrated because I didn’t spend time with her and her bf (who was her ex’s best friend. I don’t really know how awkward it was). We danced a lot and ate a lot of bread. I just feel like really better lol. Graduation came, and I was quite happy to leave. I did. That summer, I hung out with a lot of people: graduation parties of grade school friends and my friends I made in high school. As I started college, they all disappeared from my life.

END OF MEMORIESSSSS

Generally, that’s the good. Probably more than the bad. The bad just imprinted on me real hard that I forgot the good. To be honest, the events may be out of order. There are a lot of gaps in my memories because bruh it’s been 5 to 9 years since all that happened. fuck im old.

So. Summers are a different thing, but I basically hung out with people LOL. One summer, I wanted to keep to myself and I did. I got really sad because I missed my family in the AZ. I did have people to talk to in classes, and it was fun. I didn’t really hang out with them out of school. They were really nice people. I have them on facebook and dude. Four are married, two are pregnant, and three lost a ton of weight.

I tried rekindling friendships, but to no avail. They just don’t want to put effort. I understand, and I’ll stop pushing. I’ll move on. If they want to reach out to me and have a reunion, yes i’ll be salty because bitch I asked a long time ago, but I”ll get over it and go because sometimes you have to let your pride go to let relationships grow.