#I will say that the line in TMA referencing the highlands experience is

[thedreadvampy]

a non-exhaustive list of Friend Gossip about the Mechanisms performers that I will never expand on or attach names to because I love Chaos but don’t want to impinge too much on people’s privacy

once swam across the river Isis naked to sneak into a college party they were not invited to

has offered as an explanation for why they are Like That ‘my dad did a lot of LSD in the 70s and married his moleskin trousers’

notoriously sexy

has a crush on Jean-Luc Picard, but specifically and exclusively when he’s been assimilated by the Borg

fantasised about turning DTTM into a wrestling promo culminating in the band turning heel in character and suplexing Jonny through a sound desk

punched a duck (you know who this was but I will not be elaborating)

nearly killed themself coming off a tyre swing over the river and landing on a sharp sheet of metal buried in the river bed. limped home bleeding buckets, was frolicking in a field two hours later as if nothing had happened

habitually frolics in fields

terrifyingly buff. can change clothes while doing a one-handed handstand.

trained in sword, axe, bow and kickboxing

nearly threw up and actually did pass out before DTTM and then went on and performed without showing a glimmer of how much pain they were in

used to sleep on a bare mattress in an empty room surrounded by nothing but broken mirrors. thought this was unremarkable.

used to sleep on the floor next to their bed. claims their ultimate goal is a room where the floor is one big mattress.

scared of cats

claims to be the king of cats

generally accepted to be a literal changeling (not Jonny)

refuses to use digital equipment. uses a 1950s vintage landline and a mechanical typewriter. collects vintage cameras.

considered becoming an Anglican priest (2 people)

once got so furiously angry at author David Mitchell that they threw a book across the room and ranted for two hours about his pointlessness

met while playing dwarfs in an intensely edgy and artsy (and allegedly extremely bad) retelling of Snow White, when both of them had auditioned and failed to get roles in the far more successful and fun Batman: The Pantomime

greatest theatrical triumph was playing a character called Ratman in a yr 6 school play

once got lost in the highlands and encountered a large bearded man who put them up for the night and later turned up at their door at 3am brandishing a sword and claiming to be hunting pine martens. Jonny later referenced this experience in an episode of TMA for an audience of the about 10 people who would actually get the reference

said they wouldn’t try cocaine because it would be too expensive to develop an addiction and they wouldn’t be able to afford Warhammer figures

owns at least one fully functioning sword (to my knowledge, at least three people)

once received a gift of a replica battleaxe, opened it while saying ‘I have been trained in weapons safety it’s fine’ and then cut their hand open on the packaging

Banned from London Zoo for arguing with the animals

went on a rollercoaster while suffering sunstroke. got so disorientated that upon getting off they walked directly into a wall and screamed in panic.

walked out of their own soundcheck because they saw a pokemon they wanted on pokemon go

got free food at the cafe near their recording studio because the proprieter thought they looked like a strungout rock star who needed to eat more

invented a version of scrabble where the key rules are that you can’t play words in English and you can’t play the same language over two consecutive turns.

burst into tears more than once because they loved their partner too much

evangelically listens to Brian Blessed ASMR and can quote verbatim every Brian Blessed YouTube video

has a scar on their hand from overenthusiastic sandcastle building

once had dinner with Richard Dawkins. said it was exactly as bad as you’d expect.

said that when they died they wanted their hand bones removed and attached to their grave, wired together and posed so that they were eternally flipping everyone off. later clarified that they were not joking and that this was an actual request. also said they wanted their ashes put in random pepperpots in cafes around the country. did not clarify whether or not this was a joke.

spent three days on a wild bender of champagne, poptarts and debauchery during a heatwave. almost passed out from dehydration. still only stopped when the poptarts ran out and they had to get dressed and go get pizza.

taught themself French at age 7 because they got bored of English

when they had a cold during the Fringe, kept flushing their nose out with warm water and then leaving bottles of nose water sitting around the flat until their bandmates were ready to murder them

went through a whole Deadlands game playing as a dog (not a talking dog)

cut the tip of their thumb off while making scrambled eggs. finished making scrambled eggs. still does not have full sensitivity in their thumb after 5 years.

chased by an angry horse. survived. ultimate power.