#I will say if my cat Conspiracy hates someone?? I’m calling the cops and a priest and a therapist

[lovely-necromancy]

A Cure for Insomnia CH 1.

This is a reader insert I originally started posting on AO3. I’m cross posting here because I know some of the fandom still lives here.

Quick Disclaimer:

This is a fic I'm writing for my own comfort.

I was inspired by RaeBees (you can check out their works over on Quotev and AO3), and how they characterize the "proxies". Having always seen the characters different than most of the fandom I've interacted with I never really shared my thoughts until now. This work is only placed in the Creepypasta tag so it reaches its demographic. However, I am fully aware of the fact that no main character is considered a Pasta.

It may also appear to lean more Toby X Protag in the beginning but end goal is protag with all three, and Brian and Tim already in a relationship. How I picture it now is a slowburn but Toby and Protag will be in a friends with benefits relationship before either has any feelings, so I think that counts. Some may be confused by the asexual protag tag but it'll be explained in story, as an Ace myself I get frustrated with media that only show one version and say it goes for us all. That being said I don't represent the whole Ace community but I hope to provide a bit more representation for some others out there.

Protag will be depicted as agender, and will have a few tics that stem from their Autism. Again I don't speak for any others with Autism but I hope to provide some representation for those in similar positions.

Tags will be updated as the story progresses. Canon-Typical violence and mental health issues are to be expected if you feel uncomfortable with those aspects I advise you to not engage. This story will also have a lot of NSFW themes and scenes so I highly discourage anyone under the age of 18 from viewing this work. You will get warnings on chapters with NSFW and I will make it skippable as well.

I'm also very nitpicky and gave the main characters birthdays just because it irritates me when it gets mentioned once and you have to do the math or imagine your own conversation when a birthday was too close to a character's.

Tim January 1st, home state Alabama

Toby April 28th, home state Virginia (saw this years ago no clue if it's accurate)

Protag May 13th, home state Virginia

Brian May 23rd, home state Alabama

Connor the service dog July 18th, home state Kentucky

I've referred to Protag as Protag here but in story they're referred to as YN.

Everything felt impossibly dull; your senses, the dark room you're currently in, the noise coming from the fan just to the left of the bed on which you laid. Turning to the window beside your head you stare out into that weird midnight summer sky. More of a gray than a true dark blue night, cast in an orange glow that made the night seem closer to day than it truly was. While the time was just half past twelve, you felt it may have been more accurate to say it was closer to four in the morning.

You're exhausted but that true sort of exhaustion where whatever energy you have left buzzes all around. It consumes your entire being, dances between being deafeningly loud in your ears to giving you twitches in your legs. You'd laid down hours ago thinking you'd be tired enough to sleep once your tics started to spasm in closer intervals, but to no avail were you able to rest. That buzzing preventing you from dreamland. Maybe the hum of your body was right, you didn't really need to sleep, you just wanted it to feel normal.

Knowing the battle had already been lost you push yourself off the bed and grab a pair of shorts off the floor. Slipping them on you contemplate your options for the night. Going into town was out since it was Sunday...well Monday now, but there would be nothing but bars open and you were never one for drinking. And as fun as a drive sounds right now, you feel the buzzing in your bones grow stronger, you need to move. A late night hike should keep you occupied, with it being so quiet and the middle of the night you wouldn't even have to take your headphones to cancel out the sounds of other people, you aren't likely to run into many people tonight.

Deciding on a hike you grab a mask and car keys and make your way to your yellow Kia Soul. A going away present from your parents that they gave you the moment you got your driver's license after your 24th birthday. Having anxiety throughout your life you'd never been in the head space to start driving till later on, and while you still don't enjoy driving you are pretty good at it even with your “late” start. Surfing through radio stations as you let the car warm up you find your latest obsession, it's a conspiracy theory podcast that someone in Kepler managed to blast through the limited air ways of the town. Impressive considering Kepler was in a radio quiet zone and even cell phones couldn't work in the small town, luckily you lived just outside of the zone so you could send texts and call your parents every weekend.

It seemed today's episode was a rerun, Mothman: Murderer, Man, or Myth. It was actually one of your favorites, the paranormal stories tended to be more entertaining than hearing about how a man could murder sixteen people while working as a cop ruining evidence to lead the others off his trail. Humans could be more vial and cruel than any little gray alien from the future or tall Fresno Nightcrawler could ever be. And they weren't as entertaining to hear about, nor were their exploits as impressive. You could always see patterns, either connecting clues first or finding connections no one else saw, it was never hard to tell where a certain case would lead so you'd always end up disappointed in humanity when they overlooked such obvious clues. Though that often led you down a path of deep diving for information to see just how obvious it was, more often than not you'd find that the most logical conclusion was shady public officers. After investigating so many cold cases you're sure if you're ever in trouble you'll never involve the police, in the end they'd probably just ignore you and rule your case closed if anything ever did happen to you.

'I'd haunt them if they did.' You decide and you shift gears and begin driving to the Monongahela National Forest, as the timeline of Mothman sightings and events play out before for your ears.

Instead of going through town and possibly loosing the signal of the show, you drive on the old dirt road that runs along the very edge of the town, partially covered in trees. This over grown road is the main reason Kepler doesn't see many visitors, the second someone makes their way onto it coming off the interstate they floor it until they see civilization. Over the few months you've been here you've nearly been run right off the road by spooked tourists, trying to escape whatever ghouls their wild imaginations created. The only real thing on this road was a mini mart gas station, and even though it was shady as hell the cashier didn't bug you too much when you came in in the dead of night. Plus they had a cat, how could you not stop in and say hi to little ole Magnolia?

Speaking of which you should probably get a drink for your hike, you could already feel your throat drying out. Turning into the parking lot you're happy to see no other cars around, putting your face mask on you make your way inside. As usual the store is dead at this time, and Ronnie is manning the desk. What's unusual is the man also behind the counter, he has dark brown hair that he's tied into a small and low ponytail, thick sideburns frame his face. You immediately take note of the slight imperfections of his face, most would see the slit in his eyebrow as following the current trend or even just a genetic thing, but you can see the slightly off color of a healed scar that starts just above his eyebrow and ends mid eyelid, he has a few smaller discolorations on his crooked nose, you'd guess he's had it broken at least twice.

Briefly taking a glance to his brown eyes before looking away, today is not an eye contact day. Nodding in their directions, the best acknowledgment you can give right now, you make your way to the freezers. From the freezer section you can hear Ronnie “explain” you.

“That's YN, a regular mainly at night though. A bit skittish and rarely ever says more than 'thanks have a nice day'” Even though she's whispering you can hear everything. Including the high octave her voice takes to mimic you, it feels more like mocking.

If being mocked hadn't already put you on edge the eyes boring into you have. The eyes may not be roaming over your body but the icky crawling of your skin sure makes it feel that way. The feeling of being put under a microscope has always made you sick, the stares, the leers and sneers, and the judgment just makes you want to implode on the spot. Cease existence, be swallowed into the abyss. You're about to set yourself into an anxiety attack with all these thoughts.

'Mask, mask, mask' you repeat over and over in your head, it's the only thing you can focus on. You are wearing a mask, there is one thing they can't perceive, the face is the most important for humans to perceive, your mask protects you.

Without looking you pull a water bottle from the cooler. You don't think you like this brand but the sports mouth makes up for it, and you can't focus enough to grab another. As the imaginary spiders crawl their way under your skin and your breath hitches you make your way over to the counter head down, never looking up at the employees beyond the counter. Your vision is blurring in time with the beating of your heart, you can't tell if it's due to nerves or from being up for five days in a row.

“Hey YN, how're you?” Ronnie asks, her tone is different from the past times you've been in. It's higher and has a lilt in it that you'd expect from a teasing friend. But Ronnie isn't a friend and has never spoken to you like this, you hate it. You nod to politely move on with the process, between the crawling of your skin and the buzzing underneath it you feel sick. And you're now very aware of the existence of your eyelids, you try to focus on ignoring that awareness. You need to move.

“Hmm, that's good. Anyway this is Tim! He's just started so go easy on him.” you hear the sound of a hand hitting fabric and assume she's patted Tim's shoulder as she introduced Tim to you. Why was she doing this, what purpose could introducing you two have? You nod again, was anyone going to ring you out?

“Hi, this all?” a deep voice asked, it isn't extremely deep more of a standard baritone that has a slight raspy quality, probably a reformed smoker. You don't smell cigarettes currently so he could've quit after years. Unfortunately despite your efforts to stave them off your blinking tics emerge. Making it difficult to keep your eyes open for longer than a nano second.

Startled and ticcing you look up and catch his eyes, you see pity in them, before casting your glance back to the counter. You can never tell what's worse people seeing you as weird or seeing you as something needing to be fixed. Nodding again, Tim tells you the total; a dollar fifty eight, and you hand him two dollars from your wallet.

Tim doesn't ask if you want the receipt or a bag, he prints out the receipt and hands you your change. The change goes immediately into the cat food fund for Magnolia. She got diagnosed with diabetes about a month ago and having worked in shelters and pet stores you know just how expensive her prescription food is. After folding the receipt into your wallet, Tim gently slides the water bottle over to you.

“Have a good night.” he says it so low and gentle, as if he thinks you'll shatter in front of him. As kind as the gesture seems, you aren't that fragile...or maybe you are if you have to keep repeating 'mask' over and over in your head to ground yourself. With a final nod you turn and make your way to the door, and just as you open it you hear Ronnie call out.

“Awwww, c'mon YN at least say 'Hi' to Tim.” You really don't like how she squeaked out 'hi'.

Taking a deep breath you prepare yourself, you'll show them both you can do this simple task. Even if you can't stop blinking long enough to see straight. Once you've steadied yourself you turn and look at Tim. He's sending you a look that says 'You don't have to' all that's missing is a slow head shake to complete his unease with this “peer pressure”.

But you can do this you can say 'Hi, Tim.' Two words super simple, nothing complex like 'Hi, Tim, nice to meet you.' and so much better than the option of your next meeting saying 'Hi, Tim. Sorry for spazzing out the other night.'. Yup you can do this just breathe, you open your mouth and...and you've forgotten what to say. Looking like a deer in headlights, well at least the tics stopped, you say the first thing that pops in.

“Mask.” You've said it loud and clear both cashiers heard you.

Tim stares with wide eyes and you see Ronnie failing to hide her laughter. Out of all the ways this could've gone this was probably the best outcome for her. The blinking has started up again, this time growing more frequent. You can't even hold your eyes open, to the two cashiers it must look like you're in pain or crying. And while you want to die of embarrassment, crying is a bit of an extreme for you.

So with red face and the inability to see you leave through the door, and try to make your way back to your car. Once in you lock the doors, switch the car on, and rest your head on the steering wheel. Out of every way this stop could've gone, being perceived by a new comer and Ronnie was not what you expected. While this hadn't been the worst five minutes or so of your life, it definitely would be another thing keeping you up at night for the next twenty years.

Calming down in the cool quiet dark of your car your slowly brought back to the world by the beginning of a new episode. This one talking about the Tailypo legend. A favorite story of yours from when you were a kid living on the coast of Virginia. So with yet another deep breath and the wave of nostalgia, you pull out of the parking lot and slowly coast down the old dirt road. Heading yet again for the Monongahela forest.

It's nearly two in the morning when you roll up to see an RV parked by the forgotten entrance of the park. It isn't surprising at all to find an RV out here since the Monongahela Forest is one of the most beautiful parks you've ever been to. You also don't think anything of them being parked by this unused entrance because you use it all the time since finding it accidentally. Figuring they just wanted to camp and be left to their own devices rather than use the RV sites and be bothered with other campers here for the summer.

Climbing out of your car you notice the RV isn't new by any means but it isn't a total rust bucket either, looks like it's been passed around throughout the years. There isn't anything to suggest it's been here a while, nothing left set up outside, must have just gotten into town then. You do happen to notice dog tracks around the sandy dirt you've parked in, good to know they have a dog before you slammed your car door. Closing the door gently behind you so you don't startle a pup and wake up it's owner or owners, you make your way through the woods. No real direction in mind, with no real thought in your head. Just the thought of moving and to keep on moving.

You could walk the same path every time you came through and always find something different. In fact that's exactly what happens, you're almost positive that you've deepened the imprint of the path just from walking through several times a week. Following the same winding path you usually do, climbing over the fallen tree, and through a scattering of blueberry thicket's you find yourself on the edge of one of the forest's many streams. It's your favorite spot in the forest so far, and about as far as you've gotten considering these hikes of yours take place during the dead of night.

The wind picks up and sends a chill through you, taking that as a sign you slide down to sit by the stream. Vans placed to your side as you sink your feet into the cool water. It's peaceful out here, so cool, and quiet, save for the slight noises the stream makes, various bubbling and drips. You try to think on things like your recent move, your job, the embarrassing 'mask' incident, just life in general. But you can't seem to form a single thought, this happens a lot, you've recently been conscious of the fact that you've been running on auto pilot for the past two months, hell a lot longer than that. You think everyone must get like this from time to time, but you think you've always been this way. Keen to dissociating and slipping in and out of existence.

It's quite nice really, except for the times like right now where you'd love to figure out why the silence in your head is so painfully loud. The more you think on it the louder it gets and the stronger the buzzing under your skin feels. And right now the static in your mind has been getting louder and louder for the past few minutes. You feel your head jerk to the right of it's own accord, moving back in place it happens for a second time, and then a third, then jerks up, before jerking a forth time to the right effectively cracking you neck.

“There we go.” you mumble, you can relax a bit as the verbal tic indicates the end of this round of tics.

Sighing you look at the sky...that can't be right. The sky has been painted it's fresh baby blues for the day, but again that can't be right. You just got to the stream, that path is a thirty minute walk meaning it should be just about two thirty in the morning, but the sky suggests it's five or six at the latest. Reaching for your water bottle you find it empty next to you. You didn't fall asleep you know that much, perhaps you did dissociate tonight. Well this hike was disappointing if you knew you were going to dissociate you'd have saved yourself that embarrassment and stayed home. Maybe done some painting or tidied up.

Sighing you push yourself off the ground, collecting you vans you're about to put them on when you notice a figure off in the distance. You freeze out of shock and stare at the figure, it stares back. The figure is about ten yards away, god your near sighted ass should really remember to not leave your glasses in the car when hiking. The figure starts to make it's way to you and after a few steps you realize it hasn't moved from it's spot. Rolling your eyes you ignore the hallucination.

You'd really needed to get sleep last night, today is day six of no sleep and though you haven't had many episodes these past few days, you have a feeling they'll start to get more prominent today. Hopefully tonight you can manage to get some rest, the longer you go without sleep the more realistic the hallucinations become. But for today you're content with the knowledge that it's just shadow like beings that you'll be seeing.

After putting on your shoes you start the thirty minute hike back to your car. You're thankful for the weather in Kepler, nothing like back on the coast. Here you can go for a morning hike through the forest while a gentle breeze passes by and the sun starts to give the area a pleasant warmth. Back on the coast you couldn't run and grab the mail without getting drenched in moisture from either sweat, humidity, or a mixture of both.  The coast sucks, hell Virginia sucks altogether, you're glad to be in Kepler.

“I want to go home, home.” you say out of nowhere.

Before you reach the entrance you hear barking, oh the RV campers must be up. Should you be careful not to scare them, or just walk normally and say 'Good morning' in passing, maybe just nod your head in greeting. Oh and you've stopped just beside the entrance as you got lost in your rambling. You didn't mean to come to a stop here, and as you try to move you notice how silent it's gotten. Did the dog go inside, maybe they've already passed...no it's too quiet for that. No the silence is oppressive like the one you deal with nightly, there's a reason for the silence. The situation's making you feel uneasy, but that could be the sleep deprivation talking.

You're about to brush it off and move when you hear a whispered, “Seriously man, I don't think anyone's out there. Let's get inside.”

There's a noise of agreement before you hear shuffling. Oh no, you zoned out and now you look like a weirdo stalker. Just perfect, maybe if you wait around a little more you'll seem more normal or at least feel normal. Not knowing how long to wait you walk along the tree line for a bit, looking at the ground as you do making sure you won't step on any snakes. In you quest to not step on any snakes you spot something suspiciously off white. It seems purposefully buried under a dead blueberry bush and some fallen branches.

Having listened to too many true crime shows, you know better than to implicate yourself in a murder. Grabbing a stick off the ground you gently brush the foliage away from the supposed corpse. No way, you can't believe your luck, it's an actual fucking skull. An intact skull of a deer! That is so cool, you've only seen taxidermists on TikTok getting so lucky and finding these dudes. Since the jaw bone is connected by tissue it of course isn't with the skull but maybe it's close by? Clearly this got planted or hidden by someone, maybe they were planning on pranking a friend by 'uncovering' a skull later. Oh well, finders keepers and all that, you have way better plans for this guy, hopefully you can find that jaw bone.

You set off searching through the foliage and near by bushes with the branch while holding the skull in your other arm. After searching about three feet around and finding no more bones you decide that this is the only part of the deer's skeleton in this area. A little disappointed but still thrilled with your find, you decide it must be a good time to go back to your car.

Surely you won't look weird now. You a little forager with their treasure in hand. Looks like you'll be busy cleaning, then bleaching, and cleaning these bones today. Is that the order to treat found bones? You aren't sure but you can look into that later. Placing the skull in the trunk so it doesn't roll about and get damaged you make sure it's secure before closing the trunk and getting into your car and locking the doors.

Not once did you notice the pairs of eyes that had been watching you. One watching as you found the deer skull, and the other set seeing you place bones into your car. They kept watching as you fiddled with the radio while the car was starting up. They watched as you pulled out of the sandy dirt lot and drove back down the old road a little faster than before now that you could clearly see.

[hayleysstark]

a comprehensive list of everything i flat-out forgot and/or straight-up didn’t process about Trollhunters because the first time i watched it, i binged it in a weekend while i was high out of my damn mind and now i’m finally rewatching it and losing my shit 

“my friends call me Walt.” “what do your enemies call you?”

Vendel’s entire existence

“HE REWROTE SHAKESPEARE” 

“put your hand in the Soothscryer.” “um, I’m going to get it back, right?”

Coach Lawrence deadass has a coffee cup that says “#1 Butt Snack” on it

Blinky just eats whipped cream directly out of the can. this man fears no god.

ARTHUR-SAN 

“where IS that contact lens???”

apparently there was an undead assassin named Angor Rot and the entire fandom collectively thought he was very sexy???? 

no no i canNOT stress this enough. the man is literally a pile of bones. he looks like a deformed ram. he wears nothing but a loincloth. and y’all were STILL horny for this man???

literally i went into the AO3 tag and there was just wall-to-wall Angor/Gunmar smut??? sometimes the occasional, slightly classier Angor/Strickler or Angor/Morgana but iT WAS ALL ANGOR ROT SMUT

in conclusion: y’all need jesus

remember that episode when the amulet starts randomly producing clones of Jim and they’re all different aspects of his personality and they’re all in color-coded jackets??? because i sure didn’t

to atone for this, here are some true highlights, in no particular order:    

when NotEnrique sees all the Jim clones fighting in Claire’s bedroom and says, out loud, “I’m not dealing with this” and just fucks off out the window again

“THAT MOVE’S NOT LEGAL!” 

“[through tears] they overcharged you on your cable bill??”

 “YO YO YO HOLLA!” 

“what crime have i committed but from yearnings of the heart?” “unsanctioned use of troll magic, hindering a Trollhunter in his duties, and altogether wussiness” 

okay okay i’m done i’m normal again  

“girls don’t pee! they conspire!!” 

when the undead assassin named Angor Rot coats his knife in poison and then licks the blade. that’s really not a good habit to get into, buddy

“if EVERYONE believes it, then it MUST be a conspiracy!!!” 

everybody calls Morgana “eldritch queen” which is hands-down the funniest fucking name i have ever heard in my entire life, i would literally be so flattered if someone said that to me??? call me an eldritch queen. tell me i’m the most eldritch queen you’ve ever seen

Gunmar’s voice is really just Like That huh

Blinky was a human for a little while???

when all the teachers accidentally drink the Changeling dust coffee and Jim calls Strickler in a panic and asks what to do only he lies and says it’s Toby’s cat that got into the dust and so Strickler tells him “just put the cat down” and Jim is like “wELL WE CAN’T DO THAT--” 

and then Strickler comes into the school and sees Ms. Janeth eating out of the garbage and he’s not even angry with Jim he’s just like mildly disappointed. you can literally hear him thinking “wow i am really hedging my bets that this idiot is going to defeat Gunmar okay wow” 

when Jim and Toby get arrested for breaking into the museum and there’s that montage of all their mugshots and Toby is just having the time of his short teenage life and then it flashes to Jim, who just looks miserable and humiliated   

Gnome Chompsky asking the plastic doll to marry him (you know what??? i ship it)

“i told you, i don’t care about my dad!” “you do now”

when Jim gets shrunken down to like two inches tall to go after that gnome but then it doesn’t wear off so he spends the night at Toby’s house and when he falls asleep, Toby really just deadass puts him in the dollhouse

Senor Uhl 

Toby’s weird obsession with the mole???

“birthing day” 

“wait, you ate cat food????” “and i LIKED it!!”  

when Toby gets arrested and shoved into the cop car but when the officer steps out for one (1) second, Toby jumps into the front seat and drives off with the car and then he calls Jim in a panic and screams “I’M IN A HIGH-SPEED CHASE” but when it zooms out he’s literally just going like 2 mph 

that whole episode where Barbara says she’ll be at the hospital all weekend so Jim, Strickler, and Draal decide to set all those traps for Angor Rot but then Barbara comes back early and pepper sprays Jim and Draal

when Steve and Eli have to raise that sack of flour together

when all the kids are stuck in Saturday detention together and that girl with the glasses (Shannon??) talks about how they should all be kinder to each other and Claire goes “what are you in for, anyway” and the girl says “embezzlement” 

when Toby pretends to be Vendel to steal the Heartstone staff and even though he fucks up spectacularly, he still gets away with it

“keep it ✨ crispy ✨”

when Blinky’s human and he comes to the school and overhears all the kids calling Jim a wuss. and he AGREES with them 

when Claire gets possessed by Morgana in the middle of her double date with Jim and Toby and Darci and she is literally trying to murder Jim with a steak knife but Toby insists it’s just because she’s totally into Jim. and Jim believes him.

when they’re searching for Merlin’s tomb, and Jim and Draal are being chased by Gunmar, the Gumm-Gumm king, and Angor Rot, the deadliest assassin known to trollkind, and they are in a cave that is collapsing around them, and Jim and Draal deadass look at each other and go “race you”. chaotic stupid. 

“hey, guys, i taught myself bass guitar in the band room. this one goes out to my Juliet--” 

Blinky is really just out here hating Merlin for no reason and Merlin is really just out here not even giving a fuck. iconic. 

“our Trollhunter is fearless, gallant, courageous--” “BLINKY THERE’S THIS CRAZY TROLL TRYING TO KILL ME AND I’M TERRIFIED” 

in conclusion i’m sorry that i wasted my first watch of Trollhunters on post-op prescription painkillers

but i still don’t understand why everybody wants to fuck Angor Rot. y’all please read a Bible.

[thanksjro]

Robots in Disguise (2012), #1-22- A Recap, For Reference Purposes

Before we begin with “Dark Cybertron”, a lightning round style recap on the 22 issues that took place in the sister series to MTMTE, Robots in Disguise; just so we know what’s up with all the folks who didn’t hitch a ride on the Lost Light.

Here’s the Story So Far, since it’s been a minute.

Now for the nitty gritty.

Cybertron is a literal hellscape, as established in The Death of Optimus Prime, the very flora of the planet trying to murder anything that comes within a few miles of the surface. This has caused a massive economic slump in the tourist trap towns, who surely will not survive without the summertime revenue. Truly, life is cruel and not worth living.

Bumblebee narrates, as we show off all the weirdoes who live on Cybertron now. Bumblebee tries to greet a new batch of arrivals, as Metalhawk actively attempts to make him look like Satan incarnate, because all the NAILs have gone full ACAB at this point.

A robot who looks like he’s wearing a beanie commits vandalism and is then subjected to violence via Decepti-cop.

This is more or less the flavor for RID as a whole. You have been warned.

Prowl breaks someone’s hand just because he can. Blurr is made to arrest someone for disturbing the peace, even though he’s, like, basically the only guy on the Autobots who isn’t a cop. Bumblebee doesn’t believe in democracy.

Ratbat is the leader of the Decepticons, even though Soundwave is right friggin’ there. We establish that the military state is in full swing. Prowl commits a microaggression against a Senator. Ratbat gets pissy about his guys going out to beat people up, not because it violates his moral sensibilities, but because it benefits the Autobots.

Probably that you’re killing people by remote control, in as horrified a tone as he could manage, because that’s FUCKING EVIL. Seems pretty straightforward to me.

Prowl says to cancel the memorial for the Lost Light, because he thinks the Decepticons are up to something. Which they are.

Everyone hates the Autobots. Like, everyone.

Ironhide runs away from a murderous hedge and smashes into a wall. Prowl has a talk with a mysterious individual about his feelings during a romantic sunset.

Metalhawk releases hat guy from prison. He and Bumblebee have a little chat, during which he tries to gaslight the little guy. Bumblebee explodes Horri-Bull’s head in front of at least 30 people.

Except he actually didn’t, because the chips don’t actually work. T’was a ruse! Starscream enters the narrative. Ratbat used to be an actual person and not just a bat. Sideswipe wants to shoot someone. Bumblebee tasers a man unprovoked; guess he’s picked up a little paranoia from that time he got shot.

Starscream calls Prowl ugly, then spills the beans on Ratbat’s plan to kill Bumblebee at the memorial, solely because he thinks Ratbat is an idiot. Needlenose and Skywarp beat up a NAIL to work through their emotions.

Bumblebee shows a snuff film to hundreds of people at the memorial. Skywarp tries to frame a NAIL for murder, but Prowl says nuts to that idea, through the power of dramatic irony.

Long Haul tells a fib. Bumblebee and Metalhawk agree to work together. Ratbat gets turned into chunky salsa by Arcee, who will use the excuse of self-defense if questioned. Starscream pulls some fucking bullshit and third-wheels the agreement between Bumblebee and Metalhawk.

Ratbat’s death is played off as a suicide. Blurr is still a cop. Starscream is helpful. There’s a guy who looks like a frog, and I don’t care for what his eyes are doing.

Frog guy explodes, because nature is a cruel mistress.

Wheeljack has a hell of a time trying to answer the phone in the middle of an economic debate. Prowl is paranoid. Starscream handles the housing crisis. Wheeljack visits the hospital and causes a scene. Another explosion happens, killing dozens, including this guy:

You will be missed, Tiddytron.

Wheeljack realizes that the moon is trying to kill everyone, so he shoots missiles at the problem. The Aerialbots fuck off into the wilderness.

The Decepticons get some perks now that Starscream’s a government employee. Starscream destroys the military state through the power of talking over people. Prowl and his cronies investigate a murder at the trash factory.

Bombshell is arrested for thought crime, and spills the beans on the I/D chips not working. Prowl has Dirge on a chain for some reason, and it ends up causing nothing but trouble. Blurr runs every red light in the city to make a citizen’s arrest, and gets his ass kicked by a bunch of construction workers. Prowl has a complex about Spike Witwicky.

Prowl fixes the I/D chip issue and things go poorly for the construction workers. Blurr gets upset about having his ass kicked by construction workers. Prowl is very paranoid, even as he has a borderline pinup panel devoted to his weird robot bellybutton and positively ridiculous cinched waist. I begin to worry about how much I’m learning about Andrew Griffith’s tastes.

The poetry shark shows up.

Arcee reveals a little bit about herself, and I shed a tear as I shake my fist in the general direction of England, cursing Simon Furman’s name.

Metalhawk brings Sky-Byte to a literal trashcan fire to meet his buddies, and they all rag on the Autobots for a while.

Ironhide goes joyriding and finds Sky-Byte Oh Yorick-ing a Sweep’s head. Turns out they have a history. Blurr reveals his dream to own a bar. Metalhawk brings up the fact that setting up a group of folks to have their heads explode if they step out of line is some dystopian bullshit.

Sky-Byte meets up with his old buddy Swindle, and gets the skinny on the bullshit that’s being pulled on this brand-new Cybertron. Everything goes to shit very quickly. Streetwise gets set on fire. Prowl needs to stop. Ironhide commits violence against the general populace, then advocates for the removal of the I/D chips.

Blurr opens a bar, and it’s dinosaur-friendly. Prowl commits property damage on a table, because he’s tablephobic. Ironhide reveals the future.

Shockwave sends an entire race of Big Birds to their frozen demise. Orion Friggin’ Pax comes back into the narrative, in the middle of his giant fuck-off-from-responsibility space adventure. Wheelie and Garnak are here, which is cool, I guess. Jhiaxus yells a bunch, and Orion decides to go to Big Bird planet.

It’s farkin’ cold in here.

Orion and Hardhead talk about Rodimus’ tumultuous relationship with death. Shockwave is the only person in the universe who understands quantum mechanics. Monstructor wakes up from his cryo-sleep. Wheelie and Garnak are grievously wounded, and the patch job seems less than medically sound, since we’ve just put a screw into Garnak’s orbital socket to hold his eye-patch in place. Orion walks into a trap, knowingly and willingly.

Wheeljack does some espionage, even though Mirage is right friggin’ there. Turmoil swings by Cybertron to say hello- the Decepticon, not the emotional state. Drift is outed as a war criminal- well, more so than originally thought. Turmoil has a time machine.

Sky-Byte and Jazz team up for slam poetry night. Blurr tells Metalhawk a story. Wheeljack’s espionage adventure goes poorly. Turmoil gets trapped in a hamster ball. Wheeljack and Metalhawk get trapped in a hamster ball.

The Dinobots and Ironhide go on a camping trip. Starscream craves democracy. Skylynx is a glorified taxi. Slag hasn’t changed his name yet, despite half of the people working for IDW being from the UK. Swoop breaks down IDW Phase Two to its bare essentials.

Prowl sits on someone’s desk, because he doesn’t respect tables. Slag’s face is on fire all the time, and it’s sort of distracting. Swindle bothers Shockwave. Ironhide is attacked by the Dinobots.

Bumblebee sits outside and has some Night Thoughts. Cybertron wants everyone to stick together, and God help you if you don’t. Bumblebee is beginning to develop a complex. Blurr is upset with himself. Ravage and the Reflectors go on an adventure. The time machine isn’t actually a time machine. The time machine disappears.

Ironhide finds the Aerialbots, who have been combinered by the horrors of new Cybertron. Everyone yells at Bumblebee.

We get a taste of Old World Cybertronian propaganda, where everyone talks in the third person, as is tradition. Starscream gets curvier every issue. Again, I begin to worry about how much I’m learning about Andrew Griffith’s tastes.

Blurr causes an explosion in the wilderness looking for Ironhide, much to Starscream’s delight. There is a Titan under the ground, and its very existence is making reality shit the bed. Tailgate’s lies in MTMTE are so extensive, red herrings have leaked into the sister series.

Nova Prime commissioned Monstructor, and Omega Supreme hated it so much he punched it in the face.

Starscream invites a bunch of friends over to see the Titan. Brainstorm is used as a scale for end-of-the-world scenarios. Starscream is revealed to be chosen by the gods.

The Reflectors visit a planet and shit gets weird very quickly. Wheelie is about to have a goddamned stress-induced aneurysm, not that Orion particularly cares. Time nonsense is established. Wheelie-speak becomes plot-relevant. Livio Ramondelli subjects me to his nightmares’ nightmares.

Starscream gets interviewed on national television. Starscream owns a hat that makes him look like a Gundam. Omega Supreme explodes. Metalhawk flip-flops between who he’s defending like a fish on the dock. Starscream yells at Shockwave for being an instigator. Prowl and Starscream make a deal.

Arcee stabs a cat in the throat. IDW settles the debate- at least for their own continuity- and says RIRFIB. Prowl takes a fireball to the face to convince people he’s on the up-and-up. Arcee is smarter than Starscream. This asshole shows back up.

Bumblebee really, really wants to kill Megatron, but politics demand he be taken in as a POW. The fellas construct a conspiracy theory. Starscream tries to lead his peers, but it goes poorly. Not a single medical professional of Cybertronian descent actually keeps track of their patients. Maccadam’s gets several light fixtures ruined by Arcee. Wheeljack gets called a tool. Prowl shows up in his hot new body, decked out with enough weaponry to annihilate a small country and a gun that’s as big as he is.

Starscream gives Megatron a piece of his mind. The Decepticons are rioting in the streets. Prowl shows Wheeljack his toys. Arcee plays her trump card. Bumblebee tries his hand at negotiation.

Bumblebee learns a valuable lesson about leadership. Politics are hell. Megatron is released from prison. Democracy finally gets its day. Megatron enters the Black Room with his whole ass hanging out. Pretty much every Decepticon you thought was dead isn’t actually dead.

Metalhawk gets a taste of how 24/7 news has ruined everything. Prowl is revealed to be the mastermind behind all the bullshit that’s been going on the last few months, and he’s been working with Megatron. Swindle gets run over by a train. Wheeljack’s head is turned into a memory by Prowl. The crazy-making signal out in the wilderness was made by Megatron. Megatron walks in in his hot new bod, carrying his old one like his new bride. And what a pretty bride it is.

We get a literal talking heads sequence explaining just how exactly Megatron survived the events of “Chaos” and why Combiners are the bees’ knees. Prowl isn’t Prowl, but actually being controlled by Bombshell.

Dang, wonder who could have caused that, CHROMEDOME.

Prowl is released from his mind-control, and immediately plays the blame game with Bumblebee. The Constructicons and Prowl have a thing going, and show it off, much to Bumblebee’s horror.

Circuit gets given Fixit’s dialogue for some reason, and I can’t tell if this was an issue on the art side or the script side. Devastator wrecks shop. Megatron laughs at Starscream for being a loser, then crushes Bumblebee’s head like a grape. Ironhide finally shows up to the party, and he brought a veggie platter.

Jazz tries to warn the medical staff about the Combiner coming their way, but no one ever listens to Jazz. Prowl has a crisis of self. Jazz breaks up the two-man act. Megatron let Bumblebee keep his cane, proving that even heartless monsters can respect the Disabilities Act.

Ironhide and the Dinobots save the day. Superion and Devestator get into a fistfight. Prowl reaffirms his complex over Spike Witwicky. Bumblebee says some halfway transphobic shit, and I shed a tear as I shake my fist in the general direction of England, cursing Simon Furman’s name. Arcee switches sides again and stabs Bombshell in the face. Prowl takes a nap. The tides turn.

Ironhide resists Frenzy’s sonic attack through the sheer power of gumption. Skywarp says fuck this and gets out of dodge. Devastator becomes a real boy. 

Bumblebee WILL kill Megatron. Arcee makes it weird. Ironhide helps Prowl figure out his life. Bumblebee never learns. Metalhawk saves his BFF, and gets his arm shot off for his troubles. Starscream uses Metalhawk’s fuck-you-level long arm to kill a man.

Swindle carries a dude twice his size to safety with one of his arms off. Needlenose gets his just desserts. Devastator rips off his head to escape his crippling self-doubt. The Constructicons are having a hell of a day.

You said it, Hook.

Wheeljack saves the day from beyond the grave, that clever man. Metalhawk is killed by politics. Hat Guy tries to fight Bumblebee, and gets mad that he doesn’t remember his name. They’ve spoken to each other maybe once.

Metalhawk is made into a playing chip by Starscream, and also a speech writer from beyond the pale. Starscream tells everyone to get naked or fuck off, then takes off his top. All the Autobots and Decepticons who don’t want to get naked fuck off into the wilderness.

The Dark Cybertron “Prelude" issues kick in.

Shockwave and Dreadwing fly through the photorealistic sky to get to where the Titan is.

Listen here you little shit-

Shockwave shoots Dreadwing to test a theory, because ethics are for nerds.

Back when Shockwave was a hot guy with feelings, Jhiaxus was dealing with the Monstructor thing, then fucked off into space. Shockwave took the opportunity to be better than his teacher in every way, as is tradition. Proteus threw a whole-ass person across the room, because classism. Shockwave revealed himself to be a budding ecoterrorist. Shockwave joined a terrorist organization to further his own goals. Orion Pax tried to appeal to Shockwave’s softer side. Megatron killed the Senate. Shockwave replaced his shitty claws with a gun. Shockwave shot Dai Atlas in the legs and can’t explain why.

Dreadwing comes back to life, thanks to the power of Shockwave’s 14th ore.

Bumblebee has the Big Sad about Starscream being King of Iacon. Arcee doesn’t know what emotional turmoil feels like. Metalhawk’s lifeless body lays in the sun for several hours. Prowl is propositioned by the Constructicons. Arcee tells Prowl’s darkest secret, and it kills Bumblebee. Swoop is having a great time.

Arcee knows about Bumblebee being Hasbro’s golden boy. Prowl uses his manners, but only when no one can hear him. Arcee and the Constructicons get into a fight, with more flaming swords getting involved than you might expect. Slag offers to buy Arcee a drink.

Bumblebee gets a hot new body. Arcee gives herself a stick-and-poke tattoo. In a few hours, the sun will rise.

Pal, you are way ahead of schedule.

Shockwave makes a dramatic entrance.

Waspinator tells a story about the time he killed a servant of God and met death. Orion and pals visit Gorlam Prime. The Dead Universe comes into the narrative again. Wheelie has his arm blown off to keep from getting disintegrated, but he shrugs it off, because life is always awful for Wheelie.

Waspinator gets chased through the desert by Monstructor. Orion Pax acts like a dumbass. A Titan is revealed. Monstructor rides on the time-travel ship like it’s a horsey. Waspinator controls a Titan and makes it teleport. Orion plays fourth-dimensional chess, and reveals that his personal ship is named after his best friend.

Starscream talks to a corpse. Blurr tells Starscream to fuck off. A very good boy enters the narrative. The paparazzi ruin Starscream’s attempt to get underlings to do what he wants. A literal rat enters the narrative.

Starscream talks to Megatron, and I genuinely don’t have the words to explain what exactly is going on with that guy. Starscream takes a gander into the very good boy’s toolbox. The very good boy lays it on thick. Starscream destroys a man’s reputation.

Starscream breaks into Rattrap’s apartment. Rattrap becomes a government employee. Starscream talks to Wheeljack, who isn’t dead.

Soundwave has a flashback to when the Decepticons surrendered after the Chaos event, confirming that Ratbat was universally hated. Soundwave has robo-synesthesia. Shockwave is the perfect Cybertronian- Soudwave hates him for it.

Shockwave calls his teacher. Ravage judges Soundwave. The Decepticons reminisce on the time they resorted to cannibalism. Soundwave thinks mourning is for dumb babies and tells everyone to shut up because he’s big man on campus now.

Nobody deserves it more than you, babe.

The infighting begins, because no Decepticon has the ability to be halfway decent to each other, and they won’t learn that skill for a good while. Needlenose throws Blitzwing across a field and admits to having feelings. Soundwave is abandoned by the Decepticon forces.

Soundwave talks to himself in the Crystal City, then gets his ass kicked by Dreadwing.

In the past, Shockwave calls Bombshell a loser and outdoes him.

Soundwave kills Dreadwing. Shockwave hides in the shadows like a weirdo. Soundwave is done trusting Shockwave. Soundwave grabs Shockwave by the boob and yells at him. Soundwave is a hopeful guy.

In the past, Soundwave stole Ratbat’s brain and put it in a cassette, proving that space-Communism only works on paper.

Soundwave punches Shockwave in the head. Shockwave assumes Soundwave is alone, despite knowing he can contain many small men inside him.

Shockwave explodes a cat. Soundwave fires missiles at Shockwave and hits him in the tit. Shockwave would fuck Microsoft Excel if he could. Frenzy is just happy to be here- no, I didn’t mix them up, the colorist did.

Ravage is a grown-ass man. Soundwave’s synesthesia used to be a lot worse. Shockwave sends Soundwave and pals home. The Titan and Waspinator show up.

Soundwave has a face. Ravage and all the other cassettes are emotional support animals, who are also fully sapient.

Shockwave’s gonna fuck everything up.

And THAT, dear children, is the entirety of Robots in Disguise, up to issue #22. We’re all caught up and ready.

[holylulusworld]

Secrets, lies and love

Summary: When Natasha the woman you only know as Natalia, not as an Avenger asks for your help. You agree only to feel the wrath of Captain America

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader, Natasha Romanoff x Reader (platonic), Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes, Scott Lang

Warnings: angst, love-hate relationship, arguments, Steve being a douche, mentions of sexual intercourse, language, smut, unprotected sex, biting, hair pulling

This fics is post CACW with nomad Steve

“Trust me, Steve, Y/N is the best. She can fix Sam’s wound. I owe her my life. One last thing before we pick her up – she doesn’t know about the Avengers and crap. Y/N spent the last years isolated in a research base in Antarctica. They needed a doctor and she agreed. Don’t tell her how Sam got injured.” Natasha says and Steve looks at her, brows furrowed.

“She doesn’t know about the Avengers?” Steve asks. “Nothing?”

“UH, nope.” Natasha shrugs, chuckling. “She won’t know about Captain America, that I’m Black Widow and the crap about the Accords. Just keep it hidden till we can bring her back home. Y/N deserves a good life.” Steve nods, not convinced at all.

“Steve, get the stick out of your ass,” Sam mutters. “Y/N is cool. Now let’s get her or I will bleed to death.” Sam pants and finally Steve nods.

“Then let’s get this girl.” Bucky chuckles starting the engine.

“Why did I agree to help you?” Scott groans rubbing his forehead. “I could’ve had a great life. My company was on it’s way to the top and now…”

“Dude, your company was a dead-birth.” Sam retorts. “Now shut up. We are in this together. Barnes, drive faster.”

“I’m on it, Wilson,” Bucky mutters, cursing under his breath.

“No swear words, Buck.” Steve orders and Natasha grins at the tall Avenger.

“We broke the law, are on the run but swear words still concern you, Cap?” The former redhead asks sliding her fingers through her now blonde hair. “I miss my red hair…”

“We all had to sacrifice things,” Steve says.

“Dude, you grew your hair and a beard. I left my company, daughter and all I knew.” Scott retorts.

Spending two years with half of the Avengers on the run is get on Scott's nerves by now.

“Take a turn to the left and park at the end of the alley. She will wait for us with her luggage.” Natasha explains.

“Luggage?” Steve asks quirking a brow.

“Yeah. I told you she was away for a while. Her apartment is empty, and she only has the things in her suitcases. She bought everything new and wanted to move in today. I called and axed her plans. Now be nice, Cap.”

----

A car passes you to park at the end of the alley. You still got a bad feeling about this. Out of the blue, Natalia called you, telling you one of her friends got her. This smells like crime. Years ago, after a bad break-up – was it even a break-up? She was there for you, encouraged you to go to the Antarctic and forget about this certain asshole – her words not yours.

Now the door of the van opens, you can see Natalia and a man with dark long hair. Something is off with his arm, it’s made of metal, a prosthesis you guess. 

Natalia waves at you, nodding and you take one of your suitcases as the dark-haired guy shakes his head, grabbing all three suitcases as if they weight nothing.

“Whoa, I guess he always ate healthily.” You chuckle hugging Natalia tightly. “How worse is it?”

“Sam is bleeding heavily. Needs more than a few stitches. We’ve got a safe place to do so.” Your friend explains and the pit in your stomach grows.

“Okay.” You reply, either way, following her into the van as your eyes meet ocean blue ones. The eyes you…then you see Sam, bleeding heavily.

“Hey, strong guy. I need the smaller suitcase. Open it for me, I need something to stop the bleeding, for now, sanitizer, hand gloves, and the prepared IV.” You order ignoring the tall blonde man staring at you, gulping.

“Steve, that’s Y/N,” Natasha says, and you nod. Steve does the same, not giving away anything.

“Nice to meet you, Steve.” You reply. “Can someone start the car? I think all of us being here is a bit…dumb.” You chuckle and Scott nods, getting into the driver’s seat.

“First question – will there be a scar?” Sam asks.

“Seriously? You’re not concerned about surviving?” You joke, still ignoring Steve’s boring looks. “Sure but…the scar?”

“Don’t worry, Sam. I’ll fix you and there will be barely a scar, okay.” You explain, cleaning the wound. “That’s a shot wound, Natalia.”

“I know, Y/N. I think we have to explain a lot to you but right now…” Natasha sighs.

“I get it. In that case, I’ll need to get the bullet out right now before he’ll get an infection. Handle me the small bag in there. In need…” Natasha nods. “I know what you need.”

----

Three hours later you finally arrive at your destiny. The day dawns as Bucky carries your luggage into the ‘compound’ before you can protest.

“We need you to check on Sam for a few days and maybe on my broken ribs,” Natasha says.

“You guys live a dangerous life.” You sigh. “I need to check Sam’s temperature and wound. He needs antibiotics. We need to go to a pharmacy.”

“No,” Steve says and you roll your eyes. 

“Listen, Steve, if you want your friend to survive, I’ll go to a pharmacy and get the stuff. I can go alone if you are concerned anyone can see you.” You retort glaring at the tall man. “Whatever you messed up it must be something worse than stealing a chocolate bar. I’m not a criminal, so no one will get suspicious. I’ll go in and get out in a blink. We meet at a safe place and one of you brings me back here.”

“Sounds like a plan, Cap…” Scott says and Natasha glares at him. “Capital city…is a nice town…” He tries.

“Let’s do this then.”

----

Two hours later you found everything you need. Waiting in line you glance at a monitor hanging over the checkout. You can see Sam flying…and Steve throwing someone into a wall.

“That’s a tragedy, hun, …huh?” An elderly woman says. “Captain America is still fighting for us, but they want to catch him like a criminal.”

“Captain America…” You gasp. “Oh…yeah. It’s is, I guess.”

“See, he made the mistake to not sign some stupid stuff…” She chuckles. “I’m old, I can say what I want. I saw him when I was a young girl, back then in World War II. He was a hero, and still is a hero.” She whispers and you glance at the monitor once again.

“I didn’t know any of this. I was out of…life, I guess… It was the time when they found him in the ice, I think.” You whisper.

“He’s a sexy man,” The elderly woman says.

“Yeah…I guess…” She smiles now, paying her things. 

----

“What took you so long?” Steve mutters and you shrug.

“I told you we shall meet me at a safe place, not in public.” You whisper. “They showed a video of you and the others in there, Captain America.” 

“I guess the cat is out of the bag, Stevie.” Bucky chuckles. “We should…” Steve can’t end the sentence as he sees four cops walking toward your position. “Stay behind me…I’ll handle this situation,” Steve says.

“Ma’am I need you to come with me. You are arrested for conspiracy with Captain America and the Winter Soldier.” One of the officers says. “Captain, Sergeant Barnes, please come with us on free terms.”

“I’m sorry, son but we are not able to follow your orders,” Steve says shoving you behind his back. “The lady is innocent. She was only asking about the way…”

“Sir, Captain we know about her connection to Black Widow. She was observed since the moment she entered American soil. Now come with us, Ms. Y/L/N.” The officer says and you start shaking.

“Into which kind of trouble did Natalia drag me into?” You ask.

“You wanted answers…now you’ve got them.” Steve mutters and you punch his back.

----

“Let me down, Rogers.” You mutter slapping his back. “I can walk!”

“You wanted to go with the cops and tell them about our hideout,” Steve growls.

“I don’t even know where it is, Captain. I got no clue why they knew about me…and why did they call Natalia, Natasha?”

“As I lied to you, Y/N. I’m sorry they were after you because of me. I thought I covered my tracks.”

“Natasha, I lost everything I tried to build up here in one night. This is…” Screaming you wiggle in Steve’s tight grip.

“Calm down or I will lock you in a cell. You’re not one of us – we can’t trust you.” Steve says.

“Steve, are you kidding me? She lost everything as she helped Sam. Now let her down and act like a normal guy for once. Y/N is deep into it now…just like Scott.” Natasha sighs and Steve drops you to the ground.

“Ouch…”

“Steve!”

“She will have to work to get food and a room.” He orders now full Captain. “We don’t need another hungry mouth.”

----

“How do you feel?” Natasha asks.

Still mad at your friend you shake your head, wiping away some tears. “I’m in this compound for two months. No sunlight, now friends…no job or hope. I lost everything as you lied to me. You should’ve been my friend but you are no better than this guy breaking my heart.” You sniffle.

“Who was he?” She asks. “You never told me anything about him.” Sitting down onto your bed she looks at you, waiting for any information.

“Honestly, I got to know I didn’t know him at all, Natal…I mean Natasha. I never knew him. I was a toy to play with…”

“Why are you chatting? You need to clean the kitchen and check on Bucky’s shoulder.” Steve barks.

For over two months Steve acts like you are the enemy as if you destroyed his life, not the other way around. He’s always nagging, yelling and glaring at you.

“Steve!” Natasha tries but you place one hand onto her shoulder. “It’s fine. Captain America barks and I follow…such a hero.” You say bitterly before your friend leaves your room.

“Get your shit together, Steve.” She whispers through gritted teeth.

“Y/N hurry up! Bucky is waiting.”

“I know…” You sigh. “Why are you treating me like this?” The question surprises Steve and he steps into your room, towering intimidating over you. His eyes search your face and he scoffs.

“You know why…you acted like you didn’t know me in the van.” He snarls.

“I acted like that? You did the same, Rogers.” You retort. 

“Do you even remember?” He asks tilting his head. “Or were there so many others?” Now he’s licking his lips, waiting for you to say something. The slap hits him by surprise.

“Many others? If I do remember?” You spat, angrily clenching your jaw. “I remember everything. I remember our dates, the kisses…your promises, Steve. I remember giving you what no other man had before.” You yell now.

Steve is looking at you, surprised about your outburst. “Y/N, we shouldn’t…not now!”

“Not now? The hell! Right now! You took what you wanted and the next morning you were gone, Rogers. I woke up in a cold bed, alone. I called you but your phone was unreachable. I drove to your apartment, but it was empty. Don’t tell me I forgot the heartbreak, the betrayal, Steve Rogers. Fucking Captain America!” You scream slapping his cheek again and this time Steve growls.

“Stop hitting me!” Steve orders and you kick his shin, but he doesn’t even flinch.

“Fuck you! I left my hometown to live in goddamn Antarctica because of you! Now you have the guts to accuse me of having sex with random guys. Thanks to you I never trusted anyone ever again. I hate you. Lying son of a bitch!” You curse.

Ready to scratch his eyes out you jump onto the bed to reach his back. Steve tries to shake you off, but you tug at his hair, scratching his scalp.

“Fuck, get off me, doll.” Steve curses as Natasha and Sam run into your room, watching you fighting with Steve.

“UH-Cap? Is this your way to do foreplay?” Sam asks as Natasha is cheering for you. “This is not the way to do it…Stevie…” Bucky adds glancing over Sam’s shoulder. “Ask her for a date or cuddle her.”

“She attacked me!” Steve pants trying to get you off his back, but you are fighting him, scratching his neck, biting his ear. “Ouch, Y/N…I like it rough but no like that.”

“I know, pervert!” You mutter tugging at his shirt.

“Guys, we should…leave the room and…whatever.” Natasha says as you started biting Steve’s neck and he stopped yelling and started moaning.

“Why? It’s getting interesting.” Sam says. Natasha is glancing at Steve, grabbing your legs, squeezing the tender flesh. “Now Wilson.”

“What a pity. Best show ever.” Bucky chuckles.

----

“Get off me now, doll or you won’t like the answer,” Steve warns as you started tugging at his hair again.

“No way! Your hair is longer, and I’ll rip it out! Every single strand.” You threaten and Steve grabs your leg, dragging you off him to toss you onto the bed.

“I’ll teach you a lesson!” He warns striding toward you with an angry look on his face.

“I survived your bad behavior for two months! Asshole!” You talk back. Steve is watching you, licking his lips before his shirt gets tossed aside. “UH—why are you…fuck…” Your eyes watch Steve undressing and you unwillingly stare at his half-hard cock.

“I left that morning for a mission. I got captured my Hydra…spend six months in a cell, thinking about you. When I came back you were gone.” Steve says walking toward the bed.

“You could’ve said something…” You gasp as he unbuttons your pants, dragging the fabric down your legs, along with your plain cotton panties. He’s admiring the view before your shirt hits the floor, along with your bra.

“I wanted to, but Shield was against it…now I know it was because Hydra infiltrated Shield…I want to see what’s mine, spread…” Steve orders and you let your legs fall open.

“I would’ve waited for you…” 

Rough hands slide over your legs before he wraps them around his waist. His cock is nudging at your entrance but he’s waiting, kissing along your jawline instead. Your hands caress his broad shoulders, moaning into his mouth as he slips his tongue in.

Pulse starting to race you move one hand between your bodies, stroking him slowly. Growls leave Steve’s lips when you angle your hips to let the tip slip into you. His body is pressed firmly against yours. Hands holding each other, lips united to an all-consuming kiss as he sinks into your heat, causing you to shiver.

“You’re still so tight.” Steve groans against your soft pillows, claiming them once again before his hips start moving. He goes slow at first, testing the waters before you dig your nails into his shoulders, urging him on to go harder.

“Harder…” 

Now his hands grip the headboard. Knees dug into the mattress Steve starts pounding into you. He still holds back, his inhuman strength would hurt you so he does his best to make you scream, but only in pleasure.

Your back arches, hands fisting the sheets with every hard thrust of his dick. The noises grow louder, skin slaps against skin. His eyes meet yours as you slide your hands over his chest, crying out for more.

“I’ve missed you…” Steve growls sliding into you in a maddening pace. He’s holding back his high, trying to make you come first. You are lost in pleasure, in the feeling of Steve above you, inside of you, making you moan in desperation.

Your nails scratch over his chest, down to his abs to leave angry red lines but Steve doesn’t care, he only grips the headboard tighter, now bottoming out after every long stroke. He stills for a moment, enjoying the feeling of your pussy contracting around him, squeezing him tightly.

He’s moving faster, angling his cock, pressing another high out of you before he grips the headboard tighter, crying out your name as the wood breaks.

“Shit, you destroyed the bed…” You gasp.

“Worth it…” Steve shrugs tossing the wood aside and the door bursts open.

“Dude! Did you just…” Bucky trails off as his eyes dart between the destroyed headboard on the floor and the scene on your bed. “I’m out…”

“Did he…? Crap, Cap…Jesus…” Sam chokes, covering his eyes. “Damn, warn a man, Barnes.”

“Why should only I suffer?” Bucky retorts.

“Is Y/N, alright?” Natasha asks running toward your room only to see you pawing at Steve’s back as he tries to cover your modesty with his taller frame. “Way to go, girl! You tamed Captain Grumpy.”

“Guys, Nat…can you get the fuck out of Y/N’s room!” Steve yells.

“No swear words, Stevie. I hope you used protection, cause…ya know…wrap it…” Bucky teases as Natasha grabs his ear, and Sam’s to drag the men away.

“We didn’t wrap it…” Steve whispers.

“I’m on the pill, Captain…”

“Did you have a boyfriend?” There is jealousy plastered all over Steve’s face now and you shrug.

“Nope…” 

“Why the pill then?” His eyes meet yours as you wrap your arms around his neck. “Thought I’ll get lucky, Steve. I mean Black Widow is calling me, so I assumed you would be there too…” You chuckle.

“You knew?” Steve gasps.

“I was in the Antarctic, not on the moon. I had to play my role to make sure no one knows Tony sent me to help you out, my hero.”

“Tony?”

“Now let’s talk about redemption…” Lower lip trapped between your teeth you glance at Steve, waiting for his reaction.

“You knew I got captured?” He asks. “Tony told me after he contacted me some days ago. He told me everything and asked for help. I thought I’ll give you the chance to make it up to me. Now…how about destroying this bed for sure…”

“I’m on it. But later we will talk about lying, doll.” Steve grunts snapping his hips against yours. “Now I’m going to make sure you can’t walk for a few days…”

----

“Stop standing in front of my friend's room.” Natasha scolds hearing you moan Steve’s name.

“Shit, I haven’t had any for months, Nat. Let me get some inspiration.” Bucky mutters. “I need something for lonely nights.”

“Lonely nights, Barnes? Hm…follow me to my room…I’ll give you a helping hand…”

All works Tags

@yolobloggers​, @meganywinchester​​, @shikshinkwon​​, @miraclesoflove​ ​, @mogaruke​, @shatteredabby​

Marvel Tags

@stuckys-whore​, @notyourtypicalrose​, @voltage-my2dlove​, @thedoctorscamanion , @officialmarvelwhore​, @randomgirlkensy​, @juniorhuntersam​, @lumar014​, @doctorswife221b​, @badboysdoitbetter2​​, @sister-winchesters99​

Steve Rogers/Chris Evans Tags

@hhiggs​​​, @roonyxx​​, @stylesismyhubs​​

[gothamslimpestwrist]

s1e2 selina kyle

killcount:

“doug” the childsnatcher: “soldier” (homeless guy)

oswald cobblepot: douchebag college bro from the car, probably the other douchebag college bro as well.

jim gordon: quillan’s janitor

“patti” the childsnatcher: cat scratch fever dude w/ no eyes

episode total: 5 total count: 12

the dark knight rises: shit is clearly fucked in gotham. crime families are ruling the city, yes, but honestly that’s the least of it; look at the police force. we see that bo, the first responder, is late to the scene of the crime because he takes protection money from a local restaurant & gave them first priority (in other words, he’s a crooked bitch demanding a racket, AND it gets in the way of him actually doing his job). the cops are pretty much, explicitly, just an extension of the mob at this point. 

interestingly, we also see the start of an exploration of the wayne’s corruption; falcone refers to “the wayne empire,” mirroring the way they talk about the crime families And Also setting the waynes up as, like, a picture of the wealthy elite taken to a whole ‘nother level. gotham is the last modern vestige of the city state--and that is the wayne empire. who takes the crown now that the emperor and empress are dead? 

in OTHER news, the waynes really fucked bruce over. the murder itself was the lynching pin, causing him to jump over the fucking edge, so to speak, but he is Just A Little Boy! he is so troubled! he’s self harming and alfred yells at him and HITS HIM for being stupid, he’s listening to loud music and drawing fucked up shit, he’s both burned himself and is apparently cutting, and alfred, seeing all of this, refuses to get the boy who saw his parents shot a therapist, because the waynes told him to essentially let bruce raise himself. “the children are thoroughbreds,” basically. 

quoth barbara (thinking about essen shushing the child snatcher case in fear of bad press): “i can’t believe the system is so corrupt.” quoth jim (thinking about how he was yelled at for not beating a perp, thinking about the cop/mob connection that demanded he kill a man to prove his loyalty, thinking...): “you have no idea.” 

oh! and jim tells bruce the kids need more than money to keep them safe.

sliding scale of barbara kean’s sanity: she seems to be doing alright, but she’s troubled by jim’s troubles. also, this episode sets up some shit that will lead to irreparable damage later on; jim, even when he’s telling her things, isn’t telling her everything. she knows it. she hates it. he specifically hasn’t told her about oswald, which gives her reason to believe he’s a murderer pretty soon. plus, what she does w/ the information he does give her about his work (go straight to the press) gives him immediate reason to start trusting her less... and so they spiral.

sliding scale of ed nygma’s sanity: he’s a little bit more of a lurker this episode. creeps outside the captain’s office until someone notices him, lingers inside until everyone in the room makes it obvious he’s not welcome. he’s trying his best, but he’s not... very... “well liked,” shall we say.

continuity: montoya and allen are looking into the murder of oswald cobblepot. he was their snitch, after all. so that’s problems... many things are subtly set up in this episode: falcone and fish discuss maroni and his anticipated power play (adding another piece to the political chessboard of this season), the atp drug the child snatchers use is established to have been developed for arkham asylum, which is also established to have been closed for the past 15 years AND to have recently been in the works for a reopening, specifically by thomas and martha wayne. and that’s all just offhanded discussion. also related to the atp, when ed is listing the only three places that still stock it, it’s quillan pharma, drakatech (?)... and welzyn, which isn’t relevant at all to THIS episode (quillan’s the one dealing with the childsnatchers) but WILL become relevant to everyone in a few episodes, when welzyn manufactures viper. oh, and naturally the identity of the man the childsnatchers are working for: the dollmaker. hm!! on a lighter note, harvey’s ex-white knight tendencies that we explore in spirit of the goat are foreshadowed here; essen accuses him of leaking the child snatchers story to the press, w/ the reasoning that he’d done it before. after jim & barbara established that it was the right thing to do....

parallels: jim & selina meet in this episode. they are... The Same™. (look, i’ll come back to it later, but even tho my parallel in the pilot was btwn selina and oswald, and even tho they’re the two that are the villain counterparts to our heroes, jim and SELINA are the matched set.) also, this is the episode where fish expresses the wish that penguin wasn’t dead (because she wants him to suffer), but also she tells jim & harvey that she knew it was a mistake to order them killed as soon as she did it. so that means something? 

neither here nor there, but gertrud tells montoya & allen how elegant and well dressed oswald is, and bruce comments on the orphans’ scruffy appearances and buys them new clothes... we love a dandy, i guess.

characterization: we meet some irrelevant street kids that selina knew; zeb, smoke, and mackey (corey in the house). i’m basically using the characterization tab as fanfic reference so i might as well record that.

lazlo, fish’s lover, is relevant, in that falcone beats him to get to her. it definitely does affect her, though she says she only keeps him around for exercise. maybe more b/c of falcone’s threat and the fear of what it implies, though. 

and gertrud! ozzie’s mom. everyone connected to oswald, even outside (maybe even especially outside) of his mob connections, is a little twisted. she’s no different; she’s clearly a bit out of her head, she mistrusts the police (which i guess we’re supposed to think is suss, though really...Fair and Just), she’s got that almost creepy codependency with oswald while not really knowing what’s going on there. (other examples: elijah, oswald’s gothic horror father, martin, oswald’s lowkey homicidal son, edward, oswald’s fascist dog, jim, oswald’s corrupt boyfriend...) she also seems to think oswald has run off with some painted lady (actually, she says painted slut), which might be indicative of her experiences w/ van dahl and some unstable jealousy more than it is of oswald, who’s... you know. 

in other news, jim is all over the map here. he stops harvey beating mackey (and later, quillan, after they’ve already gotten info out of him) and protests that they should leak the story to the press, but he also seems content to keep his mouth shut until barbara takes doing good upon herself. he adapts to the mob shit pretty quick, but expresses disgust w/ the corruption in the system. he gets off on the wrong foot w/ mayor james because he disagrees with locking up the kids w/o a trial, but he doesn’t... step in... either. we see this willingness to compromise and bend the knee that means he’ll never be the hero gotham deserves. 

also, not to be a jim apologist on main or anything (ha, ha), but he’s just so... brainwashed. all this, & he still tells alfred that being a cop, which has thus far caused him nothing but pain & misery, is the “best job in the world.” because he thinks he’s helping people. (and he likes getting to feel like a hero... so where do the misguided good intentions stop and the selfish motives begin?) he also kills a man for the first time on screen this episode because for all its examinations of dirty cops... gotham is still, at the end of the day, Copaganda. in an actual moment of me drinking I Love Jim Gordon juice, jim is the one who advocates for bruce going to therapy, and tries to convince him to go personally, even when jim himself is too emotionally stunted for it to help him. 

also, backstory: harvey pegs his love life, saying, “high school sweetheart, then a bunch of hoes (read: eduardo dorrance) overseas only made you sad... and then there’s barbara.” he also calls jim a monkey riding a race horse; jim’s face is really good @ that. i misinterpreted the line about high school sweethearts back in the day to mean that barb was jim’s highschool sweetheart. this is on account of auditory processing disorder and also general dumbassery. anyway, the point is that jim is a boring, predictable bitch! whom i love.

...in terms of characterization from the episode that i don’t agree with, i can’t really see oswald writing all the shit that they had on his conspiracy board, lmfao. “crybaby brucie,” “gordon=STOOGE,” & so forth. i pretend i do not see it.

[hornyorca]

TV Quote Prompts.

@cherrytrinkets

has encouraged me to do this. plus, i’ve just been seeing it around, like aos with @brightlycoloredteacups.

i’m down for it, ya’ll.

Send in your prompt number(s) and character(s) of choice! =]

Mostly viking characters since that’s what my blog is mainly about. :’)

I could have fun with this.

The Office

1. “There are too many people on this planet. We need a new plague.”

2. “Just pretend like we’re talking until the cops leave.”

3. “_________, you ignorant slut!”

4. “I’m not superstitious but I’m a little-stitious.”

5. “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and __________, I’d shoot __________ twice.”

6. “I am Beyonce, always.”

7. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”

8. “Are king-size sheets called president-size sheets in England?”

9. “I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”

10. “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.”

11. “Identity theft is not a joke, _______! Millions of families suffer every year!”

12. “Occasionally I’ll hit someone with my car.”

13. “You’re paying way too much for worms, man. Who’s your worm guy?”

14. “You don’t know me; you’ve just seen my penis.”

15. “Did I stutter?”

16. “Well, Happy Birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party’s so lame.”

17. “Blink once if you want me to pull the plug.”

18. “Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.”

19. “I really should have a Tweeter account.”

20. “ _________, you and I are soup snakes.”

Parks and Recreation

21. “I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and I broke everything.”  

22. “I can’t believe we’re at Hogwarts!”

23. “Now it’s gone and I hate everything.”

24. “I really only listen to, like, German Death Reggae and Halloween sound effect records from the 1950′s.”

25. “I know more than you.”

26. “Whenever ________ asks me for the Latin names of any of our plants, I just give them the names of rappers.”

27. “I’m gonna tell you all of my secrets.”

28. “I’ve only slept nine hours in the last four days.”

29. “This isn’t a bagel.”

30. “It’s for your, uh… boob hats.”

31. “I love you and I like you.”

32. “I need you to text me every thirty seconds saying that everything is going to be okay.”

33. “I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things.”

34. “I am super chill all the time!”

35. “If I had to have a stripper’s name, it’d be Equality.”

36. “Everything hurts and I’m dying.”

37. “I don’t want to be overdramatic but today felt like 100 years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.”

38. “I took your idea and I made it better.”

39. “The thing about youth culture is- I don’t understand it.”

40. “I know this is a trap but I don’t know how.”

Friends

41. “We started a rumor.”

42. “Could I be wearing any more clothes?”

43. “They don’t know that we know they know we know.”

44. “Oh, I wish I could but I don’t want to.”

45. “ ________ doesn’t share food!”

46. “God, I love how sexy I am.”

47. “How long do cats live? Like, assuming you don’t throw them under a bus or something?”

48. “When I walk outside naked people throw garbage at me.”

49. “Why do you have to break up with her? Just be a man and stop calling.”

50. “That’s right, I stepped up!”

51. “I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”

52. “Seriously, good luck marrying me.”

53. “He may not be my soul mate but hey, a girl’s gotta eat.”

54. “The fridge broke and I had to eat everything.”

55. “Someone ate the only good thing going in my life.”

56. “I could so easily freak out right now.”

57. “These are just feelings, they’ll go away.”

58. “Welcome to the real world, it sucks, you’re gonna love it!”

59. “And remember, if I’m harsh with you, it’s only because you’re doing it wrong.”

60. “Over the line? You are so far past the line that you can’t even see the line. The line is a dot to you.”

How I Met Your Mother

61. “I’ve actually never seen Star Wars.”

62. “Here’s the thing __________, I’m snuggly and you’re not.”

63. “You know what I’d like to do right now? I’d like to hold your hand.”

64. “Hey, Baby, It’s me. Can you bail me out of jail?”

65. “Maybe the old lady with the face tattoo is right.”

66. “Be careful, __________, revenge fantasies never work out the way you want.”

67. “The best I can give you is a fake smile and dead eyes.”

68. “Whenever I’m sad, I stop being sad and just be awesome, instead.”

69. “Sometimes we search for one thing but discover another.”

70. “I wish I could help but my hands are tied. Oh wait, that was last night.”

71. “My panties would hit the floor so hard they’d end up halfway to China.”

72. “People like being lied to. They just don’t like finding out they’ve been lied to.”

73. “I want to fill a pillowcase with dead batteries and beat you with it.”

74. “New is always better.”

75. “I will throw you off of this roof!”

76. “Lie to me right now.”

77. “We’ll see it when we see it.”

78. “The three date rule is insane! Who even came up with that?”

79. “Cray-cray gotta go bye-bye before you get stab-stabbed.”

80. “One dollar, two bags of gummy bears! It’s like I don’t even care what happens the rest of the day.”

That 70′s Show

81. “You’re breaking up the band, Yoko!”

82. “Are you sober?”

83. “Where’s my candy you son of a bitch?”

84. “Look, if I could run across the beach into my own arms, I would.”

85. “The gym, or as I like to call it, the Institute of things I can’t do.”

86. “I have a black eye and I need ice.”

87. “I was kinda just hoping to get by on my looks.”

88. “I tell secrets. It’s just who I am.”

89. “Why cuddle when you can do it?”

90. “I didn’t know if you like music.”

91. “It’s a conspiracy.”

92. “Don’t put me in your fantasies. I don’t even like being in your real life.”

93. “Play more Zepplin.”

94. “I’m prepared to fight my way out of here.”

95. “I am not proud of what I am about to say…”

96. “I don’t know what you heard but this show ain’t free!”

97. “But I don’t want to go outside.”

98. “You should know if you come any closer, I’m not letting you go.”

99. “I’m gonna close my eyes and, when I open them, there had better be a cigarette between these two fingers.”

100. “Talking isn’t going to help me, okay? What’s going to help me is, like, drinking.”