#I will re-read ch 13 and consider whether or not I really want to keep that HDS-has-grown-balls scene or not

[a-very-fond-farewell]

trying some deranged shit today (woke up at 5am to write before my worldly chores)

[runawayface]

7, 13, 14? Mostly I want to say great work on Runaway! I avoided it for months because of the Explicit label (I love romance but despise smut, you see), but deduced from your Tumblr that it wasn't 200K+ words of smut storm, so I finally read two months ago. The prose is among the best I've read in fanfiction, and you even made your dreaded scene in Ch 28 easily skippable. Thank you! Whether through May or Coin, keep up the great work! Thanks for adding great content to the Stardew Valley world.

Okay, I’ll get to the questions in a second, I’m too busy crying right now. 😭THANK YOU so much for your kind words!!!  This has truly and honestly made my day, thank you so much for reaching out to me.

I really am so torn on that Explicit rating, I feel like it’s very misleading in both directions.  It’s misleading for readers looking for a really steamy, explicit story because they will be sorely disappointed and it’s misleading to those looking to avoid explicit content because there’s that fear that it’s nothing but a smut-fest.  I totally get it.  I’m actually debating returning it to no rating at all (which is what it used to be before Chapter 28) because I feel like the “E” rating is very deceptive.  Though with that being said, I DO actually have plans for re-writing Chapter 28 the way I would like it done.  It was written at a time that I felt I had to write for others and not for myself.  How on earth could I justify writing a romance fic and building up this relationship WITHOUT it ultimately leading to a smut scene?!  No one on earth would want to read this story if there wasn’t a payoff!  So I did it… I wrote it… and I hated myself for it… for a very long time afterward.  But the feedback I’ve received has been so tremendously positive and it’s refreshing to know that people still love my story and want to read it, even without explicit content.  I’d hate to wrap this story up with such a black mark in my eyes, it’s the only chapter that I absolutely cannot go back and re-read.  This story is my baby, I definitely want to make sure I do it proper justice and tell it the way I’m comfortable telling it.  I may need to overhaul my tags as well to make it clear the amount of explicit content to be expected for ALL readers.

Anyway, all of that just to say… thank you again for such kind words.  I am THRILLED that you took the leap to read my story and that you enjoyed it.  I am loving the SDV community and plan on spending quite some time here.  After Runaway, I have a number of genfics planned and of course I will always be there to write for my dear friend Coin, her characters are such a delight to write for.  I’m hoping to continue writing for SDV for a long while, it feels like home to me.  As for the questions, I’ll pop those under a cut because this post is getting so long already! 😂

7 - Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

It’s actually the very first time May saw Harvey, in Chapter 5 of Runaway.  I love this part so much because I usually HATE writing character descriptions.  I’m terrible at it and I just don’t enjoy it.  You’ll notice, May REALLY doesn’t have much of a description in this story (whoops! 👀) but I was able to get a really solid description of Harvey out there and I was quite proud of it.  Definitely not something I consider myself skilled at and I think I did well with it.

“Out stepped a tall, bespectacled man who, in May’s opinion, looked quite dapper.  That really was the only word May could think of to describe this man.  He was very professionally dressed in neat slacks, a crisp white dress shirt, a plain necktie, and a simple green sportcoat.  His wavy chestnut hair had a few streaks of grey, though his handsome, well-groomed mustache had not yet succumbed to the same greying of his hair.  The bold, browline glasses he wore made him look even more dapper and professional.  His presence was slightly intimidated, though May wasn’t sure if it was because he was almost a foot taller than she was or because he was the first person in town she was meeting today, however she could feel a lump forming in her throat as he approached her.”

13 - What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

Write for YOU.  Seriously, if my rant above has proved anything, it’s that you need to first write for yourself and not for others.  At the end of the day, you’re writing content that YOU want to send out into the world because you enjoy it or because you feel it’s a story worth telling.  I say this a lot to my friends who are content creators, you don’t owe anybody any content that you’re not comfortable making.  Whether it’s art or writing, never compromise your style or your comfort zone to write something that you don’t feel like writing.

14 - What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

I don’t know that I’ve necessarily gotten BAD writing advice, just read a few things I didn’t necessarily agree with.  Small, nit-picky writing ‘rules’ that should be followed, etc.  I scoff at that kinda stuff, to be honest.  Writing shouldn’t have any ‘rules’, it’s a creative endeavor.  I’m not doing this professionally, I’m definitely just doing this as a hobby and because I enjoy it so I’m not about to start stressing over what writing blogs think you should and shouldn’t do as a writer.  Who needs that kinda stress, amirite?  I’m having fun writing my story, that’s good enough for me.  Save the ‘rules’ for the professionals.

[artificialqueens]

Primary Care (a.k.a the Poundcake ficlet collection) 6/13 [Katya/Alaska] - Spoky

A/N old: If you have not read Ch.5, this chapter might not make a lot of sense in the end. Rupologies. You might want to make sure you know&remember how Ch.5 ended. Thank you for every like and feedback, you really make me feel amazing!! <3

Tw: rimming

Beta: apatheticskeleton, the hardest working girl I know.

A/N new: This was supposed to go up on later this week, as Ch.7 is not quite where I’d like it to be, but as evilqueenslaugh just spent 30 minutes teaching me how to fucking snapchat (and how to follow Katya on snapchat), I wanted to say thanks.

This one’s for evilqueenslaugh, I hope you like it. xx

Primary care   (a.k.a. the Poundcake ficlet collection)

Chapter 6/13 - ‘Come to Brazil’

‘Business or pleasure?’

‘Business. No! Pleasure.’

‘You don’t know whether you’re here for business or pleasure?’

‘No no, I definitely know. I’m here for pleasure. Normally it’s for business, so I said business, but it’s for pleasure. This time. Really.’

The immigration officer gave Brian a tired look and glanced back down to his passport. Brian cursed inside, he sometimes really just needed to shut the fuck up.

Arriving to Brazil with just a carry-on was probably not the most conventional of ideas, but as he was absolutely fucking insane, and only staying for two nights before heading back to the US, it should do.

Aaron had texted him to look for a red Toyota and instructed him to wait near the taxi queue. Apparently Needles had himself not only a fiancé, but also a PA in a very convenient and attractive package. Or that’s what Brian thought when Chad O’Connell waved at him from the only red car Brian could locate. He had met the man only once before, very briefly in some backstage, but it was apparently enough for the makeup artist to remember him.

‘Brian. Good to see you. How was the flight?’

‘No idea, thanks to Ambien,’ was Brian’s reply as he lifted his bag into the trunk.

Chad laughed politely, but Brian couldn’t tell whether the man actually found the joke funny.

‘Right then, I need to get some safety-pins, and maybe we should get you some food? The girls are already in the venue getting ready and the show starts in a couple of hours, so we don’t have a huge amount of time. I heard you got a room in a hotel couple of blocks away from ours?’

Brian nodded.

‘Are you fine checking-in after the show or do you want to go there first?’

Brian really wanted to take a shower but at the same time he didn’t want to be any more trouble than he evidently already had been.

‘No no, I can check-in after,’ he rushed to reply. Chad nodded, clearly pleased.

They stopped in two convenience stores on the way as the first one did not have safety-pins, and then drove straight to the club were Justin and Aaron were performing. When Chad pulled into the reserved parking slot and Brian saw a very familiar figure smoking at the door, he cursed silently. He had totally forgotten to check why exactly the men were in Rio.

‘Well well well, ain’t it the sluttiest crackwhore in town,’ came Ginger Minj’s greeting and Brian laughed.

‘Ribbit, ribbit,’ he replied as he walked to Ginger, hugged her and promptly took a long inhale from her cigarette.

‘God that was good!’

Ginger chuckled. ‘I’m surprised to see you here,’ she glanced to Chad who was unpacking the car. ‘But maybe I shouldn’t be?’

Brian shook his head slightly, ‘Long story.’

Ginger nodded and stumped her cigarette bud to the ground. ‘Well, let’s go then.’

Brian helped Chad with his bags and suddenly a feeling of uncertainty filled his stomach.

‘Aaron did tell Justin that he invited me, right?’

Chad glanced at him briefly. ‘I would assume so, but I don’t really keep tabs on their conversations.’

Brian swore colorfully. He had no idea whether Justin even knew that he was coming. What if he hated the idea? Why hadn’t he checked with Justin himself? He could only pray that Aaron had done the decent thing and his visit wouldn’t be a surprise to Justin, or that if it were a surprise, Justin would like it. He really had screwed this one up.

Chad opened the backstage door and with one glance Brian identified Adore, Jinkx and Roxxxy Andrews. On the other side of the room Sharon and Alaska were fixing their makeup, and Ginger pushed her way next to them to take a seat. Chad had walked to greet Sharon, and Brian didn’t really know what to do with himself.

‘Oh my god, Katya!!’ Roxxxy squealed then, and the entire room turned to look at him.

‘She brought Red Bull!’ Adore continued in the same high pitch and ran to Brian, who was examining the small bag Chad had given him to carry. There really seemed to be a can of Red Bull for everyone. Wow, Chad was thoughtful too, Sharon was lucky, Brian thought to himself, but was quickly interrupted by Adore, who was reaching into the bag. While she was pulling a can out Adore looked at Brian suspiciously, glanced quickly over her shoulder to Alaska and then smirked.

‘I’m taking two, I might need a back-up can later on,’ she declared cheekily and reached for another one.

‘Bitch,’ Brian laughed and walked around the room, giving everyone a Red Bull from the small plastic bag he was carrying. Ginger reached to the last can as Brian walked past her and Brian was left with no Red Bulls when he was faced with Alaska, the only girl in the room he hadn’t already provided with a can.

‘You didn’t save me anything?’ Alaska said sadly and peeked into the bag, pouting.

‘Oh no, I saved the best last,’ Brian said. He wasn’t entirely sure where the idea had come from right there and then, but it was perfect. ‘I brought you a bracelet,’ he continued and proceeded to squeeze and roll the plastic bag into a string. He then wrapped it around Alaska’s right wrist and tied it into a bow.

Alaska examined the trash around her wrist for a moment, ruffled it a bit and then smiled widely.

‘Oh! I love iiit!’ she drawled and presented everyone in the room her newest accessory.

Only Brian was able to catch Ginger’s guiet: ‘Disgusting,’ remark, which was clearly aimed at him. He knew exactly what Ginger meant. It really had not been planned as a romantic gesture, but that was exactly how it had come across. He chuckled. Making Alaska smile was the best feeling in the world, Brian thought to himself and had a feeling that he had heard something similar somewhere before.

‘So, Katya, you part of the show then?’ Roxxxy asked and Brian felt little lost. What was he supposed to say? No, I just came to Rio to take care of Alaska’s mental health, by fucking her brains out, you know, no biggie. Brian couldn’t resist the temptation. Didn’t the best jokes come out of half truths anyway?

‘Nah, I just came to see whether Alaska would suck me off again, it’s been pretty lonely in LA lately,’ Brian said with a straight face. The air in the room seemed to freeze and Brian could feel all eyes once again turning to him. Roxxxy was staring at him with her mouth slightly open, her expression spoke of utter disbelief that he had just said, what he had. Brian smirked before bursting into a howling laughter and the others joined him, some awkward, some confused, some clearly amused. Alaska’s laughter was the loudest, most genuine. She really got him.

‘No, truthfully speaking, Sharon invited me,’ Brian explained then and threw the ball to the Queen of Shadows. It was her idea in the first place, so she should have an explanation ready.

Sharon nodded and did not seem bothered by Brian’s tactic.

‘Yes, I find it extremely important to get to know all the queens who enjoy giving public sex performances in any shape or form, as I consider it part of my legacy,’ Sharon continued in the theme Brian had started: ‘And so I invited Miss Zamolodchikova to come and enjoy our lovely company,’ she explained, making everyone even more confused about why Brian was actually in Rio.

Roxxxy sighed in annoyance and turned back to her makeup, lifting her hands in surrender: ‘Geez, sorry for asking! Gotta get all defensive about it.’

Brian patted her shoulder appeasingly. Roxxxy rolled her eyes, but smiled nevertheless. The girls turned back to their personal projects of makeup and an easy chatter filled the room. Brian walked to Ginger and examined her reflection. ‘Girl, you sure you wanna go with that?’

‘Oh bitch, the day I start taking makeup tips from you is still long time coming,’ Ginger snorted. ‘How’s Brian?’

Brian looked at her in confusion. ‘Tracy, how’s Tracy?’ Ginger clarified.

‘Oh, right! Yeah no, she’s good. We’re shooting UNHhhh again on the fifth.’

Ginger halted. ‘Fifth? You realise that’s in three days, and you’re in fucking Rio.’

Brian nodded with huge eyes and an awkward grin that basically read: I know, I’m fucked.

Ginger rolled her eyes. ‘Geez girl, I heard the story, but didn’t know you got it that bad.’

‘You don’t know the half of it,’ Brian confessed and Ginger looked at him, surprised. Brian shook his head slightly. He didn’t want to explain. Not here, not now. She took the hint.

‘Well, I’m happy to see you anyway,’ Ginger said and then raised her voice for everyone to hear: ‘It’s nice to have some decent company around!’

Someone threw a wig that landed half on Ginger, half on Brian.

‘Wig abuse is a punishable crime!’ Sharon yelled.

Brian spent the following hour chit-chatting with the crew and the owner of the club. He helped Jinkx with her corset and re-pinned Adore’s ponytail. He had a conversation with Ginger about her new boyfriend and whilst doing all of that, he also took note that while Alaska never approached him, she was also always just a couple of steps away, exactly so that he could see her in the corner of his eye.

When the show finally started and the girls made their way to the stage, Alaska finally turned to Brian. In six inch heels and already taller than Brian, Alaska towered over him. She took a gentle hold of his left ear and ran her thumb over it in caress. She then smiled, lowered herself to whisper into Brian’s ear and said: ‘You need a shower, you stink.’ Brian’s laughter sounded like cat having a seizure.

After the show it didn’t take the queens long to undress, pack and start moving towards the hotel. They still had one more show in the same club and could leave most of their belongings in the dressing room. Brian was the only one who grabbed his bag when they left. Aaron and Chad offered them a ride, which Justin skillfully declined by insisting he wanted food and didn’t mind walking. Brian agreed with Justin, who informed him that he knew the way to his own as well as to Brian’s hotel.

‘Yours is basically on the way,’ Justin said and nudged his head to show direction. ‘This way.’

Brian nodded and fell into an easy step next to the taller man. They chatted about the show and Alaska’s stage presence. They laughed about lipsync-mistakes and stopped in front of shop windows to rate the display. They got slices of pizza from a small takeout place and shared a coke. They talked about easy things, like snake hearts or Trixie’s makeup. They talked about Bro’Laska and how the series was slightly different in it’s dynamic to the other WOW series. They talked about what UNHhhh was actually about: anything, everything and nothing, in every episode.

‘So she banned Contact, even a reference to the film and she gives me this look. Like she’s my mother, and she’s just caught me smoking pot while wanking to animal porn - the disappointment and disapproval is real girl, so real!’ Brian cried, pressing his right fist to his chest.

Justin laughed and looked up to the building next to them. ‘This is yours.’

Brian glanced to the building and could feel the awkwardness set between them - a feeling that had not entered to their interaction once during the walk. Brian worried his lower lip.

‘Do you, do youwannacom’up?’ Brian blurted the words out with such a speed that they tangled together. Justin turned to face him and smiled slightly. Then he nodded once. Yes. Yes, he wanted to come up.

Brian felt relieved and answered with a wide grin: ‘Well, good, because otherwise that would’ve been fucking mortifying!’

Justin chuckled.

They checked Brian in and got a keycard. The trip to the ninth floor seemed to take weeks, months even, as the sexual tension between the couple thickened with every step toward the room. Brian unlocked the door and let Justin walk in first. He followed suit and closed the door. It was dark. The lights of Rio lit parts of the small parlour that led to a bedroom, which seemed to lead further to a bathroom.

Brian dropped the keycard into the slot provided for it and the lights turned on, revealing Justin, who stood in the middle of the parlour, staring intently at Brian. He was breathing shallowly and Brian could read want in his eyes - maybe even lust? Not wanting to break the moment Brian bit his teeth together. He had a tendency to say inappropriate things at inappropriate moments and really wanted to avoid that. He walked slowly to Justin, who closely followed his every step. Brian felt like a hunter, trying not to scare his prey. He looked straight at Justin as he drew closer and placed his palms gently to his hips.

‘I don’t enjoy quiet, shy or awkward sex. I want communication. If you want something, you need to tell me, and I’ll pay you the same courtesy,’ Brian said gently, but sternly. Justin nodded.

Brian was very conscious of their difference in height, but decided that he would still be setting the tone. If Justin wanted to lead, he would have to ask for it. Brian doubted the lanky boy had any such aspirations, so he just lifted his chin a little and waited.

Justin could feel hands on his hips and was staring down to Brian, who had not proceeded to kiss him like he had expected. Justin blinked and repeated Brian’s words in his mind. It all made sense, but it fell flat on Justin – he didn’t know how to ask for such things. Usually sex just happened. Mostly little outside of his control. It was a feeling rather than a rational choice, and to be put into a situation where he had total control and had to reason it felt strange. Sure, he had begged to be fucked plenty, he had even demanded to be fucked in a couple of occasions. But never had he ever made a request for sex, a request that he knew would be respected – and that was exactly what Brian was offering. It made Justin hot, bothered, and a little hard.

‘I want you to fuck me.’ Saying the words out loud, clearly, sober, free of obligations, totally in control – it felt empowering. He wanted this.

‘I know,’ Brian smirked, but did not move.

Justin traced Brian’s right cheek with his fingertips, lifted his both hands to Brian’s neck, placing his thumps behind Brian’s ears and then bent down to meet his lips. Soft, hot… Intruding. Brian smiled, opened his lips and kissed back. They were exploring, tasting, feeling. Learning what worked, what felt good – and what didn’t.

‘I want you,’ Justin breathed into Brian’s mouth, and Brian chuckled.

‘I want to fuck you so deep and hard that you come screaming your own name,’ Brian whispered. He kissed Justin’s neck and said quietly against Justin’s skin: ‘But before that, I’d really like to wash you and eat you out.’

Justin startled and took a step back. He looked at Brian, who was now biting his lower lip.

‘Too much?’ Brian asked, worried. ‘Fuck, I knew I’d say something and you’d freak out. Shit.’

Brian closed his eyes in frustration. Why the fuck couldn’t he ever keep his mouth shut? Then he felt fingers on his cheek. Carefully, he opened his eyes.

Justin was smiling. There was traces of blush on his cheeks and neck. Brian raised his eyebrows, questioningly. What was the snake up to?

Justin licked his lips quickly and took an indifferent pose. He pretended to be examining the nails of his left hand as he drawled slowly: ‘Well, you do need a shower…’

Brian’s jaw dropped. Justin smirked and he took another step back. Brian could see the glimmer of humour in Justin’s eyes and knew they were on the same page.

‘You better run, or I’m going to fucking spank you for that,’ Brian threatened, smiling.

Justin snorted: ‘Promises, promises,’ but took yet another step back. Brian burst into a howling laughter.

Now, Trixie would’ve seen it coming, but Justin was not as familiar with Brian and was therefore completely taken aback when the Russian Hooker abruptly stopped laughing, closed their distance, grabbed his shoulders and growled in an extremely low voice: ‘Shower, now.’ And then Justin was being pulled towards the bathroom. They stopped right at the door and Brian turned to unbutton Justin’s jeans while the taller man just stared.

‘You are allowed to help, you know?’ Brian commented.

‘Nah, I’d rather just watch you do it,’ Justin drawled and made absolutely no effort to help.

Brian snickered. ‘Christ, you’re a handful.’

‘My, thank you,’ Justin purred and Brian laughed.

‘Oh, shut up,’ Brian snorted but continued to undress the younger man, giving soft kisses and gentle caresses to the newly revealed areas of skin on his hips, thighs, knees… Coming back up he traced a path all the way up from Justin’s hibone to his armpit with his nose and tongue - kissing, licking, smelling - while lifting the younger queen’s shirt up. Justin helpfully grabbed the shirt’s hem, pulled and threw the garment over his head, onto the floor. He then lowered his arms onto Brian’s shoulders and leaned in for a kiss.

Brian let his hands fall to Justin’s naked ass as he pulled the man closer. Justin smelled like a weird mixture of cigarettes, dust and something sharp Brian couldn’t identify. Through the kisses Brian could feel Justin moving his feet and getting rid of his shoes, socks and the jeans and boxers that Brian had earlier pushed around his ankles. Brian smirked around the kissing and could feel Justin smiling as well. They broke apart and shared a smile.

‘We look beautiful,’ Justin said then and glanced somewhere behind Brian’s left shoulder.

Brian turned to look and saw a reflection of them in the bedroom window. Justin stood naked, but came across rather modest as his body was half covered by Brian’s own, fully clothed reflection.

‘We look like a balding horny elf wanting to fuck a non-suspecting fairy-princess,’ he commented dryly.

‘That’s what I said,’ Justin noted, pretending to be confused. Brian’s laughter filled the bedroom.

‘You’re wearing awfully lot for a shower,’ Justin said after Brian had reached some composure and raised an eyebrow.

Brian snorted and started to undress, ‘You start. I’ll be there in a second.’

‘Okurrrr,’ Justin replied and turned to the bathroom.

Brian shook his head and couldn’t resist admiring the view the taller queen offered whilst walking to the bathroom. Brian undressed and glanced at his own reflection on the window. He had slightly narrower shoulders than Justin, but by some miracle the younger queen still had narrower hips and skinnier legs. Justin might not have been the most conventionally handsome man, but he definitely was a work of art.

Brian walked to the bathroom and took a long look at Justin, who was standing his back towards the door. Justin was letting the water run over his shoulders and back, while leaning to his hands. He had bowed his head down, eyes closed. Brian had never seen anything so alluring. He walked behind Justin and gently placed his right hand onto Justin’s hip to signal to him that he was in the shower.

‘Mm,’ Justin acknowledged his presence and Brian pressed a gentle kiss on his shoulder blade. He then took a step closer and pressed his hips against Justin’s backside, wrapped his left hand around Justin’s waist and only when he was certain of his balance, he pressed his chest to Justin’s back. He started to drop small kisses and bites onto Justin’s shoulders and upper back. He wasn’t quite tall enough to reach his neck in this position, but didn’t let that bother him. Instead Brian let his right hand wander all over Justin’s body; his chest, stomach, crotch, balls, inner thighs… Where ever he could reach; through Justin’s side all the way up to his right armpit and arm. Justin answered to every touch either through small sighs of pleasure or by squirming into or away from the touch. Brian was mentally mapping the places that produced the most positive responses.

When Brian was content with his explorations he took a small step to the left and reached for the soap from a container he had previously noticed on the shower room wall. Justin was stirred from his trance and turned to look what was going on. Brian just smiled and gently guided his head back between his hands, bowed between his shoulders. He then adjusted his left arm slightly higher on Justin’s waist and laid his soaped right palm on Justin’s lower back. In small gentle circles Brian moved his hand over Justin’s hips, buttocks and inner thighs before reaching further down and tracing his gouch from behind the balls all the way up, back to Justin’s lower back. Justin squirmed and let his head drop completely.

‘Do that again.’

Brian smiled and obliged, this time he took his time and went slower, playing with the amount of pressure. Justin was vibrating in his embrace.

‘That feels so good.’

Brian took a step closer, pressed his own half-erected cock between Justin’s buttocks and thighs and continued to soap the man all over. When he reached to Justin’s cock, he noticed the younger queen was fully erect and decided to give the man only one firm squeeze before continuing to soap his balls and lower abdomen.

Justin had his complaints about Brian ignoring his erection, but Brian just laughed.

‘Patience.’

Brian was getting harder and took a step back. He needed to calm down if he wanted this to last longer than the following five minutes. Standing now little left to Justin, Brian took a firmer hold of the younger man and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. He reached for more soap and spread most of it again on Justin’s lower back.

‘Now, you’re going to tell me if you’re uncomfortable, right?’

Justin nodded in affirmation and sighed as Brian reached down and brushed his fingers over his  hole, massaging gently. Justin adjusted his legs wider and Brian smirked. Someone was eager. He kept playing with different pressures, different finger movements and when he finally dipped his index finger into Justin, the man groaned. Brian took good time making sure Justin was comfortable. His own erection was throbbing with precum before he added a second finger. Justin groaned again.

‘More.’

Brian was happy to take orders. He licked Justin’s shoulder blade once before crouching down behind him, spreading Justin’s cheeks apart and taking a long lick. Justin moaned loudly and grabbed a firm hold of his own cock with his right hand.

‘More,’ Justin repeated and started to pump with firm slow strokes. He could feel Brian’s mouth on his entrance. He could feel the licks, the sucks, the teeth scratching gently. He pressed his backside more firmly against Brian and enjoyed the attention. He could feel Brian’s tongue pushing inside and then disappearing again, all while the warm water still dripped to his shoulders and back, finally hitting the floor. Justin could feel the tension building, his thoughts started to scatter and there was not enough, not enough of anything. There just needed to be more, more of everything.

‘Fuck me,’ he pleaded, on the edge.

Brian could hear from the voice that Justin was close. He needed to be quick. And that was the moment Brian realised that all of his condoms were packed into his bag, which was probably still next to the front door. Brian swore at his own stupidity and stood up. He pressed his cock against Justin’s thigh, wrapped his arm tightly around Justin’s waist and pressed his forehead to his shoulder.

‘Come for me,’ he whispered to Justin and pushed three fingers as deep into him as they would reach. Justin moaned.

‘Don’t, don’t stop.’

Brian kept a steady pace and could feel the tension building. Justin was vibrating and his breaths sped up. Brian could feel his own orgasm approaching as he fucked the man in his arms with his fingers.

‘Let go, come on, come for me,’ Brian repeated and watched in fascination as the man in his arms, with the help of his own hand, reached his climax. It was beautiful.

The image alone threw Brian over the edge and he came with a groan.

* * *

Brian grimaced as the cum on his stomach started to cool. Dry cum was not his favorite thing on skin, so maybe he really should start moving towards the shower that had been waiting for – he  glanced at his phone – for approximately 25 minutes. Daydreaming really was a talent and he couldn’t even remember the last time he had come so hard without actual visual aids. He sighed and tried to reach for the t-shirt that was lying on the floor, just a couple of feet away. He stretched his right foot towards it and as he tried to pick the shirt up with his toes he felt shooting pain on his big toe.

‘Ouf-ffffuck.’

He glanced down to his toe, which had dried blood all over it. Some of it had already turned ugly brown and it seemed the floor also had gotten its share of it.

‘Shit.’

Brian took a deep breath and groaned while getting up. His cock had shrunk back to its normal size and he could feel the after-climax tiredness creeping in. He needed to get into the shower. Now.

He took a couple of careful steps and as the big toe did not hurt too badly, he made it to the shower. While the warm water was washing away the sweat, the blood and the cum, Brian kept thinking about his Rio fantasy. It was obvious that he was sexually attracted to Justin, and to Alaska on some level, which was weird - even for him.

He thought about Aaron’s request and whether or not his short fantasy had any chances of being close to reality, had he actually gone to Brazil. Probably not. He had no idea why Aaron had even called him. The fact that Justin had once sucked him off didn’t mean that the man had any romantic feelings for him. Brian doubted Aaron knew about their other interactions or the social media flirting - how could he? Or maybe Justin had told him? Brian had no way of knowing how much the ex-royal-couple-of-drag still shared with each other.

When Aaron had actually uttered the words ‘Come to Brazil?’ less than an hour ago, Brian had immediately thought about going. Because, why the fuck not? Luckily for him, Brenda was having a good day and informed him with confidence that to get into a plane for someone whose feelings and intentions he wasn’t sure of, was equal to volunteering for Hunger Games with non-existent survival skills. On top of that he had three clubs gigs and an UNHhhh to shoot. There was no possible way he could’ve gone to Brazil and even if he could’ve, it would’ve been absolutely fucking insane to do so.

‘I don’t know, Aaron. Look, like you said, I’ve got work. I don’t even know why you’re asking me,’ Brian had said.

Aaron had been silent for a while. ‘I thought you guys had a thing. I thought you cared?’

Brian had gotten upset by the comment because it had sounded like an accusation. Of course he fucking cared! Had he not specifically asked Aaron to go and check that Justin was alright? And how exactly was Justin’s mental health suddenly his responsibility? And it wasn’t like they had a thing, had they had a thing the story might’ve been different, but they didn’t, they didn’t have a thing.

‘Listen, one blowjob doesn’t make me his caretaker, and for you to assume that Justin would even want me there is rather presumptuous.’

‘I didn-’

‘No? Didn’t assume, presume or just didn’t care enough to consult with him? I asked your help today because I thought you guys had an understanding, and I thought that it was based on mutual respect for one another. I don’t know what you want from me, and how I see it, whether or not I care, and whether or not we have a thing - that’s none of your business. I bet you mean well, so to save us both some dignity, I’m just going to end this phone call right now and pretend it never took place. Good night.’

Afterwards Brian had regretted losing his cool. It had taken him quite a while to calm down as, for whatever reason, yelling at Aaron Coady on the phone in the early hours of the night left him hot and bothered. He had decided that the easiest way to relax would be to masturbate and as he was already naked, half of the job was basically done. He’d taken a seat at the living room sofa and closed his eyes in concentration. The first image behind his closed lids had been Justin’s smile and Brian’s imagination had ran with it - taking him all the way to Rio like Aaron had suggested.

Brian sighed and stepped out of the shower. He had only wanted some innocent flirting and discussion about snake hearts - instead he had been given a three hour ride on the emotional rollercoaster of doom. A fucking nightmare. He dried himself off and walked to his phone in the living room. He wanted to send Justin a message, but didn’t know what to say - what could one say in such a situation?

His head hurt. He really hadn’t asked for any of this. He wanted to call Tracy, but knew that the queen was out on a date. Fuck the situation, fuck Justin and fuck Needles in particular. He could barely keep his own shit together; he was not cut to deal with someone else’s. Brian felt nauseous just thinking about it. He pulled on a pair of college pants he happened to find in the kitchen and opened the window a little. He really needed to smoke. He opened the kitchen cabinet he kept his weed in, only to come empty-handed. Shit. He was out. He tapped his nails to the kitchen counter nervously. What now?

He glanced to the clock on the wall to see the time. Could he still get some? Probably not, not today. He glanced outside of the kitchen window and saw that the liquor store across the street was open. He glanced back to the clock, it wasn’t 2am yet. He could just drop in, buy a beer, not a big deal. Brian stopped his thoughts. This was dangerous. The thought pattern was dangerous. He started pacing back and forth in the kitchen, glancing at the store every now and then. Fuck. He left the kitchen to the living room; at least the window was facing another direction. A small mercy. He took a deep breath to calm himself. He had options, he knew that. The things he needed to do were really simple: eat, sleep and talk. Simple. At least now he knew the emerging signs. Addiction was not something to play with; he needed to calm down. He walked back to the living room and took a seat at the sofa before dialling the number he knew would pick up at this hour.

A 45 minute chat made him feel better and more stable. He fiddled with his phone and wondered about Justin again - would it be worth it? If he wasn’t willing to risk it now, would he ever be? And truthfully, maybe that was all that Justin wanted, harmless flirting and some sexual tension to keep them both energised? If that was the goal, it was definitely working.

Brian sighed and opened WhatsApp. It was true, whatever this thing was with Justin, they could figure it out later, but they were first and foremost friends, and a friend deserved a ‘I hope you’re ok’-message after a panic attack – and in the end, that was all that mattered.

* * *

It was 7 am in Rio when Justin’s smartphone vibrated as a sign of a new received message.

Brian: ‘Interacting with Needles really makes a man want to angry-fuck something, I can see why you kept him around for so long. I hope sending him to check on you wasn’t a shitty move, if so, I’m at your mercy.’