#I will not stand for this dinosaur slander

[awkward-snake-girl]

How dare they???

The Washington Post, June 23, 1912

[san8ny]

Intermission

Ellie Williams <3

Synopsis: Ellie and you haven’t spoken since highschool, you two never really that close. One day, the all-star hits you up upon getting kicked out. You down to help her steal from her own childhood home or nah?

w.c: 4.1k / warnings include: Ellie is a bit rude in the beginning, some Joel slander, she’s just hella uptight, mutual pining, kissing, she makes out with your hooha, but it’s hot. ;-;

“Am I even doing this right?” you mutter down at the pocket knife you had angled, poorly sharpening it’s blade with the edge of the worn-down whetstone you and Ellie happened to find upon arrival to Joel’s cabins.

She gives you, and both the board, a once-over before turning back to the picture frames lined up on the wall, “Sure.” Rolling your eyes, you throw the knife onto the counter, “You know, I didn’t know he had such a swanky place.”

“Yeah. Reeaal swanky.” She huffs, scrunching her brows in annoyance when the clatter of the knife you’d just thrown doesn’t quiet down immediately, “You find the checkbook yet?”

Ah, the checkbook. You almost forgot she recruited you out here to practically rob her adoptive dad blind.

I mean, fuck, had you had the luck of being in her place— living so lavishly, you’d let the bastard yell at you all he wanted.

Dragging your finger tips across the wooden counter, careful to not splinter them, you push yourself off where you were leaning, and walk towards the stairs, “Doesn’t it make sense for him to like, I don’t know, have it upstairs?”

Ellie runs a hand down her tired face, letting out a huge sigh before turning towards when you stand near the railing, your foot already placed on the first step. Why didn’t she think of that before? She gives you the green light, following behind as you ascend up the stairs. She finds her breath hitched and her eyes closing in further irritation when you suddenly stop, her face parallel with your lower back due to the step-to-height difference.

“Is that you?” You say, a smile stretching on your face as you point towards the meek framed photo that hung above the handrail, depicting a pre-teen Ellie in a science museum tee, Joel slightly crouched behind her with two thumbs up. You almost would have missed the small smile she has in the snapshot had you had nor squinted, “Didn’t know you had a dimple. Do still have it?” You ask, turning down towards where she stood.

“No. Now move.” She huffs, bumping your shoulder as she takes lead, climbing up the rest of the stairs. Rude. Nonetheless, you follow her as you enter into the main hallway. How the hell was a cabin this big? you’re only in it for, like, less than a season— Right? Not like you would know, the fanciest thing you’d ever seen was the time you went to Dina’s Bat Mizvah down at the community center and got to see a chocolate fountain, granted it was years ago, it’s the closest thing you’d ever experienced comparisable to ‘upper echelon.’

She seemingly notices your distant stare, harshly bringing her palms together in a large clap thus pulling you out of your thoughts. Clearly taken aback, you meet her blank gaze, “You take the attic, i’ll take the main bedroom”

“Where—

“Down the hall, to your left. You’ll see the ladder cord hanging.” She cuts you off, already walking away and into one of the many doors you could only assume led to Joel’s bedroom. Okay! This should be easy!

It was not easy.

On your hands and knees, you cough uncontrollably from the dust that blocks insulation. It errupted when you pulled the damn ceiling ladder cord down. All this money and they couldn’t fucking dust it once in a while? Wait, when was the last time this place was even entered? That was the question you asked as you slowly tip-toed up with wide eyes. immediate, you’re met with U-haul boxes, plastic dinosaur figurines and some comics.

In that moment, you smile a bit as you kneel on the floor, grabbing the Stegosaurus and T-rex as you gently knock them against eachother, playing with them.

Though you swear you were being satirical when you began toying with them, you couldn’t help thoughts drift to a younger Ellie playing with these like you were. She’d probably always call dibs on the Carnivore, giving the other person an eyeroll when they cry at how unfair she was being for never giving them a turn at being the razor-bearing predator. ‘Skill issue’ she’s also snicker when the kids run back to their parents.

When you finally put them down after some time, you walk over to one of the several moving boxes. Some tattered, some dirty and some even still closed up. It was wrong for you to have been snooping around her childhood home, sure, but she’s also stealing from her own said home— so you can’t be that bad. Reaching into the closest one near you, you pull out a small velvet belt. One that stroke resemblance to the ones you’d see in the cheesy karate-cop movies your dad had been a fan of. Another, and another and shortly, you have a large array of belts, with at the very bottom of the box containing a small plaque of achievements, ‘Ellie Williams’ printed in fine, gold lettering, ‘Graduate from the Jackson institute of Martial Arts.’

Of course, she was a prodigy at everything. What wasn’t Ellie good at? She’d been your highschool’s valedictorian a couple years back when you both were about to graduate, given the golden chance to speak at the commencing, well, was. That was before passing the chance onto the second runner without a second thought; she claimed she wasn’t the talking type and just casually went about her day, like it wasnt the opportunity most students would have killed for. Students like you, who spent all night and day to even make a dent in the social stratosphere that was highschool.

Given now you both were in your early 20’s, you still hold admiration for Ellie. Maybe that’s why when she randomly called you to hangout after years, you didn’t question it, or even second guess yourself.

How long Ellie had been standing there watching you coo over her baby pictures was something you, and both she couldn’t answer. Originally wanting to smack you on the head or scare you, she couldn’t help but lean against the attic wall, eyeing the way you carefully place her achievements down like they were the most important thing to you.

You’d always been like that since Ellie can recall meeting you. Always so nice, so sensible, always the first one in the room to make light out of nothing. You definitely would have been burnt on the cross or something for just how smiley you were if you were alive back in that day. Ellie found you interesting in ways she couldn’t configure why.

She and Joel had a falling out a couple of weeks ago. He cut her off of all financial support, insisting she get a job or a higher education like her peers were. A few profanities and insults were thrown around, leading eventually to her getting kicked out. Funny. Though she never cared about being embarrassed or the opinions of others, she did feel some sort of seeping humiliation. So, with the money she had, she booked a hotel and called you up. She chuckles when she remembers the first time she sent the address, your hesitancy to type back as you get the wrong, but expected idea,

‘ .’.im not fucking u lol’

‘wth no I got kicked out’

‘OHHH srry!!! D: ‘

The chuckle that hears behind startles, your grip seemingly loosening on the picture frame you had in-hand meeting the floor in cruel shatters. Quiet consumes you both with your hands shaking erratically, “O-oh my god? i’m so sorry, I don’t even know why I did that. fuckfuckfuck!! It was an accident. I can pay for that! Like, i’m so so sorry—l” you frantically plead with her, your eyes alternating from her and the bloody gla—bloody?

“You’re bleeding.” Ellie sighs, softly reaching forward to grab your wrist, pulling you around the mess you caused. You didn’t even realize you were until you felt the blood drip from your ankles down to your shins, staining your bleach-white socks in scarlet droplets.

“I messed up, Ellie, i’m really sorry.”

“Can you like, stop apologizing? It’s fine. Didn’t even know when that picture was taken anyways.”

Somehow, her words worsen your hysteric state, you sinking down back onto your knees as you sob. Oh god, she didn’t even know when that picture was taken meaning it’s that long ago. Ellie stares at you clearly with a panicked look, not really knowing how to comfort you— or anyone for that matter. Again, you were more of the sensible one between them, even if you two hadn’t exactly been all that close growing up in the same town, school and similarly interconnected friend groups. ‘What would you do?’ So, Ellie slightly crouches down, her squeaky sneakers noising as she awkwardly encircles her arms around you. Clearly taken aback by this gesture, you peer up from where your head was buried inbetween your knees and instead, at Ellie, who’s usual laid-back expression is replaced with furrowed brows, her eyes not meeting yours and some reddening on her cheeks. “Y-you’ve seen the picture frames around, man, I see myself all the time. It’s fine.”

You sniffle abit before giving her a coherent answer that isn’t just hiccups, “Im sorry.” She sighs before slightly reaching up to pat your head, “Please stop crying, I think i’m more off-put by your ugly cries than you breaking shit.” That tugs a laugh out of you, pushing Ellie away as she matches your grin. “I mean look, you ruined my tee.” She wasn’t lying, you look down to her white tee and it was absolutely soaked with shed tears belonging to you. You gently run your thumbs over her chest in a bad attempt to wipe your embarassingly smeared mascara off, but it only recieves a small whine from Ellie, who backs away immediately. You’re left confused when she gets up, clearing her voice. “We should continue searching.” With that, she leaves the attic, leaving you up there and with multiple. How could ones demeanor change that often? You almost noticed the sensitivity in her chest.

“Pfft, softie.” You mutter, a smile on your lips as you follow her down. Eventually, Ellie is the one to find the book, it’s placed inbetween some folded jeans. ‘Fuck yeah..’ She bites her chapped lip as she flips through it. Enough pages for her, and a good forged signature she’d mastered when he’d be too lazy to sign her field trip permission slips— guess something did pay off. You stand there with crossed arms, feeling a bit squeamish all of a sudden, like the thought had hit you finally, Ellie is moving away. She notices you when she lifts her gaze up, puzzled with your stance, “I told you it’s okay, the picture frame can be replaced.”

“I don’t want you to move away.”

“What.”

“I won’t repeat myself.” You shake your head defiantly, standing your ground when she towers over you, all these years and when you two have somewhat of a bond, she wants to move away? And maybe yeah, you had it coming, being easily-attached to somehow who’d you’d only started recently hanging out with. “What makes you think I care?” She mocks, looking at you like you’d grown an extra head, she’s almost astonished with your stupidity, why would she have dragged you all the way here to just, stay? Something with the way she says those words churns humility deep in your gut, who were you to even admit that to her? You flail around your arms passively as you back away, a croak in your throat, “Just something I said. You’re a cool person.”

“Right, well, I got the checkbook meaning we can get the hell out. Seeing this place almost makes me want to not drain Joel’s pockets.” She yawns, throwing you the book before retreating into one of the previous rooms, though before, she asks, “Say, where’d we put the keys?”

..

Who had the keys?

Comically enough, sirens began to faintly hear in the back, and your gaze locks onto Ellie’s, “Fuck— find the keys.” She says, running back into the room. How petty was her dad to call the police on them? Well, petty enough to have alarms laying around incase his thieving daughter comes around. You, instantly begin to eye around for them, palms growing clammy at the aspect of being arrested now comes into plan as the sirens grow closer. Finding them, you call out to Ellie who seemingly was already on her way once she heard the jingles of them, “Out the back. You’re gonna run, and not turn back, ‘alright?” She whispers, grabbing you and running towards the kitchen door once the front door is knocked.

Once it’s kicked in, Ellie manages to get out with a groan, definitely a bruiser, but nonetheless, they make it out of the area without getting caught. While she hasn’t broken a sweat yet, you were coughing up a storm like you were earlier, eyes tearing up as you let them out in fits. She gently rubs your back, looking around for where their parked car was, it was a good idea they’d parked so far away- granted it was flawed in multiple ways, it came out in their good favor. Once you’d caught your breath, Ellie hums, “You know where we parked?” You nod, looking around, “Yeah. near the marked tree, you smeared my lipstick over it..” She scrunches her nose to prevent a loud laugh from coming out, your sadness over lipstick being funny to her, “Right. That way.”

You both find the car and enter, ellie starting the car as she backs up and maneuvers around the various tall trees it was parked around before getting onto the main road. You don’t say anything for the majority of the one hour ride, those 60 minutes feeling like the longest ones to Ellie who’s gotten use to your talkitive habits. So when she asks you if you want aux, you shake your head— deflating her mood. She sighs, lighting up a cigarette at the light and rolling down the window. You just lean your head back and rest your eyes, emotions running through that you couldn’t even seem to process. Tiredness, embarrassment of her flat out saying she’d never stay for you, getting almost booked by the police, and just ones you didn’t want to acknowledge at all. You wanted to just, go to sleep.

Ellie, on the otherhand, feels nothing but anxiety gnawing at her. Why does she care so much whether you talk to her or not? She’s never even liked talking, and somehow, the thought of never speaking to you again after this makes her feel nauseous. Would you text her? Call her? Visit her if she left? Would you buy the nearest train ticket if she told you one day to come when she settles into her new place? Or would you just move on? Would you move onto some cooler girl in town to befriend? Some other girl you’d look up to, some other girl who would show you the hidden gems around town you’d been asking her to, Fuck— some other girl you’d give all your affection to. Ellie swerves the car, and had it not been your quick-wit to pull the steering back, she might have crashed the vehicle.

Pulling over, she places her head lightly on the leather wheel while you stare at her in bewilderment, “Are you crazy?! What was that?!” You say with a slight twitch in your eye at her loss of control.

“I don’t want to move away.”

“You literally have to, we’re on the side of the road and your emergency lights aren’t on so.”

“I’ll stay.”

“You can’t, that’s like, against the rules. I don’t know, my permit is expired.” First order of business, obtain a license.

“In Jackson. I’ll stay in Jackson.” She mumbles, lifting her head up to stare at you. This feels like a joke to you, like Ellie might just begin laughing at you when you show the tiniest bit of you of relief. So, you just match her stare, tiling your head. “Why?” Why? What do you mean why? Ellie wants to scream, why don’t you look happy? She’s staying for you.

“Just..wanted to.” She says after a beat or two, pulling the car back onto the road as she nears your house. Giving a curt nod, you look out the window, your knees feeling wobbly like a teenage girl all over again as you suppress asking questions to the clearly disoriented freckled girl. Once on arrival, Ellie expects you to leave and slam that door but instead, you sit there for a bit.

“My mom isn’t here.” You say, chewing your inner-cheek.

“You don’t have a spare key or ‘sum?”

“No no I do, it’s just— want to come in?” You ask her with big eyes, your hands folded on your lap like a child on their best behavior to get something.

“Did your mom bake that pie you got me last time?” She’s referring to the Cherry Pie your mom made last time you two hung out.

“Is the sky blue?” You say, with a smile, trying to lighten the mood that’ll need more than just that to recover.

“It’s grey but I see your point. I’ll go park, leave the front door open.” She smiles when you nod, skipping out of the car and into your home.

When she does so, and enters your door, she’s met with a warm wafting smell of baked goods. Ellie might gave been fairly thin, but she had a nose on her, leading her to the kitchen. You’ve changed out of your dirty clothes, she notices, you now wearing some small pajama shorts and a tanktop. You’re bent over the oven, grabbing the treats out of the pre-heated oven your mother had likely left them in to retain warmth.

“You’ve got to stop doing that.” You mutter, almost dropping the tray of food while Ellie smirks

“Can’t really promise accepting an apology if you dropped those.” She says, walking on over to where you stood by the kitchen island. Something in the way she says that so..flirtatiously, makes you look back at her twice. “Whatever. Do me a favor, take the plates out while I cut the pieces.” Ellie nods, walking over to the several arrays of cabinets. Though, upon doing so, she notices your refrigerator, decorated in colorful magnets, children’s literature and most of all, a picture of you, and an older woman. You were younger, hair a bit longer than you had it now, and a wide grin with your front tooth missing. You couldn’t of been older than 6, Ellie thinks. Smiley.

“This your mom?” she asks, running her fingerpads alongst the smooth film while you hum, nodding. “Yeah, it’s my mom” You say, handing her a slice of piece when she gives you the plate, “You look alike.” Ellie concludes when you two begin walking upstairs to your room.

It was certainly your room, is what the auburnette thinks as she sits on your bed. Messy bedsheets you never got to make, clothes scattered near your closet and other things you never got to clean up when she’d called you up this morning at such an ungodly time to divulge you in on her scheme,

though now, upon her decision to stay in the town, it seemed a bit for nothing. It’d be a funny story to tell with you. With you, she thinks, watching as you chew the treat and sit on the rugged floor as you flip through TV channels. Eventually settling on some show Ellie never knew was still even airing. She quietly sinks from the bed, onto the floor herself, sitting close to you as your gaze stays glued to the blaring screen, flashes of color reflecting onto your face as each scene passes. Ellie finds herseld staring at you, a person she once found so inconspicuous now becoming the very reasoning she stays in a town she hates so much. Whatever you had the girl under needed to be looked at.

“Do you like me?” Is what she wants to ask, but “Do you have a boyfriend?” is what she settles for.

You turn to her, meekly shaking your head. Since when was she sat so close to you?

Ellie nods, looking back at the show to get you to, before asking another question, “Girlfriend?” You shrug, “I mean, I use to talk to this one girl..”You mutter, before Ellie finds herself furthering it, “What happened?”

You sigh, before pointing a finger, “Don’t laugh.” you glare. Ellie smiles, nodding. “She told me she was straight after like 2 days AND THEN, i saw her kissing on Judy.” Ellie snorts, ��No fucking way, Judy the librarian?” You nod, burying your face in a nearby throw pillow.

“I need a drink.” You mutter, getting up and leaving the room with Ellie in it. You return shortly after with a bottle of wine and some glasses. The girl groans as she stretches, “Now you’re talking. Pour me some.”

Eventually, the topic heads in the way of relationships once more, with you two telling each other of your awful sex lives in the majority straight town Jackson was as you sip.

As Ellie tells one, you find your eyes feeling heavy, alternating between her green eyes down to her pale pink lips. You nod, poorly attempting to give the illusion you were following along with whatever she was saying. Ellie, herself, wasn’t all that there but she was better. She’d stopped talking long ago and was just moving her lips with no dialogue coming out whatsoever, seeing if you’d ask why she halted her story. She licks her lips, leaning back as she places her glass down on the nightstand near her— jean-clad thighs spread tantalizingly as your gaze drops to them.

Her years of martial arts and track did her well, you admit, hoping it wasn’t obvious you were ogling the girl.

“Were you mad at me earlier?” you whisper, fidgeting with the loose seam of her jeans as you notice the difference in how she was acting at the cabin, and how she is now. Ellie hums, matching your small voice. “I was more so mad at myself.” She answers you, her hand finding where yours toys with a string, “Not at you.”

You nod, not really having anything to say.

“Can I kiss you?” you finally utter, liquid courage taking over as Ellie thumbs your soft hips from where you sit so closely. She gives you a soft ‘yeah’, pulling you onto her lap. You begin by littering feathery pecks along her jaw, her sensitivity earlier when you touched her chest beginning to make sense when goosebumps begin to arise along her pale skin, her nipples hardening as the hair on her neck stands before kissing her deeply.

You two kiss slowly for a while, finding some rhythm as it slowly turns into something else. You gently gasp when Ellie rocks your hips onto her thigh, making you detach from her mouth and straddle it the way she wants you to. The rough texture against her jeans on your soft shorts makes you huff a bit, face burning up as you grip her shoulders.

“You’re my sweet girl, you can do it.” She murmurs lowly, watching you grind all over her, your slick slowly starting to seep onto her denim pants— all like she wanted. You nod, frustrated to the brim of tears when you can’t seem to fuck yourself on her thigh well. Ellie pushes you down, caging your legs in between her hips as she tilts her head back down, "Seems like you're not the only sweet girl wanting my attention.." She smiles as you moan, the heel of her palm placed directly on your touch-starved mound, giving it just enough pressure and angling to make you whine out a small 'Ellie..'

She gives you finally what you want, sliding your shorts to the side and sighs when she sees just what a mess has been waiting for her.

No underwear?

You attempt to leverage yourself by sitting up on your elbows but Ellie pushes you down, hiking your hips up even more with a singular grasp of your shins as she kisses directly on your puffy pussy, your messy sap smearing all over her lips before giving you a grin,

Oh, you'd pay her what she was worth alright. Maybe returning Joel's checkbook can wait after this.

[All credits to the owner of the picture above!! i got it from popipa on pinterest]

[edhellfire]

Headcanon dump:

I have new followers so I figured I'd do a headcanon dump. Just some random facts about Eddie as I write him.

He's gonna be a tattoo artist when he grows up. He loves to draw and doodle (especially in class) so it feels like a natural progression.

I also will write him a rockstar verse where Corroded Coffin makes it.

In some verses, upon request, he is a single dad. His daughter's name is Halen. Halen Munson. His reasoning? When someone talks about them it's "Eddie and Valen" and he finds that amusing.

He will get more tattoos. I love the idea of him having a spider web tattoo on his neck.

In the rockstar verse, he def has his peepe pierced. In other verses, we'll see.

He's straight. Mostly. I've always wanted to experiment writing him liking boys but it's never happened. He's apparently very straight. Or, we haven't come across the right muse/chemistry to make him sway.

He is super respectful of women and tries his very hardest to not be scary when approaching women. A bit of mommy issues here but not in a bad way. Sidenote: don't ever speak ill of his mama.

He has a thing for cheerleaders. He can't explain it and neither can I.

He is not a virgin. Eddie, the freak, has had a surprisingly amount of action. He's got the bad boy thing going for him. However, he is every girl's "dirty little secret" because who wants the world to know they fooled around with the freak from the trailer park? He respects it and isn't one to kiss and tell anyway.

Guitar is his instrument of choice but Eddie has an ear for music and can pick up an instrument very quickly. He thinks the drums are very fun.

Eddie sings! But he's shy about it. Metal is fine because there's a lot of shouting involved but when he plays the acoustic and sings he wants to die of embarrassment. He has a good voice though. He's just a dumbass.

He's not dumb. I don't want to diagnose him (and I don't think that was common in the 1980s) but he definitely has something. Eddie just can't focus on things that don't interest him. He can be very good as physics, for example, because velocity and speed and he can see it in his head but give him algebra or calculus and he is extra fucked. His favorite subject in school is History. It's storytelling and he's a fan. His favorite time periods are Medieval and Renaiassance and shit like that.

Eddie was the kind of kid growing up that loved dinosaurs. Makes sense because dragons are like a natural progresion.

He can cook. Not saying he's a chef by any means but he has a handful of recipes down to an art. He taught himself as a kid when he got tired of eating canned soup and box mac and cheese when Uncle Wayne was working. He can't bake for shit though (and he would love to learn to bake cinnamon rolls and special brownies).

He doesn't usually do hard drugs anymore. He has to be in a dark dark place to go down that road. He had bad experiences. He also won't sell hard drugs to someone that is inexperienced.

He started smokig cigarettes at a scarily young age. I'm thinking around 12 when he started to steal them from his uncle Wayne. He used to smoke whatever but now he prefers menthols.

He feeds the strays that stroll into the trailer park. Cats, dogs, but his favorites are the raccoons that basically live in the dumpster.

He doesn't have any pets. Not because he doesn't want one but because he's scared he won't be a good pet-dad.

Speaking of dads, he has daddy issues. Daddy trauma really. The idea of being a dad terrifies him because he's scared he will turn out like his.

Eddie doesn't usually start fights. He will stand up for people but he will never start shit with someone else. That said, you say anything about his uncle and you're getting punched - even if you're bigger than him, even if he's outnumbered. He might not be the best son/nephew but he worships that man and is so damn grateful for him. He won't stand for Uncle Wayne slander.

Given the way he looks and his interests you would think his type is a rocker chick or a goth girl. You're wrong. Eddie loves femine girls or casual girls. A girl in a dress or a girl in a messy bun and a big tshirt. That sorta thing.

Eddie has always loved to read, ever since he was a kid. Because of this he's full of useless information.

He loved cryptids. He doesn't fuck with fairies though - they scare him.

He has a stuffed dragon that's missing an eye and lives under his bed. He got it from his mom when he was little and he's kept it since. It lives under his bed because Eddie logic says it's dark like a cave. It's named Draco after the constellation because when Eddie was a baby and couldn't sleep his mom would take him outside and they'd stargaze. One of the few memories he has of his mom.

Eddie logic is something that will come in threads. It's the way Eddie thinks. His brain just doesn't process things like a normal person but it makes sense to him and it's the hill he'll die on.

He's not a sports guy. Not because it doesn't fit the persona but because he's always sucked at them. Uncle Wayne would try to play catch with him as a kid and he would either miss or duck. He can run though and he likes to pretend he knows parkour. Doofus.

His favorite color is gray. Eddie logic says black is too basic. Again, doofus.

He doesn't have a favorite food but he's a sucker for anything homecooked. Uncle Wayne worked a lot growing up so anything that feels homecooked feels special to him.

Big cuddler. If you sleep with him, and it's more than just sex, expect aftercare.

He's not opposed to doing "girly" things. If you're a girl and his friend, besties level, he will totally be down for sleepovers that include face masks and manicures and all that. No fragile masculinity here. Just don't tell anyone.

Should be obvious but he loves horror movies. He's not big on gore though. He'll watch them but he's more into spooky shit like monsters, ghosts, demon possession and stuff like that. He does enjoy Children of the Corn, he finds creepy children amusing and terrifying.

He can fix pretty much anything. Both his dad and Uncle Wayne are handy with tools and Eddie learned from watching. He fixes his own van and basically built it from the ground up.

That's all I got right now. Feel free to ask questions.

[thisbibliomaniac]

Dinosaurs are NOT demonic experimental creatures, and I won't stand for this slander.

[banannabethchase]

That Jeff Goldblum one...how do we think Lucha would react to Nick's thirsting?

1) Watching Jurassic Park and discussing Jeff Goldblum and that specific shirt he wears (we all know the one)

(you are THE WORST for this one HOW DID IT COME TO THIS IT WAS A JOKE)

~

In His DNA - also on AO3

~

Luchasaurus, it turns out, is a little jealous of the way Nick is lusting after Jeff Goldblum in That Shirt as they watch Jurassic Park.

~

You know the funny thing is I technically did this to myself by creating this prompt for Sarah.

Disclaimer: I don't know what Luchasaurus wrote his undergraduate thesis on, and I doubt it was on monastic same-sex intimacy, but mine was on gender presentation and the methods by which gender roles and expectations were subverted both in action and in the literature of the time, so we're pretending he did the same thing for the sake of authenticity.

Tittle from DNA by Little Mix.

~

It happens first when Jeff Goldblum shows up on the screen in the helicopter, Nick thinks. He shifts in his seat.

"Not into the movie?" Lucha asks, throwing his arm around Nick's shoulders again.

"I am," Nick says, almost too quickly. "Gonna see some of your relatives?"

Lucha laughs, almost darkly, and pulls Nick practically in his lap. Nick expects nudity within seconds, but Lucha turns his face back to the screen, focused. "Not quite," he says with a sigh. He moves Nick around on his lap like he weighs nothing, something that sends an interesting spark down into Nick's dick, but still, Lucha does nothing. Doesn't even try to cop a feel.

So Nick turns back to the screen. Lucha lets out a wistful sigh as the first dinosaur appears. Nick thinks, maybe, he understands it. He felt a similar way the first time he watched The Wrestler.

He squirms again when Jeff Goldblum starts saying, “Life, uh. Finds a way.”

“Jesus,” Lucha growls.

“Are you mad that I find Dr. Malcolm hot?!” Nick asks, incredulous. “Everyone thinks he’s hot!”

“He’s arrogant and his shirt is ridiculous.”

“He’s smart, not arrogant,” Nick says, settling back against Lucha’s chest. “And he looks good. With a chest like that, who wouldn’t show it off.”

“I like your chest,” Lucha says, nuzzling into Nick’s neck. Nick finds himself pulled down against Lucha, nothing but two tee shirts between skin, and he wants to grind down into Lucha’s lap, just a little, just to remind himself of what he might get later, if he’s nice. “And he’s nothing special, my little bird.”

“Oh, come on,” Nick says, because he will not stand for this Dr. Malcolm slander. “He’s the only one standing up to this rich guy! All of his arguments are right.”

"What, you think that's interesting?" Lucha asks. He grabs Nick's thigh and spins him so Nick has his back to the TV, thighs splayed across Luchasaurus' lap. "You like a man with his priorities in order and the guts to say what he means?”

"He's smart and hot," Nick says, trailing a fingertip down Lucha's face, down the mask. "What can I say, I have a type." He's sure to lick his lips, nice and slowly. "Intelligence turns me on."

"Want me to turn you on by talking about the imagery of Ganymede in 16th century monasteries as a representation of male-male intimacy?" Luchasaurus asks. "Or would you rather me talk about the archaeological progress made in the discoveries of dinosaur mating habits." He leans in, bites at Nick's neck.

"I think I know a whole lot about dinosaur mating habits," Nick manages, gasps caught in his throat as Lucha’s hand slides up his neck, circling him like a necklace. “Mm, like – like how some dinosaurs like to fuck their boyfriends over side of the couch.”

Lucha stills. “Boyfriends, huh?”

Nick processes what he’d just said. “Oh. Um.”

“Sure,” Lucha says. “I’ll be your boyfriend,” he laughs a little. “Long as you’ll still call me ‘Daddy’.”

“Yes, Daddy,” Nick says automatically. “Of course.”

Lucha hauls Nick up and throws him on his back onto the couch. “This was your plan all along, wasn’t it, little bird,” he growls.

“No, I really do like Jeff -”

Lucha dives down and kisses Nick so hard his brain spins, tongue in his mouth with single-minded determination. Nick keeps his legs hooked around Lucha’s waist, a thrill up his spine as he can feel Lucha’s hard cock rub up against his thigh. “You’re fucking insufferable.”

Nick barely gets a chance to blink before Lucha pulls his shirt off over his head then wraps a hand around Nick’s. He looks up to meet Nick’s eyes.

“Yeah,” Nick says, breathless, “yeah, I hate this shirt.”

Luchasaurus rips the shirt down the middle, and the rush of cold air on Nick’s bare skin is immediately quelled by the raging heat as Luchasaurus presses the two of them together. Nick’s hands fly to his Lucha’s belt and he pulls it out of the loops, pressing the heel of his palm to Luchasaurus’ erection.

Nick grins at the animal sound from Lucha’s lips.

“You be careful, or you’re gonna get more than you’re hoping for,” he says, leaning down and sucking a devastating bruise into Nick’s neck. He arches into it, desperate to connect their bodies in more places.

“Not possible, Daddy,” Nick says with a wink.

Lucha pulls away. Nick’s miserable for a second, then elated as Lucha grabs him by the hips and yanks him off the couch, turning him so he’s half draped over the arm.

“Gonna fuck that attitude right out of you,” Lucha growls. He yanks Nick’s pants down without a warning. “Wait right there. Don’t move.”

“I – what?”

Nick turns his head to see Luchasaurus staring him down. “I said don’t move.”

“S-sorry, Daddy,” Nick stammers, but he does everything he can not to grin. “I’ll be good.”

“I doubt that.”

Nick watches as Luchasaurus leaves the room, and he waits. And waits. It feels like hours, though, logically, he knows it’s no more than a few minutes. He feels vulnerable, jeans down by his ankles, as the anticipation builds. All he wants to do is call out, check in with Luchasaurus.

But Nick was told to be good. And, even if he can’t do it, he’ll try.

Finally, Luchasaurus walks back in the room, looking like a Greek god as he stands, naked, in the doorway. Nick’s mouth begins to water as he gets an eyeful of Lucha’s cock.

“Look at you, little bird,” Lucha says, walking to him slowly. Nick almost feels hunted, like the characters on the screen. “You did as you were told.” He reaches out and slides his hand into Nick’s hair, pulling it back, just a little. “Good boy.”

Nick lets out a wanton moan at that, unable to keep up the act anymore. He wants Lucha and he wants him now, and anything but that might tear him to pieces.

“So pretty,” Lucha says, and Nick feels Lucha’s cock slap against his ass. He wiggles back against it. “Oh, no, that’s not what I want to see right now.” He palms Nick’s ass. “Don’t rush, baby, wait.”

“Please?” Nick whimpers. “I don’t wanna wait.”

Luchasaurus laughs, directly in Nick’s ear. “You don’t want to,” he says, “but you will.”

Nick whimpers again, but he says nothing more, knowing he’ll get what he wants if he just waits. It feels impossible.

There’s a wet, slippery sound, then Nick feels thick, blunt fingers slide between his cheeks, and something damned near relief washes over him as he realizes what’s happening.

“Can I, little bird?” Lucha asks in Nick’s ear. “You don’t know how badly I want to be inside you right now.”

“Yes,” Nick hisses, pressing back against the fingers. “Please, yes. Fuck.”

“Oh,” Lucha says, amused. “You do swear.”

He slides his fingertip along the rim of Nick’s hole, then slowly works Nick open with slow pumps of his hand, adding another finger, then another, all while Nick wails in desperation.

“Please,” Nick gasps. “God, please, fuck me, Lucha, I need it.”

“Who do you want to fuck you?” Luchasaurus asks.

“Daddy, please,” Nick practically sobs.

“Okay,” Lucha murmurs, “because you asked so nicely.”

Nick falls against the couch as Lucha ever so gently pushes his way in, as he finds himself filled in the way he’s been aching for ever since he get to Lucha’s house. “Thank you,” he hears himself saying. He doesn’t mean to, but, then again, he never meant to fuck AEW’s resident dinosaur, but here he is.

“You’re so welcome, baby,” Luchasaurus says.

His thrusts are slow and deliberate, and pick up once Nick gets some of his bearings back, like Lucha knows when Nick needs to be taken apart.

Nick forgets how words work for a while, wanting to speak but not sure how, and sinks into the feeling, into the mind numbing bliss of getting railed into oblivion by – by his boyfriend.

He turns his head to see Jeff Goldblum, sweaty and shirt open, and laughs.

“What’s so funny?”

“Just,” Nick gasps, “Dr. Malcolm looks hot in this scene, you know?”

Lucha gets rougher, harder, slides a hand into Nick’s hair and pulls him back, just enough to get that kind of ache in Nick’s spine. “Yeah? You want him? You wish he was fucking you?”

“No,” Nick says, eyes fluttering shut. “Only – only you, Daddy, only want you.”

“Yeah,” Lucha mutters, gently lowering Nick back down so he can lean on his arms. “Only me.”

Nick’s close already, but the way Luchasaurus gently runs his hand down the middle of his back, a touch so tender it feels like a promise, gets him seconds away so fast it’s dizzying.

“Can – can I, Daddy?” Nick begs. “I need to.”

Luchasaurus pulls Nick’s hips back, pulls Nick so Lucha’s cock sinks so much deeper into him, then wraps a hand around Nick’s cock. Two strokes, that’s all it takes for Nick to come all over the couch with a cry so loud he’d be embarrassed if he wasn’t in heaven.

“Mine,” Luchasaurus growls, and he pulls Nick onto his cock and comes, deep inside Nick. He can feel it filling him up, and he twitches, overstimulated.

“Yours,” Nick promises.

Lucha’s always so gentle as he pulls out, as he scoops Nick up and settles him on the couch. “Hey, little bird,” Lucha says, caressing Nick’s face. “How are you?”

“Great,” Nick says, a little laugh following his words. “So great. I – yeah.” He beams at Luchasaurus. “You’re kinda hot when you’re jealous, you know that?”

“Jesus, you don’t learn, do you.” He leans in and kisses Nick forehead, though, so Nick thinks he’s probably not in trouble.

“Look, Dr. Malcolm is lounging all slutty,” Nick says with a grin.

“You’re insufferable.”

Nick shrugs. “Yeah, you said that already. Do you want to tell me more about that monastery thing?”

Luchasaurus pauses from where he was about to walk into the kitchen, probably to grab Nick a warm towel like always. “You – are you serious?”

Nick nods. “Yeah, that sounds kind of interesting, you know?”

Luchasaurus lights up. “Yeah!” he says. “I wrote my undergraduate these on the same-sex desire present in the architecture and literature around monasteries.”

Thus begins the weirdest pillow talk Nick’s ever experienced. Lucha takes Nick’s hand and walks him to the shower, and washes Nick’s hair with surprising zeal as he says words like Ganymede and Hellenistic and oblation. Nick shuts his eyes, letting it wash over him, and makes affirming noises whenever Luchasaurus pauses.

“I love the enthusiasm,” he mumbles as he starts to feel the exhaustion wash over him, “but I want to remind you I was homeschooled and wrestled instead of college.”

“That’s okay,” Luchasaurus says, pressing a kiss to the top of Nick’s wet and clean head, “thanks for listening.”

“I always like listening to you,” Nick says, and he leans back against Lucha with a giant yawn. “Maybe you can tell it like a bedtime story.”

“Yeah, little bird,” Lucha says, turning him. He leans down and kisses Nick so gently Nick nearly swoons. “I’ll tell it to you like a bedtime story.”

~

Mini Playlist DNA - Little Mix Animal - The Cab Inside of You - Hoobastank ...and the Jurassic Park Main Title - John Williams

Working titles: Jurassic Pork Life, Uh, Finds a Way Hold Onto (Nick's) Butt!

[mothmanhamlet]

kiss me!

fandom: It (mainly the 2017/19 movies even though at my heart i am a miniseries believer)

pairing: reddie

word count: 12k

summary:

The thing that spawned inside of his stomach felt like both an explosion and a pit at the same time, the way that a supernova creates a black hole. He felt like there was one of those just underneath his ribcage as he realized two things in rapid succession.

One: he really wanted to kiss Eddie.

Two: he was, under no circumstances, allowed to kiss Eddie.

OR

five times richie almost kisses eddie and one time... something else happens

Its been 10 million years and i finally wrote a fic! read it on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45024529

preview under the cut

5 (age 6)

It was the first day of school and a kid was sitting by himself on the bench next to the swing. Which, obviously, made no sense to Richie.

He was at the top of the slide when he noticed, eyes catching him just before he could push himself down. He was small, even compared to Richie who was already short for his age. He looked tidier than any of the other kids, his bright blue shirt crisp and his khaki shorts unwrinkled. Richie’s mom would have loved him, she was always getting on his case about how dirty his clothes were.

The strangest part was that he wasn’t even crying or anything. Khaki-boy’s face was completely blank, unlike any of the other kids who had sobbed at the disappearance of their parents that morning. He could understand that. If he wasn’t so tough he maybe would have shed a tear himself.

It seemed stupid to Richie, as he sped down the hot metal slide. Why would you choose to be bored? Didn’t he have friends to be playing with?

It then occurred to Richie that he might not have friends to play with.

And, well, he wasn’t going to let that happen. His parents always told him that if a kid looked lonely, he should go up and talk to them and make friends. He hadn’t really ever had to make friends, seeing as his mom was friends with Stan’s mom and Bill came as a package deal with Stan once they started preschool. That was still two more friends than this kid seemed to have, which made him the expert. He figured he could probably wing it.

As confidently as he could, he walked up to the kid. He looked up, face scrunched in suspicion, as Richie approached. He held out his hand for a handshake, the polite way his dad always did.

“Do you want to play dinosaurs with me?”

The kid scoffed at him.

“No.”

Richie was incredibly offended.

“What? Why not?” The kid glared at him.

“Because you’re gross,” the kid explained, like Richie was a dumb two year old, “my mom said that all the other kids had nasty diseases and I should stay away from you.”

This was shocking. Richie had never been so slandered in his whole entire life.

“I am not gross!” Richie protested, folding his arms up, “Maybe all the other kids are, but I’m not! Bill and Stan aren’t gross either!”

“Are too,” the kid countered, “I saw you eating glue earlier.”

And, ok, he did eat glue. But he was a scientist! He had to know what it tasted like! For science! He decided then and there he had to get back at him. He couldn’t let this stand!

“Fine,” Richie said, hatching a devious little device, “you’re right. I do have a bunch of diseases. You know what I have? Cooties. And I am going to give them. All. To. You.”

Richie pointed his finger at the kid to emphasize his point. He looked confused but recoiled all the same.

“What are cooties?” The kid asked, sounding like Richie had just served him a huge plate of broccoli.

“I just told you! It’s a disease!” Richie inched closer to him, crowding him into the bench, “Do you wanna know how you get it?”

The kid looked disgusted, but now a little bit scared. He whipped his arm away from where Richie was almost touching it on the bench. Shakily, he nodded.

“Kissing!” Richie threatened gleefully. A look of utmost horror dawned on the kid’s face.

Richie leaned in and the kid screeched before he could even get close.

[mspbandj]

Dinosaur???? SCRAP???? OP your taste is not universal I will not stand for this Dinosaur slander, Dinosaur is a MASTERPIECE

Real.

[lemonandlime22]

PLS I NEED MORE OF THE BITEY CHILD

Maybe with like lilia, idia, or azul

Lilia, Idia, and Azul with a scrawny and bitey Child!Yuu

Warning(s): cussing, slander(?), this ones a long boi

A/N: Thank you for the request! i love writing the bitey child headcanons. hope you enjoy!

[Bitey child!Yuu Masterlist]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lilia

This man gave you an early mid-life crisis

"this man" my apologies-

I meant this pile of sentient rotting bones-

anyway as I was saying,

at first glance he gives off a cute childish vibe

but if your around him for a little longer he gives off a creepy intimidating vibe, similarly to Crowley.

So your just like-

╭( ๐_๐)╮

And he's standing there like-

(人◕ω◕)

then you run away and avoid him every time you see him

ps. this doesn't work

thinks your just shy and need a little encouragement to get out of your shell.

He didn't learn about your little habit until he saw you lunge at some poor student in the courtyard

this made him tear up because of how much you reminded him of himself when he was little

except he didn't really need any reason to bite someone. he just did.

Minus not being able to slay dinosaurs, you are exactly like a little him

that, along with the fact that you get along with Malleus, was all he needed to finalize his decision!

he's adopting you!

Now, I've already made this longer than needed to so all I'm ganna say is good luck and have some Advil for the headache that is Crowley and Lilia's adoption battle /hj.

Idia

One moment he was minding his own business in the corner of a room or something

and the next he's screaming a flailing his arm around trying to get this weird small creature you off

obviously it didn't work

you have a bite force stronger than a crocodiles from all your experience

I hc that when you are all grown up and big, you start doing that death roll thing crocs do. its very effective. if you don't know what I'm talking about look it up, its really cool.

He eventually gave up and now just had you hanging off of him for most of the day

then he realized that you had been asleep for like 99% of the time you were on his arm.

he was really warm and you got comfy so took a lil nap.

Ortho had to help him detach you.

After that he avoided you as much as he possibly could

he thought he was the one person you hated enough to bite for a long while

until one day when you came into a housewarden meeting and started biting Crowley

which he, Crowley, didn't stop at all and even extended his arm for you then picked you up in his arms all while you were gnawing on his forearm.

he felt a little better after that.

Overall, he doesn't hate you but doesn't exactly enjoy your presence. he's on team f them kids except his lil bro and you are no exception.

Azul

He heard of your little habit long before he met you

you had instantly caught the tweels interest

especially Floyds

and they both immediately told Azul about you.

And as with most others, he didn't know your exact reasoning for all the biting

so he made sure to keep his distance from you until he did

but as situations like these usually play out, that plan quickly failed.

As he was making his way back to his dorm from a boardgame club meeting, he heard some commotion coming from the courtyard

he was expecting a fight or something like that

not the Floyd laughing his ass off as Riddle was simultaneously trying to pry your teeth off Jade's leg and scolding you

Trey was trying his best to help Riddle but also trying not to laugh.

which he was failing painfully at btw

So he,

being the capitalist he is,

decided it would be best to offer his help to the redhead

for a price obv

to which Riddle declined.

Little did he know is that he already did help a bit,

as you had now let go of Jade and was staring up at Azul

giving him the mandatory vibe check.

You were going to give him a pass but then you noticed the annoyed look Riddle had towards the 3rd man that smelt like fish

then your child mind jumped to a few conclusions

"annoyed look -> upset -> mad -> hate. gasp! so mama Riddle hates this fish smelling man! he must be a bad man if mama hates him... i know what must be done..."

cue Azul screaming at the top of his lungs, Riddle yelling at you to let go, and Trey, Floyd, and Jade absolutely shitting themselves laughing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[craftypeaceturtle]

A is for Arrival...?

Summary: Remus and Janus are shopping ready for the new arrival for their family.

Note: The start of an AU and series because I’m just a sucker for any type of familiar sides. Romantic Demus and Royality.

Next Part: B is for Baby Time

.

“Hey Jay?” Remus suddenly stopped; his eyes enormous. 

“Yes, dear?” Janus put on a dramatic Victorian tone, his spine straightening with his hand frozen poised with the packet of washing up sponges. 

“Do we need to get birthday stuff?” Janus immediately scrunched his face, “No wait! Listen. You celebrate your kid’s birthday every year so surely you celebrate his first ever one ever. Right?”

Janus stared into the distance as he dropped the sponges on the floor, “Call your brother.”

“No,” Remus whined but still pulled up his phone and promptly shoved it into Janus’ chest, “He’ll only make fun of me if I ask it. If you ask it, then maybe he’ll presume he’s the stupid!”

“Did he celebrate Logan’s first ever ever birthday? What would you even call it? First day of existence?” Janus frowned as he speed dialled the number. 

“If he did, he didn’t invite me!” Remus shrugged before picking up the sponges. He immediately crowded into Janus and smooshed himself into his shoulder. 

They picked up on the second ring, Patton’s sigh answering. Something that they probably weren’t supposed to hear. “Hello Roman. We just have a quick question,” Janus chirped. 

“Hey Janus. It’s Patton by the way. Wow, another question, huh?” Patton, meanwhile, gave Roman a stern look and thrusted the phone at him again. Roman pulled a face as he shrugged and ducked back down behind the sofa. Frowning, he put it on speaker so they could both suffer, “What did you want to ask?”

“Should we celebrate our baby’s first ever day? Like a birthday but for their very very first birthday?” 

“What!” Roman shrieked before leaping back on to the sofa; ever so suddenly finding the strength to talk. 

“What do you mean ‘what’! God, he’s such a douche,” Remus muttered.

“I’m a douche, oh am I? Why would you celebrate a baby’s first ever day. It’s their first ever day in this world! They get overwhelmed and scared so easily. It’s a big scary world out there and you’re going to shove a party in their face! The baby is barely old enough to move it’s own hands! It’s a baby!” Roman complained while Patton giggled.

“To treat this seriously for a second, when you finally get your baby, the very last thing you want to do is mess around too much. After all this time, all that waiting, you finally get this tiny fragile baby. A tiny itty bitty baby. All you’ll want to do is just sit there and watch them quietly. A party is the last thing you’ll think to do. Heh, me and Roman even forgot to eat that day and only remembered hours later,” Patton spoke softly with his own memories uplifting his annoyance. Roman smiled and knocked their shoulders together. 

“...So is it worth buying like finger food in case we forget to eat?” Remus interrupted.

“Uh... yeah? I mean, yeah that would work,” Roman fumbled.

“Okay. Cheers. Bye!” Remus called out while Janus rolled his eyes, “Wow. We really need to get them something for putting up with all this.”

“Well I’m going to keep talking to them, you weirdo.” Janus ran his hand through Remus’ crazed curls but he was quickly shrugged off as Remus went to evaluate which bleach was best for their toilet, “How are you two?”

“Yeah, all’s good here! Just your typical day, what are you doing?” Patton chirped.

“Baby shopping mixed with some normal shopping. Extremely exciting, I’m sure you’re jealous,” Janus felt his voice go soft at just the mere mention of his coming baby.

“Aww! That’s so sweet,” Patton sighed, “I miss that so much about Logie. Baby clothes shopping is the only reason worth becoming a dad.”

“Oh Pat! Such slander, I’m impressed,” Janus laughed.

“Oh hush! Everyone knows that baby clothes are the best cutest things in existence. Aw, are you going to buy Halloween clothes! Me and Roman saw some adorable skeleton onesies today and I came this close to buying it for the baby.”

“Yeah, I think at this point we’ve bought him more Halloween clothes than normal baby stuff. That’s the whole reason we still have to do some shopping. There were these pumpkin shoes and socks. Oh Pat! I swear if I wasn’t so macho and cool, I would’ve cried. Baby shoes are just so tiny!” Remus raised a brow at his squealing voice. But then he also knew exactly what Janus was talking about just from his tone alone. Those shoes were actually pretty cute. 

“They are right! Aw, do you know any more about the baby?”

“Well...” Janus drawled while Remus took a breath. They agreed that Janus was going to deal with this breaking news.

“We met up with the mother yesterday.”

“Oh! My! Oh! Oh, Jayjay! That’s amazing! How was she?” Remus quickly snatched the phone and flicked it to speaker. Janus raised a brow at him but he was only met with the most mischievous smirk back. He frowned but turned back to continue talking only now with Patton’s voice squeaking out across the aisle. 

“She looked exhausted. I felt so bad for her. Meeting up for a coffee looked like the very last thing she wanted to do,” Remus said. 

“Bless her,” Janus sighed, “She was lovely.”

“Aw, that’s good. We never really got to meet our surrogate, how come yours wanted to meet?”

“Well, she apparently had a bit of a health scare. All is good! Everything is all good! But she just wanted to sit down with us and actually go through everything that happened. So we sat and talked about the health of the baby. Again, all is good obviously. But... so... we may or may not have found out our baby’s gender,” Janus winced once the squeal erupted over the phone. Remus cackled at the amount of people who turned to look at them with dirty looks before he turned the speaker off again. Ah, yes wouldn’t be a trip to the shops if Remus couldn’t spread some mild chaos. 

“What’s their gender!” Patton screamed before launching up from the sofa. Roman was giggling as Patton jumped up and down and spun him around. 

“We’re having a boy!” Janus smiled. He would deny the glow in his chest for this rest of his life but he couldn’t help but grab Remus’ hand. Remus smiled, thankfully, and squeezed his hand with his own lovesick smile. Their baby boy.

“Oh a boy!” Patton squealed high enough for dogs. 

“Typical, not one girl in this entire family,” Roman chuckled. 

“Oh congrats guys! When’s the due date again?” Patton sighed.

“10th of December. I almost feel bad for the boy. He’s going to have to put up with the whole Christmas birthday combination.”

“I’m still upset that he wasn’t a Halloween baby,” Remus frowned. 

They chatted for a few more minutes before Janus finally hung up. They were still holding hands- they would look exactly like a couple from a lovey film if they actually dressed like normal people rather than Disney villains. All they needed to do now grab was some more normal baby outfits. A very simple easy task. Just look at some clothes and chose some cute functional clothes.

But every single time... every single time, they would find the most abnormal baby outfits possible. That and they always spent a good ten solid minutes of staring at the tiny shoes. They looked like build-a-bear shoes. They didn’t even look real. 

“I can’t wait until he arrives,” Remus mumbled as he picked up a hideous orange dinosaur patterned jumper set. Janus tried to hide the smile but he quickly placed his head on his shoulder as they stood there. 

“Neither can I. He can’t come soon enough. Just like how you can’t put back that gross set soon enough.”

“You don’t like it! I think it’s cute.” Remus tilted his head as if that made it cuter. 

“He’s so not going to be an orange baby.”

“You don’t know that! Does he even need a colour?”

“You’ve got green, I like yellow. He also needs a colour. While we can still have control over what he wears at least,” Janus stated like Remus was a toddler trying to argue that the sky was green. 

“So we both have our ugly colours. Then he also needs an ugly colour too! Orange is a disgusting colour!” Remus thrusted the jumper in his face. 

“Oh totally exactly, dear,” Janus rolled his eyes before he then felt the passion erupt from him, “Okay. Firstly, for your information, yellow is a beautiful colour thank you very much. You’re the one that chose the grossest colour of green to embrace. He can have purple,” Janus winced as he guided Remus’ hand back down to the shelf. 

“Purple?” 

“Yes. A beautiful colour. Not only does it screw over superfluous ridiculous gender roles, it also is close enough to match our dress senses,” Janus stated with a proud look. Remus opened his mouth but then snapping it shut with a respectful nod. Yep, that sounded like a plan.  

They eventually found some normal tiny eeny weeny pair of jeans and they used all of their collective strength to stay clear of all the Halloween clothes and bought some presentable jumpers. Janus was finally starting to get fed up with standing around in a shop before he realised that Remus’ eyes kept flicking to a shelf behind them. 

He never made any move to actually go look at whatever it was and he never mentioned it. Janus found every reason to keep looking at the same pairs of stripey socks to give him time but he still said nothing. It was so uncommon that Remus felt shy about suggesting something. What could be the harm? “What you looking at?” Janus asked while exaggeratedly turning around.

“Um... I just noticed...” Remus drawled off. It was just a discount shelf. It was stacked with just random broken items that clearly no one ever take any interest in. Remus shyly sulked up to it and pushed aside the chipped mugs and torn notebooks without any hesitation. He pulled up a baby blanket. 

It was the exact same incredibly soft material all baby stuff was made from. The stuff where your hand magnetised to its softness. It was a quilted baby blanket in a pastel lilac. It was cute but it wouldn’t be on a discounted shelf without reason. There was a large smudge of black marker on its corner. But as Remus held it up, Janus laughed. It wasn’t quilted. It was sewn to be a spider web pattern around the blanket. Clearly an old Halloween gimmick. 

He turned to ask if Remus was all ready to go then and was immediately punched in the stomach. Remus was all teary eyed and awkwardly looking anywhere but him. His fingers brushed through the blanket over and over again. 

“Oh Reem,” Janus cooed and tugged the blanket from his grasp but he didn’t let go.

“I don’t even know why I’m tearing up!” Remus pressed his arms against his face. Janus felt himself tearing up as well. Something about how Remus’ voice would go all wobbly and pitchy when he was on the edge of tears just always got to him, “Just... oh this is so fucking stupid.”

“Well you’ve got us both crying in a shop at 9 in the morning. I’d say it sounds pretty dumb,” Janus smiled.

“Just... he could be our little spider. Just like how I’m your octopus and you’re my snake,” Remus’ voice was practically crumbling away. Janus felt a disgusting childish tear slip down his face.

“Oh Reem.” Janus hugged him, only so he didn’t have to experience the embarrassment of people seeing his husband’s gross taste in blankets of course. 

“How much spider stuff have we bought him! Like that would be perfect. And this is purple and spider!” Remus felt a tear escape his control too but he just buried his nose in Janus’ hair. 

“Oh you are such a nightmare of a husband. I’m taking you back to the husband shop and refunding you,” Janus groaned, he broke away and snatched the blanket from his grasp and shoved it into their trolley. At least it was cheap. Plus they would probably end up staining it with gross new born baby vomit anyway. 

[biscuitcultist]

Ok but They put Williamsburg for VA? There are so many better options! Dinosaur land or the Giant Roller Skate are way less interesting than Williamsburg. Or IN Williamsburg there's the Field of President's Heads XD. But the city of Williamsburg is a cool place and I won't stand for this slander!

The Worst Attraction in Every State

[columbojumpscare]

That Pyroraptor hatred going on on Twitter is absolute slander and i will not stand by it.

Ok but now more seriously

Going on entire strides about how stupid it is that people like dinosaurs with very little material because they showed up in a documentary they loved or have a name they like or whatever is very trashy of our community, and stuff like that, along with the shitting on 2020 spinosaurus back in april, only work towards making our already hard to reach community unwelcoming to people with a more casual interest in dinosaurs who know about these taxa, and will rightfully feel insulted when people trash on them for their harmless interests.

This is how we end up with people siding with accuracy haters and JP stans.

Instead of shitting on taxa that have more coverage, we should be working towards spreading the information that isn’t as widely seen and represented, if we used the time we spend saying “this thing hogs too much attention haha” talking about lesser represented taxa, those lesser represented taxa would be much more represented already.

[supernaturallysweetened]

Change of Heart

🐺I hope you guys like my story, if you want me to write some words for you feel free to prompt me anytime! I’d love to write for you!

Derek Hale x Reader

1,500 words

You have been under Derek’s protection for the last several months, and so naturally you are always with him. His ex, who had only a year ago shown up with a 6 year old, and said that she has come to her senses and felt her son deserved to know his father, has seen you with him and is convinced you’re trying to keep him from connecting with his son. One evening you’re left alone at the loft with his son and she finds out and rushes over to confront you.

“Derek, I swear we’ll be OK.” You looked behind you for backup from the tiny dinosaur coloring at the kitchen counter, “Right, Rowdy?”

“Yeah! Just go, Derek!” Rowdy shouted, oblivious to the sadness that swept over his father’s face at the use of his name. “We need popcorn!! I can take care of Y/N, don’t worry bout her!”

You could see Derek was torn. He desperately wanted to bond with his son, but he also promised Deaton he would protect you. Deaton had saved his ass more times than Derek cared to admit, and he saw him as family. So when he brought you to him he didn’t hesitate.

He let out a long sigh and conceded. “Fine, but if you hear anything at all…”

“I know, I know, get in the safe room and call you immediately.” You interrupted him and shoved him towards the door. “I have powers too, you know. I can protect him if need be.”

“I know that, but its dangerous for you to use your powers too much when we don’t know how to keep it from draining your energy.” He put a hand on your shoulder and squeezed lightly. “I’ll be 20 minutes, tops.”

“Go!” You and Rowdy shouted in unison.

Derek threw his hands up in defeat and backed out if the door, but you both shared a brief look that confirmed that if anything should happen you would get the both of you to safety.

You locked the door behind him and turned back and went into the kitchen. “Let’s see…what is a T-Rex’s favorite drink anyway?” You looked in the fridge then looked over at Rowdy from over the refrigerator door. “Milk, juice, hot chocolate?”

He didn’t even look up from his coloring, “Gin martinki, please.”

It took everything in you to hold a straight face. “And where did you learn that drink?”

He was all smiles when he looked up, “Stiles!. He said it would give da-Derek an aneu…aneur…” His face scrunched up while he tried to remember the word.

“An aneurysm?” You said with a look that you hoped was serious enough.

He didn’t even notice. “That’s it!” he exclaimed cheerfully. “Can I have hot chocolate like before, Y/N?”

You smiled, completely charmed by the tiny Hale. You couldn’t keep the smile from your face while you warmed some milk and mixed it with chocolate sauce and blackberry puree you made. You spent an awful lot of time in the loft and so you started trying different recipes you found online.

Derek and his son were always good about trying anything you made. You appreciated it, but you wish Derek would be as honest as Rowdy was when he didn’t like it. Rowdy would make a face and be wonderfully over-dramatic, while Derek would eat or drink everything you handed him whether it tasted great, or like garbage with a smile on his face.

Oh that smile…

You were getting way too accustomed to his smile. When the pack comes over he is all seriousness and they loved to tease him about his need to find someone to teach him to lighten up. You liked to imagine his smiles were special, that they were because you made him happy. Maybe lessened the burden in his heart. Even if just a bit.

But you knew better. You knew Deaton told him that your safety was vital to the safety of the pack and he was afraid to scare you off.

You pushed thoughts of Derek aside and turned, setting one with colored marshmallows in front of your favorite dinosaur. “Alright, finish this up here and then you can pick the movie we’ll watch when your dad gets back”

While Derek was checking out at the store he ran into his ex Jess, and before he could explain the entire situation she ran out and left for the loft, furious that he would trust Rowdy with you. Derek finished paying and followed shortly behind.

Jess made it there first and used the spare key Derek gave her in case of emergency. She let herself in as quietly as possible, but was stopped in her tracks when she heard Rowdy ask you why mommy didn’t like you. She pulled out her phone ready to record you slandering her to her son. Derek ran up just behind her just in time to hear your response.

“What was that?” You had heard him, but hoped that he’d forget and move on to deciding on a film. You had a stack of 10 DVDs on the coffee table and you weren’t making any progress.

“Why doesn’t mommy like you, Y/N?” He looked confused, “I like you, you’re fun, you color with me, and you make really good hot chocolate!”

You smiled at Rowdy and eliminated one of the DVDs and pushed the stack to him. “Your mommy just doesn’t know me very well yet, that’s all.”

“She said she knows your kind. She said you want have Derek for yourself.” He took one movie off and put it in the elimination pile, before pushing it back. “I don’t believe that at all. You like me around, right?!”

“I love having you around, goober.” You tapped the edge of a DVD case on the table while you considered your next words. “You wanna know what I think about your mom?”

Rowdy nodded, eyes wide.

Jess shot Derek a smug look, certain she was about to confirm all her suspicions.

“I know that your mom loves you very very much.” You pushed the stack back after taking one down. “And she doesn’t know me yet, so she worries. It’s perfectly natural. She loves you so much that she just couldn’t stand it if anyone would hurt you or your dad.”

He seemed to be rolling that thought around in his mind then nodded. “She’ll change her mind.”

You smiled and tilted your head to the side. “You sure about that, huh?”

“Yup! Once she sees how much you love us, she will trust you and then you can make her hot chocolate and she’ll have to like you!” He looked every bit like his father, all serious business while he looked over the last of the DVDs, before pulling out a documentary about wolves. Naturally.

For the third week in a row.

You laughed as you put back the movies that didn’t get chosen. “That would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

As you walked back and sat on the couch, Rowdy climbed up and settled down next to you. “When you marry Derek, will you still have movie nights with me?”

You were certain your mouth would have actually hit the ground were it physically possible. “Why do you think I’m going to marry your dad, Rowd?”

“You live with him. When you cook something awful he still eats it.” He paused only long enough to take a breath before rambling on, “I’ve seen him watch your butt. He does it almost as much as you watch his butt!” He screwed up his face and looked grossed out. “Grownups are so weird, but you do like him, don’t you?”

You could feel the heat in your cheeks, but you were eternally grateful no one else would hear this. “Can you keep a secret for me?”

He jumped up at that and nodded so vigorously he almost flung himself off the couch.

You steadied him with one hand, charmed by his enthusiasm. “I like your daddy very much.” You looked down at your hands, “The problem is, he doesn’t like me the same way. But don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. We can still have movie nights.”

Jess looked over and nearly snorted at the look of shock on Derek’s face. She smiled and patted his arm before nodding toward you and winking. She mouthed “I’ll call in the morning” and slipped out the door before slamming it closed behind her.

You nearly jumped out of your skin when you heard the door. You turned to see Derek looking deep in thought and lacking any sign of having gone to the store. “You OK?”

Derek just looked confused and repeated, “OK?”

You gestured to his empty hands. “Did something happen?” When his expression didn’t get any clearer you started to get concerned. “The popcorn?”

Derek snapped out of it and suddenly he was suspiciously all smiles. “I left it in the car. I’ll be right back.”

Derek felt his phone vibrate on his way out and found a message from Jess waiting for him.

Jess: Don’t wait forever to tell them how you feel. Good luck!

Derek jogged out to the car and back. He hesitated at the door and took a deep breath before coming inside to face his feelings instead of pushing them to the back burner.

🐺If anyone is interested I’ll post a part 2! I just didn’t want to make it too long! I hope you liked it!

Part 2

[antagonistchanremade]

This SMBC comic does actually remind me of one of my actual semi-religious beliefs.

Like I’m not a religious person, I am passionately agnostic.

But I fully believe that if I was Christian (or any other faith that this applied to, I’d be surprised if this didn’t also apply to Islam and Judaism since those three are all so closely related), my explanation for this sort of thing- evidence against the existence of God, like dinosaur bones- would be that He put those things there as a test of faith. Because like, again I’m not Christian and never have been (my mom’s agnostic and my dad’s atheist), but if I understand correctly, He’s really big on the idea that you can never know for sure if He exists, He wants you to believe on faith alone. I mean, if He wasn’t, why wouldn’t He just show himself? So... yeah, it would be perfectly in-character for Him to deliberately plant fake evidence that outright denies His existence.

Which is part of why I can’t stand these kinds of people like the guy in the comic who’ll try to slander scientists as “devil-worshippers” trying to lead people astray. I mean, yeah, most of it is that it’s slander and people trying to force their beliefs onto others and that science is actually really awesome... but a part of it is that my explanation- that God Himself put them there to hide His own existence- makes just as much sense, without the baggage.

It is an undeniable fact that there is objectively a shit ton of evidence that suggests things like dinosaurs and evolution. What you can hold onto is the idea that God Himself falsely planted those signs to test our faith.

[incorrect-kotor-quotes]

Revan: What exactly do you wanna know?

The Exile: Simple: what have you all been doing since the Star Forge?

Revan: Everyone adjusted to the peace and quiet different. Some of us were naturals.

Jolee: Don't hate the player.

Carth: Canderous got hopelessly depressed after not dying heroically on the Star Forge!

Canderous: Usen'ye! Baseless slander!

Carth: But you said—

Canderous: I am hopelessly depressed after not dying heroically on the Star Forge! We need a new enemy! Something to fight...where are you all going?

Revan: Canderous wasn't the only one having a hard time adjusting to inaction...

Bastila: ...What?

Carth: Fortunately, we found a tutor.

Bastila: Help me, Jolee. Help me be the best at being lazy.

Jolee: You're not ready, padawan.

Bastila: I can try!

Jolee: No. There is no try.

Juhani: The peaceful times did not last too long. Turns out this planet has some native lifeforms.

Mission: AAAAHHH, RUUUUN!

Zaalbar:

Bastila: While everyone debated if dying as food was technically ironic, T3 went and made friends with the dinosaurs.

HK-47: Annoyance: Because of course he did.

T3-M4: [Aw, who's a good boy? Aw, you are, good boy!]

Revan: T3, get down!

Canderous: Tell him to fight me!

Bastila: AND THEN MISSION SOMEHOW MANAGED TO BURN DOWN OUR BASES!

Mission: Whoopsy-daisy!

Carth: Oh-ho, why, oh-why-oh-why?!

Mission: I told you! It was a simple mishap with my vanilla-satin scented candles! Sheesh!

Canderous: We lost eighty-percent of our rations in the fire, so fuzzy over here started going around and eating native plants!

Zaalbar: *walks up to a mushroom*

Carth: Oh, and as it turns out? The mushrooms are basically glitterstim ON GLITTERSTIM.

Zaalbar: *untranslatable, coked-up roaring*

Revan: Yeah? Well at least I didn't spend my summer learning Lehonese!

Bastila: I thought "Lehonese" was Rakatan for "Rakatan".

Revan: And now we're the only two people in the universe who speak a dead language! How appropriate!

Bastila: Yehone kuriba. (I'm so alone.)

Jolee: That's right around when we tried to raise some money for new bases by selling off our movie rights.

Carth: Lucasfilm really screwed the pooch on that one.

Mission: Oh, we were rich!

Revan: And then we realized water parks were way more awesome than bases!

Bastila: So we built the galaxy's greatest...water park.

Non-Bastilas: Yay!

Bastila: Yay.

Canderous: AND THEN MISSION—

Mission: Whoopsy-daisy.

Canderous: I MEAN HOW DO YOU BURN DOWN A WATER PARK, MISSION?!

Mission: I didn't burn down the whole water park! Just the "park" part!

T3-M4: [And then we formed the best band ever!]

Bastila: Juhani thought it might attract...chicks.

Juhani: Which worked.

Carth: Godspeed! You Galactic Emperor!

Juhani: AeroSith!

Carth: How about deadg1zka?

Revan: Hey, I heard you're looking for a singer.

Juhani: Um, yes! Chick singers are awesome!

Carth: Can you sing, though?

Revan: Can I sing?

Juhani: Revan sings. So good.

Revan: Thank you.

Carth: Oh, and we're definitely not just saying that because she could kill us.

HK-47: Strained: So. Good.

Mission: HK decided to make his own enemy, so he built an evil droid army to invade our valley!

Jolee: But the droids malfunctioned and attacked the dinosaurs.

*offscreen dinosaur-droid battle occurs*

Carth: I have seen some amazing things in my life, but this...this takes the cake.

Revan: Candy found a new enemy. One that would keep him busy for the rest of our time here.

Canderous: For far too long our people have been oppressed, crushed, under the weight of ourselves! If we don't start standing up to our mortal foe gravity, by Mandalore, who will?

Bastila: Are we really going to let this play out?

Carth: Why not see where it goes?

Canderous: Buckle up, Wookiee! It's time we take this fight to the enemy!

Zaalbar: [Please no.]

Canderous: Chaaaarge! *drives swoop bike off a cliff*

Juhani: But that just meant the light side had one more swoop bike than the dark side.

Canderous: Gentlemen, we simply cannot let the light side have tactical superiority over the canyon! This means war! Light. VS. Dark!

Zaalbar: [Shit.]

Revan: That helped us realize just how outdated this whole light side-dark side thing really is.

Carth: So we had a meeting to debate a new form of government.

Jolee: I vote anarchy.

Canderous: You can't vote anarchy, old man!

Bastila: Monarchy. Whoever holds the yellow double-bladed saber shall rule.

Canderous: Military dictatorship!

Revan: Matriarchy.

Mission: Oh! How about malarkey?

Carth: Mission, that's not a type of government. It just means meaningless talk and nonsense!

Everyone: ...

Carth: Malarkey won.

T3-M4: [Hey, you haven't mentioned the dark place!]

Mission: Oh yeah! Somehow T3 got stuck in another dimension!

T3-M4: [Hello? Anyone there? THIS IS AWESOME!]

*looking at the "Stranger Things" Christmas light wall*

Carth: "Beep". He just...keeps saying "Beep".

Revan: Oh, and we found Candy dead!

Mission: Sweet.

Juhani: We decided to bury him in a shallow, unmarked grave.

Canderous: Aw, dammit! I can't find my armor!

Revan: Turns out he was just...skinny-dipping.

Canderous: Guess I'm going au natural! Nice and breezy!

Bastila: AAAAAHHHH, RUN!

Carth: OH, THE IRONY!

Bastila: But that wasn't even the weirdest thing that happened! Canderous. Grew. A beard...

Canderous: It's kind of...itchy.

Mission: And then this morning Revan spiked Bastila's couscous with her spice-spice shrooms!

Revan: You know, for the lulz.

Bastila: Ochina wumma conbithki!

Canderous: Anyone seen my tanning oil?

Revan: Dammit Canderous, we have guests! Put some clothes on!

Carth: Oh ho, Cheap Jedi Mind Trick!

Juhani: Pink Droid!

Canderous: SUCK IT, FORCE!

Revan: It's been AWFUL! Instead of a peaceful retirement, it's been the same damn shit, with the same damn idiots!

[flowersintheattic254]

Where your argument falls flat is the 1. you only care if Darren is gay or purple dinosaur; you can't stand the idea that would be straight and 2. YOU getting flake for being a bully is the cost for horrendous amount of BULLYING the CC tinhatters put on Mia and Will. You have the right to have an opinion about Darren but NOT to PUBLICLY state that opinion &whip up a frenzy as if it is a fact. CC is YOUR FICTION and speaking it as fact is very damaging to Mia & Will that has devolved to slander

Wow that’s a lot of accusations in and you’ve  kind of proved my response about hypocrisy in the fandom so thanks for that.

1. I’ve never said I could not stand the idea of Darren being straight I mean it would make my life easier as a fan wouldn’t it?  - but based on what I’ve seen and know, his own behaviour towards ‘his gurl’ and his suspect living arrangements and yes Mia’s behaviour I don’t believe he is.  Also let’s say you are right and I’m wrong and he is with M that still doesn’t mean he is STRAIGHT!!.  I mean you are on tumblr so should appreciate the diversity and fluidity of sexuality and if you were confident in your beliefs you wouldn’t troll us.   

2.You excuse your bullying by saying it’s in response to ours.  Pretty hypocritical of you don’t you think?  You may dislike CC’ers but you are doing the same thing you accuse us of doing and telling us we are to blame for your actions so that’s OK then is it!!? Does thinking Darren’s straight get you an exemption from YOUR bullying behaviour.  

3.Anon you are pretty illogical.  You tell me I should not state my opinion publicly and then come onto an anon ask where I have no choice but to respond publicly???  So you’ve played yourself there. It’s my blog so I write what I want especially when things need calling out like you.

4.Whipping up a frenzy.  I think the only person in a frenzy right now is you, but thanks for the vote of confidence in our CC abilities.

5.If you want to look for cc posts you have to go looking,  You must be seeing WAY more CC posts than I do.

6.Devolved really is a word I’d use for discussion on government or power so your sentence does not make sense….and SLANDER (nice use of a legal term ;)I’m pretty sure that any court in the land would uphold my assertion that Mia CANNOT sing and who made you W and M’s protector anyway.  Self righteous much!!

…and finally as someone said on the original post you can still be a fan of Darren’s even if you see things differently.

Now that’s an opinion I fully support.

[luciferneedsconsent-blog]

Note to Self

Gabriel writes a note to himself

Characters: [Gabriel, Lucifer{mentioned}] Pairing: [none] Word Count: 1285 Rating: M/PG-13 Team A Prompt: Note-to-self Triggers: drugs, alcohol, light violation of physical misconduct, abuse (human and animal{mentioned})

Read on AO3

Lucifer, you're my brother. And I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks.

Wait, what did you just say to me?

Look at yourself! Boo hoo! Daddy was mean to me, so I'm gonna smash up all his toys.

Watch your tone.

Play the victim all you want. But you and me? We know the truth. Dad loved you best. More than Michael, more than me. Then he brought the new baby home and you couldn't handle it. So this is all just one big temper tantrum. Time to grow up.

Gabriel, if you're doing this for Michael...

Screw him. If he were standing here, I'd shiv his ass too.

You disloyal--

Oh, I'm loyal. To them!

Who? These so called Gods?

To people, Lucifer. People

So you're willing to die, for a pile of cockroaches. Why?

Because Dad was right. They are better than us.

They are broken. Flawed! Abortions.

Damn right they're flawed. But a lot of them try. To do better, to forgive. And you should see the Spearmint Rhino! I've been riding the pine a long time. But I'm in the game now, and I'm not on your side, or Michael's. I'm on theirs.

No one makes us do anything.

I know you think you're doing the right thing, Gabriel. But I know where your heart truly lies.

---

Gabriel knew damn well about how flawed God’s creations were. When he first sought out refuge on Earth, he had understood why Lucifer hated humanity so much. He was homeless, living with nothing but the tattered clothing on his back from his great fall. His body was bruised, deep cuts covering him head to toe. When he crash landed, he had been damaged, unable to repair himself for some time. He would roam the alleyways in search of a place to stay; sometimes even coming across a tunnel, only to inevitably be chased out by some low lifes who were high on anything they could come across. He would get beaten, screamed at, and whenever he tried to seek some help he wouldn’t even get people to stare him in the eyes. He wasn’t sure if it was because they were heartless, though his Father made them with their own hearts and blood and sympathy. Was he too ugly to be looked at? Too damaged?

Gabriel ended up living as a renegade. How could Heaven serve them? People were horrible. If anyone just needed help, they would turn a blind eye and pretend as if they never saw it coming. People were heartless, if someone was being robbed, no one would jump in and retrieve the wallet or purse. Even the “protectors” of the people were corrupt. The officers of the law would unjustly use their tasers and guns for what they believed was “the greater good” when they hadn’t any suspicion of criminal intent. People would drug each other, touch each other when it wasn’t agreed upon. They would lie, cheat, and steal. They would kill one another over a loaf of bread, they gave no thought about the others in their lives. Humans didn’t care if they spat in your face, broke your bone--if you were lucky they would make your death quick and easy. They loved to torture, craved the overflow of blood on their hands. They always looked for newer, more exciting ways to end someone’s life. They would drown, burn at the stake, stretch a body so far that the limbs would rip off. They would have wars in God’s name, but failed to realize that wasn’t what God wanted in the first place. Humans were merciless.

For a time, Gabriel considered joining Team Lucifer. He never saw humans as anything to be proud of, never saw them as something to brag about. He hated his Father for creating them, for forcing the angels to love humanity more than they loved him. Why would they love something so dishonorable? Something so broken far beyond repair when they could love something so perfect? Why did God have to get up and leave, making them deal with the human dickery--or so how Gabriel put it.

Humans killed what didn’t need to be murdered, they destroyed God’s green planet to build factories that polluted his fresh air. Humans made amazing creatures extinct, and lock them up for entertainment. Humans forced animals to push the limits of their very bone structure just to put on a circus act. They made elephants paint, lions stand on balls, bears wear clothing--it was torture, named as the Ringling Brothers Circus. If he could, he would have put humanity up for adoption, but he knew he needed to give them a chance, to understand why God loved them above all--above Lucifer of all.

So Gabriel headed out, he was able to repair himself, and with a heavy heart he tried to understand humans as best he could. He read poetry, listened to historical podcasts. He visited churches, and temples, and mosques, learning about the love that humanity held. He attended peace gatherings--nearly weeping at the love and support he found. He watched firemen rescue kittens from trees, dogs from burning buildings and humans from rubble. Gabriel listened to music, from classic to pop. He went to museums and learned what the humans had discovered, from dinosaurs to artworks from Leonardo da Vinci to new modern. Gabriel visited soup kitchens and homeless shelters, he saw how whenever they messed up they would apologize. He watched people fall in love and get married. He saw the unconditional love between humans and their offspring, he saw how much they loved, and had hope. Humans will always have hope. That’s what he learned. No matter how horrible their life got, no matter how badly they were treated, no matter if no one believed in them, no matter any and all injustices that had slandered their names--they always had hope. The humans always pushed through. They would protest for a better world, they would believe in themselves--in their future, they ignored the horrible beliefs against them and they would carry on with weight piled so high on their shoulders, they were sure to collapse. But they didn’t. They kept marching, they kept defending what they thought was right. In times of heartbreak and loss, they would unite as a world and spread love far beyond Gabriel’s wildest dreams.  

Humanity had faith. They had faith that they could fix what was broken, they had faith in themselves. They believed that they could overcome their obstacles, with just a little bit of elbow grease. Most of all, they tried. If they were wrong, or mistreated, if they were abused, they would always try to right themselves, to forgive what had happened to them. They tried to learn from their mistakes, and teach others about these consequences. Gabriel couldn’t fathom how much generosity humanity held. If someone needed shelter, the humans would gladly lend them a room.

Gabriel learned then that Heaven and Hell couldn’t be an option. If Lucifer were to win, darkness would seep over the world and destroy what good that was in it. If Michael won, the planet would be wiped clean of any and all existence. Gabriel couldn’t side with his stuck-up brothers, they didn’t even care about humanity. To them, humanity was just something that would have to pay the price. From then on Gabriel made a note to himself, to protect humanity at all costs. Sure, they were broken, and flawed. But they did try, and they did their best to forgive. That was worth saving to Gabriel, and he would gladly give up his life to side with humanity. His greater good.