#I will never be completely happy with my decision to go to UMass

[2am-euphoria]

the MOODboard series (6/?): THE PRESENT

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”

[blackuigryphonvr]

My very top favorite #Pokemon in #PokemonGo Have changed a number of times since I first started playing.

I would say that Pikachu, Eevee, and just about EVERYTHING DRAGON and/or Legendary goes without saying! Those are everyone’s favorite! I liked Pikachu even before I ever liked Pokémon. And I was often on the fence over whether or not I even liked Pokémon back in the day. But Pikachu is just so perfectly cute! I also love everything Dragon and mythical already.

I originally never wanted to play Pokémon Go because it seemed to be causing trouble IRL. But, my daughter wouldn’t give up n lobbied me as nausium to play w her n the local little children in the neighborhood who needed an adult to go outside with them. （human abduction trafficking is a serious problem) So, to humor the kids I downloaded the app n reluctantly began playing.... not long after the 1st hour, I couldn’t stop playing, n played every day for weeks!

I noticed there were a number of unicorns that were Pokémon n I love unicorns 🦄!

So, at first I was very fond of Weedle. I took a number of photos w Weedle.

Then, I started going to classes at UMASS Boston. So, I kept playing, and I really liked #Gengar:

I would’ve continued to play but the size of the app got so large that by early 2018, I had to delete it off of my old original iPhone.

But after a videography gig I did in May last year, my coworker told me the game was updated n better than ever. I’d made the conscious decision in June to completely leave Facebook n deactivated my account there.

So, I needed something to fill the void.

I was overwhelmed when I went back to play and forgot everything. I forgot what to do, and how to play. I also felt pretty lost in my life n spent much of my time working on video & animation.

But, by the end of August I started playing here and there. By September my kid n spouse went back to school, but I didn’t. So I had ample time to play.

But my iPhone kept getting hacked. It destroyed my old iPhone so by October Apple got me a new replacement. (Id been having a terrorism hacker problem for several years)

But, once I got that new iPhone I went fully hardcore. I pushed myself to do raids, Level up, and try to take on the gym myself. Eventually I started doing it. I never really did raids before that.

I noticed that when I played Pokémon Go I actually felt happy. I already enjoyed going outside whenever the weather was good.

I started to notice that a certain Pokémon used to make me feel especially happy inside which was #squirtle! I would feel very giddy and excited! So I would often try to find them! It soon became my favorite!

Then #Mudkip was out, and I was just as enamored w that one! I only have 2!

Then, #Lickitung! Lickitung is like a weird funny cute cute that’s adorable!

Those were my top favorites this year....

Until I started finding #Bulbasaur everywhere!

Currently Bulbasaur n all the Evolutions of it are my favorites!

I just love the cute moody Bulbasaur! It’s so adorable!

#MyPokemonGoLife #PokemonGo

[lalalarisssaaa]

11:11 07/27/2018

It has been 9 months, 11 days and 9 hours since my world changed.

June 7th I graduated high school and things were great for a few months. Then October 16th, 2017 approached and it was like the world was against me, against my happiness and the well-being of my family.

On October 16th, at approximately 2:06pm I watched my mother fade out of this world and into her afterlife. I remember the day so clearly. I remember getting a phone call somewhere between 4-5am from my cousin who was practically raised as my sister; she was informing me that the emergent surgery we put my mother trough the previous day wasn’t enough and that it was time for us to go in an make a decision. Now that decision wasn’t just any decision, it was one that would change me as a person, one that would change the world I thought I was living in. I had to rush to UMASS Hospital in Worcester Ma to decide whether I wanted to continue letting machines breathe for my mother or if I wanted to let them keep her alive until her body no longer could last on them. I remember thinking about it, as hard as I could without being selfish and deciding with my cousin and my brother that it just wasn’t what she would have wanted.

The rest of the day we were taking our time saying our goodbyes and holding her hands so she knew she wasn’t alone, even though we all knew she couldn’t wake up or talk to us. We waited for family and we just spent hours in that room holding off. The nurse in charge of her medications were trying to rush us to “pull the plug” and I remember being so mad, so mad that somebody who has no idea who my mother was, who she was to me wanted us to hurry up and end her life. I felt so angry it made the pain worse. I remember sitting on the side of the bed and holding her hand expecting her to squeeze back, but she didn’t. She was just cold, swollen and pale. I didn’t recognize my own mother that day.

It wasn’t until we finally gave the go ahead to end life support that I began to grasp what was happening, and I wanted to scream for them to turn the machines back on, I wanted to scream at them for not catching the problem sooner... but it wasn’t their fault, it was another doctor at another hospital who was to careless to acknowledge on going issues. I wanted to scream at the world for taking away the one person who I knew I could always call, I could always show up on her doorstep for anything and know that even though she couldn’t give me everything under the sun, she sure did her best and it was the best feeling and love I ever received in my life. I remember when she was gone, the doctors expected us to hurry out of there, but I didn’t want to go. I just wanted to hug her, but I couldn’t even look at her without freaking out. I remember at one point, I just sat down and the words “that’s my mom” fell out of my mouth and I couldn’t breathe, all I could do was cry and panic. How could the woman who give me life, lose hers?

From that day I haven’t been the same person, I fell back into some dark places I hadn’t been in for years. I stopped caring, communicating and eating. I started staying out late, I started driving aimlessly for hours because I knew that if I never went home, I’d never notice that she wasn’t there. I gave up on myself, and allowed everyone else around me to lose interest in helping me feel better. Friends tried, family tried and nothing would make me feel anything but angry. I spent months numb, I was angry inside but I couldn’t feel it. I just thought about it. Imagine putting your whole body in a tub of ice until it hurt, but you were numb to touch.. that’s how I spent everyday. My body and heart ached, and they still do... but I’m not numb anymore.

Grief is weird, it comes in waves and not small ones, but whole tsunamis.

Grief has been something that has completely changed me socially, mentally and physically. I have had to become stronger in the last 9 months than I ever have been in my 19 years of life. I have had to learn that randomly out of the blue I would have moments of complete dark thoughts, panic attacks and no appetite. I have accepted that there are moments where I can’t breathe and it feels like someone’s choking me, I have accepted the numb feeling that comes along with the rest. I accepted that some nights I will wake up screaming because I relive letting my moms life end in-front of me, relive the moment I felt the machines stop and her take one last breath. Where there is acceptance there is strength and it’s really changed me. I’ve started to communicate more with friends I pushed away, I eat healthier and I sleep better. I got help eventually, my doctors put me on medications for anxiety, depression and a sleep aid. I spent a few weeks on those meds, until I became completely dependent on them and addicted to the sleeping aids. I spoke up and they took me off and I had to relearn how to sleep without Lorazepam, I had to learn how to cope with what was happening in my brain and it was beyond hard. But I am making progress, I am finding myself and it feels good. I just wish she was here for it.

I start a new job on Monday morning and all I can think about is how proud she would be of me, how happy she’d be when I could spoil her the way she deserved to be spoiled. It’s hard to know I can’t do that, but I know she’s still proud of me and I know she’s with me every step. Everyday since I lost her and everyday forward... everything I do in this life I have is for her. I am going to make my mother the proudest mother in heaven. I am going to conquer everything that comes my way, and no one is stopping me. Not people, not anxiety, not depression and most certainly... not grief. I have come so far and it has been such a long road... a road I don’t ever want to see anyone else travel down, but someday this road will be worth it. I am alive, I am going to slowly start feeling even better and I am going to keep fighting because if she was here, that’s what she would want me to do.

I miss you so much mom and it’s been so hard without you, but it has brought me to realize just how precious my life is and just how precious my first 18 years of life were with you. I will always wish for you to be here and I will always love and miss you more than you could ever possibly imagine... but the next 30 or so years are for you. Everything is for you.

Love, Rissy

[pongpalace]

A Fucking Cliché

Written for Day 7 of @nurseydexweek: Future NurseyDex. Technically a sequel to Stupid Christmas Christmas Gift Giving Traditions but can be read on it's own, just know that Christmas is a "a myth invented by evil capitalists in order to make people enter unwillingly into a social contract in which they’ll always be miserable because it’s a cycle that never ends" but Nursey's okay with being the lifetime social contract of gift giving with Dex. Completely unbeta’d and I know nothing about English as a discipline. 

Also on ao3

Dex has had the box since before Christmas.

He knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Nursey, almost as soon as they got their shit together in their last year at Samwell and did something about the sexual tension that, according to Chowder, was threatening to choke the team. Moving in together after graduation into the little apartment in Boston had only cemented that. Nothing made Dex happier than coming home from work to find Nursey there on their couch smelling of coffee and full of stories about customers and coworkers or with a progress report on his dissertation (those were his favourite days; Nursey looked his best when his eyes were bright and his cheeks flushed as he told Dex about his most recent breakthrough.) A ring in a box on their fourth Christmas as a couple seemed like a natural progression of their relationship, even if College sweethearts was an overdone, clichéd trope.

Then Nursey comes home from work one day on a tangent about Christmas, capitalism, and the social construct of gift giving as part of lifetime contract that has Dex panicking until Nursey clarifies; “I’m okay with being in a social contract with you until I die,” and Dex is able to breath easy again, knowing that they're on the same page.

Dex means to give Nursey the ring that Christmas Eve but he gets distracted by Nursey waking him up with breakfast in bed on their first day of shared vacation and then they're travelling to spend the holidays with family and asking Nursey to be in a lifetime socially constructed contract with him gets pushed to the side in favour of eating their parents’ home cooking and catching up with relatives and he never finds the perfect moment he imagined when the ring first caught his eye so it stays wrapped in a sock at the bottom of Dex's suitcase the whole time they're with their families.

New Year's comes and they go to Time's Square after dinner with Nursey's moms and dad to watch the ball drop. Dex has the ring in his pocket, having put it there when he shakes it out what is his last pair of clean socks, forgetting it was there and almost losing it down the drain. He briefly considers getting down on one knee during the countdown but it's so crowded that he can't move from where he's plastered against Nursey's back, his chin resting on his shoulder to watch the screen. He spent the whole hour leading up to midnight worried that Nursey could feel the outline of the ring in Dex's pocket (he's wearing the skinny jeans Dex knew Nursey loves seeing him in) but even as Nursey grinds back against when Dex a little too innocently when someone pushed past them, he gives no indication of feeling anything.

They chant along with the crowd when the 60 second countdown flashes on the screen; Dex whispering the numbers between pressing his lips to the spot just under Nursey's ear that makes him laugh. They hit zero laughing loudly when Nursey's aggressive elbow hits nothing and only Dex’s arms around his waist kept him from falling on the icy ground.

Their first kiss of the New Year is interrupted when the people around them start clapping and cheering in a way that's different from the normal New Year's celebratory shouts. They pull apart to see a man on one knee putting a ring onto a woman who has happy tears streaming down her face as she nods vigorously.

The ring in Dex's pocket feels like it's on fire now and his cheeks heat up as he considered shouldering people out of the way so he has room to get to his knee.

“Man, what a cliché,” Nursey says, grinning as he rolls his eyes. He tucks his hand into Dex's mitten and pulls him away from the couple, now in a passionate embrace.  The ring looks really good on the woman's finger, Dex notes. Probably not as good as the silver band in his pocket but he's weirdly relieved he hadn't asked. If Nursey is chirping strangers about the unoriginality of a New York New Year’s Eve proposal, Dex know he'd never live the cliché down.

They go back to Boston and the ring finds a home in Dex's toolbox, one of the only places that he is 100% sure Nursey won't go into for fear of messing up whatever organizational system he thinks Dex has. Dex can't keep a toolbox organized to save his life, but he's not complaining about the rumour someone started at Samwell about him being intense about his tools if it keeps Nursey out of his hiding place.

Dex thinks about where the ring is every time Nursey sticks his cold toes under Dex’s thigh when they’re home from work together, but it’s never a good time to run and get the ring so he just stays there, rolling his eyes because it’s expected of him at this point, but enjoying that Nursey would rather be close to him than use the throw blanket they keep on the back of the couch. The closeness is important to Dex, even after all this time.

January turns into February quickly and March and April pass just as fast and the ring doesn’t move from the toolbox. In May, Nursey gets another step closer to becoming “Dr. Nurse,” and Dex couldn’t be prouder as he sits with their families to watch Nursey cross the stage and get the degree that’ll put a M and A behind his name. After talking the decision through like adults, they decide that staying in Boston is the best choice for them; UMass has a good PhD English program and the Vice-Chief Technology Officer position is open at the start-up Dex joined right out of Samwell. He happily takes it when it's offered now that he knows they’ll be staying in the area for a while yet and with the pay increase, he and Nursey are able to upgrade out of their small apartment and into one a more centrally located between their jobs. The second bedroom is supposed to be an office space for both of them, but Dex finds he doesn't mind when the bookshelves start to overflow with what Nursey needs for his research and the desk gets messy with notes in Nursey's handwriting because asking Nursey about his work is easy when it's all laid out like that. Dex has always been attracted to competence and Nursey never looks better than when he's confidently walking Dex through his thesis statement again because Dex has a hard time wrapping his head around some of the terms.

With his master’s finished, Nursey quits the coffee shop and teaches summer courses that’ll eventually go towards his PhD teaching requirements. Dex thought he’d miss Nursey’s stories about the people at the coffee shop, but it turns out that he’s just happy to just listen to Nursey’s stories, doesn’t matter if they’re about ridiculous coffeeshop coworkers or undergrad students who have a lot of say for a 100-level class.

It’s during one of those stories in July, that Dex realizes the cliché perfect moment he’s been waiting for to ask Nursey to marry him has always been there. Cliché or not, Dex wants to spend the rest of his life with Nursey and he thinks a socially constructed contract is the best way to show that so he waits for Nursey to finish his story before excusing himself to dig around the toolbox for the ring. It’s as shiny as ever even after banging around there during the move and when he comes back into the living room and gets down on one knee between in front of Nursey's spot on the couch, they’re both grinning.

“Finally,” Nursey says before Dex can even say anything.

“Shut up,” Dex grumbles. He takes Nursey’s left hand in his right, running his hand over his knuckles. Nursey’s smile widens and he squeezes Dex’s hand tight. It helps soothe the butterflies that have suddenly sprung up in Dex's stomach.

“Derek Malik Nurse,” Dex starts.

“Oh my god,” Nursey laughs at his full name. “You’re such a cliché.”

“I'm not!" Dex protests. "I didn't ask you at Christmas when I got the ring!” Dex is pretty sure that he isn't supposed to glare while proposing so he concentrates on smoothing out his expression. Nursey's face softens into one of Dex's favourite smiles and Dex's forehead smoothes out completely.

“You've had a ring since Christmas?” Nursey asks. He unfolds himself from the cross legged position that he'd been sitting in while he told Dex about his day, and sits with his feet on the ground so that his knees are on either side of Dex. He presses a kiss to Dex's forehead when Dex answers his question with a nod so Dex feels the huff of laughter.

“Such a fucking cliché,” Nursey repeats. Dex groans and drops his head onto Nursey's thigh.

“Nurse, I'm trying to ask you to marry me, can you just-” Dex breaks off when Nursey grabs his chin and makes him look up at him. Nursey's smiling but his eyes are serious.

“Yeah Will,” he says softly. “I told you: there's no one I'd rather be in a social contract with until I die.” He makes a happy sound when Dex surges forward to press their lips together.

Looking back, Dex’ll realize that he never actually said the words to ask Nursey to marry him, but like the fucking cliché that they are, words weren't needed to agree that they just needed each other to be happy.

[mitchbeck]

CANTLON: PACK LAST FULL HOME WEEKEND OF PLAY

BY: Gerry Cantlon, Howlings HARTFORD, CT - The Hartford Wolf Pack have a pair of weekend games in which they seek to snap a five-game losing streak against the Utica Comets Saturday night and the Binghamton Devils Sunday afternoon. The task got a bit harder on Thursday when defenseman Ryan Lindgren was recalled for a second time likely to play in either one or both of the Rangers last two regular season games against Columbus and Pittsburgh. You can just call them the Hartford Junior Wolf Pack for the final two weekends of play. In addition to Lindgren’s recall, the Rangers announced the signing of two more collegians and recent junior hockey signing to ATO deals and sent two players back to Maine. Pack added collegiate forward in Harvard’s Lewis Zerter-Gossage. A Montreal area native, Gossage completed his four-years at Harvard after playing two years of prep hockey at Kent School. Current New York Rangers head coach David Quinn and player Boo Nieve also attended the western Connecticut private school. Hartford signed a local Springfield college product, Shawn McBride, the captain of American International College (AIC) from the AHA conference. He will likely play this weekend as will Gossage. AIC knocked off St. Cloud State in their first-ever NCAA Division 1 tourney game in one of the biggest upsets in college hockey history. He is the second McBride to play for the Wolf Pack in team history. Brock McBride played eight games in the 2008-09 season but is no relation. He is presently an assistant coach with the Cornwall Colts (CCHL) one of the 10 Junior A leagues in Canada. The junior player is Jake Elmer of the Lethbridge Hurricanes (WHL). He was signed last month and arrives here after Lethbridge dropped a seven-game first round series to the Calgary Hitmen, four games to three. They lost Game 7, 4-2. Elmer had a goal and six points in that first-round matchup. Through 68 regular-season games, Elmer was third in team scoring with 81 points with a team-leading 39 goals. The Hurricanes finished second in the WHL Central Division with a record of 40-18-5-5 and second highest offensive output in the WHL with 268 goals. One of his junior teammates, Jake Lechyshyn, a Las Vegas draftee, is the son of former Hartford Whaler, Curt Lechyshyn, who tallied ten points in the series tops in the WHL. One of his opponents for Calgary the son of Ed Kastelic, another Whaler, in Mark Kastelic. Two players were returned to the Maine Mariners. Ty Ronning had four goals and five points in 23 games, and Terrence Wallin, who was returned for the third time this season, has just one assist in 23 games. The Wolf Pack have an influx of junior and college players. One of them has a Connecticut address, Ryan Dmowski. The East Lyme born forward, a veteran of four games, Dmowski played at UMASS–Lowell, but his hockey GPS has landed in various parts of New England. Dmowski played against UCONN at the XL Center back on November 16th tallying two goals in a 5-2 win over the Huskies. Dmowski garnered the game’s First Star and was on the ice for the opening shift. “I had about 40 friends and family in the stands that night. It was a good game and I liked playing here when I was with UMASS (Lowell). I loved the atmosphere, and so far, the crowd has been awesome to me and I am very happy to be here.” Finding his way to Hartford was something special. “It’s been amazing; a dream come true to go pro, and even more special being here in Hartford. (I'm) just thrilled to get the opportunity. To be honest, I never thought I would be back here to start my career in Connecticut. (It's) kinda crazy how it works.” He talked with Providence and a few other AHL teams, but the best opportunity came from the Rangers. His hockey road map started in Rhode Island at age seven. After school, his grandfather would take him to North Smithfield, Rhode Island. It's an hour away each time to begin his first skate lengths of hockey. “I would get out of school, and my grandfather picked me up or my dad (Dave). All the dedication we both put in was incredible, and all worth it so far,” Dmowski said with a smile. When he finished Bantam-level play, he headed in the opposite direction and played for the Springfield Junior Falcons program when after his freshmen high school year, he put a new address in the GPS for Gunnery prep school in Washington, CT closer to New York state than Connecticut. “To be honest, I had no idea there was a Washington, Connecticut until I went there,” Dmowski said with a laugh, who had a fellow Highlander (Gunnery’s nickname) Terrence Wallin, older by three years, just sent back to Maine on the Wolf Pack roster, “(It's) kinda weird we took about the same hockey path and wound up here.” He went to a few P-Bruins and Wolf Pack games as a kid, but he spent more time honing his craft and schoolwork. His adjustment to the Wolf Pack has been a stretch playing with a new line almost every game. “It's been a bit stressful, but part of being a pro, and I’ve been doing a pretty good job getting to know everybody and a new line this week too.” Pack head coach, Keith McCambridge had Dmowski with Bobby Butler, the vet, and newcomer Shawn McBride. Butler, Dmowski, and McBridge…sounds like a law firm. “It’s so different here. The speed is so much different just getting used to that now. I’m just trying to get the puck in and not rushing myself and taking my time and learning to keep my feet moving and developing that confidence I’m gonna be good to go.” McCambridge likes what he's seen so far. “He carries himself well. He is a big body, has played well with the puck, and he's handled several different situations well.” It's audition time for the 2019-20 Wolf Pack roster for Dmowksi and his GPS will be putting in another address for the summer. ‘My girlfriend is going to graduate school at Sacred Heart University (Bridgeport) so we're looking for a place between Hartford and Bridgeport now.” The pro hockey map Dmowski has just begun. NOTES: A story has been was broken by the Rangers long-time beat writer Larry Brooks of the New York Post on Thursday that Glen Sather’s stepping down as Rangers President. Sather's retirement makes an already complicated offseason going to be a palace of intrigue as to where the deck chairs will fall. With Sather’s departure, expect Jim Schoenfeld, who held the post as Hartford GM for 10 years and was a head coach for one and who has been Sather’s right-hand man, will likely also get a golden parachute by either retirement or might find another new gig. The question now is who will be promoted or hired to take the upper echelon reigns? Jeff Gorton, Sather's hand-picked successor, is the present GM. Will he make the move upstairs or add this role to his portfolio? Chris Drury, the present assistant GM, and Hartford GM, could he be promoted? Will there be an overhaul of the entire Rangers scouting staff, professional North America, Europe, and amateur by a new team President? How will the Wolf Pack be affected? They're on the verge of a potential sub-par, below .500 season. What will happen with its coaching staff? How will a future team President feel about Hartford and the unresolved XL Center business? The Rangers also have serious player-personnel decisions to make in New York and Hartford in relation to next year’s cap space and with a looming potential labor stoppage in two years, and yes, the expansion draft in three years when Seattle enters the NHL family. Many questions to be answered over the next three and half months in preparation for the NHL Draft in Vancouver on the organization direction under a new regime. Read more HERE NEWS & NOTES This next story is without a doubt the best hockey story of the year. Former AHL player and now Pro Scout for the Arizona Coyotes, Craig Cunningham, who nearly died two years before an AHL game in Tucson, and by the true Grace of God is still among us, released a video showing him skating with his prosthetic leg at the San Diego Gulls practice facility. It was simply amazing, spectacular great news for a young man who suffered so much and has triumphed in the most outstanding way. Hope he gets some shifts in a game in a league where there isn’t as much hitting or contact-like in the Asia League Ice Hockey (ALIH) or in Australia (AIHL) and New Zealand (NZIHL) to end his career as a player, not as a heart attack victim. Read more HERE Despite having the same last name, the reporter in that story is of no relation. With the arrival of McBride, and Zerter-Gossage, plus Quinnipiac’s Brandon Fortunato signing with Nashville (NHL), the number of Division I players that have signed is up to 150 and that the total number of college players that have signed over the past month is 168. The first college coach signing as Chris Bergeron after nine season leaves the Bowling Green Falcons (WCHA) to take the reigns of his alma mater Miami (OH) RedHawks (NCHC). Bergeron, graduated in 1993 when the school won its first conference title (CCHA at that time) and made their first NCAA tournament appearance. The NCAA announced the three finalists for the Hobey Baker Award that will be given out in Buffalo next weekend at the site of the NCAA’s Frozen Four. It's a hat trick of finalists for the Hobey Baker Award. All three finalists are defensemen. Senior Jordan Schuldt, St. Cloud State Huskies (NCHC) who just signed an NHL free agent deal with the Vegas Golden Knights. The second is junior Adam Fox of Harvard who is a Carolina Hurricanes draft pick who is weighing whether to sign or wait another year and go the free agent route. Then there's UMASS-Amherst Minutemen sophomore Cale Makar, a Colorado Avalanche draft pick who is likely to go pro after next weekend. A unique college commit right from a CT prep school in Cooper Moore (Cos Cob) Brunswick School (Greenwich) with North Dakota (NCHC). Overseas we see former Whaler great Sami Kapanen retains his franchise owner and Chairman of the Board title with KalPa Kuopio (Finland-FEL) but relinquished his head coaching duties to take the job as head coach with HC Lugano (Switzerland-LNA) in the fall. His son Kasperi skated with the Toronto Maple Leafs. Ex-Sound Tiger goalie, C.J. Motte, who has played most of the season with Allen (ECHL) and some games with Iowa signs with HC Innsbruck (Austria-EBEL) for next season. Philippe Hudon, who played prep school hockey at Choate Rosemary Hall (Wallingford) after finishing his Canadian collegiate career with the Concordia Stingers (Montreal) (OUAA0 played 14 games with seven points for Florida (ECHL) was loaned to Laval (AHL). Read the full article

[johnnyscoronavivor]

Rights of Passage - Day 41

Good Morning finalists! Congratulations on making it to your final morning. I know you have all been taking your time writing up your opening statements, and I’d definitely take time to rehearse and polish what you have to say. The jurors are eager to hear from you and get an understanding why you deserve to win this game, which took over a month of all of your lives haha.

Jurors, this is what we call Rights of Passage. The final four prepared statements for you guys because you are their Fallen Comrades. Ultimately, without all of you, these guys would not be sitting where they are today. They had to vote out each of you to get to the finals, and this is a post about paying respects for the people who played this game, so without further ado, here we go...

Here’s some fun Survivor music if you wanna listen as you read:

28th Place: Ben Cohen

Brett: Tbh I thought we were going to be great allies in this game. Little did I know you didn’t want to play at all. So seeing you get voted out was kinda sad but not at all surprising

27th Place: Lorenzo DeScala:

Brett: Not really a smart move to drop different names to different people because word gets around and people talk, or so I’ve heard. 

Dylan: Pierre it was sad to see you go. I'll make it up to when this is all over baby. 

26th Place: Josh Aracena:

Bobby: Sorry Josh. I heard of how great of a player and how deadly of a threat you are and went with the decision to eliminate you early. I have a lot of respect for you dude and I’m sure you’ll do big things next game!

Brett: Didn’t talk game at all really. Not sure what happened that you got voted out so quickly.  

Jay: My Boy! You’ll always be my son (Little) and I know we are boys outside of this game. When it came to this game I know I had to do things differently and by sending you home it gave me a new identity. I’m sorry you went so early. 

25th Place: Wilson Tarnell:

Brett: It’s good that you took priority over school and other personal stuff. I really wanted to see what you were capable of and I’m I got to play this game with you 

24th Place: Ilya Rake:

Brett: Kind of bummed that we never talked game at all dawg 

Dylan: Shmill it itzzz what it izzzzzz

23rd Place: Keion Correll:

Brett: You should NOT have gone out the way you did. Resnik completely blindsided both you AND me. But just know that 4 rounds later we got revenge.

Jay: Really wish I was able to play with you. We definitely would’ve worked well together. 

22nd Place: Jack Bull:

Brett: Kinda surprised to see that you got voted out as I wasn’t really sure why. 

Dylan: You wanted to go home bud. I’m sorry. Real survivor will be different lol 

21st Place: Aidan Berk:

Brett: Why’d you walk from the game? I looked forward to seeing you and I play together.

Dylan: I’m sorry to send a fellow philly boy home but it was because we lost the challenge

20th Place: Aaron Isenberg:

Bobby: I love you bro. I’m sorry it had to end the way it did, I was hoping you would make it to the merge.

Brett: I’m so sorry you went out dude. You really didn’t do anything wrong. I had to lie to save my own ass and I hope you understand that.  

Dylan: I did not see you going home that round. That was a complete shocker

Jay: I really enjoyed getting to know you on my first tribe, and would’ve loved to keep working with you at merge, but sadly that didn’t happen.

19th Place: Alex Resnik:

Brett: You played hard. I caught on to what you were doing. 

Dylan: Buddy I still love u bud. We can chill in the pub when we go back bud 

18th Place: Zach Burruano:

Bobby: You played a great game and went hard at challenges. After the Josh vote,  I wasn’t sure who you were talking to, so you were a target in my eyes. I’ve heard about big moves you’ve made, and I’m excited to see what you’ll do in the future!

Brett: Kind of a shock that you were voted out. I didn’t really expect it

Jay: Dear Jimmy, I was really sad to see you go. You know this is a game and like I said in josh’s post, I had do things differently. You know outside of this game you’re my boy. I’m sorry you were voted out so early. Hopefully Jimmy will let me come to buffalo to get some Tim Hortons and drink Buffalo’s sweet Nectar (Labatt).  

17th Place: Flynn Townsend:

Bobby: Sorry dawg, I knew that you weren’t taking the game very seriously, so you were an easy target. I felt bad placing that vote tho bud. I’m excited to see what you do in the future!

Brett: Completely shocked that you got booted 8-1. Completely did not see that coming 

Jay: You are an amazing kid and I’m excited to see what you end doing in this frat. But for Survivor lol you never talked to me, so that was a reason you went home. 

16th Place: Justin Wooster:

Bobby: Sorry Justin, I wanted to see more of you but eliminating Sam would’ve not been great for me. I’ve heard great things about you though, and I’m excited to play with you in the future!

Brett: I greatly appreciate the fact that you covered for me during the whole incident with my exposed vote. I’m not sure how you did it. 

Dylan: It was a complete mind boggle seeing you go home. You played a hell of a game bud 

Jay: Really sad you were voted out before the merge, we could’ve really done some damage together, but things didn’t work out. If only Gary Jones could help you get of this mess maybe things would be different. 

15th Place: Ethan Konigsberg:

Brett: I’m not sure why you were gunning to get me out since literally day 1. I’m sorry to say the alliance you and I made on day 1 wasn’t real. Also you kinda messed up the story that Johnny told us.

Jay: Tony Soprano the LEGEND was knocked off too early RIP . 

14th Place: Henry Feigen:

Bobby: Henry, the small period that I was on the same tribe as you, I saw you go hard in multiple challenges. I respect your hustle and grind bro. I was sad to see you go. 

Brett: You played a hell of a game. You were just kinda guilty by association. I really would’ve liked to align with you had things gone different.

Dylan: Dad it was very sad seeing you go. I wanted the original plan to happen

Jay: I was really looking forward to working with you and Ryan again once we got to the merge, but sadly that didn’t happen. You were going to do great in this game like you did last year. Hopefully going out early has given time to reflect and most importantly work on your next banger. Can’t wait to talk soon. 

13th Place: Sam Myers:

Bobby: I’m sorry it had to end this way, Sam. You’re right, you are a good competitor but you openly talked with a lot of people which created a target on your back. You were a good ally and I kept my word that I wouldn’t turn on you until the merge. After the merge, however, you were too much of a target and threat to keep around. Love you, bro.

Brett: You know how to play. You know how to play HARD. Your name was being thrown around an awful lot and I just had to vote with the majority. I hope you understand that

Dylan: No hard feelings bud? It is a game and I still love ya. GO BIRDS

Jay: For all the Beef people think you and I have I actually really appreciated you in the game. I had a good time talking to you, but once things hit the fan with everyone, you had to go. I’m excited to talk to you soon and catch up. 

12th Place: Sam Abramson:

Bobby: Sam, I had a great time making some big moves together early in the game. After the merge, however, you had made moves on the other side and you clearly called the shots on your alliance. This created a target on your back and I viewed you the same. You’re a great competitor and a smart player!

Brett: We were great allies, we talked game together, and we schemed together. I was shocked that you were voted out. But after that tribal council I found out why. No hard feelings brother it’s just a game.    

Dylan: You’re from New England. Pats suck. GO BIRDS Super Bowl 52. Come back for real Survivor bud 

Jay: My Guy! You really surprised me with how much knowledge you had for the game. You were so much fun to work with and someone I actually really enjoyed talking to outside of the game. It was great to talk to you on a game level, I do miss you and happy you’re enjoying UMass. Excited to catch up soon. 

11th Place: Tyler Usen:

Bobby: Sorry Tyler, you found yourself on the wrong end of two alliances. You played a really good game and flew under the radar really well. However, as we reached the final 11, you became a target. I enjoyed working with you early and loved the competitiveness you brought to challenges. 

Brett: I’m terribly sorry you were voted out. You were extremely good at the immunity challenges pre-merge and I was threatened by you in that I felt like I couldn’t win against you in the end. I hope you understand and congrats on a great game played! 

Dylan: Giants suck. Go Birds. I am sorry I had to send you home bud. We’ll go at it in Gulag if you want 

Jay: I love you. You’re the fucking man and I’m so sorry about what happened. Shit hit the fan and at the end of the day things just didn’t work out. You played great game and I absolutely loved working together. Can’t wait to catch up soon.   

10th Place: Alex Bramson:

Bobby: Brammy, you played your role well as a guy you can count on for a vote throughout the game. When I found out that you were playing both sides and telling people about my alliance of six however, I had to do what I had to do. Love you buddy. 

Brett: You had a great social game and you played a little like I did. We had each others back throughout this game and my loyalty remained to you. 

Dylan: Brammy Boy I’m sorry but it was because you didn’t show up to tribal

Jay: Outside of this game you’re the man and I’m really going to miss you. Please come to bucks games, and I’ll come to Chicago. Meanwhile, in this game, you barley talked to me. I wish we could’ve had more of a relationship in the game. Maybe that’s my fault, because we could’ve worked really well together. It’s impressive how far you made it with all the votes you were getting each round. I respect it and I hope to see you soon. 

9th Place: RJ Pfleuger:

Bobby: RJ, this one really hurt. However, I had to get rid of your alliance with you, Avi and Goodman to stay in the majority. I’m sorry! Love you bro!

Brett: RJ you DID NOT deserve to get snaked out at all. You were a great player all around and I’m sorry that you ended up getting the boot. 8th: Avi Zucker: Avi! You were a great player, but I was a little suspicious about how the votes panned out when RJ went to jury. Someone flipped and we had no other options. 

Dylan: I didn’t work with you that much. Im sorry bud you played a good game

Jay: You’re my Troy boy for life (BLAH BLAH BLAH). RJ it wasn’t fun seeing you go, I loved talking to you each and every day about the game but also all the bullshit going on in our lives.  This is game and at the end of the day you stood in my way of getting to this point again. It hurt to do it, but I had to. I know after this game will be remain boys, but now I would appreciate it if we can talk soon. 

8th Place: Avi Zucker:

Bobby: Avi, we had a really good run making it late in the game together. I trusted you from the moment we started working together early in the game, and I kept that trust into late in the game. Honestly, when you told Goodman that Ryan was gonna vote for him it hurt my trust a little bit. That choice caused a big problem that I had to clean up by voting out RJ, you and Goodman. I really didn’t wanna see you go, but I couldn’t fully trust you knowing that you worked so closely with Goodman and RJ. I love you bro, you played an excellent game. I’m very sorry It had to end the way it did. 

Brett: Avi! You were a great player, but I was a little suspicious about how the votes panned out when RJ went to jury. Someone flipped and we had no other options. 

Dylan: You played a great game bud. It was great working with you 

Jay: I loved working throughout the game. You were someone I loved just talking to about life outside of this game. When things got tough you were someone I could rely on. You played a great game and I’m sorry you left when you did. I hope to talk to you soon. 

7th Place: Alex Goodman:

Bobby: I’m sorry bro, I really wish that I could’ve been in the game later with you. However, I knew how much of a threat you were, and you weren’t in my group of 5 with Ryan, Dylan, Jay, Max and I. You played an excellent game and was a great competitor during challenges. I’m sorry it had to end this way, love you bro!

Brett: Goodman you killed it in the endurance challenge in the beginning of this game. I truly did want to work with you till the very end. 

Dylan: Goody I hope you’re not super mad at me. I still love ya and you need to come back for real Survivor too. You played a great game

Jay: There’s nothing I need to say here that you already don’t know. You know how much I love you and you this is a game. We both understood that me or you couldn’t end up in the finals together, and because of that you had to go. You know that you are the best competitor in this game, and from a game standpoint that’s why you had to go. It wasn’t easy voting off a good friend, but I knew I needed to do it to end up in the finals. I know we will be boys after this game and I’m excited to talk to you soon. 

6th Place: Ryan Valentin:

Bobby: Ryan, you truly did live up to the expectations I had of you based on your prior success. You controlled your alliance and kept yourself in the majority the entire game. I saved your ass when I changed my vote last second to Bramson, and that was because I respected your game and wanted to keep you around. You played an excellent game; I can see how you’ve won in the past. I’m excited to play with you in the future. 

Brett: Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. What can I say? It was a hell of a game you played. You won when you had to and ultimately that’s why I was threatened by you. You’re a smart player as well and when you told me that, I took that to heart. 

Dylan: Ryan I was sad seeing you go home. I actually didn’t vote for you because I couldn’t. Come back for real Survivor and We’ll kill it again.

Jay: For someone that came into this game with a huge target on their back I never seen anyone play it off so well. When you came to me wanting to work together I was skeptical at first, but each round the trust kept growing. I loved talking to you all the time and I really got to know you for the Survivor genius you are. I wish you were still with me in this game. Ryan you’re the queen of survivor and I’m so happy we had the opportunity to work together. You’re a legend in this game and I can’t wait to talk soon. 

5th Place: Max Aviles

Bobby: You played a great game bro. You laid low even with a target on your back for most of the game, it was very impressive. Honestly, I trusted you. I just saw you as more of a threat than Brett to win a final four immunity, so I had to do what I had to do. I’m sorry it ended like that, but you played a hell of a game and I enjoyed working with you.

Brett: Aviles, you were another immunity challenge dominator. You were a threat to me in the long run and I hope you understand that I had to vote you out. And by the way, that music video you edited was hella fire! 4th: Dylan Ross: Dylan we were great allies going into the merge. I’m not sure what happened. It was great getting to play this game with you and I had a lot of fun. 

Dylan: It was great working with you before the merge and after. You played a hell of a game and you need to come back for Survivor

Jay: I was sad we never got the opportunity to work together until merge. Once we got there I got a great ally who was so much fun to work with. Contrary to what most people said, you are not a villain, you were actually more of a hero. You were loyal and someone I could rely on through this game. If you were put in my shoes in the situation I was once Ryan left, you would understand how awful I felt writing your name down. I fought for you to stay, but like I told you these people weren’t budging to keep you. I felt terrible and still feel terrible about it. Excited to talk to you soon.