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just-a-quirkless-loser · 5 years ago

Text

The Days of Your Youth

Young Enji Todoroki x F! Reader

Hanahaki Trope + BNHA Universe

Words: 5.9k

Warnings: Angst, Enji is an asshole, sexual content, A bit of the redemption arc at the end, graphic descriptions of violence, Characters are 18+

Asagao flowers bloom so beautifully in Sakai; what a shame that Musutafu is four hours away from those gorgeous flowers. So, you knew whenever Enji came bearing the dark blue edged flowers with purple insides, that he had endured the voyage to get them. It was small things like this that made you fall in love with him. If only you didn’t, then maybe you'd still be alive.

The two of you met in your youth when you both attended U.A. High School, both of you having dreams of being the number one pro-hero for the next generation. You hated him at first, which is understandable seeing as he’s brash and cares for no one but himself. He always argues with you, he doesn’t hold back during training, and he has an unhealthy obsession with your childhood best friend Toshinori Yagi, known to the public as All Might.

Your quirk was strong, the ability to heal from any wound and regeneration of your limbs but, he made you feel trivial in comparison to him.

“You can take a bullet, great. How useless that would be in a battle with a villain? You can’t even inflict any damage,” his words stung. All your life, you’d been ridiculed as having a “rescue” quirk, always being told that you’d never have the chance to fight “real villains.” You wanted to prove them all wrong...although, you didn’t prove anything in the end.

Because of the nature of your quirk, you were often paired with Enji whenever it was time to spar. He’d hit you with his fire, blistering your skin with no mercy. He’d knock your teeth down your throat, making you cough blood at his feet. He’d choke you with your own support weapon, making you feel weaker than what you thought you were. He made your life a living hell. So, how did you fall in love with him?

Your love didn’t happen overnight. Actually, the relationship between the two of you changed drastically after that day. The day is clear in the archives of your mind, almost like you’re watching a movie through your own eyes.

“Are you sure you can handle Todoroki today?” you were walking to the training rooms with Toshinori Yagi. He loomed over you as he glanced anxiously at the man in question. Everyone knew about the obvious tension between the two young men however, that day was different. Something primal was lurking in Enji’s glance whenever he looked your way.

“Regeneration, remember? I’ll be fine,” you pat the large man on the back. “Plus, I don't think he could kill me even if he tried.”

“I’m just worried. He’s off today. More confrontational.”

“He’s like this every day, Toshi. He’s probably just on his man period or something.”

“...Y/N, you do now men don’t have menstrual cycles? Right?”

“Yes, Toshi, you’ve told me dozens of times. It’s just a metaphor...till I can get some proof,” he facepalms as you rub your hands together to mimic scheming hands. “He’ll have to take his clothes off eventually.”

“You’re a menace to society; I love it,” you lean against each other as you laugh, attracting the attention of your classmates. “But, seriously, I’m worried.”

“Toshi, I will be perfectly fine. What’s the worst that can happen?”

***

“More! Get up,” you were gripping the right pant leg of Enji’s training suit, trying to pull yourself up to face him again. You body begged you to stay down but your mind -your pride- forced you up. The right side of your face was scorched. One of your eyes was missing from its socket. The guns you normally wield for support were thrown elsewhere, leaving you vulnerable to his onslaught. “You’re pathetic. U.A. isn’t meant for the weak. You don’t belong here with us.”

“You don’t get to tell me where I belong,” you charge to attack, switching your technique at the last minute so you could throw a hard jab to his abdomen. He countered with raising both of his fists above his head in a gorilla fashion and slammed them down on your spine, once again taking you to the mat. But, this time you heard a crack from your spine.

“I don’t know why you waste my time. Sensei just needs to let Yagi and I fight,” you laid at his feet paralyzed. However, the inability to move doesn’t hinder your ability to speak.

“Awww, Todoroki, you miss your boyfriend? I knew you had a hard on for him,” and, while you felt there was nothing wrong with being homosexual, you knew Todoroki was a traditional man who wouldn’t want a rumor like that to be spread. You snicker at his silence. “Must be true if you haven’t denied it.”

Words are meaningless if he can show you with his actions. He wastes no time dropping to his knees so he can lean over you, pushing you into your back as he slaps your face from side to side.

“You,” smack. “Have,” smack. “Issues,” smack.

“ENJI,” you hear Yagi yell in the background as rushes in to save you from your beating. Toshinori’s strong hands pull Todoroki up by the scruff of his neck, looking at the bloody mess your body has come to be, checking to see the rise and fall of your chest before he deals with the man he’s holding. “You could have killed her!”

“She can’t die,” to prove his point, Enji encircles your form with a ring of Fire, the smoke clogging your lungs as your skin is barely holding its form. However, you don’t feel the familiar tingling sensation of your regeneration.

“It doesn’t matter if she can’t die. She’s still human!”

“I’m making her stronger.”

“You’re abusing her,” they both glance down to see that you’ve stopped twitching. You look like you’ve been hit by a land mine: body bloodied, bones exposed, missing limbs. The smoke has cover you in a fine layer of soot, the particles of your own flesh smothered in your nose. “Fuck, Y/N? Y/N?! ANSWER ME! PLEASE! SENSEI!”

There’s only a few things you can recollect clearly. You were rushed to the hospital and you could hear the urgency in Yagi’s voice. If you closed your eyes long enough, you could still see your Sensei’s face looming over yours as he tried to get your attention. The smell of Enji still invades your nose whenever you remember how he sat next to you in the ambulance. You think he felt guilty for letting his desire to measure up to Yagi blind him once again. It’s just a shame that you had to be beat close to death’s door for him to feel remorseful.

You awoke to an obnoxious beeping to your left, a throbbing pain in you head, and a nuisance fire wielder to your right (you had to do a double take to make sure he didn’t beat the sense out of you).

“You’re awake.”

“No thanks to you,” he winces.

“Let’s just be thankful you’re alive.”

“Unfortunately.”

“That wasn’t a funny joke.”

“Who said it was a joke?” you spot Asagao flowers on your bedside. “Who brought the flowers?”

“I did.”

You move to sit up but hiss and grab your side. “Welp, that’s new.”

“Take it easy,” Enji rises and gingerly presses you back into the bed.

“You expect me to believe you spent eight flowers just to bring me flowers?”

“Yagi told me they’re your favorite. I figured it’d be a good way to start amending for what I’ve done.”

“You almost killed me. All because you have a superiority complex that I’ve done nothing to fuel. And, you call yourself a future hero?” you snort. “Oh, wait, let me correct myself, you call yourself the future NUMBER ONE hero!?” you turn to face him so he can’t escape your eyes. “Everyone’s right about what they say about you. You’d do anything if it meant you’d have a chance at facing Toshinori. You don’t care how many people get hurt in the crossfire. As long as you win this competition Toshinori doesn’t even know he’s a part of,” you laugh at the irony.

“What part of ‘I'm sorry’ do you not understand?” Enji growls as he pushes your body into the hospital bed, face coming to stare you down.

“What part of ‘you almost killed me’ do you not understand?” you return his energy with a sneer. “You don’t intimidate me; I’m not some bitch that will tuck her tail and run just because you try to throw a hissy fit.”

“You’re playing with the wrong person, little girl,” he fingers caress the side of your cheek.

‘Once again, this dude has issues.’

“I’m definitely playing with the right person. You need someone to knock you down a few pegs,” and this was when the doctor came to check on your condition, catching Enji and yourself so close that your foreheads were touching. His hands were parted on the sides of you as he puffed out some smoke through his nose.

“Sorry, lovebirds. I should’ve knocked. I’m Doctor Sugo and I have a few questions,” you nod in comprehension.

“Fire them off,” you intentionally use those words to make Enji tense. After years of verbal, physical, and psychological abuse, this was your opportunity to exact your revenge.

“You came in with extensive burns, missing limbs, choking around your neck, blackened lungs, and, it looked as though you died from asphyxiation. Your sensei notified us of your quirk, however, your behavior was reckless and had unforeseen consequences. I doubt you burned yourself alive. Did someone try to kill you?” this was your chance to end Todoroki’s chance of being a hero and end this silly game he’s created in his mind. It would’ve been easy.

“No, we were sparring and it got intense. Enji wanted to stop but I’ve been pushing my quirk limits to the maximum with the coming of our graduation. He lost control of his quirk,” you’ve never been the type to do things the easy way. “I apologize for the trouble my actions have caused.”

“Are you sure this wasn’t a young-domestic abuse situation?” he eyes Enji’s burly frame.

“No, Enji would never hurt me,” to prove your point, you intertwine your fingers with his and kiss the back of his hand, maintaining eye-contact with him. He blew more puffs of smoke into your face.

“In that case, I’ll notify your Sensei of what happened. Just let me check your vitals and I’ll leave the two of you to talk,” the whole time the doctor was in the room, Enji kept blowing smoke. You figured it was something he did when he was uncomfortable but, you couldn't be sure this was the first time you witnessed something like that in person. You both waited a couple of seconds after the doctor left before you continued the actual conversation.

“What the fuck was that?”

“That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you cuss...Do it again,” he gives you a pointed look.

“Answer the question.”

“For someone that’s ranked at the top of your class, you’re pretty dense. It’s simple; I’m blackmailing you.”

“Why?”

“Because, you need to be held accountable for your actions and, selfishly, I want to make your life a living hell. It wouldn’t be practical to let a strong quirk like yours to be sent to prison for attempted murder; you’re useful to the world and there’s no way I can’t acknowledge that you’d be formidable if you chose to become a villain due to my inability to keep my emotions in check,” he just stares. You spot Toshinori in the door frame and wave. “Toshi! Come in. I was just explaining to Enji what’s going to happen to him from now on.”

“Y/N,” he said in a warning tone. “Are you sure this is a good idea. He tried to kill you.”

“Shut it, Toshi. You’re too loud,” you roll your eyes. “Yes, I’m sure. This is perfect.”

And, it was perfect. Graduating U.A. High felt unreal at times; it felt even more bizarre as you managed to become a pro-hero alongside your friend, Toshinori, and your personal butler, Enji. Yep, he became your butler as a way to repent for his actions (his words, not yours) and you actually found his company enjoyable when he wasn’t engrossed with beating Yagi. He’s dedicated to the tasks you give him, even if they’re demeaning like walking around with a collar (the press had a field day with that one) or task oriented (like making you fresh coffee whenever you please).

“ENJIIIIIIII,” you’ve taken to bothering him immensely. “Put on this skirt.”

“Y/N, I’m not putting on that skirt. It would tarnish my image.”

“Hm, guess I’ll have to call Sensei. He'd probably believe me if I said you attacked me again. I mean, I’m just an innocent woman. I could just say I was scared the first time,” and that’s how Enji Todoroki was seen wearing a skirt for training multiple times. In all fairness, he looked like a menacing kitten. And, you've grown to like him. Maybe, it was his guilt for almost murdering you but, he found himself showing you tenderness as well. He just couldn't hate you no matter what you did.

“You idiot. I told you not to jump in front of me,” he was carrying your limp body in his arms as though you were his bride. Holding close to his heart, he could feel the warmth of your breath on his chest.

“Why wouldn’t I? I can’t have you dying on me yet. I haven’t gotten you to dress in drag yet,” blood spills from your ears as you blank out of consciousness. There were plenty of times you protected Enji from a villains attack and each time you told yourself you did it because you wanted to continue to blackmail him to be by your side. But, you just wanted him to yourself.

As the years roll on, you find yourself getting closer and closer to him, just barely missing his flames. You became used to patrolling with him as the Pro-Hero ‘Zombie.’ You enjoy going to Sakai in search of the perfect flowers. You treasure being able to see him every day. But, it’s not all peaches and cream.

“Enji, get over it. Toshi worked hard to be first,” you’re arguing again. Two years after the incident and he still hasn’t let go of his yearning to be the best. While sometimes you want to admire his hard work, you can’t help but question his motives. He’s lost the very reason he wanted to become a hero.

“Toshi just leaves to go to America, didn’t tell you, comes back to climb the ranks of the hero charts, and you’re just okay with that? Meanwhile, you lose your mind on me after I don’t answer your call on the first few rings?” he’s sitting on your bed, his jogging pants hanging down dangerously low on his navel, a few red hairs peeking at you. You lick your lips.

“I’m not saying what he did was okay but, you’re blowing this out of proportion. You’re twenty years old. You need to let go of this foolish rivalry,” you throw your legs over his lap. “It’s not healthy.”

“I’m not having this argument with you again. You always take his side,” you slap his chest, gulping at the strong pecs. You wonder how’d they feel bearing down on your back as he-

“Y/N, are you listening?”

“Flamehead, you know I don’t listen to dumb shit,” he puffs out smoke in irritation. “But, I’m not taking his side. I just think we’re getting too old for this.”

“That’s what you always say,” and you laid there with him watching t.v. The conversation ends like it always does but, you can tell Enji isn’t upset with you. It’s the same routine you always follow whenever he wants to talk about Toshinori’s “false achievements.”

Somehow, you end up cuddled into his chest, head pressed firmly into his neck as you feel the warmness of his pulse move underneath you. His arms keep you against him, caging your legs around his hips (it takes a lot to keep your mind from wandering off).

His fingers play with the exposed skin of your back, leaving scorching trails around his fingertips.

“Are you hungry? I still can cook-” Enji’s phone goes off. He gets up and softly pushes you to the side, answering his phone as he absentmindedly rubs your hair. He’s soon getting up to get his things, pulling on his hoodie and ending the call, staring at the phone for a few seconds.

“Who has you up and in a hurry?” you’re kneeling at the edge of the bed, his jacket in your fist to keep him from leaving.

“My finacé’s family.”

‘Fiancé?’

“Fiancé? Who is she?”

“I don’t know yet. All I know is that her quirk is the perfect compliment to mine, which is the only thing that I need,” he’s pulling away. You’re speechless. Is-Is this jealousy? Is this bubbling fury jealousy? Is this small pain jealousy? Is this mind-numbing sensation jealousy? You can't be jealous. Not of some woman you don’t even know. “I have to go. I need to get ready to meet her?”

“B-But, you don’t even know her!”

“I know she’ll ensure that I beat All Might,” so, that's what this was about. Another last ditch effort to win something with no prize. You should’ve known those touches meant nothing but, how could you when they felt so tender? “Plus, you shouldn’t care. Soon, we’d both have to leave and start our own families; this would have had to happen eventually.”

“You don’t love her. You just want to beat him,” you slump down, your calves touching the back of your thighs as you feel a stirring in your chest. “I just don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret when you’re older.”

“That’s not your concern. I’ve got to go.”

You cough up an Asagao flower, staring at it with trepidation.

‘Oh shit.’

The next time you see him is two weeks later. His hair is still styled upwards, his scowl has deepened making him look older than what he really is, his eyes darker than before. Both of you sit one a rooftop, starting over Musutafu. His body is curled in on itself, the flames of his suit keeping you warm in the brisk fall night. Part of his arm is slung over your shoulder, drawing you into his side.

“Have you ever been in love, Enji?” you see him puff out a few smoke clouds, a telltale sign that you've either made him embarrassed or uncomfortable. “Like, real love? The type of love that doesn’t go away no matter how much you try to kill it?”

“You know I don’t have time for sentiments like that,” he looks at your wistful expression, wondering to himself how you manage to look even more breathtaking than the last time he saw you.

“But, what if you could fall in love? What if things like time and being a hero didn’t matter? Wouldn't you want that?”

“No, there’s no girl good enough for me or my love,” such sweet lies sound true coming from him and that burns you more than his fire ever has.

“What about marriage? Kids?”

“You already know I have an arranged quirk marriage. I met her and she is adequate enough to give me a child fit to be the number one hero of the new generation.”

“Jeez, you sound like you’re quoting a business proposal.”

“It is business,” he sounds like he’s scolding you for not knowing this. You feel your stomach fill with more flowers and you feel some crawling up your throat. It’s suffocating you but, you chalk that up to your nerves bothering you. “I’m guessing you brought this up because you think you’re ‘in love.’ “

“I know I am,” you stop your sentence to cough into your arm, catching a few Asagao flowers in your elbow. So, this is how you’re going to die? Dying from a disease that even your regeneration can’t save you from? Choking on flowers because Enji can’t reciprocate your feelings? “As you can see, it’s one sided.”

“Leave them alone. Feelings go away,” but, they didn’t. It just got worse and worse and worse. Because, as much as you knew you should leave Enji, you just couldn’t. Your heart longed for him. Your heart belonged to him. And, Toshinori couldn't understand why.

“Y/N, please, I don’t understand why you'd die for someone that wants nothing to do with you,” Toshinori chided. “Get the surgery. They can take the feelings out. I’ll be right by your side to help you.”

“You’d never understand, Toshi. You'd never understand waking up every morning, wanting someone so bad you have no motivation to do anything but lay in your own tears. I’d rather die loving him than pretend I never felt these feelings at all.”

“But, why?”

“Because, he’s hurt me so much; this is my last ‘fuck you’ to him. Because, I know one day he’ll change. One day, he'll want to see me and I'll be dead. I want him to feel the same pain that I feel now. He needs to feel my rage, he needs to feel my abandon. HE NEEDS TO FEEL ME!”

“Y/N, I’ve already lost Nana. I can’t lose you too.”

“I love you, Toshinori Yagi. Be great for me,” and that’s the last thing you ever said to your childhood best friend.

***

When you opened the door, Enji wasn’t expecting to see you only in a long shirt, tuffets of a flower stuffed in your mouth.

“What the fuck, Y/N? You look like shit. You can’t open the door like that,” he comes in and you immediately cling to him.

“I love you.”

“What?”

“I’m in love with you Enji.”

“You can’t be.”

“But, I am,” you hold one of your saliva covered flowers to his heart. Your eyes are tired and barely stay open but you can't take your eyes off of him. “This is for you. All of them are for you. Loving you is killing me,” you laugh at the irony. Who would’ve thought Enji would end up killing you anyway?

“Then, stop,” Enji rips the flower from your fingers and throws it to the side. You dive for the flower, causing him to follow you down to your floor. “Let it go.”

“I can’t. It’s all I have right now,” you’re sobbing while retching up flowers. His arms encase you, almost like he’s trying to keep you from falling apart. “I can’t just let go. I can’t just stop loving you, Enji.”

He doesn’t really say anything to you. Maybe, he’s too stunned or maybe he’s too afraid he’ll say the wrong thing but, he finds that it’s better to just hold you.

“Enji, could you do something for me?”

“Anything.”

“Could you make love to me?” he can’t deny you your wish with how pitiful you look. So, he scoops you up in his arms and takes you to your bedroom, heart pumping hard at what he’s about to do. He’s getting married in a week yet, he’s here about to give his body to you.

Laying your body down on the bed, he watches as your covers fan around your head like a halo and, for a moment, he wonders if that’s what you would look like as an angel. Ethereal and tired. The air in the room is growing hotter as he sweats, nervous to strip you down. He’s no stranger to sex but, this is the first time he’s ever focused on someone else’s pleasure.

“Just, lay there.”

“What the fuck else am I going to do? Run off,” he chuckles. Leave it to you to find some comedy in your weakest moments. He starts with stripping you of your long shirt -actually, his shirt that had gone missing the last time he stayed at your house- and stares at your body, naked and exposed to the air.

He takes a few minutes to take in your beauty, ghosting over your skin as he watches you quiver in anticipation. Your eyes are blown and a petal is on your cheek, reminding him of what had happened to you. Your hands wrap around his forearm as you silently beg him to touch you.

“Always have been needy,” when he kisses you, it makes your toes curl from his smokey breath. Envisioning his taste held no comparison to what he really was. It’s like he was breathing his smoke into your lungs, making sweat bead on your skin.

His hand grasps your neck and you moan at the warmth that he gives you, toes curling at the pressure he puts on your throat. The flowers slide down your esophagus, allowing some of your essence to mix with his. He’s weighing you down into your mattress as he’s ripping off his shirt, buttons flying everywhere as he tries to shimmy out of his pants. His kisses trail down the column of your neck and he’s groaning at the way you whine. Your body reacts so wonderfully to his touch.

“You should have told me sooner; you could’ve had all of my cock before this,” you giggle at his attempt of dirty talk. It’s weird to have the proper and correct Enji speaking naughty in your ear. “Damnit, woman, will you stop laughing? I’m trying to be romantic.”

“I can’t help it. You're like Recovery Girl whenever she tries to be cool.”

“Why did you have to bring her up?” he drops his head on your navel. “Are you trying to kill my erection?”

You did a mouth zipping motion and laid your hands on his shoulders, looking down your body to catch him staring at you as he licked below your belly button. The sensation of his textured tongue against your smooth skin is almost enough to send you into your orgasm. He brings his arms up to grab your breasts in his hands as he continues to slide down to your slit. Your smaller body is completely open to him as he tongues your small clit, keeping your legs spread around your head.

“Enjiiiiii, please,” you beg for your release. The inner sadist inside of Enji preens as you beg, his mind thinking you look beautiful at his mercy with a few tears in your eyes. He plunges his tongue inside your hole, only shallowly fucking your tight hole. He brings one of his hands beside his mouth, which is an awkward position for his large frame, and pushes his finger inside your tightness till he’s met with some resistance. You’re met with wide eyes.

“You didn’t tell me you were a virgin.”

“You never asked.”

“I’m serious, Y/N. If I didn’t find out, were you just going to let me pound into you,” he smacks your thigh as a way to punish you.

“As long as it’s you, I’d let you use me like a doll,” the words incite a new type of fire in Enji’s body. He gets hotter as he enjoys the words of someone that’s completely submitted to his control.

“Then, I’ll use you till I can’t use you anymore,” he places one last kiss to your hole and slivers up your body. Everything about this moment is perfect for you; the man you love is hovering above you as he looks at you with adoration and desire.

“Are you ready?” His forehead is leaned on yours as he wavers on top of you, his cock kissing the entrance of your folds. You can’t speak due to the flowers that are lodged in your throat, so you nod as you stare into his eyes. For the first time, you can feel the love he has for you. If only this moment could last forever for you as it would for him.

The first few moments of him stretching you make you whimper in his ear, your nails cutting into his back as you try to ground yourself in the moment. He tries to push into you at a slow pace, bottoming out and sitting there for you to adjust. Your pussy clenches him like a vice, testing his self control as he wants to grab you by your waist and use you like a fuck doll.

It’s hard not to scream when he pulls back slightly and snaps his hips into your own. Both of you are breathing into each other's face as he fucks you with slow, deep thrusts, pulling your hips to meet his thrusts in an angle.

“Such a problematic woman. Couldn’t just tell me you loved me,” you whine as he sits up on his knees and begins to fuck you with fevor. His cock rubs against that spongy spot in your pussy, pushing you toward your first orgasm. “Such a bad girl. I didn’t tell you to cum yet.”

“Enjiiii please fuck please I’ll be good for you,” he smiled through the pleasure that rips through him and pulled out of you to lay on his side behind you. He wasted no time lifting one of your legs and pushed into your heat, fucking you deeper in this position. He could now see the way you try to push your hips against his, fucking you with a patronizing smile.

“Such a horny girl,” you moan into your hands as you try to hide yourself from his gaze but he rips your arms away from your face, forcing you to scream for him. He makes it a point to fuck you harder as he’s addicted to your beautiful voice. “Scream for me little girl.”

“Dadddyyy gonna cum again,” your tearing u again as he keeps brutalizing your pussy.

“Oh I’m daddy now,” he’s grunting as he feels you clench again. You give him no answer as you cum once again, this time pulling him into his orgasm as you feel him spurt deep in your womb. But, even though he cums, he doesn’t stop. He’s determined to fuck you into oblivion.

“I’m not done with you, keep cumming in my cock,” your toes keep curling as you try to push away from him. However, that makes him wrap his arms around your shoulders and slam you down on his cock, keeping your legs spread as he fucks you so hard some of his cum is dribbling down the side of his cock. You’re shaking hard as your pleasure blinds you, the pressure in your abdomen building in a different way.

“Fuuuuckkk Enjiii, I-I- love you,” clear liquid squirts from your pussy as he slows down his thrusts. You lay there in your juices with his cum splurging out of you once he pulls out of you completely. He leaves you there as he runs you a bath, leaving you to think about what just happened.

He didn’t say he loved you back but, you hoped he would. With gentle hands, he put you into your tub, softly rubbing your hair like he had done many times.

“Y/N, we need to talk,” you smiled over at him. His pants were pulled back on his hips but he couldn’t meet your eyes. “You know I care for you and you know I wouldn’t want to hurt you but, you need to get the surgery. I can’t just love you the way you love me and, I don’t want you to die because of that. I’ll pay for the surgery. I’ll pay for you a new apartment and everything. I’ll even-” you droned him out.

“You know,” you shiver in the warm water as you start to tear up. You hacked up flowers and continued with a shaky voice. “I thought that having sex with you and telling you would make it go away. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I meant more to you than what I thought. I’m such a dumbass. You’ll never love me; you’ll never love anyone but yourself. Why can’t you just be a man and tell me I’m nothing to you compared to whatever the fuck you have with Toshinori? IT’S BEEN YEARSSSS,” you croak out as you sob, your heart hurting. “AND, YOU HAVEN’T CHANGED AT ALL. You’re still the Enji Todoroki that tried to kill me. I just tricked myself into thinking that you were a different person.”

“Y/N-

“Get out,” you turn to the shower wall, too heartbroken to stomach the sight of him.

“Y/N, just listen to-”

“GET OUT,” he goes silent as he looks back at you from the door frame. He wants to say something but, the thought of ruining his future keeps him silent. He leaves with a look of pity for you.

“I’ll leave money for the surgery on the table by your bed,” he calls before he leaves, the door slamming pushing you to your last limit.

And, he left you there to you die in your bathtub alone, body worn from the sex you had with the man that you knew you couldn’t have emotionally. Your flowers soaked up the water as they kept falling, your eyes glued on one of the bruises he left on your leg. It’s too painful to try to move, so you lie there as your quirk does nothing against the disease. Getting the surgery would have saved you but, your body and mind would still remember the pain of your first and last love.

Per your request, Toshinori has your body cremated after they perform the autopsy. The young hero, grieving the loss of his best friend, doesn’t contact Enji to inform him of your timely death. He’s pained that he’ll never see you smile or hear your jokes or call your name and hear you respond. You're gone and part of him feels like he’s the blame. He can’t help but think that things would have turned out differently if he told Enji that he never cared about being the number one hero.

As for Enji, he doesn’t look back as he goes on to have his family. He goes on to marry his wife that he’d always compare to you (her hair wasn’t vibrant as yours, her voice wasn’t as smooth as yours, her eyes don’t set him ablaze like yours did). He goes on to have his kids and he wonders what they would look like if they came from your womb. He goes on to be the number one Pro-hero yet, he doesn’t feel like he’s won anything. He goes on to have a decent relationship with Toshinori yet, he feels as though he’s missing something -someone-.

“Toshinori, do you have Y/N’s number?” he called Toshinori one day, tired of letting his pride get the best of him. He’d grovel at your feet, stay by your side, sleep at your doorstep till you find it to forgive him.

“Enji, she’s dead.”

And, he sits in his house alone. His family has left him, their bonds slowly resurrecting from the dead but still fragile. His career being the only thing he has left, slowly showed him how truly unprofilling his life has been. His love for you, eating away at his heart. Why did he have to be better than Toshinori? Why couldn’t he tell you how much he loved you? Why did he let the both of you waste the days of your youth?

He coughs a single Asagao flower, the process of his unrequited love beginning. Because, let’s face it, how can you return his love if you’re dead?

——————————————————————————-

Tag List💕💕

@orokayagi @sakurashortstack @sinclairsamess

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peterparker-pickedapepper · 4 years ago

Text

Always You

(Peter Parker/Spider-Man x Stark!Reader)

Chapter 01

A/N: this is set during Homecoming (and eventually FFH) in a universe where Tony isn’t ☠️ bc we don’t acknowledge that trauma here 🙂 also, there are elements from the comics and the older movies, but it’s still in the MCU

———————————————————————

I never meant to find it.

And I wasn’t being nosy either. It was my dads fault, really. Okay so yes, I wasn’t supposed to be in his workshop. But is it my fault he just leaves important things lying around? Mom’s told him to keep it tidy enough times you think it’d be engrained in his brain.

Anyway, the how isn’t important. Not even the why matters. It’s everything that came after.

It was the day my world began falling apart.

The moment I lost all trust—all respect—for the two men closest to my heart.

Now that I know their secret, I don’t see how I’ll be able to look them in the eye. But I’m going to do it. I’m going to keep my head up, act as normal as possible...

And see how long it takes for them to tell me themselves.

———————————————————————

Three Months Earlier

“I’m here on the corner of fifth and main, just a street away from the reported sighting of a flying man causing panic among the locals.”

Y/N adjusted her fingers around the smooth base of the microphone, her skin slipping against the hard plastic. It wasn’t nerves causing the dampness on her palms, but excitement. Her eyes flickered from the camera lens pointed in her direction to her best friend standing behind it before easily finding their mark again.

“The large, mechanically winged man has been wrecking havoc in New York’s beloved neighborhood of Queens for the last—”

The ground suddenly shifted beneath her feet with a loud boom, jolting her forward and stopping her report mid-sentence. She twirled around, eyes instantly landing on the sandwich shop across the street.

Or, rather, on the man looming ominously from its roof.

She could only assume it was a man. She’d never seen his face—or any part of his body for that matter—not that his skintight suit left anything to the imagination. But the media affectionately called him “Spider-Man”, so they pretty much filled in the blanks on that one.

She watched as he seemingly surveyed the area. It was always so hard to tell what was going on behind that mask, but every time she saw him she liked to imagine a picture perfect heroic expression etched into handsome features.

It made her disdain for the local superstar a little easier to swallow down.

His head swiveled back and forth a few times, fists clenching at his sides, before he shot one of his webs and disappeared on the other side of the building. She immediately turned back toward her camerawoman, lips pulled into an excited grin.

“This is perfect. Come on.” She wasted no time in scooping up some of the equipment laying at her feet, but stopped short when she noticed the apprehensive expression staring back at her.

“I don’t think I’m really in the mood to run toward danger today.” Her best friend’s bored voice didn’t match the concern she knew was brewing just below the surface.

“MJ,” Y/N all but whined. “We need this story.”

“We need to get ready for next week’s debate.” She muttered, mild annoyance seeping through. “We need to be home in twenty minutes so your dad doesn’t kill us. We need—”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” Y/N huffed, tossing the last of the camera supplies into her bag before slinging it over her shoulder.

She turned on her heel, pulling her phone from her back pocket as she moved toward the last crash that sounded a few blocks away. She was getting this story, whether she had to go alone or not. Screw her father’s arbitrary curfew. He was in India for the next few days, anyway.

“You’re serious?” MJ’s incredulous voice echoed from behind her. “What about Liz’s party?”

Y/N’s attention only wavered from the small screen in her hands once she was finished temporarily disabling the tracking feature her dad had not so subtly installed before giving it to her. He didn’t need to know she almost immediately figured out it was there, just like she didn’t need to know that he got a notification every time she hacked into the system.

Her eyes found MJ’s, wide with shock and following something in the sky above. Y/N’s head snapped upward, gaze locking on the flying man who was twisting and turning aggressively in an attempt to kick Spider-Man off his right wing.

“Yes. Very serious.” She huffed, pulse jumping with excitement. “If FRIDAY calls just, please, try to be convincing.”

With that, she spun around one last time before jogging toward the action. She knew MJ’s hesitation was coming from a good place. They’d been inseparable since middle school because they were on opposing ends of the same strong-willed base.

Where MJ was methodical and calculated, Y/N was rash and unpredictable. They were both the type to end up involved in sketchy situations, just at varying speeds and levels of grandeur. Y/N had her father to thank for that.

The iconic Tony Stark was not a pretender. He was who he was, loud and proud. He’d never apologized for it before—not even when he should’ve—and he probably never would. Y/N, on the other hand, had been pretending to be something she wasn’t for more than a decade.

He’d given her a choice when she was old enough for kindergarten. They talked about it, mapped out the pros and cons, and she made a decision. Soon after, she entered the outside world as Y/N Smith. It was the best thing her five year old brain could think of. Plus, she didn’t want her place on the alphabetical rosters to change.

She went to public schools—something Tony never missed an opportunity to mention he hated—and started paving her own way. Right now, that meant she was chasing a super-powered fight through the streets of Queens.

Since landing a highly sought after internship at The Daily Bugle, Y/N’s main priority had been impressing her overbearing bosses. That came with varying levels of complexity, depending on the superhero shenanigans of the month.

She rounded a corner into an alleyway, instantly ducking down when a blindingly bright object whizzed by her head. Her arms shot up in a protective motion as she leaned against the cool brick wall at her side. She remained there, frozen in place with a racing heart, for several seconds.

Something thumped to the concrete only a foot away from her crumpled frame, nearly making her jump out of her skin. She peeked through her arms, still crossed over her head, eyes widening as they landed on a pile of red and black fabric.

The lump groaned and slowly unraveled to reveal Queens’ favorite masked hero. He shook his head, the mechanical eyes of his suit twitching as if malfunctioning. Y/N was stuck in her spot, wide eyes hungrily drinking in every detail they could. Despite following his activity for months now, she’d never gotten this close to the mystery man.

His suit was tighter than she thought possible. It hugged his body in a way that left nothing to the imagination. The rippling muscles lining his torso were clearly visible beneath the thick material. She watched as he sat back on his heels and rubbed the side of his head, shoulders tensing as he seemed to finally realize that she was there.

“Whoa, hey.” Came his breathy, surprisingly high-pitched greeting. He cleared his throat before continuing, a steady hand extending her way. “Are you okay, miss?”

Y/N’s brow furrowed in curiosity, not missing the way his demeanor changed the moment he noticed her. It was like a flip switched. He’d turned on his superhero persona, a process she was unfortunately all too familiar with.

“I’m fine.” The words came out more forcefully than she’d intended, but she was all business now, too.

There was no way she was letting him out of her sight without getting some information. She wasn’t even worried about all the ways her bosses would kill her, she’d beat herself up enough for the missed opportunity. She ignored his hand, dusting her jeans off and hobbling to her feet before reaching for her phone to launch the recording app.

“Can I ask you a few questions, Spider-Man?” She jutted the phone out in front of her, and he took a step back as if the device would somehow hurt him.

The eyes on his mask widened, something she didn’t know was possible. “Oh. I...uh—”

Just then, the ground shook with a massive impact that couldn’t have been more than a block away. It would’ve knocked Y/N right off her feet if it weren’t for the gloved hand that shot out to stabilize her.

“Gotta go!”

By the time his hasty goodbye met her ears, he was gone. It took about ten seconds for Y/N to process what just happened before she took off running in the same direction he’d swung in. She was too far in to give up now. At this point, she’d settle for some shaky footage of the fight. It’d be enough to satisfy her editors for a few days.

She ran out in the street, stopping abruptly as a stampede of people swarmed her. Elbows and shoulders rammed into her sides as she tried fighting her way through the panic.

“Oh, come on people! Chill the fuck out!” She found herself shouting to deaf ears.

Maybe it was because she grew up immersed in the superhero way of life, or her bordering on unhealthy need to get some kind of story tonight, but either way she was aggravated by the public reaction more than anything.

She was rarely scared anymore, even when faced with imminent danger. Admittedly, she didn’t have a good gauge for when she might be getting herself into trouble. Another thing she blamed her father for.

Her eyes remained trained on the sky, watching the fight unfold in mid-air. She cringed as Spider-Man nearly fell off the homemade-looking flying suit. He quickly regained his balance, shooting a web into one of the back engines. It immediately started sputtering as the metal clanked and caught in the sticky substance.

They were going down, and fast. She knew this was probably her last chance to get any kind of discernable footage of the event, so she reached into her back pocket for her phone. It was at this moment that someone decided to shove into her so hard that she lost her footing and tumbled to the ground.

A rush of air left her lungs as she hit the asphalt, hard. She couldn’t help but wince as pain shot up both of her arms. There would definitely be bruises she’d need to hide later. Thankfully, at least she ended up near the curb so she wasn’t instantly trampled to death by the screaming crowd.

She pushed herself up into a sitting position and huffed, wiping away the tiny rocks that were now embedded into her palms. She was about to hobble to her feet and call tonight a wash when her eyes landed on a blueish-purple glow coming from a nearby alley.

Maybe she wouldn’t get any useable footage tonight, but a souvenir would lift her spirits and, hopefully, her credibility in the office. Without wasting anymore time, she stumbled to her feet and ducked into the darkness of the cramped space.

She followed the pulsating light, stopping only when her eyes landed on a small, metallic object. It had a thin silver cage protecting what looked like a gem or rock of some kind. Nothing too crazy, aside from the whole glowing thing. Her brows furrowed with curiosity as she crouched down to get a better view.

She had absolutely no idea what it was, and she’d seen a lot of weird things in her dads workshop. The only thing she could compare it to was some of the alien technology that’d been leftover from the Battle of New York. She’d run a few stories about that herself, plus saw her dad tinkering with some things since Thor took Loki back to Asgard.

Figuring she could show it to him at the very least, she pulled the end of her sleeve over her hand and grabbed it. She let her bag slip off of her shoulder and quickly unzipped it before sliding the object inside.

Just then, the sound of screeching metal filled her ears at a deafening volume. She managed to close her bag before covering her ears and ducking against the brick alley wall. The crowd still surrounding the area screamed in horror.

She watched with wide eyes as the huge bird-man landed on the rooftop just a few feet away from her crouched form. It was the closest she’d been to the masked—villain? She wasn’t sure—and he was far more intimidating than she’d first assumed.

His glowing beady green eyes didn’t so much as glance in her direction as he slung Spider-Man over the edge of the building, the tip of one of his wings wrapped around his throat.

An involuntary gasp tore through her chest.

It wasn’t that she was worried about the hero. For one, she knew he was more than capable of fending for himself. It wasn’t even that she cared if he got hurt. He was mostly an annoyance to her, his illusive nature making her job way harder than usual.

But if she knew one thing in this moment, it was that the bird-man was the bad guy, and she couldn’t let him win.

So, she did something really stupid.

She found the closest thing that she thought might actually do any kind of damage—which was, unfortunately, an old bike helmet next to the dumpster—and chucked it at the pair.

It hit one of the metal wings with a pathetic clink and all three of them froze.

Y/N held her breath as the man’s head turned in her direction slowly. Way too slowly. Like ‘I’m going to really enjoy killing you’ slowly.

After that, everything happened impossibly fast.

“Hey! Watch out!”

She barely had time to recognize the panicked voice before she was flying. Her stomach flipped and she couldn’t even scream, overcome with sudden vertigo. She pinched her eyes shut the second she saw the top of a building and clutched onto whatever was carrying her away.

If it was the weird bird guy, she accepted whatever evil plan he had. But, if it was Spider-Man, she was going to kill him.

It must’ve only been seconds before her feet touched solid ground, but it felt like an eternity to her. The moment she felt the stability beneath her, she began fighting against her captor.

“Let me go! Oh my god. If you don’t put me down right now—”

“What the hell—ow!”

Once she was free, she staggered away from him with a huff. She cleared the hair out of her eyes and bent over, resting her hands on her knees as she attempted to catch her breath. Her heart was pounding wildly and her stomach was still doing summer-salts.

She raised her eyes to send a withering glare toward the masked man. “Never do that shit again.”

He stared at her—at least she assumed—for a long moment before taking a step forward.

“What the hell was that? You could’ve gotten yourself hurt.” He gestured wildly with his hands, clearly agitated.

“That’s one way to thank me for saving your life.” Y/N ground out, sounding way more bitter than she would’ve liked.

“Saving my—” The eyes on his mask narrowed incredulously. “You did not save my life. All you did was distract me and put like ten other people in danger.”

She couldn’t help but scoff. “Please. Spare me the morality speech, Spider-Man. We both know you don’t bother worrying about people like me.”

Y/N was all too familiar with how superheroes think. When they’re in the middle of a fight, all they care about is winning. They usually have a bigger mission to accomplish. One that doesn’t concern itself with the lives left behind.

“People like you are all I worry about, trust me.”

With that harsh declaration, a heavy silence fell between them. Y/N clenched her jaw tightly, biting her tongue to prevent the floodgates from opening. Spider-Man wasn’t the only one who deserved her hostility toward superheroes, he just happened to be the one in front of her now.

Instead of speaking her mind, she turned on her heel and stalked away from him. At this point, it was late. The sun had set and her dad surely knew she wasn’t home when she promised. She had to accept that today just wasn’t her day and head back for some damage control.

Peter, feeling his chest tighten with regret for the way he’d snapped, followed closely behind her quick steps.

“Wait!” She actually stopped, something he wasn’t expecting, so he rammed right into her back. His hands quickly wrapped around her biceps as she spun around. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I, uh...”

He didn’t know what to say. This was the second time in one night he’d run into her, but he was still dumbstruck. The circumstances weren’t ideal. He thought he’d lost her earlier, but then she had to go and put herself in danger.

He took a step away from her, dropping his hands and rubbing at the back of his neck nervously. He had to remind himself that she had no idea who he was. Even if he did embarrass himself—like he usually did around her—she wouldn’t know it was him when they saw each other in the halls come Monday.

“At least let me get you home.” He insisted, feeling bad that he’d indirectly kept her out so late.

Y/N pursed her lips, immediately wanting to accept his offer but trying not to give too much away. Truthfully, she was exhausted. She just wanted to get home and deal with the fallout disobeying her curfew would bring so she could get some sleep.

“Alright.” She sighed, pulling anxiously at the straps of her bag. She knew this meant she’d have to swing through the streets again, something she wasn’t nearly ready to do.

Nevertheless, she allowed Spider-Man to walk toward her. She averted her eyes as he wrapped an arm around her back and tried not to let her breath catch when his gloved fingers skimmed the exposed skin of her lower back where her shirt had ridden up.

Warmth enveloped her as his proximity settled in. Under his mask, Peter’s face was burning. This was by far the closest he’d been to his classmate. Or any girl, actually. Not wanting to think about it for a second longer, he shot a web toward a nearby building and followed the directions Y/N yelled out.

Within minutes, they landed on the helipad outside her front door.

Peter felt his stomach drop with realization once he let his eyes wander around the outside of the huge building.

“Oh my god. Is this seriously where you live?” He cleared his throat after squeaking out the question, not necessarily wanting to give away his shock.

“What?” Y/N scoffed teasingly. “Don’t I look like a spoiled rich girl?”

“That’s not—I wasn’t—” He didn’t know what he was trying to say, honestly. There were endless questions flitting through us mind at warp speed.

If she lived here, at the Avengers Tower, did that mean she was one of them? And he just hadn’t met her yet? Or did she work for Mr. Stark? But she was so young. He guessed she could be an assistant or something. Maybe she worked for Pepper? Or Happy? Or, she could—

Y/N rolled her eyes, deciding to spare him the embarrassment of sputtering any more. “My dad is famous...like helped form the Avengers famous.”

Peter’s mind went blank. He wasn’t expecting that.

“Cap?” It was the first name to spill out of his mouth. “Wait, can he even have kids?”

Y/N couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her at his assumption. “He totally can, but no.”

“Oh.” The gears of his brain started turning again and realization slowly dawned on him. He felt his throat run dry as his eyes widened behind his mask. “Oh.”

Shit. This was way worse. He couldn’t believe he had no idea who she really was. Sure, she used a different last name at school, but he should’ve seen the resemblance sooner.

“Look, I know you two have worked together.” Y/N sighed, thinking back to all those weeks her dad was gone fighting Steve and the rest of his friends for no real reason. “Can you just...not tell him about this?”

Peter’s brows furrowed in confusion. Why wouldn’t she want Mr. Stark knowing that she’d been with him?

Either way, he agreed, since he had a favor to ask of his own. “Only if you won’t.”

She gave him this dumbfounded look, and he knew he had to elaborate.

“He made me this suit before the whole thing with Captain America, so I thought he would keep giving me missions, but now it’s been months and he won’t return my calls. I’m lucky if I get through to Happy. He doesn’t want me getting involved in this stuff, so...”

It struck Y/N then how weird it was to hear a superhero talk about her family so casually. It didn’t seem possible that the two of them were in the same circles. Sure, she’d practically grown up with a few of the world’s most famous heroes, but somehow Spider-Man was different.

He was local. And elusive. A pure mystery to her.

“What exactly is this stuff?” She thought back to the weird glowing object in her bag, having almost forgotten it was there.

“I don’t know.” Peter shook his head, seemingly defeated. “I thought it was just neighborhood stuff, but those guns...I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Alien tech.” Y/N said without hesitation, although she wasn’t actually positive that’s what it was. “My dad has some in his workshop. It was leftover from the Battle of New York.”

“How does it work?” Peter found himself asking excitedly, easily pushing all the other revelations from this conversation to the back of his mind.

“I don’t know.” She admitted, looking away from him as her chest tightened with emotion. “I’ve never gotten close enough to any of it to see. He likes to keep me out of things too...”

It was at that moment, as a breath of silence settled between them, that they realized she was still in his arms. Y/N’s face erupted with heat and she quickly pushed herself away from him. Once her feet were back on the ground, they both stepped backward to create some much needed distance.

“I, ah...better get back...”

“Yeah, yeah. I have to go too...”

They looked at each other for a few long moments. It was at if neither of them truly wanted to separate, but knew they had to. It was clear, though, that they’d just formed some kind of connection.

Y/N felt something strange—and wildly inappropriate—brewing in her chest. A certain kind of attraction toward the masked hero she’d never considered before. It appalled her, honestly. It wasn’t like she hated the guy, but she certainly didn’t like him. And she had no idea who he was. He could be eight years old, for all she knew.

With that realization, she turned on her heel and stalked down the narrow entrance to the Avengers Tower, her face still burning. She heard the thwip of Spider-Man’s webbing and knew he’d be gone if she looked back. So she didn’t.

She pressed her hand against the touchpad outside the front door and quickly slipped inside once it recognized her prints. She sighed heavily and let herself fall back against the door, the comfort of home enveloping her.

The peace was short lived, however, as she caught sight of her mother waiting expectantly behind the bar to her left. With a glass of red wine in hand, her knowing gaze shifted from the helipad outside to Y/N’s stiff frame.

She took a slow sip, eyes narrowing over the rim of the glass.

“You’re so grounded.”

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let me know what you think!! should I continue this series??

#peter parker imagine #peter parker smut #peter parker #tony stark #mcufam #original character #marvel #the avengers #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland smut #peter parker series #mcu series #tom holland series #stark reader

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local-space-case · 4 years ago

Text

Bakugou Katsuki is Not A Loser

Word Count: IDK

Rated: T (mention of abuse, self-loathing, cursing)

AO3 Account: FerociousFerret (out here only posting first drafts on a whim why?)

When Bakugou sees the looming silhouette of Endeavor at the hospital outside of Todoroki’s room, he thinks he feels a million emotions at once.

Some he’s familiar with like fury, annoyance, and the protective fire he venomously denies exist are the ones off the top his head. But there’s also fear. An emotion he’s embarrassedly familiar with. A deep anxiety clawing it’s way out of his chest while still somehow keeping a tight grip on his lungs. It commands he stay rooted in the middle of the bleach white hallways that even so quiet he thinks they must be louder than he is. He wants to say something. He wants to yell, scream, curse, kick the fucker out the goddamn window, but he can’t.

Until the number piece of human shit takes a step closer to the door.

“OI! You can’t fuckin’ go in there!”

It comes out like the nasty snarl he was hoping for. The pro hero glances at him with a look disdain before reluctantly taking a step away from the door. Bakugou assumes he must not want to cause a scene. Doesn’t stop the stubborn shit from arguing with him though.

“He’s my son, I have a right to visit”. His tone was clipped, formal, placating, like he was delusional enough to think Bakugou was going to lose this fight.

Bakugou Katsuki was not a loser.

“Last time I checked, trash belongs outside not stinking up disinfected air.” He lets his gaze linger on a door across the hall. “Besides, I don’t listen to losers.”

Endeavor seems to puff up like a pissed off cat. God, so that’s where Strawberry Shortcake gets it from.

He looks like he wants to beat Bakugou into the ground and Bakugou lives by the philosophy of ‘If it can crawl, it can brawl.’, so he’s up for anything this fucker has to offer. But he doesn’t, instead he closes his eyes and inhales like he’s having an fucking asthma attack.

“You shouldn’t insult your elders.” Endeavor says after a beat. Bakugou huffs a laugh.

“Or what? You’ll hit me?” It’s an attack and based on the way the hero recoils, he knows it. Everyone knows it. Everyone knows it because it was broadcasted on live television. It was like a car crash, so gruesome but you just can’t tear your eyes away until you see that everyone is okay.

However, like a car crash, it’s abundantly clear that no one in the Todoroki family is okay. But, Bakugou didn’t find out when the crash happened. No, he knew the truth deep down when he saw the unsteady swerves of one of the drivers who had the audacity to essentially give him first place at the Sports Festival.

Bakugou thinks about that moment a lot. Usually at night when he can’t sleep because he feels like someone’s watching him, he wonders what Todoroki saw that snuffed out the fighting spirit he’d paraded around before their round.

He’s young, but he’s not naive. Not anymore. He knows, undoubtably, that during their fight Half ‘n Half didn’t see Bakugou’s drive to win, he saw his father’s flaming fists.

He feels his usual scowl paint itself onto his face, “How does it feel knowing your entire family is afraid of you?” The older man doesn’t say anything, deciding that floor is much more interesting than the conversation Bakugou wants to have. The conversation he needs to have.

“Number One Hero, hah?,” he mocks, “You know, that’s really fuckin’ funny. That’s a hoot ‘n holler. You could be a stand up comic.” he gives a pause waiting for a reaction. He doesn’t get on.

“Too bad they don’t like sacks shit lyin’ around.” A pause. “You didn’t answer my question by the way, so tell me, how does it feel knowing your whole family is afraid of you? That you have no friends because you decided you didn’t need them, you only needed to be on top. Well,” a sharp bitter laugh echos through the hall, “congratulations.”

He stalks up to Endeavor and gets up in his personal bubble. He can see a blue eye trained on his own red ones. With a pointed grin, the blond knows he has the man’s attention now, so he keeps going.

“How does it feel knowing that you lost? And before you open that fuckin’ cavity ridden mouth of yours, you’re gonna listen and you’re gonna listen good.” Endeavor had tried to open his mouth to object because apparently the idea of losing something was getting to him. Bakugou could deal with this.

“How can you call yourself a hero after everything you’ve done? How do you do that? How do you sleep at night knowing that the so-called number one hero can save a civilian but fuckin’ torment his family?”

Endeavor is trying to ignore him. He can tell because his eyes are once again back to the floor. He won’t let him though.

“How does it feel knowing that, after all these years, even though you won, you lost.”

Bakugou is, and has always been competitive. He wants to be the best, he needs to be the best, because only the best people can be heros. He’d always adored All Might growing up, but not the same way Deku did.

When Deku saw All Might, he saw a beacon of hope, a peace bringer, an unstoppable force of nature. He saw a role model. A mountain of a man who was as strong as a tiger, yet gentle like a rabbit. Someone who uses their power for good instead of evil.

When Bakugou saw All Might, he saw a winner. A strong man who beat villains into the ground and obtained more money and praise than anyone else could ever hope for in a lifetime. He didn’t see a man, he saw a king who had kept a tight hold on his crown. He wanted to take it. So, yes he liked All Might for his position of power, but he respected Endeavor.

Endeavor may have been the number two hero, but Bakugou saw himself in him. He saw the fights on tv with the walls of fire, the punches, the yelling, he saw it all. Endeavor was not like All Might, he never backed away from a fight, never bothered to try and find a peaceful resolution, but he always won. He won with fiery fists and scowls and he didn’t smile for the press, he wasn’t fake.

Bakugou thought he felt hate for Deku, but now he knows better. This is hate. This feeling in his heart that’s screaming, hurting, burning.

This is hate.

This is hate because he can see his reflection in this monster draped in human skin.

He sees himself pushing Deku away because he thinks he’s superior, kicking, hitting, burning, screaming, he can see it all. He can see Deku become smaller and smaller and he remembers how happy it made him because Deku knew his place and that meant he won.

He sees Endeavor hitting his wife, screaming til he’s blue in the face at Todoroki, his siblings tear-streaked faces when they realize Touya is never coming home. He sees Todoroki’s determined expression flicker with fear before dropping to the ground like a rag doll. He sees Endeavor’s please smirk turn into a sour scowl because his son didn’t get first, he didn’t win. He sees Todoroki sitting in the main area while all their classmates pack up to go home for the holidays with raised hackles and paranoid glances at the slightest noise. He sees what once was Todoroki Touya on live tv telling the whole world his father’s sins and he wants to make him pay.

He sees the ambition, the anger, the low tolerance for anything that isn’t the best, the need to be the best at everything all the time but, Endeavor didn’t win, did he?

Endeavor became the number one hero because his rival fell, but he did not win. He was a martyr to the public, but a monster to his family. He was the monster under bed, the demons in their heads, the footsteps they should fear, and the man they should not love, but worship.

He took and took and took until his family had nothing left to give. He sleeps at night uncaring that his family don’t have a home they have a graveyard full of phantom memories of the lives they never got to live and the dreams they never got to chase. They get the ghosts in the mirror, a walking corpse for a body, and the perpetual state of mourning the love they’d never receive.

Then again, maybe Endeavor didn’t win or lose, because you can’t win a game you aren’t even playing. The moment he insulted, or raised a hand to his wife or children, he was disqualified.

Bakugou knows he’s no saint, but he’s not a loser. He’s worked hard to get his head outta his ass because he already loss. He lost his best friend and any dream filled nights that may have come to him. He learned.

Shaking his head out of his thoughts, he glances back at the man he’d looked up to and respected for many years. A man he hopes karma kills as slowly and subtly as he had with his family. He huffs.

“Yeah, I don’t like losers. Now, go the fuck home before I call security.”

He backs away but doesn’t leave the doorway as the sack of shit made the right choice and shuffled away. Bakugou makes a noise of satisfaction.

The explosive blond glances inside Todoroki’s room where the staff drugged him up on sedatives and silently wills him to get better. He’ll never say it out loud, but they were friends, and he did care.

(He also fears, that maybe, the news is right about how insanity runs in the family and that maybe he didn’t chase Endeavor off fast enough before Todoroki lost it completely like his mother and brother. Bakugou hopes that maybe he finally did something good.)

The vibrating of his phone jolts him from his thoughts and he reads the notification.

Shitty Hair: hey bakubro we wanted to know if ur still coming to movie night

Shitty Hair: no stress tho!!! a lots happened so we get it if u wanna skip

Another huff of laughter, this time less bitter, escapes from his lips.

He allows himself to smile and tells Kirishima he’s on his way and that they better not start without him. Yeah.

Bakugou Katsuki is a lot of things, but he’s not a loser.

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deakydeaky · 4 years ago

Note

HC of you meeting of of the boys(preferably Ben or Joe) before COVID and when it hit you stayed with them because you were far from home. Is this too much? Btw I love your posts and just want you to post more again 💀

How it started:

You were traveling around a lot before it was finally after the holidays

You were in New York, staying in a hotel when the news about COVID was getting big

In your final days you were going to a shop everyday, just to grab what you needed for the day

That’s when you ran into Joe. You knew you knew him from somewhere but didn’t say anything until you saw him there the next day

“Are you stalking me?” You would ask as you grabbed a bag of chips. He would let out a loud laugh as he looked at you

“Yeah actually, what gave it away?” People sworned around them.” This is crazy huh?”

“Yeah, I gotta get home soon if this keeps up.”

“Or stay in New York? Maybe run into each other before we turn into zombies?” He joked. “Totally.” You would agree and leave it at that

You two saw each other a few more times and gave flirty smiles through out the week and some small talk. He told him about his place and you talked about where you lived

A few days later when you realized that things weren’t going to get better you packed your bags. You first stopped at the shop to grab a few things because you didn’t know what the airport could be like

When you walked in, you saw Joe with a big shopping cart

“Oh my god, I totally started the zombie apocalypse.” Joe said when he saw you

“I won’t tell if you don’t.” You told him as you walked down the isle

“Are you going to be comfortable staying in a hotel?” You would give him a weird look. “I’m heading to the airport.” You told him with a laugh. “All of the airports shut down. No flights anywhere right now.”

“Oh my god. Oh my god.” You would start to call every hotel as Joe was checking out. Everything seemed to be booked or they were taking anyone new. How caught you outside as you stood by the cab, calling places

“You okay?”

“Everything is booked, Damnit!” Joe would hate to see it. “S-stay with me.” You gave him a look. “You could be a murderer.” You told him before he laughed. “I’m not and I’m serious. You can’t be on the streets right now and I have another room. And I think I have more reason to be worried, get in the cab crazy.”

You stayed in the guest bedroom, and even alone you felt awkward. You thought you should just try to call someone willing to drive all of the way to get you but you couldn’t ask anyone to do that and you didn’t think they would

The next morning you woke up to him pouring coffee. As he gave it to you and started small talk you stopped him.

“Stop. This is super nice but weird. I will call someone and leave. I- I think I should leave but this is great. If you start a bed and breakfast I will def give a good Yelp review.” He would laugh at you.

“Please don’t. Just stay until something opens up and you can safely be on a flight or a hotel. It could be fun. You could tel you kids about it one day or something. I swear I’m not a creep and I really would feel bad if I left you ok your own.”

Staying:

You called your family and told them you were staying with a friend and to not worry

It was awkward at first because either of you knew how to be comfortable with the other but it got better

Making breakfast for each other, being a good house guest, watching a few movies together a week, all around stuff

After two weeks of being in a house together, you thought it time to know each other and started to cook dinner. But horriblely messed up and Joe called his mom for cooking tips

“Mom I’m not joking, no she didn’t add water.” You blushed heavily as he talked to her. He ended up cooking for you which made you feel even worse

“Why were you cooking anyways?” He questioned. “I wanted to be something nice. We’ve been in the same house now for two weeks straight and I don’t know you. You could still be a murderer.”

“I’m an actor actually, pretty sure you knew that. I’m a Virgo, I play bass-“

“And you like long walks on the beach? Real stuff Joe! Also, I guessed Virgo, your earth sign energy is crazy, what’s your moon?”

“I- I don’t know. Ask me something then, anything.”

“Do you like coffee?”

“You crossed the line.” He told you, making you both laugh

Through out quarantine:

Going through 2020 together was the most chaotic thing that happens to you

Watching just about every show on Netflix

Everyday something worse happens you two take a shot and then put a tally on a peice of paper

Having 2020 bingo cards, literally

Ordering a lot of games to pass time

Making bets about what next month will hold

Getting to know Joe in weird ways

Having to explain to where you work that you’re now working from New York

Joe being the most chill person, even with the things that are happening

Him trying to make the days better

Joking about separation anxiety with each other but lowkey if one of you goes to the store for too long the other ones is worried

“What day is it?”

“Thursday.” Joe would question everything he’s done all week but can’t remember a single thing

Becoming rather close and very chaotic

“This is everything we need to do after it’s over.” You would tell him

“An aquarium?”

“Well it’s that or we could get high and watch Jaws, your choice.”

“I’m glad we aren’t those people that go on walks and zoom with their families, that’d make us seem way to normal.”

Trying your best to pass the time, April and May being the worse

Getting a lot of little arguments

“You called me a child when I bought them, and then you took HALF!” You would yell

“You’re fighting with me about this?”

“Yes because you made fun of me. You either get more or we fist fight.”

Neither of you know how to shop for food in the beginning because everything was being taken from the shelves

“You bought two packs of energy drinks?”

“Everyone was taking the water and soda, I had to act fast.”

Catching yourself falling for him

How could you not? He took you in, cooks dinner, helps ease your pandemic anxiety

Him being the biggest goof

“Joe, it’s 1am, I’m not making a fort with you.”

“Why not?”

When the summer came you two held out hope for better things to come but they just seemed worse

Meeting the boys over zoom

“Sorry, we’ve all been really surprised when we heard the story. It’s very Joe but we were scared some weird things would happen.”

“Yeah, I don’t watch him sleep or anything like that.”

“Really? I’m a beautiful sleeper.”

Making him tea

Hearing him over sing in the shower

After the summer with numbers rising again, going home seemed like a dream

You didn’t want to risk your family getting sick but staying with Joe more seemed too much

Wishing you had met at another time because it seemed too weird to make a move. You were getting almost a middle school feeling crush. This ended up in a debate with yourself, talking about pros and cons and leaving and all of the things you have wanted to say since March

“You can do this. You are a strong woman, you are to the point and the worst thing he could say is no and that’s okay, you’re still that bitch.”

“Who’s saying no?” Joe asked you as he came in

“No one, maybe you, I don’t know, wanna watch a movie?” Joe would look at you as you stood awkwardly.” Don’t look at me like that.”

“What’s happening right now.”

“I’m sorry, it’s not you. It is but it’s like your fault but I also have some blaming but you did it.” Joe would nod his head, trying to make sense of anything that was happening.” I have developed, a sorry of, very tiny and minor, crush. That I’m sure it just because another man hasn’t looked at me since March but at the same time I think it’s because you’re a really great person and now I’ve made this awkward and we won’t talk about it ever again.”

“A crush?” “I just said we won’t talk about it.”

It worked out because he ended up liking you back but it was definitely weird for a little

You two felt more in the way or each other than living together

But after a few weeks you two realized how weird you were being and figured out it was nothing

“Trump got COVID.” “Shots?” “Yep!”

As you two were drinking you looked at each other and laughed, spitting the drinks everywhere.

“Wanna order in? Act like this week didn’t happen?”

“Yeah.”

Felt like you were living out a literal movie

Making the best of 2020 although it was weird

Dating:

The same as before but now it’s this new part of Joe

He’s more romantic but still funny and himself

Having “date nights” once a week. That just meant he would light candles and turn the lights out and pretend it was a fancy restaurant

Finding out a lot about each other

Him telling his family about you and how it’s been with you. Making you freak out a lot on the inside

The boys all telling him they were calling it

“You can’t just threaten to lock yourself in the bathroom just because I said I didn’t want pasta tonight.”

“Watch me!”

Still tiny agruments but nothing serious, ever

“It doesn’t matter why! He just did!”

“Then where did the hammer go when he left! He took it with him but when he came back old all he had was the shield!”

Planning out where you two would travel next

You two having the weirdest comfort level with each other

Talking about what would have happened between you two of the pandemic didn’t happen

Game nights becoming twice as better now that you’re both more comfortable with each other

Making both of your guys friends join a zoom to play with

Flipping coins to see who makes dinner

Whenever you don’t eat what he makes he always threatens to never cook again

“Have peanut butter and jelly everyday, I don’t care. You’re missing a real Italian man right now!” He said, coping an accent

Coping each other all of the time just to see what the other one will do

Having the most fun you’ve ever had with him, even with you two stuck in a house

Realizing the a pandemic made you find the love of your life

#Joe mazzello #joe mazzello headcannon #joe mazzello headcanon #joe mazzello imagine #joe mazzello x reader

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fangirlandiknowit101 · 3 years ago

Note

12, 14 and 18☺️

Thanks for asking <333

12. Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

There's lots to be honest, but something I still can't believe I haven't written is a horse riding au. Like, that's half a lie bc I have a few thousand words written for a Simon/Baz horse rider au that I might never finish, but I'd really like to write one for Naruto. But I always decide not to because I don't know all the words and I hate googling stuff while I write. But one day! Surely!

14. If you were stuck on a desert island with only two characters, which would you pick?

Honestly? Kirk and Spock. They'd find a way to get us out of there. And if not, it would at least be cool to meet them.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

You really had to pick such a difficult question... I can never decide on any particular line/scene. So I opened up The sun within me and looked at the chapters and thought I'd pick something that could be interesting to comment on. And in this case, it's a bit about how Naruto, Sasuke, and Charasuke have changed and their different relationships with each other. So! Here's a bit of commentary for a scene in chapter 40 (under the cut bc it's fairly long lol):

[For clarification, this is right after Naruto and Sasuke come back home from Sasuke's mission where he fought Menma and Menma then disappeared. I'm skipping ahead to the part where they arrive at the orphanage and Charasuke is waiting in their room (Naruto's POV). My comments will be written in bold text.]

The clone’s memories dropped into his head like a puff of smoke, and he groaned out loud, making a face. Sasuke gave him a concerned look, but Naruto sighed and shook his head.

“Let’s go,” he said, feeling very reluctant as he grabbed Sasuke’s arm.

He supposed he could have teleported them somewhere else, but Charasuke had seemed prepared to wait until they returned. Maybe Sasuke could deal with him while Naruto sort of… drifted away and hid in the kitchen.

Naruto is acting very childishly in this scene, mostly because he's still wary of Charasuke, and also because he's just spent two days in Sasuke's company but pretending to be Menma, which means no cuddles/kisses or anything. He's kind of clingy, isn't he? Haha. And also, he doesn't really want to admit to himself that Menma disappearing for Charasuke is the parallel to his worst fear, that Sasuke will disappear.

“Where is he?” Charasuke demanded the second they arrived in the bedroom.

“Ah, Sasuke, maybe you can explain?” he suggested, inching towards the door, but Sasuke nailed him to the floor with a single glare.

“He could be anywhere,” Sasuke said, continuing to glare until he was sure that Naruto wouldn’t escape. “I didn’t manage to get a good look through the portal.”

“The portal?” Charasuke seemed to waver, arms wrapped around himself as he looked between them. “Tell me what happened.”

You can tell that Sasuke has really started to care about Charasuke here. He's not entirely open with him yet, but he recognizes a lot of himself in Charasuke and he puts himself in Menma's position, thinking about when he left the village and Naruto was left behind. He doesn't want Charasuke to hurt the way he knows Naruto was hurting back then.

While Sasuke described the mission, including what he called ‘Naruto’s dumb interference’, Naruto dug through his closet for the shirt he would make Sasuke wear. He was absolutely sure that Sasuke would argue about it – especially since he’d sent a clone to Akatsuki and not himself – but if he talked fast enough and relented that it would be enough if Sasuke slept in it for one night…

“He really is gone, then,” Charasuke said, his voice toneless. “I’ll never see him again.”

“I’m sure you’ll see him again,” Naruto said, contemplating the pros and cons of a t-shirt versus long sleeves. “Whoever grabbed him and hauled him off probably just wanted to keep him out of Sasuke’s reach. He gets awfully strong when he’s irritated.”

Naruto is definitely acting a bit heartless here, again, because he doesn't want to think about his own feelings or feel forced to recognize that Charasuke is a person Sasuke cares about, that he should also care about. I think he can get a bit closed off when there's too much going on in his own life, and that makes it hard to focus on other people, especially since he still wants to leave the other dimension and doesn't want to think about Sasuke caring about his family here - meaning Sasuke might want to stay.

When he turned back from the closet, he found Sasuke giving him a disappointed look.

“What?”

“You’re taking this lightly,” he said, glancing at the shirt in Naruto’s hand and apparently deciding to ignore it.

“Well, unless we figure out how to dimension-hop after him, I don’t think there’s a lot we can do.”

Now that he was back to being himself, all Naruto really wanted was to curl up in bed with Sasuke and not think about the outside world at all. Charasuke, on the other hand, seemed on the verge of tears.

“And what would you have done if I was the one who disappeared?” Sasuke asked, an icy note to the question.

“How would I know? It hasn’t happened yet.”

A bit of foreshadowing lol. Except Sasuke is the one left reacting when Naruto leaves, but Naruto really is trying to keep a tight grip in his emotions here and absolutely not think about the fact that Sasuke could have disappeared with Menma, and he wouldn't have known what happened to him.

“You could have let me follow after him and we’d know where he went.”

Naruto straightened up, face hardening.

“No, you might have known where he went, but the rest of us wouldn’t. Besides, he was trying to kill you. I went through too much trouble to keep you alive to just let you jump into some unknown enemy territory.”

As you can see, putting a lot of emphasis on Naruto's fear of losing Sasuke again.

Silent tears now streaming down his cheeks, Charasuke sat down on the bed and clenched his fists over his lap. It was obvious that he didn’t like what they were saying, but Naruto pushed his feelings of sympathy aside. Sasuke was his top priority, and that hadn’t changed simply because there was another one of him now.

“I told him I never want to see him again,” Charasuke sniffled, and it was really disturbing to watch someone with Sasuke’s face – well, a version of Sasuke, really – crying out in heartache.

Meanwhile poor Charasuke is having a background breakdown. To Naruto, it's hard to see a version of Sasuke like this. Charasuke is coming face to face with the realization that he's A: definitely not over Menma, B: he really handled things badly and never even stopped to think about why Menma was doing things.

“If he survives, you can apologize,” Naruto told him, trying to sound comforting. “Hell knows Sasuke said a lot worse stuff to me.”

To his great surprise, Sasuke went over to sit beside Charasuke, frowning as his hand twitched to reach out to him.

“This isn’t about you and me, Naruto,” he said, settling for an awkward hand on Charasuke’s shoulder. “And it could be our fault, anyway.”

“You know, Sasuke,” Naruto said as the initial shock wore off, “that sounds scarily like you’ve started caring about other people.”

Naruto and Sasuke having a small fight about Charasuke... Naruto knew Sasuke cared about Charasuke, but this is when he realizes that Charasuke is becoming a person that Sasuke wants to protect. And for Sasuke it's a small step towards opening his heart for more people than just Naruto. Sasuke is honestly mad at Naruto for taking things so lightly, for treating this other dimension as something that doesn't affect them. Besides, I really wanted Charasuke to be comforted by Sasuke haha.

Charasuke kept crying, and the look Sasuke directed at him clearly said what he thought of Naruto right then.

“Moron. I care about other people, just not anyone in our own dimension.”

Naruto knew that to be a lie, but decided not to say anything. Having Sasuke admitting to something like having feelings was a huge enough step on its own. Instead he sighed, grabbed something to sleep in, and headed for the door.

“I’ll just sleep on a couch,” he mumbled.

Does Sasuke care about anyone back in their own dimension? Maybe, but you wouldn't really see him act like this with canon Sakura, not before they left for the RTN dimension at least. It's a big thing that Sasuke is starting to voice his feelings out loud, and acknowledge them more. Naruto is feeling jealous actually, because he wanted to finally have Sasuke to himself, and also he feels guilty for being jealous, and also he's hoping that if he pouts enough Sasuke will comfort him instead of Charasuke lol. Not always the most mature person, but who is?

Coward, Kurama accused as he headed towards the living room, but Naruto was too tired to argue with him. Something about Charasuke always rubbed him wrong, and maybe it had to do with how he displayed his emotions openly and so obviously thought of himself as weak. If Sasuke wanted to handle it, fine. Naruto didn’t have the patience for people who sat around crying, and a small part of him didn’t like that he had such problems with caring about Menma, either. Menma had everything, a loving family, a Sasuke who cared about him, but he was still feared and treated differently. Even in this world people treated the bijuu as something dangerous, and he wondered how much of the whole story of them losing consciousness and turning into beasts was true, and how much was justification to treat them badly.

It's a bit of 'my problems are worse than yours so you shouldn't be so upset'. In the movie, we really got to see how much it hurt Naruto to see this other world where he had everything he wanted, and then acknowledge that it wasn't real. Even if he can recognize that the bijuu were still treated badly here, he can't quite make peace with the way Charasuke and Menma can't appreciate what they have. It makes it really hard for him to sympathize with them.

Am I supposed to feel touched? Kurama snorted as Naruto rearranged pillows into an acceptable bed on one couch. You didn’t care much for us either before you figured out the truth.

No, but everything was supposed to be the opposite here, right? Well, this part isn’t the opposite, it’s the same.

Between one heartbeat and the next, Naruto blinked his eyes open in front of Kurama’s open cage. There was water sloshing around his ankles, and everything was clouded in some sort of yellowish haze.

“Oh, come on,” he complained, but Kurama tsk’ed at him with his head supported by one giant paw.

“I hate to admit it, but you might be onto something, kid.”

“Uh-huh, well I don’t know about you but I want to sleep.”

Kurama reached out and poked him in the stomach with a sharp claw, eyes narrowing to slits. Even if they were friends, Naruto didn’t feel like testing the limits of that friendship with those claws so close to him.

“Sometimes you say things in such a stupid voice that I miss how important it might be. Now shut up and listen,” Kurama growled, three of his tails swishing angrily behind him. “This world is supposed to be opposite, right?”

“I don’t know, but everything seems opposite.”

“Let’s pretend we know it’s true. So, everything and everybody is the opposite more or less. But, the prejudice against the bijuu is still there. And we were told that it was only recently that they became unable to control. So, where does that leave us?”

Naruto pouted, not bothering to answer. Obviously Kurama already knew what he wanted to say.

“I think it means that anything that is the same, is something that somebody has tampered with.”

I was going to do more with this, but it was also a bit of 'what sort of theories would they have for what was really going on?' and this one is accurate in a way, because Hagoromo did tamper with the bijuu which in turn made them become feared and badly treated. So it's definitely hinting at there being someone behind the scenes manipulating the bijuu.

“Huh?”

Kurama rolled his eyes, sighing so deeply that Naruto felt the wind from it tear at his clothes.

“Think, boy! If this is a mirror-world or whatever, people shouldn’t be afraid of me and my siblings. But they are, and it only started a while ago. Obviously someone made us go crazy. And Menma has me inside him, but a crazy version of me, so wouldn’t it be logical that whoever did something to the me inside Menma, could also do something to Menma?”

He thought about it, hard enough that his head started hurting. Sasuke would probably know, but he was busy with Charasuke.

“I guess,” he said eventually, huffing a little. “But even if you’re right, it doesn’t help us figuring out who’s behind it all.”

“Does it matter?” Kurama scoffed, and then his lips spread in a terribly evil grin. “We’re going to kill them anyway, aren’t we?”

“This is why you have such a bad reputation,” Naruto sighed.

Kurama only laughed.

I really love Kurama... His and Naruto's weird friendship gives me life. His solutions to problems are always very straightforward heh.

Well, that's that :3

10 notes · View notes

elvencantation · 4 years ago

Text

yin yang master liveblog

feat. @thursdayplaid

what

blue

omg the magic is so pretty

also why is it always Chinese dramas will have someone, if they need blood, bite their finger?

also the gold spirit is very cute i like

i love a young countenance but an older soul

i also want them to take off their hats 😂

wait he ain’t dead he’s just sitting there?

or he’s dying i guess

Thursday

This movie is pretty throughout, aesthetic on point

Sharp teeth?

We simp gold spirit

Too true, amazing combo XD

He's dying

Please don't let me disturb your liveblogging. It brings be much joy

blue

oh hot demon boy!

love that he’s fighting with a fan

Thursday

Who will win? Uptight fighting bro vs gentle fan uncle

blue

gentle fan uncle is an amazing title

Thursday

@^_^@

blue

i love how he’s just like ‘bet u wouldnt stab a precious instrument’

Thursday

XD I love how playful he is during the whole fight too

blue

it’s adorable

dude rly loves his transportation talismans

WAIT I THOUGHT DEMON BOY HAD TATTOOS NOT CUTS

Thursday

He does. If it ain't broke, don't fix it I guess. And it's a good way to redirect violence without doing harm

Demon boy has had a Rough Time

blue

i wanna give him a hug

i don’t think he’d appreciate that but still 😂

Thursday

He's just sad and misses his girl friend

blue

why his reincarnated shufu look evil tho

Thursday

Who can say~~~

I love how Boya was just repeatedly defeated by Qingming and is like: you won't fight me because you're scared.

blue

what’s a himbo but not nice 😂

hey! they put my boys hat on crooked. rude.

Thursday

Give that boy a straight hat.

He's just such an Angy Boy

blue

he rly is 😂

ah i love the lady master she’s so pretty

Thursday

She's amazing and I love her.

blue

awww boya defended him

Thursday

He's so angry, but this fan man flirts with him

blue

ofc they all spying on each other 😂

Thursday

Saved by your opponent's gay discovery

blue

omg yes

Thursday

Spying required

blue

aw he looks nice with his hair down!

drink tea with him angy boy!

Thursday

He just wants you to chill out before you deviate. Sit and look at his amazing long hair. It'll be good for you

blue

HAHAHA

honey bug!!!! i love her!!!!!!!

Thursday

Also the ability for the fan man's actor to go from calm to worried to angry to calm again

Honey bug is good and important and I love her

blue

thank u for the recommendation yes

i love them

Thursday

The intrinsic eroticism of a man who's having his racist beliefs totally shaken by a hot guy who's hotter and smarter than him while holding a sword to his throat and looking like he wants to cry while saying cool lines.

They are such a great pair

blue

angy boy is angy like how dare fan man make him have feelings

Thursday

How very dare he make a good point about morals and ethics!

Also with that hair drinking tea in the morning

Angy boy with clenched teeth: I'm Not Yearning. I'm Just Like This When I See A Fan.

Angy boy with clenched fists: Complex Feelings? Disgusting.

blue

HAHAH OMG HES JUST HANGING OUT WITH A BUNCH OF LADIES LIKE HELLO YES ANGY BOY COME HAVE TEA WITH US ITS NOT WHAT U THINK

OMG THIS TIME ITS BOYS

ITS LIKE UR TRYING TO GIVE ANGY BOY AN ANEURISM

Thursday

Clenched fist intensifies

blue

I CANNOT

maybe he just wants to hang out with cute people

i get that

Thursday

He's just a friendly guy

blue

if i could summon pretty spirit friends to hang with me i so would

ok so maybe he’s not evil. but i’m still suspicious

NOW ANGY BOY IS HAIR DOWN WITHOUT HAT OMG YES

Thursday

I do get the vibe off him he's not the sort of guy who would put his spirit friends in sexual situations. But also I get the vibe he's a very lonely guy at his core and he enjoys the feeling of physical and emotional closeness.

blue

mood ™

Thursday

Let's be honest, the hat is a bit cute, but that hair though. Respect for the makeup department

blue

HAHAHAH

Thursday

Angy boy, you're just walking to being teased now. At this point its a hand written invitation with gold leaf.

blue

oh i love this moment with the water

it’s so intense

JUST DO IT ANGY BOY

U KNOW U CARE ABOUT HIM

“you’re too obedient” 😂

Thursday

The priest is in the range of gentle or teasing and hovers there. Seeing an actual intense situation is great

blue

ikr????

ah that is exactly what i love

that situation

Thursday

Me too! It's great when characters hover in a range and then swing over sharply

I really makes both extremes more dynamic

blue

HAVE SOME WINE WITH HIM DO IT

U KNOW U WANNA

Thursday

Go For It Angy Boy! He'll be gentle!

blue

😏

Thursday

XD I mean he will continue to ruffle his feathers, but for fun, not for mean

Also, I really love the depiction of a fox demon that isn't sexed up.

Qingming is a trickster, a tease, a bit of a flirt, and enjoys the pleasures of life, but he isn't the stereotypical half naked sexpot fox demon that seem to pop up everywhere

blue

OH NO HE HAD TO KILL HIS SHUFU???

Thursday

The only person he had in the world but he didn't want him to suffer and be corrupted

blue

also I hate that my two associations with someone being turned into ash is firstly the avengers and secondly that stupid fucking scene in the last harry potter movie

god this movie is so beautiful and lovely

Thursday

That set is outstandingly gorgeous

Everything is so beautiful. I want to live in this world!

Sometimes I just see a kind and lonely character trying to live their best life and just vibe with them. Also the wigs on this movie 😭 So beautiful!

blue

DONT HURT MY GIRL

Thursday

Run girl! Move!

She's so smart and brave!

blue

oh the DRAMA

Thursday

The Drama is right, I love this movie!

blue

HE WILL SAVE U BOYA

Thursday

HE'S COMING FOR YOU FRIEND

blue

omg the drama of his hand slackening

Thursday

That slackening hand though...

blue

why it didn’t work until then tho???

Thursday

For the drama mostly XD

blue

HUGGGG

is she giving birth to the serpent? 🤢

Thursday

She is giving birth to the serpent

blue

hey it’s better to be possessed by the literal incarnation of evil in snake form than be dead am I right?

Thursday

I mean is we're making a choice...

blue

OMG IS IT FINALLY SPIRIT TIME?

thursday

It is ~spirit time~!

blue

HOT DEMON BOY IS BACK UPGRADED

SO PROUD

Thursday

He is back and he is Fancy!

They're looking good they're doing poses

blue

omg the painters face painting is so pretty

Thursday

I love the painter ;-; so noble

blue

the music when he summons spirits just makes me think of like pro wrestling intro music for some reason 😂

Thursday

And now from the WWE, some hot chinese spirits

blue

oh no ice boy!

Thursday

Poor ice boy, he's just getting beat up

blue

don’t u dare touch my other demon boy

Thursday

He just signed up for this adventure and now a snake is beating him up

blue

OMG HE NOW HAS SOMEONE HE WOULD PROTECT WITH HIS LIFE DOESNT HE

Thursday

He Do!

blue

WAIT WHAT NO BOYA

Thursday

Boya is just having a rough time right now, he's a good good boy

blue

and now the painter???

Thursday

I almost cried about the painter and he was only there for like five minutes

blue

PLS DONT HURT MY DEMON BOY

Thursday

Demon Boy goes yeet

blue

oh my god the drama of the dripping blood i can’t

Thursday

This movie has so much drama It did

blue

not my demon boy 😭

FINALLY IT WORKED

wait shit spirit boya is super hot

THE BLACK WINGS?!????

the tattoos??? the hair?!?!!! the messy goth skirt??!

Thursday

Spirit Boya is Choice, I'm looking respectfully 👀

Goth spirit aesthetic is on point

blue

where the other guardians tho?

yes this is a very touching little last reunion but where my boya at

omg yes give him a glowing sword

the avenging angel look is 💯 on him

Thursday

The sword on fire look is Really Working For Him

blue

tell me boya’s spirit form has no influence on his actual body. no he said he trusted qingming to protect his body it’s ok

OMG YES I KNEW THE PROTECTION SPELL MOMENT WOULD BE BACK

Thursday

It's back and it's shiny!

blue

ok but u still have a hole in ur torso my dude

oh ok apparently that’s not a thing anymore but i can’t be mad cause boya’s outfit 😍

Thursday

I guess he used his cultivation or his demon powers or something IDK, It would have been nice to have two extra minutes of Boya being worried about him

Boya wears some excellent clothes

blue

love a good romantic flute moment 😭🥰

Thursday

I have to say Boya's like let me play you this song about promising to fall in love in the next life for fun and me time

blue

omg i thought he was gonna kiss the arrow

Thursday

I mean emotionally did he not kiss the arrow?

blue

omg i cant

Thursday

I know right? How many censors did they have to pay off

blue

WAIT IS MY GIRL OK????

Thursday

I Chose To Believe She's fine and is now living happily on a farm or something

yeah i do love being worried for each other

but i guess they didnt have enouhg time and they already had that moment at the beginning of the movie 😂

Thursday

Two people? Respecting, worrying, and caring about each other? 👍 There's never enough caring for each other!

blue

exactly

Thursday

Also, this is one of the best examples of be careful how you word your spells that I've ever seen.

The old master was like care and protect her forever and his spirit guardian was just like: 👍👌💯

blue

heheh

yeahhh

AND U MADE ME EMOTIONAL AGAIN

#yin yang master #the yin yang master #dream of eternity #onmyoji #blue watches #yin yang master liveblog #this was fun!!!#thank you for the rec!#i liveblog at those who recommend me media #content #qing ya ji

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bakugou-tm · 5 years ago

Text

fate’s design; bakugou

Okay so this was one of the few ideas I had going on but this one I had after I heard about the live action Tangled being made (literally wanted to be cast for that so bad). But anyways the reader has a healing quirk from her hair just like Rapunzel’s when she sings the song, and you can find out the rest as you read ;)

word count: 3000+

warnings: kidnapping, mad angst but a happy ending :-)

Emotion was a long lost friend of yours.

When you were younger, your life was filled with emotion.

The joy you felt when your family came over for summer cookouts and you got to play in the pool with your cousins while the sweet smell of meat burned on the grill. The sadness you felt when you had to reveal to your parents that you flunked your first math test. The anger you felt when your father ate the last cookie you had made with your mother that weekend, though it was quickly resolved when he returned to the store with a fresh batch.

All of these emotions, no matter good nor bad, you were at bay with. Content with even. Because at that time it was just so nice to.. feel something. Anything.

How you wished you could feel again, have a family again, a life.

That was all ripped from your grasp when you felt your very last emotion: pain.

The day was just like any other, you were walking home from school on sixth year in primary school. Your classes were beginning to grow harder, but thanks to your helpful friends and wise parents you had no troubles. After all, you and your peers were preparing for high school.

You remembered how excited you were for high school. Getting to meet new friends, join new clubs, play new sports. Perhaps you watched too many cliché high school movies, or maybe you had been too naive.

Probably the ladder.

You took the same path you always took, crossing through pretty neighborhoods with large historic trees and cracked sidewalks that brought back memories to your youthful days.

Just as you turned the corner you felt that feeling of comfort in your chest upon seeing the rustic color of your home, the smell cherry blossom tree overwhelming your senses as it did every afternoon.

You allowed the faint breeze to flow through your long soft locks, the occasional blossom falling far from the tree and into your hair.

You would always think... silly flower, you don’t belong in my hair. You belong in the tree with your family.

Walking peacefully down the street you made sure to skip over each crack, the knacking fear of the old children’s tale still in the back of your head.

To you it was just like any other weekday, the same old routine, same old walk, same old emotions.

But that day was far from normal, it was the last day you had the luxury of feeling.

You remembered the way a shiver ran up your spine when you felt someone entwining their fingers in your long locks. You remembered the way your parents ran outside at the sound of your shrill screams. You remembered being held back as you were dragged into a rundown van, your poor excuse of trying to escape proving to be useless. You remember having to watch your parents get engulfed in flames, their screams of agony filling your ears which over-rid the sound of tape being slapped across your mouth and body.

But the one thing that really swam in your mind like poison was the torn blossom that laid much to peacefully on the palm of your hand as tears of pure fear danced down your cheeks.

Silly flower, you don’t belong here.

Things have never been the same since that day. Sometimes you tried to think back on that day, those memories, just to try feel something again. But it never worked, nothing worked.

You followed the same routine everyday. Wake up, eat whatever scraps you could get, sit in the corner silently with no thought in mind, wait for one of the injured villains to come in, sing your song, heal them, hope they didn’t ask for much more from you, sleep, repeat.

You used to hate it so much, helping the people that took your life away against your will. Knowing you were the power of the sick people that ruined other people’s lives everyday. But at this point, you didn’t even know what it felt like to hate.

All you knew how to do was sing that sickening song and sleep. Nothing sounded the same anymore, nothing felt the same, nothing tasted the same. The bottom line was, nothing was the same.

And for six years that was your mindset, nothing would ever be the same. This would be your life til the day you die. That is, if you were lucky enough to see death’s doors.

But one day that mindset changed, your life changed forever. Thanks to the boy with crimson eyes.

You sat in the corner of your room, your bottom growing numb against the hardwood floors but you couldn’t care less.

Admittedly your room had gotten some upgrades since you first arrived here. From 11 to 18 you had finally been able to see a bed again, but it mattered not. The bed felt the same as the floor at this point.

Your (e/c) orbs were glued to the floor, your eyelids forcing themselves open pitifully as you traced the outlines of the hardwood as you did everyday.

With your room being below ground, probably in the middle of some rundown city, you weren’t able to hear much of what was going on in the outside world. Sometimes you would imagine what was happening, what holidays were going on and what families were spending time together.

It probably felt nice.

When a loud bang arose from upstairs, your eyes merely flicked to the door with uninterested. Probably one of the villains getting in a fight. Their hideout was in a rundown bar of sorts, this leading to the buffoons always being a drunk mess.

All you could do was hope that they would be sober enough when they had their daily visit with you.

The banging only proceded to get louder, shouts filling the air but you simply ignored it. Letting your head lower to the ground again as your (h/c) locks showered along your face.

Through everything you’ve been through, one thing that never changed was your hair. No matter how much you tugged and pulled at it, wishing it would fall out and end this misery you called a life: it remained.

Soft and gentle as ever, the strands never bothering to move out of place as the cascaded down your smooth shoulders.

It made you absolutely sick.

As the banging grew closer to your door you swore you almost felt a bit of curiosity fill your mind. But who were you kidding, you knew it was only your mind playing tricks on you.

Even as new voices filled the air and quirks seem to go off every which way, you failed to believe it was anything of your concern. You had been tricked long enough, you wouldn’t dare fall for hope again.

Curling your scratched up knees to your chin you let more of your hair cascade around your face, hoping to drown out the sounds and maybe even fall asleep.

The vibrations along the walls were surprisingly lulling to you, your head leaning against the cold concrete as you let your (e/c) irises see the last of this damp room for today.

But apparently your luck was runnign short today. Just before you could doze off into what freedom you had, the door slammed open.

Your eyes blinked open slowly, your (e/c) orbs peaking up to see which villain you had to heal today, only to see a figure you didn’t recognize.

He was dressed in a uniform, perhaps a villain you’ve never met? But he had no serious injuries, what else could he be here for?

One thing that stuck out to you was the slight confusion and horror that was washed over his expression as he looked you up and down.

If you had any bit of feeling left in your body you would almost be intimidated by the handsome man, his crimson iris’ slicing through you as his lips formed into a snarl showing off his near perfect teeth.

“You’re the flower they’ve been talking about?”

The sound of the word flower made you grimace, the word making you sick to the stomach as a quick flashback of the broken blossom in your hand so many years ago came to mind.

When arriving this the dungeon you now called home, the villains took note of the many blossoms in your hair from your tree at home, deciding to give you the nickname “flower”.

The word you once loved now made you sick.

Your flinching didn’t go un-noticed by the man before you, his eyes narrowing into mere slits as he clenched his fists.

“Sick bastards.”

Before you knew it he was walking over to you, extending out a palm to you awaiting you to take it.

He stood there, his eyes glancing back at the door to make sure no other shitty villain was coming before he glanced back at you only to see your body shoved even further into the corner.

His eyebrow rose in confusion as he shook his hand in an annoyed manor. What the hell were you doing?

“I’ve already done my job for today, please let me rest until tomorrow.” You spoke with quivering lips, only leading the ash blond to click his tongue.

“I’m not here to use you I’m here to get you the hell out of here, I’m a damn hero.”

In that moment you had never felt so overwhelmed in your life. So confused and unsure what to do. Hero? There was such a thing? How could this be real? You were sure your doomed life had been planned out, what was going on? Could life not let you chip away in peace?

The so called “hero” before you was growing impatient. He quickly crouched down on his toes, letting his arms lay across his knees as he looked at you with stern eyes, mumbling something about this being shitty Deku’s job.

“Listen I’m a fucking pro-hero okay? We’ve been chasing this case for months, hearing that the League of Villains had a secret weapon called their “Flower” that’s been the source of all their success these past few years,” The man explained with a sigh as he grit his teeth, “We expected you to be an actual flower, not a damn human, but it turns out these assholes are more disturbing than we expected.”

Your eyes felt glazed over as he offered his hand out once more.

“Now I need you to fucking trust me so I can get you out of here got it?”

For once in these past long years... you felt something. You felt the warm salty water dance across your cheek. You felt the rough rubber of this man’s glove as your slender fingers slid across his own. You felt... damn you say it.. hope.

Swallowing what saliva you had formulated in your mouth, you gave a quick nod before completely taking his hand and allowing him to lift you up from the floor.

One moment you were in the room you had lived in for six years, now you were running down the hallway. Nothing was in your way, it felt so surreal.

This had to be happening for a reason, maybe this was a test. Were they going to kill you if you betrayed them? Who were you kidding, killing you would be the easy way out. They needed you.

When the sight of stairs came into sight your eyes widened, you remembered those from your first day here. Upstairs, outside those doors was the real world.

For a quick second you almost felt like smiling, like screaming from pure joy. But you should’ve known what that would lead to. As a bullet sunk through the chest of the hero before you a scream did end up releasing from your chest.

But not from pure joy.

The hero sunk to his knees, his free gloved hand grasping his now bloodied chest before falling to the ground.

“Now now look what you’ve done flower, you know we have strict rules to keep you safe here.” The villain spoke before you, his gun flicking around his finger as if it were a toy as he began to walk towards you.

So the universe was still playing tricks on you, it wanted to make sure that you knew life still could be worse. And it was, it just kept getting worse and worse.

At least before you didn’t have to see the lifeless bodies that you had caused, but now as you saw the hero before you losing any sign of life in his crimson orbs you felt as if your body was being torn up from the inside. Just like when you saw your parents.

“Come on now flower, let’s get you back to your roo-”

A loud explosion from upstairs was heard causing you and the villain to stumble to your feet. Glancing up you noticed that heavy amounts of dust and ash from the cement walls were clouded around the villain before you.

In that moment you saw two choices. Two choices that life had bestowed upon you. You could either wait for those five seconds and allow the villain to take you back to that prisoned hole.

Or you could safe this hero and possibly have another chance at life. But why would you even try. Had you not learned after six years that life was not in your favor? What was even the point?

As your (e/c) eyes flicked down to the lifeless hero you wanted so badly just to lay beside him and give up, accept the cursed fate stowed upon you.

But as you looked into his crimson eyes, the only thing you could see were the eye’s of your parents. The lifeless look across their expressions as they screamed in pain from the intense flames engulfing them.

Back then you were too weak to do anything about it. You had to watch that happen and allow your life to become what it was. You... You couldn’t do that again.

No.

Gritting your teeth you dragged the hero through one of the now broken down doors, hastily wrapping your locks of hair around his chest as he coughed most likely from pain, holding at his wound.

You narrowed your eyes intensely and focused on making sure you hair wrapped around every inch of his wound.

The ash blond hero narrowed his own eyes up to you weakly, fighting to speak as he watched you maneuver around his corpse.

“W..What the hell are y..you doing?” The hero rasped, his hand trying to grasp around your wrist in an attempt to stop you, “Get the fuck out of here, save... save yourself!”

You simply ignored his pleads, tightening your locks of hair before inhaling deeply.

“Flower, gleam and glow, let your power shine..” You spoke softly, your eyes closing in focus as the hero before you gave you a crazed expression, “Make the clock reverse, bring back what once was mine.”

Initially the hero was disturbed by your soft singing, wondering if this was some sort of song of lost hope. How could you accept your fate like this? He couldn’t seem to plug anything together until he noticed your roots of your long (h/c) locks glow a bright golden color, the bright effect slowly cascading down your locks like a waterfall.

“Heal what has been hurt, change the fates’ design,” You sang peacefully, channeling your quirk’s energy to the man’s injury, “Save what has been lost, bring back what once was mine...”

Upon those words of the song your gentle (e/c) eyes opened slowly to glance down to the hero beneath you, his eyes growing wider as a mix of shock from your quirk’s magic and his sudden energy being brought back to him.

“What once was mine.”

The ash blond failed to notice his steady breathing once again, rather focusing on your hair’s golden shine fading away as your locks began to loosen from around his chest. His eyes followed down to his once bloody chest to now see the hole from the wound completely gone.

Suddenly it all made sense.

You were their healing flower, the source of their power. None of the members of the League of Villains were being taken down because they had unlimited lives. That’s why they had no fear running into battles, they knew they had no risk. Because they had you.

The young hero wasn’t sure if it was from the purely radiant song you sang, or maybe it was the action that had become of the song, or maybe now he was realizing just how truly beautiful you were inside and out. As if he had known you for years. But there was one thing he knew for sure.

Sitting up from his laid down position, the hero gently held both of your palms into his own as he gave you a gentle yet stern look.

“Flower, I will protect you at all costs, from this day on. You will never see the likes of these sick bastards again. We’re going to survive this and I’m going to be your damn hero.”

What was that feeling? The overwhelmingly warm surge through your chest. It felt as if he you had been stabbed in the heart, but it wasn’t pain you were feeling at all. In fact the warmth was spreading through your entire body, as if something inside you had been reawakened.

Part of you wanted to feel concerned about it but you just couldn’t with the other thought swarming in your head.

The hero just called you by the name you swore you would hate for the rest of your life, and yet you felt nothing but trust in the man. The word you swore would always make you feel sick... made you feel hope.

And for once in six years you allowed the corners of your lips to rise as you took his hand and spoke the first words of your new life with this crimson eyed man.

“I trust you hero.”

#bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #bakugou katsuki x reader #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #guess who's back bitches #slight angst #tangled au #rapunzel au #tangled #perhaps a series?#lol prob not

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a-crimson-lion · 4 years ago

Text

A (Hopefully) Reasonable Response

For @kiricookie .

[Read this if you want the following ramblings to make any sense.]

(Sorry this is so hecking long and all over the place, I just wanted to be thorough.)

[Manga Spoilers and Movie Spoilers Ahead]

I’m gonna do things a little differently here.

For starters, I’m gonna not gonna be addressing the fandom at large, because the fandom at large won’t be able to give me an answer.

I’m just talking to you, kiricookie. Because it’s your post, and you deserve to know what people (like myself) think of it. Just letting you know right now, and this is with absolutely NO sarcasm: I won’t be rude. I’ll do my damndest to not be rude.

Because you didn’t go and make that post and share it with the entirety of the world wide web just for it to get ridiculously crapped on without so much as a glance.

So, I’ll read it. I’ll think about it. And I’ll give you my thoughts. You don’t have to read them if you don’t want to. But common courtesy makes it so I leave the opportunity. You deserve that much.

You probably already know what this is about anyway. So I’ll start with something… unexpected, at least coming from someone like me…

...you’re right.

To be more specific, you’re right about Tenya. You’re right about how his split second decision to murder Stain should be concerning and in fact is concerning. You’re right about how he’s the most prone to lose his control and how his emotions get the better of him. You’re right about all that.

*Internal wince* Now, if you don’t mind me going into other details…

I’m not saying anything that spurnned on Tenya to murder the Hero Killer was in any way justified; it wasn’t. It never could be, it never should be. Murder is wrong no matter how the hell you look at it, and even if you have no choice but to go through with it, you shouldn’t be happy that you had to take someone’s life under any circumstances. But looking through Tenya’s perspective for a moment… he lost a brother, in a way. He lost a hero. Someone extremely close to him, who inspired him and others, who did nothing but good in any way he possibly could. And then he got cut down by someone who Tenya only knows as the antithesis of good and now his brother can’t do any good, or at least not as much as he used to.

Again, that doesn’t excuse attempted murder. In a morbid way, it’s sort of the logical extreme of when we saw Tenya at the start of the series: he immediately writes of Izuku because he only sees him as a hindrance and recognizes his own shortcomings after the fact. He immediately guns after Stain because he did something unforgivable in his eyes, and recognizes his own shortcomings after the fact.

In the heat of the moment, Tenya is prone to failure. He is prone to misjudgement. We’re talking about the same guy who decked his best friend because he was about to do something borderline illegal. The entire point of Tenya is to showcase the distance between what he wants to be and what he actually is, and the steps he takes to get there.

But yeah, the murder plot was a tad… oh who am I kidding, a HELL of a lot of overkill.

But circling back to why we keep scrutinizing Katsuki about his mannerisms while we keep praising Tenya from sunrise to sunset… I can’t speak for all of us Bakugo antis, because I know some of us have legitimate reasons for disliking him and the others are butthurt record players on repeat that you mentioned, but I can at least give out my reasoning behind it.

We don’t talk often about Tenya having a murder episode because he never tries to do it again, and he legit tries to improve and avoid anything similar happening again.

After the Hosu incident, Tenya admits that Stain was right about him, and he resolves to not be a screw up from then on out. He makes an effort to be a better class representative, a better example than what he had been setting before. He doesn’t deck Izuku just because “hE aNgY” during the Hideout Raid arc; he doesn’t want Izuku to make the same mistakes as he did, because everyone else was worried about Tensei, Stain, and Tenya, but Tenya was so dead set on “righting a wrong” that he ignored everyone around him and nearly got himself killed for it, and if things were any worse in Hosu, Tenya might not have been the only one dead. For all intents and purposes, that’s what Tenya thinks is happening again when the Bakugo Rescue Squad suggests tracking their friend down.

And like you mentioned when Tenya offered to lend an ear to Izuku when the Shie Hassaikai incident was tearing him apart from the inside, that’s the progression coming full circle. Tenya realizes that there are other people in the equation that he needs to listen to and that need to be listened to, otherwise they’ll do something completely ludicrous and get themselves and/or other people hurt in the process.

And the thing is, Tenya only needs to have his “Oh f***” moment once. And it’s barely brought up again, which puts out of the audience’s minds.

(Sidenote, while you’re “heroes not killing is weak” thing kinda came out of left field with me, I actually agree. A whole lot actually. Just so you know.)

The thing about Katsuki is that everything supposedly “wrong” with him… is still kinda going on to some extent. Sure, the people at UA have thicker skin and are willing to brush him off or call him out, but that doesn’t change the fact that some of his behavior is… highly concerning.

Personally I tend to avoid the Episode 1 suicide baiting (“avoid,” not “ignore”) because it was forever ago and it is repetitive, but I still think it needs to be addressed to some degree. In any case, Katsuki’s actions throughout the series are what get me and others to not think he’s exactly hero material. In any team exercises, he often puts himself at the forefront (not without reason, but still) and tends to shy away from tag-teaming unless his back’s against the wall. Despite what the Joint Training Arc would claim, Baku did most of the heavy lifting on his own, with little to no actual teamwork, though that’s more of a narrative problem than an in-universe problem. Even his teamwork with Izuku is still shaky at best; he keeps yelling at him, berating him, and telling him to do his best just so he won’t screw Katsuki over.

Say what you will about Katsuki’s “unique” personality, it may fly with his classmates, but realistically speaking, it’s gonna be a problem for when he does get into Professional Hero work. Can he be rude and snarky on professional business? Absolutely. Does he have to scream at his partner(s) whilst making them feel like they’re at the bottom of the barrel? Eh…

Before I commit to your last paragraph, I wanna bring up something. We can both agree that Tenya lost a hero when Tensei was attacked, right? We can both agree that his decision to ignore everyone and go in guns blazing was terrible, 0/10, wouldn’t recommend, right?

Okay. It’s not to the same degree, but… Katsuki has done something similar.

Katsuki lost a hero too. His name was All Might?

And what did Katsuki do well after the fight was over. He didn’t talk about it with anyone. He dragged out his childhood friend so he could rough him up, because fists is the only way he knows how to deal with his disconnect of societal expectations and, as AO3 would attest, Katsuki is complete s*** at feelings.

Katsuki did the same things Tenya did, albeit to a lesser degree. They both lost a hero. They both didn’t talk about it to anyone. And in the end, they both tried to hurt someone in order to alleviate their pain. The aftermath is… admittedly lucky for both parties.

So, about your last paragraph before the GIF… do you wanna know why antis (at least like me) keep bringing up Katsuki’s previous mistakes. It’s less so because they ever happened, or even because Katsuki did them. It’s more so because despite what the narrative and most of the fandom may think, Katsuki’s mistakes are never treated as such, at least not substantially. Eraserhead doesn’t even bother giving Katsuki a pep-talk about his behavior on the first day, or at any time he’s there to witness Katsuki acting like a jackass. All Might doesn’t stop the training exercise when Katsuki nearly kills a fellow student, which he was aware of being a possibility but it’s fine so long as he dodges, and it isn’t even addressed properly afterwards. In the Final Exams, Katsuki hitting his partner and later being dragged out the gate doesn’t bar him from passing, like say, Hanta; while Katsuki did contribute more, it doesn’t change the fact that his initial uncooperative behavior wouldn’t fly in the Pro Hero world, and he made himself a liability in those last few seconds against All Might. Even him losing the Provisional License Exam isn’t as big of a deal, because Katsuki gets to learn about a really important Quirk, no one’s grilling him like, say, Izuku is getting grilled, and not having his License and getting an additional day of house arrest spares him a potential “maybe strength isn’t everything” ass whooping from Mirio. I could go on a bit longer, but I think you get the jist.

Now, I’d absolutely LOVE it if society didn’t royally f*** up Katsuki’s perspective the way it did, but the problem is that the narrative has absolutely no intention of showing or admitting that Katsuki’s perspective is problematic. Ever since Deku vs Kacchan 2 decided that was enough development for Katsuki, he is always in the right, 100% of the time. Any opposition is few and far between, and will often be seen in the wrong anyway despite the legitimate concerns a person like Katsuki would present. Sure he can tell a kid not to look down on people during the Remedial Course arc, but when the Cultural Festival comes around he immediately decides to look down on the other classes. The fact that a majority of UA hates Class 1A is some grade-A bulls***, but the speech Katsuki gives to 1-A is also bulls***.

It essentially boils down to “F*** everybody else and only do things for yourself.” Because that’s what heroes are supposed to do…

That aside, Katsuki needs help. He needs therapy, anger management, and someone who won’t take his s*** just because he’s a so-called natural born leader with a flashy Quirk, because that’s what canon essentially boils down to. Any time Katsuki takes the lead, at least in my eyes, it’s less so because he’s a legitimately good leader and more so because the narrative has decided he’s the only one who should be taking charge.

I want Katsuki to improve, even if I personally have given up on the prospect of that happening. The problem starts when the narrative continually insists that Katsuki is more or less in the clear and is totally fine when really, he isn’t.

Izuku needing help is obvious and valid, but Katsuki needing (and getting) help is valid, too. Now if only the narrative could pick up on that.

And as for that last bit of your post… really, I can only speak for myself. As strong as Izuku is, as much as his opinion matters in this entire debacle, I can’t help but feel like Izuku is more blinded by nostalgia more than anything else. He still wants a connection with someone he’s known since childhood, and I can respect that, but the thing is, Katsuki spent nearly a decade telling Izuku, intentionally or otherwise, that he didn’t want the same thing. This continued from the time Izuku tried to help Katsuki out of a river all the way until after the Sludge Villain incident. And society had a hand in that bulls***tery, Katsuki was never the only culprit, but he was still a prominent one. And I don’t know about you, but nearly two years is probably not as long as you’d like to think it is, because that’s how long that it’s been since the overplayed, overrepeated suicide bait. And even ignoring that, two years isn’t enough of a gap between the near decade of societal degradation Izuku had to suffer through.

I don’t hate that Izuku is so forgiving. I hate that Katsuki isn’t willing to accept or consider it in any meaningful capacity. I hate that in a world where Tenya Iida, Shoto Todoroki, Kota Izumi, and even Gentle Criminal exist, that Katsuki has to be the contrarian because of his damn pride. And again, society f***ed up on that end, but that doesn’t stop the fact that Katsuki has actively refused to pursue other options, instead staying on the first and foremost thought of “blast it,” with his Quirk or his voice, unless he’s in combat, in which case it becomes “blast it but don’t be stupid about it.” Because Izuku’s forgiveness has worked before for the benefit of others. What does Katsuki get from Izuku’s forgiveness he doesn’t even fully accept, other than another obstacle he sees that needs to be beaten?

Yeah he’s still 16, yeah he’s a teenager and therefore still has the time to grow proper, but you know who else is 16? Tenya Iida. Shoto Todoroki. Two prickly, borderline asshole characters who also received gradual growth, faced setbacks and proceeded to grow past them. Meanwhile, Katsuki is still just passing the halfway point. I’m not putting that on Katsuki, but if Hori really wanted us to root for him, he shouldn’t have displayed that characters like Tenya and Shoto are able to develop overtime at faster rates than Katsuki can, and as much as I can keep playing the society card, Katsuki wasn’t the only one bombarded with high expectations. Shoto, Tenya, Momo, and potentially Mina all come from backgrounds wherein high expectations were expected of them; Shoto grew up in a confirmed abusive household for crying out loud, and we’ve seen him trying to grow past his issues.

Katsuki has yet to demonstrate anything similar. After Deku vs Kacchan 2, he’s still yelling Izuku’s ears off, or throwing his mask like a ninja star because comedy, or trying to fight a big time villain again because he still actually hasn’t learned to take a loss. Maybe it’s because he internalized most of his self-hatred and projected it onto Izuku so long, but I really can’t say for certain. The change doesn’t have to be night and day, but it can certainly be more substantial than what we’re getting now, and that alone disappoints me. And I’m sorry to say it, but the wait for Katsuki to finally grow beyond his excessive asshole tendencies and graduate to decent asshole is draining on me, and no longer a big contributor to me keeping up with the story (Izuku is a big contributor to that, because I’m basic).

Changing each other probably wouldn’t be advised, but their dynamic and their issues with and independent of one another should still be addressed. I have a big issue with “win to save, save to win” because of this, actually. Katsuki has to give a s*** about people, sure, but Izuku doesn’t need to focus more on winning when he already wins enough as is. It’s a false equivalence that further justifies the worst parts of Katsuki. That obsession with winning, with never falling behind in the eyes of society, only further fuels his need to put others down and push his physical capabilities to the maximum while he puts his emotional spectrum on the backburner. And the “friendship” he has with Izuku isn’t gonna change that, because again, Katsuki’s primary concern is surpassing One for All, surpassing Izuku as the Chosen One. He has yet to display any major concern for Izuku beyond the extent of his Quirk usage in the main series. The closest thing we’ve gotten was a look of shock on his face during Heroes: Rising, and this was in response to Izuku suggesting that he pass One for All.

On that note, Izuku cares about Katsuki, as a person, as a rival, and as a friend, and he has displayed this time and time again. Katsuki has only shown care for Izuku as an obstacle, as a challenge he must overcome and one he wants to overcome without hindrance. He has yet to show any semblance of care for Izuku beyond that with meaningful context, believe it or not. And quite frankly, I’m getting sick of people wanting to bring Katsuki on board just because Izuku is giving him the benefit of the doubt when he arguably hasn’t done anything proper to earn any of Izuku’s trust. I know Izuku’s not weak, I know he’s sound of mind, but Katsuki is not a rational subject for Izuku. He has known this boy since childhood, he has seen what he is capable of, and his optimism keeps him in a favorable light. That is incredibly noble of Izuku, and I commend him for it, but I cannot stand by the decision when Katsuki’s attitude towards Izuku and his actual contributions to Izuku’s journey don’t show anything direct or substantially reflective on Katsuki’s end.

...but that’s just me. The hell do I know anyway?

And if you actually bothered to read this word vomit… thanks.

-Crimson Lion (18 August 2020)

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flirting-with-psychology · 4 years ago

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1. I own a ferret. 2. My best friend is my boyfriend 3. My best friend is a girl 4. I use the word super way too much 5. I am a boy 6. I like My Chemical Romance 7. I own more than 100 CDs 8. I like discussing politics 9. I collect state quarters 10. The Legend of Zelda is my favorite video game. 11. I have Cingular 12. I love MAC makeup 13. I smoke too much 14. I own more than 5 bandanas 15. My favorite movie is Kill Bill 16. I watched Lamb Chop when I was young 17. I have my ears gauged 18. I can do HTML without guidance 19. I watch Spongebob Squarepants regularly. 20. I go to the movies at least once a week 21. I play guitar or bass 22. I love Elvis 23. I’ve had a mo/bi/trihawk before 24. I have met my favorite band 25. I like to hardcore dance 26. Something’s outside my window 27. I believe in ghosts 28. I do drugs regularly 29. I am straightedge 30. My favorite feature about myself is my lips 31. I have never consumed alcohol 32. I want a tattoo. 33. My favorite actor is Will Ferrell. 34. I have seen Conan O'Brien live. 35. I hate MTV 36. I used to watch Cheaters every week 37. I have my own vaccuum 38. Frank Sinatra is awesome 39. I sleep with a stuffed animal 40. I am scared of werewolves 41. I watch hockey regularly 42. I am originally from New York 43. I own an iPod 44. Some people aren’t funny. 45. I hate school. 46. My favorite vegetable is lettuce. 47. Tickle fights are fun. 48. I am currently unemployed. 49. I have my license 50. I hate spelling mistakes 51. I love Spanish class 52. I live in a big city 53. I have been to the Grand Canyon 54. I listen to music to fall asleep 55. I watch TV to fall asleep 56. I only get a few hours of sleep each night 57. I’m relatively innocent. 58. I am a size 3 or smaller 59. I’m bored. 60. Purple is my favorite color. 61. I hate flossing 62. I have a car. 63. I believe in God 64. I’m in love. 65. I used to love Unwritten Law. 66. Reno 911 is my favorite show. 67. There is a mini stapler on my computer desk. 68. Cuddling’s my favorite. 69. For sure. 70. I have a flip phone 71. I love my handwriting 72. I own a Louis Vuitton handbag 73. I want to be an astronaut. 74. I love the song Dragostea Din Tei 75. 50 Cent is not talented 76. I like scanners better than digital cameras. 77. I own at least one Punk-O-Rama CD 78. My room is sound proof. 79. I’m 5'5 or less 80. Lying pisses me off 81. I backstab people. 82. I have been in a fist fight. 83. I have PaintShop Pro. 84. It’s almost midnight 85. My nightlight is cracked 86. I only listen to Dashboard Confessional when I’m sad 87. And I feel like a pansy when I do so 88. I hate metal 89. I’m in a band. 90. Napoleon Dynamite is annoying now. 91. I love hickeys 92. I want to lose weight 93. My favorite channel is the Food Network. 94. I don’t have a CD burner. 95. Pixar is stupid except for the Incredibles 96. I own an apartment/house 97. I am engaged. 98. My computer’s a Gateway. 99. I hate driving. 100. I like watching boys sleep. =========================== 01. I miss someone right now 02. I don’t watch much TV these days 03. I love olives 04. I love sleeping 05. I own lots of books 06. I wear glasses or contact lenses 07. I love to play video games 08. I’ve tried marijuana 09. I’ve watched porn movies 10. I have been in a threesome 11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship 12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy 13. I have acne free skin usually 14. I like and respect Al Sharpton 15. I curse frequently 16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year 17. I have a hobby 18. I’ve been told I can suck the chromes off a trailer hitch. 19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me 20. I’m smart 21. I’ve never broken someone’s bones 22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal 23. I hate the rain 24. I’m paranoid at times 25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scars. 26. I need money right now! 27. I love Sushi 28. I talk really, really fast sometimes 29. I have fresh breath in the morning 30. I have semi-long hair 31. I have lost money in Las Vegas 32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister 33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S. 34. I shave my legs 35. I have a twin 36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past 37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D. 38. I like the way that I look sometimes 39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months 40. I know how to do cornrows 41. I am usually pessimistic 42. I have a lot of mood swings 43. I think prostitution should be legalized 44. I think Britney Spears is hot 45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past 46. I have a hidden talent 47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have. 48. I think that I’m popular 49. I am currently single 50. I have kissed someone of the same sex 51. I enjoy talking on the phone 52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants 53. I love to shop. 54. I would rather shop than eat 55. I would classify myself as ghetto. 56. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders 57. I’m obsessed with my Livejournal 58. I don’t hate anyone. 59. I’m a pretty good dancer 60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington 61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother 62. I have a cell phone 63. I believe in God/ a higher being. 64. I watch MTV/Vh1 on a daily basis 65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months 66. I love drama. 67. I have never been in a real romantic relationship before 68. I’ve rejected someone before 69. I currently have a crush on someone 70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life 71. I want to have children in the future 72. I have changed a diaper before 73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before 74. I bite my nails 75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club 76. I’m not allergic to anything 77. I have a lot to learn 78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger 79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest “Friday” movie 80. I am sometimes shy around the opposite sex 81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message 82. I have at least 5 away messages saved 83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before 84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past 85. I own the “South Park” movie 86. I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal 87. When I was a kid I played “the birds and the bees” with a neighbor or chum 88. I enjoy some country music 90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza 91. I watch soap operas whenever I can 92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist 93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career 94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all 95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story” 96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy 97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it 98. I have dated a close friend’s ex 99. I’m happy as of this moment 100. I was born in the 80s but I am truly a child of the 90s 101. I have slapped john dasaro and chris burke in the face..on the same night 102. I haven’t showered in two days… and I like it. 103. i own every f***er here 104. I procrastinate all the time 105. I’m a nerd 106. I LOVE the movie The Wedding Singer. 107. i hate corn. 108. i’ve attended the rocky horror picture show 109. i’ve never seen Bambi the movie 110. Thinking about the future terrifies me 111. Without music there would be no point in living. 112. If I could change one thing about myself I would 113. If someone of the same sex liked me, I would date them. 114. I went to the mall today for 5 hours ================================ Would do Have Done

001. Bought everyone in the pub a drink 002. Swam with wild dolphins 003. Climbed a mountain *004. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive 005. Been inside the Great Pyramid 006. Held a tarantula. *007. Taken a candlelit bath with someone 008. Said ‘I love you’ and meant it. 009. Hugged a tree *010. Done a striptease 011. Bungee jumped *012. Visited Paris 013. Watched a lightning storm at sea *014. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise several times *015. Seen the Northern Lights 016. Gone to a huge sports game 017. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa *018. Grown and eaten your own vegetables *019. Touched an iceberg *020. Slept under the stars 021. Changed a baby’s diaper 022. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon *023. Watched a meteor shower *024. Gotten drunk on champagne *025. Given more than you can afford to charity 026. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope 027. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment 028. Had a food fight 029. Bet on a winning horse 030. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill 031. Asked out a stranger 032. Had a snowball fight 033. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier 034. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can 035. Held a lamb 036. Organized and planned a surprise party for a loved one *037. Taken a midnight skinny dip 038. Taken an ice cold bath 039. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar 040. Seen a total eclipse 041. Ridden a roller coaster 042. Hit a home run 043. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days 044. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking *045. Adopted an accent for an entire day 046. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors 047. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment *048. Had two hard drives for your computer *049. Visited all 50 states 050. Loved your job for all accounts *051. Taken care of someone who was really sick *052. Had enough money to be truly satisfied 053. Had amazing friends 054. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country *055. Watched wild whales 056. Stolen a sign 057. Backpacked in Europe *058. Taken a road-trip 059. Rock climbing 060. Lied to foreign government’s official in that country to avoid notice *061. Midnight walk on the beach 062. Sky diving *063. Visited Ireland 064. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love 065. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them *066. Visited Japan 067. Bench pressed your own weight 068. Milked a cow 069. Alphabetized your records 070. Pretended to be a superhero 071. Sung karaoke 072. Lounged around in bed all day 073. Protested something you feel strongly against 074. Scuba diving *075. Got it on to “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye 076. Kissed in the rain 077. Played in the mud 078. Played in the rain *079. Gone to a drive-in theater 080. Done something you should regret, but don’t regret *081. Visited the Great Wall of China 082. Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog 083. Dropped Windows in favor of something better 084. Started a business 085. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken 086. Toured ancient sites 087. Taken a martial arts class 088. Swordfought for the honor of a woman 089. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight *090. Gotten married 091. Been in a movie 092. Crashed a party 093. Loved someone you shouldn’t have *094. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy 095. Gotten divorced 096. Started an office war 097. Gone without food for 5 days 098. Made cookies from scratch 099. Won first prize in a costume contest 100. Ridden a gondola in Venice 101. Gotten a tattoo 102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on 103. Rafted the Snake River 104. Been on television news programs as an “expert" 105. Got flowers for no reason 106. Made out in a public place 107. Got so drunk you don’t remember anything 108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug 109. Performed on stage 110. Been to Las Vegas 111. Recorded music 112. Eaten shark *113. Drank an entire 6 pack by yourself *114. Gone to Thailand 115. Seen Siouxsie *116. Bought a house 117. Been in a combat zone 118. Buried one/both of your parents 119. Shaved all of your hair off *120. Been on a cruise ship 121. Spoken more than one language fluently 122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone 123. Bounced a check 124. Performed in theatre 125. Read - and understood - your credit report *126. Raised children 127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy *128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour *129. Created and named your own constellation of stars 130. Taken a bicycle tour in a foreign country 131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did 132. Called or written your Congress person 133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over 135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge 136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking 137. Had an abortion 138. Had plastic surgery 139. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived 140. Wrote articles for a large publication 141. Lost over 100 pounds 142. Held someone while they were having a flashback 143. Piloted an airplane 144. Petted a stingray 145. Broken someone’s heart 146. Helped an animal give birth 147. Been fired or laid off from a job 148. Won money on a TV game show 149. Broken a bone 150. Killed a human being *151. Gone on an African photo safari 152. Ridden a motorcycle 153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph 154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced 155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol 156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild 157. Ridden a horse 158. Had major surgery 159. Ridden on a passenger train 160. Had a snake as a pet 161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon 162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing 163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours 164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states *165. Visited all 7 continents 166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days 167. Eaten kangaroo meat 168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground 169. Been a sperm or egg donor 170. Eaten sushi 171. Had your picture in the newspaper 172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime *173. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about 174. Gotten someone fired for their actions 175. Gone back to school 176. Parasailed 177. Changed your name 178. Petted a cockroach 179. Eaten fried green tomatoes 180. Read The Iliad 181. Selected one "important” author who you missed in school, and read 182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them 183. …and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you 184. Taught yourself an art from scratch 185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating 186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt *187. Skipped all your school reunions 188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language 189. Been elected to public office 190. Written your own computer language 191. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream 192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care 193. Built your own PC from parts 194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you 195. Had a booth at a street fair 196: Dyed your hair blue 197: Been a DJ 198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal 199: Written your own role playing game 200: Been arrested ====================== 1. I have self-mutilated before. 2. I still love the song Dragostea Din Tei 3. I used to like New Kids on the Block 4. The 80s was funny. 5. I have realtones enabled on my cellular phone. 6. Public bathrooms scare me 7. I have keys on my belt 8. I’m not wearing a belt 9. I hate writing 10. I hate reading 1. I love compilation CDs 12. My favorite teachers have all been guys 13. I think Bad Religion’s only been around for ten or so years 14. I don’t know who Bad Religion is. 15. I don’t wear my hood unless it’s raining 16. I enjoy smaller clubs rather than big ones 17. I’ve put a song on repeat for more than 8 hours 18. I have sound on my computer 19. Someone wants my hiney. 20. My mom loves Elvis 21. I have my own computer 22. I live on the east coast 23. My favorite animal is a kangaroo 24. I’m on vacation 25. I don’t own a pair of ripped jeans 26. I am very insecure somewhat 27. I love to dance 28. I curse way too much. 29. I choose the pansy way and star out my curse words (f*ck) 30. I feel dumb because I was just called a pansy 31. I have a flatscreen computer 32. I collect something. 33. I’m married 34. I won’t date someone who’s smaller than me smaller, as in also shorter? 35. Brass knuckles are the shit. 36. I own a hand puppet 37. I write with blue pens 38. I wear eye makeup almost every day 39. I wish I lived somewhere other than here 40. I don’t own a band shirt. Not yet anyway.. 41. I love techno. 42. I have my nipples pierced 43. I’m shitty at wrapping presents 44. I know someone in the KKK 45. I’m racist/anti-semitist. 46. I don’t know what those mean. 47. I love life most of the time 48. I have posters all over my room 49. I’ve never been a camera whore with someone.. And I want to. 50. I’m halfway done 51. I wish I lived in the 80s 52. I know what the term borgie means 53. I’m interested in social hierarchy. 54. I love music videos. 55. I have a DVD player 56. I’m drunk right now 57. I’m listening to music 58. I have a big screen TV 59. I have an STD 60. I know the singer of the Clash’s name 61. The only IM program I have is AIM 62. I skateboard regularly 63. I live on the north side of town 64. I have been to Alaska 65. I’ve worn a cowboy hat 66. I watch late night infomercials for retarded, unnecessary things 67. I LOVE DOING THE DEATH GROWL TO MY FAVORITE METAL SONGS. 68. That last question was dumb. 69. I know what the word “peligroso” means in English 70. I speak another language fluently 71. I’ve been in a limo 72. I own a bong 73. My lungs hurt 74. I know someone who’s committed suicide 75. I’ve got a six pack and I don’t need you! 76. I know what band sung the above line 77. I like strong boys. 78. I’m sick right now 79. I know someone who’s currently enlisted in the army 80. I do not own a color phone 81. My birthday is in September 82. I hate mall cops 83. I hate most cops in general 84. I’m wearing blush 85. I live in an apartment 86. I’m still in high school. 87. I own something from Victoria’s Secret 88. I don’t know a boy that wears girls pants 89. I’ve had the same best friend since I was 8. 90. Brownies are my favorite 91. So is cake 92. I’ve heard the song “Looks Good in Leather” 93. I own some sort of propaganda, fake or real 94. I deny the Holocaust happened 95. Kisses are my favorite sign of affection 96. I need to charge my phone 97. My purse could pass for a suitcase 98. I take birth control 99. I only buy what’s fashionable

1. I love bolding 2. I know someone named Mimi 3. I hate my old best friend 4. My favorite alcoholic drink is Jack n Coke 5. I have a digital camera 6. I’m talking to at least one person online 7. I like watching college basketball 8. I have never moved. 9. I have at least one cat 10. I have at least one dog 11. I’m going to see a movie tonight maybe 12. I make my own AIM icons 13. I’m in pain 14. I watch more than five shows a day 15. I love the Cure 16. My parents like some of the same music I do 17. I have never been to the dentist 18. I listen to the radio 19. I do my own laundry 20. I’ve made at least one article of clothing 21. I have/want something on my face pierced 22. I go to at least one concert a week 23. I’ve written a story 24. I’ve dyed my hair every color of the rainbow 25. I own a Grand Theft Auto game 26. My favorite pattern is camoflauge 27. I know someone who does/did cocaine 28. I have too many game systems 29. I love scary movies 30. I hate scary movies 31. I’ve had sex more than 5 times 32. My favorite chips are Lays Original 33. I think butter is unhealthy 34. I hate the Osbournes 35. I used to have dreadlocks 36. I need to take medicine for something 37. I suffer from insomnia 38. I speak ebonics 39. I’ve gambled 40. And won 41. I have at least one gay friend 42. I like going to pet stores 43. I own a dog toy 44. And I don’t have a dog 45. I own more than ten candles 46. I’ve smoked a cigarette in the shower before 47. I’ve flunked a class 48. I listen to music every day 49. I have more than one nickname 50. I wear pajamas when I feel like it 51. I’m wearing more than one jewelry item 52. I haven’t washed my hair in a week 53. I watch the Grammy’s every year 54. Along with the Macy’s Parade 55. My favorite season is winter 56. I have seen the All American Rejects live 57. And I’ve enjoyed it. 58. Boobs are nothing special 59. I go swimming at least once a week in summer. 60. I have a pool. 61. I’ve gone skinnydipping 62. I’ve played strip poker 63. And lost 64. I want a nautical star tattoo 65. My cell phone turns off when it’s charging 66. And it pisses me off 67. I used to buy my entire wardrobe from Hot Topic 68. I’ve been to albinoblacksheep.com 69. My favorite subject is History 70. And/or math 71. I am a republican 72. I am a democrat 73. I listen to the Used occasionally 74. I have been to the Warped Tour 75. I am part Mexican 76. I am part German 77. All of my grandparents are still alive. 79. I love bowling 80. I know that there is a South Park, Colorado 81. I love Dairy Queen 82. Sometimes I think I’m crazy 83. I own a Moffatts CD 84. I own a Backstreet Boys CD 85. I want plastic surgery 86. Operation, operation, snip and tie, snip and tie 87. I know what song that line is from 88. I have killed something [bugs!] 89. I’ve never had a Nokia cell phone 90. I’m never sarcastic 91. Light eyes turn me on 92. I have never been to a foreign country 93. I don’t eat enough 94. I own illegal weaponry 95. I know someone who has overdosed on something 96. And lived to tell about it 97. I don’t own a pair of mittens 98. I love the heat 99. I’ve never had a steady boyfriend/gf 100. I want to makeout.

#survey

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lets-play-gwent · 4 years ago

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Some Canary

Well, here it is! Thanks so much @chaotic-bard for the lovely prompt. I changed it just a smidge, but I think you’ll enjoy the final product. I plan on continuing this fic for at least a couple more chapters, that is, if people are interested :) Complete story under the cut, soon to be on ao3. If you enjoyed it, please reblog!

Chicago, 1932-- High profile mob families run almost every joint in the city, speakeasies launder money and sell bathtub gin through prohibition. Geralt Rivi is a lowly footsoldier for one of the most powerful bosses around: Tommy Morano himself. What is Geralt to do when he swoons for the son of rival gang leader Frank Pankratz?

The routine was so remarkably monotonous that the two men could almost rely on muscle memory alone. Approach the target, sit leaning slightly forward with hands clasped on top of the table. Do not remove hats or coats—this isn’t a permanent conversation. Keep eye contact with the target. Allow them to break the silence, subtly reminding them who has the power. The less chinning, the better. Let the reputation, and fists if necessary, do the talking. Once the target gets the picture, settle up or square up—no negotiating under any circumstances. Leave that to the big guys up top.

It was simple. A well-trained hound could do it. Why should tonight be any different? Geralt, none the wiser, was about to find out just how much his world could change in a night. His only warning? A few words from the night’s host and bandmaster.

“Ladies, gentlemen, and friends, now comes the time in the evening you’ve been waiting for. Without further ado, put your hands together for the lovely, the gorgeous, the sensational, Buttercup!”

It’s raining too hard for a cigarette, Geralt thinks to himself, reaching for the plain case in his pocket and carefully rolling a strip of tobacco and paper into a slender white cylinder. The paper dampened and drooped. Dammit. Turning up his collar against the wind, he walked towards the nearest dry patch of pavement he could find, a drugstore two blocks down. Ducking under the overhang, he lit his cigarette and took several long drags.

“Hey! Bum! Get outta ‘ere!” A short and rather lanky man was leaning out of the doorframe of the drugstore, shaking a broom and shouting. “We don’t want any trouble with the likes of yous!”

Geralt straightened his shoulders and grimaced hard at him. Despite the darkness of an autumn Chicago night, he could see the blood rush out of the man’s face, who quickly stammered an apology and slammed the door shut.

A rickety Ford pulled up to the curb. Geralt threw a quick glance up and down the street, stamped his cigarette butt into the gutter and climbed in.

“Where to tonight, boss?” His voice was gruff, hardened by years of smoking and a churly demeanor.

“The Passiflora. There’s a little fuckin prick there trying to weasel out of another payment. Collect 160 or take him out back and break his thumbs. Got it?”

Geralt gave a grunt and a curt nod in affirmation. He focused his gaze on the raindrops pattering against the window, toning out the superficial chatter of the three other men in the car. He hated the way they preened and boasted relentlessly at each other, always about some new broad or bar fight, sometimes both. He couldn’t stand the men he usually took shifts with, could barely keep their names straight, except for Lambert. Currently he was engrossed in recounting his latest run-in with cops—complete with obscene gestures and impressions—but when separated from the rest, Geralt found him tolerable, even funny at times. Yet, no matter how irritated he was, or how clever his jokes could be, Geralt knew never to rag on one of the Captains. Bottom-of-the-rung soldiers like him only needed to make that mistake once, and he had the scar on his jaw to prove it.

The brakes screeched in protest as the car slowed to a halt in front of an imposing brick warehouse. Lambert and Geralt climbed out, easily slipping into the ‘intimidating’ demeanor they carried for jobs like this. Lambert rapped on the door and waited. A small panel at eye level opened with a sharp crack, and a surly woman with a cigar and frizzy hair glared at the two men from behind the door.

“Who sent ya?” she said, puffing rank smoke directly into Geralt’s face. He cringed and turned away.

“Fat Sammy Morano and his cat,” Lambert replied, equally surly. The panel slammed shut, and almost simultaneously the door to their left creaked open a few inches.

Inside, Geralt’s eyes watered as his senses were assaulted with the bitter stench of bathtub gin. “I hate these fuckin places,” He rolled another cigarette. “Whose our guy?”

“The chrome dome with the green vest up by the stage. Let’s just get this over with and then we’ll get some grub, yeah?”

“Hmm,”

They wove through the tables together, trench coats occasionally brushing against a patron or chair. An irascible-looking waiter stopped them with a snide remark about wearing hats inside, and tried to seat them, but apparently one look from Lambert was enough to convey ‘don’t fuck with us’ because he quickly turned on his heel and attended to a nearby booth.

The curtain rose to reveal a lean man in a dazzling pigeon gray pinstripe suit. Humbly waving down the audience’s raucous applause, Buttercup began to pluck at the delicate strings of his guitar. His voice—silvery and saccharine, yet somehow still mellow—rang clearly through the now silent room.

Stars shining bright above you

Night breezes seem to whisper ‘I love you’

Birds singing in the sycamore tree

Dream a little dream of me

Geralt was suddenly thankful for the chair next to him and quickly sat, trying to catch his breath. Years later, every time he told this story, he insisted that his Buttercup stole the air right out of his chest.

Say ‘nighty-night’ and kiss me

Just hold me tight and tell me you’ll miss me

While I’m alone and blue as can be

Dream a little dream of me

Gone was his sour expression, gone was the rank smell of moonshine. The scratched wooden floor and sticky tables of the speakeasy seemed to fall away, leaving only two men, one guitar, one spotlight, and a long-forgotten smoldering cigarette.

Stars fading, but I linger on dear

Was it Geralt’s imagination, or was the singer… looking at him…?

Still craving your kiss

His hair, slicked back and shining underneath the stage lights, reminded Geralt of a Clark Gable movie poster he once saw. Had he ever noticed someone’s hair before?

I’m longing to linger ‘till dawn dear

His eyes, his face, his hands, were the most beautiful Geralt had seen in his life. Those lips, soft and pink, shaped so delicately around the words of the song, he found himself staring at them, wondering how they’d feel…

Just saying thi-is…

A sharp smack upside the back of his head brought him sailing down from the stars back to the speakeasy. Back to the job, where Lambert and the target were staring at him, the former’s face covered in bewildered rage, the latter’s face still shaken, albeit slightly confused.

“As we were saying—” Lambert emphasized the last two syllable’s in Geralt’s face, who cleared his throat and straightened his shoulders once more.

“You can se—ttle up now, or we’ll take it out back,” All three men at the table tried desperately to ignore the voice crack that took every drop of intimidation out of his words.

Nevertheless, the target fell into the familiar routine, terrified of Lambert if nothing else. “Aw jeez come on boys, you know I always come through, I just need a little more time is all, just until next week I pro—” he was suddenly on top of the table, Lambert’s fist pulling his shirt collar far too forward for comfort.

“Out back it is,”

The two men stood and strode quickly towards the side door, the target scrambling to keep up with the fist still clutching his shirt. Geralt took one last glance back at Buttercup, who to his utter surprise, was glaring at the group as they left the hall.

…

A dull crack echoed down the alley as Lambert’s fist left the target’s face. He groaned and stumbled to the side, bracing himself against damp bricks. “Pl—please, my wife—”

“I don’t want to hear it. 160 today, or we come back and fuck you up for real,” He dealt another blow, this time aiming for the target’s stomach. Two more hits and he was coughing and sputtering.

Geralt stood to the side, keeping watch on the street for any unlucky passersby. Keep your cool, focus on the job, he thought to himself, rolling another cigarette, thankful that the rain finally let up. The rattle of a doorknob and sudden burst of light, however, startled the paper and tobacco right out of his hands.

“Why good evening fells, waiting at the stage door for me? My my, a bit forward isn’t it?” Buttercup draped himself carefully against the doorframe, but his smirk faltered as he took in the blood dripping down the bald man’s face and the imposing nature of the trench coat cornering him against the wall. “Is there some sort of problem here?”

“Scram, kid, this doesn’t concern you,”

“Why, sir, don’t be so shy! I’m sure we can come to an… understanding…” he winked at the two bewildered racketeers and sauntered gracefully down the stairs. “I’m Julian. Aren’t you two a coupla tall glasses of trouble? Might have my hands full tonight,” Geralt carefully controlled his expression, trying to ignore Julian’s intoxicating smile and the fluttering in his chest. “What’s your name, hon?” He was addressing the target now.

“Eu—Eugene” A quite preoccupied Eugene held his bleeding nose in one hand and wrapped an arm around his midsection. “P-please—mister, I don’t-t have it all now, j-just just give me until next week, hey? N-n-next week, I promise, sound reasonable fellas?”

“Shut up!” Lambert barked.

“Now now! That’s no way to treat a faithful patron of the Passiflora, now is it? Eugene here is a friend of mine—” Julian strode over to the wall where Lambert was towering over the target and nudged his way between the two men. “Tips well and brings friends in whenever he can. Lord knows I owe him some money, why don’t I settle up?”

Lambert’s face darkened. Straightening his shoulders and looking down, he towered over the performer. “Don’t make me say it again, kid. This doesn’t concern you. Go back to your dressing room.”

Julian only laughed, seemingly impervious to the serious threat levied against him. The sound—so musical, even gentle—made Geralt’s breath catch in his chest.

Shock, confusion, and then comprehension quickly flashed across Lamberts face as he found himself with a fistful of cash. Counting it quickly, he grabbed Geralt’s arm and pulled him towards the street. “Let’s get out of here, before I do something stupid,”

“Toodeloo, sweethearts!” Julian called after them, helping Eugene stagger back into the building.

…

The car was quiet except for the rumble of the engine.

“Some canary, huh?”

“SOME CANARY? SOME?? CANARY??” Lambert’s voice was shrill with fury. “YOU FALL HEAD OVER GODDAMN HEELS FOR THE SON OF MORANO’S WORST FUCKING ENEMY, AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS SOME? FUCKING? CANARY? JESUS CHRIST GERALT WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR HEAD?”

“You mean that’s—”

“You guessed, it bub. That’s Julian Pankratz, of the Pankratz crime family. You know, those German pricks who’ve been trying to take down Morano for the past FIFTEEN YEARS??”

Geralt coughed out a nervous chuckle. “Yeah, some canary…”

************

I hope you liked it as much as I enjoyed writing it!! Here’s a link to the song jaskier sings :))

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ice-cream-nekogirl · 5 years ago

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if I can't love her (Tokoyami Fumikage X Reader)

Dudes... Josh Groban has a HELLA lovely voice... so deep... so powerful... for some reason this is how I imagine Tokoyami would sound if he got some vocal training~.

This takes place shortly after ‘Lights Will Guide You Home Part 2′ I didn’t really plan on THIS little excerpt but I heard this song and I just couldn’t resist...

PART 1: https://ice-cream-kitsunegirl.tumblr.com/post/189811426209/lights-will-guide-you-home-tokoyami-fumikage-x

PART 2: https://ice-cream-kitsunegirl.tumblr.com/post/189819603459/lights-will-guide-you-home-tokoyami-fumikage-x

Summary: You were the only person Tokoyami ever loved and fell for, but he believes that he killed you.

Tokoyami Fumikage was not a man of romance or love. Of course that was despite being a romantic at heart, but who would love someone like him?

Nobody that’s who.

He knew it and he was content with that. At least, that’s what he always convinced himself and told himself that he needs to be content with. Yet, fates were cruel to him because they brought you into his life, and now they had taken you away from him.

A MONTH AGO:

“C’mon Tokoyami~! It’s gonna be awesome!!” You were lulling him by the arm, a tad bit forcefully as you gave him a ticket to this Beauty and The Beast musical that you had been wanting to see for weeks. It was literally going to start in 2 hours and you JUST gave him the ticket. Tokoyami wasn’t one for spontaneous things.

He sighed when he realized he had no choice, “Very well then.” He tried to not sound annoyed, even though it was a musical so maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. He appreciated music, actors and how they could set up such a work of art.

“Hooray!!” You cheered as he felt himself being partially dragged along the ride as he often was. For a shy little thing, you were pretty chatty when it came to your friends and him for some reason.

Tokoyami would have been lying though if he said he wasn’t happy about that though. He was glad that he was one of the friends you felt you could be yourself around.

The musical was miraculous and he could see the awe and marvel in your eyes the entire time, and Tokoyami couldn’t help but admire how lovely you looked so happy. Although he was so fascinated by you that he didn’t even hear the music come to a stop as there was a brief intermission. And he started to blush quite heavily under his feathers as soon as you turned to face him with that smile and blush on your cheeks.

You opened your mouth to say something since you felt that now this would be a good time, “Tokoyami...”

“Y-Yes?” He hated himself for stuttering, but he almost had hope for a minute there but you looked just as nervous as he did. “We’re friends right...?” Dammit, that’s all you could bring yourself to ask even though you really wanted to ask something else.

Unbeknownst to you, your question both relieved and mildly disappointed Tokoyami. However, he would be more relieved because he wasn’t certain how he would react to a confession. Then again, there’s no way anyone would confess to him so he told himself to not get ahead of himself...

“Yes, I would say we are. We work together well and get along better than most of our classmates. I can even consider you a friend I have a few things in common with.” He stated with mostly formal honesty which made you smile, that was just Tokoyami for you. Always serious, always polite, but that’s why you liked him. Sure you weren’t the most serious person in the world, but you both enjoyed the same kind of gloomy aesthetic, tastes in music and you were always a fan of the gothic fashion and subculture that you knew Tokoyami was a part of.

“Aww...” And you couldn’t help but feel touched by this even though you were... too nervous to really add on to your question. “Cool... I just wanted to make sure since... I really only take my friends to cool things like this.” That was your ultimate excuse and your ultimate lie that Tokoyami would believe.

He hummed at your response, “I’m glad that you invited me (L/N).” Tokoyami then expressed his gratitude. He truly was thankful that he at least got to spend time with you. Being with you was a time of bliss and a time where he could actually relax and enjoy because it was nice to have someone to talk to about his interests and someone who was just good company

Secretly though, in this deepest abyss of his dark heart, he wished he could be someone you could like maybe more than a friend, but he would never tell you that.

No, Tokoyami wasn’t as brave as you were when it came to that kind of thing. Those were simply words he would never say.

RIGHT NOW:

Tokoyami used to enjoy the night-time, such a mysterious time that brought the beauty of darkness, sweet revelry in the dark.

Yet now it just felt painful, and only the luminous glow provided by the moon was the only thing bringing him any sense of comfort as he tried to ignore this dull ache in his heart. He wanted to blame fates for bringing you into his life, only to take you away, but in the end he knew that he had no one to blame but himself.

After all, he’s the one who last saw you before you disappeared, he’s the one who murdered you with his quirk that he couldn’t control because he was pathetic and weak. It’s only been two days, even after he watched All-Might fight off All For One, the thought of you was haunting him and now he couldn’t even bring himself to sleep.

No... it’s been two sleepless nights because he couldn’t sleep knowing that your blood was on his hands and that you weren’t going to smile at him again. Because those two nights ago was the same night that he killed you.

Everything that happened to you, it was all his fault. Now he had nothing, nobody to console him about this because he put himself in this kind of emotionally suffocating torture. He didn’t dare tell his classmates or his family though, and he was honestly glad that they weren’t home tonight because of pro-hero work.

He wanted to suffer alone in silence like he had been for the past couple of years.

He deserved this pain though, he deserved to feel this misery swallowing his soul as he could only think about the lovely memories he shared with you. Every smile you smiled, every laugh you laughed, every movie you watched with him, every song you sang and listened with him.

It brought pain upon his hollow being and he deserved every bit of it.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6BiSTFRJlw)

“And in my twisted face There's not the slightest trace Of anything that even hints of kindness” Without even thinking, the lonely raven started to sing the song he remembered from that musical you and he went to. It was one of the saddest, most tortured and heartbreaking songs he had ever heard in his life, and now he understood it more than anything in the world.

Tokoyami didn’t feel anything. Nothing but misery and bitterness he lost you, someone he liked... and dare he say loved. “And from my tortured shape No comfort, no escape I see, but deep within is utter blindness” You were the one who could comfort him, even though you didn’t know it. You brought Tokoyami comfort without even knowing it. Just by smiling at him and being kind to him brought light to his world and he missed it.

There was no longer light in his world though, not without you... “Hopeless As my dream dies As the time flies Love a lost illusion Helpless Unforgiven Cold and driven To this sad conclusion” He’d always wanted to be a hero, even when he was isolated once upon a time for his ‘scary’ quirk and less than human looking features. Tokoyami wanted to be a hero and prove that there was no need to fear the dark.

Then like many a teenage boy, he found himself a new fantasy upon spending more time with you. He almost believed that perhaps you could be with him always and be at his side in his crusade of heroism.

Yet any dream he had, it all died, now he had nothing to love because you were the one he felt love for. He damned the notion that perhaps it was just his emotions doing the thinking for him.

He loved you... “No beauty could move me No goodness improve me No power on earth, if I can't love her No passion could reach me No lesson could teach me How I could have loved her and make her love me too If I can't love her, then who?” Clenching his fists as his eyes started to well with tears he could almost see you now smiling at him from the full moon brightening up the dimmed sky. He knew you were gone though as he shook his head slowly.

Tokoyami loved you, he wanted you here so he could love you. Maybe be less of a bloody coward and tell you that he loved you so maybe, just maybe you could love me too.

But you weren’t here, and now he couldn’t even do that. Still, he felt that he deserved it. “Long ago I should have seen All the things I could have been Careless and unthinking, I moved onward” It was his fault, he lost control of his quirk, he was terrible, he was a terrible person with a terrible power. Terrible people don’t love good people, they couldn’t love good people. Tokoyami should have known better.

He should have known that he couldn’t love someone because of his dark heart and dark powers. You were light and he was darkness, so that means he couldn’t love you.

Tokoyami couldn’t love you because it wasn’t meant to be, the fact that he destroyed the light in his life meant that he couldn’t love you and would never be able to. But he was the fool who believed that someone as bright as you could love a dark creature such as himself. “No pain could be deeper No life could be cheaper No point anymore, if I can't love her No spirit could win me No hope left within me Hope I could have loved her and that she'd set me free” He raised a closed fist and brought it to the wall as the tears finally escaped and ran down his feathered cheeks and dripped to the floor. God he could feel his soul dying the more he thought about his foolish attempts at being your friend, and believing that he had a chance at loving someone like you.

You believed in him, he knew that because you were kind to him, smiled at him, and you hugged him. You didn’t turn away from him, you actually hugged him and warmed his heart. Those moments that others would dismiss as minimal decency to Tokoyami made him believe that he could be loved, that he deserved to actually be loved.

There was no more of that though, no hope, Tokoyami lost any hope of feeling love and being loved because he couldn’t love the person he did love. No, he was doomed. Doomed to be lost to this darkness forever without any sort of love and happiness because losing you meant that fates just didn’t have it planned for him.

Tokoyami wasn’t meant to be loved, he wasn’t meant to love. He knew it, he’s always known it.

Yet he couldn’t stop missing you, he would never stop missing you. Even as he resigned himself back into the darkness, his withering heart still ached for you. Tokoyami still loved you even as he stared upwards at the moonlight being shrouded by the blackened clouds.

Just like his soul, the light was gone and now there was nothing but the darkness to engulf everything else. As Tokoyami brought himself to lie on his bed, he saw your visage flash through his misty eyes one last time before he allowed them to close and could only pray for an ending for him.

“But it's not to be If I can't love her Let the world be done with me...”

#fumikage tokoyami #bnha tokoyami #boku no hero academia tokoyami #tokoyami x reader #mha tokoyami #tokoyami fukimage #tokoyami x reader angst #tokoyami fumikage x reader #beauty and the beast #tokoyami imagines #bnha x reader #boku no hero academia #mha #mha x reader #my hero academia #my hero academia angst #mha angst #bnha angst

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rock-speaks · 5 years ago

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OKAY OKAY RANDOM HEADCANON TIME!!!

Louie

- autistic with ADHD overlap

- Inattentive

- the longest he’s slept for was 25 hours

- Deep as hell sleeper takes him at least and hour or two to come to full control

- Has 0 filter will literally say whatever comes to his mind regardless of how mean it may be or how crazy it might sound

- Talks to himself a crazy amount

- Louie has a banging TikTok where he just flexes and makes fun of Scrooge

- Louie has a huge social media presence in general he keeps it on the down low nobody knows about it and Louie would like to keep it that way

- Louie is a picky eater but eats all the time constantly snacking if the pantry is empty it was probably Louies doing

- He probably watches shitty movies and claims it’s too make fun of them but he really just likes them

- Probably really good at impressions his favorite person too make fun of is Huey

- Definitely needs therapy

- Secretly a big sap for romance those cliche movies where lovers embrace in the rain? Louies weakness

- Him and Lena are definitely super close not as close as Lena is too Webby but they’re still besties

- Prank king

- Sometimes just too “see what will happen” he tells people fake facts they almost always believe him (except for Huey) because why would they not? He has no idea why he does this but he hasn’t shown any signs of stopping

- Whenever he’s alone with Scrooge he says oddly cryptic and strange things no body knows why, sometimes not even Louie

- I imagine all the nephews have really curly hair Louies the only one who doesn’t straighten his hair

- Excellent judge of character

- Wise ass

Huey

- autistic!!!

- Will bring up the fact that he’s the oldest sibling in conversations that have nothing to do with it

- He’s probably a big saver and is definitely a person who has a penny collection

- Big collector!!! I swear he probably uses one of Scrooge’s unused rooms too keep foliage and rocks that he found

- He’s definitely got great posture

- Huey will randomly bring up a random memory if it somehow resurfaces to his mind no one knows how he remembers half this stuff and sometimes he brings up stuff they’d wish he’d forgotten

- Has definitely never said anything he didn’t mean

- Never says “I promise” if he knows he can’t do it

- Huey really just wants to be good at everything he tries so when he isn’t he just kinda gives up on it

- So obviously Huey isn’t a “practice makes perfect” kind of kid he’s more the “if it’s not right the first time scrap it and never try again”

- Huey probably holds himself to such a high standard and puts so much stress on himself to always be perfect

- Loyalty to the fuckin end

- Him and Lena get into “fights” all the time Lena is constantly trying to fuck with Huey and he’s just not here for it (yet another reason why her and Louie make such an insufferable team)

- Bad at video games

- Definitely takes the most after Donald in the sense that he’s so fucking rage full and I mean full Donald rage like fists flying in the air shouting with a red face type angry

- Needs fucking therapy and definitely has anxiety

- Has a bad sense of humor and laughs at everything part of the reason Dewey and Louie think they’re so funny

- Only has his one iPad and really only uses it for planning and other nerd stuff

- All fruits are Hueys favorite fruits but his favorites are blue berries

- Has a celebrity crush on Gizmoduck

Dewey

- This was pretty much confirmed murder on killmotor hill but he’s bisexual

- Long Huey shows up in his nightmares

- Always the first to start a pillow fight

- Has abandonment issues needs therapy

- Secretly listens to punk music and only Donald knows and he couldn’t be more proud (I wrote this before Louies eleven came out!! Lmao canon!!!)

- Loves to draw even though he probably sucks at it

- Dewey is totally the kid that will literally do anything for validation jump off the roof too seem cool? He’d do it in a heart beat

- Pretends not too care but he totally does

- Dewey is ADHD personalized never stops moving never stops talking something is seriously wrong when he’s quiet

- This is technically canon but he’s so petty

- Dewey is the type of guy who would NEVER ask for directions no matter how lost

- Speaking of he was probably the triplet to get lost the most

- Dewey loves robots like loves loves LOVES robots his dream is to learn to code and learn mechanics and build one him and Huey and him used to do those little “build your own robot kits” when they were younger

- Dewey has like 50 different dream jobs

- Launchpad has turned him into a hardcore darkwing duck fan

- THEATER KID

- Sort of forces himself to be an extrovert

Webby

- Webby loves to draw

- Has definitely cosplayed

- Knows about Louies secret social media accounts but he doesn’t need to know that

- You’re trying to keep something from Webby? What a joke

- Webby knows pretty much every ancient language

- Webby doesn’t know what a joke is and takes everything literally

- Definitely writes fan fictions

- Autistic

- Stims with her whole body excited jumping and screaming constantly

- Probably orally fixated out everything in her mouth

- Sometimes forgets things she literally just did or said often she asks “wait what did I just say?”

- Favorite movie? Men in black for sure

- Has always secretly wanted to be in a play

- If Scrooge says anything nice to her she thinks about it weeks after even if it’s something as small as “thank you”

- Feels really bad for glomgold and just really wants him to be happy

- Webby is cuddle central doesn’t matter when or where or who

- It kind of bothers her that Lena seems to always take Louies side

- HATES CONFRONTATION will console a friend in a heart beat but never NEVER EVER wants to fight

- Bad with social cues due to her ASD luckily she has the triplets and Lena and Violet to help her out in bad situations

- If no one stops her will talk about one thing for hours Lena always lets her

- Probably knows how to play like a shit ton of instruments

- Really likes cooking but she sucks at it Scrooge ate her cooking once to make her happy but promptly through it up when she left

- Was definitely a lego kid

Lena

- If any elderly woman tries to touch her she flips due to magicas abuse good thing she’s got two gay dads now

- Loves Violet so much and thanks her every night before bed

- After extensive therapy that was suggested by Violet had the rest of her friends she’s able to look at her own shadow again even if sometimes it really freaks her out

- Lena is a lesbian 100% open about it

- Wishes she were a vampire and definitely reads those dumb vampire/werewolf stories

- Really likes that she’s taller than all her friends uses that against her Huey fucking hates her for it

- Her favorite crime is arson

- Because she’s a rebellious teen her and officer M’ma have had a few run ins

- Shes probably never actually been to Paris but rather said that to impress Webby

- Lenas the type of emo to cover her face in every picture of her

- Has always cut her hair herself and when her friends talk about wanting to cut their hair she does it for them trying to convince them to let her dye it the whole time

- Lenas is responsible for most of the graffiti in duckburg

- Loves Launchpad she thinks it’s really fun to tell him stuff that isn’t true and he’s cool when she tells him she was just joking

- Has always secretly wanted to be a florist

- Loves licorice

- Magica probably didn’t intend for her to have a personality or a life at all really so Lena definitely picked the name herself

- Magicas not really controlling her nightmares anymore but she’s still very much in them they’ve gotten better but they still happen every so often

- Sometimes if she’s sitting on the couch and someone’s sitting right in front of her she kicks them in the head not hard but enough to bother them

- Probably can’t read

- She probably doesn’t have an official birthday so she doesn’t really understand the celebration of one one day Webby the triplets and Violet surprised her with a birthday

Violet

- in my head Duckula and Von goosewing will always be her parents

- Violets favorite thing to research is definitely trees

- Weak ass immune system probably gets sick all the time

- Definitely dresses however see feels on her off days she throws people off when she shows up ripped jeans and leather jackets

- Her biggest pet peeve is when anyone does anything loud

- Violet has been teaching things that Lena wasn’t taught since she never got a traditional education

- Violet is still a hard core skeptic despite having a sister made of shadows and a father who is a vampire

- Her hair is always a frizzy mess so she chooses never to do anything with it and just keeps it in a bun

- Really doesn’t get any memes ever

- Violet is probably a very low key germaphobe

- Pokemon is her favorite game and she knows all the originals and is a pro at all the games

-Huey and her do that thing we’re neither of you are fighting but rather both talking loudly that makes people think “oh it’s getting pretty heated over there”

#ducktales #headcanon #ducktales headcanons #dt headcanon #autistic headcanon #autistic characters #adhd headcanon #adhd character #dt 17 #ducktales 17 #drabble #add more if you want #i love headcanons!!

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therainroguefanfiction · 4 years ago

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🔥 ℝise Ⱥbove I̾t ◈ Chapter 030 [Scavenger Hunt]

📑 Table of Contents | ◂Backward

Word Count: 2,494

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〈“So we’ll keep on starting the fire, thinking we’ll smoke out the liars. We don’t give up when we’re tired, that isn’t the way that I’m wired. Someday, we’re gonna rule the world.” Zayde Wolf, “Rule the World (Generdyn Remix)”〉

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“Hey, kid!” Shimatsu grinned as I approached. “You were awesome in the cavalry battle!”

“Thanks,” I smiled softly. “Can I get three?”

“Coming right up!”

I glanced around at the spectators, chatting excitedly about the first two events of the sports fest. Several pro heroes were stationed around the stadium, keeping an eye out on the off chance some villain was dumb enough to try attacking. I spotted the chick from earlier, making a face at one of the food stall guys to get free food while the Woodsman scolded her for doing so.

Heroes… what does that word even mean, really? From what I remember from the TV shows and movies back home, the definition of a hero is someone that saves or helps others without ulterior motives and without personal gain. But in this world, being a hero is a job, one that young people across the globe aspire to have. People want to go pro for the fame, the fortune, and the power… If you have the title of hero, you can basically do whatever you want if Endeavor is anything to go by.

I wonder… why did my mother become a hero? Surely she got paid a lot more being a villain, so it couldn’t have been about money. She was already famous as an assassin, too. Was it the power she wanted? That doesn’t make sense, either. The world of villains makes it ten times easier to gain power because there are no rules or laws. What was her reasoning for changing her life? Did she have a dream? A goal she could only accomplish as a hero? I wish… I wish I could ask her.

“Kid?”

I snapped my attention back to the old man.

He wasn’t smiling, his brow furrowed. “Are you okay? You seem distracted.”

I took the box from his hand, staring down at the individually wrapped tacos. “Nah, I don’t think I am. But… I will be. So don’t worry.” I grinned at him. “Thanks for the food, Ojin.”

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“Get those foam fingers in the air, it’s almost time for the last round! But before that, good news for everyone that didn’t make the finals – since this is a sports festival, we’ve prepared some super fun side games everyone can participate in! We even brought in cheerleaders from America to get your blood pumping! Hold up…”

“What are they doing…”

“Looks like class 1-A is going full-on fanservice!!”

The fuck is that cockatiel going on about now? I glanced around, my eyes landing on my female classmates. Uhh, why the fuck are they cosplaying as cheerleaders? Ain’t our class getting enough attention already? Sparky and Mineta look awfully happy about this… I swear if they are responsible.

“What?! You tricked us?!” Momo cried, glaring at the two boys. “You’re gonna regret this!!” Fucking called it. I sighed, approaching Momo as she sunk to her knees. “Why is that I always end up falling for that little pervert’s stupid schemes? I even used my quirk to make these outfits…”

I scratched my cheek. “Haven’t you learned not to believe anything those two dopes say? You’re too naive, Momo, and they keep exploiting that.”

“Ugh!” Punk threw her pom-poms down, face completely red. “I hate those guys!”

“Well, we go have a little time before the finals start and I kinda like these uniforms, so~” Invisigirl started frantically waving her pom-poms and I could hear the smile in her voice. “How about we just roll with it?!”

“Are you crazy?!”

“Wow, Toru, you’ve got skills.”

Momo glanced up at me with a defeated expression. “I tried looking for you to let you know. I was worried that you might get into trouble for not participating, but now I’m glad I wasn’t able to…”

“I would’ve happily gotten in trouble,” I deadpanned. “I would die before wearing that shit.”

“R-Right…”

I smiled, patting her on the head. “Thanks for lookin’ out, though, Momo.”

She smiled back, nodding her head.

I turned toward the two boys, who were too busy watching Toru as she jumped around to notice my advancing toward them. I grabbed both of them by the back of the neck and slammed their faces together. They cried out in pain, wiggling in my grasp, but my hands started to heat up and they stilled, not wanting to get burnt. I smiled brightly, my voice low. “The next time you fuckers mess with the girls, I’ll give you a taste of pure hell, mkay?”

“Y-Yes, ma’am!” They cried as I threw them to the side, scurrying away with their tails between their legs. Fuckin’ idiots. I felt a tug on the back of my shirt and I turned around, raising a brow at Punk.

She shifted, her face still red in embarrassment. “Thanks for that.”

I hummed. “No problem. Sorry about that day in the locker room, I was kind of a dick to you.”

She smiled, “It’s no big deal. Water under the bridge.”

I scratched my cheek, a bead of sweat rolling down my cheek. “So, uh, what’s your name again?”

She sweatdropped. “You’re just like Bakugo, jeez. Kyoka Jirou.”

We shook hands, exchanging a grin. Huh, maybe this socializing shit ain’t as bad as I thought it was.

“Have fun competing in these side games, everyone! After they’re over, the twenty students from the top five teams will be duking it out one-on-one in a tournament-style fighting competition! I promise you’re not going to want to miss these match-ups!”

You’ve got to be kidding me. First, we gotta run around like chickens with our heads cut off, then we gotta work together and socialize, now we gotta beat the shit out of each other? Maybe I shouldn’t have dissed the idea of playing a game of golf…

“Ah, yeah! Finally getting a chance to show what we’re made of!” Kiri grinned brightly. “I watch these finals every year and now I’m actually in them!”

“So wait, is it always a tournament?” Alien asked curiously, bringing her finger to her chin.

“The final’s always a one-on-one competition, but they switch it up every time.” Flex Tape answered. “Last year, it was a foam sword-fighting match.”

I started laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Kiri asked in confusion.

“I just… I pictured hitting Bakugo with a foam sword on the head…”

He paused, lifting his head as he imagined it. Then he started to laugh with me.

“Come closer and draw lots to see who you’re up again!” Midnight announced. “And then enjoy the pleasure of the recreation games before we start. The twenty finalists have the option of participating in these activities or sitting out to prepare for battle. I’m sure you all want to conserve your stamina. I’ll start with the first-place team.”

“Um, excuse me…” Tail raised his hand in the air, looking sad. “Sorry, but I’m withdrawing.”

“Ojirou, no way…”

“But this is a rare chance for you to get scouted!”

“It just wouldn’t be right,” he responded. “I barely remember anything from the cavalry battle until the very end of it. I… think it was that guy’s quirk.”

I scratched my cheek thoughtfully, closing my eyes. Who was he partners with again? I don’t even remember seeing him once during the battle.

“I know this is a great opportunity,” he continued. “I wish I could take advantage of it but my conscious won’t let me.”

“Just think about this,” Izuku spoke softly.

“I have, okay?!” Ojirou’s brow furrowed as he held up his fist. “Everyone gave their all in round two, but I was just someone’s puppet. No way. I don’t want to advance if I don’t even know how I got here. It wouldn’t fair.”

“You’re making way too much of this!” Toru said cheerfully. “Just kill it in the finals and prove you should be here!”

“Yeah, what she said!” Alien added. “I didn’t do much in the battle, either.”

“That’s not it!” He covered his face with his hand. “I’m talking about my pride here. I refuse to give that up!”

Ah, men and their pride.

“Also… why are all the girls except for Winchester dressed like cheerleaders?”

“Because Mineta and Sparky are perverted dipshits,” I answered.

“Right…”

“Nirengeki Shoda from class 1-B,” A short boy with soft blue hair stepped forward. “I think I should withdraw for the exact same reason. Regardless of how strong I am, this isn’t how I wanted to get here! It would go against the values of the festival to advance without earning my spot!”

“Listen to these guys, they’re so manly!” Kirishima cried, making me sweatdrop and pat his back.

“Well now, here’s another weird turn of events.”

“We’ll have to see what Midnight has to say about all this, she’s the one in charge.”

Because letting the R-Rated hero be in charge sounds like a banger of a plan. What could possibly go wrong.

“This sort of talk is incredibly naive, my dear boys. That turns me on!”

“What the fuck, man.” I groaned, smacking my forehead. Thinking of Midnight being turned on is the last fucking thing I want burned into my skull.

“Shoda! Ojirou! You’re both withdrawn! Now, let’s see… We’ll move four students from the sixth place cavalry team so we have enough contestants.”

The orange-haired girl from class B spoke up. “We were frozen most of the time. Honestly, we barely did anything in the cavalry battle. Isn’t that right, girls?” She looked at the three standing on either side of her, who nodded in agreement. “You should choose from the group that kept fighting the whole time – team Tetsutetsu.”

“Kendo!” The silverette spoke up, surprise lacing his voice.

She smiled. “I’m not doing this as a favor. It’s just fair.”

“Seriously, you guys… thank you!!”

“And so, Tetsutetsu, Shiozaki, Honenuki, and Reggian have advanced to the finals. Take a look at the bracket, my dears! These are your opponents!”

Let’s see, I’m fighting some bitch named Regina Reggian? The fuck kinda name is that, fam? That’s almost as bad as Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu…

“Hey, you’re Winchester, right?”

I glanced over my shoulder to see the black-haired guy with the air chain. “Depends on who’s askin’.”

“I’m your opponent,” he grinned. “The names Regina Reggian, but you can just call me Red.”

“Isn’t Regina a chick’s name?”

He sweatdropped, rubbing the back of his head. “Ah, well, my creator thought it would be funny. Pretty sure they hate me.”

“Right…” This bitch is definitely nuts.

“Listen up!” He pointed his finger in my face, pink eyes flashing as he grinned. “I’m gonna beat your ass like Jotarou beat Dio!”

“I don’t know who either of those people are, bro.”

“Whack.”

“Okay! Let’s press pause for a momentary interlude! Before the battles begin, it’s time for some pulse-pounding side games! First, how about a scavenger hunt?!”

Cards were handed out to those wanting to participate.

I flipped mine over and my eye twitched. Where the fuck am I supposed to find this shit? I glanced around the field, eyes stopping on Bakugo who was leaning against the wall looking pissed off at the world. Oh… Well, then.

I grinned as I approached him. “Oi, Bakuhoe. I need you for somethin’.”

“Huh? What for – What the fuck are you doing, bitch?!”

I ignored his protests as I threw my arm around his upper thighs and hoisted him over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes. “Fuck, you’re heavier than I thought. Go on a diet.”

“Fuck you!” He smacked the back of my head. “Put me down or I’ll kill you!”

“Quit squirming, you fuck.” I scowled, coming to a stop in front of Midnight and dropping him onto his ass, holding out my card that read ‘犬 Dog’.

“I’m not a fucking dog!!” Bakugo screamed.

I scoffed. “You sure fucking yap like one, chihuahua.”

“Die!!”

Midnight smacked the top of my head with her whip. “Denied!”

“Che, that ain’t fair, Midnight!” I scowled. “Where the fuck am I supposed to find a dog, huh? Am I fucking game to you?” I pointed at Bakugo’s face. “This is the closest fucking thing to a dog in this stadium! I demand a different card.”

“Denied!”

“Son of a -”

Bakugo shoved his hands in his pockets, glaring at the side of my head. “Instead of doing this stupid shit, you should be getting ready for your match! I won’t fucking forgive you if you lose to anyone but me!”

“Yeah, yeah, whateva.” I sighed, deeply, turning and walking away from them. I was a few feet away when I heard a high-pitched voice.

“Hey! Miss!”

I glanced up at the stands, seeing a young boy about nine or ten leaning over the railing and waving frantically. “Uhh…”

“Catch me, ‘kay?”

“Wait, what, OI -!” He jumped over the railing, making the nearby spectators cry out and try to grab him. His aim was pretty on point, not gonna lie. His body slammed against mine and I lost my balance, falling back onto my ass with him in my lap. “What the fuck were you thinkin’, huh? You coulda got seriously hurt, kid!”

He grinned brightly, showing off a gap where he was missing a top tooth. “I had faith that you’d catch me, big sis!”

Sis? What, is he a fan of James Charles or somethin’? “You shouldn’t be down here, your parents are gonna be mad.”

“Mom’s at work and dad left us when I was three.”

I sweatdropped. “Who brought you here, then?”

“My big brother! But he’s too busy getting rejected by Mt. Lady!” He giggled.

“For fuck’s sake,” I slapped my forehead. He giggled again and I narrowed my eyes. “Do not repeat anything I say. Clear?”

“Kay~” He grinned. “You need a dog for the scavenger hunt, right?”

“Yeah.”

His body started to shift in my arms, getting a bit smaller as his skin and clothes were replaced by fur. The boy was now a dog, his legs and belly white while the rest of him was a soft orange. Now, I’m not a dog person at all, but he’s pretty fucking adorable. What is that, a corgi?

He licked my cheek, making my eye twitch in annoyance. “Sorry, I can only talk to people I’ve licked!”

“…alrighty then.” I returned to Midnight, holding the kid up like I was holding Simba.

She raised a brow but didn’t question where I had gotten him from. “Approved!”

“Dope.” I brought him back to my chest. “What’s your name, kid?”

“Riku Reigen!”

“Alright, Riku. Let’s find that idiot brother of yours.”

He tilted his doggy head to the side, ears flicking. “But what about the other events, big sis? You’re gonna miss them!”

I shrugged. “I was only doing it because it was easy and I had nothing else to do. Plus, I’m in the finals so I don’t have to participate.”

“Okay, if you’re sure!” He barked happily. “Let’s go~!”

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grell-writes-stuff · 5 years ago

Text

Interlude Excerpt

Which is sadder in context, but happy when you look at it alone this way! (Unless you’ve read the first 8 chapters - then it’s still sad).

Tag List: @fenfaerie @arieswriting

We were in middle school. Seventh grade. Before the band, before any and all feuds, during my first therapy stint where I was seeing Kelley regularly, among the carnage and self-destruction brought upon by a divorce, an impromptu two-thousand-mile move, and preteen hormones. Travis and I took the same bus to school, and so, that day, since I felt stable enough to traverse the impossible task of waking up in the morning, dragging myself out of bed, and getting ready, we met and waited at the same stop on the vehicle’s pre-planned route through the mountainous third quadrant of Woodland Hills.

I was dressed in a similar, non-invisible camouflage, but the temperature could justify a hoodie, so no remarks were tossed at me, not that Travis would have gone to that length anyway. Teasing was his specialty, but he somehow always knew, as if it were an instinct programmed into him, what was off-limits. My fragile mental health in a time of such ridiculous crises was legitimate and valid in his eyes and, therefore, a ban on mocking applied to it.

That day, we boarded the bus, him in front of me.

In middle school, Travis was exactly the same. Perhaps exactly is a stretch. His face was the same, if still losing some roundness and sharpening in the transition from child to teen. He was still just growing his hair out for the first time, so it wasn’t long, just shaggy enough to make my mom jokingly complain on a regular basis. Still, inside, he never changed.

I apparently haven’t either. After a long lapse of being okay again, I’m still the same depressed, cynical asshole. That jumped out as Seventh Grade Travis continued to proceed through to the second half of the bus, heading toward the back and right into the line of fire of the eighth graders.

“Dude, no,” I told him, stopped in my tracks in contrast to his struts of sheer determination.

He paused for a moment, flashing the smirk I’d seen a billion times before. “Come on, Morgan,” he said. “Trust me. What did they say in the movie we watched last night, huh? ‘Don’t dream it, be it’. Let’s be the guys who sit in the back of the bus. Prime real estate.”

I felt the need to be stubborn about it, but I chose to think of it as a realist perspective, not the pessimism that Travis decided to see. I gave him a look like he was being absolutely crazy, because I was sure he’d gone insane. I was about a minute away from finding him a straightjacket.

“Trav, we can’t,” I retorted. “Eighth graders sit there. We’ll die.”

He only addressed the first part. He fixated on the can’t. “Yeah we can.” And then, he resumed his pace, not at all annoyed by the pause I’d inflicted.

I followed a few steps only because holding up the line of kids already pissed off about having to wake up in the morning seemed like a worse alternative.

“Taht tuoba erus oot mees uoy.”

His head turned enough so I could see the look in his eye, the grin he held with confidence running through every blood vessel in his body. “Erus ton m’I. Evitisop m’I.” And, just like that, he dropped into the back seat, and shot me this expectant and brave look, like an invitation. An invitation to get my ass kicked by eighth graders right by his side – but slightly more tempting because it was coming from him.

So I took the empty space next to him.

And nothing bad happened on that ride. In part due to Travis’ winning charisma which gave him the skill to carefully talk down a couple of eighth grade kids who were, in fact, about to kick our asses for stepping into their territory. He was an excellent influencer. By the time we got off the vehicle, Travis was friends with the guys. I don’t remember saying anything other than yell-whispering to him that he was an idiot the second they called us out for being in the wrong place, but he took everything in stride. Even if I wasn’t there, he moved on, and always helped me catch up after.

Like at lunch that day.

I’d already missed some school, and what I did attend up until that point pretty much all took place early on in September, and I was unfocused anyway. That same day, after his show of boldness with the intimidating eighth graders, he led me to the cafeteria – another feat I was dreading like a punch to the throat. I complained, not particularly loudly, but certainly out loud, as he dragged me.

“Anywhere else,” I begged, fighting the tempting voice telling me to just go limp.

“Come on,” he urged. “Everyone eats in the cafeteria.”

“Precisely.”

He looked at me, ambition abound and smile as big and bright as always. His eyes practically twinkled. “What are the cons if we go? What’s the worst that can happen?”

I couldn’t believe he had the gall to ask such a dumb and stupid thing.

But it was hard to come up with an answer that he wouldn’t be able to refute. If I said “People will stare at me,” he’d say “No, they won’t,” and he would be right, and I would hate it, but relent. If I threatened to puke – something I’d been doing quite regularly due to my fucked up mental issues – he’d call my bluff, and it wasn’t really something I could do on command. It just happened. And I wasn’t prepared to think about the divorce and my dad’s move deliberately to force myself into blowing chunks all over a lunch table. That would certainly defeat my stay-under-the-radar approach to middle school.

“And,” he continued when I stayed silent, “I can tell you a pro right now. Come on. There are some guys I want you to meet.”

“If they’re eighth graders, I’m killing you before they do.”

He chuckled as he led me in.

A school cafeteria is a step away from a prison cafeteria (and I can definitely tell if it’s above or below), and the one inside of our middle school was no exception. Packed with kids at just about every long, standard table with attached benches – the kind that can be folded, and wheeled elsewhere, but that were permanently stuck in the massive room – not to excuse the horror that is the food. I kept my head down, and fought the urge to flip my hood up to hide myself away. I’d tried that earlier, and Travis had tugged it right back down anyway. There was no way he was letting me sit in my camouflage and pout.

I followed him to the end of one of the long, standard tables with attached benches which was already occupied by three other kids. One of them looked inhumanly tall – maybe already five-foot-eight, even sitting down – but still like he had a ton of growing to do to fit the massive size of his awkward proportions. The one directly across from him was tiny with a mop of light brown curls. The last sat at the small one’s side and looked up at us behind dark hair with blue eyes.

Then two more pairs of eyes followed his and I felt like I’d been shoved into a spotlight and expected to perform Mozart on a fucking bassoon. I’d missed enough school that I was basically a degree away from being a completely new kid arriving part way through a year that had already begun. I became the one thing I wanted to avoid when I already felt like enough of a freakshow: a spectacle.

Just as I felt my stomach reach the middle of my esophagus, the curious stares moved aside.

“S’up, Trav,” the tall one said.

“Hey, man,” he greeted back, plopping down onto the bench like it was familiar, normal, a routine. They bumped fists.

And I felt like an outsider seeing that. Like he’d found these new friends in my absence because he had to – I gave him no other choice. It stuck to the front of my brain: the fear that I would easily be shut out. I was debating just leaving, and going to eat elsewhere like I’d wanted (the list ran through my head: among the stacks of books in the library, in a deserted hallway…). Then, with no effort, no tell to those around us that he’d done it, he kicked me in the ankle, not hard, but just enough.

In the end, he would always, eventually and inevitably, end up going for the ankles.

I swallowed back my gut quietly and took the bench at his side.

The eyes flew to me again.

“Gentlemen,” started Travis with this comic formality peaking out in his cheerful voice, “this is Morgan Scott.”

The tall one shot me a nod, his floppy hair bouncing off his forehead. “S’up, Scott.”

“Uh, hey,” I responded.

Travis’ pointed finger swept around the table as he continued, “This is Cole, Matt, and Bryson. You’ll like them. They’re cool.”

#don't be fooled by the way this looks happy on the surface #morgan scott #travis longfield #bryson mechis #cole marshall #matt jordan #interlude #wip: interlude #book: interlude #especially when you read the stuff surrounding this in this chapter oh boy it Hurts #excerpt #writing #my writing #writeblr #wip

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