#I wasn't supposed to put hashtags but okay

[goopyedgay]

I feel sentimental I'm sorry but–

You don't know how happy these stupid guys make me, I don't know why, simply seeing them causes me immense joy in any circumstance, in any medium, they make me smile at my worst moment.

It's funny because when I read Hell Park for the first time I completely ignored them, and my favorite character was Tweek (which is why he is the protagonist of my AU Coven Park), but for some reason when I read Hell Park again, their dynamic caught my attention and I loved them.

Gregory and Estella inspired me immensely, even daring to make my own AU just because of them, what for me was a way to avoid problems and harassment became something ambitious that I am currently working on and trying to give my all.

and not only that, they also inspired me to create my ocs and an equally ambitious story that I have in mind, in case anyone was wondering, these are the ocs that I mainly based on Gregory and Estella to create them lol

And all that thanks to two stupid characters from a canceled South Park AU, honestly, I don't know how I would be if I hadn't met them, it's impossible for me to imagine knowing that they have influenced my life from the end of 2021 until today, this was one of my first drawings 🥲

I know that the issue of the Gregstella ship is somewhat dense, although I don't classify it as "problematic" because I consider that it doesn't even reach that sick level that they want to label it so much. And I know that I am perhaps the most directly responsible for having popularized the ship, and I apologize for that, it was not my intention to attract weird people, because yes, I have seen that quite questionable people have come to like the ship, or at least less so on this side of the pond, but I refrain from interacting with them because I simply don't want to and I have seen very unpleasant things coming from those people.

I would be lying if I said that I no longer like hp gregstella, I think it is something inevitable, even knowing that it is wrong, it is something that I cannot help, but nevertheless, I no longer urge people to ship them, but I also do not harass those who they do it. I think people can do whatever they want as long as it doesn't cross the boundaries of what is considered healthy. So yeah, I still kinda like hp gregstella, but I doubt I'll make content of them in the future, maybe I never will (and I never actually did, other than edits), maybe I'll start drawing them again more frequently since the annoying comments stopped, but I will never make hp gregstella content, but if I do one day, at least you will see it coming i guess 🤧

To the point I no longer care what people think of me, nor do I care to be in the Hell Park fandom, but I am aware that a large part of the fandom likes my art and inevitably I am part of it, so it also makes me happy that people appreciate my drawings despite everything, I love you, especially to the gregstella shippers who follow me and who I talk to (who are mostly lesbians just like me, a little ironic lol) 😭💕

I just want to do what makes me happy, and if people are bothered by what makes me happy, you can just block me, no hard feelings. I will continue drawing my silly couple, because it is the closest thing I will experience to love, being aromantic, I like to write couples with interesting dynamics, but being part of one? No thank you 😦

I finish with this little animation I made of Gregory and Estella from Coven park, for whoever took the time to read this, thank u and gn

[cosmics-beings]

okay so finally my unpopular opinions on the starscream es episode.i liked the starscream episode as you know, because it was nice and important for his abuse to be validated. and it was even more libearting to see a Steve Blum voiced starscream get his justice because of how poorly tfp starscream was abused and it was made into a joke and seen as something he 'deserved'.

but I've been wanting to also just share my critique on it for some time! it's a little critical, so just putting that out there if you don't like earthspark or starscream critique you should skip over this. I've spoken a lot of positive things about the episode so these are just my thoughts. so warning, heavy critique.

my main issues are fandom's treatment of hashtag, and people using the episode to perpetuate the 'perfect victim' mentality on starscream and forget that he's flawed and nuanced.

starting with hashtag, i really don't like how a lot of fans make hashtag "mother" starscream and act almost as if she's supposed to be his caretaker, when she is a minor, who is facing her own trauma. i think she was needed to validate starscream and to make him feel that his own abuse is real and that it isn't his fault for getting abused.

but i also think people took that and decided to a.) make hashtag his mother figure and b.) use it to excuse the way he treated and was borderline abusive to others (i.e him kicking his trine mates when they were on the ground, and since they were female character no one actually cared).

i think hashtag was needed as a completely neutral source to make starscream's own trauma's validated and to show the viewers that his abuse isn't funny, and that just because megatron is 'good' doesn't mean that it's excusable and that starscream has to like him. moreso, it's important to show that children can also call out and understand abuse. that was why hashtag needed to do it. it doesn't matter how much megatron was a part of her family and practically an uncle figure to her, he still abused someone and she still recognized that.

BUT at the same time, i don't like the idea that the fandom props his emotional trauma and responsibility on HER. in a lot of fics, aus, etc, hashtag is usually made to be starscream's caretaker without any sort of care for her or her trauma. and i think people forget hashtag is a child, shit some people ship them (ew) because they like to make her the one to care for him. Hashtag is a child, and is completely innocent and he own trauma should be validated and honestly, discussed as much as starscream's. People don't really see her or let her exist outside of Starscream. Her trauma is at large, ignored by the fandom and if people care about it, it's only to validate what starscream went through, and never to have him actually caring about her. that's why i like to write fics where HE helps her, because she is still a child and he is an adult.

ths isn't talking about fan content where starscream is literally hashtag's father figure, which i enjoy. i like when content portrays hashtag being a kid, and starscream being a parental figure to her, but that tends to be a small majority of hashtag and starscream content.

and this brings me to the perfect victim mentality that is harmful in fandom spaces but i see it's impacting starscream.

the perfect victim mentality is this idea that in order for an abuse victim's abuse to be validated, they have to be perfect and innocent. they can do no wrong and even their own actions need to be pacified or excused because if they are one bit of flawed or problematic, then that ruins their victim status.

this is why tfp wasn't seen as a victim, because he was evil, he was abusive, he was dangerous, and the writers made a choice to perpetrate the thought that all abuse victims MUST be perfect and if they aren't, then they deserve their abuse.

this is what's happening to es starscream, but the opposite way.

starscream isn't responsible at all for the abuse megatron put him through, and no amount of think pieces are going to change that. but hashtag telling starscream that his abuse isn't his fault, isn't an excuse for how he's treated and abused others. he was a fascist, a war criminal, committed multiple genocides, and in various continuities abused others both before and after he met megatron.

again he was even physically kicking his trine mates and that implies that it's a common occurrence and it's happened before. hashtag also pretty much confirmed it. i know BCS skywarp and nova are women you guys don't really care about them, but the way starscream was treating them wasn't okay.

he is still an abuse victim, but that doesn't excuse his treatment of others.

A lot of people tend to use megatron's treatment of starscream to excuse Starscream's abusive action toward others. Meaning there is this idea that because Megatron abused Starscream, then we can't really hold him (starscream) accountable for his actions toward others, and that is false. Yes, Megatron abused starscream but that doesn't give him a slap on the wrist or an excuse for things he did! And if you are trying to excuse Starscream's actions because of how megatron treated him, then you are also saying that we can't hold megatron accountable for how he treated starscream.

because megatron abuses starscream in response to his own trauma and abuse. and even if he does, he still needs to be called out for it. JUST as starscream should be held accountable for his actions.

Starscream still is a villain, he still did terrible awful things that i hope earthspark addresses. He still caused genocide, because he could, he still killed, because he wanted to! again, it was implied that he was abusive to his crew, if hashtag didn't call him out, he would've been abusive to her because he was going to use her as a hostage. earlier i saw someone trying to explain and excuse that starscream wasn't a problematic person because 'the other seekers are following him' but they had no choice. and then this person really tried to act as if him being 'toxic' to them isn't problematic and that's the issue. you can't cherry pick what is and what isn't abusive because it's a character you like, even if that character is a victim.

the perfect victim mentality skews people's perspective on abuse and makes it seem like you have to be innocent to be an abuse victim. and it scares me because a lot of people have tricked themselves into believing that starscream is a good person who doesn't need redemption and hasn't done anything wrong. and I'm terrified because when he actually starts to act like Starscream, fandom is either gonna turn on him or try to excuse his villainous actions.

So that said, those are my main two critiques with the starscream earthspark episode.

hashtag isn't starscream's mother but it seems the majority of the fandom went with it. and ties her worth and her importance to him.

and likewise, starscream is an abusive victim but he isn't perfect, and that's okay. abuse victims don't have to be perfect to have their abuse taken seriously and i don't think that's realized enough in fandom spaces.

[mins-fins]

should've been me.

&&. you're in love with him, that's great! all he's gonna do is use that to his advantage.

pairing: lee donghyuck x m!reader

genre: angst yummy

warnings: um uh.. sexual content??? (like mentions), the stress of friends with benefits, mentions of drinking, this relationship is very unhealthy

word count: 1.3k

notes: stole fwb hyuck from jj im so sorry but hes so………😢 um anyway so yeah he kinda really sucks here but hes so sexy and beautiful and a hashtag #malemanipulator😂 and reader just kinda takes it cause they're pretty pathetic if im being honest 🙏 (im so sorry but its true) (i quite literally wrote this) anyway DONT deal with people who treat you like shit you deserve better than that 🫵 i also wrote this in like 30 minutes at 1 am and river kept pestering me to sleep so thats cool 😆!

you're not exactly sure what your problem is.

you're not exactly sure what donghyuck's problem is either.

maybe the two of you were simply meant for each other, he's a drunk mess in your house and your a sober mess beside him. although compared to him, your better at keeping yourself in check for long enough that it appears your emotionally stable, hyuck is like.. how would you explain it? a ticking time bomb.

renjun calls him that, he's a disaster waiting to happen, even with how much he tries to put on a stupid calm act. yeah, he's smart, much smarter than most people give him credit for, but he is also much more impulsive than he likes to say.

case in point, he's absolutely wasted in your home right now, whining about some stupid thing his seventh fling said or something.

he's absolutely reckless.

the two of you have been a bit.. off for the past few weeks, your very aware that donghyuck is messing with different people, probably trying to get you out of his head after you two yelled at each other like there was no tomorrow.

he just always seems to find his way back to your house, even after all the times you try to turn him away, he always slides his way back into your life, one way or another.

and you always just let him.

you now realize how you seem like a pushover. wow, chenle actually wasn't wrong for once.

your frustrated, he just decides to waltz into your house, after two weeks of ignoring your messages and going around with other people, messing around with other people, staying over at their houses, pretending that you didn't exist, he always thinks he can just get his way.

it's not like you two are dating or anything..

but you hate that it hurts.

"okay— stop screaming" you put your hands up, but donghyuck doesn't stop talking, just lowering the volume of his voice, he just continues talking faster. you close your eyes, taking a deep breath, sometimes you feel more like his mom than his 'friend that's more than a friend but not his partner'.

"donghyuck, you need to— be quiet" you say, you somehow find yourself walking towards him and place your hands onto his shoulders. he has to look up at you to glare at you, and you almost laugh at the fact, you always teased him about it before, but right now he's glaring at you, a look he's shared with you at only certain occasions.

"don't tell me what to do".

"you're in my house!"

"well where else am i supposed to go, y/n? your the one who opened the fucking door anyway!" he retorts, still glaring at you like before. he's not crazy drunk to the point that he's stumbling over his words and talking like a crazy person, but he's also not that sober either.

not like you don't have so many more other people willing to drop down on their knees for you, why don't you just go to any of their houses instead?

that's what you want to say, the words rest on your tongue, itching to escape your lips so you can finally talk about what's been bothering you all this time.

you two aren't dating, you aren't exclusive to each other, your not.. an "item" or whatever, you two just both found something you could use to your advantage, and it's not like there were any rules when it came to you two, you guys had no control over what the other did with other people.

you have no right to be jealous.

so you refrain from saying that, instead biting your tongue and choosing the first thing that comes to your mind. "i didn't let you in, i opened the door, and you stormed into my house, and now you refuse to get out!"

"you're just such a little— bitch".

you'd kiss him if he wasn't being so aggressive at the moment, you can't say that he didn't look absolutely.. well— irresistible in a sense. if you weren't so stubborn, you probably would've pounced on him already.

but you stand your ground.

for once he can't get his way, you'll make sure of it.

"actually, i know what your deal is!" he shouts, accusingly, he walks up to you and points his finger directly in your face. his expression is a mix of pissed off and absolutely smitten, as if he's in love with you and wants to punch you in the face at the same time.

"oh yeah? enlighten me?"

"you're in love with me".

donghyuck leans close to your face when he says it, spitting out the words like they're poisonous, it's like he knows just how much you feel, like he's taking apart the thoughts that have been constantly plaguing your mind one by one.

you laugh, true words, but your not gonna let him know that. you allow your expression to become one of humor, and you raise an eyebrow. "i'm in love with you? please, get over yourself".

donghyuck doesn't falter. "you're just so bothered by the fact that i'm in someone else's bed, that i don't parade around you all the time, you always say you don't mind than get so sad when i'm not giving you a hundred percent attention, you whine like a baby when i'm not here for just a minute".

his tone is a teasing one, he's making fun of you, like he's about to jump at you and destroy all that you love. he wants to see you break, he wants to see you give in, wants to watch as you slowly melt and encapsulate his words, digest them, he wants you to feel every single letter that comes out of his mouth.

it's like he almost finds you funny, in a sense—

but your not that easy to break, so you just let out yet another bitter chuckle. "okay then mr. know it all, why don't you sit down and let me help you sober up?"

"your a coward".

you grit your teeth, he just won't stop fucking talking will he? he just keeps going on and on and on and on, at this point your considering pulling out the duct tape above your cupboard and shutting him up for good, but instead you close your eyes and sigh.

"why is it so hard to say, y/n? are you really that afraid of commitment that the best you can do is friends that occasionally mess around with each other?"

"donghyuck" you drag your teeth against each other. "if you don't shut up i swear to god i'm throwing you out of this house and making you sleep in the freezing cold".

it's an actual threat, not an empty one, donghyuck knows you well enough that he can tell the difference. so, stubbornly, he sits down, arms crossed over his chest.

your not sure why you always end up taking care of him, he didn't ask for you to, he just wanted to stupidly sulk on your couch, attempting to "calm" his mind after he screamed at you, staying silent after he basically read out all your inner most thoughts to you, like he just reached into your mind and pulled out all the things you'd been thinking.

"you always get so talkative when you drink".

you've gotten much used to ignoring how much you hurt when donghyuck yells at you, it's all become a little thing between you two, you argue, you sleep with each other, you forget it the next day, then go exactly back to that.

it's not healthy for either of you, clearly, it's more of destroying you than anything, but you don't even try to negotiate with him, just let him sit there as you contemplate, standing at your kitchen counter.

"i hate you" you mutter, instinctively cracking your knuckles as you say those words.

and yeah— maybe you do say that,

but your always gonna end up right beside him in the end.

[mj-iza-writer]

SP Special Containment part 4. Human Weapons Whumpee

If you want to get a reminder of how this story is going or need to be caught up, use the hashtag #sp special containment. I'm sorry this has taken so long to post.

The director gave an odd look when Caretaker, Agent Mcgee, and Andy entered their office. He eyed the ice pack.

"It didn't go well I take it", the director sighed.

"Aramais threw slippers at my head, and I had to be rescued", Andy sat in a chair.

Mine threw her lunch at the cameras and told me to leave before they lost it", Agent McGee leaned against the wall.

"Whumpee said my heart was beating out of my chest", Caretaker sat in a different chair, "they get spooky when they know something isn't right."

"You didn't tell them anything?", the director sat back.

"I didn't have time too, she said I smelt like secrets, and needed to leave", McGee frowned.

Caretaker sighed, "I told them I wasn't at liberty to talk about it, they shut down completely, and had no interest in me."

"I made a mistake and left the speaker on while we talked. Aramais knows something is up. He is demanding a meeting with you and the other two weapons to be present. He says he wants you to tell them that they shouldn't know what's going on. He gave a warning that a cornered weapon is a very dangerous thing to play with", Andy paused, "he is refusing to eat until you talk to them."

The director groaned, "great."

"We have decided this is far to dangerous for them and us", Caretaker spoke up, "I suggest you explain to them what is going on."

The director sighed, "can we force feed Aramais."

"If you want to try be my guest, I'm not getting anywhere close to him to force a tube up his nose", Andy looked at him angrily, "I took slippers to the head. You need to talk to them now."

The director eyed the three of them, "okay fine, bring them to the board room. Let's get this over with. Each of you bring two guards with you as well. We've never had them together in a room before, I don't know how this will go. I'll be in shortly."

They all grabbed the wheelchairs and went to get their human weapons.

Andy peaked into Aramais's room.

"I don't have the slippers, what did the director say?", Aramais frowned.

Andy pulled in the wheelchair, and grinned.

"Well, first they mentioned to force feed you, but I told them not in a million years am I attempting that", Andy locked the chair into place, "they have okayed a meeting, the other two are being grabbed right now."

Aramais stood and walked to the chair, "full offense, the director sound like an idiot."

"We were joking saying we should have them take care of you three for three separate days", Andy started to strap in, "tell you guys to be on your worst behavior."

"I'd do it, I'd chuck the slippers at him", Aramais waited patiently as he was strapped in, "speaking of, can I wear those please, my feet are cold."

"I'd record the whole thing in the monitor room to watch later", Andy laughed as he put the slippers on Aramais.

Aramais looked around as he was wheeled to the board room.

"I think this is my first time out of that room", Aramais sighed.

"You were considered high risk do to your rank", Andy stated as they wheeled the chair down the hall close to the room, "you were supposed to be given two caregivers actually, but one of them didn't make the cut. You seemed to like me enough that they left it at one."

"You didn't annoy me that's all", Aramais muttered, "plus you're good to me, and I appreciate that."

Andy saw the room ahead, "here we are. I enjoy taking care of you if that helps."

Aramais nodded, "thankyou, I appreciate you taking care of me."

They entered the room.

"Oh no, you're here", Aramais laughed, "who let Jaimie in?"

"I was about to say the same thing", Jaimie smirked.

"Is this a problem?", Agent Mcgee jumped up, "we've never had you three together, and we are a bit on edge."

The guards also stood at the ready.

"No, we just like to pick at each other", Aramais laughed, "Jaimie and I were classed in the same level so we were teamed up quite a bit, we're friendlies."

Jaimie nodded, "it was for our entertainment, and it annoyed our trainers."

Caretaker rushed in, "sorry we're late, Whumpee wasn't wanting to come out at first, then they wanted to look out a window for a few minutes."

"We have Whumpee here to", Aramais grinned.

"Is that okay?", Andy sighed.

"Everyone gets along with Whumpee", Jaimie smiled.

"I had no idea it was you two that were being held here", Whumpee smiled.

"They've been keeping secrets", Aramais stated, then eyed someone as they walked in, "I bet you that person is the reason", Aramais whispered.

"Good we are all here", the director smiled weakly, ignoring Aramais' comment.

Caretaker, Mcgee, and Andy stood behind their charges as the director climbed up the podium steps.

"Hmph", Aramais sighed.

"I'm sorry?", the director looked at Aramais.

"I don't think you are in any position to stand above us and talk down to us, any of us, our caretakers and the guards even", Aramais stated in annoyance, "I know only one of us has actually seen you. You haven't earned any of our respect, and you're keeping secrets."

The director sighed, "you're a hard one, so the rumors are true."

"Not hard, just not a pushover", Aramais came back, "you have to earn my respect. Just like Andy did."

The director stepped down from the podium, "very well, your point is made clear."

Jaimie grinned.

"So we might as well get right to it. I didn't want anything said until it was fully confirmed, as in people are triple checking paperwork. Their is a chance one of the trainers evaded capture, and we don't know where they are", the director glanced at each one of them, "we didn't want to make you three uneasy. Especially if there was an error."

Aramais frowned at the news. He glanced at Jaimie, then at Whumpee.

"Who is it?", Aramais looked back at the director.

"It's uh, it's Whumpee's trainer", the director looked down, "I'm sorry, all of the holding facilities are on high alert. We started the moment we found out."

Whumpee gulped loudly.

Aramais and Jaimie both looked at Whumpee.

"That's a problem, a very big problem", Aramais gritted their teeth, "he was one of the harshest trainers their, Mitch was a living weapon himself. He was above my level even."

The director sighed, "that's why I didn't want you to know, I'm hoping it was an error."

"You don't make errors", Whumpee almost whispered, their mouth dry, "it's not an error."

"Whumpee?", Aramais frowned.

"He's here already", Whumpee looked down, "I haven't said anything as I thought it was my imagination."

"We don't know that", the director stepped toward Whumpee.

"I've seem him, I've smelt him", Whumpee squeezed their eyes, "they're here."

"You know for sure", Jaimie looked at Whumpee.

"Yes, the day in the cafeteria. Right before the sedative took affect, I saw him, I thought it was because of my blackout, my brain was imagining him", Whumpee looked at the director in tears, "he wears a guards uniform."

"You smelt him even", Caretaker leaned over the wheelchair, "are you sure?"

"Yes", Whumpee cried out, "I know that scent."

"You weren't going to tell us", Aramais looked back at the director, "you were just going to let this slide, and while you did that Whumpee was being targeted."

The director couldn't even speak, 'what now?', was his only thought. A lump sat in his throat as he watched Whumpee fighting panic mode. 'WHAT NOW?'

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all. @villainsandheroes @the-beasts-have-arrived @sacredwrath @porschethemermaid @monarchthefirst @generic-whumperz @bloodyandfrightened @freefallingup13

SP Special Containment tags. @written-by-jayy @notpeppermint

Thankyou to those who gave me a push to finish this. Part 5 is in the works and hopefully won't take two months. I hope you enjoyed.

[scarlettaagni]

Finished Earthspark S2.

I could excuse the weaker plots, weaker writing, weaker animation. It sucks so badly for the people working on this show with a smaller budget but the final product was just okay

...

But literally the worst thing was Starscream. A complete and total character assassination with that fucking tired old Abused Becomes The Abuser trope with EXTRA insult heaped on top. You motherfuckers KNOW that's not what he meant when he said "take care of yourself" do not lie to me

Steve Blum, I am so sorry they made you say that. Stephenie Lemelin I am so sorry they also made you say that

Considering how intact the mid-season finale feels, as in untampered by rewrites, I truly believe this role was intended for someone else (Soundwave or Shockwave) but Starscream was inserted as the main antagonist because... recognizability. Popularity. They had Steve. Etc

Truly, I believe Soundwave, former loyal follower and honorary second-in-command (actual second-in-command Starscream too busy trying to undermine Megatron atm) feeling so betrayed by his defection, was supposed to take the reins of the Decepticon faction.

Shockwave is the more obvious choice, but his role in the mid-season finale actually very cleverly mirrors his intended role in G1's Five Faces of Darkness (which was given to Blitzwing, again, bc popularity and newer character with newer toys) so in a perfect world, I like to think that skeptic role would stay the same

I wouldn't even be so mad about Starscream's involvement if it could be justified. Soundwave talking him into joining the cause again because they're fighting Autobots, and Megatron had joined them— two birds with one stone! Out of spite for Megatron, he goes along with it. But perhaps, he manages a change of heart like Shockwave, especially with Hashtag there

How the fuck can this show go back on one of its core ethos and just write off the Decepticons as irredeemable bad guys who just can't help themselves but be evil and still keep MEGATRON on the protagonists' side? If they're gearing up for a villain twist I will literally never forgive this show. I'm already not forgiving them for what they did to Starscream, but Megatron being a good guy was literally the hook of the show

At least Starscream wasn't killed off. Speaking of killed off, I miss Aftermath and idk why. He's just a rapscallion to me. It felt like a forgone conclusion by way of the deleted scenes from the TFA finale, where if you're trying to put Live-Giving Plot MacGuffin together but some pieces are busy being somebody's heart...either that thing is NOT becoming whole, or that somebody is fucking dying. So it was weird no one was acknowledging this elephant in the room by connecting the dots.

also Spitfire fucking murdered Wheeljack and -5 attention was paid to that after the fact. And he just shows back up. Was Twitch not in agony that her second dad was murdered? By someone she feels responsibility for, using her body to do it?

Simply said I have never seen a show NOT stick the landing this badly. Literally worst case scenario.

[imperatorrrrr]

Nico realizing Nolan unfollowed him and talking to Jack about it

"Need help with hashtags for your Facebook post, Schao?"

"What?"

Nico and Rino had come over for dinner after their sauna session earlier in the day and now dinner's over and Jim and Rino are sitting in the living room together drinking beers talking about whatever hockey Dads talk about, and Luke's fucked off to his room to talk to his boys because World Juniors is starting soon, while Jack rinses the dishes and Nico puts them in the dishwasher.

But Nico isn't putting the dishes in the dishwasher. Nico has been fiddling around with his phone for a while now, not paying attention to anything.

"You've been staring at your phone all confused? Finding more baseball players to follow?"

Okay, so maybe Jack feels a type of way about Nico getting practically naked in a sauna with some random professional baseball players.

"Jack, what?"

Nico had a big day with his Dad today. Not only did he strip down to his underwear and sit in a sauna with his father and some baseball guys, he also got his haircut. He has yet to look up from his phone, and there are strands of his hair falling down the side of his face, not as long as before, but still framing his face perfectly.

Jack huffs. Puts the dish he just rinsed into the dishwasher himself and turns the faucet off. He directs Nico away from the counter and closer to the island where the stools are and sits Nico down. Nico lets all this happen while still staring down at his phone.

"Nico."

Jack flicks him on the forehead and Nico finally looks up.

Good.

"What's going on?"

Nico sighs, puts his phone face down on the counter and runs his hand through his freshly cut hair, strands falling every which way in his wake.

"Nols unfollowed me."

Nico's face is all scrunched up like it gets when he can't find the right English preposition when he's answering media questions.

"Who's Nols...?" Is this another baseball player?! How many baseball players does Nico know and why does Nico know so many of them and where are they coming from?

"Patty. Nolan Patrick."

Oh shit. That may be worse than another baseball guy. Nope, that's definitely worse.

Nico doesn't talk to Jack about Nolan Patrick. Nico doesn't talk to anyone about Nolan Patrick. Jack thinks maybe Jesper might have that honor, but even he's not one hundred percent sure about that.

Jack's emotionally intelligent. Jack can do this. Jack can wade through the Nolan Patrick swamp of history.

"Are you...okay?"

Great. Slam dunk. Touchdown. Home run. Ugh baseball again.

"Yeah, its just...weird." Nico looks at his phone like he expects it to provide an answer as to why Nolan Patrick has unfollowed him. Jack also looks at Nico's phone hoping for the same.

"I mean we haven't talked in a bit. He reached out when I wasn't playing last month to check in."

Jack doesn't think Nico's upset about it. Nico's confused.

"I don't think I did anything?"

"Of course you didn't do anything!" Okay, so Jack doesn't know if Nico didn't do anything, but Jack is going to side with Nico ninety nine percent of time, no question. Plus, its Nico. He rarely does anything wrong. He doesn't make mistakes on the ice and he doesn't really make mistakes off the ice either.

Jack takes a step closer, putting his hand on Nico's shoulder and squeezing, trying to radiate support gearing up to say something to comfort Nico...

"What's our ice cream situation?" So Luke's chat with his boys is over.

Nico, presented with a task, especially a task that involves doing something for a teammate, especially for a teammate thats a rookie, and especially for a rookie thats a Hughes, is ready for this call to action and this distraction, "I have some good variety at mine."

Nico gets off the stool, grabs his phone and pockets it, and beckons Luke to follow him, which Luke does happily.

And Jack is left alone in the kitchen with the dishes that still need rinsing and thinks about how ice cream is supposed to be the go to solution for a break up.

[larrachan-official]

Hello.

It might be weird that I'm apologizing for my art, but what can you do when you draw art from a fandom that is subject to hate.

And especially when the main antagonists are toilets💀

But, okay.

It...wasn't really supposed to be a thorn. In general, even if it is fashionable to call it a thorn, it is more likely a *rofl-ship*, since it came to my mind quite by accident when I was listening to the song Heavy Metal Lover after watching the first part of 70 surrey ST. I have absolutely no idea how such a strange idea came into my head, since these two didn't even meet in this episode. Although, if you think positively, then if I drew this, then there must be some reason for this.

The art itself:

I decided to take a few photos of it, because I didn't like the way the art looked on camera. And, unfortunately, even sunlight did not help with this problem that I so wanted to fix. But, as you can see, it didn’t work out to fix it.

Well. I hope that you won’t call me a cringe after this art and won’t hate me, since I can’t see art anywhere for this...machinima? The series?..doesn’t matter. I can’t watch anything based on this work without running into angry haters of this project or fans who start fights with other fans because of different tastes.

Well. OK. I put the hashtag #love to participate in the competition and go off into the sunset.

*goes to the window and jumps off*

[tsukiyadori]

Reading Log 2024.04 - April

Previous: Reading (Watching) Log 2024.02-2024.03 - February-March

Reading languages: German, English, French, Japanese, not listing which was what. (There's also been some feeble attempts at Chinese.)

Titles are as I’ve read them either first or most and thus remember it for that title mostly

Not going to bother putting in the original titles of translated reads unless there is something worthy of note to it

Cursive titles have been completed

Some notes' content may be subject to repetition here and there, as I also copied some older notes from casual conversations over and didn't go through any rounds of cutting things down.

——————————————————————————

APRIL

I now have a new phone lockscreen wallpaper. (See entrance image. It's from How to Survive as a Villain's webtoon a.k.a. To Be or Not to Be chapter 71). The moon being pretty, and a thing for me is kinda self-explanatory given my alias names, but usually you find images with moons to have them being all on the upper part of the image, because obviously moons are up there in the sky. However, for phone lock screens this is incredibly unpractical, because on the upper part is the time display and that one's white... So this one is perfect with the moon not being on the upper part but the lower part of the image. I wonder what blossoms there are supposed to be. I'd guess peach blossoms (with the village being called literally Peach Blossom Village, but wasn't it supposed to be summer in that timeline? And peach blossoms bloom in March to April.)

I found out that you can add any number of tags, but tumblr kicks everything bar the first 30 somethings upon saving and among those displayed only the first 20 actually will count for showups if you want to filter posts with that hashtag. Or like search on the phone app. What the heck. What do you mean I need to actually choose the most important ones now each time. D:

Maybe I should try do monthlies after all, so there won't be as many tags to begin with.

I feel like this is gonna just be a rambling about one particular series this month anyway...

I have learned something new this month. The Chinese have a slang word called 'dog blood'. It's apparantely coming from theater where death scenes were enacted with dog blood and first was about extended nonsensical farewell speeches of death scenes but eventually expanded to describe all sorts of cheap cheesy lines in general. Or in other words, this is basically synonymous to what I call bad, rotten or trash cheese.

Light Novels:

7th Time Loop v2

Brunhild v1-2

By the Grace of Gods V12

Dragon Live Online p8-11.5

Hell Mode v3p1-3

How to Survive As a Villain Novel ch46-57, ch181-183, Ch58-75, ch209-210, ch206, ch196, ch76-136 (and some other random scene cheery picks completely out of order)

Is it wrong to pick up Girls in a Dungeon v9

Mushoku Tensei v1p1-6

The Case Files of Jeweler Richard v13p15-56

The Eminence in Shadow v2p6-8

The Executioner and Her Way of Life v1

The Faraway Paladin v1-2

The Saint's Magic Power is Omipotent LN v2p1-v3p6

Unnamed Memory After the End v1p16-22

Unnamed Memory LN v1p1-2

Wolf and Parchment v4-5

Your Forma v4

Manga:

Aiko und die Wölfe des Zwielichts v1-3

Ano Natsu ga Houwa suru. ch17

Are You Okay with a Slightly Older Girlfriend? Ch2.4-16.1

August 15th

Buta no Liver wa Kanetsushiro ch35.1-2

Dance in the Vampire Bund The Memories of Sledgehammer v2ch5-8

Delinquent Daddy & Tender Teacher v3

Domestic na Kanojo v5-8

Don't Call Me Daddy

Ein schicksalhafter Bund mit dem Fuchs v1-v2ch11

Fake it to Break it Ch1-8.3

Feng Yu Jiu Tian ch1-4

Flying Witch v11-12ch73

Get the Moon

Goblin Slayer The Singing Death v4ch16-19

Goblin Slayer Year One v8

Goblin Slayer v12

Hallo, ich bin eine Hexe und mein Schwarm wünscht sich einen Liebestrank von mir v3ch15

Hiso Hiso v4-6

How I Attended an All-Guy's Mixer Ch1-4

In Sachen… Geheimnisse (v3)

In Sachen… Vertrauen (v2)

Intoxicated East Wind Skimthrough

Iron Cock Skimthrough

Isekai Transporter ch1-4

Isekai de Ane ni Namae wo Ubawaremashita ch18.1

Kakan no Oukoku no Hanagirai Hime ch12.3-13.1

Kakko Warukute Kakkoii Kimi v1

Ki ga Au to Iu Koto wa v1

Kijima-san & Yamada-san Ch17.3-24.2

Knitter's High ch27.1-2

Koisuru (Otome) no Tsukurikata ch82-83

Kono Koi wo Hoshi ni wa Negawanai ch12.3-13.1

Korsar der Liebe v1-3

Like Milk & Honey v1-2

Living With My Brother's Wife Ch12-15-48

Lonely Castle in the Mirror v1-3

Loop 7-kaime no Akuyaku Reijou wa, Moto Tekikoku de Jiyuu Kimama na Hanayome Seikatsu wo Mankitsusuru ch31

Maid-san wa Taberu dake ch48

Mein Isekai-Leben v1-v4ch12

Mir dir im Wunderland v2 (ou of order read)

Miryou no Otome to Katabutsu Hittou Majutsushi no Hatsukoi Kiroku bangaihen3-4

My Awkward Senpai Ch71-75

My Elder Sister v5-6ch44

My Not-So-Fair Lady is Doomed! (But Not If I Can Help It) Ch1.1-4.1

My Roommate is a Cat v6-8ch24

My Unexpected Marriage Ch1-10.2

Okazari Ouhi ni Nattanode, Kossori Hataraki ni deru koto ni Shimashita ~Usagi ga Iru no de Hitorine mo Sabishiku Arimasen!~ ch25.2-26.4

On or Off v1-4

Rebirth Two Lives I Still Love You ch0-2

Ryuko v2

Sasaki & Peeps v1

Shuumatsu Touring ch37.1-2

Soko ni Suwaruna

Suicide Notes Laid on the Table Ch20-35.1

The 6th Loop: I'm Finally Free of Auto Mode in this Otome Game Ch1.1-3.2

Tokyo Aliens v7ch29-33

Unamed Memory ch36.1-2

Watashi wo Tabetai, Hitodenashi ch38.1-3

Yomei Ichinen to Senkokusareta Boku ga, Yomei Hantoshi no Kimi to Deatta Hanashi ch11.1-2

Webtoons:

Breed my Dear Enemy Ch182-194

Fall in the Night with You Ch72-73

Flowers in the Secret Place Ch89-155

Her Atypical Story Ch0-5

Ice Lamp: The Chronicles of Kira Ch45-48

Taberare Usa ch99-101

The Blind & The Homeless Ch8-42

The Goddess of Healing Ch67-79

To be or not be Ch24-95

Notes:

To Be or Not to Be (reread on Comikey in progress): So well, the first time was a bit not as attentive and then too quick on binge last month so I simply started from the beginning again. And it's so funny in hindsight that it took me until starting the novel to realized this fellow is just about as aroace as you can be (who slowly drops into a demi-romance). Like, I should have had caught the hint latest with this:

(Difference between a brotherly love or one between lovers)

This is, if you think about it, not the sort of question you'd normally ask, especially not when somebody just confessed to you and there is no homophobia theme nor desperate denial at play, and you don't even doubt that it's meant seriously and can even see that the feelings are genuine. It's.... totally a question I'd also ask, tho. No wonder, this entire progression of that romance and him taking so long to catch on just felt so plausible to me.

Other than that, I still think the first season (up to their first separation) is a pretty great adaption, it takes shortcuts and adds some more flourish at places. The second and third seasons however, after reading the novels now feel excruciatingly chopped, although it still manages to do the most important scenes right. But much of its worldbuilding and side characters is just gone, and some things are still there but don't exactly make any sense - like that hairband from eunuch Zhao that snapped, it ever was only shown intact in the webtoon, but when Xiao YuAn goes to bury his box of mementos there is Hong Xiu's hairpin this broken hairband. Or the list of names of fallen soldiers. Other little changes make sense, and some just seem clunky. (Like this whole "I want to bed him" in the last arc has an entirely different vibe considering they had been at it before already unlike in the novel.) And my complaint after the first read that the last third just seems way too focused on the two MCs with zero inclusion of the side characters or expanding the world, the novel in fact is like that still in that arc, but it already has done all that in the second season, which was nearly entirely cut in the webtoon (or if you look really closely there are some one-liners or random panels showing it) and does some more in the extras, which the webtoon doesn't adapt. Still it does get many of the most important scenes right and the art remains pretty. (Except the last third still has me had this eyelashes issue. Whyyyy.)

How to Survive As a Villain Novel ch46-57, ch181-183, Ch58-75, ch209-210, ch206, ch196, ch76-136 (and some other random scene cheery picks completely out of order): When you go like, let's read it slowly so it lasts longer!! and that even works, but then you just start reading backwards and then all across all over the place out of order anyway. Oh, well....

I already got some clear aroace moods with Xiao YuAn in the beginning that I read last month but upon reading on.... this fellow's really about as aroace as you can be without naming it. It even goes all the length of establishing him as somebody who doesn't understand it at all, has to ask about it, and questions the veracity of the answer at places. (And I still think the "sexual orientation" bits on the official character bios on both him and Yan HeQing are a complete riot. 😂) They both look very demi to me; if that original novel is to still apply Yan HeQing falls for somebody who extends their hand when he's in anguish and suffering and over that emotional attachment he develops feelings (and then it's a dam breaking). For Xiao YuAn it's obviously very slow burn and building one little pebble atop another until a wall that makes him feel safe has been built.

What I thought was incredibly interesting tho, Xiao YuAn still comes off as pretty ace even after all is said and done. And he doesn't exactly know it - he continues to live with a misconception that's just incredibly widespread and not known. In that same scene from the above webtoon snippet he asks Yan HeQing what sort of like/love is he even refererring to. Does he know the difference, is it a brotherly/comradery feeling or one between lovers. That's also what is in the webtoon in Chinese (I actually went to check that one out), but the novel (which scene I also went to check out, at least what web version I could find in Chinese) has him be much more crude and to the point to put that question between that brotherly like/love or if it was one where Yan HeQing would want to have sex with him. (Which he answers rather clearly as having very much some voracious appetite for him in that respect, the answer is still there in the webtoon.) Now put this next to each other. That's his idea: The love of lovers is something that includes sexual desire. Sound familiar? Uhu. He even suggests in lieu of answering him that they simply do the deed. In order to learn and find out. The man's got some very wrong ideas right there. A few of them seem way too dumbly familliar.

The hilariously funny part is, Xiao YuAn proceeds to be incredibly unhinged about this spice stuff afterward. He is going for it, he does the most outrageous things, but he does them in a way that just feels entirely clueless or he realizes just how extreme they are after it's already done or shortly about to be done and he reflects on it and feels incredibly stupid. And most of all, if he causes a dam break in Yan HeQing who, all seduced and riled up, can't help but eat him up rather ravenously he always winds up wailing for him to please stop, because kinda, he didn't have that in mind at all so much. It's like he never really is aware of what he's gonna get himself into and doesn't really learn his lessons either. But also, once he gets touched, he is plenty able to feel sexual pleasure, he doesn't exactly hate it. It's just... it seems more like a passive body reaction, a sort of being okay with it, rather than an innate desire out of attraction? He never seems actually thirsty for it (unlike Yan HeQing who is incredibly straving for it, but knows it and restrains himself constantly.)

He's the first to initiate and propose them doing it and is notoriously stubborn about getting Yan HeQing to do it, but also says it's not like he is in a hurry (or like coming off as badly wanting it because of an actual proper desire like Yan HeQing always has), but it's just he feels like they'd never get the right timing to do it at all otherwise. It makes him sound desperate, like he feels a duty to actually do it and guilty for not doing it, almost as if he has to prove something. And whenever Yan HeQing kinda distances himself from him for whatever reason his go to is to try seduce him and break his self-control for forced up intimacy. (And then just winds up regretting it, because it's too much.) And it seems to entirely not align with what he actually wants and needs most fo have exactly that connection he seeks. After that last dramatic reunion in the third part where Yan HeQing is so out of himself and selfcontrol he wants him so badly tied to bed and everything like those innermost desires he once told him (but never actually executed like that, because he doesn't want to hurt him), Xiao YuAn instead just wants to hug him. He's wanting physical intimicy, but it's more about lying in one another's arms for a peaceful sleep. Every single time when he's still oblivious to it all, but clearly already attached, he just has Yan HeQing accompany him to spend some quality time together. He's the one who wants to have dates even as they weren't named such and even has to explain that thing about it's simply to just spend some good time together to him. (All the while Yan HeQing is so thirsty wanting to steal kisses from him.) And whenever he fawns over the man, it's kinda suspiciously in just aesthethic ways...? (well for what I've read anyway.)

30% of it feels more like a sort of playfulness, a sort of stubborn competition, fueled by those "tyrannical president" antics, which trope he entirely is not, but spent his entirely past life being forced into being and still very much influences his thought process. Almost as if if he doesn't get Yan HeQing to jump at him, it's like he is lacking in attractiveness, something that chips away at his self value. Another 30% is him appearing like he considers it the thing to be done, almost as if he owes it to him, especially as he knows that Yan HeQing's wants in that regard run much deeper and notorious. Yet another 30% is him kinda just enjoy everything before the actual act. Like as if getting him to do it is the goal rather than actually doing it. He clearly enjoys the teases to break Yan HeQing's defenses, his self-control, his stoism. And even as he knows some of his things are kinda outrageous, he, to some extend, still enjoys them. It's kinda the same thing with his fixation on terrible tropes and cheesy lines and everything 'dog blood', it's excruciatingly terrible, all trashy, but he can't help but also kinda look forward to it. The last 10% are... really just him having no darn clue. Like however did he think that red silk bondage was a good idea??? 😂 Maybe I should not laugh as me, surely I'd be just as dumb myself if it ever came to be...

Other than that I quite like how the isekai/transmigration thing plays out.

Xiao YuAn doesn't really get to be all OP or a sort of cheater because of being from a modern world - that is not as a plot device. There are some indications and little details that he does bring in some modernization, like proposing that meritocratic exams system the actual historical China also has had, but it's never really played as a plot point that flaunts his superior knowledge or anything. What he ultimately winds up tackling - corruption, decandency - are things entirely the same still in the modern word and he's also struggling with it all the same as he would in any modern world as well. He knows the future by the plotline, but beyond having a better grasp at insight to their character and be nice to them Hamefura-style, it's at the same time also kinda the obvious thing to do as a decent person. And he's having plenty ability to have an insight on human nature and getting other people liking him even without the cheat skills from the novel plot as his time in the TaoYuan village proves.

I still absolutely do not like that bit about Xiao YuAn's brother, he just remains a complete plot device, but that the doppelgänger from Wester Shu gets to wake up in the modern world as him to improve on his own depression and helplessness was a nice touch. (One the webtoon should have rather have, when it had them actually have a conversation with each other, rather than how in the novel Xiao YuAn only every saw him from a distrance and asked about him. He remained a completely stranger there, so him kinda not having as much compassion to upkeep his past identity's honor seems more plausible. Especially as he's introduced as a good guy, unlike that Nothern emperor who is a scummy villain (and then even he got to have a little bit pity left for him by the original book's ending for him with is love affair.))

That and how it's part of how Xiao YuAn has a few deep seated traumata and in that way that they don't seem obvious at all, because he drowns it all in his smiles, his goofy riduculousness, his apparant ability to just let grudges go when all he does is just to bury them and run away. All that load, it didn't just magically disappear in his new life, no, they come to wreck him even in this new world. He has baggage and a new life doesn't magically fix it nor is this fantasy escapism world it the solution to it in the end. How many isekai tales actually make use of this oppotunity to add some more emotional development? We never really learn much about how he lived his life in the modern world, but little insight is there only describes titbits to establish the origins. But it was never really addressed in his childhood and it wasn't cured at all either, nor is it likely that it's curable at all. Those scars are there and with his futile struggles they only got worse culmating in his rash and terrible decisions. What ultimately keeps it in check and just puts a lid on it without erasing it, is being showered with that love he was missing his entire life by Yan HeQing and his found family in the village and also realizing how the easy way out of it has devastating consequences.

Speaking of that found family, it's really too bad, that got cut so much in the webtoon. While there is still a tinge of it with Lin Shengling getting all touched that Xiao YuAn's place is kinda his maiden home of sorts and Xiao YuAn and all accepted in that village with really close bonds with especially the Zhan family, which family to begin with is a patchwork family. Yang LiuAn and Xiao FengYue kinda become brothers of sorts to him, and old lady cohabitating with them is a sort of motherly aunt there. There's just no ill will in that village (which is its whole point with being kinda called a little paradise on earth.) And also it's just got these beautifully blossoming trees. (Now are those peach blossoms or not??)

Oh and speaking of found family and all closeness and intimicy that there is and which is being perfectly aknowledged as something Xiao YuAn holds dear and misses and seems just so attractive, even as he is perfectly fine with living in the capital with Yan HeQing, which the latter also perfectly respects and encourages. There is also this bit in the extras about Hong Xiu, how it was Xiao YuAn, who tended to her worst fears she never expected anyone to expect and treated her with gentleness, a sort of she hadn't phantomed to ever get. And as the man speaks fondly and caring about her and Yan HeQing get jealously concerned over "do you like her", Xiao YuAn is all he's probably jealous about the girl again, but also that Hong Xiu never was part of of his harem. And then he has this to say to him:

Way to just get things right. (And she definitely ripped a hole into his heart, once she was gone and even keeps visiting her grave years later. Also really too bad that the afterwards about how curruption cut short his support for her family forcing her sister to become a maidservant, too.)

Other than that I just want to scream: Why could I not discover this a mere two darn month earlier?! That the pre-orders for that Singapore Rosmei edition is already closed and me not having entirely any idea at all how to get it anymore sours me, doesn't help at all, that apparantely that edition is gonna get some new unrelease extra chapter (although that is to be in v3, so technically I won't be missing that one............ whenever the other two volumes are going to be released anyway.) Apparantely there's even another chapter exclusive to some Chinese Edition from a publisher called Via Lactea and I have absolutely no idea how that one's supposed to look and how to get it. And to learn this right when I pondering about looking for some Chinese proxy for getting the books in Chinese, too, now obviously I want that edition to learn what that extra chapter is about. Hhhhnnnng. (Apparantely there's also a Spanish edition licensed with the art of the Rosmei edition, but I know no Spanish...)

Other than that, I still riducilously miss out on those footnotes the aggregator sites have just went and killed. Also, I just found out that the one single site that had the extras beyond chapter 210 kinda did some move and the entire title has vanished from that one's new site. With that there's porbably no place to read the fantraslation of it anymore. (At least for that one I had the epiphany of going though all the chapter sites to make a safecopy last week, I don't really want to know how dkfhkdjfhkjdfh I would have been, if I missed out on reading them just like that from one day to the other.)

In any case, this one as rekindled my interest in the Chinese language, too. Linguistically/writing style speaking this novel is also highly up my alleways. It's chock full with idioms (I image them to be complete utter pain to translate), historical references in those idioms, but also it has all that meta stuff about tropes and everything along with modern slang usage. And it's just having the right amount of twinkling parody of tropes, indulging just enough in it for some guilty pleasure but still managing to have an well build up emotional rollercoaster plot of its own that dances with Xiao YuAn's goofy ludicrousness at times in one hand and heavy hitters in the other. And considering, that it has not newly invented any wheel whatsoever - about every single element in there is something that on its own you can find elsewhere as well - but still manages to get me this invested into it is kinda rather impressive.

Speaking of impressive---

Mein Isekai-Leben a.k.a. My Isekai Life v1-v4ch12: Now that on the other hand is an entirely different sort impressive, or more like, I am astounded by it. Which is to say if I had to use one word to descibribe it it's 'listless'. This is an incredibly listless OP MC cheat skills power-fantasy. It's also... incredibly boring. Brainless. Everything you get to see here is something that has been done elsewhere in way, way better already. I only read all those vols because I just happened to have them there and then I just kept going after the first volume because I wanted to know how in the world is this managing to survive at all. It's a manga adaption of a light novel, both are sitll ongoing and runnning. How does this manage to be this reasonably popular to warrant this??? (After v4 I still didn't really know, so I gave up.)

Wolf and Parchment v4-5 (5 sitll in progress): Ok, so volume 4 was kinda okay in the end, not so much a slog anymore, although the the conversation between Even and Col about how Col would definitely go and prioritize Myuri was pretty interesting, putting into question how long he's gonna last to stick to his he's gonna be a priest and not just take Myuri's handand he's still all that's never gonna happen. (Like hell it won't?!) Then volume 5 started and I was kinda blown by surprise over that bit about them being in this weird space of having a bond, about how she keeps calling him brother despite also saying she is romantically in love with him, because there is no other way to qualify this at all and him also realizing the weird place he is with his attachement to her, too and then the whole crest thing is there, and how every single one involved with it immediately understands it's significance. Something for them, only the two of them, something special, but it's not lovers or marriage. Something else. And it's also hard to get, because how in the world are you gonna explain two people with no tangible relation neither blood nor marriage, wanting to share a crest together? are you just gonna pretend something that pleases general plausibility, while it kinda contradicts its actual purpose? Owoooh, how cool is that. I suppose I really had no trust in this series (or media in general) that this wasn't going down your bog standard romance route.

The Case Files of Jeweler Richard v13p15-56 (that's somewhere into chapter 2): I am making some progress in reading that one off, but admittedly even I am surprised how slow going it is sonsidering how hyped I was about it before its release and then put it off for health reasons because I totally expected I'd just binge with in a marathon with no regard to sleep and food. If I had to put a finger onto it, it's kinda, the first chapter wasn't exactly uninteresting, but also really not very getting be invested either. The second chapter just entirely starts of with discomfort with having this Chinese classmate sobbing about how he is terrible in school and his father is livid about it and just the general vibes of Chinese mentality. Like. Ouch. And it also immediately stiffled my interest in Chinese again that How to Survive as a Villain has sparked up again. Distancing from that language is kinda like distancing from that general mentality for me and looks like I still can't really separate them enough to just enjoy the language without having the culture behind it poison me.

Unnamed Memory After the End: Still very much at the start, but it docks onto where the first series stops before the grand time skip. It also just picks up on a few things that were left unaddressed in its second half. And here is me wondering, if Myralis and Valt will show up again or not. How it ended for them - which by world mechanics has to be a bad end and then they don't even get mentioned - still feels narratively very unfair to me, with all the effort spent on describing their motives and backstory.

Flowers in the Secret Place - finished: This is another series I just read though chapters over chapters wondering why even, until it kinda went decent enough somethiing around chapter 70? from 155 chapters. The only reason I looked into it was because the art is kinda decently pretty. The reason I made it across the first chapter was that.... the MC wears bunny hair ties. Yes, stupid reason, but here we go. The male MC is possitively annoying, the second male lead is much more interesting but takes a whole while to pick himself up. The backstory and its resulting triangle constellation actually winds up being decently interesting.

Rebirth Two Lives I Still Love You ch0-2: Same author as How to Survive as a Vilain, different artist, which... doesn't look exactly bad, but not even half as appealing. This one's also not Isekai, but Regression. Also it looks incredibly cheese. Motivations for reading on were a bit low, but maybe it just takes a bit? Knowing me I will check it out anyway...

My Unexpected Marriage Ch1-10.2: This isn't even an Isekai, but it uses the Isekai cheat skill trick of using some pretty modern contemporary things and common sense, put them into an Ancient-y setting to make everything run overly smoothly for the MC. In terms of plot and characters I cannot say I am wowed. Nevertheless, it is set in Ancient China-ish of a setting and even if the female MC's big eyes innocent gentle shoujo face kinda clashes with the rest, there is definitely some effort spend on all the wardrobe and ornaments. It's pretty enough to keep going. The mystery plot that points to court intrigue is okayish enough, too.

Mushoku Tensei v1p1-6: The way the horny is put in really is a bit "...", there it really just goes, does an overly genuinely touchy feely monologue about how someone is great and how the guy is emotionally touched and everything, only to destroy it with the twist that he stole her unwashed panties. It was a whole block of text about how in his previous life he was a shut in a loser, somebody with serious problems, social anxiety and getting out of the house issues included and the girl took him out for a magic exam, insisted it had the out there and he really is unconfortable with it, you can get really into how this little bit is just a major milestone for him, something nobody in his old life has managed or even tried. But then it just had to goe like and then he remembered that he still had those unwashed panties in his room that he had stolen some month ago. Argh.

At least that horny father seems to have at least some punches to get, and the setup of this guy being a completely loser, but actually it's not like he always was, he was even better but never learned modesty and that being his entire downfall out which he has now learned. This character is a pretty well set up antihero, he is all sorts of terrible, but in that one moment where Truck-kun came he pushed that whoever away with no regards to himself. (and it doesn't get flaunted as that one big good deed.) He also helped Sylphie, and that started without any horny ulterior motives either. (I was half wondering there actually if, with all that attraction to her, when he still thought she was a he was opening up some queer route, but looks like not.) He, at the bottom of his heart, does not seem to be a bad guy, and he has some serious baggage, that he is trying to treat himself with this new life and gets the occasional unintentional help. Will be interesting how his own inhibitions and knowledge about all the bad things of himself bring him on the road to serious betterment. But then also. He is already entirely, totally hopelessly horny cringe.

Loop 7-kaime no Akuyaku Reijou wa, Moto Tekikoku de Jiyuu Kimama na Hanayome Seikatsu wo Mankitsusuru a.k.a. 7th Time Loop ch31: (That's the chapter about Arnold and Rishe talking about the ring, once it was delivered). I wanted to scream at Arnold and Rishe rocks with giving him a piece of her mind like that and also totally underestimates the amount of heart flutter she gets into when she goes and gives the man such a free pass to court her. A very wide load of good faces.

Intoxicated East Wind, Iron Cock, August 15h, Feng Yu Jiu Tian: Stuff from the artist of How to Survive as a Villain's webtoon from some 10 years prior. You know when you like one thing of somebody and then go check out the rest? And then you find out it's dubCon, nonCon, rapey, horny porny whatevers and melp. And by the translator's note from August 15th, apparantely that title is some slang euphemism for buttocks. Because the moon is the roundest on that date, so it's the perfect moon so it's buttocks. I'm like what? The art also look nowhere nearly as good as the artist is able to be pull off in How to Survive as a Villain. I wonder if they are going to have some new work. Couldn't find anything from after its end in 2022.

Don't Call Me Daddy: Nice to have some adult characters there. Like adult and then elderly. And how homophobia has wrecked their life, but it's not even the main theme. Again some discussion about different sorts of wants, but uh, the one that solves that one was that guy getting... a boner from a kiss? Huh. What would ye have done, if he didn't? (Well probably that would have been an entirely different story I guess...)

Domestic na Kanojo v5-8: Collection of notes made upon/right after reading the vols:

v5: Let's continue the exhibition of the worst of cheese afflictions. But I did not see that escalation downwards coming... okay, cheese affliction puts other people into danger, both intentionally and unintentionally... Actually the latter case is even worse as it is a danger of livelihood one... ....... ok, wait, isn't this already sexual harrassment now???

v6: Just go for them both already, those sisters don't even look like they'd mind it that much.

v7: Your cheese affliction is gonna ruin your life.

v8: So, now we have blackmail, coercion, extortion and a kidnapping as well as faking somebody's identity without their knowledge nor permission. Alright….

….. this however

(Title: How to recover, panel 1: My humble self has a bun, panel 4: RESSURECTED, the bun: HAND OVER THE SNACKS)

.............. is just some supreme truth out of complete nowhere.

Are You Okay with a Slightly Older Girlfriend? Ch2.4-16.1: I thought this was called into quesitonability because of the age gap and at the beginning I had some qualms, because she is outright deceiving him, but that gets wrapped up quickly enough and then I thought it was just gonna be cheese with age unsecurities, but I suppose if those massive boobs didnt alrealy make an indication, this thing's just way to much flaunting them and playing the horniness bits in way too much of an extremely.... kinda dumb way. With a tint of seriously thinking about these issues. (Also mentions of kink and no shaming allowed there, that sister knows how to enforce authority.) And that makes it both hard to outright drop, but also a pain to suffer though...

Brundhild v1-2: Volume 1, 'Dragon Slayer" is a revenge story out of titular Brunhild's love for the gentle and wise dragon, who is killed, gone haywire. She does all her misdeeds wholly aware for what they are and how innocents are getting in the crossfires and how it'll land her in hell - where she can never be together with the dragon again who went to paradise and had very much warned her to not go for revenge when he fully knew he was gonna get slain. She… is kinda, well, yandere isn't the right word, but she definitely is very much badly obsessed by things and worst she knows it herself, that the one she loves doesn't want it and still doesn't stop. I can't say I was wowed, but maybe that's partly because I read it in French and for the second half I was in deadline before expiry pressure and forced it though without looking up a bunch of words I wasn't too sure of. It feels pretty conclusive, so volume 2 'Dragon Princess' at first was incredibly confusing, with it having a Brunhild as a MC again and also some other guy having the same name as v1 Brunhild's brother. And suddenly the dragon is an evil one. Was wondering, if it was some sort of reincarnation next life plot, but then the personality of the characters are very different. Eventually it turns out to be a prequel. V1's Brunhild and her brother were names after the characters of v2 who lived centuries before them and in her family those famous names were often bestowed to children again. V2 I think is pretty good, interesting characters, has some more side characters, very good world building, again a love story but it's entirely different, also very much different ending and lore and it twists your expectations for the world coming from v1 and then actually winds up explaining v1's worldbuilding, which in v1 I thought that outside of the dragon island on its own was, uh, kinda, yeah, it's sorts of just there?

V2 also has a side character who suffers from not feeling love of any kind and having little empathy. Yet he is not entirely unfeeling either and he can be very much devoted looking much the part almost as if there was love. It looks a lot like it's the usual story about yeah and then this magnificent awe inspiring good natured lady is gonna make him find those traits again. It ultimately does not play out this trope the way you'd expect and I thought that it had the galls to do that was downright courageous.

[austinsgirl]

Rather Die | Chapter 8

word count: 2336

cross posted on wattpad

rating: nsfw

master list

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Her heart pounded. Beating at what felt like a million beats per second. She truly wasn't expecting that from him.

Victoria texted him back, "Yeah, those were nice :) We can do definitely do more of that and go on a date. Just let me know when and where!"

He responded quite quickly, "Perfect! How does tomorrow sound? Maybe we can get some Italian?"

"That would be amazing :)"

"Great! I'll pick you up around 7."

"Sounds good. I'll see you then."

"What are you all smiley about?" Mila asks Victoria.

"I just got a date for tomorrow!"

"With Ashton?!"

"Oh my god. I can't wait to see the look on Eliana's face if you guys work out."

"Oh, I know. She'll be pissed, but whatever. She did me so dirty."

"She really did. I don't even follow her on socials, but she'll still pop up. All she's been posting is mushy gushy shit about Austin."

"Ew. I swear, she's probably already saying 'I love you' and it's been like a week."

"Well, she used hashtag 'love my bf' so, I can only assume."

"She's so dumb. They both are. I can't believe how she changed him so quickly. That date we had, he was so humble, kind, down to earth. He didn't strike me as the type of guy to fall for the slutty model type. Now he's letting her bitchyness rub off on him, making him a total asshole."

"Yeah, even in all his interviews for Elvis, he was so much different."

"It's like she's a siren or something and casted a spell on him."

"At this point, it wouldn't surprise me."

The next day

Victoria & Mila make their way to set in the morning for an 8am call time.

"Guys. Its 8 o'clock in the morning. Why must we be sucking face at craft service right now?" Vic asks Austin & Eliana who's making out, as Vic is only trying to get her coffee.

"You're just jealous that I stole your mans." Eliana says.

Victoria rolls her eyes. "I'm not, but whatever. Can y'all just get out of the way though and take this elsewhere? Thanks."

"Mm, no." Eliana responds.

"Cmon baby, let's take this to my trailer." Austin says.

"Okay!"

Austin & Eliana take off to his trailer.

"Ew. I can't believe them." Mila says.

"I know. And I have a kissing scene with him today."

"Double ew."

"For real. Wish me luck."

Victoria got her coffee and went off to her trailer to get changed before going on set.

"Where's Austin?? He was supposed to be on set ten minutes ago!" Anna our director says.

"He's still in his trailer getting ready." Sarah, a producer says.

Anna rolls her eyes, "We need to tell him Eliana isn't allowed on set anymore. She's too distracting."

"Thank God." Victoria thought to herself.

"Maybe we can just have a talk with him to start. If things don't change, then she's gotta go." Sarah says.

"Yeah, you're right. Don't wanna fully take away privileges."

"Fuck." Victoria thought to herself again.

"Hey, sorry I'm late." Austin says running in.

"About time." I say to him.

"We'd both be late if it was you & I in there." he smirked.

"You're disgusting."

"Jealousy, jealousy."

"Okay, Olivia Rodrigo."

"What?"

"Nothing. Just a name of one her songs."

"Alright, places please!" Anna calls out.

Austin & Victoria get into places.

"Annnnd, action!"

Jake walks up behind Allison as she's cooking at the stove.

"I can't believe you're finally all mine." he says.

"I know. It's been a long time coming, hasn't it?" she responds.

"It has."

Jake puts his lips on her neck. She very much enjoys the feeling. He turns her around to give her a passionate kiss.

As Victoria kisses Austin, the memory of her first kiss with him came flooding back, but as soon as she tasted Eliana's favorite cherry vanilla lip balm on his lips, she was immediately brought back to seeing them kiss at the club, & was just absolutely disgusted.

They finished out the scene and Vic immediately wipes at her lips.

"What? Didn't like the kiss?" Austin asks.

"No, I didn't. I could literally taste Eliana on your lips. Disgusting." Victoria replies.

"Now, how do you know what her lips taste like?" Austin asks.

"Because I know she uses the cherry vanilla lip balm 24/7."

"You don't like it? I think it tastes good."

"I used to, but not anymore."

Victoria walked off set and went to her trailer for a costume change to finish up the last of the days work.

By the time the work day was done, Vic & Mila had to rush home so Vic could get ready for her date.

"What are you wearing tonight?" Mila asks as they walk through the apartment door.

"I'm thinking my black mom jeans with that burgundy cropped tube top, with my white sneakers. Of course I'll accessorize with some gold jewelry."

"Are you going somewhere super fancy?"

"No, it's like in between. Not too fancy, not too casual."

"Gotcha. Good thing your hair is already done."

"Right? I just have to touch up my makeup & get changed."

Vic rushed into her bedroom and quickly got ready. There was a knock on the door right at 7 sharp.

"Hi!" Victoria says, answering the door for Ashton.

"Hey! How are you?" he asks.

"Im good. How are you?"

"Im great! Ready to go?"

"Yes, definitely!"

Vic & Ash headed out to the restaurant, and got seated right away as Ashton made a reservation.

"How was work today?" he asked.

Victoria stuck out her tongue in a disgusted matter. "Honestly, so gross."

"How so?"

"Well, started the day with Eli & Austin making out a craft services first thing in the morning, then I had to kiss Austin all day after he'd be making out with her."

"Yeah, that is gross."

"Mhm. I could taste her lip balm on his lips. I couldn't deal."

"That cherry vanilla shit?"

"Yep."

"It was good at first, but it got tiring."

"I bet. She's literally worn it every day since we were five. It's fucking lip smackers."

"They still make that??"

"Apparently."

"Damn. My sister had so many of those."

"I did too. Id always get some whenever we came to America. They didn't have them in New Zealand."

"That's how you & Eliana met right? When her family went on vacation there?"

"Yeah. Then every year, we'd switch off. Every year for like 8 years? Something like that."

"That's crazy. It still just boggles my mind on what happened. And I feel so bad that you go to work everyday with that constant reminder of that just because they're always there."

"I know, and thank you. I really hope one day I won't ever have to see them again. I'm just gonna get through this movie, and when it's coming out I'll do the press and such, but after that, good fucking bye to the both of them."

"They probably won't even be together by the time the movie comes out."

"Probably not."

"Really wish I would have checked out her track record first before getting serious with her."

"Yeaaaah. She really did cheat on every single guy so it's just bound to happen to Austin."

"Honestly, let it. You tried telling him, so."

"Seriously. Oh, and he was late to set today because he was too busy fucking her in his trailer."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It was so annoying. The director and head producer is going to have a talk with him. If they don't see change, they're not going to allow Eliana on set."

"They shouldn't be allowing her at all."

"I know. Tell me about it."

The two placed their order when the waitress stopped by their table, then continued talking.

"How was tour life?" Vic asks him.

"It was great! I'm sad it's over but it is nice being on break now."

"I get that. You really put on an amazing show, Ash."

"Thank you." he smiles. "It means a lot."

"Do you have an idea of when the next album will be out?"

"Hoping for next summer, then tour again in the fall."

"That'd be cool. Release some nice summer jams."

"Exactly. So, I've always wondered, do you like living here or in New Zealand better?"

"Def New Zealand. It's my home, ya know? LA is great, but NZ is where it's at."

"You'll have to take me sometime?"

"Oh, of course. Id love too. It's definitely my favorite place in the whole world. I'm planning on going back after the movie is done. After all this shit that's happened, I've wanted nothing more than to be home & to see my mom."

"I bet. Your dad passed away right?"

"Um, yeah. He did."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Thanks. I'm not too keen on talking about it until I'm really comfortable with someone. I regret telling Austin, but we just bonded over the fact that we both lost a parent at a young age. But that's all down the drain now."

"Well, whenever you are ready, I'm here."

"Thank you, Ash. Really. So many guys would try and pry every little detail out of me about my life."

"I would never. I respect your space."

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

They finished up at the restaurant & made their way outside.

"Hey, wanna hit up Dave & Busters across the street? Play some games? Get some drinks?" Ashton asks.

"Sure, Id love that." Vic smiles.

They head across the street and grab a drink before playing some games.

Of course, they hit up Victoria's favorite, air hockey.

"Will you stop getting goals??" Ashton complained with a chuckle.

"Sorry, can't help it. I've always been good at this game." Vic shrugs her shoulders before knocking the puck in for another point.

Then they moved onto the skeeball.

"This one's your game, huh? Look at those points your racking in." Victoria says to him.

"Usually I don't do this good, but somehow I keep hitting the higher ones."

"All I'm getting are 50s, but that's normal for me."

They make their way around, playing more games and sipping on drinks. Vic is definitely feeling the alcohol.

They find the game where all you do is shoot some basketballs into a hoop.

"Shit, I'm sucking so bad at this." Vic says.

"Here, let me help you."

Ashton gets behind her and places his hands on her arms, helping her aim.

"Alright, try that." he says.

Victoria throws the ball, and finally makes a basket. She looks back at him, smiling. "Thanks."

"No problem."

They stare into each others eyes for a moment before they go in for a kiss.

"That was the best kiss I had all day." Vic says.

"I'm glad. Wanna get out of here?" Ash asks.

"Yeah. Let's."

They make their way to his house.

As soon as they're both inside, they can't manage to keep their hands off each other.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asks.

"Yes, I'm sure."

Ashton & Victoria makeout as they make their way to the bedroom.

They quickly undress themselves before getting onto the bed.

Ashton gets on top. He works his hand on her clit as his lips work on her neck.

"Oh, god. That feels so good." Victoria moans out.

Ashton keeps doing his thing until he makes Vic orgasm. Once she releases herself, Ash works himself inside her now soaking wet center.

His lips are still on his neck as he thrusts into her. Her hands are all up in his hair, tugging at his ends.

It's not long until they both release themselves & go in for round two.

The next morning

Victoria is woken up by her phone being blown up by Mila.

"Hello?" she answers half asleep.

"Um, where are you? We have to be on set in like 20 minutes."

"Oh shit. I'm sorry. I stayed at Ashton's last night. Um, can you just bring me a change of clothes and I'll meet you there?"

"Yeah. Do you just want leggings and a t-shirt?"

"Yeah, and a bra & clean panties."

"Got it. I'll see you soon."

"Thank you, love you."

"Love you too."

Vic hangs up the phone. "Shit."

She quickly gets out of bed.

"Hey, you good?" Ashton asks her as he's still in bed.

"I have to be on set in 20 minutes."

"Oh, fuck. You want me to give you a ride?"

"Please, if you don't mind. Who knows how long Uber will take."

"Of course. Im sorry, I should have taken you home last night."

"It's fine. Don't worry about it."

Vic quickly got dressed in last nights clothes & Ash threw on sweats and a t-shirt before heading off to the studio.

"Hey, thanks for last night. I really had fun." Ashton tells her as he's dropping her off.

"I had fun too." she kissed him before she got out of the car. "Thanks for ride. I'll text you."

"Sounds good."

Victoria rushed to her trailer and quickly got ready, then headed to hair and makeup.

"So, you stayed with Ash last night?" Mila asks her, as they're both getting their  hair done.

"Yeah, I did."

"Did you do it?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Nice."

The girls high five & continue to chat.

Once they were ready, they went out to craft services.

"Hey, uh, is there a Victoria Williams here?" a man, asks, holding a vase of red roses.

"Um, yes. That's me." Vic says.

"These are for you. Have a good day." the man hands her the flowers.

"Thank you."

Victoria reads the note that came with the flowers. "I had a really great time last night. Maybe we can do that again soon? - Love, Ashton xx" she puts the card back in the flowers "Aw, that's so sweet."

"Um, did you just say Ashton??" Eliana asks, as she over heard.

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[safyresky]

Crystal Springs Chapter 23 now on ao3!

Would've been sooner but the uh. Season 2 premier broke my brain a bit? (Derogatory). I am still recovering. Both from that AND a lack of sleep thanks to a REALLY GOOD CRITICAL ROLE EPISODE. (looks at tsc series: I have hobbies outside of you)

Anyway, catch Chapter 23: Fae Brand HERE on ao3 (and here on ff dot net I suppose)

Chapter 23: Fae Brand

Heartfelt goodbyes are had at Frost Manor as Jack and Jacqueline head back to the North Pole to try to fix the Dome once and for all.

And a little sneak preview for you all (that was very hard to pick tbh)

"We're gonna be okay," she said. "Uh, duh," Jack nudged her gently. "We're Jack Frost! And there is not a force in this world that can keep us down for long," he shouted, tossing his apple core behind him. "They can try, but they'll be in for a nasty surprise soon enough," he finished with a smirk. Jacqueline laughed, swaying gently into his arm. "Thanks, Jack." "Any time," he replied, swaying back harder. She narrowed her eyes, swaying back just as hard. Jack raised an eyebrow, swaying back into her even harder. "You are fighting a losing battle, brother of mine," Jacqueline threatened, swaying back hard enough to nearly knock Jack sideways. "Am I?" he replied, swaying back hard enough that Jacqueline nearly toppled over. "Yeah! You really are!" And with a feral grin, she leaned back, palms out, and pushed him right into the pond. Jacqueline cackled, absolutely delighted when Jack belly flopped with a splash, the fish darting away from him. Her laughter echoed around them, bouncing between the rocky walls and up into the sky above them. "I win!" she said gleefully as Jack righted himself. The water wasn't deep at all; it sat just at his hips. He glanced up at Jacqueline, ready to retaliate with a splash, only to find her back on the ground, laughing. The thought of something much better than a splash occurred to him, then. Smirking, Jack carefully waded towards the bank, trying not to disturb the water too much. Crouching as he got closer, he carefully, carefully, reached out and grabbed Jacqueline's ankle. Before she could even fully shoot up and gasp, Jack pulled her in. "AH!" she screamed, as, with a strength they both didn't realize he possessed, she slid right into the water. She almost caught herself! Almost! Her bare feet touched the rocky ground ever so briefly before she lost her balance entirely, and fell over with her own splash, the rest of her scream lost in a stream of bubbles. "HA!" Jack shouted, pointing at her as she sprung up out of the water, steadying herself messily, arms sticking out widely. Jack laughed; she looked like a startled cat! Her hair was poofed up like a cat's tail and everything!

Hashtag siblings or whatever.

We've also got BLINTER INNUENDOS ft JACK GETTING EMBARRASSED! Fun sibling times!! TRAUMA for Lucy and Curtis and everyone up North! BUD'S HERE AND HE IS BUD-ING IT UP! (He's fun to write lmao)

All that and MORE in Crystal Springs Chapter 23: Fae Brand, right HERE on ao3 and HERE on fanfic dot net :D

Wanna start from the top? You can read the Prologue: An Encounter right HERE on ao3 and THERE on fanfic dot net.

Sounds fun, tumblr user safyresky! but what's it even about?

You can find that out with the STORY SUMMARY below the CUT :D

It's been almost a year since Jack Frost thawed and things are looking...well, not so great. Jack's powers are seemingly gone. Without them, the Dome that keeps the North Pole safe from the cold and its magic controlled is melting, putting everything and everyone magical at risk. Unable to hide his power shortage any longer, Jack is forced to admit the truth. Thankfully, there is a solution: enacting the Legate Law, bringing Jack and the sister that he hurt so many centuries ago back together again. But when Jacqueline starts experiencing destructive blackouts, the pair are forced to head back home to Crystal Springs, bringing Jack face to face with the rest of the family. Needless to say, between getting his powers back, helping his sister figure out what in the FROST those blackouts even were, reconciling with his parents, meeting the two even younger siblings he didn't even KNOW he had, NOT TO MENTION the ancient threat that's had it out for the ENTIRE Frost family finally making a move? Saving Christmas (regrettably) is looking to be a little bit...complicated.

[bonesandthebees]

Ider if i told u but i got my wisdom teeth removed today and that shit was the worst experience of my life ohmygod

The actual procedure went okay, though like i took an anti anxiety med that was supposed to knock me out but i was Fully Conscious LMFAO AND SO I ASKED THEM TO GIVE ME THE OTHER ONE BUT THEY WERE LIKE "naur bro ur fine" BC I WSNT FREAKING OUT A TON DJFKGKF WHICH I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR (tho it turned out to be a good thing bc those meds ended up making me . Hashtag emetophobia tw ifykwim)

BUT YEAH THE RECOVERY PROCESS WAS SHITTTT THEY TOLD ME I COULD TAKE OUT THE GAUZE IN 2 HRS AND SLEEP BC I WAS VERY TIRED BUT NOOOO IT WOUKDNT HEALLL FOR A WHOLE SIX ASS HOURS

Ahem sorry for yelling i was just very . Upset bc i wanted to sleep or even just drink fucking water man

BUT I DIDDD EVENTUALLY I DIDD WE REJOICEEE i think there was still a little bit of blood but i couldnt taste it anymore and i was really thirsty so shfkfkf and food (literally just broth lmao) made me feel a lot better so that's good

But yeah . -1100000 experience i would literally never recommend it (unless u have to, also from who I've talked to almost everyone else has had a better experience than me so if u are scared, do not worry king it won't be that bad. And even if it is like me, im here!! And alive!! And the nausea wasnt that bad, it kinda just came and went. Much better than migraines bro fr, migraines suck BALLS)

Like everyone kept telling me to watch a movie but that was stressing me out so what i ended up doing wss putting on a podfic (passerine podcast on yt woot woot, i listened to change fate by sircantus) and man it's actually wild how much it helped me. It helped calm my anxiety AND distract me from the pain. Once i did that existing felt less like suffering and more like an annoyance ahahah

OUGH I DIDNT EVEN GET ANY SILLY GOOFY MOMENTS EITHER BC I WASNT LOOPY AT ALL JUST TIRED DHFJFK

Anyways ty for letting me get that out of my system LMAOO

oh man this sounds literally horrible I'm so sorry icy 😭 that sucks that you weren't able to knock out even a little bit but at least the procedure itself wasn't horrible

god that sounds terrible though just sitting there for 6 hours waiting to be able to take the gauze out. that's so strange that it took so long. but at least you were able to listen to passerine podcast that's nice!!

everyone I know whose gotten their wisdom teeth removed had a better experience than this I am so sorry you got so unlucky.

I'm very grateful that I'm never gonna have to get my wisdom teeth removed. I had soooo much horribly painful dental work done to my mouth throughout my entire teen years that I now genuinely get bad anxiety anytime I'm in a dentist office even if I'm not there for myself, I straight up was getting anxious when I took my grandma there for a cleaning the other day 😭 and I keep putting off a recommended (minor) procedure bc of this anxiety it's badddd

I hope you're feeling better now though!!

[tommymaddox]

"What am I suppose to do? Send a little text 'bruised and abused but today is hashtag good vibes?'" he puts on a mocking tone, clearly not going to do such a thing. "When I need someone I will surely let you know but I am fine. Nothing is broken. You're making this into something it isn't." If she hadn't seen him she wouldn't have known, and if she had it would be days after the event with part of his injuries healed.

Tommy scowls at being directed from talking to his niece. "I was trying to act normal around her, you know, to not worry when she sees this," he waves his hand at his face. He'd done farely well over the last two years to keep his mess out of Rosalyn's awareness, or at least thought he had. She doesn't need to know what her uncle is like away from playing tea party and giving her plenty of hugs.

Both of the adults were all too aware of the toddler and dog combination going out outside of their reach. Even as they bicker their gazes were turning to check, to monitor, and they were each playing parent in that moment. He watches Rue snick at the tiny fingers out stretched to her, unsure about the fun-sized human before her. With hesitantion in her eyes she touches her wet nose to Rosalyn's out stretched hand, followed it with a lick, then bounced back a few steps just in case.

"God, why do you think I care what the whole town does or doesn't know?" he hisses, hating that it was something he or anyone had to think about. The reputation that follows them around felt like a prison sentence. Before he can say anything more she's off on her lecture, telling him off and assuming nothing had changed with him. It stirred acid in his stomach, rage in his spine. Tommy had worked hard to be where he was right now. It might not be some perfect soberity where he got along with everyone and solved all the problems in the world, but it certainly wasn't losing weeks at a time on a bender where his friends felt more like life support getting him home in one piece. He should have been sent somewhere for help, instead his parents just tried to hide the problems rather than solve him. It took him years to find reason to get his own help, to pull himself out of the pit he'd been so ready to be burried in. To find himself not in what people thought of him but what he thought of himself. He was still going to have bad days though, he didn't have everything worked out, sometimes he felt like nothing was going right, but he wasn't losing himself to that feeling. Not when Cordelia gave him a reason to keep trying. He'd shown up every time she needed him, more than that, and yet he felt like she would never see that person without who he was before.

Before he knows it Cordelia is crying in front of him. He doesn't get a moment to yell back, to defend himself further, before he's once again lost any chance of controlling his day. "Will you shut up, what is going on with you?" he asks, bewildered, as he reaches for her. She's tiny next to him, easy to wrap his arms around her and hold on until she gives into him. He wants to ask if it's a hormonal thing but he remembers items being thrown the last time he asked a woman that. Something must have happened for her to be this sensitive, and as much as he wants to yell at her right now for being a pest he wasn't sure he could do that. Her crying face was too heart breaking to be harsh to. "Stop being an idiot, I'm not going anywhere, okay? Stop thinking of the worst case scenario. If you start on this you'll be telling me I can't drive next because accidents happen. You're going to pop a vein or something. Have some faith in crying out loud. I'm here, I'm fine, relax." @cordeliaeli

There was no doubt in her mind that Tommy was regretting not checking to see who was at the door. Given she had a tendency to go into mothering mode when she worried about him. This gave her those feelings of when he drank, and really drank to the point he didn't know what he was doing. "Bruises all over half of your body isn't nothing, and the fact that you wouldn't have told me if I didn't show up here, says all the more." An almost snap to her tone, a mix of her emotions bubbling over from Cage and finding her brother hurt and injured from who knew what.

"Don't try to change the subject by talking to Ros." she said, trying to get his attention again. Of course he covered himself up so that it was an attempt for Cordelia to not freak out as much, but that was too little too late. "Be gentle with her." Cordelia turned her head now that Rosalyn was all excited to see the dog that had been making all the noise. "Gentle, she doesn't know you, Ros." The little girl attempting to pat the dog with her hand as gently as possible.

Eyes narrowing, "Why the hell are you getting into fights, as if the whole town won't know about it, you just came home Thomas." Throwing her hands up, "Do you realize getting so drunk that you're fighting, isn't okay, right? It's not like it's used to be? Because it sounds like it used to be, drinking, fighting, what if something had happened to you? Do you realize how selfish that is?" She was lecturing now. "One wrong hit, Tommy, that's all it takes, one wrong hit somehow and something happens to you." Her throat choking up as her mind reels through one thing going wrong and losing her brother. It already felt like a spiral towards losing Cage, but now on top of it her brother. It was when the ground from under her felt like it began to crack and her eyes welled with tears, her emotions from everything seeping towards the top and bubbling over until hot tears slipped down her cheeks, a mix of anger and upset as she angrily turned away from her brother, she hated crying in front of him. @tommybrowning

[thatblackravenclaw]

Dead...

Masterlist

part one

author note: okay, so I have bio work due, but I decided to do a part two instead. I really wasn't going to, but here we are. This will indeed be the last part.

Fez x reader

word count: 1.1k

TRIGGER WARNING: ATTEMPT AT ENDING THE SUBSCRIPTION CALLED LIFE. READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

warning(s): suicide attempt, angst, cursing, drug abuse, sadness, reader doesn't have the ability to take things seriously (hashtag relatable am I right?), a happy ending I promise, sort of rushed ending (sorry 💙)

-.-.-.-.-

I’m pretty sure this isn’t what death is supposed to be like. Isn’t there supposed to be a garden or some shit? Why is it pitch black? And beeping?

“I’m not sure if you can hear me. The doctor’s said that some coma patients can hear, so hopefully you can hear me. I just want to know why. Why did you take so many? Why didn’t you just talk to me? Why won’t you wake up?”

You’re shitting me. I’m in a coma? I can’t even unalive myself properly. It should’ve worked. I don’t understand. Wait, why is Fez here?

“Just please wake up.”

He says before I feel myself drift back off.

-.-.-.-.-

I woke up a few hours later to the harsh bright light. My body seems pretty stiff, so I try to look around as best as I can.

I’m in a hospital bed. The blinds are closed, but I can tell it’s dark outside, making the lights seem even brighter. There’s a balloon bouquet floating above me with my favorite colors. My grandmother is in a chair in the far corner asleep.

I take a deep breath and try to gather my thoughts when I feel a weight in my hand. I look over and see a hand in mine. I move my eyes up their arm and to the person’s face and realize it’s Ash. He’s asleep but the tear streaks are dried on his face. My heart clenches seeing him like this.

I muster up all of my energy and squeeze his hand. When he doesn’t move I try again, and he finally begins to stir. I see his eyes open, and he looks at me.

“y/n. oh my go- y/n.” He squeezes my hand back before he jumps up and goes outside the room door.

He comes back a minute later with Fez. Fez runs over towards me and holds my hand.

“Fuck, you’re okay. Thank God you’re okay. Do you need anything? Are you thirsty?”

He continued asking me a plethora of questions before I squeezed his hand. When he stopped talking I opened my mouth to talk, but all I was able to offer was a hoarse “Up”. I guess he understood what I meant because he put his arm beside me and helped me sit up.

I made a drinking motion with my hand, and I saw Ash hurry and give me a cup of water. After I slowly drank about half of the cup we sat in silence. I don’t really do the awkward silence thing, so I decided to speak.

“So… What happened?” I say trying to lighten the mood a bit. It doesn’t really work since Ash’s face contorts from worried to anger.

“You try to kill yourself and you want to know what happened?” I don’t get a chance to respond before he storms out. It’s probably best to let him cool off. Not like I can move far anyway.

“I’m sorry.” I hear Fez say.

“What are you sorry for? Last time I checked I’m the one who tried to end my life subscription.”

“Could you be serious for one fucking second y/n? Fuck, you almost died!” I hear the quiver in his voice and feel the clench in my heart again. “Why did you do it?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“No, it does, because one of the most important people in my life felt like they shouldn’t be here anymore, so yes the fuck it does matter.”

For the first time in a while I was speechless. He’s never talked to me like this before. I’m not sure what to tell him. I can’t tell him it’s because I was in love with him and realized since he had Lexi I felt like my services were no longer needed.

I don’t end up saying anything and he just sighs, and we go back to silence. I make the mistake of looking at him and see him trying to hold back tears. I decide to scoot over in the tiny bed and pat the spot next to me.

He carefully gets in and wraps his arm around me. I lay my head on him before I decide to answer his question.

“I didn’t feel needed. You and Ash seemed content with Lexi, Rue’s been getting clean, so I didn’t want to bring her into my depression, and my grandmother is never home. I felt like it was time for me to move on.”

He doesn’t respond straight away, but he does hold me tighter.

“I’m the one who found you. Ash got really worried and said that we should stop by your house. No one answered the door, so I ended up breaking the door. I told grandma I’d replace it as soon as I can. Ash and I yelled your name, but it was just silent.”

“ I went to your bedroom and saw your bed was unmade but still no you. I go to your bathroom and saw you on the floor. Your body was lifeless. I saw the empty bill bottle of Xanax and rushed to make you throw up.”

“Once you did, you were still out of it, so I took you to the car and Ash drove us to the hospital. You were in a coma for about 5 hours and now we’re here.”

I just started crying. I was spluttering apologies and crying hysterically. I don’t know what I thought was gonna happen when I took the pills, but I never though Ash and Fez would be the ones to find me.

“You don’t have to say anything right now, but I just want to let you know that you are loved. I’m so sorry for not being here these past few weeks for you. I should’ve noticed that it had gotten bad again. I was so caught up with Lexi. I was giving her advice on her play, and she was giving me advice on you.”

“Advice on me?”

“I was going to ask you out. Guess I’ll have to do it later.”

“No, no, you can do it now.”

He laughs a bit and then asked me if we could go on a date when I got better. Of course I said yes.

-.-.-.-.-

Ash didn’t forgive me quickly. Not by a long shot. It took hours of begging and apologizing before he forgave me. I decided to give him 24 hours of my undivided attention which he quickly regretted because he remembered how annoying I am. He loves me though. Apparently, so does Fez, and not in just a friend way.

taglist: @storytellingwitht @harlowslefttoe @xaestheticalien

[sunjaesol]

you got me fucked up in the head, boy

juke | human!au | medley of "sour" by olivia rodrigo

/////////////////////////

"I shouldn't call him," Julie decided.

Flynn looked up from her phone, doubtful that Julie's statement held any merit, and shrugged.

"If you want to call him-"

"You're supposed to congratulate me for my hashtag girl power."

"-then you should," she went on unperturbed. "You were with him for three years. You're allowed to ask how he's doing."

Her lips rolled in, frustrated. It wasn't that easy. If broken relationships were that easy to traverse, no one would write a billion songs about it - including her. Luke and her had history, fragmented moments of love and heartache mixed together to the point that she sometimes doubted herself. What did she craft herself - that stupidly imaginative brain of hers - and what was real?

Regardless, calling Luke was scary.

Everything started to spiral with one simple, Pitchfork article. Sunset Curve touring all festivals of the West Coast - the band to watch?

She knew the band had been doing well (without her), but she hadn't realised the big leagues were beckoning them on the stage. It was amazing, it really was, but it stung. Was she allowed to be jealous, to compare her career to theirs?

Her music was less marketable - a known fact after numerous articles calling it acquired taste - but now it felt like they were leaps ahead of her. It fucking stung.

Most of all, she just wanted to tell him she was proud. That at the end of the day, they were all artists and wished each other the best. That he deserved it. Because he did.

(Did he? When she was the one that launched the band into the public eye? God, she sounded bitter.)

"I shouldn't call him," she repeated.

Flynn sighed, rolling over on the bed to face her. "I think you should."

"Why?"

"'Cause you're clearly gutted about it," she muttered, an apologetic smile framing her lips. "Just call him, Julie. I'm sure he'll get it."

Julie laughed bitterly. "Yes. Because our relationship ended so amicable. Definitely not with paranoia and tears and-"

"Alright," she cut her off, tapping on her phone and then throwing the device in her hands. "It's ringing. Be ready."

The girl gasped at the sight of Luke's name and picture glimmering on Flynn's screen, heartbeat racing to an unhealthy speed while nausea rose.

She wasn't ready. She shouldn't call him. But knowing him-

"Flynn?"

-he always picked up.

She held her breath. It was foreign hearing his voice again. The same as three months ago, though somehow entirely different at the same time. Maybe because their was no mirth in his tone, no gleam in his eye. She heard it all - it was just confusion.

"Hey, Luke," she said.

It was quiet for a moment. Flynn stared at her with wide eyes, as if realising the weight of the situation. Julie wanted to chuck the phone out hre window.

"Julie?" It sounded accusatory. Fuck. "Why're you calling me from Flynn's phone?"

Oh, fuck. This was such a big mistake. Thoughts and shreds of sentences floated around her brain, none able to be plucked and spoken.

Her voice trembled. "I, uh, I wanted to ask how you are?"

"Why?"

It was cold. Somehow, she struck a nerve with a normal question like that. Her eyes shut, wondering if this was even happening at all and why he had so much power over her, still. They were broken up. They were on equal footing. It shouldn't feel like this.

"Because I saw the article," she pushed through. "That's why."

That seemed to mellow him down a bit. It felt like a tug of war, going back and forth with sickly twisted plays of power. One phone call, an entire coup d'état.

"Oh." A pressured pause. "Yeah, I'm good. It's crazy. Thanks." And then- "How are you?"

A smile mustered itself on her lips. Him just asking that… it felt nice. She wished her heart wasn't so malleable.

"I'm doing good as well," she said, unsure how truthful that was. "Thanks."

And then he made the big swing. "I'm seeing someone new."

It happened automatically, the way the phone retracted from her ear to put in on speaker. She wouldn't have the strength to recount whatever he'd say next to Flynn.

She kept the phone close though. "You are?"

Her tone had gone up an octave, sugary sweet, too fake that he couldn't have missed it.

He didn't comment on it. "Yeah. Just thought you should know."

Flynn scowled, sticking her finger in her throat

Asshole. "Good for you," Julie smiled. "Are you happy?"

The question was dubious. Are you happy you broke my heart into a million pieces? Are you happy with your new girl? (Does she know how much I've shaped you? That I taught you all those sappy songs on the guitar?)

Or maybe Julie was too emotional. Too much of everything. Too gready to be whatever he wanted her to be.

God, how did it end so wrong? It started so beautifully. They worked so well together. How could they have gone from origami stars - attached and idealistic and lovesick - to a simple rip in the delicate paper, for her to be discarded?

Did she even want to know if he was happy?

"I am," he whispered. He was smart enough to sound remorseful. "She's great."

Julie sighed and nodded. "And-" And did you tell her she was the one too? That your love is eternal? "And…"

"I kinda have to go, Julie," he cut off. Always the last fucking word. "Nice to talk to you again, yeah?"

"Yeah," she exhaled. Taking him off speaker, she held it close to her ear again and listened to his breath for a beat. "Congratulations, again."

"Thanks." A smile in his voice. "Take care."

"You too."

"Bye."

She hung up. He should know what that felt like for once.

And then the jealousy snuck in. Fuck. A new girl. A new girl giving him butterflies - prettier, softer, happier, more collected, less fucked in the head. She probably had both her parents. She probably had a perfect body. She was probably secretly everything Julie wanted to be.

(Comparison would kill her one day.)

Cautiously, Flynn took her phone and pocketed it. "I'm sorry."

"You're right. I should've called him." She sat down. "Now I remember why we're not together anymore."

A familiar hand caressed her arm. "Are you okay?"

Her head shook. "No… I guess that's… part of it. I feel regret and shame and… I feel like he ruined me." Her body tensed up, angered. "How can he move on so quickly?"

Flynn's lips pursed, though the words were clear as day in her eyes. That maybe, their relationship had been bad for longer than Julie thought. She couldn't assume, but if Luke openly told her about his new girl… then maybe…

"You'll be okay again, Jules," her friend soothed. "Some day."

She huffed. "Is it bad that I still care?"

"No. I bet he still cares too."

Julie burrowed her head in a pillow, agitated by her own overwhelming thoughts and emotions, wishing she knew the full story, that she didn't feel like a fool, that she didn't have so many regrets, that he thought it through before he swept her up in the romance of a lifetime.

Julie was barely twenty. It shouldn't be like this.

She wished he thought it through before she fell in love with him.

/////////////////////////////////////

@blush-and-books @bluefirewrites @willexx @unsaid-emily @pink-flame @constantly-singing @ourstarscollided

[fritae]

The Missing Piece - Ch 10

Worries 🌸

gang! au / ceo! au

characters: dabi x f. oc, lov

status: ongoing

read on ao3 here.

I spend hours turning in bed, replaying Dabi's words to me earlier.

He cares about me.

Right?

That's the only way I could interpret what happened. He got angry on my behalf, even though he didn't look it.

My cheeks redden as I recall how warm he was to hold, despite most certainly being the most awkward hugger I've ever met. I wrap my arms around myself, trying to remember what it was like.

It wasn't a short hug...but I wish it was longer.

Snap out of it, I tell myself with a groan.

I'm so touch starved I can't believe a hug from Dabi would make me feel this way.

I jolt in bed when I hear the front door open.

"Aliyah?"

Within moments, my suite mate bursts into my room, jumping onto my bed.

"Who is he?!" She screams with glee. "That's your boss?!"

My heart paced with excitement. "Yeah. Nice, right?"

"Nice?!" She jumps up again. "He's so hot - but something about him -"

She suddenly stops.

"What?" I ask her cautiously.

But after a few moments of consideration, she shrugs. "I don't know, forget it. I feel like I've seen him before."

I shrug. "Might have run into him at a corporate event or something? The company may not be all that but Dabi looks like he's been around."

She nods. "You're right, that's probably it. And oh my god," Her voice picks up, that excitement creeping in again. "Mr. Lane's face! He's so pissed you don't even know, oh my god, he's probably still fuming! He didn't even last for the whole dinner, he called his new secretary and told her to run a background check on Mr. Dabi and the company."

"He's a psycho," I laughed. But then a troubling thought occurred to me. "But he wouldn't do anything to the company, would he?"

Aliyah shrugs. "Beats me. You can never tell with Mr. Lane."

I shake the thought out of my head. Choosing to focus on the good (and the fact that Aliyah is here early for once!), I eagerly share what life has been like for me at the Blaze. I leave out certain details of course, especially those conferencing Dabi and company intel, but I'm overjoyed by Al's interest.

And when we finally say goodnight, hours after we were supposed to, I lay in bed again - already thinking of tomorrow.

- --

"Dabi won't be in today," Tenko tells me in the morning.

I pout.

"Why not?"

He shrugs. "He told me and Jin to put a pause on new intake for the next few days so I don't think there's much to do, either. Honestly, if you want to go home from now, you probably can."

He didn't ask for any updates or give me instructions this morning either. I thought maybe he was waiting for me to come in to let me know what we'd be doing today.

He said he'd see me tomorrow, I remember. I try not to feel disheartened. He's a CEO, after all.

It's just...I was looking forward to seeing him today.

"You gonna go?" Tenko snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Oh," I say apologetically. "Nah, I'm used to being here all day. I'll try to make myself useful somehow."

I leave him and head for Dabi's office and go through his correspondence, rescheduling any meetings he would have had today or tomorrow for later in the week. If he isn't in the office today, he'll likely want to be briefed whenever he comes in. He won't be in the mood for a meeting.

Hours and hours pass as I spend my time overlooking the company employees and making a record of potential clients.

After I finish a few late night phone calls for Dabi and make notes of the most urgent things he should know when he comes in tomirrow, I decide to go find the others.

But when I walk into the lounge, the only ones I find are Atushiro and Toga. They're huddled together on the couch, talking in hushed tones.

It is pretty late at night. Perhaps they went home already.

"Hey guys," I say with a smile, carrying a few sodas with me. Immediately, they sit back and put some distance between them.

"Hey," Toga says. They accept the sodas with a smile.

"What've you been up to?" I ask them. I pop open my can. "It feels like there isn't much to do today."

"Why do you sound upset about that?" Atsuhiro comments with a laugh.

I get flustered at that. "I know, I know. I'm a workaholic. I don't know what to do with my life outside of work."

"Go home!" Toga says with a groan. "You've done more than enough today! Dabi specifically didn't give us work and you're over here doing extra."

I groan. "I don't want to go home though, what would I do?"

They both laugh. "Normal people things! Watch a show, paint your nails, order Chinese - you know, hashtag self care or whatever."

I roll my eyes, stalling for time. I don't know why, I just don't feel like going home just yet.

I put my phone down and lay back on the couch.

"Maybe I'll just stay here."

"Go home!" They shout.

I laugh and put my legs down.

"How come you guys aren't going home?"

The two of them share a look.

"We have things to take care of later tonight." Atsuhiro says.

That makes me sit up. "Ooh what kind of things? For Dabi?"

He nods.

I feel a pang in my chest. Why did he give them something to do and not me?

But they've been here longer, I try to reason with myself. They're friends and partners. He's known them for years. If anything urgent comes up, of course they'd be the ones he reaches out to.

I think quickly. "Is he coming in later or something?"

Toga hits me. "No, he isn't. Are you trying to find an excuse to do more work?"

I shake my head with a laugh, but I secretly feel...disappointed. It's not that I want more work, I just...was hoping to see him. Work just happens to be the only way I can do so.

Of course he isn't coming in later, though. It's already 10pm. Most of the company clocked out hours ago. And he undoubtedly has things to do if he hasn't come in.

He didn't even have time to respond to my text.

"Okay," I sigh in defeat. The two high five each other, and I pout as they lead me downstairs.

"I'll be back tomorrow," I tell them quickly as I leave. "If you guys need anything at all, just shoot me a text!"

"We'll be good, don't worry about us!" They wave.

I shove my hands in my pockets and make my way to the bus stop.

They'd text me, right?

But something dawns on me just before I get to the bus.

I freeze, my fingers digging around.

But there's nothing.

I pat all around me and check my purse for good measure.

"Shit, I forgot my phone!

I quickly run back to the Blaze.

---

I enter the marble doors again, only for some reason there's something different in the air.

As I make my way upstairs, I hear a murmur of activity. There's a frown on my face as I try to figure out what is going on.

I head up to the lounge, but this time it is empty and the lights are all off.

The only sounds come from Dabi's office at the end of the hall.

Is something wrong? I wonder with a frown.

I make my way to his office, my heart pounding in place.

With a single knock, I turn the knob. And my heart falls as I lock eyes with Dabi sitting behind his desk.

Dabi immediately sighs, rubbing his eyes in exhaustion. "Shit."

"What's going on here?" I ask.

Standing around him are Tenko, Jin, Toga and Atsuhiro, the last two staring back at me with wide eyes.

No one answers me.

I look from one face to another.

Eventually Dabi looks up at Jin, an unforgiving glare in his eyes. "What the fuck happened to she left?"

Jin shrinks under his gaze. "That's what Toga told me!"

I feel my heart fall. Was he avoiding me?

"Do...you not want me around?" I swallow.

I don't look at him as I ask, afraid of what I might find in his face. So he was. I glance around, hooking my purse on my shoulder and turn around. "Sorry, I just came back because I forgot my phone. I'll- I'll go-"

Dabi pushes his chair back. "Rina, wait-"

But when I look back at him, I gasp.

My hand unconsciously covers my gaping mouth.

"Dabi, you're- you're..."

He's bleeding.

Not a drop or two this time.

But a circle of red adorns his lower left side. He holds a now equally red rag to the area to stop the flow. I look at him in horror but he turns his face away from me.

"Fuck," I hear him mutter through gritted teeth.

"Dabi, what's-" I feel my eyes water.

I immediately run up behind his desk, my hand clutching the one he holds to his wound.

"What's wrong? You're gonna be okay, right? What do I do- we need to take you to a hospital - Toga, help me! You're gonna be okay Dabi, I'm here."

Toga shuffles forward but Dabi glares at her. "I'm not going to a fucking hospital, I'll be fine." I feel bad for the way he yells at her. After all, it was my suggestion. "I just need to stop the bleeding."

I turn back to look at the others, but the lack of shock on their faces stuns me.

"Did you guys know about this?"

Atsuhiro runs his neck and avoids my gaze too. Suddenly the frequent questions about when I'd go home made sense.

"I see." My voice cracking. "Is that why you guys were waiting for me to leave?"

"Well, that NNTV douchebag-"

"Toga!" Dabi growls.

I turn to Dabi, my blood turning to ice. "Does this have something to do with Mr. Lane?"

He ignores me. "Take everyone and leave." He tells Toga. When they don't move immediately, Dabi snaps. "Now."

The team scrambles out the room. If it weren't the circumstance, I'd laugh when Jin stumbled. But as soon as we're alone, I turn back to him and clutch the lapels of his jacket.

"Don't lie to me," I say. "Please Dabi."

The man groans and sits back on his chair, as if there wasn't blood dripping out of his side. I pull up a seat and sit next to him, my hand closing in on his, holding the rag in place.

"We're gonna have issues with Lane," Dabi mutters. "I uh, went to see him today. But...it's like he was expecting me."

"Why would he be expecting you?" My mouth drops. "You mean to tell me Mr. Lane did this to you?"

Dabi sighs.

When he takes to long to reply, I press the rag harder.

"Hey!" He grimaces. "Okay, okay. You know how I told you I have business to take care of on the side?"

"Yes."

"Well. I think he found out a couple things."

I lean in closer. "My friend told me about that! She said he ordered a background check on you, he wanted to know everything."

Dabi shrugs. "Yeah well, if he knows who I am, then he doesn't just have everyday knowledge. He probably deals with shady shit too."

Too?

My heart pounds in fear.

"And who the hell told you to go pay him a visit!" I hit his arm. Dabi immediately groans and I recoil. I cautiously touch his arm. "Sorry."

He shakes his head.

I motion for him to go on as I find a little bowl of water under his desk.

As he talks, I absentmindedly take the rag and rinse it into the bowl. He probably intended to do that himself had I not come in. I squeeze the blood out and just as I am about to press it against his skin, I wince at the sight. The blood was dripping out slowly, meaning the wound wasn't too deep. But that's clearly a stab wound. Dabi got close enough to someone that they were able to pull a knife on him.

What if it had been worse? What if I had lost him today?

"Dabi," I interrupt him. He looks down at me, the blue in his eyes could be green in this light. I softly brush my thumb against the wound. His eyes darken in response, and I feel my heart ache at the way he grabs my hand. "Stop."

"Who told you to go to him, you idiot," I punch his arm again. "What the hell were you thinking."

He grips both my hands now. "I had to send a message."

"What kind of stupid message was worth this?"

"Now he knows not to mess with my people." Dabi replies. My eyes go wide.

I'm part of his people.

The thought brings a blush to my cheeks and I get angry at myself. Look where that got him.

If he is like this after hearing one conversation between me and Mr. Lane...

"Besides..."

I wipe my eyes into my elbow.

"He probably won't be taking any more cars for a while now," Dabi smirks. "If that guy of his didn't pop up out of nowhere.."

He leaves that open ended.

Did Dabi really plan on hurting Mr. Lane?

The thought sends a shudder down my spine.

Just who was Dabi.

What did Mr. Lane find?

"Were you going to..." I whisper. "..you know."

Dabi looks completely nonchalant, as if he had gone to leave Mr. Lane flowers or something.

"I was just gonna scare him." He says, and despite everything, it sounds honest. "Sure, he didn't think I'd go that far. But I miscalculated too. Now I gotta fuck him up before he tries to fuck me up."

I swallow. Is this what Dabi meant by information comes with a cost over here?

"I'm sorry Dabi," I tell him, my tears falling over my now bloody hands. "I didn't want you speaking to Mr. Lane and if I-"

"Relax," Dabi cuts me off. "I'm going to make use of that guy. I'm just trying to find the right moment."

I let go of the rag.

"You can't be possibly planning on seeing him again."

Dabi doesn't respond.

The tears start to fall again. "You promised me I wouldn't need to worry about you," I say, my voice getting shakier and shakier. "You said goodbye and see you tomorrow, knowing you were fucking going to Mr. Lane today!"

Dabi looks at the door in alarm, and his eyes narrow. He grabs the hand I'm waving in his face and I could tell his patience was running thin. "Rina, I'm trying here. If you saw what Mr. Lane looks like now you wouldn't be so worried about me. But I'm gonna need you to lower your voice."

I turn my face away from him and wipe the tears from under my eyes. Dabi suddenly gives me a weird look and I glance at my hands.

Fuck.

I grab a napkin and rub the blood off my face until I can wash it off later.

He watches me cautiously. I don't meet his eyes as I take the rag off to rinse it again.

"Stop moving," I mutter, lightly dabbing his skin with the wet cloth.

Dabi hisses.

"Sorry. Does it hurt?"

Dabi groans. "I can take care of myself, you know."

"Just...shut up. Stop moving so much."

Dabi grows silent.

For the next half hour, I continue my ministrations, avoiding his gaze. I know having me so close to him makes him slightly uncomfortable. But I don't care.

"Take off your shirt," I tell him once the bleeding seems to stop. "I'll try to wrap it up."

"No."

I look at him, my eyes ever more hurt.

"No," He repeats, his voice more stern. "I'll do it myself later."

Without thinking, I lean against him and close my arms around his torso.

"I know you keep saying not to worry but what am I supposed to do when you walk in looking like this?" I whisper against his chest.

He looks up at the ceiling, trying to hold his breath.

"You've gotta stop doing that, princess."

My heart beats faster.

"Or what?" I challenge him, hugging him tighter.

He glances at my lips ever so briefly and looks away.

"You'll fuck me up."

I ignore him and hug him anyway, not caring about the stains that undoubtedly cover my shirt now.

I don't know long we stay that way.

Dabi doesn't hug me back this time...but he doesn't move away either.

I wish I could know what he was thinking. What he means by Mr. Lane knowing who he is, and what uses he may have for him. What he did to him today and how he was able to slip free.

But every day, I discover that more and more secrets exist between us.

[mrsgreenworld]

Son Yaz Episode 24

"Sen Kimsin?" ("Who Are You?") aka No One Is Okay

This season the show is definitely different from the Son Yaz we saw in season 1. It's darker, heavier and understandably so. But it hasn't changed beyond all recognition, turning into something entirely different. At least it hasn't for me. But the lightness is sure gone. And the last episode was especially hard for some reason. Maybe because no one was okay and I also wasn't. Ironically, even the episode's hashtag was "iyi değilim" (I'm not okay). It was almost like there was some impending doom hanging in the air. And now I know I wasn't feeling like that for nothing, given the recent news. I don't think I will be able to keep the weight of it from influencing this review. But I will try. Let's get down to it.

Selim

Surprisingly, this time Selim is the first I want to talk about. Maybe because out of all the characters he's the one who's the least okay. And I don't mean his emotional state. He's never been okay as a character. I think it's because (and I've said that before) he's not a good man. That's why episode 24 was just a compilation of scenes with different characters where he was not doing okay. At the beginning of the episode, when he arrived at the hospital with Emel, Selim once again was riding his high horse, demanding something from Naz when he should've just kept his mouth shut. Emel's behaviour was understandable and could be justified because she's Naz's mother but it wasn't Selim's place to say anything to Naz.

Then there were scenes with Akgün, where Selim was unfair and callous. In their car scene he even had the audacity to threaten Akgün by saying that if something happened to Naz, he (Selim) would hold Akgün accountable.

It may seem that little progress was made with Yağmur. First there was a scene where Selim noticed a cut on Yağmur's hand. It could be interpreted as a sign of love and care. Sure that's what Yağmur saw and latched on to it. She'd take anything from Selim, the smallest bit of attention, thrown her way like a crumb. But that's all it was - a crumb. Call it my personal interpretation but for me there was no love or warmth in that scene. It was just Selim being observant. He's a natural prosecutor and has eye for detail, he notices small things. So he noticed that cut and then immediately brushed it off. He didn't try to tend to Yağmur's hand or even offer to do so. Nope, nothing. Nada. Zilch. He just forgot about it immediately and moved on to the interrogation part that had nothing to do with him actually being curious about Yağmur's life, Selim just needed to get the information on Sare.

Then there was a scene in front of Yağmur's house that ended with Selim initiating a hug. It would've been a nice moment if it hadn't followed yet another one of Selim's interrogations and lectures. Only this time about Akgün. The way Selim spoke about Akgün just left we fuming. Cause it sounded like he was talking about some low-life criminal, dishonest and truly bad guy. Selim is supposed to know Akgün and Akgün's heart. I understand that Selim was trying to protect Yağmur in his own way but it could've been done without degrading Akgün.

When Sare was talking to the guy from prison that Akgün had stabbed, Selim's behaviour was grating on my nerves, just like in the previous episode. Him yelling and moaning just didn't make any sense and made him look like a whiny child. Of course they had to make Sare's attempts at getting the information ineffective so that Selim could go and lock himself in the room and put the fear of god into the guy until he talked. I actually liked that moment when Selim walked out of that room and the guy said something along the lines of "He's not a man". And I was reminded of Arrow yet again and how sometimes in order to fight darkness we have to become darkness. Selim plunged himself into the darkness a long time ago. I just wish he hadn't dragged everyone else with him, not just Akgün.

Yağmur

Oh, my poor unfortunate flower... It's pretty obvious that she hasn't been okay since the start of this season but in episode 24 she was spiralling. First in the state of some numb rage she was ready to stab one of the Sancaktars, hurting herself in the process. Then there was her trying to manipulate Akgün... Which I believe is one of the biggest signs how not okay she is. Because this is not who Yağmur is. She's not a manipulative type, the one who plays games. She's always pretty straightforward and honest about her feelings and what she wants. But Canan's death hit Yağmur hard, harder than everyone else. I liked how the writers made Altay and even Selim point out Yağmur's condition. They all broke when Canan died but it seems that Yağmur was completely leveled to the ground. It would be truly captivating to watch her rise from the ashes but, unfortunately, now there isn't time for this. But I'm holding on to hope that we'll see her find peace and herself in the end.

Akgün

Nothing's been okay for my boy for the last couple of years. But in the last episode we saw how not only emotionally but physically drained he was. Having witnessed Yağmur at her lowest, then Soner having been shot - all that took its emotional toll. And three years on the run also left Akgün sleep deprived. I liked that Soner addressed this in that scene at the safe house. I also absolutely loved what Soner said at the hospital, when Akgün promised to find those responsible for the shooting. Soner asked Akgün what had happened to him. He noticed that the look in Akgün's eyes wasn't okay either. And that's not surprising, given how Akgün couldn't catch a break. He had to go and rescue his father who managed to get into trouble. But something good came out of this - I was happy to see Akgün stand up for himself and finally stop his father when Selçuk tried to hit him. We had never seen it before. Up until that moment Akgün had taken all the slapping. He's no longer a boy though, he's now a grown man, who's been touched by darkness. And I think Selçuk saw and understood it in that moment too.

A few honourable mentions

🖤 Soner wasn't okay for some obvious reasons but at the end of the episode, after Emel's call, he seemed emotionally torn, as if he started rethinking his decision to fight for his love. If we had more time I bet we would see Soner trying to let Naz go. Maybe we'll still see this. But I have a feeling that maybe the writers will let them have their happy ending.

🖤 Emel - also not okay and also for obvious reasons. While I understand that it was her fear for Naz that was making her so aggressive, she still was out of line in the hospital. Naz is an adult and now a married woman. It's her right to stay at her husband's side. Whether or not Emel agrees with Naz's choice of husband, she could've at least shown some respect and restraint.

🖤 Sare was acting really weird after her talk with Selim at her house, when she mentioned her father and that she'd lost her mother very young. She seemed to have a bit of a meltdown in the bathroom, then popped some pills. I wonder what's all that about and how much of her backstory she shared is actually true. And how the hell Halil Sadi fits in all this... All these are questions that have to be answered. I hope we'll get some answers in tonight's episode.

🖤 I loved a scene with Altay digging a hole in the garden - such a nice callback to season 1 and the scene with Akgün on the beach. I liked that they used Akgün's voiceover from that scene. It's great to see Altay keeping close to his heart something that Akgün shared with him years ago.

And... That's pretty much it.