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morerandomthoughts · 3 years

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theARTproject

with the 20th anniversary of 9/11 upon us, i find myself not ruminating on recollections of the events themselves but considering both my own and the collective response to them.

in 2001, i lived 1/2 a block above canal street and as each plane hit, i experienced a sound unlike any i had ever heard before. this was swiftly followed by the horror of the suddenness & magnitude of loss & destruction and like many others, in the days that followed, i wanted a way to escape from the uncertainty and chaos by being part of the recovery effort … i found a restaurant that was preparing meals for 1st responders on the pile and i went to help… but after a couple of days of rather inexpertly cutting up bunches of vegetables, it appeared i was more of a hindrance than a help in this bustling kitchen.

i began to realize, that to participate in a sustainable & impactful way, i needed to employ a skill set that i actually processed. i had just begun taking tentative steps towards web design and hit on an idea to create a vehicle that might collectively share artist’s responses to the attacks with a larger audience than any of us might have as individuals… i secured the url “theARTpoject.net” (Artists Respond to Terrorism) and began building a site.

my intent was to make a place to share expressions of whatever anyone was going through, where anyone could send me their visual response(s) to the events of 9/11 and its aftermath and i would post them providing opportunity for a range of responses to coexist. i was not interested in curating, i was objectively collecting. eventually i added “discussion boards” to the site, in an effort to create visual dialogues where artists could respond with an image to any other image on the site. ultimately over 300 artists participated, including a few, who i met through the site & i know ’til this day

the site is still basically accessible & functional albeit not through its original url and with many broken links; i thought (before it breaks entirely) i would share it now. it is most definitely web 1.0 and its rudimentary design speaks volumes to how the internets has evolved in the past 20 years, when now, we take for granted the many platforms with which to launch virtual responses to current events. however, some things have not changed: the need to reach out and help in a tragedy, the desire to create work that expresses anguish, anger AND hope, the fear we will not learn from past mistakes and the way “history” is written to serve those in power.

a looming question right now seems to be: could/would we, once again, unite as a country, when faced with a common threat? unfortunately, given the divisions we are experiencing in the face of a pandemic, the answer seems to be a resounding NO. i believe more than ever, that instead of projecting our own fears about tribalism, fanaticism and persecution onto “other” cultures, the lesson here is “physician heal thyself” and before embarking on any more attempts to “make the world safe for democracy”, when it comes to threats of terrorism and attacks on human rights, we should focus our efforts on our own mess here at home.

these are some of my own images made in response to the attacks and their aftermath #1 was my initial contribution to the site (*original caption below) #2-4 are from the “skeleton” series #5 & 6 are from the “encounters” series #7 & 8 are collages made today, the skeleton in #7 is more a reference to the skeleton series from 20 years ago and less a representation of those who left that day #9 was taken yesterday, i honestly didn’t know why at the time... #10 i always photograph the tribute in light on 9/11

* 9/22/01 I am primarily an abstract painter and don't normally think of my work requiring any words, but . . . Since the 11th, the most awful sight for me has been the cloud of white smoke hanging over the buildings at the end of my street. For the most part the weather for the past 12 days has been crystal clear and this incongruous white cloud rising from the site against the blue, blue sky, has been an inescapable reminder of the horror of 9/11. Last night, riding home on my bike, it was still there and tears came to my eyes, but when I turned down my block and looked up, a sliver of the new crescent moon was appearing from behind the smoke. For the first time since, I felt a tiny rush of joy, I felt the possibility of something bright and new in our future.

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constantwritingblock · 4 years

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Stolen Worlds 6

Queen of Thieves: Takes place just after the MC breaks up with Nikolai.

Avengers: Takes place during The Winter Soldier, but with additional characters.

Uncle!Nick Fury x reader, (previous) Nikolai Stirling x reader, (eventual) Steve Rogers x reader.

Some statements:

For any other languages spoken in this piece it will be done in bold and in English so that you are aware characters are speaking a different language. I find this easier than finding a bad translation.

So I being a daft person, thought this was set in New York and it isn’t so I have gone back to other chapters that have mentioned if Y/N was in New York to Washington DC. If there are any that I have missed out please let me know :D

Summary: Nikolai has been struggling to deal with not reaching Y/N in time and has come to terms with his feelings. Meanwhile the trio are setting up the big fight of their life to try and take down Hydra’s plans, including the launch of the helicarriers. Y/N makes the ultimate decision and decides that she can’t hide her true self anymore...

Things had been heated with the Poppy what with Remy’s vague confession. Even though Nikolai trusted and believed his longest friend, something wasn’t adding up. He noticed all the gore that appeared to follow wherever they turned when looking for Y/N. It drove him insane to think of what she was taken into. As the others prepared their next plans in search of her, he found himself at a park which resembled the one where he first met her. The way her purity caused him tunnel vision, she was a lot more innocent compared to him. How no matter what hurt her, she still wore her heart on her sleeve. It was surely something he hadn’t expected off of her.

Yes, he had been watching her before they made contact to see if she was the right choice to join the Poppy, but there was something from her personality that caused his heart to soar in ways he had never felt with any of his previous partners. Perhaps it had come to his notice that he actually did love her and was ready to let her in through those walls he had built up over the years. Though one thing he found baffling coming the end of his stroll, was Remy speaking to a young woman, someone he had recognised. The conman couldn’t have possibly lied to him could he?

———

Chaos had ensued when hearing the alarms and the voice of Steve Rogers coming through the tannoy systems, Y/N’s eyes widened at their plan, having no clue on what was going on, all she was aware of was that the Council to agreed to the idea of Project Insight. Posing as his assistant, she stood still as he offered each Council member a drink of champagne to celebrate, though one wanted to disagree, it was all halted when the only female council member revealed herself to be Natasha Romanoff.

“I’m sorry, did I step on your moment.” A hint of a smirk ghosted Y/N’s lips, but she remained stoic as Pierce was disarmed and spouted off stating that she needed someone of a higher clearance level, to stop everything. Hearing the sounds of a chopper, Y/N’s head turned to see Fury stepping out of the helicopter, dramatically walking over to force Pierce to open access for them to unlock S.H.I.E.LD.’s database to leak everything.

Though he tried to gain the upper hand, by admitting on an electrical shock system that will simply hurt Romanoff, Y/N had to do something. “Pain…” A quiet mutter under her breath was all it took for Pierce to wither from his confident position, crumbling to the floor. As the shock settled within him, Natasha took that as her opportunity to move out the way, “You were saying sir? Or… are you just not happy I am not complying to your demands?” Sarcasm dripped venomously in her voice as she spoke to her faux boss. His eyes widened in absolute horror as he had finally recognised just who she was. “The experiment that… you escaped…”

BANG! A gunshot rung out as her head snapped towards Fury. He simply nodded at her, “Go, we got this from here.” Mustering her strength, she attempted at teleporting as close as she could to the last helicarrier. Landing on the ground, she are frustrated, images of Rogers and Barnes fighting each other for the microchip. Almost at a wits end until the sound of a chopper and gushing winds behind her caused her to be befuddled. “Leon!?” It was as if he knew she was going to react that way as he merely chuckled offering her a ride up, mentioning he owed Remy a favour. Kissing his cheek, Y/N smiled in thanks and left him as he flew off.

As people of all sides tried to shoot at her she merely flicked her hand over causing them to miss, making herself a beeline to Rogers and Barnes.

———

While Leon landed the helicopter he hot wired, the rest of the Poppy came running towards him. “What the hell is wrong with you Kwan? Why did you just take off like that without a word when shit has hit the fan!?” Ignoring Jett scolding him he simply shrugged, “Was helping out a friend real quick.” Nikolai’s brows furrowed until everything clicked into place. Y/N…

By this point Remy had decided to come clean. “She knew the risks of it and though as much as would’ve liked for us to avoid it, it was inevitable. She didn’t want any of us to have any blood on our hands. It was her old life to escape from, never be brought again but of course it’s hard for her when her family is on the line.” His insight was helpful but not that much. Nikolai was determined to convince her to come back, hell, he’d get on his knees and beg her to, admit his mistakes and perhaps then they could sort things out between themselves more privately later on.

However, his ideas came crashing to an end upon the feeling of a pendant in his hand. Her Poppy. “She wanted me to give this to you Nikolai. Gives her thanks but her life is in more danger than ever right now. She’s betrayed one of the most dangerous and terrifying terrorist groups known to the world. Not even we can keep her safe.”

Closing his fist around the necklace, they all watched in solemn silence as the last helicarrier went crashing down. The urge to go after her and save her was evidently there but he knew better, this was what she wanted. He was a gentleman after all, he will respect her wishes and just hope they may cross paths again one day.

———

The fight had come to its absolute limit, though the pair were pretty evenly matched, Bucky had the advantage of his vibranium arm in comparison to Steve’s shield. “Soldat! Soldat stop! He’s your friend. Please…” She really did try to keep her voice strong but her pleas weakened it. When the Soldier was more sober to his own thoughts he would be easier to speak to, but here was a different story.

“He is my mission. I must complete my mission.” Those words broke both hers and Steve’s heart. Y/N knew it was pointless to try to reason with him herself now. Glancing over to Steve, he nodded in understanding.

“SOLDAT! I never told you your name. It’s James Buchanan Barnes.” Freezing in his tracks he had spun around to face the woman. “You preferred people calling you Bucky.” A flash of recognition in his eyes had caught him but then a fit of rage hung over him, acting quickly Steve used himself as a barricade to stop the Soldier from hitting her. A gasp broke out in fear of Steve’s life, but he then stood up and checked her over, simply telling the man in front of them he wasn’t going to fight him.

Dropping his shield through the broken pieces of the helicarrier as it was falling to the ground, Y/N slipped her hand in Steve’s giving it a squeeze. Giving him one more chance, “He’s your best friend. Trust me please… I was honest with you about how Hydra did the same to me.”

The impact of Steve’s hand being snatched off of hers was strong, so strong she fell as well. Her mind began to focus on one thing and projected it into Bucky’s mind. She had never tried this before but had managed to complete the process just in time and so it was a one shot chance or both she and Steve were dead.

“You’re my mission.”

Free.

“Your.” Punch.

Empathetic.

“My.” Punch.

Seventeen.

“Mission.” Punch.

Nightfall. Ice. Nine.

“Then finish it.” Steve mumbled out. Eyes widened as Y/N could only hope that this worked.

Hostile. Departure. One.

“Cause I’m with ya ’til the end of the line pal…”

Flying car.

Just as the last trigger word had been said, Y/N watched as the Winter soldier became no more and Bucky Barnes was somewhat there. She noted that he held more hesitation to continue on with his brutal beating on the Captain. Reading his mind, she could see the memories flicker through of him and Steve. Tears dripped from her face as she suppressed the joy that it worked. But before anything else could be done, a part of the structure of the helicarrier had collapsed hitting the surface the trio were on plummeting them into the Potomac River.

Water surrounded Y/N’s airflow and so she didn’t have enough time to even protect herself or Steve before unconsciousness settled in, all she vaguely remembered was being dragged onto land, given CPR and a quiet mumble of ‘thank you’ before the brief feeling of a hand stroking her face momentarily. Then it was quiet.

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love-killed-the-superstar · 4 years

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tw for mentions of death and injury for this one lads!! but on the flip side of that, i finally wrote actual cassunzel interactions, yaay

CASSANDRA APPRECIATION WEEK DAY 6 - FIGHT/BATTLE

Cassandra tries not to worry Rapunzel too much.

If she had it her way, Rapunzel would never have to know about a single dangerous situation she ends up in, whether its by accident or diving in with both feet. Unfortunately scars are telling, and if Cass doesn't give her an honest play-by-play Rapunzel will be up til the early hours in agonies over the dangerous life she is living out on the road. So, like a good girlfriend should, Cass measures the kind of exploits she should tell Rapunzel about in her letters with whether or not she has sustained injury. Anything more serious than a scratch and she'll tactfully leave it a secret until the next time she's within the palace walls.

So when she runs into Vex on the road a few miles north of Vardaros, she figures this will just be another one of those events that she'll paraphrase in a strait-laced letter to Raps. Perhaps she will share some good-natured sparring with the townsfolk, pal around with Vex, taste-test some fresh honey from Quaid; all the fun, low-stakes stuff. She only intends on stopping over in Vardaros to stock up on supplies and take it from there – but upon her and Vex arriving back at the sheriff's office, she's met with the sight of three men hanging from the bridge overhead, being fished down by stricken townspeople simply wanting to remove the sight lest it scare away travelling patrons.

“Raiders,” Quaid says solemnly from behind her, as Cass watches on in muted horror. Vex strides ahead, avoiding looking at the sight altogether. “We chased a group of them out of town two weeks ago. Yesterday they struck again, so I sent a trio of our new town guard to scope out their base. And, well... it looks like they wanted to send a message home this time.”

Cass feels sick to her stomach. She's no stranger to how fucked up the world can be, especially since striking out on her own, but this is something she can't simply stand by and watch.

“What's your next move, Captain?” she asks quietly, following him towards the sheriff's office. From somewhere beyond her line of sight, she hears a man crying as his husband's body is lifted down.

“We fight, of course,” he says gravely. He takes a seat at his desk and mops his brow tiredly. “But with three of our men down, I'm not sure how well we'll fare in the fight. Our town guard is small as it is, and those raiders are ruthless. But the people of Vardaros don't back down. Not anymore.”

“I... I could write back to Corona,” Cass says quickly, grasping at straws for a way to aid the situation. “The guard there is huge, I'm sure Eugene wouldn't mind deploying a dozen or so soldiers to assist...”

“Wow. And here I was, thinking you were the only one of your friends that understood how things work here,” Vex snorts, as the front door slams shut behind her. She stalks past Cassandra, leaning back against the wall with a deep scowl.

Quaid shakes his head and smiles wanly at her suggestion. “I don't need to tell you of all people that Corona to Vardaros is at least a four day journey on horseback. We have no time to waste. The next time they come knocking, we have to be prepared to fight, no matter the cost.”

“Then I'll fight.” Owl hoots nervously on her shoulder, and Fidella, though resting just outside, looks equally perturbed by the notion of sticking around. “Captain, I have been training for my whole life. Whatever these raiders have planned, I can at least help even the score.”

He watches her with narrowed, haunted eyes. “Your life will be at risk. This is no game, Cassandra.”

“Of course it isn't! People are being killed, Captain, you can't seriously expect that I would sit back and watch this happen?”

“I only insist that you understand what you're getting yourself into, Cassandra.” He folds his arms, regarding her in silence for several dragging seconds, all while Vex mutters some choice expletives under her breath. “If you understand that and still wish to fight alongside us... I would be more grateful than you'll ever know.”

“I'll do it,” Cass promises. “You can count on me.”

…

Things move quickly after that. Vex gathers the townsfolk in the square to rally the locals into fighting for what's right. The people of Vardaros, beyond infuriated by the hangings that morning, are already fired up and ready to fight. For her part, Cass runs through basic drills – calling for everyone to bring forth their weaponry, teaching basic attack stances, offensive and defensive manoeuvres, everything she thinks she can squeeze into an afternoon. The idea that she is potentially sending these people to their deaths depending on how well she's taught them is nothing short of terrifying; but Quaid seems relieved at her assistance, and takes the valuable time to discuss strategy with his remaining guard.

They will defend Vardaros at any cost. They surrender to nobody. And Cass can't help thinking, despite her willingness to fight alongside them, that this mindset coupled with the minimal planning and inexperienced fighters is how entire civilisations get wiped off the map.

That night, while the townspeople grab a few precious hours of sleep, uncertain of when exactly the raiders are planning on striking next, Cass finds herself restless. Despite Vex and Quaid's dual pessimism, she finds herself reaching into her satchel for a pen and paper anyway.

Hey Raps,

It's funny that I should write to you now, when I never like to worry you on my journey. But Vardaros is in trouble, and I think that if you wake Eugene as soon as you get this, send out a dozen or so men as soon as you can, you might just be able to help. The town is being threatened by raiders, and it's bad. I'm going to fight with them, but I don't know that we'll prevail. Not to be an alarmist, but please, send some assistance. I really think we'll need it.

Captain Quaid believes that Vardaros is beyond outside help, but all I've been able to think about today is something my father once said to me: 'The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.' Well, here I am, trying to do SOMETHING. I only hope that it's enough.

I love you, and I don't want these people to die. I'll write again soon.

Sincerely yours, Cassandra.

“Owl,” she murmurs, so not to wake Vex, lightly snoring against her shoulder. Owl looks up, eyes blinking rapidly. “I need you to get this to Corona as fast as you can. You know how important this is.”

She binds the letter and hands it over, and Owl bows his head a little, meeting her gaze. There's an unspoken feeling there – be safe, don't you dare get yourself killed – and then with a quiet hoot he launches himself from her arm, making his exit through a window pane missing its glass. She watches him until he leaves her sight and then exhales.

Well, if she does end up dying tomorrow, at least she can do so knowing she tried her hardest to help this town. And, a thought equally as comforting, she can accept dying as long as Raps knows she loves her.

All that's left to do now is shut her eyes and wait for sleep to take hold.

…

A lot of things happen that day, in the battle that historical records will one day refer to as The Great Strike Back of Vardaros. Nearly three hundred people lose their lives. Most of them, in a twist of events, happen to be the raiders.

The landslide victory comes without the help of any outside soldiers, save for one brave drifter who, despite the dismissal of the the captain, sent out a pleading message to the nearby kingdom of Corona the night before, begging for reinforcements. It doesn't bring any soldiers in time to assist in the fight; however, they turn up in spades to help the clean-up operation and bury the dead, all in awe at how well a small, untrained town of people could hold its own just out of sheer spite towards the enemy.

In Cassandra's case, the majority of this information is learned days later – when she awakens, weak and confused, in a dimly lit room that she soon comes to realise is one of the town's makeshift hospitals for casualties of the battle.

It takes a few minutes for her eyes to adjust to her surroundings, but when she finally tilts her head to the left hand side of her Cassandra spots a petite figure slumped back in a chair beside her, chest rising and falling as she dreams.

Rapunzel.

Cass lies there in stunned silence, unable to peel her eyes away from the sight of her girlfriend dozing beside her. It's almost enough to distract from the pain she's in, but as she grows more and more alert it's glaringly clear to her that something bad happened.

“Cass, you're awake!” Vex bounds over to her bed and Rapunzel snorts a little at the noise, eyes blinking sleepily, opening and closing a few times before ultimately closing again, losing their battle with the tiredness plaguing her head. The relief on Vex's face only makes it more obvious to Cass that the injury must have been pretty damn awful. “God, I – shit, it's good to see you're awake. How's your wound?”

“I... hmm. It hurts,” she grits out. “I, uh, don't really remember anything.”

“Yeah, I bet. You, uh, got hit over the head pretty hard in the fight. And, er... got yourself impaled on the way down.”

“Well, fuck.” Cass doesn't really know what else she's supposed to say to that. Now that Vex mentions it, she does remember the searing pain from the blow to the head. She's just grateful she was too out of it from the blunt force trauma alone to feel the impalement. “God. How'd I make it out of that one alive?”

“Quaid said you're just someone who isn't ready to die yet,” Vex says with a shrug. “Sounds like a total cop-out to me, but you're alive, so who cares how?”

“Seriously, Vex, I should probably be dead right now.”

“Then shut up and just be thankful that you're not.” Vex's eyes narrow, her patience for Cassandra's bewilderment waning already. “We patched your abdomen wound up fine, and we gave you some stitches on the back of your head too. That was like two days ago, though.”

Cass blanches. “Shit. Two days?” She glances over to Rapunzel, who is only just starting to wake up properly. “And when did Raps get here?”

“Few hours after the battle was over. She came in this huge balloon thing, you wouldn't believe it. She said the captain had to stay back to watch over Corona but she still brought like, eight guards with her in the balloon to help us treat the injured. Rapunzel barely left your side once she found your bed, though.” A sly smile creeps up on her. “Must be nice, having your girlfriend come to watch over you.”

“Can it, you.” Cass can barely keep her eyes off of Rapunzel, though, as she yawns and stretches. “Raps?”

“Mhmm... Vex?”

“That wasn't me,” Vex says flatly. With that, Rapunzel's eyes snap open and she whirls around to see Cass.

“CASS!! Oh my gosh, Cassandra!”

Before Cass even has a chance to try to sit up Rapunzel leaps from her seat, tackling her with such a force that it sends a spike of pain through her stomach, in what she guesses is the sensation of her wound being jostled. Raps squeezes her tight, rocking a little. Next come the kisses, peppered all over her face as she laughs weakly in protest. Vex makes an exaggerated puking sound effect, and Cass waves her off with a roll of her eyes. But as Rapunzel goes back to hugging her, resting her head against the crook of Cassandra's neck, she feels her body begin to tremble.

“Hey,” murmurs Cass, reaching up to rub Rapunzel's back in a soothing motion. “Hey, come on, it's all right.”

Rapunzel shakes her head, and her voice is wet when she speaks. “It's not all right! Cass, you could have died! You've barely been conscious for two days, my god!”

“Raps...” Cass gently steers her back by the shoulders and Rapunzel watches her, large eyes brimming over with tears. Reaching up, Cass thumbs them away and tries to smile in a way that will convince Rapunzel that she really is okay. “I'm all right now, really. Sure, my head is a little sore and I'll need to take it easy until my wound heals up, but look. I'm here with you now.”

Rapunzel sniffles and moves back, nodding. She pulls her chair right up close to the bed before sitting down again, reaching over to take Cassandra's hand in her own and turning to Vex.

“Vex. Would you mind, um... giving us a moment?”

“Oh, no problem, I was feeling queasy anyway,” she drawls. Despite her tone, Vex flashes them a small smile and nod before leaving to check on a man four beds to Cassandra's right. Cass exhales and squeezes Rapunzel's hand, pushing herself upright into a semi-sitting position. It's painful on her torso, but she just feels dizzier trying to hold this conversation lying down.

“I'm sorry for worrying you. I... I didn't think you would come, though. I only meant that we needed back-up out here.”

“I didn't come on official business, Cass,” Rapunzel begins, reaching up to wipe at her eyes again. “I mean, I came to help, of course, but – but god, Cass, how could you send that to me and not expect me to freak out?!”

“Uh.” Cass chews her lip. “I don't know. I hoped you'd overlook the part about me being there and just, uh, focus on the part about rallying the troops.”

Rapunzel sighs loudly, eyes still shining with tears, and Cass feels her stomach drop. Geez, Raps is still mad.

“Cassandra,” Rapunzel says slowly, as if to spell it out for her, “you wrote that you desperately needed reinforcements. You wrote that you were going to fight, but you weren't confident that you would win. And you actually wrote the words 'I love you'. In ink. In a letter that you knew I would be showing other people.”

Cass nods just as slowly.

“...Cass, it sounded like a goodbye! Don't you think? How did you expect me to – to just stay put, in Corona, knowing you were here and you might be dying?!”

“I said I'd write again soon,” Cass protests, but it's a weak defence and she knows it. “That part was supposed to be reassuring. I didn't want you to worry, but-”

“But you don't get to decide for me if I should be worried, Cass! We are in love, and if you think for one moment that I wouldn't come to you if I had even an inkling that you could be hurt...!”

“I know,” croaks Cass. “I know, Raps, shit. I know. I'm – I'm sorry.”

Now it's her turn to well up. She looks away, reaching up to wipe at her eyes, trying to make it look like she's fiddling with her hair. Rapunzel lets her keep her pride.

“I didn't come all this way to yell,” Rapunzel promises. “...Well, all right, I did a tiny bit. Cass, I know I can't tell you to stop doing this, I just want you to be careful.”

“I am careful, Raps, but these people were in trouble. Do you think I should have stayed out of it?”

“No,” sighs Rapunzel, shoulders slumped in defeat. “Of course not. Even if I did it's not your way of doing things, I know that. I would have done the same. It doesn't stop me from wishing you would value your life a little more, though.”

“I swear to you, I don't plan on getting myself killed when I get into fights like this,” Cass emphasises, reaching up to cup Rapunzel's cheek. “I'm sorry for scaring you.”

She leans forward and, with Rapunzel's eyes flickering to her lips receptively, kisses her softly. Rapunzel returns the enthusiasm and Cass realises, in a real moment of panic, that she might never have kissed Rapunzel again.

“I'm so glad you're okay,” Rapunzel whispers, before kissing Cass again. “I love you so much.”

“I'm really sorry,” Cassandra utters, trembling as Rapunzel pulls her in close. “And I love you too, Raps.”

#cassandra appreciation week #cassandra week #tangled the series #tts #cassunzel #rapunzel #tts cassandra

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some-creep · 4 years

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Creep Ranks: The Dark Souls Trilogy

Because I finally beat all three of them.

Dark Souls 1: I got Prepare to Die like. When it first came out. I was terrible at it so I stopped playing. I beat the Taurus Demon and that was it. I didn’t start playing them again until quarantine when I decided to give it another shot as genuinely as I could. And I was terrible at them again. But instead of giving up I kept trying. Anyway, DS1 was a game I was always hesitant to play because I’m very bad at navigating large, sprawling, interconnected worlds. I am TERRIBLE at games like Castlevania and Metroid because of this so I don’t play them. I didn’t think I’d be able to handle the navigational stuff especially because you don’t get fast travel until midgame. But it wasn’t as hard as I thought. In fact, most of the game wasn’t as hard as I thought. Most of the difficulty of these games is in your head. Like sure, they’re difficult, but you get better and they’re not so scary. Anyway. I used NPC summons a lot because I wasn’t very good at handling bosses on my own (O&S anyone?). Sen’s Fortress and whatever the area before Seath is called with the invisible platforms were horrible and I hated them. I DID them, but I hated them. Those bits in Anor Londo too. You know the ones probably. The amount of thin platforms you have to navigate in this game was more than it needed to be. The HUD is also very ugly. I really liked the game though and decided I wanted to play the others. I initially skipped 2 and went straight to 3, beat 3, then went back to 2. As you do. Anyway DS1 is a great game and if you’re interested try it. I hear the remaster sucks but its the only one you can buy now. Weirdly the switch version of the remaster uses the old graphics, which are better because the lighting is better. Do with that what you will.

Dark Souls 2: I got Scholar of the First Sin, again, around the time it launched. Again. Horrible at it. Got no where. Gave up. At the time of writing this I have not yet done the DLC. I should mention I didn’t do the DLC in 1 either, but started NG+ before doing it so I’d probably have to restart… whatever. DS2 is… I don’t think I can say anything that hasn’t been said before. Mechanically this game just is not very good. I played this AFTER 3, so it felt shockingly easy by comparison. You are showered in souls, levels are insanely cheap, bosses are incredibly slow. Most of the bosses I beat w/o summons, (and none of them took me more than 3 tries...and I SUCK at these games) although I used them for Watcher and Defender because that boss was kinda lame. The final boss was… Yeah. Maybe the DLC has better bosses and I’ll see later. The lock on in this game is broken. Even if you lock on in a 1v1, once you kill them, chances are it’ll zip to an enemy above you that hasn’t seen you yet. This happened more than once. It also tends to favor enemies behind you over ones in front of you regardless of how close they are. If not for all of the weird mechanical hang ups, this game would be the easiest in the franchise. It still is if you can get over them. I installed a mod to make the weapons not degrade twice as fast but I don’t think it worked because they still seemed to degrade incredibly fast. Can’t say for sure. Also there are so many dudes in any given area which I think was done to encourage you to kill them over and over until they stop spawning but that’s also kinda dumb. I don’t know. If you didn’t play 1 or 3 you might not notice some of this. Or maybe you’ll find it even worse. ADP controlling your i-frames while dodging and how fast you drink estus was a bad choice. I probably didn’t hate this game, but I found it to be the weakest. This game got rid of leveling up at any bonfire which also sucks. Wish DS3 hadn’t kept that but oh well. Losing part of your max HP when you die was bad and feels like it only exists to punish new players. But going hollow doesn’t prevent invasions? This game felt like it had a LOT of NPC invasions too. Maybe 1 and 3 do too but I didn’t spend a lot of time human. Hm.

Dark Souls 3: Not long after beating 1, I got this game. It’s the Dark Souls of Dark Souls games. Okay maybe it’s not that bad, but the jump (for me) to 60fps made everything much, much faster. And smoother. Going from PtDE to DS3 is like. Wow. Anyway everyone in this game is incredibly fast and hates you and wants you to die. It also had to wean me off of using NPC summons. Because I didn’t do one of the quest lines, I missed out on summons. So I was forced to just git gud. Lorian and Lothric were very difficult. I found Soul of Cinder to be hard too but I think people disagree with that (I couldn’t summon for either of those bosses so it was just me improving til I won). At the time of writing this I beat the first DLC (streamed beating Sister Freide, that was fun :) ), and started going through the other. Beat Dancer on my first try which I am still very proud of, and the consumed king in two. Did not yet beat Nameless King but I probably will. I think I had the most fun with this one because I was used to the souls formula by now and understood what to expect from things. However, in terms of exploration, this game is the weakest. It’s incredibly linear compared to 1 and even 2. That didn’t bother me because my favorite part is the combat, but I know a lot of people think this game was too boss focused. I dunno. 3 might be my favorite of them all. It certainly has the best looking HUD of the trilogy.

TL;DR: DS1 - Most exploration, some difficult navigational things caused by the environment and not just enemies. Bosses hit hard but GENERALLY weren’t overly fast (but I havent played the remaster) 8/10 DS2: Less exploration, but fast travel from the start. Fewer instances of dangerous walking but a few miserable sections overloaded with dudes. And poison statues. Bosses are slow and it’s easy to upgrade your weapons and yourself. Could be a good place to start if not for all the mechanical jank. 6/10 DS3: The least amount of exploration probably. Fast travel from the start. I can’t remember any sections with pits and dangerous walking. Enemies are incredibly fast and dangerous. Most bosses are incredibly fast too. 9/10

#dark souls #they're all fun #probably just play 1 if you dont know where to start #i hear the remaster is fine if its all you've played #its just more that it doesn't have a reason to exist since it changes so little?#or just play code vein as that was the first souls-like i actually dedicated any time to #didnt beat it though #got very close

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goodticklebrain · 5 years

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Q&A August: Kevin Condardo and Dan Beaulieu

It’s the final installment of Q&A August! I hope you’ve had fun meeting some of my Shakespeare friends. I know I’ve had a lot of fun asking them these questions, and I’m definitely going to do this again some time, as I have SO MANY MORE cool Shakespeare friends for you to meet. But for now, let’s turn to my closers, my last and least, Kevin Condardo and Dan Beaulieu, the bros behind one of my favorite Shakespeare podcasts: No Holds Bard!

I was skeptical about No Holds Bard at first. Launched in 2015, it appeared to be two white dudes yelling about Shakespeare at each other, which did not particularly appeal to me. I didn’t even start listening to it until I met Dan and his partner in crime, Christine Penney, in person at the Shakespeare Theatre Association conference in 2016. Tousled and bewhiskered like a pirate, Dan was overwhelmingly brash, loud, unruly, obnoxious, insufferable… and somehow inexplicably charming. After meeting him, I finally started listening to No Holds Bard and found that the podcast was also brash, loud, unruly, obnoxious, insufferable… and somehow inexplicably charming.

Two things are immediately apparent upon listening to No Holds Bard: Dan and Kevin (his slightly less unruly and obnoxious co-host and the brains of the operation) both know their Shakespeare and love their Shakespeare. Their highly entertaining arguments and bro-y banter are backed up with serious knowledge of Shakespearean text and performance, and, in spite of their best efforts to contrary, you can actually learn a lot from them. Also (and this is important) they regularly make me laugh out loud.

In 2017 Kevin and Dan invited me to be their first ever guest on No Holds Bard. With some trepidation, I agreed and discovered that Kevin and Dan in real life are EXACTLY THE SAME as they are on the podcast. Recording with them was a blast, and since then I have thoroughly enjoyed keeping up with the podcast (occasionally falling months behind and then frantically trying to catch up) and interacting with them and other No Holds Bard listeners (a.k.a. Bardflies) on Twitter.

And so, it gives me great pleasure to present that charmingly insufferable duo, the joint top bananas of No Holds Bard, Kevin and Dan!

1. Who are you? Why Shakespeare?

KEVIN: I’m Kevin Condardo: host of the NO HOLDS BARD podcast (The Shakespeare Podcast Shakespeare Would Have Listened To*), performing arts administrator, Boston sports fan, and lover of all things theater. I’m the managing director of the Seven Stages Shakespeare Company based out of Portsmouth, New Hampshire, and I work on the business end of the Off-Broadway theater industry in New York City.

My first introduction to Shakespeare was a terrible production of Romeo and Juliet that I saw on a school field trip in eighth grade, most notable for everyone being in Elizabethan costumes and having Mercutio thrusting himself seemingly on every other word in a failing effort at convincing school kids that Shakespeare was making dirty jokes and is therefore relatable. I loathed Shx until my sophomore year of college, when I auditioned for Cymbeline in college because it was a shared audition for the play I really wanted to be in (Twelve Angry Men). I was required to prepare a Shakespearian monologue and so I memorized and performed it with a British accent (as a sophomore in college!!), and about ten seconds in my professor Deb Kinghorn stopped me and asked me what the hell I was doing, and I said Shakespeare, and she said no I wasn’t. Somehow I was cast as a boorish, fratty Cloten, and over the course of that production I fell in love with Shakespeare and never looked back.

DAN: Hey! I’m Dan Beaulieu: I’m an avid Shakespeare lover, performer, director, student of the game. I am CO-host and top banana on the aforementioned No Holds Bard podcast with my fellow CO-host Kevin. I am the co-founder and Artistic Director of Seven Stages Shakespeare Company, a former Ambassador for the Shakespeare Society in NYC, member of the internationally renowned Passion in Practice and The Shakespeare Ensemble (both helmed by the incomparable Ben Crystal), and frequent collaborator with the New York City based company Rude Grooms (led by the always lovely Montgomery Sutton).

Why Shagspeare? I deeply admire his sprawling exploration of the human condition, his probing of Magick and Witches, his Timelessness, and perhaps most importantly the fact that it IS in fact for everybody, if you let it be.

2. What moment(s) in Shakespeare always make you laugh?

KEVIN: It’s more of an incredulous cackle than a laugh, but...after the Richard / Lady Anne scene, after we think we’ve seen the bunch-back’d toad bare his soul in expressing his love for his lady, he tells us “I’ll have her, but I will not keep her long” - cueing the audience to hopefully boo and hiss - after which Shakespeare gives him “What?” to respond to the disgusted audience. What a joy for an actor! (And if you have a Richard that doesn’t elicit at least one gasp on that line and thus has no audience members to give that “What?” to, you know you’re in for a long evening of theater.)

DAN: I think Petruchio’s entrance to the wedding, when costumed properly, is pretty hilarious. I also get a good chuckle out of “That’s a shelled peascod” from King Lear. Something about the phrase “Shelled Peascod” just gets me. Hamlet’s sardonic humor in the scene leading up to The Mousetrap is also stacked up with great laugh lines.

KEVIN: Do you mean country matters?

3. What's a favorite Shakespearean performance anecdote?

DAN: As a raging egoist, I’ll share my favorite anecdote from a performance I was in. I was playing Titus and in the scene where I lose my hand I was given a messenger bag to carry around with me. They actually had me carry it for the whole first half of the play so it wouldn’t be weird when I had it in this scene. The dummy hand was stored in there so when the “theater magic” moment happened I’d dip the hand out of the bag and TADA! I’m handless! Well, one night the hand fell out of the bag several moments before it was supposed to be cut off. I jumped on the hand like a fumbled football and took my rant from the floor of the stage. (It was a three quarter thrust, 70 seat black box so there wasn’t anywhere to hide.) After the show, several members of the cast commented on how I was “really feeling that scene”, not realizing I was not feeling it at all...I was simply scattering to figure out a way to justify a random hand lying on the ground moments before the audience would see it again.

KEVIN: When I was a company manager at Shakespeare in the Park in NYC, it was my responsibility to cancel or hold the show in case of inclement weather - which meant my “job” all summer was to sit in the back of the house and watch every performance while refreshing about five different weather apps and calculate if we were going to be able to get the show in. During The Merchant of Venice, we were flirting with a rainstorm all night - the sky looked very ominous from the start but nothing had fallen, even though I and the entire audience knew it was coming. The weather held all evening, up until Portia’s “The quality of mercy is not strained / It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven…” at which point, the gentlest rain you ever felt began to droppeth from heaven, allowing Portia to turn her palm up to feel the rain fall and the entire crowd to “ooh” in unison. Goosebump city.

4. What's one of the more unusual Shakespearean interpretations you've either seen or would like to see?

KEVIN: I’m no director, but I’d love to see an As You Like It set around 1910, where the music at the court is all Sousa marches and barber shop (basically The Music Man), and then when they go to the country you have the same musicians and instrumentations playing Jelly Roll Morton and the jazz and dixieland that was exploding at the same moment. (Artistic directors: I’ll be waiting by the phone for my call.)

DAN: I called you to do this several years ago, but...musicians.

I’d like to direct a production of Twelfth Night in a very large warehouse immersive experience where the central design conceit is a House of Mirrors….possibly around Halloween or in Coney Island during the winter. Full creep zone. Similarly, I think it’d be fun to do an As You Like It in a corn maze or a Jacobean influenced pageant production of Midsummer Night’s Dream as a haunted hayride that starts around 6pm and goes til midnight, getting scarier and scarier as the night goes on. Bring the little kids early for fun fairies and come back at 11pm for the weird ones.

5. What's one of your favorite Shakespearean "hidden gems"?

DAN: I’m a sucker for the fact that when Romeo and Juliet meet for the first time their exchange is a shared sonnet. It’s not necessarily “hidden” but I love when I see a production that is clearly “going there” with that moment.

KEVIN: I talk about it all the time on the podcast but I LOVE the King of France in All’s Well that Ends Well. So deferential, kind, funny, but also strong and forceful when required - along with some endlessly quotable lines. Perhaps more “underrated” than “hidden gem?”

DAN: I like that we both just couched our answers in “this isn’t exactly what you asked, but it’s the answer we’re going to give anyway”. If you enjoy this kind of response to questions, you’ll love our podcast!

6. What passages from Shakespeare have stayed with you?

KEVIN: Ironically and annoyingly, the Shakespeare quote I use the most is actually a misquote that got locked into my brain during my only professional gig - a production of Antony and Cleopatra at the Theater at Monmouth. There’s a sequence where Antony is waiting for an update from the field, and when the messenger arrives the actor playing Antony would turn violently to him and spew out “The news from Sicyon, ho!”. I loved the way he delivered the line and started incorporating it into my life every time someone entered a room with information that the rest of us were waiting on. Unfortunately, that line doesn’t exist - either the actor learned it wrong, or the director inverted it - and the actual line, “From Sicyon, ho, the news!”, doesn’t quite have the same allure.

DAN: I suppose I have to go with the two I have tattooed on my body, as they literally stay with me. They are “To Be” and “This above all, to thine own self be true”. I’m grateful that the verb in both lines is Be, which is deceptively simple. As an actor, it’s really what we’re asked to do---just be.

7. What Shakespeare plays have changed for you?

DAN: I used to make Pericles the butt of all of my “Shakespeare made mistakes too you know?!” jokes. Admittedly that was before I ever read it or worked on it. Now it is easily one of my favorite Shakespeare plays and one that I expect to see more and more of in the future. Disney is sleeping on a gold mine, though I hope Pixar beats them to it.

KEVIN: I have to ask: which play is the punchline to that joke now?

DAN: Henry VIII or Measure (come at me Measure lovers!)

KEVIN: For me, it’s the histories. A few summers ago, Seven Stages Shakespeare Company (helmed by Dan, Christine Penney, and myself) did a one-day, fourteen-hour reading of all eight of the linked history plays one after the other. After seeing the way the storylines feed so deeply one into the other (most particularly Margaret’s arc), I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see any one of them individually the same way again.

Mya interjects: The Seven Stages history day is definitely on my list of “productions I’m kicking myself for missing”. If you do it again, boys, let me know. I am available for any bit parts that don’t require replicating actual human emotions.

8. What Shakespearean character or characters do you identify the most with?

KEVIN: I feel the deepest connection to the seconds-in-command, but to choose the one that encapsulates that the most I’ll say Gloucester from King Lear. Ever since childhood I’ve always considered myself a second rather than a first - I took pride in Little League being the catcher that served as the psychologist for the pitchers, I relate much more to Tom Hagen than to Michael Corleone, and in Shakespeare I’m much more connected to the person who holds the ear of the person everyone is looking at rather than being the center of attention myself.

DAN: I feel a deep connection to Jaques- especially his description of melancholy and the cynical way he sees the world around him, as witnessed in the Seven Ages speech. I fancy myself a fool and appreciate Jaques function in the play, both as a countervoice to the romanticized experience of Arden so many have, his dismay at the murder of the deer, and his departure from the rest of the group at the end.

9. Where can we find out more about you? Are there any projects/events you would like us to check out?

KEVIN: I bare my soul weekly* on the NO HOLDS BARD podcast, which Dan frequently appears on as co-host / second banana. The show is available for download on iTunes and Stitcher, and also the full* archive is available on our website at noholdsbard.com. You should also follow us on Twitter @NoHoldsBardCast and on Facebook at Facebook.com SLAAAASSHHHH NoHoldsBardCast!

DAN: If you are the market for stuff about the top banana specifically check out my website at www.danbeauknows.com. Seven Stages has a ton of exciting projects coming up including season eight of ShakesBEERiences in NH and a full production of MacBeth this autumn near Halloween. If you want more luscious No Holds Bard Content, check out our Patreon at www.patreon.com slash noholdsbard. Also, I’ll be touring Japan with several dear friends, including Dylan Kammerer, Tim Jacobs, Andrew Codispoti, Ben Crystal and The Shakespeare Ensemble this September playing Hamlet in Hamlet, Banquo in MacBeth, and Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet. It’s a dream track with an incredible ensemble so if you are in Japan, come check it out!

(Back to Mya) Thanks so much to Kevin and Dan for answering my questions and helping me out this month! Confession: when I was scheduling my guests for this month, I deliberately penciled Kevin and Dan in for the last slot, not because I thought they’d be a particularly boffo ending (although, obviously, they are) but because I was sure they wouldn’t get their answers in until the very last second. To my shock, they send them in well over a week early, which, I can only assume, involved a great deal of personal sacrifice and discipline on their part. For that, and for constantly entertaining me as I drive around town, I am very grateful to them.

You can listen to me banter with Kevin and Dan on the following episodes of No Holds Bard:

#86 - Holy Sh*t It’s Mya Gosling

#138: The Fantasy Shakespeare Season Draft II

Also, do consider chucking a couple bucks their way each month on Patreon, as I do.

Thanks once again to EVERYONE who helped me out this month: Austin Tichenor, Kate Powers, Sam White, David Prosser, Kate Pitt, Christy Burgess, Kevin Condardo and Dan Beaulieu! I am so lucky in my friends and in my Shakespeare community. My life is still kind of crazy at the moment so I’m taking next week off, but I’ll be back after that (hopefully, and at last) with some new comics!

#Q&A august #shakespeare

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dorevenge · 3 years

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where ignorance is bliss - chapter 6: love an ember

SUMMARY: Maria and Howard go to visit her parents. It's Christmas at the Carbonells, and she forgot to tell them she got married. [AO3 LINK]

CHAPTERS: 1 2 3 4 5 [6] 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 ☆

December 16, 1959 – Bronx, New York City, Peggy’s Apartment

“You married Howard Stark? I didn’t even know you knew Howard Stark!” Peggy says when I show her the ring on my finger. I went to visit her after she phoned me to ask for help moving her out of the house she and Daniel shared to a small apartment closer to the S.H.I.E.LD. headquarters. Her eyes are still bright with tears, she was crying when she opened the door, but she didn’t want to talk about anything less than positive. “When did you two meet?”

“A month ago.”

Peggy sits her drink down. “Maria-”

“Peggy, please. I’m sure I’ll get a lecture from my mother once I tell her, and I don’t want one from my best friend, as well. Please try to be happy for me.”

Her face softens. “I don’t have to try. I am happy for you. It’s just… Daniel and I rushed into things, and look at where we are now.” She gestures to a thick folder in the coffee table in front of her. “He returned the signed divorce papers to me this morning. I don’t want anyone else to go through this. I just want you to be careful.” The tears slowly creep out of the corners of her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Peggy. I should have been here for you. And I’m sorry I didn’t call to tell you we were getting married. We’ll have a party and invite everyone, and we’ll have a proper wedding. I want you there.”

“Howard and I will have to get dinner soon so I can hear his side. I’ve known him for a long time, Maria, and I’ve seen all his shady angles and dirty secrets. I know you want him to be different, but I’m not convinced that he can change overnight.”

There is truth to Peggy’s words. Whenever you hear Howard Stark’s name, your mind automatically adds playboy. Despite being an inventor, his face graces countless tabloids. He’ll never settle down, no woman will ever be good enough for him, he’s never slept with the same woman twice. While he whirled me around the world, I didn’t forget his reputation, but I wanted to get to know him on my own. And the Howard I came to know and love – and marry – was nothing like that.

“Maybe he needed a reason to change.” I realize it as I say it, unable to stop the words in my mouth. Peggy slightly frowns at my naivety, how foolish and young I must sound to her, marrying a man 19 years my elder after knowing him for only two weeks.

“For your sake, I hope so.”

December 22, 1959 – Southampton, New York City, Maria’s Parents’ House

In the whirlwind of moving into Howard’s mansion in Manhattan (I suppose it’s our mansion in Manhattan now), I’d forgotten to tell my mother I was married.

Christmas at the Carbonells is more than just one day: it’s three days of drinking, eating, and gossiping. I didn’t know whether to introduce Howard as my husband or not to my family, and I was trying to prepare him best I could before we arrived.

“They’re Catholic, but not really Catholic, except Grandma Rosa, who is very Catholic. My aunts Caroline and Marisol might try to flirt with you, but they’re easily distracted. Their husbands, George and Bill, might get jealous, though, especially if they drink too much. My cousin Morgan is my favorite, but I don’t know if he’ll be there. My mother, God, I don’t even know where to start with her.”

“Maria,” Howard says from the driver’s seat, pulling up at the address I gave him and rolling to a stop. He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. “I’m not worried at all. If you’re with me, doll, I can take on the world.”

We knock on the front door together, hand in hand, and I’m considerably more nervous than Howard, despite the Carbonells being my family.

My cousin Morgan opens the door, his freckled face stretched into laugher. “Maria, you’re here! Come in quickly, or you’ll miss it. Cousin Bethany is pregnant even though her husband died half a year ago, and the aunts are just about to figure out that the math doesn’t add up.” Morgan drags the two of us inside, and we’re met by a typical sight in our household.

Caroline and Marisol are standing, yelling at Bethany, Grandma Rosa holding her rosary, praying in the rocking chair, George and Bill drinking their beers in the corner. Howard’s grip on my hand tightens as a pillow is launched at Bethany from Marisol, and Caroline hollers, “Not at the baby!” in response. I ask in Morgan’s ear where my parents are, and he points to the kitchen before swooping in to take the lamp from Marisol’s grasp.

“How many more days of Christmas? I can’t stand this circus for much longer.” my mother asks my father, hiding in the kitchen, an almost empty glass of wine in her hand. She turns towards me when we walk in. “Maria. You’re late.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am, that’d be my fault,” Howard says.

My father steps forward, hand extended. “Stanley Carbonell.”

“Howard.” Just Howard.

“Jacqueline,” my mother introduces herself next, her frown outlined in red lipstick, and accepts Howard’s handshake. “And who are you to my daughter, Mr. Howard?”

I freeze, the words not able to make it past my lips, when Morgan bursts through the door. “You just missed it! Marisol asked who the husband is, and Beth confessed it was her husband’s brother!” He’s gone as soon as he entered, and the silence falls in the kitchen again. Jacqueline resumes her piercing stare.

I steel myself before saying, “He is my husband.”

My mother sets down her glass and takes a deep breath in through her nose. “Are you pregnant?”

“No.”

“Is he Catholic?”

“No.”

“Is he baptized?”

I turn to Howard, and he responds, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Thank God.” Mother pours herself another glass and rolls her eyes far back into her head. “You sure you’re not pregnant?”

“Yes, mother, I’m sure.”

“He treats you better than that Stane fellow?”

“Yes, mother.”

She drains the glass, sets it down loudly, says “I never liked him much, anyway,” and leaves the kitchen, muttering under her breath.

My father fumbles with his tie. “Howard, huh? You look familiar. Anyone ever mistake you for a movie star, or a politician or something?”

“All the time, sir,” Howard smiles. “Just one of those faces.”

In the middle of a rambunctious, rowdy dinner, the phone rings. Morgan answers and yells that it’s for me.

“Hello?”

“Maria! You’re with Howard, right? At your parents’?”

“Peggy! Yes, we are. How-”

“I founded S.H.I.E.LD., don’t worry about know I know. Don’t go home.”

“Don’t go home?”

“We got a hint that there was going to be hit on Howard’s place tonight, and it turned out to be true. Your house is swarming with agents,” Peggy warns.

“Whose agents?”

“We don’t know yet. Stay there until I call you again. Oh, and Happy Christmas, Mrs. Stark.”

Peggy hangs up before she can hear me say, “thank you.”

My heart falls heavy to the bottom of my stomach, sinking deeper and deeper with each step back to the table. I sit next to Howard, a pained smile on my face. He leans in to kiss me and whispers, “What’s wrong?”

I return the kiss, “Tell you later,” and focus on the plate in front of me. The world starts to spin, and my grip on the edge of the table seems to be the only thing holding me there. Throughout the meal, my family engages me in conversation, and I only half-heartedly reply. My palms grow sweaty. I’m not good at keeping secrets, and there’s no way no one is noticing my fidgeting.

“Tell me what’s eating you, doll. Meet me in the bathroom in a couple minutes.” Howard stands and excuses himself, folding the napkin on his lap and setting it next to his plate before leaving.

The minutes feel like hours as I push around my mashed potatoes and chicken before joining him.

“Peggy called,” I tell him once the door behind him is closed. “She says agents are all over the house.”

“Who are they?”

“She’ll call back with an update, but S.H.I.E.L.D. is on top of it.”

“So we stay put?” he asks.

“We stay put.”

We survive the night with my family, anxiously waiting for Peggy’s call. I jump every time the phone rings, going through extended family members wishing us a Merry Christmas. Mother tells everyone I had up and married a stranger, and we field complaints and questions left and right, ‘til we finally hear a welcome English accent.

“The house is clear. It’s safe for you two to come home, but…”

“But what, Peg?” Howard asks, leaning in to share the phone with me.

“You’ll want to come here and tell us what’s missing.”

“Again? After last time, I make sure my inventions would never be stolen again.”

“Not your inventions,” Peggy says, “It looks like they only went through the filing cabinet in your office. In and out, and that’s all they touched..”

The color drains from Howard’s face.

“Howard, what is it?” I ask. “What’s in the cabinet?”

“It’s worse than my inventions; it’s the blueprints for the shit I never made. Shit that should never be made. And my designs, they’re flawless. Decades of work, with no duplicates made, for that very reason, to keep them out of anyone else’s hands but my own. Maria…” Howard looks at his feet, embarrassed. “I don’t know what I’ve gotten you into.”

#where ignorance is bliss #wiib reading #peggy carter #agents of s.h.i.e.l.d #agents of shield #marvel #fanfiction #canary writes a fanfiction

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kartiavelino · 5 years

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Taylor Swift’s Lover Album Lyrics Decoded: Paper Rings, Church Bells and a London Boy

Consideration, Swifties! Taylor Swift simply dropped her highly-anticipated new album, Lover. The Grammy winner’s seventh studio album, launched at midnight, is comprised of 18 songs, together with previously-released tracks “ME!” and “You Have to Calm Down,” in addition to “The Archer” and title observe “Lover.” Now that the album is out, T.Swift followers (like us!) are combing by means of the highly effective lyrics for messages from the singer. Swift even name-checks stars like Drake, Leonardo DiCaprio and Stella McCartney in her new tracks. Total, it appears as if a lot of Swift’s new tracks are devoted to her relationship together with her longtime love, Joe Alwyn. Swift’s track “Lover” even sparked engagement rumors over her lyrics, which reference a marriage custom. “My coronary heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue,” Swift sings on the observe. “All’s effectively that ends effectively to finish up with you.” In her cowl story for Vogue‘s September concern, Swift opened up about her new album and the theme of affection. “There are such a lot of methods through which this album looks like a brand new starting,” the 29-year-old star defined. “This album is mostly a love letter to like, in all of its maddening, passionate, thrilling, enchanting, horrific, tragic, great glory.” Let’s check out the stand-out lyrics from T.Swift’s new album, Lover! 1. “I Forgot That You Existed”: On this observe, Swift sings a few betrayal, a previous love who did her unsuitable. “What number of days did I spend pondering ’bout how you probably did me unsuitable, unsuitable, unsuitable?” T.Swift sings. “Lived in the shade you have been throwing/’Til all of my sunshine was gone, gone, gone.” “And I could not get away from ya/In my emotions greater than Drake, so yeah,” the lyrics proceed. “Your title on my lips, tongue-tied/Free hire, residing in my thoughts.” However then, Swift sings, that one thing occurred and he or she forgot this particular person existed. “I forgot that you just existed,” the lyrics state. “It is not love, it is not hate, it is simply indifference.” 2. “Merciless Summer season”: This track will make you wish to rise up and dance! In “Merciless Summer season,” T.Swift sings about catching feels for somebody new and the way that love can affect your life. “And it is new, the form of your physique/It is blue, the sensation I’ve received,” Swift sings. “It is a merciless summer season/It is cool, that is what I inform ’em/No guidelines, unbreakable heaven/It is a merciless summer season, with you.” “I am drunk at the back of the automotive/And I cried like a child coming house from the bar,” Swift later admits. “Mentioned I am fantastic, nevertheless it wasn’t true/I do not wanna maintain secrets and techniques simply to maintain you.” The lyrics, “Devils roll the cube/Angels roll their eyes,” are referenced in Swift’s recently released “Lover” music video. Splash Information 3. “Lover”: The Grammy winner dropped her third observe one week earlier than the album’s launch, making hearts skip a beat over the romantic melody. “Can I’m going, the place you go?” Swift asks within the track. “Can we all the time, be this shut?” This track appears to be a love letter to her relationship with Alwyn, who she’s liked for “three summers,” however darling, she needs ’em all. “My coronary heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue,” Swift sings. “All’s effectively that ends effectively, to finish up with you.” 4. “The Man”: The fourth observe on Swift’s new album is “The Man,” through which she wonders how life could be if she have been a person. “I might be a fearless chief/I might be an alpha kind/When everybody believes you/What’s that like?” Swift asks. “I am so sick of operating as quick as I can/Questioning if I might get there faster if I used to be a person/And I am so sick of them coming at me once more/’Trigger if I used to be a person, then I might be the person.” She later mentions Leonardo DiCaprio, singing, “And they’d toast to me or let the gamers play/I might be identical to Leo in Saint Tropez.” 5. “The Archer”: The fifth observe on Swift’s albums have turn out to be identified for being essentially the most emotional and susceptible songs. In “The Archer,” Swift sings about sabotaging your self in a relationship. “Fight, I am prepared for fight/I say I do not need that, however what if I do?” Swift asks. “‘Trigger cruelty wins within the motion pictures/I’ve received 100 thrown-out speeches I nearly mentioned to you.” “Straightforward they arrive, simple they go/I leap from the practice, I trip off alone,” the lyrics proceed. “I by no means grew up, it is getting so outdated/Assist me maintain on to you/I have been the archer, I have been the prey/Who might ever go away me, darling/However who might keep?” 6. “I Suppose He Is aware of”: On this observe, Swift sings a few relationship through which her emotions are fairly apparent. “He received that boyish look that I like in a person/I’m an architect, I am drawing up the plans,” she sings. “It is like I am 17, no person understands/Nobody understands.” “He received my heartbeat/Skipping down 16th Avenue,” the lyrics proceed. “Bought that, oh, I imply, wanna see what’s beneath that perspective like/I would like you, bless my soul/And I ain’t gotta inform him, I feel he is aware of.” Swift later sings that she thinks this man is aware of that “he higher lock it down” or she “will not stick round.” “‘Trigger good ones by no means wait,” she provides with fun. 7. “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince”: On this track, Swift references a battle, which her staff is just not profitable. “My staff is shedding, battered and bruising/I see the excessive fives between the unhealthy guys/Depart with my head hung, you’re the just one/Who appears to care,” Swift sings. “American tales burning earlier than me/I am feeling helpless, the damsels are depressed/Boys might be boys then, the place are the smart males? Darling, I am scared.” 8. “Paper Rings”: You’ll undoubtedly be getting all the way down to this sick beat! This observe might reignite these engagement and even wedding ceremony rumors as Swift sings, “I like shiny issues, however I might marry you with paper rings.” She later continues, “Darling, you are the one I would like, and I hate accidents besides after we went from mates to this.” Swift additionally sings about portray Alwyn’s brother’s partitions. 9. “Cornelia Road”: Swifties, this one is emotional! On this observe, Swift references Cornelia Road, which is a location in New York Metropolis the place the celebrity as soon as rented an house. The observe seems to be a nod to the early days of her relationship with Alwyn. “We have been a recent web page on the desk/Filling within the blanks as we go,” Swift sings. “As if the road lights pointed in an arrow head, main us house.” Swift and Alwyn, who’ve been noticed spending time in NYC on variety of events, have been collectively for about three years now. “I hope I by no means lose you, hope it by no means ends/I might by no means stroll Cornelia Road once more,” Swift sings. “That is the kinda heartbreak time might by no means mend/I might by no means stroll Cornelia Road once more/And child, I get mystified by how this metropolis screams your title/And child, I am so scared of should you ever stroll away.” Andrew H. Walker/Shutterstock 10. “Demise By a Thousand Cuts”: On this observe, Swift is saying goodbye to a former lover. “Saying goodbye is demise by a thousand cuts/Flashbacks waking me up,” the lyrics state. “I get drunk, nevertheless it’s not sufficient/’Trigger the morning comes and you are not my child.” 11. “London Boy”: This track is a transparent dedication to Alwyn, referencing his dimples and his accent! Within the lyrics, Swift talks about assembly her beau’s mates and spending time in his hometown. “You understand I really like a London boy/I get pleasure from strolling Camden Market within the afternoon,” Swift sings. “He likes my American smile, like a baby when our eyes meet/Darling, I fancy you.” “Took me again to Highgate, met all of his finest mates,” the lyrics proceed. “So I assume all of the rumors are true/You understand I really like a London boy.” 12. “Quickly You will Get Higher” (that includes Dixie Chicks): Again in March, in her “30 Issues I Realized Earlier than Turning 30” piece for Elle, Swift shared that each of her mother and father have had most cancers, including, “And my mother is now preventing her battle with it once more.” In “Quickly You will Get Higher,” Swift groups up with the Dixie Chicks, who she’s idolized from a younger age, to write down about her mother’s well being battle. “The buttons of my coat have been tangled in my hair/In physician’s workplace lighting, I did not inform you I used to be scared,” Swift sings. “That was the primary time we have been there/Holy orange bottles, every evening, I pray to you. Determined folks discover religion, so now I pray to Jesus too.” 13. “False God”: This track—which has an excellent cool beat—is referenced in Swift’s “ME!” music video. “We have been loopy to suppose/Loopy to suppose that this might work/Keep in mind how I mentioned I might die for you,” Swift sings. “We have been silly to leap/Within the ocean separating us, keep in mind how I might misinform you.” “And I can not discuss to you while you’re like this,” Swift continues. “Staring out the window, like I am not your favourite city.” Keep in mind at first of the “ME!” video when Swift speaks in French with Urie? She tells him, “I can not discuss to you while you’re like this.” 14. “You Have to Calm Down”: This track, released in June, stands up for the rights of the LGBTQ+ group, in addition to the rights of girls. Swift shared the which means behind the observe with Apple Music’s Beats 1, stating, “I’ve noticed a whole lot of totally different folks in our society who simply put a lot power and energy into negativity, and it simply made me really feel like, ‘You want to simply settle down. Like, you are stressing your self out. This looks as if it is extra about you than what you are going off about. Like, simply settle down.'” 15. “Afterglow”: On this track, Swift seems to apologizing after an argument. Swift is admitting that it is her fault, hoping she hasn’t misplaced this love for good. “Preventing with a real love is boxing with no gloves/Chemistry ’til it blows up, ’til there is not any us,” she sings. “Why I’ve to interrupt what I really like a lot? It is in your face, and I am accountable, I must say.” “Hey, it is on me/In my head, I am the one which burned us/Rattling, nevertheless it’s not what I meant/Sorry that I harm you,” the lyrics state. “I do not wanna do, I do not wanna do that to you. I do not wanna lose, I do not wanna lose this with you. I must say, hey, it is on me, simply do not go. Depart me within the afterglow.” 16. “ME!” (that includes Brendon Urie): This was Swift’s first single off of her new album, which she collaborated on with Brendon Urie. The observe is all about celebrating your self and embracing each a part of who you’re. “I am the one certainly one of me/Child that is the enjoyable of me.” 17. “It is Good to Have a Good friend”: This track has one other reference to a wedding, as Swift sings, “Church bells ring, carry me house/Rice on the bottom seems to be like snow/Name my bluff, name you ‘babe’/Have my again, yeah, every single day/Looks like house, keep in mattress/The entire weekend.” 18. “Daylight”: On this final observe on the album, Swift sings about having a brand new outlook on life and on love. “I as soon as believed love could be burning purple/Nevertheless it’s golden,” Swift sings, referencing her previous album Crimson. “Like daylight, like daylight.” On the finish of the observe, Swift informs her listeners, “You gotta step into the daylight and let it go.” T.Swift’s seventh studio album, Lover, is obtainable now. Do not miss E! Information each weeknight at 7, solely on E! https://www.eonline.com/information/1066468/taylor-swift-s-lover-album-lyrics-decoded-paper-rings-church-bells-and-a-london-boy?cmpid=rss-000000-rssfeed-365-topstories&utm_source=eonline&utm_medium=rssfeeds&utm_campaign=rss_topstories The post Taylor Swift’s Lover Album Lyrics Decoded: Paper Rings, Church Bells and a London Boy appeared first on Kartia Velino. https://kartiavelino.com/taylor-swifts-lover-album-lyrics-decoded-paper-rings-church-bells-and-a-london-boy/

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filosofablogger · 7 years

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Good and lovely Monday morning dear friends from around the globe!!! This is the final Monday in the month of May, and I am stunned … where has the year gone??? I think I must have passed much of it in a haze or daze, as I still think it should be March! Just the other day a friend posted the number of days ’til Christmas, and my daughter mentioned something about decorating for Hallowe’en! Nononono, people! Somebody slow this world down … I need time to go slower so that I can at least remember the days!

I would like to wish my Muslim friends, readers and neighbors Ramadan mubarak. Ramadan began on Friday 26 May and goes until Saturday, 24 June.

And now, let us try to find a bit of humour to start this week off, shall we? So grab your coffee … or, um … whatever … and enjoy a bit of a chuckle …

Burger King fast-food restaurants have many locations worldwide, including Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, and many of the countries in the European Union. However they do not yet have a restaurant in Belgium. They are slated to open a Belgium location next month, but there is some controversy here. Apparently, the head honchos over at Burger King thought it would be cute to launch an advertising campaign with a website asking citizens of Belgium to choose between the Burger ‘King’, and Belgium’s own King Philippe. Well, that did not go over too big with the Belgium Royal Family!

A visit to the website prompts users to pick one: Belgian King Philippe, or the company’s mascot. If the user picks Philippe, the ad asks “Are you sure? He won’t be the one to cook your fries.” If they pick him again, then the only option offered is “no.”

Is the Burger King drooling down his beard???

A spokesman for the Belgian royal family told the BBC the monarchy does not grant permission for photos to be used for profit, as in the case with Burger King’s marketing venture. “We disapprove of this approach,” royal spokesman Pierre Emmanuel de Bauw said. “Since it is for commercial purposes, we would not have given our authorization.” A mite touchy, aren’t they?

I have found the perfect job for me! Only problem … it is in Ireland and I am … well, not in Ireland. But it is a job at which I have plenty of experience. Just Cats Veterinary Clinic and Cattery has a job opening for a professional “cat cuddler.” The job posting asks for “a crazy cat person who loves cats” with “gentle hands capable of petting and stroking cats for long periods of time.”

Are you a crazy cat person and loves cats?

Does cattitude come naturally to you?

Have you counted kittens before you go asleep?

Do you feed the stray cats in your locality?

Does petting cats make you feel warm and fuzzy?

If you answer yes to some or all of these questions, how about working with cats as a full time job at Just Cats Veterinary Clinic?

I already do this job … I just don’t get paid money for it, but I get paid in purrs and snuggles, so it’s all good!

Now here’s a headline you don’t see often:

Girl, 11, Accuses Teacher Of ‘War Crime’ Under ‘Geneva Conventions’

The girl is 11-year-old Ava Cross of Glasgow, Scotland, and her father, author Mason Cross , said he wasn’t sure whether to ground her or buy her ice cream when he learned of her response on the feedback form. The form asked students to list things their teacher could do better, to which young Ava replied: “Not use collective punishment as it is not fair on the many people who did nothing and under the 1949 Geneva Conventions it is a war crime.” This girl is obviously getting a good education … at age 11, I don’t think I was quite aware what the Geneva Conventions even were!!! Dad said the precocious youngster is “11 going on 47.”

Here is a short one, but one of those that make you say ‘awwwwwwww’. Or at least it made me say that, but then I have a soft, squishy heart when it comes to critters. An unnamed owner of a home aquarium in Lidingo, Sweden, round one of his fish on the bottom of the tank one morning, apparently injured and unable to swim. 😥

Now, many would just write the fish off and either let it die, or help it along with a toilet flush, but not this man! He went the extra mile and created a little harness from two twist ties and a floating piece of cork that allows the fish to move around the tank with his fishy friends! Here is a short video of li’l fishie using his new device!

I guess you have to be Scottish to understand the outrage in this story … I just found it humorous. Former President Obama traveled to Scotland last week, his first visit there. While there, he took time for a round of golf on the world-famous course in St Andrews. At some point, Obama was handed a bottle of the Scottish soda pop Irn Bru, and a photo was snapped. No biggie, right? WRONG. The Scots are livid … well, some of them anyway.

He’s lookin’ mighty good, at least from the backside, right ladies?

You might wonder why are they so angry. Isn’t Irn Bru an iconic Scottish drink, showing off the best of the wonderful country? Well, they gave him the sugar-free version. And Scots are NOT happy.

On Twitter:

“This is not a drill: Barack Obama has been given some Irn Bru in St Andrews.”

“Who the hell gave Obama sugar-free Irn Bru?!?!”

“What treachery to all that is scottish and holy is this?”

“Imagine giving Obama diet Irn Bru. Could’ve been worse and handed him that new Xtra stuff that pretends to be sweet still but isn’t.”

Gutted that Obama has been given sugar-free Irn Bru instead of the real stuff #madefromgirders ”

“Someone gave Obama DIET irn bru! That’s not what he came here for lads. The big guy needs full fat.”

“@JamieRoss7 @thecommongreen Is that diet? Somebody wants to make sure he never comes back.”

“Obama has been given Diet Irn Bru. This is a major snub. If he were still President he would be justified in launching a nuclear war”

“@JamieRoss7 wait wait wait…is that sugar free? Arrest that man.”

“@JamieRoss7 @MhairiHunter Diet Irn Bru? Who did it, i demand their immediate arrest!?”

Now who knew that the Scots hated diet soda with such a passion??? At any rate, it is said that just a few minutes later, Obama was spotted drinking a bottle of Lipton tea, so I will leave you to draw your own conclusions.

And I just had to throw in and old ad for Irn Bru I discovered along my travels:

Let us wrap up this Monday morn with a few Irish jokes, shall we?

Paddy and Seamus were walking home from the pub. Paddy says to Seamus, ‘What a beautiful night, look at the moon.’

Seamus stops and looks at Paddy, ‘You are wrong, that’s not the moon, that’s the sun.’ Both started arguing for a while when they come upon a real drunk walking in the other direction, so they stopped him.

‘Sir, could you please help settle our argument?

Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that’s shining. Is it the moon or the sun?’ The drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them, and said,

‘Sorry, I don’t live around here.’

A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, ‘Ma’ am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Cork came in and named them.’

The woman thinks to herself, ‘Oh No, not my brother… he’s an idiot!’ She asks the doctor, ‘Well, what’s the girl’s name?’ Denise.’

‘Wow, that’s not a bad name, I like it! What’s the boy’s name?’

‘Denephew.’

A man flops down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie is stained, his face is smeared with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin is sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opens a newspaper and begins reading.

After a few minutes the guy turns to the priest and asks, ‘Say, Father, what causes arthritis?’ Loose living; cheap, wicked woman; too much alcohol; and contempt for your fellow man,’ ‘answers the priest. ‘I’ll be damned,’ the drunk mutters, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he said, nudges the man and apologises. ‘ I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to be so harsh. How long have you had arthritis?’

‘Oh, I don’t have it, Father. But it says here that the Pope does.’

And so, my friends, it is time to … OH WAIT!!! Today is Memorial Day in the U.S., so my local friends will NOT have to put on ties and death trap high heels to go to work today! However, sadly my dear readers on the other side of the pond … you DO have to go to work today. Whether you are preparing a family cookout or going to work today, I hope your day at least started out with a smile. Whatever you do, keep safe and remember to share that smile … hugs and love to you all!

Bon Lundi Matin, Amis!!! Good and lovely Monday morning dear friends from around the globe!!! This is the final Monday in the month of May, and I am stunned ...

#Burger King in Belgium #fish wheelchair #Help wanted: cat cuddler #Irish jokes #Irn Bru soda pop #kid accuses teacher of war crimes #King Philippe - Belgium

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wayneooverton · 7 years

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How to win friends and influence people on Instagram

Oh man, Instagram. That old thing. That photo app we love to hate. I wonder how sorry I would feel for myself if I knew the exact amount of times I opened Instagram and hit refresh per day. Shivers.

If I had to hanker a guess, I’d say around 20,000. You know, just to err on the side of caution.

Like most things in life, I go through phases on Instagram, of being so in love with it I have to be on for 24/7 and then other times where I consider deleting it. “Man, my latest sunset mountain photo only got 2,500 likes, what’s wrong with me? This is shit. I’m shit. Everyone hates me. I give up.”

Somehow, often my self-worth is tied to how successful I am on Instagram, or even worse, how successful OTHER people are. What. The. Fuck. How did it come to this?

My goodness, what is the world coming to when you feel like you are no longer validated because only 2,500 people you’ve never met before liked a picture you took. Then you upload a shot that gets 4,000 likes, and hot damn you’re back in business.

It’s a vicious cycle guys.

I’m the first to admit, I’ve been a dedicated slave to the Instagram for years. I mean, we go way back. Like iPhone 3 way back. Almost 5 years we’ve been together.

You see me and Instagram, we’ve had a tough relationship. You know, love hate. Hot and then cold, yes and then no. Or something like that. It’s the same with McDonald’s. You don’t people to know you actually like it, but then you end up drunkenly taking a taxi through the drive-through at 4 am. Nobody wants to admit that actually, on the inside, they really want those chicken nuggets. Badly.

*Crickets*

Wow, I’ve come a loooooong way since my first Instagram post!

But I digress. Over the years I have really loved Instagram – I still do, deep down. I learned to become a better photographer through the app, to try and become more of a visual storyteller. At the end of the day I’ve met so many incredible people through Instagram, shared so many unique moments and built my own community of followers of thousands of people, and that makes me smile. That’s what it’s for right?

Through Instagram I’ve become a keen photographer, and through it I’ve learned to challenge myself creatively.

But I’m also part of that small percentage of people who also use Instagram for business. I was New Zealand’s first professional Instagrammer, and I’ve built Instagram into my overall business strategy. In addition to my blog, it’s a large part of my work.

And when I see other people directly effecting my work, I get pissed. Guys, I’M SO PISSED

So here we go, the rant you all have been waiting for. It’s been a while, I’ve been letting you down, let me make it up to you. Are you ready?

There are two ways to be successful on Instagram; one is doing it the honest way – building up your brand, sharing high quality shots, being really active and engaged in the community, being creative and original in what you’re doing, and above all, actually be passionate about the photos and stories you’re sharing. You know, actually adhering to Instagram’s T’s and C’s, being ethical and honest, and authentic and genuine. What’s that word everyone forgets? Ah yes, having integrity.

Hell, I even co-launched my own conference called the Travel Bootcamp teaching people how to build a career in this industry.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Instagram

And then there is option B. Cheating and manipulating your way to the top, which has somehow become the popular choice these days amongst the youths and Instagram newbies. Why work hard when you can pay to get it done instead?

Cheating is rampant on Instagram these days. Rampant I say! It’s everywhere. I ignored it for the longest time, wanting to believe the best in people, many of whom are colleagues and friends of mine. But it’s getting so ridiculous now I can’t keep quiet.

So many people are exceptionally lazy. They want the success that comes with having a huge Instagram following but don’t want to put in the hours of hard work yourself. Don’t worry, I’ll make it easy . So check it out, how to fake being authentic 101. A step by step guide. Here are my best tips for cheating and manipulating your way to the top on Instagram. Good luck!

1. Go out and buy some followers

For less than $70, you can get 10,000 Instagram followers! That’s enough to start elbowing your way into this industry. But seriously, buying followers for your Instagram is so 2014. I mean come on, at least try to be more creative than that. There are far sneakier and better ways to get more followers fast than just straight up buying them. Jeez.

2. Get automatic likes on your photos

SO over the years most of us have really felt the drop on Instagram engagement, right? The number of likes and comments you get on your photos often matter more than the follower number. I’ve never worked harder on Instagram than I have been, and I follow all of their rules and suggestions to a tee for five years, and I’ve been suffering from it while watching other people cheat their way to the top without a second thought.

My engagement for my follower count actually isn’t that great, and no matter how hard I try, I can barely keep it steady let alone grow it with the way the algorithms are working. And as soon as I experiment with my shots, it plummets. And my numbers are so skewed because my followers keep growing, mostly from my blog I reckon. I’ve never been more proud of my feed and my photos than I am now, and I’m so bummed that so few of my followers or new people even see it. And I’m not alone.

But don’t worry, there are ways around it. Did you know that you can pay for a monthly service that dumps fake likes on your photos when you upload them? How great is that? You don’t have to do anything and if you get enough of them quickly, you might even show up on the Explore Page! And would you believe me if I told you dozens if not hundreds of people who might even be one of your favorite Instagrammers are doing that too! What’s a little casual fraud in between Instagram posts, right? It’s not like it inflates the entire platform and makes people who aren’t cheating look bad or anything. It’s also faking your own influence.

3. Originality is dead, guys

As much as Instagram touts the idea of being creative photographers and storytellers, does it actually back it up on the platform? Is creativity really rewarded these days on Instagram? Instagram’s own Instagram feed is all about creative projects, unusual themes and cool people doing cool stuff. But is that the content that is actually rewarded on the platform?

NOPE.

What is rewarded is people copying each other over and over and over again. The same pose, the same locations, the same outfits, even the same filters. How many people have become huge landscape travel Instagrammers because they’ve traveled to Iceland and the Faroe Islands, posed in front of cabins and woodpiles and laid on the VSCO moody PNW filters a little too hard. Cough cough, I can think of tons. I mean, Socality Barbie was popular for a reason.

I mean fads are fads, and trends are trends for a reason; and they are highly effective. Beautiful places are popular for a reason, but what about those spots that people have strategically shot over and over and shared repeatedly just to build an image. You know, wearing a fedora hat and a blanket.

But I’ve worked with people over the years, some of whom are huge btw, who blatantly admit that they look out for trendy places, then go there knowing that their photos will be the best. People who don’t consider going to places that might be under the radar, but actually look for locations to shoot in those spots from people who’ve been there before just so they can take a version that will be more popular. Or peruse Pinterest and rip off other people’s ideas as their own. Jesus Christ, does it get any lazier than that?

So come visit me in Wanaka! You might not have heard, but we have this Insta-famous tree in the lake AND a ridge view called Mt. Roy, both of which have been ruined by trendy Instagrammers! You post photos from here and you’re guaranteed double engagement!

4. Be hot and show your butt off

I’m mostly talking about girls here, just so we are clear. Statistically thinking, you have a 75% chance of growing your Instagram account by 50% if you post photos of yourself in underwear or bikinis with an emphasis on your bum. It jumps up another 10% if you have a thigh gap.* Too bad my thigh gap is limited by my nugget consumption.

2. You may not post violent, nude, partially nude, discriminatory, unlawful, infringing, hateful, pornographic or sexually suggestive photos or other content via the Service. Instagram’s Terms of Use

Um, good one!

*Disclosure, I just made that up.

5. Date someone bigger than you

Need to grow a following really quick? Start dating someone who’s Insta-famous, and be prepared to hang on for the ride! Even better if they are a good photographer. Instagram husbands anyone? And nothing grows a following quite like being a hot power couple on Instagram. Actually, if I’m being totally fair here, I am not quite sure there is anything wrong with this, I’m probably just being petty.

After all nothing is more annoying that oversharing oversexualized happy couples on Instagram, right? God I’m so bitter.

6. Steal other people’s ideas

I learned my lesson a few years ago. I have always been a candid person, and I talk about what I’m working on or goals I have openly. Til I got burned again and again by Instagrammers ripping off my work.

I learned the hard way not to talk about projects I’m in the middle of working on (at the risk of having them outpitched from under me – happened to me more than a few times), to shots I was planning to take, to my favorite locations to local spots to trips I was working on. I hate it, but it’s happened too many times that I’ve mentioned it to someone only to have that person try and pull the rug out from under me.

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I’m the kind of person that if you tell me something you’re working on, I’ll either try to help you get there or be supportive of it. It wouldn’t even occur to me to steal someone’s idea. As a creative, I find that behavior HORRENDOUS.

There is a big difference between being inspired by someone and ripping off other people’s work, and it’s something that happens all the time on Instagram, shamelessly.

7. Don’t hate the player, hate the game

There are so many games you can play on Instagram that are far from the Candy Crush variety. One of the biggest ways people game Instagram is following and unfollowing people. Back in the day, people used to do this manually. Follow a bunch of people per day, then unfollow the ones who didn’t follow you back or just unfollow again anyways. What trickery!

Then it got sophisticated and there are apps that you can use that will automatically follow and unfollow for you. Bear in mind it violates Instagram’s terms to authorize apps like that, and it’s pretty fun to go stalk people on SocialBlade to see who’s cheating this way. You just enter in the name of any Instagrammer on a desktop, then click on their IG page and then click detailed stats and have fun!

This is a highly effective way to grow your account because it brings real people in the meantime over to your page. The downside of course, besides being highly unethical, means you aren’t in control of your account anymore and god knows who you’re following. “Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to follow that nazi account, oops!”

8. Not who you seem to be

There are a few people, who shall remain nameless, mostly because I’m scared, who were the ultimate Instagram sneaks.

Like, having a feature account, which is to say a big account on Instagram that just reshares other people’s photos. Sometimes crediting the owners, most of the time just straight up ripping it off. Building a huge following only posting the best of the best, which isn’t even yours, then one day deleting all the photos and reposting your own as a personal account on Instagram.

Yes, people have done it, and some very, very successfully, though of course never admitting it.

I have two words for those people – dodgy motherf*ckers!

9. You don’t even have to be on the app

Did you know that you don’t even need to be on Instagram yourself? You can authorize apps that go and like and comment on stuff for you. I mean, I’m sure you’ve all seen it. Random comments on your photos that don’t make sense. I’ve called out bloggers who comment on all my photos but don’t actually follow me. Or better yet, friends of mine of leave comments on porn or other dirty pages. I’m sure you didn’t mean “wow what a great shot” of a teenager in a thong.

No one likes a spammer!

There are so many Instagrammers who are now super famous who got their start doing this one or two years ago. Because it brings real people over to your page, you get real growth and engagement, never mind that you didn’t even do it yourself and it’s super dodgy and straight up violates several of Instagram’s terms. Why you would do this is beyond me, let alone take the risk of losing your account.

10. Don’t be a dick!

It’s up to you whether or not you want to be a douche. I have to believe that at the end of the day, this kind of behavior will fail. It’s not a long-term solution to this kind of work, and I think that if you build a career on deceit and lies, it will blow up in your face.

Who said that breaking into this industry and being famous on Instagram would be easy? You have to work your ass off at it, often for years before seeing any kind of real success. I have been in this industry for seven years, that’s right seven years of work! It never stops!

Real influence and real success takes real work.

I’m mad because this terrible behavior is straight fucking up the industry on a big scale. It’s not a little problem, it’s rampant, and nothing is being done about it. It skews the numbers and screws over people who have worked and been ethical.

And here’s a shameless little self-promo: sick of seeing this kind of behavior combined with seeing a real lack of hard, credible advice to help break into the travel industry, my business partners Lauren Bath, Georgia Rickard and I co-launched our own conference, the Travel Bootcamp last year. An intensive one day, no BS workshop, we give you all the tools and facts no one talks about that will help you get paid to travel like us. Between us we’ve traveled to over 100 countries, worked for over a decade in the industry and make six figure salaries from it.

Our next Bootcamp is in a couple of weeks in Melbourne on April 29th if you want to come – we have a few tickets left.

Get your tickets to the Travel Bootcamp Melbourne here!

Have you heard of this stuff before? Can you believe it? What kind of terrible behavior have you seen on Instagram? Spill!

The post How to win friends and influence people on Instagram appeared first on Young Adventuress.

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