#I was tempted to color code it but I can only do Kanaya in the light green tumblr uses so. decided against that ndjvdivjdjcj

[unluckyxse7enart]

Another Homestuck-on-the-meteor fic snippet I never finished, this time a chatfic centered on Davekat - specifically Karkat struggling with his quadrant and turning to Kanaya about it. Despite being about Davekat (only semi-directly) I think my favorite bits are all Kanaya's, lmao.

•••

-carcinoGenetecist began trolling grimAuxilliatrix-

CG: KANAYA.

GA: Yes?

CG: CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING?

CG: SOMETHING IMPORTANT?

GA: Well This Is Rather Unusual.

GA: I Don't Mind, But Are You Sure You Shouldn't Go To Your Moirail Instead?

CG: ACTUALLY...

CG: THATS JUST IT

CG: I CANT REALLY GO TO HIM ABOUT IT BECAUSE ITS

CG: KIND OF

CG: ABOUT HIM.

GA: I See.

GA: That Is A Conundrum.

GA: Very Well. My Auricular Sponges Are Open To What You Might Have To Say.

CG: SEE, THE THING IS

CG: I'VE BEEN THINKING LATELY AND

CG: I'M NOT SURE I WANT HIM TO BE MY MOIRAIL ANYMORE.

GA: Oh Dear.

GA: Well, Humans Aren't Exactly Well Versed In The Intricacies Of Quadrants.

GA: I Suppose An Inadequacy In Filling One They Aren't Familiar With Is Something Of An Inevitability.

CG: ER

CG: ACTUALLY, THAT WASN'T WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THAT.

CG: DON'T GET ME WRONG, HAVING A HUMAN TRY TO BE A SUCCESSFUL MOIRAIL WITHOUT BLURRING THE LINES IS AN ENORMOUS BULGE-BITING CHALLENGE

CG: BUT AS FAR AS HAVING ALIENS IN YOUR QUADRANTS GO, DAVE ISN'T... ACTUALLY THAT BAD OF A MOIRAIL ALL THINGS CONSIDERED?

CG: HE'S STILL HEAPS BETTER THAN GAMZEE IS, NOT THAT THAT'S SAYING MUCH.

GA: I See.

GA: Well, If It Isn't That Dave Is Being An Unsuccessful Moirail, As I Had First Presumed, Then What Is The Problem?

GA: Is It One Of Those "It's Not You, It's Me" Things That Your Favorite Movies Are So Fond Of Employing?

CG: KANAYA, FOR GOG'S SAKE DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT.

GA: Say What.

CG: THAT

CG: DAMMIT

CG: THAT I WANT HIM

CG: IN ANOTHER QUADRANT.

GA: Ah.

CG: DON'T "Ah" ME LIKE THAT

GA: Wouldn't Dream Of It.

GA: So?

CG: SO WHAT?

GA: Which Quadrant Do You Want Him In?

CG: WELL THAT'S

CG: KIND OF WHY I CAME TO YOU.

CG: I'M NOT SURE WHICH QUADRANT I WANT HIM IN.

CG: IF I'M COMPLETELY FUCKING HONEST, I'M NOT EVEN THAT SURE I WANT TO END OUR MOIRALLEGIANCE, EVEN IF FOR THE SAKE OF STARTING NEW IN ANOTHER QUADRANT.

GA: That Is A Real Problem.

GA: Have You Considered Seeking An Auspitice?

GA: Not That I'm Volunteering, Mind You.

CG: YES, KANAYA, I'M PERFECTLY AWARE YOU ARE VERY SELECTIVE IN WHO YOU'D AUSPITICIZE FOR, I DON'T NEED A REMINDER.

CG: AND WHILE I HAD CONSIDERED IT, ALSO CONSIDER:

CG: WHO THE FUCK *COULD* I GO TO??

CG: I CONSIDERED ASKING TEREZI, BUT... WELL, GIVEN HER HISTORY WITH BOTH OF US INDIVIDUALLY I HIGHLY DOUBT SHE'D WANT ANYWHERE NEAR US TOGETHER IN A QUADRANT

CG: I WOULDN'T TRUST VRISKA AS FAR AS I COULD THROW HER

CG: GAMZEE CAN'T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO SHOW HIS STUPID CLOWN FACE AROUND ANYONE BUT ME

CG: NOT THAT I'D TRUST HIM AS AN AUSPITICE EITHER

CG: WHICH LEAVES YOU AND ROSE WHICH

CG: YOU'VE ALREADY MADE YOUR STANCE CLEAR, AND ROSE AND DAVE WOULDN'T EVEN CONSIDER IT GIVEN THEIR WEIRD HANGUPS ON BLOOD TIES AND RELATIONSHIPS

CG: NO OFFENSE, BUT THAT'S HONESTLY A RELIEF BECAUSE I WOULDN'T WANT ANY HUMAN AS AN AUSPITICE NO MATTER HOW KNOWLEDGEABLE THEY ARE ON THE SUSBJECT. NOT EVEN ROSE.

CG: SO I HAVE FUCKALL IN THE AUSPITICE PAGEANT TO SELECT FROM WITH MY KEEN JUDGE EYE

CG: AND ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT THERE'S AN EVEN *BIGGER* PROBLEM.

CG: HOW THE BLISTERING BLUE HELL WOULD I EVEN BROACH THIS SUBJECT WITH DAVE???

CG: HE'S ALWAYS BEEN WEIRD ABOUT QUADRANTS.

CG: NEVER MIND I'M RELUCTANT TO ADMIT TO HIM THAT I'M VACILLATING IN THE FIRST PLACE...

GA: If You Don't Mind My Asking, Why Is That?

CG: Vacillation Is Perfectly Natural In A Quadrant Needing Auspiticizing.

CG: WELL

CG: I MEAN

CG: YEAH, I KNOW.

CG: BUT HE'S NOT EXACTLY FAMILIAR WITH THAT. I DON'T KNOW HOW HE'LL TAKE IT.

CG: HUMANS ONLY HAVE ONE 'QUADRANT', REMEMBER.

CG: WHAT IF THE MERE CONCEPT OF VACILLATION IS A DEALBREAKER FOR HIM?

CG: HELL, EVEN THE CONCEPT OF BEING MY MOIRAIL WAS ENOUGH TO SEND HIM OFF ON SOME BULGE-STROKING RAP TANTRUM ABOUT WHO KNOWS WHAT, I COULD BARELY EVEN LISTEN TO THE FIRST FIVE WORDS BEFORE TUNING IT OUT.

CG: IMAGINE MY COMPLETE AND UTTER SURPRISE WHEN HE ACTUALLY SAID HE’D THINK ABOUT IT.

CG: AND THEN *AGREED* TO IT.

CG: BUT HE STILL DOESN’T GET THE FINER CONCEPTS OF QUADRANTS AND IF *I* CAN BARELY RECOGNIZE WHEN I’M ABOUT TO VACILLATE THEN HOW UNDER THE BLISTERING SUN WOULD I BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN IT SO THAT EVEN A SHITTING WIGGLER CAN UNDERSTAND IT.

CG: BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE’S GOING TO GET LOST IF I EXPLAIN IT A LEVEL ABOVE THAT.