#I was taught that my experiences factored in very heavily to what my opinions of characters were so that's why I think I tend to get

[ms-all-sunday]

just popping in to say that i adore your meta posts and i love how you talk about certain characters, particularly nami, usopp, and sanji. so much of op discussion/meta is so stagnant and boring to me because it's all the same. very rarely do i see differing interpretations and i find your specific analysis of them so interesting

Oh you're so nice. Thank you. I've actually never gotten a direct compliment like this before. I'm so glad I can provide.

[stinkybreath]

hello

do you trust me to recommend you some books

I read ~170 this year and here’s reviews of my top ten, written for fb and crossposted under the cut in case you’re interested

1: Camp Concentration by Thomas Disch

-I know it’s not obvious from the way I conduct myself here, but I have a very large vocabulary. I was a kid who read the dictionary and also any thesaurus I had access to. So, that said, consider how much it means to me personally that this book taught me 30-50 new words. This isn’t a huge part of the reason I loved this book, but it is a very impressive fact about it that I think will grab the attention of people who might otherwise not read it. This book changed the way I read, the way I think about literature, and the way I evaluate what I have previously read. It’s offensive to me that I lived 30 years as an avid reader and culture sponge without hearing about this book. I cannot recommend it enough. I give it top spot on this list for a very good reason. I’d like to avoid spoiling any of the plot because while I called the twist easily, discovery of each point was so delightful that I want you to have that same experience.

2: Cockatiel x Chameleon by Bavitz

-You all have plenty of experience with me recommending works of fiction published online in formats that deter most readers. This is a normal Najwa activity. I know how it sounds and I know, therefore, that this plea will go more or less unheard, but I BEG you. Look past the fact this was published on AO3. This is one of the most remarkable books I’ve read, period. I mentioned in my worst of how much it bothers me that most writers can’t plausibly write about the internet. This book is the FUCKING ZENITH of writing about being online. It is the absolute peak and I will be shocked if I ever encounter another work that overtakes it. This is a book about people who are so strange they are barely human, but in ways that will be instantly familiar, intimately true, to those of us who grew up on the internet. There is violence and abuse and love and beauty and Chatroulette. There is art and gore and exploration of identity and apocalypse. There is fucking POSTING.

3: Serious Weakness by Porpentine

-Charity Heartscape Porpentine is one of our greatest living authors, opinions of snide Twitter users notwithstanding. I am an evangelist for her Twine game poetry because it is so singular and so affecting. Even a decade on, I can play through Their Angelical Understanding and feel freshly stabbed in the gut. Imagine the thrill I felt when she posted about her completed novel. I would (strongly) recommend this even to people who (somehow) bounced off her games, because her prose style is very distinct from the voice those are in (yet still recognizable). This is an incredibly violent, sick, stomach-turning, difficult, ugly, terrifying book. It’s also ultimately asking the reader a question about love and compassion. If you are sensitive to any trigger in written word about any violent action one person can do to another, skip this book, but if you feel like you have the strength, give her the nine bucks or whatever that she’s asking and devour it like I did. A hook for you: our protagonist has a chance meeting with an embodiment of pain. What follows includes torture, gender, climate disaster, and Columbine. Gorgeous. This book almost convinced me to start doing video essays so I could explain to people the incredible factors at play in it.

4: Negative Space by BR Yeager

-I have been trying to read this book for free for so long that I broke my streak and paid actual money for it. It was one of the better purchases I made all year. Thanks to finally reading some Stephen King this year I now have the requisite foundation to see how heavily his style inspired Yeager in this book, but I would die on the hill defending my position that Yeager does King better than King ever did. There is evil seeping out between the lines of this book. Have you ever had a nightmare that made you feel doomed the entire next day? Have you ever felt you were trapped in your shitty, dying home town? Have you ever been seduced by the excitement of activities that you know might actually kill you? Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and looked at your own dark reflection? Go back to the deepest point of your teenage depression here.

5: We Who Are About to by Joanna Russ

-One of the shortest entries on this list and so one of the easiest sells, but it is just as full of meaning as any other that made the cut. There is so much implied and unsaid about this protagonist. She feels whole, like this is the last chunk of chapters in a series centered on her, but she represents something universal. She is one member of a group from a crash-landed spaceship, a group small enough in numbers that there’s no way for humanity to last on this planet more than one more generation. Any attempts to do even that are so plainly cruel and self-deluding that she wants no part of them, but the others with her don’t see it the same way. Her story is womanhood under patriarchy, it is life and death, it is self-determination. Brutal. I read this at the airport and cried in public.

6: Carrie by Stephen King

-As much as I hate to say it, I gotta hand it to Uncle Steve (or really to Tabitha). This book very nearly justifies the rest of his career on its own. I thought had picked up most of it from cultural osmosis, but there was a truly shocking depth that I couldn’t have found without experiencing it firsthand. Maybe it’s funny to use this word here, but this book is humanist and compassionate and sincere in a way that King never finds again, particularly with the women he writes. Carrie is so vivid that I felt a protective instinct for her throughout the book even though I knew she was about to discover her own power. She reflects parts of me about as well as Lindqvist did in Little Star, which is the work of art that is THE most personal to me. A classic for a fucking reason.

7: The Doloriad by Missouri Williams

-This year, lots of the books that I read had strange echoes of each other. In this, I can pick out shades of Carrie, of Camp Concentration, of We Who Are About To, and even of Serious Weakness. Rarely if ever are these references by each author, but it has enriched my experience by having unofficial interlocking intertexts for all of them. This book has been very divisive with reviewers, and I understand why, because it is cruel and the prose is extremely stylistic. This is somewhat experimental and fully literary and sincerely philosophical. I get it. Not for everyone. But it was for me. A clan of inbreds at the end of the world with their eyes on their scapegoat, nonverbal and disabled Dolores. It shocked me and it challenged me and I loved it.

8: The Ice Cream Man and Other Stories by Sam Pink

-These short stories did the exact opposite of the thing that pissed me off about The Florida Project. These are about people who are varying degrees of sympathetic but the same degree of desperately, penny-scrapingly working poor. The easy pull quote is “unflinching,” because it turns an eye on very ugly parts of real life for so many of us. I think people who grew up middle class will find some voyeuristic, prurient pleasure in these stories, but they’re not written for you. They’re written for us, the people who have lived this way.

I Who Have Never Known Men by Jacqueline Harpman 9

-I don’t need to tell you how great this book is, because the whole of booktok has told you this all year. Instead, what I will say is that it is much stranger and less tidy than you’re imagining when you hear the blurb. It’s a short read and it is one of the few times I haven’t regretted following booktok’s advice.

Only Lovers Left Alive by Dave Wallis 10

-This barely squeaked onto this year’s best of, because I started it before 2022 ended and finished it early in the new year. As I read it, especially in the first 20% of the book, I was confused as to how it ended up on my TBR. But toward the end, and throughout the year as I’ve continued to think about it, I understand more instinctively than intellectually that this is a remarkable work. A short synopsis: in the 80s in the UK, there is an epidemic of suicide, but only by adults. The teens left behind forge their own path.

[troutfur]

1️⃣ and 📝 for the warriors ask game!

Ask game

1️⃣ : was warriors your first animal based fantasy series? if not, what series was?

I think so! And I'm kind of surprised to be honest! English is not my first language and Warriors wasn't translated into my native language (Spanish) until I was outside the primary audience. (And even then I wouldn't have paid attention to the translated editions because by then I was transitioning to reading exclusively in English, but mostly the popular YA things everyone my age was reading.)

However I had been aware of these books' existence for years due to hanging out in furry circles before first reading them at around age 17. And I didn't join the fandom until years after that.

📝 : if commanded to, without warning, approximately how many paragraphs could you write about your favorite warrior cat before you ran out of things to say

Let's find out together!

Ah, Jayfeather! Jayfeather, Jayfeather, Jayfeather. What can I say about you I haven't said before? Where can I even begin to spill out my brains about this grey kitty?

I think first things first it's fair to admit my liking for him stems at least a little bit from familiarity bias. As I said above I had been aware of his existence years previous to ever reading a Warriors book let alone a book he features in. In fact, due to the kind of discourse that I was a distant witness to, his name had been seared into my mind for a long time. I barely knew the basic facts about him but from the beginning I was like "So... where's this Jayfeather I hear so much about?"

But ultimately I think he's legitimately a character that has many elements that appeal to me. From the top, the idea of a character that has a contentious relationship with the priesthood is gonna connect with me. His relationship to his religion and position of authority is not really all that similar as my experience as an apostate gay Catholic who was formerly an extreme zealot. But it touches on similar points.

The issue of his ableist treatment by the narrative goes hand in hand really. One sticking point for me has always been how he, a congenitally disabled twelve year old is heavily pressured into swearing himself to celibacy. The confluence of these two factors of course inspire much sympathy and vicarious outrage but also touch on my own very complicated relationship with the concept of celibacy which allow my engagement with the canon material to turn self-reflexive at times.

Taking a crack at fixing canon is a very rewarding experience and his writing is so mired in poorly thought out implications, plotlines that ultimately go nowhere, and a flanderization problem after his run as a protagonist that the challenge cannot be anything but alluring. And just the fact writing him involves pretty interesting in my opinion research and the added challenge of not using visual imagery.

To get personal for a moment. Upon reflection I think in some part the reason I'm so engaged by research into blindness to write him is because it reminds me of my late grandfather. He used to work for the organizing committe of a fundraiser lottery for a charity that provided services and accomodations for deaf and blind people. He used to involve my brother and I in the organization's work and taught us a fair amount about deaf and blind culture and the stuff his organization did. I'm very grateful for him planting that seed of empathy in me.

But anyway, to the guy I'm writing all these paragraphs about! He's also just fun to read about! I'm entertained by bitchy characters, simple as! I don't even think they need to have commeupance for being mean to justify their existence or whatever. Although I will always point out a) he's mostly bitchy in his inner monologue, out loud he's surprisingly subdued if you read Po3, and b) the idea that he's softer to children or his patients is a canonical part of his characterization, not a fandom invention, even if it's been dropped since.

And everyone knows I'm the sibling dynamics guy still right? That's of course another thing that's important about him, he has siblings! And his protagonisthood revolves around them! Idk, that's just one of my particular obsessions I can't really explain. But it definitely helps.

From here the thoughts become more vague and it's more just me going "blorbo!" as he rotates on the mental microwave. But yeah.

That's... 7 paragraphs. Yeah I can write 7 paragraphs on him at the smallest prompting.

[beelspillowpet]

I saw ur obey me rants and loved them all. I esp love how u said it all with ur whole chest. My thing w Lilith is that she bothered MC about helping her crazy ass brothers when WHO’S GONNA HELP MC? “They need you!��� What they need is a family therapist and a foot up they ass. Tf I’m gon do for ur heavily traumatized brothers? And why did EYE have to get traumatized in the process of helping they needy asses? During lesson 16 I just wanted MC to look at the brothers like “fuck off” when they started doting on them when they found out. Especially to belphie. (Sidenote: I saw somebody say that if u hate belphie ur a hypocrite bc all the brothers tried to kill you. Some ppl truly have brain rot from hell. And I actually like the little asshole, but not in an “uwu love u” way but in a “fuck u u little brat ❤️ ur brother is the only good thing about u. ur lucky I have horrible taste” way ). Happy birthday!!!

I honestly, believe it or not, never thought of that too much either. "What about MC?"

Who is going to help us through suddenly being ripped from our lives? No matter how good or bad it is, no matter how good it may become to just stay here where we may be pampered and spoiled by some or all of the guys, we were still kidnapped. There's also the factor of manipulation which they ALL HAVE by thrusting THEIR PROBLEMS unto you the player, and then praising you when you solve them, as basic of communication problems seems to be the root of all agony in that god damned house. That and functioning listening skills from.. ALL OF THEM.

While Belphie was and always will be the hottest topic from the game as far as controversy has it, his section was the best and worst of the "game" so far. And I and many others have poked holes in it so often that it may as well be broken in pieces on the ground.

I've grown to love Belphie, through my main story of the twins. And this is saying a LOT considering Belphie in Jinx and Jin's storyline is arguably the worst development of a character, morally, I have ever created. He makes Jinx relive her trauma- the root of why she was brought there in the first place- and undoes almost a years worth of progress, as well as all the incredible progress made in the mental hospital she had been sent to in the story.

He loves Jinx eventually. He adores her and calls her the best thing to happen to his family. They talk about the stars together, they talk about tattoos and piercings, she even goes with him to get his own and holds his hand through the process. She talks about her scars and how she'll never heal from the pain, but she's learned to be proud that she made it, and it inspires Belphie to think the same. She's taught him to be at peace, to meditate, to let go for a little bit. I've learned to love Belphie through my writing of his character and how to properly "redeem a murderer".

But to simply say "well they all did it" isn't true. Verbal threat and physical harm are two different things. Both are very damaging, absolutely. I can't speak for everyone in their experiences in life, nor do I aim to say that everyone should agree with me when I say that verbal threat isn't worse than physical harm, but in my very personal opinion, and from how I was raised, verbal threats can be taken serious, but not a call to action.

If Asmo threatened to eat my heart, I'd welcome him to try as I firmly plant my foot past the rings of his ass. I wish a mutherfucker would. I'm not all that physically capable, but canon be damned, I'll fuck a mfer up. It feels like people who make this excuse are grasping at straws to justify the lil shit. Just say he's a piece of shit and go bang him. I'D still bang him anyway-

(Thank you btw hun!!! <3)

[wexhappyxfew]

i literally choked on my pizza when i saw your writing and analyzing questions post, I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!! first of all, what sort of process do you go through when creating characters? what kind of things do you take into consideration when creating them? i’m fascinated because creating characters is far from easy, especially when you’re creating someone like agent mortem! i’m always interested to know what the writer’s thought process was when creating a new character!

okay, so secondly, i wouldn’t say i’m having trouble with keeping all my planning organised and ‘precise’ in a way, but it’s really not easy 😅 i was wondering what kind of processes you go through when planning, whether you have like a specific structure or a set of steps to follow, or if you just kind of roll with it? at the moment when i plan it’s okay and it makes sense, but it’s literally just 4 or 5 pages of really chunky paragraphs which makes it really difficult to pick out the events again when i come to needing the plan to help me. i don’t really know if you do anything different, but if there is any way you know of that i could keep it more organised and easy to follow, that would be great :)

i’ll keep the last ones a little shorter because this ask is already looking veryyy long — what have you enjoyed writing about natia, what struggles have you faced and what have you learned? and basically the same with agent mortem if that’s possible :) i have asked a LOT of questions in this, so don’t feel like you have to answer them all because it will probably take quite a while 😅 anyway, thank you for putting up with my endless questions, and i hope you have a good day <33

ROSE AH HELLO MY FRIEND!!!! <333 sorry ive just gotten to this omg! it’s been sitting here for a little while but i’ve just had so much going on right now and wanted to make sure when i answered that my *full attention* was put on this! (because i’ve been very excited to answer this ESPECIALLY as i see agent mortem questions poking up on here and that just makes me even more hype!!! :D enjoy! <3

Ooooo this is a cool question! I’ve been asked it before but I feel with different characters and such, it always seems to fluctuate for me at least? In the sense, it’s almost never the same process for me in the developmental stages of a character haha! Sometimes I get characteristics first hand, or sometimes a certain scene pops up that just makes the character click and I can build from there, or sometimes, it’s just a last name or a first name that I work with and suddenly have an idea for!

For example, since we’re on the general topic of Landslide, I’ll talk about some things I did when creating specifically Natia. The “Natia” who is currently portrayed in the fic, was not always really like that. Natia initially was not a SOE Agent/Polish Resistance Fighter and instead a Dutch Resistance Member who would meet with Easy in Episode 4. I always sort of knew Natia, in whatever form she was, would meet Easy in Episode 4, but I wasn’t sure how, so the building in the first 17 chapters was the toughest part to come.

I did heavily feel the Polish were underrepresented in terms of the situation of the war along with everything that happened in the Warsaw Uprising and so I felt it was important to see if I could do something with that and that’s really where Natia came into play!

Natia means “hope” essentially and something I really like doing with her character is to parallel or juxtapose different ideas together, to continue on this sort of theme of her being a quite ominous and ambiguous character — you get the general sense of what her morals are, but in certain points it’s questionable. Morally-ambiguous characters have always been fascinating to me, especially female morally-ambiguous characters and so creating Natia in that respect I felt would be interesting to see what I could do!

Something major that I’ve slowly began to take into consideration with characters more and more, is the sort of general theme I want to be present with them — what’s that goal i that they are moving towards in the end and what’s the them surrounding it? For Natia it’s a multitude of things; family, revenge, being silenced, numb, grief, mentor vs protégé, lone wolf etc….the list could truly go on! And with these basic sort of ideas and themes, I can then move on from there and expand.

Why did she want REVENGE? Because the enemy killed her FAMILY, which is extremely important to her, and she wants to feel some sort of REDEMPTION for them.

Why was she BEING SILENCED? Because of the *past* conflict of the HARMFUL MENTOR VS SILENCED PROTÉGÉ situation that occurred between Agent Mortem and herself, where she allowed herself to be silenced by someone who abused the SUDDEN POWER he never had before in his life, ultimately leading to her continued issues of TRUST that she would meet throughout.

Why is she NUMB? Because at a fairly young age she experienced heavy and intense GRIEF that struck unforgivably at a time where it seemed things were safe. To rip something from a character, especially the main character, like FAMILY which is extremely important, you pull at the heart strings and it makes that character move forward on a quest for that in a way, ultimately by the end of the fic. (Basically you up they are least get a semblance of that lost thing, found again by the end)

Why is she a LONE WOLF? Because of the MENTOR VS PROTÉGÉ situation yet again, where she was taught to rely strictly on herself and no one else and so when TRUST and COMPANIONSHIP and TEAMWORK were introduced to her character, she didn’t know how to cope because she had been so desensitized to the ways of Agent Mortem that working back in the morals of family and friends was a challenge in its own respect.

It’s sort of a like a ripple effect if you think about it and that’s what helps me eventually move forward and develop the character arc I want to take place. She’s this way because of this — sort of like cause and effect. It’s really helped me out with major scenes or plot holes that have risen throughout the fic!

AGREED! Writing in general is not an easy feat and now including mind you ORIGINAL CHARACTERS, you’re literally, essentially, creating human beings from scratch and giving them characteristics, a backstory, trauma if you wish, friends and family, people they love, people they hate, morals, standards EVERYTHING! ITS INSANE! AH AND AGENT MORTEM! I’m so very glad that you brought him up, because his creation definitely stemmed directly from the want to experiment with the relationship of failed mentor vs protégé, entirely. I wanted a foil to Natia that was not directly with her all the time. Mortem plays such a MASSIVE role in her story and yet any interactions between the two are either from her mind or from memories and that’s just such a fun way to play around with their dynamic! (I just finished the creation of his backstory and character arc I want him to take and it’s only made me even more excited for what’s to ultimately come for him as well as Natia!)

A song that HEAVILY represents their dynamic is Ghost by Marvin Brooks (2WEI) and I’ll explain why. Even though Mortem is not always inherently *with* Natia, he still is a huge factor of her life, and still heavily controlling many aspects of her life such as recurring memories, reactions, and how she is also conditioned to react to certain things as well. He is essentially a “ghost” who is “haunting” Natia and I feel that’s an interesting take on their connection because they’re two people who clearly had a power struggle and a difference of opinions of multiple things and that just makes it so incredibly interesting to write!

song:

OOOOOO good question!!! So many people have such different ways of approaching story writing and planning and drafting and writing and editing and it’s honestly amazing!! I will say, I’m not an excessive planner or even a real great planner with writing, I never really have, and even as I’ve developed my writing and learned that “it’s okay to slow down”, or “it’s okay to take time for different portions to provide a deeper focus”, I still have not been someone to plan out every bit of my writing.

Reason being is I enjoy seeing where I can take the story in that time and place. Maybe if I’m doing a quick little writing segment and suddenly this idea just appears and hits me, I work it into the fic and it takes it a whole new direction and I end up not being super upset about it because it just…it works! And of course, this is not how other people operate and I have every respect for people who plan and have every detail laid out and figured out and just….completely and utterly planned to the dot. Lile kudos to people who genuinely get the planning all cleaned up before even writing, truly.

I just finalized Agent Mortem’s backstory and where I want his character arc to go and I’ve had him as a character since August of last year LOL! But ya know sometimes, I sit and I think back and go, maybe I wasn’t ready at that time to develop him completely yet because I, the writer, didn’t understand him enough to and I had to write more of him to be able to get a grasp of who he was and his character (and just about everything else!) and that’s okay!!! :)

Going with this idea I just stated above — the 4 or 5 pages of info — KEEP IT MY FRIEND!!! I swear, half the reason ideas even come to me is simply because I just write a big info dump that has all my little ideas somewhere inside and will ALWAYS be there. I recommend maybe taking a day though - away from focusing on writing or editing - and just picking that apart. (That’s what I did the other day and it helped me out MAJORLY! and it was worth it in the end!) Maybe keep the original 4-5 pages and then copy and paste the same thing in another doc so you always have the original!

And then just go through and split ideas apart! If you start reading and see it moving into another realm of headspace of ideas, just press enter and separate the two — you didn’t delete it, it’s still there and still intact! It’s just easier to look at now because instead of two, jumbled and completely different ideas, you now have two paragraphs and portions of text that relate to their own respective idea. It definitely makes it an easier pill to swallow when trying to get yourself organized!!

This really helped me when I was in my beginning stages of figuring out Landslide ESPECIALLY the first 17ish chapter where Natia was not in contact with Easy yet. I’ve explained it before but those chapters are there because we are seeing her final days with the resistance in Warsaw and how she ultimately ends up with Easy PLUS we see who she is as a character by herself and how she is not merely an extension off of Easy, but her own character, her own person. She has her own story and her own morals and ways of going about her life that don’t even relate to Easy. Their paths just happened to cross!! :)

By getting those first 17ish chapters planned, not extreme planning though I will admit, half the scenes were very much thought up on the spot for example like Natia driving to Munich in disguise or the introduction of Zdzich — two very important scenes that show us something about Natia. (1) She’s willing to go to extreme lengths for the people she loves to ensure that in the end they are safe, even if it means sacrificing herself and (2) she has trouble realizing that there are people out there that genuinely care for her, a connection to her ultimate, unruly and upsetting past. And the best part about it is THESE WEREN’T EVEN PLANNED! So sometimes, just let the story take the reigns and your mind and just guide you through it. Sometimes it is for the best :)

If you have your basic ideas and concepts and themes for how you want your fic to eventually go, the scenes for me most of the time just appear I guess when they should. Sometimes even in the times I'm not writing, I sit theorizing and questioning and thinking and developing ideas in my mind and it's a real good exercise, so when you get back to writing, you already know where you want the fic leading in the end!

MAN I LOVE THIS QUESTION. Anytime I can provide some meta or give some insight to Natia who is just one of the best characters I’ve gotten the pleasure of working with, I’ll gladly answer!

The thing I enjoy writing about Natia the most I feel, and I’ll probably always say this, is her complexity — as a writer, her character orders a healthy challenge for me that I gladly have accepted! You don’t know everything about her as a reader and as you read each chapter, that’s how you slowly uncover and discover what she hid about herself to protect herself. There’s so many different aspects of her that I could discuss truly!! (There has been so many parts that I’ve scrapped because I read through and just think “Man this doesn’t seem like Natia!”. She’s tricky sometimes to stake down exactly how she would react because of her past and her trauma and how long she’s been in war, but I just LOVE it!)

Many different aspects of her character though, come from her past and that’s what makes her interesting. I’ve really enjoyed working with the ideology of “Chekov’s Gun”, a writing device that can be used, with how I will mentioned something and it almost might seem out of the blue, yet later it all just makes sense?! When the flashback is revealed or a small portion of her past is finally allowing *light* in. It's a device I've used with Natia that has just really helped to develop her story at the pace I want it to be revealed! :D

For example, the OCEAN is mentioned many times. I make constant reference to the WAVES, the RECESSION of them from time to time, the comparison of the OCEAN both ABOVE and BELOW surface — all of that sorta stuff! For her character, it seems a bit out of place. She’s COLD. She’s NUMB. She’s BROKEN. What does an open body of water consuming at least 70% of the Earth have to do with an OC based in Warsaw, Poland?

This is where the importance of her PAST will play it’s role, as it has a major INFLUENCE on her and her CHARACTER and her MORALS. One of the main reasons the OCEAN is inherently connected to Natia is because of her PAST and one of those main reasons is AGENT MORTEM and her TRAINING, especially WATER training. I can’t comment further on this though as readers have only touched the tip of the iceberg for the use of the OCEAN and it’s IMPORTANCE so far in this fic! (Ask me again about it once this fic is finished up for the most part, unless….by Part 4 readers understand why!)

Natia just remains a character who constantly is developing and changing inside my head - where I want her path to ultimately end up leading by the end of the fic, where I want both her mental head space vs emotional head space should be and etc. So many portions of this fic are dealt specifically on her internal monologue and how she calculates and problem solves from that portion of her sort of *engagement* within the conflict. There never seems to be a dull moment when writing her!

Another thing I really have enjoyed about writing Natia is her clashing personality traits that make her interesting to write in both different scenarios and reactions. She's stubborn yet humble. She's numb and cold but internally extremely caring and giving and filled with these bottled up emotions. She's mentally strong yet she's been through so much and let the war take so much. She never complains about what she's doing, but she's lost nearly everyone she loves. She's a fighter in this war and refuses to back down from a battle she know she can wage, but the second she is pulled from the aspect of war, things crash and burn around her. Just even these few combating sort of things, really show her character and what, through writing, has slowly developed! They always lay around in the back of my mind and it's one of the main things I remind myself when I write Natia all the tme.

I think one of the most important things I've learned from both writing and creating a character like Natia is that (1) it's okay to ask for help, about anything, literally anything. You don't have to confine everything to yourself and build up this immense pressure to do what you must to continue moving forward. It's okay to have people there to help you and support you. (2) It's okay to be strong alone and even if you seem to be the only one on the current path you're are on, it does not mean you are wrong. it can still lead to the right destination in the end!

Oooo okay! AGENT MORTEM!! I am totally down to chat about some things I've loved to write with him with and some challenges I've discovered, but as far as what I've learned from him, I will be holding off and could answer that when the entire fic is both completed and then updated on platforms....just because ;) don't want to give away any spoilers haha! <3

Something I've enjoyed about writing and crafting Agent Mortem is letting him remain as mysterious and secretive as he is for so long. Initially, I can't even begin to recall what his character would be like even a year ago, but seeing where he has developed now, I'm really happy with where he is. He's mysterious, he's shadowed, he seems like a figure in the background, a past mentor who is half deranged and lost his mind with a background with so substance. It makes for such a fascinating way to begin to reveal his past! (something I've began to insert into part 4 of Landslide and man I'm just so HYPE!)

I feel I'm excited simply because he's finally getting the time and moment he deserves to finally explain and show himself as to what has occurred. There's so many fractured and disconnected parts of what is currently going on with Natia and her connection to both Agent Mortem and then Death is tossed in the mix and it seems this big complicated mess of 'how' Agent Mortem got to be this way, 'why' he does a thing such as this, just different and varying aspects such as that. it makes for those big final reveals to all be even more worth it!

He has been quite the challenge though I will admit. There's so many perspectives he could quite possibly be viewed from and his *character* + morals/values could be pulled in a various amount of ways as well. Making sure he accurately comes across the way I want him to both appear and come across to the reader and to myself has definitely been tricky. He's not as easy as suspected, you know, not just a 'dude who had a bad day and went insane in the end', there's a whole multitude of levels and reasons and a deep, heavy and traumatizing background starting from his birth really (which is a whole other story). Managing and balancing that all in one has definitely been something I've had to keep on top of and monitor but I feel has really been worth the challenge in the end. Because at the end of the day, I'm someone looking to constantly challenge myself.

And a good challenge, whether it be writing or academics or a workout, is healthy and GOOD! That's what Landslide in a whole has really shown me, to challenge yourself daily to see where you can push yourself and your imagination and creativity, just to see where you can even go!! it's exciting and refreshing!

Thank you so much for this wonderful ask Rose! I appreciate it more than ANYTHING as you well know, and I know it's taken me *quite* some time to answer, but I've been working on it for weeks now and finally got it out because it was ready! I really wanted to take my time with it and develop it to its full potential in the end and I feel I have (without giving away any spoilers haha!) As always, please know if you have any further questions regarding Natia Filipska, Agent Mortem, Death (along with other characters of Landslide), writing, the process (my own included), tips for writing/planning, or just anything else in general, I will always be happy to help in anyway I can! You're always welcome, anyone always is!!! <3333 Thank you again, I had so much fun doing this more than anything! :D

[goron-king-darunia]

@hannikka Regarding a comment on this post. “i know this ask has nothing to do with me, but i will be honest with you, before you said to take this with a grain of salt i was going to fight you XD (not really, but still XD) because i definitely and actually fell in love as in real lovewhen i was very young and it lasted years, so i was horrified for a moment, but then again like you, said our experiences are not universa” Again, like I said, I have not been a child in a very long time and I am demisexual so my threshold for attraction is VERY different from the standard. I can only speak from my experiences as a child and what I’ve seen regarding other kids I’ve worked with. It’s not impossible to fall in love, real genuine love, as a kid. I just think that’s VERY rare for it to happen and it seems to be the exception rather than the rule. Obviously this is anectdotal rather than data driven and even then, in the USA, narratives involving children and romance are heavily sanitized because in the USA implying that children are people with feelings like adults is very scary strawberry territory for censors because god forbid we imply children are complex people. Even worse if we imply children and adults can be friends, good heavens. The USA tiptoes around intergenerational friendships like a plague corpse in the street because if something even remotely resembles pedophilia, it’s BAD. Like, the USA buries that shit so hard, to the point where when the Professor Layton games came out I was confused for the longest time about what relation Luke had to Layton because in the USA one does not simply just have a grown man mentoring a young boy that isn’t his son or a blood relative of some sort. Like... there were memes about Layton being a guy that kidnaps orphans because that, for some reason, seemed more probable than the actual explanation which is that Luke is the son of one of Latyon’s close friends, and he and Luke bonded over solving a mystery together in town. Hell, even Layton being adopted was kind of a revelation for me when that showed up in the narrative because the USA had a BAD track record of underrepresenting non-traditional family structures. So I’m sure my view on children is partially cultural as well. The USA doesn’t want to admit it but we’re STILL barely out of that old phase of “children should be seen and not heard” bullshit of treating kids like extensions of their parents and swung right around to some weird other extreme of “if we even acknowledge kids at all, we either make them wise beyond their years or infantalize them to hell and back because what even is a child anyway? Baby? Yeah, we know what that is. Helpless cinnamon roll that can never do anything bad ever. Teenager? Yeah we know what that is. That’s like that weird stage of development where you’re like an adult but with now power and lots of feelings and you’re terrible with everything. IDK if I just grew up overly sheltered (which is probably the case) but like... seeing all these new shows on Netflix that acknowledge that teenagers have sex feels... transgressive somehow. Like, I LIKE that we’re acknowledging it. Because we’ve known for ages it happens and clearly doing pearl-clutching and trying to pretend it doesn’t won’t stop teen pregnancy. But it feels so terribly RECENT that we’re actually not actively shoving that under the rug. The Lion King (the good animated one, not the CG one) firmly cemented in my head when I was a wee baby watching it that “friends” and “lovers” were separate categories (even though Nala and Simba are a couple, LOL) because like, yeah, thinking about getting married to my best friends was WEIRD (even at a time in my life when a lot of my friends were boys. XD) So I was totally with Simba when he was like “Ew, I can’t marry her! She’s my friend!” It’s really only been in recent years that the idea of friendship and romantic/sexual relationships aren’t mutually exclusive has become mainstream. Or at least, it’s only recently that I aged into a group where these stories were targeted. IDK, I feel like I’m getting into the weeds here and talking in circles. But the point is YES, I am totally only speaking from my own experiences here, I am 100% not an authority, I am only giving an opinion, and my opinion is largely shaped by experiences and media that are not universal by any means. XD. I was relatively sheltered, have conservative parents, was a neuroatypical child and still am neuroatypical as an adult, turned out to be demisexual which is pretty different considering most of the world is some flavor of allosexual, an I grew up in the USA where basically the only acceptable adult/child relationships are parent/child and teacher/student (and if you’re a teacher you’re on thin fucking ice, fucking YIKES) because the USA treats every other possible interaction between an adult and child as highly suspect. The only factors I have mitigating these views is that I’ve worked with kids and took developmental psychology in college. So I am aware children are a lot more complex than the culture in the USA gives them credit for being. Children aren’t some weird alien species. They’re largely just very tiny adults with very little power/little ability to act on their agency and very little experience. I have met 10 year olds I would trust more than I trust myself, honestly. Kids that are more mature than me and just... understand things I would definitely NOT have at the same age. So, like, again, I’m not saying it’s impossible for kids to fall in love. I’m just saying that usually kids aren’t concerned with that, and when they ARE, they’re usually practicing the particulars of love. but this is just from my own childhood and my limited experience working with grade school kids. Kids I worked with were far more interested in friendships than romances, and as a kid, my romantic interests were, like, Link from Ocarina of Time and I couldn’t decide if I liked fucking Knuckles the Echidna as a dad or as a boyfriend and I think I settled on dad material because I have an old old old illustrated story that I might have even uploaded here where Knuckles is my dad. XD So, like, for real, take my opinions with a FAT grain of salt because I am literally just a goofy goober and have been in exactly 2 romantic relationships and one of them only lasted a year. XD (The other is basically from college until now which is practically 10 years, but also largely long-distance so, like. Definitely not the usual experience. XD) But also, for real, if I say something controversial, weird, or just plain wrong, you can 100% feel free to fight me because I am an idiot and I say dumb shit all the time. That one debunked post that went around about the “Azhar Library bombing” is a big case in this. XD I am basically an educated adult child. I know some things, but more than anything I know enough to realized that I actually know VERY LITTLE and my whole life should be a learning experience. So I am absolutely not opposed to being wrong and getting taught things because that’s honestly half the reason I’m even remotely as good a person as I am today because I was a garbage kiddo and a garbage teenager and still probably a garbage young adult and was educated out of it. I have a lot of internalized beliefs that were changed because of college and listening to people online, and I can only learn more and grow more my having good friends throw down and fight me over stuff when I say a dumb thing. XD Literally I am probably only on the Left because good people educated me on politics when no one else would. I legit could have been one of those awful cases of a disenchanted teen that was led down the alt-right pipeline. Scary to think of but my parents weren’t teaching me so thankfully better people stepped up to do it. So, legit, you are welcome to fight me any time, man. I want to learn. I want to be inoculated against bad ideas and educated away from any bad opinions I hold.

[katerinawinters]

The Witcher: No Turning Back Chapter 6

"The life of a witcher cannot and will not be stationary one."

 That was what Geralt told her the day he announced they were leaving their quaint cottage.

 "What?! We're leaving our home," she stared at him in shock, the wooden sword she was holding sagging in her hands.

 Giving her a meaningful look towards her sword he commanded her without words to lift it back into the proper position. "Mmmm," he murmured in that frustratingly deep voice as he took a few steps towards her with his own wooden sword held ready. "We need supplies, you need experience in battle beyond my teachings, and I…I need to move freely lest I lose my mind."

 Dodging his blow, Ciri tumbled to her left and struck out with her sword at his shins. Not surprisingly Geralt's wooden sword met hers perfectly stopping the assault.

 Standing up, Ciri wiped sweat from her brow and gave him a narrowed look of frustration. "What of the Nilfgaard army? What if we are spotted?"

 Twirling his sword with a skilled playfulness that still suggested at a note of deadliness, Geralt gave her a taunting smirk. "And what if the mountain we sleep under each night succumbs to the constant rain we have been getting and crushes us in our sleep?" Holding the sword in that peculiar way he was so fond of, more like a dagger rather than a sword, Geralt approached her slowly. His eyes alert but playful while his steps were cautious and purposeful. "What if someone had spotted us on our way here and went back to report to the Nilfgaard general where exactly we are, what then?"

 Annoyed, all Ciri wanted to do was throw a rock at the man's head but she knew he was doing this on purpose. Geralt was not a cruel man, she knew that firsthand. A cruel man would not hold her each night as he had been doing for a week now, using his warmth and silent strength to shield her from her dreams and comfort her through her unwanted memories.

 Knowing that there were only a handful of attacks he could perform from his current position Ciri readied herself as he approached. She watched as the muscles in his exposed forearm flex as he begun to spin the sword.

 Now.  

 Tossing her sword to her left hand she caught it midair as she took two running leaps, one foot landing on his left thigh just as her sword hand blocked his and her to her foot landing higher near his right hip taking her higher until she could lift both legs in one leap. Geralt's mild look of surprise was the last thing she clearly saw from his face as she locked her thighs on either side of his head pushing him backward onto the ground with a mighty thud. The move almost toppled her off as well but she held on, pivoting her weight backward as she rode him down. With his face buried between her legs, she held a wooden dagger she secretly crafted the day before over the spot between his eyes.

 Triumphant she cheered with unbridled glee. "By the old gods, I did not know if that would actually work but it did!"

 Grabbing her knees Geralt pried them apart just enough to free his face. His amber eyes were practically alight with raw intensity. But he made no movements of reprisal, he just sat there still gripping the tops of her knees looking up at her from between her legs.

 Self-conscious of her position, her instincts told her to move immediately but she did not. Staying where she was, she tilted her head, pushing back a few locks of her hair, and gave the witcher beneath her a questioning look. "Will we come back?"

 As if he was completely fine with the position, he let his hands continue to rest on the curve of her bent knees and shrugged slightly, causing her whole body to move under the gesture. "If we can. If this place is still here for the taking."

 "But if we can and if it is?" she stressed. "We will come back to stay." Ciri did not want to leave their little cottage. It was like a hidden realm untouched by war and death, a place where she could finally breathe.

 "Only for a short time," his tone was deep and final but she could see a glimmer of understanding in his eyes. "Once we can bypass the Nilfgaard army safely, we continue onward."

 "Onward to continue my training as a witcher, right?" she pressed.

 "Yes." His eyes drifted down from hers and settled back on the juncture between her legs as if he was casually taking stock of the position, they still sat in. Curving his hands over the rounds of her knees he let them slide up the tops of her thighs until they rested at her hips.

 Ciri's sex clenched at the feeling reminding her yet again she should move from this completley improper position. Not just yet, she thought, willing herself to ignore the building heat in her core as his eyes slowly dragged from the seam between her legs to her eyes again.

 "And once I am a full-fledged witcher," she whispered, "what then? Will you leave me to go back to journeying alone?"

 His gaze dropped from hers and his grip on her hips tightened. Lifting her up, he sat upright placing her back down until she sat astride his muscular thighs. Nearly chest to chest they say together staring at one another before he finally answered. "I will say this only once Ciri. Unless there comes a point in time where you decide to go your own way, I will never abandon you."

 Placing her hands on his chest, Ciri gave him a determined look. "I will never want that."

 Geralt smirked. "Then there is nothing else to discuss."

 #

 "I told you to behead it," Geralt's infuriating 'I told you so' tone rumbled next to her.

  Holding both arms outward Ciri grimaced as she looked down her chest to the rest of her gunk covered body. Black sludge and viscera covered her practically everywhere. Pursing her lips together so none of the disgusting sludge would get in her mouth, Ciri pulled her shirt outward and wiped her mouth with the inside of the material. Looking down at the eviscerated goblin Ciri stepped carefully away from the felled creature trying her best to pick a spot not covered in sludgey black organs to step on.

 "You still need the head," the deep bored tone of the witcher reminded her from somewhere behind her.

 Ciri stopped and stiffened, not even daring to look at the white-haired man. She knew without the need to look he was clean from the disgusting gunk and most likely giving her that knowing smirk she knew all too well. Annoyed with him and herself Ciri pulled her silver dagger from her belt and poked the creature. A technique which was considered cheating by the witcher academy but one Geralt taught her nonetheless. "Technically you should know if a creature is fully dead by the killing blow you delivered, but I cannot tell you how many near misses I have had and the needless deaths others have had because a creature they thought was dead turned out to be still quite alive." Seeing no reaction from the creature by the touch of her sanctified blade, Ciri re-sheathed the dagger and grabbed the goblin by its grotesque head and began cleaving it from its neck with her sword.

 With head in hand she turned back to see Geralt standing with Roach, both taking in the state of her.

 "Luckily for you there is a river nearby," he said, turning and leading Roach to follow.

 "Yes well, aren't I just so lucky," she mumbled trudging along behind them.

 Grabbing a sack from Roach's pack she bagged the noxious head and tied it to the saddle. Grabbing a clean strip of cloth, she began wiping her sword. Both of her weapons were gifts from the witcher. He had given them to her on the second week into their journey, having them both made in a small-town blacksmith he seemed to use in the past judging by the friendly familiar greetings he shared with the smithy. When she realized what he was having made and why, Ciri nearly cried, it took all of her willpower to hold back the tears as he handed her the new blades. She knew they had cost a lot; she had watched Geralt hand the man a large sack of coins and another smaller sack of silver to use for her dagger. Money, where once in her life had no real meaning was now a dominating factor in her life. Meticulously wiping the blade down, she promised herself that tonight before she fell asleep by the fire and next to Geralt's side that she would clean and care for the blade more in depth by the light of the fire.

 After a while of walking she could hear the sound of water as they approached and finally stopped at the river's edge. It was more like a stream in her opinion. A river should be a swelling strip of water with a steady current, rich with life and depth. Not a measly trickling thing such as this. With no real choice, she approached the water's edge and bent down testing the water with her hand.

 Pulling back with a hiss, she turned her head and glared at the man who was now leaning against a tree. "It's absolutely freezing," she informed him with every bit of blame she could muster in her voice.

 Arching one brow he gave her a deadpan stare. "It's winter, Princess."

 Tsking underneath her breath Ciri turned back to the water and stood up straight. Having grabbed her change of clothes from Roach's pack beforehand she set them down near her. Knowing Geralt had no intention of leaving the area, Ciri began to discreetly undress. Kneeling down by the water she dipped her cloth in the frigid water and began to wipe herself down while her mind wandered to the sweet daydream of the time, they had their very own bathtub. Just thinking of the nice warm tub and their cozy little cottage, that was most likely plundered by roaming savages by now, made her want to throw something.

 "Now tell me what you did wrong," Geralt ordered.

 Suppressing the urge to sigh heavily, Ciri continued washing off the grime. With her top completely off, she began to strip off her pants. When she first did this, weeks ago now, she was shaking like a leaf. Getting undressed in front of Geralt seemed impossible, but the witcher gave her very little options. She could either bathe with his protection or she could go to bed covered in monster guts.

 Sitting on a big lumpy rock near the water's edge she sat down completely naked as she quickly and discreetly washed between her legs. Down and loose from the bun she usually kept it in, her ashen colored hair created a curtain around her back and shoulders giving her a modicum of privacy.

 "I know where I went wrong," she admitted, recalling the fight with the oversized goblin. "When I had the opportunity to take its head, I hesitated forcing me to bring my blade up at my flank from his belly to his chin." Its engorged belly full of sickeningly black guts, she thought with a lurch to her stomach.

 Using her bar of soap that had a faint scent of lavender, a purchase she made recently in the last town of Subik they visited, Ciri began scrubbing her hair.

 "And why did you hesitate?" Geralt pressed, his voice still coming from his spot near the tree line behind her.

 Cupping handfuls of freezing water, Ciri rinsed her hair thoroughly. By now she was practically frozen to the bone, but she was clean, she thought with satisfaction. Ignoring her dripping wet hair, she quickly dressed in her clean clothes, washed her soiled clothes, and stood up casting a furtive glance to the witcher.

 Amber eyes caught her immediately. As usual there was nothing there, no flush of desire, no awareness of her as a woman, nothing to register that he recently had full view of a naked young woman--just cool indifference.

 Dropping her gaze from his, Ciri walked past him to the area of their camp for the night.

 "I didn't think I could do it," she admitted.

 "Explain," he said darkly.

 Dropping her supplies near the base of a large tree she picked up her soaked clothes and began hanging them to dry on nearby branches. Pausing in her movements, she thought of how to answer.

 "I didn't think I could physically cut it off," she said, embarrassment and shame coursing through her. "I felt that the blade would have just gone partway through and…"

 "And what?" the sudden sound of his gravelly voice directly behind her made her jump a little.

 Quickly hanging the sodden top over the branch, she turned to see his wide chest inches from her face. Wearing his black shirt and black fitted pants and boots, the outfit made the white of his hair and gold of his eyes stand out somehow even more so. Hanging in one of his hands was a strip of dry cloth. Silently he lifted the material and wrapped it around her neck, wordlessly commanding her to dry her hair.

 The simple action made her skin tighten with goosebumps and her eyelids grow heavy. She wanted to step forward and bury her head into his chest. Ciri wanted to nuzzle the V shaped opening at his collar that exposed the hair on his massive chest beneath. She wanted his touch, but she knew she could never have it.

 Taking the cloth into her grip she began rubbing her hair before answering. "And I didn't want you to see me fail at something so simple."

 Her words seemed to echo briefly in the air between them before slowly fading away into the silence. The witcher said nothing. Seconds ticked by and Ciri could not seem to pull her gaze away from his chest and meet his. Why wasn't he saying anything?

 Finally, Geralt moved stepping back to turn around. Walking to Roach he began to rifle through his bag, a slight chuckle carrying on the breeze.

 Pain hollowed her stomach at the sound.

 "Honestly, I fully expected that to happen," he turned back to her with a grin before taking a drink from his canteen.

 Giving him an incredulous stare. "You did?!"

 "If you were able to cleave the head off that goblin in your first try, I would have seriously spent the night tending to my wounded pride," looking at her confused expression he let out a deep bark of a laugh. "Every young witcher in training, hell anyone in training whether they be warrior or knight has to develop the strength and skill to wield a weapon, especially to take off a creature's head in one fell swing."

 "Then why didn't you just tell me that in the beginning?!" she stomped.

 Settling down against the large tree she previously put her stuff next to, Geralt leaned against it with a slight groan. "Because princess, you need to learn that failure is a reality in life."

 "It never seems to be for you," she mumbled taking her designated spot next to him, a routine they have done every night since they met.

 "You have no idea," his dry chuckle seemed more for himself, as if he was briefly lost in a memory.  "Now sleep."

 Preparing to lay down on her bedroll she paused. "You're not going to bathe?"

 "I rather not bathe in the dead of winter in a freezing river when we will be in town by sundown tomorrow. There, I will take a nice warm bath maybe even with some paid company."

 "Fine!" she huffed, immediately angry at his illicit intentions. Though he had threatened to enjoy evenings with paid whores before, he never actually done it, at least not with her. Ciri wasn't fool enough to believe this man has not indulged in such activities in the past she just rather hoped he was just teasing her. The thought of him spending the night with someone felt like a knife to her back. Giving him one last scowl, she settled into her bedroll before mumbling. "Continue to smell like a horse's ass."

 She knew without looking that the evil man was smirking and she tried her best to calm down and focus on going to sleep. Snuggling deeper under her wool blanket she waited for the familiar pressure she had grown accustom to.

 The sound of the winter breeze whipping through the trees was all she could hear as she waited--and waited. Ciri's stomach tightened in rejection as her mind began to race with worry. Why wasn't he doing it? He did it every night? It was something she looked forward to, needed even. When he first did it, on the first night after leaving their cottage she gave him a questioning look. He told her even witchers need to sleep and told her it was for her safety that no matter what happened he would know the moment something happened to her. So why wasn't he doing it now, she screamed in her head!

 The sudden heavy weight of his hand settling on the curve of her hip nearly made her wilt in relief. Immediately, her body relaxed as she soaked in the heady heat his hand radiated. Closing her eyes Ciri slept.

 #

 Dismounting from Roach Geralt walked ahead of her and stopped to talk to a portly man standing next to the large double doors. With his arms folded and his expression tired, if not a little worn he spoke to Geralt in a low tone Ciri could not quite hear from where she stood with Roach. It was dusk when they entered the bustling town. When Geralt mentioned the town off-handedly earlier she imagined it to be a small village or maybe a clone of that depressing little village they saw nearly months ago just before they were attacked by those fleders. No, this town was not like that at all. It was easy to tell that whoever the mayor was of this town, they kept it in somewhat decent order. The streets, although while being dirt and still caked with mud from the never-ending drizzle of rain, had boards running down the middle that allowed people to walk on and avoid the thick piles of mud. Guards were stationed sporadically around the town and patrolled the streets regularly, keeping a silent air of order as people walked to and from, some smiling and some looking determined as if late for work despite the time of night. Like everyone she had seen thus far this rotund man was obviously of the merchant class from the greased stained canvas apron that hung from his hips, his disheveled hair, and overall wearied demeanor.  The man looked the sort that got up before the sun each day and got to work until well after sundown.

 Ending his conversation with the man, Geralt walked back towards her and grabbed Roach's reigns. Located at the corner of town near the large bordering stone wall that encircled the town, the barn in which Geralt started walking towards sat next to a large two-story house. Like all the building's in town, the house seemed to be made of partly stone and wood. Large dark boulders stacked tightly on top of one another framed the whole bottom half of the house, reaching to what Ciri could only assume was the second floor before changing into the wood-framing of the house. She wondered if it was built that way in case a fire broke out. Fires were one of the biggest fears when living in a village made mostly of wood. One fire could easily breakout and destroy a whole town by nightfall, killing many and undoubtedly leaving scores of people without a home. But if the houses were stone or at least partly stone the damage wouldn't be so bad.

 Leading the horse across the muddy strip of road that curved in front of the house and barn, Geralt stopped just inside. Cold and musty, the barn was dark and dank. She could hear at least two other horses inside snuffling and shifting around in their stalls.

 "Wait here," Geralt said, looking beyond her head at the stall behind her. "Put Roach in the stall near the back on the left."

 She opened her mouth to ask him where he was going, but Ciri stopped herself. She already knew, didn't she? He told her last night what he intended, so why ask him now. She didn't want to hear him say it, she wasn't sure she could stand to hear the words spoken again. Jealousy burned bitterly in her throat as she simply nodded. Securing his sword, he turned and walked out the stable door.

 Heaving a heavy sigh, Ciri looked to Roach's large glossy eye. "Come on, let's at least get you settled."

 Walking him to the stall Geralt indicated, Ciri backed the obedient horse into the stall. She left his saddle on, just in case they needed to leave in a hurry. Looking around she spotted a small pile of hay near another stall, thankfully the loft hatch door above was left open allowing a little moonlight from outside to filter inside. Grabbing two big handfuls of hay she walked over to Roach who was giving her a much more eager look now.

 "Oh, I see someone is perky," she whispered as she held out the dry hay for him to munch on.

 Despite her still lingering jealousy over Geralt "activities" for the evening she couldn't help but smile at the feeling of Roach's mouth gently rubbing at her palms as he dined on his hay.

 Looking to her right, further into the dark crevices of the barn, she let out another heavy exhale as she held her hands steady for the horse. "Mmm you think I should try and find somewhere to lay down in here for the night, Roach?"

 "Why would you do that?"

 The sound of Geralt's rumbling voice made her jump in surprise. Whirling around she was beyond shocked to see the giant white-haired warrior only standing a few feet away from her. Pulling in a deep breath, anything to try and calm her racing heart, she let her eyes drop to the large sack in his hand and her eyebrows furrowed in question.

 "Grab my pack from the saddle and come on," he gestured past her to where Roach stared at them curiously in his stall.

 Doing as she was told; she ran to catch up with him as he left the stables and turned towards the side door of the large house from which the grease stained man from earlier went into. Stepping through the doorway, Ciri nearly sighed at the warmth and the delicious smell of warm bread filling the small hallway. Down the hallway she could see a set of narrow stairs leading up while on the other end was a doorway leading beyond to what she assumed was the greater living space and another that led to the kitchen where she could see movement.

 The man from earlier stepped out from the doorway to their right, both of his thumbs were hooked into the band of his apron and he gave them a narrowed look. "Upstairs, fourth door on the right," he instructed before sternly adding. "And just for one night, you hear, witcher. We are even after this."

 Geralt gave the man a silent look. It wasn't menacing nor was it friendly, just a stoic look from his naturally aggressive face that held just a bit too long, enough to make the man squirm. And just when the man opened his mouth to say something Geralt finally gave him a nod.

 "Consider this full repayment."

 Geralt turned to walk up the stairs.

 "Wait," Thomas cleared his throat awkwardly and turned to grab something from an older lady who peered worriedly over his shoulder before slinking back into the kitchen beyond sight. Turning back to them with a large basket in his hand he thrusted it to Geralt. "It's just a bit of food."

 Looking at the basket, he still held high in his hands as if inspecting a foreign item Geralt eventually lowered it and nodded to the man. "Many thanks."

 Going up the narrowed stairs they came up to a dark landing. There wasn't even a candle lit, just a window at the end of the hall that let in so little nocturnal light that it was almost useless. Geralt however had no issues managing the dark hall, walking past by many shut doors he easily found the door they were instructed to and walked in. She so needed enhanced night vision, she thought with a pout as she followed him inside. A few mutant modifications to her person, sure, it would be well worth it, she figured.

 The room was much larger than she imagined, and far cleaner too. The furnishings were simple: a few bedside tables, a large lumpy looking feather mattress on a simple wooden frame, a fireplace, two worn area rugs that had seen better days, and the absolute pinnacle of the room--the focal point where both her and Geralt stared at with near lust--a huge wooden tub.

 "Ar..are we…?" she stammered with disbelief in her voice.

 "Yes," he grumbled with pure satisfaction. "A little over a year ago I stepped in and killed a vampire who had taken it upon himself to use Thomas's inn here as his personal layer. Thomas couldn't repay me at the time but I told him I would most likely travel this way in the future and here we are," he explained.

 Setting his heavy leather saddle pack near the bed she flopped onto the floor, not wanting to dirty the bed linens with her mud stained clothes.

 Setting the basket and sack cloth on the floor in front of her, Geralt lowered himself to the floor as well letting out a deep tired groan. Delving into the sack he produced two large bottles encased in a form fitting wicker weave and a few meat pies wrapped in thin muslin. Handing her the still warm pie, Ciri couldn't stop herself from taking a greedy bite as she watched in gleeful excitement as he pulled even more delicious goodies from the basket. Sinking her teeth into the meat pie, Ciri shut her eyes in pure pleasure as the rich flavors of the seasoned meat and toasted pie crust came together in her mouth. They had been eating good on their journey, wild vegetables and freshly killed game each night but this--this was far different. Bread and spices mixed with meat, was simply a savory treat she hadn't experienced in what felt like forever.

 Leaning against the bed's frame Geralt pulled one knee upward while letting his other stretch outward as he tore off a hunk of bread. Using a knife, he pulled from his boot, he used it to spread a generous amount of butter he found wrapped in waxed paper before handing her the slathered piece.

 Ciri paused for a second and looked up to him. His amber eyes glowed warmly as he stared back at her with an air of amused patience, as if he knew exactly what she was thinking.  Grasping the crusty edges of the bread, she was surprised to find it soft and still warm.

 "Thank you," her voice was so low it was nearly a whispered.

 He said nothing. Slathering his own piece of bread, he took a large bite out of it while grabbing a roast leg of duck.

 Silence passed between them for a few moments, just the sounds of the fire crackling in front of them and the occasional sound of people hollering and talking from outside as they passed through the streets.

 Uncorking one of the bottles Geralt poured two cups and handed her one. "Tell me," he began, handing her a cup with an obviously less amount than his own. "Why did you think I would leave you in the stables tonight?"

 The piece of bread she was attempting to swallow got caught in her throat. Grasping for her cup at her side she took a big swallow of the mildly sweet wine. Coughing she looked up at him in tears. The mild look of amusement in his eyes didn't helps her pride.

 "I…I thought you said you would be enjoying other…activities…tonight," she struggled with the awkward words, unable to meet his gaze.

 Geralt let out a short bark of laughter before shaking his head. "I was joking Ciri, witchers may not be considered human but trust me when I say I do have the rare capabilities to attempt humor."

 Feeling her face heat in embarrassment, she nodded as she focused on her the honeyed pastry in her hand.

 Slowly the silence that descended on them once more, gradually changed into a comfortable one once again. Wrapping the remainder of the uneaten food and packing it into their satchel Geralt looked to the giant empty tub and back to her.

 "We only get to fill it up once," he said, his expression serious.

 Ciri let the full implications of his words settle in before her eyes widened in realization. Nodding her head slowly she looked at the gigantic tub. "I see," she said with forced calmness.

 It made sense she thought, as Geralt turned on the spigot that stuck out from the brick in front of the wooden tub. The spigot was connected to a pipe that most likely ran to a cistern that sat on the roof. Heated by coals, the cistern would only have a very limited supply of hot water. Two large baths were just not feasible.

 Standing up, Ciri grabbed her bag from the pack and walked to the far corner of the room. As the water filled the tub, she began to undress. Fishing out a long piece of clean cloth, they kept for potential injuries that may need to be wrapped, she used it to wrap around her breasts while leaving on her underwear.

 "Clever," he said from across the room.

 Still crouched, Ciri peered over her shoulder at him. He was shirtless wearing only his trousers which were untied in the front leaving them to flap partially open, giving her the barest hint of dark hair just below his pants. Whipping her head back around, she stared at the wall in front of her as her heart thrashed against her breastbone.

 Behind her there were sounds of water splashing and shifting.

 "It will be a tight fit, but the water is hot," he informed her, his silent encouragement to hurry was not lost on her.

 Taking a deep breath to steady the nervousness in her stomach, Ciri stood up straight. He has seen you completely naked, she told herself, there was no real difference now. Stepping up to the tub, Ciri forced herself not to peer through the water's depths at the rest of the witcher's body hidden beneath. Although, she thought as she stepped in and lowered herself into the wonderfully hot water, he had seen her naked nearly a dozen times now it would be only fair if she saw him in return. No, she told herself, she would resist looking and just be content with what she did allow herself to look at with absolutely no shame and no limit--his bare chest. With her knees drawn up to her chest, for modesty's sake and as well as to allow the huge witcher plenty of room she laid her cheek against her knees as she watched contently as he soaped himself. It was such a massive chest, she thought. The type of chest her grandmother would have lustfully called a barrel-chested sort. Broad and covered in hair, his chest was thick and solid setting the tone for the rest of the man's extremities. Like his arms, his chest bulged with muscles with each movement. In Cintra, Ciri had seen countless knights, warriors and secret lovers pass through the halls and fight on display and had witnessed her fair share of men's naked chest. But she could never remember any that matched this man's body. Instead of a soft belly that told a story of the man's diet, Geralt's was flat and rippled with muscles down to his tapered waist--it was highly unusual for a man his age and highly distracting.

 "Stretch out your legs," His deep voice cut through her thoughts forcing her to tune back into the present.

 Looking up at him she shook her head. "I'm sorry what?" she said, wanting him to repeat whatever it was he just said.

 "Stretch out your legs, relax," he repeated. "Here, give me your left foot." Holding his hand out just below the water's surface he waited for her to abide the softly given command.

 Slowly she stretched out one leg, her toes pointed out straight, until it settled into the warm cradle of his hand. Positioning her leg over his own until it laid partially over his right thigh Geralt silently called for her other leg. Lowering her knee and obliging, Ciri left herself exposed with only the now translucent material of her makeshift top to cover herself in the ever-lapping hot water that surrounded them both. Placing her leg in the space below his bent left knee, Ciri let out a nearly inaudible exhale of contentment at the new position.

 No words were spoken as contentment settled through them both. The now milky, soapy waters were slowly cooling as they both lounged with their arms outstretched and their heads back. Ciri hardly stirred when she felt Geralt's firm but gentle grip on her leg, picking it up and readjusting it to a new spot. Lackadaisically, she heard the sound of water cascading down and felt Geralt get up from their tub leaving it noticeably empty, but Ciri could not muster the strength to open her eyes instead she found herself falling deeper and deeper into an all-consuming sleep.

 Nuzzling deeper into the soft fabric beneath her Ciri turned towards the source of radiating source of heat next to her. Hot bare skin seared wonderfully against her face as she let out a small sleepy sigh of contentment. The silken skin of her legs glided against each other, sending muted signals of alert into her subconscious mind. Her hand reached out and met a wall of heat, unmoving and searing to the touch. A deep rumbling groan vibrated around her in response.

 Ciri opened her eyes and her heart froze. Laying shirtless on his back next to her, Geralt had one arm extended out which she was currently using as her pillow. Becoming more and more aware of every breath, movement, and twitch of muscle as the seconds ticked by Ciri could feel the thick bicep under her head with perfect clarity. She was surprised by the comfort the immense knot of muscle had given her as she slept--but not now, not anymore. Now, she was aware and too stiff to do anything other than focus on all the heart-stopping facts namely the fact that she was naked. Taking a shaky breath, she amended that thought, not naked just practically naked. Wearing a long shirt, one she was positive belonged to Geralt judging by the deep woodsy male scent of the fabric, she knew by the pressing feel of the fabric against her naked breasts that she wore nothing underneath.

 Shifting stiffly next to him, she risked a glance upwards to his face and froze. Amber eyes stared at her through the dim light of the room. The blazing fire she had watched dance in the hearth earlier was small and pitiful now, barely lighting the dark room. But Ciri could see Geralt clearly. There was just enough trickling moonlight coming from the window to illuminate the hard-rising planes of his chest and the golden hue of his eyes. Geralt said nothing as he let his gaze linger on hers, his stare not harsh but certainly not placid. There was something there, something pooling in those amber eyes that made her want to turn away, to run, but at the same time wrap her arms around his neck and whisper all the shameful things she wanted him to do. Her breath came out in shorter more rapid bursts of air as she lost herself in his eyes while desperately searching for the right words to say.

 A deep feminine torment lit within her eyes as her body began to react to his presence. Anxious and restless all at once, she did her best not to fidget against him while praying she could somehow make some space between them. Although he had yet to utter a sound and made no movement besides blinking, she felt as if everything around her was growing too unbearable to stand. The sheets beneath and around her were too hot, his muscled arm under her head was too hard, his large body next to her was too overwhelming. Even her own body was beginning to betray her. Her breasts felt heavier as his fiery amber gaze lowered to her lip that she held between her teeth. Tingling and hot, her sex reacted to this bold perusal making her want to shift in discomfort. There was something cruel and wonderous about his slow-moving gaze over her features that made her want to growl and sigh at the same time. Ciri had to get up. She had to leave this bed or she was going to implode-- or worse, do something incredibly stupid.

 Making to move backward, Ciri began to slide herself away when she felt Geralt shift suddenly. The brief confusion in her eyes turned to shock as she felt his other hand glide underneath the covering and settle on her naked hip. The shirt she wore had risen above her hips in her movement baring her from the waist down beneath the covers. Geralt's expression remained unchanged as he gripped her hip and kept his gaze locked with hers.

 "Wha…" Her words were lost on her lips as her sex turned to liquid heat by his next action.

 Curving his hand purposly along the rounded flesh of her ass, causing her to shiver, he let his large callused hands dip down until he was able to grab her thigh and lift her leg, parting her. Withheld breath, she watched him with her eyes wide and mouth agape as he fitted his muscled thigh between her legs. Shifting until both hands were now placed on each of her hips and her head now laid against the pillow, Geralt gave her hard look.

 "Go to sleep, Ciri,"

 Ciri's mouth just hung open as she barely took a breath. Here she was completely naked from the waist down with his trouser clad leg shoved between her legs, how in all the gods' names could she ever sleep?!

 Seeing her unspoken answer to his ludicrous command, he gave her look that said she would regret it.

 Tightening his hands at her hips, he forced her hips backwards, forcing the delicate folds of her now moist sex to glide across the rough material of his trousers.

 Ciri let out an audible gasp at the feeling. Balling her fists, Ciri attempted to push him away or at the very least push herself out of his grip but before she could he was pulling her forward until her hips nearly touched his. This time the moan she tried to fight back before broke from her throat. Back and forth her sawed her aching sex across his covered thigh watching her as she weakly succumbed to the exquisite torture. Her hands found their way to his shoulders, gripping the firm rounded flesh as she rode his leg. Adding to the torture the feel of his hands moving to grip the fatty flesh of her ass made her moans grow louder. Somewhere deep in her mind she wondered at the image she presented right now, moaning and begging in this witcher's arms as he forced her to find pleasure against him.

 "Geralt please," she panted. "I want… I want us both to…"

 His brow furrowed in concentration. Geralt looked from her to her lips as if he was warring with himself to kiss her or not, all the while his movement of her hips became frantic. "Ciri," he interrupted her with a harsh growl ordering her full attention. "Come now."

 The fine thread that held her sanity together and that had worn away with each movement of his hands snapped. Ciri let out a small cry as her world burned away under the power of her release.

 Boneless and exhausted, Ciri laid there panting against the pillow as Geralt slowly slid his leg from beneath her, smirking at her for the first time as she let out an involuntary moan at the movement against her still aching and sensitive clit. Pulling her shirt down around her waist until it properly covered her again, he draped an arm over her, pulling her closer to his heat.

 "Now sleep."

[wordsnstuff]

Guide To Political World Building

This is also available on wordsnstuffblog.com!

– This is a subject that I see brought up a lot in book reviews by readers, but not very often when it comes to the writing community. I decided to search the internet and my own experience for as many tips and as much advice as I could find to put in one place for you all. I also addressed a lot questions (in fact, more than usual because I know this is a weak point for most fiction authors) in the common struggles section. I hope this is useful to those of you who have a lot of trouble finding help on this. It should help me as well because I’m in the middle of tackling it for my own series. Happy writing!

Patreon || Ko-Fi || Masterlists || Work In Progress || Studyblr || Studygram

Know What Details Are Important

Not all aspects of a political system in a fictional universe are important to the story-telling, especially when the story is more character or plot driven, rather than driven by the world building. It’s important to deliver relevant information to your reader in pieces, and at a pace that enhances their understanding of events and meaning rather than their knowledge of trivial details.

Know Your Demographic & Your Genre

For certain genres and age-demographics, your world building in the area of political systems and implications should be matured or simplified. The majority of your readership should be able to understand what’s going on, and the way you makes sure of that is know who you’re writing the story for. Certain genres also require a lot less complicated detail in political world building. For instance, YA romance should have less political world building than, say, adult fantasy. Sure, maybe in the case of writing a YA romance, there could require some, but definitely not as in-depth as that of the latter. 

Choose A Model to Alter

If you’re going to do it, especially as a beginner, you need to pick some form of inspiration or something similar to what you’re going for. There are so many governmental systems out there that already exist, and if you should research plenty of them and them mix and match, add and subtract, and twist until you have something that serves your story.

Think of The Implications of Details

Every detail that you make prominent in the reader’s mind should be thought out in terms of the implications. Ask yourself how this affects different groups of people, how it’s evolved over time, what it means for the system as a whole, etc. This will make your story more three-dimensional in the reader’s mind.

Find Issues in Power Distribution

Most government tension (throughout history, at least) has come from inequality in the distribution of power. Whether it be between races, classes, branches of government, figures in politics, or groups of people with different opinions, or all of the above combined, most issues stem from the struggle for power, control, and influence over others. Explore this and find new ways to think of how this could be interpreted from your story.

Think of Culture’s Impact on Politics

Culture has a major hand in how politics works. A society’s values, religious majorities and minorities, gender roles, environment, what an average citizen looks like, how citizens are expected to look, act, use their time, etc. These things all impact political situation and how it changes over time with culture, so explore this heavily.

Common Struggles

-- The common struggles section of my “guide to__” posts are general questions sent in by readers on the topic at hand. If you have a question that has not been addressed thus far, you’ll probably find the answer in this section. As always, you’re welcome to send other questions to my inbox if you don’t find the answer in this post. --

~ How do I illustrate the evolution of a society’s politics?... I would choose a few major events and make the causation behind them more prominent than the actual events themselves. History repeats itself, and that’s very important in political foreshadowing and often how a society deals with political situations.

~ How do I write conversations about my world’s politics?... It depends on the tone of these conversations. The way casual conversations about politics are written can tell the reader a lot about your world’s political climate, and can be a very useful device. Heated conversations can be useful in showing different passionate sides of a political issue in your world. I would say, write them carefully and with intention.

~ How do I make the reader invested/interested in the world’s politics?... Show the reader why they should care, make them relate to it, and then make them relate your story to their reality. You have to use literary devices as well. Show, don’t tell works really well here. Don’t show the main character reflecting that the conflicts at the war front are bad. Show the war front. Show the severity. Make them feel the heavy emotions of the people. Show them the real stakes of the political decisions being dealt with in the story.

~ How do I create believable racial tensions?... Again, just mirror reality. Understand why racial tensions exist and mirror that in your story’s context. Racial tension is majorly caused by fear, prejudice, and response to the “other side”. It’s often a long, ongoing battle because it’s rooted in the way people are raised and the constant environment around them. Racism is taught, so show it’s bigger, more outstanding moments, as well as its less prominent ones. No political issue arises exclusively from large, explosive moments. It’s made up of a few big ones, notable ones, and then the many, millions of little contributing moments and factors.

~ How do I write reasonable opposition groups?... You’re the author, so you have the unique opportunity of setting the reader up to see the reasoning behind both or all sides. You can show the evidence and logic behind each one, and make the reader understand why each side believes what they believe, and the personal engagement that leads each side to fight so hard.

~ How do I connect a caste system to political tension?... Political tension within caste systems are commonly caused by people’s natural desire for power and control, which leads to dissatisfaction in cases of being on the less fortunate side of inequality. Caste systems are also typically a pyramid, which means there’s more of the underdogs. These things combine to create political storms because on one side you have few people and lots of power that add up to just a bit more than a lot of people with less power individually, but more when pooled. 

~ How to I create a corrupt government without too many clichés?... The most cliché thing about typical corrupt governments is the one-dimensional evil figures that lead to corruption. Very few authors explore what leads a human who’s only job is to protect the people to turn against them. Explore their motivations and their personal struggle and justifications and you’ll have a more interesting and impactful corrupt government.

~ How do I illustrate a positive government that doesn’t come off as suspicious?... Work hard on perfecting tone, be very careful with what could be interpreted as foreshadowing, and show genuine goodness in not only the government’s words and actions, but actual results. Show your government talking the talk, and then walking the walk.

~ How do I set up the climax of a political issue?... Show the slow burn, and then the inciting events that set off the inevitable explosion. You need to establish to the reader that something is going to happen no matter what, but make the actual consequence and its place in time a surprise. 

~ How do I develop a governmental system from the ground up for the sake of the plot itself?... As I said in a previous point, use a model or several to take inspiration from. In the case of world building being the centre of your story, build your world and your plot together so they complement one another. 

Other Resources From My Blog That Help With This:

How To Write A Good Plot Twist

How To Foreshadow

Commentary On Social Issues In Writing

Tackling Subplots

How To Perfect The Tone In A Piece Of Writing

Tips On Writing About Mental Illness

A Guide To Tension & Suspense In Your Writing

Writing Good Villains

Tips On Writing Intense Scenes

Finding & Fixing Plot Holes

Resources For Crime, Mystery, & Thriller Writers

Resources For Writing Science Fiction

Resources For Writing Dystopian/Apocalypse

Resources For Writing Period Pieces: High Middle Ages & Renaissance

Resources For Writing Period Pieces: 1600s

Resources For Writing Period Pieces: 1700s

Resources For Writing Period Pieces: 1800s

Resources For Writing Period Pieces: 1900-1939

Resources For Writing Period Pieces: 1940-1969

Resources For Writing Period Pieces: 1970-1999

Useful Writing Resources

Useful Writing Resources II

Resources For Writing Sketchy Topics

Resources For Worldbuilding

Resources For Plot Development

Resources For Creating Characters

Mimicking Diversity In Science Fiction/Fantasy

Writing About Another Era

On Making Scenes/Characters Unpredictable

Info-dumping

Writing About Uncomfortable Topics

Support Wordsnstuff!

FIND MORE ON WORDSNSTUFFBLOG.COM

If you enjoy my blog and wish for it to continue being updated frequently and for me to continue putting my energy toward answering your questions, please consider Buying Me A Coffee, or pledging your support on Patreon.

Request Resources, Tips, Playlists, or Prompt Lists

Instagram // Twitter //Facebook //#wordsnstuff

FAQ //monthly writing challenges // Masterlist

MY CURRENT WORK IN PROGRESS (Check it out, it’s pretty cool. At least I think it is.)

Studyblr || Studygram

Check out my YouTube Channel!

[uncloseted]

what are your thoughts on the Ansel Elgort scandal and the whole "believe women" movement in general, i just somehow feel iffy about labeling someone as a rapist or as cancelled when the only evidence is someone on twitter saying that it happened but i also feel like women deserve to be heard and be believed

Anonymous said to effys-closet: Jesus christ. I'm reading about what happened with Ansel Elgort and the woman who accused him of sexual assault. She was 17 and he was 20, in a place where it was COMPLETELY legal for him to have sex with her. It sounds like she had a regrettable experience, and he may have been unkind, and not paid attention to her discomfort which SUCKS but this shit pisses me off! This is not rape. Whiny stories like this invalidate women who have actually been raped. I've been raped. Grow the fuck up.

I had no idea about any of this until I started getting messages about it, so I’ve been reading articles trying to understand what happened and what the different sides of the story are.  This is my current position, but it’s subject to change when/if we get more information about the situation.

I want to say a couple things about rape allegations before I dig into the Ansel Elgort situation in particular: 

First and foremost, rape allegations are complicated.  

Unlike other crimes, there usually aren’t eyewitnesses, and sometimes there’s no physical evidence, so it can become a he said/she said situation very quickly.  

It’s also a situation that’s fraught with power dynamics, especially in issues of celebrity/underage fan sexual relationships, where the party with less power may feel like they’re not “allowed” to say no.  

Due to the way men and women are taught about sex differently, there are also situations in which one party can think of the encounter as a normal sexual experience, while the other views it as a violation or assault.  Many women don’t realize they were assaulted until later in their life, when they learn more about what does and doesn’t constitute consent.  

Many women are scared to speak up about assaults because they don’t think they’ll be believed or they’re worried about their reputation (and women do have a lot to lose by speaking out, particularly against a powerful, white, male celebrity).  

So there are a lot of factors at play when trying to understand what happened in a given situation and whether or not it constitutes assault, and all of those things contribute to why a woman’s account of what happened should be weighted more heavily than the man’s (although I disagree that we should always, without question, believe the accuser).  

It should also be said that sexual assault is a spectrum, and does not always constitute rape; sometimes, it’s a lesser charge of sexual violence.  “Sexual assault” covers everything from fondling/unwanted sexual touching to penetration of the victim’s body.  The United States Department of Justice defines sexual assault as "any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient.”  From what I’ve seen, Gabby (the accuser in the Ansel situation) is alleging sexual assault, not rape specifically.  

Finally, it’s important to remember that in American courts, people are innocent until proven guilty, and I think that’s the same approach we should take when participating in the court of public opinion.  We should absolutely take into account that there are extraneous factors that mean that the testimony of men and women (and accuser/accused) are not evenly weighted in situations like this.  But we should also be careful before we assign a “guilty” verdict and cancel someone for the rest of all time.

So.  There are a few things that make me feel weird about the Ansel Elgort situation.  The first is that this girl was allegedly a minor who had just turned 17 a few days after they began “talking” on Twitter (that’s iffy regardless of whether or not she was over the legal age of consent, which isn’t really the issue here anyway- the issue is whether he assaulted her or not). She was a fan of his, and he took her virginity.  Even beyond the power dynamic that exists because he’s a celebrity who she was a fan of and she’s not a celebrity at all, there’s a power imbalance there. He’s experienced, nearly four years older than her, and she was not experienced at all. 

Gabby alleges that she was “sobbing in pain”, and that he didn’t stop, which, regardless of its legality, speaks poorly about Ansel’s character.  A crying woman is never enjoying the experience (except in very specific, controlled, consensual BDSM experiences), and that should be clear from her tears.  

For any normal person, tears indicate discomfort.  A normal person would take that as a cue to stop what they’re doing, regardless of if what they’re doing is a conversation they’re having or a TV show they’re watching or sex they’re having.  Instead, Gabby alleges that Ansel said, “we need to break you in” instead of stopping.  She also alleges that, “he made me think this is how sex was supposed to be. I WAS SO YOUNG AND HE KNEW THAT.”  Again, power imbalance.  Regardless of if it was a “legal” relationship, she was inexperienced and he took advantage of that for his own pleasure.  Gabby is also allegedly 5′2, while Ansel is 6′3.  Even if she wanted to fight him, she likely couldn’t have. Many victims of sexual assault say they didn’t fight or protest for fear of their safety.

That said, I can also understand how Ansel might not have interpreted the interaction as an assault.  I know that sound strange, so bear with me here... many American men are socialized with weird and problematic views of sex.  This problematic socialization includes things like, “women like it rough/like to be pushed around”, “no means no, but no response means yes,” “a girl’s first time is supposed to be painful, you just need to keep going,” and “if they said yes once, that consent extends to anything I want to do”.  ALL OF THOSE VIEWS ARE, OF COURSE, UNEQUIVOCALLY WRONG. But if you’re a man that’s been socialized that way, it starts to make sense how you could think a girl who’s experiencing an uncomfortable first time might “want it” since she’s not telling you to stop.  

Meanwhile, girls get socialized to believe things like, “your first time is supposed to hurt,” and “if you stop having sex with a guy, they’ll get blue balls, which makes you a bitch,” or “if you don’t want to have sex with someone you’re dating, you’re a frigid bitch and they’ll cheat on you with someone else.” AGAIN, ALL OF THOSE VIEWS ARE, OF COURSE, UNEQUIVOCALLY WRONG. But in that context, it makes sense why someone might feel powerless to say no, or like sex is supposed to be painful and they should just put up with it.

Look, I’m not going to say I know what happened between them that day, because ultimately, nobody will ever know except for the two of them.  Maybe Gabby was an enthusiastic participant in this interaction and she’s trying to destroy Ansel’s career because he ghosted her (which in itself does not exactly look good for a guy who claims he cared about her feelings).

But to me, the situation seems to likely be a case of sexual assault, where Ansel Elgort leveraged his fame to enter into a sexual relationship with an unexperienced, young fan of his who felt like she couldn’t say no.  Ansel may not see it that way (and from the statement he released, it seems like he doesn’t), but he does acknowledge he and Gabby had a sexual relationship in the time period Gabby alleges.  

So what do we think is really more likely- that a young, powerless girl chose to baselessly accuse her powerful, celebrity ex sexual partner of assault, risking her public image in the process, or that said powerful, celebrity ex-partner assumed that she was okay with what was happening, because he’s a celebrity who people rarely say no to and because he was raised in an environment that taught him not to care about female consent?

Ansel Elgort isn’t Harvey Weinstein or Bill Cosby.  But sexual assault is not binary like that, and the demands that purity culture puts on celebrities to be either “pure” or “cancelled” doesn’t leave a lot of room for those nuances.  Just because it wasn’t an incidence of him drugging someone and assaulting their unconscious body doesn’t mean that it wasn’t wrong or that this girl wasn’t traumatized by what happened.   And just because someone didn’t intend to sexually assault someone else doesn’t mean they didn’t.

I also think a lot of women have experienced what this girl has gone through and don’t view it as assault, so I also understand how acknowledging this incident as assault may make people uncomfortable about their own experiences.  That said, “being unkind” and “having a regrettable experience” and “he kept going and didn’t pay attention to my discomfort” are assault.  Per the letter of the law and otherwise.  Just because they’re not cases of forced penetration doesn’t mean they’re not assault, it doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be punished, and it doesn’t mean that you “shouldn’t” be emotionally impacted by them.

I hope this all comes off as fair and balanced.  I try really hard to not pass judgement on situations I’m not part of, and I try to take into account all the different factors that impact a given situation.  I don’t want anyone to feel like I’m invalidating their own experiences with sexual assault or, on the flip side, that I’m jumping on the kangaroo court of public opinion.  Like I said at the beginning, maybe more information will come out that will change my mind, but for now, this is where I’m sitting on the issue.

[astrifica]

You said in your DNI about "narcissistic abuse" and I was wondering what that means. My father almost certainly had NPD and was abusive. I think that people who were abused by people with NPD can often relate to each other because of the patterns of abuse, meaning I think places like r/raisedbynarcissists can be really helpful. But obviously not everyone with NPD is abusive. Does that mean I believe in narcissistic abuse? Genuine question, let me know if you don't want me following you

The mention in my dni is more about the term “narcissistic abuse” and how its used. The term is generally meant to imply that someone is abusive due to having NPD, and is specifically used to demonise those with NPD. 

The mention in my dni is not to say that someone with NPD can’t ever be abusive, because anyone can be. Nor am I denying that in some instances mental health problems can add to someone’s abusive behaviour when they’re abusive to begin with. It’s just to say that their having NPD isn’t what makes them abusive, and if you feel differently that I don’t wish for you to interact.

NPD is already really heavily demonised and making these associations with terms like these really actively harms those who have NPD. The term “narcissistic abuse” is used similarly to terms like “psycho killer” to mean someone does something simply because of having X disorder, and therefore saying anyone with X disorder will inherently do that, when that’s in no way what it actually means to have the disorder. 

This type of phrasing implies that you associate someone being abusive with having NPD and regardless of whether you intend to, it still reinforces the stereotypes and demonisation towards these already badly stigmatised mental illnesses through making that association.

I also want to say that there’s a difference between people relating to each other due to the way they were abused being similar, and saying said form of abuse purely exists because of the abuser having a mental illness. Those are entirely separate things. I don’t disagree with abuse victims helping each other through talking about their similar experiences at all, but what I do disagree with is when it just becomes a form of demonising a mental illness rather than recognising the abuse as a separate thing.

These things really badly factor into the demonisation of these illnesses and affect people with said illnesses or even those in which it’s barely suspected in all aspects of their lives. Demonisation like this is the very first thing anyone sees and hears when they look up these illnesses and especially with more stigmatised ones it’s near impossible to find sources that don’t follow stereotypes or demonise those with the illness, making it the only representation people with stigmatised disorders get that anyone actually knows of. This results in horrid amounts of ableism and abuse in so many different aspects of these individuals lives, socially, academically, medically etc. It literally kills people due to the ignorance it breeds, and yes that is reinforced by as much as using terms like these. 

I’m someone who’s heavily affected by these things myself as an individual with both BPD and Schizophrenia. I’ll spare you the details but before finding out I had either of these and actually learning about them, I was absolutely certain I didn’t have either of them regardless of perfectly fitting the actual symptoms. Why? Because I never saw either of these conditions represented as something other than being a horrible, abusive individual or literal murderer through any ways I had heard of them, when that’s in no way what it actually means to have these conditions.

This isn’t just a problem socially and in media, this goes much deeper to the point where it’s even taught to people studying psychology in ways that use stereotyping and demonisation rather than what the disorders actually entail. Many professionals genuinely don’t even consider us human and treat us as lesser-than without us actually giving them any reason to, just because our conditions are demonised in these ways.

We’re only really seen as the stereotypes put out in ways like these by the majority of people, no matter how illogical and proven wrong by facts they are. Professionals and those around you deny you help and don’t believe you when it comes to parts of your life your illness doesn’t even influence in the slightest. 

You’re immediately associated with all the stereotypes heard from stories about someone with the same condition due to associations like this and get treated accordingly by people that haven’t even spoken to you. And that’s not even close to all of it, because I could continue on how unfairly and horribly we’re treated due to stigmatisation for literal hours. 

I don’t wish to say for you whether you believe in “narcissistic abuse” because I’m not in a position where I can make that assumption from an ask, nor do I know enough about the communities you mentioned to give an opinion on that, but I hope my explanation gave you a better understanding of the problem it’s about so you can decide for yourself, and that it’ll make you re-evaluate the ways you think about this if you don’t personally experience this type of demonisation. 

[lacquerware]

Resident Evil 2 reflections

One crisp winter evening in early 1998, my friend “Kyle” sat me down on the floor of his room, which was twice the size of my room, and fired up his Sony PlayStation. “You aren’t going to believe this,” he said.

He’d said that a lot over the past several months, usually in regards to something happening on the Sony PlayStation, and usually he was right. He’d shown me Resident Evilfirst, always calling it “Res Eve,” and it had shaken my very idea of what a video game was. Real actors? Real voices? Real emotions? Indeed I could not believe that something as juvenile and recreational as a video game had actually scared me. But the efficacy of that first zombie head-turn was undeniable.

In the following months Kyle had shown me a Top Gun game with live-action cutscenes featuring the bald principal from Back to the Future; the original Dynasty Warriors, which was a 3D fighting game; Mortal Kombat Trilogy; and the Sephiroth fight from Final Fantasy VII where he destroys the entire solar system as a canned attack animation. It’s amusing in hindsight that these titles could ever have been lumped together in any capacity, but each of them was such a fundamental upset of my existing notion of video games* that it was initially impossible for me to discern any gradient in quality. With the exception of the live-action bits, I couldn’t even discern FMVs from in-game cutscenes, because neither concept had existed in my head at all. It was like if you’d gone back in time to the dawn of the industrial age and shown someone The Godfather and an episode of Married with Children back-to-back. However briefly, there’d be a moment where their reaction would be roughly the same to each: “THE PICTURES ARE MOVING AND TALKING.”

*Okay, MK Trilogy didn't exactly break new ground, but it made me realize my kopy of Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 on the Genesis wasn't very ultimate at all.

↑↓ Keep in mind I saw these two things on the same day, prior to which the most visually impressive thing I'd ever seen a game do was accurately render comic strip characters (Garfield: Caught in the Act, I'm looking at you).

On this crisp, winter evening in 1998, Kyle showed me Resident Evil 2, which had only just released. We sat and watched the Leon intro in silence. There’s a very special stillness, an eerie electricity to the original RE2 intros that reminds me of the ominous feeling of the air and the sky before a big thunderstorm. It’s the same feeling I get when I watch the closing moments of the Who Shot Mr. Burns? Episode of The Simpsons, that sparse tension that is equal parts quieting and disquieting.

I watched, transfixed. Finally, the game relinquished control to Kyle, and he ran through a fiery city street teeming with zombies. Their numbers seemed to fill every shot. Everything was wrecked and burning and overrun, a fruition of the thing the first Resident Evil only hinted at while locking you inside that mansion.

Kyle ducked into an apparent safehouse and was immediately—seamlessly!—halted by a suspicious shopkeep with a shotgun. A dramatic, fully voiced conversation ensued, the shopkeep backed off, and Kyle was given freedom to explore the room until suddenly—seamlessly!—the horde crashed through the false security of the shop’s window glass and ate the screaming shopkeep alive, blood fountaining from his red-stained neck and torso. You know the rest.

I walked home for dinner at dusk, looking back over my shoulder every few feet, and marveled that a video game could generate such real-life fear.

I got my own Sony PlayStation about half a year later and devoured both RE2campaigns within three days. By the end I was as much a survivor as a player, and didn’t entirely know how to reconcile the good time I’d had with the immense feeling of relief that it was over. To survive a prolonged immersion in terror is an emotionally complicated experience, and not one I’d been accustomed to associating with “play.” It struck me how much scarier RE2 was than even RE1. RE1 put danger in the obvious place—a big, creepy mansion; in RE2, the evil had spilled out into the streets and overrun society’s most guarded spaces—a gun shop, a police station. The voice acting, graphics, and environmental design were also significantly better than before. The point is that Resident Evil 2 was a special game, in large part because it did things early, but also because it did things well. It was the sweet spot of the original RE trilogy—it did things better than RE1, at a riper time than RE3.

I might’ve thought any attempt to recapture that magic would be futile, had Capcom not already proven the potential for such a thing in 2002 with the GameCube remake of the original Resident Evil, which was where much of the demand for an RE2 remake came from in the first place. The RE1 remake had very cleverly used the players’ nostalgia against them, subverting our expectations in all the most notorious moments. It also made modest but smart improvements to the game’s systems and drastic improvements to its audiovisual elements, and threw in a few meatier surprises. Basically it succeeded in an impossible aim: to make fans feel like they were replaying their favorite game for the first time.

For the most part, RE2’s remake is just as much of a triumph as RE1’s, combining state-of-the-art tech and thoughtful self-reflection to make the old feel brand new again. The police station is significantly altered from its original layout, and yet similar enough that you feel like you know it. The more rote, later sections of the original game have been given new personality and contour—the greenhouse and sewer sections both stood out as impressively reimagined. The characters, too, have been smartly rewritten to feel more like interacting humans than archetypal action figures. Each one of them bore impressive nuance rarely seen in a Capcom title but crucial for good horror, in my opinion.

The action seems to lean heavily toward the “survival” side of things, with even plain-jane zombies sometimes taking an obscene number of bullets before they stay down. I appreciate how this adds to the “dangerous” feel of the game, but I sometimes felt like it had lost a little bit of the fun factor I associate with the shooting action of the entire series. Still, I see this as a stylistic choice rather than a flaw, and they also give you a handful of unlockable infinite ammo rewards in the post-game so you can go for a more action-packed “victory lap.” (Note: @jbsargent taught me that term :D)

Mr. X is worth his own essay, but I’ll just say he was always one of my favorite things about RE2 and he’s absolutely my favorite thing about the RE2remake. I wouldn’t change a thing.

Shortcomings

I’d be remiss if I didn’t talk about the remake’s glaring mistreatment of the A/B campaign structure. The whole point of this game’s dual-protagonist hook is to show the unfolding of events from two separate but concurrent perspectives. Here’s what happened to Claire. Now here’s what happened to Leon. The remake sometimes gives us this—Leon deals with Ada while Claire handles Sherry and the police chief—but sometimes inexplicably puts Leon and Claire through the same events, implying that only one of these campaigns is happening. How else can you explain that both Leon and Claire witness, for example, Mr. X lifting the chopper wreckage to make his chilling debut? What point is there to an A/B campaign if they nullify each other? They may as well have done away with the “2nd Run” concept altogether and just let you pick the Leon story or the Claire story. This is one of those things that bothers me the more I think about it. It didn’t affect me very much in the moment, but looking back I don’t know what to make of the story at all. Who did what? The 2nd Run is slightly shorter than the first, but I would have been content with something even shorter if it meant a more coherent narrative.

They’ve also cut at least a couple of the moments from the original game in which Leon and Claire check in with one another, which I found to be enough to greatly hurt the sense of connection between the two characters. The moments when they do interact are great, but I wished there’d been a few more. They also speed through the intro movie on 2nd Run, employing a “Last time on 24”-like highlight reel instead of giving it the space it needs to establish the crucial atmosphere and character dynamics. I didn’t like that.

Camera placement is a debate that will probably never die in the Resident Evil community, and it’s hard for me to even decide where I stand on the matter. The use of fixed camera angles in the classic games was a stroke of genius that allowed the games to mimic the tried-and-tested techniques of horror film, but occasionally the shifting angles caused player inputs to get tangled, resulting in unintended frustration. The over-the-shoulder cam used in the RE2 remake and most other recent RE titles gives the player complete control over what they see. This is a much friendlier interface for the action sequences, but it also means the game can’t force you to look at anything. On my first playthrough, I missed four or five classic moments including the first appearance of Mr. X because I happened to be looking elsewhere when they occurred. I see this as emblematic of the sometimes conflicting aims of game design, where a game is both a plaything and a cinematic experience targeting specific emotions. I’m not sure there’s a perfect solution to this, but I appreciate that the game essentially operates like an autonomous ecosystem. If you miss the action it’s your own fault, but it’s true to life in that sense.

↑ This is actually one rare moment where camera control is taken away and you have to look. Gah.

I don’t think there’s any fair way to conclude that the remake is better or worse than its predecessor, but I’ll happily submit that Resident Evil 2 is the best game ever announced via T-shirt. I think Capcom can look back with pride and say, "WE DID IT."

[ejstannard]

Overall evaluation

This is my overall evaluation for the Black Holes and Black Books project.

Artists that have impacted my work

I explored many more different artists in this project, and each one taught me something different. However, I’d say these are the artists that impacted my work the most.

Kara Walker

Kara Walker is known for her cut-paper silhouette work, and uses them to communicate a variety of world issues such as racism, gender equality and sexuality. I found it fascinating how she could communicate messages so strongly through silhouettes, and it greatly inspired my own work in many ways. I really liked experimenting with silhouettes in my work, especially in my black penguin book. I found it very simplistic, but it communicated effectively.

Emma McNally

Emma McNally is an artist I researched early on in the project, and she became the basis of inspiration for the project. Her work gave me a better understanding of how I can create art that links to the project theme, as I struggled for ideas at the start. While it’s not my usual style of work, the emotion evoked from looking at her work fascinated me. She puts the whole idea of the universe into perspective, and how small we are compared to what’s out there in space. It’s quite chilling, but really interesting at the same time. Figuring out how I could demonstrate that in my black book was very helpful to me.

Personal research

My personal research for the project may not be a singular artist, but it really helped with my work. One of my targets for next project was to do more independent research as well as research given to me, and I found that it was actually really helpful and enjoyable. For example, I researched the band Muse’s most recent album, Simulation Theory, to extend research on theories of the universe. I found that researching theories of the universe was very interesting, and it was inspiring to hear different opinions on where we came from.

Material/techniques I’ve found through this project

Manipulation of the penguin books was very heavily based around the use of craft knives. I owned one already but I’d never really used one properly until this project. At the start, I had quite an unsteady hand when cutting things out of my book. But once I’d gotten used to it, my cutting became a lot cleaner and less messy. This is definitely going to help me in future projects when I need to use a craft knife for an outcome now that I’m more experienced with it.

I’ve also learnt a lot about how to think outside the box with my work. Trying to fill every single page in my black book was a very big challenge for me—but it challenged my artistic limits, and once I’d reached the end of the book I felt achieved with how many experiments I’d created out of it.

Thursday’s drawing lessons

Our drawing sessions on Thursday’s were incredibly productive and creative days for me. Admittedly I was a little intimidated by the range of objects we were using for our drawings—but by the end of the session I’d have a large-scale piece of work that I could be proud of.

I’d say that my favourite outcome from the sessions was definitely this one:

Creating this piece was amazing to me, because we started off with such random objects that I questioned what the final outcome would look like. It was definitely random—but it worked incredibly. This kind of technique can be very useful for helping out with lack of creativity/motivation, and gets the imagination running again. I had a lot of fun making this piece.

I also really enjoyed our first session where we used graphite to draw the twisted pieces of paper. I wasn’t at all experienced with using graphite, but after receiving feedback and tips I was incredibly shocked at the end result. It started to develop in a semi-realistic drawing, which I didn’t expect at all. I was very happy with how it turned out.

Ideas behind my work

I based a lot of my idea generations on artist research, and learning about how they create work that links to the idea of black holes. I was also influenced by a lot of independent research I did, a lot of which was from listening to music and finding out theories of the universe around us. I used that to visualise how I could recreate that in my work.

Outcome process

I realised that I definitely needed a routine for coming up with my book art ideas in order for them to be the best they could be.

I started off with going to Pinterest and looking under the searches for ‘book art’ and ‘book manipulation’. I found a lot of different results under it, giving me ideas to go from such as pop up, illustration, weaving etc. This, as well as the artist research I had completed, was another huge factor that played into my idea generating. Once I’d found something that I either wanted to recreate or base it off, I’d turn to a fresh page in my penguin book and spend an hour or two refining it. I repeat this process for the rest of my pages, and usually got around 1-4 pages done on days I worked on it.

How much time I spend working at home

On offsite weeks, I will usually treat it like a normal college day and work the normal onsite hours. I do this to get me into routine and keep my days structured, and so I don’t lose focus until the hours are up. On non-college days, I don’t spend as much time working on it but I make sure I do at least a little bit each day, even if it’s just a single page or a small amount of research. Over the Christmas break I made sure I worked on it a lot as I had a lot of work to do in time for my assessment day.

Skills I’ve learnt during this project

I’d definitely say that the main skill I’ve learnt from this project is how to think outside the box with my ideas. Thursday’s drawing sessions taught me how to be a lot ore creative with my work, and how there is no right or wrong way to do art. You can practically use anything to create with, and I realised that after we created all these amazing things with random objects. Our sessions where we worked on our penguin books also taught me a similar thing, and how you can pretty much do anything with the pages as long as you are inspired.

I also really enjoyed learning how to screen print my designs onto my work, and I found that I was most proud of my screen print work than any other outcome I completed in this project. I’d love to do it more in future projects.

Evaluation Conclusion

To conclude this evaluation, I’ve definitely learnt a lot form this project and I feel like I have a much better understanding of the meaning behind Black Holes and Black Books. Understanding that the wider world around us is still a mystery played a big part into the mystery of all these outcomes, ones that I have created and others have created. That aspect makes it a very broad subject, and can be represented in an unlimited amount of ways. With that you can create many outcomes, like I did with each page in my black penguin book, and I can definitely apply that to projects in the future.

[freedom-of-fanfic]

antishipping as the ‘cool new trend’

or: why are most antis under 25 years old? (posted June 2017)

I really think that antishipping is a movement that’s gaining ground with the younger & newer arrivals to fandom spaces; a kind of ‘cool trend’, so to speak. In aggregate, antishipping culture is beautifully constructed to be particularly appealing to teenage or college-age people in the late 2010′s - and especially American people - who are marginalized, oppressed, often social outcasts in real life and often under-educated about their own marginalized identity, and I kind of wanted to get into why.

EDIT (October 2018): this post is was originally put up in June 2017. I’ve tweaked it a bit to correct some stuff I now think is just patronizing/incorrect, but overall, I now think it’s overly reliant on adolescent growth stages when the best explanations are societal changes (fandom being on viral social media, fandom being conflated with social justice activism, and increasingly authoritarian trends in 21st century America.)

the other day I posted to talk a little about why I think antis tend to be young (and American). To sum up & simultaneously add a little more:

a brain still growing - until the age of 22-25, the frontal lobe of the brain does not finish development. the frontal lobe handles higher reasoning skills and complex problem-solving. Thus: the growing mind is particularly prone to incomplete reasoning, black and white thinking, and total empathy failure, making it hard for those under 25 to fully comprehend the impact of their actions, sympathize with others, or tackle social problems with nuance. Truly comprehending that others come from entirely different worldviews or have entirely different experiences and that being different doesn’t make them wrong and that most deep-seated problems need complex solutions that require nuance tends to come with this final brain growth. (Not always, of course. but often.) nah I’ve completely changed my mind on this. It’s true that physiological changes are still occurring in teens that make empathy harder, but they can respect the choices of others just as well as an adult can.

current American sex education being mostly scaremongering and abstinence-only + ready availability of sexual content, specifically pornographic material, online + hypersexual marketing = a deeply fucked cultural understanding of sex that adolescents are particularly unequipped to detangle

escaping religious/Christian fundamentalism but not  black&white thinking or authoritarian ‘us vs them’ mindset: the moral/communal purity that organized Christianity often demands can take years to deprogram (and this is not to mention the gender essentialism, homophobia/queerphobia, and anti-sex/anti-kink messages, accompanied by a strong undercurrent of anti-intellectualism to discourage self-education on these subjects!) teens just breaking away from this toxicity are especially unequipped to untangle themselves. Young ppl tend to take the same worldview/us vs them/b&w thinking they grew up with to a more liberal cause instead (such as enforcing ‘social justice’ in shipping), with a side-order of internalized, unexamined anti-lgbt/sex/kink/etc rhetoric that dovetails rather neatly with exclusionist rhetoric.

exclusionary gatekeeping as baby’s first lgbt/queer culture lesson - transformative fandom is a frequent haven for marginalized people who don’t see themselves in the media they consume (so they change the media to meet their emotional, sexual, social, etc needs, you see?). because it’s not taught in schools here in the US, it’s not too uncommon for newcomers to get their first big dose of history and cultural education that’s not centered around straight white men in fandom. but what are they learning? here on tumblr, since about 2013, exclusionists have used the relative lack of education on queer history to build an false history, one where the gender binary is strongly enforced and sexualities can only exist on the binary axis: nb/queer/ace/pan and sometimes even bi and trans -identifying people are erased or ‘not oppressed enough’. this history is the one that young entrants into fandom are more likely to encounter first and have no knowledge with which to counter it.  Antishipping derives its mode of operation and principle values from exclusionists. It dictates who can write or do what based on their sexual/gender identity (and sometimes race as well). Its definition of social justice is also heavily influenced by exclusionists because its members are mostly young people who learned all their queer history from exclusionists.

the particularly adolescent vulnerability to peer pressure (the need to belong & the fear of being ostracized): teens are particularly inclined to be influenced by friendships and maintaining social ties. [...]  it’s easy to become an anti in order to keep your friends and almost impossible to quit without losing everything, and teens are especially vulnerable to this kind of social structure.  I think this was a factor 18 months ago, but not so much now. both ‘sides’ of this argument are pretty well-known and people in fandom can have strong opinions on shipping or anti-shipping from very early on.

less focus on teaching critical thinking & self-government. Education in America has long been aimed towards adequate training to work an assembly line, but 21st century American parenting and education both have neglected teaching young people how to make decisions for themselves & how to engage in critical analysis of what they see and read. antishipping is a highly cohesive, insular culture with enforced rules of conduct, striking clear in/out lines and valuing loyalty and groupthink over originality and intellectualism. also: keeping the party line & persecution of outsiders is encouraged, further strengthening the need to conform.

having a just cause & a space to control: antishipping rests its laurels on a(n incomplete, corrupted) form of social justice/righting the wrongs of the privileged. being an anti feels like making a difference b/c your actions have visible impact on your immediate surroundings. (and having a space you feel you can control can be even more urgent with additional pressures like abusive home situations, past traumatic experiences, academic pressure, untreated/unrecognized mental illness, being forced into the closet b/c of queer/transphobia, etc.)

an American (and to a lesser degree, western European) post 9/11* cultural shift from prioritizing personal freedom to prioritizing communal safety; those under the age of 20 were 3 or younger or not yet born when the shift happened. antishipping prioritizes communal ‘safety’ (‘bad’, ‘dangerous’, or ‘inappropriate’ things must never be mentioned to protect people from hearing about them and being either corrupted or harmed) over personal freedom (allowing ‘bad’/’dangerous’ things to be  discussed, and it is up to the individual to personally decide what content to avoid).

(*actually, this shift started in the US before 9/11. 9/11 just sped it up.)

of course, all of this is conjecture based on my own experiences and observations, and it’s not a set of rules - just circumstances that I believe absolutely encourage young fandom members to end up falling headfirst into antishipping and either never notice how hurtful it is or never get the courage to leave it behind. And I think there’s a lot more the popularity/prevalence of antishipping today, but this post is already longer than I meant it to be.

(I always go light on racism when i talk about antishipping because while antis frequently accuse shippers of racism, it’s disingenuous to class racism as the same kind of oppression as lgbt+-phobia & misogyny, particularly in America - they’re related, but not the same. Centering non-white (and especially black) voices does not get the same focus as centering lgbt and women’s voices in fandom, and I think it’s easy to dismiss legitimate charges of racism as ‘anti bullshit’ when we class all these types of marginalization together.)

[kpoptimeout]

[OP-ED] Why do K-Netz love Somi but not Samuel?

*CONTAINS SPOILERS*

Often compared due to their young age, experience and biracial backgrounds, Jeon Somi from Produce 101 Season 1 and Kim Samuel from Produce 101 Season 2 had ultimately very different fates on the show.

However, if we really think about it, these two contestants actually have a lot of differences which set them apart and also speak volumes about South Korean society. 

Keep reading to see my thoughts on this and feel free to share your own thoughts in the comments below.

There are four factors in my opinion that made the results very different for Somi and Samuel.

1. Fame

While Somi and Samuel both have huge international followings prior to the show, their level of popularity in South Korea before Produce 101 varied.

Somi first came to public attention through JYP’s widely popular survival program “SIXTEEN”. The immediate domestic success of girl group TWICE, which came out of the program, is a testament of how heavily watched the program was within South Korea. Hence, even if Somi did not make the cut for TWICE, her having been on the show did wonders for her in Produce 101. She was already a household name and had a solid domestic fan base.

Meanwhile, although Samuel had been a trainee for PLEDIS’ super boy band SEVENTEEN and had been active in the short-lived duo 1PUNCH, he is still not that well known within South Korea. SEVENTEEN’s pre-debut broadcasts were online and not on national TV like JYP’s “SIXTEEN”. 1PUNCH was also not that successful in their domestic debut. Hence, it makes sense that while us foreign fans see Samuel as a veteran and superstar in the making, he really is a nugu in the eyes of K-fans and is not as likely to get as many votes as Somi.

2. Branding

Another aspect in which the two differed is the ability to brand themselves. While company name, of course, plays a role as noted in the fame section, Somi fares better than Samuel in branding herself. 

Since “SIXTEEN” days, Somi stood out to me not because of her skill but her star factor. She is a kid who as soon as you see her you know she’s a star. She is charismatic and has a charm that can make the camera focus on her even if she’s just walking around not doing much. She also was known for being very helpful to everyone in need, including staff members and formed lasting friendships with members of the show from smaller companies. She was described as an “angel” and a true “center” of the show.

Meanwhile, Samuel does not have a strong, distinct identity. He is hardworking and all-rounded but he is not the “Pick Me Center” like Daehwi, “Mr. Slate” like Ong Seongwoo, “Wink Boy” like Park Jihoon. Even lesser known participants at the beginning like Yoon Jisung and Yoo Seonho quickly built an image as an “ahjumma” and a “little chick” respectively. Samuel at the same time remained “Kim Samuel” without any nickname or viral gif in South Korea. Even Samuel himself noted this halfway through the show, saying that he has yet to develop an actual "presence" on the show.

Another aspect to do with branding is the skill of the person. It could be said that Samuel's all-roundedness actually made it harder for him to succeed. Noh Taehyun and Ong Seongwoo were "dancing kings" while Kim Jaehwan and Ha Sungwoon quickly established themselves as "main vocals" on the show. Samuel, of course, has some unique skills too like choreography but this was not given much attention until later episodes (Mnet is partly to blame). Him being well-balanced but not known for any skill specifically also meant it was harder for him to build an identity.

On the other hand, Somi actually started off the show (in my opinion) less skilled than Samuel. While she had great star power and sharp dance moves, her vocals had color but was far from stable. However, her improvement in singing stability throughout the show and even more rapid improvements in dance (as seen in the legendary "Bang Bang" stage) helped make her become more known among the South Korean audience.

3.  Race & Gender

It would be idealistic and naive for me not to think race also played a role in Samuel's ranking compared to Somi. 

First, while Samuel and Somi are both biracial, there has definitely been evidence of Somi being favoured by K-Netz because she was French-Canadian/Korean while Samuel was Mexican/Korean. Unfortunately like some countries in the West (cough cough USA), white privilege still exists in South Korea and there is a good number of K-Netz who are less supportive of Samuel because he was not a white foreigner but a Latinx. I love Somi to bits like many of you too but we have to acknowledge while she was discriminated to a certain degree in her every day life growing up as a foreigner in Korea, she likely still had it better than Samuel who comes from an even more marginalised group in South Korea.

Besides the different perceptions of biracial individuals from different backgrounds, the gender of the two also influenced the amount of support they got. According to studies conducted by sociology professor John Lie of UC Berkeley, women in East Asia are much more likely to be accepting of foreign exports of entertainment and celebrities than their male counterparts. He argues that the men often felt threatened by these foreign challenges to their perceptions of masculinity. Examples include Japanese men being accepting of K-Pop girl bands but not as much so into K-Pop male celebrities while Japanese women welcome both. This observation of a case of masculinity is so fragile in East Asia pop culture would explain a factor that made Somi more popular than Samuel. Somi as a biracial girl could appeal to both female AND male fans. Meanwhile, Samuel as a biracial boy would not be as accepted by male fans. Hence, even if he was doing well and getting female support, it was likely deeply ingrained biases to foreign male stars, especially even more so for non-Asian ones, would have prevented him from accessing the votes of a whole demographic.

4. Voting

Finally, Somi profited from very different voting rules in Season 1 which could have done wonders for Samuel too.

Last year, international online voting was permitted. This meant Somi, someone who had both pre-existing fame and an international background, could access demographics well beyond South Korea. This could have propelled Samuel to the Top 11 or even 1st place, as seen with his consistently high rankings on Soompi’s simulated rankings via international fan vote.

Also, Season 1 swapped to the one-pick system (only voting for one member) after concept battles while this season they only moved to one-pick during the finale. Season 1 is better in its transition because having an earlier ranking by one-pick prepared the fans and taught them how to vote for the finale. That is because very often there could be people ranking high because they are a lot of people’s 2nd or 3rd bias but are actually NOT that many people’s ULTIMATE bias. 

This could be seen in Season 1 when during the first one-pick system ranking, both Kang Mina and Kim Nayoung dropped out of the Top 11. Meanwhile, some previously underrated but talented girls like Kim Chungha and Yoon Chaekyung rose to Top 11 because people voted for them hard to make sure they will not get eliminated before the finale. In no way do I feel like Chungha and Chaekyung do not deserve their high rankings (and Chungha slayed in I.O.I in the end). What I am saying is the one-pick ranking before the finale allowed the audience to work out who was actually lacking in support when you can only vote for one person so they can readjust their priorities if needed for the finale. In the end, we saw a push of votes that got Kang Mina back into the final line-up of I.O.I. 

This season, I felt like having one-pick vote only during the finale completely played Samuel, Kim Jonghyun (NU’EST’s JR) and Kang Dongho (NU’EST’s Baekho). First, I think all three boys are generally well liked but were not necessarily everyone’s ultimate bias. Secondly, all three boys appear to be pretty popular on the show, with the last ranking before final ranking placing them all in Top 11 or just missing it (Dongho was #12). Hence, most fans did not worry about them and some did not bother to vote for them, instead focusing on talented but underrated boys like Yoon Jisung, Bae Jinyoung and Ha Sungwoon as well as the suddenly dropped in popularity member Lai Kuan Lin. I think Kuan Lin, Jisung, Jinyoung and Sungwoon are all boys who deserve great things but an earlier use of one-pick vote or a continuation of voting for 11 members would have better prepared the fans for the results. I also find the last minute one-pick vote problematic in general because it is harder for fans to evaluate the Top 11 as a team and vote based on creating the best team. While the Top 11 boys are all great kids, it is hard to imagine what sort of concept the current line-up will be at all, unlike during the female season (it was screaming “Girl Crush” concept like mad).

What’s happened has unfortunately happened but we hope Samuel all the best after this whole mess.

What are your thoughts on Samuel’s final ranking as well as the finale of Mnet’s Produce 101 Season 2?

Leave your thoughts in the comments and remember to share this as I would love to hear what the rest of you online think!

[harryleggappliedtheatre-blog]

Workshop Blog Part 1 - Readings (Weeks 1-8)

Week 8- Freire Banking Model of Education

1. What does Freire mean by the Banking Model of Education? Please be specific

Freire mentions education and how it is similar to banking. He discusses how students are being deposited knowledge through what they are expected to learn. In this book, it explains how teachers control the thoughts and ideas of students and the way that they behave. He believes that this is getting them into ’oppressive conditions’ to make them all think in the same way without ’freedom’ of their own knowledge. 

 2.  Have you had experience with this type of teaching, how do you feel about it? If you have not, how do you think you might feel about it?

 I have experienced this type of teaching throughout my school life. This for me has been very frustrating, challenging and upsetting because, as a learner, I was being oppressed as I needed to meet specific requirements by being ‘inside’ society. However, as a learner, it is important to learn both the ‘outside’ and ‘inside’ of society. Though for many children this isn’t the case now as education is about knowing the right answers for exams rather than the knowledge itself. I did find exams difficult given my dyslexia (I was not diagnosed at school), and the teachers said: ”Harry won't get anywhere in life and he has a nice personality, but struggles”. Although I disagree with this as actually, it was me who was being oppressed by the conditions of education because I did not fit in the expected learning environment. It was only because I worked differently and did not have the support in place to help me with my disability, and even working really hard made no difference. Therefore, education was failing me as I did not get the freedom to excel as a leaner and children now in today's society, I believe, are becoming less educated as teachers have no democracy within the national curriculum, and that school is not about teaching anybody regardless of their background or academic level. It's about getting people to pass specific criteria, and I have really noticed this since visiting schools. Children are not able to think for themselves. Unfortunately for me, this is the same as the teacher was very much the ‘depositor’ of the information I received. There needs to be more freedom for learning. 

 3. How do Freire's ideas chime with Augusto Boal's theories of Theatre of the Oppressed? 

 The theories and ideas of Freire chime with Augusto Boal as the Theatre of the Oppressed discusses how oppression of people affect people through not being able to have their own opinion. This idea is similar to Boal’s approach in that Freire mentions how the teacher is the one who knows it all and the student does not know anything, meaning that the student should only listen to the teacher and not the other way around. This can be identified by Freire and Boal as people being oppressed through their learning as this can be seen as them not being listened to, that they are being judged as they are being controlled by the powerful.

Week 7- Augusto Boal’s book Theatre of the Oppressed

1 Third stage - Theatre as language. 1st degree - simultaneous dramaturgy, 2nd degree - image theatre. 

In the third stage, Boal discusses how the spectator is involved within the action and not the performance itself by using their own bodies through the themes that need to be addressed. The first degree is simultaneous dramaturgy to let the spectator get involved, but not on stage and is usually between ten to twenty minutes long. The actor will then allow the audience to intervene with the action. So the actors will develop the scene to a certain point to reach a crisis point and then needs a solution. The actors will then ask the audience for any ideas of the solutions that can be thought of to solve the crisis. Once this has happened, the actors will take all the answers from the audience and will act them out straight away. The viewer can then tell the actors if they want them to change what they are saying or doing at that moment and the actors then need to comply with this. Through doing this type of theatre, it gives the audience the opportunity to intervene with the actors. Image theatre is a little different from simultaneous dramaturgy because it's more about the body and the view/s of the spectator on a theme. Although the participant is not able to voice their opinion and can only sculpture others about their thoughts and feelings. Then after they will all discuss the sculpture and see if they agree with the idea through the image. At the end then they would be able to show a picture of how they would show change or create it.

2 Fourth stage - Theatre as discourse. 

In the fourth stage, Boal discusses to main types of theatre: Newspaper theatre and Invisible theatre. Firstly, newspaper theatre is used to change a non-dramatic piece into a performance. Whereas invisible theatre and this consist of an environment outside the theatre and the spectators get involved too.

3 In detail - How might you use these stages in your own work?

I would use these stages in my work when facilitating a group workshop by Boal at different points within the session. Though this does depend on your aims as the facilitator and what you want the group to achieve. For instance, if I were facilitating and wanted the group to do some Theatre as a language, then I would use forum theatre for this. As this will give the audience time to intervene and to be able to change the scene from the actors, relying on heavily just dialogue. Although for the next session as the facilitator I might focus on body and therefore image theatre would be great for this as this mainly focuses on the body and issues of society so the group can discuss opinions. So the ‘sculpting’ activity would be a good one for my workshop to be able to see how the same issues are looked upon differently through various images of the participants.

Week 6- Augusto Boal’s book Theatre of the Oppressed

1.      What specifically stood out for you in the Boal reading? ( Give two examples. Be specific) What is your response to that? (Did it make you think about something - if so, what? Did it raise questions for you - if so, what are they?)

From reading Theatre of the Oppressed by Boal, it became clear how the ALFIN plan has been introducing as an experiment. There are two aims for this, and these are: to have the first language taught as literacy and all possible languages of each social group. Therefore, Boal talks about how they experiment with this by having a theatre as a language and placed at the oppressed to be able to find out about a new style and to be able to learn new things. It has become noticed through reading Boal that this links to loads of ideas of how this can link in to being a good facilitator. For example, by applying games to a workshop and how these should be introduced not to cause alienation and to make the group comfortable to help let them understand together. It also mentions the ruling classes and dividing walls as initially there was shared by actors and spectators, and walls must be torn down, and the spectator should start acting. The function of the protagonistic is important for theatre and society. It became challenging to teach people to write meaning they are unable to express themselves through dialogue.

2.      What can we learn from Boal's experience with the man's picture of the home on pg 100?

Boal’s experience was a fascinating read as the man had questions repeated about where he lives. He mentions that the area he lives is a child through a photograph. At first, it wasn’t evident exactly, but when thinking about this, it shows that an image has so much background and that other things can represent much more creating a powerful platform. As a facilitator for this particular topic it is clear that one image is more powerful then theatre on stage itself as it doesn’t have the same meaning behind it, hence this will make it more challenging to communicate to an audience. So as a facilitator this is important when referring back to different social backgrounds- meaning this creates various symbols. One example of this is when people were asked in Lima what exploitation means. The outcome of this was that everyone viewed the word differently in the picture and how it stood out for them. Boal mentions photographs and how this is easy to handle. Whereas theatre is human-made, making it harder to show.

3.      Please explain Boal's first two sections (1. Knowing the body, 2. Making the body expressive) briefly in your own words.

Firstly, from reading knowing the body by Boal, it is evident how one’s body experiments. It can vary from different types of people and how theatrical performance is applied. People from different backgrounds can be a challenging thing at times as some of them may have never heard of it or have different ideas around it and can be a worrying factor for the educator as they can tend to alienate the group of people. So people should only take part in the experiment if their body enables them to and this is to help stop dividing anyone within the group and their behaviour of different job roles. For example, specific exercises will be soft to support all the participants to take part and to understand. It is apparent for making the body expressive that words are very much overused while the body can create a powerful message. Boal talks about using games to be able to embody a character better through using their bodies.

Week 5- Geese Theatre

1.      Describe in your own words Geese theatres' fundamental theories.

The three critical theories for Geese Theatre are the social learning theory, and this explores how learning is developed within a social context to help participants develop new skills through modelling role play. There are various processes for this theory, and these are Assessment/ self- assessment, instruction, modelling, multiple practices, testing and real-world practice. Secondly, the cognitive- behavioural theory is known as the most effective approaches for offenders as this explores our thoughts, feelings and behaviours become affected through everyday life, how these are processed and how re-offending takes place when these beliefs change. Therefore, this is to modify offenders views by having the main focus to help create a “gap” between the views of the participant and their behaviour/s. This helps offender/s  to think about their actions and the effects this has on others. Finally, role theory covers our behaviours around people, the impact this has on others and the person. The theory talks about how everyone is role players in a certain cultural context. This means that as long as we can play these roles effectively then, this helps us to meet our needs and to function properly. Though in some cases many people haven’t experienced all these roles, for example, some young people might not have had a job. Hence they may not get a job as they have never experienced this role. So this gives the participants the opportunity to model this to let them have experience.   thoughts From reading the Geese theatre handbook “This research demonstrates that experiential methods are at the heart of effective practice with offenders and people at risk of offending.” The theories behind this are explicit through how they help model people to think differently through the participant’s thoughts and behaviours to develop their functions and skills in a structured way.

2.      What specifically stood out for you in the Geese theatre reading? (Give two examples. Be specific. Did it make you think about something - if so, what? Did it raise questions for you - if so, what are they?)

When reading the Geese theatre handbook, the first thing that I thought about, was how the three key concepts aforementioned are merged together for their participants to be able to take part.  For example, the mask is used to help create better understandings of different characters portrayed and how each reaction has affected their actions and behaviour/s. Secondly, the uses of the various theories can relate to everyone in an applied theatre setting. An example of this, when a young person has a job, and if this hasn’t happened, then they are more likely not to take the same opportunity. Therefore, meaning this is the same thing for people who are more likely to offend as they may have missed roles within society and this affects the actions and behaviours as their beliefs could change through the process and their experiences being limited.

3.      How does the work of Geese theatre company join up with the broader world of Applied theatre and the idea of dominant narratives?

The work of Geese is to apply the world of applied theatre to their work, to develop social understanding, self- control, ego- esteem and sense of responsibility to help offenders and vulnerable people who could offend. The dominant narrative for Geese is how most people live their lives and that there is only one story to be told. Though with offenders this is used to explain how to get back onto the narrative and how this can be achieved. So Geese do many activities to enhance this, and I have mentioned this in the previous paragraphs. Although Geese do work with these sorts of people, it can also link to everyone’s life experiences and how this should shape peoples dominant narrative through them.

Reading - Laying the Foundations: A guide to youth drama facilitation (Week 4)

1.     Is a game ever just a game in Applied Theatre?

From reading A guide to youth drama facilitation by David Kelly, he spoke about the different games used within an Applied Theatre setting and how these develop through the session as Kelly mentions three experiences that the participants have, and these are: ‘Familiarity’, ‘Presence’, and ‘Achievement.’ Some examples of the exercises used are ‘Our circle’, ‘Jump Ha’ and ‘Good morning’. These three things are to create focus within the workshop. Aforementioned, games are not just for fun as these exercises are to develop a level of expectation from the facilitator to the group taking part. He mentions theatre and how games can be structured for a particular workshop and Kelly suggests that there is much detail in games within an applied theatre setting, and how those games lead on from each other by linking the exercise together. Even though a workshop starts with games, it is essential to be thinking about how this helps develop the participant’s confidence and theatre skills.

2.     How would you describe the role of a facilitator?

There are many ways to describe the role of a facilitator. Firstly, the ideal workshop space for the participants to work in as if this is not safe then the people cannot take part fully. The facilitator also needs to be able to create a safe space for everyone who is involved within the workshop to make sure no one feels alienated or separated. To be able to do this with reasonable succession there needs to be energy, focus, concentration, timing, instructions, the warm-up, the rules of the games, and feedback. Another role of the facilitator is to make sure everyone has a voice who would not typically have the opportunity and finding ways in session to make this happen.  The role of the facilitator is to be able to help bring mostly oppressed people together to discuss a particular social issue, affecting them. So as the facilitator it isn’t about teaching them right or wrong, it’s about talking about these issues applying drama to the particular subject. This then enables the facilitator to let each participant experience very different experiences in the workshop and by having focus within the room. The facilitator needs lots of energy from the start o the workshop to help the participants feel comfortable. The facilitator will observe the group be able to praise them and ask questions to further develop their thoughts.

3.     What is the purpose of feedback in an Applied Theatre session?

The purpose of feedback is to be able to find out how all participants have felt throughout the whole session and to be able to get an understanding of the groups to progress and their achievement through the course. This is to allow quieter members of the group to be able to voice their opinion/sand to be ready to applaud the group’s successes. For the group, this provides them with the understanding of everyone having a voice and opinion by giving space by being able to respond from work created in the session.   The purpose of feedback is for the people taking part to be able to discuss their own experiences and if they found this helpful or not, through the various activities. This is for both the participants and the facilitator so that one can learn from. This then is clear to the group that their opinions are important and listen to. Though for the facilitator the purpose of this is to understand if the activities worked for a particular group and to be able to congratulate a group on specific work created.

‘Six Polarities’ in  Chris Johnson’s House of Games (Week 3)

1.     In your own words discuss what Johnson means by the six polarities

Johnson describes the six polarities and finds ways to link them to each other. These said polarities are how the facilitator keeps the group safe while still letting them explore the topic freely. These six polarities are as follows: “the fixed and the free”, “the surface and the depth”, “the centre and the depth”, “the individual and the collective”, “the performer and the audience” and finally “the simple and the complex”. It was clear when reading Johnson’s book that the facilitator should always use the six polarities, but should adapt and tailor them to a particular group or scenario. Otherwise, this will prevent the facilitator from fulfilling the session and what they are trying to achieve from the exercise(s). Hence, in workshops, the fixed elements and free elements are essential for the continuity of the session and being able to implement these skills, so that everyone is brought back into the project and thus no one feels alienated or excluded.

2.     Choosing one of the polarities name a situation where a facilitator might encounter one.

The fixed and the free polarity is an excellent example when facilitating a session involving young people, for instance, as many can often feel very vulnerable. At the start of the workshop, the terms need to be explained to the participants as soon as possible after the warm-up activities; otherwise, people might become less engaged in the topic. Therefore, to keep everyone focused on the events, the facilitator will need to introduce fixed elements to keep the structure of the workshop allowing people to explore their creativity. Hence, this will then help everyone feel comfortable enough to take risks in the session and work at their full potential, this being crucial for the example of vulnerable young people mentioned before. However, if a facilitator does not incorporate this polarity, then they will not be able to explore freely and so will become restricted as to how they think in the session.

3.     Describe how Johnson's descriptions of polarities might relate to last week’s reading?

Johnson’s descriptions link to last week’s reading about Sheila Preston. In her text, she discusses how to be critically aware of the different members of the group depending on the environment. Therefore, in both books, they explain that the facilitator needs to meet the needs of individuals to create a safe space. If the facilitator does not follow this, then the workshop will not work successfully, meaning that peoples’ ideas and feelings may be restricted. So without these six polarities being used in a workshop, the group will not have any terms or fixed elements, which will cause the session to lose focus.

Sheila Preston Reading (Week 2)

1.    What is meant by the term critical pedagogy?

Critical pedagogy trials knowledge and social constructions in a particular setting. For example, schools do this by looking at groups of people, and their values, to help educate them to question their political thinking, aiding young people to develop their own thoughts and views and use their voice to create positive social change.  Therefore, critical pedagogy involves looking into social issues further by reflecting on the problems in society to enable positive change in the future.

2.    What does Preston mean when she refers to the ‘cultural context’ of a group?

Preston facilitated two groups that were referred to her by mental health services. However, when groups do activities together, it does not always mean that they share the same values; this links into ‘cultural context’. For example, everyone has been brought up in different societies, and so often come from completely varying backgrounds and cultures – meaning this affects the group members’ behaviours, ways of life and their opinions on what is right and wrong. This can make it difficult when facilitating as some groups will not agree with a group member. Preston suggests a facilitator needs to be fully aware of this and should consider these issues before the session. While reading about Preston and her facilitation aforementioned, it was clear that many people had different opinions on mental health and to deal with this, many participants would speak directly to the facilitator or project worker. Therefore, thinking back to ‘cultural context’, the group being educated in her project is formed from a range of diverse people who have experienced a variety of different things in their lives.

3.     Why is critical awareness important for a facilitator?

Critical awareness is essential when facilitating as many people have different opinions so may not agree with each other. Therefore as a facilitator, it is vital to get them into groups that have near enough the same ideas as each other by considering the social and political impacts on the individuals attending. Also, it is particularly essential to keep an eye on specific people and to be sensitive around topics, to ensure that it is a safe space for everyone taking part. Hence, there needs to be sensitivity to the task to ensure everyone can participate without any limitations, as many people may not agree with each other.

Harry Legg Applied Theatre (Week 1)

1.   How would you describe applied theatre to someone who has not read this introduction or experienced applied theatre in other ways? Working with a partner or a group of three, take turns role-playing this conversation.

Applied Theatre involves using places that are not typically incorporated into the theatre environment, and it includes portraying grassroots, social, political and radical issues, so you do not need to be skilled in theatre to participate. A key difference to other types of theatre is the inclusion of members of the community from the audience.   For example,   post-performance, the actors sometimes work with the audience in small groups and re-interpret scenes from the piece, allowing genuine issues for the people watching to be adequately conveyed through drama. Applied Theatre emerged through historical roles in society as a way to talk back to power, as a place to tell their stories and a safe way for citizens to express concerns for a social change. The purpose of Applied Theatre is to find the distinction between presentational and representational theatre. This was done to enable artists to find means to combat crises and challenges. Therefore, interventionist theatre involves getting an outside organisation, theatre group, individual or facilitator that struggle with socio-political issues to target a group, and to tackle a specific topic through community-based theatre. In Applied Theatre, contemporary theatre strategies are useful for finding out the experiences of real people, for being able to get a theoretical understanding of a variety of issues around the world and to be able to learn from your experiences and improve.

2. Re-read the thumbnail descriptions of applied theatre practices at the beginning of the chapter. Which of these types of applied theatre most draws your interest? What is it that attracts you to this particular form? Write a reflection that begins with, “I could see myself working in this particular area of applied theatre because…”

While reading the thumbnail descriptions,   I found that the prison theatre draws my interest most. I could see myself working in this particular area of Applied Theatre because it is about the journey of offending women. The actors undergo a week-long programme called  Journey Woman facilitated by England Geese Theatre, entering the prison environment and learning about the stories of women prisoners. It was really while reading about the story of a girl called Ellie that I grew to love the form. After leaving home, there were three key moments in her life: being a mother, her involvement in offending and her first prison sentence.  What  I found particularly interesting,   however, was how the audience is asked to consider the different masks she has worn (which I interpret to mean the different portrayals of her own character throughout her life), and the various roles she has played. The audience really delves deep into her emotions, enabling them to understand the character and how she became to the position she is in today. I found this particularly interesting, as I did not realise how theatre can be used, working with current offenders, to make other members of society question the  prison system and   the law itself, through telling moving stories of inmates and their experiences, allowing the audience to analyse the events for themselves, and if the punishment was reasonably given.

1.    What is meant by the term critical pedagogy?

Critical pedagogy trials knowledge and social constructions in a particular setting. For example, schools do this by looking at groups of people, and their values, to help educate them to question their political thinking, aiding young people to develop their own thoughts and views and use their voice to create positive social change.  Therefore, critical pedagogy involves looking into social issues further by reflecting on the problems in society to enable positive change in the future.

2.    What does Preston mean when she refers to the ‘cultural context’ of a group?

Preston facilitated two groups that were referred to her by mental health services. However, when groups do activities together, it does not always mean that they share the same values; this links into ‘cultural context’. For example, everyone has been brought up in different societies, and so often come from completely varying backgrounds and cultures – meaning this affects the group members’ behaviours, ways of life and their opinions on what is right and wrong. This can make it difficult when facilitating as some groups will not agree with a group member. Preston suggests a facilitator needs to be fully aware of this and should consider these issues before the session. While reading about Preston and her facilitation aforementioned, it was clear that many people had different opinions on mental health and to deal with this, many participants would speak directly to the facilitator or project worker. Therefore, thinking back to ‘cultural context’, the group being educated in her project is formed from a range of diverse people who have experienced a variety of different things in their lives.

3.     Why is critical awareness important for a facilitator?

Critical awareness is crucial when facilitating as many people have different opinions so may not agree with each other. Therefore as a facilitator, it is vital to get them into groups that have near enough the same ideas as each other by considering the social and political impacts on the individuals attending. Also, it is particularly essential to keep an eye on specific people and to be sensitive around topics, to ensure that it is a safe space for everyone taking part. Hence, there needs to be sensitivity to the task to ensure everyone can participate without any limitations, as many people may not agree with each other.

Bibliography

Boal, A. (2008). Theatre of the Oppressed. Pluto Press.

Farmer, D. (2007). 101 Drama Games. Lulu.

Morgan, N., & Saxton, J. (1987). Teaching Drama. Stanley Thornes Ltd.

Bennett, S. (2005). Theatre for children and young people. Aurora Metro Press.

Johnston, C. (1998). House of Games. New York .

[technicallyzanyfestival-blog]

Info sheet Racism and Discrimination

Who?:         Racism and discrimination are endured by a vast variety of people. Racism in itself is heavily felt by dark skinned people all around the world. Due to subconscious teachings of black being inferior to white; light is good, dark is evil, etc., with an increase in darkness comes a higher prejudice against said person. When we mend discrimination with racism, we can see a crystal clear relationship. From passed up job opportunities to being denied service, black people secomb to most racial discrimination by far. This is not to leave out all minority race groups, especially indigenous people. They are sometimes viewed as drug addicts with no work ethic, this leading into not being thought of in opportunities that could better their quality of life.

Women are subjected to discrimination far too much in our day and age. Many of us do it subconsciously, whether it be feeling more comfortable with a male server, electrician, construction worker, etc. Women are seen to be less capable of certain tasks than men.

Some other people who experience discrimination are those of the LGBT+ community. Certain job titles still are not viewed as an appropriate place to express one’s homosexuality. In many occasions gay couples will be denied service from businesses due to strictly the fact that the consumers are gay.

Where?: Racism occurs all over the world, because of the social normality, for things such as skin colour, ethnicity, and religion. We are mainly discussing racism within America and Canada. America and Canada’s racist status quo remains unique and alarmingly oppressive. This racism is entirely based on skin-colour and one ideal image. One’s nationality is immaterial. In terms of discrimination, discrimination also happens all over the world and on a greater scale. Discriminatory traditions, policies, ideas, practices and laws exist in many countries, some having discrimination towards different groups more than other countries would. In some places, controversial attempts such as quotas have been used to benefit those who are believed to be current or past victims of discrimination

When?: Nobody knows when racism was birthed. In many cultures, dark skin is viewed to coordinate with poorness with the ideology that if you worked outside, you were poor and tanned. A spotlight shown on the cruelty of racism during the slave trade in the 17th century. Black people were used as slaves due to solely their skin colour. This ignited the flame of white power. Once slavery was claimed illegal in the late 1800’s that mindset didn’t die. Segregation showed the epitome of discrimination. Jobs were not given, seats were not sat in, schools were not attended to, etc., simply because of a colour.

  With many protests for equality throughout the 18th and 19th century including our modern “Black Lives Matter” movement, segregation was banned and minds were slowly but surely opening. However the view of black people of less than was not fully stripped. Plantations turned to prisons and beatings turned into “necessary action”. Police brutality formed such a movement. Today we can still witness discrimination against minority groups even though many rules and regulations have been put in place, there is still the fight for equal views and opportunities.

What?: Racism: the belief of some races being better than others and the actions resulting from that belief. Racism is not just saying offensive comments to one of a different cultural background but offensive to their community as a whole. Canada supposedly to be a very multicultural country is exposed to more occurences of racism than expected.

Discrimination: prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things, especially around race, age or sex. Some might think racism and discrimination are the same thing, but in reality they are not. Discrimination targets an individual’s gender, sexual orientation age as well as race. Majority of people are exposed to discrimination such as groups of teenagers, women, LGBTQ and those of colour.

Why?: Racism and discrimination are seen as very common topics around the world, making them immune to some, but there is a reason why it happens. Racism has been brought from generation to generation, especially during the time when the europeans were colonizing different countries of different ethnic backgrounds. Not only is it a form of hate from old times but a stereotype of a certain race. Older generations bring their dislike and bias towards a certain or multiple races, and younger generations adapt to it. Stereotypes are similar in a way except the racism is not coming from a person you know but a large group of people who have thoughts about the certain race. For example saying asians can’t drive, but just because a person has been in a bad situation with one, doesn’t mean they are all bad drivers. Discrimination is similar in the sense of stereotyping a large group or having an opinion about them because everyone thinks its right. For example, some people think women should not work and just stay at home to take care of the children. Because of people being so influenced by what others of society think, racism and discrimination seems common in a way. Although there is no way to stop racism and discrimination since it will always be around especially with older generations, there is a way to educate the younger generations about the misuse of it. There is a large misuse of the word ‘racist’ and ‘discriminate’’ because some people do not know what the real definition of racism and discrimination is. Educating, and not labelling everything as racism and discrimination could be ways to have the terms not be so common.

Vision/Goal: The first step to demolishing racism and discrimination as a whole is to educate ourselves about this issue and to know the kind of effect that it can have on our society. Generations need to be raised and taught how to treat people equally and correctly or else we will never be able to grow and change this world-wide issue. Another reason is that we need to stop viewing each other as greater or superior to one another. The hope is that by doing things such as these, all people can live without fear, and instead with hope and love, however this can only be achieved as a society and not individuals. It will take a great amount of effort to demolish or at best decrease racism and discrimination from our society,

Background/issue: - what has caused the inequity? What have you identified as the inequity? Social inequality is linked to racial inequality, gender inequality, and wealth inequality. The way people behave socially, through racist or sexist practices and other forms of discrimination, tends to trickle down and affect the opportunities and wealth individuals can generate for themselves. Today in Canada we have legal protection for victims of discrimination and a constitutional guarantee of equality rights for all. Employees cannot be treated differently because of age – unless they are under 19, in which case different standards apply. Remember, the BC Human Rights Code does not permit employers to discriminate against employees based on personal characteristics – like age, race, religion or gender and other personal characteristics.

So, for example: Employers cannot refuse to hire you because of where you come from. Employers cannot fire you because you are pregnant. Employers cannot force you to retire because of your age. Employers cannot harass you sexually.

Human rights

Poverty

Poverty is the deprivation of common necessities such as food, clothing, shelter, and safe drinking water, all of which determine our quality of life. It may also include the lack of access to opportunities such a s education and employment which aid the escape from poverty and/or allow one to enjoy the respect of fellow citizens

Although one of their group members was missing, i found this presentation to be very educational and wee executed. I am happy to know that the world’s population living in extreme poverty has gone down by twenty-four percent in the last twenty-eight years. It disgusts me to find out that one seventh of Canada is living in poverty. It simply doesn’t make sense to me. We are labeled as a first world country yet we have over fourteen percent of our population living in conditions equivalent to those of third world countries. There is no excuse for Canada to allow Canadians to be limited to resources; a major factor in why so many are trapped in the poverty cycle.

LGBTQ

LGBTQ = Lesbian, gay , bisexual, Transgendered, Twin spirited, Queer, and Questioning

The LGBTQ is an initialism referring collectively to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender/transsexual people. In use since the 1990’s. the term lgbtq is an adoption of the initialism lab which itself started replacing the phase gay community which many within LGBT communities felt did not represent accurately all those to which it referred.

This presentation was executed very well. I personally am always extra attentive when Leon is presenting, as he always delivers his presentations with confidence and ensures to audience is not bored, which appreciated. Something that stuck with me from this presentation is that police officers used to raid gay bars simply to ensure that they knew nowhere was safe for them. To be living in constant fear only due to one’s sexuality is a state that I cannot fathom.

This topic is also what is wrote my human rights essay about:

LGBTQ+

By: Madison Neal

              Love is light. A saying rolled off the tongues of those blanketed buy its warmth, those who love fearlessly and freely, utterly and entirely welcomed to express it. But there is another flame of love, it’s as well, warm and bright, all though it’s punishing to reach and is guarded; bordered buy police badges and twisted metaphors, laws prohibiting anyone to bask in its beauty and mobs set to attack those who seek to. This love is denied to the LGBTQ+ community. During the 60’s and 70’s, more and more people were expressing their love for the same sex in a wave that unsettled and angered many civilians. Gay people had no safe space to love one another. Police often raided gay bars to ensure those inside knew that being who they truly were would never be okay. Gay marriage was illegal in Canada until July 20, 2005, and the U.S. until June 26, 2015. Even then it was frowned upon by a plethora of close minded people. Gay couples have been and still are denied service from businesses and are mistreated in society.

           The light of self love is also stripped from the category of transgender/two-spirited people. There has been reports of a transgender woman being shot down by a gunman in a car driving by, simply for appearing to be transgender. They have been and recently under Trump, still are denied to serve their country in the United States. These inequities endured by the community are only a sliver of the inhumane deeds excerpted on those in it. people are placed in conversion camps and cleansing therapy to this day, attempting to “fix” people whom are in no way broken, but rather different.

       A conception of wrongness associated with this topic is not a natural trait, it is taught by those who were also brainwashed at a young age to give love a shape that only fits between a man and a woman. Lack of exposure is the route to closed minds across the globe. As with anything, when something is never brought to light we cannot perceive it as normal, and to add on top of the weight of “abnormality” to such affection, it has been is deemed inappropriate in the past to execute in public, and has been despised when done in front of children. We can view this in separate generations. As protests and fights for equality by generations before the Millenials were held, much attention was brought to precisely how unjust the laws were surrounding the way of life of the LGBTQ+ community. Because of these protests and exposure Millennials grew up with a great decrease of censorship of the community and what kindness and care it obtained. This would birth people whom would use the likes of social media to debate and discuss with those still set in a different viewpoint. This paved the way for the next generation (Generation Z) to be flooded with exposure of the topic. Today we see television shows based around gay culture and multiple gay characters with many stories of all too real hurdles forced by a group of people to overcome, this includes shows for children; a notable step in progress given the utmost disgust portrayed around allowing children to be educated on any factor of the topic. This generation is growing up with LGBTQ+ role models whom they can confide in by merely clicking on a youtube video. The magic of the internet has been a crucial tool. With its gift just clicks away, my generation is forming in this world as one who is known to convey gay and transgender as anything but a choice. We can see transgender kids as young as five years of age embracing who they truly are. The origin of injustice was and will never be a feeling, it is and has always been lack of exposure accompanied by insulating purely negative notions to the people.

            My vision for the future of the LGBTQ+ community is that we can mould and raise people in our society and eventually all over the globe to be educated on the topic. Ignorance is born from withholding of knowledge. With minds filled with exposure of “gay culture” and all the bright unique traits of the community, I yearn for no individual to ever have a shred of fear when it comes to being oneself. I as a Catholic am very accepting and interactive with many members of the community, as many Christians overall are. However, I am aware of the closed of extreme religionists of Christianity do not feel the same way, due to what the bible says. I wish to change their way of thinking and  see those people be enlightened on the fact that the bible is filled with metaphors. There are heart-wrenching stories of people begging God not to make them gay, when in reality it is how God formed them and I believe that if god loves all of his children, than he will accept the very ones that he created.

           The constant lingering of danger due to one’s sexuality is that of atrocious. I envision a society where those of the community would feel safe regardless of any location, and that little boys and girls are not told to “man up” or “act like a lady”. Children’s brains are not at a stage of development equipped to completely know what they identify as. It is these social stereotypes that are another burden for those who come to the acceptation later in life that whom they were presenting to the world is but what they were told to be. I want to improve the quality of life for people who are only expressing what they feel in bars or at home, for them to be not just legally but socially free to show affection in public without crude stares or judgements. To witness schools implicate sexual education on both heterosexual and homosexual relationships, the children of the world are the future of it, and if we want to change the future it must be made a priority to train them to be accepting and understanding the complexity of all forms of love, as it is all in the end the same.

Racism and Discrimination

Racism is the belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce and inherent superiority of a particular race. People with racist beliefs might hate certain groups of people according to their racial groups

In the case of institutional racism, certain racial groups may be denied rights or benefits, or get preferential treatment.

Discrimination is any action or behaviour that causes a person to be treated  in an unfair, hurtful and negative way. People may discriminate because they have a prejudice against someone or because they have a stereotype of that person.

People may discriminate without any intention to hurt someone but someone may still be hurt and disadvantaged by another person’s actions and behaviour. (racism is a belief, a set of values, an attitude — a group of assumptions that view and construct in a negative way a group of people used on their racial background.

My group presented on the topic of racism and discrimination, I feel our presentation went smoothly and i feel that the audience responded well to our multiple interviews of people’s encounters with racism and discrimination. Something i found interesting while doing research on this topic is that in many countries in Asia, lighter skin represents wealth, because if you work outside it means you have an underpaying job. SO if one is tan, it is a tell that they work outside and are therefor poor

Child Soldiers and Military Recruitment

War is reciprocal and violent application of force between hostile political entities aimed are bringing about a desired political end-state via armed conflict.

The military use of children takes three distinct forms: children can take direct part in hostilities (child soldiers), or they can be used in support roles such as porters, spies, messengers, look puts, and sexual slaves; or they can be used for political advantage either as human shields or in propaganda.

I admired this presentation for its projection and detail in knowledge. I also enjoyed the kahoot at the end. I found this to be a good strategy; letting us know there would be a kahoot at the end, and that the winner would earn a prize, because it kept the class engaged the entire time. Something that left me with a pit in my stomach is when the presenters explained how in some countries, military goes into villages and/or towns and forcefully strip able-bodied boys and sometimes girls away from everything they know to battle. I couldn’t imagine waking up one morning thinking my day is going to pan out as usual, only to be taken away from my family and friends and thrown into extreme danger. It is inhumane and revolting.

Violence in Relationships

Violence - is any act that results in or is likely to result in, physical, sexual, and psychological harm or suffering, including threats of such acts and coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether in public or private life.

This presentation was well done and knowledge on the subject I had not known before was brought to light. One thing that truly stood out to me wa the topic of the relations of the LGBTQ community and violence in relationships. Before this presentation i always thought of violence in relationships to me more often a male abuser towards a female, and sometimes a female abuser towards a male. It had never occured to me that the community are more likely to be subjected to an abusive situation in a relationship. I learned that this was due limited resources and lack of education upon these groups. The LGBTQ community is often excluded from the definition of relationship abuse because of their identity and lack of exposure.

Genocide

Genocide is the elimination of an entire group of people classified by race, religion, etc.

This groups presentation was also well executed. I found it interesting and surprising to hear of the multiple genocides that have taken place over the years, as far as my knowledge had reached before the presentation, there had only been two, i now know there were virtually triple that which were addressed in the presentation.

Extra notes:

Gender

Gender comprises a range of differences between men and women, extending from the biological to the social.

Biologically, the male gender is defined by reference to the presence of a Y-chromosome, and its absence in the female gender. However, there is debate as tot he extent that the biological difference has or necessitates differences in gender roles in society and on gender identity, which has been defined as “an individual’s self-conception as being male or female, as distinguished from actual biological sex.”

Homelessness

Homelessness is the condition and social category of people who lack housing, because they cannot afford, or are otherwise unable to maintain, regular, safe, and adequate shelter