#I was struck with divine inspiration some time yesterday and decided I needed to make this immediately

[unofficially-ace]

I like to think I’m funny

(Song by Tom Cardy)

[vulcan-highblood]

Fashion God - Part 1

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia / My Hero Academia

Pairing: Gen??  Characters: Bakugou Katsuki & Midoriya Izuku Summary: Izuku desperately wants to be a fashion designer, but can’t find a model who will wear his clothes. Izuku is shocked when a crude blonde boy mysteriously appears in his room to “help” him achieve his dream. It can’t possibly be that simple! [A/N:  This turned out longer than expected. I basically did a timed-write, and here’s what I came up with in an hour. I’m planning to go back and finish this with another timed write or two, so for now, enjoy part 1.  This story was prompted by a lovely anon, but I did adapt it slightly to fit the idea I ended up having. I hope you enjoy it! It’s a pretty out-there AU, but I’m happy with it.]

Midoriya Izuku loved fashion. He loved it more than life itself, as could be attested by the deep bags under his eyes and his poor fingers, which had been stabbed by needles so many times that he was pretty sure he had built up scar tissue. Izuku wanted nothing more than to make it big in the fashion world, but he was from a small town in the middle of nowhere. He read all the magazines, watched videos of his favorite designers, and used whatever materials he could get his hands on in his backwater town. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t find anyone to wear his clothes. He’d offered to sew for his mom, he’d offered to make costumes for the school festival, he’d tried countless times to get anyone to model for him, but the only person he’d ever found that was willing to wear his clothes was… well, himself.

It wasn’t fair, but that was the way the world worked, sometimes. He just needed some way to get attention! Once he could capture the hearts and imaginations of the fashion world, he’d be able to share his vision with the world. But for now, he sewed alone in his room, wishing things could be different.

And then, he saw the announcement. Yagi Toshinori, the designer who created the world’s current top brand, AllMight, was looking for an intern. But rather than go to the fashion schools, he was opening the internship up to anyone willing to submit a fashion line that they felt embodied who they were as an artist, and submitted photos online. It was his chance! But Izuku found himself facing the same challenge as always - no models. 

Despite the setback, Izuku decided he’d just model all the clothes himself. That would be fine, right? It wouldn’t be as nice as he’d like, but hopefully his clothes would speak for him. Throwing himself into his work, Izuku began researching, trying to decide what his theme would be. AllMight’s designer, Yagi, had urged competitors to “make their story”, and tell him something only they could share. Izuku wasn’t sure how he could do that, but he thought that trying to tell a story would be interesting. He just had to decide what story that would be.

Google told him that story writing was all about writing from experience. But Izuku had only just graduated middle school, he didn’t have much in the way of life experience to share. Still. He had been rejected, frustrated, and abandoned at every turn by people who claimed to support his dream but were never really willing to put in the work to help him. He knew what it felt like to be abandoned or forgotten. Sometimes, facing this challenge made him feel like a lone warrior, staring down a terrible horde of demons.

So he decided trying an interpretation on “old and new”, drawing on inspiration from old Japanese mythology, artistic motifs, and fashion. There was lots there - beautiful angles, layers on layers, coarse fabrics and smooth silk, princesses, castles, warriors, generals… He spent hours poring over his history textbooks from school, then any books he could find on ancient lore. He looked at books of art, trying to get a feel for the way clothes and fashion had developed in ancient Japan. He began to draw up designs for how to transition these looks from ancient Japan to the modern-day catwalk. He pinned, he sketched, he wandered through museums, and borrowed library books, throwing himself into the design process with fervor. 

He prayed as he worked, begged any god that might be listening to please, please let him win this contest, let his designs show enough potential, let him be enough, let him finally leave his small town behind and show his ideas on a world stage.

He needed a miracle to pull this off.

“Do you know how much a miracle fucking costs these days, kid?” came a drawling voice from behind him.

With a shriek of terror, Izuku dropped his sketchbook and whirled around to face the strange figure that was standing in the middle of his bedroom. “Who are you?” he demanded, shrinking back in his chair. “What do you want?”

“Who am I?” the young man snapped, pointing to himself, shooting Izuku a disgusted look. “You’re seriously asking that?”

“You just appeared in my house!” Izuku protested, “I think it’s a reasonable question!”

“Fucking look at me,” the man - or was he a boy? It was hard to tell, Izuku realized with a frown - gestured to himself. He was clothed in baggy shorts and a tank top. He looked like a kid who wore what was comfortable and still looked good wearing it, but that probably wasn’t what he’d meant for Izuku to notice when he’d said it. 

“What am I looking for?” Izuku asked, beginning to feel like he was on trial in his own bedroom.

“I -” the young man - kid - boy - whatever - glanced down at himself and did a double-take. “Oh, what the fuck?” he snapped, looked back up at Izuku, down at himself, and sighed, flopping on Izuku’s bed. “This just got complicated.”

“What do you mean?” Izuku asked, glad to be feeling less threatened but instead finding himself 100% more confused. 

“Here’s the thing,” the kid sat up, his scarlet eyes fixing on Izuku as he ran a hand through pale blond spikes. “I’m a god.”

~~*~~

Normally, when Katsuki appeared to a supplicant, they fell down on their face and got real chummy. Not this moron. Oh no, he was too busy fixing Katsuki with a concerned look. 

“Right…” the boy said, carefully fumbling on his desk for his phone. “Is there someone I can call for you? Do you have a family?”

Katsuki shut his eyes briefly to resist the urge to light the room on fire. “No, I’m here for you. Because you called me.” And because he’d fucked up, but he wasn’t going to be telling this green kid that, because it would seriously damage his reputation as a powerful god, and Katsuki was not about that shit. 

Green-haired kid narrowed his equally green eyes. “I didn’t call anyone, I can prove it, let me open my call log.”

“Not like that,” Katsuki snapped, standing once more so that he could gesture more dramatically. It felt good to gesture. He hadn’t appeared to a mortal for some time, he’d forgotten how fun it was to gesture at them. “You prayed. Here I am. Answering your prayer.” He struck a pose.

The green kid blinked. “I’m confused.”

He sure as hell seemed to be confused. Most people these days were, since they seemed to forget so easily that their prayers were going somewhere. Half the time Katsuki suspected that people prayed just to hear themselves talk, not because they actually expected divine intervention. Which was bullshit. Because the gods were fucking busy, and didn’t deserve to get a bunch of bullshit calls from people who didn’t have the faith and conviction to really appreciate the work that went into answering their prayers. That was one reason why appearing to a petitioner felt so satisfying - giving that hard evidence of work in the spirit world so that they had to give credit where credit was due. 

“Did you, or did you not, visit a temple literally yesterday?” Katsuki reminded him.

“But that’s because my mom wanted to finish her pilgrimage,” the green kid protested, “I just… prayed because… she said to…”

Katsuki watched the understanding dawn slowly across the dumb kid’s face.

“Wait. So you came because I prayed at the temple yesterday?”

“Hell yeah I did!” and because he’d been fucking forced to come because of some paperwork bullshit, but the kid didn’t need to know that. “So I’m here to help you achieve your dream.”

“...oh,” the kid said slowly, “Well, I mean, what I need most is models. Can you, um. Hire fashion models for me?”

Katsuki blinked. “I’m sorry, you prayed for fashion models?” 

Green kid blinked back at him. “I thought you were here to answer my prayer. How do you not know what I asked for?”

Because he hadn’t been paying attention to it. And because he hadn’t thought it would matter, yesterday, when he’d been collecting the prayers from the temple. Turns out it had mattered. A lot. “I just thought you were aiming small because your faith was weak. But you could just ask to, you know, win the contest. I can do that.”

Green kid shook his head, unruly hair flying. “That’s not fair, I want to win because I deserve it, not because I got some god to do it for me.”

Katsuki wanted to point out that he was rather simplifying a complex process and since basically everything happened due to some deity’s influence, what did it really matter which deity was doing the influencing? But he also didn’t want to bother explaining that. So instead he just sighed. “So what do you want?”

“I told you,” Green kid said, “I want models to wear the clothes in my fashion line.”

“I can do that,” Katsuki said. He’d have the models ready for this kid quick as could be, and then he’d be back in the heavenly realms and free of this detail-oriented bullshit for another decade. Simple.

He should have known better. Nothing was ever that easy.

[bb-92]

THE MEANING OF TRIXIE AND THE CORRELETION BETWEEN REYLO AND DANTE/BEATRICE

The news of yesterday the title of the work on episode IX has been changed to "Trixie", has shocked everyone and leaving the fans perplexed about its possible meaning. Some have noticed that "trixie" is a diminutive of the name Beatrix / Beatrice, and the link and reference to the inspiring woman of the poet Dante Alighieri, was immediate.

This theory did not leave me indifferent, on the contrary, it hit me immediately and I liked it very much. I am an impassioned of Dante and for my graduation I did a thesis about the divine poet and his works. So I could not write a "reylo meta" on the points in common between Dante's love for Beatrice, and the relationship between Kylo Ren and Rey.

So let's start with the name that I know well what it means, because it's my name.

.TRIXIE / BEATRIX / BEATRICE = carrier of bleatitude

Usually it is said that "Beatrice" means "the one who brings happiness", but it is not an entirely correct explanation because the term "beatitude" refers to something much deeper and more complex.

Beatitude is a condition of a very high spiritual level that only the greatest mystics have managed to achieve: it consists in a feeling of infinite peace  for the vision and union with God.

There is no god in the world of Star Wars. The only superior and spiritual entity is the Force who can access only people that, since birth, have a predisposition in using it. Given  "trixie", so Beatrice, like the momentary title of episode IX, one might think that someone (Rey? Kylo Ren and Rey together?), will be able to open the doors of the Force to the whole universe, so that everyone, humans and aliens, can discover it and learn how to use it. It would not be a completely wrong assumption since, as we saw in the TLJ finale, there are many Force-sensitive subjects and as Luke says it is not a Jedi-only prerogative. Or maybe the true power of the Force balacing, will be show to all the universe

.DANTE ALIGHIERI AND HIS LOVE FOR BEATRICE

It will not be enough a small post to talk about the platonic love between Dante and Beatrice and its complex allegorical meaning, so I will limit myself to highlight the essential points that we will need then to talk about Rey and Kylo Ren.

The "Vita Nova" (New Life) is the work in which Dante  tell how was born and developed his love for Beatrice. The title is not given by chance: Dante explains, at the beginning of the book, that he decided to entitle the book like this, because his first meeting with Beatrice was a turning point in his life. From that lucky and beautiful encounter, he began to change to be more and more worthy of being able to be in the presence of this angel woman and to support her powerful and mystical love.

Beatrice was not an ordinary woman. His human features enclosed his true angelic essence and since he was an angel, Dante informs us that he had come to earth with the mission of purifying the hearts of people to elevate them to God. Struck by the real and inner beauty of the woman, Dante is more and more in love with her but the love for her is also painful since he has a cathartic power: he must change, overcome his vices and his human mentality if he wants to continue to love and understand Beatrice.

The two most terrible events for Dante and dangerous for his love for the angel woman are two: when Beatrice decides to take away the greeting and, especially, her death. It is in fact this last event that will bring Dante to perdition, to the loss of the right path that is his spiritual journey towards the good (God) aroused by the presence of Beatrice.

From this state of loss and for the desire to continue to see and love Beatrice, Dante conceives the Divine Comedy, which is the story of his journey through the three kingdoms of the underworld in which, through the discovery of places and meetings with souls, he will begin a new interior journey to purify his soul and be so again worthy of meeting Beatrice, who awaits him to lead him to Heaven, the kingdom of light and of the higher spirits. So Dante Alighieri passes trough a state of darkness from a state of light.

In the Divine Comedy also Dante completes the meaning of the name "Beatrice", because his work ends with the vision of God defined by the great poet as "the Love that moves the sun and the other stars" (so the entire galaxy).

.KYLO REN AND HIS LOVE FOR REY

As for Dante the meeting with Beatrice marked and changed his life, the same happened to Kylo Ren when, in the Takodana forest, he saw Rey for the first time. This meeting and the mental contact with the girl during the interrogation, is certainly a turning point in the life of Kylo Ren who, from that moment, begins to doubt about his condition of obscurity.

Rey, in fact, like Beatrice, is not an ordinary woman but a very powerful girl in the Force who fully embodying the Light, the benevolent side of the Force and, for this reason, has the task of bringing hope and joy into the universe to counteract and balance the darkness represented by Kylo Ren.

Kylo Ren is attracted to Rey and to what she represents: in her presence his attitude changes completely, he feels respect and compassion for the girl so much, so that he expresses moments stronger in the Light. Rey is his source of Light and good, as was Beatrice for Dante. It is therefore clear that Kylo is in love with Rey in fact, he loves her so much that he proposes to join him to dominate the universe. However his gesture, though is sincere, is full of pride and obscurity and Rey can not accept it, because she represents the Light. She can not give in to obscurity and accept an impure love ( Do you remember Paolo and Francesca in the Inferno? Their passion represents a bad kind of love, and we can say it's the same with Kylo Ren and Rey in the TLJ. They need to find another way more pure to love eachother: love eachother in the Force?).

The moment of the refusal of Beatrice's greeting and death, could be compared to the moment when Rey closes the doors of the Millennium Falcon in the face of Kylo Ren to signify her removal and refusal.

Kylo Ren has lost his source of light, the one who was driving him in the "right way" and the scene where the dice disappear from his hand, expresses all the pain and remorse for the consuences of his actions. However this pain and this momentary state of loss, will be precisely those that will push Kylo Ren to a definitive change. Like Dante for the love of Beatrice, he found the courage to face Hell and his inner condition of sin, so even Kylo Ren, for the love of Rey, will defeat and destroy the evil that resides in him with her help. And, in the end, through union with Rey, create the balance in the Force.

PS: Dante's love for Beatrice was secret, to avoid scandal because Beatrice was married. Even the Force bonds  is the secret of Kylo Ren and Rey, just to avoid scandal among people. But Dante wrote the Divine Commedy to let people know about his love, so the love between Kylo and Ray will be show to all in the last episode?

.THE NUMBER 9 AND THE NUMBER 3

The number 3 is the perfect number. Since it represents perfection and in Christianity the Trinity, it has been used by Dante to structure the Divine Comedy: 3 are the Kingdoms and canticles (Hell, Purgatory and Paradise), and the canticles  contain 33 songs.

We can say that the same structure is in the Star Wars saga: 3 are the series (prequel, original and sequel) made up of 3 films each.

The number 9 was very dear to Dante and it possessed a meaningful meaning for the poet because, as he tells in "Vita Nova" (New Life), every event linked to Beatrice took place on dates in which that number appeared. So for Dante it became a symbol of Beatrice and of love for her.

And what is the last episode number? Is the 9! That which also in the term "trIXie". So: if TRIXIE stands for Beatrice and this title has been chosen also in reference to the muse of Dante Alighieri, there are many hopes that the whole expresses the happy ending of love between Kylo Ren and Rey.

Sorry for my bad english but I come from Italy and wasn't easy for me to write about Dante in another language. So I hope you like this meta and... JJ makes the Reylo come true!

[medicatemedrmccoy]

All Along

I was listening to the radio yesterday and was struck with inspiration for fic.

I shared this fic idea with @imoutofmyvulcanmind and she wrote a sister fic that goes along with this fic and features Jim. All About Loving You, found here. It’s beautiful.

So here we go! Lyrics are in italics, sprinkled throughout the story. It might not be the most perfectly matched song, but its what came to mind for it.

Leonard x Female Reader(there really wasnt much getting around this one this time)

3,771 word(s) of pretty much just fluff(kinda got away from me a little)

No warnings - but it is a little different as most of this is from Leonard’s POV. Hopefully it’s okay and you guys like it.

Leonard stood at the small living room window, staring out into the backyard where you lay gazing up at the stars, with two glasses of tea in his hands. He was so lost in thought that he didn’t hear his mother come up behind him.

“I know that look. What’s on your mind, Leonard?” Elenora asked as she was drying her hands with a small dish towel, coming to stand by her son to see what had captured his attention so completely. Leonard glanced at his mother, her eyes curious and concerned with the way he’s been acting tonight. Leonard almost didn’t want to say, but in the end he decided to spill, hoping to get a second opinion.

“Mom, do you ever take a step back and realize that something has been staring you in the face the whole time and you were too blind to see?” Leonard began cryptically as he walked away from the window and sat down on the edge of the couch. Elenora went to follow, but not before catching a glimpse at what Leonard had been staring at before, a knowing smile crept up on her lips.

I've been a walking heartache, I've made a mess of me

Flashback:

A young girl sitting on the side of the dusty gravel road, clutching her knee tightly and sniffling. Her bike laying haphazardly in the road, next to the big rock she had tumbled over.

“Hey, are you okay?” A small boy called out as he noticed the small girl wipe away a tear and look up at him. The girl whimpered softly and shook her head as he watched her clutch her knee tightly. The boy frowned as he made his way over to her quickly and laid down his bike.

The person that I've been lately, ain't who I wanna be

“Here, let me see it.” The boy asked with his hands on his knees. The girl moved her hands away from her knee and the boy made a small grimace, it looked pretty bad but he wouldn’t admit it out loud to her, instead he jumped up to his feet and made his way to his bike. “You wait here, I’ll be right back, okay? I promise.”

The girl nodded her head with another small sniff and the boy hopped on his bike and peddled as fast as he could through the field and back to his house. He jumped off his bike and dashed inside, running quickly to the bathroom. Thankfully his parents were both out back so there wouldn’t be any questions of injuries.

The boy quickly climbed on the sink to reach the top shelf and grabbed a small bottle of ointment and a few bandaids and quickly made his way back to his bike and sped off the way he had come. The girl was thankfully just where he left her as he hopped off his bike once more, red faced, and almost out of breath at this point.

“I brought you some stuff my mom always uses for me. It burns like the dickens at first but it’ll help, I promise.” The boy said as he pulled out the small bottle of ointment and a couple bandaids.

“Want some help?” The boy added in as the girl made no movement to grab the ointment. The girl nodded slightly as the boy slowly and carefully moved her knee and pulled her ripped jeans away from the scrape.

But you stay here right beside me and watch as the storm blows through and I need you

“This is going to burn okay? But it’ll go away soon. I promise” The boy reminded the girl as he got the ointment ready to put on her knee. She nodded in reply and closed her eyes tight, waiting for the burn. The boy wasn’t lying and it burned like crazy. The girl bit her lip and shut her eyes tighter as she took in a small gasp from the sting, but the boy was right, it soon went away and when she opened her eyes she had a fresh band-aid on her knee.

“Feels better doesn’t it?” The boy asked, standing back up and offering his hand. The girl nodded with a small grin and took his hand as he helped her to her feet.

“I’m Leonard by the way, what’s your name?” Leonard asked when the girl was firmly on her feet, testing out her knee.

“I’m Y/N. Thank you for helping me.” The girl replied as she wiped the remaining tears from her eyes, her smile growing wider and in turn making Leonard sprout a big smile of his own.

:End Flashback

'Cause god gave me you for the ups and downs, god gave me you for the days of doubt

“Ahh yes, I remember that day like it was yesterday. The two of you took to each other like ducks to water after that day. Hardly a day went by that the two of you weren’t off causing trouble.” Elenora remembered fondly as she sat down next to Leonard, patting his knee softly.

“Yeah, we were inseparable.” Leonard smiled at the memories of the two of you out in the field on summer days, the snowball fights in the winter, playing in the leaves in fall, and chasing rabbits in the spring.

“But it’s also got me so confused mom. I don’t even know where to start, or if she even feels the same way? And I’m as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.” Leonard continued, making Elenora pause for a moment and pursed her lips slightly before lifting her head to look at her son, meeting his eyes.

And for when I think I lost my way, there are no words here left to say, it's true, god gave me you

“Son, I don’t claim to be an expert, but this is what I know. You’ve come a long way since you were just a boy and copying your father in his clinic all those years ago. You’ve made some mistakes along the way sure, but you’ve always learned from them and made the best of it and kept going. You’ve been through some extremely tough situations and known more heartache than anyone ever should. Even despite that, you have a wonderful outlook and a heart of gold and a forgiving nature and I couldn’t ask for a better son. Whatever you do, all I know is that you deserve to be happy. You’ve suffered enough Leonard. Y/N has been with you through everything and if this is going to make you happy, then you should seize it with both hands and never let it go.” Elenora finished with a fine sheen glistening in her eyes. Leonard looked back at his mother fondly and lovingly, a sheen of his own almost apparent in his eyes as well before he blinked them back quickly.

“You’re right mom. Here goes nothing.” Leonard said, his mind made up as he got up from the couch slowly and made his way to the door, pausing at the screen door, gazing out across the lawn to you once more, his mind slipping back once again to all those years ago.

There's more here than what we're seeing, a divine conspiracy

Flashback:

“Hello? A tired voice mumbled groggily into the phone. Leonard cringed inwardly, he hated to be a bother, especially with how late he knew you had been working lately.

“Hey Y/N, I’m sorry, did I wake you?” Leonard’s voice was unusually quiet and hollow on the other end of the line. He just couldn’t muster the energy to try and make himself sound anything but empty.

“Its…” There was a pause for a moment and Leonard guessed she was looking at the time. “1am Leonard, of course you woke me up, but what’s going on, are you okay?” Her voice suddenly going from slightly annoyed to concerned, it wasn’t like Leonard to call this late at night.

That you an angel lovely, could somehow fall for me

“Yeah I’m okay, but no I’m not alright. I mean, I don’t know.” Leonard sighed into the phone, before taking a deep breath on the other end. He hated burdening her with this. She had already been a tremendous help with everything else these past couple months, but there was no one else he felt he could turn to right now.

“Its alright Len, you can tell me.” She encouraged softly, otherwise staying quiet until Leonard decided if he really wanted to talk about it or not.

“I think… I think Joce and I are finally done.” Leonard confessed quietly after several seconds, so quiet she almost didn’t hear it. Leonard wasn’t sure what else to do.

“Oh god Leonard, are you sure this time? I mean…” She trailed off quietly. She knew Leonard and Jocelyn had been having problems, and there was talk of divorce but she had always thought that they would work through it and had been nothing but encouraging.

“Yeah, I think it’s for good this time.” Leonard breathed out, as if the words had actual weight attached to them. The stress in his voice just oozing through the phone, it was the first time he had admitted it outloud since him and Joce had finally agreed a couple days ago.

“Oh, Len, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. If there’s anything at all I can do to help, you know I’ll do it.” Leonard could hear the sincerity behind her words and he breathed out a small sigh of relief, already feeling somewhat better, just by hearing her voice and knowing she was there for him.

You'll always be love's great martyr, and I'll be the flattered fool, and I need you

“That’s kind of why I called Y/N.” Leonard sighed softly into the phone. “I can’t… I can’t stay here anymore. Would it be okay if I maybe came and stayed at your place for a couple days? Just until I can think things through?” Leonard asked hopefully, he hated to ask but he couldn’t stand to be under the same roof as Jocelyn any longer.

“Of course you can, Len. You know I’ve only got that old lumpy couch but you’re welcome to it as long as you need it. Are you coming tonight? I’ll fix it up for you.” She said quickly and Leonard could hear the rustling of sheets in the background, waiting on Leonard’s reply before she fully got out of bed.

“If it’s not too much trouble?” Leonard asked hesitantly. “I can’t be here right now.”

“Sure. Come over and I’ll have it ready for you, okay? No worries.” She replied as she got up out of bed and Leonard could hear her closet opening where he knew she kept a few extra blankets.

God gave me you for the ups and downs, god gave me you for the days of doubt

“Thank you, Y/N, thank you so much. You’re amazing.” Leonard said softly into the phone. “I’ll be there soon.” Leonard finished quietly before hanging up the phone. Leonard breathed out a heavy sigh as he sat his phone back down on the island. If he had nothing left after this divorce was over, at the very least he would still have Y/N by his side, and that thought comforted him.

:End Flashback

Leonard took a deep breath, shaking his head of the memory as he fumbled with the door and the glasses of tea in his hands until Elenora finally came and opened the door for him.

“Thanks mom.” Leonard replied with a sheepish grin. Elenora returned his grin with a wink, and shooed him quietly out of the door. Leonard’s grin turned into a smile with a small eyeroll, he mouthed “wish me luck” to his mom as he walked slowly out the door.

Leonard slowly and quietly walked to the end of the porch, watching you as you put your arms behind your head, pointing and drawing out the star constellations with your fingers. Leonard couldn’t help but grin at the sight, even if his heart was beating faster and his stomach was in knots. Leonard began walking down the steps as his mind wandered once more as he made his way to where you lay.

And for when I think I lost my way, there are no words here left to say, it's true, god gave me you

Flashback:

“Good lord, I didn’t think there would be so much work involved!” She groaned loudly into her pillow as she looked around the floor at all her books scattered around and all her note tabs on her PADD.

“No one forced you to follow me, Y/N.” Leonard said with a smirk as he watched her from his small bed, his own PADD in his hands, going over his notes and homework, laughing to himself. Secretly he was grateful that you decided to follow after him. It made the transition easier and it calmed his nerves and eased his mind knowing you were beside him still, backing him up.

“What? You really thought I was going to let you come alone and have all the fun and adventures? I think not, Leonard! Who else is going to take care of your grumpy ass?” She said, trying to sound offended, but Leonard knew better and gave her a small snort in reply. He’d never admit that she was right, and he probably would have never made it this far without her.

“Then you better get to work, Y/N. That paper isn’t going to write itself.” Jim teased from his small bed on the other side of the room, prying himself away from his own studies to take a jab at her.

On my own I'm only half of what I could be, I can't do without you

“Oh now it’s two against one? I thought you were on my side, Kirk? Who asked you anyway?” She replied with a huff, tossing her pillow at Jim’s head, hitting him square in the face. Leonard always thought that she had a good arm, and she could prove it, he remembered those snowballs to his own face none too fondly. Jim just stared at her pillow in shock. Leonard then rolled his eyes and continued his homework.

She didn’t expect to actually hit him. Her hand quickly went to her mouth as she tried to hold in her laugh, but failed miserably, she cracked up at the incredulous look on Jim’s face. Leonard had to admit to himself that it was pretty funny, and hid his smirk behind his PADD.

“Oh you think that’s funny do you? This means war!” Jim declared, returning fire with his own pillows, but missing and almost knocking over her drink on the table.

“Alright you infants, that’s enough before you break everything in the room.” Leonard glared over his PADD at the two of them, they froze in mid throw as he spoke. The two of them exchanged knowing glances and both quickly turned to look at Leonard, with mischievous grins on both their faces.

We are stitched together and what love has tethered, I pray we never undo

“Oh no, don’t you dare! I will hypo the two of you into next week if you so even…” Leonard warned but he didn’t get very far before the pillows were flying in his direction, he barely had time to block the shots, returning fire in kind. Laughter and squeals filled the room as the three of you battled it out, letting off some much needed steam.

:End Flashback

“Did you get lost?” You teased as you heard Leonard’s footsteps getting closer, leaning your head over in his direction, snapping Leonard out of his thoughts.

“You know how mom is, always needs help with something. In this case, the dishes.” Leonard lied smoothly, covering up his and his moms earlier conversation, he had hoped anyway. He was grateful that it was dark outside, so it hid the fact that he was beginning to sweat.

“You should have hollered, I would have came and helped.” You said as you sat up, taking the tea from Leonard’s outstretched hand, taking a long sip. Leonard’s mom really knew how to make a mean glass of iced tea.

“Nonsense, I didn’t ask you to come with me to visit so you can do dishes.” Leonard laughed slightly out of amusement and slightly to try and hide his nervousness as he sat down close to you in the grass.

“Thanks for the invite by the way. It was nice seeing your mom and dad again, it’s been way too long.” You said, glancing over at Leonard, sitting your tea in your lap. You regarded Leonard closely, it hadn’t escaped you that he had been acting odd tonight.

'Cause god gave me you for the ups and downs, god gave me you for the days of doubt

“No worries, Y/N. My mom loves having you over, sometimes I even think she likes you more than me.” Leonard said with a louder laugh, causing you to laugh as well. Leonard loved to hear you laugh, it was like music to his ears, and always made his heart light as a smile spread across his face for a brief moment.

“Y/N…” Leonard cleared his throat. Might as well jump right in, right? “I have a small confession. I didn’t bring you out here just for a visit.” Leonard continued, not quite looking you in the eye, choosing to half look at the stars.

“Oh?” You said curiously, waiting on him to continue as you quirked an eyebrow in reply, something you had perfected from hanging out with Leonard so much.

“Yeah, I uh, I don’t really know how to say this and you can tell me to shut up anytime and we’ll forget I even said anything, okay?” Leonard rubbed his face nervously before finally looking you in the eyes. There wasn’t any backing out now, it was now or never.

God gave me you for the ups and downs, god gave me you for the days of doubt

“Y/N, we’ve known each other almost our whole lives. Were the best of friends, just don’t tell Jim that okay? We know everything there is to know about each other. We’ve been there through each others high points, and our low points. You’ve always been by my side and never left me and have always been in my corner. And I’ve been an idiot, a real idiot for not being able to see what was right in front of me all along.” Leonard rubbed the back of his neck with his hand nervously. His mouth was so very dry, despite all the tea hes drunk and his hands were so sweaty.

“Leonard, are you asking me if I’ll go out with you?” You said as a smirk began to form on your lips as you gathered where Leonard was going with this, there was no other explanation for his nervousness or his words.

“Well, I mean, yeah? I guess I am. It’s not weird is it? It’s just, after Nero’s attack, and us almost not making it back and the thought of losing you or never seeing you again, I guess it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I care about you Y/N, and up until now, I didn’t realize just how much. I care about you more than a friend and I mean, I get it if you don’t feel the same way, we’ve been friends for so long and…” Leonard rambled on before you brought your fingers to his lips, shushing him.

“Can you stop talking for 3 seconds and let me get a word in edgewise?” You teased, laughing at the look on Leonard’s face. You had never seen him so nervous. Someone who was always calm under pressure, even when someone was bleeding out underneath him, Leonard never lost his cool this badly. You knew he had to be a nervous wreck and had been thinking about this for a while.

And for when I think I lost my way, there are no words here left to say,

“The truth is, I’ve been thinking about this a lot too. I just didn’t know how to bring it up and you just so happened to beat me to it.” You answered with a smile. The look on Leonard’s face was priceless as it lit up slightly with hope.

“You have?” Leonard asked in almost disbelief, his eyes going slightly wide. He never imagined that this would be your reply. He envisioned every possible scenario of you running away, screaming for the hills, or even worse, that this might even ruin your friendship with his confession.

“I think a part of me has always liked you Leonard but the timing had never been right, or one of us had been in another relationship or school or whatever, but now? We’re finally where we both want to be and have nothing to get in the way of us making the future that we want. And I think I like the thought of a future with you and me.” You answered Leonard with a smile, all the fond memories you had of the two of you flashing through your head as you thought back to all the good times the two of you shared.

Leonard couldn’t believe his ears and almost asked you to repeat yourself, but didn’t dare, in case you decided you change your answer, and only put on a huge grin from ear to ear.

“Y/N, you’ve made me the happiest man alive. Where do we go from here?” Leonard asked, the two of you were such great friends, and already knew practically everything there was to know about each other that the typical first date seemed kind of out of place.

“Well, we could start here?” You suggested as you leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Leonard’s lips. Leonard jumped slightly at your touch before melting into your kiss. It wasn’t weird like he thought it might be, it felt right, it felt like home. Warmness crept through him as his heart skipped a beat, and he knew he made the right decision.

You felt equally as happy as you pulled away slightly from the kiss, a smile plastered on your face as you saw the excited gleam in Leonard’s eye.

“I like the way you think, darlin’.” Leonard laughed as he gave you a quick peck and stood up slowly, holding out his hand. You took Leonard’s hand as he helped you off the grass.

“I’m Leonard by the way, what’s your name?” Leonard asked playfully with a big smile on his face as he brought you carefully to your feet.

“I’m Y/N. Thank you for helping me.” You replied with a laugh, poking Leonard in the ribs, causing him to join you, both your laughter mixing and dancing in the warm summer air. You hardly believed that he remembered that day so very long ago. Leonard kept a hold on your hand as he brought you in close to his chest and wrapped his other arm around your waist and began to rock the two of you slowly in small circles.

“You really are beautiful Y/N, you know that?” Leonard said softly as he looked down at you with awe, eyes dancing around your features, as if it was something that had escaped him all these years. He planned to make up for all those lost years, and then some.

“You old romantic, but I think that’s going to take some time to get used to hearing from you.” You giggled softly, burying your head in Leonard’s chest, hardly believing what was happening, it all felt like a dream come true. Everything falling into place. Being with Leonard was as easy as breathing.

“You know me best sweetheart and we have all the time in the world to get used to it.” Leonard replied as he dipped you quickly and bringing you back up to meet his lips. Leonard couldn’t believe you had returned his feelings as his mind wandered to all the possibilities that lie in front of you both. He finally felt happy and hopeful for his future.

“That I do.” You agreed, kissing Leonard back slowly before resting your head on his shoulder as the two of you continued to dance around under the stars, not needing to speak as the two of you enjoyed being together. There was plenty of time to figure out everything later, tonight it was just the two souls that had been destined to be together after all this time, finally becoming one.

It's true, god gave me you, he gave me you

My Masterlist

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[supergirlimaginesfic-blog]

Lena Luthor x reader (Yesterday, our history; today, for now)

Request:  Lena x reader : lena gets jealous after seeing someone kiss you at one of her gala 

a/n: guess which garbage monster decided to make a little childhood friends to present time drabble. THIS garbage monster decided to make a childhood friends fic, because I want it and I think it kinda fit this particular scenario. You’re a little bit of a big time fairtrade coffee mogul, it’s obscure and I’m craving coffee currently, so naturally this is what I come up with. Forgive me if it seems like I’m just spouting out terms... it is most definitely because that’s exactly what I’m doing LOL

For SOME reason I was in some grand mood to write something a little angsty and piney... for what reason? I truly could not tell you. Apparently I’m due for one of those again. Thanks for reading y’all!! :D

- - - - -

If you were to be candid and outright, you would readily admit that you resented the business world. You’re self-aware enough to understand the privilege of working hard and watching it pay off, and living comfortably is something that’s never been foreign to you.

You weren’t born into all the wealth you had now - you were proud to say you toiled for what you could call your own. In spite of the leg up you knew you got from certain family members, it humbled you and you never took your gains for granted.

As you found yourself standing in a giant room among the people who you should consider your peers, it went without saying you were jaded and unimpressed.

Where you could, you tried to withhold judgement; after all, not everybody was insufferable and irritating with their prestige, though you also knew a lot of them believed they were destined for it.

Self-worth is a subjective commodity, and where one person draws motivation could be quite strikingly different from the next. Still, you had enough interactions (far too many, you concede) with these kinds of people to be intimately aware of a certain unspoken but commonly held truth: if they’d lost all their money and power in an instant, it would be more than their net worth that’s lost.

Even so, you didn’t necessarily loathe the wealthy elite so much as you just can’t find many people worth respecting despite the all-encompassing competitiveness to have the unwarranted abundance of it.

Life, you know, is saturated with this mentality in general, and it only aggravated you now because you knew you were intended to befriend these people and maintain good rapport.

You wish it wasn’t so easy to give in to the sentiment of othering yourself whenever you contemplated your fortunate circumstances, yet you could count on your one hand the number of true allies you could rely on and vouch for personally.

When you glanced at the L-Corp gala invitation that you found in your mail, it was not your first thought to dread another night of reluctant obligation, but rather of one old friend you were much too aware of not having seen in years.

You wouldn’t say you were avoiding her - not entirely, anyway. You were simply distracted with the course of your life and needing to better it for yourself. You had a never-settling unease about not being good enough, and though this was a noble insecurity to have, it proved relentless and omnipresent.

Throughout your boarding school experience, Lena Luthor was as unassuming as she was brilliant. Though now, you surmise, she entertains the facade of grandeur, and you’ve still yet to put together how to reconcile what you know of a young Lena and what you’ve seen of her now.

You’ve always admired her from afar; that much wasn’t a surprise. What was a surprise, however, was the inexplicable draw that possessed the two of you and created an otherwise unlikely alliance of mutual understanding.

You were the new kid of freshman year, having missed three months of the beginning of school to relocating with your aunt and her family from Central City. Lena was the youngest acquisition of the Luthor family, and that particular news followed her like a shadow.

Still, you watched as she prospered in spite of it and just as you felt yourself falling into her gravity, you also somehow caught her in your orbit.

The two of you were an anomalous pair, you in your modest willingness to remain indeterminate and ordinary and her with the effortless dancing on the precipice of obscurity and greatness.

Even then at that young age, you had the distinct notion of not wanting to hinder her in any way you possibly could - even then, she would scoff at your foolishness. For as much as a friend could love you, she did. And for as much as you were pining for her successes and happiness, you did.

You dreamed often and you played often together, and as much as you did you also studied and philosophized and aspired. The adventure of youth was indeed a journey, and you would never change the reality of having Lena in your corner for those formative years if you were faced with the decision to start over.

You hadn’t thought much of it then, but the only time you ever stood up against anyone or anything was when someone by the likes of Veronica Sinclair gave Lena trouble; and there is much that could be said about that now in retrospect.

Lena gave you loyalty as fierce as your own, and though it often went unspoken, you knew you’d both felt it.

It was only with little sadness that you watched awe-struck and proud as she walked to the podium to receive her diploma, and you knew she would be heading off to MIT.

As for yourself, you would charter the route that just like any other wide-eyed, hopeful teen your age imagined for themselves would most benefit from in the long run. Your aunt, with her modest conglomerate of companies in a wide array of sectors, only asked of you to do what you could do best.

You’d graduate from an Honours International Development Studies program and sought after your pipe dream to not change the world, but to merely help it.

For years, you would hear stories from the wind of the Luthor scion and Jack Spheer trying to find the ever elusive cure to cancer, and you’d heard that they were making breakthroughs with their nanotechnology.

Even then, you’d felt rather inadequate, and much to your displeasure you found that in a room full off big business moguls and politicians you still felt just as small as you always had.

It was with great bemusement that you remember you’d finally accepted an invitation from L-Corp as you looked around you at the filling ballroom, and you’re usually not so absent of mind.

You begin to realize just how out of place you feel as you watch pairs of people filing through the entrance, all figures of prominence and varying levels of affluence trying to take up the most space in the room. You feel so very unprepared and not at all in your element and you almost regret your decision to go about this event alone.

It’s only for a few hours, you concede, and you’ll take your leave the very second it’s socially acceptable to do so. You wonder if you can even evade Lena again, though it’s becoming more and more evident how unlikely that will be. You don’t have the excuse of being in another country altogether to justify your absences.

Perhaps you’ve made a big mistake by coming here tonight.

You don’t have the time to ponder it further, however, when you feel a presence sidle up beside you.

“Now, I don’t usually act so brash and forward, but I must simply know why exactly it is you are without company this evening.”

You don’t recognize the woman when you turn to face her. At first glance you see she is conventionally beautiful with her dark brown eyes and an angular face.

She’s wearing a deep green gown and she seems the epitome of refinement. She seems rather young, perhaps only a few years older than you, and somehow much more... everything.

“That is, unless it’s only a matter of time before she makes her appearance and I learn yet another lesson regarding my presumptuous inclinations,” she adds.

You smile politely and already feel yourself get reluctantly pulled forward into the game of social obligation. Still, you are curious.

“Well, Miss... you would be correct in your observations. I’m afraid I don’t recognize you, and if I ought to then I apologize-”

“Beckett, and it’s absolutely divine to make your acquaintance.”

You have exactly milliseconds to both process and react to her moving in close to kiss you just near the corner of your mouth, and if there’s any look of astonishment and utter confusion on your face, she’s ignorant to the display.

You’re left stuttering and stumbling on words, and you’re vexed at just how out of touch you are with how to behave in these events and how to deal with such forwardness in general.

“Miss-”

“Oh, please, call me Alona, we can allow ourselves to be on a first name basis.”

“Right, yeah- okay-”

“I confess, I know quite a lot about you, (Y/N). You’re making rather significant waves that are crossing into my circles. I am most curious about your story.”

You’re still silent, standing before a woman and her force of nature as she glides easily from thought to thought, almost taunting you in a way to keep up.

“It’s the most inspirational anecdote. Your aunt, Theresa Everett, she’s such a character too. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing her while she was still active and the most prominent in 2013. And now, you’re an entrepreneur! You’ve really separated yourself from all that, haven’t you?”

You inhale shakily as you scramble to recollect your thoughts - there’s very little reference points you can bounce off of, but you force yourself to believe it’s enough. Having to talk about your work, at least, is something you enjoy and you don’t have to think too hard about that.

“Well, I wouldn’t necessarily word it like that. It’s not so much of a rebranding as it is just really focusing and cutting back the excess of resources at my disposal. I’ll take what I need and no more or less, and it’s proven to have worked out if the exponential growth of the farms I’ve overseen is any indication.”

For her part, Alona looks attentively at you, and if you weren’t so overwhelmed by her larger than life introduction you would perhaps be more than willing to indulge her conversation and speak in depth of your work.

You think there’s a hint of impudence to her when she smiles at you, but the observation is moot by the time you’ve detected it.

“I’ve always thought so highly of you, and it is so refreshing to see I’m not wrong in my high regards. What is it now, you have locations in Peru, Guatemala, Colombia if I recall correctly?

“I truly, truly commend you for your upholding the ethical crusade. It’s apparent that every single one present in this room has something similar in common with another, and perhaps this is what you and Ms. Luthor share; the unfailing resilience to chase a simple dream.”

Your eyebrows furrow slightly in contemplation and you regard the woman carefully. There’s an agenda hidden somewhere - there always is, and you’re just about close to scratching the surface of it. You’re suspicious, and part of this game is to do everything you can to make sure you don’t show it. You consider your next words as carefully as you can, but you’re just steps over the edge.

“And still I wholeheartedly believe a simple dream is the one distinctive catalyst that provides solutions where there might be questions, and curates possibilities where there are only hypotheticals.”

You inhale sharply and feel the broiling of your intensity and mild agitation. You think to try to reel yourself in - you’re well aware of the flurry you become when you get going about correcting people who are just so very wrong.

“But respectfully, I decline your belief in my upholding some crusade of ethics - as far as I’m concerned it’s pretty rudimentary that we treat every individual involved in our business relationships with the same amount of respect as we are given by default as the ones with the monetary resources. Business is a mutual give and take. It’s our responsibility to foster all aspects of the whole to benefit from the sum of all the little parts.”

Alona smiles at you again, and you’ve no doubt now it’s positively devilish in its scheming.

“I am so awed by your passion, how remarkably you guard your tenets. That tenacity should be harnessed. If you need any assistance in the form of governmental influence, which I’m sure you will no doubt encounter if you haven’t already, I will personally see to it that I have some sway in your favour.”

“Thank you so much, Miss Beckett, I can assure you we are quite self-sustaining at this time and it’s actually beneficial that we’re on the fringes of politics-”

Suddenly, you think you feel the air escape your lungs and your eyes widen almost comically. There’s a far off part of your brain that’s mostly shut off currently, but you can hear a distant echo of this is some bullshit movie moment, come from the depths of your mind when you finally see her.

You begin to think just how wrong you were to ever have stayed away from her. You think you should be rewarded for your ability to have ever done so at all.

Lena is so much more than you ever remembered of her. You’re only minutely aware of being cut off mid-sentence before you realize it was you who stopped talking altogether. You think you feel your jaw go slack, and Alona at least takes note when she acknowledges the new presence.

“Lena, you’ve outdone yourself as always.”

“Alona, your attendance always pleases me,” she says in greeting.

You can feel the distinct tension of various things left unsaid in your little trio, and when neither woman broaches the physical boundary tethering you all together, it’s Lena who decides to start severing the tie.

“How is Mr. Conroy? I’m sure Johnathan is doing well?”

“Yes, quite. He almost didn’t want to make it today, I’m sure you can understand, what with the last L-Corp event being quite the target for trouble.”

Alona smirks mischievously in delight and you can only watch in slight horror at the show you’ve inadvertently become an audience for.

“Of course, that’s justifiable. I almost thought it’d been best if we all just stayed home,” Lena says cuttingly.

“Oh, but here we are. Your bravery has always impressed me, Lena.”

Lena just smiles sweetly and she’s a considerable distance away from you - at least, as much as what you perceive suggests. You can just feel the tug of her and not a single part of her body is touching yours, and yet you feel the fire of your skin ablaze by her presence alone. She might as well have been playing matches on your being.

Somehow, and this has always amused you, watching people recognize the notion that they’re not wanted anymore becomes potent enough to become an entirely new entity, and you love watching how they react.

Alona decides to take her leave, but not before she kisses you on the cheek in departure and bids you a good evening, and you really wish you’d learned to expect the unexpected as if you hadn’t experience this same conundrum just several minutes ago.

You barely register that Lena’s sweet smile falls into a scowl. You’re not quite sure why exactly it is she has such a disapproving glare. You refuse to indulge the possible reasons why it would be there.

Even after Alona is gone, you and Lena don’t share a word for the next few moments.

When she finally looks up at you, she’s no longer glowering at some inconsequential woman you happened to have encountered, and you can see the imperceptible widening of her eyes as if she’s really taking you in.

You wonder if you should assure her that your presence isn’t a trick of reality - you can hardly believe it yourself, but Lena breaks the silence.

“You’re a lot taller than I remember,” she mutters teasingly.

“And you’re more radiant than ever.”

In spite of the long years absent from each other’s lives, the familiarity of Lena makes you feel both parts nostalgic and something akin to a return - like a conversation that picks up where you’ve left it as if it never ceased at all, and in a way, that’s exactly what you two are.

“It’s good to see you’re just as much of a kiss-ass as you’ve always been.”

You smile at her remark, and it’s decisively more than you can ever say you’ve had as of late; this alone should be cause for alarm.

“Naturally,” you grin. “To what do I owe this pleasure of your exclusive attention?”

“Don’t you know I only ever host these events to draw you out of whatever cave it is you’ve hidden in all these years? I should be asking you that same question.”

You see a flash of something like hurt and hesitance in Lena’s eyes. You know it because you felt it yourself. You think perhaps she can see it in you too.

There’s a compulsion in you to apologize, but for what, you couldn’t even begin to articulate.

There’s just too much and all the same, there’s very little to answer for at all. You wouldn’t change the way your life has turned out. Though, you can’t speak for Lena.

“I’ve been away,” is all you supply, and you marvel at your uselessness.

Lena smiles at you in a way that you can very much tell says, well no shit, but the fondness that’s there regardless has distracted you.

“Of course,” she says, and then, “how’s Theresa doing? She’s well, I take it?”

You’re thankful for the cop out and you take it.

“Yeah, she’s thriving as always. She asks about you often still.”

You barely register what you’ve said before you can even think to take it back.

Lena looks rueful when she replies, “I’d almost be shocked if she hasn’t kept up with the news as everyone else has.”

It takes everything of your being to will yourself not to hug her.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“No, I do.”

You begin to realize the depths of your struggle, and the profoundly evident lack of knowledge you once had of your best friend’s life makes itself ever present all in one booming crash in your chest.

You grapple for something, anything to reach out to her.

“So... how’s Jack?”

Lena inhales sharply and her lips purse slightly, “he passed away.”

You feel it more than you hear it - the fall of something in your gut hanging in suspension in your lower torso.

“Fuck, I’m sorry-”

“It was either him or Supergirl,” she states softly.

You fiddle with your hands awkwardly. You’re becoming painfully aware of just how invasive your entire body feels in relation to Lena, and you wish you could just disappear or at least transport your being to some other timeline that has nothing to do with the current one.

You think to blame yourself entirely, of course when you concede that Lena has finally found someone worthy of her, the universe decides to muddle it up eventually.

You worry about just what that could mean for you.

“That must have been almost half a year ago. Often I wonder just how much more I can be put through the wringer before I snap. It feels like it’s simply a matter of time before I become everything I’ve always feared.”

You snap out of your reverie of contrite at Lena’s admission.

“You know you’ve always been above that. Plenty of times, you could have done just that, but you never have. And I think it’s because you’re just not capable of it. I’ve never once seen something you weren’t capable of handling.”

Lena sighs deeply, “I don’t think I want to find that breaking point.”

“I don’t think you’ll have to,” you say affirmatively.

You’re both silent in contemplation. Lena looks softer, and you wonder about it as you parse through the memories of the Lena you once knew and what you’re getting now.

Even if you didn’t know her as you did, you still believe entirely that she looks absolutely magnificent. She can fill an entire room without a single word, and you realize then with sneaking suspicion this is just how she’s managed to infiltrate every corner of your life you thought you’d abandoned.

The familiar sensation of pride swells in you again, and a sort of daze falls on you as you smile at the contentedness it gives you. It’s almost enough to distract you from the sad exhaustion you can see hiding just barely veiled within her eyes.

“So, coffee is it?” she asks.

“What?” you think you feel your entire body snap into another awakening as you hurl back into the conversation.

You see the slight uptick of her lips form into a smirk, and you don’t bother to resist thinking about how much you’ve missed it.

“Your business? Fairtrade coffee now, I suppose you never really intended to succeed your aunt?” she prompts, slightly teasingly.

You think you can smack yourself for your misgivings.

“Yeah, that- yeah. Right. I mean, I wasn’t always so deeply taken by what she had her companies’ shares in. It could be said that I’ve rebuilt, but really I’ve just tried to involve myself in areas that interest me and I can invest entirely in; not just monetarily either. My whole heart’s in it, and it’s much easier that way.”

Lena looks contemplative as she deliberates your words, and then, “it seems if it becomes personal that the stakes are so much more higher and there’s so much more at risk, do you find that to be the case?”

You tilt your head in consideration, you try to not give credence to the inexplicable longing you suddenly feel at having Lena so close, yet so very far.

“Arguably, maybe people’s expectations of me have deviated. The risks are only as substantial as the reward. The company’s interests may be refocused, but mine, at least, remain unchanged.”

Lena studies you meaningfully and you feel your body come alive under the weight of her gaze.

“I have always admired your determination to chase after your aspirations. I’ve also always envied your freedom to do so,” she says wryly.

You give her a small smile, “it took me a while to get where I am now. I haven’t always gone after what I really desired.”

Lena glances at you, and when you catch her eyes you hurry to distract yourself with more words, anything to keep you from falling apart for just a little bit longer.

“It takes a lot of trial and error, and without a doubt it’s taken its time... though it goes without saying that the answer sometimes has been right in front of you all along.”

At some point, you think your words have stopped having a singular meaning and you think they’ve become latent with more complex, underlying feelings you feel the least bit prepared to address.

You add hastily, knowing you ought to say it if it weren’t already evident, “for what it’s worth, Lena, it seems as though you’re doing great for yourself.”

Perhaps, you believe, she’s always appreciated your uncanny ability to understand what she needs to hear, to listen to what goes unsaid for her. Even now, you think you’re not just imagining it anymore and you can see the vulnerable adoration in her eyes.

Lena smiles at you, muted with the quiet tones of a lament for time lost and of time yet to lose. Still, you see the endless gratitude that goes unuttered but entirely indisputable.

“When will you be flying off again?” she asks.

“Not for another few weeks.”

I missed you, goes unsaid.

“If it weren’t already plain, it should be mentioned just how much my evening has been made now that I got to see you.”

I’m proud of you, goes unsaid.

“Well, rest assured I feel exactly the same way,” you say earnestly.

I thought I’d lost you, goes unsaid.

There’s a tension palpable enough to cut through, and you feel it stifling you quickly, filling you like concrete.

You’re tired of the feeling of having unfinished business with Lena - for as long as you can remember, your story has never felt quite finished, and you don’t suspect either of you are willing to let it get to that.

“(Y/N), this doesn’t have to be farewell.”

The sentiment doesn’t help in maintaining your pretense of composure.

“No, I don’t want it to be.”

Not again, goes unsaid.

“Then why waste any more time? We may not know the future, but at least we have now.”

I won’t give in to the fear of having lost you wilfully again, goes unsaid.

Lena’s eyes make a slow descent from your eyes to your lips, and you can feel the slow drag of them trail to your bowtie. She lifts her hands and fixes it, taking gentle care in lingering more than a stranger would.

Lena’s not a stranger though, not entirely.

She’s grinning fondly at some secret joke.

“You always refused to wear just a regular tie. You thought it was too conventional.”

You grin at her observation, “I was a pretty pretentious kid.”

“Well, that’s quite alright, you looked much better in these anyway,” she smirks.

You feel the rising warmth of a blush rushing to your cheeks. Somehow, you think you’ve experienced equal parts death and renewal all at once. Somehow, you know you’ll both do better this time.