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thecandywrites · 2 years ago

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Monster March 2023 Day 18- Pixie

So, when I saw this prompt, my first thoughts were of course the movie Fern Gully, with some splashes of Epic.

And then, my hand slipped. And then this happened. And I'm saying sorry right now. Trigger warnings ahead- loss, grief, anger, abandonment, death, destruction. All of that.

At the end, when I had written it and was proofreading it, all I could think of was in The Count of Monte Cristo when Edmond finds the treasure but he looks, so...empty. And Jacapo asks what he wants to buy and he says 'revenge' and when Jacapo suggests he just shoots and kills them in quick succession, Edmond goes 'Death is too good for them. They must suffer as I suffered. They must have their world, all that they hold dear, ripped from them as it was ripped from me.' And that was very much the angle I conciously and subconciously went with this.

So you'll see a lot of that. Because in the stages of grief, some can get stuck on one of them, usually anger. And you get to a point that because you're in pain and you're suffering, and you feel alone and isolated, and losing your own battle with grief and loss that you get into a vicious cycle. Which I have been doing my best to avoid. And I took everything I've been trying to avoid and I let it out on this. Sorry.

Because what I've learned after over a decade of therapy is that- Suffering does not begit suffering. And making others suffer, does not heal your own pain.

And as someone who has lost 16 people in the last two years alone, one of them being my second favorite person in the world (my grandfather, the day before my 18th wedding anniversary too, and my cousin who committed suicide not even a whole month before that. She was my age and who had daughters my daughter's age. And everything I thought I had dealt with since my last suicide attempt, 8 years ago- came roaring back to life and apparently I had not fixed or healed all of it so I've been working on it since then. Especially my own survivor's guilt with my cousin)

I'm doing Monster March because it's a way for me to grow past it and a way to deal with it in a healthier way. Because nearly all of my traumatic life events have always been in March so the month of March is always the darkest and hardest month of the year for me. But this prompt, got the beginning of the brunt of it. And there will be others that you'll see more of it. And I'll tag those too.

So, with all of that in mind. Please know that I know way too much about tragic loss and the interruptions of life and losing people that can never be replaced and losing all the possibilities of 'what might have been' or 'if only I had seen this I could have done something' and being helpless, and hopeless and especially a lot of survivor's guilt. And watching as everyone else moves on but you're stuck and you're stuck with your own loss and grief. So you'll see that anger, that rage, that resentment, that bitterness, that abandonment and that vicious cycle. And I usually use my creative writing to create a world where everything is ok and nothing hurts. But not this time.

So if you feel like I'm being unfair by taking my own loss and taking it out on this prompt and you'll see it in future prompts too, I get it. No hard feelings. Enjoy anything else but this. But I felt a warning and a heads up was warrented and an explanation was needed.

As always thanks to @borealwrites for their Monster March 2023 prompt list. It's literally keeping me alive and going and moving forward and trying to heal and get better. Thank you.

Monster March 2023 Day 18- Pixie

The Hollow

You watched on as the Queen Pixie walked along the pathway, the very flowers bending over her to offer her their scents while their leaves provided her shade. She rarely left The Hollow, and was unusually fair because of it and over time grew quite sensitive to the sun’s rays.

She was always under heavy guard when not in The Hollow itself, which was currently in a deep, dark cavernous pit with only a hole at the top that let in light and rain water.

But this was the most important part of her reign. It was where she would choose a special bud that would choose the next princess who would then grow to be a queen of the forest. She was so regal, her long gown of petals ever fresh and soft, along with her hair that had been braided so elegantly. And while becoming a queen, meant that she lost her wings, she didn’t really need them. For all of nature would take her wherever she wanted to go or need to be.

There were always dangers though, especially when she was out in the open. There were always other pixies in other forests, eager to fight for territory, to either amass more or simply keep any other from invading onto their own. But lately, more and more were refugees from other forests that had been taken down and turned into anything the big people wanted it to be. Which only put more pressure on the need to keep the balance in nature, between the new and growing and dead, dying and decaying.

But the sound of animals running for their lives interrupted things, then, the unmistakable sound of a chainsaw began to break through the procession along with the talking and shouting of the large ones. The queen was quickly ushered away while many fled and the sound was coming from The Hollow, which meant she needed to seek other shelter.

Because chainsaws meant one thing- deforestation from the larger people.

You wanted to flee with the others, but you chose a tree that was too small to be chopped down, so it was left to stand alone. But that meant that you were trapped where you were and couldn’t flee with the others. So you watched in horror how what was once sacred ground was then trampled on. Trees that had stood for hundreds of years were cut in a matter of moments. And down, down, down, they all came.

The animals that once called this forest home, now had to flee to a new one. And what was once ancestral ground, was ravaged and stripped bare.

But the worst blow, was the pool that the buds were blooming from, died from the gasoline and other chemicals dumped into the small pool before any of them could be chosen and what was once an age old tradition was ruined to the point that it couldn’t be revived. All of which you were helpless to watch from where you chosen to hide. But all of it, being seared into your mind and memory.

The ground was dug up. A wet rock, like cold lava, was poured and overnight it turned from wet to as hard as bedrock. Then new towers were raised, but not of dead trees, but of metal. Then lines of lightning were put on the towers. Before finally, the big people left, leaving a monstrosity of metal and lines of lightning in their wake. You could see for miles as they were part of yet another line of metal trees, all with lines of lightning. And any who came too close, got zapped and electrocuted and died.

The queen had no choice, she had to leave The Hollow and the forest. It was too dangerous for any pixie or fairy or fae to live here anymore. And she could only hope and pray that another Pixie would welcome her and her court into their own.

But you refused to leave. You wanted the large ones to pay for the damage they had done. And you wanted the queen to come back. And a new princess to come and reclaim the realm. But, yet, none did. And all you could do was helplessly watch as it was an all out war between the forces of nature waged.

And then when the trees dared to grow their branches towards the lines of lightning, a big metal bird came, with chainsaws on the bottom of it to cut back the branches that dared to grow anywhere near the metal trees with the lines of lightning, which only added insult to grave injury.

And as much as you wished you were the size of a giant to rip it all out and stomp on the larger people’s homes and destroy them and their homes- to see how they liked it and force them to abandon homes and abandon everything they had destroyed only to build to suit them. You were rather powerless to do such things.

Because you were just a pixie, stubbornly staying right where you were and watched on, seemingly helplessly, but growing more angry, more wrathful every day the trees of steel stood, with their lines of lightning, buzzing away with their power harnessed by the large ones.

By now, most had moved on, the queen had died, going from court to court, begging for leniencey and pleading for her fellow pixies to find refuge in other courts. Only to die just as she had managed to find one who would and did. But it was so far away, there was no safe way for you to get back to the others. Since all the forest between you and where she eventually found refuge, had also been cut down and devastated and rebuilt to suit the large ones. She died with no way to select a new princess. Which left this realm wild, untamed and in a constant state of being “trimmed back” by the large ones who deemed it so.

Not that this stretch of forest was worth their divine protection anyway now that it was desecrated by the big people. But you could still remember, what it was, what it used to be and wishing you could have seen what might have been had the large ones not interrupted when they did. And had you been chosen as a princess, how you would have proclaimed all out war on them for it.

That was why you didn’t hesitate that whenever you saw the large ones “hiking”, you didn’t think twice about leading them astray. You didn’t feel the tiniest bit of guilt when they would get lost, get turned around, and not know what way was up, apart from the ground under them and the sky above them. Leading them to the very electrical lines that would still stretch on for miles, but would never lead them back to “civilization”. Because you were always leading them towards complete and utter wilderness where they would surely run out of food. And since they poisoned your once sacred pool, let alone any other water source, you watched as they went hungry and thirsty, and their lives hung in the balance, the very balance they destroyed by destroying a perfectly good forest before you would push them into the large pit that The Hollow always was. But now without it being a pixie court. Was just another, deep, dark cave like pit with no way for any of them to escape. Where bats usually stayed in, but even the bats had moved on and didn’t use it anymore.

When the queen and the others first moved away, you came here, and explored what was once a grand pixie court hall. Now left bare and lifeless pit with only an opening in the roof to fly out of. You wept to feel the beautiful magic that used to fill this place, was gone. Leaving only you, and your own feelings of loss, of sadness and rage.

So, as an act of revenge, what was once hollowed ground, would be the grave of any large one who ever came back to this stretch of the forest. You would see to it if it was the last thing you did.

Others would come, searching for the lost ones. And those you were all too happy to lead astray too until they met the same fate, being led, delirious from dehydration and with one final step or one push, fall, fall, fall they would go, like the trees that once stood that fell only to be replaced by the trees of metal. They would fall, with no wings to help them fly out again and usually die as they splattered on the ground or onto the other bodies of your other victims as their life force only seemed to fuel you and your own. And soon this forest, which was once so precious, got to have a reputation as being “haunted”.

Good. They destroyed your peace and your home, you would fight fire with fire so to speak, even if you were just one pixie. You didn’t care how your own hate and resentment twisted you like a vine. You would never forget and you would never forgive such an unforgivable sin. And you would make every big person who came here, suffer the same loss that was once inflicted on countless beings, animals, and pixies and fairies and other fae alike. And you would make them feel the same pain you felt. The same sense of being lost and hopeless. And watching how things would never be the same. And the loss of what could have been, if they hadn’t been greedy in taking up your forest and stripping it of it’s good healing magic. Leaving only you behind and your pain and anguish that would never heal.

But then, that only attracted other “paranormal hunters”. With their cameras and fancy recording equipment. Which used that damn lightning, which you had since learned was called “electricity”. You were happy to do the same to them. Sabotage them until they ran out of batteries that held their electricity for their little gadgets, leading them to the same place you had led all the others. The Hollow. Now, just a pit, full of rotting bodies of other people before you gave them one last push into it themselves before you’d take their precious “electronics” and chuck them into the pit yourself after you harvested their life force. Like picking fruit off of a tree.

Soon The Hollow wasn’t so hollow anymore. It was becoming full of dead bodies.

But that was only until you could invite other things to decompose and destroy what you lured into it. Soon it was an entire system of it’s own. Feeding off of every new body of a big person you could lure there. But while such vengeance gave you momentary delight. It did not heal your pain, or calm your anger. If anything, it only fueled it more. And the more it seemed to consume you.

And before you knew it, you couldn’t remember your queen’s name, or her face, or the faces of the ones who you used to love and care for, or even their names. Which only made you even more angry and sad that you had forgotten the very one you had been doing all of this for in the first place. And you took it out on every large person who was ever on the lands that used to be your queen’s realm and beyond. To the point that the very large ones who built houses, left them and abandoned them, only for the forest itself to start to reclaim the land because you’d lure any and every single large one to the pit. And many large ones feared for the safety of their little ones. And while you would not lure the younglings. By now, only the native animals knew they could travel freely within your forest. And the deer especially knew that if they were being hunted, to run to your forest, and you’d lure their hunters for sure. But no domesticated animal of the large ones would dare enter the forest. Even they knew- they were not welcome there. Because they did not originate with the forest itself and would do everything in their power to keep their owners away from you and your forest. So your chances to get victims grew fewer and fewer, your ploys to lure them were more desperate and brazen.

But then, another fairy princess came to see you as you sat on the edge of the hollow and watched as your latest victim succumbed to their demise and wasn’t even fully dead before the various insects started to eat him alive.

“You’ve changed.” She said as she sat beside you. Her wings, surprisingly, still on her back, despite the crown of flowers around her head.

“Everything changes with time.” You remarked.

“Are you here to stop me?” You asked her, half hoping she would say yes, because while your vengeance had not been quenched. It had left you tired. Just, so tired and weary.

“No. I’m here to ask when it will be enough. How many more will you kill before you feel your queen avenged?” She asked.

“I don’t think there will ever be enough to avenge her. She died, heirless. She had to abandon this birthright and this hollow that had been hers and part of her dynasty for nearly eons.” You answered.

“Eventually the large ones will either come and never leave this place again, or they will stop coming all together. What will you do then?” She asked.

“If they come and never leave? Then I’ll never have to worry about not having a big enough supply to feed me by falling into the hollow. If they stop coming, then I will have peace. Loneliness, but peace. After…so long.” You answered as you had to really fight to remember what it was like before this.

“Do you even remember your queen’s name anymore?” She asked.

“No. I can’t even remember what she looked like. I just remember she was fair, just, always so fair. Because she lived in the hollow. The plants had to cover her with their leaves to give her shade.” You tearfully recalled as she sensed how deeply such a traumatic event still haunted you.

“Do you still remember where the pool was?” She asked.

“Yes, it’s still a puddle every time it rains. But the buds have all died out. There’s no way to resurrect it.” You answered as you felt the tears run down the wrinkles of your face.

“Show me.” She encouraged you before you brought her to it.

“Here’s where it used to be. Where the buds used to bloom. She was right in the middle of the bud ceremony when the big ones came. Poison got into it and killed it. And now, this little depression, barely enough to hold water during a rain, remains.” You answered before she knelt down and put her hands to the ground before a bud, magically grew up, as if it had been waiting to rise through the earth, like the cicadas, but for what was, who knew how many decades later, close to a century if not longer.

With only a breath, it came forth, and she picked it, imbuing it with power before she handed it to you.

And suddenly, it was like an old wound, finally getting the healing balm it should have gotten from the beginning as you held this precious bud as if it was your first child.

“Here, you are now the Pixie Queen of this forest. I know that your realm is a realm of one. And your magic is limited. But you have not forgotten the sacredness of what used to be. You don’t have to use the pit as your Hollow. But find a place, a new place, to make your own Hollow, your own pixie court. I have seen how the animals have started to come back here and they have trusted you with their care and survival and have even adapted to the large ones. I think it’s fitting that only you, would be ready and willing to protect them. And any other fairy or pixie who wanders, who roams and looks for a new place to call home, can find refuge with you. And I hope that with this magic, you can finally heal your wounds. Or finally find that your queen was avenged. And that you were the one to avenge her and you are the one to begin a new dynasty. Each princess chooses what kind of queen she will be. And because of the changes with the larger peoples. You will never lose your wings, but I hope, one day, you will remember - what used to be- not with pain and anger and anguish. But with hope, that you will rebuild and regrow. And turn death and decay, into something new, and living. And while you will have to keep a balance, I hope that you will find the peace you so desperately have waited and longed for all this time.” She said as the bud bloomed in your hands, revealing a crown of your own for you to put on your head.

“Princess” She bowed and curtsied gracefully as you did your best to do the same before she flew away on the back of a morning dove.

You came back to the pit, looking at all the death, destruction and carnage you had wrought for all this time.

Their loss of life, did not feed and fill up your own sense of loss after all. If anything, it was just more loss. More pain, more suffering. A cycle that was never going to stop unless you stopped it yourself.

You felt a large person start to walk towards you and for once, your first instinct was not to lead them here to die, but to protect them from the pit in the first place.

“Stop.” You commanded and they did but looked around, rather bewildered as to why they suddenly couldn’t move.

“There is danger here, slowly approach, but be careful.” You told them before they carefully did, only to gaze into the deep pit, filled with dead bodies.

But now that they knew, it was here, you simply flew away.

Soon, that person brought more people with him, and they all soon began to empty the pit of the remains. And began to identify all the victims of your wrath.

Then they cleaned it out, fully and completely and built a very tall fence all around it and forbade anyone from getting anywhere near it. And the bugs and other creatures that fed on the dead eventually died out and disintegrated into dust by the time you returned to it. You couldn’t find another place to call Your Hollow. For you had grown too fond and familiar with this one anyway.

Which left it empty once more. But now that you wore the crown, a throne you had never noticed before was up on one of the walls, the steps leading up to it, jutting out of the wall before you ascended it. With each step, it was like you were renewed and untwisted and untangled, the hatred and spite and anger and need for vengeance, vanishing with every step. A new, flower petal gown grew where there were once barely bits of leaves and thorns and vines. And once you sat down in the throne, suddenly the pixie court was brought back to life. It was somehow the same yet brand new. And while you were a court of one, you were- for once, truly happy. And felt a sense of peace where once was a place of so much sadness and sorrow.

It didn’t take long after that before more pixies and fairies alike came to your court, as you were happy to invite them to stay. And with the pit still having a hole in the roof, that meant that you could dig a new pool, that the very rains would fill and refill before you placed the sacred bloom in it. And soon, the bloom grew leaves and roots deep down and into a new plant all it’s own.

Because as long as that fence was high enough to keep everyone else out, it was enough to keep you and those under your care in. And because of the status of the hollow, meant that no big people could come here anymore. Which meant the animals were free to come back and reclaim the forest, even though they gave the towers of metal with their lines of electricity a wide berth. And now that you were the queen of this forest. You helped the trees in your territory, no longer grow their limbs towards the lines of electricity because you didn’t want them to be cut off again, or worse, fall onto them or be cut down, or even lean towards them.

You even built a special tunnel that led from the pit to the surface, should any animal be found the prey of the big people, could find refuge here. Or if any of the forest caught fire, you could keep all the animals safe in here, with it’s pool of fresh rainwater, with it’s buds and lily pads, keeping the water clean and fresh as others planted their various gardens and now what was once a pit of despair and suffering. Was practically it’s own paradise.

Then came time for you to pass on your reign to another. And this time, you were happy to walk towards the pool, looking among the array of buds before one stuck out at you. It was far from perfect. It wasn’t the largest or the smallest. It wasn’t even in the middle of the others.

But that was the point. It didn’t need to be the best. Or perfect. Or impressive. It just needed to try. To adapt, and especially, overcome.

#Monster March #Monster March 2023 #Monster March 2023 Day 18- Pixie #Monster March Day 18 #tw trauma #tw abandonment #tw tragic loss #tw grief #tw vicious cycle #tw deah #tw murder #tw suffering #tw survivor trauma #tw survivor guilt #ok I thnk thats everything

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