#I was just gonna say how funny I thought the idea of Danny being league trained and fighting like a raccoon even in the league was | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

numbuh-7-knd · 2 years ago

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Oh my god this is too good I can't even.

One of the leagues best was Damian's twin brother who somehow picked up a fighting style like that of a feral raccoon, possibly from an actual raccoon, who one day up and left to start a new life in a small city in the Midwest with a family of scientists.

Ra's must have hated that his grandson had such an unconventional fighting style, and yet he couldn't do anything about it since he was actually a great fighter. Then one day he seemingly 'dies' and disappears. Years later he shows back up as a superhero with while hair and Lazarous green eyes who is apparently a ghost.

Ra's can't even be sure that Danyal faked his death in the first place, it's not out of the question that something weird happened with the Lazarous Pits to bring back his grandson and give him powers. If anything he's suspicious of Talia for saving her son's body and putting it in the Lazarous pit without permission. He's extra annoyed because for all that Danny's fighting style annoyed him he was still an heir and a useful asset, and he may have been open to using the pits on Danny, and would have liked to have him as a weapon with how powerful he is, and yet the kid's running around in America having been who knows where doing who knows what, having probably been in a Lazarous pit as some point and coming out way overpowered and apparently just was reunited with Damian.

Meanwhile Talia also confused. Maybe she helped Danny fake his death, told her father that she wasn't able to recover his body, and expected that he would vanish into obscurity. Maybe she kept an eye on things in Amity and heard about the weird stuff happening in Amity with the ghosts and wasn't sure if it was real or not, only for a new hero to show up named Phantom with white hair and green eyes who's face always shows up blurry on camera, he has her son's unconventional fighting style. She visits to make sure Danny is ok, just planning on surveying from afar and making sure nothing involves the Lazarous pits or anything that could attract the attention of the League. There's a Ghost attack while she's there and she gets a good look at Phantom. That's her son. He might have white hair and green eyes now but she'd know her baby anywhere.

Later that night or maybe the next day she ambushes Danny while he's alone. He went for a fly and was hanging out on the roof of a building when suddenly he feels a presence and looks up. His mother he hasn't seen in years ever since she faked his death and left him in Amity to be adopted by the Fenton's, is right beside him. He jumps up in shock, quickly going into a fighting stance, trying not to act like he recognizes her, only for Talia to say "Habibi" and he drops his stance. He looks up a bit awkwardly, says Mother. She demands a full explanation of everything that happened and how he got powers. She's furious when she learns his adoptive parents' invention did this to him, and that they've been hunting his alter ego. She straight up threatens/promises to kill them for daring to harm him, adds Vlad to that list when he mentions Dani, and when he refuses to let her kill anyone she tells him that if he won't let her kill the people that are putting him in danger then she's sending him to live with his father. He's confused and upset and she tells him, trying to placate him, that she already sent Damian to live with their father and he'll be safe there, and if he won't go willingly she'll just go tell his father about him and help him fight for custody.

This got a little out of hand, but the result is definitely Talia threatening Maddie and Jack and possible just picking Danny up by the scruff on his neck and bring him to Gotham, handing the struggling irate halfta off to Bruce like "Hey, surprise, new son. I gave him up and didn't bother to mention him before but his adoptive parents suck, so I took him back. He's Damian's twin and a meta by the way."

And then Damian pounces on his brother and is mad he didn't come looking for him sooner, for staying in an unsafe situation. ect ect.

And then Jazz shows up with the Boomerang ready to fight the people that took her little brother, only to walk in on Danny sobbing and hugging a boy that looks like an angrier, posh-er, version of Danny, who is also sobbing and clinging to Danny. Jazz looks over at the man standing nearby watching the two, who she notices also looks a lot like both her little brother and also his double currently clinging to him. "Any chance you'll tell me who you are or who the kid is currently clinging to my baby brother?" and Bruce is aghast at this new kid, Talia just dropped off one kid, did she hide another one? this one's a red head, does she dye her hair? She doesn't really look like him, maybe they're half siblings and Talia had her with someone else? Was there anyone around the league at that time with red hair? Eventually he answers "I'm Bruce, that's my son Damian. Apparently him and Danyal are twins... I'm sorry, Talia didn't mention another child, what's your name?" Jazz is so confused, who the heck is Talia, who is Bruce, why is this guy pronouncing Danny's name funny, Why did Danny never mention a twin, they could have tracked him down and adopted him too, was this Bruce guy at least a good adoptive dad to the kid? "I have another little brother?" Is what comes out and Bruce is more confused. He assumed Danny was given up more recently since he and Damian remember each other, but now the other child doesn't remember Damian, did Talia's (and his?) daughter get amnesia at some point? is that why Danny was given up? "You don't remember him?"

Jazz comments "I think I'd remember if the kid my parents adopted was a two-for-one deal." Bruce answers "Adopted- Oh! you're his adopted sister! I just figured Talia was being secretive again and hiding another child from me. I'm guessing you're not mine then?" "Wait, what? What do you mean yours? Aren't you Danny's brother -Damian's- adoptive father? Who in the zone is Talia?" "Talia is Danyal and Damian's mother, she just dropped Danny off and mentioned something about his adoptive parents not being satisfactory. And yes, both boys are, apparently, mine."

Jazz and Bruce are both confused, Jazz wants to know what her parents did now and Bruce wants to know what the rules are for acquiring custody of a kid he didn't know existed 5 minutes ago who was adopted out without his knowledge or permission, and the kid's adoptive sister. Alfred's going to be so happy he got him two more grandkids to spoil, they'll have to get rooms ready, plan a gala to introduce them to Gotham, a family dinner to introduce them to their new siblings, What's their favorite foods he'll have to find out so Alfred can make it for them? Do they have allergies? Favorite Colors? Oh when's their birthday... Wait one is Danny's twin so they share a birthday, so that's just one extra birthday party :( Cass will be so excited to have a sister.

I love “Danny and Damien are twins!” AUs as they blatantly imply that Danny was taught by the literal League of Assassins and is making the active choice fight like a feral raccoon.

#Danny phantom #batman #damian wayne #I was just gonna say how funny I thought the idea of Danny being league trained and fighting like a raccoon even in the league was #then next thing I knew I was writing something.#I've been reading too much Twins AU fics lately and had THOUGHTS #I want Talia to be insulted by Maddie and Jack not recognizing Danny #and trying to hunt him #and just pick up Danny like “I'm un-abandoning you”#And then bring him to gotham and drop him at bruce's feet like a cat dropping off a kitten #and Bruce just bewilderedly accepting his new son and adjusting his wordview to having (one) more additional child #make that two a ginger kid showed up calling his new son her brother #Daughter? New Daughter? New Daughter Talia hid from me?#Not mine you say?#No matter. Shall adopt #My dad will be so proud of me for bringing him new grandkids #more babies yay #lol

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ganymedesclock · 4 years ago

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So... What do you think about revisiting Danny phantom in general? Revisiting the fandom I've noticed a lot of fanfic that have Danny's parents finding out his deal rather violently, or generally having more violence/angst than the original show..

I’m assuming you��re sending me this ask because of my recent burst of Danny Phantom art, so, it��s probably not a surprise to say I’m doing a certain amount of revisiting myself, and certainly not about to shame anyone else for it. It was a very dear cartoon to me in many ways and left some enduring hallmarks on my own writing, and I can absolutely understand people feeling the same way.

That said, as someone who’s been in this fandom for a while, albeit quietly- there certainly is a thread of macabre interest in fandom spaces, one I don’t always know that I agree with, especially when it comes to the Fentons.

My personal verdict on the Fenton parents specifically is I think they are not handled fairly by canon. This is a problem that Danny Phantom as a show shares with Fairly Odd Parents, though I would argue the Turner parents in FOP are quite a bit worse at this.

Roughly, I think how the Fenton parents are canonically depicted suffers from a phenomenon that affects many parts of the show: DP, as a series, has a bit of a sense of confused priorities between comedy and drama, and as a result, what’s 'real’ in-universe and what’s “just supposed to be a joke”. The kind of humor that DP tends to spring for is exaggerated or shocking behavior- it also tends to be a humor that hinges on the idea that other people are generally inconvenient to the main character. So humor-characterization is inconsistent here- Jack is negligent until it’s more inconvenient to depict him as overbearing (see: Girl’s Night Out and other cases he desperately wants to bond with Danny) he’s a recluse only loved by his wife until it’s more inconvenient to depict him as having an active social life (Masters Of All Time and that he and Maddie are going to a themed party so they’re dressed ‘weirdly’ in public)

A big victim of this is Jack’s sense that ghosts aren’t people and his desire to dissect them. Because here is the thing: it’s all talk, in the worst way. It hinges on the idea Jack- someone who knows enough of what he’s doing that along with Maddie and, in the past, Vlad- ripped two different holes in reality hard enough to permanently alter someone’s relation to undeath- has never seen a ghost before the series as he says in Mystery Meat.

The series has a big problem where it hinges on the Fentons’ inventions and expertise but also wants to treat them like idiots constantly. And if you notice how much I’m talking exclusively about Jack- that’s part of the problem. Maddie, in many ways, outside of episodes that throw her a bone, despite constantly being told by people she’s too good for Jack, is really treated as an extension of Jack. Masters Of All Time even suggests that her choosing Jack in the first place was just a path of least resistance between her two college friends, and she’d have married whichever one stuck around.

The Fentons are not respected as experts, so Jack is given his ignorant line about dissecting a ghost. The Fentons need to remain exaggerated, ridiculous, an inconvenience to Danny- so they threaten his alter ego and point guns at him, but this is funny and not serious and not a reason to be worried about them as parents, because they are not on Danny’s level. Nobody is ever on Danny’s level. There is literally an episode called The Ultimate Enemy. The antagonist is an evil future Danny. The only person who could ever be Danny’s ultimate nemesis is Danny himself.

And when the series stops milking the Fentons for jokes about how they’re so stupid and how Jack is an idiot and Maddie married that idiot but even she doesn’t respect him even though she loves him and dutifully follows him everywhere and god how can these people care about ghosts they’re so ignorant and out of their league-

-then it kinda shuffles its feet awkwardly and goes, yeah. the Fentons love each other, and love their kids.

Yeah, Jack has framed photographs of Maddie, Jazz, and Danny on his personal workstation.

Yeah, in Mystery Meat Jack was seriously debating walking away from his lifework because it upset one of his kids.

Yeah, every time in canon the Fentons find out Danny’s secret they’re immediately all in supporting him.

Yeah, even not knowing it’s Danny, Jack has an amiable conversation with him in Million Dollar Ghost and the ghost containment units designed by the Fentons get some jokes about that they’re a little cramped but they aren’t horrifying prisons of inhumanity- and as soon as Danny Phantom the ghost boy has a good point, Jack lets him go on purpose.

Yeah, Jack is a competent ghost hunter who can take on Skulker and win as well as beat down the giant lake monster Skulker brought with him in Girls’ Night Out and would do this in a heartbeat, no jokes and no sidetracks, because that monster just chewed on his baby boy and nobody does that to his baby boy.

Yeah, Maternal Instinct is an entire episode of Maddie throwing hands with (or deceiving and manipulating) literally anything she thinks was responsible for getting Danny in this dangerous situation.

...And then the series says “but that’s not funny! Here, have jokes about the Fenton Stockades, that exist and have spikes and Jack wants to put his kids in them for time out, when the spikes apparently don’t hurt given Jack is not injured for being put in there. Here, have a joke about Jack attacking Jazz with a vacuum cleaner because he gets hellbent on the idea she’s possessed for no good reason. Here, have an uncomfortable joke about how badly Jack Fenton wants to vivisect a ghost while it screams. Funny funny funny. Why- why are you flinching?”

It basically creates a comedic situation where the show is constantly winding up like it’s gonna punch you- with the idea that the Fentons are bad parents and this has consequences for Danny and Jazz personally- and then laughs in your face if you flinch. It’ll never actually punch you- but it will sure keep swinging its hand really close to your face and laughing at your reactions.

This is, I’m just gonna say- one of the worst elements of the series, this weird relationship it has with “hahaha are we depicting an abusive family or not? ;)” where its actual point is that Jack Fenton is a person who should be shamed for being overzealous, for caring about this niche field, because nobody cares about ghosts! (unless the entire premise of the show does) Nobody wants to think about ghost science! That’s LAME! (unless Vlad does it)

So I think ultimately this creates a polarizing experience in the fandom. What part of this information do you take?

Do you take, say, my personal approach, which is:

“Hey, so it’s pretty clear and consistent that the Fentons love their kids and wouldn’t hurt them. The Fentons are nice people. They can be obsessive or headstrong but there’s nuanced and salient ways to examine this in the basic framework that they care, both about their family specifically, and in general- and while I think they can have flaws or conflicts with their kids, and with ambient ghosts in the world, I really don’t think they’re in danger of torturing a sapient entity in their basement and it frustrates and annoys me that canon ‘makes a joke’ of them doing these things because it thinks they’re so incompetent that these things are not really malicious actions, when- whether or not you successfully shoot them, it takes a certain kind of person to point a weapon you know is dangerous at something that looks, and talks, like a fourteen-year-old, especially when you’re a parent who has probably at least once in your life worried about something happening to your kids, and the ghost of a teenager means something happened to someone’s kid, in a general sense.

So my end conclusion on the Fentons is I think they are being depicted in a kind of metatextual bad faith, that they are not cruel or malicious people, and in my personal take or understanding on the series, I’d massively dial down those elements, and if any remain, take them seriously as problems they have in their relationships with other people.”

Or do you take an approach more rooted in,

“If the Fentons are shown to be negligent parents they are negligent parents, I’m going to examine and depict them as that, and I find this very hard to forgive, so it’s going to have real and nasty consequences.”

Both are basically valid. The place where I tend to get a little uncomfortable is twofold:

First, I think sometimes people just really want some fictional tragedy to either create or consume, and to that end, you aren’t going to get much juicy drama out of the Fentons being reasonable people. This isn’t evil or unforgivable, but for me, it’s definitely my least favorite fannish content to create or consume. I’m no fan of angst for angst’s sake, and I feel like there’s enough misery and heartbreak in the world that I’m not interested in wallowing in it unless it’s got something interesting to say.

Second- and this is a point I’m gonna be saltier: A lot of abusive Fenton fics that refuse to forgive them for the poorer-taste jokes the series makes, simultaneously give Vlad a blank check, when he has done targetedly malicious things to Danny.

Now- do I also have a more sympathetic read on Vlad, and feel like canon also gives him a bad rap? Yeah! But you can’t have it both ways. You can’t say, “I can’t forgive the Fentons for stuff that was tagged onto them because canon thought it was funny, but I’m gonna editorialize Vlad’s depiction to lionize him as the ideal parent figure for Danny to run into the arms of.”

And the main reason I get so worked up in this, is I feel like Jack in particular (when Maddie is characterized as subordinate to Jack, following his cues, etc., and that’s its own demon) is... characterized as kind of a mocking caricature of traits that I personally recognize as an autistic and ADHD person.

Because the reality is? In many practical ways, I am Jack Fenton.

I like a bunch of weird stuff people find unacceptable or gross, like bugs

I’m hyperlexic (that means I talk, a lot)

Scatterbrained, forget words or where I left something or, sometimes, to do something important

Passionate and excitable including and especially in situations where it’s not normal, or expected, to have this much energy

I absolutely can forget birthdays, even for people I love dearly that mean the world to me! It’s horrible! There’s almost nothing I can do about it! My brain refuses to hold onto this information reliably and no amount of caring fixes it.

And being this way, living like this? My worst nightmare has always been that people think I either don’t care or that I’m just too much of a stupid, flippant buffoon to get right.

The thing about Jack is he’s “a person like me” and he’s “a person like me” who was designed to be a joke. We’re clearly expected to view him as untrustworthy, stupid, just like a big dumb dog of a man who barks in the wrong directions, who sometimes, when it counts, fetches a stick like he’s supposed to. Good job, Lassie. You got little Timmy out of the well.

And I am going to say with certainty and confidence that feeling like this is how people see me is the most unbelievably crushing feeling I have ever experienced in my life. That my excitement and passion means I’m unprofessional, stupid, don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s nearly painful for me, as an adult, to watch Danny Phantom because the show can never get off Jack’s case. And the few times it does, he hauls overtime arduously to make a difference, to help, to build something that will protect others, to put his own life on the line to stop hostile ghosts.

And immediately, then he goes back to being stupid stupid dog man. ha ha. why does his wife love him? no wonder his kids don’t ever want to be seen with him. no wonder his best friend is trying to kill him and he doesn’t even know, the big idiot.

(never mind that we see a scenario where he does know. and admits he would’ve forgiven Vlad anyway. but he can’t forgive Vlad hurting Danny.)

So to rein in this wild tangent: I’m not saying all must love Jack Fenton and despair. I’m not even telling people to hide their angst. If I have a sincere request, it’s this:

If you’re inclined to thinking of Vlad as a cool, troubled, complex person (as I do!) and are haunted by the implications of The Ultimate Enemy specifically for Vlad, that when Danny lost everyone else in his life that Vlad really genuinely tried to help, and was not gloating and happy and victorious to have Danny as his protege, and when that went badly, he was haunted to the end of his days by not having been able to help-

-but immediately turn around and think Jack is just a rotten awful person who’d absolutely hurt his own kid in spite of canon to the contrary (when there’s just as much, if not more, canon of Vlad being willfully hostile)

It might be good to examine why you’re feeling this way, and if this might not come down to the fact that even when canon has people call Vlad a desperately lonely fruit loop, it has a lot more respect for him than it does for Jack, and this isn’t because it’s actually taking a stance against any of the qualities it gave Jack that someone might find disagreeable- it’s because Jack’s just “a big old fat idiot nobody likes, right?”

and that’s... not something comfy to buy into.

#Danny Phantom #readmore #long post #I have a lot of feelings about the fenton parents #and about how generally cartoons like to normalize child abuse in the context of jokes #and this creates a very upsetting similarity between parents who are otherwise characterized as good and reliable #but given these jokes anyway #and parents who genuinely seem really nasty #but it's tied up in a bow with 'it's Just A Joke'#Anonymous

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nowaybutnorway · 7 years ago

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Wow, it’s hard to believe that season that I hold so near and dear to my heart is already a year old. About a year ago today I was in Norway, I had just started to expose myself to the Tumblr Survivor community and play some side seasons, but now it was time to try myself out in the big leagues of a main season, so I signed up for Season 39 and never looked back, and now as I look back about a year later from the time we started this season, I feel blessed to have gotten to be in a season with all of y’all, you are my og tumblr survivor fam, and I figured what better way to celebrate today than collect all my thoughts about my 19 fellow castaways and hosts. I’m in a starbucks right now so hopefully I don’t bust into tears, but then again that wouldn’t be new for this one, so let’s begin.

Laure-Now Laure was probably the only person that I had no interaction with over the course of the entire season, just because of how tribe divisions were set up and all, but learning that over time I was playing with a ts legend, it inspired my frail newbie heart to no end, so Laure, despite not knowing you, thanks a billion from this fanboy <3

Dani-OK so contrary to popular belief, Dani met her demise to due to EVERYTHING GOING WRONG FOR HER. Originally the plan was to vote out Eric, then Eric won immunity, then the plan was Danielle, but she went to Exile, so Dani became the next best option, and it was so awkward because I remember being in the HOS11 house on call when the tribal happened and people were talking about how they loved Dani, and as the votes kept coming in, I was just sitting there watching people’s jaws drop and then after I had to say....sorry about that. But it was clear you did not deserved what happened to you, you were sick and the Darian v Dylan fiasco was just a damn mess that culminated with your demise, but despite of what you may think of me, I feel your tribal where you left was crucial to how I play games now, so thanks babes.

Angela-WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS GIRL. Now people may think that my closest alliance mate was Brian or Stevie, but you guys never knew Angela like I did, we ironically made an alliance day 1 called the Trashy King and Queen, an alliance I would later replicate with Ting Ting in Myanmar, and it was honestly a god send because she was the one person on Lipari I could trust, and she was honestly the most fun to talk to because all the newbies were like cracked, while Angela and I just talked about arson and ate popcorn, it was great to have her in my life, and my snaps had never been more LIT. Then came swap and Angela peaced out like the boss she is, probably because Grace never gave her cheesecake, anyways I digress. Angela you were one of my favorite newbies to play with and its always a pleasure to see you pop up on snapchat, ily and nothing can ever change my first ts alliance with you, long live our trashy mess <3.

Eric-OK so prior to playing TS I had never gotten on call for a game before, so when Eric called me to talk game, I had NO idea how to do anything, it was 20 minutes of awkward talking, but it was clear to know that we weren’t gonna align anytime soon, but you know in my delusional manner I thought I had totally played him.......yeah I wasn't smart then and I’m not smart now. We later swapped with Brian onto the Alicuidi tribe, and while I had hoped newbies could be strong...he targeted me, but thanks to the lovely Stevie and his ability to connect with the First Boots, I was saved and Eric left. I’m not sure exactly what I did to mess up our relationship but I’m sorry, I’ll give you a hug if I’m ever in Mass....again.

Darian-I feel what I have to say about you and Dylan are around the same lines so I may say look above for previous comment when I write something for Dylan, but DARIAN OH DARIAN, to say you made that first tribal interesting is an understatement. I feel you taught me what not to do in games, you made me realize it was probs a mistake to start an alliance on call or be the center of attention, but DANG you were entertaining to say the least and that was no understatement. You left me as fast as you came into my life and your rivalry with Dylan was funny as you both went out back to back after targeting each other so hard the first tribal, you definitely made my ts introduction a memorable one so thanks <3. And when we reconvened in Westeros, I will admit you had grown a little as a player despite what people think, not a lot, but a little. I’ll never know what happened on Salina but your exit was a quick one, who knows, maybe another Mass visit is in my future and I can see you and Ashley together cause she my Myanmar homegirl.

Dylan-(see comment above for jist) Now a special place Dylan has in my heart that separates him from Darian is the fact he was the first person in TS I was shady with, basically talking about what the heck Darian was doing and how in any world that would make sense. Sufficed to say much more shade would follow, but thanks.

Jason-OK we literally did not have more than a 30 minute conversation in the game, but we talked about CBB and tbh that was a quick way to my heart so thank you. While we never met up on a tribe, we connected ever so slightly, and you actually are the first person I got to give me ts memorabilia with Jenny, Hector and Jordan when you guys sent me a post card, it was nice and sweet and it’ll be on my TS wall for enternity. We also played The Amazing Race together twice....but there are certain things we don’t talk about like how I was a mess in TAR4 and y’all got eliminated 2nd in TAR AllStars. I love ya and miss ya <3

Dalton-I’m just going to start off and say my #favoriteDaltonMoment was when we just swapped onto alicuidi and we were just talking about the most random things, and I think it was with you how fvf3 was going to be like on Survivor when they’d bring back Baylor and Cirie and we’d jump into the fire at f4 with them just so they could win and all would be right with the world, it was random, but tbh randomness is one of my more favorite things and I love ya for it.

Nic W-NIC I GOT A FEW WORDS FOR YOU, FIRSTABLE, how are you, hope you’re partying somewhere or some junk, but wow, we spent a decent amount of time together pre-merge, but our time at merge certainly DID NOT LAST LONG. You went out in a unanimous style, and famously called out Brian, Stevie and I, all for being fake to your face, which is kinda funny cause I’m pretty sure you inadvertently called out our trio on accident, and the rest of merge was a nightmare trying to convince everyone we weren’t a trio when it was very clear we were.....so party. One of the last great callouts of the tag era, so thank you <3

Max-MY OG AUSTRALIAN BAE. It was a dream for my entire adult life to have a best friend from Australia, but as I couldn’t find one in Norway, I settled for the next best option and found one online in you <3. Now in memory I don’t think there was ever a point where we worked together and that was a mess in a hand basket, but you still were great in your own ways. My favorite thing was when you compared everyone to people from Eurovision of that year and it was amazing so thanks. You left a special place for Australia in my heart and every main season I played since then I had played with an Australian, and despite loving Jimmy with all my heart from All Stars, you will always be somewhere in my heart.

Danielle-Please call me out again for going on too much during my ftc speech because that has changed my performances quite a bit, I mean I’ve lost everytime I showed up in a ftc since this season....BUT STILL IT MEANT A LOT. Personally it sucked because as soon as we started working together at merge, those bums voted you out and that began me feeling worse and worse in the game. I still believe you had one of the best ftc moments of all time because you called every one out and I loved every moment. Congrats on winning Crusade, you deserved it <3

Stevie-Words cannot personally describe how I actually feel about you, and I feel you know that Baevie. You were the first connection I made on any Survivor season EVER. You took me into this community and showed me so much. You gave me my first idol, showed me my first alliance, and once I lost in Rakiura, you not only showed me Myanmar, which I won for myself and the draft for you (my faved loved one too btw), you also got me into this season. Now at the time I didn’t know we would be playing together again, but when I saw your beautiful bearded face pop up in the cast announcement, I kid you not I jumped for joy in my Norwegian room, because that meant I was going to be playing with my best friend in the community again and I was excited as all get out. You took me in under your wing on alicuidi and we wrecked havoc, we got some idols, and we did some idol plays at merge. You graciously gave me an idol when I asked and were always there to help me...until ftc where you didn’t vote for me to win, but lets be real, my performance was a train wreck, you made the right choice. Once the votes tied during the round we got the votes on JC, my heart dropped because that meant I would have to campaign against the person who mattered the most to me in the community and the pain I went through to muster up the strength to was unbearable but I did anyway, and I played my hardest as I knew you wanted me to do if you were there in my place. You not only gave me so much in the game but so much in life, I’m not sure if I can ever make it up to you for how things played out during the season but I will sure as hell try, I love you Stevie, never change. And thanks btw for letting me sleep with you, it was a great night ;)

Danny-DANNY OMG. K so firstable, I think you know when I say this I mean it, I GLUCKIN LOVE YOU. You’re so funny and I love when you just pop up out of nowhere with several puns and its great and ily, but god, you were a terrifying force in that game because you could gather SO many people at merge it was ridiculous. Your demise was also probably the move that I was proudest in my entire career and something I’m sure I could never replicate ever again, but dang was it fun. I may not be able to go to six flags with you but I’ll be there in spirit forever, love ya.

Jenny-Jenny you’re probably one of my best friends to come out of this season, and that’s why I will always feel awful for how I organized your demise, but in retrospect you have to admit it was clever, not managed well but clever. You sent me my first TS memorabilia, and I love it with all my heart, and whenever I come to you about my personal life, you’re always so happy to hear it and I lvoe you for it, and whenever I lose a season.......you’re kinda mean but to be fair I come to you crying about an online game, when its very clear MUCH worse has happened to more people so I’m sure that harshness is out of love so thank you. You were probably the person I never thought of working with at merge because you not only sold me out at the beginning but you also voted me out when Stevie and I were tied to leave......but you also helped me pull off the Danny blindside so thank you, ily, and I can’t wait to see you come home and hopefully I get to see you for my TS birthday party.

Nick-NICK WITH A K, you were the last newbie to go out before ftc, and to be fair you were one of the most level headed people playing this game, and it was great to have someone who despite being amongst some of the most cracked people, could stay calm and semi-reasonable. I look at your vote off as one of the biggest mistakes cause maybe had I voted off Van I would’ve won.....but at that point I had already pissed off most of the jury, plus I thought I could beat Van....OH HELL WAS I WRONG, but still, you made for a fun time and were a sound mind for me in the first tribal we went to as Lipari....cause god we didn’t need anymore crazy.

JC-next.....JUST KIDDING, you think I would dare forget about you, I could never. You hold many special places in my heart. You were the first to call me out during a challenge, but it was so entertaining in retrospect, you also tried organizing my demise at final 5, but watching your face and those of the other first boots drop when I won immunity after 1 question, thus ruining your predetermined plans, was PRICELESS, it was great to organize your demise after that because it almost felt like Karma, but after the season I could not love you more bae. You may not have voted for me, but you are the only person from Aeolian I played with ever again, because we All Stars baby <3, now while we didn’t get to play together, it was still a blast to be reunited with an Aeolian bae again, and I’m sure we could’ve take that game....ok maybe not taken it, but still we could’ve rented it and had a good time, but alas no, only in our dreams.

John-John....I love you, you and I were like baes for the longest time now, and tbh I was about to vote you out in Myanmar because I was sketched out by you, but then Aeolian started and you and I were in a season together, and so that plan had to be re-routed to voting out Kylie, but YA KNOW. I could never not be blessed to have you in my life CoffeyCakes, you’re that important, you came to see me in Massachusetts and it was honestly a blast, partially cause you got to see me get voted out in All Stars but still. Sitting next to you in FTC in Myanmar was one of my most favorite memories ever, and you’ll always be near and dear to me <3

Brian-Literally what can I say about you besides being the best purchase I ever made on ebay tbh (that one’s for you JC <3) but in all seriousness at the beginning of the season, I never thought I could ever meet someone like you, you seemed to always be there for me and we became brothers in a sense, we went through the entire season, we played our way from the bottom, every move that I made during Aeolian, you were there, by my side throughout all of it, almost not the Danny move, but that told me I had to play the idol so thanks bae. You not only were my confidant this season, but through so much of my life afterwards, we still stay in contact even after a year has passed, and I could not be happier to be honest. Yes you maybe messy, but you’re my mess and I wouldn’t have you any other way babes. I’m happy you won Lazio, and if anyone tells you otherwise they’re lying. You were my rock and I hope you stay in my life for many years to come babes, I hope everything goes your way.

Van-Now to one of the most important people in the season tbh. Now when we first met, I never thought in a million years I would lose to you.....and I was honestly pissed when I found out that hey, that was gonna happen, but that was in the moment and I feel we were both heated at that moment, but you know what, I’ve learned the value of your game and that is one of the most impressive that I’ve ever witnessed to be honest. Your game reminded me of Michelle from Kaoh Rong, and if you were Michelle, I was Aubrey I think.....I could also be dreaming, but your social game was that on point and it was bloody impressive and I love it. You earned your win and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, because it was amazing. I one day hope to achieve your level of sociability and unlock my innerVan as you say to me whenever I begin to play a new season...that I later flop in but that’s besides the point, you’re an inspiration, a lovely person and iconic and I love you so much <3

And finally our hosts for the season Grace, Ryan and Intern turned mom Emma, y’all took a chance on me that Bora Bora never gave me and gave me a random chance to shine and I could not be more grateful, through this season I met such an important family, but I was also able to accomplish moves that I don’t think I could ever do again. You introduced me into a community that holds such a close place in my heart and I could not thank you guys enough for it.

So in the end thank you Aeolian Islands, though you were hell to get through, you gave me a family, and a community, and I’m forever grateful. Thanks for making me a favorite in Myanmar and an All Stars, you mean the world <3 Happy Anniversary, and Gratulerer Med Dagen

-Fra Steffen Reals

#milliondollardecision

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flauntpage · 6 years ago

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DGB Grab Bag: NHL Awards Are Exactly What We Want, Getting Old, and Doughnuts

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Jack Campbell – This may have been the only legitimately funny moment from the NHL Awards.

And yes, we'll have more on the Awards in a bit. Sit tight.

The second star: David Leggio – The veteran minor league goalie had some thoughts on golf.

The punchline, of course, is that Leggio's trademark is cheating like hell in a vaguely legal way. It was kind of his thing.

The first star: Kelly Cohen – She's a political reporter in Washington, DC. She's also apparently a Capitals fan, and found out about Barry Trotz while she happened to be at work—and on live television.

Somebody make sure there's a camera on her when John Carlson signs for $58 million.

Be It Resolved

The NHL draft begins tonight, and it will be a mildly depressing event for us old-timers. This is it—the draft in which most of the kids taken won't even have been alive for the 20th century. We're officially into the 2000 cohort. We are all so, so old.

But every tragedy brings opportunity, and we can find some here. For years, NHL stars have been choosing jersey numbers based on their birth year. Sidney Crosby was born in 1987, and he wears No. 87. Connor McDavid was born in 1997, so he wears No. 97. Other examples include Patrick Kane's No. 88, Vladimir Tarasenko's No. 91, Evgeny Kuznetsov's No. 92, and Jesse Puljujarvi's No. 98.

But this year's draft class won't be able to do that, because the NHL doesn't allow players to wear No. 0 or No. 00. It used to—John Davidson, Neil Sheehy, and Martin Biron all wore either zero or double-zero during their careers. But at some point in the late 90s, the NHL decided to outlaw the number, apparently because it was causing some sort of database problem.

I don't know what kind of database the league was running back in the 1990s, but I'm guessing it's had an upgrade or two since then (although anyone who's tried to use the league's stats site might wonder). We have self-driving cars and virtual reality now; we could probably come up with a database that can handle a zero.

So let's do it. Let's use this year's draft as an excuse to bring back the number zero. It would give players a chance to show a little bit of personality. Not much, granted, but in today's NHL, every little bit helps.

This will actually be the second straight draft in which most of the players picked won't be able to do that. Last year, most of the top prospects had been born in 1999, and the NHL retired No. 99 league-wide when Wayne Gretzky played his final game. That was the right call, and nobody would want the pressure of wearing the Great One's number (except maybe Josh Ho-Sang). There's a good reason not to allow players to wear No. 99, so we should stick with that rule.

But No. 0 and No. 00? They're not hurting anyone. Let's give tonight's draftees some options. And who knows, maybe a few established NHLers would like to show off their inner Al Oliver. It would be kind of fun to see which player would want to be patient zero of, well, zero.

So be it resolved: Databases be damned, let's break out the doughnuts. There was a time when the league wasn't shy about offering those. Let's bring those days back.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

The Sabres will make the first overall pick in tonight's draft when they officially add elite blueline prospect Rasmus Dahlin to the organization. It's the third time in franchise history that the Sabres pick first, and the first since they picked Pierre Turgeon back in 1987. The only other time came in their very first draft, way back in 1970. That was the year that saw the expansion Sabres and Canucks forced to rely on a novelty roulette wheel to figure out who would get Gilbert Perreault.

The Sabres eventually won the spin and made Perreault the first draft pick in franchise history. But as important as it is to nail the first overall pick, true contenders are built in the rounds that follow. So for this week's obscure player, let's go with the second player ever picked by the Sabres: winger Butch Deadmarsh.

Deadmarsh was a power forward who was coming off a strong junior season with the Brandon Wheat Kings. He was known for his physical style, not to mention his kickass name. ("Butch" was actually a nickname; his given name was Ernest, which admittedly wasn't quite as intimidating.) He'd play ten games for the expansion Sabres that year, but didn't record a point. He'd get 46 more games over the next two seasons, scoring just twice, before a 1973 trade sent him to Atlanta for Norm Gratton. He was also drafted by the WHA's Cincinnati Stingers that summer, but stayed in the NHL and was slightly more productive in Atlanta, scoring a career-high six goals during the 1973-74 season. That was enough to attract the attention of the expansion Kansas City Scouts, who picked Deadmarsh in the expansion draft—the third different way he'd been drafted in his pro career.

He'd play 20 games for the Scouts in their inaugural season, which by this point was his third different stint with a first-year NHL expansion team. That would end up being his last NHL action, as he'd head to the WHA and spend four seasons playing for five teams, including a 26-goal year with the Calgary Cowboys, a team whose entire roster-building strategy seemed to consist of acquiring players who sounded like characters in an old Spaghetti Western movie. (In addition to Butch, the Cowboys also featured names like Wally Olds, Pat Westrum, Danny Lawson, and Wayne Wood.)

His final NHL totals were 137 games, 12 goals, 17 points, and approximately zero craps given. And if the name sounds familiar, he's the second cousin of former NHLer Adam Deadmarsh.

Outrage of the Week

The issue: The NHL Awards were handed out on Wednesday, which means we got to watch the league's annual attempt to be hip and funny: The NHL Awards show! The outrage: It was terrible. Embarrassing. Cringeworthy. You know, the usual. Is it justified: No, dammit, and I will fight all of you over this.

Did the show have some less-than-inspiring moments? Sure, maybe it did. There was an extended ventriloquist bit that kind of died. There was a magic trick that went wrong. There was that glorified ad for NHL 19. There was plenty of awkward banter. There was a little kid interviewing players.

Look, let's just say there was a lot.

Some things worked. The treatment of various real-world tragedies were all well done. Brian Boyle's speech was touching. Scott Foster showed up. There was a long Keenan Thompson sketch that never really worked but did feature an old man yelling "Ass Man" for some reason. They got in an "Alexander Ovechkin drunk in the Bellagio fountain" bit, although it lasted three seconds instead of the entire show like it should have.

So sure, a few hits, many more misses. And everyone watching made fun of it, and complained about how terrible the whole thing was.

In other words, it was exactly what it's supposed to be.

I've always been a fan of the NHL awards. Something inside of me just loves the fact that the most boring, traditional league in the world suddenly decides to get weird for one night out of the year. Whether the NHL is trying to be hip or going for the dramatic or trying their hand at sketch comedy, the awards are always fun. Sometimes unintentionally so, but fun is fun. We don't have anywhere near enough of it in this league, so let's take what we can get.

This year was no different. It wasn't second-row guy good, although really, what ever could be? But it was fine.

But that's not good enough for you. You had to talk about how terrible it was. Well I'm not having it.

Folks, we live in a world that has fans, and those fans want to make fun of the NHL. Who's gonna give them material? You? Jay Mohr? The NHL Awards have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for the awkwardness and you curse the ventriloquist. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what they know; that the Stanley Cup sketch's death, while tragic, gave you something to complain about. And Chaka Khan's existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, gave you something to complain about. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about on Twitter, you want the NHL Awards to be terrible. You need them to be terrible. They use words like banter, magic, ass man. Well, ass man is technically two words but you get the point. They use those words as the backbone of a life spent producing terrible awards shows. You use them as a punchline. And that's the whole point, because punchlines are awesome. But Gary Bettman has neither the time nor the inclination to explain himself to a fan who can't wait to make fun of the cringeworthy entertainment he provides, and then questions the manner in which he provides it. He would rather you just booed him and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a deck of cards, and present the Mark Messier Leadership Award For Excellence In The Field of Leadership. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think on the NHL Awards show!

[Checks earpiece]

Right, I'm being told that 90 percent of the people reading this are too young to remember A Few Good Men and have no idea what I'm talking about. We are all so, so old.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

On that note, let's remember the time Chris Jericho got to present an award.

It's 2002, and our old pal Ron MacLean is here to introduce the presenters for the next award. They're noted hockey fan David Boreanaz, who you may know as "That Guy Who's Always Starring in a Show You've Never Watched but Still Gets advertised During a Football Game," and Chris Jericho, who you may know as the Man of 1,004 Holds. Never let it be said that the NHL can't bring in the big names.

No, I don't know why this clip is in black-and-white. I'm assuming it's just a VHS glitch, but I can't rule out the possibility that the NHL went all avant-garde on us back in the pre-lockout days when we weren't paying attention.

No countdown? No fireworks? No light-up jacket? This Chris Jericho entrance sucks.

Jericho and Boreanaz do a little bit where they act like they want to fight but it's obvious that they really don't. As a result, they were both immediately offered contracts to join the Ottawa Senators in time for their next playoff series against the Maple Leafs.

(Why yes, this entire section is just going to be pro wrestling references and jokes about the Pat Quinn-era Leafs and their rivals. I'm not sure why you would have been expecting anything different.)

After a little off-the-cuff joking about cleaning up somebody else's mess that somehow doesn't include a punchline about Rejean Houle, we get to the award. It's the Selke, and after Jericho and Boreanaz read through some completely natural dialog, we're onto the nominees: Craig Conroy, Jere Lehtinen, and Michael Peca.

I like how the nominees are all just a woman's voice telling us what we need to know, and then a man awkwardly interjecting random facts. The 2002 NHL awards basically invented Twitter.

Wait, Craig Conroy "scored a point in almost every game"? Fact check: Not true.

If you turn on YouTube's closed captioning, it thinks that Jere Lehtinen just earned his fourth "sake bottle." Or, as Stanley Cup champion Alexander Ovechkin calls it, "pre-gaming."

We're told that Peca is "a survivor," which sounds weird until they get to the part where "fans voted him onto the island." Man, even 16 years ago this reference was two years out of date. Was the NHL ever cool? Don't answer that.

We cut back to our presenters, and my favorite moment of the clip, as Jericho starts opening the envelope and then randomly mentions that he's a Flames fan. That's a Grade-A psych out on Conroy, right? He must have already been halfway out of his seat to accept the award when Jericho drops "It didn't work" and announces Peca as the winner instead. He may as well have gone full heel here and told Conroy that he'd never, eeee-ver win an NHL award. (He'd have been right.)

Wait, Chris Jericho is "a huge Flames fan"? Since when? His dad played for the Bruins, Kings, Rangers, and Blues. And Jericho is always parading around in a Jets jersey. He's basically their official celebrity fan at this point. I realize the Jets were between teams back in 2002, but you can't just jump ship to a Smythe Division rival for a decade and then act like it's no big deal. You don't see Bret Hart walking around in an Oilers jersey. Wait, bad example. Man, I'm starting to think that some of the pro wrestlers may not be on the level.

Anyways, Peca wins, and then takes forever to make it from the front row to the stage. If you remember, this was just a few weeks after he had his little incident with Darcy Tucker, in which Tucker threw a totally legal hit and Peca tried to draw a penalty by rolling around the ice, leaving the game, missing the rest of the series, having surgery on his ACL, and missing the first month of the following season. Nice try, Mike!

Which was the better swerve: Jericho turning on A.J. Styles, or Peca signing with the Maple Leafs in 2006 and somehow becoming Tucker's best pal? I'm still stunned that little festival of friendship didn't end with somebody going through a flatscreen TV.

Peca begins his acceptance speech by referring to some "tough years," presumably a reference to his contract dispute and season-long holdout from the Sabres. We also get a Charles Wang sighting and a Mike Milbury shoutout, in case you were wondering if all of this ended well for the Islanders.

"I think we're all here tonight because we've all got great teammates. I want to thank Alexei Yashin for being here tonight…" [record scratch] . I can't tell if this is serious, in which case it's kind of sad, or if Peca is making a joke, in which case it's the greatest moment in NHL awards show history.

Peca closes out our clip with a genuinely nice moment: Wishing his wife Kristin a happy anniversary and saying hello to "My little guy Trevor."

By the way, that little guy was born in 2000, and is now a 6'1" forward who recently committed to the NCAA's Miami RedHawks. Have I mentioned that we are all so old? We are all so very old.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected].

DGB Grab Bag: NHL Awards Are Exactly What We Want, Getting Old, and Doughnuts published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

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