#I was checking my drafts and found out 💀

[haliaiii]

Thanks for 1k followers omg??? I didn’t even notice lmao 😭😭 thanks a lot !! <33

[tojifile]

Dazai Osamu: The Protector

Pt. 3 “Did you miss me, mistress?”

Genre: Romance & fluff // PM!Dazai x f!reader

⚠️: SEVERE adolescence romance

A/N: SOMEONE MENTIONED ME AS ONE OF THEIR FAV FANFIC WRITERS AND I NEED TO KNOW WHO IT WAS // Sorry for being super inactive. I’ve been trying to write so many stories (they’re all in my drafts and they’re all about Dazai). I wanted to write something about Dazai’s death but I also wanted to continue “The Protector” AKA my favorite series ever. I daydream about the plot everyday (like a normal person). To get to the point, I will be extremely inactive and will only be posting “The Protector” and maybe do a few requests. This has been sitting in my drafts for days and this is your typical teenage romance. For comparison, I started this around August 11, and others that I started July 💀💀 (Lastly, don’t mind me using ADA!Dazai for the pictures, he’s just so cute and I totally didn’t run out of PM!Dazai icons), This is now September me !! DAZAI IS ALIVE WOOOO

Inspo: Dangerously Yours The Highwayman & lines from Masquerade

Links: Masterlist … will be making a new masterlist

“Oh mistress.. you’re burning up..” Dazai spoke in a soft voice as he touched your forehead gently with the back of his palm. His touch was gentle and calculated, as was his voice.

It had been a day since you’ve been rained on and now you were sick. Thankfully, Dazai is well, he didn’t seem to be ill at all. Your father was worried about you but due to some flight restrictions he couldn’t come home as early as he wanted to. As it turned out there was a typhoon and your father couldn’t leave at all.

In the few days you’ve known Dazai he was always kind to you. The aura he gave off left you infatuated. Maybe it was because you’ve been sheltered, maybe because he was young and so were you, or maybe because you’ve seen him in a thousand plays, read him in as many books. When you heard the most beautiful piece of music you thought he’d like that. Once, you saw a beautiful couple strolling and knew that’s how you’d be with him.

Your mind was full of him and you couldn’t understand why. “Mistress..” his voice snapped you out of your thoughts as he whispered gently. You looked at him with a gentle gaze to signal that you were listening, “I’d have to leave you for a few hours today, for an important meeting. A doctor and two men from the mafia, directly under Hirotsu-san will take care of you while I’m gone.”

Dazai spoke in a soft and caring voice. He wanted to make sure that you would be okay. His words made you frown slightly which made him smile. To him, you looked adorable. He chuckled quietly then added, “It’ll only be for a few hours mistress, you’ll barely notice that I’m gone.” You didn’t want to hear it, you were being petty and childish yet he didn’t mind.

“Mistress, please speak to me..” he pleaded in a soft voice as he got closer to you. Your heard was turned away from him, you were acting in a paltry manner, “Please mistress, I have to be at that meeting, I wouldn’t want to go without speaking to you..” he quietly added as you continued to ignore him. He lifted your hand gently and kissed the back of your palm with his rough lips.

He frowned when you only responded with a nod. It seemed like he hadn’t gotten the reaction that he wanted. Dazai then gently placed your hand back to your side and looked at you, as if pondering something intricate. In actuality he was just thinking of you. He only thought of how gently you laid and how soft you looked with your head slightly sinking onto the pillow.

As the doctor and bodyguards arrived and went up to your room Dazai checked the time on the beautifully decorated wall clock on top of the door frame—too bad that the clock showed that it was time for him to leave. Dazai left with a frown, deep down he found your antics amusing but a part of him yearned for your attention and reassurance. Now that he left you were stuck with a room full of people you didn’t know.

His meeting went on for hours. You didn’t know how long you could stay under the careful supervision of these three unfamiliar faces. The doctor checked up on your symptoms and progress while the bodyguards stood silently next to your bed. You missed Dazai.

“Did you miss me mistress?” His words woke you up from the trance you were in, due to your various thoughts of when he’ll be back, finally—he came.

Dazai was holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers wjth a wide smile on his usually, cold face, “I saw you looking at them through the window of the flower shop when we were in town for your birthday, mistress.” He spoke fondly as if he thought of you and your happiness dearly.

The doctor and the bodyguards were then dismissed by Dazai. He carefully put the flowers into a vase and poured just the right amount of water in, making sure they’ll be preserved and beautiful even if they would wilt in a few days. His actions made the butterflies in your stomach rampage. “Thank- Thank you, Dazai-kun,” you spoke softly as you looked over at the flowers, sitting peacefully in the vase.

“You’re welcome mistress,” he replied, “Well then, shouldn’t you answer my question, mistress? Did you miss me?” He repeated. You looked away and nodded gently in response to his question. He made you feel safe and frightened all at the same time. A huge wave of emotions drowned you every time he was near, you didn’t know if you were on top of the world or 6ft under.

He smiled softly at your answer. You’ve only known each other for four days yet it felt like four decades. Maybe it was the fact that you were shut off from the outside world for most of your life. It could also be the fact that you haven’t received such affection from a man.

But it also could be the way he looks at you. The way he listens to you intently. How he always keeps you safe even more so than your past bodyguards did. Although, it could just be the fact that he’s from the mafia. That he just wanted to keep his job. Your heart shattered as you thought deeply about every interaction and how superficial it was.

Dazai soon began to notice that you were deep in thought. He decided to stay by your bedside as he looked at you fondly. As if you were a rare sight, one that could only be seen once in a lifetime. His attraction to you was more than superficial. It could’ve also been the fact that he had never received such innocent affection from his peers nor those in authority.

Being by your side helped him escape the cruel world he truly lived in. Is this what falling in love feels like? Maybe near enough. He kept telling himself to snap out of it, “An executive of the Port Mafia? In love with the daughter of a wealthy and powerful ally? Pathetic.” He told himself. Dazai’s true purpose held him back.

Scheduled post: 09/30/23 18:00PM GMT+8 Philippine Standard Time

[ghastlyfilters]

BETRAYAL !

— “AND I HELD YOUR HAND THROUGH ALL OF THESE YEARS, BUT YOU STILL HAVE.. ALL OF ME.”

pairing; billy loomis x fem!reader

summary; what if your biggest betrayal was by someone you’d held the hand of for so many years? billy loomis was supposed to be a pleasant never ending dream, not a soon to be distant memory turned into your one, true nightmare. (reader is replacing the role of sidney)

author’s note: HI. (i was half asleep whilst writing this and found it in my drafts. after reading it, i’m gonna guess it’s something about the whole ‘betrayal’ thing and the reader not knowing the darker truth behind billy’s motive if he is actually the killer? little does she know lmao. but anyway, take this whilst i go finish some requests and write other content. more reqs are open as always. even when i’m busy, i like writing requests here and there. or i’ll leave them for a bit and come back to em! enjoy this fic that i honestly don’t know why my half asleep self wrote💀)

PLEASE DON’T READ IF MENTIONS OF BETRAYAL, DEATH, OR ANYTHING HORROR RELATED AFFECTS YOU!!

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

A shiver ran down your spine as flashbacks of hearing about the deaths of Casey Becker and Steve Orth came creeping back into your head. Had the killer intended for you to be next? Or were you just another random teen fit into this psycho’s cruel joke.

Everything was happening all too fast. Yes, you were now sat in Woodsboro police station after being taken in for your own safety. But did you truly feel safe?

No.

“Y/n?” A voice called out.

“Y/n??”

You quickly snapped out of your unpleasant thoughts, looking up to see Deputy Riley standing over you, holding out a small cup of water.

“Thanks, Dewey.” You whispered with a weak smile, accepting the water and placing it down beside you.

Dewey let out a small sigh as he put a hand on your shoulder. “Try not to overthink things, hm? We’ll have this all sorted out soon enough.”

You ran a hand through your hair, wincing at the sickly feeling you had in the pit of your stomach. You’d been incredibly nauseous ever since you arrived at the station. No wonder. You were probably still in shock after the events of tonight.

“Y/n, please. If you stress you’ll just make yourself even more shaken up than you clearly already are. Do you want me to get the nurse to check you over again?” Dewey asked.

“No, it’s alright. I’ll be fine.”

Dewey gave you a small pat on the back as he cleared his throat, slowly beginning to walk away.

“I’ll take you and Tatum home soon, kay?” He said, turning around one last time before heading back over to Sheriff Burk.

You resumed to wandering back into deep thought. Yeah, you were shaken up from the whole ‘killer’ part of tonight, but that wasn’t what hurt most.

Billy.

His name was beginning to feel like a distant memory, waiting for you to finally let go of.

‘Expect the unexpected,’ Most would say. But had you really imagined the one whom you thought you could trust the most would dare to hurt you?

Never.

After fighting for your life as the suspected killer tried to make it come to a brutal and bloody ending, Billy came out of nowhere, sneakily checking up on you every night as he had done for the past two years.

His timing was off. Way, WAY too off.

But the minute that damn phone fell out his pocket, you felt your heart stop immediately.

One hour ago, 34 Elm Street:

He was after you.

He was after YOU.

You yelped as Woodboro’s newly, anonymous killer made his move on you. He viciously kicked you to the floor with his large black boots, ready to gut you any second now.

Struggling, you desperately tried to pick yourself up, but it was no use. The killer grabbed a fistful of your hair, bashing your head against the laminate.

All you could think about was your upcoming cruel ending. How you were not going to see the ones you loved ever so dearly again. Tatum would never get to have late night movie sleepovers with you, Stu wouldn’t be able to make you giggle with his constant cheesiness, Randy and his little sister couldn’t ever see that bright smile of yours again whenever you’d go over to their house, and Billy, oh, Billy..

Your Billy.

You’d never get the chance to hear that soft voice of his ever again, almost as light as feathers themselves. The feeling of his undying love would soon be nothing. All the blissful memories you once shared were about to be over. Forever.

Finally, the monster behind the mask raised his sharp blade above you, ready to finish you off once and for all.

You quickly pushed him off you, sending the killer flying to the wall. Adrenaline had began to kick in. You couldn’t just be so defenceless and let him end you like that! You HAD to see your loved ones again. And you made sure this fucker wouldn’t prevent you from doing that anytime soon.

Quickly scrambling to the front door, you rattled the chain only to find it locked. Fuck. He could easily get back up in time whilst you tried to fix the lock. It wasn’t worth it.

Without hesitation, the killer got back up once again, launching himself at you. You ducked under him as he had clumsily managed to get his Buck 120 knife stuck in the door.

You headed for the stairs but knew he was hot on your heels. It didn’t take long for you to reach your bedroom, running over to the phone beside your bed desperately trying to dial 911.

“Shit!” You cursed. That bastard was still on the other end of the line.

Your only option was to contact them through the shitty computer you’d had for years now. The thing was slow, but you hoped it would be fast enough for you to alarm the police in time.

You whipped your head around only to see that the masked murderer was.. gone?

Before you could even stop and think for a moment, Billy rushed up to your window, climbing into the room. Oh dear god, it was like your prayers had finally been answered.

“Billy!” You breathed deeply, rushing towards him as if you were a small, frightened animal looking for your mother.

“I heard screaming,” Billy panicked. “The door’s locked. You alright?”

He watched you struggle to breathe properly out of pure fear. Fast, uneasy breaths. You clung to him, not letting go. Your sharp nails digging into his back. Not that he was bothered, that is.

“The killer’s here. He’s in the house! He’s in the house, he’s got a knife!” You cried, breathing in Billy’s cologne and masculine scent.

“He’s gone.” Billy said with a faint whisper, shushing you as you whimpered in his ear. “He’s gone, it’s alright.”

You were safe. You were in Billy’s arms for crying out loud! Everything was going to be fine.

A crash was heard as something had fallen out of your lover’s pocket, heading straight to the floor. You slowly turned your head around, staring directly at the item that had fell.

The phone.

You felt your throat close as it gave you that sickening, nauseating tingle you’d always hated. Your heartbeat became slower and slower. All you could do was stay in Billy’s arms, frozen out of fear before realisation truly hit.

Billy could feel the difference in your bodily functions, and cocked his head as you looked at him in horror, backing away.

“What?” He asked, his tone concerned.

You stared at your lover with pure disgust. Watching as he grew more and more confused. Your mind and mouth did not respond to his series of questions, demanding to know what was wrong and why you were looking at him with such terror.

Everything appeared to soon be ignored as you were only focused on one thing and one thing only.

Betrayal.

Your heart rate finally picked back up again, causing you to run out of the room. Billy followed behind, but you didn’t care. It wasn’t now until he realised you weren’t just running away, you were running away from HIM.

“Whoa, whoa, wait, wait! Wait, Y/n, wait!” Billy yelled, now full on going after you to get his answer.

You managed to get halfway down the stairs before he stopped chasing you, you could hear him screaming for you at the top of the staircase, leaning heavily onto the banister.

“Wait, wait, wait, WAIT! What’s going on?”

Your heart was in your throat whilst you could not believe what was happening right now. Too much, too soon.

“Y/n, come back!” He shrieked.

“Y/N!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Now, Woodsboro Police Station:

Tears welled up in your eyes as those dark memories of tonight replayed, ones that would never quite leave your head.

“Y/n!” The same voice from your flashback called.

You looked up, slightly wincing at who you saw through the window of Sheriff Burk’s office.

Him.

Billy stared intensely at you from afar through the glass, his eyes filled with nothing but anger and never ending thoughts of confusion.

Yet, something else hid behind those eyes. A dark type of mystery you weren’t ready to know yet.

It was as if your lover felt the same feeling of betrayal you were experiencing yourself. But not betrayal because you’d suspected it was him trying to kill you, something else that was far different. Something worse.

I mean, you hadn’t did anything, right? It was Billy who had made himself look as guilty as he did. Far too suspicious for anyone to believe for the time being. Yet, his aura practically told you he showed no signs of guilt..

You began to sweat nervously as he continued to stare. What if, it truly had nothing to do with Billy? Had timing been your saviour tonight? Was he innocent enough to prove he had only arrived to your house to see you again?

A darker truth lay untold for now. The feeling of betrayal was mutual, but something else just told one a devious message about the other.

Something was coming.

Something, bad.

Something that in reality, was already here..

B

E

T

R

A

Y

A

L.

[problematicfanfics]

KINKTOBER ‘22 TEACHER/STUDENT (WIP) tombur

deciding to repost bc i added more (a while back) and i just constantly see the first draft get hype on my page and i figured i’d just share.

very slight NSFW

( ◠‿◠ )

Tommy wouldn’t necessarily call himself a good kid.

He would do his homework. He attended all of his classes. He’s averaged an A so far the entire year. So yes, by textbook definition, Tommy was a good kid.

1 Snapchat Notification: Anthony 🤯

“Right before p5 meet C hall bthrm”

“Bring cart Nathan feening 💀”

But he knew the only reason he ever made it through the day was thanks to his passing period restroom stops.

Anyone attending a “Western” high school can explain to you the ins and outs of the passing period bathroom breaks all the teens line up for. Each group eagerly awaits for a friend who has the supply.

And if you’re painfully unaware of the dark market being run in every bathroom stall, Tommy loves to explain it as a “social thing��. He’s just generally a better person like this. It’s an easy conversation starter, a fast in, a way to curry favor with more well-known kids in his school.

And he’s realized his grades have never been better.

Ever since he started smoking weed in his tenth year, he’s found he’s a rather studious smoker. His grades improved dramatically. Math seemed to make sense and he wasn’t struggling with anxiety from his testing. Stiff seats are easy to sit still in when your body finally relaxes. Class notes now fit smoothly in his brain between his knowledge of minecraft and song lyrics. Nothing negative seemed to be coming of his habits, despite the fear he gets from running in this little underground market. Passing a teacher in the halls can be a normal life versus permanent felony situation if they so much as ask to search his bag.

“…that fucking bitch doesn’t know her left from her right. Mate, I swear to God, she asked my chemistry teacher which one is which.”

Tommy chokes on the nicotine he’s hitting, lungs collapse into laughter. Promptly he erupts into a fit of coughing

“Yo, dude, get that checked out…” One of his friends in the stall next door said. “Ha, as if. Imagine being like… ‘Hey mum, my nicotine addiction might be affecting my health, mind if we take a look at it down at the ol’ doctor’s office?’”

The stalls laugh at the absurdity of ever revealing this secret to their parents.

Who cares if he’s started coughing from the metal shards when he laughs?

The day he truly understands he’s a functioning addict is when he makes his fifth stop in the C hall restrooms, waiting for his friend Jay while squatting on the toilet, as his other friend pretends to be doing “normal stall things” (as he puts it).

He knows the risks every time, six boys crammed into a stall to trade flavors and discuss about the girls they want and the bitches they hate, the snake “friends” who rat out others and the teachers they despise. He’s always ready to jump to shut everyone up when a teacher walks in. Sometimes, however, his guard falls.

Fifth period Tommy attends a US History class, something he had wanted to take since he saw it was an available course. His love for the subject, plus his new found study buddy, made the class a perfect choice in his mind.

Tommy didn’t mind attending the class. It had taken him upwards of three weeks to learn the teacher’s name (Mr. Gold, but the class called him Soot), and who he was (he was hired by the school three years ago and has been a teacher ever since), and his love life (he has a girlfriend, but all his classes found a picture of her on his instagram and they think he can do better).

He didn’t, however, have a hard time committing Soot’s appearance to memory.

His curly hair fell perfectly every day without a fail. The tight button up shirts he wore required him to roll up his sleeves if he ever wanted any relief from the room’s broken AC. It’s hard for Tommy to not follow his hands switching between the board and the lesson plan on his desk.

He’d be lying if he didn’t say he thinks that Mr. Gold was finer than the heavens. It seemed to be a popular debate in this girl’s restroom, too; was Mr. Gold hot or was it just the power dynamic?

As Tommy sits with his legs up between the railing and the wall, inhaling his cart like it was his life force in preparation for his fifth period class, he turns his phone for his friends to see. “You can’t tell me he isn’t hot!” He says as he gives the phone over to an equally contorted friend of his. “Gold? Tommy, you’re crazy. He isn’t that hot.”

“Listen I’m not gay but I’d be a victim. I’m just saying.” Tommy takes the phone back as he preheats the battery. One of his friends nods in agreement.

As the debate continues over the attractiveness levels of Wilbur's instagram posts, Tommy pulls up an old high school yearbook photo of the man. “You can’t say you wouldn’t want William Gold to fuck you, I honestly think I give this man fuck me eyes in class accidentally.” Tommy practically yells to prove his point to Aj.

Suddenly, a loud presence enters the bathroom.

“Ok, I know there’s more than one of you in there. Everybody out.”

The boys look around nervously to one another as Tommy holds back laughter. That is definitely Soot.

There is a tense pause. No one wants to respond out of fear of punishment (and slightly because he had to have overheard the conversation they were just having). “Guys, I’m not playing games here. Let’s go. We can take this to the head if we need.”

Quickly the boys hop down from their acrobatic positions and grab their backpacks.

“One, two, three of you!” Mr. Gold sighs at the sight. “Wow, no! There’s more! Five? SIX? There were six of you in there? My God it’s like a fucking clown car.”

The boys shift nervously under his look. “Listen, I don’t care. It’s just protocol. You’re lucky I’m not taking you down to the counselor, it smells like weed in here.” Everyone exchanges quick looks as they continue to try to hide the obvious vapes inside their hoodie sleeves.

“So you just… don’t care?” Tommy pipes up. His friends shoot him scathing looks, as if telling him to not push their luck and get out while they can.

Wilbur seems taken aback by the question. “Well, it’s not that I don’t care, it’s just… Listen, don’t say I’m letting you guys smoke in the stalls. I’m not. I just think you’re smart enough to not be dumb with it again.”

“But if you were truly concerned for our safety wouldn’t you confiscate our shit?”

“Listen, this is great energy Tommy, how about you keep it up in class and stop giving me fuck me eyes the entire period. I get you’re high but try a little harder.”

The entire bathroom goes silent before erupting into laughter. People with no business in the situation Tommy can hear snicker in the background.

“I’ll make sure to have you work for your money today.” Tommy says before Gold shrugs him off to prepare for his incoming class.

“I am so sorry you have to attend his class now.” Tommy’s buddy Nathan pats him on the back. “The sexual tension during lessons boutta go crazy” Aj jokes as he motions Tommy to head to class with him.

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” Tommy says as he sits in front of the classroom door with his head in his hands. “How do I look him in the eyes? I’ll just skip class by going to the nurse.”

Aj jumps in front of him before he can leave. “We’re already five minutes late. Please let’s just go in. The longer you wait the worse it gets and you know that.” Tommy reevaluated his choices before finally agreeing that Aj was, in fact, right, and that they should attend class.

“Tom Simons, nice of you to join us.” Soot singles him out in the middle of his lesson. Tommy’s equally guilty friend slips into the back of the classroom undetected. “Please, take a seat.” The sarcasm drips from his lips.

Tommy sits in his usual seat far in the back next to Aj. The work was boring mundane class stuff. They used their laptops to research the battles fought during the American Independence War and Tommy finished within the first three minutes.

Tommy raises his hand to gloat to his teacher, ready for the victory as he tells Soot his work is “too easy” and to “give him a challenge.”

“I’m done, easy shit.” Tommy says when Soot finally strolls his way over to the seat. He wasn’t prepared for Wilbur to lean over behind him to read, or the way he said “Good job, Tommy” as he got up (he can’t help but imagine him whispering “good boy” into his ear).

His eyes shoot up to meet Wilbur’s. Every quick retort he had loaded to fire falters. He feels like he needs to say something.

“Can I go to the bathroom?”

“Weren’t you just in there?” Soot makes a sarcastic sad face to mock Tommy’s surprised expression. “I remembered hearing a conversation about being a victim, if I’m not mistaken?”

Aj laughs as Tommy goes pale and forcefully chuckles. “Hey, haha, listen man, I-”

“Ok everyone, please discuss with the person next to you the notes you should have completed by now.” He redirects his attention back to the class, the low tone now projecting off the walls indicating he was referring to everyone.

Tommy turns to face his friend on his left. His shit eating grin left Tommy regretting his entire day.

“Can you send me the answers? I was too busy watching the in house entertainment”

About a week had passed since Tommy was caught, and he was being as careful as possible. Last thing he needed was another run in.

His fourth period lunch left quite a lot to be desired; in the mornings he was never hungry. Instead he fills himself with flavored air, weed, and a severely diluted once-iced coffee.

The lunch period only housed one friend every day, but on alternating days up to seven people would sit with them for lunch. Either way he was too high to notice anything happening around him. No difference was it to him if there was one or eight people, as long as he was being supplied the bodies didn’t matter.

These alternating days with a lot of people leads to everyone slowly making their way to the bathrooms after eating, using it as a pit stop and waiting out the remainder of their time.

Tommy had been waiting since 10:15, and the period ends at 10:30. He was finally getting his new cart today. For the last week he was either smoking scraps from all his empty carts at home or his friends’ at school. His “friend”/dealer had told him to wait in here but it was becoming ridiculous.

1 Snapchat Notification: Rizz 🤝

Rizz: “Soot’s on my ass but omw”

Tommy: “dude don’t come in here if Gold is gonna catch us.”

“he already doesn’t like me 💀”

Rizz: “Skill issue he doesn’t think i’m shady.”

“Or at least didnt before this.”

“Honestly Tommy i’d rather save my own ass and give u the shit before he catches me with 16 carts 💀 i’m dealing today i’m way overdue”

Tommy nervously taps his foot in the bathroom stall. He toys with the $50 in his pocket, rolling it up and flattening it. Honestly, he hates the way Rizz deals. His constant lateness, the sloppiness, as if he doesn’t care that this is something serious. This can be a crime if found out by the wrong person, and everyone will be in legal trouble. But to people like Rizz the real world doesn’t exist. The only reason Tommy continues to buy from him is because he gets a $15 discount (Tommy and Rizz’s cousin used to have a thing).

As he fumbles with the airbar in his hand he hears his “friend” walk in. “Open the stall door,” He knocks and Tommy unlocks it. “Here you fucking go.” He drops the cart in Tommy’s hand before opening his palm for the payment.

As he reaches for his pocket, the front bathroom door opens and the boys are sent jumping.

“What’re we doing here?” Gold asks the duo with his arms crossed. The door slams shut behind him.

“I’m paying him back for a meal he bought me last week,” Tommy explains as he gives the money to Rizz. “It was expensive.”

“I can tell. That’s a pretty big wad of cash. How much?”

“$50”

“And how much is a cart?”

“$65, so you can stop being weird about it now.”

“Ok, and so the constant going in and out of the bathrooms, Rizzario… is that just for fun or?”

He puts the money in his pocket. “It’s a pastime of mine. You should see the architecture up in here, truly stunning.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you get a kick out of it. Get to class.”

Tommy’s unfortunate second capture does not deter him from immediately smoking the cart with his friends minutes later in the same stall. He has been waiting for a week and he’ll be damned if he has to wait any longer. The lack of food in his system, along with his slightly reduced tolerance, makes walking to fifth period a little harder than usual.

Immediately upon sitting down it is revealed to Tommy by a kid sitting two seats ahead of him that there’s a test they are taking today and that he’s the only one who could “possibly forget about as big a test as this one.”, and he realizes he’s screwed up when even Aj is caught cramming at the last minute.

“Tommy, are you aware you failed my last test?”

“Yes Mr. Soot, I’m well aware. That’s actually why I wanted to talk to you today. I think I’m a pretty good kid. I do my work, I participate in class, and up until this point I have passed every test with flying colors. Please understand that I do try in this class and I’m not afraid to do extra work to get my grade back up. I’m not asking you to just change my score, I’m really wondering if there’s anything I can do to work for my grade.”

Soot turns to face Tommy, taking off his glasses and laughing. “A good kid? I’d hardly call you a good student.”

“What? Are you crazy? I actually do your work. I do more work than anyone else in any of your classes. I’ve never missed homework, or class work, or done poorly on a test before this. I always answer questions in class and respond when you try to have open discussions.”

“And yet, despite all that, you’re not a good student.”

“You’re mental!” Tommy exclaims. “Listen, if you don’t want to tell me where I can get extra credit in my grade, or if you just don’t want me to, then say it! I don’t want nonsense.”

Soot stands from his desk to address Tommy. The silence in the air hangs tight as the man evaluates his words. “You know you’re lying to yourself when you say you’re a good kid.” He finally says. “You know you come into class high every day, with barely any awareness. You babble off in group discussions for minutes on end, related to and not related to the topic. Your homework is subpar at best.”

“At least it’s done, man.”

“We’re not friends, Tommy.”

“Yeah, no shit, I know that. That’s why I came to you in person after class.”

“Mrs. Mark told me you resolve all your issues over email.”

Tommy’s mouth gets dry. Why’s he talking to Mrs. Mark about him? She never liked him much or his tryhard attitude in her stupid Advanced English Language class.

“Did she say I’m a bad kid? I swear she hates me. She’s always picking on me in class.”

“It’s honestly funny Tommy, because if you tried at all you could be such an exceptional student.” His demeanor shifts. Tommy can’t put his finger, but it seems like Gold has something he’s hiding. His mind instantly jumps to things Mrs. Mark could’ve told him. “Everyone keeps telling me that. Clearly it isn’t true if this is me trying.”

The tired teacher throws his hands in the air. “Once again! The lying! You’re so blind to it.” He walks back to his desk from the board for a final time. Throughout his speech he traces the wooden grain on his desk, eyes not leaving the boy’s. “Tommy, listen. You’re such a bright student. You’re wasting yourself with this crap. I know everyone knows you, I understand that you’ve gained quite a highly positive popularity status in this school when it comes to the social hierarchy. But if you just tried you’d see how much more you can do with yourself.”

“Forget it, Soot. I’ll just do better on the next one.”

“Maybe we’ll resolve this over email.” Gold writes out his number on a late pass before handing it to Tommy. “However, I am much more likely to respond over text.”

“No shot.” Kim says as she hands the money to the shopkeeper. “Strawberry Kiwi elf please, love.”

Tommy fumbles, laughing as he pulls out his phone “I swear! Look, it’s saved right here.” He shows her Gold’s contact on his phone, the only texts sent being a “hello” from each of them.

“Then let’s call him.”

“What?”

“If it’s really him, let’s call him. We’ll grab a coffee and walk down to the tracks and call him.” She grabs the box from the cashier. “Thanks, and can we also have…?”

“Cherry Cola Diamond please.” Tommy points to the wall. He reaches over the counter to grab it from the guy. “We can’t just call him. I feel so nervous. What if he’s actually just trying to get me in serious trouble? I mean, look at us.” He points around to the smoke shop they’re in. “This isn’t ok.”

Kim starts walking to the bin down the hall as she unboxes her new toy. “Listen babygirl. Everyone in the school wants that man. You should hear how people talk about him.” She ghosts the nic before dropping it in her cross body bag and strutting out the door, leaving Tommy to catch up. “Bag him, bitch.”

After much debate and argument, finally, at one pm on a saturday, after smoking a joint and walking on the train tracks, Tommy’s finger hovers over the call button.

“Kim, I can’t do it.”

“For christ’s sake,” She hits the button with his finger and puts it on speaker before shooting him an encouraging thumbs up.

As the line rings, Tommy seriously considers laying down on the tracks until the 1:30 pm train hits him.

Finally the line picks up.

The microphone shuffles up against some fabric before becoming clear. Soot’s groggy morning voice seems to burn through his ears.

“Hey, Tommy. Sorry I was sleeping. What’s up?”

He opens his eyes wide and shakes his head no to Kim, who just continues to nod her very adamant yes.

“What am I supposed to say?” He whispers to her.

“Hello?” Soot calls out confused.

“Ask him if he’s free to chat after school tuesday.” She says obviously as she rolls her eyes. Tommy just gives her an almost disgusted look back. “I can’t just… oh my god.” He redirects his voice to the phone. “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up.” Was all he could manage.

Gold chuckles slightly. “Don’t worry. I needed to wake up anyway to grade all the homeworks.”

“You’re seriously gonna be grading homeworks?”

“No. You caught me.” They both lightly laughed before realizing they seriously don’t know what to say. “Uhm, what are you doing?” Gold finally asks.

“I’m hanging with my friend Kim, we’re under an overpass by the train tracks.”

“You’ll have to show me one day.”

“It’s right across from the school, maybe I’ll show it to you one day during your break.”

Kim squeals through her hands and kicks her legs like a middle school girl watching her friend call their crush.

“Yeah sure, I’d like that… Listen I should probably get my day started so I’ll-”

“Oh yeah no now of course, I understand. I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Hope not, we don’t have school.”

“Ahaha, right. Forgot. Sorry, bye Soot.”

“Have fun Tommy,” Soot squeezes in before ending the call.

Tommy looks at Kim with a hatred in his eyes. “That was terrible.”

“…and then she made me call him!” Tommy explains his weekend to the morning bathroom bunch.

“You know Kim loves the drama. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s telling everyone right now!”

“Forreal man, why’d you even tell her that shit?” Kim’s ex boyfriend speaks up. “Trust me, she’s a conniving little shit.”

“I’m like best friends with her twin sister Janie ok? The friendship extends to her. Also she asked me to get nic with her. I couldn't say no, she always pays for me. Everyone thank Kim for the free nic.”

“Thanks Kim”s were mumbled throughout the stall.

Aj shoved Tommy hard enough he falls off the wall. “What did you even say? You can’t end there.”

“I was a nervous wreck! He like woke up to pick up the call and his voice was so fucking hot guys. It caught me so off guard to hear it was like one pm, I don’t know why he was sleeping…”

Tommy spent the remainder of their ten minute morning smoke sesh to fill them in on everything that went down, as well as field questions from his friends.

He wouldn’t lie, he loved it.

Just like with weed, it seemed as though good things only came with getting involved with Gold.

He was putting in good words with all his teachers (including Mrs. Mark!), he was the shit in all of his classes, and everyone wanted to know what was going to happen next.

Gold, as well as the rest of the staff of course, were painfully unaware of the rampant “teacher and student” buzz circling around the smoke clique.

Since Tommy’s last little stint with Gold it’s been one week and three days. Nothing has changed, except for having the favor of every teacher he has a class in. He’s too nervous to take the first step into a possible slippery slope of relations with his teacher (as any normal person would be. But sadly, Tommy is not a normal person, not by a long shot, and he knows this as fact as he lays in bed wondering what it would be like to have Gold 6 inches deep in him)

It’s hard to go to school when everyone thinks you’re fucking the teacher. It was supposed to be a joke, the whole thing; Tommy always chooses one joke a year to be his running gag. He had chosen the gay joke “crush on my teacher” route because of how ludicrous the idea of him and a male teacher ever getting together was to him. It was a joke he often made about the old, prehistoric male teachers he had in ninth year, as well as some of the older women too, though most were married and he always thought it felt wrong to talk like that about them.

The weekend rolled around once more and Tommy spent his time out late at friend’s houses, and finally out until two am on Sunday night. He had begged his parents for hours and when they said yes he didn’t care about the consequences of his decisions.

Finally, reality caught up to Tommy, and for the first time since he first started drinking in eighth grade he wakes up with a hangover. Classes seem damn near impossible to stay awake for. He deems his sunglasses aren’t providing enough darkness and accessorizes with a hat from the lost and found bin, in hopes that now the fifth period fluorescent light combined with seeing Soot’s arms won’t make him vomit all over himself.

He strolls into class three minutes late due to having been kneeled over the side of the toilet in the single stall gender neutral bathrooms just minutes earlier. Apparently it’s clear to everyone in the class he’s a hot mess, because all he can hear is everyone asking him if he’s doing alright. He dismissed each one with a “Yeah, no, just tired. You know how school is.”

Before he knew it he was face down on his keyboard.

Tommy was awakened thirty minutes later to the sound of a bang next to him. Mr. Gold had lifted the desk next to him before dropping it on the ground. “See me after class, Tommy.”

He could probably feel the smirk from Aj’s face even if he was on the other side of the world.

“Really? Falling asleep in class? That’s a new low, even for you.” Gold reprimands him. Tommy stayed. Yes, even he is surprised by it. Usually he’s the first one out the door if a teacher has an issue with him. But something in him almost wanted to hear what he had to say. He was excited for the man to tell him everything he did wrong, how to improve, what to do.

“I’m sorry Mr. Gold. It won’t happen again, I swear.”

They both looked at each other for a minute. “What is your sixth period class?”

“Gym. Such a bore, I hate my teacher so much. She’s so pregnant she can’t even stand near us because she’s scared someone’s gonna hit her.” The two laugh at the situation. “I mean, I can’t help but wonder why she doesn’t just go on maternity leave. Almost all the female gym teachers are pregnant this year.”

“Hey, they got a lot of free time over the summer. What else are they supposed to do?”

“They don’t have to keep fucking like rabbits!” He jokes and they laugh.

Silence once again falls over the room. It’s like something stops them from ever holding a conversation beyond some jokes. They’re too scared to laugh for too long, too scared of being too close, and Tommy’s way too nervous to actually make the first move. Everything relied on Soot.

“Call me Wilbur.”

“What?”

“You can call me Wilbur. William isn’t my first name. Well, it is, but I go by Wilbur.”

“Real quick let me just,” Tommy pulls out his phone from his back pocket and changes Wilbur’s contact name. “I like it. And here, we’ll take a selfie for the photo.”

Tommy turned around and extended his arm to get the two of them in the picture, snapping it before saving all changes. “I think this was a productive chat, Wilbur.”

“Don’t call me that in class or we’ll have issues,” He jokes around (but Tommy feels the difference in the weight of those words). Tommy mocks him before grabbing his bag and heading for the door. “Before you go,” Wilbur stops him just inches shy of the door. “Want to show me that underpass?”

Wilbur called Tommy’s gym teacher, making her aware that the boy was “making up a failed test” and would not be able to attend the period. The two sent off on their walk, Wilbur with his messenger bag and Tommy with some snacks he had in his locker.

Their destination wasn’t far away by any means, but the walk felt like forever as they desperately grasped at straws in order to make small talk.

“So you got a girlfriend?” Wilbur looks at the boy before pulling out his phone. “This is her,” he says, showing a photo of a skinny blonde woman, eyes green, teeth white. “Her name’s-”

“Jenine?”

“Please stop stalking my socials.” Wilbur jokes as he puts the phone away. “But yeah, Jenine. We actually- well, she, actually - decided we should go on a break about four days ago. Took all her shit out of the flat.”

Tommy was taken aback by the demise of their relationship. They seemed really happy from all the posts he saw. “Oh. I’m sorry to hear, man.”

The brunet smiled genuinely. “Nah, don’t worry. Just got more space to put all my useless shit in”

“Like what?”

“I dunno, figured I’d put up shelves to fill the big empty spaces and pile it with games or books or whatever a normal person puts on their shelves.”

“Well what does a non normal person put on their shelves?”

“Youtooz. Way too many to be healthy.”

“I won’t lie, I have a collection too.”

The pair finally arrive on the tracks, Tommy fiddling with the nicotine in his pocket. They’re sat on the weird raised platform under the overpass. The brightly colored graffiti brings some joy to the otherwise desolate area. He passes Wilbur a pack of chips, who was too busy tapping his cigarettes to notice the bag flying at his legs.

“You smoke?” The boy asks his… teacher? That’s a weird thing to ask your teacher. Friend?

He removes a cig from the pack and pulls a lighter out with it. “Yep, since I was fourteen.”

“Same,” He looks up abruptly, eyes wide. What a stupid fucking thing to say! But he has to know already right? (He so desperately wants him to know)

Tommy laughs and looks at the ground. “I mean no! I don’t smoke. Who gave you that idea Soot? Stop asking questions.” He hopes his jokes are funny enough to distract from his truth bomb.

“I know.” Is all Wilbur says as he lights up, a smile spread across his lips. He elects to think the smile is more of a mutual funny smile and less of a smile you’d give a child who’s rambling.

Tommy looks around as he internally debates ripping his diamond. Is it worth it? I mean, the guy knows. He’s lighting up in front of his face. He’s gotta be ok with him ripping nic right? They’re off school property.

Finally he lifts the nic to his lips and takes a hit. He avoids eye contact with the man in hopes it eases the anxiety he feels.

The teacher looks over at the boy and puts down his cigarette, smoke drifting through the air in sultry clouds that Tommy can’t help but lavish in. “I’m gonna write you up for that,” Wilbur laughs through his exhale. “Naughty.”

Tommy’s breath catches in his throat as he’s inhaling and coughs violently. He plays it off, mumbling about some “shitty flavor” under his breath, looking at the man in an attempt to ignore his reaction. “So, Soot, is it often you smoke with kids?”

“I wouldn’t say often, but I’m no stranger to taking a smoke with a student in the ’lot.” He grabs another cigarette from his pack and lights it with his dying one. “Chain smoking without worries is my favorite, though. This is a really nice spot. Did you know we’re not allowed to smoke anywhere near the school property as teachers?”

“I mean kinda makes sense, but what’s considered “near” the lot?”

“I guess anything within fifteen hundred meters of the school? I’m just assuming. I think they don’t want us to set a bad example. Mrs. Moore got caught smoking out of her car window and it was a whole big thing with the head.”

“What’d they say?”

The train begins to chug down the tracks at them. “Threatened to put her on suspension until she stopped smoking. I don’t know how they’d even enforce that though.”

The loud woosh of the train fills their ears, unable to do much but wait for it to pass by. Tommy waves violently at the passengers. Wilbur joins him. “You always do that?”

“Sometimes,” He shrugs (he always does, he knows he’d be so happy if he saw someone waving at him from the tracks, but he won’t tell him that, because he���s not a kid, and he’s had enough oversharing for one day)

“So,” Wilbur clicks his tongue. “How’d you find this spot?”

Tommy flips the vape over in his hands as a fidget. “I was walking around with friends one day, trying to find a new smoke spot for our spiff, and we stumbled across this.”

The man stretched out his legs, changing positions to sit slightly closer. “And the Do Not Enter sign didn’t deter you guys?”

Tommy didn’t notice the shift. “Wilbur, we were going to smoke a joint. I don’t think a stupid sign is really our concern.”

“So instead of one felony, you guys decided on two?”

“Either way we’re fucked,” He laughed. “Can’t imagine underage illegal substance use is too great of a look in court.”

“Trust me, it isn’t that bad. You can manage to get yourself some community service and occasional drug tests for two months.” Tommy hit his shoulder lightly “Speaking from experience?” Wilbur pretends it was harder than it was, knocking himself over slightly. “And what if I said yeah?”

“Naughty.” (he can feel the adrenaline rush to his head as the words leave his mouth)

The teacher smiles at his pupil and shakes his head. “What about it? Gremlin.”

He’s glad he didn’t cross a line. And he can’t wait to tell everyone about this in the morning.

Wilbur turns to face Tommy. “I don’t want to cross a line, but you’re a great kid Tommy. Do you want to possibly get a coffee together some time?’

“I’d be more than happy to.” They exchange a brief glance at each other’s lips, a passing second neither notice, and hope the other didn’t catch them. They continue to discuss location and time before they begin a slow walk back to the school ground to continue their day.

Morning smoke circles are a different type of friendship. The type where you gossip, even if you aren’t a gossiper. Everything you know is shared knowledge. Nothing is a secret, and you spill it all in the hazy fog of morning brain before classes. You spend ten minutes hyping each other up to get to class despite your lateness. You tell them about your weekend, your weekday, your classwork, your romance, your life story.

So it was no surprise that the next morning the first thing everyone heard about was Tommy’s escapades by the tracks.

Tommy entered into school the following days, elated and on top of the world. A week passed before he realized he bombed a really important math test he took the day after he met with Wilbur. He had been so caught up in the whole “hanging out with his teacher” thing he completely forgot to study. But he thought he did well!

He went to talk to the math teacher after class that Thursday, but it was no use. He spent the rest of his day on the verge of tears. The only stain left on his record for this quarter.

The next morning he and his friends met up in the E hall bathroom before classes started and began talking about all the other drama happening at the moment.

It’s not like he remembers it, though, and he wakes back up in his third period architecture class, slumped on Nathan’s arm, in the middle of a lecture from his teacher.

“Are you even listening to a word i’m saying?”

He looks up at Nathan before looking back at her. His brain is still catching up to become conscious.

“I- I um…”

“Repeat what I said.”

The silence fills the room, minus the snickering coming from three annoying girls in the corner. (He doesn’t know. Truthfully! He might as well have just randomly walked in now and he’d probably know more.)

But Nathan pulled away, and before he knew it he was yanked up by the arm and told to get out.

There were still 30 minutes of class left (apparently), and he was still tired, so he decided to pay a visit to his dear friend, the art teacher.

Well, he wasn’t really his friend. He just knew a spot to sleep in. But Rizzo can’t keep his mouth shut. For the second time in the same period he was pushed out of a classroom for misbehaving.

So bathrooms it was, and on his way down he passed a familiar guard he regularly chatted with. They waved and stopped to talk about their days, their summers and the upcoming break. The guard walked him as far as the bathroom door and they said bye.

Tommy hears mumbling in a stall before a meek “Is there a guard?” is heard.

“Nah it’s all good guys,” He walks up to the stall door and puts his foot under. “Let me in.”

They open the door and Tommy drops to one knee to get his airbar. “Hurry the fuck up, man.”

“Trust me, I’m always safe.”

As he stands, he turns to see the door opening.

And if he was any less high, he definitely could’ve come up with something good to get them out of trouble.

But he wasn’t. He was really high.

And now he was still high.

But sitting in the dean’s office.

Somewhere between getting caught and getting put in the room, Tommy blacked out. But he was here now and there was nothing he could say or do to leave without talking to him.

Like, the big guy. The man who could absolutely obliterate any hope of a future Tommy had (well, what any little of it there was).

The dean came in and sat directly across from Tommy,

jump #1

Tommy sits on the freezing bathroom stall tile. It looks clean enough to sit on, and he hopes the wet feeling on the back of his leg is actually just his imagination. His bag is over in the corner and his jumper is blocking the awkward vent between the door and the floor that someone might be able to see him through.

The smell of marijuanna that has permeated into the walls of the gender neutral bathroom made his head spin. Tommy couldn’t help but feel slightly bad. What was supposed to be a bathroom for people became a smoke spot. However, it doesn’t stop him from pulling out the crack wire from his bag and hooking it up to his school computer.

He turns the cool glass over in his hands and traces the black mouthpiece. It was almost empty and he didn’t have another 50 to drop. As he places the wires in their appropriate spots he pulls out his phone.

The glass heats up and he takes a hit as he types out a message to his dear friend.

Wilbur (US HISTORY)

> can i have a fifty

He knows he won’t respond. It was a dumb thought to even ask him, he fucked up the second he sent the text. Wilbur isn’t dumb. He’ll know it’s for a cart. There’s no way in hell he’d go as far as supplying the boy with drug money.

Wilbur (US HISTORY)

> can i have a fifty

< I’ll give it to you

after class, ok?

Tommy waits behind after class. Aj’s confused look as he walks out the door is all it takes for his stomach to get queasy again.

Soon enough the room clears out and all that’s left is the boy and the teacher.

“Fifty dollars?” Wilbur asks from his desk, rummaging in his bag for his wallet. Tommy nods. He can’t seem to get words out today, his muteness being noted by not just his classmates but his teachers as well.

But Wilbur doesn’t pry. That’s what he likes about him; he doesn’t need to speak what he needs out loud. He seems to just know.

Wilbur motions for the boy to approach the desk and so he does. Opening the front pocket of his backpack he drops the cash in.

“Do you at least get it safely?”

He nods.

“Are you ok?”

He doesn’t nod.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

jump #2

“Tommy, do you know why I wear these?”

Tommy, confused, replies no.

“I like them. I like to think that people perceive me differently. Smarter, cuter, more approachable. But it’s a guise. They’re just glasses. They aren’t actually doing anything for me. You’re not a good student Tommy. You have some serious underlying issues that you’re just self medicating with weed and nicotine and adrenaline rushes, and you think it’s doing something. You try to trick yourself into thinking you’re a good student just like I try to trick myself into thinking these do something for me.” He picks up the glasses before setting them back down. “I don’t know if you’re really all that ‘good’ of a student.”

“I do everything you ask!” Tommy yells. “I have literally done everything you’ve asked. Do you understand how stressful school was for me? Do you understand I had nearly no future in school before this? I was skipping my classes constantly to game and play with my friends. I couldn’t sit still or focus in class ever. Information never made sense. I have found what works for me. One day I’ll be old enough to learn I don’t need it to function. I’ll have options and resources available to get help. I don’t right now though. I have to work with what I have. Something isn’t right up there and weed fixes it. Sorry if you don’t like it but that’s how it is.”

“Tommy, you act like I dont smoke weed myself! I know what it’s like!”

Tommy falls silent. He furrows his brow and contorts his face. “You’re an actual teahead?”

“Why do you think I gave you that fifty? Why do you think I never actually bust anyone? Tommy, I get it. I did the exact same thing. I still do. The only way I can ever grade all of your shitty homeworks is if I’m high. And I know what it’s like when there isn’t any other option because I didn’t have any. I want to find you what you need.”

“Probably a psych evaluation.”, Tommy laughs to himself. “I’m serious, Tommy.”

“Wilbur, I truly appreciate the concern. But “teacher helping me find myself” wasn’t exactly in my life plan. It’s all laid out perfectly, I just have to make it to 18.”

Wilbur stares in disbelief. “Living every day just to make it to eighteen isn’t any way to live. Barely making it through your weekdays just to party on the weekends isn’t healthy.”

“No shit sherlock.”

“I think I will get you a psych evaluation if you keep talking back”

“Alright, fine.”

jump #3

Wilbur’s palm lightly trailed up the boy’s stomach. “Is this ok?” he whispered breathlessly into his ear.

“Yes, yes. Please.” Tommy clenched his jaw. He hadn’t felt like this… hell, ever. He could hear the man chuckle. “Already? I haven’t even gotten to the good part baby.”

The way he said baby, fuck it drove him mad. It was just utterly intoxicating. His head floated from the weed as his nervous system went haywire.

Slowly Wilbur covered the boy with his body more, closing in on him on the couch. Tommy’s lungs burned from the green rip as he desperately tried to steady his breathing, the marijuana smell only making it harder to catch.

“Fuck, this is good shit, Wil.” Tommy’s hands were now in the man’s hair, not moving but instead paralyzed on top. Wilbur slowly started kissing up his neck. “Only peng for myself,” he laughed lightly. “And for you.” He deepened the kiss in the crook of the boy’s neck, hungry to taste him. “Where’s your usual witty banter kid?”

“Kid? I ain’t no kid. I’m a-“ he wheezed lightly. “I’m a man.”

Wilbur couldn’t help but genuinely laugh. “Nevermind, limit your talking. It won’t be needed.”

“And why’s that?”

“Well, you can’t talk when you’re making out.” He lifted Tommy’s lips to his, lightly testing the waters before jumping in. All composure Tommy had now left, and he didn’t mind at all. His hands grabbed the man’s woven jumper, one he often wore during the winter months of classes. Imagine after sitting in that cold class all day, he went over to his room and warmed him up? Filling the room with sex and sweat? He couldn’t help but moan at the possibilities they’d opened.

Wilbur disconnected the kiss to feel up Tommy’s sides again. “Fuck, you’re so cute. Such a good boy, just for me.” The boy couldn’t help but whine at the comment, grinding his hips up. Fuck, he was Wilbur’s good boy. His. He had waited for this since december.

Hot lips pressed against his ear. “How do you feel about taking this further?”

His eyes widened. How far?

“What do you want?” Tommy’s throat went dry thinking of everything he wanted, what he would beg for.

“Mister Soot, I- please, fuck me.”

The older smiles into the boy’s body. “You really want it?”

He nods his head viciously. How could he tell him he’s been wanting this for months now? That he’s been dreaming about it since he first laid eyes on him?

“I know you’ve been waiting for this.” He travels down the boy’s

[luv-lock]

I found out about your blog thanks to your dark fic about Jason(I LOVED THAT FIC BTW,CAN'T WAIT FOR PART 5😓)

and the first thing I tought was: "fics are good af please don't explode"

late happy new year btw😭

First off, thank you so much for checking out my blog and loving the dark Jason fic! I swear, every time someone mentions it, I feel like my heart does a little flip.

And omg, 'please don’t explode'?? I’m wheezing 💀 Honestly, I’ve been feeling like I might explode from the sheer chaos of juggling everything. Part 5 is coming, I promise, but you know... life’s been busy! Been juggling being a story writer and comic artist with my crew, which is why I haven't posted or written the next part yet. Most of the stuff I post here is just me throwing out my drafts like breadcrumbs to keep y’all hooked.

I haven’t written anything new in a hot minute (big oops), but don’t worry! My drafts have enough juicy content to keep you all on your toes for a while. Also, late happy new year to you too 😭 Here’s to surviving another year of chaos!

[shoyoackerman]

Can I ask your top 10 fav fics ever (from any fandom, if you don't mind)?

Also, just curious, is there a story behind your name "shoyoackerman "?

Damnnn thats a good question, theirs so many I love!! But lemme list em and link them for everyone if you wanna check them out <3

1. Haikyuu — A Sage of Love and Legend; Loved this series so much!! The fact it has some of my favourite tropes plus fantasy au!? Sign me the fck up. I loved it so much, i like read it all within a couple days 😭. It also 100% inspired me to write my own haikyuu fic which is just sitting in my drafts since like 2020 💀 but definitely favourite story

2. Haikyuu — but for me, there is a storm; god such a beautiful fic. I love haikyuu and i love pacific rim. Together? BEAUTIFUL SHIT. Loved it so much, can only wish there was more.

3. My Hero Academia — A Study In Deceit; I love literally everything by mentallypapaya, my favourite mha fic on ao3. Their shit is the funniest ever and this is one of their amazing aizng works. Especially since it’s like a sort of au of Sherlock. Definitely one of my favs and i love every update it gets!!

4. My Hero Academia — blackugou widow; PEOPLE NEED TO DO MORE REINCARNATION FICS FOR ME. I adore this concept, the writing and everything about this! Espeically since it’s my favorite characters bakugou and natasha <3

5. The Witcher (all media types) — Rue and daisies, hand in hand; im such a sucker for jaskier angst. This is one of the many that i have saved in my bookmarks 🫶🏽

6. Kuroko’s Basketball — Kiseki no Sedai of Mahoutokoro; KNB AND HARRY POTTER? I love it, i love it. Can’t get enough.

7. Kuroko’s Basketball — Of Unlikely Friendships, Sneaky Bets, Shogi and Sake; I NEED MORE HANAMIYA AND KUROKO. They are my favourite duo. I want more of them together please

8. Kuroko’s Basketball — When Opposites Attract; Hanamiya and Kuroko. Need i say more? Plus the gom and kuroko angst? Even better.

9. SK8 the Infinity — Sanctuary Series; a sucker for found family and sk8 infinity fills that hole inside of me. This gives me exactly what i need

10. My Hero Academia — Ignite; i love this series, because i love bakugou, miruko and hawks interacting. My favorite trio, its always written so chaotic and I love it. Please i need more to saite me.

My top tens! Love these all so, so much. I love going back and re-reading them or waiting for the next updates. Honestly theirs a lot more, but these are close to my heart 🩵 i hope you check em out!

As for my username, i made it around the end of 2019? I was really, REALLY, into Haikyuu and Attack on Titan at the time. So i had my two favourite characters name together, Shoyo and Levi. Which is how i had the name, it’s stuck for the last few years. I did think of changing it but i love it lots.

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

the deluge outside took one hell of a toll on our attendance today but that didn’t stop the unhinged moments

tita conductor took attendance, noted the absolutely ragged and worn woodwinds section, the lack of celli, and the absence of associate principal viola before looking at us and saying “but we have our Robust seconds” and grinning. we all gazed weakly and limply back at her

both the orchestra and conductor sightread two new movements of the modern piece which was. Chaotic. to say the least. there are a LOT of sudden time and key signature changes to keep track of and since the parts are still drafts yet, they’re printed very small and here and there are a few mistakes (notably, one today where the measure looked to be in 2/4 but was marked 3/2 which i desperately attempted to make sense for several seconds before a flute asked if it was an error)

“ the old man is a bassoon” -tita conductor, trying very hard to explain the composer’s Vision (he was not in attendance)

associate concertmaster is getting on my fucking nerves. he could not hold himself back from complaining every rest about how hard it was to sightread and yet still found time to step outside and take a call without asking to be excused? i was genuinely so tired of him and i didn’t have associate principal viola to keep me in check via sidelong glances so there were so many times where i almost mouthed off back at him because of how frustrating it was having to sit next to him. which isn’t an excuse but

at one point i actually said ‘well, life is hard,’ after he was complaining how a meter change was hard and instantly regretted it because (1) i sound like my mom and (2) i should be more mature than stooping to that kid’s level and (3) tita conductor has enough on her hands not to deal with someone else mouthing off in the front stands

one thing i managed to keep myself from saying was ‘it’s harder living in the philippines’ because apparently, something about this kid activates the My Immigrant Mom gene in me i guess 💀

principal viola: we have an A written at rehearsal H which is impossible to play

tita conductor: ………. (sotto voce) Shit. that’s out of range

“it’s just—it’s hot down there, so—it’s hot. it’s just hot” -tita conductor, again trying to explain the composer’s Vision

“i love saying ‘Off’ into silence” -tita conductor, after the strings all misjudged bow distribution and cut off early

“let’s end early. i don’t think we can go from this to fauré”

anyways i WILL be going to that open rehearsal with tita conductor and two of the older members of the orchestra. thankfully a first year is also interested in going so i will not be the only person under the age of thirty in the group that is going to the open rehearsal. this is indeed the social life i dreamed of having at the age of fifteen, my younger self would be so jealous of me

[siodium]

asdklasjdlsks maximum late trip update post bc i completely forgot about it in my drafts. 💀 i was too occupied with grinding mapes events for cosmetic items aha.

better late than never i guess??

anyway, here's my long-awaited post about my short 5D4N trip in taiwan with luwi and shoron!! i decided to condense all five days into one post this time bc i didn't take a lot of good pics. :/

DAY 1: TAIPEI

nanjichang night market (南機場夜市) - highly recommended!!!

sumikko gurashi themed 7-ELEVEN (角落小夥伴主題商店)

first thing we did when we landed was to run to a 7-ELEVEN to grab a small bite. i got a strawberry cream sandwich with a mixed fruit/vegetable juice and the sandwich was so tasty... nothing special but so homely. we also picked up an easycard so that we could ride the mrt and omg the designs were all so cute?? why can't we have cute transport passes in sg too!!

after checking into our hostel, we went to nanjichang night market for dinner. i was told that this was the night market that locals would go to, and to avoid shilin night market bc it was more of a tourist attraction/trap?? no regrets tho. the food was great and so affordable. i got deep fried squid (coated with some kind of peppery and salty seasoning powder and spoilers: pretty sure all the fried stuff i ate in taiwan had the same seasoning LOL), shrimp dumplings, and a fermented vegetable baked pepper bun. waaa,, even though i ordered a shrimp dumpling, there was meat in it!! and i cannot handle the taste of meat in taiwan. it's too strong...

i also got an osmanthus tea from one of the bbt stalls there and it was the best bbt i had in taiwan?? unfortunately i didn't catch the name of the stall but there was a catto sitting on the counter!!

ended our day with a trip to the sumikko gurashi 7-ELEVEN. the decor was so cute!! i was hoping there'd be some exclusive merch being sold but there weren't any. idk why but i was determined to find some merch and i kept going into every 7-ELEVEN that was in my sights LMAO spoilers i didn't find any exclusive merch in the end. disappoint :-(

thoughts about the accommodation:

we stayed at the beimen wow poshtel for most of the days. it was reasonably close to the taipei main station and super affordable (~$20 per night) but idk it was giving me major School Camp flashbacks. we got the top bunks so every time we forgot something on the bed, we had to climb up the ladder to get it. it was inconvenient and i found out that i'm terrible at going down ladders bc i just jump off from the highest rung of the ladder and i gave myself quite a few bruises from that.

the rooms were also very tiny. we couldn't all have our luggages open at the same time so we'd go down to the communal area in the basement every day just to move things around. i wouldn't say that this was a massive con bc we got used to this arrangement rly fast. the real bAD THING is that we can't leave our things lying around in the room without locking them up in the lockers (also very smol). i have to clean and dry all my toiletries every day before i go to bed and before i leave. one time i accidentally left my clean clothes bag out and i woke up to find a single dirty sock inside. >:/

but other than that it felt pretty safe?? and i did enjoy our nightly hangouts at the communal area for supper or to plan our next-day activities.

would like to try out a capsule hotel next time tho. like one of those space pod thingies.

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DAY 2: SHIFEN AND JIUFEN

shifen old streets

shifen waterfall

jiufen old streets

zhang ji traditional fishballs

a gan yi taro ball - it's nice but nothing special?? if the queue is too long then don't bother with it

jioufen teahouse - the queue for the famous a-mei teahouse was insane so we decided to try another teahouse

we spent the second day at shifen and jiufen!! took a train to shifen in the morning. walked along the streets and got some street food for lunch. i got brown sugar mochi paw-shaped pancake pops from a stall and i personally wouldn't recommend that flavour bc it was so dry. we also ate some taiwanese-style takoyaki. i watched luwi and shoron make their sky lantern (i couldn't do it bc it's ghost month and my mum said no :/) and release it into the sky. luwi added some good wishes for chi. stay 白 uwu

after walking around for a bit, we ran out of things to do and still had plenty of time to spare so we decided to rent electric scooters to see the shifen waterfall. i was shooketh that they didn't require any license?? and the shop didn't provide any helmets or safety gear?? so sus... i didn't dare to ride one of my own so i pillion'ed behind luwi.

the waterfall was a distance away from the parking lot and so the rest of our journey had to be on foot. i was sweating so much and thought i was gonna hallucinate from the heat and strong sun rays. somehow we made it to the viewing deck. i was expecting to be a lot closer to the waterfall but eh the view was pretty nonetheless. got chi and cha out so they could take in the sights too!!

we went through another round of suffering to get back to the parking lot and i, after seeing shoron ride the scooter so breezily on the way there from the old streets, decided to try riding one for the funsies. despite having barely any bicycle experience. as you would expect, that was Not A Good Idea bc i didn't even move 3 metres when i lost control, panicked, revved the accelerator thinking it was the brake (both were on the handles so idk i'm not a driver), went up the curb and fell over. ok but i fell off on purpose bc i thought the scooter was moving on its own (and not bc i mixed up the brake and accelerator) and my only way of survival was to just get off the bike before i crash into something or something crashed into me. surprisingly the only injuries i sustained were some bruises on my upper thigh that i landed on, and pinpoint scratches on my hand that i got from breaking my fall. i was very lucky that nothing was broken or bleeding. well, that was An Experience...... that i wouldn't want to go through again. anyway i'm banned from driving after this~~~

↓ btw this photo was taken moments before the disaster. apparently a lot of foreigners who rented scooters there also crashed their bikes. now that i look at it, our scooter had a chunk of it broken off at the front. ummm,,, what is safety

our next stop was jiufen!! jiufen was sooo scenic and beautiful with all the lanterns and slopes but climbing up and down all those narrow and steep stairs just to get to the main street was just deaTH. 💀 i have no idea how the elderly can do it.

had an early dinner at the zhang ji traditional fishballs. got a mixed fishballs noodle soup and it was so tasty!! i actually like the handmade fishballs with meat inside. they were sweet.

when it got dark, we visited one of the teahouses there to have a tea experience. the staff taught us how to brew the tea and we did the rest ourselves after that. it was fun!! we also ordered an oolong tea cheesecake to share and it was definitely more cheesecake than oolong but i'm not complaining.

we stayed at the jiufen kite museum for a night and i was so glad to finally have a room to ourselves. it was a good thing we didn't bring our luggages with us bc there were no elevators there!! it was all just stairs.

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DAY 3: JIUFEN AND BACK TO TAIPEI

jioufen breakfast restaurant

D+AF女鞋 南西旗艦店 - super nice and trendy shoes!!

kura sushi

ximending

the nighttime view in jiufen was amazing with all the lanterns lit up but bc it was so crowded and you absolutely could not get a shot without someone blocking the view, we decided to come back the next day at 6 am just to take pics. and also to eat a traditional taiwanese breakfast!! i love the soy milk and youtiao combination. 💕

when we were back at the taipei main station, i chanced upon this bakery (semeur 聖娜) that was holding a kanahei's small animals collab?? if you spend a certain amount, you can buy merch at a cheaper price. so ofc i picked out four breads just so i could get a cute cooler bag with usagi and piske on it~ kinda regretted not getting the handheld fan too. it would've been so useful bc it was sO HOT. btw i ended up bringing one bread back to singapore (take note of this info for later) bc i couldn't finish all of them LMAO. the breads were all tasty but i particularly liked the melon bun.

day 3 was our Buy The Things We Have To Buy day. luwi went to check out a motorcycle gear shop by herself while shoron and i explored the zhongshan area. i got the $370 wall clock that my colleague rly wanted from a department store there. we also went to this shoe shop that shoron wanted to check out and like,, i wasn't planning on buying any shoes but man,,, they were all so nice. you can call them clown shoes for all you like but i just rly like the wide, squarish toe box designs. i only bought a pair in the end but aaa i would've liked to get more if i didn't have space/weight concerns.

bought osmanthus oolong tea from yi pin tea (一品茶苑) and it was mid. very strong tea flavour tho.

we had kura sushi for lunch and it was amazing. the gacha system was fun and the food was great and i got to eat my beloved taiyaki for dessert. it was cheaper than any sushi place in sg too.

my stomach was acting up when we went to ximending in the evening so i didn't get anything to eat or drink there but i did try a bit of the vermicelli noodles from ay-chung flour-rice noodle and it was pretty good. peppery and kinda tastes like shark fin soup. aside from food, we didn't rly check out any of the shops there. i did go to a stationary store on my own and it was a feast for the eyes!!

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DAY 4:

wei chuan pushin ranch - there were capybaras and alpacas!! first time seeing them in person

mazesoba restaurant (東京油組總本店 台北華山組)

1789 café pâtisserie

zhongxiao dunhua shopping district (Air Space, Le Gusta, The Ladywore)

kanahei's small animals themed 7-ELEVEN (卡娜赫拉主題商店)

li yuan dumpling restaurant

braved the scorching heat for the alpacas and sheep and capybaras!! i touched an alpaca and a capybara for the first time and i can confirm that the former was floofy like a cloud while the latter felt like bristles of a broom.

the pig race and sheep race were being held when we were there so we got to watch. the ones that i bet on didn't win.

bc the ranch was located in a more rural part of taipei and buses were infrequent, we only had two?? hours to look around. so we rented some kind of a buggy. shoron was the designated driver for this bUT i felt like i could drive it too cuz it was kinda slow yknow.

for lunch we had mazesoba!! super good but could do with less salt.

afterwards we went on a hunt for a cafe to chill at bc it was raining so hard. had to give matcha one a miss bc we didn't have a reservation and there were no tables for us (except the VIP rooms which were $$$). eventually we found this cafe called 1789 café pâtisserie that was relatively empty and hid there until the rain subsided. we shared two eclairs (salted caramel and mango passionfruit) and a raspberry rose st. honore (crispy mille feuille pastry topped with whipped cream and raspberry jam??). they gave us two macarons on the house, and one of them was wasabi-flavoured. the taste was... interesting.

when the rain stopped, we went to shop for clothes around the zhongxiao dunhua shopping district. there were a lot of blogshop-like clothing stores in that area. i got clothes from le gusta and the ladywore~

our last dinner was at a xiaolongbao restaurant. i was glad that they had prawn xiaolongbaos!! that didn't have surprise meat in them. they were not bad. also got a custard panda bun for dessert~

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DAY 5:

luwi and shoron went out to dabao breakfast at yong he soy milk (永和豆漿) in ximending while i continued to laze around in bed~~~ they brought soy milk and youtiao back for me!! i miss the combination. the youtiao from yong he was so light and airy on the inside and so crisp on the outside aaaa the doughy and oily ones in sg can't compare.

after breakfast we packed up and left for the airport. i wanted to try the oden at 7-ELEVEN before i leave but we couldn't find one at the departure hall. maximum sadge. in the end, we settled for a fast-food chicken place after we checked in and i got a yoghurt green tea (which tasted like yakult btw) and sweet potato fries.

i wanted to be productive on the flight back home (and i wasn't rly that sleepy anyway) so i played 999 on my 3ds and watched a 2-hour movie. finally watched maquia and it made me cry lmao. tearjerkers are the best kinds of movies for a flight imo!!

oh oh i sat next to an elderly couple on the plane and they were so nice and friendly. the lady kept checking to see if i needed to use the toilet bc i got the window seat. 🥺 we also chatted a bit while waiting to get off the plane.

we were planning to have dinner at mos burg after we landed in sg but there was a luggage delay and by the time we all got our luggages, it was almost time for mos burg to close. aha but fortunately i still had one bread left. so that was my dinner, along with the milo and oreos that the staffs were handing out to apologise for the delay.

[shellxrls]

like oh sorry I have a kink… last time I checked that wasn’t something within my control…

THIS IS SO OLD SORRY. found it in my drafts but i still think it’s relevant so i’m gonna post.

sounds rlly similar to the argument that ppl can choose to be gay like tf 💀💀. i didn’t become gay cuz of woke politics nor did i develop kinks out of nowhere cuz of porn.. sure they may have been discovered through certain elements of porn, but it’s not like i’ll watch enough of a porn category and immediately decide that i like the kink cuz of the consistent exposure — it doesn’t work that way.

also to add: i have a v public vomit kink & i love reading & writing ab it but watching actual vomit porn wld make me sick to my stomach (in a bad way) lol. just bcuz someone fantasises ab smthn in a controlled and fictional realm does not mean that they immediately want to have it done to them or wld get off on it happening/watching it happen irl.

[rewordthis]

Sooo~ I had the Tumblr-Off Day yesterday and I was finally writing down parts of that AU I’ve been rolling in my head for a month+ now, but as I was 1.4k words into laying both world and scenes out I heard something from the other room so I stopped writing to go check it out.

Apparently a cockroach had gotten in from god knows where (probably the fucking window that was open until night— fuck!) and I am NOT a cockroach person like AT ALL! If I could I’d soak the fucking walls with roachicide and then set everything on fire for good measure… so I obviously screamed for someone to come kill it. They did. I think…

And then I opened tumblr out of habit, like… 💀

Bro! I got through thousands of posts until I hit one with a fanfic test I hadn’t known, opened browser to check something I got confused over, lost the post because tumblr app has been a trash these past few months — no, I mean more than usually — and got thrown back to my dashboard, tried searching for the post again but only got further lost in other posts… yeah…

In the end I got a lead, googled the shit, found the post through google, opened the post (redirecting to app worked for once, so yey! Ig 😑), finally calmed the f! down, took the test, prepared a post about it…

Dude! It’s been 9 hours since I left my writing in the middle of everything and I’m still on this hellsite. I have lost sleep for no good reason whatsoever. And I have forgotten where I was going at with that half sentence that looks right at me in my draft…!

RIP ig. 😭🫠🫠

[outpost51]

OMG NO SHES PERFECT. CASS IM SCREAMING.

All I’ve got for her is this little flash piece, the sky was literally the limit and you knocked it straight into outer space. Home run. Football. [inhuman screeching]

Here, a boon.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *. 💀 .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The grass wasn’t, in fact, greener on the Other Side.

Sometimes it was red, or dead, or altogether something that might or might not be inclined to eat any and every poor soul who managed to miss the Keep Off signs.

Still, Sadie was making well over minimum wage and her bosses didn’t seem to care what she wore or if she accepted tips from her deliveries. She could tolerate a few hungry plants for a deal like that.

Plus, they got dental.

“‘The weather’s usually nice there,’ my ass,” she groused under her breath, flicking on her headlight before the dense blanket of fog could smother her and the dirt road. She knew better than to trust anything with a caveat like ‘usually,’ but she was in a rush to leave and the delivery box wasn’t dripping for once. Dry goods were always a blessing; they didn’t leak unmentionable goop into her gears. Better yet, the next delivery up was grocery duty, and she knew if she took her bike and her time with this one, someone else would get stuck going down to sardine city.

She checked her GPS again — letting the IT department install a few apps and beef up her phone’s hardware to work Veilside was another small sacrifice she didn’t mind making — and barely braked in time to avoid the dark figure that had manifested on the road in front of her while she wasn’t looking.

“You have arrived!” her phone chirped. The fog swallowed the sound.

Sadie glanced down at the screen. Sure enough, she was right on top of the blinking dot.

And then she was on the ground. At least whoever-it-was had the courtesy to catch her bike so it didn’t topple over on top of her when they startled her off the seat. Fantastic.

“Oh good, you found it.” Exactly the voice she didn’t want to hear. “Shocked it allowed me to input coordinates in lieu of an address.”

“I’m shocked you were allowed out of your cage.” Sadie grumbled to her feet and brushed herself off. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

The Deep smiled. “There is quite a bit I’m not supposed to do,” he purred, giving her a wide berth as he sauntered around to the box strapped to her bike. Smart. She was liable to see if the immortality thing applied to his kneecaps. “But the rules only explicitly state I’m not allowed on your side of the Veil. Never draft a contract when you’re angry.”

She was almost certain he wouldn’t give a shit what the rules said either way and considered tattling as she watched him open the oh-so-urgent package… containing several variety packs of potato chips.

“The trenchfolk like them,” he quipped by way of explanation.

It left her with more questions. “Why didn’t you just toss this into your grocery order? It was just about to go out.”

“Is it such a crime to be intrigued by you?”

Sadie leaned on her handlebars and popped her gum. “Yes,” she stated.

The Deep clutched his chest. “You wound me.”

“I’d like to.” She blew another bubble, inclining her chin at his slack-jawed expression. “That’s a good look for you.”

The ground rumbled beneath them. His placid smile returned as she walked her bike back a few paces. Jackass. “I suppose you’ll be expecting a tip, yes?” Of a harpoon, maybe. Another soggy, crumpled five wasn’t worth whatever this entire encounter meant.

Sadie spun her bike around in a crunch of gravel. “Nah,” she tossed over her shoulder. “You need it more than me.”

Finally! I have arrived with a character for you! (If you’re still interested ofc no pressure!)

Sadie Dawson! She has no canon appearance just yet, so this is completely up to your interpretation!

Formerly employed at a roadside gas station, she’s just gotten a new (better-paying) job with Fithum, Zegan, Stazor & Smith delivering groceries and Other Things to the paranormal community — including The Deep, who lives at the bottom of the sea. It’s not a job just anyone can do, but she’s a tough cookie, and when you live in the boonies and have spent nearly a decade working at a crossroads… well, not much can faze her anymore.

Except shitty tips. And smarmy old gods that give shitty tips.

Have fun!

— @outpost51

Hiiii! So, firstly, it's so interesting that Sadie has no canon appearance, and very daring of you to let me draw her while she's such a wild card! Secondly, I feel in love with her from her colorful description and had SUCH a vivid idea while I was drawing this--please forgive me if I've totally misinterpreted your vision, but I'm sending her all the tips. 💛

Wanna play? Check out the game!

[savventeen]

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[jaanusbooktalk]

Gods of Jade and Shadow by Silvia Moreno-Garcia - Review

8.8/10 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

TWs: Graphic violence, death, misogyny, ritualistic self-harm, abuse (from grandparent & cousin), colorism, animal death

TWs are ranked in order of severity (please take them seriously!)

I’m a little bit annoyed writing this review (no fault of the book) just because I had already gotten halfway through and tumblr deleted the entire thing 😭 so I’m now starting all over. That’s why it took so long for me to update again, because the moment I saw it was gone all my motivation left my body like water evaporates in a desert 💀 but I’m back, because I feel like this book is too good to not talk about - imagine the Jazz Age meets indigenous Mexican mythology meets right person wrong time!!

I’ll start off by saying this is the first book I’ve consciously annotated, since I found so many amazing lines and parts that made my heart flutter 🦋 I’m also going to talk about representation in this review (like I do in all of them) but this is coming from an outside perspective: this is not my culture or language, I am just sharing what I’ve noticed. I’ll be sharing some of my personal favorite quotes from this book as we go (warnings for spoilers will be posted beforehand!)

I barely remember what I wrote before so here goes nothing haha

The Summary:

“The Jazz Age is a time of daring dances and fast music, but not for Casiopea Tun. She is stuck in her dusty small town, performing menial chores, until the day when she opens a curious wooden box - and accidentally frees an imprisoned deity. In the company of the strangely alluring god and armed only with her wits, Casiopea begins an adventure replete with malicious ghosts, shape-changing sorcerers, and powerful magic. Her cross-country odyssey will take her from the jungles of Yucatán to the bright lights of Mexico Cjty - and deep into the darkness of the Mayan underworld.”

TL;DR A young woman and a Mayan death god embark on a life-changing journey in this one-of-a-kind fairy tale inspired by Mexican folklore.

I found this book at Politics and Prose bookstore (amazing chain) and fell in love - it had already been on my TBR, but just look at that cover! Seeing my kind of nose represented on a cover made me really happy! (Representation matters🥰🥰)

I was interested in checking out some Mexican mythology and I love when magic and the supernatural can combine with historical settings - it always makes the story super interesting. The story mainly occurs in Mexico but also crosses the border into the US eventually! I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a sequel🍀

Silvia Moreno-Garcia is also the author of:

The Beautiful Ones

Certain Dark Things

Signal to Noise

Untamed Shore

Mexican Gothic

^live footage of me trying to find the draft of this post

There is so so much I loved about this book but I’ll try to keep it short. First off, on representation, Casiopea (main character) is a dark skinned Latina, with indigenous ancestry from her father. She grew up learning about constellations from him, and more about her culture - like the stories about the Hero Twins and the gods of the Mayan underworld.

The gods are also dark skinned, and extremely handsome (this alone made me so happy, because darker skinned POC rarely get described as handsome in a divine way) and there is a lot of positive representation in that area. Casiopea struggles with the colorism she faces from the rest of her family and as a result doesn’t consider herself very beautiful (even though she is). Throughout the book Casiopea begins to learn who she is away from her family & starts to love herself more 💗

What I liked:

Instead of the usual paragraphs I’ll show you some quotes I loved - because for me what made this book great was the prose and there’s no way to talk about that except to show you 😊 also this section ALSO deleted right after I finished it and I have no energy left.

//Spoilers ahead//

//Spoilers over//

One of my favorite parts of the book was the relationship between Hun-Kamé(the Mayan death god) and Casiopea. It’s sort of like someone who has experienced a lot of the world and become jaded and numb is connected to someone who is experiencing the world for the first time. She helps him see it through new eyes and softens him, and he helps her find her footing in the fast paced world so different from her home.

I feel like Casiopea was really independent, which is why some people call it a “feminist” novel, but I think above all it’s a coming of age novel. There is an ongoing contrast between Casiopea’s youth and the ageless god’s view of the world. Her decisions are influenced by her youth and mortality, two things that Hun-Kamé struggles to understand.

Why I couldn’t give it a 10:

I can’t put my finger on anything specific, but I had a hard time getting drawn into the magic of the world. I also wished I could have seen more on Casiopea’s development as a character, since women in mythology tend to serve merely sacrificial or symbolic roles, and the story stresses that her being a woman plays a large role in her centrality to the story. Also, she didn’t seem to have a motivation other than “freedom”, so I’m hoping to see how her character develops with that freedom in a sequel. Nevertheless, I really want to read the sequel!(Hoping there is one)

I sincerely recommend to fans of:

• Kamisama Kiss (anime)

• Inuyasha (anime)

• Goblin/ Guardian: The Lonely and Great God (kdrama)

The book was inspired by the story of Popol Vuh, a Mayan story about the creation and the Hero Twins who journey to Xibalba, the underworld. I really enjoyed learning more about Mexican and Mayan culture and language, and this has inspired me to check out another book by the author, Mexican Gothic!

💗💗 this definitely won’t be the last book by Silvia Moreno-Garcia that I pick up!

[sweethyuka]

hii love!! i just wanted to know are u doing okay? i hope u are <33

Hi. I’m okay. I just don’t write nsfw anymore. I have tons and tons of drafts and ideas. Even adding to them from time to time but I found there to be so much pressure. I don’t know. It takes so much effort and I could hardly finish even one. Nsfw feels so repetitive to me and maybe I’m just not good at it? Either way I just don’t get much enjoyment out of it. I’m still around though haha. I just don’t use this acc much. I also feel the nsfw kpop tumblr community wasn’t a safe place for me with my severe mental illness 🥴🥴🥴 so I did unfollow most people and stay off the dashboard for this blog. I find sfw much more comfortable even though I’m a horny hoe. I just live with it. I appreciate you checking in 🥺💗💗 and as you can see I did change up my layout a little hehe

Peep my husband 💛 I would genuinely kill for him I guess 💀so stay in yo lane hoes

[thefearandnow]

Happy New Year! 🥂

I've had this post saved for a while because since coming back to tumblr I've found it to be a really great space for setting myself accountable creatively. I've had a lot of ideas for goals I want to set for myself in 2023 so I'm gonna pin this post and keep coming back to it with progress/check ins. I'm also gonna queue this post for every month so I don't forget to revisit my list. Some stuff has to do with creating and some stuff are just personal things ✨

💀🎙 Write and produce monthly episodes of The Fear and Now

For my graduate degree I produced an analysis podcast about horror in fiction podcasts and part of changing my tumblr to The Fear and Now was partially to motivate me to make new episodes for the first time in more than 2 years. I'm basically going to reboot it entirely because I've become a much different producer since I started it but I'm excited to start working on it again. First step will be to relisten to the old episodes which is honestly what I'm most avoiding but I'm excited to do more analytical writing, research and use my improved editing skills to give it a facelift.

0/12

🎧 Write and post at least 25 Audio Drama Sunday posts

I've really been enjoying using tumblr as a way to recap my listening and get through my backlog of podcasts I want to listen to. On top of that it's been a great way to find new podcasts and support creators so I'm hoping to stay on a semi-weekly schedule but I'm also trying to set the expectation a little low 😅

1/25

🦉🌶 Finish writing the fiction podcast I started (8 episodes)

In 2022 I started writing my first ever fiction podcast, something I'd been wanting to do for years. It's been on hiatus for a few months but I want to come back around to it and at least get all the episodes in rough draft from.

2/8

✏️ Try NaNoWriMo for the first time

I discovered National Novel Writing Month (through a discord I'm a part of) this year and was a little too late to the party to try it myself but I'm really drawn to the idea of trying it November 2023. Of course, I think I'm gonna need to practice a lot to get myself prepared so I'm going to start setting daily word count goals every month.

Jan: 500 words | 75%

Feb: 500 words

📖 Read at least one novel a month

In 2022 some friends started a book club and it's really helped me get back into the habit of having structured reading time. Looking forward to reading more and keeping track of the new books I'll read in the new year!

1/12

💻 Give more feedback to writers/creators on tumblr

I've started following a few different writers on tumblr whose short stories I really enjoy and I want to get more into the habit of reaching out and telling them what I love about their work. It's one of those things that I've only recently spent much time thinking about but I think often I'm a passive enjoyer of content and want to actively be more involved as an audience member in 2023.

🎶 Self publish a mixtape of instrumentals

In 2022 I got into a routine of posting quick little sample-based sketches and beats. In the new year I want to take the best of those sketches and make them into a proper mixtape/EP that I'll publish via Bandcamp. I'm not really sure how to track the progress on something like this but I know I just want to have what I consider a finished project by this time next year.

✏️ Try NaNoWriMo for the first time.

I discovered National Novel Writing Month (through a discord I'm a part of) this year and was a little too late to the party to try it myself but I'm really drawn to the idea of trying it November 2023. Of course, I think I'm gonna need to practice a lot to get myself prepared so I'm going to start setting daily word count goals every month.

Jan: 500 words

✨ Explore my hair/gender expression

This one is literally impossible to quantify but it's something I want to reflect on and be more actively engaged with this year. So much of my life I feel like I've tried to ignore thinking about and exploring my own style and gender and its only recently that I've felt some regret about it. I want to buy new clothes and try new hairstyles and feel more comfortable in my own skin and I think I've found that for me I need to write it somewhere if I actually want to do the damn thing 😅 so this is me doing that lol