#I was around for him when and his wife were running tna or whatever the fuck

[edgeisallelite]

Also like. If Jarrett didn’t want to get murdered then the old man shouldn’t have been in the tournament and taken that risk. There I said it. Don’t @ me.

[shewillreadyou]

Hey guys! I haven’t written anything in months. Also, this is very fluffy. There is some language, adult content, and 🍋🍋🍋. It’s TNA. Sam and Misti to be exact. 1693 word count. It was supposed to be my @wackydrabbles entry for the week but I’m late. This is a one shot. I have also never posted from my phone. 🤦🏽‍♀️💕 Whatever. Sorry. Let me know what you think.

After reading them their favorite bedtime story, Misti quietly closed the door to the boys bedroom. She tiptoed into the kitchen, where she drained the last of her merlot, and began to load the dinner dishes into the dishwasher. They had only been back from Italy a short time and talking to the boys about the new role she’d be playing was heavy on her mind. She was putting the last wine glass on the top rack when Sam creeped quietly into the kitchen to steal a kiss. His arms snaked around her waist and she yelped in surprise.

“Shit! Sam, you scared me.”

He chuckled as he pulled her hair back kissing her neck. She smiled welcoming his embrace. She slowly stepped back and seductively bent over to get a soap pod out of the container in the cabinet under the sink. Sam’s mouth fell open at the sight. His hands traced her curves as she popped the pod into the dishwasher and pressed the start button. “Fuck, washing dishes has never looked so sexy,” Sam said as he pulled her into his arms.

“Is that a challenge? Because you are doing the dishes tomorrow.” The couple laughed together.

After a long searing kiss, Misti pulled away. “Sam,” she whispered. “Not here. What if the boys wake up? We need to talk to them, you know. It’s only a matter of time before--” Sam quieted her rant with a single finger to her lips.

“Shhh.” He scooped her into his arms and carried her bridal style into his bedroom. He kicked the door shut before he laid her down on his plush bed. He narrowed his eyes as he gazed at her hungrily. He removed his cufflinks as she squirmed on the bed. He made quick work of the button on his shirt before he unbuckled his belt and unzipped and unbuttoned his pants letting the weight of his belt pull them down around his ankles. A topless Misti looked at him amused by his strip tease before looking over to the door.

“You seem distracted love. What’s on your mind?” Sam asked as he settled himself above her on the bed. “Did you lock the door?” she asked as she lifted her hips to allow Sam to remove her lounge pants. “Yes, why?” He kissed her neck and collarbone. “The boys.” Sam flipped her so that she was now on top. He pulled her shirt over her brown mane and tossed it onto the floor. Misti reached around and unclasped her bra.

“I know you are worried,” he said as he cupped her breast. “We’ll sit them down tomorrow.” He took her nipple into his mouth. “Promise?” she moaned. He flipped them again so that she was on her back. He kissed down her torso before burying his face in between her thighs. She squirmed as he devoured her. “Be still. It’s been days. I have to make sure you’re ready for me,” he whispered huskily. Before she knew it, Sam had her pinned against the wall. His hips slammed into hers rhythmically as she quietly moaned his name.

Suddenly, Misti’s fear became a reality when his bedroom door slowly swung open. “Dad, I had a bad dream and Misti’s not in her room. Then I heard thumping.” To her horror Mason stood in the doorway wiping his sleepy eyes. Sam looked over his shoulder. “Go back to your room buddy. I’ll be in to check on you.” Mason turned away, never even noticing Misti behind Sam in the dark room. Sam pulled out, looking at Misti apologetically. Fury dominated her gaze as she quickly gathered her clothes and headed to the door.

“What?” he questioned.

“Where are you going?”

She pulled his t-shirt over her head. “You know what!” she whisper yelled.

“I didn’t know.”

“How? How did you not know? I told you this would happen. That was way too close, Sam.” She stormed out of his room.

“Misti, baby. Wait, I’m sorry.” He followed her through the dark penthouse.”

“Don’t follow me. I’ll be in my room. Go check on your son.”

Sam knew that Misti was right. It was time to have a talk with the boys. But how was he supposed to explain things in a way that they could understand?

After checking in on a sleeping Mason, Sam knocked quietly on Misti’s door. After she didn’t answer, he slipped inside and made sure to lock the door. He smiled to himself when he heard the shower running. His lounge pants set dangerously low on his hips. The smell of her papaya mango shampoo wafted through the air. “Misti?” his deep baritone surprised her. “Sam? Where is Mason?” He pulled the string around his waist and pushed his pants and boxers to the floor. She smiled as he stepped inside the shower stall. “He’s asleep and I promise, I locked the door.”

His body shivered as the hot water burned his skin. “Shit, Misti. How do you handle the water this hot?” She giggled and adjusted the temperature. She began to lather his rock hard abs with soap. He stepped under the water, rinsing himself immediately. “You’re going to make me smell like a girl.” She threw her head back in laughter. “Sorry. I don’t have any of your fancy manly Jack Black turbo wash.” He chuckled. “I’m sorry.” A comfortable silence filled the air as she waited for him to say more. “You were right. We need to talk to the boys in the morning. They will definitely ask questions when you move your things into my bedroom.”

“Who said I was moving in there with you? I love my room, and you are a cover hog,” she joked. “But, seriously, I just don’t want to confuse them. I mean I’m their nanny first.”

Sam smiled at her concern. “About that,” Sam said. Misti quirked her eyebrow. “You’re fired.” Sam deadpanned. She eyed him amused. After several moments reality washed over her. “Oh dear lord, you’re serious? You’re firing me?” He laughed proudly. “Yes, you’re my lady. You don’t need to work.” Misti rolled her eyes before turning the water off and stepping out of the shower.

“Sam, I’m a chemist. I took this job with two fold intentions. I didn’t plan on falling in love with the boys or you. I wanted to get my foot in the door at Dalton Enterprises. I don’t need a sugar daddy! I don’t need you to take care of me, financially,” she declared as she sashayed into her bedroom.

“Misti, wait. Babe, I know, you’re brilliant. But, where are you going? You can’t just leave me like this,” he said motioning to his erection.

Ignoring him, she let her towel drop to the floor before she started to slowly lotion her body. Sam stood watching her with lust in his eyes.

“So you really aren’t going to come to bed?” She turned to look at him. The towel situated low enough on his hips to show off the deep v that disappeared under the towel. She bit her lip and shook her head no.

“If we don’t talk to the boys tomorrow, I’m moving out, since I am no longer employed here.”

“Oh, that’s not fair. I don’t do well with ultimatums.” He approached her from behind and she could feel his stiffened length through his towel. She reluctantly stepped away before looking at him through her thick eyelashes. “Oh, and no more fooling around either.” She walked over to the door, unlocked it and held it open. “Goodnight Sam.” She waited for him to leave.

The following morning

“Listen, boys. Misti and I have something very important to talk to you about.”

“Really? Are we finally going skiing in Switzerland?” Mason asked.

“Oh no. I’ve seen that face before. She isn’t going to be our nanny anymore, is she?” Mickey asked deflated.

“No, no she won’t--”

“You’re leaving? But you promised,” Mason chimed in.

“Don’t you remember? You said you’d always be here for us. It was the night by the bridge when we told you that we wanted you to be our new step mom and not Aunt Sofia?” Mickey added.

“Oh, boys,” Misti said. “I meant every word.”

“Then why are you leaving us?”

“Boys, please. Allow us to explain. Wait, you two asked Misti to be your stepmom?” Sam looked between the three of them. Misti held her hands up in surrender.

“Whatever, you two know how much I care for Misti, right?”

They both nodded in understanding. Sam nervously cleared his throat.

“Well, sometimes when grown ups care for one another. They do things…”

“Dad, what did you do?”

“For the love of God, rip the bandaid off. Mason, Mickey, your Dad and I are in love. I wouldn’t dream of leaving you two. I guess what we want to say is we really are fond of one another. What would you think about your Dad and I being in a relationship?”

“Oh my God, we knew that you two kissed, but you are going to get married!” the boys said in unison.

“That’s not what I said.”

“But, it’s my intention. I want to make an honest woman out of Misti.”

“Misti is already really honest. Even when we don’t want to hear it,” Mason said.

Sam chuckled before squatting down in front of them.

“Boys, I would love for Misti to be your stepmom, for us to be a family.”

“I thought we already were,” Mason said sadly.

“We are, it will just be official.”

“So you’re not leaving us?” Mickey asked.

“Not even wild boars could pull me away.” She said, pulling them into a tight embrace.

“Misti?”

“Yes,” she answered with tears in her eyes.

“I can’t breathe.”

They all laughed as she released them from her hold apologetically.

“Now, about that ski trip,” Mason smirked.

Her heart was full. The boys were fine with her new relationship with Sam and Sam just admitted to wanting to make her his wife. All was right with the world. She was unemployed, but at least in this moment it couldn’t be any better for her.

[wrestlingisfake]

Hard to Kill preview

Kenny Omega & Doc Gallows & Karl Anderson vs. Rich Swann & Chris Sabin & Moose - When Kenny Omega won the AEW men’s world title on December 2, he completed a long-simmering heel turn by forming an alliance with Impact Wrestling executive Don Callis.  Omega and Callis began showing up on both Impact and AEW programming acting like Omega is “the real world champion,” which irritated Impact world champion Rich Swann.  Omega also reunited with Impact’s men’s tag team champions, Gallows and Anderson, who had already been having issues with former champs Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley.

This match was originally booked as Omega/Gallows/Anderson vs. Swann/Sabin/Shelley, but the day before the show Impact announced that “unavoidable circumstances” prevented Shelley from traveling to the show in Nashville.  Shelley’s last-minute replacement is Moose, who has recently been feuding with Swann.  For over eight months, Moose has been calling himself the “TNA world champion,” presumably to set up a “who’s the real champion?” match with the Impact world champion.  But that seems kind of silly now that Omega and Swann are kind of doing the same thing, but with more credibility.  So I was hoping they’d get Swann vs. Moose wrapped up before Swann vs. Omega got going.  I certainly wasn’t expecting Moose to be involved in this match.

Because of Omega and the AEW interpromotional angle, this may well be the biggest show Impact has run in years.  So Impact is motivated to deliver the best they can for whatever new audience this match will attract.  The big question is whether AEW is invested enough to send a few of their guys to appear on this show for a hot angle.  Any unadvertised AEW wrestler causing any kind of ruckus on this show will get people talking.  But AEW and Impact seem to be taking their time with this storyline, and they may not think now is the time to drop the next bombshell plot point.

To me, the likeliest finishes are a) Omega’s team dominates and wins to get more heat, or b) Swann scores the winning fall to set up an Omega vs. Swann singles match.  The best setup for that match would be Swann pinning Omega, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon.  But if they sell it like Omega’s team are the heavy favorites, and that Omega’s ego is bruised by an upset even if he didn’t lose the fall, then that can still work.  But then again, that was my gut feeling before Moose was added to the match.  Now it feels far more likely that Moose will turn on his partners or walk out on them, which could change the entire complexion of the match.  That uncertainty has me pretty interested in how things unfold.

Eddie Edwards vs. Sami Callihan - This is billed as a “barbed wire massacre” match, so the ring ropes will be replaced with barbed wire, and objects wrapped in barbed wire will be provided at ringside to use as weapons.  Obviously, in this sort of match nobody is going to be disqualified or counted out. 

I can’t say I understand the storyline leading up to this.  Edwards and Callihan had a vicous feud following a 2018 incident where Callihan botched a spot and hit Edwards in the face with a baseball bat.  Then they seemed to go down separate paths, and then recently Sami and Ken Shamrock started picking on Edwards and his wife for some reason.  The idea now appears to be that these two will never be able to settle it, except that they both clearly put it all aside for the better part of a year.  In any case, they’ve run out of hardcore stips to use in their matches, so here we are.

I believe this is the fourth “barbed wire massacre” match Impact has booked.  The first two were on pay-per-view in 2005 and 2008.  The third was taped for television in 2018, but was only streamed on Twitch because it was “too violent for TV.”  I remember watching the first one (Abyss vs. Sabu) in 2005 and being too squeamish to enjoy the performance.  In matches like this you have to hope the wrestlers know what they’re doing and don’t go too far just to create a “moment.”  But with Callihan and Edwards, that doesn’t apply, so I just have to hope the match was taped in advance, so that if one of them was gravely injured we’d have seen reports about it by now.

Both of these guys are pushed as top acts in Impact, but Callihan always seems to come up short in big matches like this.  I can’t see either guy accepting defeat and letting the feud end.  But if this is really the final chapter, then I think Edwards needs the last laugh more than Sami does.

Deonna Purrazzo vs. Taya Valkyrie - Purrazzo is defending the Impact women’s championship. Valkyrie held the title from January 2019 to January 2020--the longest single reign in the title’s history--but after losing the belt she spent 2020 preoccupied in comedy stuff with Rosemary and John E. Bravo.  So Taya’s doing the whole “you’ve only done so well as champion because I haven’t gotten around to facing you” bit.

I haven’t been able to get into Impact’s women’s division.  I suppose it’s because so many of the characters seem superficial and unserious.  Like, Purrazzo is presented as a solid in-ring performer, but outside the ring she’s the kind of self-absorbed chicken heel who plots with her sidekick to devise ways to duck upcoming challengers.  Impact is full of characters like that, but the women’s division in particular has almost nothing else.  Hell, Taya was playing that role when she was the heel champion.  So I can’t say I’m very motivated to see these two fight.  I also don’t really believe we’re going to get a title change at this point.

Manik vs. Chris Bey vs. Rohit Raju - This is a three-way match for the X division championship, so whoever scores the first fall over any opponent will win Manik’s title.  This story started with Bey as champion and Raju as his crony, but Raju was the one henchman in wrestling history who managed to manipulate his boss to his advantage, so Raju won the title from Bey in a three-way with TJP.  Raju was so worried about losing his belt to TJP that he arranged a stipulation where TJP could no longer challenge him.  Then Raju issued an open challenge answered by Manik...the masked man character originally played by TJP.  So now Manik is the champion and definitely not TJP, but Raju and Bey aren’t buying it.

I don’t really care who wins this.  Every time they do a multi-man match for the X title, they demonstrate that multi-man matches don’t settle anything, because there’s always somebody who’s like “Well I wasn’t pinned, so I should get another match!”  So if, for example, Bey pins Raju, you know it’s just going to lead to Bey vs. TJP and/or Manik later.  Except Raju is going to weasel his way into the situation, for another three-way.  (Unless Crazzy Steve is free that weekend, and it’ll be a four-way.)  There’s no direction here. The best thing that could happen to the X title (aside from retiring it as an obsolete relic) is if some AEW guys came in to fight for it.  And I don’t expect that to happen soon.

Havok & Neveah vs. Tasha Steelz & Kiera Hogan - This match is the tournament final to decide which team will be awarded the Impact women’s tag team championship.  The title was originally introduced in 2009, but a lack of interest in booking it properly led to ODB teaming with Eric Young to win the belts in March 2012.  The last title defense I can find was in May 2012, although it took over a year for Impact to officially abandon the championship.

I can see why Impact was motivated to bring the title back, since throughout 2020 most of their women’s roster was paired off in various alliances: Taya Valkyrie & Rosemary, Deonna Purrazzo & Kimber Lee, Kylie Rae & Susie, etc. But just because most of the women on the roster have a natural partner doesn’t mean there are enough women to fill out a tag team division.  I suspect these two teams are going to end up rematching a lot for the tag belts, while the teams they eliminated in the tournament go back to focusing on singles action.  If just having women’s tag titles automatically meant expanding the women’s roster and pushing more women, then that would be great.  But we’ve seen that it doesn’t work that way, not only in WWE, but also the last time Impact tried it.

My gut feeling is that Steelz and Hogan have more future potential, so I’d probably prefer to put the title on them.  But Havok and Neveah have the edge in size and meanness, and I could easily see Impact wanting them to dominate as the champions a la the Road Warriors.

Eric Young & Cody Deaner & Joe Doering vs. Cousin Jake & Rhino & Tommy Dreamer - This is being called an “old school rules” match, which is Impact’s way of saying “ex-ECW guys are in this so we want to say ‘extreme rules’ but WWE trademarked that.” Basically there are no count-outs or disqualifications.  Cody and Jake were a tag team until Deaner became obsessed with proving himself against Young; when he failed, he turned on Jake and joined Young’s group.  Rhino tried to help Jake out, but it wasn’t until Tommy Dreamer got involved that they were able to even the odds.  I’m pretty sure Young’s faction is just getting started and they are going to destroy the babyfaces here.

Ethan Page vs. The Karate Man - Page is one half of The North, which spent most of 2019-2020 dominating the men’s tag team division.  Karate Man is the alter ego of...Ethan Page.  So he’s fighting himself.  That’s always fun.

The backstory here is that the North struggled to recover from losing the tag title earlier this year, and Page grew increasingly desperate to convince Josh Alexander that they could regroup. The tipping point was when Alexander was wrestling Brian Myers and Karate Man interfered, causing Josh to get disqualified.  Page did a skit where he tried to get therapy from Karate Man, before they decided to fight instead.

The bigger story behind all this is that Page’s contract with Impact Wrestling reportedly expired at the end of 2020, so he’s technically not even with the promotion anymore.  Reportedly, this “match” was taped weeks ago.  Just because Page is a free agent doesn’t mean he won’t simply re-sign with Impact at any moment.  But this looks to be his swan song before he moves on...or the pivotal angle that sets up how he’s staying.

Obviously this is going to have to be pre-taped with Patty Duke Show special effects.  I’m not sure if that means it’ll be a ~*~cinematic match~*~ though.  They could do a weird brawl in a weird location like the Boneyard Match or Stadium Stampede, or they could just do it on the normal set in a normal ring and not do anything weird except the split screen effects.  I honestly don’t know what to expect.

Rosemary & Crazzy Steve vs. Tenille Dashwood & Kaleb with a K - Rosemary and Steve used to be in The Decay together years ago, and occasionally Impact remembers that and has them interact.  Tenille is formerly Emma from WWE, playing a stuck-up Instagram influencer gimmick with Kaleb as her personal assistant.  Rosemary already beat Dashwood in the setup to this match, and I don’t think Kaleb is going to last long against Steve, so I guess the weirdo babyfaces will triumph.

Josh Alexander vs. Brian Myers - This is scheduled for the pre-show.  As noted above, Alexander and Ethan Page had some issues that came to a head when Page caused Alexander to lose a match to Myers.  So Josh wants to avenge that loss.  It’s kinda funny to me that the serious match about wins and losses and professionalism is on the pre-show while the “Ethan Page beats himself up” comedy is on the main show.  But anyway, it seems like Alexander is headed for a singles push, so he might as well get that started with a win.

[concussed-to-pieces]

Downright Neighborly

Fandom: WWE/TNA

Pairing: Jeff Hardy/Female Reader

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: I return almost wholly whole from the land of concussions and I offer you this...kayfabulous indulgence! Tagging the always-beloved @toxiicpop, the ever-enthusiastic @oraclegazes, the King Captain @hardcorewwetrash  (my thanks for not keelhauling me for the IRS thing, cap!), and new tagees @karaboomhower, @thephenomenonalkingofthebrogues and @superrezzy00 (not sure about these tags, work darn it!). Enjoy!

Really, the fireworks and bonfire were the last straw. You were well aware that whatever was going on in the Hardy households had probably reached an unhealthy level of theatrics ages ago, but the fireworks…

You prided yourself on being a decent neighbor. You kept your small yard tidy, you stayed quiet and you didn’t have any pets. You knew you ought to have been more wary when signing the papers for the place. It seemed so perfect, something had to be wrong.

It turned out that it wasn’t the house you were living in, but the ones on either side of you that were the problem. You had inadvertently ended up in the middle of some kind of incredibly elaborate turf war between two brothers from what you could gather. The older one, Matt, seemed flat-out certifiable, while the younger of the two, Jeff, struck you as an…eccentric individual. Of course you’d only caught bare glimpses of Jeff through the trees as he whipped along on his dirt bike, while Matt tended to be in the town grocery store (where you worked in the produce department) every other day for the needs of his young son, Maxel. Usually with his wife in tow.

More than once the yelling through the woods that surrounded your property kept you up at night, you couldn’t make out the words but the noises were nightmarish at times. And who played a violin that late at night? Outside?

The fireworks and the bonfire though, were the things that had you steamed. Heck, when you’d seen the SUV toting the older brother’s wife and small child go blitzing by you figured you might be able to get some peace and quiet. But no! Lawn mower sounds, that silly little drone of Matt’s buzzing around, Jeff’s dirt bike and more awful violin playing plagued the rest of your day. You were pretty sure you were losing your mind when you realized that there was a massive fire shining through the trees. Despite your irritation you worried that maybe one of them had lit the house on fire or something equally idiotic. So you tucked your phone in your pocket, closed your door behind you and crept along to the edge of the property line.

The fire was very large, but it didn’t look like it had gotten out of control. Yet. There was a huge, odd-looking symbol made out of wood that was fully involved, a pile of dirt at the base of it. And laying in that pile of dirt was what appeared to be a bundle of clothes. What on earth was going on here?

You pulled your phone out of your pocket and quickly snapped a picture of the large burning structure…effigy…thing. Maybe now the police might take your claims seriously.

Oh no. The bundle of clothes moved, it was a person, dragging themselves away from the embers that had started falling off the symbol.

You bolted forward without a second thought, leaving the relative safety of the treeline to sprint across the lawn. The heat from the fire was insane up close. You quickly ducked to drape the person’s arm over your shoulder and then did your best to half-walk, half-run back to the trees where you would be safe.

“Brother Nero!” The call came, accompanied by more terrible violin.

The person with their arm over your shoulder shuddered. “Put me down, he’ll get you too.” It was Jeff, eyes rolling back in his head even while he spoke.

“Fuck no man, I’m getting you out of here.” You grunted, shifting more of his weight onto you.

“That’s…that’s real kind a’ you, but I don’t think it’s gonna’ work.” Jeff murmured. “Real kind though.”

“Just be quiet. Almost there.” You promised, worry flooding your body. What the hell is going on here?

You had never been more relieved to see your house, but your heart sank as you realized that you hadn’t left lights on. Or the front door open. “He’s already here.” Jeff whispered, gripping his side and wincing. “Just leave me man, you’re gonna’--”

“Shut up.” You hissed, all-but dragging him along by his neon yellow belt at this point. You circled around to the back of the property where there was a massive rhododendron bush. “Hide. Don’t make any noise. I’ll be back for you.” You ordered curtly, mind racing as you tried to figure out a good reason for you to be outside at this hour, especially since you were now filthy. Your garden, maybe?

You snagged a few tomatoes from the vines as you passed by, ripped some chives out of your grow beds. Hopefully.

You whistled at random as you closed the front door behind you, just waiting for the second when the crazy bullshit would strike. Someone grabbed your shoulder and spun you around before you could lock the door and you squeaked in surprise as you came face to face with the older Hardy. Matt, with the white shock-streak in his hair and his odd manner of speech, was always miles more unsettling than his younger brother.

“I knew you’d come.” He said finally after a minute of silence had gone by.

“It is my house.” You pointed out, warily eyeing the white drone that hovered by his shoulder. “I live here. Kind of makes sense that I’d come home.”

“Silence! I love it when you ramble, but I’m here on an important business and I won’t be denied. Where is Brother Nero?”

You blinked several times. “Who?”

Fingers wrapped around your throat and Matt slammed your back to the door, his face twisted in fury. “You little fool, Nero is not obsolete yet! Jeffrey is, there is no Jeffrey anymore. And I will use Nero as my mule, the belligerent spot-monkey retrained in a most excellent manner.” Matt snarled, his words making absolutely no sense as his hand tightened around your neck. “Where. Is. Nero?”

You shrugged as best you could, wheezing in a breath. One of your tomatoes dropped to the floor and bumped Matt’s shoe. He glanced down and immediately released you. “Ah, that’s…look at the shade on that.” He said quietly, almost like he was talking to himself. He picked up the tomato and turned it back and forth. He was…admiring it? “Do you grow your own? I tried to have Senor Benjamin start a garden but he’s much better suited for preparing the battlefield…massacre, you understand of course.” With you watching wide-eyed in confusion Matt proceeded to take a hearty bite out of the tomato. “Mm, delightful.”

“Not to seem like I’m trying to upstage you or anything, man, but why are you in my house?” You finally asked after several minutes of Matt noisily enjoying the dark purple fruit.

“Oh! I’ve completely lost my train of thought. This really is an extraordinary specimen, you’ve done well.” He praised, patting your shoulder and making his way outside. The drone buzzed uncertainly in the air where he had stood a moment ago. “Come along, Vanguard One!” Matt sounded almost like he was scolding the thing. Vanguard One (why on earth had he named the drone?) shot out the door after him, emitting a shrill tone.

Guess I’ll add breaking and entering to the list of crazy shit I’ve dealt with since moving here. You dropped the two remaining tomatoes and handful of chives onto the kitchen counter, sighing. Why me, really? What the heck did I do to deserve this crap? A floorboard creaked behind you and you straightened up. “Matt, if I have to call the pol-”

A hand covered your mouth while your arm was trapped behind you and you were forcibly dragged out of your kitchen and into the hallway. “Vanguard’s comin’ back. Be still.” That was Jeff’s voice, his breath tickling your neck as he spoke calmly and slowly. “It’s got thermal imagin’. Not the best shit so hopefully if we keep together it’ll jus’ think it’s seein’ you. M’ sorry, should have stayed in that bush but I didn’t know what he was gonna’ do to you.” He removed his hand from your mouth but kept his tight grip on your arm.

“Oh yeah, I’m sure your crazy brother would think twice about strangling me if you made an appearance.” You snapped.

“Doesn’t have to be me in the driver’s seat, he still shits himself when Willow shows up.” Jeff muttered cryptically, then went stiff. “Shh, hang on. Listen.” He whispered. You heard the low whine of the drone. A bright light shone into the kitchen window and Jeff eased you further back in the hallway. “D’ya have a bathtub?” He asked, swearing when you cocked your head in confusion. “The ceramic fucks with its thermal, makes it easier to hide.” He explained in a rush.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that ‘bathtub to hide from drone in’ was on the list of must-haves when speaking with a realtor!” You retorted, surprised when Jeff snickered.

“Yeah, it’s right up there with ‘in-ground pool’ and ‘fenced yard’. Get with the times.” He continued backing down the hallway. “Which door?”

“On the left. No, left. C’mon man, Christ.” You almost felt bad for getting exasperated when you realized how labored his breathing was. “Hey, are you o--”

“Shh, Vanguard’ll hear you. Gotta’ be quiet.” He grunted, fumbling the doorknob a few times before he managed to get the door open. “Do you…I mean, we both gotta’ get in there. You want to be on top of me? Probably better than the other way around. I might crush you or somethin’.”

“Remind me again why we’re cowering in fear in a fucking bathroom from a children’s toy?”

“Because if it gives Matt the report that I’m here, your little Good Samaritan, Savin’ Private Ryan stunt is going to get you in hot fuckin’ water.” Jeff grimaced, holding his side. “Shit. Alright, I’m getting’ in. You need to get in here, too. If there’s no heat signatures it’ll leave.”

You stood there awkwardly while Jeff nearly fell trying to get his leg up over the lip of the bathtub. Your eyes roved over his back, squinting in the dim half-light. He looked battered, scrapes and bruises marring the skin there. Jeff swore under his breath, steadying himself and then sliding carefully down to lay on the bottom of the tub. “C’mon, I don’t bite.” He whispered.

“See, I wasn’t worried about that until you said something.” The hint of a smile quirked Jeff’s lips up for a second and you sighed, relenting. “Fine, fine, I’ll humor you.” He shifted over to give you the room you needed and you gingerly maneuvered yourself to lay on top of him. “Are you okay?” You whispered.

He pressed a finger to his lips. The searchlight streamed in through the curtains over the window and you froze. You hadn’t even noticed the drone getting closer. Obviously Jeff had been dealing with this for a while. You heard his breathing quicken and you hastily dropped your head to rest on his chest, shutting your eyes tight. The old children’s adage came back to you, “if I can’t see it, it can’t get me.”

Jeff’s hand twitched and then inched up to wrap around your waist. His other hand rose to cradle the back of your neck, keeping you still against him. His heartbeat thundered in your ears, almost drowning out the whine of the drone’s propellers.

Your fingers dug into his ribs accidentally and Jeff grunted, whole body trembling violently for a second. You had no desire to deal with Matt twice in one night, but the drone’s spotlight was so bright you could see it through your eyelids. There’s no way it won’t catch us.

The high-pitched one two beep that it finally emitted made you flinch and Jeff held his breath, only letting it out after the whirring had faded into the distance. “Shit, I thought we were screwed for a minute there. How you holdin’ up?” He asked quietly, releasing you from his grip.

“I feel like I should be asking you that question, weren’t you the one about to be sacrificed to ancient gods or some shit?!” You responded, flustered beyond belief. You scrambled to get out of the tub. “I don’t usually stay with strange men in my goddamn bathroom, but you’re very persuasive.”

Jeff chuckled, wincing immediately afterwards and holding his side again. “Ah, fuck. I…nah, I wasn’t about to be sacrificed. I guess you could say it would have been more of a…a rewrite.”

“Well congrats, I have no idea what the hell that means.” Your eyes fell on the pendant of his necklace, noticing with a start that it was visually similar to the giant burning effigy. What the hell?

Jeff, seeming to notice that you were staring, snapped the chain with a rough jerk of his fingers and stuffed the whole business in his pocket. “Listen, I uh…” He paused awkwardly, fiddling with his badly-chipped black nail polish. “Coming to get me was real nice of you. I…I don’t really deserve it. But thank you.”

“What do you mean? You were in trouble. I wasn’t going to…I mean, I took a picture and everything, you have to go to the police about this.”

Jeff shook his head. “It won’t come out right. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

“B-But…” You pulled your phone out of your pocket and pressed on the ‘photo’ icon, bringing up the last picture you’d taken. It…no, this couldn’t be right! The image was of the Hardy’s yard, yes, but in the picture it was broad daylight. And not as if you’d had the flash on, either! No huge, burning idol, no pile of dirt. Just a small sandbox with a young boy playing in it.

You squinted. The boy looked older than Matt’s son, Maxel, not by much but…why the hell wasn’t the picture the same? It was a digital picture, it wasn’t exactly like you could have cross-exposure issues like you could with the old film cameras.

“It’s not the same, right?” Jeff asked. Obviously he knew the answer but you nodded anyway. “Something about…how Matt is now does that.”

“’Now’? He was different before?”

“Hell yeah he was.” Jeff stared down at his hands. “We’ve always had our problems, all siblings do. But what he is now sure as shit ain’t my big brother, my big brother didn't warp space an' fuckin' time.”

“Okay look, we can deal with your familial problems some other time. Right now, I want to know why the hell there was a giant fucking tree-sized wooden structure that was very much on fire over in his backyard with you in the dirt at the bottom of it, that I apparently can’t take pictures of. So spill it!” You only barely resisted the urge to grab him by the shoulders and shake him. You hadn’t slept well in weeks due to the violin and constant yelling at night; your patience was a little thin.

“I’ve got no explanation, man. At least not one that would make sense. I’m…I’m real sorry.” Jeff apologized.

“Not as sorry as you’re about to be, man. I’ve got your older brother for breaking and fucking entering, I’ll get his ass arrested on--”

“No, please!” Jeff burst out. “Please, you can’t take him away, I’m so close! I can fix him, I know I can, I can fix what I did, please don’t get the police involved. I’ll lose him for good if they put him away.” He begged.

“Convince me.” You folded your arms, glaring at the young man sitting in your bathtub. “Can you promise me I won’t have to deal with anymore late night violin bullshit? Or all the hollering? Because I’m sorry, but if you can’t I’m going to the police. I’ve put up with this crap for long enough. Also, what if he hurts someone? He doesn’t seem too stable to me. Don’t you care about his wife or his kid’s safety?”

“More than anything.” Jeff replied fiercely. “He’s only rough with me. That’s just how it is. I’ll…shit, I’ll work harder. I didn’t know you could hear us anyhow. We’ve been keepin’ you up at night, haven’t we?”

“Your ass riding around on your fucking dirt bike keeps me up, and whoever is playing the fucking violin needs some lessons.” You growled.

Jeff winced. “M’ sorry. Once he summons me I kinda’ have to book it. I’ll switch to the rail trail that borders his property instead of the deer track over here. I’m…shit, I didn’t know. You never said anythin’, I wasn’t sure if you were maybe hard a’ hearin’ or an elderly person, somethin’ like that.”

“No, I was just trying to not be an asshole. Shame on me, right?”

“You been tryin’ not to be an asshole for over a year?”

“Emphasis on trying.” You said wryly.

“Shit. I-I can’t really keep a lid on Willow, but I’ll do my best to respect your wishes, okay? Just please, don’t call the cops.” He pleaded. “Hell, if you want you can string up some fishin’ line across the deer track so if I do go that way I’ll get wiped out.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake man, fine.” You said in exasperation, “I won’t, okay? I won’t call the police.” Willow? Who the fuck is Willow?

“Christ, thank you. I promise it’ll all stop soon. I’m so close to…to making him better.” Jeff seemed relieved, slumping his head back against the side of the tub. He flinched, holding his ribs tightly. “Fuck.”

“Hey, you keep doing that. Did you guys fight or something?” Despite your better judgment you knelt beside the tub. Jeff shied away from you, keeping his eyes down. “Is he hurting you, Jeff?”

“Not…not exactly.” He replied hesitantly. “I…look, it isn’t really something that I can explain. I’ll be okay.”

So that’s a yes. You rolled your eyes. You would never understand why people did stuff like this. “Is this a ‘so he doesn’t hurt his wife and kid’ thing, or--”

“Matt would never lay a hand on Maxel or Reb!” Jeff snapped. “I told you, no matter how out of his mind he gets they’re safe. He...he loves them, he’d never fuckin’ hurt them.”

There was obviously something else there, some emotional issue just barely buried, but you were too tired to press him. Plus, it wasn’t really any of your business to begin with.

“There is no Jeffrey anymore.” Matt’s frenzied words rang in your head once Jeff had left and you’d locked the door behind him. You felt a little guilty over the fact that you’d let him hobble back home by himself, but he wouldn’t accept your offer of help.

“I’ve gotten you into enough trouble tonight as is.”

“What in the fuck is even going on here?” You groaned, rubbing your eyes and sliding down the front door to sit on the floor of your kitchen. The phone in your pocket buzzed and you pulled it out, squinting at the text from an unsaved number.

-Thank u. Will keep it down.

You dismissed the text with an annoyed huff. You had no idea how he’d gotten your number and quite frankly, you didn’t really give a damn at this point. Bed was calling, the tantalizing lure of an almost-full night’s sleep too powerful to ignore.

…

The next morning, you woke to sunlight streaming in through the windows of your small bedroom and birds chirping outside. You yawned, stretching your arms over your head.

Last night!

You snapped to attention, quickly grabbing your phone off the bedside table. You ignored the missed calls, there had been a phone scam going on as of late and if it had been important, whoever it was would have left a message. The picture-! It was still there, still the same scene that was somehow even less real than the insane thing you had seen. Just some little kid, playing around in a sandbox. No fire, no Jeff laying on a mound of dirt...nothing. Trees and green grass.

You groaned, slapping your forehead with your phone. If the picture was there, that meant that everything else did happen; you’d hidden in your bathtub with the apparently less-crazy Hardy brother, among many other things.

An unfamiliar ringing sound almost made you jump out of your skin and it took you a second to realize that it was just the doorbell. When was the last time someone used that thing? “Hang on, I’m coming!” You called, struggling to get a pair of socks on. The floor tended to be chilly in the morning.

Upon opening the door, you nearly slammed it shut again. Jeff caught the door as you went to close it though, easily stopping you in your tracks.

“I take it you’re…probably confused.” He said slowly after staring down at you silently for much longer than you were comfortable with. Sometimes it was easy to spot the similarities between he and Matt.

“I just woke up, Jeff. Can’t I have five minutes of peace?” You didn’t want to whine, but for fuck’s sake!

Jeff immediately looked guilty. “Shit, I woke you up didn’t I? I’m sorry, I didn’t…you didn’t answer your phone an’ it was kinda’ late. I got nervous.”

“Late, how late did I…?” You paused as you looked down at your phone. “God, it’s noon, I haven’t even showered, I still need to weed the garden and do laundry and…well, so much for my day off.” You sighed unhappily.

“D’you…uh, need a hand with anythin’?” Jeff asked awkwardly.

“Hell no, aren’t you not supposed to be here, anyway? ‘Lest I perish’ or some bullshit?” You pointed out, getting a quick grin from the man in front of you.

“Nah darlin’, only if you hid me from him an’ he found out.”

“Comforting. I’ll still pass. Thank you for the offer, but I’m gonna’ just do stuff on my own.” You tried to close the door but Jeff hadn’t let go of it. “Can I help you with something, Hardy?”

“I…look, we been neighbors for a little while, right? Little more n' a year? An’ Matt an’ I have been loud assholes the whole time, I just…why’d you come grab me?” Jeff asked, his brow furrowed. “I can’t get my head around it is all.”

“Because I’m not an asshole? I didn’t know it was you or anything, so don’t get any ideas. Would it be normal for you to stand by and not do anything if you saw someone in trouble?” You asked instead, propping your hip against the doorframe and crossing your arms.

Jeff nodded. “That’s fair, I gotcha’. Well, thanks all the same, it…hell, it kinda’ means a lot to me that you’d do somethin’ like that for a total stranger.”

You opened your mouth to reply and then Matt rounded the corner of your house. With five or six tomatoes nestled in his arms. “Ah, you’re awake! Senor Benjamin asked for a specimen and I assumed you would oblige. Brother Nero.” Matt offered his brother the barest incline of his head in greeting, which Jeff returned cautiously.

“Listen buddy, if you’ve messed up my beds I will be pissed.” You snarled, quickly pulling on the high boots you kept by your door and stomping down your steps to get right in Matt’s face. You’d had just about enough of this bullshit. “Did you get permission to go into my garden? I don’t think you did.”

“Permission?” Matt’s face darkened. “I am a vessel, filled with the joyous dreams of the Seven Deities, how dare you imply-”

“You broke into my house last night, did you and your Seven goddamn Deities forget that shit? Normal people get very arrested when they attempt break-ins! And now you’re stealing food from my property! You aren’t exactly endearing yourself to me.” You snapped, plucking your precious Brandywine Pinks and Black Krims out of Matt’s slack grasp. “Now! You can apologize for breaking into my house and scaring me half to death, and then you can ask to have some of my produce. Especially since you picked a few that aren’t even ripe.”

Matt looked positively flabbergasted, his mouth hanging slightly open. It made for a rather comical picture.

“Well?” You pressed him after a second, tapping your foot on the ground. You heard motion behind you and then Jeff was at your elbow. He didn’t say anything, just stood there with his arms crossed.

“I…I-I was unaware that I had overstepped. The door was unlocked, I was merely trying-”

“Nope. If it’s someone else’s house, you don’t get to talk about how it was open. I wouldn’t just wander into your house, would I?”

“Well you could, I suppose, nothing stopping you-”

“Fuck’s sake.” Jeff grunted quietly.

“Silence, mule!” Matt said sharply.

This was obviously getting you nowhere and it seemed like tensions were still high between the two of them, so you grabbed the sleeve of Matt’s elaborate (velvet, really?) jacket and started pulling him in the direction of your garden. “Look, Matt, I get it, okay? You got a little carried away. Which is fine, trust me, I understand. But let me at least show you which ones are ripe so you aren’t wasteful. I’m sure the uh…Seven Deities would be upset if you wasted resources.”

It was absolute bullshit, you had no idea what he’d been rambling about but apparently it struck a nerve. Matt was actually subdued, standing obediently with his hands tucked into his suitcoat while you pointed out the ripe fruits from the ones that needed a little more patience. Jeff hovered the whole time you talked, seeming incredibly anxious.

Wonder of all fucking wonders, Reby came through the trees via the deer track with baby Maxel toddling along gripping her hand. Matt’s face lit up at the sight of his son and he bolted to scoop the child up. Jeff exhaled hard while Matt nuzzled Maxel’s nose with his own. Maxel squealed in delight. “I wasn’t sure where you’d gone, sweetheart. You’ve been up for hours, don’t you want to sleep?” Reby did an excellent job at camouflaging her concern, shooting you a grateful smile while Matt was occupied with Maxel.

“I told you Rebecca, I am reborn! No need for sleep, though this vessel does grow weary. I…well, perhaps you’re right. I have been learning, though!” Matt gestured over his shoulder. “Behold, this mortal has the most delightful garden I have yet seen with my earthly eyes. We must attempt to make our own, Rebecca!”

“Of course, sweetheart. Whatever you want.” Reby laced their fingers together and kissed Matt on the cheek. “Let’s go home now though, alright? We’ll get you recharged.” The look she gave you was more quizzical this time and you shrugged in reply. You had no idea what the hell was so great about your garden that it made Matt practically behave himself.

“Oh, Brother Nero! Make yourself useful and learn in my stead, that I may absorb the knowledge once I’m done rejuvenating myself. Do not fail me.” Matt’s voice had completely lost the warmth it held when he spoke to his wife. It was more than a little alarming, as was the intense glare he fixed his younger brother with. Jeff nodded silently and that seemed to satisfy Matt, the older man returning his attention to his adorable son.

Jeff seemed to have a habit of holding his breath when Matt was around, because once the little family had made their exit he exhaled hard yet again. “Hell.”

“Why does he keep calling you Brother Nero?” You had to ask.

“He thinks…he thinks he got rid of Jeff last night. ‘Member what I said? It was a rewrite, not a sacrifice.” Jeff said, sounding a little pained. “It’s better this way. Sort of. Just seein’ me used t’ send him into a fuckin’ rage. Now he…well, it’s better than how it was. I’m still working on gettin’ him back. Step in the right direction.” He shook his hair out of its ponytail and began trying to collect all the stray bits back up.

He appeared to be in the process of growing out multiple haircuts. You couldn’t help your little snort of laughter. “So…I guess in order to keep you alive and unpunished, I have to teach you about gardening.”

“Seems to be right. A’course, I wouldn’t blame you for sendin’ me off to take my licks, seein’ as how I been causing you trouble for a while now.” The slow grin he gave you made your stomach flip-flop.

Oh no, no no no, c’mon. You thought, thoroughly annoyed. You’re a grown adult, this is not the time for this!

“I promise I won’t be that bad. I’m a good listener. I never gardened before. Mow a mean lawn though, that’s kinda’ like gardenin’ I guess.��� Jeff drawled during the silence of your internal debate. “You uh, you probably should get outta’ your PJ’s.”

“Oh God, yeah, let me…” You scrambled for the relative safety of your house, slamming the front door shut. Why am I doing this? They’re both nuts! You berated yourself, changing your mind three different times in the process of getting dressed as to whether you’d actually go back outside or take your chances on Matt not being crazy enough to break into your house again and strangle you for not teaching his brother the finer points of gardening. When had your life become so fucking strange?

…

Jeff ended up staying until dark, and you were surprised to admit that it…it hadn’t been a terrible day. Once you showed him how to do the weeding he set into it with a focus that was almost comical, brows drawn in concentration while he cautiously slid his fingers between boxwood basil and Everbearer strawberries that were hell-bent on taking the place over. You found yourself watching him out of the corner of your eye. The way the roots tattooed on his hand dug into the dirt was...soothing, in a strangely primitive way. Almost like he himself was growing, like he belonged.

“This is kinda’ relaxin’.” He said finally, looking up at you while you trimmed the basil back down to size and collected the clippings in a little cup so you could make more pesto. “You eat everythin’ you grow?”

You explained that you dried things, made a lot of preserves and stored them for the colder months. Now that you lived out in the country and actually had the room for a garden, it was exciting in a way to see what you could grow on your own. You had an affinity for growing oddly-colored things, from deep purple Krim tomatoes to the rainbow carrots.

“Matt’ll love doin’ stuff like this once he’s better.” Jeff murmured a little later, once the sun had set behind the trees. “I think, anyhow. He-”

That terrible, shrieking violin broke the peace of the woods around the two of you and Jeff cringed visibly, his hands balling into fists. “I…I gotta' go.” He said hesitantly. He didn't sound like he wanted to leave. He almost sounded...maybe a little scared. “Don’t worry about me, okay?”

“See, I wasn’t going to until you said that.” Jeff didn’t smile this time and you got to your feet, more than a bit concerned. “Hey, listen, if…if you’re not safe, you can come here. Hide in my bathtub again.” You offered quietly, reaching for his hand.

Jeff flinched back. “Not safe for you if I do that.” He cleared his throat, shifting his weight nervously. The violin rang out again, seeming closer this time. “I'll think about it, alright? Don't want anythin' t' happen. I'm sure it'll be fine, anyhow.” And with that incredibly reassuring parting statement, Jeff took off into the forest.

You dusted the dirt off your knees and put your hands on your hips. I don't buy that for a second. You huffed out a breath, picking up the small container of strawberries Jeff had carefully selected. He was supposed to take them home, but they would probably be alright on the counter for a little while. You hated wasting food, especially if you'd grown it. If anything you could enjoy them with your breakfast some morning in the near future.

As you were getting ready for bed it struck you. Aside from the screeching violin earlier there had been no noise at all. Not even the normal, sleepy night sounds of the thin forest belt around your property. Just...silence. Like everything was holding its breath, like the woods knew something you didn't.

You slept fitfully that night. You barely recalled waking up at one point to a quiet tapping at your window, two eyes so disturbingly icy blue they glowed staring back at you. But when you blinked, they had vanished. Just a dream, you reasoned, rolling over again and pulling the blankets up to your chin.

…

You didn't see Jeff again until almost a week had gone by. Not that you'd been worried about him or anything. And the way that he reappeared was...much more exciting than you would prefer.

Upon coming home from work that day you stood stock-still in your yard, the keys to your house in your hand. The front door had been forced open, a black-and-white umbrella that you didn't recall owning leaned against the splintered doorframe. All you could see in the twilight from the outside was a large, black-clad figure moving around in your kitchen.

Your blood boiled as you immediately thought of Matt. Son of a bitch! “You've got some damn nerve, Matt Hardy!” You shouted, storming up the front steps and into your kitchen. “What did I...tell...”

Whoever it was, it wasn't Matt.

Those eyes, those cold, nearly white blue eyes that you thought you'd dreamed up glared down at you and you immediately reassessed the situation. Lithe, dressed all in an all-enveloping black robe. Long sleeves. Their sharply-pointed mask did a damn good job of hiding their features. The person cocked their head to the side in a brutally fast, snapping motion.

“You...”

You shivered. Something about their voice set your teeth on edge. It was like it echoed eerily in your skull. The person moved as though they weren't comfortable in their skin, all jerky. They were…their body seemed to blur at the edges, merging into the darkness of the room and afterimages burned the corners of your vision the longer you looked at them.

“He wanted something from here, something red.”

You were beginning to doubt that it was a person, the pointed edges of the mask only exciting your already-overactive imagination. It made whoever it was look alien, like a wyrm of old in a poorly-made disguise.

“I'll just eat you instead.” The person smiled, oh God, their smile was awful, it hurt. Those eyes that did not blink turned your legs to lead and a gloved hand reached greedily towards you.

With a sickening feeling of resignation, you closed your eyes and waited.

“Absolutely not.”

Your eyes shot open again and you were confronted with…Jeff, seeming to flicker in and out of reality with the creature in front of you. His eyes looked wrong, solid white like they had rolled back in his head.

“You do not touch them. Do not.” He snarled, forcing it back. “Willow, enough!”

Willow?

The thing cackled. The smile was painful but that laugh almost made you drop. Your knees buckled. That was what you’d heard through the woods, that horrible, screaming laughter. Willow.

“They know who I am now, don’t they? Come to me, darlin’.” The being beckoned while Jeff dragged it back a step, then another.

“I said hell no, get away from them. Enough. You don’t get to touch them.” Jeff said fiercely. “Get the hell back!”

“You were more than happy to let me take the reins the other evening when your brother beat you bloody.” Willow hissed, fighting Jeff’s grip.

“That’s different, that’s what Matt needed then, he needed me to be a fuckin’ monster. But now, you ain't needed,” Jeff grunted, “so get back behind your line.”

Willow pointed at you, that smirk back in place. “You live…you die…”

“Shut the hell up.” Jeff slapped a hand over Willow’s mouth, silencing the creature. It sort of…slid up across his body, like a living shadow. Then it was gone. “Fuck.” Jeff panted, resting his hands on his knees. “You alright? Wasn’t sure I’d get to the surface in time.”

“You forgot your strawberries.” Was all you could think to say before your legs gave out beneath you, the ringing in your ears suspiciously close to hysterical laughter. You hung your head as you fought off the urge to faint. Jeff was saying something to you, you couldn’t make it out over the pounding in your ears. You closed your eyes but the afterimages swirled sickeningly in front of them.

Hands cupped your face and you opened your eyes to Jeff mouthing, “Breathe.” Of course, when had you stopped? Inhale. Exhale. Jeff looked terrified and for some reason that grounded you, calmed the slamming in your ears down to a dull roar. You had started crying at some point; your face was wet with tears. What had happened?

“Jeff,” You finally began, your voice shaky. “What was that?”

“Jesus.” Jeff crushed you to his chest, stroking a hand over your hair. “Thought you were a goner for a sec there.”

You let yourself be held for a few moments, sniffling quietly into the fabric of his shirt as you fought to rationalize what you’d seen. “What was that, Jeff?”

“Don’t worry about it, alright? You…shh, you’re safe now.” Jeff murmured, cupping your face again. “I won’t let him touch you “

“Jeff, your eyes-?”

“The rewrite. It’s okay.” Jeff tried for a smile but it was pretty weak. “I’m obsolete, remember?” You nodded dumbly and he made a noise in the back of his throat. “Christ I’m sorry. I didn’t think he’d seek you out. That’s never happened before.”

“He said...you wanted something red.” You recalled.

Jeff perked up. “Oh! That’d be the strawberries. Weird that he would latch onto that.” He shrugged. “Explains him bein’ in here though.” Jeff got to his feet and helped you up, hands lingering a little long on your own. “Hey, I…I’m sorry about the other night. I know I promised to keep Matt quiet. Things got out of hand and I had to uh…I haven’t been myself lately.”

“I-It’s okay. I guess. I mean, not really, but…” You trailed off, biting your lip and staring at the ground.

“Fuck darlin’, I’m sorry. This is such a mess.” Jeff apologized. “I’ll get Matt figured out soon, I promise. No more of this crap, no more of this.” He gestured vaguely at your kitchen.

You sighed. “Why should I believe you? Nothing will change. I’ll just carry on being a goddamn doormat while the two of you wage war over some pointless bullshit. Until one of you burns the other one’s house down or something.”

“I’ve been rewritten, it’s not like that anymore. We…there’s a bigger problem we’re dealing with. A common enemy.” Jeff fumbled to explain. “I haven’t been myself all week, haven’t been able to warn you. Is there someplace else you can go for a few days? Maybe some relatives you can stay with?”

You shook your head. “I’m…I’m all alone out here for a reason.”

“Shit. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean t’ be insensitive. For your own safety is all. Don’t want you gettin’ caught in the crossfire.” Jeff bit his lip, looking worried.

“What’s going on, Jeff?” You pressed him.

“People comin’ for Maxel. For the baby. They’re gonna’ try and take him.”

“What, like Social Services or something?”

“Hell no, some crazy cat-eyed bitch an’ her two buddies. We know they’re comin’ and we’re gonna’ stand our ground, but I--I don’t know what’s gonna’ happen or how far they’re gonna’ reach. So…” Jeff sucked in a breath. “Do you have someplace you can go for a few days until shit cools off?”

“Have you guys called the police at all? I mean, if this is legitimate, this sounds like something you would tell the cops.” You pointed out. His shoulders drooped. “Wait, don’t tell me. You can’t tell the police because ‘insert bullshit reason here’.”

“The less bodies available for these freaks, the better.” Jeff muttered. “Police aren’t equipped to handle a psychotic, poison-spitting maniac. I don’t know if we are either, to be honest. But we’re gonna’ put up a hell of a fight.”

“Let’s say I believe you, okay? I really ought to, you just dealt with the hellspawn in my kitchen like it wasn’t a big deal. What can I do if these people end up on my property? Is there any way for me to defend myself? Or do I just cower behind my broken fucking front door and wait for what comes?”

“I’ll fix your door, get you a good lock. Do your windows lock? Keep ‘em locked, keep the blinds and shades drawn. Lights off if you can manage it. Maybe uh, if you got a bookcase, put it in front of the door at night.” Jeff rattled things off, seeming unaware that you’d been being sarcastic. “God fuckin’ willing it don’t come to you tryin’ to defend yourself. If they get in, you get your ass out, run through the woods to Matt’s house. Don’t matter if they follow, we’ll fuck ‘em up.”

“What the hell am I supposed to be expecting here?!”

“Something worse than Matt and I’s broken bullshit. I’m gonna’ take a trip to the hardware store. Stay put.” Jeff said sternly. “I’m serious on this one. Please stay put. Do your garden work, somethin’ like that. I’ll be back soon.”

…

You were beginning to wonder if you’d let yourself get wound up for no reason. Two days had gone by with no sign of these people Jeff had spoken of. The woods were peaceful at night aside from the quiet whine of Vanguard One, which had apparently been assigned to patrol the perimeter.

You had spent most of the day doing yardwork and cleaning up around the house. Nothing overly odd or alarming had interrupted your day, no eldritch abominations in your kitchen or shock-streaked lunatics stealing your produce. Very calm, damn near perfect. You should have known it wouldn’t last.

A hush came over the area as the sky darkened. No stars tonight, the moon muffled by thick clouds. You gathered up your tools finally, and with one last look up at the sky you headed in for the night.

Supper was in order, a nice bowl of yesterday’s spaghetti and meatballs calling your name. But as you waited patiently beside the microwave you heard a car motor draw near outside, and then turn off. A chill ran down your spine. It felt like you were being watched. But that was impossible. The front door was locked, the blinds covering the windows. There was no way--

Something big hit your door with a solid ‘thud!’, making you jump.

“I know they’re in there! Get the door open, Abyss! We can use them to get the baby!” shrieked a female voice, the frenzied noise almost animal-like.

God fuckin’ willing it don’t come to you tryin’ to defend yourself. Jeff’s words echoed in your mind. You fled the kitchen immediately. If they were trying the door, hopefully that would give you the time to escape through your bedroom window.

You jerked the shades up out of the way and hastily swung the window open, still barely able to believe that this was happening. You maneuvered through the window as best you could, dropping to the ground with a hopefully-quieter-than-it-sounded-to-you grunt. There was a loud splintering noise behind you, no doubt the sound of your poor door caving in to the pressure of whoever Abyss was. You sure as hell weren’t sticking around to find out.

Matt was apparently in fine form tonight. The drone buzzed by your head, camera twitching and clicking loudly as it followed your motions. You felt like an idiot for flailing at the damn toy but the last thing you needed was for Matt to turn on it’s spotlight and give away your position.

Spying the lights from the main Hardy estate through the trees was the biggest relief of your life, a stitch forming in your side from your mad dash across the property lines. There was an abrupt scrabbling in the underbrush behind you and then a hand grabbed your ankle, sending you sprawling to the manicured lawn. You screamed and thrashed as a young man with paint smeared all over his face straddled you, his hand slamming down over your mouth and nose to silence you.

“Shh, quiet now. We don't want the crazies to hear you, now do we?” He cooed, leaning in much too close. Your chest heaved with the effort of trying to breathe through his fingers and you continued to struggle, clawing at the hand over your face. “It'll all be over, once Rosemary has her baby it'll all be over.” He continued with a hysterical little giggle, ignoring your desperate attempts to get air. “You slipped out of your house like a quiet little mouse, but I'm a sneakier snake than you'll ever be. Followed you in the grass and now here you are, here you are...”

“An' here I am, asshole!” Jeff's voice rang out angrily, arms wrapped around the other man's midsection to drag him off of you with ease. You choked in a lungful of air as Jeff held your assailant upright and shook him violently. “The hell are you tryin' t' pull, Crazzy? Don't you fuckin' know how t' treat my neighbor? Where the fuck are Rosemary and Abyss, you sneaky little bastard? I know you don't go nowhere without your posse close behind, so where--”

The triumphant, “Decay! I knew you'd come!” from across the lawn made Jeff's face light up. He dropped the man (Crazzy?), making a shooing motion. “Go on, buttercup. Big brother's waitin' for your sorry ass.”

“Rosemary will--!”

“Rosemary isn't going to do anything.” Jeff faded out at the edges and for a split-second Willow was back, the creature barely manifested on this plane but it was enough to make Crazzy yell and bolt across the yard. “You alright, darlin'?” Jeff asked softly out of the side of his mouth as he watched the man run.

“Uh-huh.” You gasped, rolling to your feet.

“Good. Stick with me. I'll get you to the house an' you can barricade y'self with Reb. They got into your place, yeah?”

“I went through the back window. There was a woman saying they were going to use me to get the baby, and she was talking to someone named Abyss.” You replied, shivering as you remembered her voice.

“The gang's all here.” Jeff replied, grabbing your hand. “So we don't get separated.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Did I ask?”

“I figured you might be a little hand-shy is all.”

“Just...get me somewhere safe, Hardy.”

“Not Hardy anymore.” Those featureless white eyes half-lidded as he looked down at you. “Brother Nero.”

The dash across the lawn was as uneventful as one could expect. Upon reaching the front yard Jeff gently pushed you in the direction of the house, his fingers lingering a second too long again. “Get inside.”

“Wait, what about you?” You protested, suddenly very worried. What on earth did they have planned?

Jeff's smile looked tired. “This is my family home. Maxel is my nephew, Matt is my brother, Reb is my sister. In-law, yeah, but she's a Hardy through and through. They're my family. An' I'm gonna' protect them with my life.” He stated with a calm surety. “I broke my brother. Nearly destroyed his family. I'm not losin' any of them ever again, not when I'm so close to fixing what I did. I'll take any punishment I need to.”

“Brother Nero, the time for battle is upon us!” Matt hollered.

“I...I don't know what's goin' to happen tonight. Just promise me you'll stay safe.” Jeff said all in a rush.

“I-I will. I promise.” You whispered, reaching for his hand. But then he was gone, off like a shot in the direction his brother's voice had come from. You balled your hands into fists, inhaling hard as a fireworks volley sprang to life. Stay safe.

Reby emerged from the darkness with Maxel in a sling on her back once the preliminary volley had died down. “Come inside. All we can do is wait.” She said gently, laying a hand on your arm.

You were...admittedly bad at waiting. But you had been waiting for this for two days, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and the tension made you pace in front of the locked main door while Reby lulled her son to sleep. You were hard pressed to think of another time in your life when you'd felt this helpless.

The fireworks, muffled by the house, continued to whistle and pop. Reby silently beckoned you to the living room when Maxel seemed to finally be sleeping peacefully, and she drew back the curtain in front of one of the windows.

Jeff was grappling with Crazzy beside the pool, the two men trading wild blows. Further off, near the lake on the property, you could barely make out the shape of a small, Bobcat-style machine trundling along. “I don't see Matt.” Reby whispered, voicing your own fear. Where is Matt? “Or Rosemary, or Abyss.” Maxel started fussing in the other room and the woman beside you sighed. “I'm here, sweetheart, it's okay. Mommy's here.” She left you there to watch Jeff manhandle the facepaint-wearing maniac with your heart in your throat.

You wanted to scream, to pound your fists on the window as Jeff and Crazzy fell into the pool and didn't resurface for what felt like centuries. Jeff finally pulled himself out, flopping over onto his back. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he laid there, barely managing to sit up and sling the wet hair out of his face. White eyes met your own and widened for a split second before an arm wrapped around his neck and he was dragged back into the water. You pressed your lips together to keep from actually screaming, running to the other room to talk to Reby. There had to be something you could--!

Reby was laid out on the floor, a strange-looking woman standing over her body with a groggy Maxel in her clutches. You froze in the doorway, swallowing hard. Rosemary.

One of the woman's yellow, slit-pupiled eyes twitched and her black lips parted, revealing a smile so full of malice it made you instantly nervous. “Heya', sugar. You got away from us earlier. But that's okay.” You wished she didn't sound so conversational, it was almost more unnerving than her falling upon you like a wild animal. That gave you an idea, though.

“I don't know what you're talking about.” You said, adopting your haughtiest tone and straightening up. “I run from no one. You must be confused.” You took a step back down the hallway towards the main door, then another, and she stalked after you, seeming unable to resist.

Rosemary's eyes narrowed, tongue nervously darting out to lick at the corner of her chapped lips. For all intents and purposes the woman looked half-dead, but you were leery of trying anything drastic while she still held Maxel captive. “You're talkin' a load of shit. I get it though, the cute Hardy slings you some dick and you think you're safe.” She replied, sneering at you. “I'd watch that mouth of yours, sugar. I know you've already met Crazzy Steve, but I'm sure Abyss wouldn't mind introducing himself.”

“You ever been arrested, Rosemary? Maybe committed to a fine institution, where they can study your wacky self and you can make toothless threats until the cows come home?” You spat in reply, “I was told to be careful with you because you're dangerous, but all I see in front of me is a scared little bitch.”

Rosemary damn near dropped Maxel in her rage and you feared you may have bitten off more than you could chew as she set the child down on the floor, where he began to cry noisily. “You piece of garbage, I'll make you regret even looking at me!” She shrieked, lunging forward just as you unlocked the door behind you. The both of you rolled down the brick steps, the back of your head cracking against the hard surface. You nearly blacked out but you forced yourself to stay awake. The longer you kept her occupied, the better your chances were of someone coming to help Reby and Maxel!

“I just feel like you could use some work, girlie.” You grinned blearily up at her, trying to be as obnoxious as you could manage and giving her an open-handed slap on the cheek that jerked her head sideways. “What's with the getup anyhow, going for that stereotypical 'carnie scum' vibe?”

She screamed wordlessly, tearing at her own hair for some strange reason before clawing wildly at your shirt. Another hard slap caught her off-guard. Of all things, she seemed frustrated that you weren't immediately cowering in fear. It was like she didn't know what to do with herself now, like she'd had no other plan. A strange, green slime trickled down her chin and she quickly wiped it away with her arm, shrieking again.

Matt was suddenly there, arms around Rosemary's waist and easily flinging her over his shoulder like she weighed nothing. “Are you injured, my compatriot who grows the food? Brother Nero has repaid his debt and made the ultimate sacrifice, we must tend to him!” He said seriously, ignoring the flailing, poison-spitting woman slung over his back.

“Matt, Reby and Maxel-!” You panted, gesturing towards the door. The man paused and Rosemary slithered out of his grip, hissing and crouching just barely within the half-circle of light cast by the open door.

The side yard seemed to be on fire, no doubt a contributing factor to the reason why Rosemary stood alone. Matt's words caught up to you and you struggled to stand. Your head ached terribly but...

Brother Nero has made the ultimate sacrifice.

“Where is he?” You managed to ask Matt, who pointed over the fire towards the lake.

Rosemary screamed something and then fled into the darkness. “Foul witch, you'll not escape me that easily!” Matt nearly set off after her but you brought your hand down on the middle of his chest.

“Your wife is unconscious inside, your son needs you.” You said testily, making his eyes widen.

“King Maxel and Queen Rebecca! Of course, of course. I will protect them, as I should. Go to Brother Nero!” He urged you. “I have seen this in a premonition, he will not wake unless you wake him!”

More crazy bullshit. You nodded to oblige him, starting your slow trek around the still-smoldering portion of lawn. Your whole body felt sore, your head especially tender. Why the hell were you doing this again? Jeff needs you. You rolled your eyes at yourself.

The younger Hardy was too still when you found him, slumped in a half-upright position. His eyes were wide open but he didn't seem to see you. One of his arms was wrapped around his midsection and it came away sticky and red-smeared when you gingerly moved it. He was soaked through from the pool, breath coming in weak, hiccupping sobs.

“Jeff, God.” You cringed when you lifted the hem of his shirt. He'd been punctured full of holes in his stomach, straight, multi-tiered lines the whole way across.

“T-Told you.” He choked out, raising his hand to grab at the air in front of him. “Do whatever it takes, yeah? Abyss was gonna'...he was gonna'...”

“Shh, please. Be quiet.” You hushed him, not sure whether you were going to cry if he kept trying to talk.

Jeff was apparently terrible at following directions. His fingers twined through your own, roots lacing into the dirt. “Alas my love, you say goodbye; wipe the poison from my brow..and in this moment I take my vow, these angels sleeping at my feet; you could not know how my spirit wants to flee.” He gasped the words slowly, obviously reciting a quote. He seemed desperate to convey a point, something important that your aching head couldn’t grasp. His lips then pressed to your knuckles, a tender gesture that spoke volumes.

You returned the kiss hesitantly, touching your mouth to cold, trembling fingers. Jeff smiled, his hand sluggishly moving up to cup your cheek. “Thank you for caring.” He murmured. With that, his hand dropped to the ground, and his head rolled forward until his chin rested on his chest.

When you screamed for Matt, you were certain you sounded a thousand times more nightmarish than Willow.

Jeff came out of the water wrong the first time, came out of the water younger and startlingly talkative. Matt started clicking his teeth together in irritation as Jeff lit a cigarette and carried on prattling “You can't decay unless you have deceased!” with it dangling out of the side of his mouth.

Your own mouth was hung slightly open in shock. You hadn't really bought the whole “Lake of Reincarnation” thing, you'd been more inclined to call an ambulance versus waiting for sunrise so Matt could dunk his younger brother.

But no, it did seem to work, albeit a little too well. Matt, clearly having had enough of the other man's antics, slammed him back into the water. When he came up this time, he was as himself as he could be, his face blank and mouth curled in a snarl. “Delete, obsolete!” Jeff growled, white eyes boring through you.

“Ah, Brother Nero! It is good to have you return whole in body. Now, I will send you with our fine grocer. Go, secure the perimeter of their property. The Great War is upon us!” Matt said with a grin, clapping his brother on the shoulder. Jeff moved to stand silently beside you, sopping wet from being submerged twice. You looked back and forth between he and Matt, sure the panic was written on your face. “Do not be afraid, my friend! Brother Nero is obedient now, docile as a beast of burden. You may use him as your own personal mule for your efforts in saving King Maxel and Queen Rebecca last night.” Matt gestured grandly up and down Jeff, like he was a work of art on display.

Your heart sank and you swallowed hard, nodding. Jeff didn't really react at all when you finally took his hand, simply staring straight ahead and letting himself be led.

“I...I don't know what you did for Matt last night.” You said softly once you were out of earshot of Matt and Reby. “He says your debt is repaid. I'm not sure what you were working to fix, but I hope that means that it's taken care of and you can be okay now.”

Jeff grunted, the curt noise apparently serving as his reply. You fell silent, willing yourself not to cry. You'd done enough of that during the sleepless night as he arched his back and groaned in pain while Matt tended clumsily to him.

Alas my love, you say goodbye…

You sniffled, wiping at your eyes with your free hand. He would quote some Shakespearean-sounding bullshit while bleeding out from the stomach. “I didn’t want to care about you, y’know.” You said shakily. Obviously whoever this was beside you, it sure as hell wasn’t Jeff. “I wanted to just stay mad or annoyed about my crazy neighbors. I can live with that. This caring stuff hurts, Jeff, it hurts and I don’t-“ Your back was suddenly pushed against a tree, Jeff’s damp body flush with your own. You stared up at the man in front of you, confused beyond belief and a little scared. “J-Jeff?”

Fingers twitched in your grip, then hesitantly laced themselves with yours. His roots. “I…” He breathed, his thumb stroking across the back of your hand. “I couldn’t do anything while Matt was in sight. He has to believe that I’m really his. But you…you care about me? Honestly?”

You nodded, not trusting your voice. Jeff cupped your face and kissed you. Softly at first, then more urgently as you pressed closer and whimpered in your throat. “I wasn’t sure you would make it through the night.” You confessed breathlessly. “Matt didn’t want me to call the ambulance, he said that the Lake would be the only thing that could help.”

“He was probably right. I’m sorry though, that must have been awful to watch.” Jeff grimaced. “’Specially if you care about me, I imagine.”

“It was pretty horrendous, not going to lie.”

“I’ll make it up to you.” Another gentle kiss grazed your forehead. “I promise. Let’s go make sure there’s no freaks in your house.”

Your poor front door hung crooked, knocking against the toppled bookcase with every gentle breeze. Jeff whistled, seeming surprised. “Damn. They were not fuckin’ around here.”

“I feel bad for my house.” You pursed your lips. “Do you think we can fix the door?”

“If you’ve got a hammer, I can iron out that busted hinge. It’ll be good as new.” Jeff said confidently. “We’ll do a full sweep first, though. Need to make sure it’s safe. That’s what I’m here for after all.” He ducked his head and nudged teasingly at the shell of your ear with his nose, making you shiver. “Keepin’ you safe.” He whispered.

Aside from the upset bookcase, broken bowl of spaghetti on the floor of the kitchen and ripped drapes in the bathroom, the house seemed unharmed. You were relieved beyond belief.

Jeff helped you right the bookcase and you set to putting your books in order as he unscrewed the bent hinge from the door and began hammering it back into something functional. The silence the two of you worked in was companionable, and you found yourself shooting him glances as you carried out your task. He looked up and caught you staring, giving you a wink in response. “Like what you see, darlin’?” He joked, making you roll your eyes.

“Just hurry up and fix the door. I’m not in the habit of making my private affairs public.” You replied, laughing when he swallowed hard.

“Damn, if that ain’t some kinda’ motivation.”

Finally, he held the door steady while you pushed the pin back through the hinge. The door was creakier than it had been, but closed firmly behind you.

Jeff pinned you to the wall beside the door, mouth hungrily trailing over the skin of your neck. You squirmed, trying to get even closer to him. Now that you’d had a taste, you felt like you could never get enough. “Please.” You begged, fingers digging into the smooth planes of his shoulder blades through his tank top. “Please, Jeff--”

“I’ve got you. You’re alright.” Jeff said softly. His hands dragged over your shoulders, your arms. “Gotta’ take care of you. The one with nothin’, who damn near gave everythin’ last night.” He praised, making you flush. “We ain't even your family, but you squared off with that bitch like there wasn’t even a question in your mind.”

“She was trying to take the baby.” You said, feeling lame for your obvious response.

Jeff nodded. “I know. An’ she didn’t get him because of you. House Hardy still stands today with your help, darlin’. Maxel means everythin’ to Matt an’ Reb. Me too, but their interest is a little closer to home.” He peeled your shirt off over your head. “Let me thank you.”

“M-Maybe I should do dumb stuff more often, if this is how I get rewarded.” You stammered, carding your fingers through his hair as he tugged your bra down and tenderly woke the peaks of your breasts with his palm.

“So I don’t hurt you.” He explained quietly.

“Did I a-ask?”

“Does it matter?” Jeff took one of your nipples in his mouth and you could feel his smirk when your knees buckled. Your fingers tangled in his hair and held him to your breast while he teased you with his teeth and tongue. “Mm, someone likes that, do they?” He murmured around his mouthful, making you whine and tug at his locks. “Christ, I have t' have you. Is that alright?”

You nodded, hands roaming restlessly over the skin of his shoulders. “Just please don’t stop touching me.”

Jeff dropped to his knees, unbuttoning your pants and pulling them down your legs. He slid his fingers up the outside of your thighs and grabbed the top of your panties. “You’re so fucking beautiful. I…hell. I’m lucky to be alive but even luckier to be alive where I’m kneelin’, I think.” He grinned, touching his lips to the bare skin of your stomach as he spoke. “Gonna’ make you feel so good once I get a little taste a’ you.”

Jeff’s fingers spread you open and you didn’t even have time to be embarrassed before his mouth was on your hot core, a sloppy kiss gifted to your most intimate area. “Oh, fuck!” You cried out, pressing a hand to the back of his head. Jeff growled in approval, tongue quickly lashing across your clit before he pulled back.

“Right here, right fucking here.” He groaned, wiping off his chin and all but dragging you to lay on the floor. He crawled over you, leaving a trail of kisses in his wake as he made his way up your body. “Fuck's sake darlin', it ain't fair that you look so good to a man like me.” Jeff said shakily. “I'm an awful person. So awful. An' you just...you just lay there, lookin' like sixty kinds a' perfect sin and hell, if ever there was a fuckin' sinner it'd be me.” His voice had died down to nothing but a whisper, fingers mapping the expanse of your thighs and torso. “May I?”

“Please.” You said softly.

Jeff's eyes closed and he tilted his head back. “Hell.” He sucked in a breath, shaking himself bodily and then struggling out of his tank top. Your fingers traced over the ink on his body as he unzipped his pants, cupping the tattoo on the side of his neck with a smile.

“Kept your brother safe. Kept his family safe.” You began.

Jeff shook his head. “Was almost too late.”

“You weren't, though. You'll make yourself crazy if you think that way.” You scolded him gently.

“I know.” Jeff buried his face in your neck for a moment and you stroked his hair soothingly. “I just keep getting' these jerky flashes of what happened last night. I saw you, through the window in the house. When I was fightin' with Steve. Saw Rosemary behind you.” His next breath shuddered. “I...my lungs were fuckin' burning, starved for air and all I could think about was the fact that I was failing, I was failing at protectin' my family. So when I finally managed t' deal with Crazzy and then I saw Matt about to be fuckin' split in half I just...” He shrugged. “I didn't really think. I just knew I couldn't fuck up everythin', I knew Matt would tear Rosemary limb from limb to keep Maxel safe.”

“Matt kept putting Band-Aids on your stomach and saying that he was helping. All he and Reby had were the small ones though, with little cartoon characters on them.” You admitted, making Jeff snort.

“'Course he did.” He smiled, asking again, “May I?”

“Please.” You repeated, smiling back at him. “I'm yours. Even though you're an awful neighbor.”

“God, mm, the worst.” Jeff agreed breathlessly, wriggling in an attempt to get out of his jeans. “Absolutely the worst, fuck these fuckin' pants, I can't--” He cut himself off, snapping his teeth. “Never mind, never mind, s'good enough.” He jerked his boxer briefs down around his thighs, freeing his cock from the confines of half-dried fabric. “Christ I want you, hell, I've never wanted somebody this bad.” Jeff sounded outright confused, though it was hard to focus on what he was saying while he teased your clit with the head of his cock.

You whimpered and arched your body up to press against him, rolling your hips in a slow motion that had his eyes half-lidding as he watched. “Jeff, p-please-” You weren't sure how much longer you could handle the almost-fucking, the torment of his thumb and fingers sliding back and forth over your aching pussy while his cock was right there, right there, begging to be utilized.

When Jeff finally pressed the head of his cock into you, though, you lost your breath. “Want you.” Jeff whispered, touching his forehead to your own. “Darlin' I want you like I've never wanted anythin' else in my fucking life. Wanna' be good to you, for you, don't want you to be lonely anymore.”

“I'm not.” You managed to gasp, looping your arms around his neck and kissing him as he sheathed himself fully and came to a stop. You could feel his shoulders twitching from trying to keep still. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes and Jeff messily kissed your cheek, asking worriedly if you were alright. You nodded bravely, fingers digging into his shoulders probably a little too hard.

“Hell no, I'm not gonna' hurt you.” Jeff grunted, refusing to budge. “You take your time. I ain't goin' anywhere. Take your time.” He watched your face, concern wrinkling his forehead. “Let me know if you need me to stop, darlin', we can stop right now if you need me to.”

“No no, I want--please, I want. Just...Just go slow.” You begged, urging him to move. Jeff still looked worried, but he obliged you with a deep stroke. In and out, the careful, slick drag of his skin against yours more than enough to reawaken the fire that had started in your belly. “Yes! Jeff, just like that, mm-” Your voice cracked and that seemed to reassure the man above you, his motions a little more fluid now.

“Darlin' you're so fuckin' tight around me, fuck.” Jeff moaned, shoving his hair back out of his face so he could duck his head and watch the way your bodies connected. “Look at you, look at you, so pretty, so fuckin' pretty. I just...” He paused, hanging his head while his whole body shuddered. “Havin' you with me in the fucking tub was absolute torture.” He confessed suddenly. “I'd just gotten the everliving shit kicked out of me an' I know it was a necessity kinda' thing but you all...cozied up against me with your head on my chest fuckin' did me in, darlin'.”

“I...really?” You panted, unable to keep from smiling when he nodded guiltily. “I was worried I was hurting you.”

“Nah, just made my stomach drop out.” Jeff replied nonchalantly, gesturing down at his belly. You wanted to laugh but the breath was snatched out of your lungs when he picked up the pace, his thrusts rocking your whole body. “What can I say, I'm a sucker for a nice smile and bein' dragged through the woods by my belt.”

The noise you made was half-laugh, half-whine and Jeff dropped his forehead to rest in the hollow of your throat. Your hands wrapped in his hair again, your voice crooning your delight loudly to him as your orgasm finally spilled over you. Jeff's mouth found your breasts again and he gritted out a swear, praising every inch of you with trembling lips and clumsy fingers when he came apart inside of you.

“I never want to forget this second, this fucking point in time.” Jeff said finally, his voice soft. You cradled his head against your chest, one hand on the back of his neck. You silently mirrored the way he'd held you and Jeff obviously noticed, if the groan he let escape was any indicator. “Never want to forget how you feel, never want to forget you, darlin'.”

“I'll always be here.” You promised. “I'll always be here, you don't have to forget me.”

“Thank you.” Jeff sighed, nuzzling his nose against your own. “Fuckin' hell, thank you.”

After the two of you had gotten cleaned up and then succumbed to the lure of one another once again while making your bed, you laid still, trying to catch your breath on top of Jeff's chest. His fingers slowly combed through your hair over and over, the motion like a drug that threatened to send you to sleep.

“Darlin', can I see that picture that you took?” He asked quietly, kissing your forehead. You nodded drowsily, fumbling over the bedside table for your phone and dropping it beside his head.

“Continue the hand thing.” You mumbled, making him chuckle and carry on stroking your hair. Then, his fingers stopped momentarily, followed by a huff of breath from over your head. “What?”

“I uh...I recognize this.” He held the phone sideways so you could see, pointing at a small tree off to the side. “That's the big maple in Matt's yard, or rather it's big now. You got a shot of somethin' goddamn ancient, darlin'. That sandbox is a fuckin' relic. That was Matt and I's sandbox. And I am...maybe seventy percent sure that the little kid is in fact, me.” He squinted. “Matt must have mounted the symbol directly over where the sandbox was because the foundation was there. An' when I took a digger off the top, I must have lined up just right for something to uh. Skip backwards, I guess.”

You stared up at him wide-eyed and Jeff smiled, kissing your forehead again.

“Hey, don't worry about it. Just a little sleuthing is all. Like I keep saying, I'll have Matt straightened out before you know it. And there won't be any more of this kind of stuff to worry about.” He said reassuringly, going back to caressing your hair.

You snuggled into his chest, sighing in content and letting his motions and the sound of his heartbeat lull you to sleep.

…

Darling,

I know you're going to be upset with me. Hell, I'm upset with me. But these events were set in motion and there's no stopping them.

Matt and I have a score to settle with Decay. After that, a pilgrimage will take place. And God willing, God fucking willing, once all is said and done and I've appeased every piss-poor deity out there, I'll have my brother back.

Leaving you is the hardest thing I've ever done. Especially since I know that you care about me.

It was so hard just to drag myself from the bed, from you this morning, to steal away while you were all tangled up in the sheets, your face flushed and soft with sleep.

Christ, I hate myself. But this needs to be done. I'm so sorry.

I never want to forget you. I understand if that sounds like hollow bullshit to you, but it's the truest thing in the world.

I never want to forget the way your eyes look, the way your hands move and the way you smile at me like I deserve it. And I know I'll probably never see that smile again, Lord knows I don't fucking deserve it. I never want to forget, fuck the rewrites, fuck being deleted or revitalized in the lake. I will not forget you.

When I come back (because I am coming back), I'll take whatever punishment you dole out. Scream at me, punch me, I don't care. I'll gather you up if you let me get close enough, hold you tight and stroke your hair and just let you rail against me. I won't even care if it's all awful shit, if you never want to see me again. I deserve it. I've barely even left and all I want to do is hold you one last time.

'And in this moment I take my vow, these angels sleeping at my feet.'

-Jeff.

Part Two

[flauntpage]

Jeff Jarrett Is Pro Wrestling

WWE is deeply ensconced in modern media. Debuts are leaked in dribs and drabs to outlets like TMZ, ESPN, and Sports Illustrated for maximum PR. A McMahon sits on Donald Trump’s cabinet. The company doesn’t spring many genuine surprises on the public anymore, opting instead for a controlled burn.

Which is why Monday’s announcement that Jeff Jarrett is going into the WWE Hall of Fame’s 2018 class wasn’t just a true surprise on its own merits, but a true surprise in the context of WWE’s modern behavior. It was kept under wraps and involved a big name who, even more than The Ultimate Warrior, was never, ever supposed to come back.

The reason for that is Jeff Jarrett swindled Vince McMahon out of money. Maybe. The wrestling lore goes that Jarrett’s contract expired in late 1999, right before he was due to defend the Intercontinental championship against Chyna in a heavily hyped match. Jarrett lost the title at No Mercy, as scheduled, but he insisted on extra pay or else he’d walk, probably with the actual championship belt (showing up at a rival’s television show with a title belt that isn’t theirs is an anxiety wrestling promoters have held for generations).

McMahon, the story goes, felt extorted but paid the money, then promptly made Jarrett persona non grata in WWE. Jarrett went on to WCW, where he became a multiple-time champion in the brief two years he wrestled there, but when McMahon bought WCW, Jarrett was mentioned only once: when the WWE chairman fired him remotely on-air.

These are, again, the accepted stories of pro wrestling lore. Chyna’s biography, If They Only Knew, lays out the story, with The Death of WCW telling a similar tale. Jarrett insists there was no bad blood and that he asked only what he would’ve been owed normally from the pay-per-view. McMahon has remained silent on the specifics.

Regardless of precisely how it went down, there was clearly something poisoning the waters between the McMahons and Jarrett. One of the weirdest things about McMahon, and arguably the only admirable thing about him, is his willingness to not hold a grudge. Nearly everyone eventually comes back. Warrior. Savage. Hogan (though probably not this time, due to the publicity around his racist tirade). CM Punk will come back someday, certainly. But not Jeff Jarrett.

Invariably, the line is that Vince likes to make money, and everything dissolves under the acid of capitalist acquisition. Of course he’ll bring someone back if there’s a show to be put on and a crowd ready to pay money for tickets.

But there’s something else there if you watch McMahon interact with wrestlers in the backstage snippets we have. He seems to really like wrestlers. Not as a class of workers, which is very important to understand—if he liked them as a class, he’d pay their health insurance—but as a fratty, one-on-one collection of traveling pals and drinking buddies; he really does seem to like being around and with pro wrestlers.

So Jarrett is finally in, whatever problems with the McMahons patched up enough to allow for a place in the Hall of Fame. The question is whether he deserves it, which is a decided “probably, but...”

Jarrett’s career is something of an oddity. He’s a second-generation wrestler; his father is Jerry Jarrett, a legendary wrestling promoter who worked in the South during the Territory days. Owing something to that and a lot to training, he’s always been a solid hand in the ring, one of the wrestlers you rely on to give you a good, but not great, safe match.

This bland solidity extended to most of his persona. Jeff Jarrett mostly just existed, spending the bulk of the 1990s in an upper-midcard purgatory, never moving up or down, no matter who he was feuding with. He was the prototypical Intercontinental champion: good enough to distinguish from the bulk of the midcard, but not good enough to pin a promotion’s fortunes on.

He didn’t get a run at the top until he left WWE for WCW the final time in 1999—he’d done a short stint in WCW a few years earlier, which was mostly unremarkable. For whatever reason, he was made a frequent World champion from 2000-01. He called people “slapnuts” a lot, smashed a ton of guitars, and found his biggest WCW highlight in the bizarre laying down for Hulk Hogan in a title match, which represented the nadir of late-era WCW, even more than the notorious Finger Poke of Doom.

Jarrett spent the first two decades of this century trying to find the fleeting top-of-the-card status he enjoyed in WCW. Notably, he and his father created TNA. That promotion has had its ups and downs (mostly downs), but where Jarrett was concerned, it sometimes felt like his yearning for pro wrestling greatness drove this. He was, of course, often the champion. And why wouldn’t he be? He was the boss, of sorts, and if you can’t bring Jeff to the championship, bring the championship to Jeff. Rarely has anything in pro wrestling been as legitimately bonkers as someone creating a new promotion out of thin air, sinking hundreds of thousands into it, just to be the champion.

But a word for Jeff Jarrett, amidst all of the unspectacular solidity, the nepotism, and the involvement in possible pyramid schemes: Never has anyone been as much of a kindred spirit of Vince McMahon’s carny heart as Double J Jeff Jarrett.

Think about it: he maybe, probably stuck up the master carny himself. He latched onto Vince Russo on his way to WCW so he could finally get the title runs he felt he deserved (with attendant paydays). He founded two companies, Global Force Wrestling being the second, at least in part to get himself over. He cheated on his dying wife with Kurt Angle’s wife while he and the Angles were employed by TNA, and then turned it into a wrestling angle. He’s been a drunk, he’s been sober, he’s been born again, and he’s been a sinner.

Beneath that bland, blond exterior—and I know there are JJ fans, which is totally fine, he’s an acquired taste—beats the heart of pro wrestling. It’s weird and seedy. It’s also cool and vigorous. More than just about anyone else still active, Jeff Jarrett is pro wrestling. Certainly, he’s what pro wrestling once was, a tendril of old-school carny nonsense still worming its way into the modern form. For that, Double J deserves to be in the Hall of Fame as much as anyone.

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