#I was a voracious reader and my one rebellion as a child was reading books that I wasn’t supposed to

[whatdorothyhaleknew]

So, a few weeks before the lockdown, I was at a gathering for a friend's birthday. It was a relaxed affair, the usual thing of people standing around, drinking, talking. While talking to two guys I knew amicably, though I can't remember precisely how, the topic got onto the British Empire. For clarity, the two guys I was talking to are of Indian descent, and I am of Irish descent, although we are all actually born, raised and still living in Britain.

The conversation was gentle and not too serious, and fairly well-balanced - one of the guys was actually defending it, as his relatives had been soldiers in the British Army, and served during the World Wars. However, we were still pretty critical of it, and to cap off a general feeling from our discussion, and wishing to move on from the topic, I said something purposefully blunt and vulgar, along the lines of: "all in all, the British really have fucked us all over."

The guy who did not have relatives in the army paused, looked at me, and with a slight smirk murmured: "yes, but I think we have it....worse."

My response was to straightaway tell him "let's not do that, this isn't some kind of pissing contest," and he backed off whatever string of thought he was having then and there. My reaction was tamped down enough to maintain the easy-going atmosphere. I did not express the depth of my disgust with his comment, but having seen a similar "erm, I think we have it worse" comment made under a news article, I want to get out here what I would have liked to say to him had I not been worried about ruining the atmosphere of a generally nice party.

Do you know what my family went through, Ireland, during the Troubles? Because I don't. My mother refused to talk about it. She would switch the radio or the television off when it came up on a news bulletin. She would refuse to answer questions about it. She maintained a very particular distance from us, her English children, and from me in particular, her most curious and persistently enquiring child. That distance was not solely cos of Ireland, and partly because of the bizarre and unhealthy relationship she had with our dad, the seedy details of which she kept submerged right up until her death. But that's another topic entirely. No, a lot of what was dragging that woman down, she carried with her when she crossed the Irish Sea. And what it was that haunted her, I have no precise idea.

I know it was bad. Her reactions, sometimes when I prodded too much, as a clueless, empathyless child, told me as much. She cried once, begging me to stop asking about her life before she came to Britain. I got some details out of her, a few droplets of blood out of that stone. The Black and Tans had killed a whole family in a house near where she went to school, she once told me. I was so clueless as to the history of Ireland, I didn't know who the Black and Tans were, that they were the British military police in Ireland who had disbanded years before her birth. She let slip once that her father had to put in severe effort to stop her brothers from joining the IRA, my living uncles who still regarded the British with a burning, black hatred, and communicated a constant rumbling support for Sinn Fein, even after some of them emigrated to the Midlands. I can infer, from a comment made by someone at one of my uncle's funeral, that we did in fact have relatives who were active members, but I was never allowed to even learn their names. Mum herself held a fierce defensiveness of the IRA. One time, after the Omagh bombing in 1998, all the newspapers and television pundits were going on about the heartlessness, the savagery of the attack. I, a precocious-enough tween to read the paper headlines, and dense enough to miss the everpresent atmosphere in our home, parrotted some of the most condemnatory, flat analyses, ripping into the IRA as a violent, hateful group. My mother grabbed my arm, squeezed it until it hurt, her mouth thin, her eyes searing. I remember her trembling. She didn't shout, but her voice sounded strained. "Don't you dare say those things about the IRA. They were the only thing protecting Ireland for the longest time." Later on, when she realised how much she had frightened me, she tried to comfort me. It didn't work. I had no idea what had made her so angry.

A few years after, as a voracious reader of the Horrible Histories books, I read the one on Ireland. I started to learn, on the page, the history of Ireland, how the British had invaded, how many rebellions there were, and how many people were killing the other people. In the early days of Wikipedia, as well as obsessively learning about my favourite heavy metal bands, I poured through the pages on Irish history. I learnt about Michael Collins, the Falls Curfew, Bloody Sunday. It's a fucking mess. I still struggle to keep up with it. And I still don't know, precisely, what haunted my mother. I guess, just all of it? Living in a country during its most violent, frightening days? Being from that community where everyone knows someone who had joined the IRA, or who had been shot, or shot someone else? I could ask my surviving Irish relatives, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, but honestly, how can I bring up something that disturbing, painful, and bloody. I have inherited my mother's attitude in part. I feel a brief flurry of fear and panic when the topic comes up.

Your attitude is disgusting. It is repulsive, mean, shallow and self-serving. It is contingent with an attitude that uses traumatic past as little more than political leverage, and fails to appreciate the real, lived damage.

I'm not going to compare my family's trauma with anyone's, because to reduce it to some kind of metric, to turn it into a pissing contest at some party, with some eejit who has no idea what that pain is like, is not treating that trauma, or anyone else's, with what it needs: respect. I'm willling to accept, in the woke lingo of contemporary social justice movements, that my skin colour carries a certain "privilege," that I don't have to worry about certain things that non-White people have to deal with. I understand the well-meaning desire to square some circles with that approach. But honestly, carrying that blanket, unthinking assumption, and applying with a fucking mallet to every situation, every individual, is disastrous, and can only be done by someone who has no idea of that kind of pain.

This is not a fucking game. Do not chart me on your scale of "who has it worst." And grow fucking up.

[lesbianlanding]

Detailed character sheet

I did this chart before I started writing Parent Trope to try to get Hecate straight (HA) in my head- I’m currently writing a Julie/Hecate fic, but you’ll see Pippa in the chart bc I think they have amazing chemistry as well!

Character Chart Character’s full name: Hecate Hepzibah Hardbroom (it would be a shame to waste the alliteration) Reason or meaning of name: Hecate: in Greek mythology Hecate was a goddess associated with witchcraft, crossroads, tombs, demons and the underworld Hepzibah: my delight is in her; queen, mother Character’s nickname: Cattie Reason for nickname: Heck sounds like a swear, I like nicknames to be derivative, her other nickname is Hiccup but that’s definitely an inside joke reserved for super close friends. She doesn’t have many. Birth date: March 28, Aries Physical Appearance: “tall, severe” all black everything, dress to impress and repress, setting an example through stiffness and height of collar Age: 35 How old does he/she appear: don’t you dare answer this Weight: 140 Height: 6'1" Body build: slim, whiplike Shape of face: long, narrow, roman nose Eye color: dark- black? Brown? Glasses or contacts: no Skin tone: pale, doesn’t flush easily Distinguishing marks: maybe tattoos, self applied, all with meaning, all magical Predominant features: cheekbones, nose Hair color: black Type of hair: very long, always perfectly coiffed Hairstyle: buns, braided buns, parted down the center and brushed until shining for bed; formal events might call for more intricate buns and braids Voice: soft, forceful Overall attractiveness: yes Physical disabilities: She prefers not to walk far distances. Could have stiffness in joints she hides with motion of skirt, transporting place to place. Sits very carefully on a broom. Usual fashion of dress: very reserved, all covered, dramatic collars, belts and cinching garments. Probably owns a million corsets and a trillion heeled boots Favorite outfit: lbd (long black dress) Jewelry or accessories: locket, small earrings with dark gemstones- sapphire? Personality: stern but fair, deep sense of traditions and sacrifice Good personality traits: honest, loyal, trusting, believes in goodness, strong sense of duty and tradition, invested in the future of her students Bad personality traits: quick to anger slow to forgiveness, not always brave (has been abused), not very confident in herself as valuable and worthy of love Mood character is most often in: suspicion? Outside of school year probably content, thinking deeply Sense of humor: wicked- willing to let her guard down in special occasions, likes to be around people who are laughing as long as they are not laughing at her Character’s greatest joy in life: flying on her broomstick, succeeding Character’s greatest fear: that she will fail her community, see the collapse of her way of life Why? She has devoted so much time to developing herself into the “perfect witch” and trying to mold her students in that same image but because she is very sensitive to criticism and cannot take a compliment she is more aware of her failings and is unable to get past them What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? Not the loss of a friend unless they were beyond her reach- the death of a student. The return to being in a position where her father or former teacher had power over her again Character is most at ease when: on holiday, asleep, after bed checks Most ill at ease when: students or friends missing Enraged when: students or friends in danger or students not performing to her standards Depressed or sad when: major holidays, her birthday roll around. Priorities: 1. Work as a teacher, 2. Deputy headmistress duties 3. Friend duties (small talk in the lounge) Life philosophy: live life head first (wand second, heart last) If granted one wish, it would be: I think she would wish that she could ensure her students would reach their full potential without her having to be such a hard ass so she could relax a little Why? I know that most teachers aren’t so invested in their students that they wouldn’t wish for a pile of money or a big house or a new life but I think Hecate doesn’t really have much else that we can see- no partner, no kids, few friends Character’s soft spot: cats, small clumsy girls with braids who surprise her Is this soft spot obvious to others? Yes. To adults. Greatest strength: her magic because it gives her pride and purpose, she depends on it in tough situations. She would be amazing without it as well but it strengthens her Greatest vulnerability or weakness: has a hard time admitting she was wrong Biggest regret: Letting Pippa go Minor regret: trying so hard to expel Mildred right at the start Biggest accomplishment: getting out from under her father and teacher Minor accomplishment: making up with Pippa Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: failed her first flying test and her second Why? She NEEDS to be perfect Character’s darkest secret: She was abused, she is a lesbian Does anyone else know? Not about the abuse, but Ada knows. Hecate disclosed it when she was offered a job. She said Ada needed to know before she hired her so she would be ready if parents took offense or found out. She was also hoping that maybe she could make up with Pippa one day. Or that maybe she could find love. Goals: get through this school year, go to her cottage and garden until she has to return. Not see any children during the summer. The garden is for bees Drives and motivations: repressed romantic and squishy feelings get funneled into a drive to wring the best out of everyone and hold herself to a high standard. Appearance is really important as is standing in witch society. Witnessed deference to the great wizard, to Ethel’s mum Immediate goals: clean, garden, relax, plan for year two, have tea with Pippa. Keep Ada from eating only cookies Long term goals: become headmistress, role model, successful disciplinarian How the character plans to accomplish these goals: deputy headmistress position, Ada has no heir, political friendships would come in handy How other characters will be affected: Ada would have to die or retire. Would need a new deputy. Past: bad, doesn’t talk about it. Has one brother, much older. He is in government. Something boring but important like taxes. Mother is alive but out of reach. Father is iron fisted, in his prime despite old age. Hometown: London. Type of childhood: restricted. Austere. No interaction with non magical families. Very small group of friends, not real friends, just social group friends. Upper middle class. Private nurse and tutor as a young child she adored, went to a school other than Cackles in Germany, attended teachers training under Broomhead? Many instances of rebellion, many instances of being smacked down. Has a strong sense of right and wrong, fair and not but has learned to support fair and right quietly without outright rebellion Pets: a cat, sapphire First memory: watching a party from the stairs before being sent back to her nursery Most important childhood memory: her father burning a non magical novel she was reading Why: he was trying to teach her a lesson about magic being the best but instead he taught her to hide everything she treasures Childhood hero: queen Elizabeth Dream job: potioneer Education: masters? Phd? Religion: none, laws of magic Finances: family was wealthy Present Current location: summer cottage Currently living with: her cat Pets: cat Religion: Occupation: teaching potions brewing in the summer Finances: well off but not wealthy. Inherited a cottage from an aunt who was eccentric and outcast Family Mother: Relationship with her: Father: Relationship with him: Siblings: Relationship with them: Spouse: Relationship with him/her: Children: Relationship with them: Other important family members: aunt, dead Favorites Color: black Least favorite color: white (it washes her out) Music: quiet instrumental. The lute Food: not a hearty water or an adventurous cook. Has a few favorites others would consider plain Literature: voracious reader. Secret pleasure: mysteries. Staples: potion and education journals Form of entertainment: plays! Expressions: Mode of transportation: broom, transferring Most prized possession: ceremonial wand used by her grandmother’s coven to discover Atlantis and raise it Habits: transferring everywhere, touching her locket when she is thinking, flicking her hair around dramatically when it is loose Hobbies: gardening, flying, beekeeping Plays a musical instrument? Yes, the piano Plays a sport? Yes, broom polo How he/she would spend a rainy day: reading with a cup of tea Spending habits: lbds, books, potion ingredients but thrifty otherwise Smokes: never Drinks: socially Other drugs: What does he/she do too much of? Spend time alone What does he/she do too little of? Socialize Extremely skilled at: spells, potions Extremely unskilled at: spontaneous social interactions Nervous tics: fingers clenching or starting a spell Usual body posture: straight backed, strong chin and neck Mannerisms: each movement is considered and graceful Peculiarities: has a leather bathrobe???? Traits Optimist or pessimist? Pessimistic Introvert or extrovert? Introvert Daredevil or cautious? Daredevil Logical or emotional? Logical Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? Methodical and neat Prefers working or relaxing? Working Confident or unsure of himself/herself? Confident but poor self esteem Animal lover? Yes Self-Perception How he/she feels about himself/herself: feels satisfied with herself and proud of how she turned out One word the character would use to describe self: disciplinarian One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: I, Hecate Hepzibah Hardbroom am a competent, respectable educator and a gifted potioneer. I am a leader, I manage my time and the time of my charges judiciously. I am devoted to upholding the standard of witchcraft as I learned them. I believe modernization is a dumbing down of a difficult process. I do not believe that everyone with magical powers deserves the title of witch, but deeply respect those it has been conferred upon. What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? Self control What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? Softness   What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? Her figure and her hair What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? Her  nose How does the character think others perceive him/her: wants them to respect her, see her as an authority figure What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: residual scars from abuse, physical and emotional Relationships With Others Opinion of other people in general: depends but usually “worse” than her until they prove themselves to have some redeeming quality(like with Ada, too soft but also, loving and fair) Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? No; is sarcastic Person character most hates: Her father, her tutor Best friend(s): Pippa Love interest(s): Pippa, Ms. Drill, Julie Hubble Person character goes to for advice: Ada Cackle Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: Mildred Hubble Person character feels shy or awkward around: Pippa Person character openly admires: Great wizard, that disciplinarian Person character secretly admires: Maud Spellbody- lots of potential, but selfless, invested in friends Most important person in character’s life before story starts: Ada After story starts: It’s a tie bt Ada, Pippa, and Mildred

@cassandra-pentughasst (hope I tagged the right person!)

[ava-rosier]

Ok, so, the fic, which I have tentatively titled ‘Strange Constellations’ is so far Oberyn/Sansa in canon divergent conditions with some potential to have a bit of Oberyn/Sansa/Jon because angst and because why not. My description is a total mess but hopefully you get the idea. I still have to really nail down the nitty gritty of timelines and close plot holes etc.

Anyhow, this is a very canon divergent AU. For starters, Oberyn is a lot younger than he is in the asoiaf/got canon. I’ve been interested in exploring how him *no*t being of an age with Elia would have changed how he related to the Rebellion and the tragedy of losing his sister and uncle. Like, how would he be similar (especially since I want him to be familiar to readers) yet different. 

So, he was a very late (and nearly improbable for these times probably) baby for his mother who died when he was barely five. This makes him only a few years older than Arianne and Rhaenys (I haven’t nailed down whether I’m working with AC or AL) and makes his relationship with Doran complicated. He tries to get Doran to see him as an equal since they are brothers, but sometimes he’s treated more like he’s Arianne’s brother/cousin than their uncle. The other major canon divergence comes from Rhaegar defeating Robert at the Trident (taking him prisoner but not killing him), Elia managing to get both her children out of the Red Keep but not herself and Aerys deciding to execute her because he’s paranoid as fuck (read: racist) about the Dornish and convinced Rhaegar is conspiring against him. Jaime does kill Aerys even without his father and the Westerlanders changing sides and sacking the city. 

So at the start of the fic Oberyn is recalled from the Citadel where he’s forged a few Maester’s chains and he takes a leisurely jaunt across Dorne on his way to Sunspear, stopping to visit his older lady lover Ellaria Uller (who has been legitimized and who has married some second/third son so they could rule Hellholt) before finally making it home so he can be told it’s time for him to go to KL and meet his betrothed. Also be sneaky and play politics but shhhh.

At this point, I’m going to move over to what’s going on with Sansa. She’s sixteen going on seventeen and she’s been betrothed for a few years now. To Oberyn actually. The party line is that Ned wanted to smooth things over with Dorne but maybe there is a bit of a plot between Dorne and the North brewing? Anyho, New King Rhaegar was convinced to spare the lives of Ned, Robert, and Jon Arryn because there needed to be some degree of acknowledgement of Aerys crimes against his vasasls. But Rhaegar still played the political leverage game and had the second born children of each house raised as wards in loyalist houses. There was no option for house Arryn, but Sansa went to the Reach and, perhaps rather foreboding: Robert’s second child with his still-undecided-upon-wife goes to the Westerlands.

So, Original!Sansa grows up surrounded by flowers and puppies (and Margaery and Olenna) and is nearly entirely divorced from the North. She has exchanged correspondence with her betrothed since she was given the news of it. She’s very much like book/season 1 Sansa even at this older age: naive, idealistic, and she gets to be because her world hasn’t been torn apart. 

But that’s Original!Sansa. Bran is sent south to meet up with the sister he’s never known, to go to King’s Landing so he might squire with a knight. But on the road, they’re attacked and he’s injured trying to fight and he could’ve sworn he witnessed Sansa die when one of the brigands put his hands around her neck and strangled her. But then the last few surviving members of the Northern and Reachmen retinue are putting Bran and surprise-actually-alive!Sansa on a horse and sending them towards the capitol and aid.

Original Sansa is gone, in her place is *our* Sansa, who grew up in a world where Robert Baratheon was king, who survived the Red Keep and Joffrey and Cersei, who played the game in the Vale but lost trying to flee (I’m thinking I’ll go with some possible spoilers about how Sansa will be forced to escape the Vale in TWOW) and was strangled. Only, instead of dying, she awoke in an entirely different world.

Her family is still alive, but she’s going further away from most of them. She’s betrothed to a man she remembers from the first realm as older and very voracious in his appetites (and the eight daughters). So she has a whole lotta complicated emotions about it. And she’s busy trying to figure out what’s different and where the cyvasse pieces are situated and also marveling in the presence of Bran, her father with his head intact, and Jon. I want Ned to already be there in KL for duty/political reasons. He wouldn’t know what his daughter was like before this incident, but Bran definitely notices something is very off.

Oberyn finds his betrothed oddly different from the image he got in their letters. He likes it obvi.

It all becomes so much more real to Sansa when she finds out that Cersei is Rhaegar’s third wife and Queen. The fact that Joffrey still exists much like he did before confirms all the rumors about his paternity in the first realm. Myrcella doesn’t exist, there’s Visenya. IDK yet about Cersei’s third kid. Jaime wouldn’t be around- as punishment for Jaime and reward to Tywin, the latter got his heir back in Casterly Rock. And you better believe it was a big shock to Sansa to see Jon as her *cousin* rather than bastard half-brother.

I want to explore a traumatized Sansa in a body lacking scars, who is so much more wise and wary and unexpectedly good at playing the game. And she knows Cersei enough to tell the woman is very likely conspiring to get Joffrey on the Iron Throne. I think this particular situation would give Sansa and Oberyn more things in common than they would’ve with each other if the Sansas were still living in their original bodies/realms. 

I also want to explore Sansa turning into a very powerful warg in this new realm, a byproduct of the meddling of the gods, and being sorely tempted to use her gifts to attack her enemies. And there are plenty of possibilities: the Lannisters, Littlefinger, her aunt Lysa...and she’d soon realize Viserys is a problem in KL, too. 

I’d probably have the fic moving from KL to Dorne and then have the political climate implode. And maybe, if I do explore the possibility of Oberyn/Sansa/Jon, I’d have Jon going to Dorne for idk reasons and when the Lannisters (et al) make their move maybe Jon ends up having to leave because Rhaegar and Aegon are killed and he is now King. Again, I haven’t thought that far ahead.

But I do want a happy ending where things are stabilizing, and then Oberyn who knows the truth about Sansa, takes her on a trip back home to Winterfell so she can once again see the North.

Anyways, that’s the background I’ve been building up. It’s a mess but you get the idea. (Ser Arthur and Ashara are still alive btw, because yes.)