#I want to finish these bmf fics cause I had big plans and honestly I don’t think it would take too much work but
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#extricating the joy of writing from the joy of it being seen and appreciated via comments/kudos is hard#ITS HARD#I want to finish these bmf fics cause I had big plans and honestly I don’t think it would take too much work but#there’s a part of my brain that is shouting that the effort isn’t worth it and people won’t want to read it#but that’s !!! not!!!! the point#I also feel like I just keep falling into BLs as ways to cope and when the issue/stressor passes I can’t bring myself to stick around#like there’s just a void where the excitement used to be and it makes me really sad#I want to figure out how to break that I don’t want watching media and making art to be a crutch for everything else sucking#I want to love it and engage with it on its own terms—on my own terms—purely for the joy of it and what it brings to me#arghhhh
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